Original subtitles

(woman on TV) 'I know I slept with your brother.'

'But I'm sorry, Brad. It just happened.'

(Brad on TV) 'So did Pearl Harbor, Monica.' So did Pearl Harbor.'

Synclaire, what are doing watching that junk?

Shh, that's Brad.

His wife slept with his brother at the same time

his sister was killed in a car accident.

They're looking for a replacement surrogate

and they've got the baby on ice.

Really?

(Brad on TV) 'And what about the, the baby?'

Girl, you should see me. I looked‐‐

‐ Shh! ‐ What's going on?

(Monica on TV) 'Brad, maybe this isn't a good time to tell you'

'but your brother's had a sex change'

'and I'm a lesbian.'

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

You know that's.. Ain't nothin'

(male narrator on TV) Later today on "Oprah."

Lonely woman who waste their lives

watching television.

♪ Check check check it out check check check it out ♪

♪ What you want? No free position ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we're living the single life yeah ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what? ♪

♪ Keep your head up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my homegirls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Haaaa ♪

Do you think when they order American takeout in China

they have trouble using forks?

Synclaire, you ask us that every week.

That's 'cause you never answer me.

Well, looks like we gotta make choice this week.

That "Barnaby Jones" from last Saturday wraps up tonight.

And there's a fire sale on the home shopping channel.

‐ Ooh! ‐ 'Oh, and on what's happening.'

"Rewound, Auditions For The Gong Show."

‐ Hand me the remote, please. ‐ No, no, no, no.

I'm not going out like that.

I'm not gonna sit here and watch you get all worked up

over chubby brother in a beret.

Like you have somethin' better to do. Hmph.

That's not the point.

Every Saturday, Synclaire asks about those damn chopsticks

and you sit here studying that TV guide like it's "Playgirl."

Well, you have your fun, I have mine, okay?

This is pathetic.

I mean, no dates, no plans, no men.

We gotta get out.

I don't live here. I am out.

I'm talking about getting in the mix, mackin'.

You know I'm sayin'? Gettin' in with some men.

Not just hanging out with the girls.

We can invite some boys over.

I need a real man.

And real men ain't just gonna come knocking at our door.

[knock on door]

What's everybody staring at?

You wouldn't even understand.

So what are you guys up to?

Well, it's Saturday night.

We're here for Chinese food and "Barnaby" Part II.

Don't get too comfortable.

We're about to get up out of here.

Let's go to the movies.

You can't mack at the movies. It's too dark.

‐ Oh, what about jazz club? ‐ Nah. I hate the saxophone.

Sounds like a man begging.

[laughs] Like you'd know.

Hey, what about Coney Island?

Sure, I haven't been mugged in a while.

You women are so indecisive.

Men, on the other hand

move with a swift and deliberate purpose.

Goes back to prehistoric times when we men were the hunters

and you women did what we told you to.

And you liked it.

What?

Well, the brother got guts. You gotta give him that.

‐ Whoo! I am exhausted. ‐ Hard day at work?

[sighs] Clearance sale at Wig World.

Regine, help. You're always hooked onto something.

Tell us what's going on tonight.

Well, if you're very, very nice to me

I could get you on the guest list tonight at Club Zina.

‐ Zina? ‐ My friend Ty is the DJ.

I heard that place is the bomb. I'm down.

I don't know. The Club Zina's tired.

There's nothing but a bunch of brothers there

with beepers and gold teeth talking about "Babe, I'd like"

to put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit."

Well, if I had a nickel

for every time I heard Kyle say that.

Coney Island means corn dogs for all.

Are you all comin' or not?

Well, you can count us in.

Alright, but I can only bring three people.

Well, Max says she's not going

and Synclaire's got corn dog fever.

So that leaves two tickets. One for me and Overton.

Wait a minute.

You mean if we go, Kyle gets dissed?

[clicks tongue] Suddenly I feel like dancing.

[laughs]

♪ Go go yes uh uh ♪

You know, you are colder than your bed at night.

But that's okay.

I don't need you to get into a club.

Kyle Barker has more juice than Minute Maid.

Yeah, Overton Jones has more pull

than the elastic on a fat lady's drawer.

Let's go.

Alright, so it's on.

We are going to Club Zina tonight.

‐ 'That's right.' ‐ Yo!

I gotta go and pick out some hair.

Hurry up, Regine. We gotta roll all the way out to Manhattan.

I've got men to meet.

Well, I guarantee you if there are any brothers there

with gold teeth, they'll be all yours truly

the gold‐tooth magnet.

You remember that Public Enemy concert?

I couldn't shake Flava Flav for a week.

Yeah, but you got a fat clock medallion out of it, didn't you?

Anybody seen my ponytail? I wanna have that whip action.

Well, ain't none of us gonna get no action if you don't hurry up.

Alright, alright.

[screeching]

So what do you think of this outfit?

‐ That's the one. ‐ I couldn't curve.

‐ Looks good. ‐ I better change.

Honestly, I don't know anybody

that puts that much effort into getting ready.

♪ I am everything ♪

♪ Everything is me ♪

Damn, I'm a good‐lookin' man.

[hisses]

[knock on door]

(Overton) 'Come on, Kyle, quit hoggin' up the bathroom.'

Perfection takes time, my brother.

Hey, what's all this stuff anyway?

Grooming aids for a man of the '90s.

You should always start with a mild astringent.

It removes excess oils from the skin.

Yeah, it also takes price tags off a new tool.

I'm assuming.

The kid is definitely not comin' home alone tonight.

Ah, shall I break out the guest toothbrush, sir?

No, tonight I'm looking for the kind of woman

that brings her own.

‐ Bow‐wow. ‐ Bow‐wow.

But, hey, you are a true romantic.

[sniffs]

Damn, man, is that you?

Yeah, you like it?

It's my new cologne, Pogo.

Smells like Polo

but at a mere fraction of the cost.

Brother, nobody's gonna smell as cheap as you tonight.

Synclaire, what are you doing?

I'm putting on my fragrance. Want some?

No, thanks. I'll take mine straight out of the bottle.

You know, Khadijah, if I ever get

these control top drawers on..

This could be a lot of fun.

Word up, it's been a while since we've been out clubbin'.

And for freakshoot

I'm gonna make the most out of this.

Remember how we used to give fake names to the guys

who would try to talk to us?

I was Alexus.

I was Dominique, right?

Ooh, tonight I'll be Shaquan.

Yes!

That suits me, yes.

Alright, alright, alright.

I am ready to go.

I got this slammin' outfit on and my ponytail.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Whip that. That's what I'm sayin'.

Oh, we all look good tonight.

Yes!

♪ She's a brick house ♪ ♪ Dum dum dum dum ♪

♪ Dum dum dum dum ♪ ♪ Oh ♪

♪ She's mighty mighty just lettin' it all hang out ♪

♪ She's a brick house ♪

♪ Dum dum dum dum ♪ ♪ Oh come on ♪

♪ How can she lose with what things she use? ♪

♪ 36‐24‐36 ♪

♪ Ow what a winning hand ♪

‐ Smooches. ‐ Hey, Mr. Minute Maid.

How long you've been outside?

For your information, we just got here.

An hour ago.

I look too good to wait that long.

Well, good luck gettin' in.

That doorman's a brick wall with an attitude.

Regine! Hey, what's happenin'?

Smooches.

‐ You guys, come on in. ‐ Thanks, baby. Come on.

Hey, what's up, ladies?

‐ Hi. ‐ Hey.

Oh. Where do you think you're going?

‐ Well, we're with them. ‐ Uh‐huh. Not anymore.

I am ready to mack.

Unh‐unh. If there is anything left to mack

after I'm seen in my one‐of‐a‐kind creation.

[chuckles] Oh, yes.

My dress is definitely making a statement.

Well, that dress over there is sayin' the same thing.

You will excuse me, won't you?

Come on, let's get a table.

Looks like they're all full.

Hey, there's a booth over there with only one guy in it.

You start somethin', I know we could take him.

You don't mind if we sit here, do you?

Please do.

Hm.

Girl, I've been waitin' on you all night.

I know.

The name's Goldie. You wanna guess why?

‐ Because of your gold tooth. ‐ Nope.

But that makes sense too.

‐ So what's your name? ‐ Shaquan.

‐ Hey, hey‐‐ ‐ Shut up. Shaquan Jackson.

Any relation to La Toya?

‐ Khadijah, get up. ‐ Hey.

Hey, Kyle, Overton, how did you get in?

Oh, baby, I just used my juice, my pull, my‐‐.

Foot in the back door. Yeah.

Excuse us.

Now that we're here, let's make up for lost time.

Here's the plan. We work as a team.

Lookit, man, I'm tryin' to get with Synclaire.

Why I got to hang out with you?

Who scuffed his new snakeskin shoes getting you in here?

Oh, man, that things ain't real.

It's beside the point. And keep your voice down.

♪ Kyle got old cheap shoes he's wearing.. ♪

Can you just work with me for 15 minutes, alright?

Oh, yo, yo, yo, two honeys at 12 o'clock.

‐ Right. ‐ You take the ugly one.

Which one is the ugly one?

The one that says no. Ahh.

No, baby. Maybe later, okay?

But, Khadijah, he was cute.

He had on makeup.

What about that guy who wanted to buy you a drink?

He needed some makeup.

Boy, are you picky?

Synclaire, there is an art to mackin'.

You can't just be nice to every loser

that wants to tell you his life story.

So the funny thing is, right

the cop forgot to read me my rights, okay?

So here I am ready to put you on a plate

and sop you up with a biscuit.

Khadijah, get up!

Yo, yo, yo, yo, Shaquan, are you thirsty?

'Cause Goldie is. I'll be right back.

[muttering]

Yeah, don't rush.

[screams]

Oh, girl, I'm sorry. Go home right now.

And then, and put that dress in some cold water.

No, no, no, baby. Maybe later, okay?

What was wrong with him?

His breath got here five minutes before he did.

Believe me, when the right guy comes along

mother will be mackin'.

[scoffs] Just pray he don't have a gold tooth.

Whoa! My ears is burnin'.

I brought you a little somethin' somethin'.

‐ Ooh, a 40. ‐ Better than that, baby, two.

Now wait a minute. I drank out of one of these.

Well, what difference does it make?

Max, girl, you didn't introduce me to your man.

I thought you said your name was Shaquan.

Well, Max is my nickname.

‐ Can I call you that? ‐ No.

Oh. Now you're trying to play hard to get.

I see. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

That's a very nice dress you got on.

And it's popular too.

There's a blond over there got one on just like it.

You will excuse me, won't you?

Shaquan, you ain't drinking this, right?

You know, your eyes have been speaking to me

from across the room.

And you didn't understand go away?

Man, that's the best no I heard all night.

Hey, yo, man, your time is up.

I'm going to dance with Synclaire.

Cold water, girl. Take it right on out.

Whoo! Mmm, girl. You got to excuse me.

That eight ball just rollin' right through me.

Thank God for weak bladders.

I'll check you all out later, okay?

Good music, huh?

Good music to dance to.

It's good when two people dance.

No pressure, no commitment, just two people dancing.

Synclaire, do you wanna dance?

Oh, that's very sweet of you, Khadijah, but no, thank you.

Not me, Rico Suave over here.

Oh, well, I'd love to, Overton

but‐but‐but I'm not really good at dancing in public.

I mean, ever since the Pump went out.

But the dance is too complicated.

Oh, exactly. Oh.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Like, like that cabbage patch thing.

Yes. And then that snake thing.

This‐this is the saddest thing I have ever seen.

Two rhythmless people talking about how they can't dance.

Where are the men?

Well, I am happy to report

that now my dress is officially an exclusive.

Regine, I thought you said this place had it going on?

I don't care if we got in free. I want a refund.

The music is weak. The men are whack.

Khadijah.

Khadijah, now you cannot expect fun

to just come running up to you.

Unless of course, you're me and you're not.

So why don't I introduce you to some friends of mine?

Please, anybody you know

is definitely not right for Khadijah.

Regine, looking good.

I'm glad to see you and your friends got in okay.

Thanks.

Introduce me to him, Regine.

Introduce me to him.

Now why would I introduce you to somebody that‐‐.

Hi, I'm Khadijah and you would be?

Oh, I'm, I'm Ty. I'm the DJ.

[chuckles] I was just telling Regine here

that the music in here is bumpin'.

Oh, cool, you see

when I mix, I like to think of it like

creating a whole new song, you know.

In fact, why don't you come up

and let me show you how it's done?

I suppose I could.

Don't wait up. Mack on.

So would you like to go for a ride in my BMW?

Sure. You could drive me to my jet.

Shaquan.

Girl, where the hell have you been?

I've been looking all over for you. Now come on.

Yeah, well, go, go look outside.

Yo, hold up.

That brother owe me 15 cent.

Look, don't you be stupid

and leave without giving me your phone number.

Yo, Piggy. Yo, Piggy.

What about my money?

Why me?

Why do I always get stuck with the cling‐on

who doesn't have a clue?

Every time I go out, I meet up with the same type of guy.

How do you like a change of pace?

[screams]

Yeah, that's it. You got it.

‐ I got it. ‐ Yeah.

I got it.

Wait, I lost it.

No, wait. I got it back now. I got it back now.

Go, Synclaire. Go, Synclaire.

Don't talk. I'll lose it.

See, the beats, the beats are slammin'.

But you notice they never write lyrics the way they used to.

Yeah, they don't write about love anymore.

It's all about sex.

That's why I stopped singing.

‐ Oh, you sing? ‐ Well, back in the day.

Well, here. I've got a mic.

[chuckles] I couldn't.

That one.

[clears throat] Well..

[instrumental music]

One, two, check.

One.

♪ At first I was afraid I was petrified ♪

♪ Just thinking I could never live without you by my side ♪

♪ And oh I spent so many nights ♪

♪ Just thinking how you did me wrong ♪

♪ But I grew strong ♪

♪ And I learned how to get along ♪

♪ So now you're back ♪

♪ From outer space ♪

♪ I just walked in to find you here ♪

♪ With that sad look upon your face ♪

♪ I should have changed that stupid lock ♪

♪ I should have made you leave your key ♪

♪ If I had known for just one second ♪

♪ You'd be back to bother me ♪

♪ Go on now go ♪

♪ Walk out the door ♪

♪ Just turn around now ♪

♪ 'Cause you aren't welcome anymore ♪

♪ Ain't you the one who tried to break me with desire? ♪

♪ Did you think I'd crumble? ♪

♪ Did you think I'd lay down and die? ♪

♪ Oh no not I ♪

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ For as long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ And I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ And I'll survive ha ♪

♪ I will survive ♪

♪ Hey hey ♪

♪ Come on then oh oh ♪

♪ Plug it up ooh ow ♪

♪ I'm okay ooh ♪

♪ Yeah come on get down now ♪

♪ Get loose now ♪

[indistinct]

♪ Ooh ooh ooh aah aah ow ♪

♪ Just one second you'd be back to bother me ♪

♪ Go on now go ♪ ♪ Oh now go ♪

♪ Walk out the door ♪ ♪ Walk out the door ♪

Whoo! My game was up tonight!

Yes! You tore it up, girl.

I haven't had this much fun

since Grammy James' 88th birthday.

Okay.

(Khadijah) 'Word.'

Grammy was kicking, wasn't she?

Two hundred and twelve dollars and eighty seven cents of dress

shot to hell.

[chuckles] Pfft.

She's just salty 'cause she didn't hook up

with anybody like I did.

[laughing]

You did alright for yourself. Did you get the digits?

No, I gave him my number.

‐ Oh! ‐ 'Big mistake.'

Even I know that.

Yeah, right, you know.

By giving that man your number, you're putting him in control.

You're gonna be sitting by that phone

jumpin' every time it rings.

And if you don't have his number

and he doesn't call, you can't call him

every night at 3:00 in the morning for a week.

That will teach you.

Please, he will call me.

Well, Maxine, I can't believe you gave Goldie your number.

I thought you said you didn't like him.

I gave him a number, alright. Just wasn't mine.

[knock on door]

Yo, Shaquan, telephone.

Goldie?

No, this is Shaquan's sister, Sawuda.

(Khadijah) 'Ring.'

'Come on, Ty, make that call.'

[dial tone]

'Well, the phone works.'

'Ring! Damn it, ring!'

[grunts] 'You're buggin'.'

'I gotta get out of here.'

[door opens]

[door closes]

[phone rings]