Original subtitles

What kind of animal picks out all the shrimp

- and then puts the box back? - Aw.

That has all the markings of my Lizzie bear.

Wait. How come there's only broccoli in my leftovers?

Oh. Sorry, buddy.

General Tso marched all his chicken into my mouth

before you got up this morning.

Barry, you can't just come and go like you live here.

'Cause you don't.

But I used to. That's got to count for something.

And yet... it doesn't.

Oh. What's everybody doing up?

It's 1:00 in the afternoon.

Ugh. I hate when I wake up before my alarm.

Wow.

What's going on with your...

party on the bottom and business on the top?

I have an exercise date with Luke,

but first I have to make Elizabeth...

breakfast.

Oh, thanks, I'm good.

I snacked on a little shrimp last night.

Hey, I could actually crush a westie omelet

if you're cheffin'.

Well, if that is all, I am off.

- You know, - I was thinking,

since we're co-parenting, that I should probably get a key

and some petty cash.

Oh, yeah.

Call Peggy in HR. She'll set you up.

See, I don't get it... these two are

always around... you're never giving them any crap.

Oh, rest assured, Barry, we do in fact get

a large amount of crap, but we're only here

until mi papá gives us our fortune back.

Well, cool, but, like, what if he doesn't?

You see, Barry,

we don't entertain negative thoughts.

Or anyone anymore since we lost our money.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

- Hey, everyone. - Oh, looks like

someone took a page from their glamorous aunt

and made their first vision board.

Actually, it's for a cool school project

I got assigned yesterday.

First time you ever heard "cool" and "school"

in the same sentence, right?

Yeah. We don't have that kind of relationship.

Sammy has to make a map

and a time line of the United States.

I think I'm gonna make the whole thing out of clay.

Oh, wow, I always knew you were a young Donatello.

- Right? - Yeah.

- The genius Ninja Turtle. - No.

Ooh. What if I use a different color clay for each state?

Are there even 50 different colors of clay?

Jackie, please. I have 50 different colors

of red lipstick.

You know what would be really awesome?

To do something special with each state, too.

- Oh! - Ooh!

So, like, for South Dakota, a clay Mount Rushmore.

And for Arizona, a little Grand Canyon!

And for Texas, a small flag that SAYS: "We used to be Mexico."

Sammy, this sounds like a really ambitious project.

So I want to make sure you can finish it.

When is it due?

In a week.

Plenty of time.

I started and quit college in a week.

Don't forget I won't be around to supervise.

They hired me to rewire a bunch of stuff at the library.

Wow. You continue to amaze me.

You know how to do electrical work?

Not really, but I'll be in a library... I'll look it up.

That's not a problem. I'll be around. I can make sure it gets done.

Okay, to be clear...

you are gonna supervise his project?

Why do you think I moved back to Reseda?

To eat all our food?

That...

and because we agreed to co-parent.

So here I am, reporting for homework duty.

Put me in, Coach! I'm ready to play...

and more importantly, work.

- We'll help, too, Jackie. - Oh, yes.

I've been dying to find a new creative outlet

ever since my marionettes got lost in the move.

Yes. Lost.

Jackie, you can relax

and just work your two jobs this week, all right?

When Sammy gets done, everyone's gonna look

at his project and say...

What the hell is that?

You tell me.

What happened to "we'll help, too"?

Oh, come on, Jackie,

you know that's just something people say,

like "good to see you" or "we should get coffee."

Yeah. In our defense, the project was at Barry's place

most of the time, so we are not taking the blame

- for this piece of sh... - Sammy!

Good to see you.

Uh, we should get coffee.

My project turned out so bad.

Well, it's... not your best work, bud.

What happened?

It just didn't come out the way it looked in my head.

I had to give up making Niagara Falls

after I flooded the bathroom.

Oh, that's what that was.

I just thought you had really bad aim.

And everything Dad and I came up with

during our "concept" meetings took way longer than I thought.

It's due tomorrow, and I'm never gonna finish it in time.

- Ah, don't worry, Sammy. - Everything will work itself out.

How?

Well, I wasn't expecting

a follow-up question.

Sammy, it's way past your bedtime.

I think the best thing to do is just go get some sleep.

But I messed up, and it's all my fault.

Honey, this is just one of those things.

It's nobody's fault.

This is all Barry's fault.

Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com

How did you let this happen to Sammy's project?

Look, we can

Monday-morning quarterback this thing all day long...

It's my fault, it's your fault, it doesn't matter.

Nobody is saying it's my fault.

Exactly. It's nobody's fault.

Barry, what happened?

We got off to a super-hot start, but then it was, like,

he had to go to school and I had to go to work, and...

like you said, it's nobody's fault.

I never said that!

Okay, it's not that bad.

I mean, some parts came out pretty good.

Are you kidding me?

Florida looks like it got beaten up

by a guy from Florida.

All right, so what's our next move?

- He calls in sick tomorrow? - No.

He's just gonna have to show his unfinished project

and let it be a valuable lesson

in biting off more than you can chew.

Allow us to offer a counterpoint.

At Sammy's age, like everyone's age,

image is everything.

This is why Instagram is so good for society.

If Sammy presents

this project, the kids are going to be brutal.

They're going to laugh, make fun of him...

"Ah-ha-ha, Sammy!

Your map did not turn out the way you had intended."

Then he cries,

leading to a lifetime of bad decisions,

and then he becomes a deejay.

Then he finds himself

in 20 years talking to his life coach, saying...

"My pathetic clay Liberty Bell was a metaphor

for the cracks that have now formed in my life."

While I appreciate your warped views on child-rearing,

Sammy is a strong kid... He's not gonna let

something like this bring him down.

He'll be fine.

Jackie's right.

When I was Sammy's age,

I totally biffed a project just like this.

And yeah, I had to encore fourth grade,

but I turned out fine.

Oh, my God.

We have to help Sammy finish this project.

To be clear... we don't usually do Sammy's projects for him.

This is a one-time thing, 'cause Barry screwed everything up.

- Agreed. - Agreed.

Agreed.

Do we have everything we need to finish this?

We do now.

Now, I know it's a lot of work, but it's for Sammy,

- so we got this, right? - Do not worry, Jackie.

You forget we have a secret weapon:

the help of an absolutely extraordinary man

whose arts-and-crafts skills are only surpassed

by his punctuality.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Luis.

Amazing, right?

Actually, it's a little fun bit we do.

I have been here 15 minutes, so not as fun for me.

Thank you for volunteering to help.

Ai!

What's wrong?

Luke and I went mountain biking today.

It felt more like the mountain rode me.

I am in excruciating pain.

You should go home and rest, Luis.

Nonsense!

If Sammy needs me, I will be here.

I'll put on some coffee.

It should be ready by tomorrow.

- You are a trooper! - You are such a team player.

Way to go!

- Luis! Luis! Luis! - You got this!

- Luis is a bust. - We got nothing.

- We're gonna drown here. - What's the point of him being here?

- I don't know. - He's completely useless.

It's actually worse that he's here.

All right, first we have to make a game plan.

Best thing to do will be divide and conquer.

So one team will take map, and the other...

Time line! Time line! Javi and I call time line!

- Yeah! We got the easy one, honey! Oh! - Yeah!

Well, I guess that puts you and me on the map.

Get it?

Unfortunately, I do.

Hey. That's what you said at our wedding.

Does this look like New Jersey to you?

Well, you might want to tape some garbage to it

and put on some Springsteen just to bring it on home.

What are you working on?

Statue of Liberty with a working torch,

so all the kids can light their..

I don't know, marshmallows maybe?

Okay, slow down over there.

Complicated ideas is what got us into this mess.

- We have to be practical. - No way.

What's the point of doing anything if you don't go big with it?

The point is to actually finish something.

- Yeah. I'm gonna finish it. - Really?

'Cause I've seen into the future,

and five minutes from now, you're gonna be like,

"Oh, statues are hard," and you're gonna play video games.

Uh, no way. Sammy's asleep, and the Xbox is in his room.

Just so you know, I'm in this for the long haul.

The long haul?

That's ridiculous. Remember our first wedding anniversary,

you said we were gonna take a romantic cross-country trip?

What happened? We get to Barstow,

- and you call it quits. - Yeah.

The CD player broke. What, we're supposed to drive without tunes?

We could have talked.

Well, now who's being ridiculous?

You are never gonna change. Okay, you always quit

the second that things get tough.

Well, maybe I wouldn't quit

if you showed a little more support.

What?! All I've ever done is support you.

I'm like your... your human jockstrap.

Oh, really? Then why I am always getting hit in the nuts?

- Because you deserve it. - Oh, come on.

You never give me a break!

You don't deserve a break!

You know what? I need a break.

Well, I have to say, the War of 1812

wasn't very creatively named.

I mean, have a little fun with titles, am I right, history?

Oh, what's wrong, mi vida? Usually my quips about history

tickle your funny bone.

Yes, honey, that joke would have killed

at Al Gore's Davos potluck.

Yeah.

It's just, something Barry said last week has been bothering me.

Was it when he called sandwiches "sandos"?

- No. - Oh.

It's when he asked, what if your papá

doesn't give us our money back?

Oh, he's going to. I know it.

Let's just stay positive and finish this time line.

Well... I just think we should have a plan

in case we never get our money back.

You know, what's our time line?

Where do we see ourselves in five years

and how do we get there?

Do we pick up more shifts from work, or...

make Bijou a YouTube dog influencer?

There's got to be a way to monetize that face.

My love, in the wonderful history of us,

we will barely remember our budgetary blunder of 2020.

Ah. Now, that's a title.

Come on, Javi.

It used to be if a problem came our way,

we could just throw money at it.

Now we roll our own quarters like animals.

Elizabeth, why are we even talking about this?

Why can't we talk about this?

It's not like the time your mother didn't realize

- her pajammy pants were see-through. - Ouch.

I just want to know that we have a plan.

But we do.

We wait for mi papá to give us our fortune,

and then we live happily ever after.

- Oh, come on, Javi! - You're being delusional.

What? Delusional?

Do you know what's delusional?

Thinking that your vision board is gonna solve our problems.

How dare you bring my vision board into this!

There is no good place to be.

Javi, just because

you want something to happen doesn't mean it will.

You're acting like such a child right now!

Do not call me a child.

Now please hand me the glitter glue.

We have to switch partners.

Right now!

I can't believe Barry said that I never supported him.

I know.

You were like the 12,000-ton cables

that hold up the Golden Gate Bridge.

Oh, my God. I'm actually learning something from this project.

He always comes up with some crazy, unrealistic plan.

When we got married, his savings account

was a handful of lottery tickets

and a binder full of Pokémon cards.

Well, Javi's only plan is just have a positive attitude.

And everybody knows a positive attitude's

never helped anybody.

That is precisely why I don't have one.

And when I ask Javi about a real plan,

he looks at me like I just stole and burned his marionettes.

Which I, of course, would never...

admit to doing.

You're being smart.

I mean, you need a backup plan.

Actually, so do I, 'cause mine's always been

that me and Sammy are gonna move into your guest mansion.

It's all very frustrating.

You know what the most frustrating part is?

I'm out here talking about my feelings,

and Barry probably thinks that nothing is wrong.

I just feel like

she doesn't know that I can hurt, too.

But I know, Barry.

Nothing hurts more than emotional pain.

Really? I fell off a mountain.

The truth is she never supported me.

Didn't she support you financially?

Whose side are you on, man?

Jackie's. Very clearly Jackie's.

It seems not even Elizabeth and I

are above the occasional marital squabble.

- Let it out, bro. - She's mad at me because

I say that things are gonna work out.

But for most of our lives, well, they have.

To be fair, in the past, you had money to throw

at any problem that came your way.

Yeah. That's what she said.

Nice, chief.

Oh, no, that's literally what Elizabeth said.

Yeah, she did.

Look, Javi, here's the thing.

Guys like us are dreamers.

When life hands us lemons, we don't get upset.

We sit around and wait for life to hand us something better.

And-and how has that worked out for you?

- Awful, dude. - Oh.

You know what, on second thought,

maybe things with Jackie would've gone better

if I would've just faced our problems

rather than waiting for something good to happen.

_

_

Ay!

My Spanish is a little rusty, but did one of you

just offer to make some sandos?

You guys, it's getting really late,

and we're never gonna finish this project.

I think we should call it.

I think we should take it out back

and bury it next to the Marion...

Nothing.

What about Sammy?

We just have to pray that whatever happens tomorrow,

he doesn't turn out anything like Barry.

Agreed.

- Agreed. - Agreed.

Javi,

what are you doing? It's the middle of the night.

Oh.

I couldn't sleep.

And I'm so sorry I called you a nag.

You didn't call me a nag.

Oh. Then I definitely didn't think it, either.

Well, I'm sorry about all the things

I definitely didn't think about you tonight, too.

I'm sorry about everything.

It's just that all of this money stuff

is very scary for me to talk about.

Which is why I prefer to keep my head in the sand.

I am an ostrich.

You're not an ostrich.

I'm a flightless bird with beautiful eyelashes

who hides from his problems.

That's an ostrich.

I love how optimistic you are.

I just want to take that positivity

and put it towards our future.

Yes. I know, mi vida.

And I understand now that I can't wait

for things to fix themselves.

I need to act.

So I started making this.

"Javier and Elizabeth's timeline:

a history of love."Yes. I've included

all of the important moments of our life

plus a vision for our future.

Wow, there's not much space between meeting

and consummating our relationship.

That was a great day.

It was a great brunch.

Tomorrow, we'll work on a budget

to help us save for our own place,

and I found a great financial planning workshop

at Valley College.

We are a team.

Together, we can get through anything.

You're so sexy when you listen to me.

Hey.

What are you doing up?

I couldn't sleep.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Tub talk?

Yes.

I just feel really bad about my project.

I should have listened to you from the beginning.

A lot of people would be better off

if they had listened to me from the beginning.

Don't feel bad. We'll get through it.

Can you try to go back to bed?

Okay. I'll try.

Good night, Mom.

And don't worry.

Next time, I won't dream so big.

Crap.

Wow.

Are you working on Sammy's project, or is this, like,

the least realistic dream I've ever had?

Mmm, I was thinking about what you said before,

and it's possible

I haven't always been great at following through.

Well,

you did quit going to see our marriage counselor

- 'cause he was a Jimmy Buffett fan. - Well,

not gonna take life advice from a Parrot head.

You didn't like him saying

it's your own damn fault.

Give me that clay. The yellow.

You know,

I don't want Sammy ending up like me, either.

Don't get me wrong. I want his bowling high to be 250.

Not his credit score.

Well, it wouldn't be terrible

if he ended up a little bit like you.

Really?

Yeah.

You're fun, enthusiastic.

I want Sammy to be practical,

but I never want him to stop dreaming big.

Thanks.

All right, let's finish this thing.

- Together. - All right.

It'll be just like that Valentines' Day

when those guys at the bar dared us to finish that keg.

Nobody dared us. We just volunteered.

And then we did it. Together.

Oh, my God.

You finished my project!

Uh...

Yeah. That's right, Sam-Man.

We stayed up all night working on it.

This is awesome.

Look, Sammy,

I always want you to dream big.

You can do anything you put your mind to.

But it's also important that you follow through

and finish what you start.

I learned that last night.

- Do you understand? - I do.

Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.

Aw. Sammy, if you're giving out hugs,

put us down for two.

Did you guys finish the time line for me, too?

We sure did. Ah!

- What does "consummate" mean? - Huh?

- Oh. - Oh, um,

it's a Mexican soup.

Aha!

Awesome. Thanks!

All right, Sammy.

- Let's get you to school. - Oh, we can actually take him.

We're on our way to a financial planning workshop.

Yeah, something that seemed like

a good idea at 4:00 in the morning.

- Bye. - Come on. Bye.

- Get your backpack. - See ya, buddy.

- Yeah. All right. - Bye.

Bye, honey.

Bye.

All right, well, I should probably get going, too.

You know, last night started off a little rocky

but ended up being fun.

Kind of the opposite of our marriage.

But yeah, it did.

Sammy's a great kid.

And I know that's because of you.

Thanks.

And...

maybe this whole co-parenting thing

isn't the worst thing that's ever happened

- in the history of the world. - Hmm.

That's, like, the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Yeah.

- What are you doing? - What are you doing?

- Nothing. Nothing. - Nothing. Me, neither.

- Oh, I thought that you... Yeah. - No.

- You said it. Have a great day. - Yeah. Oh, oh, hey.

- Good to see you. Good to see you. - Good to see you.

Right on. Yeah.

Whoa, that was close.

Tell me about it.

I totally thought you two were going to kiss.