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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,624 --> 00:00:05,416 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 2 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,541 TED FLETCHER: Our little guy seems to be finding his footing. 3 00:00:07,624 --> 00:00:10,416 We had the idea that maybe I would do parents weekend. 4 00:00:11,666 --> 00:00:12,749 Um... 5 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:16,666 You got it! Yes oh yes, work it, divas! 6 00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:18,374 EVE FLETCHER: George, your father 7 00:00:18,457 --> 00:00:19,666 had another incident today. 8 00:00:19,749 --> 00:00:21,374 WOMAN ON COMPUTER: (MOANING) Oh my god. Oh my god. 9 00:00:21,457 --> 00:00:23,374 We are gonna need you to come pick him up. 10 00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:26,290 MARGO FAIRCHILD: I think I have a crush on Curtis. 11 00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:28,290 Okay. 12 00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:30,791 -Do you like this class? -Yeah, I do. 13 00:00:31,082 --> 00:00:33,457 -How old are you? -How old are you? 14 00:00:33,791 --> 00:00:35,666 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 15 00:00:42,374 --> 00:00:44,332 MAN: Tell us a little bit about yourself. 16 00:00:45,290 --> 00:00:47,541 WOMAN: I'm a housewife. Uh... 17 00:00:47,624 --> 00:00:49,249 I... 18 00:00:49,332 --> 00:00:50,582 met my husband in college. 19 00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:51,624 Uh... We have two kids. 20 00:00:51,708 --> 00:00:55,124 I'm, um... an administrative assistant 21 00:00:55,207 --> 00:00:56,374 for a real estate firm. 22 00:00:56,457 --> 00:01:00,624 I like yoga, and, uh, jewelry making. 23 00:01:00,708 --> 00:01:02,666 Well, no one knows until they know, 24 00:01:02,749 --> 00:01:04,457 um, I'm a squirter. 25 00:01:04,541 --> 00:01:08,624 (CHUCKLING) Yeah, I like it rough. Really rough. 26 00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,082 MAN: Do you have fetishes? 27 00:01:10,165 --> 00:01:11,499 I like my feet licked. 28 00:01:11,582 --> 00:01:14,582 -MAN: Your toes, or your-- Yeah. -My whole-- My whole foot. 29 00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:16,082 From the top all the way down. 30 00:01:16,165 --> 00:01:18,082 MAN: Have you ever had a threesome? 31 00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:21,082 No, but I... No. (CHUCKLES) 32 00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,082 MAN: If you did, what would it be? 33 00:01:23,165 --> 00:01:25,082 Two women? Two men? 34 00:01:25,165 --> 00:01:26,874 -I-- -MAN: A guy and a girl? 35 00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:29,124 All of it sounds really good. (LAUGHS) 36 00:01:29,207 --> 00:01:31,958 MAN: What's on your sexual bucket list? 37 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,958 Gang bangs. That's-- That seems... 38 00:01:36,791 --> 00:01:39,207 (EXHALES) That seems like it's pushing the limit, 39 00:01:39,290 --> 00:01:42,249 but I think... eventually, 40 00:01:42,332 --> 00:01:44,290 it's something that I would love to do. 41 00:01:44,374 --> 00:01:46,624 MAN: Have you ever done an adult video? 42 00:01:46,708 --> 00:01:48,958 -Anything like this before? -No. 43 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,666 MAN: What made you decide to do this? 44 00:01:51,499 --> 00:01:52,416 (SIGHS) 45 00:01:52,499 --> 00:01:55,332 I guess just curiosity, mostly, uh... 46 00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:59,582 excitement, and just wonder, like, what this could be like, 47 00:01:59,666 --> 00:02:01,290 and I thought it might be fun. 48 00:02:01,374 --> 00:02:03,457 -(PHONE VIBRATES) -MAN: All right, ready to do this? 49 00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:05,499 -WOMAN: I'm ready. -MAN: Okay then... 50 00:02:05,582 --> 00:02:07,457 -(PHONE VIBRATES) -...let's get things rolling. 51 00:02:07,541 --> 00:02:08,916 -WOMAN: Okay. -MAN: Cool. 52 00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:13,207 Hey, Leilani. 53 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,374 What happened? 54 00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,749 Oh, no, that's awful. 55 00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,874 Okay, well, I'll let everyone know. 56 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,249 Who is it this time? 57 00:02:47,249 --> 00:02:50,290 Um... Roy Rafferty. 58 00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:52,874 What a shame. 59 00:02:56,624 --> 00:02:58,874 BRENDAN FLETCHER: Dude, my dad... 60 00:03:00,249 --> 00:03:03,457 he actually ran three half-marathons. 61 00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,249 That's more than a full marathon. 62 00:03:05,332 --> 00:03:08,666 It's a... It's one-and-a-half marathons. 63 00:03:08,749 --> 00:03:10,499 Do you, uh-- Do you mind if I disappear 64 00:03:10,582 --> 00:03:12,124 your little Japanese fuck-me doll? 65 00:03:12,207 --> 00:03:15,874 Her name is Hiroko. Call her by her name. 66 00:03:15,958 --> 00:03:18,541 Yeah, Hiroko feels a little bit racist. 67 00:03:18,624 --> 00:03:22,040 No, she-- It can't be racist because I love her. 68 00:03:22,124 --> 00:03:25,040 Yeah, it's still racist. 69 00:03:25,124 --> 00:03:29,374 Um... Okay, on this episode of Snot or Cum?... 70 00:03:29,457 --> 00:03:30,874 (LAUGHS) Yeah. 71 00:03:30,958 --> 00:03:34,040 -And this is crusty, I feel it. -(LAUGHS) Shit. 72 00:03:34,124 --> 00:03:36,124 -I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go. -I know. I haven't washed it. 73 00:03:36,207 --> 00:03:38,040 I can't handle all this shit, so... 74 00:03:38,124 --> 00:03:39,791 (LAUGHS) Oh, shit. All right. 75 00:03:39,874 --> 00:03:41,958 Yo, will you tell your parents I say hi though? 76 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,290 -Yeah, sure. -Especially your mom, okay? 77 00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:46,416 -'Cause I'm gonna fuck your mom. -Oh. 78 00:03:46,499 --> 00:03:47,541 (CANDY RATTLES) 79 00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:48,999 I'm surprised you'd have the energy 80 00:03:49,082 --> 00:03:50,833 after jerking off to your dad all day long. 81 00:03:50,916 --> 00:03:52,207 (BRENDAN LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) 82 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:56,207 Well, you'd be surprised. I have a lot of stamina. 83 00:03:56,290 --> 00:03:58,374 Fucking... Will you get the door? 84 00:04:10,999 --> 00:04:14,165 -Hi. -So, this is the, um... 85 00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:16,249 the famous senior center. 86 00:04:16,332 --> 00:04:18,666 Uh... Yep, it is. 87 00:04:20,082 --> 00:04:24,332 Um... I-- Sorry, I wanted to apologize... 88 00:04:24,416 --> 00:04:26,165 for the other night. I... 89 00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:31,916 that was not cool, so... I hope I didn't... say anything weird. 90 00:04:35,082 --> 00:04:37,040 (LAUGHS) 91 00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:41,916 (WHISPERS) It's okay. 92 00:04:43,582 --> 00:04:46,040 Thank you, but it's okay. We were all... 93 00:04:48,916 --> 00:04:50,749 Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 94 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:52,708 So... 95 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,040 It was fun. 96 00:04:57,124 --> 00:04:58,374 Yeah, it was. 97 00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:04,999 Um... Eve... 98 00:05:06,624 --> 00:05:08,874 Are you-- Are you doing anything this weekend? 99 00:05:16,207 --> 00:05:20,207 I've had a really... really long day, Julian. 100 00:05:20,874 --> 00:05:21,958 I'm gonna... 101 00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:23,916 just gonna go home. 102 00:05:25,749 --> 00:05:26,958 I'll see you in class? 103 00:05:28,749 --> 00:05:29,749 Yeah. 104 00:05:33,874 --> 00:05:35,040 EVE: (WHISPERS) Okay. 105 00:05:44,249 --> 00:05:45,416 (KNOCKING) 106 00:05:46,416 --> 00:05:48,249 -Hey! -(LAUGHS) 107 00:05:48,332 --> 00:05:50,165 -These are from your mom. -Oh, my gosh. 108 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,749 -She sends her love. -Okay. 109 00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:53,624 There's all kinds of things tucked in places. 110 00:05:53,708 --> 00:05:56,290 -Just put it right here? -Uh-huh. Yeah. 111 00:05:56,374 --> 00:06:00,290 Let me look at you. Yeah. I think college agrees with you. 112 00:06:00,374 --> 00:06:03,124 -Hey! (GRUNTS) -(LAUGHS) 113 00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:04,666 What's up, man? 114 00:06:05,791 --> 00:06:07,332 Hey, these are pretty nice digs. 115 00:06:07,416 --> 00:06:09,040 Yeah, no, it's not bad. It's, um-- 116 00:06:09,124 --> 00:06:10,207 Hello! 117 00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:11,624 TED FLETCHER: Hey, come on in. 118 00:06:11,708 --> 00:06:14,958 BETHANY: Oh, my God. I haven't been in a dorm room in so long. 119 00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:16,624 What's going on? 120 00:06:16,708 --> 00:06:18,124 TED: (WHISPERS) What do you think? 121 00:06:21,332 --> 00:06:23,457 You didn't tell him we were coming, did you? 122 00:06:25,374 --> 00:06:26,416 I'm sorry. 123 00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:29,207 No, no, no. It... 124 00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:31,708 BETHANY: He always thinks he did, but he always didn't. 125 00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:32,833 BRENDAN: Yeah. 126 00:06:32,916 --> 00:06:34,165 -But we love him anyway. -Yeah. Yeah. 127 00:06:34,249 --> 00:06:36,749 -I could have sworn I told you. -BETHANY: (CHUCKLES) Hi. 128 00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:38,749 No, no, it's fine. It's totally cool. 129 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,958 -I know he didn't. -Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 130 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,666 Jonathan really wanted to see you. 131 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:44,916 Yeah! Hey, little man. What's up? 132 00:06:44,999 --> 00:06:47,874 You still playing with, uh... Scruffy? 133 00:06:47,958 --> 00:06:49,040 BETHANY: Stripey. 134 00:06:49,999 --> 00:06:51,666 Oh, yeah. Stripey. 135 00:06:52,207 --> 00:06:53,290 (BRENDAN SIGHS) 136 00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:58,499 Okay, so, uh... 137 00:06:59,999 --> 00:07:02,207 Dinner? You guys wanna go get some dinner? 138 00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:06,332 Well, Jonathan's not crazy about restaurants... 139 00:07:06,416 --> 00:07:08,708 -Right. -...so we got some burritos. 140 00:07:09,749 --> 00:07:11,290 -Oh. Yeah. -Yeah. 141 00:07:11,374 --> 00:07:12,749 Where can we, uh-- you wanna sit-- 142 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:13,916 Oh, yeah. 143 00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:15,916 Anywhere. Sorry, it's kind of a free for all. Um... 144 00:07:15,999 --> 00:07:18,290 -BETHANY: What've we got here? -Wanna take off your bag? 145 00:07:18,374 --> 00:07:19,582 BETHANY: There you go. 146 00:07:19,666 --> 00:07:21,624 Hey, got your-- Wanna beer? 147 00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,999 -Sure. I'll have a beer. -TED: All right. 148 00:07:23,082 --> 00:07:25,165 -Let's make it a party. -Yeah, you got it. 149 00:07:25,249 --> 00:07:27,708 -TED: It's a dorm party. -Dorm party. 150 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,582 -(BRENDAN SIGHS) -Hey, can I get one of those? 151 00:07:31,207 --> 00:07:32,207 Thank you. 152 00:07:34,958 --> 00:07:37,416 MAN: (ON LAPTOP) Ready to make your dreams come true? 153 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,207 WOMAN: (ON LAPTOP) Not getting any younger. 154 00:07:40,374 --> 00:07:41,874 MAN: Why are you doing this? 155 00:07:43,833 --> 00:07:45,207 WOMAN: It's on my bucket list. 156 00:07:46,207 --> 00:07:47,374 MAN: Are you nervous? 157 00:07:49,708 --> 00:07:51,040 No. 158 00:07:51,124 --> 00:07:52,708 MAN: Why'd you wait so long? 159 00:07:54,666 --> 00:07:56,207 I didn't think I was allowed. 160 00:07:57,499 --> 00:07:59,749 MAN: You were always a good little girl, huh? 161 00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,624 I don't wanna be a good girl anymore. 162 00:08:04,708 --> 00:08:06,708 MAN: Well, it's your lucky day. 163 00:08:06,791 --> 00:08:10,082 I've got two hot studs waiting right outside the door. 164 00:08:10,916 --> 00:08:14,249 -You ready? -(SIGHS) I'm so ready. 165 00:08:14,332 --> 00:08:17,416 ♪ (PORN MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 166 00:08:23,207 --> 00:08:24,249 Oh, my-- No. 167 00:08:26,290 --> 00:08:27,416 (SIGHS) 168 00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:38,874 (SCOFFS) Girls did not dress like that when I went to school. 169 00:08:38,958 --> 00:08:40,249 You must be cleaning up. 170 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,791 Wanna try some waffle? 171 00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:52,416 Beep, beep. It's backing up. Beep, beep, beep. It's crunchy. 172 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:55,999 -Yeah, you like that? -So, what's the plan for today? 173 00:08:56,082 --> 00:08:58,124 I was thinking we could go to the football game. 174 00:08:58,207 --> 00:08:59,290 If, um... 175 00:09:02,207 --> 00:09:03,249 Guess not. 176 00:09:10,499 --> 00:09:12,749 -TED: You try the applesauce? -(BETHANY CLEARS THROAT) 177 00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:23,833 (INDISTINCT WHISPERING) 178 00:09:48,207 --> 00:09:50,499 You might not know this, but, uh... 179 00:09:50,582 --> 00:09:53,749 I went to college for a couple of years. 180 00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:56,708 I majored in partying and being stupid. 181 00:09:56,791 --> 00:09:58,833 -(CHUCKLING) -Yeah. 182 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,165 I was so ashamed... 183 00:10:03,499 --> 00:10:04,666 when I flunked out. 184 00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:07,040 All that wasted money... 185 00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:11,290 I tried to apologize to my dad, 186 00:10:11,374 --> 00:10:13,374 and he tells me, "Don't worry about it." 187 00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:17,833 He says, "Come work for me. 188 00:10:18,916 --> 00:10:20,207 It's all I ever wanted." 189 00:10:21,874 --> 00:10:23,416 He made it into a good thing. 190 00:10:27,082 --> 00:10:28,499 That's who this man was. 191 00:10:31,374 --> 00:10:32,833 You know. (CHOKES UP) 192 00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,708 He loved and accepted everybody... 193 00:10:36,999 --> 00:10:38,499 for who they were. 194 00:10:38,582 --> 00:10:39,999 Never wanted you to be... 195 00:10:41,582 --> 00:10:42,708 somebody you weren't. 196 00:10:45,207 --> 00:10:46,374 This man's my hero. 197 00:10:47,999 --> 00:10:49,082 I love you, Pop. 198 00:10:51,416 --> 00:10:54,416 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 199 00:10:56,708 --> 00:10:59,416 (INDISTINCT WHISPERING) 200 00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,249 Hey, get away from him. 201 00:11:30,499 --> 00:11:31,999 You got no right. 202 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,040 You kick him out for being some kind of pervert, 203 00:11:34,124 --> 00:11:36,541 then you come here and you wanna give him a kiss? 204 00:11:36,624 --> 00:11:38,624 Maybe you're the pervert. You ever think of that? 205 00:11:38,708 --> 00:11:40,040 Please don't call me that, George. 206 00:11:40,124 --> 00:11:41,916 Well, you sure got the nerve of a pervert. 207 00:11:42,958 --> 00:11:45,082 I am so sorry for your loss. I'm so sor-- 208 00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:47,207 My father was a good man. 209 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,457 I'm sorry if I offended you, George. 210 00:11:49,541 --> 00:11:50,874 Your father meant a lot to me. 211 00:11:50,958 --> 00:11:53,457 I'm so sorry for your loss. It was a lovely service. 212 00:11:54,874 --> 00:11:55,958 Okay. 213 00:11:59,207 --> 00:12:01,541 -You wanna get a drink? -Ah, yes. Please. 214 00:12:01,624 --> 00:12:03,124 -Yeah. Okay. -Yeah. Please. 215 00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:21,541 I'm glad you're here. 216 00:12:21,624 --> 00:12:22,833 I'm glad I'm here, too. 217 00:12:24,833 --> 00:12:26,207 Um... So, um... 218 00:12:26,290 --> 00:12:29,040 you know, I was thinking about our conversation the other night... 219 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,374 and I was wondering... 220 00:12:31,457 --> 00:12:33,624 if I could pick your writer brain a bit. 221 00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:41,749 I didn't realize this was gonna be a brain pick. 222 00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:43,916 I thought we were just hanging out. 223 00:12:43,999 --> 00:12:47,374 Oh... Yeah. That-- Me too. That's what we're doing. 224 00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:53,708 Oh, God-- (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry then. Oh. I... 225 00:12:53,791 --> 00:12:55,791 It's just that phrase. "Pick your brain." 226 00:12:55,874 --> 00:12:57,999 -(CHUCKLES) Oh. I'm sorry. -God, it's so aggressive. 227 00:12:58,082 --> 00:12:59,541 Yeah, I didn't mean to put it that way. 228 00:12:59,624 --> 00:13:01,624 No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted that... 229 00:13:01,708 --> 00:13:02,749 It's fine. 230 00:13:08,290 --> 00:13:12,124 WOMEN: (ON TV) Patriarchy. Patriarchy. Patriarchy. 231 00:13:12,207 --> 00:13:13,249 Patriarchy. 232 00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:15,290 Patriarchy. 233 00:13:15,374 --> 00:13:17,499 -I get it. Men suck. -(BOTH CHUCKLE) 234 00:13:17,582 --> 00:13:20,332 -You made your point. -Yeah. 235 00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:23,541 WOMEN: (ON TV) Patriarchy. Patriarchy. Patriarchy. 236 00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:26,457 -Sorry. Excuse me. -No, excuse me. 237 00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:27,708 -Sorry. -Back away. 238 00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:41,916 -(BRENDAN LAUGHS) -WOMEN: (ON TV) Patriarchy. Patriarchy. Patriarchy. 239 00:13:42,499 --> 00:13:43,582 (WHISPERS) Go long. 240 00:13:45,207 --> 00:13:46,290 Go long! 241 00:13:46,374 --> 00:13:50,916 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 242 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,791 -Oh! -(BOTH LAUGH) 243 00:14:02,916 --> 00:14:04,416 BRENDAN: Hey, you guys wanna hit those food trucks? 244 00:14:04,499 --> 00:14:06,290 -BETHANY: Aw, I love them... -TED: You hungry, man? 245 00:14:06,374 --> 00:14:07,833 They make me miss Austin so much. 246 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,999 TED: Okay, I get it. You miss Austin. We'll visit. 247 00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:13,124 You like trucks, right, buddy? (IMITATES TRUCK) 248 00:14:13,207 --> 00:14:14,374 Right? (CHUCKLES) 249 00:14:14,457 --> 00:14:16,207 We're the Little Monsters, and we'd like to welcome 250 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:18,708 all you parents to BSU. 251 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,082 -(KAZOO BUZZES) -One, two, three, four. 252 00:14:21,165 --> 00:14:23,207 ♪ Rah, rah, ah-ah-ah! ♪ 253 00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:24,708 ♪ Ro-mah, ro-mah-mah ♪ 254 00:14:24,791 --> 00:14:26,624 -♪ Gaga, ooh-la-la! ♪ -(JOHNATHAN FLETCHER WAILS) 255 00:14:26,708 --> 00:14:27,958 ♪ Want your bad romance ♪ 256 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,207 BETHANY: All right, hold on, John. 257 00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:30,958 ♪ (SINGING "BAD ROMANCE" BY LADY GAGA ACAPELLA) ♪ 258 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,833 TED: Did he touch you? Can I touch you? 259 00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:34,165 Do you want your headphones? 260 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,499 (WAILS) 261 00:14:35,582 --> 00:14:38,541 ♪ I want your everything As long as it's free ♪ 262 00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:40,624 ♪ I want your love ♪ 263 00:14:40,708 --> 00:14:43,290 ♪ Love, love, love I want your love ♪ 264 00:14:43,374 --> 00:14:45,958 (WAILING CONTINUES) 265 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,541 Daddy's here. You're safe. You're safe. 266 00:14:48,624 --> 00:14:49,791 Okay, breathe deep. 267 00:14:49,874 --> 00:14:52,874 ♪ I want your leather-studded Kiss in the sand ♪ 268 00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,958 There you go. Can you take a deep breath? 269 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,624 -♪ Love, love, love I want your love ♪ -(TED BREATHES DEEPLY) 270 00:14:57,708 --> 00:15:00,124 TED: There you go, there you go. 271 00:15:00,207 --> 00:15:01,624 (VIBRATING) 272 00:15:01,708 --> 00:15:04,958 I worked at McDonald's in a food court in high school. 273 00:15:06,624 --> 00:15:07,749 I used to steal the Beanie Babies 274 00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:10,040 from the Happy Meals and sell them on the side. 275 00:15:11,499 --> 00:15:13,249 Well, when I worked at Anthropologie, 276 00:15:13,332 --> 00:15:16,582 I used steal defective dresses, and then, my friends 277 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,374 would return them for cash and I would keep a cut. 278 00:15:19,457 --> 00:15:22,165 Okay, so you're a mob boss. 279 00:15:22,249 --> 00:15:24,791 Oh, yeah. That's right. You scared now? 280 00:15:25,249 --> 00:15:27,624 (CHUCKLES) Nah. 281 00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:29,416 You can't hold people responsible 282 00:15:29,499 --> 00:15:31,666 for stuff they did when they were teenagers. 283 00:15:31,749 --> 00:15:33,749 Their brains haven't fully developed yet. 284 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:34,833 I was 31. 285 00:15:34,916 --> 00:15:36,582 -And the assistant manager. -What? 286 00:15:36,666 --> 00:15:38,499 Okay, that's definitely a crime. 287 00:15:38,582 --> 00:15:41,624 Do you know how much adjunct professors get paid? 288 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:43,582 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 289 00:15:43,666 --> 00:15:45,541 I do. 290 00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:48,374 CURTIS: I guess you gotta make your money somewhere, huh? 291 00:15:48,457 --> 00:15:50,541 MARGO FAIRCHILD: At least I didn't steal from children. 292 00:15:51,332 --> 00:15:54,332 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 293 00:15:56,124 --> 00:15:58,040 God, I haven't done that in so long. 294 00:16:01,374 --> 00:16:02,374 Yeah? 295 00:16:05,207 --> 00:16:06,249 Yep. 296 00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,791 Okay, I've never used one of these though, so... 297 00:16:08,874 --> 00:16:11,999 Well, it's a vape. You just kinda suck in. 298 00:16:12,082 --> 00:16:14,833 -Okay. I don't press anything on the side. -No. 299 00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:16,207 (WHISPERS) Okay. I get it. 300 00:16:23,332 --> 00:16:24,374 (EXHALES) 301 00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:31,749 -Thank you. -Mm-hm. 302 00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:41,582 Do you think Roy knew he was losing it at the end? 303 00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:44,374 I know he did. 304 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,416 You know, he was scared. 305 00:16:50,708 --> 00:16:52,416 What do you think that feels like? 306 00:16:53,874 --> 00:16:54,916 Hopeless. 307 00:16:59,582 --> 00:17:00,999 Just floating away from... 308 00:17:04,666 --> 00:17:05,749 everyone you love. 309 00:17:10,708 --> 00:17:12,290 Do you wanna get in a hot tub? 310 00:17:16,624 --> 00:17:17,749 Do you have one? 311 00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:20,791 No. But my neighbors do and they're not here. 312 00:17:22,999 --> 00:17:25,332 Did they say you can get in that hot tub? 313 00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:27,082 I-- They didn't say I couldn't. 314 00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:32,833 (BOTH LAUGH) 315 00:17:32,916 --> 00:17:35,165 You-- You need a tie for your door. The handle. 316 00:17:35,249 --> 00:17:37,499 -You know about that? -(CHUCKLES) You're so old. 317 00:17:37,582 --> 00:17:38,791 I'm so old. 318 00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:41,332 Well, I'll lend you a tie if you need it. 319 00:17:41,416 --> 00:17:43,833 -I do. I don't have a tie. -That'll be your care package. 320 00:17:44,666 --> 00:17:45,958 (CLEARS THROAT) 321 00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:49,582 Maybe you should play some intramurals. 322 00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:51,499 Might be kinda fun to be on a team again. 323 00:17:52,958 --> 00:17:54,374 Yeah. Maybe. 324 00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:56,457 (CLEARS THROAT) 325 00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:59,040 So, look, I think we're gonna have to head back tonight. 326 00:18:00,708 --> 00:18:02,791 Yeah, I know it's a bummer, but, uh... 327 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:05,165 Johnathan needs to be in familiar surroundings. 328 00:18:05,249 --> 00:18:08,040 And, uh... you know. 329 00:18:08,999 --> 00:18:11,999 Yeah. I get it. 330 00:18:12,082 --> 00:18:13,541 Look, we shouldn't have brought him. 331 00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:16,749 Bethany really pushed for it, and, uh-- 332 00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:18,165 Why is he your favorite? 333 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,040 What? 334 00:18:22,999 --> 00:18:23,999 (TED CHUCKLES) 335 00:18:25,874 --> 00:18:26,999 That's not true. 336 00:18:29,249 --> 00:18:30,332 It is, though. 337 00:18:30,916 --> 00:18:31,916 Come on. 338 00:18:33,708 --> 00:18:35,416 It's supposed to be, like, our weekend. 339 00:18:35,499 --> 00:18:37,290 I-- I just didn't... 340 00:18:37,374 --> 00:18:39,374 -I know. I know. -So, I dunno. I dunno. 341 00:18:39,457 --> 00:18:41,124 -I'm sorry it's disappointing. -It's dumb. 342 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,332 It's... 343 00:18:42,708 --> 00:18:43,708 (SIGHS) 344 00:18:46,374 --> 00:18:47,582 Look, here's the thing. 345 00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:53,833 Jonathan has so many... needs. 346 00:18:56,207 --> 00:18:57,207 And you don't. 347 00:18:57,916 --> 00:19:01,457 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 348 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:02,708 I know it's not fair. 349 00:19:05,874 --> 00:19:07,541 But the thing is, is you're good. 350 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,124 You're good. I don't have to worry about you. 351 00:19:14,249 --> 00:19:17,999 You're-- You're so smart. You are good at sports. 352 00:19:18,082 --> 00:19:20,624 You're-- People like you. People love you. 353 00:19:20,708 --> 00:19:21,874 Everything-- Things... 354 00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:24,541 I don't need to worry about you. 355 00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:28,708 You're good. Yeah? 356 00:19:33,541 --> 00:19:36,207 -Yeah. -Yeah. Good. 357 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,833 BETHANY: It's not here. 358 00:19:44,916 --> 00:19:46,332 You sure it's not in your room? 359 00:19:46,416 --> 00:19:48,833 No, we checked everywhere. Did you look in the backpack? 360 00:19:48,916 --> 00:19:49,999 Yeah, like six times. 361 00:19:50,999 --> 00:19:53,499 Let's just go. We'll deal with it at home. 362 00:19:53,582 --> 00:19:55,666 Brendan, you'll let us know if you find Stripey. 363 00:19:57,624 --> 00:20:00,499 Thank you for letting us crash this weekend. 364 00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:03,457 Sorry. 365 00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:05,624 (BRENDAN SIGHS) 366 00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,124 All right. 367 00:20:11,833 --> 00:20:13,082 Take care of yourself. 368 00:20:15,499 --> 00:20:16,833 Come on, you got this. 369 00:20:19,249 --> 00:20:20,290 Thanks. 370 00:20:23,165 --> 00:20:25,374 ♪ ("ALWAYS TRYING TO WORK IT OUT" BY LOW PLAYS) ♪ 371 00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:30,916 ♪ Always trying to Work it out ♪ 372 00:20:30,999 --> 00:20:35,207 ♪ Work it out ♪ 373 00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:42,749 ♪ Always trying to Work it out ♪ 374 00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:46,457 ♪ Work it out ♪ 375 00:20:51,749 --> 00:20:54,249 -God, she sucks. -(GROANS) 376 00:20:54,332 --> 00:20:58,999 She was... She's a bitch, but I loved her. 377 00:20:59,999 --> 00:21:02,082 It was for the best, you know. 378 00:21:02,165 --> 00:21:04,624 -Seeing anybody now? -No... 379 00:21:05,666 --> 00:21:08,499 Just like random Tinder people. But... 380 00:21:10,249 --> 00:21:12,999 it's bad, I know, but it's... 381 00:21:13,082 --> 00:21:15,833 Sometimes, you just need to get fucked, right? 382 00:21:15,916 --> 00:21:18,624 I mean, I can't-- I just cannot imagine having sex 383 00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:20,416 -with somebody that you've just... -It's weird! 384 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,290 -...met. -It's weird. 385 00:21:22,374 --> 00:21:23,666 But it's better than nothing. 386 00:21:26,874 --> 00:21:29,249 My mom had this thing... 387 00:21:29,332 --> 00:21:35,833 where our next-door neighbor who was, um... a retired cop. 388 00:21:35,916 --> 00:21:37,582 He used to come over to the house sometimes 389 00:21:37,666 --> 00:21:40,582 when his wife was working the graveyard shifts, 390 00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:45,040 and they would just like cuddle on the couch together... 391 00:21:45,582 --> 00:21:46,916 and watch TV. 392 00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:49,708 I think that's all they did. 393 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:55,374 They just sat there. She called him her TV buddy. 394 00:21:57,207 --> 00:21:58,791 (CHUCKLES) I know. 395 00:21:58,874 --> 00:22:01,582 But then, his wife retired and then it stopped. 396 00:22:03,457 --> 00:22:04,999 That sounds really nice. 397 00:22:05,082 --> 00:22:06,416 I want a TV buddy. 398 00:22:06,499 --> 00:22:09,874 -(CHUCKLES) Yeah. Totally. -Yeah. 399 00:22:09,958 --> 00:22:12,541 Actually, I wrecked both my first two cars. 400 00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:14,999 -Oh, really? -Yeah, and like the first one within two weeks. 401 00:22:15,082 --> 00:22:16,499 (CHUCKLES) How'd you do that? 402 00:22:16,582 --> 00:22:18,332 I'm just a terrible driver honestly. 403 00:22:18,416 --> 00:22:20,124 God. (CHUCKLES) That's terrible. 404 00:22:20,207 --> 00:22:22,290 -Um... Here I am. -Oh. 405 00:22:23,541 --> 00:22:25,249 Here you are. (CHUCKLES) 406 00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:32,582 Uh... So, I have an essay in this new lit magazine, 407 00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:34,040 and they're having a launch party 408 00:22:34,124 --> 00:22:35,499 in Brooklyn on Wednesday. 409 00:22:36,416 --> 00:22:38,040 You should come with me. 410 00:22:38,124 --> 00:22:40,249 You mean like as your date? 411 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,416 -Hm? -Yeah. 412 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,457 Um... You know, Wednesdays are tough, 413 00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:50,374 -but let me see-- -Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) 414 00:22:50,457 --> 00:22:52,165 Don't worry about it. I-- I didn't. 415 00:22:52,249 --> 00:22:53,165 Hey, wait! 416 00:22:53,249 --> 00:22:54,833 No. Have a good night, Curtis. 417 00:22:57,708 --> 00:22:59,666 (ENGINE STARTS) 418 00:23:00,833 --> 00:23:02,958 AMANDA OLNEY: The answer is yes, I have. 419 00:23:03,499 --> 00:23:04,582 But just one time. 420 00:23:05,791 --> 00:23:09,416 Was it with two-- two women... 421 00:23:10,541 --> 00:23:11,916 and two-- or and... 422 00:23:11,999 --> 00:23:14,165 -or was it with two women... -(LAUGHS) 423 00:23:14,249 --> 00:23:16,082 ...or was it with two men? 424 00:23:16,165 --> 00:23:18,499 Or one woman and one man? 425 00:23:18,582 --> 00:23:19,666 It was three women. 426 00:23:20,249 --> 00:23:21,666 Ah. 427 00:23:21,749 --> 00:23:24,999 It was my ex, and then her ex, so... 428 00:23:26,332 --> 00:23:28,165 very complicated. 429 00:23:28,249 --> 00:23:30,958 -Oh... Okay. -(CHUCKLES) 430 00:23:32,124 --> 00:23:34,332 What about you? What's your deal? What's your thing? 431 00:23:37,624 --> 00:23:39,624 I mean, I th-- It's weird. I've... 432 00:23:41,207 --> 00:23:42,708 I mean, I... 433 00:23:42,791 --> 00:23:46,708 -My son went away to college... -Mm-hm. 434 00:23:46,791 --> 00:23:50,165 I don't know. Ever since then, I've been having these... 435 00:23:53,541 --> 00:23:55,207 -What? -Like... 436 00:23:56,332 --> 00:23:57,582 crazy fantasies. 437 00:23:57,666 --> 00:23:59,416 -Like crazy fantasies. -(LAUGHS) 438 00:24:00,082 --> 00:24:01,124 Uh... 439 00:24:01,207 --> 00:24:02,791 -(CHUCKLES) It's insane. -(LAUGHS) 440 00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,290 Well, what are you gonna do about 'em? 441 00:24:04,374 --> 00:24:06,374 -Nothing! -(CHUCKLES) 442 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,708 -Do it! -(LAUGHS) 443 00:24:14,874 --> 00:24:15,874 Pervert. 444 00:24:19,165 --> 00:24:20,791 (CHUCKLES) 445 00:24:20,874 --> 00:24:24,040 ♪ ("YOU ARE HERE" BY YO LA TENGO PLAYS) ♪ 446 00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:29,374 (FAUCET RUNS) 447 00:26:07,374 --> 00:26:09,040 (SIGHS) I needed that. Thank you. 448 00:26:09,749 --> 00:26:11,499 -Oh-- Oh-- Okay. -(LAUGHS) 449 00:26:11,582 --> 00:26:14,416 Thank you so much for taking care of me. 450 00:26:14,499 --> 00:26:15,416 Yeah, it was fun. 451 00:26:15,499 --> 00:26:18,666 -Oh, it was so much fun. -Yeah. 452 00:26:19,624 --> 00:26:20,833 Yeah. 453 00:26:22,332 --> 00:26:23,666 We should do this again. 454 00:26:23,749 --> 00:26:25,624 Yeah, I-- I would love that, 455 00:26:25,708 --> 00:26:28,582 and next time, maybe we'll just... 456 00:26:28,666 --> 00:26:30,290 watch a movie or... 457 00:26:31,874 --> 00:26:35,249 (AMANDA COUGHS) 458 00:26:35,332 --> 00:26:36,833 Oh, my God. 459 00:26:37,666 --> 00:26:39,374 -Oh, shit. -Do-- 460 00:26:39,457 --> 00:26:41,749 -Amanda, I am so sorry. -Don't be. 461 00:26:41,833 --> 00:26:43,958 -Why? -No, this is horrible. 462 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:45,290 -Don't be sorry! -I'm really-- 463 00:26:45,374 --> 00:26:47,457 -Don't be sorry! It's okay. -I really fucked this. 464 00:26:47,541 --> 00:26:49,416 -I'm so sorry. -It is fine. 465 00:26:49,499 --> 00:26:50,874 Oh, my God. 466 00:26:50,958 --> 00:26:52,207 -Okay. -Okay. 467 00:26:52,290 --> 00:26:56,290 (STUTTERS) I'm just gonna go 'cause I-- I'm sorry. 468 00:26:56,374 --> 00:26:58,624 -Don't be sorry. -Oh, my God. 469 00:26:58,708 --> 00:27:00,249 -I'm fine. -Okay. 470 00:27:00,332 --> 00:27:02,624 -You are? 'Cause I-- -I'm okay. Are you okay? 471 00:27:02,708 --> 00:27:04,332 -I'm so fine. I'm just-- -Okay. 472 00:27:04,416 --> 00:27:05,457 I feel-- I'm nervous. 473 00:27:05,541 --> 00:27:07,624 Well, I was just worried that you're... 474 00:27:07,708 --> 00:27:09,999 -Okay. -No, I am great. 475 00:27:10,457 --> 00:27:11,457 Okay. 476 00:27:11,541 --> 00:27:13,249 -Okay. Do you need help? -Is there a trick to this? 477 00:27:13,332 --> 00:27:14,958 No, no, no. It's just a normal lock. 478 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:16,374 -It's a normal lock. -Oh, it's locked. 479 00:27:16,457 --> 00:27:18,999 -Okay, I thought it was a-- -Yeah. No, I keep it-- 480 00:27:19,082 --> 00:27:20,999 Okay, thank you so much. 481 00:27:21,082 --> 00:27:23,374 -Sorry. Oh, my God. Okay. -You're welcome. 482 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,082 ♪ ("IS THIS REAL?" BY WIPERS PLAYS) ♪ 483 00:27:31,082 --> 00:27:33,290 ♪ Sometimes I get These feelings ♪ 484 00:27:33,374 --> 00:27:36,666 ♪ And I don't know What to say ♪ 485 00:27:36,749 --> 00:27:39,165 ♪ Is it that I don't belong here? ♪ 486 00:27:39,249 --> 00:27:42,457 ♪ 'Cause I I really want to stay ♪ 487 00:27:42,541 --> 00:27:47,749 ♪ Sometimes I wish that you could break up to me ♪ 488 00:27:48,958 --> 00:27:50,541 ♪ Is this real? ♪ 489 00:27:52,082 --> 00:27:53,457 ♪ Is this real? ♪ 490 00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,749 ♪ Is this real? ♪ 491 00:28:04,582 --> 00:28:10,165 ♪ In time, I found myself wishing you were here ♪ 492 00:28:10,249 --> 00:28:15,874 ♪ But then I realized that all time has stood still ♪ 493 00:28:15,958 --> 00:28:21,249 ♪ Sometimes I wish that you could break down to me ♪ 494 00:28:22,416 --> 00:28:24,332 ♪ Is this real? ♪ 495 00:28:25,582 --> 00:28:27,124 ♪ Is this real? ♪ 496 00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:30,582 ♪ Is this real? ♪ 497 00:28:44,666 --> 00:28:46,749 High school, everyone liked me. Now I'm just like, the bad guy. 498 00:28:46,833 --> 00:28:48,624 CHLOE: Welcome to feeling uncomfortable. 499 00:28:48,958 --> 00:28:50,416 (SCOFFS) I've been uncomfortable! 500 00:28:50,499 --> 00:28:51,749 ♪ (SULTRY MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 501 00:28:51,833 --> 00:28:54,290 I really thought that Curtis and I had a special connection. 502 00:28:54,624 --> 00:28:56,040 Have you ever dated a trans person? 503 00:28:56,124 --> 00:28:57,582 Have you ever dated a black person? 504 00:28:57,666 --> 00:28:59,249 -Yeah. -Oh. 505 00:28:59,749 --> 00:29:02,916 We are in such a dry period. It's been quite a while. 506 00:29:02,999 --> 00:29:04,165 EVE FLETCHER: Same with me. 507 00:29:04,249 --> 00:29:05,999 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ 508 00:29:06,332 --> 00:29:07,749 -Oh. -Sorry. 509 00:29:07,833 --> 00:29:08,791 You should be. 510 00:29:09,290 --> 00:29:10,708 How can I make it up to you? 511 00:29:13,499 --> 00:29:15,499 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 36514

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