Original subtitles

[music on radio]

Hey, girl.

Your eggs a la Overton are ready.

What makes 'em different from plain old scrambled eggs?

I guess the fact that I call 'em eggs a la Overton.

Mm, that really works.

I might have to make me some toast a la Khadijah.

(female ♫1 on radio) 'This is Windy Day with a special weather bulletin.'

'The groundhog saw its shadow this morning'

'and the National Weather Service'

'is predicting the worst blizzard in over a decade.'

'Happy Groundhog Day.'

'Now back to the hits.'

[music on radio]

What the hell does a groundhog have to do with the weather?

I'm sayin'.

Now, Grandma Wakefield

she knew how to forecast the weather.

She said if she spits and it blows to the left

there's a storm‐a‐brewing.

What if it blows to the right?

Oh, that's just plain old spit.

♪ We are living single ♪

♪ Ooh in a 90s kinda world I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up What ♪

♪ Keep your head up That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough You gotta fight with ♪

♪ My homegirl standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue We're tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living Check, check, check it out ♪

♪ Single Check, check, check it out ♪

Oh.

I told you we'd never make it to "Flavor."

There's almost a foot of snow out there.

If we could've just made it through that snowdrift.

I tried to tell you. It wasn't a snowdrift

it was a Honda.

I would tell you how to get to Sesame Street.

You take Puke Avenue.

[shouting] Ms. Shaw, you're talking to the TV again!

Did you forget to take your medication?

Yeah, what's up with the PJs, Max? You feeling sick?

I'm fine. The office was closed. I'll spend all day on your couch

so I figured, hey, why waste time getting dressed?

[clapping] Right now, that's some snow day thinkin'!

Snow day!

Okay, Synclaire.

You got your pencil sharpener, your cute little office toy..

Let's get ready to work.

Oh, my! I feel a fever coming on.

Maybe a lung infection, oh, the gout, or..

Scurvy. I..

Synclaire, this is the second time this year you had scurvy.

Now, sit your ass down.

It's not fair, it's a snow day!

[whining] Oh, you think you got problems, huh?

Well, you should be down on your hands and knees

thanking God that you don't have something

serious to complain about.

Something that can change your life forever!

Max, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine, why?

Come on, girl, what's wrong?

It's the snow!

It always makes me a little queasy.

It's not a solid, it's not a liquid.

What the hell is it?

Hey, everybody.

This is my..

Friend, Melissa.

Melissa, that's Synclaire, that's Khadijah..

Oh, yeah, and that's Max, better know as cousin "It."

Nice to meet all of you.

Nice to meet you. Hi. Heh.

Melissa came over last night, and, uh, we got snowed in.

So how'd you end up with Kyle?

Did he show up on your floss?

No, no, I'm an efficiency expert.

I was hired by Kyle's office to help them

streamline their office procedure.

[groaning]

Kyle had the neatest desk, and spent the least amount of time

dawdling in the men's room.

Khadijah, Khadijah, do you have any coffee?

We're, like, all out upstairs.

I'll be happy to make you some.

Oh, if it's alright, I'll brew it myself.

I drink a special blend of decaf with a splash of espresso

lightly flavored with cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla.

Mm! It's the only way to drink coffee.

It's like fate.

I just stocked up on that make. Come on.

I cannot take that anymore, Khadijah.

Please, please don't leave me in a room

alone with that woman. Do you know

that she has organized my soap by the amount of tallow?

Talk to me, what the hell is tallow?

Come on, man, is she that bad?

[horselaugh]

I have spent the night with Mrs. Ed.

[static on radio]

Yeah, alright, alright.

I'll call you tomorrow to reschedule. Okay.

Whoo, man, this blizzard is really takin' it's toll.

I had to cancel my pedicure and my facial.

Well, you seem to be holdin' up pretty well..

Considering.

Thanks for pickin' me up.

With the subways out, I don't know how I would've gotten home.

(man on radio) 'The Giants haven't been the same since Bill Parcells left.'

'The Patriots are the team of the '90s and..'

Hey, what are you doin'?

Could I listen to Doctor David Scott May

the singing psychiatrist?

(female ♫2 on radio) 'Then, he left me for my brother.'

[sobbing] 'And I've been crying myself to sleep ever since.'

(Dr. May) 'You've taken the important first step.'

'You're acknowledging the pain.'

'The next thing you need to do is..'

♪ Forget your troubles and just get happy ♪

Make me wish my radio had been jacked.

Wow, Obie, you really got this van hooked up.

Yep, I got a setup like a deluxe hotel room.

Including a fully‐stocked fridge and a honor bar.

Help yourself.

Oh, just, uh, check off what you take.

Is that a bean bag chair?

Yep. My mom gave it to me on my eighth birthday.

What'd you do wrong?

Hey, aren't you kind of takin' the long way home?

Clearly, you don't understand the mechanics

of New York City drivin'.

See, I'm takin' the one‐way streets

so as to avoid oncoming traffic.

[Regine screaming] Obie, look out! Oh!

‐ You okay? ‐ Yeah.

Yeah, I think so.

[breathing deeply]

I saw my life pass before my eyes.

I forgot how good I looked as a teenager.

[whirring]

[whirring continues]

[sighing]

‐ We're stuck? ‐ No, we're not stuck.

Overton Wakefield Jones does not get stuck.

[whirring]

You know, Regine, we..

Never have a chance to just sit and talk.

Wait, wait, wait, wait..

Okay.

I'm startin' to worry about Overton and Regine.

You know how slow Overton drives.

There's probably a wino with a shopping cart

passin' him right now.

[phone ringing]

(Melissa) Hmm, you sure keep your phone in an inconvenient place.

Hello.

Regine! Regine, what's wrong?

Oh, my gosh! Are you alright?

Well, how's Overton?

Oh, we're both doin' fine.

Actually, it's kind of relaxin' being trapped

with nowhere to go and nothin' to do.

Mm‐hm.

Tell you what? Don't you worry.

I saw a movie once

where a plane crashed in the mountains

and the people were stuck with no food..

Oh... this would not be a good time for that story.

You just give Obie a big hug from me

and you call us with an update real soon.

Regine and Overton are stuck in his van.

Don't worry.

Overton's honor bar is stocked with enough food for a month.

Come to think of it, maybe I should get some supplies for us.

Uh, no, let me. I'll go, I won't take no for an answer.

What do you need? Come on.

When you're in the express check‐out lane, don't be afraid

to count the number of items of the cart in front of you.

And pick me up some Mallomars, a home pregnancy test

oh, and an onion.

Okay, no onion.

Max..

Are you really pregnant?

I won't know till I pee over the little wand

that comes in the kit I asked you to get.

There's an image to take to the store with me, yeah.

Max... who? When? How?

I think we all know how.

Well, then, who?

Michael.

A few weeks ago, we had a little problem

with the... with the condom slipping off.

It seems Michael was feeling particularly arrogant

and bought the magnum size.

Well..

At least, it's someone you know and kind of like.

Have you called this Michael person

and worked out some sort of budget for future expenses?

Not yet.

And I don't want to say anything

till I know for sure.

He'd just use it as an excuse to get..

You know, closer.

Well, what are you gonna if you are?

I don't know.

I make a good living.

I'm in good health.

Got a couple of places to live.

Where's Kyle with that damn test?

You know, in your medicine cabinet

right behind the laxatives, there's a pregnancy test

next to the Q‐Tips.

Yeah, that's my test.

My doctor gives out samples.

Wish me luck.

I can't believe Max might actually be pregnant.

I never thought this would happen to her.

It's the law of averages.

You walk through a cow pasture enough times

you're bound to step in something squishy.

You know it kinda makes you stop and realize

this whole sex thing..

Is designed to get you pregnant.

So, any news?

Yeah.

I can't go!

I have to go!

‐ I can't hold it in any longer. ‐ What do you expect?

You crossed off three apple juices from the list.

The tow truck will be here once the road's safe.

Well, that could be next week.

Now, you're so handy.

Can't you just whip up a little toilet up in here?

Not one that would flush.

‐ Hey, what's that? ‐ Oh, I think it's a snowplow.

A snowplow! Oh, we're saved.

Hey, over here!

[honking]

Over here!

[screaming]

I will not be buried in this shag coffin.

I am getting out of here.

Regine!

Re... Re..

[door shuts]

(Regine) 'Ow!'

[coughing]

You, uh, you okay?

I hate the snow.

And I hate being cold, and I'm scared.

Oh, Regine, look.

Look, I promise I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.

Oh well, you're a little late with the promises, Overton.

You could've just driven us straight home, right?

But no! You just had to avoid the head‐on collision.

And now, look where we are.

Okay, I realize that that's just the fear talking.

But baby..

Don't hit me again.

(Synclaire) Okay, then. Okay.

Try to imagine a gurgling stream.

[whispering] Okay. Gurgling.

[water gushing]

Ah! Still nothin'.

Come on, Max. What does it take to get you to go?

At work, I have to go all the time.

As soon as the elevator doors close.

Is there music in the elevators?

Yeah. It's sappy muzak.

[humming "The Blue Danube Waltz"]

[gibberish]

Oh, crap!

If she's pregnant, it is gonna be hell on us.

Dumpin' that kid off to us every mornin' before she goes to work.

You'll see.

Once Max has that baby

the magic of motherhood will kick in.

She may even buy her own food.

Yeah, well, I'll help Max in any way I can.

But I tell you this, I'm not breast feedin'.

Whoo, man!

It is ugly out there.

You know, but I did manage to get Max her onion.

And check me out.

I got your dot, your no dot.

I got your plus, your minus.

And I got your pink and your blue.

Alright?

I read all the instructions just in case you need some help.

Gosh, Kyle.

‐ Do I sense some concern? ‐ No.

Don't you wanna find out if Max is gonna have a litter or not?

Where is she anyway?

Upstairs, taking my test.

Don't‐don't even ask.

Well?

Well, nothin'. It takes 15 minutes to get the results.

Is there anything we can do, anything?

Sit your butt down and stop staring at me

like my water's about to break.

Well, I know what'll take our mind off things.

Work.

So, Max and Synclaire

why don't you guys sort these receipts for me?

Kyle, could you tally 'em up?

Mellissa, could you proof‐read this article?

That's right.

Khadijah, you missed a period.

[phone ringing]

I'll get it.

Hello. Regine?

Regine, I can hardly hear you.

Any progress?

Oh, not much going on here either.

Except there's a good chance Max is pregnant.

What? By who? Wait me minute. He‐‐.

Hello? Hello?

Oh!

Battery just died!

What was that all about?

It's someone else's personal business.

So, I have to respect their right to privacy.

Fair enough.

Well, since you're gonna keep badgering me..

It seems Max is pregnant.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Although I suppose there is another way

you can look at that one.

Obie, this is the juiciest thing to hit our house in a long time.

You have got to get us up outta here.

Girl, without salt or sand to put under the tires

there's nothing we can do.

Oh, no.

Don't go there.

Then, don't do it for me. Do it for Synclaire.

Huh? I mean, she's worried about you.

Sh‐she has no way of knowing if you're alright.

Your snookums.

Your cheese blintz.

‐ Your snack cake. ‐ Mmm.

Oh, you had to go and say, "snack cake."

[whispering] Give me the knife.

No.

No, I'll do it myself.

[sniffing]

The chair would want it that way.

[ding]

[alarms ringing]

Let me guess. Time for me to check the results.

I'm so nervous, it's like I took the test.

I can't wait till I'm a mother.

I mean, I can and I will. Not like Maxine.

Well, I'm looking forward to fatherhood.

You know, the bonding, the nurturing.

Uh, the tax deduction.

You know, hon, the only real way to raise children is‐‐

(Khadijah) 'Melissa!'

Melissa, I believe I speak for everyone when I say

we don't give a damn!

Done it again, haven't I?

Had sex too soon with a man I like and then alienated

his downstairs neighbors with my whole control thing.

Well?

First of all, your Renuzit is hard.

‐ Secondly, I'm not pregnant. ‐ Whoo!

Oh, my gosh!

Whoa! That was a close one.

I mean, for a minute there, I actually thought I was pregnant.

Well, so much for little Tyler Shaw.

‐ Aww! ‐ Yeah.

You know, I was actually getting used to the idea of being a mom.

Aww, that's nice, Maxine.

Don't you ever..

Ever put us through that again.

Hear me? Hear me?

Nothing unplanned is ever going to happen to me again.

And when I do get pregnant, oh, I'm going all out.

Fertility drugs, twins, two in one pop, tubes tied

and I'm done.

It would've been interesting to see

the kind of children you'd have.

You saw "Alien", didn't you?

[laughing]

Oh! Thank God. Max pregnant. Must know.

No, I'm not pregnant.

So? So? Somebody paint a picture.

What, were we happy? Were we sad?

Did we‐did we talk about other near‐pregnancies?

Did we talk about what it'd be like if we're pregnant?

Somebody gimme the highlights!

Happy, yes.

‐ Yes. ‐ Oh!

Whoo! Whoo, thank you, girl.

I feel like I was there.

Oh, Obie.

Your bean bag chair.

Yeah.

It gave it's tiny little beans so that we may live.

(female on radio) 'This is Windy Day.'

Hush up, people.

'The storm is breaking and heading east.'

'But don't put away those galoshes.'

'Another front is moving in this evening.'

‐ Oh. ‐ Alright, Melissa, hop to.

Let's get you out of here as efficiently as possible.

Okay.

I sure hope they cleared the Holland Tunnel.

It's really the only way to get to Jersey.

[theme music]

(Overton) 'I usually don't call shows like this'

'but I don't know where else to turn.'

'I'm‐I'm hurtin' inside, doc.'

(male on radio) 'Well, Overton, the loss of a bean bag chair'

'can be very traumatic.'

'But you're acknowledging your pain.'

'The next thing you need to do is..'

♪ Forget your troubles and just get happy ♪

♪ You better chase.. ♪

♪ You better chase all your cares away ♪

♪ Shout Hallelujah Come on, be happy ♪

(man on radio) 'Overton, I'm going to have to ask you turn your radio down.'

(Overton) 'Oh, oh. Sorry. My bad.'

♪ Forget your troubles and just get happy ♪

♪ You better chase all your cares away ♪

♪ Shout Hallelujah Come on get happy ♪

♪ Ready for the judgment day ♪

Yeah.

Woo‐hoo!

[giggling]