Original subtitles

Surprise!

Jade. - Jade.

Mom, dad!

Hope you don't mind us dropping in uninvited.

Cousin Jackie.

It's so good to see you again.

You have been such a wonderful role model for Jade.

Oh, well, thank you. I--ow!

You take credit for my good influence?

Uncle! - Uncle! Uncle!

Is uncle everyone's uncle?

He's actually our cousin.

Aren't you?

What brings you all to Hong Kong?

We've banished the last demon.

Demon?! - Demon?!

Uh...

Uh, right.

Uh, the demon is the name of a roller coaster

at the new Hong Kong moose world.

Look at the cool watch Jackie got me there.

Watch: Hey, hey, hey! I'm Marlon moose.

Oh.

Please, have a seat. We will make tea.

Wipe your feet.

Easy, t. If mom and dad find out about all this demon stuff,

there's no way they'll let me stay with Jackie.

Ah, ancient history. The portals are sealed,

the demons have been banished...

Even shendu is no more.

Aah!

Stop!

What is it now, shendu?!

Admittedly, I have failed you, my siblings.

Aah!

But I may yet save you as well.

We can all regain our freedom,

and even reclaim the centuries wasted in this void,

if you allow me to pursue one last recourse.

Ha! And that would be?

The book of ages.

(All gasp)

Ludicrous.

Even we never dared to tamper with that.

You risk altering the very fabric of reality.

Am I to assume this reality pleases you, sister?

Hmm. These are desperate times.

Then I will make things right.

All you need do is allow me to once more

depart from this realm and possess a human.

The right human.

More tea?

Oh.

Jackie?

(Gasps) My tea cup!

Quickly, before it stains.

Shendu: A broken tea cup is the least of--

a dem--

well, this was fun. Gotta go.

You are leaving? So soon?

We'll be back. It's just, um, Jackie's, um...

Allergic... Yeah, uh--

(muffled threats)

Um, the tea makes his eyes all red.

(Shendu struggling) What is he saying?

Uh, thank you very much. Good-bye!

Uhh!

Aah! - Hey.

(Both gasp) So reckless.

(Groans) Quickly.

Jade...

You are not going anywhere but to your room.

You are moving back home with us immediately!

I am?

We are very sorry, Jade,

but it seems it is unsafe for you

to remain with cousin Jackie.

He is clearly a troublemaker.

Jackie's not a troublemaker...

But he is in trouble.

I could not find Jackie.

Me, neither.

(Sighs) Same here.

Jade. - Jade?

(Cell phone rings)

Hello?

Jade! - Jackie?!

I'm at the airport. Shendu's flying to Australia.

Australia? Why?

Unh. He--ooh--

shendu: You will find out soon enough.

Jackie? Jackie!

Captain black, requesting satellite surveillance

to track Jackie. Yeah, that's right, Jackie.

And we're gonna need a jet. A fast one.

The book is close at hand.

(Chanting)

Jackie!

Unh!

Whoa.

Don't know what you're doin',

but it can't be good.

(Gasps)

Shendu: Ah, here we are.

The book of ages, where all history is magically recorded.

History lesson's over, shendu!

Whoa--unh!

So it is written, so it shall be.

(All gasp)

Jade. - Jade.

Mom? Dad?

What are you doing here?

Uh, Hong Kong moose world?

Why aren't you at the palace?

And where did you find those strange clothes?

I was gonna ask you two the same thing.

And what do you have in your hand?

(Musical fanfare plays)

Hurry. We must pay our respects.

Respects? To who?

What's going...On?

Jade, it is forbidden. Get down.

(Gasps)

Shendu!

Shendu's alive?

I gotta tell-- (Gasps)

Jackie?

Jackie, your hair. What are you doing?!

Hmmph!

Your job.

Sweeping dragon doo-doo?

Where have you been, Jade? Where is your uniform?

Um, why, exactly, do we have to wear uniforms?

Because it is required of all servants

of the supreme ruler,

his majestic highness, lord shendu.

Are you telling me shendu rules the world?

Oh, of course not.

Each of the 8 emperors has his or her own domain.

Since when?

Since the Dawn of history.

What is wrong with you today?

History.

Uncle said that book of ages

magically recorded history.

When shendu wrote in it, he must have rewrote the past

so he was never destroyed,

and the demons were never banished through their portals.

And now... (Gasps)

I'm in demon world!

Jackie, we gotta talk.

Jackie?

Jackie? Where'd you--whoa!

Today you must scrub master's bath chamber.

No way!

Then fill his tub with fresh muck.

Eww! (Gags)

And it's talonsday,

so don't forget to trim master's toenails.

Jackie, listen to me!

I don't work for shendu, and neither do you.

Demons don't rule the world, humans do.

The demons were banished into the netherworld

by the 8 immortals a long time ago.

Then they got out, and we banished 'em again.

But shendu possessed you, found this magic book, changed the past,

and now none of that ever happened.

That's crazy, Jade. You're crazy.

Humans ruling the world!

It's true. We built cities, with cars and computers and--

my watch. Look at my watch.

What's a watch?

Watch: Hey, hey, hey! I'm Marlon moose.

Aah!

Magic is outlawed. You know that.

It's not magic, it's technology.

Human technology. And you gave this watch to me.

But I guess you wouldn't remember that.

Jade, if what you say is true, why don't I remember any of it?

I don't know. Maybe-- (Gasps)

"And Jade chan became a wily accomplice in the battle versus evil."

This is from the book, and it's about me.

It didn't get rewritten, so neither did I.

That's why I remember.

And that's why I'm still wearing these clothes.

(Gong sounds)

The dinner gong. Quickly, you must change into these

before master sees you.

(Sighs) - Guess I don't exactly blend.

Better keep my life story someplace safe.

Jackie, where'd you go?

Jackie?

Dance, my jesters. Dance!

Ow! - Ooh! Hot! Hot! Hot!

Shendu: Dance!

No way.

You!

Uh...

Heh heh.

Why do you not bow?

Uh-- - oh--uh--yes--

y-your scariness, please excuse my slow-witted niece.

Uh--unh!

If she were not excused, she would be in flames.

Now fetch my dinner!

Yes, master.

Jackie.

(Clears throat) Tasty treats for his glorious excellence.

What a good slave you make, Jackie chan.

My Joy is to serve you, master.

Mmm.

Keeping one's enemies close is not just wise,

it is gratifying.

Shendu remembers the way things were, too.

Child!

Uh, yes, master?

It's talonsday.

Gross!

(Sighs) You forgot master's clippings.

Jackie, there is no way I am ever going near his feet again!

And shendu treats you like a dog on a leash.

I can't stand it.

Well, what can I do?

I'm just a food servant. His slave.

The Jackie chan I knew was nobody's whipping boy.

He was a hero.

He was?

And you can be again, Jackie. Help me fix history.

Help me rewrite the book.

(Wheezing)

Which way?

But servants aren't allowed in the library.

I told you, we aren't servants.

Jade, be careful.

Whoa.

Ow!

Get out!

Uncle?

Only master's library boys allowed in here.

Uncle, we need your help.

We're looking for a book.

Forbidden! These books are filled with magic.

Even I am not allowed to read them.

The book of ages--

never heard of it.

Are you sure?

Maybe it's over here.

No, it is not.

How about here? Not there.

Well, maybe over here.

No. I have been library boy for 60 years.

I am sure.

Really? - Really.

In that case...

(Gasps) Forbidden magic!

Relax, it's just an atlas.

If the book's not here in shendu's library,

there's only one other place it could be.

Australia.

Oi-ya! No man's land.

That continent is forbidden.

There is nothing there, Jade. Just a fortress.

(Scoffs) Fortresses are usually built

to protect something. Duh!

But it is said that all who approach the fortress will be destroyed.

Well, we have to get inside it somehow.

Why?

'Cause shendu used the book of ages

to rewrite reality.

That is crazy.

You do not believe her, do you?

(Sighs) There is one thing that I believe.

Demons ruling the world is a bad thing.

Cool. Look, uncle, I can prove I'm telling the truth.

Watch: Hey, hey, hey! I'm Marlon moose.

Ayah!

(Scream echoing)

Shh. You will alert the--

(wind howls)

(Whispering) Shadowkhan!

She opened the book.

Heh. Get 'em, Jackie!

Get them?

You know, hah! Heeyah! Hoowah! Huh! Hi-yah!

Huh! Hi-yah!

Oh! The martial arts are outlawed.

I do not know how to fight.

Serious?

But I do know how to run!

Uhh!

Uhh! My hair!

You were due for a trim.

Wait!

This way!

Er, this way!

The front door.

(Both gasp)

Uh, the side door.

Don't suppose there's a back door?

Jade: Wait for me!

Cool!

Master's magic chamber.

Entrance to this room is punishable by--uhh.

(Uncle chanting)

Huh? Uncle! (Gasps)

You saved our--ow!

What choice did I have?! You are family.

A chi spell?

Thought you weren't allowed to read the forbidden books.

I do not read. I--I skim.

We must leave, uncle.

It is only a matter of time before shendu discovers

you use magic to...

Kibosh his ninjas?

But where will we go?

All aboard the Jade express to Australia.

Oh, we are doomed!

Even if we escape from here,

we have no way to journey to no man's land.

The talismans would sure help.

What talismans? What talismans?

Uncle, let me reacquaint you with a little magic trick

you once knew.

This'll let us grab the 12 talismans

that give shendu his magical powers.

There is no such thing!

Watch me.

Believe me now?

Chan?!

Oh!

Jackie!

Aaaahhhhh!

Jackie!

Hey, Jackie.

Yes?

How many different dialects of Chinese do you speak?

Oh, cantonese...Lei ho ma?

Mandarin... (Speaking mandarin)

Chengdu... (Speaking chengdu)

Shanghai... (Speaking Shanghai)

Thai... (Speaking thai)

Very good Korean. Ok English...How are you?

Japanese, of course... (Speaking Japanese)

Spanish...Cmo ests?

Morocco... (Speaking arabic)

Russian... (Speaking Russian)

Unh! What--what happened?

Now I'm mixed up.