Original subtitles

(man on television) 'Welcome back to Life Beat, and today's topic.'

'Meat equals death.'

'By the time the average meat eater in America dies'

'usually before his or her time, their body contains ten pounds'

'of undigested meat.'

'Vegetarians, however live longer'

'and better looking lives.'

'Joining us is Minerva Boom'

'a vegetarian who just celebrated her 75th birthday'

'by running the New York marathon.'

Look at old girl run.

That little kick.

(Minerva Boom on television) 'My girlfriends laughed when I stopped eating meat.'

'But I visited their graves yesterday.'

[audience laughing]

'And from the bottom of my healthy heart..'

Well, God bless her.

(man on television) 'Now, let's meet Doug.'

'Minerva's 25 year old personal trainer'

'and fiance.'

That is it!

No more meat in my diet. Mm‐mm.

What are you watchin'?

A talk show on the dangers of eating meat.

Did you know that when you die

you'll have ten pounds of undigested meat in your body?

Well, I guess, I won't die hungry then.

Come on, let's hit the beef bar and get us some burgers.

Why don't you two put a gun to your head and pull the trigger?

So, I guess, you're stayin'?

I refuse to kill myself slowly with those

are to be clogging poisons.

Bring me some curly fries!

♪ We are living single ♪

♪ Oh in a 90's kind of world I'm glad I've got my girls ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪ ♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life gets tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girl standin' to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living single ♪

[humming]

No, I don't think you understand.

My baby sister's on that flight

and I need to know exactly what time she's due here?

Well, can you at least tell me what movie they're showin'?

Uh, hello? Hello?

Excuse me, but this is

a hand‐painted faux tortoise shell parsons table.

Makes a nice footrest too.

I'd like to announce, I'm now an expert

on Ohio, the Buckeye State.

I bet you didn't know buckeye is a nut like seed

from the horse chestnut variety.

Synclaire, there's a reason why that's a little known fact.

Nobody cares!

When Overton's sister gets here, I wanna make a good impression.

Then put the book down.

Look, just stop naggin' me about the damn meat now.

Yo, Obie, you rushed us up, where's you sister?

Oh, she'll be here in about two hours.

I just didn't want y'all to be late.

I mean, you know how you ladies are.

Two hours?

You only have 45 minutes worth of snacks here.

I can't for you ladies to meet my sister Olivia.

You're gonna love her. She's beautiful, intelligent

yet sensitive and innocent.

Basically, a female version of me.

Is she bald?

You know, I haven't seen Olivia for years

but I remember her being a scrawny, little kid

always following us around.

Well, she couldn't help herself, she idolized me.

Called me, Obie‐walk‐o‐nobie.

[knocks on door]

[knocks on door]

[knocking on door]

Uh, Olivia?

‐ Livie! ‐ Obie!

Olivia.

So, what you doin' here so early?

And with 'em tight pants on?

You know, mom and dad.

We were at the airport four hours early.

So, when dad and his tool belt got stuck at the metal detector

I hopped on an earlier flight.

Hello, Olivia.

How are things in Cleveland, home of the Plain Dealer

circulation 3,45,000?

‐ You must be Synclaire. ‐ Yes.

I told you that research will pay off, I'm in.

Oh, and you must be Regine.

That's a very classy on samba, girl.

What? Uh, uh‐oh..

Girl, this is just somethin' I through together.

[laughter]

Yes, looks real nice with payless shoes.

Max?

I'm Khadijah. What have you heard about me?

That you're a lot calmer now that you've got a man.

And, uh, that you should give Synclaire A's.

I'm calmer... but I ain't crazy.

Hey, Kyle. Check you out, tryin' to grow a goatee.

Oh, well, check you out. Tryin' to grow into a woman.

Not just a woman, a botanist.

Oh, I'm very impressed.

Perhaps you can tell us how we can save our phycus.

[laughing]

It's plastic, dusty.

Hey, y'all, I got everything we need for the Obie special.

We got the smoked turkey. We got provolone.

‐ We got peanut butter. ‐ Chunky style.

Mm, that's right.

Alfalfa sprouts, mayonnaise, corn chips.

All on a Sourdough bun.

But wait a minute... something's missing.

‐ M&Ms. ‐ M&Ms.

Left 'em upstairs, I'll be right back.

So, Olivia, Obie and I thought you might like

to visit the botanical gardens this afternoon.

‐ Sounds like a plan. ‐ Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

I thought you hated the botanical gardens.

Remember, the last time you went there you came back

with that rash, the doctors couldn't identify.

Then there was those berries, you had no business eating.

Excuse me, I'm trying to bond here, okay?

H‐hey.

So, tell me. Was Kyle as much of a dork then as he is now?

Actually, Kyle was very cool.

Thank you.

Oh, he had it goin' on.

He even had his own singin' group. It was called Water.

(Kyle) 'Yeah.'

We were the missing element from Earth, wind and fire.

They used to win all the local challenge shows

and Overton wanted to be in that group so bad

but Kyle wouldn't let him.

Because the man couldn't harmonize.

But because he was my boy

I let him be part of the Water experience.

That's right. That's right.

At the end of the show Overton would wrap a red velvet cape

around Kyle's shoulders and help him off stage.

[laughter]

Oh, my God. The red velvet cape. My God, you were super dork.

Tofu!

That's how my new trademark greeting. Like it?

(all) No.

Ew, how can you eat that?

Don't you realize that a meat diet accelerates

the aging process?

And it inflates that hidden tire around your mid‐section.

Regine, we cannot store fat in our heads like you.

You know, I dated a vegetarian once and he was always sick.

Of course he removed asbestos but... still.

Hey, Regine, where's that half a pot roast we had in there?

I threw it away along with rest of the meat

but I'm replacing it with cleansing wheatgrass.

Oh! Oh, hell no.

Uh‐uh!

You did not just throw away the turkey sausage?

You'll thank me when you're toxin free.

I'll thank you when there's dead turkey in this freezer.

What is that?

Delicious. A sip of this, it'll change your life.

What? It's a wheatgrass and cabbage whip.

I bet $5 she don't make it to bathroom.

Alright, let's go.

Obie special tasted a lot better when I was ten.

Now, he still has to put the M&Ms on them.

Yeah, he's probably upstairs picking out the cracked ones.

He don't want me to scrape my tongue.

He still dotes on you after all these years.

Tell me about it.

This morning he wakes me with a floss bowl in his hand saying.

"Wake up, Livie. It's tooth time."

Now, you cannot blame a man for wanting to protect

a smile like that.

So, Kyle, do you have someone special

that takes care of you that way?

‐ No, not really. ‐ No girlfriend?

A‐ha! Well, I'm still exploring the possibilities.

Hm, that sounds like fun.

O‐Overton.

Hey, Livie, sorry, it took me so long but..

The water valve broke and damn near flooded the basement.

I gotta get a couple of 'em three quarter inch reducers.

Mm‐mm, mm‐mm, for a job that size maybe you should use

a two and a half inch reducing T instead.

Mm, dad would be so proud.

But you know this means

I can't go with you to botanical gardens, right?

Oh, that's alright, I'll just, um..

Catch a flick or somethin' with Kyle.

That okay with you, shorty?

If it's okay with you, it's okay with me.

‐ Give me that. ‐ Good. Then it's settled.

Obie, stop.

Alright. Well, here's some money for some snacks.

Now, make sure she doesn't get any caramel

'cause it's bad for her teeth.

No. When I suggested we go to Washington Square Park

to play chess with the pro's

I thought I was gonna be the one impressing you.

Hey, I was a big time chess champion two years running.

You whacked out the board with that snout nose eight year old.

Hey, anyway, that wad of money was on.

Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, get off my lil' sister.

Overton, I can't believe you did this.

I can't believe y'all doing that.

‐ Kyle, are you okay? ‐ Italian suede jacket.

‐ Sorry, man, but I saw you‐‐ ‐ Mm‐mm, raw silk pants, man.

Lacey black bra.

I can show my bra if I want.

‐ No, you can't. ‐ Yes, I can.

Not as long as I'm your brother.

Overton, I'm a grown woman

and I'll not let you treat me like a child.

Olivia, don't run up those stairs. Your feet are wet.

You might slip and fall!

Okay, everything's going accordin' to the plan we got.

Everything we need to torture Regine.

Okay, we got the ribs, the steaks, the chicken

the hot links.

No potato salad?

Regine must be stopped.

That mean this barbeque has to be meat and meat only.

No coleslaw?

No! No.

This is payback... for Regine throwin' away all the good food

and replacin' it with plant life.

No butterbeans?

Synclaire, there are no side dishes. Just meat.

Oh, I get it. Okay.

Hey, la..

[sneezes]

You've got a cold?

I can't believe Overton did this.

Oh, that's my own fault, really.

Sitting around soaking in my fine wet clothing.

Okay, y'all, Obie's barbeque pit is open for business.

Well, let the meat fest begin.

Uh, Livie, that's your second beer.

Obie, my first was last night and would you get off my case?

Look here, when you're in my care, you follow my rules.

‐ Well, you can kiss my butt. ‐ Oh, no.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no fighting.

We're all a big family here. Now, let's all just apologize.

Apologizing isn't gonna make it any better.

He apologized to Kyle yesterday and he's still a wreck.

Aren't you, Kyle?

Look, take note. I'm just sittin' here.

A little lower.

‐ Livie, what are you doin'? ‐ Relaxing Kyle.

Poor, baby, mm‐hmm.

Olivia Imogene Jones, stop that!

What are you gonna do, pour barbeque sauce on us?

Alright, alright, alright alright.

Enough, enough, enough. Look.

Overton, man, you're my best friend, alright?

Olivia, you have the hands of magic.

But I'm not gonna be caught in the middle

simply 'cause you wanna prove something to him

and you wanna control her. No, no.

You know, my mother always told me, you Jones' was crazy.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'd rather be in Cleveland!

(Olivia) 'Ugh!'

Well, who wouldn't.

It's got more parts per square mile than any other urban area.

(all) 'Shut her up.'

Wow, I just came up to check on you.

I had no idea you're planning to leave.

I don't even know where I'm going, I wanna get outta here.

I understand what you're going through, Olivia.

Overton can be so annoying. I don't blame you‐‐

I'm not the little girl he used to take to the playground.

Certainly not‐‐.

When we played in the sandbox, he'd sift the sand to make sure

there were no pointy rocks.

And you know what else? He built guard rails on the slide

to keep me from falling off.

But you know, he comes from a good place.

Who care where he comes from? He's still annoying.

If you think he's such a pain then why'd you bother

come visit him in the first place?

Uh, I was gettin' on my parents nerves, too.

But you've got to admit, that if you didn't love him

you wouldn't get this mad at him.

Sometimes I get so mad at Overton I just wanna

shake him, and kick him and lock and lock him in the basement

but it's at those moments I know how deep my love for him runs.

Wow, you really do care about him, don't you?

And I think you do too.

So, are you stayin'?

I guess I have to, I can't seem to pack with you around.

Ha‐ha, Regine, join us, there's plenty for everyone.

Yeah, we got chicken, beef ribs, beef tips

beef fries, just plain beef and I don't know what this is

but it's some kinda meat.

Nothing for me?

Regine, now don't take this personally.

Because we looked everywhere and I mean everywhere..

For somethin' for you... to eat.

But we just couldn't find anything.

Well, I'll just be right back with my‐my‐my‐my

summer squash and my oatmeal loaf..

Damn, she didn't break.

Give her time.

So, I guess Max ate all the hot links already, huh?

I shouldn't be surprised.

There're no bones to slow her down.

Hey, uh, saved you a little somethin', shorty.

A peace offering.

Thanks, man.

Um, look, I just wanna say

I'm sorry about this whole Olivia thing.

I guess, I did get a little crazy.

Well, I would've done the same thing if I was you

but in your case, I'd have only ruined

about $40 worth of clothes.

Hey, I just don't know what's gotten into her.

Overton, she's a young woman, man. She's just testing limits.

No, she never used to be like that.

I mean, why she gotta be so different? I haven't changed.

Maybe that's the problem.

Well, maybe you need to give me back my hot link.

Thanks, Kyle.

You people thought that you cleared out

all of my health food, well..

You missed something. Ah!

So, grill it up, Obie, and don't you be stingy with the sauce.

So, Olivia..

Cleveland is supposed to be the city of brotherly love.

Oh, no, wait. Now, that's Philly.

Anyway, go talk to your brother. Go, go, go.

I really like Synclaire.

Yeah, well, she's really likeable.

You know, you look a lot like dad working this grill.

Except you're not setting that side of the house on fire.

Yeah, dad always was a might generous with a lighter fluid

[chuckles]

I see you're in a better mood.

Yeah. I figured I'd hang out a while

spend time with my big brother.

See if I could make out with a few more of your friends.

Yeah, ha‐ha.

Well, I know a couple of firemen

they're used to being hit by water.

Overton, you know, there's a lot you don't know about me.

I mean, I'm a practicing Buddhist.

‐ Really? ‐ Yeah.

And Kyle was not the first guy I've kissed.

In fact, I've kissed and dated a lot of guys.

Yusuf, the boxer.

‐ Danny, the masseur. ‐ Oh.

Robert, the gynecologist. Ooh!

Alright, alright. Fine, I get your point.

Your love life is your business. Fine.

Not just my love life, my life.

Hey, I hear you, but you're still my little sister.

No matter how old you get, that's not gonna change.

Best thing I can do is just try.

You know, see, you got a little sauce right there.

Can you get that for me?

Damn, girl, how many holes you got in your ear?

La‐la‐la.

Mm. Perfect.

O‐oh! Mm!

Scrumptious.

So good and so good for me.

Regine, would you like a bite of my hamburger?

No, no.

I want to eat the whole thing.

Put the hamburger down, put your hands in your pocket

and nobody gets hurt.

Regine, you're not gonna get away with this.

Khadijah, put them ribs in here.

Now!

Max..

Hot links.

Careful.

Regine, this is going too far.

We're just trying to make a point.

I'm saying, look, Regine, why don't‐‐.

Shut up and get away from that table.

I'm gonna eat everything now.

Don't look at me.

I can't do it, I promised myself

and I gotta stick to my principles.

I wanna die young like you all.

I guess, you're serious, huh?

I thought, this was another one of your little wimps.

Like the time you waved that crystal over your food

to dissolve the fat.

Hey, it worked for Liz Taylor.

Well, if you don't wanna eat meat I can respect that

but don't tell us how to live.

You're right.

Besides, if I can't change the way you people dress

I'll never change the way y'all eat.

Right.

Fire's gettin' a little low.

Just give it a little kick.

Oh, my..

Ah, I'm sick of eating meat.

See, Max. Some part of you wants to become a vegetarian too.

Please, I just need a little dessert to cope my stomach.

Where's that cheese cake you hid? I‐I'm gonna get it.

I swear, she's got a tapeworm.

Oh, my..

[laughing]

Goodnight, everyone. God bless.