Original subtitles

YULETIDE GREETINGS, MERRY, MERRY

AND ALL THAT FOLDEROL.

WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE GRINCH WHO STOLE BREAKFAST.

KYLE, I GOT SOME MISTLETOE IN MY BACK POCKET.

WHY DON'T

YOU KISS MY ASS?

JUST LIKE EVERY CHRISTMAS‐‐

LATE FOR WORK AND EARLY FOR DINNER.

NOW, KHADIJAH

MAX DID HANG THE STOCKINGS BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE.

HER DRYER IS BROKEN.

THAT WAS HER LAUNDRY.

THAT'S THE LAST TIME I WASTE 15 MINUTES

BUYING CHRISTMAS GIFTS

FOR YOU GUYS.

OH, INTEROFFICE MAIL ENVELOPES.

WHEN YOU CARE ENOUGH TO GIVE THE VERY LEAST.

AH, A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO O'MONARCH BURGER.

I'M GOING TO GET THE DELUXE DRAWBRIDGE DINNER.

WELL, HOLD UP, SIR‐EAT‐A‐LOT.

THE GIFT CERTIFICATE IS WORTH A WHOPPING FIVE DOLLARS!

MAX, I KNOW IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

BUT WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M...

I'M A LITTLE STRAPPED THIS YEAR.

I SPENT ALL MY MONEY

BUYING THOSE GIFT CERTIFICATES

PLUS A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR MYSELF.

A TOP‐OF‐THE‐LINE MASSAGE CHAIR

FROM THE HIGHER LIVING CATALOG.

I'M WORKING LATE TOMORROW

SO THEY'LL BE DROPPING IT OFF HERE.

MAKE SURE YOU TIP THE DELIVERY MAN.

NOW, YOU KNOW I'M A VEGETARIAN

SO I CAN'T USE THESE COUPONS

YOU CHRISTMAS HEIFER.

HEY, STUFF YOUR STOCKING WITH THIS.

BREATH DROPS?

DON'T WAIT TILL CHRISTMAS TO USE THEM.

♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪

♪ SINGLE ♪

♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪

♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪

♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪ ♪ WHAT? ♪

♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪ ♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪

♪ WHENEVER THIS LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪

♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪

♪ MY HOMEGIRL STANDING TO MY LEFT AND MY RIGHT ♪

♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪

♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪

♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪

[Captioning sponsored by FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

[and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION]

KHADIJAH, CAN WE GET GOING, MAN?

I'M SO HUNGRY I COULD GO TO K. F. C.

AND LICK OTHER PEOPLE'S FINGERS.

REGINE.

HI, CHARLES.

CHARLES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'VE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS.

THE NEW YORK BOARD OF PHYSICIANS IS GIVING ME

THEIR TOP AWARD FOR ANESTHESIOLOGY‐‐

"THE NUMMY."

WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, BABY.

IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY RECOGNIZED YOUR ABILITY

TO PUT PEOPLE TO SLEEP.

THE AWARDS BANQUET IS SATURDAY

AT THE HOME OF THE HOSPITAL DIRECTOR.

AND THEY GAVE ME FOUR TICKETS, REGINE.

YOU'RE WELCOME TO JOIN US.

A MEDICAL AWARDS CEREMONY AT SOMEBODY'S HOUSE.

OH, YOU KNOW, I THINK I GOT SOMETHING THAT NIGHT.

OH, RIGHT. A LIFE.

WELL, COOL.

CHARLES CAN GET HIS NUMMY WITHOUT YOU.

YOU JUST DO WHAT YOU DID LAST SATURDAY‐‐

FLIP THAT MATTRESS, GIRL.

YOU WON THE NUMMY?

MY SLEEP‐INDUCING BROTHER, YOU HAVE ARRIVED.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW

ABOUT THE NUMMY?

I USED TO DATE A NEUROSURGEON.

I LEFT HER WHEN SHE STARTED WORKING MY NERVES.

HEY, I HAVE TWO EXTRA TICKETS.

GOD BLESS YOU, DOCTOR MAN.

THIS IS THE BLACK‐TIE EVENT OF THE YEAR‐‐

WALL‐TO‐WALL SOCIALITES AND YOUNG TYCOONS

LIGHTING CIGARS

WITH THE CONTROVERSIAL NEW $100 BILL.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

HE SAID THE "NUMMY"

NOT "RICH MEN WAITING FOR ME."

RUSSELL, GIVE ME THEM TICKETS.

IF ONLY I COULD

BUT I MUST FIGURE OUT WHO TO TAKE.

TAKE ME.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA

HOW LONG I'VE WAITED TO HEAR THOSE WORDS.

ALL RIGHT, RUSSELL

I WILL LET YOU SERVE AS MY ESCORT

PROVIDED THAT YOU DO NOT SCRATCH, ADJUST

AND DON'T DRINK DIRECTLY FROM THE PUNCH BOWL.

NOW, ABOUT YOUR ATTIRE...

HOLD ON, NOW, BUSTY AND BEGGING.

IF YOU GET TO CHOOSE MY WARDROBE

THEN I GET TO CHOOSE YOURS.

FIRST OFF, THIS IS NOT BRA WEATHER.

KHADIJAH, LET'S NOT GO TO THIS THING.

I HATE HANGING OUT WITH SOCIETY PEOPLE.

YOU SHOULD BE USED TO IT BY NOW.

YOUR MOTHER WAS A LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR.

YOUR FATHER'S AN AMBASSADOR.

I LOVE MY PARENTS

BUT I SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE AVOIDING THEIR FRIENDS.

THOSE PEOPLE ARE THE OPPOSITE

OF EVERYTHING I'VE TRIED TO BE.

I PUT MYSELF THROUGH SCHOOL, I WORK AT A COMMUNITY HOSPITAL

AND THE ONLY CLUB I BELONG TO IS THE PRICE CLUB.

OH, BABY, I UNDERSTAND

BUT YOU CAN'T LET THOSE PEOPLE STOP YOU

FROM GETTING WHAT'S YOURS.

I DON'T LIKE THE PEOPLE AT THE WAFFLE BARN

BUT I STILL GETS MY BREAKFAST.

ALL RIGHT, I HEAR YOU.

WE'LL GO, GRAB MY AWARD

EAT SOME GOOSE LIVER AND VENISON

AND CALL IT A NIGHT.

GOOSE LIVER AND VENISON?

MM‐HMM.

WE HITTING THE WAFFLE BARN ON THE WAY HOME.

I ALWAYS WANTED TO GIVE MAXINE AN ELECTRIC CHAIR.

I'LL BE DAMNED IF SHE DIDN'T BEAT ME TO IT.

THIS IS WORSE THAN THE CAKE

SHE GAVE HERSELF ON MY BIRTHDAY.

MERRY DAMN CHRISTMAS, THAT'S WHAT I GOT TO SAY.

LET'S NOT BE TOO HARSH.

MAX GAVE THE CHAIR TO HERSELF, BUT SHE HAD IT DELIVERED HERE.

OBVIOUSLY, SHE WANTS US TO ENJOY IT TOO.

CHECK THIS OUT.

"FROM MAX TO MAX.

"P.S. STOP READING MY CARD

AND KEEP YOUR CHEEKS OFF MY CHAIR."

OH! OKAY, THAT'S IT.

FIRE IT UP, OBIE.

I'M GOING FOR A RIDE.

IT'S JUST A CHAIR.

ALL RIGHT, TRY SOME OF THIS RIGHT HERE.

OH!

OH...

OBIE, I THINK I'M CHEATING ON YOU.

HERE, BABY.

MOMMY'S HERE TO TAKE YOU HOME.

SYNCLAIRE, GET UP.

GET OFF. COME ON.

ALL RIGHT, OVERTON, GO GET YOUR DOLLY

SO I CAN GET MY BABY ACROSS THE STREET.

OH, I LEFT MY DOLLY IN THE VAN

AND I LEFT MY VAN, UM...

UH, WHERE DID I LEAVE MY VAN, MAMA?

PORTUGAL.

OH, I SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.

WELL, FORGET YOU.

KYLE...

COME ON, BROTHER.

HOOK A SISTER UP.

MAXINE, OUR CONSTANT BICKERING NOTWITHSTANDING

I REALLY DO HATE SEEING YOU IN DIRE STRAITS.

SO LET'S JUST SIT BACK, RELAX

AND TRY TO THINK OF A SOLUTION, SHALL WE?

( Sighs )

I GOT...!

NO. LOST IT.

WHERE'S RUSSELL?

RUSSELL IS PROBABLY STILL AT HOME

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT

WHICH CLIP‐ON TIE GOES BEST WITH HIS BERMUDA SHORTS.

EITHER DONALD TRUMP IS NAKED

AND TIED UP IN A BROOM CLOSET

OR I PAY YOU TOO MUCH.

SORRY I'M LATE, REGINE

BUT IT TOOK A LONG TIME

TO FIND ORCHIDS BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH

TO BE WORTHY OF YOUR BOSOM.

MAY I PIN THIS ON YOU? PLEASE.

RUSSELL...

I'M TOUCHED...

BUT NOT BY YOUR CLAMMY MITTS.

OKAY, GET YOUR CUMMERBUNDS IN THERE.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

ISN'T SOMEONE SUPPOSED TO ANNOUNCE US?

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

THE EIGHTH AND NINTH WONDERS OF THE WORLD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S IT, RUSSELL.

EVEN IN A TUX, MAN, YOU'RE A PERVERT.

OH, I'VE GRADUATED FROM SICKO TO PERVERT.

NEXT STOP, GROOM.

BRITTANY, DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME

OR IS THAT THE NUMMY MAN?

MARK, BRITTANY.

WELL, THIS IS KHADIJAH.

KHADIJAH. WHAT A CHARMING NAME.

IT'S ETHNIC, ISN'T IT?

YES.

BOTH MY PARENTS ARE ETHNIC.

TEN TO ONE YOU'RE A VASSAR GIRL.

NO, ACTUALLY, I WENT TO HOWARD.

OH, HOW ADORABLE.

GO ON, SISTER GIRL.

I THINK I WILL GO ON.

RIGHT NOW. EXCUSE ME.

KHADIJAH IS THE PUBLISHER OF FLAVOR.

IT'S THE NUMBER ONE URBAN MAGAZINE IN THE AREA.

OH. OH.

URBAN. URBAN.

DID WE TELL YOU BRETT AND PENELOPE BROKE UP?

PENELOPE HAS ALWAYS HAD AN EYE FOR YOU.

MM‐‐ AND SHE JUST HAD LIPO

TO GET RID OF HER THIRD CHIN.

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD YOO‐HOOS HERE.

THEY DO WHEN YOU LIVE HERE.

BOOKER BURGHARDT MOUNTEBANK.

KHADIJAH JAMES.

NICE SLIPPERS.

TELL THAT TO MY WIFE.

SHE'S STILL CRANKY

ABOUT THE BATHROBE I WORE TO OUR DAUGHTER'S WEDDING.

WANT A YUMMY DOODLE?

FOR A WORLD‐FAMOUS CARDIOLOGIST

YOU SURE ARE INHALING SOME SNACK FOOD.

DON'T WORRY.

I'VE FIGURED OUT A WAY TO GIVE MYSELF C. P. R.

WELL, IF YOU'D EXCUSE ME

I GOT TO GET BACK TO MY DATE.

HE'S DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE EMERGENCY EXIT.

WHO'S THE LUCKY YOUNG MAN

THAT HAD THE GOOD SENSE AND GREAT FORTUNE

TO ESCORT YOU HERE?

DR. CHARLES ROBERTS.

GOOD MAN.

NEVER KNEW ANYONE MORE DESERVING OF A NUMMY.

YOU KNOW, IT SURE WOULD BE NICE

TO TOAST HIM WITH A CHOCOLATE SODA.

IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER

CONSULT YOUR PHYSICIAN.

THANK YOU, MELANIE...

ALTHEA...

COMMISSIONER.

RUSSELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE?

MY SECOND WIFE WAS A BLUE BLOOD.

OR WAS IT MY THIRD?

I GET THEM CONFUSED.

IT WAS A PRETTY CRAZY SUMMER.

RUSSELL, HOW COME YOU HAVEN'T BEEN INTRODUCING ME AROUND?

'CAUSE I'M A SENSITIVE MAN AND YOU CALLED ME A PERVERT.

I'M SORRY.

NO. TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE.

JUST WALK AWAY.

AH, AH, PUT A LITTLE SHIMMY IN IT.

KHADIJAH, I WAS JUST TELLING ALISON

ABOUT YOUR LITTLE FLAVOR MAGAZINE PROJECT.

OH, IT'S JUST A LITTLE HOBBY

THAT'S GOTTEN ME FOUR JOURNALISM AWARDS.

CAN I HAVE A COPY?

I SPONSOR A YOUNGSTER IN BELIZE

AND HE'LL REAL ANYTHING IN ENGLISH.

ALISON, DON'T INSULT THE WOMAN.

I'M SURE SHE NEEDS EVERY COPY SHE HAS

FOR THE HOOD.

OH, EXCUSE US.

GREETINGS ALL, AND WELCOME TO MY RUMPUS ROOM.

THIS YEAR'S NUMMY AWARD RECIPIENT

IS LIKE THE SON I'VE NEVER HAD

WHICH, OF COURSE, SAVED ME A BUNDLE IN TUITION.

PLEASE, WELCOME DR. CHARLES ROBERTS.

WHEN I FIRST HEARD I WAS RECEIVING THIS AWARD

I WAS THRILLED AND HONORED.

THEN I FOUND OUT THAT IT COMES FROM A GROUP OF PEOPLE

THAT TREAT ANYBODY WITHOUT A PEDIGREE

LIKE SOME EXHIBIT IN A ZOO.

( Crowd murmuring )

FORGIVE ME. I'M, UH, RAMBLING.

SO, IN CONCLUSION...

TAKE YOUR AWARD AND SHOVE IT.

AND, OH‐‐ I WOULD LIKE TO THANK GOD AND MY MOTHER.

RUSSELL‐‐

THIS IS A THANK‐YOU BASKET OF PRESERVES

THAT WE LADIES OF PRIVILEGE

BESTOW UPON SOMEONE WHO HAS DONE US A FAVOR.

MAY I SMEAR SOME JAM UPON YOU IN RETURN?

AFTER I REALIZED THAT YOU WERE WELL‐CONNECTED

I BEGAN TO MENTION YOUR NAME, AND BEFORE I KNEW IT

I HAD AN INVITATION TO DINE WITH ALISON AND HER FRIENDS.

AND AS WE ALL KNOW, LADIES WHO LUNCH

KNOW THE MEN WHO BUY DINNER.

DON'T, REGINE.

THOSE WOMEN ARE SHARKS.

THEY'LL EAT YOU ALIVE AND SPIT UP YOUR WIG.

I'M TELLING YOU, THOSE ARE SKINNY, EVIL WOMEN.

YOU HEARD HOW THEY ATTACKED CHARLES AND KHADIJAH.

WHO WAS ATTACKING CHARLES?

AND WHO THE HELL WAS ATTACKING ME?

REGINE'S LUNCH BUDDIES.

TELL HER, LADY MARMALADE.

ALL RIGHT, SPILL IT.

I‐IT WAS NOTHING REALLY.

I MEAN, IT WAS JUST A FEW INNOCENT COMMENTS

ABOUT... HOW CHARLES DESTROYED HIS CAREER

AND HOW HE'LL HAVE TO TRADE IN HIS SCRUBS

FOR A SQUEEGEE AND SOME NEWSPAPER.

CHARLES HAD EVERY RIGHT

TO TELL OFF THAT BOURGIE CROWD.

KHADIJAH, WE ARE TALKING

ABOUT VERY POWERFUL AND INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE, HONEY.

I MEAN, PEOPLE WHO HOLD CHARLES'S CAREER

IN THE PALM OF THEIR HANDS

AND HE TOLD THEM TO SHOVE IT.

WHY DID WE HAVE TO GO TO THAT STUPID PARTY, ANYWAY?

MM‐MM, GIRL.

YOU KNOW THAT YOU TALKED HIM INTO GOING.

DO YOU REALLY THINK THEY CAN RUIN CHARLES'S CAREER?

SWEETIE...

THESE PEOPLE ARE SHALLOW

THEY'RE PATRONIZING, THEY'RE VINDICTIVE.

OH, AND I'M LATE FOR LUNCH WITH THEM.

SMOOCHES.

♪ TAKE THE CHAIR WITH MY OWN DOLLY ♪

♪ FA‐LA‐LA‐LA‐LA YOU CAN'T BEAT MAX. ♪

( Groans )

HEY...

WHAT THE FREAK DID YOU DO TO MY CHAIR?

TECHNICALLY, NOTHING.

WE DID, HOWEVER, DRILL FIVE HOLES

AND KIND OF BOLT IT TO THE FLOOR.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY, UNBOLT THIS THING RIGHT NOW.

I'M A LAWYER, AND THAT IS MALICIOUS BOLTING

WITH INTENT TO SCREW.

OH, MAX, PLEASE. YOU OWE US.

YOU'VE BEEN RAIDING OUR REFRIGERATOR FOR YEARS

WATCHING OUR TELEVISION

AND I DO BELIEVE THOSE ARE MY SOCKS.

IN OTHER WORDS

THIS IS A LITTLE THING CALLED

"TIT FOR TAT."

TALK TO HER, TAT.

ASSUMING THAT EACH MASSAGE IS WORTH A DOLLAR

AT 20 MASSAGES PER WEEK

YOU SHOULD PAY OFF YOUR DEBT TO THIS HOUSEHOLD

IN EXACTLY FOUR MONTHS AND THREE DAYS.

ALL RIGHT.

THIS ROUND GOES TO SATAN'S HELPERS.

BUT BE WARNED‐‐ SATAN OWES ME BIG.

ALL RIGHT NOW, YOU SEE THIS?

WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS, GUYS.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS CHRISTMAS.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

I MEAN, MAYBE WE SHOULD GIVE THIS CHAIR BACK, YOU KNOW?

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

WE SHOULD DEFINITELY GIVE THIS CHAIR BACK.

OH, OH, OH, MY BACK.

OH, THIS IS...

OH, HEAVEN MUST BE MISSING AN EASY CHAIR.

( Chuckling )

SO YOU UNDERSTAND, DOC.

THOSE PEOPLE WERE DISRESPECTING ME AND CHARLES ALL NIGHT.

I MUST SAY, IT'S REFRESHING TO SEE A YOUNG MAN

SHOW SO MUCH PASSION FOR HIS PRINCIPLES.

TOO MANY PEOPLE YOUR AGE

ONLY CARE ABOUT BIG HOUSES AND FANCY CARS.

( Intercom buzzing )

Woman: Dr. Mountebank?

The service is here to wash your Rolls‐Royce.

IT CAME WITH THE HOUSE.

IS THERE ANY WAY YOU CAN MAKE SURE

CHARLES HASN'T RUINED HIS REP WITH THE BIGWIGS?

I'M SURE I CAN ASSUAGE THE HURT FEELINGS OF THE BIGWIGS.

IF NOT, I'LL... GET THEM DRUNK AND TAKE PICTURES.

OH, NO.

EXCUSE ME, DR. MOUNTEBANK.

KHADIJAH, WHAT'S GOING ON?

BOOKER IS GOING TO TALK TO THE PEOPLE

AND MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS COOL.

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THEM.

I CARE ABOUT YOU TALKING TO MY BOSS BEHIND MY BACK.

I'LL JUST BE OVER HERE.

THAT'S THE THANKS I GET

FOR COMING UP HERE TO SAVE YOUR UNGRATEFUL BEHIND?

QUEEN TAKES KNIGHT.

I DON'T NEED YOU TO SAVE ME.

IF THE ONLY WAY TO ADVANCE IN MY CAREER

IS TO BE PHONY, THEN FORGET IT.

SO, WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?

A SELL‐OUT?

( Sighs )

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

I HAVE TO GO RENDER SOMEBODY UNCONSCIOUS.

YOUNG MAN HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM‐‐

LOW BLOOD SUGAR.

I THINK HE SHOULD HAVE 'ROUND‐THE‐CLOCK FUDGE.

I LIKE MY INTERIOR LATEX SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED.

OKAY, DUTCH BOY

GET YOUR CAN OUT OF THAT CHAIR.

DAMN THAT CHARLES.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW UNGRATEFUL HE IS.

WELL, SINCE THE SUBWAY RIDE HOME DIDN'T HELP YOUR MOOD

MAYBE MY COLORFUL LITTLE FABLE WILL.

YOU JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX.

( Clears throat )

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT SOMEONE

IT'S DIFFICULT TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN HAVING THEIR BACK AND GOING BEHIND IT.

THAT'S IT?

NO BEARS?

NO PERPETRATING WOLF?

IT WAS LONG, SO I CUT STRAIGHT TO THE MORAL.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING‐‐ I'M WRONG HERE?

MAYBE NOT YOU

BUT THE WELL‐MEANING GOOSE

I CUT FROM THE FABLE.

SHE TRIED TO HELP HER FRIEND, THE BEAVER

KEEP HIS ANESTHESIOLOGY AWARD

BUT HE DIDN'T WANT IT

BECAUSE IT CAME FROM SOME BAD, SNOOTY BEAVERS.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

SEE, THE BEAVER HERE REPRESENTS...

I GOT IT!

MAYBE I SHOULD TALK TO CHARLES.

( Doorbell ringing )

WHY, I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE?

CHARLES!

WHAT A SURPRISE.

MAYBE I KIND OF CALLED HIM FOR YOU.

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

NO, SYNCLAIRE AND OVERTON WANTED YOU TO SEE ME.

GOOD. THEY'RE OPENING UP A DIALOGUE.

YOU THINK THEY COULD HAVE

THEIR DIALOGUE IN THE OTHER ROOM

SO I COULD USE THAT CHAIR?

COME ON NOW.

( Clears throat )

LOOK, THE ONLY REASON I WENT TO YOUR BOSS

IS BECAUSE I FELT PARTLY RESPONSIBLE.

WELL, I APPRECIATE YOUR INTENTIONS

JUST NOT YOUR METHOD.

I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE

HAVING SOMEONE SPEAK UP FOR ME.

LIKE YOU DID FOR ME AT THAT PARTY?

AH, TOUCHE.

I MEAN, I SAW MY PARENTS GET SUCKED IN

BY BOURGIE PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP ONE MORNING

AND DISCOVER THAT I'M SKIPPING SURGERY

TO GO OFF SKEET SHOOTING OFF THE BACK OF MY YACHT.

WITH YOUR AIM, YOU COULDN'T HIT THE OCEAN.

( Chuckles )

JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THEM

DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T TAKE ADVANTAGE

OF WHAT THEY'VE GOT.

MAYBE YOU'VE GOT A POINT.

BUT YOU CAN'T TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE

THE SAME THING I DID UP AT THAT PODIUM.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I WOULD HAVE DONE WITH THAT AWARD

WHAT YOU TOLD THEM TO DO WITH IT.

IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE SOMEBODY PISSED ME OFF

THE WAY YOU DO.

I LIKE YOU TOO.

UH‐UH. GET UP, MOVE.

GET OUT OF THE CHAIR.

I NEED THIS CHAIR.

GET UP, GET UP, GET UP.

THE SHARKS MADE SHORT WORK OF HER.

THEY STUCK HER WITH A FOUR‐FIGURE LUNCH TAB

AT THE RUSSIAN TEA ROOM.

MAN, I WAS DRAGGED INTO THE KITCHEN

AND THEN I WAS MADE TO SCRUB POTS AND PANS.

HEY, DOES THIS THING HAVE TURBO?

LUCKILY, WHEN SHE PHONED FLAVOR

I WAS STILL DILIGENTLY WORKING.

I RUSHED OVER AND FOUND HER CLEAVAGE‐DEEP IN SUDS.

SO, I PULLED SOME STRINGS

WITH MY FRIEND BORIS, THE MAITRE D'.

THE WAY I SEE IT

SHE'LL BE IN DEBT TO ME FOR YEARS.

OOH, LET ME WATCH YOU FOR FIVE MINUTES

AND WE'LL CALL IT EVEN.

LORD, SHAKE YOUR SHIMMY, NOW.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HA‐HA. HA‐HA.

I GET THE CHAIR FIRST.

I BEAT YOU BOTH. WHOO!

THOUGHT YOU HAD HER, SHORTY

TILL SHE HIP‐CHECKED YOU INTO THE GARBAGE.

( Chuckles )

OH!

ALL RIGHT, COME ON, OBIE.

HIT ME OFF.

LET'S GO FOR A LITTLE RIDE.

COME ON NOW, STOP TEASING.

HIT ME OFF.

HIT ME OFF, MAN.

LET'S GET IT GOING ON. COME ON.

I WISH I WERE, BABY

BUT THE CHAIR'S NOT WORKING.

IT'S WORKING, ALL RIGHT.

( Gasps )

EXCEPT YOU HAVE TO PUT A TOKEN

ON THAT BIG OLD BOX ON THE SIDE.

THEY'RE A BUCK APIECE.

NO SNAPS, NO HAPS.

NO, NO, NO.

YOU WILL NOT EXTORT ONE THIN DIME FROM ME, WOMAN.

YOU AND THAT CHAIR‐‐ Y'ALL CAN GO TO HELL.

SUIT YOURSELF.

I GUESS YOU'LL JUST BE RUBBING YOUR BACK UP

AGAINST THE DOORKNOB.

I'M DOWN FOR FIVE.

GIVE ME 20.

UM... UM...

DO YOU TAKE A. T. M. CARDS?

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]

WHOO‐HOO!