Original subtitles

[humming]

Max, before you get comfy.

Khadijah and Synclaire aren't here and we're out of pork rinds

so go home.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe I came over to see you?

[laughing]

Ooh, yeah.

What, k‐k‐k‐k‐k‐k‐kuh, yes!

Oh, my gosh.

That dress has my name written all over it. Yes!

Uh! Followed by the words "Stay the hell away."

Uh, Max, Max.

This dress is being used in a pivotal scene on the soap.

Now, it involves Shelly the one‐eyed architect

with gingivitis.

‐ So, just‐‐ ‐ No, no, no, no, no, no.

Freak Shelly. This dress is a perfect size six.

And I need a dress for that‐that reception

at the mayor's mansion this Saturday. Oh, come on.

You will need some rehab and a neck brace

if you continue to touch this.

Come on, this is important.

I'll be rubbing elbows with the mayor, the DA, JFK Jr.

There's even talk that RuPaul will be there.

I mean, you don't want me to be out‐dressed

by a drag queen, do you?

Max, that's not a fair comparison.

RuPaul is more feminine.

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And in a 90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Oh keep your head up ♪ ♪ What ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life gets tough you gotta fight with ♪

♪ My home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪ ♪ Single ♪

♪ What you want no free position girl ♪

♪ Haa ♪

Hey, y'all. I won!

I won the McColgan's shaving cream contest.

‐ Get outta here! ‐ Yup.

Oh, Obie.

A lifetime supply of shaving cream?

Our prayers have been answered.

No, baby. I won the grand prize.

I get to take a shot from the three‐point line

at the Knicks' game on Saturday.

‐ Alright! ‐ Yeah.

Whoop‐de‐doo.

And if I hit it, I win $10,000.

Did I mention whoop‐de‐doo is Swahili

for "I've always been your best friend?"

And did I mention that all of my friends are over four feet tall?

Overton, now you knows as I helped you peel

all those labels off those shaving cream cans

that I'm entitled to half that money.

Kyle, you only peeled off one.

Undoubtedly the winner.

Overton, this is happening because all of your planets

are in harmonic alignment.

You haven't been talkin' to them.

Dionne Warwick people again, have you?

No, as a matter of fact, I've been reading.

"The Cheyenne Predictions."

Published by The Warwick Press.

Yeah.

Yeah, Obie, see? Now, you got the technique.

Now, all you have to do is visualize two things.

One, the ball going in the net.

Two, givin' some of that prize money

to a needy magazine.

Yeah. Khadijah, if I win

I'll give Flavor all the prize money.

Look at that, still hit the bucket

even when I'm lyin' like a rug.

Excuse me. Mind if I shoot around with you?

Oh, sorry, bro, but I'm under some big dollar pressure here.

Overton.

Alonzo Mourning.

No, no, not Alonzo.

I'm like, they more like a Reggie Miller

Michael Jordan combination.

See, what you have to understand is that..

Uh, there's really no reason for me to complete this sentence.

Hey, Alonzo. Zo.

I'm Khadijah James, publisher of Flavor Magazine.

Listen, if you're not too busy

maybe we can schedule an interview.

Khadijah James?

The one who dumped Grant Hill?

Yeah, that's me.

Man, his game hasn't been the same since.

He's written some beautiful sonatas though.

Excuse me, uh, Mr. Zo.

Uh, think you can give me some tips

on how to hit some three‐pointers under pressure.

I usually go for a combination of Michael Jordan..

Reggie Miller?

So, Zo, what about the interview?

I think I'm gonna have to pass.

According to Grant, an interview with you

is like a one‐way ticket to Dumpsville.

Yeah.

‐ Hey! ‐ Hey, sweet potato.

We were going for 12 in a row.

Well, my release is off.

Would you like something cold to drink from the soda machine?

Uh, yeah. You know, I love a frosty root beer

but, uh, better make it apple juice.

Hate to have a afternoon of bloating.

(Synclaire) 'Okay.'

Alright, now, Obie, take your time, right?

‐ And find your rhythm. ‐ Alright.

‐ Yeah, now we're rockin'. ‐ 'Way to go.'

‐ Yeah, now we're rockin'. ‐ Yeah.

[grunts]

You haven't made a shot yet?

If you do that on Saturday, that's no good.

Why, he didn't start puttin' up bricks until you came in.

Oh, my God, I know what's happening here.

I am sucking up all of your positive transcendental energy.

‐ But jinx. ‐ Oh.

Come on, girl, I come from a long line

of very superstitious people.

To this day, anybody in the Jones family

that feels a stroke of bad luck comin' on

they stomp their left foot three times

to wake up our guardian angel

that spins around in a circle to make the devil feel dizzy.

‐ You, my love, are no jinx. ‐ 'Alright, now, hold up.'

Let's try this again with Synclaire in the hall.

‐ Okay. ‐ Come on.

‐ Okay, Obie, she's gone. ‐ Alright.

Ah! See that, Khadijah.

I missed it by a mile and a half and Synclaire wasn't even..

Damn!

Regine, I'm desperate!

A dress like that is gonna cost me $2000.

I'm not spending that type of money

on a dress I'm only gonna wear once!

So, buy an expensive gown

wear it tonight

and then sell it to a hooker with similar taste.

Hey, sweet pea, I..

I got some good news and

I got some bad news.

Bad news? How bad?

Hmm, not bad at all.

Actually for bad news, it's pretty good.

It's just bad news 'cause it's not as good as the good news.

Okay, good.

Well, bad news is

I don't think we're gonna make that $10,000 tonight.

'Cause I just got back from the gym

shootin' baskets for over hour, didn't hit one.

Which is sort of the good news

'cause that still proves

that you are my lady luck.

[sobbing]

Uh, I don't mean to be politically incorrect

but, uh, is this hormonal?

No.

It's photographical.

How so?

This morning I put this in here and I didn't tell you.

Even a picture of me holding a four‐leaf clover

with my fingers and eyes crossed is bad luck.

Oh, Obie

this is the thing you've been shaving so hard for

and I can't even help you.

Baby, look, the only help I need from you

is just to be there, baby, that's all.

Yeah, but if I'm at the Garden

you're gonna miss your shot, I'm not going.

Look, girl, nobody or nothing is gonna convince me

that you are a jinx.

Aren't you goin' after her?

Just a second.

[thumping]

That's better.

Now, come on, baby, you know I love you.

[door opens]

Hey, baby, come on, you're..

Finally home, huh?

Uh, have you changed your mind?

No, Obie, I'm still not going.

Come on, Synclaire.

You've been with me for all of my recent major life events.

You were there when I bought a 290.

You were there when we met two out of the three "Pet Boys."

I mean..

Hell, you were there when we first made love.

Hey, kids, Regine around?

No, she went to the store with Khadijah.

Perfect.

Hey, Max, don't you have to get ready to go

to that big shindig over at the mayor's?

Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way, shut up.

Overton

if you miss that shot because of me

you're never going to get to build

your beautiful little dream house.

Oh, girl, the important thing here

isn't some place I dreamed about

ever since I weather‐sealed my baby sister's doll house.

The important thing is us.

You and me

together forever

come what may.

So, if you're not goin'

I'm not goin'.

Obie..

Girlie, without you by my side

ain't enough money in the world

to get me to Madison Square Garden.

Hey, kids.

Regine home yet?

No.

Goodnight.

‐ 'Nice dress.' ‐ Yeah.

Now, convince Overton

he's got to get shot tonight.

[sighs] Overton!

Did you sign a contract?

‐ Just a one. ‐ Oh, good.

That means they can only sue your ass once.

‐ 'I'm home!' ‐ Okay.

I gotta go. I gotta get on a good foot. Alright?

Okay, Synclaire, we got your favorite dog movies.

"Benji" and "Cujo."

[knocking on door]

Alright, alright, come on, let's go, let's go.

Man, Synclaire still won't go.

So?

When you win slip her a couple of bucks.

Come on, time's a‐wastin'.

Okay, hold up, wait for me.

I just gotta go and get my jacket.

You're wearin' it.

[chuckles] No!

This clashes with the seats at the Garden.

Look here, honey loves.

You know I would never go without you

if not for the threat of litigation, right?

Don't you worry, Obie

I'm gonna be with you there in spirit.

I made you something.

"Goobie?"

Uh, Synclaire.

As, um..

Touching

a gesture as this is.

And since anything you do

seem to disrupt Overton's shooting

uh, I think not.

And, look, don't even think about watching the game on TV.

Not that I believe in any of this mojo

but we are talking about

ten thousand tax free dollars.

How do you know it's tax‐free, Kyle?

I'll find a way, let's go.

[Regine screaming]

I can't believe Max took that dress!

And yet you believe she'll give it back

when you ask for it?

I'm not asking her, I'm warning her.

God, I wasn't supposed to talk about this

but Shelly, the one‐eyed architect

is gonna be the victim of a fatal catfight in Palo Alto.

I had to rig the dress to make it a tear‐away.

If anyone so much as tugs on it

eh, the dress'll just fall apart.

Let's roll!

‐ Well, goodbye, sweet pea. ‐ Hey, hey, come on, come on.

None of that, none of that, none of that!

[grunting]

[cheering]

‐ Mr. Jones? ‐ Yes.

Ray Brunger, Director of Public Relations

from McColgan Industries.

Welcome to you.

Your complimentary guest

and your other complimentary guests.

Um.. If there is a problem, I'd be happy to pay for 'em.

Oh, nonsense, this is the VIP room

and that means you

and apparently them.

Anyway, the contest is pretty straightforward.

At halftime we'll go out there

you hit the shot

everyone goes home happy.

Any questions?

Yeah, I got a question.

Whose idea was that coconut deodorant?

Man, on a hot day that smells like a pina colada.

How would you like a free gift with purchase

without purchase?

Well, let's see what we got here.

"Official cologne of the 1984 Olympic.."

Get‐get out of here.

Yo, Mr. Brunger. Um.. Do I had to wear the hat?

I mean, don't take this the wrong way

but this really looks goofy.

Designed the thing myself, nobody ever wants to wear it.

Why should I take that the wrong way?

Yo, shorty.

I don't think I can do this without Synclaire here.

Look, Obie, you have a chance to shoot one ball

make $10,000 and hand it over to me to invest.

Now, uh, don't you think you're being a little

selfish about this?

I think this calls for a woman's perspective.

Fine.

Check it out, Obie, I got my press pass

now, what do we say, we go down to the Knicks' locker room

just kick it with the players

take your mind off of things.

How's that suppose to cheer me up?

I don't know

but it'll sure make me feel better

if I see John Starks in a strap.

Hm.

I feel so awful, mommy.

I mean, why did this have to happen

just before Overton takes his big shot?

What do you mean I've always been a‐a basketball jinx?

My high school team going 0 and 32

had nothing to do with me going to every single game.

Mom, I‐I'll call you back.

Um, Max, I‐I'm no fashion guru

but, uh, that whole jacket‐around‐the‐waist

torn‐dress look is really not workin' for you.

You will not believe..

What happened.

I was standing there

sippin' my drink

when Tony Randall himself

asked me to cha cha.

After just one cha

the whole dress rips apart.

The sleeve, the strap..

Thank God, I decided to wear a bra.

Maxine is gonna kill me

when she sees what I've done to her dress.

Whoa, whoa, now, Max, I‐I don't think so.

She rigged that dress to fall apart

for a fatal catfight scene in Palo Alto.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, wait a minute.

You mean, that little jackal knew

that this was going to happen?

And she didn't try to warn me?

Oh, now, come on, Max, you did

take the dress without her permission.

Besides jackals are very important part

of our food chain.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you can't just leave carcasses lying all around.

Come on.

[sighs]

Well, that, that little scamp.

She certainly knows how to pull a practical joke.

Oh, well, see you tomorrow.

Um, Max, you're scaring me

you seem a little too calm.

Well, uh, that's how you get sometimes

when your soul is settled and..

You know what must be done.

[upbeat music]

Look at them cheerleaders

shaking their entire groove thing.

But, who would want to be a professional cheerleader?

Didn't you try out for that squad?

That was four years ago

when cheerleading was about something.

(male announcer) 'And, now, get set for our halftime feature.'

'McColgan's $10,000 “Shave And Shoot Contest ”'

'brought to you by McColgan.'

Mr. Jones, let me just explain something to you.

If you hit this shot, I'm a star.

If you launch the ball into the seventh row

I'm on the street.

So, relax, enjoy.

No pressure.

Look, don't listen to him, Overton.

I mean, he probably has never even dribbled a ball.

He has no idea how hard it is

to get up in front of 20,000 people

and make a shot that even the pros can't make.

Am I helping at all?

Yeah, who cares, if I make that shot

without girlie by my side

the money's meaningless.

Overton, I would agree with you 100 percent

if you weren't so incredibly wrong.

Overton, it's show time.

‐ Alright. Yeah! ‐ Okay!

‐ Overton! Yeah! Go Obie! ‐ Come on. Come on.

Goobie! Goobie!

On behalf of everyone at McColgan Industries

from the men and women in aftershave research

to the boys in diaper development

it brings me great pleasure

to introduce this year's contestant.

Mr. Overton Wakefield Jones!

[cheering]

[hooting]

One shot!

One shot from the three‐point line

for $10,000.

Overton, good luck.

This one's for you, Synclaire.

[screaming]

Yeah! Oh, oh, oh..

[howling]

‐ Overton Wakefield Jones! ‐ Yes!

The ten grand is yours, what do you say?

Uh, McColgan's not just a shaving cream

but a way of life?

Yeah! Alright!

Ten thousand dollars!

Yes, yes, yes! I've got Synclaire on the phone.

‐ Who? ‐ Synclaire, Synclaire.

Oh, cool. Synclaire, baby, I did it.

Turn on the TV. I did it!

Really? I can't believe it.

Yeah! Yeah, baby, I won the money, honey.

Oh, yeah, and check this out.

Oh, my God, Obie. This means I'm not a jinx.

I mean, I look bad on that t‐shirt

but that's not really luck related.

A jinx?

Baby, finding you was the luckiest thing

that ever happened to me.

(Brunger) 'Here's your check!'

[grunts]

Sorry, uh, you know, it's the first time

that's ever happened.

‐ Obie, hang up the phone. ‐ Oh.

It's money, hang up the phone. Thank you.

(female narrator) We'll be right back.

(Brunger) 'Overton Wakefield Jones, the ten grand is yours!'

'What do you say?'

‐ Max.. ‐ 'Uh, uh..'

Before you say anything

I came here to apologize.

I know that you didn't tell me that dress was rigged

and that was pretty low.

‐ No‐‐ ‐ 'But I deserved it.'

Should've never taken that dress without your permission.

I've spent the last four hours sewing it back together.

Oh, my.. Max.

Oh, God. I don't know what to say.

[sighs] Well, I know you take your job very seriously

and I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize it.

Thanks.

I'll, um..

I'll go make us some coffee.

Alright, you do that.

Maxine, I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, well, right is right.

Of course, it didn't stop me from letting the air

out of her tires and putting sugar in her gas tank.

Stealing her distributer cap.

Ugh.

Canceling her credit cards

ordering two dozen pizzas to be delivered in the morning.

[sniffles] And fixing her up with RuPaul.

Let's go get a cup of joe, alright?

Woo‐hoo!

[giggles]