Original subtitles

DAMN. DID YOU READ THIS?

WHAT'S WRONG, KYLE?

"72‐YEAR‐OLD WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO TWINS."

THE KIDS

PROBABLY HAVE MORE TEETH THAN THEIR MOTHER.

I WAS LOOKING AT THIS ARTICLE.

THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO TEAR DOWN THE SHOWBOAT CLUB.

IS THAT THAT OLD JAZZ CLUB YOU KEEP RATTLING ON ABOUT?

"OLD JAZZ CLUB"?

TRY ONE OF THE PLACES WHERE JAZZ WAS BORN.

Khadijah: LEVEL IT?

THE OWNERS CLOSED THE CLUB ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO

BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T BRING THE BUILDING UP TO CODE.

I SPOKE TO SOME INVESTORS, BUT THEY WANTED TO INVEST

IN SOMETHING SAFER, LIKE COLORING BOOKS ON TAPE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?

IT'S LIKE WE GOT NO RESPECT FOR THE PAST.

MUST ALL OUR CULTURAL SHRINES FALL PREY TO CAPITALISM'S GODS

LIKE THE STRIP MALL AND CHAIN STORE?

THEY'RE TEARING IT DOWN

TO BUILD A HARDWARE HEAVEN.

HEY, TIME MARCHES ON.

♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪

♪ HEY ♪

♪ SINGLE ♪

♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪

♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪

♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪ ♪ WHAT? ♪

♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪ ♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪

♪ WHENEVER THIS LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪

♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪

♪ MY HOMEGIRL STANDING TO MY LEFT ♪

♪ AND MY RIGHT ♪

♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪

♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪

♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪

♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪

[Captioning sponsored by FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

[and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION]

IT SAYS HERE THE SHOWBOAT WAS A HAVEN

FOR SOME OF PROHIBITION'S

MOST FAMOUS GANGSTERS LIKE JONAS "STILETTO" McGURKY.

RENOWNED FOR GUNNING DOWN PEOPLE WHILE WEARING HIGH HEELS.

YOU KNOW, THE JAZZ AGE WAS VERY MUCH LIKE ME‐‐

FASCINATING, FABULOUS, GLAMOROUS.

SHOOT, IF I HAD LIVED IN THE '20s

I'D HAVE BEEN A REAL DIVA LIKE JOSEPHINE BAKER.

YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN DELUDED LIKE YOU ARE NOW.

MAX, CAN WE GET

SOME KIND OF LEGAL INJUNCTION

TO KEEP THEM FROM TEARING THE PLACE DOWN?

IF THE CITY DESIGNATES IT A LANDMARK, NO ONE CAN TOUCH IT.

OH, THAT'S BRILLIANT, MAX.

IF I COULD KISS YOU

WITHOUT CUTTING MY LIPS ON YOUR HORNS, I WOULD.

I'M NOT HELPING YOU SAVE THE PLACE.

I MIGHT BRING A TWISTED SMILE

TO THAT GROTESQUE FACE.

SAY, THIS IS INTERESTING.

SEEMS THE SHOWBOAT'S PROPRIETOR WAS A WOMAN

WHO TOOK PLEASURE IN HUMILIATING HER MALE EMPLOYEES.

I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

YOU KNOW, MY GREAT UNCLE ACTUALLY SANG

AT THE SHOWBOAT CLUB.

YEAH.

I ALWAYS HAD THIS NOTION THAT ONE DAY I'D GET TO SING THERE.

MAN, THAT PLACE BACK IN ITS HEYDAY‐‐

OOH, CHAMPAGNE POPPING, HOT WOMEN, COOL JAZZ.

ARE YOU TALKING TO US?

NO, I'M GOING ON A FLASHBACK.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

( Mellow jazz playing )

♪ IF I BALL AND DRESS UP SPORTY ♪

♪ LIVE AND DIE BEFORE I'M 40 ♪

♪ T'AIN'T YOUR BUSINESS ♪

♪ T'AIN'T MY BUSINESS ♪

♪ T'AIN'T HER BUSINESS ♪

♪ T'AIN'T THEIR BUSINESS ♪

♪ T'AIN'T NOBODY'S BUSINESS IF I DO ♪

♪ YEAH. ♪

( Applause )

THANK YOU.

I NEED A BREAK AND A BELT.

ALL MY LIFE I'VE ONLY HAD ONE DREAM, MISS FITZSIMMONS

AND THAT'S TO GET UP ON THAT STAGE AND SING.

WE ALL HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE.

EVEN ME.

ZELDA FITZSIMMONS, INTERNATIONAL SENSATION.

GEE, MISS FITZSIMMONS, I'VE BEEN WONDERING

WHEN YOU PERFORM...

YES.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

WHAT DO I DO?

YEAH.

I'M AN INTERNATIONAL SENSATION.

BARKER, STOP FLAPPING YOUR FAT GUMS.

TABLE FOUR NEEDS WATER

TABLE TWO NEEDS A FORK

AND TABLE EIGHT DOESN'T NEED ANYTHING

BUT I WANT YOU TO WALK OVER THERE

'CAUSE I LIKE WATCHING YOUR POCKETS MOVE.

ANYTHING ELSE, MISS BIG MAX?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME BIG MAX.

LET ME PEEK UNDERNEATH THAT APRON

AND YOU CAN CALL ME SUGAR DRAWERS.

HEY, HEY.

I'M SORRY

BUT I'M JUST NOT THAT KIND OF GUY.

I WILL NOT WALK THROUGH A DOOR MARKED "WHOOPEE"

UNLESS IT'S INTO A BUNGALOW MARKED "MARRIAGE."

I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT A LITTLE NOOKIE

ON THE FRONT PORCH.

WELL!

HEY, BIG MAX.

I BET HE'D BE GRATEFUL FOR A LITTLE STAGE TIME.

THIS KID WANTS TO CROON.

FAT CHANCE.

BEFORE I LET A BUSBOY ON MY STAGE

I'LL LET MY MILKMAN, SAMMY DAVIS

PUT HIS KID UP THERE.

THINGS WILL TURN AROUND, KID.

THEY DID FOR ME.

WHY, I REMEMBER

AFTER THAT HORSE KICKED ME IN MY HEAD

THINGS LOOKED BLEAK

FOR A WHILE.

BUT THEN MY DOG STARTED GIVING ME SOME REALLY GOOD ADVICE.

YES, HE DID.

YES, HE DID.

YES.

YES, HE DID.

HOOCH!

HOOCH, YOU'RE 20 MINUTES LATE WITH THE MOONSHINE.

WHAT GIVES?

HEY, MY MECHANIC OVERCHARGED ME

SO I HAD TO PULL OUT ALL HIS TEETH.

IT MAKES SENSE.

WHEN MY DENTIST STUCK ME, I REALIGNED HIS FRONT‐END.

YOU DIDN'T RUB HIM OUT?

YOU'RE GETTING SOFT THERE.

AHH, NOT HOOCH JONES.

HELLO THERE.

KEEP DRINKING AND YOU'LL BURN IN HELL.

HOW ARE THINGS?

OH, I SEE YOU CAN'T TALK.

BUSY SUCKING DOWN YOUR DAMNATION.

PRAISE THE LORD.

HEY, WHO'S THE VIXEN WITH ALL THE FIXIN'S?

HER?

THAT'S CLAIRE.

SHE'S FROM THE TEMPERANCE LEAGUE.

BARKER, HOW DID SISTER SOBRIETY

GET PAST SECURITY?

SHE GAVE THE PASSWORD.

"REPENT."

I'VE GOT TO CHANGE IT.

HEY, HEY, HEY, BIG MAX, INTRODUCE ME TO HER

AND I'LL GIVE YOU A FREE CASE OF MY IMPORTED BATHTUB GIN.

MISS JAMES, YOU WERE GREAT TONIGHT.

DON'T LIMIT ME, KID.

I'M GREAT EVERY NIGHT.

WELL, I'VE JUST GOT TO ASK YOU.

WHAT'S THE SECRET TO YOUR SUCCESS?

BARKER, BARKER, BARKER.

THERE'S REALLY ONLY ONE WAY TO SING THE BLUES

AND THAT IS TO SUFFER

SO I REFUSED TO DIVORCE MY HUSBAND.

( laughing )

HAVE ANOTHER.

YOU'LL BE AWFULLY THIRSTY IN HADES.

Max: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

JESUS LOVES YOU.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, HERE.

LOOK, HOOCH JONES, CLAIRE THE BIBLE‐THUMPER.

CLAIRE THE BIBLE‐THUMPER, HOOCH JONES.

HOOCH JONES?

THE NOTORIOUS BOOTLEGGER

AND LOWEST, VILEST FORM OF LIFE ON EARTH?

OH, A FAN.

WELL, LET ME JUST AUTOGRAPH THOSE LIPS.

( Spits )

I THINK I'M IN LOVE.

HEY, KYLE, HOW'S THE "SAVE THE SHOWBOAT" CAMPAIGN COMING?

WELL, BUD, I THINK I'VE GOT ALL BASES COVERED.

KHADIJAH'S GOT A FRIEND AT THE DAILY NEWS.

HE'S GOING TO SEE IF HE CAN GET AN EDITORIAL IN.

MAX'S FRIEND AT CITY HALL

IS GOING TO FILE FOR LANDMARK STATUS.

HEY, MAN, I WISH YOU'D PUT

HALF THIS ENERGY INTO DOING THE DISHES.

YOU KNOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

I DON'T CARE IF THEY ADHERE TO THE SINK.

THE CLUB IS SCHEDULED FOR DEMOLITION

DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

YOU'VE GOT CONSTRUCTION BUDDIES.

CAN'T YOU SEE IF THEY CAN ARRANGE FOR A DELAY?

I DON'T KNOW.

THEY'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE HARDWARE HEAVEN.

NOW, IF YOU WAS TALKING ABOUT BUILDING A SCHOOL

BANG, YOU WAS IN THERE.

( Pianist playing jazz )

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ENOUGH, ALREADY.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

EDWARD ELLINGTON

BUT EVERYONE CALLS ME "DUKE."

WELL, DUKE, TRY THE ACCORDION.

THEY LOVE IT AT WEDDINGS.

SCRAM.

OH, KYLE.

HERE'S YOUR CHANCE.

WHAT, YOU THINK I SHOULD AUDITION?

NO, DIESEL JUST CAME OUT OF THE MEN'S ROOM

AND YOU SAID YOU HAD TO GO.

THREE HOURS OF AUDITIONS, AND NOTHING BUT BUMS.

ETHEL WATERS, JELLY ROLL MORTON

EUBIE BLAKE, LOU GEHRIG.

IS THERE ANY TALENT LEFT IN HARLEM?

♪ YES SIR, THAT'S MY BABY ♪

♪ NO SIR, I DON'T MEAN MAYBE ♪

♪ YES SIR ♪

♪ THAT'S MY BABY NOW... ♪

BARKER.

YES, BIG MAX?

WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?

I'M TRYING TO THINK HERE.

OH, THAT'S IT.

LOOK, I'VE GOT TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST.

YOU WOULD NOT KNOW TALENT

IF IT CAME DOWN HERE AND CHARLESTONS ON YOUR ASS.

NOW, MAYBE SAYING THIS WILL GET ME KILLED

BUT AT THIS POINT

I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

OH, OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE.

I CARE AGAIN NOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT, KID?

YOU GOT MOXIE.

BUT YOU'RE LONG‐WINDED AND POMPOUS.

TURN IN YOUR APRON.

YOU'RE FIRED.

I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL I GET MY SEVERANCE PAY.

DIESEL, GIVE HIM HIS SEVERANCE PAY.

Claire: REPENT!

REPENT, SINNERS!

LIQUOR IS THE DEVIL'S DRINK!

IT'S BEELZEBUB'S BEVERAGE!

SAVE YOUR SOUL, SINNER. SAVE YOUR SOUL.

HELLO, GORGEOUS.

LORD, GIVE ME STRENGTH.

NOW, MISS CLAIRE

BEFORE YOU LOOSEN ANY MORE OF MY TEETH

I JUST THOUGHT I'D STOP DOWN

AND HELP OUT THE CAUSE A LITTLE.

OH, THE LAST THING THE CAUSE NEEDS

IS YOUR DIRTY LIQUOR MONEY.

OH, NO, THIS IS NOT MY DIRTY LIQUOR MONEY.

IT'S RIGHT HERE.

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A SPIFFY DADDY WARBUCKS 'DO

DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO RATTLE MY TAMBOURINE.

OKAY.

PERHAPS WE, UH, GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT.

LET'S JUST, UH, KISS AND MAKE UP.

( Grunts )

HEY, LADY, HAVE YOU SEEN HOOCH JONES?

WHAT POSSIBLE BUSINESS COULD YOU LITTLE ANGELS HAVE

WITH THAT NO‐GOOD HEATHEN?

WE WANT TO THANK HIM FOR BUILDING US

A SWELL KITCHEN AT THE ORPHANAGE.

AND FOR COOKING US

A BIG PANCAKE BREAKFAST AND EVERYTHING.

PANCAKES? KITCHEN?

EVERYTHING?

SURE.

WHEN HE ISN'T COOKING

HE SHOWS US HOW TO FIX STUFF.

YESTERDAY, HE SHOWED ME

HOW TO USE THE PLUMBER'S HELPER.

I WENT OVER TO ST. CECILIA'S

AND EARNED A NICKEL UNCLOGGING FATHER PATTERSON'S CRAPPER.

WHEN WE GROW UP

WE ALL WANT TO BE FIX‐IT GUYS JUST LIKE HOOCH.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

WELL... I MAY HAVE MISJUDGED THE POOR SOUL.

LOTS OF PEOPLE MISJUDGE HOOCH.

IF I HAVE BEEN WRONG ABOUT HOOCH JONES, GIVE ME A SIGN.

WHAT? YOU'RE OUT OF THUNDER?

GOSH!

HEY.

HI.

SO DID THEY RUN THE "SAVE THE SHOWBOAT" PIECE?

NO. THEY BUMPED IT FOR AN ENTHRALLING EDITORIAL

ON FAKE FAT.

I MEAN, WHY SAVE A CULTURAL ICON

WHEN YOU CAN EXPOUND ON TOLLHOUSE COOKIES

THAT SLIDE RIGHT THROUGH YOU?

WELL, WHY DON'T WE BOMBARD THE PLANNING COMMISSION

WITH TELEGRAMS?

THE ONLY REASON BARETTA IS ON TV TODAY

IS BECAUSE I SENT HUNDREDS OF THEM TO THE NETWORK.

BARETTA HAS BEEN CANCELED FOR YEARS.

BARETTA'S NOT CANCELED.

IT'S ON HIATUS.

OOH.

HEY, KYLE.

I CAME FROM THE DEMOLITION YARD.

UH‐HUH.

I TOLD MY BUDDIES

HOW IMPORTANT THE SHOWBOAT WAS

TO JAZZ HISTORY.

AS SOON AS THEY WIPED BACK THE TEARS

THEY BEGAN TO LOAD THE DYNAMITE

BACK INTO THE PICKUP.

( Phone ringing )

HELLO?

HI. OH! OH!

KYLE, IT'S MAX, CALLING FROM CITY HALL.

COOL.

HEY, MAX.

UH‐HUH.

UH‐HUH.

UH‐HUH.

YEAH, WELL, YOU DID WHAT YOU COULD DO.

YEAH, THANKS ANYWAY.

PEACE.

SO?!

IT DIDN'T WORK, SYNCLAIRE.

BUT IF I HAVE TO THROW MYSELF

IN FRONT OF THAT BULLDOZER TO STOP THEM

FROM DEMOLISHING THAT CLUB, THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO.

HEY THERE.

OH, KYLE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT BIG MAX SENT YOU PACKING.

I COULDN'T GO BACK TO CLEVELAND

WITHOUT HEARING KAY SING ONE LAST TIME.

HOW MANY OF THOSE PICTURES YOU GOING TO SIGN?

FIVE THOUSAND.

ONE FOR EVERY FAN ATTENDING MY CHRISTMAS SHOW THIS AUGUST.

Big Max: OH, KYLE.

BARKER!

YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART.

I KNEW YOU'D COME CRAWLING BACK

FOR YOUR JOB.

BUT, I'LL DO YOU ONE BETTER.

DO THE BOX SPRING BOOGIE WITH ME

AND I'LL LET YOU SING.

DOESN'T TRADING A FAVOR

FOR A MEANINGLESS PHYSICAL ENCOUNTER BOTHER YOU?

HEY, HEY, HEY, I'M NO FLOOZY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THE NOOKIE‐SNOOKIE WITH ME

UNTIL YOU WHISPER SWEET NOTHINGS IN MY EAR.

YOU'RE A DISGUSTING, PERVERTED WITCH.

THAT WORKS FOR ME.

OH, MISS CLAIRE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I CAME TO APOLOGIZE.

YOUR TURNED THE OTHER CHEEK AND I BELTED IT.

OH, HOOCH, WHY NOT LEAVE THIS LIFE

OF WRETCHED, VULGAR YUCKINESS?

AH, NOT TO WORRY, MY SOUL‐SAVING SIREN.

I'VE JUST MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO MAKE THE FINAL TWO REPAIRS

TO THE ORPHANAGE.

A NEW ROOF AND A PUTTING GREEN.

AS OF TOMORROW

I'LL BE OBEDIAH JONES.

FULL‐TIME CHURCH‐GOING CARPENTRY TEACHER.

SORRY, BIG MAX, I WON'T BE ABLE TO SING HERE TONIGHT

OR EVER AGAIN.

YOU SEE, MR. FASSBINDER HERE FROM TURNAROUND STUDIOS

IS TAKING ME TO HOLLYWOOD.

I'M GOING TO DO THE TALKIES.

LEAVE ME IN A LURCH LIKE THIS?

WHY I'LL PUT A BULLET IN YOUR EAR.

HEY, HEY.

YOU ONLY KILL MEN, REMEMBER?

DAMN!

GOODBYE, EVERYONE.

THANK YOU.

( Chuckling )

TRY THE VEAL.

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

WHO DO I GET TO PERFORM?

AW...

ALL RIGHT, BARITONE BUNS... YOU'RE ON.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SNAP YOUR FINGERS

AND I'LL GET UP ON THIS STAGE AND SING?

DO YOU KNOW "SWEET GEORGIA BROWN"?

UM, HOW ABOUT "AIN'T MISBEHAVIN'"?

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"?

NO.

LOOK, JUST GIVE ME AN INTRO

AND WORK WITH ME.

( Upbeat intro )

( whistle blowing )

AH!

Hooch: IT'S A RAID!

RAID!

Claire: OH! OH, NO!

Officer: MOVE IT ALONG NOW.

OH, COME ON, O'KEEFE!

IT'S NOT LIKE WE DON'T HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING HERE.

YOU NEVER CALL. YOU DON'T WRITE.

YOU'RE GOING DOWNTOWN.

OH, OBEDIAH.

YEAH... UH... HERE.

MAKE SURE THE KIDS GET THE NEW ROOF

THE PUTTING GREEN AND THEIR PANCAKES.

AND REMEMBER, ON THE WEEKENDS

THEY LIKE SEASONAL BERRIES.

WAIT. OFFICER...

OFFICER, LOOK.

THE ONLY DREAM I'VE EVER HAD WAS TO

GET UP HERE AND SING AT THE SHOWBOAT CLUB.

SO, PLEASE, CAN YOU JUST TURN AROUND

AND LET ME CROON FOR A MINUTE?

A MAN WITH A DREAM, IS IT?

IT, IT BRINGS A TEAR TO ME EYE

AND A LUMP TO ME THROAT.

SAY, DO YOU KNOW "WHEN IRISH EYES ARE SMILING"?

NO.

MOVE IT ALONG THEN.

I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY.

CAN I GET MY HAT?

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING.

UM, EXCUSE ME.

I'M WORKING TO TRY TO GET THIS PLACE PRESERVED AS A LANDMARK.

IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN POSTPONE THE DEMOLITION?

NOT EVEN IF YOU DOVE IN FRONT OF THE BULLDOZER.

I WAS AFRAID OF THAT.

WELL, LOOK, CAN I HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO LOOK AROUND

AND SAY MY LAST GOOD‐BYES?

NO WAY.

HOW ABOUT DONUTS?

OKAY, FELLAS, BREAK TIME!

( Taps a few keys )

♪ EVERY HONEYBEE ♪

♪ FILLS WITH JEALOUSY... ♪

HMM.

♪ WHEN THEY... ♪

♪ SEE YOU OUT WITH ME... ♪

♪ I DON'T BLAME THEM ♪

( Blows )

♪ GOODNESS KNOWS ♪

♪ MY HONEY ♪

♪ MY HONEYSUCKLE ROSE ♪

( Chuckling )

( piano music plays )

♪ WHEN YOU'RE PASSING BY ♪

♪ FLOWERS DROOP AND SIGH ♪

♪ AND YOU AND I KNOW THE REASON WHY ♪

♪ YOU'RE MUCH SWEETER ♪

♪ GOODNESS KNOWS ♪

♪ MY HONEYSUCKLE ROSE ♪

♪ DON'T BUY SUGAR ♪

♪ YOU JUST HAVE TO TOUCH MY CUP ♪

♪ OH, YOU'RE MY SUGAR ♪

♪ SO SWEET WHEN YOU STIR IT UP ♪

♪ WHEN I'M TAKING SIPS FROM YOUR TASTY LIPS... ♪

♪ SEEMS THE HONEY... ♪

♪ FAIRLY DRIPS ♪

♪ YOU'RE CONFECTION ♪

♪ GOODNESS KNOWS ♪

♪ MY HONEY ♪

♪ MY HONEYSUCKLE ROSE. ♪

THANK YOU.

AND GOOD NIGHT.

( Applause and whistling )

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]