Original subtitles

Listen to this.

"Dear Dr. Love, I'm a professional woman

"who has trouble with relationships.

"When a man gets too close, I pull away

"and hurl scathing insults

"which may have cost me a relationship

"that could have worked.

"How can I find happiness after the bedspring stops squeaking?

Signed, The Maverick."

So?

So, so, this letter reeks of Maxine Shaw Esquire.

Not to mention, Kyle, it's signed, "The Maverick."

Isn't that her nickname?

Well, I've heard her called "wench"

"shrew, soul‐numbing succubus"

‐ but never "The Maverick." ‐ Mm‐hmm.

I am almost positive that's what they called her in college.

[laughs]

I cannot wait to wave this on her little man‐hating face.

[chuckles]

Regine, this is a national magazine.

Thousands of people write in.

I mean, I could've just as easily written this.

Check it out, "Dear Professor Sartorial

"I'm an incredibly good looking stockbroker

"with a closet full of stylish designer suits.

Why do my friends think I am pompous?"

Damn, Kyle, that sounds just like you.

Hardly.

I would never call myself "Incredibly good‐looking."

Come on..

Stylishly handsome, perhaps, but only to friends.

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh in a nineties kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ What ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough ♪ ♪ You gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪ ♪ Single ♪

♪ Do what you want no free position ♪

♪ Ha‐aa ♪

Now, you guys, I know I'm right about Max writing this letter.

Yeah, right.

Like you were right about Gary Coleman

proposing to Paula Abdul?

[telephone ringing]

Hello? Hey, daddy.

Wow, he hasn't called here in six months.

Yeah, he must have signed up for that

new long distance program, "Estranged Friends and Family."

No, I don't have any plans for this weekend.

Why, what's up?

Oh, she is.

Alright, sure, no problem.

Look, I'm kinda busy right now, daddy.

Love you, bye.

Phew.

Stephanie is coming to New York for a track meet

and he wants me to babysit the little spoilt brat.

‐ She is your sister. ‐ Half sister.

Who I haven't seen since I was fifteen.

When she took my Fashion Fair mahogany lipstick

and wrote all over my walls, "Khadijah got big jugs."

Mmm, Stephanie was only ten then.

I wonder if she's taller.

Hey, the dwarf gene runs in our family.

Uncle Darren is fifty and still buys his clothing at Baby Gap.

Overton, if someone wanted to get into the offices

of a major magazine to, oh, I don't know

rifle through their files, how would they go about it?

Well, that's the question

that prompts you to ask more questions.

Like, what type of alarm do they have?

Infrared or ultrasonic.

Is there roof access?

Can you land a chopper?

W‐w‐wa‐wa‐wait.

You actually asked him that, right?

Regine, you are obsessed with this.

Hey, as you should be, pal.

Now, Max said that she screwed up

a relationship that could have worked.

Which means that she is just an emotional wreck

over your breakup.

Hi, people.

Wow. Okay. Oh ho ho.

Oh.

Mmm.

That's good stuff.

Hey, girl, you seen, uh, this month's issue of, uh.

"Magnifique?"

Yeah, there's a letter in it from a really pathetic woman

who sabotages relationships.

Interesting, huh?

Maverick.

Not at all, jackass.

Uh, Maverick, you know, lately I have been wondering

whether the only woman who ever pulled away from me

regretted it?

I don't know, all I remember is you pullin' away

after 30 seconds.

Yeah, that's usually when I open my eyes.

This must stop. Look, Max.

These two little busybodies

think that you wrote some letter to Dr. Love.

Please, yeah, I wrote a letter

to a‐a magazine I know you all read.

Well, listen, next month

check out my, uh, piece in "Highlights."

Uh, trading peanut butter for baloney, the art of the deal.

Check that out, you two.

She wrote it.

And she know we know.

How she gonna fix her mouth to lie like that?

Please, the woman lives and breathes fiction.

You know, girly told me that she would be my love slave

if I made her pancakes.

After the fourth stack, she was sound asleep

and I was scrubbing the grittle in my socks.

Stephanie, from Chicago!

No, Mary, from Liberia.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You're the seventh stranger I've hugged today.

(man on PA) 'All runners for the second heat, five minutes.'

Hey, that's, that's Stephanie.

‐ Khadijah! Synclaire! ‐ Hi.

What are you guys doing here?

Oh, you must be covering the meet for your magazine.

Listen, before you take my picture, let me run

a couple of laps so I can get my glow on.

No, actually, I'm here cause daddy called.

Oh, I get it. Don't tell me.

[imitating daddy] "Keep an eye on my baby, make sure she doesn't get mixed up

with any of those New York City pimps."

You know how your father is when it comes to you.

You're his little Steffipoo.

Uh, huh, well.

I'm not ten and my mom is in Chicago.

Oh, look, don't waste that little attitude on me.

I didn't want to come here in the first place.

Listen, why don't you come back after dinner

I'm sure, dad asked you to burp me.

Oh, she's got a mouth like you.

Bigger.

Uh, uh, smaller.

Uh, whatever would please you, just don't hit me.

A little more to the left.

Stephanie, what're you doin' here?

[sigh] A very big thing.

Listen, I thought about it and I guess I was kind of snotty.

So, yes, I'm apologizing.

You're welcome.

Well, you know how I hate apologizing too.

So, I'm not even gonna fake it.

No, no, I really am sorry.

Besides, it's daddy's fault, you know him, always pressing.

[imitating her father] "Who's this guy you're dating."

"Don't you pay for your Visa with your MasterCard."

[laughs]

Now, see, he and my mother got divorced when I was five.

I didn't have any dates or credit cards at the time.

You were lucky.

Those finance charges are worse than homework.

Listen. While you're here, I might as well give you the tour.

Behold the "Flavor" empire.

This is the reception area.

Where I do all the recepting.

This is our layout and graphics section.

And this is our Ivan.

Ivan, this is my little sister, Stephanie.

‐ What's up? Nice to meet you. ‐ H‐hi.

So tell me more about our Ivan.

Well, he is a sophomore at NYU.

Tsk, he's a copy aid here, and an occasional migraine.

[laughs]

And he's 1200 miles away from daddy

so he won't be checking up on us, you know what I'm saying?

[chuckles] Not really. Chill for a minute.

Um, Ivan. I need you to do me a favor.

What you need me to do?

Lay an article, write some headlines

draw you a tepid bath with pink and white rose petals?

[sigh] I thought it would be a good idea

if you and Stephanie hung out tonight.

Promised my father I'd look out for her when she was here.

You passing the care of your little sister onto me?

Well, that's a thrill. That's an honor.

Well, actually it's a combination of both.

Like a thronor.

Why don't you just shut up and ask her out.

Alright.

Uh, Stephanie, um, I was thinking

you know, if you weren't busy later‐‐.

Six o'clock, at the guest quarters on East 53rd.

See you later, Khadijah. Bye, Synclaire.

Oh, and I will see you tonight, Ivan, dress is casual.

Well, damn, where am I supposed to take her?

I don't know, where do you usually go on Friday nights?

Well, I sit on my bike across the street from your house.

Hey, Max, you'll be able to relate to this movie.

It's about a man‐hating woman who joins a convent.

It's called "Mother Superior Maverick."

Synclaire, your hamster got loose again

and rolled around in your makeup.

I don't believe this.

That was Stephanie's roommate.

The girl missed curfew.

[doorbell rings]

Ugh!

Where the hell have you been?

We went to a party.

♪ Party over here party over here ♪

Ahh!

♪ Party over there ♪

Stephanie, what the hell is wrong with you?

Mmm.

Oh.

Oh, the little angel's tuckered out from dancing.

She's stinkin' drunk.

Ivan, talk. Fast.

Well, uh, we was at a really crowded

dorm party and we got separated.

Next thing I know, she was dancing with a hat rack.

Uh, listen, I'm sorry, Khadijah, I let you down, and..

If you need me I'll be across the street

performing CPR on my dying heart.

No, all I did was eat these little jiggly cubes.

I've a green tongue, see?

[giggling]

Yeah, well, give it some time, honey.

By tomorrow, the rest of you'll be green too.

[laughs]

Jelly shots.

Gelatin and green alcohol.

That's how grandma kept the kids quiet. Uh.

Okay, Stephanie, you missed curfew

you're drunk..

I mean, what do you have to say for yourself?

Come on, out with it.

[retching]

Oh! Damn!

Well, look on the bright side.

She did it on Regine's favorite slippers.

What's that?

My special elixir for hangovers.

Tomato juice, a chocolate yoo‐hoo.

And a boiled egg.

Wow, it's got kick.

Oh, honey, drink this. It'll make you feel better.

‐ Um, what is it? ‐ Apple juice.

Hmm.

Don't get too comfortable.

I called Coach Braxton and covered for you.

You got warm‐ups at 1 o'clock.

Thanks, but I'm not running today.

Or ever.

I'm quitting.

Stephanie!

You can't give up your dream of‐of‐of winning

the Olympic Decathlon.

That's not my dream.

Yeah, well, it's one of mine.

Okay, hold up there.

You've been running since junior high school.

Now, all of a sudden you don't feel like it?

No. When I first started running I loved it.

But then all of a sudden I started winning.

And then I didn't have a father, I had a live‐in coach.

Do you know that man built a track for me in the backyard?

Four hundred and thirty two times around is a mile.

Poor little Stephanie.

Daddy made her run and she ended up

gettin' a college scholarship.

[sigh] You are just like dad.

You think you're always right.

You know, I don't care. You can't make me run.

[chuckles]

See, now that's where you're wrong.

Now, I promised daddy I would look out for you

while you are here.

And you're going to that track meet

if I have to drag you.

The only way that's gonna happen is if you knock me out.

Huh.

Wait, Khadijah, I'm going. No, I'm going!

[sobs]

What is wrong with you?

First you wipe up her vomit then you threaten to kill her.

Y'all are bonding.

Kyle.

What?

Styrofoam peanuts for dinner.

What're we having for dessert? Bubble wrap?

No, silly, it's a decoy bag.

See, whenever I come home with groceries, Max always shows up.

So, when she gets here, you will dredge up enough sincerity

to get her to confess that she wrote the letter.

[sigh] Regine, you are a sick, sick woman.

And I love you for it.

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Attorney in love ♪

♪ Guilty innocent ♪

Okay.

[humming]

Uh, Maxine, Maxine, I got a serious question to ask you.

Yes, Kyle, I faked every one of 'em.

Uh, maybe, I ought to give you two some privacy.

Yeah, that's a good idea, Regine.

Why don't you come over here.

This bannister might collapse, I need a little test dummy.

Mmm.

Maxine, look, I know that our breakup crushed you

and I just want you know that I'm here for you.

And you can tell me anything. I mean anything.

Kyle, you're right.

I mean, I guess I should've come and talked to you

about how I felt since we broke up.

[sobs]

Pain.

All the pain..

That you two've been in my ass.

I told you, I did not write that freaking letter.

Man, Kyle, you couldn't get dirt from a dustbuster.

Oh, hold up, you Minute Meda, let me tell you something.

I'm goin' back upstairs

and do what I was supposed to be doin' all along

which is minding my own business.

Buh‐bye.

See, you lyin'!

I mean, I knew I should've just hypnotized you

with a canned ham.

Can you believe those clowns?

I hear you.

So, they give you a free copy of the magazine

when they ran your letter?

No, just a release form and this coupon for tampons.

No, Khadijah.

There's no way I can run.

Sure you can. Come on, now.

One day you're gonna thank me for dragging you out here.

(man on PA) 'Next up, the women's 100 meters.'

Oh, that's it. Go get 'em, girl.

‐ Okay. ‐ Come on, now.

(man on PA) 'Ready. Set.'

[gunshot]

[crowd cheering]

(Khadijah) 'Push it, Steph, push it.'

I got it.

Oh, damn, I lost it.

Oh, hey there, Stephanie.

I baked you some victory brownies.

They're in the kitchen cooling off right now.

And why am I talking to nobody at all?

What happened?

Well, lets just say that this time

she made it to the bathroom.

Khadijah, I think it was my Great Uncle Smoke‐Eye who said.

"When there's frost on the pumpkin

"and moss in the well..

That's when the squirrels come out laughing."

Synclaire, you want to help me out here?

Be good to her, be kind to her.

I don't really get that squirrels part.

Well, she does seem pretty down.

Maybe, I should go talk to her.

♪ Slide slide slippitty‐slide ♪

♪ Just forget about your troubles and your nine to five ♪

♪ You just sail along that's what you do ♪

♪ You just sail along hey ♪

Maybe your mascot taking a swing on you

was not clear enough.

You lost.

Seriously?

Oh, well.

Ooh, Synclaire, I think we should, uh

go on upstairs, babe.

‐ No, I want to stay. ‐ No.

No, see, this is like one of them little family things.

I'm family, maybe you should go.

Oh, now, now, wait, hold on a minute.

Few minutes ago, you were drinkin'

from the fountain of my wisdom.

Now, it's like I don't know diddly?

Would you excuse us please, Khadijah, Stephanie?

Overton and I have something to discuss out in the hallway.

Overton, come along. We'll be right back.

‐ Oh, no, we won't. ‐ Oh, yes, we will.

‐ Mama, we ain't coming back. ‐ I got something to say.

[indistinct shouting]

What you tellin' me, huh? What?

You tellin' me..

[radio static]

Ow!

How can you party like this?

Listen, I may have lost the race

but I won the 100‐yard puke.

[laughs]

I feel liberated.

Alright.

You'll be liberated from that gold card

when daddy finds out you got drunk.

You never call dad and when you finally do

it's to tell on me.

Some big sister you are.

Psst. Don't talk to me about being a good sister.

I seen you twice in ten years.

The first time I'm hosing down my wall.

The second time I'm mopping up my floor.

I don't know what's gonna happen the next time

but everything is getting covered in plastic.

Like there's gonna be a next time.

You don't like having me around.

You're jealous because I grew up with daddy and you didn't.

Well, maybe I am a little jealous.

I didn't get a funky little race track around my backyard.

Shoot, I didn't even get the big pimp speech.

At least you didn't get the.

"Why can't you be more like Khadijah?" speech.

What're you talking about?

"Khadijah held down two jobs while she was in college.

"Khadijah started her own magazine.

"Khadijah, the mover, the shaker

the proud black woman on the move."

I could run my whole life.

I'd never catch up to you.

Mover and a shaker, huh?

Dang, maybe I should put that man's number in speed dial.

You know, you two should talk.

And if you could come up with a problem

for him to solve for an hour or so

maybe he'd get off my case.

You don't know what it's like.

He has enough overprotectiveness for two daughters.

But, I'm the only one there.

Hmm..

And all this time I thought you were a brat.

But you're really just a misunderstood girl

who gets too much attention and everything she wants, huh?

And I thought you were bossy.

But you're just a regular person who thinks

she's in charge of the world.

Well.

Glad we understand each other now.

Things should run more smoothly the next time you come visit.

Next time?

Sure.

Could be nice having someone around, who idolizes me.

We decided to stay for the argument.

(female narrator) Don't go away, we will be right back.

Okay, baby sister.

You got the speed

the youth and the ability.

But I got one thing on my side.

I'm willing to die to win this race.

‐ Ahh. ‐ Okay, take your marks.

Get set.

Go!

Okay, okay.

How about the shot put?

Pole vault?

Javelin?

Okay, sister toss, sister toss.

(female ♫1) Woo‐hoo!