Original subtitles

Pizza, pizza.

[laughing]

Guess what I got for Synclaire's bachelorette party.

"'The Men Chippendales Doesn't Want You To Know About.'

featuring Cappachino‐‐"

‐ And Nature Boy! Yes!" ‐ "And Nature Boy!"

Best thing, it's in 3D.

We can't let Synclaire see this unless we check it out first.

To make sure that it's not too nasty.

Yes. Come on, girl.

Hey, Khadijah, um, you got those linens

that you said I could borrow for my little brother.

Oh, dear God, she's nesting on them.

‐ Well, if you'll‐‐ ‐ Oh, okay.

If, uh, you'll excuse me, I have to call the Crestmark Club

to make sure everything is cool for Overton's bachelor party.

The Crestmark Club? Hold up, I thought Overton and Synclaire

wanted to keep their party simple.

Baby, what could be simpler

than 15 people catering to Overton's every whim?

Sixteen including the butter carver. Oho!

That is so you.

You're‐you're planning a party where a guy is carving butter.

Overton wants a party where women are covered in butter.

Look, this is an important rite of passage for Overton

and I just want him to know that he chose

the best man to be his best man, alright?

Man, look, as the maid of honor

I gotta come up with something more elaborate.

Something more memorable.

Something more better.

You want more better?

Just wait till Nature Boy jumps off the screen into your lap.

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Oh keep your head up what? Keep your head up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my homegirls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Haaa ♪

‐ Okay. ‐ Hey, hey.

Oh, hey, Kyle, uh, that was Crestmark club

calling to see what kind of hors d'oeuvres we wanted.

When I told them beef jerky, hell, they hung up on me.

Damn, Overton, man, the Crestmark club

was supposed to be a surprise.

Oh, don't worry, Shorty, when I walk through the door

I'll still act surprised. Check out my surprised face.

[gasps]

Unh‐unh, unh‐unh, unh, no.

When Damon gets here, I don't want this apartment

to smell like a hamper at the YMCA, man.

Hey, he's not the Barker

that used to spray Lysol in his pencil case.

Exactly, he is the lost Barker

and I'm hoping to get through to him on this trip.

You know, kind of nudge him in the right direction career‐wise.

I think you're being a little hard on the brother.

I mean, he already got a steady job.

Overton, doing books at a flower shop? Come on.

He graduated summa cum laude.

Clearly, he is capable of doing more than pricing posies.

My Uncle Tibby always say.

"You can show a man where the bathroom is

but you can't make him tinkle."

O‐Overton, could you de‐countryfy

that for me, please?

Kyle, look, sometimes all that pushing

can push your brother away.

Yeah, well, if I can push him into a better job

it'll be worth it, man.

[knock on door]

‐ There he is. ‐ Okay.

Hey, Kyle. Hi.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Damon.

Uh, it's good to, good to see you, man.

Thanks, man. Obie!

‐ What's up, man? ‐ What's up, man? Look at you.

Hey, man, that's a big duffel bag for three days.

Oh, well, actually, you know, when I leave New York

I'm going to Africa.

‐ Africa? ‐ Yeah.

Oh, man I wish I could go.

So how long you're staying in the motherland?

I don't know. A month? A year?

Listen, as long as I got socks and mosquito repellent

I'm there.

Yeah, but what about your job at the flower shop?

Oh, I quit.

‐ Oh, here you go. ‐ Thanks, brother.

You quit?

You just quit, you just up and quit.

Kyle, I'll get a job when I get back.

Yeah, that's right, Kyle.

He'll get a job when he get back.

That's right.

Uh, could‐could‐could you like excuse yourself

out of this conversation, please?

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I was being a little too pushy.

Guess I'll just kind of push on out.

Keep on pushing.

Max, I don't know if Synclaire's gonna wanna go to a strip joint.

Beef Cake Billy's is not a strip joint.

It's an exclusive entertainment bistro.

And they got a half off coupon.

Might be fun to find out which half is coming off.

Hubba, hubba.

Hey, what's that?

Planning a bachelorette party?

Yeah, it's a lot of work. You wanna help?

Oh, no, no, I just thank God that you guys aren't planning me

some tacky party at one of those skanky strip clubs.

‐ It's not skanky. ‐ Shh, shut up.

Man, what to do? What to do?

I mean, what is a bachelorette party anyway?

‐ But a last booty call. ‐ Mm.

I don't know, but we need to get somebody else

to do this grunt work.

Someone like busy body mongrel.

Hello.

Hey, Regine, hey, girl.

Hey, Regine, come here, sit down, sit down.

No, no, no, my lap, my lap. No, okay.

Oh! Stop, stop. I know what this is about.

You all are having trouble planning Synclaire's party

and now you're crawling to fabulous me.

‐ Okay, damn it. Help. ‐ Sorry, I'm booked.

Booked?

I happen to be planning

a little thing called Obie and Synclaire's wedding.

Smooches.

You know who throws a hell of a party?

My girl Ava from high school.

Oh, yeah, she threw that great.

He‐cheated‐on‐me so‐I‐told‐him‐to‐beat‐it party

where we threw all of her ex's stuff into the East River.

‐ That's right. ‐ Yeah.

And see, Regine is still jealous of her

because she beat her out for homecoming queen.

Oh, God, why didn't we call her yesterday? Look.

Tryin' to read while you eat.

Tell you what?

This bad boy hold your corn right down the cob.

Wow, that's brilliant.

‐ What's that? ‐ The butter gutter.

Wow.

‐ Hey, hey. ‐ 'Kyle.'

Damon, check it out.

I got this for your interview with my boss.

‐ Ah, thank you, brother. ‐ Yeah.

Wow, $200 tie.

No, no, no, my bad. That one's mine.

This one's yours.

And, Overton, something for your wedding to distinguish you

from the brothers with the clip‐ons.

How the hell does this become a tie?

(Kyle) 'Leave that to your best man.'

Hey, uh, Kyle, listen, I'm gonna have to pass on that meeting

with your boss tomorrow.

Come again.

Well, I've thought about it

and I've decided when I get back from my pilgrimage.

Im'ma be a handyman.

Well, alright, now you don't need a tie for that, do you?

[chuckles]

You're‐you're‐you're kidding, right?

No, no, no, Kyle.

A handyman helps real people with real problems.

N‐no brother of mine is going to

swing a hammer for a living, Damon.

Hold up your horse.

You're saying that a tool belt is good enough for a Jones

but it's not good enough for a Barker?

No, Overton, come on, this is between

me and my brother, alright.

No, no, no look here.

When you insult my hammer, damn it, you insult me.

Mr. Fancy Pants.

Well, you wouldn't be in the line of fire

if you would keep your nose out of my family business.

And looky here, your family business

wouldn't be so messed up if you weren't such a snob.

The way I'm looking at it, you probably think you're too good

to be a handyman's best man, huh?

So are you withdrawing the offer?

Yeah, I‐I think I am.

Fine. See if you can figure out how to tie that on your own.

You know, he's just your brother.

I have to live with him.

Don't forget these adult lollipops.

Damn, that's a lot of detail.

[knock on door]

‐ Ah! ‐ Hi.

Rise and shine, it's party time.

What's up, mamita?

Ooh, you looking good, honey.

Well, you know, I can't lose what I use.

‐ 36‐24‐36, aww. ‐ 36‐24‐36, aww.

Ooh, Maxine.

I haven't seen you since you torched my ex's Harley

and rolled it off the pier.

That was so sweet.

Let me tell you.

What I have planned for Synclaire's party

is gonna make that look like visitor's day at the rest home.

Ooh, this is nice. IKEA, right?

So are you ready for the magic?

Come on, come on, come on, man. Come on, come on.

What about Madonna's penthouse for free?

Madonna who?

Not the Virgin Mary.

Is she cool with having us party at her house?

Sure, sure, we go way back.

She was gonna call her song "Cosmo."

I said no, mama, call it "Vogue."

Ah. Whoo!

Ava, no, you're not all up in my house.

Hey, chica, that's a good‐looking wig.

Regine, she's helping us plan Synclaire's party.

No, you're not letting this crown‐stealing heifer

plan that girl's party.

Poor Regisita.

Still bitter about me winning homecoming queen.

This is so high school.

You only won because you stuffed the ballot box

among other things.

Oh, no, lady.

This is all me just like those hips are all you.

[indistinct shouting]

Ladies, ladies!

Ladies, ladies!

So, uh, where you're holding the gala, Ava, huh?

Your boyfriend's cell block up at Rikers?

Can I tell her?

Oh, no. No, no, no. This one is mine.

Madonna's penthouse.

Madonna who?

(all) Not the Virgin Mary, honey.

[jazz music]

[hip hop music]

[jazz music]

[music stops]

Can I sleep with you?

Regine, this is so sudden.

I mean, I can't sleep downstairs

with those back‐stabbing wenches.

Man, Khadijah asked my arch enemy

this bargain basement Rosy Perez.

She asked her to coordinate Synclaire's party.

Regine, that pales in comparison to my situation.

Look, I was just trying to help my brother out, right?

And through some bizarre chain of events

I am no longer Overton's best man.

Okay, so if I'm gonna stay here, I've gotta provide a shoulder.

Cry.

Regine, can I ask you something and you can be totally..

Be totally honest. Look, have you ever considered me

in the least bit, you know, pushy?

Yep.

Kyle, now you know that you are always trying

to mold everybody into your image.

When you were in the Big Brother program, right

you refused to take the little boy to Chucky Cheese

but you were forever dragging him down to Wall Street.

Look, what is childhood without the stock exchange? Come on.

And wait a minute, my petite princess

you're pretty pushy yourself.

I am proud of being pushy.

But, you know, I don't think that's the right word

for what we are.

‐ Hmm. ‐ Hmm.

Perhaps we're visionaries.

Yeah, like, oh, like, like Coco Chanel.

‐ Or, umm, Gianni Versace. ‐ Yeah.

Or Lin Tang Pao.

‐ Who? ‐ The mother of synthetic hair.

Hello, sibling.

Damon, Damon, wait up, wait a minute, come here.

We‐we need to talk. Have a seat.

Now, look, while I cannot fathom what motivates you

to make the choices you make

I've decided to let you make them without interfering.

Well, thanks, Kyle.

And I'll do my best to accept you too.

Well, it is not hard to accept perfection.

‐ Perfection? ‐ Yeah.

You mean working 80 hours a week?

Never stopping to enjoy life?

When are you gonna stop shopping

at the window to Africa and just go?

Look, I'll get there someday.

Yeah, but, Kyle, I'm going there now

and I've barely worked 80 hours this year.

And you are just brimming with pride, aren't you?

Hey, man, at least I'll be waking up

to the sunrise at the Serengeti.

By the way, uh, who have you been waking up to lately?

When was the last time you were in a good relationship?

As a matter of fact, I am in one right now.

Oh, yeah. With whom?

I can't tell you. It's a secret affair with somebody I hate.

Listen, Kyle, all I'm saying is that

different things make us happy.

And I can't believe you're seeing Max again.

Shh.

Look, now if you don't sweat me about seeing Max

I won't sweat you about wanting to be a handyman.

Ah, well, actually, you know

the handyman thing is not definite.

Thank you, Jesus.

But I've always wondered

what it would be like to be a game warden in Kenya.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

Bro, I think you left your chest home.

Here, go get something to eat.

Hey, looky, look at me.

I'm a virgin.

I brought freak wears for everyone.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, this is not Madonna's bachelorette party.

I thought this was about me.

Oh, my homecoming court has arrived.

Oh, yes, just like the old days.

Except you're not under the bleachers with the judges.

Oh, hey, we're looking at women's underwear.

Ooh, now that's a party.

Thankfully I brought something a lot more active

'and a lot less boring.'

How about a game of pin the tail on the ex‐boyfriend?

Oh, snap, it's Moony!

Who the hell's Moony, man?

My first boyfriend.

He introduced me to French kissing and curly fries.

At the same time.

Oh, Regine, you must have gone through so much trouble

to find this, thank you.

Oh, honey, well, when you care

you personalize.

Well, like this personalized cake.

Mira que nice? Look at this.

Yes! Mm‐hmm. That's a nice cake.

Too bad it ain't the girl's favorite.

Like this double fudge chocolate cake

with chocolate cream cheese frosting.

And what's this on top? I think it's a troll.

Mira que nice, I cutting this now.

Wait, honey, wait a minute now. We've got to record this moment.

Ladies, cameras.

After all, our future starlet

should be surrounded with paparazzi.

Oh!

Love me, you love me.

Regine, you're the most petty vengeful person I've ever met!

But if it weren't for you.

Synclaire would not be having the time of her life right now.

Yes, well, some call me a visionary.

Well, now visionary would have brought me some beer.

Booya.

Oh, but wait, it's Madonna.

And she's got the rug rat with her.

Oh‐oh, we get to meet Madonna.

Time for a tour of the service elevator.

Everybody, out! Bafuera, chicas. Out! Out! Out!

Hold up, I thought you said you and Madonna were friends though.

Yeah, well, she's a friend of a soon‐to‐be ex‐friend

who was housesitting. That's the story, now get.

I could have planned a party where we get thrown out.

[upbeat music]

Hey, Lumpy, I was expecting one of your snooty to‐do.

But this party is swinging.

You got the booty butt‐naked girls showing up later on?

You got the cleavin' crew?

I just hope they don't get two of them tear up the place.

[knock on door]

That's him, that's him, that's him.

(all) Surprise!

‐ Watch out there now! ‐ Oh, Uncle Tibby.

‐ Hey! Hey! ‐ Hey, how you doing?

Ah! Check this out, Lumpy really went to town, didn't he?

Check out this spread. Look it here.

We got hot wings, fried cheese

and three varieties of jerky.

Well, shorty, you covered all the bases, didn't you?

But wait, there's more, come here, come here.

Do you recognize this voice?

(male ♫1) 'Lefty losey, righty tighty.'

'Remember this you'll be alrighty.'

Mr. Nocadochous, my high school shop teacher.

I couldn't let my star pupil get hitched without me.

Oh, Mr. Nocadochous, 35 years of shop teaching

and he hasn't lost one finger.

I almost lost baby to a circular saw

but I sewed her back on myself.

Well, Kyle, it seems to me anybody that can get.

Mr. Nocadochous out of his tool shed

must be feeling, uh, pretty sorry

for the stupid things he said.

Yeah, I am and you know, I didn't mean to, you know

talk about your calling, man, you know.

Hell, I'd be a handyman myself if I didn't callous so easily.

Alright, I'm lying. Come on, man.

Ah, well, I guess if we were more alike

we probably wouldn't get along so well, huh?

‐ Watchdog. ‐ Bow‐wow, best man.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

Hey.

Hot damn, the strippers are here.

We're not strippers.

Wait, wait, ladies, ladies, ladies.

As lovely as you‐you are

um, this is a bachelor party.

No, no, wait, Kyle, you cannot turn away

all these beautiful women.

[chuckles] I know that's right.

Because when the music starts jammin'

I ain't dancing with Red Rash.

Yo, Overton, it's your call, man.

Uh, well, alright, let the party begin.

[upbeat music]

[theme music]

(Synclaire) Woo‐hoo!