Original subtitles

You seem worried, mr. Marx.

No, sir. I'm not worried at all, sir.

Ok. Let's check your application.

Your father's a doctor.

Yes, sir. He's a plastic sur...

Reconstructive surgeon.

Gerald marx.

Mass general.

Top man.

Your mother, also.

Mom's a psychiatrist.

Your sister, too?

She's on staff at the children's hospital.

Good. Excellent genes.

Let's see how your grades stack up.

86 average.

How did you get in here?

Please, sir, no.

We require a 95, mr. Marx.

Fall semester we're admitting two boys

Who are perfect 100s. Two perfect boys. Come on.

So i'm not a perfect boy,

But i'm not quasimodo, either.

Don't take it personally, nitwit.

Every year 50,000 students

Apply to medical school.

There's only room for 15,000.

You don't understand. You've got to accept me.

My parents will be destroyed.

They're counting on me to be the next dr. Marx!

Who gives a shit?

We can't have second-Class minds

Running around in smocks.

Being a doctor requires the ability

To make life and death decisions.

Life and death. You want life and death?

I'll show you life and death.

Mr. Marx! Mr. Marx!

What are you doing?

I'll show you...

Help!

Mr. Jeffrey.

Aah!

Ahh!

It's dinnertime, mr. Jeffrey.

How could this happen?

It's over. The legacy is dead.

It's not too late to have another child.

Was that remark supposed to be amusing?

You think it's amusing

That you've been turned down

By every medical school in the united states!

A sense of humor is a wonderful tool, jeff,

But i for one don't know any funny physicians.

His problem is

That he doesn't take anything seriously.

Because he doesn't take himself seriously.

Phone call, dr. Gerald.

Long distance.

You know what your problem is, kid?

You've got...

You've got no drive, no ambition,

No passion for anything.

What happened, jeff?

We know you have the brains.

It takes extraordinary will and desire

To become a doctor, jeff.

Maybe you don't want a medical career.

Is that it? You have a choice, you know.

Like prince charles has a choice.

Stop avoiding, jeff.

You want to be a doctor or not?

You can tell me the truth.

No.

Ahh.

Are you all right, mother?

Who knows? Maybe there's something else i want to do.

I don't know. I never dared think about it.

All my life you expected me to be a doctor.

For my fifth birthday i begged you for a fire engine.

You gave me an ambulance.

Do you understand what i'm saying?

I never had a choice.

I did it!

I found a school that will take him!

He made it! We can all relax.

That's wonderful.

It's the luckiest day in our life.

See, jeff? It was meant to be.

Yuh...um.

Yeah, uh, great.

Great, dad. Good job. Excellent.

Where, miami?

Farther south.

South of miami?

It's gonna cost me an arm and a leg,

But you'll have a degree in four years.

South of miami?

Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed in san vicente.

Please remain seated until the pilot

Brings the plane to a complete stop.

Momemto.

Hey!

I told you guys those americans are mine.

Come with pepe.

Stay away from those guys. They're robbers.

They take you miles out of your way

And they'll charge you double.

Me? I'll take you right where you're going

For the same price.

Thanks!

Is this valencia?

No, no.

This is the suburb, valencia heights.

It's more expensive to live out here

But you get what you pay for.

I'm telling you,

Valencia's got everything you'd want...

Theaters, restaurants.

You like to eat? You like roast beef?

See that restaurant over there?

The best fried roast beef in the world.

If you like movies, we got three great movies

Playing right now.

I know that looks just like a piece of wood to you,

But that table has been in my family

Since the american civil war.

And watch how you handle that big trunk.

Those are my pills.

Hello.

Is someone in here?

Oh.

Oh, my god.

Oh, i can't live here.

Shh...

Uh!

More filth!

Thanks a lot, dad!

Gee!

Ooh!

Ooh, god.

Ooooh! Ooh!

Steady, amigos! That's a hockney,

Not a christ on velvet.

Gladstone.

Marx.

Fellas, wait for me. I'll get the door.

Momentito.

Ok.

Hola. Hi, can i help you?

Yeah. I'm jeff marx from across the hall.

Hi. Cookie katz.

What's the matter? You're shaking.

There's a bug or a roach or something in my bathroom.

So, step on it.

It's bigger than my foot.

Classes are overcrowded.

It's two to a desk.

The lab equipment is outdated.

The school has only one cadaver.

It's the same one they've been using

Since the place opened.

It is really gross.

The school sounds like a joke.

Oh, it is, but the degree is real.

Garcia!

Ipresente!

Peters!

Ipresente!

Fuega!

Presente.

Luis!

Presente.

Bolivar!

Presente.

Rivera!

Presente.

Rodriguez!

Ipresente!

Juan rodriguez.

Ipresente!

You must be raul?

Presente.

Parker!

Ipresente!

Woo!

Marrex.

Marrex.

Heffrey marrex.

I think that's you.

What's my name again?

Just say presente.

Presente.

Todos los estudiantes

De la universidad de madera

Deben bestir correctamente siempre,

Y su comportamento debe conformarse

Con las reglas a todas horas.

La barba y pelo largo no se puede permitir,

Y los resultados seran castigados.

El comportamiento social

Sera vigilado extremadamente

En todo momento.

Los chicos y chicas pueden pasar...

The culture shock can kill you.

Last year, two americans

Got in a fistfight over time magazine.

No. Yeah. Actual hitting.

You know, of all the foreign students

That came in last year i'm the only one left.

Well, you might be the only one left

After this year, too.

All shoes must be black, marrex.

Keds are not regulation.

I didn't get to that regulation yet.

I'm only on page 600.

Two demerits.

Thanks a lot, sandoval.

Demerits? It's like cub scouts.

Yeah, well, you better be careful.

You're only allowed 10 a semester.

Buenos d�as, amigos.

Hey, carlos!

Everybody, this is carlos.

Buenos d�as, carlos.

Sit down.

Gracias.

Hola.

So, where you from down here?

Bronx.

What?

New york. I'm puerto rican.

You're from new york?

I thought you were a native.

Shhh!

Good. I'm passing.

Foreign students like you pay $15,000 a semester.

Locals like me, we pay $3,000.

$3,000? You're the only one

Getting your money's worth.

Yeah, well...

Who runs this asylum?

You're sitting under him.

Ow!

Careful next time.

Those pants are too loud.

The pants are too loud.

* esqueala... *

* my hombre... *

The heart is all wrong.

* like a lolado... *

* like a lo... *

Shh!

* madera, madera *

* mi madre, mi padre *

* madera, madera *

Oh, my god.

What happened?

He fainted.

It's ok. I'm a nurse.

Stop! Don't hit him!

I know what i'm doing.

Ssk ssk...

That's enough school for today!

What happened?

Sunstroke, i guess.

Hey, i'm jeff, jeff marx.

Liz, liz parker.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

You live over the dorms?

Yeah.

Great accommodations, huh?

Yes, they're nice. Very nice.

You want to go grab some coffee

Or some bottled water?

I've got too much studying to do.

Well, it's the first day of school.

You know what they say,

All work and no play.

That's what i say, too. Bye-Bye.

So tell me, ortega,

Why do i get these dizzy spells?

What happened just prior to getting dizzy?

Can you discern a pattern?

No.

There's something you're not telling me.

How long have you been a widower, ramon?

Since my wife died.

That's five years ago. Any women in your life?

My mother.

I meant in a romantic sense.

No. The pure ones are too young.

The rest are loose.

Any lovers?

No.

Whores?

Tsh!

Do you masturbate?

You're a degenerate!

You know, in england,

Many victorian women experienced dizzy spells

Thought to be a result of sexual repression.

This is your diagnosis?

So now you're sigmund freud.

My religion forbids fornication

Outside of marriage,

As does yours, dr. Ortega.

And now, if you're quite finished,

I must go.

Ramon.

Ramon!

Mother, let me help you.

Here, mother. Come.

Where would you like to sit today?

On the porch.

On the porch. On the porch we go.

Ughh!

Bye.

Good-Bye, ortega.

When will you be home?

After school. Good-Bye.

Esta es las costillas,

Esto los brazos...

Las caderas, las piernas.

Y vamos a hablar del femur.

El femur esta dividido en cinco partes,

Uno para la parte mas larga...

What the hell is he talking about here?

Oh!

Aah!

Whoa! I got you.

You all right?

I think we should begin pueblo day...

That's what i call my field trip idea.

Pueblo day.

We'll be going into a pueblo village.

You see, we send the students to a village,

Bringing medical aid to the peasants.

It's humanitarian.

And the publicity will make us

The most famous school in latin america.

I feel...

What do the american students think of my school, gomez?

What?

Don't you listen to me?

Sandoval reports

They feel the classes are too slow.

One student referred to it as a mickey mouse school.

Mickey mouse? The cartoon mouse?

That's the only mickey mouse i know.

Who said this, the girl?

Which girl?

Parker, the one who slapped me.

Oh. No, it was one of the boys.

I feel that pueblo day should begin

With a great speech by you.

Then we will send the students

Into a village

Where they have never seen a doctor

Before in their lives.

Slow? What?

They think that we're slow,

They think that we're mickey mice?

Let's see how fast they are.

Schedule examinations.

Certainly. For when?

Tomorrow.

Atencion, estudiantes,

La universidad de madera tiene el orguillo...

I don't like the rules.

Shh! Shh!

Ma�ana a las 8:00.

La biblioteca estara abierta...

Holy shit!

Holy shit! We've got an exam tomorrow.

Already?

How am i supposed to learn this all in one night?

Surprise exam. I can't do this.

This is ridiculous. This is a pain in the ass.

I'm going to have a goddamn heart attack.

Night-Night.

You finished studying?

Sure. I've got a study buddy.

Who? Benny.

Benny? Benny. I don't know a benny.

Let me introduce you to speedy benny,

My one-A-Day vitamin for the brain.

Uppers. That's right.

One a day? How do you sleep?

Drop a lude.

Psychopharmacology's my field.

Surgery is obsolete, jeff.

Drugs are the future of medicine.

Y'all want one?

* oh, i left a good job in the city *

* workin' for the man every night and day *

* and i never lost one minute of sleepin' *

* worryin' about the way things might have been *

* big wheel keep on turnin' *

* turnin' *

* proud mary keep on burnin' *

* burnin' *

* rollin' *

* rollin' on the river *

* go 'head now *

* rollin' * * rollin' *

* and we're rollin' * * yeah *

* rollin' on the river *

* give a toot toot toot toot toot *

* toot toot toot toot toot toot *

* ooooo... **

This is the international operator.

Please deposit 1,000 more pesos.

I don't have 1,000 more pesos.

Ok.

Oh, good. Thank you.

This is the marx residence...

Dad! This is jeff. You're right!

You were right about school.

...not home right now.

If it's a medical emergency,

Our beeper numbers are 555-2201 and 2.

Wait for the beep.

dad, this is me, jeff.

You were right about school.

Dad! I know what i want to specialize in.

Everything! Nobody does that!

We could be partners. Marx and son.

We could open a thousand clinics.

Dad?

Hello?

I lost him.

He's gone. He's gone. The guy's gone.

Oh, wait. Ok, fine.

What haven't i done?

Studied. Oh, shh...

Uh... segundo arterio del pecho.

Uh, primero vena del, uh, uh, brazo.

Uh, segundo...

Musculos de...

Uh!

Uh, no!

Uh!

Oomph!

Ok.

You know the material.

You're ready.

Aah!

You can work and play.

You're in my seat.

What? Oh.

Sorry.

Empieze el examen.

Gracias.

How did you do?

Pardon. Pardon. Pardon.

Ha ha! Got my 95.

Ausente? What's ausente mean?

That's spanish for absent.

But you were there.

Yeah, i was right next to you.

Cervantes! Dr. Cervantes.

Look, sandoval wrote me absent.

Come to dr. Madera with me.

No, no, no.

I sat in the wrong seat.

Dr. Cervantes, please!

I'm sorry.

Pleeeease!

No!

It won't do any good.

Dr. Madera is a complete unreasonable man.

Buenos d�as, se�or.

Buenos dias, se�orita.

Me llamo jeff... Heffrey marrex.

Of course, mr. Marx.

Hey, you pronounced it right.

You're the first one so far.

Well, i learned english by seeing your films

And reading your classics.

Yeah. Um, is dr. Madera in?

The doctor is all tied up.

Please.

Is it possible that i see him in another...

That is a beautiful watch. Is it a rolex?

It looks so nice on your lusty arm.

There are many beautiful things in america.

I often dream of being there.

So do i.

The pueblo i have chosen for pueblo day

Is the village of san agustin.

It is very primitive, very remote,

And the peasants have never seen a doctor

In their lives, so they won't object

To being treated by medical students.

I am sending a select group of students,

Including the americans.

It will make for great drama

And guarantee publicity.

It could put us up there with the mexicans.

How much will it cost?

Just gas money and medication.

No, no, no. No medication. They're only students.

What if they hurt somebody?

No medication?

It's just gas money, then.

Have these drug requisitions filled at the pharmacy,

Then deliver them to the infirmary.

Maria, it's a great day.

* madera, madera... **

The doctor is free now.

Hello.

Who are you? What do you want?

I'm a first-Year student, sir.

It's about my anatomy exam. Um, sandoval...

I sat in the wrong seat during attendance,

And he marked me absent by mistake.

And, as you can see for yourself,

Here's my test. If you just look at it.

There's my name, the date, the grade, a 96.

And dr. Cervantes will verify that i was there

And i took the exam. Dr. Cervantes?

Si. I remember him.

Thank you, sir.

The record stands. The grade remains an absent.

Sir, i fail to see the logic here.

Dr. Cervantes just...

Well, in any event, cervantes...

Cervantes has nothing to do with attendance.

Yeah, i know, but it's obvious i took the test...

You want cervantes to take the attendance

And sandoval to teach the class?

No, of course not.

Then everything is in order. Dismissed.

Sir! If you just take a look.

You see my name, the date, the grade...

What is wrong with you? Why do you behave like this?

Here i give you an opportunity to study

In one of the world's great medical schools,

Soon to become famous, and you act like a child!

A doctor must be a man!

Yes, i could have taken you at your word

And accepted your examination,

But that would be the easy way out.

From my years of experience in medical school

I can tell you that adversity builds character.

Soon, you will thank me for this.

I am waiting.

Thank you?

You're welcome. Dismissed.

Pueblo day!

A great day in this particular institution.

A proud day at madera university.

For today, we send out administering angels

To give medical attention

To poor peasants in the countryside,

People who cannot afford to come to us.

So what do we do?

We send you out to them

So that you can administer this attention to them

In their own environment.

Yes, you,

The first doctors in their lives.

Does ucla do a thing like this?

No.

Does johns hopkins do a thing like this?

No.

But in the great madera university tradition

Of providing the best medical training

For its students,

In my personal commitment

To improving the quality of life

For all people,

Together we strive to relieve the pain

And suffering of a diseased world.

Go in peace, my students, and may god bless you.

You are now entering san agustin,

Your pueblo assignment.

You will be graded.

Please conduct yourselves in the ways

Of everyday school.

In charge today are myself and dr. Diaz.

Are there any questions?

Yeah.

Marrex.

Uh...

Are we doctors?

That's a good question, marrex.

Any other questions?

Aver, se�or gomez, una foto.

Quickly. Come on. Come on, come on.

Please wait by the school.

Come on. Quickly, please.

Good, good. Come on.

Everybody. Please.

S�. Back up, please.

Thank you. You behind.

This will make a nice picture.

Come on. Get together, please.

And they were never seen again.

Oiga, se�or doctor.

Hi.

Buenos d�as.

What is this place?

This is a prison. Let's get out of here.

Yeah, we'll wait on the bus.

Hey, hey! Where are you going?

Nobody told us anything about a prison.

They need doctors, too.

Come on,

Or you get a failing grade.

Aah! Ha ha!

Ya ya ya ya!

They look healthy to me. Let's go.

We can't. We have to do something.

You start.

Why me? What do i know?

Your father's a doctor.

You must have watched him treat people.

His patients aren't sick.

He's a plastic surgeon.

I don't think these guys are interested

In having their boobs lifted.

If any of you, uh, feel bad,

Or if you think

That anything is wrong with you,

Step forward.

Anything hurt or bother you, pedro?

Abajo.

Down where?

Come on, you can tell me.

Uh, bad member.

Bad member.

S�. I understand.

Does it hurt when you urinate?

Uh...when you pee?

You know... Pssss, oww!

Yeah? Yeah.

I know what that is.

We've got that in tulsa, too.

Easy to fix. Thank you.

Next.

What's your problem?

Bad member.

Oh, dr. Marx?

S�.

Consultation, por favor.

Momentito.

Just put your hand on your chin

And nod knowingly as we talk, ok?

What does your patient have?

My patient's a mute.

I can't find out what's wrong with him.

The man's a mute... I don't know.

Well, i'll tell you one thing i think he does have,

And that's the clap. They've all got it here.

I wonder where they got it.

Hey! Excuse me!

Hey, you two, come with me.

It's an emergency! Come!

Dr. Diaz, these men need shots.

I think they've all got v.D.

We have no medicine.

All we have is a hypodermic for you

To practice with using water.

It's just for publicity.

What's going on?

Where do you think he's taking us?

I don't know. I'm not privy to their agenda.

Well, anything's better than that prison.

Follow him.

Vamos, vamos.

Wrong again, jeff.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Me, too. Go with him!

Alone? Just us?

Go! There's a man too sick to be moved!

Buenos d�as.

Hi. How are you?

Come. We go, we go, we go.

He's wearing a gun.

Two. Have you ever ridden a mule before?

Is that what this is, a mule?

Bueno, �que paso, hombre? Vamos, vamos!

I've got no feeling left in my balls.

They're completely numb.

You're lucky. Mine aren't.

Oh, here comes a tree, dennis.

Stay away from the tree.

Don't tell me, tell the mule!

Dennis, can't you steer him any better?

Steer him? He's not a car!

Cactus, cactus.

This is fun, huh?

Yeah. One day we'll have to go

To the grand canyon together.

We're here.

This is it, huh? First house call.

How do i get off this thing?

The same way you got on.

Oh. Oh!

Oh, watch it.

Hurry, hurry.

My father is very sick.

Yeah? We're not feeling so great, either.

Los doctores estan aqui ya, padre.

Ayudenlo, ayudenlo, por favor.

Help him, please.

This guy's dying!

Nice bedside manner, dennis.

Damn, i can't find a pulse.

I think his heart stopped.

What do we do? Call a doctor.

We're the doctor.

All right, i'm gonna give him mouth-To-Mouth.

You start a heart massage.

All right. One, two...

Whoa!

What kind of man are you?

Let go of me!

He needs a doctor.

What are we doing here?

I don't know what we're doing here.

Come back to life. Come on, man!

I don't get anything, man.

Come back!

Dennis, he's dead.

It's over.

Se�or, we are very sorry.

We're very sorry.

He was very sick, obviously, and...

We were, we were too late.

Yes.

Uh, he's...he's dead.

Muertos.

¿muerto? Imuerto!

S�. We couldn't help.

You! You kill my father!

No, no. No, no.

No, we didn't kill him. He didn't have a heartbeat.

We were just trying to bring him back to life.

There is no such thing!

¡no, jesus!

Oh, god! Are you hit? Are you hit?

No, you are!

Aah! Aah!

Who made this bandage?

It smells like a caesar salad.

The witch doctor.

I spit on her arm three times

And danced all night.

And that didn't work, huh?

Momentito.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Take a look at this cut. What does that look like?

Looks like some kind of a rash.

Yeah, yeah, that was my diagnosis, too.

It's going to be all right.

Se�or gomez?

Is there any cortisone?

We didn't bring any.

No cortisone?

No.

Se�or gomez, this girl's wound is infected.

Where's the tetanus?

No tetanus.

No tetanus?

Uh, lower your voice. Next time.

Why are we here if we can't help?

¿gomez, que pasa?

Public relations. Perhaps next time.

Public relations?

Please, lower your voice.

Quick! One of the students is dead!

Please, lower your voice!

Take him off there.

Get him down off there!

I need a lude! I need a lude!

It was that damn bandit friend of diaz's!

Turn him over.

Diaz, you'll be in the suit!

Everybody clear out and give him some air.

Ow! Oh.

What's your name?

I told you already.

Tell me again. Jeff.

Where are you from, jeff?

Boston.

Good town, beantown.

Come on, jeff, just keep talking to me.

Recite the pledge of allegiance.

Uh, four score and seven...

Ah, oh. I, you, four...

I pledge allegiance...

I pledge allegiance to the flag.

The bullet missed your artery

But it's lodged in the vein.

Is that good?

You better remove this bullet, dr. Diaz.

I'm only a physical doctor.

A what?

A gym teacher.

This bullet has to come out pronto,

Because he's losing blood.

"No surgery is permitted,

Under strict orders of dr. Madera."

All right, well, if he loses too much blood

Gangrene's gonna set in

And we're gonna have to amputate.

Oh, please, don't!

¿se�or gomez?

Operate?

Ah!

Yes, operate. Only, do a good job.

All right, look, it's me or the gym teacher.

Now i've never removed a bullet,

But i've seen it done.

Do whatever you saw.

Thanks.

Does anyone have any alcohol?

Gracias.

Aah!

Not yet, father.

Why do i listen to you?

My apologies, doctor,

But we got almost 10 inquiries from that article.

I think all americans want their sons

To be doctors.

Yes, but not dead doctors!

Ramon.

You don't say good-Bye to your mother?

Good-Bye, mother.

You don't kiss your mother?

This place affiliated with the school?

Yeah, i think so. My doctor's a sophomore.

It's for pests.

Do you want me to call your folks?

No, no. They'll think this is self-Inflicted.

Wait a minute, you guys. Look.

We sure could have used that medicine

At san agustin.

Yeah. I tell you something. Talk about getting shot...

Somebody should talk to madera

And tell him we're not gonna go back

Next time unless we have medication.

Absolutely. Somebody has got to stand up to that asshole.

Ahoy, students.

All: buenos d�as, dr. Madera.

Hello, boy. How are you?

Not so good.

I see you're coming along very well.

I'm very sorry about the accident,

But you know, that's the peasants.

That's the way they are.

Jeff: still, that's no excuse...

But don't worry,

We're going to give you an "a" in pueblo.

And miss parker, an "a+" for you,

Because instead of a dead boy,

We have a wounded boy.

Yes.

Well, enjoy your education.

I'm going to go talk to him.

Yeah. See if you can get me a private room.

You know? There's two guys

In a bed over here.

We're right behind you.

Yes, my heart bleeds for them, too,

But the medicine in the school infirmary

Is restricted to my students by law.

My license does not permit me to heal anyone

Off the premises. Tell me, are you free...

What do you plan on doing about these people?

Nothing, i'm afraid.

The pueblo program has been terminated

Because of the accident.

They'll cancel my insurance.

It's a terrible situation

But my first responsibility is to the lives of my students.

The peasants are god's problem.

Tell me, are you free...

Now wait a minute. I'm sorry, now,

I don't believe it's god's will

That people suffer needlessly.

That sounds more like man's will to me.

Why do americans always think

That they can change a thousand years of history

In one day?

When you're fixing noses in beverly hills,

We will still be faced with the problem

Of these peasants.

You are very charming.

Would you be free for dinner tonight by any chance?

No.

Neither am i, unfortunately.

Promised you i'd come down here, dad.

I came, i tried, i got shot.

Leave these for the next sucker.

Hi. I stopped by the hospital.

They said you'd checked out.

I was talking to madera, and, um...

How come you're packing?

'Cause i'm leaving.

Why?

Because i got shot.

I didn't want to be a doctor

In the first place, and then i get shot

For treating a patient. It's ironic, isn't it?

No...All right, wait a minute,

If you didn't want to be a doctor,

What are you doing here?

It's a long story.

It started the day i was born,

And it ended today.

Listen, uh,

If you want some coffee or anything...

Or the mr. Coffee or the pots, the pans,

Or whatever i've got in there,

You can have. I mean, i don't need it.

How'd it go with madera?

Great. He's canceling the pueblo program.

I can't say i blame him,

Although it's a day too late.

You know, i don't believe you said that.

Why?

Why? You were there, you saw those people.

One of them shot me.

Is that all you think about?

Getting shot?

Yeah, for some reason, i can't seem to shake it.

Look, liz, i'm not an animal.

I understand. And i know that those people are sick.

I know that someone should help them,

But it's not me. I don't know how.

Ok. All right, ok.

Ok. Have a nice trip.

What...That's the good-Bye?

Where are you going?

Well, first i'm going to the school infirmary,

And steal the medication.

And then i'm going to take it to san agustin.

Steal? You're gonna steal?

You're going to get thrown out of school.

Yeah, well, only if i'm caught.

Come on, liz, be sensible.

You're looking for trouble.

All right, look, jeff, you got shot.

Someone took the bullet out,

You were put into a hospital,

You were given medication,

And you were healed.

Now are you the only person

On the whole planet who deserves that?

"He waited, his hands softly stroking her waist.

"Again her mouth betrayed her.

"His belly cleaved to hers.

"Anne felt his hardness against her thighs

And the hot darkness of his mouth."

Jeff: uh, maria?

Oh, heff. It's fate.

You were right on the tip of my mind.

Is dr. Madera in?

Oh, no. The doctor is at a meeting

Off-Campus.

Great! Can you get off for a minute or two?

Longer. I love getting off.

Just a minute, darling.

Let's go, you hunk.

Oh, jeff,

There's this book i'm reading.

Oh, it's so romantic!

Ihola!

I know a place where we can be alone.

Where? The school limo.

The school limo? I don't know.

Trust me. Trust me.

Alone in bed at night with my brothers,

I have often dreamed of this moment.

That's nice. Look, maria,

Do you think this is the right time

Or the right place?

Oh, don't worry, darling, we are perfectly private.

Private?

You've got windows here

And people walking around.

The windows are tinted. We can see out,

But they can't see in.

You sure? Mm-Hmm.

Yeah? What about here?

And there? The front?

Oh, jeff, when i look into your eyes,

My body is overcome

With wrenching spasms of delight.

Oh, jeff, your skin is like a raging river

Rippling under my curious touch.

I can't stay long.

Tetracycline.

Terramycin.

Oh, amphetamines.

Unhook me with your wild hands,

And lick my pulsating nipples until they pout.

Oh, man!

Ravage me, you beast!

Jeff, i can feel your hard manhood

Throbbing through your jeans.

Oh, my proud stallion,

Let me unleash your unbridled fury.

Wait, wait! I'll do the zipper.

lay, chihuahua!

Give me your proud totem.

My love canal awaits your orgasm.

Ah!

Let's go.

Jeff, did you have any trouble?

Let's go.

Watch it!

Easy.

Just like a bunch of thieves!

We are thieves. Let's go.

Where's jeff?

Come on, let's go.

Someone must be very sick.

Hold it! Hold it!

Here comes jeff!

Get in! What took you so long?

I promised not to tell.

Great!

Hey, look, i'm going to go find

The schoolteacher, open up the door.

Ok, how much do i owe you?

The meter ran out 20 kilometers ago.

So what's the fare?

60,000 pesos?

All i've got is a 100,000.

Jeff, do you have change for 100,000?

I left my money in my other pants.

Pepe, can we change 100,000?

No, i left my money in my other pants.

All right, but be back here by crack of dawn tomorrow.

I'll be back.

Is bad medicine.

Come with me.

There is one chant i haven't tried.

There? There?

You know, it might be worms.

You better get a stool sample.

Ok. Ok.

Atras, por favor. Se�or, se�or.

Uh, por favor,

Next time you go to the bathroom,

Ponga in this bag, and return it to me.

I want to take a good look at it.

You do?

Good day, gentlemen.

We're back.

Today we're going to fix your members.

With this.

Oh! Oh!

No! No!

We going to have to think of a way

To give these guys the shots,

'Cause they're not gonna go for it.

All right, all right, i got it.

Drop your pants.

What? Drop your pants.

Why?

I'm gonna give you a shot first, show them it won't hurt.

Well, i got news for you, buddy boy,

It is gonna hurt,

Especially if it's given by an amateur.

I've shot myself up lots of times.

There's nothing to it.

Really.

You know, dennis...

I'll be gentle.

All right. I really... I went into this...

Just bend over.

Really be careful. Really, really.

I do not feel good about this.

Huh!

Aah!

Ohhh!

Ibueno!

Yeah!

Yeah. Oh, that was good.

Man, i just know they're not gonna wait

Any five days

Before they start screwing lupita again.

We're gonna have to be back there next week.

This place is jumping!

I wonder if they need any shots.

I was getting pretty adept there towards the end.

Yeah, it was at the beginning

You were a little weak.

Dennis, i just took a splinter out of this kid's leg.

You got any iodine or something?

Man, iodine went out with world war ii.

Now we use a topical antibacterial.

Does it hurt when it rains?

Yes. Ok.

Does it hurt in the morning?

In the morning it hurts.

Well, there's a little inflammation.

I think it's arthritis.

I'm going to give you a shot of cortisone.

Cortisone. Ok?

Hi. How you doing over here?

You need any help?

Uh, no, i don't think so.

Ok. Here we go.

Poquito ouch.

It's ok.

There.

Yeah? It's good?

Good!

Wow! Good job!

Hey!

He's pretty happy.

He's a pretty happy guy.

All right. Next.

I have this pain in my hip for many, many years.

All right. Does it hurt when...

In the morning. When it rain.

I have arthritis.

Give me the cortisone.

Sure, sure.

You sure you want me to do it?

I'm a real good shot assistant.

Yeah, in real life, that's a nurse.

I looked everywhere.

The americans are not in the school laboratory

Or in the library, and they're not in their rooms.

Where could they be all this time?

Are they together, do you think?

There's no way of telling.

Then say nothing.

If i ask you a question and you know the answer,

Say something.

If not...

They're together. I know it.

The girls and the boys. The boys and the girls.

It would be too big a coincidence

If they were not together.

Do you wish me to expel them?

Oh, don't be stupid. For what?

We don't know what she's doing, do we?

Who?

They were not there

For the raising of the flag in the morning,

And they are not there

For the lowering of the flag at night,

That means they could have spent the entire day together.

It also means that

They could be spending the night together.

Is that possible?

Yes.

Shut up! Damn you to hell!

If you want to help me figure this out, fine.

But don't say ridiculous things.

Call a faculty meeting for tomorrow.

We just had a faculty meeting today.

So what? Do i have to ration faculty meetings?

No. No. No.

They feel, the americans,

That this school is a playground.

I will show them that madera university

Is anything but a playground!

Thank you very much for coming

In the middle of the night, gomez.

I really appreciate it.

Any time.

You know, it was crazy, right?

I, like, stuck this guy six times in the arm

Trying to find his vein.

The poor guy's arm looked like a pincushion.

And i'm glad we came out here

And started this thing,

But i wish i knew more of what i was doing.

Well, you will.

I mean, you know, you're just a kid.

You're a freshman, right? Freshman.

Boy.

Do you have any medical background?

No. No.

I'm going to be the first doctor

In a long line of bus boys.

These grasshoppers are very tasty.

The secret is in the sauce.

It's a real nice place

You got here, doctor.

I'm thinking of adding on.

You know, i watched you today.

You got the touch.

You really think so?

You're gonna be a hell of a doctor.

What?

I used to live with this surgeon

That told me i didn't have enough brains

To be anything more than a nurse.

I mean, like, he claimed

That there was, like, this giant leap

In brain power between giving orders and taking them.

Sounds like a nice guy.

Where is he now?

I don't know.

As soon as he said i was too dumb

To do what he did, i was out of there.

You were smart enough to do that.

How's your limb?

My what?

Your leg. Any discomfort?

No. I hadn't noticed.

Look at the americans,

Look how tired they are, but not from studying.

From now on,

They'll be tired from studying.

But, doctor, the pressure

On the students will be devastating!

I don't care. They have too much time

For miscellaneous behavior.

Please, doctor. No.

But for most final exams,

I have three months. It's madness!

Not at the same time...

One by one, beginning with anatomy next week.

This is a medical school.

It's not... something else. Next.

There's a very large bill from the pharmacy.

You want i should pay it?

It's a mistake. Check the inventory.

Next.

The americans are back.

The meeting is adjourned.

Dr. Madera,

You must get me more cadavers.

My students cannot possibly

Prepare for this exam with only one cadaver!

We need at least two cadavers...

They want to learn,

They will find a way!

Este es el higado.

Este es el intestino.

Sandoval: time's up!

Five minutes!

Next group to use the cadaver.

Hey, sandoval, i didn't get to see the spleen.

I'll send you a picture.

The four physiological fluids

That flow through the body are?

Blood.

Phlegm.

Water.

Bile.

Yeah! Good, good, good!

This car needs a tune-Up.

It's better than putting pesos

In pepe's pockets.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Three more and we're in.

Closed? What?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

¿cerrado? ¿cerrado? ¿cerrado?

How are we supposed to learn anatomy like this?

This sucks. Look, we need our own cadaver.

That's all there is to it.

Won't we need a dead body for that?

We don't need a whole body,

Just an arm and a leg and a thigh.

Hey, this isn't colonel sanders.

Ahem.

May i help you?

How do you do?

We'd like to buy a body.

I have never heard such a disgusting thing!

Get out!

Pesos.

May i suggest gonzales?

He was killed just last night

In a police shoot-Out.

Oh, he's perfect!

Yes, indeed.

Come on.

Hurry up before somebody sees us.

Oh, god, he's heavy!

He's dead weight.

I think rigor mortis is setting in.

I wonder how gonzales feels

Being carried around like this.

I know it's no fun for me.

He's beyond caring.

Besides, guy may end up curing cancer here.

What?

Ok, boys, let's all think real hard.

We're gonna have to put gonzales on ice somewhere.

We'll keep him in the bathtub.

Yeah, but whose?

We'll rotate him, or we can divvy him up.

This is very uncomfortable.

What's the matter,

You never walked with a cadaver before?

Buenas noches.

Hola.

People are giving us funny looks.

We gotta get him off the street.

Can you blame 'em?

Gonzales has those beady eyes of his.

Can't you get his head down?

Just push, just push.

Let me massage the neck.

Ok, one, two, three!

Ow! Ow!

What? What?

I got a cramp. I got a cramp.

I got to sit down.

All right, back up. It's over here.

Oh! Oh!

Aw, this is nuts.

Whose idea was this, anyways?

Yours. Yours.

Guys, our friend's not too obvious.

Come on, let's get out of here.

How far is it to the dorm?

About four more blocks.

Oh, shit, it's pepe.

Where? Oh, he's coming back.

He's coming back.

Ihola! ¿como estas?

Where have you guys been? I miss you.

I'm glad he's here.

I can't walk any further.

Just be cool, be cool.

Let's not share our illegal secret.

Get up, get up.

He's coming over, he's coming over.

Hola.

I don't think i know your friend.

I'm pepe. I said, i'm pepe.

What's the matter with him?

He's been drinking.

Yeah, we're all drunk.

Smashed.

Still, he can say hello.

No, no, he's real sad.

He's very depressed.

Yeah, he's in bad shape, pepe.

He's had a death in the family,

Someone very close.

I think it's best

That he stays alone with friends.

In that case pepe has a discount for the bereaved.

Let me help you with him.

Oh, that's nice. Thank you, pepe.

All right, come on. Did you hear that?

A discount!

Must be our lucky day.

Get his legs up.

We missed.

Your friend is very tense.

You would be, too.

I'm losing him, i'm losing him.

It's kind of stuffy in here.

Do you mind if i drive

With the car door open?

You guys are so quiet tonight.

It's one of those nights.

Your friend is really out of it.

But i know what it's like

To lose a family member.

Last night, a cousin of mine

Was killed in a police shoot-Out.

Hmm? Hmm?

I feel kind of bad, you know,

Because i was the one who squealed on him.

I was having an affair with his wife.

He deserved to die.

Mother of god, it's gonzales!

Aah!

Ahh! Ahh!

What's the number of the american embassy?

Did you know

Your left taillight is out?

What's so funny, friend?

I'm talking to you!

He can't talk, officer. He's had major dental work.

His jaw's wired shut.

I know that face. Looks like a guy

We shot up last night.

It looks like your cousin, pepe.

It looks like him but it isn't.

I'll let you go with a warning this time.

Oh, man.

I want a big tip.

Peanut butter with bread.

Beer drinkers live longer.

Soccer players have stamina.

Oh, hi. How you doing?

Oh, god.

If you want gonzales,

He's on ice in dennis' bathtub.

I just came from there.

Boy, these exams really scare me.

All this memorizing and theorizing.

Is memorizing a problem?

Yeah.

Ooh, did you come to the right place!

I'm working on a system.

Yeah, i got this whole thing figured out.

I mean, everything. Let me just show you.

I'll find a good one. Uh, um, ok.

What are the four

Physiological fluids of the body?

Blood.

Phlegm.

Water...

Just think of the words "peanut butter with bread,"

The first letters of each word.

Peanut. "P."

Phlegm.

Butter. "B."

Blood.

With. "W." Water.

Bread. "B."

Bile!

God, that's... That's real clever!

I got a whole list here by subject.

I xeroxed this for you.

It's got, like, 30 of them.

So, whatever, you know...

There's anatomy, histology here...

God, you're great!

Oh, god!

Jeff?

Yeah?

I think we have a great relationship.

I wouldn't want to do anything to ruin it.

Yeah.

But could we be lovers?

It would have to be purely sexual

Because i can't afford to get involved.

I mean, someday i want an emotional commitment,

And i would like to marry a man,

But right now, for the next four years,

School's the only thing in my life.

Oh, i understand,

I understand totally. Totally.

The next question's when?

When? I don't know.

I haven't really thought about it.

All right, i'll look it up.

Date book. Let's see. Weekends are out

Because we have the clinic.

Fridays are bad

Because those are my late study nights.

Mornings. Middle of the day.

No. Early study session.

Uh, middle of the night.

Anytime. Meals,

I'll be willing to give up meals.

I'm free from 4:00 to 5:00 on tuesday.

4:00 to 5:00 on tuesday?

Let's make it official.

Let me get my book.

4:00 to 5:00 is excellent.

Jeff, two fs.

Right.

Great.

Wait!

Today's tuesday.

Oh.

Um...

We got a letter from jeffrey today.

Seems to like school.

Says he scored high on his anatomy final.

Finals? It's january.

It seems they give weekly finals there.

Even suggested you stop by and see him,

Gerald, on your way to rio

For that face-Lift symposium.

He wants to see me?

Read the letter.

Are you sure it's his handwriting?

Ok, branches of the brachial arteries.

Ok, let's go.

Hey, den? Hmm.

Hand me that box.

Thanks.

This isn't going to hurt.

Ok, i think it's mr. Puppet time!

Look at the little puppet.

Aah!

Hey!

¿que pasa, don?

Puede perder el bebe.

Vamos a examinarlo.

¡caramba!

It's a breech.

I don't know. Her stomach looks fine.

Transverse fetus.

Yeah, but the ultrasound shows

The fetus is in the right position.

God, she's in pain.

I say it's a breech.

You can tell in a sec.

Blood pressure's dropping.

Abruptio placentae.

No way!

Vamos a tomar la temperatura del bebe.

¿que?

Parece un abruptio placentae.

Right!

Oh, kids?

It's that time again.

The bookstore reports brisk sales of t-Shirts

And the other novelty items.

The books themselves are down.

Ah. The school cadaver has been picked clean.

However, the government of haiti

Sells them for $3.00 apiece,

Well within our budget.

Now to the ledger.

I am lonely, gomez.

You don't ever repeat what i say to you, do you?

Oh, no, no, doctor.

Not even to mrs. Gomez.

You are married?

S�, s�.

Tell me, gomez, do you have sons?

Many.

Someday, i, too, shall have sons.

And a beautiful wife.

The books are balanced.

The only outstanding bill

Is from the pharmacy,

Which i can't pay

Until maria completes her inventory

Per your instructions.

I'll go talk to maria about that.

Excuse me.

What are you doing? Where's maria?

I don't know. An early lunch?

Oh, miss parker. Hello. Hello.

Dr. Madera. Se�or gomez.

Hello. May i help you?

No, wait a second.

Are you here to see me?

Yeah.

See? She's here to see me.

Go away, go away.

Ah, so, you are here to see me.

That's kismet. That's fate. In what regard?

I wanted to tell you how much i'm enjoying school.

Oh!

Want to talk in your office?

Yes, i'll be delighted.

I'm very flattered. Tell me more.

Well, see, um...

The faculty is excellent.

And the, uh, facilities are...

Mind if i close your door?

Well! Uh...

And the, uh...

The, um...

The, uh...

The curriculum?

Yeah! The curriculum...

Well, that's just...good.

It meets with your approval.

Yeah, it's just plain good.

I'm very happy.

Anything else?

Um...

Boy, that's a swell suit.

I'm glad you like it.

Where did you get it?

Venezuela.

I get all of my clothes in venezuela.

Oh.

Well, i don't want to take up

Any more of your time.

Please stay.

But, you know, i really have to go.

I would like very much

If you'll have dinner with me tonight.

I can't.

It would be very meaningful.

No, no. You know,

I have to study for those weekly finals.

They're pretty tough.

I will push them back one day for you.

No, no, no, i enjoy the pressure.

No, no, you will enjoy yourself tonight.

We have things to discuss.

No, we don't. Yes, we do.

It would be very nice. Sorry.

You will have a very good time.

No. It will be wonderful.

I can't.

I will enjoy it. No.

I insist. Mm-Mmm.

I order this! Ok.

I beg you to do this. Ok!

Oh, you said yes. I said fine.

I will be happy.

I will see you tonight at 6:30 at the dormitory.

Ok.

Gomez!

S�, doctor. I am here.

I am getting married.

Don't tell my mother.

Open up another box. We're gonna start

The second half of the ball game.

Es hora de kevin mchale.

¡baloncesta! ¡encesta!

¡bien! Y uno mas...

El gran persona de todas las personas,

El numero 33...

...larry bird! ¡encesta!

lay!

Ok, ok.

We'll bring you over to this table, ok?

Come on, come on. Don't worry.

How long have you been in labor?

Two days.

Two days? Ok, ok.

Ok, ok, easy.

Easy, just relax.

Relax.

Do i know you? Are you a patient here?

No, i don't. No, no? Ok.

Ok, all right.

All right.

How often are the contractions?

Five minutes.

Five minutes?

You're having a baby.

Yes!

Yeah, yeah.

Busca al dr. Bruja. Vamoose!

Do you think you dropped your water yet?

Yes!

Yes, you dropped your water. Ok, ok.

I'm going to take a little look.

I'm gonna look under here.

And, uh, where's your husband?

Parking the donkeys.

Ok, ok, ok.

I'm just gonna take a look. Ok.

Ok.

Everything's going to be ok.

This feels normal? This?

¿senor, que pasa?

I'll be with you in a second, ok?

And breathe, and br...

Oh, jesus. Jesus!

I should have killed you the first time.

Come, we go.

No, no, no. You can't! She's in heavy labor.

Come, we go.

No, i'm telling you,

It's too dangerous to take her away.

Cut the shit and grow up!

Come over here.

Now, listen to me.

Listen to exactly what i say.

You know how to drive? Huh?

Take these keys. Take that car.

Drive it to valencia.

Go to the best restaurant in town.

Get the prettiest girl there,

Bring her back here, and do it now.

Do it now!

Vete. ¡vete ya!

Vamoose!

Ok.

Ok, ok. I'm back.

Is this your first baby?

Yes.

Mine, too.

Idios mio!

* yo muchacho triste y solitario *

* sin alg�n amor que fuera mio *

I have no sons.

You see, my wife, like you,

Was a very handsome woman.

And conservative, as i hope you are.

But where you are strong,

She was weak.

You see, teresa was barren.

She was infertile.

She was, how you say...

She was devoid of eggs.

May i have a little pickle?

Yes.

A little pickle.

Here's a little pickle.

Thank you.

And, uh, in the five years

Since she has been dead i have been...

May i ask what your wife died of?

Shame.

She died of shame.

You see, my family is from...

May i have some more pickle?

There is a small pickle.

You see, my family is from

The province of chihuahua in mexico.

You are familiar with chihuahua?

The little dogs?

Yes. Charming.

The little dogs.

Chihuahua is known

For the vigor of its men,

The force, as i say,

Of their primal energy...

The genetic power of the...

I'm sorry. Are you going to eat your vegetables?

No.

You...You take all of my food.

Because, you see...

Not pretty.

There, that one!

She's beautiful. Come! Come with me!

Where was i?

Yes.

The vigor of the men in chihuahua,

The force of their creative energies,

The genetic thrust...

You see, you are the beautiful woman.

Forced from the bull-Like nature

Of their loins...

Would you hold that thought.

Yes. May i ask, are you catholic?

No.

Well, you must consider conversion.

Ok.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Are you looking for me?

No. I don't know.

No, you said the clinic? Me?

Yes?

Please, come with me!

My wife and jeff are having a baby!

All right, calm down. It'll be all right.

Everything's ok, everything's fine.

Will you just tell that man over there

That we had to go. Come on.

Musicians, please.

What?

Wait. Please.

Oh.

* soy un muchacho triste y solitario *

* sin algun amor... *

Blood pressure's elevated.

She's in labor two days.

I don't like it.

The heartbeat's faint.

It's not where it should be.

What should i do?

Just keep chanting.

What is that?

It's ether, an anesthetic.

She should chew on a root.

Dennis says it's the same as valium.

Whatever. Look,

She's in a lot of pain.

I want to put her out.

When i tell you to,

Put this over her nose like this, ok?

Ok?

Ok, estrellita. Ok, honey. Ok.

Ok, relax.

Breathe. Breathe. Ok.

Breathe.

Oh, geez!

Aaaaaaaahhh!

It's coming!

Oh, my god! It's a breech!

Oh, no!

What's a breech?

Nothing to worry about.

Nothing to worry about. Relax.

Relax and sleep,

But keep breathing.

And breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe and relax.

Go back in.

The head has to come out first.

Oh!

Uh!

Oh, god!

Don't let me screw up!

There's your mom.

Yeah!

It's a boy!

Igracias!

Thank you.

A gift.

Gracias, amigo.

Good morning

And congratulations, doctor!

Looks like you and your fiancee

Had a wonderful time.

Well, you deserve some pleasure.

It's extraordinary to me, gomez,

How you always manage to misread the situation

And say the wrong thing.

Get out of my sight.

Because i don't want to see you anymore today

Or any other day.

Dr. Madera!

What is it?

We've been robbed!

Oh.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ahem!

What's that?

Sandoval.

Dr. Madera wants to see the girl.

Are these familiar to you?

No.

You know that we are aware of your illegal clinic

And band of renegade students.

Gee...i don't know what you're talking about.

Why do you lie?

You don't have to lie. You're safe here.

I cannot have my wife involved in a scandal.

I thought your wife was dead.

No, i meant you.

I'm not your wife.

No, but you have committed a crime,

And you must be punished.

Marry me.

Yes, you are speechless.

That's completely understandable.

But, in spite of the fact that you are a criminal,

You are beautiful.

And i believe that god,

After depriving me of a son all these years,

Has sent you to me so that i may spawn.

Now listen to me, dr. Madera,

I'm very flattered.

But you wouldn't want to marry me

If i didn't love you.

Yes, i would.

I'd better go now.

There's someone else, isn't there?

That boy, that american boy.

No, there isn't.

Why do you torment me?

I saw you the night that you left me,

And that day, the next day,

Running hand in hand with him

And giggling to yourselves.

When i was adoring you from afar,

You were fornicating under my nose!

Get out of here!

Wait! Don't go.

In light of the present situation

I...I have no choice

But to expel you and your friends

From school.

And with that, any hope of a medical education

Will come to an end.

However...

I will rescind that order if, as a wedding gift,

You will marry me.

Where are you going?

To pack!

Well, it was inevitable.

Who did we think we were kidding?

How long did we think we could get away with it?

It was my fault for getting everybody involved.

We all knew what we were getting into.

There's got to be another medical school

Somewhere that will take us.

I hear there's one in the philippines

That will take anybody.

I think we ought to steal some school stationery

And forge ourselves some letters of recommendation.

That's what i think.

We could go to jail, schmuck!

I suggest we leave the country.

It's the end of the clinic.

Oh, yeah, madera is gonna close it for sure.

Let's contact the red cross.

Maybe they'll take it over.

Sure, we're allowed one phone call from prison.

And after prison,

What happens to our careers?

We can always become chiropractors.

Aaah.

Dr. Madera?

You are the devil.

I want to talk to you.

I want to give you the chance to be logical.

I can't talk now. I'm a very busy man.

You can't throw us out of school.

You stole from me.

You disobeyed me on everything.

You promised those people medical aid!

That's what we gave them.

You can't punish us for that.

What we did was right.

Don't you dare tell me what's right.

You want justice, boy?

The pistol in my country is justice!

I know that, sir. That's why i brought one.

You dare to bring a gun into my house?

I'm going to be a doctor, and you're not gonna stop me.

I've already stopped you,

So if you want to kill me, go ahead.

I'm not afraid to die.

Shoot me or get out of here.

I will. I swear to god, i'll shoot you.

I'll shoot you right in this room.

You kill me, i'll kill you back!

I'm not leaving this room until we resolve this thing.

There is no resolution

Except that your medical career is at an end.

No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

No, it isn't. Oh, yes, it is.

Well, i'm not gonna let you do it.

There's nothing you can do.

Oh, yeah? Yeah? That's right.

That's what you think.

That's what i think, and that's what i know.

Dr. Marx is here looking...

Can...

Hi, dad.

I'm not necessary here.

What the hell's happening here?

Those are real guns.

Dad, you don't understand.

It's good to see you. Can you go outside?

I'm not going anywhere

Until i find out what's happening here!

Your son is a thief.

He stole drugs from me.

He thought it was time

To open his own clinic.

Bull crap.

I will show you where it is.

Is this true?

Umph!

Ok, se�or.

How much is this going to cost me, huh?

How do you get paid down here, in pesos or in dollars?

You cannot bribe me.

You are so arrogant, you americans!

You think you are superior to everyone.

I know about you.

Here!

There is my degree from ucla,

The university of california

In los angeles,

Where i was an intern in the hospital

And where i watched dying patients,

Their eyes looking past me

Searching for an anglo doctor.

Well, here, i am the establishment.

You are the chicano.

I mean, stealing drugs.

What?

You needed the money?

It wasn't for the money, dad.

We start...

What?

What!

You posed as a doctor?

Tuesday and thursday nights and weekends, dad.

That is fraud, for christ's sake!

If you want to look at it that way.

Ohh.

Ugh.

What?

It's my stomach.

It's all right.

I'm having an ulcer attack

From all this.

What the hell do you care?

Someone, i know, will take our place.

You won't be abandoned without medicine.

But you've got to, for yourselves, remember...

And cook your pork.

What is it? What is it?

Who's that man? What's wrong with him?

I hope he's a lawyer.

It's my father. I just want to get him inside.

Let me take his other arm.

I'll get the door.

Careful on those steps.

Ow! Ow!

Jeff, where am i?

It's gonna be ok, dad.

Is this the hospital?

Sort of.

Where's the doctor?

You're looking at him.

Stick your tongue out, dad.

You're salivating. Feeling nauseous?

I'm having an ulcer attack.

Lymph nodes are normal.

My peritoneal wall is burning up.

Get me a doctor.

Yep, he's got fever,

Rapid pulse, diarrhea.

It's my ulcer!

Get me a doctor and some maalox!

No, dad, i don't want to give you

Anything to mask it.

I want to get a correct diagnosis.

Please! I've been a doctor 40 years!

Well, now you're a patient.

Keep his head elevated. Keep his head up.

I want to take a blood count.

Blood pressure's 160 over 80.

Doctor brujo, we have a patient in stress.

Thank god. A real doctor.

I'm doctor brujo. I work with your son.

Oy vey.

Chew on this leaf.

It will lower your blood pressure.

Jeff, get me out of here!

Dad, settle down.

That's a hypo! Who are you?

This is compazene. I have no idea who i am.

No infection in the eyes.

There's abdominal distention.

Oh!

Peritoneal tenderness.

How's his blood?

White cell count is normal.

Did you eat anything today, dad?

Lunch at the hotel.

Uh-Oh. That'll do it.

His blood pressure's going down.

You got any more of those leaves to chew on?

What's the rush?

I couldn't keep up with you.

His father got sick.

He's in the schoolhouse.

Dr. Marrex, you are not well?

Excuse me.

I thought it was an ulcer,

But the staff made a different diagnosis.

We found roundworms

In his stool sample, doctor.

Worms sometimes mimic the symptoms of an ulcer.

Did you start compazine?

I gave him 1 cc.

Bartrum?

Yes, and lomotil.

And bay leaves.

Hmm.

You trained these kids well, dr. Madera.

Thank you very much.

We will take you back to the school infirmary

And give you more tests in the morning.

Put him in the limousine, please.

You'll be more comfortable in there.

Come, gomez.

I had the clap for seven years

Before they came. Me, too!

Please, se�or, don't close the clinic,

Or i'll blow your head off.

You're despicable. You're subhuman.

You're lower than low.

Do you want a ride to the town?

Do you want to press charges against the students?

No, no, no, no.

You do that, you'll throw away

The best opportunity you'll ever have.

All you have to do is put the name madera

Over that clinic.

Let some of the reporters

Talk to the peasants.

You could become the mother teresa

Of central america.

This is what i was going for.

This is what the pueblo program

Was designed to do.

You want me to consort with criminals?

This is what you want?

That's small potatoes!

The big story is the madera clinic,

Which not only saved the peasants,

But saved the life of an american surgeon,

Who was cured by his own son,

A medical student at your school!

You pass this up

And you have my resignation.

You are becoming very aggressive, gomez.

Jeff, tomorrow i'll start making phone calls.

I'll stay here and get lawyers for all of you.

We'll find another medical school.

You kids deserve to be doctors.

Vamonos. You are under arrest.

Get your hands off me.

Hey, hands off the suit, ok?

Don't worry, we'll handle this.

You just go home,

Take care of yourself.

I'll call mom and explain.

I'll talk to your mother.

Se�or.

Momentito. Momentito.

Drink a lot of fluids.

I'm so proud you're my son.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Ok.

Where should we hold the students?

Take them to valencia.

No! No!

And quickly,

Because they have school tomorrow!

He said we have school tomorrow!

I don't believe it! It's a trick!

Thanks, doc.

I, too, shall have sons someday.

You see,

I am from the province of chihuahua.