Original subtitles

Woo, ooh, I hate coming to the laundromat.

Exactly which part do you hate, Ivana?

The fact that, uh, Ms. Synclaire here does your laundry

or that she gives you a choice to dryer sheets?

Okay, Max, what do you want?

Ocean breeze or citrus grove?

I want a full sheet of ocean breeze

half a sheet of citrus grove

and a couple of corners of mountain meadow.

Alright now don't push it, missy, I'm only helping you out

because I love this laundromat now.

I mean, this place a magical microcosm where people

of all walks of life gather together to clean

that which is closest to them.

Here, here.

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And in a nineties kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what ♪

♪ Keep your head up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home‐girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ What you want ♪

♪ No free position ♪

[instrumental solo]

♪ Haa ♪

Hey, Max, how do you want me to fold this?

Ho, ooh, ooh, ho. Hoo!

What is this?

Lumberjack.

It's Kyle's. Give it back.

Kyle wears these?

Yes, ever since I bought them for him.

You mean to tell me, uh, you've only been seeing Kyle

three weeks and already you're given him drawers?

Well, I need a little Tabasco

with my jalapeño if you know what I mean.

Which way is the front?

That depends on how freaky I'm feeling.

That's it, we have the moral obligation

to keep these from you.

‐ Fine. ‐ Go on, Synclaire.

Give it here, here.

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

For the love..

I'm here, I'm here, give me here, go, go.

Uh‐huh.

They're dry now.

Max, what are your friends doing playing with my drawers?

Is that your way of saying thank you for taking

the funk out of my clothes.

'A' I do not funk, and 'B' doing a man's laundry

is just another way women try to usurp control.

Please, if I wanted to control you, I'd simply withhold sex.

Oh, you kids, kids, uh, you know this is

supposed to be a magical microcosm.

You think y'all could just chill?

Yeah, come on, shorty, let's go.

Naked man is starting to fold up his paper.

We'll talk about this later.

Fine, I won't be listening.

Oh, man, your girl is in a mood.

Yeah, well, your girl's in a sun dress with biking shorts.

Jealousy, thy name is Kyle.

Oh, looky who.

‐ Regine again. ‐ Yes.

Ever since she moved out

the girl has popped up all over the place.

You know, Khadijah, I think she's been hanging around

hoping you'll start talking to her again.

With the way she moved out on us?

Only way I'm speaking to her

as if she's on a ledge and I'm yelling jump.

‐ Oh, hi, Regine. ‐ Hey, ladies.

Khadijah.

So, what brings you clear across town?

Oh, I love this laundromat.

And it's a snap to get here by subway.

Hop on the D‐train, change at Atlantic Avenue, grab the three

to Grand Army Plaza, fifteen minute walking you are here.

Well, so, isn't your apartment all fixed up nice?

Ah, girl, it's fabulous.

I've turned it into a little French hideaway.

Apparently so hidden your ass can't seem to find it.

[speaking in foreign language]

[door knocking]

[dog barking sound]

What do you want?

(Laverne) 'Regine, it's mommy.'

I'm sorry I'm late, but I had to hurdle three rhinos.

Happy house warming.

I haven't seen one of these since grannies funeral.

Well, what do you think?

My very own Pied‐à‐terre.

Well, I don't know what the heck that is, but this is a dump.

What are you talking about? This place is packed with amenities.

Breakfast nooklet, soft wood floors

and a veranda de soleil.

Regine, that's a fire escape.

You know, for once, could you maybe

give me some encouragement?

Okay, okay. I encourage you to pick up that phone

disinfect it, call Khadijah

and beg her to take you back.

If you won't I will.

God knows I've done it before.

I'm not moving back in with Khadijah.

Fine, then think of it as moving back in with Synclaire.

Mom, there is nothing wrong with place

that a mountain of gifts won't fix.

Hence my house warming party next week.

Wait, you know, I would love to stay and help you fill out

the place cards but those kids

are eyeing my eight‐track. Hey!

Here, take the dog.

You know I'm proud of you, baby.

I've never seen anybody stand by such a bad decision.

Out of the way boozers, I'm coming down.

Okay, I'm breaking off.

Synclaire, come back here, girl.

‐ Okay, okay. ‐ Hell, I was leaning on you.

Well, I'm very proud of you, Max.

You looked pretty good out there for a roller blading virgin.

Yes, well, as we both know I move pretty well.

‐ Alright. ‐ Come on.

Well, come on, have a seat. I'll help you off with the skates.

Why, I'm not taking 'em off.

Oh, come on, Max, you know you're tired. Sit down.

I know when I'm tired. Don't tell me when I'm tired.

I'd know, no control freak.

Huh, you know what your problem is?

You don't know how to let a man be a man.

You really think somebody trying to attack your manhood?

Yeah, but what else I'm supposed to think

when you're always saying "Be a man about it, Kyle.

Be a man about it?"

Well, it's good to know you're listening.

Now... help me take these skates off, I'm tired.

Dang, y'all worked through this much faster

than you did at that laundromat thing.

As I like to call it "The rumble where it tumbles."

Well, if it isn't Starlight Express.

Obie, look, we got an invitation.

You are cordially invited to attend

the house warming extravaganza of Ms. Regine Hunter.

Oh, here's one addressed to the love birds, Maxine and Kyle.

Anything for me?

Well, just this Sweepstakes offer designed to look like

a check from the IRS. Who would've thought?

Regine does not miss a beat.

She invited everybody but me.

Well, maybe it's just a party for couples.

You know people who have somebody in their lives.

Don't feel bad, Khadijah.

Khadijah, you can come as our guest.

No, says here, "You're hostess respectfully requests"

no camera's, no children, no guest."

Translation, no Kodaks, no kids, no Khadijah.

Well, if you don't go, Maxine and Kyle won't go.

Yo, ho, ho, ho, whoa..

You cannot just dictate.

Side bar.

Look, if I don't want to go, you shouldn't want to go.

But I want to go.

And I am going.

Bye‐bye.

Oh, Kyle, be a man about it.

He just hates that.

Well, Khadijah, are you gonna be okay?

Please, I'm fine. It's not like I'm desperate for things

to do on a Saturday night.

Really, that's the first time in a month.

You know, Synclaire, sometimes I really love

your wide‐eyed innocence.

Yet sometimes you just wish I shut up.

‐ That's right. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Welcome. ‐ Hi, Regine.

Bienvenue.

Did you have any trouble finding the place?

Not at all, we just followed the camera crew from "Cops."

Well, it, it must be convenient having

everything all in one room.

Yeah, sort of like you own little Alcatraz.

Hey, wait a minute, you brought no Max.

She and her bad attitude are at home.

Along with an uninvited, Khadijah.

Did I forget to put her on my list?

Was she mad?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Oh, she had big plans.

Didn't know what they were but..

Synclaire.

So, Regine, come on, how do you really like it down here?

Kyle, I love it. I can't get enough of the East Village.

And the people around here, I feel like

I have known them for years.

Party can begin everyone, I'm here.

That's Carl, he lives upstairs.

Carl, honey, these are my friends.

This is, Synclaire, Overton and Kyle.

Charmed.

Regine and I met at the trash chute.

She wanted me

but I decided that we should just be friends.

Thanks so much for inviting me after that devastating blow.

Doesn't that level of arrogance just turn your stomach?

Say, who's that cat?

(Regine) 'That's the building superintendent, Orville.'

Hey, Orvy, this is a party, my friend, have some punch.

Alcohol, while I'm using sandpaper?

Why don't I just sit in a tub of kerosene

and shove a lighter down my pants?

Bit graphic, but the man's got a point.

We brought you a gift.

Oh.

It's a sandwich press, ow.

We let Overton pick it out.

Did you keep the receipt?

You know, not that I was dying to go her party

or I care what her little apartment looks like.

What is Regine trying to prove by not inviting me?

More butter.

She moved out and still a pain in the ass.

Now you are going to enjoy, yes.

Umm‐ummm, I can't believe Kyle defied me

and went to that party.

That is the last pair of thong underwear I buy that man.

You know you think you know someone

and then they change on you.

I have known Regine for 25 years.

Come to think of it, she's been pretty stuck up the whole time.

But you know what? If she wasn't so petty

I would have chipped in on that sandwich press.

If we go there and just get a little glimpse of the place

we can come back here and rag on it.

No, I wouldn't have gone even if she had invited me.

That's right.

But now that she hasn't invited you

you have to go.

Um..

Let's do this.

We cannot go over there

without a house warming gift.

Come on, Max. Not even I'm that mad at her.

Go ahead and get that dish rack too.

Alright.

[door knocking]

Hey, Max.

Um... so much for neighborhood watch.

Here you go.

Now, if you'll excuse me

there's a man over there I need to ignore.

Excuse me, are you going to eat all that?

Uh‐huh.

My girl, carry on.

I didn't expect you to show up.

Why? Because you didn't invite me?

I thought you'd think I would expect you to crash

and so wouldn't come just to be rude

there by giving me what I want.

I thought you'd think that so I came.

Hey, Khadijah, I'm so glad you crashed.

There's this woman Lakeisha you gotta meet.

Now you keep saying we need someone

to pay the other part of that rent.

She's looking for a place to live, come on.

Ah, excuse me, this is not a roommate hunting party.

That's okay. I'm not a guest. Come on.

I'm not speaking to you.

And, I can't believe you came to this party

after I told you not to.

You know, if you are not speaking to me

then why do I feel like I'm in a wind tunnel?

And you know the only reason you came here tonight

was to be with me.

Kyle, you are the most arrogant, pig‐headed, self‐centered man

I have ever met.

I'm sorry, but taking you home with me

is simply out of the question.

Damn! They didn't break the mold.

Look, Max, if this is going to work

we cannot make everything a power struggle.

Well, if you just put me in charge‐‐.

That's what I'm talking about.

Listen, if I come on a little strong

it's just my way of getting your attention.

Well, if I walk away, that's my way of getting yours.

Alright you got it.

What are goin' to do with it?

Well, first, I'mma give you this.

Jumbo shrimp?

I've been saving them for you and that wasn't easy.

You know there's a woman here with a voracious appetite.

Kyle, this is the sweetest thing

that you have ever done for me.

No it's not, this is.

Cocktail sauce.

Let's go home.

Your place or mine?

‐ Both. ‐ Arr..

You know what I'm saying? Hey, running my own

pet grooming business is not easy.

Especially since I hired my cousin

as an assistant.

Man, she lets the dogs out the back door

and says "Run like the wind."

Oh, I'd love to fire her, but you know she fam.

You and Khadijah have so much in common.

(Khadijah) If it's the truth, I say we make this happen.

You want the room, it's yours.

Who wants some punch?

Isn't life amazing?

We came to celebrate with our old roommate

end up with a whole new one.

Well, sooky‐sooky now.

Well, the Browns Stone's a lovely little place.

‐ You'll enjoy it. ‐ It sounds perfect.

Well, perfect if you hate privacy.

I mean, you're never alone.

Somebody is always up crying over their love life

or burning up the kitchen

or taping Richard Bay over your Thorn Birds.

Oh, and you can always count on Khadijah here

to stretch out your wigs just playing around

and to give you advice that you didn't ask for

which turns out to be right, of course.

And then you realize that she only butted in because

she knows you better than anybody else.

You know this because you've, you've had time to think.

'Cause you're all alone now.

So best of luck.

Regine.

You know what? I think I'm gonna pass.

Hey, I spent my days chasing Beagles and Schnauzers.

I don't need this drama.

Regine, get out of my arm pit.

Sorry, I'm, I'm crying all over your shirt.

Oh, but it's not silk, it's okay.

Same old, Regine.

Yeah, well, thank God you haven't changed.

You're always there for me, Khadijah.

Just like Bob R.

What?

Oh, remember when we were kids

and I read the story of Bob R., the elephant king

and his queen, Celeste?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You figured, if elephants could be royalty, so could you.

So you renamed yourself, Regine, the queen of

what a stupid macaroni from school.

Yup, and you were there when everybody else made fun of me

and they called me spaghetti‐head.

I was making fun of you too.

No, but you understood me.

No, I didn't.

Then you pretended really well.

Okay.

Khadijah, you're my oldest friend.

You're my best friend.

Let's keep it real, I'm your only friend.

Oh, this is truly wonderful

two friends together again.

Sharing the love.

Who are you?

Lakeisha's cousin, Pauly.

Hush, hush, hush, hush. Hush, hush, hush, hush.

Alright now, step back.

If there's anybody who's gonna provide any

comfort right now, it's gonna be me, alright?

Woo, woo, woo. Woo, woo, woo.

So, what do we do now?

I don't know.

Well, we could go home.

What you think, Synclaire?

Day after day I prayed for this.

Wishing and hoping, praying all the prayers‐‐.

Synclaire, Synclaire.

I can live with it. You know..

Regine, there you are.

Look, I've changed my mind, darling.

I'll see you upstairs... in ten.

(female narrator) Don't go away, we'll be right back.

It's really a magical place, isn't it?

The gurgling of the washers, the gentle purring of all those

dryers lined up like little soldiers.

Sometimes staring into a dryer just takes me away.

Watching the clothing tumble round and round and round.

For fun I like to watch one little thing.

Like a red sock.

Sometimes it mingles with the other clothing.

Other times it just goes off by itself.

Who knows where it goes?

Oh, oh, fabric softener time. Excuse me.

This place is a magnet for psychopaths.

(female ♫1) Woo‐hoo!