Original subtitles

Well, mom, that was my apartment.

And this here is the hallway.

And now this Mother's Day video card takes you down

to the apartment of my lady friend Synclaire.

Why, I wonder if she's home.

Hi there, Overton.

Hi, Synclaire. What a surprise to see you.

‐ Won't you say hi to my mom? ‐ Hello, Mrs. Jones.

Won't you come in?

You know its almost Mother's Day

and the brownstone is abuzz with holiday plans.

Yes, here at the brownstone we're all doing something

to honor the woman who carried us for nine months.

Or in Kyle's case, seven.

And look, there is Max.

'Hiya, Max, what are you gonna do for your mom?'

Nothing. My mom and I have an agreement.

She doesn't expect anything for Mother's Day

and I let her forget my birthday.

You know, mom, under Max's bitter exterior

she's a real sweetheart.

Yeah, bite me!

Oh, my!

Well, let's go and see what Khadijah and Regine are doing

for their moms.

Come on, Regine, hurry up and sign the card.

‐ They'll be here any minute. ‐ Have you got everything?

Yup, two plane tickets

reservations at the Radisson in the Bahamas

and a round of free cocktails at the Tipsy Turtle.

Isn't that thoughtful?

You know, mama.

I know this tape isn't gonna be as slick as your favorite show.

"The X Files," but that's because I spent most of my dough

on the next thirty seconds so, um, check, check, check it out.

[Queen Latifah singing "Living Single"]

♪ We are living single ♪

♪ Ooh in a 90s kinda world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ What ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough ya gotta fight with ♪

♪ My homegirl standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True‐blue and tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living single ♪

♪ A‐ah ♪

Hey, mom, here's a familiar face.

Um, h‐hi, Mrs. Jones.

I'm delving into the rich and varied past of my ancestors

so that I can present my mom with a beautiful leather‐bound

edition of our family tree.

That's nice, Kyle.

'Course, it's no homemade video tape.

I too have a homemade gift for my mother.

I threw this in pottery class.

See, she's beautiful and talented.

Mwah!

[clears throat]

Okay, you broke me.

This is what I made in pottery class.

Khadijah, sending our moms away to the Bahamas

was a brilliant idea.

I am not spending another Mother's Day with my mother.

It's unnatural.

[doorbell rings]

That must be Khadijah and Regine's moms now.

Let's watch, shall we?

‐ Mommy! ‐ Hi, baby.

‐ Sweetheart. ‐ Mother!

Aunt Rita, Rita, Rita.

Ladies and ladies, you know, I cannot get over it.

Every time I see you two, you look younger and more beautiful.

Oh!

Kyle, you really know how to sling it.

[laughing]

Oh, hush, I like it, go ahead.

Laverne, it has been a pleasure basking in your radiant beauty.

Mmm!

Mrs. James, buh‐bye.

Hi, Obie.

Oh, I'm not here. Just act natural.

Here it comes, ma.

That boy just keeps getting stranger.

So, what's this big surprise?

Well, mom, in the past, when I've given you presents

I would preface it with a speech

about how it's the thought that counts.

Well, in this case, the gift is so expensive

it speaks for itself.

Happy Mother's Day.

Oh, my God! Tickets to the Bahamas.

Obie, go hand‐held. They're crying.

This is, this is, this is incredible.

[sobbing]

Oh, it's so sweet of you to do this, but..

I just can't leave your grandmother alone.

She hasn't been herself lately.

But I just spoke to nana last week. She sounded fine.

She's been wandering off for hours at a time

and can't remember where she's been.

I'm sorry, baby. I just wouldn't feel right.

Well, mom, that means you get to enjoy

an extra fog cutter at the Tipsy Turtle, alright.

Ah, I'm not going by myself. I'd look desperate.

But you have to go.

Well, ma, if you're worried about nana

she could just come stay with us.

Oh, good answer. Good answer. Good answer. Yeah, yeah.

Then it's set.

Girl, we are going to the Bahamas!

[screaming]

Oh, finally, the perfect place for me to wear

my fuchsia and lemon culottes.

[humming]

Max!

Look at this mess you made. Nana's gonna be here any minute.

Oh, that's alright, Khadijah. I got it.

[whirring]

Hey!

People, my research has proven what I have suspected all along.

I am descended from greatness.

Oh, come on, Kyle. All test tubes are the same.

I will have you know, that my great‐great‐grandfather

Elijah Barker invented a device that helped

to usher in the modern age.

I give to you the sipping straw.

Better known as Elijah's hollow drinking dowel.

So what you're saying is

your family has sucked for generations.

[doorbell rings]

Nana!

Baby girl!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Khadijah, come on.

This woman is far too young to be a grandmother.

Heh‐heh, you were right, Rita. He sure can shovel it. Here.

She is so excited to be here.

She's been talking about it for days.

And she's standing right here and can talk for herself.

Ooh, Regine.

I've got to show you this resort ensemble I found.

I love it!

Yeah, and if you stand on the beach at night

you can help ships find the shore.

Can you turn that away from the camera?

I'm getting some flare‐up in through here.

Rita, we better get goin' if we're gonna make our plane.

Mom, are you gonna be alright?

Oh, Rita, this is not my first time in a building.

You don't have to show me how the indoor plumbing works.

Alright, ma. Have a wonderful trip.

Oh, thank you again, sweetheart.

‐ Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. ‐ Come on, Rita.

‐ Alright, mom. ‐ Bye.

Now would be a good time to put the tape on pause

so I can say hi to dad.

Hi, dad.

Okay, you can go back to sleep now.

Uh, sweetie, it is so good to see you.

And you're lookin' healthy.

‐ Now, drive me home. ‐ But you just got here.

Ugh! I know your mother told you to watch over me

but I am fine, I don't wanna put y'all out.

But I've been lookin' forward to this all week.

Who's gonna make the peanut butter pie?

Yes, I don't wanna hear another word

about your famous peanut butter pie

unless I'm scraping some off the roof of my mouth.

Please, banana fanna.

Aw‐w‐w.

How can I say no to my baby girl?

Okay, what do I need?

A pound of brown sugar.

‐ Eight sticks of butter. ‐ Oh.

You just don't hear words like that anymore.

Ella Fitzgerald. Listen..

Ella Fitzgerald would still be in Virginia

singing for corn fritters if it wasn't for me. Ha ha ha.

I told her, "Don't worry if you don't know the words"

just make up some funny sounds." Ha ha ha.

[knock on door]

Hey, hey, people. Deal me in.

Hey, Kyle, I thought you were going to the library

to research your family tree.

Yeah, well, after giving it careful consideration

I decided to buy my mother a statuette

with the inscription, "I Love You This Much."

Aw. Woo, woo, woo.

What happened?

Well, it seems my great‐great‐grandfather

although a beverage visionary, was also something of a dupe.

Some fast‐talking charlatan named Silas Taylor

convinced him to sink his entire fortune into a railroad

that spanned the entire Atlantic Ocean. Duh!

'Anyway, two days later'

Taylor was gone and so was my great‐grandfather's money.

Silas Taylor from Macon, Georgia?

Yeah.

That's my great‐great‐grandfather.

Silas "Silver‐Tongue" Taylor.

Maxine, don't play with me.

No, for real!

For years our family talked about great‐great‐grandpa Silas

and the moron who made him rich.

Now, stupidity has a name.

Barker.

[laughing]

This is unbelievable.

Angel, zero. Satan, one.

Well, mom

next time Kyle's mom tries to act a bit sidity

just say, "All aboard! Next stop, Atlantis."

Well, nothing like humiliating Kyle to work up an appetite.

Let's eat!

[laughing]

Oh, that sounds like a fine idea.

But, uh, although it is grandma's nap time

um, y'all go on without me.

Oh, no, nana. I don't know about leaving you here by yourself.

Well, honey, nana's been nappin' by herself

for plenty years now. I think I've got it down.

But, nana, I'm not‐‐

I know your mother's got you thinkin' that I'm helpless.

I am just fine.

Okay.

Well, is there anything I can bring you back?

A great‐grandbaby.

How about a turkey burger?

You have a good nap.

Nana, we're back.

Nana, where are you?

She's probably upstairs. Nana!

‐ Nana? ‐ Is she up there?

(Synclaire) 'I don't see her.'

Oh, my God! She's wandered off.

[phone rings]

Hello.

Hi, ma.

I'm glad you made it there safely.

All fine.

‐ Nana? ‐ No nana there.

Nana's gone, she's disappeared.

No, no, ma. She said, "Nana's dish is here."

We ordered out.

Yeah. Huh? Wha, huh?

I can't hear you. We must have a bad connection.

Okay, I'll call you later. Bye.

[crying] I lost my nana.

I can't believe I lost my nana.

Oh, God. I should never have left her alone.

Mama, I'd just like to take this time out to assure you

that the misplacing of elderly people

is not an everyday occurrence here..

At the brownstone.

Your nana took my wig!

My Cleopatra wig. That's real hair from the Philippines.

You better find her!

I can't believe she would just disappear

without at least leaving a note.

You mean, besides this one?

"To Khadijah, from nana?"

"Dear Khadijah, I didn't wanna be in the way so I went home.

"Thanks for everything.

P.S. does that Max girl live here or not?"

Thank God, she's alright.

I'm gonna kill her.

Forget this. I'm going to Jersey.

I'm goin' with you.

Come on, Synclaire.

Mama love this, an action sequence.

[knock on door]

(Khadijah) 'Nana!'

Nana, are you here?

I think somebody's here. I smell Bengay and collard greens.

‐ Thank God, you're alright! ‐ Of course, I'm alright.

I had a homemade meal and a deep‐heating rub.

Well, as you can see, mom, we've located nana.

And she's fine and looking particularly fetchin'

in that nice wig.

Which is mine.

Hm. You always were a stingy little somebody.

‐ What are you doing here? ‐ I left you a note.

I came to be with my things.

She came home to be with me.

Mr. Hampton, the baker?

I've never seen this man before in my life.

Oh, my goodness, Ruth. Let's cut the charade.

Now, we love each other, and I don't care who knows it.

Work it, nana.

So this is why you've been wanderin' off.

And if you so much as breathe one word of this to your mother

you have seen your last peanut butter pie.

‐ That goes for you too, missy. ‐'What!'

I don't want that town crier of a mother of yours

getting a hold of this.

Please. If you're not pregnant

this isn't big enough for my mother.

Why the big secret?

Do you tell your mother

about every man you've been intimate with?

Grandmother!

Why, I'm saving myself for the man I'm going to marry.

‐ So am I. ‐ Ha ha ha.

Why don't you just tell Aunt Rita

that you have a boyfriend?

It worked out well for me and my roommates

when I told 'em that Obie and I were having s..

You know, this is really Khadijah's business. I'm..

Look, I promised my mother that I'd take care of you.

If you want me to keep your secret

you've to come back to Brooklyn with me.

I'm staying here with Milton.

‐ Fine. I'm telling mom. ‐ Fine. I'll deny it.

And she will.

Now, from what I've seen

she's a much better liar than you.

Okay... nana.

But I got it all on tape.

Come on, Milton, drain the bubble bath and help me pack.

Okay.

Blackmailing me after all the whippings I've saved her from.

They think we don't know how to make love 'cause we old.

Now, you're cold, Khadijah.

Breaking up their romantic weekend.

[scoffs]

Yeah, I could never do that to my granny.

Your granny died 15 years ago.

She did not!

Mom and dad told me she bought a farm.

Synclaire..

She bought the farm.

Oh, my God!

[sobbing] Granny's dead.

[knock on door]

Ah, Max, you are here.

What are the odds of that?

Well, further research into my lineage has revealed

this little tidbit.

It seems my great‐great‐grandfather

was not your ancestors' only victim. Oh, no.

He also swindled a woman named Sarah.

Sarah and Elijah were so devastated that they took solace

in each others arms.

And they planted the seed, that planted the seed

that planted the seed, that made me.

So, you see, if it were not for your thieving relatives

the unique genetic cocktail that is moi, would not exist.

[laughing]

Thanks.

Well, I guess, there's only one thing to do now.

Send a cyborg into the past to kill that man.

I miss you too, Milton.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, I think that's them.

Uh, I'll see you tonight. At our usual place.

Maybe I can get that wig again. Ha ha ha.

Okay, bye.

‐ Hey... ha ha! ‐ Oh, hi.

Look at you all tanned up..

You need to send us to the Bahamas more often.

I know, that's right.

It was like a tropical version of the Jersey shore

only no syringes.

And I got a little something for you.

I love it!

It goes with anything.

Oh, it's gonna go, alright.

What do you say, we let these ladies have their re‐union, huh?

Yeah. Good point, shorty.

That doesn't mean you have to miss anything, mom.

Excuse us, ladies.

And, uh, when at all possible

uh, just try to look this way.

‐ These are for you. ‐ Okay. Thank you.

‐ Ooh! It's beautiful. Thanks. ‐ Oh, nice.

So how were things here?

Uh, great!

I think I'll go try this on.

Khadijah, what happened?

Nothin'. This is wonderful.

It's so versatile, you can use it as a sarong or..

A head wrap.

Mmm.

Khadijah, you're lying. Synclaire, what happened?

Why are you asking an innocent bystander?

Stay on Khadijah. She'll crack.

Khadijah..

[clears throat]

Nana went away to be with her boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

Here I am thinking that you've been losing your mind

and the truth is that you've been

running around with some man?

‐ He has a name. Milton. ‐ Milton, the baker?

Yeah, Milton, the baker.

She didn't think you could handle her being with anyone

other than papa.

I didn't feel comfortable talking to you about my men.

‐ Men? Did she say men? ‐ That's what I heard. Men?

‐ Ma, how many have there been? ‐ Told you she can't handle it.

‐ You haven't given a chance. ‐ You always take her side.

‐ Well, she's my mom. ‐ But she never takes my side.

How can I take your side? You never tell me anything.

Well, in my day

mothers and daughters didn't talk about these things.

We'd just snuck around and everything turned out alright.

Ma, things did not work out alright.

I wanted to know more about what was going on in your life.

That's why I try to keep an open relationship with my daughter.

Khadijah and I tell each other everything.

Uh, yeah. So you gonna tell her about Nigel.

Who's Nigel?

Nigel's the snorkeling instructor. Look here.

Oh, that will teach you to leave me alone on a beach.

A snorkeler, huh?

Yes, mother.

Well, you know..

Snorkelers are pretty good with the pucker

but bakers are great with their hands.

(both) Ah, suki suki now.

Oh, mom, now that we're being more open with one another

I've gotta ask you...

Are you practicing safe sex?

Okay! Over to "Knights of God."

Well, mom, here it is.

The Mothers Day video card.

Um, sorry, it's a tad late

but as you saw, interesting stories started to unfold

and I felt I had a responsibility to you

the home‐viewing audience, to see it through to the end.

Oh, and by the way, here's some stuff that we saw

on the way to nana's house

that we didn't have time to stop and fully investigate.

[whirring]

Woo‐hoo!