Original subtitles

Come on, Regine, we gettin' old down here, girl.

Come on, now, you don't wanna be late

for your boyfriend's first big art show.

Oh, yes, I do.

My entrance must be grand.

Tonight, Keith and I are making our debut

in the art world as a couple.

I am his muse

and I shan't disappoint.

I don't know how a muse is supposed to look

but nothing's droopin', fallin' out, or spillin' over.

You look good to me, girlie, let roll.

Regine, tell Keith I'm sorry, I can't make it

but I gotta read five freelance articles by tomorrow mornin'.

Khadijah, you read those last night.

Alright, here's the real reason.

I just don't wanna go to no corny‐ass art show.

Well, forget you then

you're not invited.

‐ Oop. ‐ That's all you have to do?

Lookie here, I‐I‐I really don't wanna go either.

[sighs] We'll stop for ice‐cream on the way back.

[breathes heavy]

Ooh.

Hey, um, about the, the ice‐cream, I was‐‐

[laughs] Too late.

[door shuts]

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a 90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what?

♪ Keep you head up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪ ♪ Single ♪

♪ What you want no free position ♪

♪ Haaaa ♪

Khadijah.

I have done it yet again.

You matched your socks with your drawers in the dark.

See if you can stay with me, alright?

The installation of that fire hydrant in front of the building

has made it almost impossible to park.

However, by using my expert driving skills

I managed to bumper‐butt a Miata

and secure the last parking space on the block.

Thank you.

Excited about a parking space.

You ain't got none in a while, have you?

You stole my parking space!

Move your car!

Maxine Shaw

the only thing I am going to move for you

is a finger.

Fine and dandy.

Why am I filled with such dread?

Ooh‐hoo.

Maybe 'cause it's a couple hundred pigeons

roosting on your car.

My hand‐buffed iridescent finish! Max!

[Max laughing]

Two bags of birdseed and some ground‐up Ex‐Lax

and you've got yourself a party.

Okay, now, let's see.

When the door opens

which leg should I extend

for maximum impact?

The left one. The right one has a big ol' run in it.

Oh, Regine! That dress is fantastic.

Oh. Yes.

And it would really set off

that painting in the corner over there.

Why don't you stand next to it and see

if you can attract some buyers?

‐ Mmm. ‐ 'Hmm..'

What do you think of this one, Obie?

Friends don't let friends paint drunk.

Ohh.

Uh.. Excuse me..

But, your breath is frizzin' up my hair.

Well, I just wanted a close‐up of the

loveliest piece of art in the room.

Ooh, and it talks too.

[scoffs] Yes, but I don't think you want to hear

what it has to say.

I am drawn to you

like a moth to a flame.

Burn me, baby.

‐ Tsss. ‐ Oh.

Baby, that, that man over there

just put his hands on me.

That's Carvin Edmonds from the "Soho Sentinel."

Did he happened to say anything about my paintings?

It's more important to you to get a good review

than to defend my honor?

Well, wouldn't you be honored if I got a good review?

[sighs]

[indistinct whispering]

Not with a ten‐foot pole, a wetsuit

and a case of disinfectant.

You heard the lady.

Leave before you're tastin' a mouthful of Jamaican fist.

Do you know who you're talking to?

Yes. Carvin Edmonds.

A man who has made a career out of the phrase

(as Carvin) "I don't get it."

And lookin' at you, I can see why you don't.

Move it!

Russell, thank you.

Wow, who woulda thought my knight in shining armor

would be wearing a knit cap

and a Peter Tosh pinky ring?

No problem.

Yaka‐mouths like him make

gentlemen like myself look bad.

May I say you're lookin' wonderful tonight.

Piqued, pouty, and protruding.

Khadijah, is Overton back yet?

I've worn out my chamois

getting bird‐droppings off my car

and I'm out of guano‐be‐gone‐o.

Well, hey, how was the art show?

Oh, I think Keith's paintings really say something.

Yeah, judging by those prices

it was sayin', "Hello, sucker."

Well, I built my very own ice‐cream buffet

and now I'm sick and happy.

I'm just happy.

Yeah, well, I'm glad somebody's evening wasn't ruined.

Ooh‐ooh!

Look at that big ol' run.

Mm! That's what you get when you put pantyhose on a cactus.

There I was, wearing my fabulous dress

wearing my formal hair

and do you think Keith noticed me?

I'm galled. Why would Keith go to all the trouble

of painting for months printing up invitations

inviting all those people not to spend

the whole evening focused on you?

I'm sayin'.

Come on, Regine.

You got to let the brother handle his business.

You think Noah's wife was bothering him by sayin'

"Forget that ark, what about my needs?"

No, Obie, it's not just that.

Keith didn't even come to my rescue

when some brother was pushin' up on me.

Well, Regine, I saw Keith whispering

something intimate in your ear.

He was asking me to change the bulb in the bathroom.

Do you have any idea how hard it is

to stand on a toilet, in high heels

with one arm up in the air?

Try it on an airplane. Whoo.

This isn't the first time I felt like me and Keith

just weren't on the same page.

I mean, have any of you noticed that he can be..

‐ I don't know. ‐ Aloof?

‐ Distant? ‐ Blase.

‐ Zombie‐like? ‐ Dull as a box of rocks?

[laughter]

Oh, that was fun! Let's do it again. Go!

‐ Aloof. ‐ Distant.

‐ Blase. ‐ Zombie‐like.

Dull as a box of rocks.

[all laughing]

For real, though, Regine

I mean, maybe Keith doesn't realize

he's comin' off like a stiff.

‐ Talk to him. ‐ Alright, I will.

But I'm going over there now. I can't wait till tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Alternate‐side‐of‐the‐street parking in effect.

Move your car or get a ticket. Tough luck, loser!

[laughing]

[door shuts]

Now, don't you wanna beat her to the parking space?

No, I got some time.

It'll take at least half an hour

to put the air back in her tires.

[laughing]

I don't know, bro. Baby drivin' on the rims, man.

Oh, no! What?

Baby, here's to you for all your help tonight.

Oh, good looking out on that light bulb situation.

You now, Keith, to be honest

um, I had a terrible time tonight.

Baby, you hardly paid any attention to me

until Enrico went home sick and then you needed me

to help out with valet parking.

I'm sorry.

From now on if you don't wanna come to the openings, it's cool.

So, what, it's okay with you

if I don't share some of

some of the most important events of your life?

I just don't wanna ask you to do something

that you don't wanna do, that's all.

I mean, that would just work your nerves.

Well, work my nerves!

Damn, just work somethin' that let's me know you have a pulse!

Baby, the only time you ever showed any passion

is when you're painting or, or when we're having sex.

Oh, you wanna have sex.

Come on, baby.

I don't want to have sex.

I want a relationship.

Ah.. Wha..

You know, this is, this is not workin' for me.

Wow.

I thought we were cool.

Sure a little sex won't help?

I don't wanna have sex, you rock head!

Baby, do you realize that I'm ready

to just walk out on you?

Well..

I gue.. If you can't hang with me the way I am

I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

[scoffs] Oh, that's it?

You.. You're not even gonna fight for me?

Well, either you wanna be with me or you don't.

It's on you.

I'm on the elevator.

Regine.

I guess there's nothing left to say except

I hope we can be friends.

We can, Keith..

But not with each other.

Regine, sorry to see you lookin' so down in the mouth

though I'm glad you're still big in the blouse.

Russell, not now, alright?

Keith and I just broke up.

Ah.

Well, as they say on my island.

"Sometimes the queen bee has to fly past

"the manicured gardens

into the deep wild woods to find the sweetest nectar."

That's beautiful.

They must be very wise in Jamaica?

Yes, and they also have a lot of bees.

Look, Regine, I'm gonna have to cancel lunch.

The printer accidentally swapped

our cover with "Black Brides" magazine.

Our readers don't wanna see Dennis Rodman

wearin' his mother's wedding dress.

Oh, this is just great.

My, my heart gets broken

my roommate dumps me.

Only thing to do, head to the city

and shop till they name a sale after me.

I'm city‐bound. I'll give you a ride.

No, thank you, I make it a point

never to ride in Day‐Glo Volkswagens.

Suit yourself

but you'll never get a cab during lunchtime.

And I'm sure you don't want to face the midday pungence

of the late summer subway.

Alright, I'll ride with you

but only if you promise to get me there un‐fondled.

You have my word of honor. I'll keep my hands to myself.

Of course, on sharp corners.

God knows where my head will end up.

‐ Russell, wha.. ‐ No, no.

Russell, you promised me that you would take me

straight to the boutique.

No, I promised I wouldn't fondle you.

When those potholes made you bounce

ooh, that was no small order.

Come, let's enjoy our lunch

at this nice Jamaican family restaurant.

Russell, I don't want.. I'm not‐‐

‐ Come sit, now, wait.. ‐ Ah!

I see you brought a feisty one

this time, nephew.

Nephew?

Oh, well, that explains

why your five wedding pictures are taped to the refrigerator.

‐ I'm out. ‐ Oh, no, you're not.

You're gonna stay right here until I cheer you up.

Now, you always brighten my day with your sweet face

cranky disposition, and well, you know.

[chuckles] So let's stay for lunch.

Russell, I am very, very particular about what I eat.

Ooh, spinach patties.

Could I please have some hot sauce?

Ah.

Manners.

She a lot nicer than the one you brought for breakfast.

[laughing]

She must have me confused with another nephew.

[laughing]

(Regine) Whoo! Ah!

The was the best rice and peas I ever tasted.

Oh!

I really appreciate you bringing me here.

Just trying to be a good friend.

Well, a good friend and a good meal was just

what I needed to lift my spirits.

Perhaps it's time to burn off some of those calories, eh?

‐ Don't go there, Russell. ‐ What?

There's a stair‐climber in the next room.

[chuckles] Oh, okay, I'm..

‐ I'm sorry, I misunderstood. ‐ That's okay.

Now let's strip down and do some high‐steppin'.

Forget it, Russell.

You are hardly my Mr. Right.

But I am Mr. Right Here and Right Now.

Come. Let's dance.

You're not leavin' here until you shimmy with happiness.

‐ Music selector. ‐ Oh!

♪ Sometimes the greatest changes ♪

Ah, boy, come!

Come, nephew!

‐ 'Come on, Auntie Liz. ‐ What the hell.

‐ Come, come, come. ‐ Oh, yeah, yeah, now!

Oh, yeah, bro! Come on, now! Whoo!

Hey, Auntie Liz! Auntie Liz, put a little more hip in it, baby.

Oh, Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah! Oh, oh, yeah!

Russell, keep your eyes on your own work.

‐ Whoo! ‐ Yeah, man.

Alright.

Ohh!

Maxine, move your bumper. I was here first.

Well, I'm here now.

There's plenty of parking in Connecticut!

Then I suggest that you go there

because this space is mine.

Why can't you just get out of my way?

You are the most inflexible jerk I have ever known.

Oh, I‐I‐I'm inflexible.

Miss Exactly‐ 14‐Minutes‐Of‐Foreplay?

Don't go there. Don't go below the belt.

You were never very good there.

Oh.. Hm.

Okay.

This, this is ridiculous.

So, why don't we both just drive on

and let someone else have the space, huh?

Finally, a rational thought.

[engine starts]

[engine rumbling]

Are you moving?

Oh, you damn right I am.

[tires screeching]

[crashes]

(Max) 'You loony!'

[bickering]

It's Max and Kyle. They locked bumpers.

Hey, Max, get on the bumper and jump up and down!

The bumper, Max, not Kyle!

Hmm. Hey, how's the heartbreak kid?

[giggles] Much better.

You know, these relationship books are really helping.

"Wham Bam Keep That Man."

"Is He A Soulmate Or A Sell Me?"

See, these books help you prioritize

the qualities that you want in a mate.

Well, I did that. I mean, take Keith for example.

He was talented, fine, successful.

Brother was fine.

And yet, more fine.

But that wasn't enough.

I want somebody who's into me

and who looks at life as an adventure.

And he's gotta be grounded in a deep spirituality.

And it wouldn't hurt if he kisses like Russell.

I know what you mean, girl.

There ain't nothing like a pair of big, juicy..

Russell?

That's why he came back for lunch doin' the Macarena.

Please. Russell kissed me weeks ago.

I don't even know why I brought it up

except to remember to put it on my list.

Here. What you think?

Girl, you ain't never gonna find a man who's got all that.

You gonna have to build one.

Hey, if I have to.

Khadijah, I have decided, girl, the last thing I wanna do

is to come home every night to an empty bed

with nothin' to keep me warm but a big stack of work.

How fulfillin' is that?

I'mma just go upstairs and weep.

Okay.

Oh. Uh‐huh.

♪ Go Russell ♪

♪ Go Russell ♪

♪ Go.. ♪

What the hell am I doin'?

(Khadijah) Don't go away. We'll be right back.

(Max) 'Kyle!'

There are shelters for people in your situation.

Yes, and there are bell towers for people in yours, Quasi.

Now, get out of my space.

Overton will be finished fixing my bumper any minute.

Yeah, well, mine's in the shop

and it won't be out till tomorrow.

So, I guess you won this battle.

But don't think the war is over yet.

Yo, Kyle, I need a special tool to fix your car.

I'm sorry. It won't be ready till tomorrow.

[sighs] Very well.

I'll leave my car in the parking garage.

Shew. One more night at those rates

and the attendant can afford some mouthwash.

Overton, could you tell Khadijah to bring me her old sleeping bag

a pillow, a thermos of tea, the leftover chicken

and the bag of chips she stashes behind the fridge?

Why can't you get 'em yourself?

Oh, you don't think I'mma leave my space here alone

all night unprotected?

I'm campin' out.

[laughing] Oh, no, no.

If you're not leavin', I'm not leavin'.

Overton, make that two sleeping bags

and a bottle of my best brandy from my private stock

you know, in the wall behind

my plaque of the Nubian fertility God.

It ain't gonna happen.

I'm gonna bring you your cellphone.

You two can get somebody else to be your special delivery boy

'cause this right here is your sickness.

And I swore

that I would never sleep with you again.

We're just sharin' a gutter.

Ooh.

Is that rain?

[laughs]

Oh, is that silk?

[laughing]

Nice try.

Ah‐ha!

[theme music]

Woo‐hoo!

[woman chuckling]