Original subtitles

Ah. Synclaire, sit still.

Are you absolutely sure we have to do this?

I mean, the hair is so fine, you can barely see it.

We either gonna wax it or put it in corn rows.

Ow!

I don't know why we go through this torture.

Every week, it's yank this, shave that.

I can't wait to get married so I can just let myself go.

All this for men we don't even have.

You think there are men out there

shaving their backs for us?

Well, now, ladies, to be fair

I'm sure there are guys out there going through

as many grooming rituals as we do.

Like what?

They trim their nails.

With their teeth.

I say we should stop mutilating ourselves right now

and just be happy the way God made us.

I couldn't agree more.

Ow!

♪ Check check check it out Check check check it out ♪

♪ What you want no free position ♪

♪ We are living single ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Yes we're living the single life yeah ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a nineties kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up what ♪

♪ Keep your head up That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough You got to fight with ♪

♪ My home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue and tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check, check it out ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ And in a nineties kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Haa ♪

I don't know why you rented Basic Instinct.

That woman was buggin'.

I mean, who would go into somebody's office

in a business suit with no drawers on?

I mean, besides you.

Hey, can I look now?

Synclaire, it's over.

Oh, good movie.

[squealing]

Oh. Regine is home from her date.

Or you got rats.

It's a little early for her to be home. I wonder what's wrong.

Only one way to find out.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

What? Is it good?

We got to be some lonely heifers, spying on Regine.

[keys jingling]

Oh, okay.

So, now, the piano would be right here.

Hey, guys, this is Charles.

The Assistant DA, Charles.

[chuckles] This is Synclaire and Khadijah

my two roommates.

And this is their friend Max, who just thinks she lives here.

Maxine Shaw from Evans Bell and Associates.

Yes.

You know, I saw you try a case last week. You're tough.

I mean, I thought you was gonna actually hit the judge.

So did I.

Well, it's good to see you again.

Yes, yes.

I didn't recognize you at first.

Well, that peephole makes everybody look a little warped.

Yes, well, Charles, you should be goin'.

You've got a big trial in the morning, remember?

The one you couldn't stop talkin' about.

Now, go. Smooches.

Huh, are‐are we still on for Saturday?

Saturday, Sunday, Monday, whatever.

Night‐night.

Ooh, Regine, I like him.

He's sweet and thoughtful

and his nose hairs were neatly trimmed.

Yeah, I got to give it to you, girl.

Charles is a damn good attorney.

Mm‐hmm. I wouldn't mind a peek at his briefs.

Yes, well, sorry to disappoint y'all

but Charles ain't the one.

But, Regine, he's got money and status.

Technically, you should be in love.

I know, but Charles has no je ne sais quoi.

No joie de vivre.

No... oomph.

Girl, that's what we're for. To cultivate them.

You see, a good man is like fine wine.

They all start out like grapes.

Our job is to stomp on them.

And then keep them in the dark until they mature into something

we wouldn't mind having dinner with.

Yes, well, I can't wait that long.

I need my thirst quenched now.

Why you always have to have a man?

Well, hey. Some people paint..

[laughing]

Now, to you, this may seem like a simple burnt bagel.

But we know it as the handyman's nightmare.

See, one minute, just toasting a bagel.

Gets stuck, overheats, shorts out the circuit.

Next thing you know, you burn the building down.

Oh, well, I never realized that toasting

was such a responsibility.

Not many people do.

Oh, Overton, is there anything you can't fix?

Nope. That's why I put an ad in the paper.

To expand my handyman empire beyond this mere brownstone.

That's the last time I ask you to go shopping with me.

You got to flirt with every man at the market?

I got us this free meat here, didn't I?

I'm telling you.

You and Regine are just alike.

Always trying to turn some man's head.

Excuse me, Regine and I are nothing alike.

I'm just looking for a good time.

She's looking for a sponsor.

Hey, what's up? I got the paper.

‐ Hey, Kyle. ‐ Damn.

These paper boys are getting older and uglier.

Max, Max, yet another thinly‐veiled attempt

to deny your animalistic attraction towards me.

[purrs]

You right about the animal part, Fido.

‐ You want me so bad.. ‐ Oh, my gosh.

It hurts, don't it?

[chuckles]

Hey, man, you check out the ad?

Yeah, man, but I don't think it's gonna get you

the response you wanted.

"Expert handyman will service your needs."

Tell me that ain't good.

[chuckles] Good for a laugh.

Man, they put it in the personals.

Your beeper number is in the "Swingles" section.

[chuckles]

Right next to "Big, buxom blonde"

seeks same for fun and frolic."

(beeping)

I'm scared, Kyle.

So, what is Mr. Lover Man doing

perusing the personals?

[chuckles] Baby, I was looking for a much‐needed date.

For you.

Yep, expert handyman will service your needs.

You want me to what?

I'm sorry, but shouldn't your, uh, husband be fixing that?

Maybe her husband's not handy like you.

I said I'm sorry, lady, but the ad was misplaced.

And I'm sure we violating some kind of FCC rule

by talking like this.

Goodbye.

Hey, Regine. What's up?

You look tired.

Oh, I just gave Charles his walking papers.

Ooh, it is such a drain

breaking up with someone delicately.

You know the routine.

"It's me. It's not you.

Of course, we'll still be friends."

Blah, blah, blah. Cry, cry, cry. Hug, hug, hug.

"Okay. Bye."

You dumped him?

Yep.

Any hard feelings?

Not on my part.

‐ So Charles is free? ‐ Max, stop.

‐ What? ‐ I know that look.

That's the same look you gave the butcher two hours ago.

‐ Ouch! ‐ Don't go after Charles.

[beeping]

Khadijah, relax. Regine doesn't care.

Regine, do you care if I give Charles a call?

No, girl. Go ahead and call.

Why we got so much meat?

Uh, ma'am, you breathing kind of hard.

You wanna call me back after you catch your breath?

[instrumental music]

[beeping]

Girl, I am ready for church today.

Take it from me, Khadijah.

Never try to expand your business

by putting an ad in the paper.

Still popular with the pervs, huh?

As ever.

Why don't you just turn your beeper off, Overton?

Oh, sure.

The second I do that

that's when somebody's tub overflows.

Water drips through the floor, lands on the stove

puts somebody's pilot light out.

Next thing you know the whole, damn building done blowed up.

This is okay for church, huh?

That's between you and your God.

[knock on door]

Max. Alright, let's go.

Actually, I'm not going with y'all today.

I'm going to church and Sunday brunch in the park with Charles.

Charles?

Hey!

Both of you are dating men named Charles.

You're just destined to be a step behind, aren't you?

Regine, you are okay with this, aren't you?

[chuckles] I'm fine with it.

Cool. Who's got the stockings?

Here you go. But can I get the egg back?

I make Christmas ornaments.

Okay. I'll see you.

Hey, Max, I thought I'd find you here.

Hello, Regine.

Hi, Charles.

Awkward moment, huh?

[chuckles] No.

Mm‐mm. No. Not at all.

Well, Max, uh..

You ready to go?

Sure. If you are. Let's go.

Say a prayer for me, huh?

Smooches.

Tramp.

♪ We are living single ♪

♪ Hey ♪

[knock on door]

Hey!

Alright, girls. What we got going on for tonight?

Uh, wait a minute.

You think you can just sashay

your man‐stealing behind up in my house

you are sadly mistaken.

Is this about Charles?

Regine is pretty upset with you, Miss Missy.

So you just couldn't wait to sink your claws

into my man, huh?

Your man?

Regine, you chewed him up, spit him out

and told me to call him.

No, I did not tell you to call him.

I said you could call him. Khadijah, you were there.

No, no, no, no. I ain't got nothing to do with it.

Your exact words were, "Go ahead, call him."

And you took that as a "yes"?

Now, what are you getting so worked up about?

You didn't even like him.

Well, that is not the point.

The point is, you broke the rules.

You're supposed to let it cool off

at least one‐third of the total dating time

or one month for each year, whichever's shorter.

If only you used your powers for good.

Regine, this is New York in the '90s.

The only rules about dating are five locks on the door

and keep the stun gun on your side of the bed.

Please. Well, that's just the dumbest logic I ever heard.

No wonder you can't win a case.

I win plenty!

And at least I got a job. What kind of job do you have?

Shopping.

I am a buyer for a boutique.

Shopping.

Well, somebody needs to shop for your non‐dressing behind.

‐ Oh! This is ridiculous. ‐ Yeah!

I can't believe you're gonna let a man affect our friendship.

No, I'm not, 'cause we don't have a friendship!

[knock on the door]

And the woman in 3‐B thinks Max is right.

Khadijah, can you believe the way

Max is running behind me, pickin' up my leftovers?

I said can you believe Max

up there running behind me, picking up my scraps?

Yes, well, I cannot believe it.

She is obviously a desperate, desperate woman.

So you're saying

what she's doing is okay and that I'm wrong?

I ain't sayin' a damn thing.

Yeah, well, somebody has to talk to her.

You're right. Go ahead. I'm eating my breakfast.

Oh, come on, Khadijah, she'll listen to you.

I'm not the one with the problem here.

It's never stopped you any other time.

Mornin'. I just had the best night's sleep.

No coffee for me. Thanks, don't need it.

Shut up.

Regine, are you still worrying over Charles?

Mm‐mm! No! Not at all. Know why?

'Cause when Khadijah talks to Max, it will all be over.

Uh‐uh. I told you, I'm not getting in this.

Oh, come on, Khadijah.

Don't you see how this is making me unhappy?

Don't you care how it's affecting me?

Nope.

Come on, Khadijah.

How would you feel if Max were dating your old boyfriend?

She knows better.

See?

Exactly. Exactly my point.

Max, she wouldn't do this to you.

And what is wrong with me?

I mean, why is it that every time I let go of a guy

he turns out to be Mr. Right for somebody else?

Regine, Charles has not changed.

It's just that you always want what you can't have.

And maybe this whole thing is bothering you so much

because you're being selfish and self‐centered.

Mm‐hmm.

I know what this is about. It's all about me.

Uh‐huh. See, Max?

She don't care nothing about Charles.

She is using him to get to me.

She always wants what I have!

‐ Like what? ‐ Make a list.

Start with these.

Her hands?

Overton, you alright?

[panting]

Huh.

Alrighty, now, sip it slowly and tell us

everything that happened.

Well, what happened was I went on that call.

Miss Harper?

The one with that broken furnace?

I get over there and she lead me down into a basement.

Then she kicked off her shoes, took off her robe

and start talking 'bout, "Light my fire, daddy."

[knock on the door]

Good morning. Yo, Overton, man, you know Miss Harper?

I've seen her naked. Can't say that I know her, though.

Well, she certainly knows you.

She called with a list of odd jobs she like you to take care.

And she said, if you don't come to her, she's coming to you.

Um, just bury me in my blue suit, man.

So, you're saying that I am self centered.

And self absorbed.

Well, I am not! I happen to have a problem.

And nobody and I mean nobody sleeps in this house

until my problem is solved!

I don't want to talk about Charles no more, Regine.

I understand, Regine.

Get off the phone, Regine.

I am your friend!

Look, just go blow your nose, stuff your face

and get over it, okay?

Geez.

Synclaire, what are you doing?

I'm shredding those files like you asked me to.

Those files are on my desk.

Oh.

Then we're gonna need a little tape.

Hey, what are you up to?

The usual.

Max, my mellow, my ace, check this out.

Lemme talk to you.

What's up with you and Charles?

Nothing. I like the guy, we have fun.

You got a problem with that?

No. Not at all.

Break up with him.

For Regine?

No way.

I am not gonna let you indulge that spoiled child.

I'm having fun and I'm not gonna stop having fun just for her.

Regine is not going to get her way.

Not this time, no way! Uh‐uh!

I'm gonna be the grown‐up here.

[snorts]

(woman over TV) '...three, and four, and five, and squeeze'

'and seven, and squeeze.'

'One more, now squeeze.'

'And squeeze, and squeeze, and burn!'

'Good workout. And exhale!'

[all exhale]

'Next week, thighs.'

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Oh. Y'all pretending to work out again?

Well, we can't all be scrawny like you.

Snipe away.

You're gonna feel real small

after I tell you what I just did.

Did you start dating somebody else's boyfriend?

You won't believe how small you're going to feel.

For your information, I just broke up with Charles.

Have a seat, girl.

My girl, I knew I got to you.

Hey, well, it was the right thing to do.

This is just wonderful.

All this time, Khadijah's been saying

that you were petty, and evil

and too selfish to ever work this thing out.

I guess you proved her wrong, huh?

Well, Max, I am shocked.

I mean, it's not often that a woman

does something nice for me.

So, when it happens, it really stands out.

Well, hey, it was nothing.

Now, can we get on with our lives?

I am so sorry

that I made such a big deal out of all this.

But when Charles took you to church

that really hurt.

I mean, it meant that he took you seriously.

The men in my life, they never take me that seriously.

Maybe it's because I'm a little superficial.

Immature.

Petty.

Anyway..

I just want you to know that I respect you, girl

and I respect the way you handled this.

I mean, the way you were able to just let Charles go.

And the way you came over here‐‐.

And lied through my teeth!

What?

Charles dumped me.

He gave me some tired, "baby‐it's‐me‐not‐you" crap.

"We could still be friends."

Oh, Max, I'm sorry.

Girl, you must be in such pain right now.

Is there anything that I can do?

You can start by wiping that silly grin off your face.

Well, girl, look at the bright side.

At least, now, you don't have to endure

those sloppy kisses of his

where both of his lips are on the outside of yours.

I liked those.

What I couldn't stand was that goo he put in his hair.

He ruined my velvet sofa. I'm sending the brother a bill.

Well, I, for one, am glad that Charles dumped you.

I mean, what would have happened if he hadn't?

I would have probably kept seein' him.

I would probably have stole him back.

I would have had to marry him to keep him from you.

I would have had to‐‐.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait, yo. Hold on.

We not going to go down this block again.

Alright, alright. You're right, Khadijah.

I'll tell you what, let's make a rule right now

that we will never do this again.

Okay, from this point onward, no occupant of this house..

Or friend of an occupant of this house

will date the ex or current boyfriend of said others.

‐ Cool. ‐ Well, that about covers it.

But what if he really fine?

‐ Then all bets are off. ‐ Okay! Yes, yes, yes!

[indistinct chatter]

‐ Overton! ‐ Miss Harper!

Khadijah!

You didn't finish the job, Overton.

Synclaire!

Now, what kind of handyman are you?

Mama!

[phone ringing]

(Synclaire) 'Hello, James, Hunter, and James residence.'

'Yes, this is Synclaire James.'

'Oh, thank you, but we already subscribe.'

'Yes, we get that one, too.'

'No, I'm really sorry but we have no use'

'for "Modern Bride" at the moment.'

'Yes, Mom, I've been flossing.'

(Overton) 'Now, see, girl, that's just what I was talking about!'

(Synclaire) 'Ooh!'

[extinguisher hissing]

(Overton) 'Another burnt bagel disaster averted.'

(Synclaire) 'Oh, Overton!'