Original subtitles

‐ Hold still. ‐ Oh, oh!

[grunts]

I swear, man, this is worse than

when I used to dress my kitten in Barbie clothes.

You know, my German Shepherd

never got over you dressin' him up.

Puttin' panties on a dog?

Hey, what's up, what's up, hey!

Who's got a pantyhose for me?

Uh, Regine has a brand new pair on her bed.

Thanks.

Those are bulge‐away body skimmers.

Now that'll be $12.95, cash, no check.

You know, Khadijah

I couldn't be happier if I was accepting the Li..

Oh, Linwood‐Hans Journalism Award myself.

Hey, an award for me is an award for Flavor.

So, since you work there, it's almost like you gettin' it.

‐ Really? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

That means I can keep it on my desk?

You touch it and you die.

[chuckles]

Help me, I'm in..

[groans]

What happened? What..

‐ What's wrong with you? ‐ Get your tops.

‐ Oh, oh, God. ‐ I can't breathe.

‐ Uh‐huh, uh‐huh. ‐ Cut me.

[indistinct chatter]

‐ Take a deep breath, breathe. ‐ No.

Try to breathe, try to breathe.

Oh!

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And in a nineties kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what ♪

♪ Keep your head up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home‐girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ What you want ♪

♪ No free position ♪

[instrumental solo]

♪ Haa ♪

Okay, I wanna be just perfect when I go up there

to get my award.

Am I cool?

Oh, you look fabulous.

In fact, we all look fabulous.

It's amazing how we're fighting off the ravages of time.

We've hardly changed.

I haven't changed at all.

No, I haven't. No, I haven't.

Yes.

Yes, you're still single

evil and deluded.

I'm gonna stab you with this eyeliner.

‐ You see this? I'll slice you. ‐ Come on, come on, come on.

I'll take you, you can have that Adam's apple.

Alright, come on, come on, now, come on.

This is my night, argue in your own time.

You're right.

[chuckles]

At least we get along better than we used to.

I remember when I swore I'd never be in the same room

with tater tot again.

Oh, yes, the dark ages, that chilly bitter month

when you lived with us.

And I went out with Kyle.

You went out with Kyle?

(Khadijah) Strange, but true.

In fact, a lot of things were strange back in the day.

[knocking on door]

Hey, hey.

[scoffs]

‐ Roses for your beauty. ‐ Aw.

Tulips for your smile.

And, uh, uh, I don't know what this one is

let's just say it represents your mystery.

Aw. Thank you.

Regine, baby, parting is such sweet sorrow.

And lookin' at you is just sorrow.

Aw, dear, sweet Kyle, he's so in love with me.

But who can blame him?

Give a sister a chance.

Yeah, well, thank you for nothin'.

Brother.

That's the third bank today that's turned me down

for a loan for my magazine.

Well, if you came up with a name

for your little home‐girl gazette

I'm sure somebody might take you seriously.

I took it so seriously, I came up with a whole list of names.

‐ "Ebonyette." ‐ Alright.

"Essence of Brooklyn."

‐ "Afropolitan." ‐ Oh.

Can't believe these names haven't been snapped up.

Care to join us? Ahem.

I am cooking an old‐fashioned pancake breakfast

for my second favorite roommate, Regine.

Uh, garnish.

Enjoy.

Thank you, Maxine.

What's with this fake friendliness?

Not a drug in the world could bring you to together.

Regine and I have called a truce until I pass the bar.

I hope this truce lasts longer than the last time.

You two shook hands and ended up arm wrestling.

A battle, as I recall I won.

Only because you put your boobs into it.

Just trying to compensate for your mannish hands.

Mm, what flavor.

That's it! Flavor, that's what I'm gonna call my magazine.

Now, I'm not exactly sure how long the truce lasted

but by the time I got home from my night job

it was too late to save the TV or the drapes.

And who crashed through the banister is still is a mystery.

Hey, guys, I got my loan approved for "Flavor."

[indistinct yelling]

You make me sick! You make me sick!

You make me sick! You make me so sick!

You make me sick!

[both grunting]

[screaming]

Oh, my God!

[screaming]

[laughing]

What else? What else can I get you? What, uh..

Oh, sooky, sooky now!

Okay, alright, alright.

I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you!

(Khadijah) 'Help!'

[grunting]

[indistinct yelling]

Help! Help!

Can I get some help over here? Come on!

Oh! Oh!

Maxine, Maxine, stop.

That's not very lady like. Come on, baby.

Oh, yeah? How about this?

[groaning]

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh, alright.

[indistinct shouting]

Alright, alright!

Now, hold up, y'all.

Come on, come on, now, look.

I'm trying to start a magazine here.

Come on, man, I‐I‐I don't have a dime

and y'all bustin' up everything in the house.

[whimpers]

[crying]

My glass giraffe from nana.

Damn, damn, damn!

That's it.

Enough said. I'm mad now, mad.

One of y'all is moving the hell out of here!

Hey! I was here first, cow. You've gotta go!

I'm about to become a successful attorney

that can afford her own place

while Regine will be left to roam around the city

with "I will marry for money" sign.

I'll kill you!

[clamoring]

Ergo, I'll go.

Good, at least the toilet seat won't be up all the time.

Touche.

[grunts]

Say uncle! Say uncle!

You better say uncle!

And they really put sisterhood to the test.

Yeah, I still can't believe her head

was harder than the banister.

[laughs]

You all look lovely, even the succubus.

Come on, baby.

Out of my way, crouton.

Ow!

‐ Ooh! ‐ Oh! Oh!

Oh, you cow! I'mma get you, I'mma get you!

‐ Got to catch me. ‐ You know somethin'?

There's a beauty in their bitterness.

If Max hadn't moved out, I couldn't have moved in.

Yeah, and if Kyle hadn't invited me to move to New York

my heart would have been in Minneapolis

and I wouldn't have known why.

Oh.

Overton?

You're doing such a great job fixing my building.

I could just give you a deep

long, lingering kiss.

Um, I don't think that'd be appropriate, Ms. Brooks.

You're right.

Let's have sex.

Kidding, just kidding.

Ooh!

Hey, would you like to mosey over to my place

and have a cup of hot chocolate

with a touch of brandy?

Um, not while I'm working

uh, which I hope to make full time.

Overton, you're hired.

And I'm not just saying that

because you have a cute tush.

There I go again.

I'm such a bad girl.

Um, Ms. Brooks, uh, look

my, uh, my tush and I thank you.

‐ See you. Gotta go. ‐ Uh‐huh.

Yeah.

[groans]

‐ Hey, what's up, man? ‐ Oh.

You're look at the Brownstone's new full time handyman.

Alright, congratulations.

That's right, that's right.

You know, I decided to, um

nip my involvement with Regine in the bud, man.

What?

She does nothin' but talk about

herself all the time.

You cannot imagine how annoying that is.

Mm, yes, I can.

Kyle.

Let me make this plain, honey. It's over.

I got asked out by a guy who's already there

not just on his way.

Now, I hope that we can remain

after you're totally over me

friends.

[chuckles]

Um, Regine, darling, crushed as I am

um, I'm sure that I'll get over you

long before you get over yourself.

Ah, ah, ah, Khadijah's not home, go away.

Go away.

I just came to pick up some law books

and some doughnuts I left here last month.

[tires screeching]

[upbeat music]

Oh. Hello, Brooklyn!

Oh, my Lord!

‐ Oh. ‐ Woo‐hoo.

[tires screeching]

Hey, everybody, this is my cousin, Synclaire.

Hi, nice to meet you.

You know our college roommate Max, right?

‐ Yes, hello, hi. ‐ Welcome.

I enjoyed all the cookies you sent Khadijah in college.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Oh.

She's a hungry one.

‐ Hello. ‐ This is our neighbor, Kyle.

‐ How do? ‐ Gotham greet you.

And your gargantuan friend there.

Funny people, okay.

And this is his roommate, Overton.

Hi, hello.

And he is our building's resident handyman

and he is ridiculously pleased to meet you.

Wow, the handyman lives in the building.

How handy.

[giggles]

Might you help me with

my troll Crispus Attucks?

Thank you.

Come on, Khadijah, I'm home.

[laughs]

Yeah, let‐let's get this stuff in

before somebody sees me with it.

Shorty, today I met the woman I'mma marry.

You said that after you and Melody broke up.

You swore off women.

That's not just a woman.

That right there is my baby's mama.

[laughs]

And as I pulled Crispus from the jeep

and he pinned me to the ground

then I realized this was the beginning

of a beautiful relationship.

‐ Oh. ‐ Oh.

Sorry, folks, we've got a flat.

Uh, in the immortal words of Boys 2 Men.

"This is the end of the road."

Bump that, I'm making a run for it.

The ceremony starts in a half an hour

and I'll be damned if I don't get my award

because of this stretch lemon.

Alright, hold on, we'll just, we'll just catch a cab.

[laughing]

Six black people in the middle of the night.

Why don't we just send up a signal

and wait for the Bat Mobile?

Alright, now, alright, everybody just relax.

I mean, come on.

With this leg, oh please.

I can get a cab in seconds.

What are you gonna do, trip it?

Look, y'all, there's a subway station right over there.

We take the express, we'll be uptown in seven minutes.

And if my boy Slappy's the motorman, five.

‐ Let's bounce. ‐ Let's roll, let's roll.

Hold up, you are all forgetting you're with Regine Hunter.

And there are two things I do not do.

Go Dutch and ride the subway.

Well, you and your leg can stay in here

'cause I'm going to get mine.

[indistinct chatter]

Thanks to you, I'm gonna be late

to the most important night of my life.

Well, who would have thought that a limo company

called Easy Ed's Deluxe Rides would be so cheesy?

The naked woman on the mud flap

should've been the first tip off.

Hey, y'all, quit trippin' on my baby now.

'Cause you know in your hearts you're glad

you didn't send her back to Minnesota

like you were planning way back when.

‐ What? ‐ Oh, yeah, girl.

You was on your way.

Ah! What the hell?

Damn demon dolls are everywhere!

And that Crispus Attucks is the worst!

I swear that thing follows me around with its eyes

when I'm gettin' dressed.

Don't flatter yourself, Regine.

Crispus is not a peepin' troll.

Come on now, hey, when we agreed to let Synclaire move in

we knew what we were gettin'.

She got a big heart.

So what if she's a little bugged?

‐ Synclaire! ‐ Huh?

Tell me those are not the notes for my first cover story?

Is that what you wanna hear?

Oh, but I'll have these back together lickety split.

And, uh, oh, yeah, I'll have the fax machine fixed by tomorrow.

Uh, after the electricity comes back on.

You..

That's it.

Heads, we send her stuff.

Tails, I'mma help you pack.

No!

Come on, Khadijah, don't you think sending Synclaire

back home is a little harsh?

I mean, how about the way she bakes cookies for you

after a hard day of furnish repair?

Or how she always has an extra sheet of fabric softener

when you coincidentally do your laundry every Sunday?

How about that, huh?

Guess who I ran over on the way back from the coffee shop?

Come here.

Do you have a couple of aspirin and a body cast?

Coming right up!

Kareem Abdul‐Jabbar.

Mr. Skyhook.

Man, I had a pair of those those fish bowl goggles

just like you had in high school.

Did it help your game any?

No, but I was the sharpest dressed

welder in shop class.

Here you go.

Kareem, I'd like you to meet Khadijah

the publisher of Flavor.

Khadijah, this is Kareem

your first cover story.

‐ What? For real? ‐ Yes.

Oh, you've got a job for life, cuz, thank you.

You know, if it weren't for that interview.

Flavor might not be on the map.

[brakes screeching]

(male ♫1 on speakers) Attention, passengers.

We have a small mechanical problem.

We should be movin' in no more than an hour and a half.

[groaning]

Oh, what the hell!

Come on, train, don't play me like this.

Where do you think you're going? We're in a tunnel.

The thought of being stuck next to you

uh, frightens me. Excuse me.

That's it.

We're not gonna make it.

I'm not gonna get my award.

‐ Oh, now, come on, Khadijah. ‐ I won't get the award.

That award ceremonys, that's about some stuffed shirts

in a, in a banquet.

I mean Flavor's about the people.

That's right.

The college student.

'Or the young struggling mother.'

'Or the businessman with the questionable hair piece.'

‐ Hey, these are your readers. ‐ Hey.

You publish Flavor magazine?

I love that magazine.

I'm wearin' it right now.

[groaning]

See, Khadijah? Your work touches everyone, oh.

Oh, holy cow.

Holy cow, it's Holyfield.

Man, that fight was off the hook.

Man, you put the fear of God in Mike Tyson.

Well, that fear everyone should have.

Well, praise him, praise him!

Excuse me, Mr. Holyfield, I understand you won

$11 million on your last fight.

Should you need a good stock broker.

Alrighty then.

What are you doing riding the subway?

It's fast and who gonna mug me?

Oh, shoot.

Not, not without no gun.

[laughs]

Mr. Holyfield, I understand that you have recently built

a 55,000 square foot mansion.

So, tell me, how's the marriage?

‐ Made in heaven. ‐ Oh, I'm very happy for you.

[screams]

We're movin'!

[laughs]

[applause]

Look at these clowns.

They squeeze themselves into a tuxedo

and they think they're James Bond.

[chuckles]

It's been a while, Dr. No.

So long you're starting to look good.

Maybe you're just starting to see straight.

I have to admit that I am so excited

to present this next, most prestigious award

to an innovative and insightful young journalist.

It's hard to believe that not too many years ago

she was my intern at Essence magazine.

'Well, now it's my pleasure, ladies and gentlemen'

'to honor tonight, the founder and the editor'

'of Flavor magazine, Khadijah James.'

[applause]

Thank you so much, Susan, for your inspiration.

I would like to thank the committee for this honor.

I share this award with my mother

who isn't here

because my cousin booked her a limo

so God knows where she is.

[laughs]

I booked Budget Benito's. Who knew?

[laughing]

I also share this award with the crew of Flavor.

Couldn't do it without you guys.

And my friends, for supporting me

through all the madness.

Making jelly bean pyramids for me to cheer me up.

[chuckles]

'Checking my wardrobe, to make sure it was tasteful, yet fly.'

[chuckles]

'Offering me financial advice, legal counselling'

'and a certain home spun wisdom'

'whether I wanted it or not.'

[laughs]

Guys, I love y'all. Thank you so much.

Oh, look at that, look at that.

You know something? I had a really good time tonight.

Yeah, it was fun, getting all dressed up

and lunging into Evander Holyfield.

Carrying your award all the way home

pretending it was that Junior Miss trophy

them judges stole from me.

Gave it to that moon‐faced heifer from Asbury Park.

Just 'cause she rescued a bull load of campers.

Girl, give me that, give me that. Move back.

[instrumental music]

‐ Uh‐oh, not my jam ‐ Your jam, girl.

‐ Not my jam! ‐ It's your jam.

Not my jam!

[laughing]

♪ Got sunshine ♪

Ooh, ooh, me too, me too.

♪ On a cloudy day ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ And it was cold outside ♪

♪ I've got the month of May ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Oh I ♪

♪ I guess you could say ♪ ♪ What could you say baby? ♪

♪ I guess you could say ♪

♪ Make me feel this way ♪ ♪ Makes me feel this way ♪

♪ My girls my girls my girls ♪

♪ I'm talkin' 'bout my girls ♪

♪ Break it down ♪ ♪ My girls ♪

[theme music]

[music continues]

(female ♫2) Woo‐hoo!

[giggles]

[instrumental music]