Original subtitles

Of course, Kyle insists

that the appropriate name for the dog is Kyle Barker.

Isn't that ridiculous?

Well, why don't you just name the dog Overton?

Well, uh, I was kind of saving that for my...

firstborn.

Anyway, after all these months of bickering,

I think we finally decided

to name him after my favorite TV character, Sanford.

Mm.

Well, I think he's lucky to have you guys as owners.

I bet he loves you.

Sanford likes me an awful lot,

but he's really partial to Kyle.

Down, down, down, down, down.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Down, down.

Heel, boy, heel!

Kyle.

See you got an answer to your ad in the personals.

Alright.

Her‐‐ get her.

♪ Check check check it out check check check it out ♪

♪ Do what you want girl... no free position ♪

♪ We are living single ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we are living a single life ♪

♪ We are living ♪

♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh, and in a '90's kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I've got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life gets tough ♪

♪ You got to fight with ♪

♪ My homegirl standing to my left ♪

♪ And my right, true blue and tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check, check, check it out ♪

♪ Check, check, check it out ♪ ♪ Single ♪

♪ Do what you want, girl free position ♪

♪ And in a '90's kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I've got my girls ♪

♪ Aah. ♪

No, I understand you're upset

but I'm looking at your ad now, and I don't see any mistakes.

Yes, there's only one line through the dollar sign.

You specified two.

I'll be more than happy to refund your money.

It's a pleasure doing business with you.

See, Khadijhah?

Aren't you glad I got you Mr. Wess, the stress lesser?

Synclaire, when you came in here,

you looked like you had something on your mind.

Is it still there?

Oh, yes.

That "Teacher Of The Year" guy you're interviewing is here.

Send him in.

Not until you change your tone.

See now, that's better.

Hi. Hi.

How you doing?

I'm Khadijah. Have a seat, Mr. Ford.

Oh, no, please. My students call me Mr. Ford.

I'm Alonzo.

Okay.

Alonzo.

I hope you don't mind. I like my interviews to be accurate.

No, not at all.

You look fine.

The tape recorder can't see you.

That's too bad, 'cause I'm having a good hair day.

Well, your students' math and reading scores

are 40% higher than the city average.

How do you do it?

Well, I just let them know that I'm there for them

and that I care.

My style's pretty basic.

And that basic style includes you showing them a videotape

of you bungee jumping?

Oh. Oh, that.

Well, you know, my friends talked me into going.

I figured what better way

to demonstrate Newton's law of gravity to my students?

Although I think they also learned

not to eat a big breakfast before you go jump off a cliff.

That's nasty.

So, I hear you started an innovative after‐school program.

Actually, I have two.

Tell me about them.

Well, the first is combination sports and arts program.

We try and keep the parents involved.

Any other program?

The other program combines dinner...

dancing...

and, hopefully, you.

Are you asking me out on a date?

Because it's on the record.

Are you saying yes?

Because the public has a right to know.

They don't have to know everything.

And those things happen when you run your own business.

Yeah.

Maybe I should shut up now.

I feel like I told you my whole life story.

Did I go into too much detail?

No, not at all.

And I agree‐‐ there should only be one line

through the dollar sign.

(chuckling)

I guess, I get pretty passionate about my work sometimes.

Passion's good.

Anyway, I think maybe I should...

have you come speak to my class

because your passion would inspire them.

Yeah.

I just missed a chance to kiss you, didn't I?

It won't be your last.

And you wanted to rent a movie.

Alonzo, this is Regine, Overton,

Kyle, Max, and you remember Synclaire.

Everybody, this is Alonzo.

So...

you're the teacher.

Ah, yeah. Fourth grade.

Oh.

Fourth grade, huh? Yeah.

Let me ask you this question.

Say you got a kid in a spelling bee, right,

and you throw a tricky word at him like "neighbor."

That's one with the "e" before the "I,"

the silent "g‐h" thing

and who knows what kind of vowel is between the "b" and "r."

My question to you, sir:

Don't you think that's a little bit harsh?

I see how that's tough on a little man, yeah.

See, Kyle, I told you, you got nothing to be ashamed of.

Anyway, I should be going.

I got to get home

and take "neighbor" off tomorrow's spelling test.

KHADIJAH: Let me walk you to the door.

(clearing throat)

You people stay!

Well, well, well.

Not everybody can look that good in a cheap suit.

I thought his gray streak was dashing.

(distant howling)

And he's in heat.

I like that in a man.

That would be our dog.

Guys, he's been howling for weeks.

When are you gonna get him fixed?

Fixed?

Yep. Neutered.

Altered. Singing soprano...

♪ Whoo... ♪

In the Vienna Dogs Choir.

Maxine, not even you could relish

the thought of such an awful procedure.

Snip, snip.

(cluck)

(thud)

And you wonder why you have no man.

(laughing deeply)

(guffawing)

So... am I mistaken

or did you and Alonzo seriously hit it off?

I saw it, too.

Yes, ladies, she does have that.

"He could be the one" look in her eyes.

Now, see, Regine, that's how you always ruin things.

When it comes to men, you always get ahead of yourself.

Now, me, I'm going to enjoy this day

and not even consider tomorrow.

Mm‐hmm.

What you doing?

I was putting his number in speed dial.

(cackling)

What? Come on, now, leave me alone.

You think I'm weird because I like

sleepytime tea in the morning and breakfast tea at night?

I think you're weird, but not because of the tea.

Why did y'all put the chain on the back door?

I had to come around the building.

Wow, you just answered your own question now, didn't you?

So, any Khadijah sightings?

Nope.

Last night, she and Alonzo

celebrated their three‐week anniversary

and she stayed at his place.

No, wait a minute. That was Monday.

No, last night, they celebrated

the anniversary of the first time they spoke on the phone

and tonight, they're celebrating...

Tuesday.

Well, alright. This thing is going well.

Good for Khadijah.

She's long overdue.

Well, I have to admit I have mixed feelings.

Although I'm happy for her, I‐I feel little neglected.

Sometimes I wish she'd... get a paper cut.

You're a bad seed, Synclaire.

Hey, what's up? I can't talk. I gotta change.

Alonzo's waiting for me in the car.

I'm caught up. How about you?

Whoo. Feel like I was there.

KHADIJAH: Regine!

Can I borrow a pair of socks?

If you'd done your laundry, you'd have your own.

KHADIJAH: Thanks. I'll help myself.

That's why her funky laundry

made a break for the door yesterday.

You know, she's being just as irresponsible at work.

She's having me make her calls and sharpen all of her pencils.

You nut, that's your job.

Yeah, but now she's making me do it.

Well, who can blame her, huh? I mean, the girl is in love.

I'm sure if it us, we'd act the same way.

Not me.

I wouldn't even bother coming home.

I'd just buy new underwear on the way to work.

(cackling)

Oh, come on, honey, face it.

Your cousin is a couple now.

(car horn honking)

KHADIJAH: Coming!

You know what, it just occurred to me.

Khadijah's been seeing this guy nonstop for about a month.

And what do we know about him?

(horn honks)

His horn works.

Alright, y'all, I'm out. See you later.

Okay, hold up there, young whippersnapper.

The time has come for us to get to know this Alonzo.

How about we go out to dinner?

Cool.

Can you make it Friday?

No. We got tickets to the Knicks game.

Thursday?

It's grand opening night for P. S. 276'S production of Grease.

Well, what about tomorrow?

Overton and I have our pigeon protection meeting,

but, um...

we can catch the next one.

Then it's on.

Pigeon protection meeting.

They aren't the only couple with an active social life.

Well, let me explain the handyman's credo

as it applies to our dog Sanford.

"If he ain't broke, don't fix him."

But this book that the vet gave me makes it clear

we need to nip this problem in the bud.

Uh, not the bud exactly.

All he needs is like five minutes with a French poodle.

How can he tell the difference between a freaky French poodle

and my expensive Italian suits, man?

I mean, he's already marked the whole apartment.

Soon he'll be peeing on the Empire State Building

and then the whole city will be his.

Look, look, right here. Read what the experts say.

"The procedure is painless

and the dog will be more content."

Don't believe the hype.

Alright, but this morning, I saw him eyeing your tool belt

with that...

that special yearning.

It'll be for his own good.

Mm‐hmm.

Hey, why don't you join us?

We can't, we've got to take Sanford to the animal doctor

before Overton loses his nerve.

"The procedure is painless

and the dog will be more content."

You really getting that mutt cut?

"The procedure is painless

and the dog will be more content."

And, uh, what can I get for you?

Let's see, a bottle of champagne and five glasses.

We're expecting friends.

You got it. Thanks.

Ooh, I can't wait to grill Alonzo.

Now, Max, you know that ain't right.

Regine has a point. That would be rude.

I'm talking tactics, not manners.

First, we'll lull him into a false sense of security

and then...

we'll pounce on him

like he's the last bustier at a half‐price sale.

Oh, man.

Man, it's been over an hour.

I hope nothing happened to them.

Well, I don't care what happened.

I'm ordering dinner.

Well, I've tracked them down.

And where were they?

At Alonzo's.

I woke them up.

What?!

I cannot believe Khadijah left us hanging like this.

Well, she said she's going to be here in 15 minutes.

Well, they won't find me.

I'm out.

Look here.

I'm too through, okay?

Regine, stop sweatin' me.

I know I stood you up, but I was...

you know, busy.

Synclaire's forgiven me.

(mutter): Yeah.

Come on, I feel terrible.

If you could see my face you would know.

She sincerely looks sorry.

Yeah, her skin has cleared up too.

Come on, now.

I'll make it up to you at the cafe. Alonzo and I are paying.

I'm ordering the most expensive dish on the menu!

So?

We'll see you there?

Come on, Regine.

Don't make me beg.

Hold out for the begging. It's worth it.

Okay.

(playing jazz riffs)

What'd you think about this shirt I picked out for Alonzo?

He looks so good in blue.

You can shop with me anytime.

Well, I saw a little something today...

(Alonzo chuckling)

I never thought I'd be so sickened at the thought of people shopping.

I mean, have you ever seen two goofier people in your life?

My, my, my, where did the time go?

Yee‐whoa‐ho!

I tell you, I'm no good without my 11 hours.

Well, I suppose I could go

for another delicious piece of cheesecake.

Oh, but, you know, it is late. It is late!

Wait a minute. We just got here. Hang.

Oh...

wish we could.

Can't.

Nice to see you.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

They seemed a little bit out of it tonight.

Guess they were kind of into their own thing.

Yeah.

More cheesecake?

Obie, man, you need to get over it.

Can't, man.

I keep seeing them wheeling Sanford away

on that little doggie gurney with his hind paws crossed

as if he knew what was going to happen.

Oh, Overton, you look like you've lost your best friend.

Not me. Can't say the same for Sanford, though.

Well, you've done the right thing.

That's what I've been trying to tell him.

And at least we gave him his one last manly romp.

Yeah, we left him alone with his favorite pair of trousers.

But he'll never know the true pleasures of manhood.

Come on.

The dog is young.

He can't miss what he never had.

Ask Kyle.

I ignore you.

Overton, let's go.

For us, as well as Sanford, there remains only the healing.

Think they have a support group for this?

Ooh, look who found her way home.

Where you been?

When y'all left, you said you were tired.

We were tired of watching you drool all over Alonzo.

Why are you buggin'?

Oh, Khadijah, you have been buggin' for three weeks.

First we invite you out; You stand us up.

Then you invite us out and act like we're not there.

Look, Sybil, you're not the first woman to get a man.

I really don't understand what's up with this attitude.

I finally get a good man, and y'all can't support me?

Well, it's kind of hard when all you do is walk all over us.

This is so small.

Yeah, well, it's a small world after all.

You know, I was just hoping Alonzo

could get to know my friends.

That's it.

But I guess not.

That small world thing got to her, huh?

I told Christopher, I said, "You have to understand

"the difference between real life

"and The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

"You know, if you hit Wilson in the head with a bat,

he will stay down."

You're good with kids, I'm telling you.

I'd have picked him up by his head till he looked peaceful.

Oh, man.

Alonzo, where have you been?

We were waiting for you.

Oh, man, I lost track of time. I'm sorry, fellas.

Why don't you grab a court? I'll be there soon.

Forget about it, man.

No, I'll be there, Stan.

Hey, he still remembers your name.

Dig that. Let's go, man.

Come on, fellas.

(sighs)

Damn.

That was kind of deep.

Forget them.

I get with a good woman and all my friends can do is complain.

I mean, what is that about?

Well, what have they been saying?

Oh, you know, I ignore them.

All I do is talk about you all the time.

They never see me anymore.

Hmm.

You know, my friends been saying the same thing.

And I'm starting to think they have a point.

Yeah, maybe they do.

I guess we've got to come out of our little world sometime.

But it's so cozy in here.

Isn't it though?

Hey, here's an idea.

How about I introduce your friends to my friends?

They already have something in common.

They hate us.

(laughs)

Hey.

Y'all going somewhere?

Oh, what tipped you off, our leaving?

I know I haven't exactly been myself lately,

but I'm back.

Well, whoo‐hoo, Khadijah's back, y'all.

Let's break out the good china.

Do you think you could stop being hilarious long enough

for me to apologize?

Well?

That was it.

Oh.

That was weak.

What do you want from me?

A quart of blood and a real apology, for once.

Okay, so I made the mistake of putting a very handsome,

attractive, sensitive, extremely sexy man, ahead of you...

and for that, I'm sorry?

You know, the sad part is,

that's as good as it gets.

Hey, I'm shocked she said that much.

Am I off the list? Are we cool or what?

Well, why don't you join us for a game of miniature golf?

Okay.

You know, Alonzo likes golf.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Tennis is his game.

OVERTON: Here you go, Sanford, your favorite frisbee.

Well, how about this squeaky little newspaper

so you can catch up on your reading?

Aw, it's no use.

You've lost your zest for life.

What have we done?

You'll never be the same again, will you?

KYLE: Hey, Overton.

(door slams shut)

(Sanford growling)

Down, boy, down, down!

Down, boy, down! Down, Sanford.

Sanford, down

(fabric ripping)

OVERTON: He's back, Kyle.

He's back!