Original subtitles

There you go. Take a look.

Oh, it's perfect, Obie.

Oh, there's only one perfect thing in my world, mama.

Well, lay your lips on it, daddy.

Mmm.

Well, if the brown stones are rockin', don't come in knockin'.

Hi, Kyle. We're celebrating the new labels on the mailboxes.

The future Mrs. Overton Wakefield Jones.

‐ Yeah. ‐ That's right.

Look at how we changed Obie's.

The future Mr. Overton Wakefield Jones.

'Okay.'

You know, you two have single‐handedly restored

my faith in monogamy.

Umm, thinkin' about settling down?

I said restored my faith, not scramble my brain.

‐ Oh, dear Lord. ‐ What's wrong, Kyle?

My driver's license picture, it's, it's...

Oh, it's an abomination.

Stop trippin', Kyle.

Nobody takes a good driver's license photo.

[laughs]

Well, let me see, let me see, let me see.

Come on now.

Oh. Oh, it's not that bad.

I mean, except for that silly, little hat that you're wearing.

‐ That is my hair. ‐ Oh.

‐ That's not your hair. ‐ He got hair.

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Oh keep your head up what? ♪ Keep your head up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Haaa ♪

Now as Overton's best friend and I presume best man

I have taken the liberty of writing down an impromptu toast.

[clears throat]

There are 32 keys to a successful marriage

and we'll take them one at a time, but before I do‐‐.

Ah, ah, ah, to Overton and Synclaire.

‐ Get up. ‐ 'Yeah, you got it.'

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, you two, now I have for you

a very special engagement gift.

I volunteered to apply my taste and style

to help make your wedding

the fabulous event of your dreams.

Have you set a date yet?

Well, we were plannin' on fall.

Oh, unh‐unh, fall colors don't suit me.

I think spring.

I bet the James' and the Jones' are dustin' off

their powder‐blue tuxes right about now.

Well, they, uh, haven't found out just yet.

What? Why not?

Well, there's a tradition in my family

that every engagement has to be approved

by our great‐aunt Ada

and we're not allowed to tell anyone in either family

until she gives the official okey‐dokie.

Hey, people. What are we celebrating?

Kyle get a vasectomy?

How did you manage to climb out of your jar of formaldehyde?

Obie and I just got engaged.

Oh, alright. Well, congratulations.

Okay, I guess, uh, presents are in order.

Here you go, ride the maverick.

Ride the maverick. Alright.

Well, uh, I guess we can scratch this one

off the bridal registry.

Yeah, yeah, don't thank me now.

I just ask that you invite me to your wedding.

[chuckles] I'm sure they were planning on it.

Every bride needs something old and much borrowed.

Come on, Obie, let's call Aunt Ada.

Hey, Kyle, you know what?

You can listen on the other extension

and be our official witness.

My ear throbs with anticipation.

Khadijah, can you believe

the TV coverage my press conference got?

They put me on before the guy

who got mauled by the panda bear.

I'm hot.

Well, look, while you're still a nobody

would you mind sitting down for an interview?

"Flavor's" doing an election issue.

Oh, hey, Max, good news, girl.

I have decided to become your campaign manager again.

What's the good news?

Because my society sisters from ELBOW

have decided to re‐endorse you as their candidate.

What's the good news?

Which means I'll bring chips and juice boxes

to every rally.

Hey. Hot damn, good news.

Come on. Aunt Ada's in the bathroom again?

Every time I call, she's in there.

Well, does she have to watch all of the 2000 flushes?

Bye.

Uh, Overton?

I have a sinking feeling I made a small blunder.

Well, those socks are ugly, but, eh, they go with the suit.

What's goin' on, Kyle?

Um, well, your‐your parents called a few moments ago

and you're gonna think this is funny.

Um, without thinking, I kinda congratulated them

on their son's engagement.

[gasps]

And then your‐your dad said something about his son

not having the decency to tell his parents

about his own engagement.

Then here's the funny part.

[laughs] Y‐your mom burst into tears.

Well, ain't that a hole in the boat?

Absolutely.

Come on, Synclaire, let's go make peace

with my folks. Come on.

Oh, I feel awful.

Yeah, me too.

But one of us does have the power to uplift a friend.

Kyle, let me see that driver's license picture!

‐ 'Number 79?' ‐ Oh, finally.

Um, look, I'd like to get a new driver's license.

[laughs]

As if your face is a Kodak moment.

Well, I, I'm so sorry, sir

but we cannot replace a license

unless it's been lost, stolen or destroyed.

Oh, clumsy me.

Oh, well, accidents do happen.

Yeah, why don't you go ahead and stand in front of the camera?

‐ Yeah, right over there. ‐ Okay, mm‐hmm.

Okay.

‐ Uh, just a second. ‐ 'Okay.'

Gesundheit. Number 80.

I just.. I just..

Alright, chill, bro, chill, chill.

Okay, Khadijah, let's do this Q and A.

I'm speaking at a nursing home and I wanna get their votes

before their medication kicks in.

‐ Here we go. ‐ Mm.

Now one of the biggest problems in the school district

is speeding in the school zone.

Now I ask alderman what would you do about it?

Children are not speed bumps.

And?

And I'm ready for the next question.

Alright, go. Come on. Let's go.

‐ Okay. Graffiti. ‐ Mm.

Now your opponent Malaba favors an increase

in police patrols.

Well, see, that could lead to higher taxes.

Now what would you propose?

I say it's time to win back our walls.

How?

Dedication, perseverance

and a word I'm not afraid to say, sweat.

You know, Max, w‐when you answer these questions

it's okay to actually say something.

Well, Khadijah, look, look, that's my secret.

I mean, my press conference proved

I know how to talk to the voters.

I mean, what you say isn't nearly

as important as the rhythm.

Bam, blam, karbem

dingiddy‐dingiddy‐dong.

Next question!

‐ Crime? ‐ Not on my street.

‐ Education? ‐ Books are silent friends.

‐ Employment? ‐ Work works.

Max, would you for once just speak in complete sentences?

Complete sentences for every criminal, yeah!

Hey, Synclaire. You talked to Aunt Ada yet?

No, but this just came in the mail from my mom.

"Congratulations on your engagement."

I guess she must've found out

but she seems to be okay with it.

‐ Mm. ‐ Aww.

Um, you might wanna check out the other side.

"I have no daughter."

But‐but how, how did she find out?

The only people who know are us.

Regine, heel!

Okay, maybe I, I mentioned something

to my mother who, who probably told your mother

who probably then told Synclaire's mother.

God, th‐th‐those women

jus‐just blabbermouths.

Well, isn't this just peachy?

Both our families are about to disown us now.

‐ You guys, I'm really sorry‐‐ ‐ Sss.

You know something, Regine.

If I could embroider

you'd be getting a pretty nasty pillow from me.

Ah!

You can't keep your mouth shut for two days?

Hello, have we met?

‐ Hey, hey, hey, hey. ‐ Oh, Max, good news.

You are neck and neck with Malaba in the polls.

But more importantly, the ELBOWs are talking

about making me their treasurer.

I don't give a frog's fat ass. Alright, listen.

Khadijah, when does your endorsement come out?

I gotta pull some quotes from it.

I just rented a billboard on wheels.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

Max, you better get your money back.

‐ What are you talking about? ‐ I endorsed another candidate.

What?

You just couldn't stand to see me

become treasurer of the ELBOWs, now could you?

Alright, this is a joke, right?

I mean, you just, you didn't really

endorse Paul Malaba over me?

‐ Of course not. ‐ Phew.

‐ I endorsed William Perez. ‐ What?

The high school teacher? He's last in the polls.

He's even behind the candidate who died last week.

Alright. Come on, Maxine.

Now, Khadijah, you obviously have not

taken a good look at Perez.

He has bad hair, wears way too much corduroy

and let me just say, somebody needs a nose tweezer.

Look, Max, you don't know how hard this was for me

but I have a responsibility to my readers

to endorse the best candidate.

Now you keep doing this, spouting these tired cliches.

Hey, the proof is in the pudding.

Now look, hold up here.

Let's‐let's just deal with the real.

This is about you and me

and a little thing called jealousy.

What the devil are you talking about?

Well, see, up until now

you've been the self‐appointed leader

of our little foursome.

The great provider.

Synclaire needs a job, worked for Khadijah.

Regine needs a place to live, lived with Khadijah.

Suddenly I'm on the verge of winning this election

without any help from you

and mother cannot stand to share the spotlight

can you?

[stutters]

You know, Max, I stand corrected.

Here I was thinking you weren't ready for public office.

‐ But you are shady. ‐ 'Oh!'

‐ Trifling. ‐ 'Huh?'

And you spit more garbage

than any politician I ever heard.

Why‐why thank you, Khadijah.

But you know, it's too late to endorse me now.

‐ Hey, Overton. ‐ Hey, Kyle.

Do I get a chance to see your new driver's license photo?

Gesundheit, Kyle.

Pardon my French but Notre Dame.

I still can't get through to Aunt Ada.

After three days, that's it.

You know, I'm tired of your family's foolish tradition.

Who's calling whose family foolish?

What about yours?

[imitates Overton] As my great‐uncle Smoke Eye always say..

"Surprised you kind of grew him over the threshold.

Hey, he didn't wanna pay for the house."

Don't crack on Uncle Smoke Eye, girl.

‐ I'm cracking on you. ‐ Look at you, woman.

‐ I ain't have the‐‐ ‐ Oh, now don't you women‐‐

‐ You don't talk about my‐‐ ‐ Let me tell you something‐‐

‐ Now look‐‐ ‐ Chill, chill, chill, chill.

Back it up.

Alright, just chill out.

Now over the past couple of months, right

you two have made commitment

seem like almost a good idea, huh?

So come on, don't let your families make you forget

whose special time this is.

‐ I'm sorry, Obie. ‐ Me too, sweet pea.

Okay.

Thank you.

It's just, I can't believe that our relatives

can't share in our joy.

And nothing's gonna pick up my spirits.

Um, Kyle?

Thanks, brother.

[laughs]

Maxine Shaw, ride the maverick.

Alright.

Knight to queen three, checkmate.

Alright.

Ah, Miss Shaw.

I'm William Perez, your opponent.

My pleasure to meet you.

Yeah, beat it, Perez. I got here first.

Oh, I'm not here looking for votes.

My civics class and I come out here once a week

to scrub over the artwork.

Besides, the last thing I wanna do is

to shatter this peace and quiet with election nearing.

Ride the maverick!

A vote for Shaw is a vote for the law.

Watch "Palo Alto" weekdays at 1:00.

Hey, man, you know the election's tomorrow

and you're out here whitewashing graffiti.

I mean, there may be a reason why the press refers to you

as who?

Hey, just because I lose doesn't mean I can't affect the change.

Couple of years ago, this park was a vacant lot.

Fifty drug deals at night.

I made cleaning it up an issue in my campaign

so Malaba was forced to make an issue of it too.

When he won, he had to clean it up.

Oh, I may have lost the election

but I won this park for my neighborhood.

Why are you running?

I want to piss off a friend.

Well, you know, I guess I wanted to make a difference.

How?

You know, fight the good fight.

Go for the gold.

Reach out and touch someone.

Be all I can be, ugh, whatever.

Well, Miss Shaw, have it your way.

Good luck.

Fahrvergnugen.

[laughs]

Whoo!

And now it's time to meet our next alderman.

When she says ride the maverick, she means it.

Maxine Shaw.

[all cheering]

(Max) Thank you, Regine. Thank you, thank you.

As you know, I've run on a platform of honesty.

So I can honestly tell you that there is someone

better for the job.

And to help get him elected

I am dropping out the race.

‐ What? ‐ Drop out?

So tomorrow

check the box marked William Perez.

I know I will.

I'll be happy to answer any questions.

Well, I have one.

Do you know how much I hate you?

[reporters clamoring]

I demand an acceptable driver's license picture.

I have a right not to be

photographically abused by my government.

Do you see this creature anywhere in this room?

This is degrading. It's immortalizing.

It is just so..

W‐w‐w‐what the hell was that?

I just couldn't take it anymore.

Oh, I purposely took the unflattering photo of you

just hoping you'd be back.

[chuckles] I feel a strange combination of flattery and fear.

You're a beautiful man, Kyle Barker

but I'm sure you hear that all the time.

Oh, yes, but it never hurts to hear it again.

Yeah? Who am I kidding?

I mean, what would a prince like you

want with an ugly duckling like me?

Oh, but you forget, we've kissed.

So now you're a beautiful swan with, may I say

uh, lovely tail feathers.

Will you come back here at 5:01?

Mm‐hmm.

And I'll take a photo of you so good

you'll swear it came from Sears.

(man on TV) 'The victim's wife says she bears no ill will'

'toward Pauling the panda.'

'Now let's update election coverage'

'from our Action Central news desk headquarters'

'command post.'

So I suppose you think

I supported Perez because you did.

Mother hasn't thought about you all day.

(man on TV) 'Turning to the Parkslope Alderman race'

'the projected winner is a write‐in candidate.'

'Maxine Shaw who withdrew from the race last night'

'is being swept to victory through a groundswell'

'of community support.'

Max, you have groundswell.

(man on TV) 'Shaw's withdrawal was seen as an all too rare act of honesty.'

[screams] You won! You won!

Whoo! Yeah!

Whoo! Yeah!

Whoo! You the man!

Come on! The alderman!

Yeah, come on! The alderwoman!

Go, go, go! The alderperson!

The..

Jump in any time here.

I'mma go tell Obie.

You know, Max, maybe it was my vote that put you over the top

or perhaps it was yours, Khadijah, discuss.

You voted for me?

Just 'cause I didn't want you elected

doesn't mean I wasn't gonna vote for you.

Khadijah, as my first act as alderwoman

I'd like to retract what I said about you

being a jealous control freak

without actually confirming or denying the allegation.

Stop it, Max, I'm gonna cry.

Oh, come on, Khadijah, I mean

remember you called me shady, trifling and full of garbage.

Was that all I said? You must have cut me off.

Well, alright, go ahead. Here's your chance.

Max.

Congratulations.

Is that it?

Oh, and bam, blam, kawam diggity‐diggity‐dong.

[laughs] Come on.

Alright.

Hey, hey, you wanna tell Regine you won?

‐ She's right upstairs. ‐ Oh, you know, you're right.

She was my campaign manager.

I couldn't have done anything without her.

[sighs] Let's go get a pizza.

‐ Alderman buys. ‐ Yeah.

(Regine) We'll be right back.

[phone ringing]

(Synclaire) 'Oh, you never cease to amaze me, my wizard of wiring.'

‐ 'Cleveland?' ‐ 'It's the Jones'.'

(Synclaire) 'Minneapolis? Mom? Dad?'

(Mrs. James) 'Right from the twin cities!'

‐ Scottsdale? ‐ 'Ada, here.'

(Ada) 'Make it snappy, honey. I think I had a bad clam.'

Uh, Miss Ada, this is, uh, Overton Wakefield Jones

and I'm calling to ask for your grandniece's hand in marriage.

(Ada) 'Okey‐dokie.'

[laughs] Okey‐dokie.

(Mrs. James) 'Synclaire, I am so happy.'

'Whoo, whoo, whoo!'

'I'll call St. Cyril's first thing tomorrow'

'and book a wedding date.'

(Mr. Jones) 'Not on your life.'

'My son's gonna take his vows'

'at Shiloh Baptist in Cleveland.'

(Mrs. James) 'Cleveland? That din of inequity.'

(Mr. Jones) 'Who'd wanna go to Minnesota?'

'Only black people up there is Prince.'

(Mrs. James) 'Oh, I, and you know his name is‐‐'

[indistinct argument]

[theme music]

(Synclaire) Woo‐hoo!