Original subtitles

72, 73,

74, 75!

- I told you, guys, Mr. 75!

- God damn, you doing that shit, all right!

- Yeah, you're doing it, any and everything.

- Al and Richy, playing trashketball again.

- That was 75 in a row, Mr. Hall, his aim is impeccable.

- Why am I hearing you're late for appointments

and you're filming shit?

- Well, we're making a documentary about our lives, Mr.--

- No you're not,

you're playing fucking trashketball on my time.

You keep this up and you will not be

in the company commercial, and I will dock your pay again.

- Yo, yo, we make like 70 bucks a day.

Soon, we will be paying to work here.

- Shut the fuck up, Richy, and get to your shit.

I'm leaving Junior here in charge,

and you'd better be plumbing them toilets.

- Y'all heard my daddy, get to plunging.

Come on, come on, let's go, get to plunging,

get to plumbing, clean up this shit.

Man, y'all know I'm playing, man, turn down for what?

Mr. Clean, I'm'a need you to go to the car, all right?

I'm gonna give you my keys, you get the speakers

out of there and I want you to go to the store

and get a keg about this tall, all right?

All right, Mr. Clean, my nigga, my nigga, my nigga!

All right, Richy, you the one with the bitches.

Go get the bitches, go get naked hos.

I want you to build a pole right there

with my daddy's equipment and I want them sliding down

there, I want them to have titties like this, you feel me?

You, I'm gonna need you to go to the car,

I have this pot, right, with this creole seasoning

and a whole bunch of chicken.

Get on it, cook that shit up, right?

- Shit.

- Can you teach me how to use this thing?

I heard this is a bitch magnet.

You know what I'm saying?

What's up, this your boy, Roger, you know?

Future rapper, future star, you feel me?

You like that, you like that?

- Al and Richy on the scene, in the morning,

hitting the beat early, getting shit done,

getting footage, gonna be a great day.

- Richy, can you be

a little more inconspicuous, please,, okay?

You know, we gotta ask people's permission

to be shooting this stuff and you're waving the camera

around like you don't give a damn.

So you want me to miss some amazing footage

just because of some fucking papers?

- Look, I'm just saying, I don't want to get in trouble.

That's it, that's all I'm saying.

Well, what are they gonna do, fire us?

- I don't know about you, but I've got a financial period

bleeding out of my bank account's uterus

and it's called rent, okay?

Fuck rent, dude, let's be homeless.

- Yeah, let's be homeless.

Who is it?

- It's Al, from Poop in Your Pipe.

Be right there.

- Okay.

Yeah, let's be homeless, I'm sure my three-year-old

wants to be sitting outside of the 7-Eleven

eating month-old pizza.

Yo, it's month-old when you buy it.

- At least it's hot when you buy it.

I could go for something hot right now.

- Hey, fellas, I'm sorry, I was just getting

out of the shower, I completely forgot you were coming.

- Hi, I'm Al, from Poop in Your Pipe.

- Yeah.

- Miss, uh, um--

- Leslie? - Leslie.

Uh, your whole...

- Oh, geez.

You know, after a certain age, you just say,

"Fuck it, I like my titties

"and I don't care if the world sees them."

Come on inside.

My toilet is all backed up and it won't flush,

it's ridiculous.

You guys want water or lemonade?

I read in a magazine that lemonade is ridiculously bad

for you, it's, like, got all this sugar in it,

and who the fuck knows if there's real lemons?

- Hey, um, Miss Leslie--

- Call me Maura.

- Maura.

We're film students, we're making a documentary

about the lives of plumbers.

- Why?

- Just because.

Most people don't know the kinds of things

we have to deal with on a daily basis.

- That sounds like a shitty idea, no pun intended.

- We'll find a way to make it interesting.

We just wanted to know if it's okay

that we shoot in this house and that you're okay

with being a part of the process, that kind of stuff.

- Couldn't ask me that over the phone?

I would have polished my nipples or something.

Sure, whatever.

I don't know why anyone would want to see a movie

about toilets, but...

Are you filming right now?

- Yeah, Richy is.

- The most essential tool a plumber can have is a plunger.

- Oh, my gosh, I think I got some on my lip.

Yeah, the second most essential tool

a plumber can have is a breath mint.

All right, now, a lot of people think that,

here, Al, hold the camera, okay?

All right, a lot of fucking people--

- Hey, hey, hey, no cursing, I don't want

to have to bleep this out a million times later.

- Can I finish a sentence?

Okay, finish your sentence.

- All right, geez.

Now a lot of fucking people think that you need,

like, snakes and shit to fix a toilet.

This is how you fix this.

Now that toilet in there is clogged with crap, am I right?

You're right.

- And that crap is solid, so in order to loosen it,

we've got to sort of burn it, right?

Now what most people would do is let this boil.

Big mistake, you're gonna crack that porcelain ASAP.

What you gotta do is bring it to almost a boil

and then pour it in there.

Now all we gotta do is let this cool.

- Gosh, it smells like shit in here.

Here you go.

- Thank you.

- And I got you guys' number on deck.

- Okay, great, you have the hotline number, right?

- Yeah, actually, can I always get you guys?

- Yeah, sure, there you go.

- Al and Richy, I got you both?

- Okay.

Uh, by the way, Miss Maura,

here you go.

Thank you.

- Just like that.

And you didn't want me filming, man.

We could have missed that, are you kidding me?

Holy shit, yeah, what a way to start the day.

We need coffee.

You got it bad, man, holy shit.

Man, she wasn't bad for an older broad, right?

I'm sure you'd hit it.

- Yeah, that's not in question, I'm just saying.

I like her A-curves.

- Well, that's a-okay.

I guess we wait.

And we saw some titties this morning.

I would never hit an old lady like that.

- The young Orson Welles

makes his first feature film ever,

and even by today's standards, it is still

considered one of the greatest films of all time.

What makes this film so great?

- I think it proves that the way you tell the story

may be better than the story itself.

Elaborate.

- Well, I mean, it's a story about a guy's sleigh.

- Spoiler alert!

Just kidding, you've had 85 years to watch it, students.

Continue.

- Well, I mean, I really like the way

that they showed status, you know.

If they want somebody to look really big,

then they put the camera way down low,

but if they wanted them to be really small,

then they put it way above their head,

and you kind of just go with it, right?

- Absolutely, good answer, this film,

especially at that time, was considered groundbreaking.

It didn't get nine nominations for no reason.

- Yeah, well, I didn't like it.

- Why?

- Well, it was, it was long, you know,

it was self-indulgent,

every character felt like a character of a character,

and the whole time, I felt like I had Orson sitting next

to me, you know, telling me how good his movie is,

okay, like, "Don't blink, I'm about to do something amazing"

or "Oh, did you see that, it was fricking great."

- Completely reasonable, and your opinion

is as good as anyone else's.

Anyone else?

Martha?

- I thought it was interesting.

- Oh, that's interesting, thank you, Martha,

your opinion is always kind of a, uh, well...

Make sure you leave your reaction papers

to 12 Angry Men on the chair by the door.

And don't forget to write one for next week.

- Oh, thanks.

Leroy, I just think that everything you said today

was really deep, it really spoke to me.

And I know you failed in Hollywood, but not for me.

- Thank you, that's very kind.

- Um, Leroy, I have a question to ask you.

- And I have an answer.

- Great, I have a question about this project I'm doing.

I'm making a documentary about my job.

- Plumbing? - Yes.

- Why?

- I don't know, I guess just for practice, I guess.

- I see, yeah, I wondered why you and Mr. Leone

had the lights, camera, action thing set up yesterday.

- Exactly, it's for plumbing.

What I wanted to ask you is, what would be a good,

like, focus point for us, you know?

Because we're just keeping the camera rolling

in every aspect of our lives, you know?

- You know, Al, doing a documentary

is a little bit like finding the news.

You go out, get whatever you get,

and you figure it out in post.

You never really know what you're gonna get

out of it, so I'd say you're probably doing the right thing.

- Really?

- Sure.

I mean, it's a boring topic, but if it's just a practice,

I'd say go for it.

- Well, thanks, Leroy.

Have a good one.

- And you.

- Come on, Richy.

You think Leroy's gay?

- What, what do you mean?

What kind of question is that, is Leroy gay?

Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Jason Batham,

Jean Claude Van Damme,

fucking Roadhouse.

You're trying to tell me that all these guys,

they don't like scarves?

- Zero times have I seen them wear a scarf.

- His name is not Jason Batham,

I think you said Jason Batham--

Yeah, Jason Batham.

- His name is not Jason Batham, it's Jason Statham.

He did a movie with, he did a movie.

- He was in fucking Transporter, like eight times over.

Oh, catch you later, brother.

You fuck your wife good for me tonight, all right?

- All right, get out of my car, Richy, okay?

- Goodnight, buddy. - Thank you.

See you tomorrow.

- Sweet dreams. - Shut up.

What's up, fellas?

Hello?

- Shush, I just put her to bed.

- Oh, I missed her again?

- Yeah, how was your day?

- Uh, yeah, not bad, how was yours?

- Did you get any good footage?

- Uh, yeah, you know, in fact,

Leroy says it's kind of boring,

but, you know, I think I can get something good out of that.

- I think it's a good idea, honey.

- You know what, I've been doing some research

about some of the lamest documentaries

that sell for, like, a million dollars.

Imagine, okay, you and me,

a million dollars.

- Or five.

- Five million dollars.

Sister-woman, I would buy you a planet.

- That's a cheap planet.

- Why don't you ever just, like,

accept the planets that I give you?

Really?

Rent, $950, leaves me $550.

Car insurance,

gas, electric,

rent.

I can't sleep.

You know, I read if you claim it, you want it.

If you get it.

I just want more, I just want everything.

I just don't know how to get it.

- Look, shut the fuck up.

You know what, you got money, so what?

I can tell you got money riding on your belly.

Bitch, hated you.

You know what, I'm going to work.

When I come back, I better see you three pounds lighter.

You think I'm playing.

- What's, uh, what's the deal today?

- She's bleeding from her pussy, bro.

- Really?

- I'll tame the bloody beast soon.

- How you gonna do that?

- With a dick, bro.

- I mean, what's she screaming about today?

- Money.

When I didn't have a job, she'd tell me to get one.

I get a job, she tells me to get a better one.

It's a never-ending cycle.

Bro, I'm telling you, when this movie makes it big,

I'm taking my money,

I'm slapping the bitch across the face with it,

and I'm kicking her the fuck out of the house.

- Hell yeah!

- Hell yeah.

- Hell yeah!

- Get the fuck out of here, man.

- Let's go make us some money.

It's hot in this car.

- It's way fucking hot, man, let's roll.

Let's put those windows down.

Goddamn, you got a lot of fucking stairs

to be climbing this early.

- Do you do anything but complain, Richy?

- Dude, all I'm saying is, a building this nice,

they could afford a fucking elevator, am I wrong?

- I don't know, I mean, it's only like five steps.

- Thank God we're fucking here.

Yo, Poop in Your Pipe Plumbing Services.

Be right there.

- What do you think, though, we cut this shit together,

we could sell this for, like, two or three mil?

Yo, easy, huh?

- You know, actually, Leroy said it was kind of boring idea.

- Now, how did you understand him

with all those dicks in his mouth?

Actually, no, let's edit that shit out in there,

we need the gay demographic.

- You got it.

- Hey, are you Mr. Dooger Johnson?

- Yeah, but don't make fun of my name.

- Sorry, man.

- Come on in.

- All right, so listen here, dude,

we're filming a documentary about the everyday life

of plumbers, is it okay if we film our experiences here?

- That sounds like a pretty boring movie.

- I'm telling you, we live an interesting life.

- Oh, yeah, I'm sure it's far from shitty.

- Oh, that's the first time I heard that joke right there.

Come on, can we film here or not?

- Yeah, that's fine.

- All right.

Whoo, look at that smell.

- Look at the smell?

It's got a color, man, I can feel it on my face.

- Oh, God.

I've never smelled crap so crap-smelling.

- Let me see what we can do here, okay?

Guys, this is a level two out of three.

Okay, so, standard procedure:

put gloves on, just to make sure

you're not getting poop under your cuticles.

Yeah.

- Now, cuticle stands for, it's an acronym, for fingernails.

This right here is what I like to call

a full-five at 5 p.m., a shitty situation.

You cannot possibly understand just how disgusting this is.

Hence, henceforth, the surgery mask.

- I want to make sure I'm getting bloody backsplash.

It smells, it's poopy, and it smells.

- I got a little bit on my eyebrow.

Okay, so you guys have a deal already.

- You gotta be very careful,

because when water is boiling, it's very hot.

Like a fresh bitch.

- Everything's all cracking up,

everything's all breaking down,

okay, this is why they call us the professionals.

- How's it going?

- Oh, hey there, Dooger.

That's a nice tie, you headed to work?

- Yeah, thanks, got a board meeting this morning.

- Yeah, I'll be done in a minute, okay?

- Hey, don't worry about it, fellas.

It's not a big deal if I'm late.

- What do you do?

- Accounts executive at Jack and Warden.

- Good money?

- Man, I make 63 bucks an hour.

- You alone make 63 bucks a fucking hour?

- Yeah.

- Fuck, deadliest guy in the world

goes from a one to a nine-and-a-half

when he makes $63 an hour.

- That's the truth.

Dude, I fucked an Armenian bitch the other night.

I mean, just think about that for a second.

A black guy and an Armenian.

- Yeah, it's unheard of.

- You wouldn't believe how much pussy you can get

when you got money.

- Better shit done.

- No pun intended.

- So why don't you have, like, a huge house?

- Well, I don't need it.

Look, I save my money.

That way, when I see something I want,

I get it.

- But for now--

- I want pussy,

so I get my pussy.

- Fuck.

- That's the formula.

You need to stop chasing shit around all day,

get some real cash,

and then you'll be floating in the pussy juice.

- Stop chasing shit, huh?

- Oh, by the way,

I fucked your sister, too.

- All right, Mr. Johnson, have a great day, okay?

- Yeah, you too, man.

Hey, hold up a second.

Here you go.

You want more?

Get it on your own.

You'll feel better.

- You know what?

I fucking like Dooger.

She could fuck all night.

Calls up the homies, I'm asking y'all,

which park are y'all playing basketball?

We're just making this movie, right?

- Pretty much about us plumbing.

Yeah!

- Yeah, I know.

- This right here is what happens

when you get a bunch of hair stuck in the sink.

I call this situation the Sasquatch.

Is it okay if we will film in there?

Yo, Al, you in there?

Dude, that toilet is broken.

Made for the princess in you.

Actually, you in the princess.

- Welcome at Stan's that night.

Her name was Darcy.

She was like a real, sweet girl.

- Now rap about your father, man,

no disrespect to you.

I can't deep one.

So owns you, do.

- Yo, no one fucking lives here.

This place looks condemned.

- What's up, guys?

Uh, we're here to fix your toilet.

- You've got this fancy woman who's able to talk to you,

but we can't listen to anyone singing on the radio?

- My kid put his cookie in there, okay?

I can't get it out.

- Listen to my flow, here we go, on the one,

drop it on the two, that's my job, plumbin' fool.

- See, we're actually making a documentary

about our lives as plumbers.

We just wanted to know, and just sign this waiver

saying it's okay that we're filming in your house.

- Could you please sign this for me?

- Waiver, waiver, waiver, a waiver,

just to say it was okay that we filmed in your house.

- Sure.

- Great.

- Stella is not the only one who got her groove back.

- Um, cool.

Richy, this is your stop.

- Yeah.

- Dude, get out of the car.

- I know my brain is telling me to,

but I'm telling you, bro, I can't.

- Richy, you're gonna sleep when you get tired.

- Bro, I just don't want to go inside.

- Richy, I gotta get home before, like,

I gotta get home before my kid gets to bed, okay,

I haven't seen the kid after 7:00 a.m. in, like, three weeks.

- You know, dude, you have me thinking.

- Can we talk about this another time?

- A father should be able to see his kid

and a man should be able to go in his own home

with no fear and no trepidation.

- Richy--

- We worked a long-ass day today,

and after tax, we made like 70 bucks.

Dooger makes that in a fucking hour.

- Richy, can we talk about this tomorrow?

Please, please.

- Probably go inside and Shelly's got

a good reach and a good arm, bro.

- It's not possible that it's that bad, Richy.

Can I just go home, dude, can I just go home?

- You know, I'm trying to open up to you, here,

you know, give you a little glimpse inside my brain

and you're turning me down.

- Richy, I don't need to look inside you right now,

okay, I don't freaking care about your brain.

- All right, fuck, fuck it, fine.

You know, if I can't be sensitive with you, fuck it,

go the fuck home, okay?

- Get out of my freaking car.

- Geez.

Al, wait, wait, wait, wait.

What do you want?

What do you want?

- You stick it good to Gizelle for me tonight--

Get the hell out of my car.

- Sorry.

- Interesting reaction to Citizen Kane.

Martha, once again, found it "interesting."

Luke, nice paper, your opinions are 100 % valid.

Richy, actually an amazing reaction paper

on how you hated it.

The only part I did not like was the fact

that you thought Citizen Kane was a mask-wearing wrestler.

Al, always looking on the technical side.

I liked it a lot.

Which brings me to this part of the class.

How many of you think a movie needs solid actors?

Everybody's hands go up.

Understandable, right?

A movie needs this, in this order:

good sound, good actors, and good production value.

If people can't hear your movie,

no one will want to watch your movie.

And then, no one wants to listen to your bad actors talk,

then again, no one will want to watch your movie.

So in order for you to be filmmakers,

I want you to feel comfortable in front of the camera

and behind the camera.

Yes, Martha, I know, it's interesting.

Let's do some improv.

- You're too beautiful to be here.

Relax.

- Can you stop sweet-talking me for two seconds?

- All right, bitch, shut your mouth.

How's that, does that work for you?

- And that was my third one, so after that,

it was just, like, we need a divorce, like.

- Um, I'm scared.

- Scared for what?

- Oh!

- First, you gotta take off all your clothes--

- What the fuck?

Oh, my God--

- You want me to save your kids?

- I want you to, yes, yes.

- Then you gotta take off your clothes.

- I'm not taking off my clothes.

- Okay, no, okay, wait, hold on.

Let me get my, let me get my feet.

Over here, okay.

- I am confused.

Hey, Pa.

There is something very important

I want to talk to you about.

- What's that, boy?

- Well, I was down at church-school--

- Please, talk, go ahead and get over it.

- Well, he was giving me my every-week massage

and he said, "Well, son,

"since you're graduating from the eight grade,

"I'll give you a massage that's just gonna represent

"how much work you've been doing."

- Right, well, that's a normal thing.

- That's how I feel.

But then it got a little bit not-normal.

Next class, we are trying an acting experiment,

so bring in items of sentimental value, please.

- I'm, um, having a party in two-and-a-half weeks

for my birthday, are you coming?

- Well, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I'll bring Al too, okay?

- Sounds like fun. - All right.

What the hell?

- What?

What the hell?

- What, what is it?

Who is that?

- Who?

Who is that in my house?

- What are you talking about?

- Somebody let a model in my house.

There's a model in my house.

- Stop.

Pretty girl, what's up?

How you doing?

- I'm doing well, who let you in my house?

Uh, am I not a model?

- Hm, maybe.

No?

- Yes you are.

I'll pose for you.

- Please do that.

I can't wait any longer.

Put it in.

Just put--

It's okay.

Are you listening?

- Hey, hey, would you fuck that bitch over there?

- I don't even think I can afford the condom, dude.

- Condom?

Man, I haven't worn the devil's plastic in my life.

- How does that even make sense, the devil's plastic?

What are you talking about?

- What?

- The devil's plastic, what does that mean?

- I don't know, man, sometimes, you know I just say things.

- Over the past three years,

have you only been sleeping with Shelly?

- Fuck, no.

- This whole time, you haven't been wearing a condom?

No, the fuck no, I don't wear a fucking condom.

- Dude, are you getting tested?

- I make them test this dick.

- Are you getting tested?

- No, I'm good, man.

My stream is like golden heaven,

and it slides out like butter.

If I don't feel the burn, ain't no need to turn,

now, am I right?

- Richy, you're terrible.

- Bro, I can't do with the committed life.

- We're not even talking about that,

what are you talking about?

I'm just saying, if you cheat,

protect yourself, protect your partners.

- All right, look, here's something

you don't know about a rubber:

I'm the pull-out prince.

- Pre-cum.

- I know when it's coming.

- No, that doesn't even make any freaking sense.

- Look, dude, I'm telling you.

All right, so I'm stroking it, right?

You know, I'm getting it in.

All the sudden, my gonads give my brain a call,

they're like, "Yo, soldiers be marchin',"

my brain's like, "A'ight, cool," hang up, click,

conversation's over, I'm halfway to San Diego, man,

every single time.

- Guaranteed, you have six kids out there,

two of them are girls, and when they turn 18--

- I'm gonna stop you right there, okay?

If they look like my mom or my dad,

I'm pulling a 180.

What have you been married for, like four or five years?

- Three years.

- Same difference, man.

You cannot tell me that you don't

have some shit on the side.

- Dude, I promise you I have no girl, no nothing,

hand to the Big Man Upstairs, I got nothing.

- Yo, one pussy is boring halfway through the first time.

Three years later, I can't even recognize

that as a vagina anymore.

Maybe, maybe I'm wrong to hit it raw,

but bro, ain't no thing like a fresh piece of wet flesh.

- See, that's the thing, the stuff like that, that you say,

that's a lot, it's a little much for me.

- There's just nothing out there that's better.

I mean, new pussy is always good pussy.

- Is that right? - It is!

- New is always better?

- Yes, every single time.

- Okay, check it out, fat girl.

- Good pussy.

- Anorexic girl. - Good pussy.

- Bulimic girl. - Good pussy.

- Dead girl.

- No comment.

- That's disgusting.

Back in this neighborhood, again,

this lady actually called for us personally this time.

- Is this titty lady?

- It is Maura.

- Knock, knock.

- She actually said there's something going down

with her toilet, so we're here to see what's going down.

- Yeah, man, we'll see if we can go with them titties.

Poop in Your Pipe.

Dammit.

Just back here?

Whoa, whoa whoa.

Yeah, that's water.

See, boys, there's a leak in there somewhere,

my floor is all wet and gross.

- Let Richy handle this shit.

Hey, Richy?

- Excuse me, let Richy handle this crap.

Thank you.

- All right, oh, shit.

Hey, Al?

- Yeah?

- Hey, that's not the toilet.

- Actually, it looks like it might just be

dripping from the sink or something.

- I think you're right.

Yeah, yeah, it's gotta be, let's see.

Yeah, it's a connection down here.

Yeah, that'll do it.

- That's it? - That's it.

All right.

Hey, Maura, you need any help cleaning this place up?

- Oh, I will not pass up on help.

Have a seat.

Let's talk.

Richy, you hungry?

- Fuck, yeah.

- Make yourself a sandwich, go ahead.

- Thanks!

- What the fuck are you doing fixing toilets?

- What?

- What, you make like a hundred bucks a day or some shit?

- 70.

- Every other black guy I know is out there rapping,

singing, throwing balls around, making millions,

and you're making 70 bucks a day sniffing shit?

What the fuck?

- You know we're actually going to sell this movie, right?

- A movie about shit, it's shit,

you're not selling shit.

Black pepper?

- Top of the--

I found it, found it.

- I can help you, both of you.

- How?

- Pinky swear this goes nowhere.

My brother and I own a relocating business.

- Relocating?

- Yes, substance relocation.

- Oh.

Okay, so what do you want me to do?

- Send a message, you're a big guy, you're intimidating.

Your friend in there seems like he'd be down for the cause.

You know them Italians.

- So like, uh...

- Sometimes people try to get away with murder,

that may be their punishment.

Or we shit somebody's ankles

or we break some knees, whatever the fuck we gotta do

to get our fucking point across, we'll fucking do it.

- Dude, cheese, uh, I want cheese.

Ah, fuck it, I don't feel like farting all the way home.

Hey, fuck it, hey, where's the cheese?

- Bottom right, honey.

- Fuck, yeah.

- Look, I'm not telling you to jump ship

on what you're doing, you know,

you gotta keep up appearances and whatnot.

I'm just offering you a change of pace.

I like you, the little time I've gotten to know you.

You seem genuine.

And I'm not telling you to fuck me or nothing,

I'm just saying I'd like to offer you something

a little better in the world.

Take your time, think about it,

it definitely takes a certain type of commitment,

and I don't want you in on a half-baked idea.

- What's the pay?

- 10 to 25 K a job.

- Oh, hey, yo, those two chicks right there,

which one would you do?

Yo?

All right, more for me, then.

Gotta crash, bro.

- Come on, cigarette out.

- Yes, it's going out, it's going out.

- Thank you.

- All right, so, after my mom said

that the skillet was essential to my survival,

I took advantage of it.

I use the skillet every day, three times a day.

Sometimes I thought I would burn a hole through it,

but it's fine,

and I'm fine.

As long as I'm proud and my mom is proud,

then really, that makes me happy.

- You okay?

Thank you, Martha.

- This is a dollar bill.

- What's on it?

- Well, there's a little picture of Georgie.

He's in this, like, mirror-type thing.

There's lots of little intricate designs

like spirals and leaves, and there's a pyramid on the back,

not entirely sure why, but it's there, that's important.

- Reminisce?

- Well, I found this dollar on the floor,

like six years ago on a subway in New York.

I picked it up and the first thing I saw

was this chick who looked like an angel,

I swear, man, she was flawless

and I banged her that night.

So I put a little circle on this dollar,

I forgot to mention that, there's a little blue circle

on this dollar, remind me never to use it,

because it's good luck, you know?

I just feel like it represents a lot of who I am, you know,

because I believe in luck.

I believe in good luck and bad luck,

and no matter the situation,

this dollar holds a permanent golden line

of good luck over my head.

You know, sometimes I feel like it's, uh,

like it's even pushing things on me, you know,

telling me about my future,

because if you think about it,

I love two things in this world:

money and women,

and the good Lord wanted to put both of them on this planet

but he didn't want us to enjoy them now.

You know, this dollar represents the millions

of baby dollars that are gonna come

out of this one dollar bill.

And them millions of dollars,

that represents the countless number of women that I can do.

Now, keep up with me, here.

Tina, banged her, dollar in hand.

Margie, banged her, dollar in hand.

Sonya, dollar.

So you get this dollar, then, imagine Richy,

the little douche from Kings County, a millionaire,

and all thanks to this lucky fucking dollar.

- And thank you, Richy.

So, what can you tell me about Richy?

- He loves women.

- Yes, that's certainly a fact, what else?

- That no matter what he does,

and the effort that he puts into something,

he needs something to confirm his success.

- Richy?

- What can I say, I'm a guarantee kind of guy.

- Anything else?

- That he's probably willing to do anything

to fulfill his fantasies.

- Yes, good, who's next?

What do you have there, Al?

- It's a bottle of Complera.

It's HIV medicine.

It's cylindrical,

orange,

about two inches tall

and about an inch wide.

- Reminisce.

This is a safe space, Al.

No one is here to judge you,

or to think anything different of you.

- This HIV medicine belongs to my wife.

At one point in time, she wasn't very happy with me

because I wasn't making very much money, and

I wanted more and she wanted more and

I worked like a dog,

you know, and I could, I never,

I never saw her and I never saw Reggie,

Reggie's my daughter,

and so one day, I was on my way home,

and I was walking in

and I walked past the gangster kids

and I touched my door and the door knob burned,

like, you know, when you can feel,

when you can feel a room,

I touched the door knob and I felt it,

and I walked in there

and I saw my wife

and she cried,

and she talked,

and I listened.

She would take walks out to Beverly Hills,

just to, just to feel like she belonged there,

and she met a guy there,

and she didn't, she didn't even think about saying no,

that's what she said, she didn't even think about saying no,

she just went along with it, for the fun,

and a few months later, she contracted HIV.

And the first thing that

came to mind was,

"Oh, man, I should go get tested."

And the saddest part is,

when I realized that I didn't need to,

and I still don't.

You know, the other day, my daughter had an asthma attack

and the first thing that came to my mind was not,

let me just, her,

her little inhaler thing was just completely empty

and I wanted to get her another one

but the question that came to my mind was,

how, how am I going to get her another one?

This bottle makes me feel worthless,

it makes me feel like

I'm not providing enough.

And I know

that all, all she wants

is a man that can provide for her

and give her what she needs

and I just can't do that.

And I know that time is ticking,

and she's not going to be here for very much longer,

and I'd rather her leave one way and not the other.

- Look, man, I'm really sorry to hear about--

- Dude, dude, it's all good,

it is all good, don't worry about it.

- No, no, I'm, I'm done with the porking jokes.

- No, dude, bro, I totally--

I'm playing with the cards that was dealt to me,

so it's okay.

- Yeah.

Do you got it?

I mean, I know, like, it's transferable and all that.

- No, no, I just said it earlier, Richy.

No, I don't have HIV.

- Yeah, I know, I know, I'm just thinking, like,

you know, Gizelle's your wife

and you don't do things that husbands and wives do.

- No, I...

I, we haven't been very active

in that department for a while, all right?

You know, that kind of stuff that friggin' freaks you out,

you know, so.

We haven't done that stuff.

- So for the past two years, you haven't gotten any pie?

- No.

- What?

- I don't know what to tell you, Richy,

you know, it's just,

I said, you know, for better or for worse

when I married her, and I'm not going

to let a little thing like sex ruin that.

- You've gotta get even.

- No, I don't, what should I get even for?

- I mean, dude, I'm telling you, like,

how about this, man, I know this chick,

she will, she will absolutely rock you,

she can do this thing with crayons, man--

- No, no, no, no.

- Eye for an eye, sex for sex, man, it's only fair.

- No, no one ever,

no one ever said sex for sex, I, no.

Okay, I am a married man.

I love my wife, I will do right by my wife and that's it.

- You're a better man than me, bro.

- No, I'm not a better, it's not that hard,

it's not that I'm a better man than you,

you're just a terrible person,

you're just this gigantic monster of a person.

- Oh yeah, is that what you think?

- You're just a terrible person.

Hey, why did you get kicked out of your house?

- Oh, I didn't tell you about that?

- No.

- It was, it was because of Martha.

- Martha from class?

- Yeah, I was at a train station.

What, what the hell, dude?

What the hell is wrong with you, that's disgusting.

When did you do that?

- Last week, and the better part of the last two months.

- Bro, man, bro, man, ew, dude!

- All right, yeah, whatever, okay, ew,

gross, yeah, yeah, yeah, but listen, man, it was good, man.

She sucked the black off my 11-inch dick.

- Ew.

How did you get caught?

Left your phone out?

- Bingo. - Yeah.

- So figured I'd give her a week,

you know, let her cry it out,

and then I'll go tame the beast.

How you gonna do that?

- A little bed-squeaking ought to do the trick,

you know, if you know what I mean?

- Richy, I know what bed-squeaking is, okay?

You know what I mean, I know what you mean.

- You know, I wouldn't have this problem if I was rich.

If I had money flying out of my fucking fingernails,

no bitch would tell me how to live.

I'm telling you, man, when this movie makes it big,

ha, you'd better watch out, dude,

it's fucking non-stop Richy banging to the wall.

To the window, and Richy goes to the wall.

And the swat will drop down,

what the, what are you doing, brother?

Yo, what's going on, man?

- Richy, do you trust me?

- Yeah, man, what are you,

what are you talking about?

- Are you positive of that?

- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

- What would you do if you had a job

that could get you all the money in the world

with no negative repercussions whatsoever?

- I'd do whatever the fuck I want.

- That's what I'm talking about.

- I'd do whoever I want, whenever I want.

- You remember that lady, Miss Maura?

- The titty lady? - Yeah, the titty lady.

She offered me, and you, positions, $15,000.

- What the fuck?

- That's right, I'm going to go to her house right now

and I'm going to accept.

- Yeah, that's what the fuck I'm talking about,

baby, fuck yeah.

Hey, hey, look, that bitch right there?

On a scale from one to 10, 10 being the highest?

- Six.

- So, you've thought about it.

- Yes.

- Hey, camera!

- Oh, sorry.

- Did you know that Obama did coke?

That makes me Obama.

Obama, bitch!

- I got this secret, million-dollar idea

that nobody knows about.

- What's that?

- The sex olympics.

- Where does that come from?

- I don't know, I've never gotten the fucking.

- Only Kunta wanna know how to get the bitch.

Wait is this, are you on camera?

Okay, cool, cool.

So the Kunta wanna know how to get the bitch.

I'm'a show you how to get the bitch, follow.

Ready, one, two, three, go.

Yeah!

Then you wanna back it up on them, right?

Work it.

♫ Happy birthday to you ♫

- You're a filmmaker at this party now

and mind to go snort coke in the bathroom.

- Actually, I had plenty at home before I got here,

so I'm coked out.

- I'm Pillow.

- I'm sorry, what was that?

- Yeah, my parents were

the quintessential late '80s hipsters.

- Ah, so, so Pillow?

- Yeah, according to my mom,

she believed I was not only a dream chaser,

but a dream catcher.

And where do dreams develop?

- Oh, that's right, on a pillow.

- In your sleep, and you sleep on a pillow.

So essentially, don't sleep on me

and my dreams will come true.

- I'm Al.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

- So, Al, what do you do?

- I'm a film student by night

and a Poop in Your Pipe employee by day.

- You work at Poop in Your Pipe?

- I do.

- Oh, my God, I love their commercials.

- What are you talking about?

- Your commercial.

- Yeah, like, yeah, it comes on at like 3 a.m. on channel 3.5.

- Uh, channel 6.

- Yeah, no one ever mentions the commercial.

What time of the day do you work?

- Oh, I make my own schedule.

- Really, what do you do?

- I'm a singer.

- What?

I'm sitting next to a celebrity?

- No, no, but I've got a following in India

and a couple of other countries.

But nothing too crazy.

- So how do you know Martha?

- Oh, um, she was once the disgustingly drunk-o at a party

and I took care of her,

and okay, I'm sorry, I have to ask, why the camera?

You know, it's kind of creepy.

Luigi's got one, too.

- Wait, who is, who is Luigi?

- The other filmer that's here.

- Yo, I'm Richy, part-time student,

part-time plumber, part-time world rocker,

and I cannot wait to rock yours.

- I heard your name was Luigi.

- Oh, that's real funny, I'm fucking Richy.

- It's Luigi, the plumber, the bitch.

- Richy, a.k.a. Luigi, is my best friend

and currently my roommate,

and we're making a documentary about our lives,

so the camera stays on.

- Got it.

Must be tough living with him.

- Um, well, it's just tough, because my wife

and my, are there, in that tiny apartment,

so with him being there, it feels like there's 10 people.

- I see.

- You know, it's kind of loud in here.

You want to talk out there?

- Okay.

- Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo,

who the fuck told you my name was Luigi?

Huh?

- So you're a film student, right?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Do you make music videos?

- Yeah, yeah, I do.

I, um, I've never made one before,

but I'm sure I could make a really good one.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Well, I need one, so do you want to make it for me?

- Sure, absolutely.

- Cool.

- Would you sing, like?

- Right now?

- Yeah.

- That's super awkward.

- That's not super awkward.

- Yes, I'm telling you, I get really nervous.

- Why, you're not, you're a singer,

you're not allowed to be nervous.

Okay.

- You pin me for three seconds,

and I'll sing for you for 30 seconds.

I did Greco-Roman wrestling in high school.

I was the only girl.

- It's, that's extremely, that's extremely awkward.

- It's not awkward, I'm telling you.

- It's more awkward than singing.

We don't even have anyone to call it down the line.

- Luigi can call it.

I'll go get him.

Hey, Luigi.

♫ I don't like the person I've become

♫ Each day drags and feels the same

♫ No longer having fun ♫

All right, I'll make this simple for you.

If you saw it on TV, copy to think you're there, okay?

Pin for three seconds, count to three, that's it.

- Okay.

Okay.

- Yeah, come on, now, you heard her, Luigi.

- Go.

- Too slow, Slick.

Come on, pal.

- Shut up, Luigi, I can't talk to you.

Fuck you.

- Come on, man, you ready?

Dude, you gonna let her punk you out?

Let's go.

- Thought it was a joke, didn't ya?

- Come on, I'll give you a free shot, come on.

- Getting hot.

- Damn she got a fatty!

There you go, there you go.

And one, two, three.

Yeah, the winner, my fucking brother, Al!

Champion of the world!

Let's hear it for him, yeah.

Whoo, ha ha, yeah, Al!

I knew you could do it, brother, I knew you could do it.

So, uh, you, like, you owe him a song, right?

Like, that's the deal?

- Uh, yeah, I guess that's the deal.

- All right, well, what are you gonna sing?

- Um, an original song, I guess?

Two, one, two, three.

♫ Imagine there's no people

♫ Imagine there's no crowd

♫ Imagine the past was just the past

♫ The world was empty of lies

♫ Would you repopulate the world

♫ Would you repopulate with me

♫ Would you repopulate the world, the world

♫ Would you repopulate with me

♫ And don't forget that I'm your world

♫ Repopulate me

♫ Repopulate me

♫ And don't forget

♫ That I'm your world ♫

Oh, shit.

♫ Imagine there's no pain

♫ Repopulate me ♫

- Hey, buddy.

How's it going?

- Good.

- Good?

What are you doing?

- I'm just hanging out, I'm just...

- It's like 2:00 in the morning, why are you still up?

Did you nap a lot today?

Yeah?

Yeah, and Mommy got in bed.

- Oh, you were laying in Mommy's bed?

I'll tell you what, buddy, you gotta go

back to sleep now, okay?

I'm sorry I woke you up.

- Okay.

You don't have to tell me a bedtime story.

You don't have to.

- I don't have to what?

- You don't have to tell me a bedtime story.

- I don't have to tell you a bedtime story?

- No.

- Thank you, I appreciate it.

I will give you a double bedtime story next time, okay?

All right, buddy, I'll catch you later?

Don't play with that, it's medicine.

- Okay. - Later.

Uh, it looks like your pipes are shot, done for.

It's gonna cost you about $150, $200 to replace.

- Well, do you think the landlord would cover the cost?

- Yeah, absolutely, actually.

Just go ahead

and give your landlord this,

just go ahead and give your landlord this book,

let him know we stopped by.

They should handle it in no time, okay?

- All right, thank you so much.

- You're welcome.

All right, have a good day.

- I'll make sure the landlord gets ahold of you guys

as soon as possible.

- Hey, yo, Al.

Yo, man, I'll meet you in the car in,

like, 30 minutes, okay?

- Dude, what are you talking about, what are you?

- I'm porking that.

- You're porking what?

- What do you mean, what?

Man, what are you talking about?

I was in there, I'm plunging the shit away, right?

Okay.

- I caught her staring.

- Staring at what? - My ass.

- Rich. - Dude.

- Richy. - Dude.

- Richy.

- Dude, I shit you not, Mario.

I shit you not.

- Richy, come on.

Come on, dude, she wasn't staring at nothing, okay?

She wasn't staring at nothing.

- How did you miss that?

- Knock on the door, say what Richy says,

knock on the door, see what you got, I'll say it for you.

- You don't gotta--

- I got this, I'm gonna say it for you.

- Yeah?

You guys leave something in here?

- My friend, Richard here--

- Listen, listen.

Would you fuck me?

- I would.

- Were you staring at my ass?

- I was.

- Would you swallow for the camera?

- See, that's, right there,

that's the question, I'm just gonna go to the car,

okay, have a good one.

- Later, Al.

Okay!

- Hello?

Yeah, uh, nothing, I'm just here at work, so.

Uh, yeah, no, I can definitely come over tonight.

7:30, I'll be there.

Okay, thank you.

- Leave your fucking camera on, okay?

- Okay.

Look, I'm thinking she's gonna see that the camera's on,

I don't know.

- Dude, what if we get ourselves into some kind of trouble,

man, and we need some fucking evidence, man?

Think like a scholar, you fucktard, come on.

- Come in.

Go send him a message.

- Get inside, hurry up before the neighbors see you.

We are gonna handle this like adults.

I know who you are, I know why you're here,

I know who your boss is.

But the truth is, right now, I am financially unstable.

Sit down.

Take off your masks.

Take off your masks!

- No.

- No?

This is my home.

This is where I live with my...

What are you doing?

- Maura wants her money.

- Yeah, I understand that.

- Ha ha, did you fucking see that?

- I've got two little kids,

there's no cursing in this house.

- I don't fucking care.

- You won't lay another finger on me.

And you'll never feel what you're feeling right now,

ever again.

- What's that?

- That shit in your pants.

You two morons, you're on rotation,

you don't even know it.

Do yourselves a favor, get out of here.

Don't ever come back.

- I'll give you some of that, bitch!

You have 24 hours to dig deep down

in that pocket of yours and pay what you owe.

Good day.

Lucy, I'm home!

- Hi, Reginald, I have something to tell you.

- Is it bad?

- It's not the best news.

- I don't wanna hear it, what's for dinner?

Reggie, please, I need to tell you something.

- Hello?

- Al?

- Yes.

- Hey, it's Pillow.

- Aquamarine biologist.

- I hope it's okay, Martha gave me your number.

- Oh, yeah, no, it's, yeah, it's completely fine.

- Cool, um, I was just calling because I want to know

if you want to direct my music video.

- Yes, no, yes, absolutely.

- Really? - Really.

- Cool, I kinda wanted it to be like this kooky dance video.

- Anything you want, absolutely.

- Great, are you gonna be in it, too?

- I can't dance.

Just be nice and there.

- That's it?

That's all.

- Okay.

- Open them.

- It looks like we just got a raise.

- Yeah, I want that one.

- Good choice, good choice.

- Al?

Al?

Yeah, baby?

Oh, come here, baby, what's wrong, baby?

You can't sleep?

Wanna come up?

Do you want Mommy to sing a song?

- Yeah.

♫ Hush little baby, don't say a word

♫ Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird

♫ And if that mockingbird don't sing

♫ Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring ♫

♫ Have you lost your mind

♫ Or did I get right this time

♫ Ever, ever, ever, ever

♫ Everything I

♫ Make my dreams come true

♫ All you have to do, all you have to do

♫ Is marry me

♫ Make my dreams come true

♫ All you have to do

♫ Try to change your mind and share this simple kiss

♫ I'm not surprised

♫ I realize everything should start with a kiss ♫

- 250,000 views

on this video already.

People are just, people are just, like, loving it.

- I'm sure they do.

- First video, like, it's the first video I've ever directed

and it's just blowing up like this.

- Directed and acted.

- Right, directed and acted.

You know, Leroy saw this, thought it was awesome.

- Oh, great, you're gonna be the next Halle Berry.

- Speaking about celebrities,

searched for me on the Internet

to personally call me

and tell me that he loved the video.

- Who?

- Bud from The Cosby Show.

- Who fucking cares?

- What is the deal with you?

Why are you not being supportive for?

- I just felt it was a bit much.

- What are you talking about, a bit, a bit much?

- I mean, did you have to kiss her at the end?

- Here's the thing that you're not, like, comprehending.

We're acting,

as if we're, like, in a music video,

and we're acting like we're getting married.

- That girl is bad news.

- She's a girl who sings,

and we made a music video together, that's it.

- She's trying to ruin what we have.

- Really, she's trying to ruin what, really?

Well, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you this:

if she is, she's not the first to try.

In fact, the first person who did try

managed to ruin what we have.

- What are you doing if it's my mistake, Al?

Huh?

- I feel really uncomfortable being here right now.

I feel like this is a very personal conversation.

I should not be present for the two of you to hash this out.

- Okay, I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry that I found pleasure in another man, Al.

And I'm sorry you weren't enough of a man for me, Al.

And I'm sorry you haven't had a chance

to blow your fucking load in two years, Al.

But maybe I wouldn't have fucked up if you had the balls

to treat me like I fucking deserve.

- I'll be right there.

- Every piece of product we have, fucking gone.

We are gonna have one big ass cock

shoved up to our throats from the crack of our ass

if we don't get it back.

- I mean, you know exactly who took it, right?

- Of course, this happens every six months.

Situation is, I gotta go through the ropes.

His name is Tattle?

- As it should be.

For the right price, or the right amount of pain,

his gullet won't stay still.

He's aligned, for the most part, with Joey Biasse.

He's the motherfucker that took my shit.

- Why did he take it?

- Everybody wants more for free.

Tattle knows where Biasse is.

He's constantly packing up and moving his shit

and for some reason, Tattle's the only one

who'll get word as to where he is.

So I'm sending you two out and I want him.

- Alive.

- Exactly.

25 K to you each to get this situation handled.

Now, you don't have to bring him straight to me,

just find out where he is, and then he can go fuck himself

and everyone around him can suck their own dick.

- I mean, you found Biasse before, right?

- Yeah.

- So why didn't you fuck him up last time?

- Same reason you can't touch the President,

except this guy has more protection.

- Hey, cutie pies.

Which one of y'all wanna suck my dick?

- I can suck your dick.

Oh, maybe later, okay, baby?

- Hey.

Hey!

- To my 3,000 followers, I just want to say...

- Al, Al, no.

No, no!

Dude, girl, man, dude, what the fuck?

- We're here to send a message,

so that's what we're gonna do.

I'm working for my $25,000,

because I want more, and I need more.

After this, she's gonna know what we're all about.

- Dude, it's fucking Tattle.

Get away!

- Hey, quit it, dude!

You tell me where Biasse is or she fucking gets it.

- I guess she is disposable.

Think you fuckers can come into my house

and think you make up all the rules, huh?

Tell Maura I'll fuck her up the next time--

- Richy, get the bleach.

Okay, you have one option to live and one option to die.

Tell us where Biasse is and you live.

You wanna know what death feels like?

- Ah, you fuckers are dumb as fuck.

- All right, Richy, open his mouth.

All right, okay, okay.

I'm not gonna ask you again.

Tell me,

where does Biasse live?

- Okay, okay.

Okay, I'll tell you.

He's at the Gussos'.

- Where do they live?

- Yo, what the fuck?

That motherfucker is dead.

Sorry about this.

I'm so sorry.

Come on, come on.

- Hello, Maura?

We killed Tattle.

What?

Did he tell you where Biasse is?

Yeah, he said he's at the Gussos'.

Things just got really frantic and crazy

and we poured bleach on his face

and he spewed out blood and he's dead.

Is there anyone else?

- Yeah, uh, I think it's his daughter and,

I'm gonna guess, the girl that he's sleeping with,

we shot them both.

Um, so, what do we do now?

You need to clean the house up

to the best of your ability, right fucking now,

don't leave a visible spot of blood anywhere.

I'll send an address in Palm Dale

that you need to take the three bodies to.

- Hey, uh, Maura?

Listen, I'm sorry, okay?

- Better turn around, off my hit list.

Just get to Palm Dale.

- You see anybody?

No.

- Open your trunk.

Your money's at the house.

- You did the trashbag thing again?

- Mm hm.

- Is my wife there?

- No.

Look, from now on,

she's gonna have eyes and ears everywhere.

- Why?

- Because, just be careful, or else.

- The best bed on Earth.

- Yo, I'd offer for you to stay at my place,

but, you know, I live here.

- What the fuck is going on, Al?

- Oh, shit, we forgot to go into work today.

- Look, there's nothing going on, don't worry about it.

I have to worry about it.

First the girl, now this.

- See, we're back to the girl again, look--

- First the girl, now this.

- Hey, Durell, I'm sorry it's a little loud in here.

- Are you selling drugs?

- No.

- Look, look, I'm real sorry that Al

and I forgot to come into work today.

- So what is it?

- Remember my mom, I told you,

she was on that hypitrol drug

and it got her going all kinds of crazy,

you know, that kind of stuff?

- Uh huh.

- Yeah, so, listen, you know I'd rather be a homeless bum

than plunge another feces-infested toilet there,

so yeah, so no offense.

- She sued them, that's it, she sued them

and she got a crazy amount of money.

- How much? - A crazy amount.

- How much?

- Would you just listen to me?

- Look, I appreciate everything that you've done for me,

and Al does too.

- Look, you know, with you and the meds and Reggie,

I was having a hard time making ends meet.

Okay, so I just asked her to let me borrow some cash.

- Some cash?

- Okay, a lot of cash.

I want to move.

I want to graduate from school.

I want to make this movie.

You know, I got the check and I cashed it,

just to look at it, I put it in the trash bags.

I've never seen that much cash, that much money

in my life, ever.

- Now that was an awkward conversation.

The one on the phone.

- So what about that singer girl?

- She's, babe, babe,

she's a girl that I did a music video with,

that's it, that's it.

- The fucking gun, Al.

Well, what the fuck are you doing--

- There's nothing to the gun.

- Fuck you, Al.

- There is nothing to the gun.

- I don't know what to fucking think about you.

- I said there's nothing to the gun!

So what are you doing, huh?

Are you gonna walk over there, gonna take my child,

you gonna walk out on me?

- What would I do, Al, huh?

- I'll tell you something.

I guarantee,

if I was doing something against the family,

it would have already come and bit me in my ass.

Say something.

If I am not telling the truth.

- Al.

- I know.

- No.

- I know, I do.

I do.

- You're doing this to punish me.

God has taken care of that already, all right?

Just don't punish me.

Just don't punish me.

I know I deserve it.

Don't punish me, Al.

- I'm taking care of you, okay?

- Fuck yeah, man.

Fuck yeah.

- So, like, how does that make you feel?

- It makes me feel uneasy.

- Okay.

Did you, like, let her know that, did you tell her?

- Yes, I did tell her,

and it's just difficult when it's your mother.

- Right, right.

Well, hey, look who it is.

- Hey, Richy.

- Welcome, please, take a seat.

Guys, start a couple of lines before.

Great job everyone, that was the last of our acting session.

Next week, I want you to bring three ideas

that can be made into a short film.

Anybody listening to me?

Thank you.

- Hey. - Hey.

- How's it going?

- Good, I hope it's okay that I came.

- No, it's cool.

- Martha told me that you guys are performing as actors

so I thought it'd be cool to see.

- No, that's, that's okay.

Thank you for coming.

- You're welcome.

- Yeah.

- So, um, that music video was a huge hit.

Everyone really loved it.

- Yeah, I had no clue I was working with a celebrity.

- Oh, no, you know, it's just one of those videos

that finds its audience.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Hey, you should come over to my place tonight.

- Why?

- Because I want you to.

- Listen, Pillow, I haven't had--

- You know, there's something really refreshing about you.

You look like a good guy on the outside, but something,

something tells me that there's way more than that.

Am I right?

- Listen, Pillow.

I haven't had sex

in a really long time,

and I am liable

to do just about anything, and so

I am going to just walk away.

What, Richy, what?

- Nothing.

- What?

I know you have something to say, say it.

- I would have fucked her.

Look, I know you're trying to be, like, good and all, man,

but I would have fucked her to the next decade.

You got a free pass to dig a bitch down.

That is not something that just happens--

- Who says that I have a free pass?

- Freaking universe, man.

Look, your wife cheats, gets an STD.

You cheat, get even.

I'm just saying, what would be

the point if I did that?

- Hey, get back in the car.

Maura needs to have a conversation with you fools.

- You boys gotta get out of town for a hot minute.

- What?

The Gussos know who you are.

- No, they don't.

- Fucking Tattle's their cousin.

They got radar on you.

- Look, no, they don't, okay?

Everybody in that house died.

- Somebody tipped them off.

Biasse's hot right now, the Gussos are fuming,

and everybody's on high alert.

They already paid me a visit this morning,

and I stood up for you two.

- Tell them to fuck off, then.

- You don't understand.

The Gussos are upset,

Mike's upset, Biasse's upset,

and you do not piss off Biasse.

He is the vendor around these parts,

and he can give you life, and when he feels like it,

he can take it away.

- Okay, so what are they going to do?

They're gonna come after us?

- No, they'll come after you last.

- We good?

- Yeah, we're good.

Stop packing.

- Who is this?

Wake up your friend and come outside.

Well, how you two fucking morons doing this morning?

- I'm tired.

- Shut the fuck up.

We're going for a ride.

- Where we going?

- To a funeral.

- Hey, Mike?

Mike?

I just want to say, everything we did

was a complete accident.

- Yeah, man, like, we weren't trying to fuck with you

for real, you know?

You know?

- You motherfuckers killed Tattle.

- What?

- You came to my house, you put your hands on me,

you put my family in danger,

and then you killed the connect to my money.

So now, I've got something for you.

- Oh, what the fuck, man?

- I suggest you let her go.

- In this business, it's a tooth for an ally.

Germaine, bring the wife right here.

Stop.

There'll be more.

- More what?

- Shut the fuck up, Luigi.

- Don't shoot!

All right, you shoot, I take him down with me.

- Don't shoot.

- Where the fuck did you learn how to do that?

- Duck Hunt 2.

Come on, let's go.

- Oh, shit!

- Everybody good?

- Yeah.

Let's go.

Where are they?

- How about you suck my cock?

- How about you suck this clip?

- Hey, keep him alive.

Hey, fuck you.

- I'm helping you, man, be grateful.

- Where are they?

- Why don't you ask Maura?

- What?

I ain't saying shit else.

- Hey, man, look, what the fuck

do you know about the Gussos?

What?

- Are they with the Gussos?

I don't know.

- They're with the Gussos, aren't they?

Suck my dick, bitch.

- Where do

the Gussos live?

- Live at 23 Victory Boulevard.

- Clean yourself off.

We're good.

Listen.

I don't know you and you don't know me,

but if I did anything to hurt you or offend you,

I apologize, it was completely accidental.

But if you have my wife and child in there,

please release them and do what you must to me.

Or else!

- I'll knock this fucker down.

- What the hell?

- Shelly.

- All right, guy, Kunta Kinte.

Come on.

Oh, come on, I'll give you good shot right here.

Ah, weak, come on.

All right.

Of course, he went right to my dick.

Come at me.

Bitch.

- Dude taught me that.

- Let's check on the girls.

- Oh shit, Jesus Christ.

- Gizelle, are you okay?

- Michelle, I am so sorry I got you into this situation.

- Gizelle, wake up, please.

- My God, I did all this to prove to you

that I could do it on my own, but I fucked up.

I didn't even, I couldn't even pull a bitch after that,

after we started making our money,

I was just trying not to die.

- Gizelle, I'm sorry, I really am, I really am.

- If we make it out of here, I'm going to fuck you

so fucking long, you don't even have to give me head,

I don't even care, I swear.

- Guys!

- Someone told me you were looking for me.

- It's true.

- Don't you think it should be the other way around?

- No.

You've killed my men a lot, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You know, you got yourself in a world of shit, huh?

Much more than you can possibly think, right?

- What do you mean?

- After you killed Tattle,

my cousin Gusso paid Maura a visit,

and she ratted you out like nobody's business.

So I put a hit on you two motherfuckers.

And Maura, Maura didn't say one single word to defend you.

- So Maura wants me dead?

- She does,

because she wants to keep her head attached.

And because she knows that you can replace her

at any point in time.

- Look, I'm not, just let us go.

- You're funny, but you see,

you're not going anywhere.

You're trying to ruin me, aren't you?

You know we could have worked together,

you know that, right, right?

But you committed a crime, a crime against the family.

You know what?

I don't know if I want you to die,

but I sure as hell want you to suffer.

- Are you sure you want to do that?

- You planning on stopping me?

- What are you doing, holding the door for me?

You think I can't handle myself?

Look at that, I'm inside the door, how do you like that?

- Oh, it's very good.

- You know, I think, I think Reggie's gonna like it

at her grandparents' for a bit, you know?

- Yeah, I think it would be a great place,

you know, for her to be while I

clear my head.

- Yeah, yeah.

You know, and Gizelle had a really nice service.

I mean, she knew a shit ton of people,

you know, I wasn't expecting that.

- Yeah, she was popular.

- You know what's crazy?

We made some money really fucking quick

and the reason we got into it,

I mean, you was for her, and me, it was to pull bitches,

but my shit don't even fucking work no more.

Ain't that a motherfucking bitch?

Can't fuck bitches no more.

I'm stuck tasting pussy for the rest of my life.

- What are you saying?

- What I'm saying is, is that you lost one of your reasons

and I lost mine.

And what do you say we get some fucking revenge, huh?

- Oh, look at this, man, day one, on the job,

getting it done, boning bitches,

every time we stop, in every apartment,

you better believe it.

- Hey.

- You know what I'm saying?

Ass, ass, and titties.

- Why would they do that?

- Well, it's out of respect, man,

fuckin' A, I'm gonna hold my tongue on the ass.

- Hey.

- HI, I'm Al from Poop in Your Pipe,

I'm here to tend to your plumbing needs.

- Wow, you really do send Luigi out.

Come on in.

- Thanks.

- So what, are you guys photographers?

- Actually, no, we're making a documentary

about the lives of plumbers.

- Oh, why?

- Uh, I guess, I guess it's just because,

it's more interesting than people would imagine.

- Really?

- Yeah, in fact, Richy, nevermind.

Would you mind signing a waiver

saying it's okay that you're a part of this project,

a part of this experience, and we're using your place

and all that kind of stuff?

- No problem.

- Okay, great, thank you.

I really like these lights.

- Thanks, a present from the ex.

- Thank you.

- No worries.

- Uh, Rich, right here.

This is it, this is our ticket

to the life we deserve.

This right here, baby.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Oh, to the bathroom.

- Yes, that's what you're here for.

- Yes.