Original subtitles

See, first I type in her name and her phone number.

And where we had our first date, so I can wax romantically

on the second date. And then I press enter.

Well, you forgot to put in how many pieces of candy it took

to get her into the car.

Well, at least I don't have to lure my dates with raw meat.

Smooches, everyone.

You will never guess what happened to me today.

I was window shopping on Fifth Avenue

spending thousands, in my head.

When I saw this.

Regine, you will never fit into that dress.

It's called the Cherine doll.

Doesn't it look like me?

[indistinct chatter]

You say the same thing about Whitney Houston.

I do look like Whitney Houston.

You know, all the time people confuse me with Montel.

Yeah, people just chasing me down the street

telling me their business.

You'll be surprised how many dyslexic transsexuals

want to adopt.

No, you guys, Cherine is based on me.

I dated this guy at Wishco, the toy company that makes these.

Obviously when he met me, he made the mold.

Regine, that's nothing but a Barbie doll

dipped in chocolate. Here.

Cherine is me. If you..

Look, she has got six interchangeable wigs.

If you don't believe me, just listen to Cherine.

(Cherine) Smooches.

[indistinct chatter]

[Queen Latifah singing "Living Single"]

♪ We are living single ♪

♪ Oo in the 90's kinda world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep ya head up. What? Keep ya head up, that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough ya gotta fight with ♪

♪ Ma homegirls standin' to ma left and ma right ♪

♪ True blue We tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living single ♪

Cherine is so beautiful and glamorous.

She could whoop Barbie's flat behind any day.

Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

Regine, you have been cooing over that doll all day.

Now, you put it away or it loses a limb.

She's just jealous because the only thing on the market

that she resembles is a multi‐strand floor mop.

[both laughing]

Well, can't we just meet and talk for five minutes?

Well, thanks a lot.

Who was that?

Remember I told you about that story I was doing

on a boxing promoter that was fixing his fights.

No.

You were eating pancakes with blueberry syrup.

Oh, yeah, King Davis. Yes, yes.

I had one good source and Marcus Hughes

from the Village Voice snatched him right out from under me.

Khadijah, I'm no reporter.

Why don't you just walk up to this King Davis fellow

and go, "Hey, there, now. You're fixing fights. Come clean."

Synclaire, King Davis has 84 arrests and no convictions.

I'm afraid he's too crafty even for your sophisticated approach.

I gotta nail this story, man.

This is the kinda thing that wins awards and boosts sales.

Well, if you really wanna boost sales, you should

get a hold of those naked Brad Pitt photos.

You know we don't print that kinda stuff.

Well, could you get 'em anyway?

[indistinct chatter]

[buzzer buzzing]

‐ Oh, nice shot. ‐ I'm also good at distance.

Excuse me. Mind if I ask you a couple questions?

Oh. You a manager?

‐ No, I'm a reporter. ‐ No comment.

Hey, have you ever worked with King Davis?

‐ Are you a reporter? ‐ Yeah.

Unless you're from Good Housekeeping

and you're here for my linguini and clam sauce recipe

take yourself a walk.

Hey, are you really a reporter?

Khadijah James, Flavor Magazine.

I'm doing a story on King Davis. Can I ask you a few questions?

‐ Fire away, yes. ‐ Alright.

Well, for starters, how long you been boxing?

‐ Counting today? ‐ Mm‐hm.

Never.

So what do you do here?

Actually I do the same thing as you. Only, I do it better.

Marcus Hughes. Village Voice.

I knew that.

Right. You thought I was a boxer, girl.

Please, you're too scrawny. Even I could take you down.

Now, Miss James, we just met.

Just because you're a good reporter and have a nice smile

doesn't mean you're gonna beat me to this King Davis story.

So... you think I have a nice smile?

I don't know. I've‐I've never seen a weasel smile until now.

H‐h‐hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm sorry.

We got off on the wrong foot.

I know you. I've read your stuff. It's good.

Just a tip. When you thought I was a boxer

there's one question you should've asked me.

What was that?

You should've asked me out to dinner.

That way, I could have said yes.

So I'm gonna pick you up around eight.

Why would I go out with a perpetrator like you?

Because you like me.

And I find that very attractive.

Say, where you live?

You're the reporter. You figure it out.

This is ridiculous. We can never agree on where to go.

Why don't we go out to that new multiplex theater

slash video arcade slash megamall?

I mean that way Regine could shop.

Thank you.

Synclaire and I could see a movie.

And Max can partake

of the largest international food court

in the tri‐state area.

Hey‐hey, people.

Regine... did you know, according to The Journal

your Cherine doll's become quite a hot selling item?

Naturally.

Hey, if this doll is really based on you

you could be getting cheated out of millions.

I'm telling you, girl, you should sue.

Millions? That's our favorite number.

Good for you, Regine.

Corporate America is always trying to cash in

on somebody else's brainchild. They even tried to do it to me.

Ha ha. Right. When?

That hair‐cutting vacuum, the Flowbee.

Rhymes with Obie.

Coincidence? I think not.

Hey, peeps.

Khadijah, any new leads on the boxing story?

Nope, but I did run into Marcus Hughes.

Oh, yeah? What's he like?

Well, he's arrogant. He is conniving.

He would sell his own mother to get a story.

And I'm havin' dinner with him tonight.

Careful. He may just be taking you out

to pump you for information.

Ha ha ha. While he thinks he's picking my brain

I'll be getting him for everything he knows.

Your lips might be saying that this is business

but that cheap lip gloss is sayin' it's a date.

Is he fun?

Well, you know he's kind of on the tasty side.

See, see, this just proves my point.

Women are always talking about they want a nice guy.

In the end, they go for looks.

And when they want a break from both, they date you.

Don't you have a car to go chase?

[barks]

[knocking on door]

‐ Hey, what's going on? ‐ Hi.

Everyone, this is Marcus Hughes.

‐ Hey, how you doing, man? ‐ How you doing, bro?

Hey, alright, alright. Call me, girl.

Synclaire James. I'm in the news game myself.

Tsk tsk.

So, Marcus have you heard about the Cherine phenomenon?

‐ The who? ‐ You better recognize.

Well, um, this is a real nice place you got here.

‐ Khadijah, this is very you. ‐ You don't even know me.

Oh, sure I do.

You're independent but you're driven by a fear of failure.

You like to give advice, but you can't admit when you're wrong.

And you're a bit of a control freak. Am I right?

‐ Not even close. ‐ Mm‐hm.

Now, look, can we get off of me and get on something else?

Something interesting, like King Davis.

Oh, no, no. I don't wanna depress you.

I got that boxing story already locked up.

Don't worry. Someday you'll have a chance

to crack something this big.

And I'll be off, covering something bigger.

‐ Ha ha. Like your head. ‐ Oh ho. That was a good one.

You know, there's a question I've been dying to ask you.

Where's your restroom?

Oh, upstairs, first door on the right.

And don't be poking around my medicine cabinet either.

[beeping]

"King Davis. Newark Airport, gate 50. Tonight."

Hey, you ready to go?

Uh, yeah, but look, we can't stay out too late tonight

'cause I really gotta get an early start.

Oh, you sure are dedicated.

We could use somebody like you at the Voice.

I mean, if I didn't already work there.

You know, we can use someone like you at Flavor.

Well, if we didn't already have a janitor.

Listen to me, if you cannot meet our needs, we will have to find

another supplier. Now I'm gonna go over it again.

Two large pizzas, no anchovies. Alright?

Synclaire, get off that phone.

And in less than 30 minutes because I have a coupon.

And why are you so grumpy?

I'm sorry. It's that damn Marcus Hughes.

He sent me on a false lead

and I spent half the night at Newark Airport.

So he told you to go somewhere and you went?

No. He went to the bathroom and called his own beeper.

Left me a bogus tip. It's the oldest trick in the book.

Well, now, Khadijah.

It couldn't possibly be the oldest trick in the book.

Beepers have not been around that long.

Khadijah, Khadijah.

I had such a good time last night

I was inspired to write you a poem. It goes like this.

The white zone is for immediate loading

and unloading of passengers only.

Oh, baby, come on. Look, an "I love you" troll.

You do care, don't you?

I can't believe you set me up like that.

Don't get all salty because you fell

for the oldest trick in the book.

I stand corrected.

You know, I've had just about enough of you.

‐ It's time for you to go. ‐ Okay, I'll go.

But you'll be thinking about me..

Specially when my story hits the stands.

Well, not before mine. You goin' down, Hughes.

‐ You goin' down! ‐ Okay. Bye bye.

‐ Can you believe that guy! ‐ I know.

He just walked outta here with my favorite troll.

I gotta break this story before Marcus does.

There must be something in these notes I missed.

(Cherine) Smooches.

What are you three gals doin' here?

I'm going to be rich. Wooo‐hoo‐hoo‐hoo!

Wishco and I have reached a settlement on the Cherine doll.

You know how we always thought

that Regine would never amount to anything?

‐ Yeah. Mm‐hm. ‐ Okay.

Well, it turns out she's worth 595 per unit.

Well..

Now you don't have to be bitter about Anna Nicole Smith anymore.

See, you don't have to make your fortune

by marrying some old geezer.

That was a private rivalry, Khadijah.

Anyway, I owe it all to the legal genius of my best friend.

Right now, I'm your lawyer.

If you want me to be your friend, put me on retainer.

Come on, you guys. Let's go.

‐ Lunch is on Cherine. ‐ Oh, I can't.

I gotta go back to the gym and crack this boxing story.

Oh, Khadijah, can I come with?

Look... this fight is a one‐on‐one

between me and Marcus.

Alright. Well, look at it this way.

You can either have me by your side

which would keep your eye on me

or here, by myself, unsupervised.

‐ Get your purse. ‐ Ah, ha ha!

I can't believe you guys are passing up lunch

at The Four Seasons!

‐ Well, I'm still coming. ‐ Yeah, alright.

Since it's just gonna be you and me

I guess I'll take you to the falafel stand at the corner.

Great. I'll take the Falafel Grande.

See, that's Rusty Biggins. I looked him up.

He's a seasoned welterweight but he's never really made it big.

Wow. Look at that little guy knock him down.

Yeah, maybe he's havin' a bad day. I don't know.

And he's fallin' the same way every time.

Synclaire, what does that look like to you?

Me after a vodka stinger?

I got an even better theory.

[buzzer buzzing]

‐ I'm gonna talk to him. ‐ I'm not gonna just sit here.

I'm gonna hit the speed bag. Don't wanna look conspicuous.

Hey, guys. Lemme borrow those gloves.

‐ Hey, Rusty. You remember me? ‐ Oh, yeah. The reporter.

Well, gotta go.

Look, uh... I know what you doin' in that ring.

How much does King Davis pay you to take a fall?

Heh. Pay me? Lady, I live with my mother.

That answer your question?

Fine. I have everything I need for my story.

I was just trying to give you

an opportunity to tell your side.

Yeah, that's what all you reporters say.

Look, uh... does your mother know you gonna take a dive?

Damn. Had to bring my momma into it!

Yo, okay. But I can't talk about it here.

Just tell me when and where.

I'm fighting at the Goldmine Hotel

at Atlantic City this week. Meet me there tomorrow.

Alright.

Alright, Synclaire. Let's go.

Hear that? Hear the rhythm.

‐ Gotta have the rhythm. ‐ Si, Synclaire.

Regine, imagine my surprise when a limousine rolled up

and you got out.

Well... from now on, I am spoiling myself.

I've bought all the cosmetics I ever wanted.

Well, all they had anyway.

And to think I suggested you buy a mutual fund.

[chuckling]

You will change your tune when you see what I got for you.

Oh, ho ho..

A little Fashion Fair umbrella.

How lovely.

An Elizabeth Arden travel tote.

You shouldn't have.

Hey, do you know how much anti‐aging cream I had to buy

to get that free tote?

Oh‐h, watch out now! Lip balm.

And a cuticle nipper. Well, alright!

‐ Hello, people. ‐ Ah. My attorney!

Pour Vous.

Hmm. Anti‐aging cream.

Well, you might wanna hold on to that.

You're about to age ten years.

I just heard from Wishco, and it turns out

there won't be any royalties.

Wha'?

The Cherine doll is being recalled.

Huh, what happened?

Did the Ken doll get a little jungle fever?

[laughing]

Apparently, Cherine's wigs are highly flammable.

A little girl in Buffalo left her out in the sun too long

and Cherine spontaneously combusted.

So, uh... just slap a warning on the box

and get them dolls on the shelves.

Well, that's not all.

You've also been named in a class action suit.

But don't worry, I'll still represent you

at a discount rate.

And, uh... of course I'll continue to eat here, so..

Ah, Regine, I'm kinda disappointed in you.

Didn't you safety‐test your little face before

you put it on the market?

I cannot believe this is happening to me!

Man! Just when my ship was about to come in.

‐ Life really stinks! ‐ It'll be okay.

You'll get your money back once you return all that stuff.

Oh, no. See, it's not that simple.

Now, I've gotta go and retrieve those letters that I mailed

to family members, cutting them off.

Lemme see if I have this straight.

King Davis takes a boxer. Pays his opponents to take a dive.

Exactly. When the fighter's ready for his big payday

Davis turns around, pays his own fighter to take a dive

places bets against him, cleans up.

It's a hell of a scam.

There's a six dollar bag of peanuts in there you missed.

Oh, no no. Not for me. I'm in training.

You know, this means the end of my boxing career.

‐ Sorry. ‐ Ah, don't be.

Feels good to finally get this stuff off my chest.

Besides, it's time I finally move on with my life.

Maybe, I'll go work for my brother.

He owns a Flowbee dealership.

Well, thanks a lot.

Yes! Yes!

‐ Whoa! ‐ Good interview.

Did you know there's a bidet in there?

How the hell did you get in here?

I told the, uh, maid I was your husband

and that I lost my key.

So she congratulated us on our honeymoon and gave me

a whole bunch of extra bottles of shampoo.

You know where you can stick those tiny little bottles?

Baby, baby, let's not fight.

It's the first day of our new life together.

So, this is how the great Marcus Hughes

gets his stories?

Somebody else does the work while you sit in there

on the toilet and take notes.

Well, not every day, but if it makes you feel any better

I think you're a hell of a reporter.

Because I tried to talk to Rusty but I couldn't break him.

Well... there are good reporters and then there's you.

Ooh... I wouldn't go there because, see

we both have the same information.

And since our publications hit the stand on the same day

a few million readers are gonna read my story

and a few dozen are gonna read yours.

But mine won't be running under an ugly picture of you.

How 'bout we call this thing a draw?

Okay? We're in Atlantic City.

Why don't we go downstairs, hit the 299 crab buffet

and catch the Pips impersonator.

It's like a dream. How can I say no?

You can't. Let's go. C'mon.

Alright. Grab us a couple plates and I'll meet you down there.

I love it when you tell me what to do.

Well, then shut up and get goin'.

I'm goin', I'm goin', I'm goin'.

Nine..

Synclaire, look, it's me. Listen. No, listen. Okay.

Now, Flavor is about to come out a day early. Yes, we can.

I've just plugged in a quote from the boxing story

and I'm sendin' 'em to the office computer now.

Just make sure it gets to the printer and don't screw up.

Hey, you know what. I was thinking..

Uh, wha‐what are you doin'?

I'm sending my story to Flavor.

It'll be on the stands in the morning.

Zippoo!

But Flavor doesn't come out till Thursday.

Heh. Flavor comes out when I say it comes out.

You see, I own it.

I can't believe that you actually scooped me?

Tch. Another fact I can't hide

from the brilliant Marcus Hughes.

So, you think I'm brilliant. Do you?

No. You think you're brilliant. I think I'm hungry.

Now, let's go.

Tell me what story you working on next?

See, that's none of your damn business.

‐ C'mon, you can tell me. ‐ Why are you in my stories?

(Regine) 'I don't care what anybody says.'

'You're still the classiest doll around.'

(Khadijah) 'Regine, stop playing with that stupid doll.'

'The Repo Man is here for your big screen TV.'