Original subtitles

Oh, look, Khadijah, more flowers!

Baby, I'm back! Ha ha ha!

Scooter!

Hey.

Now what?

How about this?

You're suspending me?

No, let's just call it an extended... vacation.

You sure you don't wanna give me a raise?

Damn.

Man, I had the day from hell.

Come on, Khadijah, let's do this.

Max..

This is not exactly the best timing.

Can we talk later?

Oh.

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

‐ Oh, shoot. Oh! ‐ Ooh, ooh.

‐ Ugh! ‐ Ugh!

Okay. Okay, this is, this is a nightmare.

Let's just shake it off, man.

Ooh! Yeah, that's it.

Oh, you got to shake harder.

You got to shake it harder.

Wait, wait, w‐wait.

‐ Aah. ‐ Uh.

We drank the whole bottle?

Why is there salt in my navel?

‐ Okay. Ha ha ha ha! Whoo! ‐ Okay. Okay.

You don't think we..

‐ Ha ha! ‐ No.

‐ Aah! ‐ God looks out for me.

Aah, uh..

God must've blinked.

Mm. Mm.

‐ Kyle? ‐ Mm?

‐ If I hear one word of this.. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

I will kill you

burn you

and salt the earth where I bury you.

So, that nothing..

Will ever grow there again.

You do not have to worry.

I do not brag about charity work.

Ooh.

[keys jingling]

Aah! Shit.

Come on, man, give me that.

‐ Give me that! ‐ W‐wait, wait, wait!

Well..

I can see you takin' advantage

of havin' the place all to yourself.

[chuckles] Yeah.

What was that?

Umm, that is a rat I just chased into the kitchen.

Oh. Well, let's just take a little look, shall we?

Uh, Overton, Overton, you know, you, heh, must be exhausted.

‐ Out all night and stuff. ‐ That's true, man.

Nothin' takes it out of you like a '70s film fest.

Too much of that a hand‐held cameras.

Yeah, yeah, that good, now look..

Why don't you go and get some rest, yeah?

‐ Yeah. Good idea. ‐ Yeah?

‐ Well, I'm tired. ‐ Okay.

Oh, um..

You got the, uh, Rat‐O‐Matic and fake cheese in the closet.

‐ 'In the closet.' ‐ Alright?

Yeah.

‐ Come quickly. ‐ Oh, God, oh!

Open it, open it.

‐ Go, go. ‐ Aa‐aah!

Aahh!

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I've got my girls ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪ ♪ What ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Wheneva this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ Wit' my home girl standin' to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue we tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ No free position ♪

♪ Ah‐hh‐hh ♪

[instrumental music]

Hey, hey, everybody.

Life gave me lemons, so I made lemonade.

‐ Ooh, no. ‐ No, I'm sorry.

‐ No, I'm fine. Mm‐mm. ‐ Oh, well.

What you do when life gives you lemonade?

Make popsicles. Be right back.

Oh, Synclaire, Synclaire.

While you're down there, would you give me diet soda?

‐ I'm thirsty. ‐ Alright, then.

Heh heh, I love Synclaire. Ha ha ha.

Scooter.

You get my ear all soggy.

Sorry.

No, no, baby, don't stop.

I just want you to switch to the other ear.

Oh!

‐ Max... on the roof. ‐ Good to see you, Max.

Oh!

Scooter.

Khadijah told me you wouldn't be here.

I was just about to leave.

But, he'll be around a lot more

when he gets this job with Halogen Records.

Okay. Isn't love beautiful now?

‐ Push on, now. ‐ Ha ha ha.

Max, don't ever change, huh?

Don't tell me what to do.

Good luck cheerin' her up.

Oh, you're leaving.

We were just about to have popsicles in four‐five hours.

‐ Save me one. ‐ Okay.

Alright.

So, what's the buzz, cuz?

What happened last night?

[sighs] Well, Alonzo left.

And Scooter and I got to talking

and you know how it is between us.

We can't fight it, one thing lead to another

and another and another, all up in the kitchen.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Well, I feel like crap.

Hold up, everybody.

I sense Max wants to share something.

‐ Uh. ‐ What's wrong?

Oh.

I will never ever drink again!

[scoffing]

Ooh, Max, who are you sorry you spent the night with?

Now, you see, that just shows how much you know.

If Max had spent the night with someone

she'd have the relaxed look on her face, you know.

Uh, uh...

Oh, yes.

[laughing]

Okay, girl, come on, who was it?

Regine, get off it.

No, not until I find out who she was on.

Look, I came here to relax, okay?

‐ So, let's just all relax! ‐ Okay.

‐ Very well. ‐ Thank you.

♪ Tell me something good ♪

♪ Tell me that you like it.. ♪

Isn't that funny?

You two singing the same little diddy?

‐ Listen, I'm gonna go. ‐ Listen, I'm gonna go.

‐ I'll stay you go. ‐ I'll stay you go.

‐ Okay, you go after. ‐ You go after.

Guys, you're making me dizzy already!

‐ You guys just chill! ‐ I was tryin'.

Did you all see that?

‐ What? ‐ Max.

‐ Well, what'd she do? ‐ Nothin'.

That's what I'm talking about.

Look at Kyle's shoulders.

'Ain't 'em space booties?'

Wait, wait, wait, she ain't said a word.

I don't know. Maybe she didn't noticed.

No.

Hey, Kyle.

Nice jams.

Very Caribbean.

Thanks, babe.

Wait a minute.

Max, you have nothing to say?

No.

Not even about those ashy camel knees?

No.

Yeah, something's going on.

Hey, you, uh..

‐ You alright, man? ‐ I'm fine. Why?

It's just that usually you got somethin' overly observant

to say 'bout your girl Max by now.

Oh, well, not today, man.

Look, umm..

I've had enough sun. I'm gonna get out of here.

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

(Obie) 'Hey, look..'

Uh, excuse me..

I gotta go see what's wrong with him.

Plus, I gotta go and get some of that SPF30 for my..

Virgin skin.

Obie, your hair?

Yeah, girl, I was tryin' to tighten up my feet

and somethin' went terribly wrong.

‐ Oh. ‐ See you.

Max! Homie.

What's up, baby? You seem a little depressed.

Oh, please! I'm not.

It's your imagination.

I'm fine! I'm on top of the world!

Oh, if you love me, push me.

Look, man, if you won't tell me what's going on

I can't help you.

Obie, there's nothin' anyone can do.

D‐don't you see, you‐you cannot turn back

the hands of time, man?

Sit down.

Overton, last night I did something.

For which... I may never be able to forgive myself.

It was the unthinkable..

The unspeakable..

The most horrible..

Most heinous..

The most repulsive..

You slept with Kyle?

You clawed up to Sync again?

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

You had that serious after‐sex look in your eyes.

I just thought she had gas.

You slept with Kyle!

You hate Kyle. I can't even believe you let him touch you.

We used a condom.

How the hell did this happen?

Well, I had to talk to somebody!

Well, you could have just talked to Kyle.

You didn't have to... get natural with him.

Believe me, there was nothing natural about it.

Oh!

Yeah, well, I knew somethin' freaky was going on

when I found Max's suede pump under the chair.

Uh, by the way, I fixed the heel.

And to think, I actually drank out of this.

Look here, man, it's time for some tough love.

Man, there's obviously somethin' between you and Max.

‐ Oh, but, you‐‐ ‐ Look, stop.

Now, what you all need to do is just figure out

if it's love or hate.

Oh, Max.

Max, if you really hated Kyle

you couldn't have slept with him.

No, no. Max is versatile that way.

Oh, I can't believe it.

I got suspended from work.

I slept with a toad.

And, now, I have to live with the memory.

Why me?

Well, girl, that's what happens when you don't put money

in the collection plate three weeks in a row.

Mm‐hmm.

Maxine Shaw, I would like to have a word with you

in private, please.

Anything you have to say to me

you can say in front of my girls.

Fine! Will you have dinner with me tonight?

‐ Yes! ‐ Pick you up at 7:00.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Isn't anyone else the least bit concerned

that Max and Kyle are on a date?

The repercussions of their union will be very cataclysmic.

The lion and the lamb will live as one.

The law of gravity will be repelled!

It's gonna be bad all around!

Girl, you here to play, or you here to talk?

Oh, my.

Well, Kyle and Max seem like a good couple to me.

Everybody seems like a good couple to you.

I believe in love.

And you just keep on keepin' on, sweet pea.

‐ Hey, baby. ‐ Hey, baby, what's up?

Did you get the job?

Uh, well, it's like this.

You're looking at the new director of artist relations

for Halogen Records!

[all cheering]

Oh, joys!

Now, if Max and Kyle get together

everybody's gonna have a man, but me.

Max and Kyle are gettin' together? Hey, good for them.

Oh, what do you know?

You haven't been around but a minute.

Regine, relax!

Max and Kyle are not gettin' together.

They have spent too many years dissing each other.

They don't know anything else.

They know how to wear out a good recliner.

[instrumental music]

Oh.

Maxine, we did not come here not to talk to each other.

Fine. Talk away.

Well, we've never really gotten along.

Right from the start, remember you were bringing

that box into the house?

Mm‐hmm. You asked me if I need a help.

And you said, "Drop that. I can carry my own box."

‐ Scrawny bucket head grime. ‐ Scrawny bucket head grime.

[both chuckling]

‐ You remembered? ‐ 'Ha ha.'

My memory is one of my greatest assets.

I believe you've become acquainted with the other.

Look here, Kyle.

I was traumatized after being suspended from work.

I was desperate and out of my mind.

What's your excuse?

You're beautiful when I'm drunk.

And, besides, I mean, at least, you can say you slept with me.

[scoffs] You still have your dignity.

What do I have?

No chance in hell of getting seconds.

Thirds, Max. Thirds.

You make me sick!

‐ You make me puke. ‐ You are puke.

‐ Dance? ‐ Love to.

[instrumental music]

Alright. So, what do you think?

‐ Maxine Barker? ‐ Oh.

Maxine Shaw‐Barker?

Uh‐uh, Maxine Barker‐Shaw?

I mean, for real, if they hook up

his name is gonna be Kyle Shaw.

[chuckles]

I don't care what they call themselves.

This cannot happen!

Oh, Regine, I think you'd be happy.

If they start dating, maybe she won't be down here so much.

Oh, please! Who're you foolin', huh?

In no time this place will be crawlin'

with freeloadin' dreadlock havin'

crumb‐snatchin' little Barker‐Shaws!

Well, if they have five of 'em, they can form a singin' group.

Okay, do you think Max and Kyle would change?

[scoffing] Duh! Of course, they will.

Everybody does. Look at her.

I haven't changed.

‐ Have I, skooie‐pooie? ‐ Mmm.

It's all good, baby.

Oh, get a room.

Excuse you.

Can we get back to the tragedy at hand, huh?

Okay.

Now, has anyone considered

what will happen to me, if Max and Kyle get together?

I'm sorry.

We must have gotten all our priorities all messed up.

What will happen to you?

All of Max's bitterness will have to find a new target.

She's afraid of you. Synclaire will cry.

So, that leaves moi.

And I'm not havin' it.

You know, Regine, while you were talkin' I had a minute to think.

You need to shut up.

Okay, fine. It's alright. I don't need none of ya'll.

I will be the lone voice of sanity in this room.

But if they come back in here talkin' that weird couple mess

I will drive a wedge between them.

You give me three days

a camera... and an airbrush kit.

Anyone can do what you can.

But you remember what happened last time.

You wanna go to court again?

Alright, calm down. This is ridiculous.

We're talkin' about a couple's destiny.

We can't just trivialize it like this.

‐ Let's put some money on it. ‐ Okay.

[all talking indistinctly]

[instrumental music]

This is your problem, Maxine.

You don't know how to let a man lead.

I've seen where you can take me.

I don't wanna go there.

Afraid?

Bored.

Maxine, why're you so threatened by my manhood, huh?

Don't you have enough of your own?

[all applauding]

Mm.

You know, you held your own out there.

Well, you managed to catch me off guard a couple of times.

Oh, Max, you've always got your guard up.

Hey, when you let it go, you can get hurt.

Not all the time.

What about last night?

What about it?

[chuckles]

Come on, Max, admit it.

It was good.

Mm, it didn't stink.

Alright, who had the soup?

Oh, thank you.

So, Maxine..

What's it going to be?

Kyle, we've known each other for a long time.

Sniping..

Fighting..

Cutting each other down.

I don't wanna lose all that.

Neither do I.

[instrumental music]

Ooh, salsa!

Please, you can't do salsa.

[speaking Spanish]

Aah, yeah.

[sighs]

Well..

‐ Ah, you're home! ‐ How'd it go?

Anything interesting go down?

That you care to share?

Alright, look, let's get to the point.

You'll are not a couple, are you?

Please, I'm not drunk tonight.

[scoffs] And your face killed my buzz.

Scarecrow.

Mop head.

Well, there's nothin' to see.

Come on, everybody, back to your homes. Let's go, let's go.

Pay up, I win, I win. Give me my money, give me my money.

Thanks! Come on, get, get, get to steppin'.

That's what you get for slidin' a skootie‐pootie.

Goodnight, Kyle.

Goodnight, Max.

[instrumental music]

[salsa music]

Whoo‐hoo!