Original subtitles

Evenin', Max, Regine, Khadijah.

Sweet pea.

Pumpkin pie.

Yeah, I got all the groceries you wanted.

I got paper towel, onions and fresh fish.

These little gill breathers are for my new aquarium.

Well, Overton, I thought you had your heart set on a puppy.

Well, Kyle's allergic to anything with fur.

Yeah, like Max's upper lip.

[Kyle laughs]

Besides, I didn't want any mangy flea‐bitten animal

running around the apartment.

Too much competition?

They're cute and all, but what do you do with a fish?

Yeah, the word sushi comes to mind.

♪ Check check check it out check check check it out ♪

♪ What you want? No free position ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we're living the single life yeah ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what? ♪

♪ Keep your head up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Haaaa ♪

‐ I love this movie. ‐ Yeah, me too.

I mean, the kid was good

but the whale's performance was a virtual tour de force.

Oh!

Khadijah, why don't you let me borrow the scarf?

It'll go great with my new blue suit.

My grandmother gave me that scarf.

Well, she would have if I hadn't just taken it.

[doorbell rings]

What the devil?

Is Willy free yet?

Now who would be rude enough

to come by unannounced this late at night?

Yeah, all the usual suspects are already here.

‐ Jackie! ‐ Hey, now.

What's up, baby?

‐ What's going on? ‐ Max! Oh!

Yes, yes, yes. Big hug.

Everybody, this is Jackie, my girl from college.

Wait a minute, aren't you the one that got suspended

for registering as Sidney Poitier's niece?

No.

Hey, I was right behind her

registering as Clarice, the missin' Belafonte.

[laughing]

So what are you doin' in New York?

I thought I'd take a crack at acting, you know.

The legitimate stage.

And, Khadijah, I promise as soon as things start working for me

I'll pay back that money.

You owe me money?

Two hundred and twenty six dollars

borrowed in June of 1986.

Give me a minute, I'll figure out the interest.

Max never changes.

Despite popular demand.

I'm goin'.

Yeah, I gotta go and check on the little tykes.

Oh, you have kids?

No, fish. They're just like kids.

Only smaller and wetter.

So you hungry, Jackie?

You know me, I'm on that macrobiotic diet again.

You got any brown rice and vegan curd?

Nope. I've got some fudge.

‐ Close enough. ‐ Well.

She seems really nice and nutritionally aware.

Yep, she's a freakin' joy.

And talk about a mooch, ooh.

Well, now if that ain't the pot callin' the kettle a sponge.

In college, Jackie talked me and Khadijah

into starting a sandwich business.

We even put up the cash.

Two weeks later, Jackie ditches us

and starts a new jazz combo, The Jackie Five.

Me and Khadijah were stuck with six, count 'em

six dozen cases of garlic baloney.

Well, Khadijah seems to have gotten over it.

Khadijah likes garlic baloney.

[Jackie laughs]

Man, that was nothing compared to the time

we put on camouflage gear and raided the guys dorm..

‐ Looking for a few good men. ‐ Looking for a few good men.

[laughs]

Hey, Max. Where were you that night?

I was in my dorm room

eating sandwich after sandwich after sandwich.

Hey, Max in the..

Jackie, you're still here.

In my chair.

Yes.

Where are the raisin bagels?

My mouth was all set for raisin bagels.

I need my raisin bagel.

Oops.

‐ There's still some left. ‐ Oh, God.

[telephone rings]

Hello. Oh, just a sec.

‐ Jackie, for you. ‐ Ooh!

I gave out the number, that's okay, isn't it?

Hello. Hi. Good, thank you.

Unbelievable.

What, is she getting her mail here too?

Max, if you've got a problem with Jackie

take it up with Khadijah.

I mean, she's her friend.

Now do you think I would waste my time

venting to you two if I could talk to Khadijah?

As far she is concerned, Jackie can do no wrong.

Oh, I know what you're talking about.

I feel the same way about LeVar Burton.

Come on, you're lying.

His producer's secretary is a friend of mine.

You heard it from me.

Jackie is gonna hook me up with Arsenio

for the cover of "Flavor."

Get out. Work it.

[coughs]

‐ The Arsenio? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

The Arsenio.

Well, I'm gonna go tell Overton and the fish.

Jackie, come with me. They'll never believe me.

Oh, fish can be so skeptical.

Do you really think Jackie can get you

an interview with Arsenio Hall

and me an interview with Blair Underwood?

‐ That's not what she said. ‐ That's what I want.

Let me go and talk to her.

Man, Jackie is amazing.

Mm‐hmm. I find her consistently stupefying.

Well, I think she's the kind of person that makes things happen.

She convinced me to start "Flavor"

when everybody else said it couldn't be done.

Including you.

Hey, I never said you couldn't.

I just pointed out the odds on a young, single black women

with no collateral getting a loan from the middle‐aged

white‐male‐dominated banking industry, okay?

But you were behind me in spirit, right?

One hundred percent.

Look, the one with the weak chin smiled at me.

Yeah. Black Cocoa is putting on a little weight.

Oh, Bad‐ass Marisse always gets the food before.

Uh, what is the fascination with the fish?

I mean, you can't teach them tricks, you can't pet 'em

and if you take 'em out for a walk, they die.

But their world is so much like yours, Kyle.

I mean, they're self‐sufficient.

Only the strongest survive.

And the pretty boys get all the female.

Is that so?

Hey, check it out, Kyle. Little Cocoa is looking at you.

Right, mm‐hmm.

Yes, she is.

She's saying, "Kyle don't hate me because I'm scaly".

Uh‐huh, yeah, uh‐huh.

I gotta go to work.

Bye‐bye, Cocoa.

Okay, so fine. So you are kind of cute.

Oh, you know it too. Look at you.

Woo‐woo! Woo‐woo.

♪ Kyle and Cocoa sitting on a tree ♪

♪ K‐I‐S‐S‐I‐N‐G ♪

Peasants, rejoice. Max is in the office.

Alright, back to work. Hey.

You're a little early for lunch. It's only 11:30.

Well, my stomach says five past 12:00.

Let's go and do this.

Khadijah, FYI, for your approval

per your request, the cover layout.

Looks good, but don't send it to the printer yet

'cause we might have to remake it

if we get Arsenio for the cover.

[indistinct grumbling]

‐ Somethin' on your mind, Max? ‐ Oh, come on, Khadijah.

She's not gonna get you no Arsenio.

Max, just because you don't like Jackie

doesn't mean I can't, okay?

Why not? You've never tried.

I pick my own friends. End of discussion.

Fine, okay.

But we both know it's just a matter of time

before she starts working her way back into your wallet.

Max, give it a rest.

Ooh, sorry, I'm late, but I had an audition.

Where's my desk, boss?

Not a word.

Well, the job search seems to have gone well.

Mm‐hmm.

Jackie is our newest file clerk and assistant.

I'm taking her under my wing.

Khadijah, it's your tax guy on line 2.

Not a happy camper.

I gotta take this.

Okay, here's your first tip.

Whenever Khadijah's talking to her tax guy

it's best to stay out of her way.

Synclaire, get in here with the books.

Darn.

That's Khadijah's favorite scarf.

Is it?

Alright, look here, Jackie.

Khadijah may not see what you're doing

but my eyes are wide open, okay?

You are not going to use her this time.

Is that what you think I'm about?

Hell, yeah.

You're eating Khadijah's food, you're staying at her place

and now you've got her paying you to do it.

Ipso facto, that raisin bagel was mine.

Now when you begin to staple, be careful.

Khadijah hates it when you interrupt the work day

to go the hospital.

Hey, Khadijah, you got a second?

Sure, what's up?

Um, I've been thinking and, um

I really don't wanna wear out my welcome.

What are you talking about?

I don't want you to think that I'm taking advantage of you.

‐ What? ‐ Well, uh, Max and I were‐‐.

Alright, enough said. Jackie, ignore her.

This is none of her business.

But, uh, I don't wanna come between you two.

Somebody better before I kill her.

Take these galleys to the printer

and take that stapler from Synclaire.

I don't have time to take her to the hospital.

[knock on door]

Hi, Kyle. Hello, buttercup.

Hello, um, uh, night‐blooming jasmine.

Yeah, hi.

Oh, good, everyone's here.

We'd like to introduce you

to the newest member of our fish family.

Yes, a fish so rare

so handsome, so manly

that he can only be called by one name, Kyle Barker.

Oh, how cute.

Let's introduce him to the other fish.

I think it's so sweet that he named him Kyle Barker.

Oh, he names everything he likes Kyle Barker.

‐ Hello. Hey. ‐ 'Hey.'

‐ So where's Jackie? ‐ Sorry, Max, she's coming back.

She just went to run a couple of errands.

Well.

Well, since she's not here, do you mind filling me in

on that little conversation you had with her earlier?

Oh, she sure didn't waste any time, did she?

This is not about her

this is about you talkin' behind my back.

Well, I'm sorry, but when I see my best friend

makin' a fool out of herself, I have to speak on it.

Tell me about it.

I have this friend at work, April.

Huh, talk about a woman

who should not wear horizontal stripes.

I mean, really, she isn't a stupid woman.

Just a pear‐shaped one.

So finally, I had to sit her down one day

and I said, "April, April!"

You're a pear."

Max, Jackie is like family to me.

Now I accept her for who she is.

If you can't, that's your problem.

Come on, Khadijah. When are those alarms gonna go off?

Come on. She's using you.

See, that's just like you. You look for the negative.

At least she can be supportive.

Now that's what I did with April.

See, I pointed out the negative in order to be supportive.

See, stripes? No.

Basic black? Yes, yes.

Khadijah, the bottom line.

You don't cut me half the slack you cut Jackie

and I'm twice the friend she is.

And you let her wear your scarf.

‐ This is about a scarf? ‐ Yes.

‐ This is a fashion argument. ‐ Yes.

Yes, of course, wait, you know

I should tell April to wear a scarf.

Sure. See, they draw attention up towards the face.

Oh, thank you.

You know what, Khadijah.

I don't know why I bother trying to help you.

‐ Neither do I. ‐ Fine.

At least we agree on something.

Hey, hey, hey.

Look, April, now I'm just trying to say

that a scarf would help.

'Cause I'm the one that's got to look at you

in the leopard stretch pants.

Well, rise and shine, boys and girl.

Hey, Kyle! Wake up, man, wake up!

What? What?

They're gone, Kyle. They're gone.

Overton, man.

Alright, look, Kyle Barker's still here

so there's gotta be some explanation, right?

Yeah, the explanation, he ate 'em all.

Look at him. Just licking his chops.

Oops.

Oops?

Oops?

Little Cocoa was in the prime of her life, man.

Just swimmin' around.

Then here comes Kyle Barker like "Jaw."

‐ Duh‐duh‐duh. ‐ Overton, Overton. Overton!

Look, man, I'm sorry.

I‐I thought he was a vegetarian, you know.

Murderer!

I'm sorry, man. I'm just lashing out.

‐ That's alright. ‐ You fish killer.

Hey, Khadijah, good news.

I was on the phone with my girl who works for Arsenio.

He's in town and he may drop by.

I've got my questions ready.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I haven't been this excited since

since the last time I was this excited.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Jackie, it is so good having you around again.

You know, it is really good to be here.

And watching your run your business like this

has made me want something of my own.

So I have decided to become a cosmetic tattoo technician.

Okay.

You know, it's when people get

permanent lip liner and eye liner.

It's the next big thing.

And the class only costs $500

and I will pay you back out of the first month's profit.

You don't need to pay back money you're not going to get.

Oh, come on, Khadijah, you are an entrepreneur.

Think of it as a business investment.

Jackie, first of all, no.

Secondly, what the hell.

Thirdly, what are you drinkin'?

Forget I even bought it up.

Maybe I should just go back to my desk.

Maybe you should.

Um, excuse me, Khadijah.

Can I borrow $50?

Are the words cash machine written across my forehead?

What do you need $50 for?

Well, I lent Jackie $200 yesterday.

And according to my calculations

I only have 150 in my account.

I don't believe this.

Well, now check for yourself.

See, two entries earlier, I added the six

and didn't carry the one and then there was‐‐

Jackie, can I see you in my office?

Synclaire, can I see you from far away?

What's up?

Did you borrow money from Synclaire?

What? For needles and ink.

I don't care what it was for.

Look, I, I still have the money. I, I can give it back.

Well, you will. But that's not even the point.

How are you ever supposed to get where you're going

if you change directions every two weeks?

I know what you are saying, Khadijah

but when something feels right for me, I go for it.

And I really believe that this is the thing.

Jackie, I know you believe what you're sayin'.

I'm just not so sure I do anymore.

I suppose a complimentary beauty mark won't set things right.

I hear you, man. And you're right.

I got some growin' to do.

And I need to stop leanin' on my friends.

Yes.

Besides, it's time I paid a visit to my parents.

Kyle Barker just ate 'em up, yo.

Just ate 'em up.

Yeah, well, think of it

as if they've gone on to a better place.

A big sea world in the sky.

[knock on door]

Oh, here you are, Overton.

Um, look, man, I want to apologize again for, you know‐‐.

The massacre?

Well, you're the one who has to deal with that, aren't you?

Alright, look, I‐I think I got somethin'

that'll make us both feel a little bit better, okay?

Oh..

What about your allergies though, man?

Oh, it's cool 'cause you will be buyin' antihistamines.

Oh, that stuff is expensive.

Either that or save the dog.

More pills and nasal spray.

Alright, so where's Khadijah?

Oh, a dog?

Alright, so where's Khadijah?

What are you doin' here? I thought you were mad.

Oh, so now I'm suppose to starve because you mistreated me.

That's very selfish of you, Khadijah. Very selfish.

Alright, well, the table's set for four

and with Jackie gone, I guess there's room for you.

Jackie's gone?

Like Tammy Talk‐A‐Lot didn't call you

the minute I left to take her to the station.

Actually, I called her half an hour earlier.

I kind of saw it coming.

Now I was thinking this scarf would look

kind of tough with your new suit.

Not the one that belonged to your Grammy James.

I couldn't.

And, Khadijah, if this is your way of saying

you're sorry, I accept.

I'm not saying anything, but don't get nothin' on my scarf.

Fine.

But you've got to admit

Jackie never comes through.

[knock on door]

Okay. What?

Uh, I'm‐I'm looking for a Khadijah James.

I'm Khadijah James.

No, no, no, I'm Khadijah James.

Yeah, me too.

Excuse these fools. I'm Khadijah James.

Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Come on in.

Mr. Hall, remember me?

Overton Wakefield Jones.

You live right down the street from my Aunt Lucia in Cleveland.

Oh, oh, the chicken lady.

‐ Yeah. Yeah. ‐ Yeah.

‐ Yes. ‐ Yeah.

She watch your show every night

and she say, "You can always tell them Hall children"

by the head."

She said you had the perfect Hall head.

Actually, she's right, man.

I mean, you should see my cousin, Curtis.

He got the big real head too. We all got that head, you know.

Come on, have a seat, have a seat.

Here. Take off your coat.

Actually, she's right.

You should see my cousin, Curtis, man.

His head, big, like..

[gibberish]

[indistinct]

‐ Come on, talk to me. ‐ Okay.

I'm talking to you, talk to me.

Hey, let me interview your ass now. Take it easy.

[laughing]

[indistinct]

Excuse me, excuse me.

You all act like this when Letterman come by.