All language subtitles for 13.Reasons.Why.S04E02.720p.WEB.H264-AMCON[eztv.io]-eng

[theme music plays]

[woman] We made a cruel world.

My generation.

My parents' generation.

There's too little kindness,

too little caring,

too much hate, anger, and hurt.

We talk a good game
about protecting our children,

but we leave too much on the table
that might surely save their lives.

[Clay] "Recount a time when you faced
a challenge, setback, or failure.

How did it affect you,

and what did you learn
from the experience?"

I mean, fuck you.

They claim the college application

is so they can get to know you
as a person. It's bullshit.

The whole point is to force you to face,
in writing,

the complete fucking mess
you've made of your life.

[incoming call tone plays]

I haven't turned in a single app.
I missed most of the deadlines.

-I'm... I'm basically totally screwed.
-[incoming call tone plays]

And why'd this happen?

Because shit's been weird.

[footsteps echo]

[suspenseful music plays]

[creaking]

[water running]

[sighs]

[breathes deeply]

[buzzing]

Yeah, shit's just... weird.

[Justin] Dude.

You... OK?

Yeah.

No sleep again?

-No, I... slept.
-Dude, I've been home a week and a half,

and I don't think you've slept
more than an hour or two every night.

You're asleep when I'm sleeping.

Can I, um...

I need to take my morning shit.

["Strange Days (1999)" by Health plays]

♪ Pain, we take more pills... ♪

[Clay] I think
maybe I've been losing time,

but I guess that's high school, right?

You show up at 7:50 a.m., leave at 2:40,

and you're like,
"What the hell just happened?"

I've been exhausted since ninth grade.

[Justin] I just don't think
you should skip the tour. It's mandatory.

Since when does the word "mandatory"
mean anything to you?

My dad's been teaching at Sanderson
since I was eight. I know the campus.

But this is about going to school there.

-Maybe you might do that.
-No, that would make my dad too happy.

And it's too close to home.
I need to get out of this town.

Why would you look at Sanderson
when you have Occidental?

I'm not in yet.

Plus, I like the idea of Sanderson
being so close to home.

This is the guy who once said

college is for people
who couldn't get a job?

[chuckles]
I didn't think I was good enough.

I didn't think I deserved a future before.

Wait, you never thought
you were good enough?

You were always such an arrogant asshole.

Yeah.

Those are probably related.

[machine beeping]

[Clay] "Recount a time when you faced
a challenge, setback, or failure"?

My whole life is challenges,
setbacks, and failures.

I don't expect it'll be any different
at "insert college here."

[Justin] Excuse me.

Don't freak out.

Why not?

What the fuck?

Who did this?

No fucking idea.

Holy shit, the admin doors.

[chuckles] Respect.

Do you know who did this?

Nah, but they got balls.

How can you...

Oh, we're so fucked!

Yeah. [chuckles]

He wouldn't have, right?
No matter how fucked up he's been?

-No.
-Then who?

What about her?

I don't think so.

She's in HO.
She knows who Monty really was.

Yeah, but he was still her brother.

[camera shutter clicking]

[shutter clicking]

[Bolan] OK, folks,
let's get going to class now.

All right,
I know you're all concerned about this.

Uh, it's a real violation.
We're gonna find out who did it.

-Trust me on this.
-[shutter clicks]

Mr. Down.

-Sorry.
-[Bolan] Well, that's all right.

It could probably be very helpful

if you just, uh, shared the photographs
with the sheriff here.

Yeah?

I mean, of course.

All right, everybody, go back to class.
OK? Thank you.

[students chatter indistinctly]

Crime scene needs an hour to lift prints
and grab a paint sample.

Yeah, anything you need.

[Clay] And it's not a safe place, school.

There's, like, danger everywhere.

Hey.

What are you doing...

in this class?

Just came to check on you.
[inhales sharply]

I'm fine.

You... sure?

Why do you think you can come in here
and ask me that?

[Justin] Because I still care
about you, Jess.

Look, when something like that happens,
I know it can bring back past trauma.

Trauma?

You wanna talk about trauma
like some fucking doctor or something?

All right, guys.

[Jess] Let's talk about
how I got traumatized in the first place.

[Justin] Jess...

Let's talk about you
and your friend Bryce.

OK, let's not talk about that here.
OK?

Justin, go.

[Jess sighs]

[chatter and thumping echoing]

[tense music plays]

Someone's trying to set me up.

To set us all up, but it starts with me.

Winston.

It has to be Winston.

He's brand-new.
How would he get my locker combo?

-How would he know which locker is mine?
-He probably watched you.

I never see him.
We have zero classes together.

-It's the only answer.
-[door opens]

-[whispers] What if it was one of us?
-Who? Who would do that?

It makes no sense.

Really?

And you, do you trust everyone?
Like Charlie, who we hardly know?

Or Zach,
who's been super fucked-up lately?

And Tony's fucking pissed off,
and Jessica's mad at Justin.

Sweetheart, stop spinning.

Take a breath.

-We'll be OK.
-How?

How will everything be OK?

Well, it starts
with you not losing your shit.

Work on that, OK?

[Clay] I mean, actual danger everywhere.

And they don't realize adding more police
doesn't make anyone feel safer.

Like, the opposite.

Fuck me.

[man] Black jacket, stop.

-Over here.
-Really?

Bag on the ground.
Hands on the locker. Spread your legs.

I'm pretty sure you need probable cause
for that, don't you, Officer?

All I need is reasonable suspicion,

which you gave me
when you tried to hightail it out of here.

Turn around, now.

-[clunking]
-Thank you.

Where were you headed?

Just my locker.

I forgot something.

Uh-huh.

Can of spray paint, maybe?

A book... for class.

This is still a school, isn't it?

Oh, it sure is.

Antonio Padilla.

It's my job to do everything I can
to make sure it stays safe.

Oh, yeah? You're gonna pat down
those white kids over there too, right?

[cop] No.

'Cause those kids...

don't have red paint on their hands.

It's, uh...

It's from my shop.
I was doing bodywork late last night.

You're a fighter.

Only when I need to be.

Get to class, kiddo.

You got good stuff.

Yeah? [chuckles]

Yeah, I got a bunch on digital too.

Seems like you got to it
before anyone else did.

You know, I was here for... yearbook stuff
pretty early.

I...

I heard around that Monty was the one
that hurt you, right?

That's why you stood up at that assembly?

[clicks tongue] Um... Yes.

It was Monty.

-I'm sorry, I didn't...
-No, it's cool.

You must hate him so much.

No, I don't. [clears throat]

[inhales deeply] It's, um...

I don't know, it's weird.
But I... [voice cracks]

I feel bad for him.

I mean, I'm the reason he's gone.

They said that the guy who killed him
called him a child rapist.

I'm... [scoffs]

I'm not a child. I...

I was so angry at him,
but now I just feel sad.

-[PA system beeps]
-[Bolan] Good morning, seniors.

It's time to make your way to the buses
for the college tour.

-[Tyler] I guess we should go.
-Mm-hmm. Right.

Thank you for being so honest, Tyler.

Clay, good morning.

How you doing?

Um... Fine.

On your way to the campus tour?

Yes, sir.

Well, good for you.
College is so important.

I just wanted you to know

that I get
that these are challenging times for you.

And I'm here for you.

I can be a resource.

OK?

Sure.

Yes, thank you.

OK, good. Have a great tour.

[Zach] OK, so then the plan is
they do the head count.

We ditch the tour, we go to the boathouse,
steal a shell, and then float it out.

That part of the river is right
before the falls. It's gonna be great.

This is, like, the worst possible time
to do something.

Or...

is it the best time?

No, I'm correct that it's the worst time,
given everything.

-Everything's fine.
-Everything's fucked.

Same thing.

Someone's messing with us,
at the very least.

If they know enough to mess with us,
they know too much.

They don't know.
Or maybe they do, I don't know.

Either way, wouldn't life be better
if it just came out?

How?

-Gentlemen, there is a line!
-[Alex] Sorry.

[sighs] Zachary Dempsey and Alex Standall!

[sniggering]

Wait, did you see...

Did you see that?

They're in yearbook together.

It's probably nothing.

That's how he knows.
That's how he got into my locker.

What else does he know?

We have to tell everyone about Winston,
at least.

We don't.

All that will accomplish is mass panic.

We can huddle with everyone
during the tour, slip away at some point.

It's the perfect time.

Perfect timing for what?

-What?
-Nothing.

Ah-ah-ah, good morning, seniors.

Shit. Bolan.

-[Bolan] Really exciting day.
-What the fuck is he doing here?

Now, I know that many of you
tend to overlook Sanderson

because it's so close to home,
but the reality is

it's one of the foremost small,
private universities in the country,

with, fun fact,
an award-winning literature department

headed by the father
of our very own Clay Jensen.

[scattered applause]

[Bolan] I'm very thrilled
to be among you for this tour.

So I expect each of you to be on...

your best behavior.

-What the fuck?
-Did either of you see...

-Fucking get rid of it.
-What, out the window?

[Bolan] Room for one more?

Huh?

Yeah, I used to sit in the back of the bus
when I was a kid.

It was easier to get away with stuff.
Yeah.

It was a bit of trouble. [chuckles]

Mr. Padilla, can't remember the last time
you and I had a chat.

How's your senior year going?

[Tony] It's... going.

[Bolan] So you're finding
a good work-school balance?

[Clay] The campus tour
was clearly just another opportunity

for things to get royally fucked up.

And they did.

-We've gotta find a trash can.
-Yeah, but not in front of Bolan. Fuck.

I gotta watch Jess. If she loses her shit
on Justin again, then...

Wait. What about Winston and Tyler?

Over there.

Split up. Stay low.

[Mr. Jensen] Clay.

Ani. Hi.

Hey, Dad.

I'm your official tour greeter.

Consider us officially greeted.

Hi, Mr. Jensen. Excuse me...

How beautiful is this place?

I can't believe
I've lived in Evergreen this entire time,

-and I've never been here.
-I hope you guys don't mind,

I arranged a meeting with the Dean
of Admissions after the tour.

-Thank you. That's awesome. [chuckles]
-Does that sound good?

Clay?

-Yeah, that sounds great.
-[Bolan] Professor Jensen.

-Hi, thank you so much for hosting.
-My pleasure, Gary.

I thought I might join you
on the first few stops, sir.

I just wanted to continue our discussion
for a minute.

-Sure.
-OK, yeah.

What...

what was that? Why'd he call him Gary?
What discussion?

I'm sure they just know each other, right?

I didn't think so.

Two groups, please! Two groups!

Shit!

-[teacher] Group one, this way, please!
-Hey, Alex, you OK?

Can we make a rule
that we stop asking each other that?

Um... I'm gonna walk with you,
I just gotta...

Clay Jensen, back to your group, please.

Fuck, shit, OK.
Can you keep an eye on Tyler?

Wait. What? Did something happen?

Nothing. It may be nothing.
Just watch him, all right?

OK. Wait.
Will you do the same with Zach?

You don't think he would do anything,
do you?

I don't fucking know anymore.

[teacher] Clay Jensen!

[Bolan] Mr. Jensen.

[Clay] Uh...

-Hey.
-Your dad's campus is quite nice.

Well, he doesn't own it.

Well, of course.

Um, I thought you might have some thoughts
about the graffiti this morning.

No. I mean, uh... no.

Well, I should just tell you
that we received a tip anonymously

from someone saying
you might have done it.

That's... That doesn't make sense
for me to do that.

I agree.

Just wonder who said you did.

-I don't know.
-All right.

Well, if you hear anything…

What'd he want?

Nothing.

You don't really think
you can trace the paint?

There's only a few stores in Evergreen
that are authorized to sell spray paint.

They're required to take identification
and log purchases.

[inhales then exhales deeply]

We find the brand. We check the stores.

[chuckles] All right.

Let me know.

Greek life is a huge part of our campus
here at SU.

I'm proud to call myself
a part of the Greek community.

It's truly one of the most
rewarding experiences of college.

One of my favorite parts of sorority life
is the service projects

we support every semester. Last year...

What?

What? We're walking together.

No, I'm walking this way.

Hey, no. Dude, no.

What better way
to learn about college life

than actually experiencing it?

Zach, no.

What are you...

Enjoy the tour.

Zach!

[Clay] I ditched the tour because, well…

Fuck!

…I didn't want Zach getting into trouble.

Sanderson University is known
for its state-of-the-art facilities.

And that's true…

-I'll catch up with you guys in a bit.
-Wait, where are you going?

The entablature on this building,
it's really impressive. I want to get it.

He loves his architecture.

Yeah.

You guys been friends for a while?

Uh... kind of since last year.

He's a good guy.

-He's strange sometimes.
-Can be a little awkward.

Yeah, though not as awkward
as Jeremy the tour guide.

So, this is the Life Sciences building
on your right.

Students here are encouraged
to pursue all their passions.

That's why
I'm a bioengineering/modern dance major.

Pretty much everyone you'll see here
is a "slasher" too.

He actually did the air quotes.

Maybe it was modern dance.

Yeah. [chuckles]

[female tour guide]
The School of Architecture is housed

in one of the most significant buildings
on campus.

Jess, do you know where Clay went?

Look at Justin.

Totally crushing on that Amanda.

Oh, God. Thank you. [giggles]

Excuse me?

-Amanda?
-Yes?

Yeah, your website claims that Sanderson
has a rate of sexual assault

that's way below the national average.

But isn't it true that most claims
are adjudicated in private sessions

with no transparency
or legal responsibility?

Uh... [sighs]

I don't know.

Well, as a woman on campus,
you should find out.

Our student body president.

OK...

[rock music plays]

Nice.

Go!

-[guys cheer and chant]
-[guy 1] Don't suck!

If anyone finds out
we're still in high school...

Dude, half the kids here
are probably underage.

-Don't worry.
-Right,

but should we really be playing
a drinking game?

If you're worried,
why's this your third round?

I'm here because of you.

If that's what you need
to tell yourself,

but if you're here because of me,
I'm staying.

[guys] Go!

-Go!
-[Clay] Shit!

Come on! Flip!

-Yeah!
-[guy 2] Come on!

[chanting] Corey!

Feels good, doesn't it?

Corey!

It does for Corey.

[Clay] Why am I always Corey?

[guys chanting] Corey!

-[Zach] Let's run it back.
-All right!

-[Zach] Let's go!
-High five!

[stumbling footsteps]

[girl] Oh, shit.

Oh, my God, the day drinking.

-Right?
-Are you OK?

[guy 3] Hey. Babe?

Brady? You got me drunk!

[Brady] You and tequila are bad news.

Come on, let's get you upstairs.

-Sleep it off.
-[girl groans]

[footsteps receding]

[belt buckle jangling]

Hey!

She's all yours, Jensen.

Don't let me stop you.

Oh, come on, you know you wanna fuck her.
And you know she wants you to, so...

do it.

Do it, go ahead. Go on, come on. Fuck her.

I can't... I can't do that.

What? Why? Why not?

I mean,
that guy said he'd be in the next room.

That's your response?

Not, "I would never do that"?

[chuckles] That's fucked up.

Or maybe you're starting to get it.

[panting] Get what?

What you're capable of.

Who you really are.

[Brady] Who the fuck are you?

I...

No, I wasn't... I was just...

You were just what?
Get the fuck away from her!

I'm about to show you guys
how you're gonna get dominated real quick.

-Throw some balls...
-Zach!

-Oh, shit!
-Sorry!

-[Zach] What?
-Sorry!

Wait, my backpack.

Wait, where the fuck is my backpack?
Where the fuck...

Right here, man.
What the fuck is going on?

-Stop that little fucker!
-[Zach] What the fuck?

-Wait. No.
-Clay, what the fuck did you do?

Nothing, I swear,

-I walked into the wrong room.
-All right, calm down. I know this guy.

Hey! Hold him!

-No!
-What'd he do, Brady?

Please, let me go.

You know what? Grab both of them.

Hey, whoa. We're all friends here.

Are we friends?

Because I have never seen either of you
on campus before today.

So who are you, "friend"?

Please, I…

We were just trying to have a good time,
have a few beers, that's about it.

That what you were trying to have
with my girlfriend, you shit?

-A fucking good time?
-No, it's not what it looks like.

Please just let me go.

What it looked like is
you saw a drunk girl passed out in a bed.

And it looked like
you were gonna try and fuck her.

Clay, what the fuck?

Let me go!

Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!
Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!

[Justin sighs]

So, you're not actually thinking
of going here, are you?

What if I am?

What? What, you're worried I'll get
in between you and Amanda the tour guide?

No. [chuckles]

Why are you not more freaked out?

About college?

No, the graffiti.

Tyler. I mean, everything.

I'm sure it's... going to be fine.

[Jess] Really?

Well, share your secret sauce.
I mean, how are you so sure?

Because I have to be.

Oh, because you didn't actually
do anything.

Or lie or anything,

so you know that you'll just skate
if the rest of us get caught.

What? That's...

How can you say that to me?

This.

I don't recognize this.

I don't know who this is.

It's me.

It's me trying...

trying to get better.

Well, I hope it lasts.

[Alex] But on the other hand,

it must be kind of nice coming to a school
where nobody knows your history.

Um... yeah.

Well, that's true.

[Alex] Yeah, sometimes I wish that...

I mean, I don't know.

What?

What do you wish?

There's just a lot of shit
that I wish never happened.

Like what?

Oh, like, um...

I tried to kill myself.

Oh, Jesus. I...

-I'm sorry.
-Yeah, me too.

Hugely.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make it awkward.
I just don't talk about it very often.

No, it's not awkward.

You should talk about it.

Sorry I got quiet. I just...

Well, I mean, what can you say to that?
[chuckles]

I'm glad you're alive?

Thanks. Yeah.

Yeah, me too.

And I'm sorry that I didn't stay
at that party last summer,

just to make sure that you were OK
after Monty, you know?

I just... needed to get out of there.

No, I get it.

You know,
Monty beat the shit out of me once.

Why?

It's complicated.

Um...

Sorry, I'm not... I'm not gay.

Oh.

Shit.

I thought maybe, uh…

No.

Don't feel bad.

It's OK.

[Winston chuckles]

OK.

Cool, thank you.

Yeah. I mean,
there's no need to thank me, but…

We should probably…

♪ What's luck got to say
To questions of fate, my love? ♪

[Clay] "Recount a time when you faced
a challenge, setback, or failure.

How did it affect you,

and what did you learn
from the experience?"

[slurring] Don't know why
a frat house called a seclearity line.

-Security line.
-[sniggers]

Are you still drunk?

-I stay drunk a really long time.
-Oh.

Man, what the fuck is up with you?

What the fuck is up with you?

Fair point.

Shit like this cannot happen.

You gotta be fucking careful, Zach.

Careful?

Yeah, I've been careful
my whole damn life, Clay.

Zach,

you didn't do it, did you?

The graffiti?

Fuck, no. Wha...

How the fuck could you even ask me that?

Jesus, Clay.

What the hell?

Mr. Jensen, they totally held us hostage.

You're lucky they didn't do a lot worse.
They made some pretty wild accusations.

If it weren't for the fact
the Sigs have zero credibility

with campus security,
we might have a real problem.

What were you boys thinking? Clay?

[sighs heavily]

Well, I told Gary you two were "detained,"
so the bus has left to go back to Liberty.

And, Clay,
you missed the meeting with the dean.

[Clay] At least my parents have one son
with a future.

This discussion will continue at home.

And, Zach,

-I might have to speak with your mother.
-Oof! Well, I am sorry about that.

Dude, are you OK?

Fuck you.

No, I mean,
you really don't look that great.

Oh!

God, Clay!

Oh!

Wow!

Looks good in here.

Yeah, it's just a few things.

[Jess] Um...

I heard about Zach and Clay.
They got busted at the frat house today?

Clay was minding Zach at the time.

He's been... off.

So has Clay.

So have you, no?

I know.

Look, I'm... really sorry
about all that Justin stuff.

Look, I'll be fine. Don't worry.

We have to hold it together
until graduation.

Or you get into Columbia or some shit,
and I'll never see you again.

No.

Not true. You will see me.

This is forever, you and me.

We will get through these next few months.

[voice fades] And then we're free.

Forever.

Right. Free.

[sighs] That was a long one.

You OK?

The usual. It's not even a thing anymore.

"We're disappointed. We're worried.

Are the sessions with Dr. Ellman working?"

Are they?

What the fuck does it look like?

Dad's mostly just pissed
I blew off the meeting with the dean.

Because you aced it, I'm sure.

No, I blew it.

Yeah, it's only a matter of time
before I fuck everything up

and just become a junkie again.

-That's not true.
-Really?

'Cause it's kind of
how you've been acting.

I have not.

Yeah, whatever.

So, no sweat.
You'll just go to Occidental.

[scoffs] Even if I do get in,
which, who the hell knows,

it's fucking expensive.

If I go to Sanderson, it's free.

Well, you don't have to go
just because it's free. We're not poor.

I don't want to cost your parents
any more money.

And I don't want to take away
from something that... should be yours.

Oh...

OK, I just want there to be
enough college money

for you to go wherever you want.

I mean,

it's not like I have
fucking options right now, so...

OK, well, look, can I help? With...

With anything?

No.

No, thanks.

Clay.

What exactly were you doing
in the room with that girl?

[Clay] What exactly was I doing?

What am I doing?

Dear admissions committee,

I am fucking lost.

Working hard for 7:00 a.m.

What are you doing here?

Morning coffee.

You?

-Homework.
-[Winston] Why do you work so hard?

Second semester, senior year…

Well, not all of us have a trust fund
or a family legacy at Princeton.

I don't have any of those things anymore.

So maybe you should be working harder.

[inhales, exhales deeply] Nah.

-I'm dumb.
-Um, yeah, have a seat, I guess.

I'm not smart.

Two centuries of WASP inbreeding,
and this is what I got.

I got a 2.8.

And if I work hard,

it could be a 2.9.

-Lifelong C student.
-Hmm.

I'm OK with it.

That's good for your stress levels,
at least, isn't it?

What are you, a 4.0?

4.4.

Holy shit.

I guess I knew
that was mathematically possible.

OK, what do you want?
Why are you talking to me?

-I'm just trying to be friendly.
-[scoffs] Hardly.

You have spray paint for that.

It wasn't me.

Honest.

[Winston sighs]

Tell me what really happened,

and I swear to you
I'll never mention it again. To anyone.

Just tell me what really happened.

I don't know.

Why lie to me?

What good does that do?

Hey, why'd you ask me to watch Tyler?

Why didn't you text me last night?

Because nothing happened on the tour.
Did you think something would?

You still believe him, right?

Of course.

Really?

Yeah, I just didn't want you to do
anything that might draw attention.

Oh, you mean like getting arrested
at a frat party?

Yeah, I got the report from Zach
this morning.

Um... What the hell happened? Are you OK?

How did Tyler seem on the tour?

Did anything happen?

-Was he acting weird?
-No, he's, like, super normal.

He was all happy to be on the tour
and excited about college.

-Was he hanging out with anyone?
-Not really, why?

Who would he hang out with?

[Winston] Hey, Alex.

-You going to Spanish?
-Um... yeah.

I gotta get to class.

Hey, Clay.

Mr. Jensen? Care to meet me in my office?

[Clay] I don't know
why they bother asking.

It's not like you have a choice.
There are no choices.

Shit just keeps happening,
and all you can do is react.

I've spoken at length
with your very gracious father.

And since Sanderson is not interested
in pursuing the matter further,

I've decided to leave it alone.

So, I'm not in trouble?

No, but I am interested in your reasons
why you made the choices you made.

See, it's important for me to understand

so I can help you navigate
these next few months at Liberty.

[voice fades, echoes] I know
you've been through an awful lot

these last two years.

I can't imagine what you're feeling...
[trails off]

...the vandalism.

What?

Is it still on your mind?

'Cause I hope you know
that if anyone ever gives you a hard time,

if any problems arise
with you and your friends,

you can come to me directly.

I want to help you,

but I can't do that
if I don't know what's going on.

You understand?

Sure. Thank you.

Oh, sorry.

Just forgot my books.

No, you're fine. It's...

I just like to study down here.

Feels a little more safe.

Yeah. [chuckles]

I mean, that's good that it feels safe.

Hey, um...
would you like to get some coffee?

-Right now?
-Yeah.

I mean, I was just gonna get some.

-Yeah, sure.
-Cool.

So you're not worried about Tyler?
I mean, it's not like him not to show up.

I'm not worried.

OK, I mostly believe you,
but you're training like a madman,

-so I don't know...
-I'm training for a fight.

Like a real fight?

-Does Caleb know?
-Of course he knows.

-'Cause he always says...
-I know what he always says.

I'm gonna do it anyway.

-But you could get seriously hurt, right?
-[chuckles, exhales rhythmically]

And what if they find out you're gay?

-What if?
-That's like a target on your back.

It's boxing. There's a target on my front.

Yeah, it just seems like that world...
I don't know.

Why are you so worried about this, man?
I can fight. You know I can fight.

When did you know that you were gay?

Uh...

[sighs]

Well, I always knew.

I always knew I was different,
from a pretty young age.

I just didn't know how.

It was hard to find out,
growing up how I did, where I did.

Being a man is a particular way.

So no one to ask about it.

I tried things with girls pretty early on.
Nothing really ever came of anything.

-Never?
-[chuckles] No.

I always felt like I was, uh...
like I was playing a role or something.

'Cause I wasn't feeling
what I was supposed to be feeling.

Then I started feeling shit for boys.

And that's how I knew. [sniffs]

All right, you wanna spot me
on the heavy bag?

Yeah.

[Clay] Everyone keeps trying
to put you in one box.

And you fit, or you don't,
or you pretend to.

But any way you look at it,
it's a fucking box.

It's a fucking box,
like the box they'll bury you in.

Is that why you tanked the college tour?

To get out of your box?

I didn't do it on purpose. Shit happened.

Just happened to you?

Or did you make choices?

Why'd you make those choices?

-Tour was boring.
-Come on.

Tell me a better story.

Why'd you go upstairs?

-I wanted to help that girl.
-Why you?

Why did you have to be the one
to save her?

Because there was another douchey
fucking guy with another beautiful girl,

and I didn't...
I didn't want it to happen again.

So why'd you go in the room...

if she was alone in there?

What were you gonna do next?

-I don't know.
-You don't?

Isn't that fucking scary that you don't?

Yes.

I was, uh...

I was thinking about having sex.

With the girl?

No.

Well, I... No, I mean... No, I don't...

[sighs heavily]

I wasn't thinking...

about the specifics.

I just saw this hot girl, and...

And what?

I was hard.

[slaps thighs]

And I didn't even realize it,
and it was fucking freaking me out.

Why?

-Why did it freak you out?
-I don't fucking know why.

Aren't you supposed to tell me?
Isn't that your job?

Is that what you think my job is?

Jesus fucking Christ,
can you just tell me?

I'm here because of the panic attacks
and the intrusive thoughts and everything.

And aren't you supposed to help me
get rid of those?

[sighs] Yes.

This is the work.

These are the questions we ask.

[sighs in exasperation, scoffs]

I just want it to get better.

It can.

It will.

But it's not instant,
and it's not a straight line.

And it may well...

get worse before it gets better.

I think it's brave that you joined HO.

Although, I admit I was a bit surprised.

I don't blame you.

Most people think that I'm here
to defend who my brother is...

was, or... what he did.

But that's not me.

-I'm not him.
-No, of course not.

Must be tough trying to grieve for him,

knowing what he did.

I've always known that Monty had a temper.

The only thing
that I don't understand is Bryce.

What do you mean?

Bryce was like a brother to Monty.

I mean, he was even nice to me.

I'm sorry, I know that Bryce
has done some really terrible...

No, it's OK.

He was a complicated person, I think.

You used to live at his house, didn't you?

In the guest house, yeah.

Did you see Monty hanging around
these last few months?

Um...

No, not that I can remember.

Well, did you see anything
that would make you think

that Monty would actually want
to hurt Bryce?

I never saw anything like that, no.

[sniffs]

[Clay] It's just a really challenging time
for me and my friends.

Hey.

[groans] Thanks for meeting me.

I'm surprised you actually made it.

I thought you were gonna stand me up
for the third time.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

I just...
I had a lot of things... going on. [sighs]

A lot of what?

Driving around and drinking?

Just school and shit.

Zach, what's going on?

This is not the way you are.

What's not the way I am?

Like, not showing up.

Not calling.

Not looking at me.

[inhales shakily] Um...

-Oh, Zachy.
-[sighs]

-[sniffs, grunts]
-Zach, what is it?

[voice catching] Shit's just...

[sniffs]

Shit's fucked up.

What do you mean?

Tell me what happened,
and we'll figure out a way to fix it.

No, there's no...

There's no fixing this.

[Clay] We're all just desperate
for something better.

More true.

Did it hurt when you did it?

I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that.
That's none of my...

No, it's OK.

Um...

I thought…

[clears throat]
...I don't even know what I thought.

And I never really thought
about how it'd feel, like, after.

You know, how fucked up I'd be.

'Cause I didn't think
there was gonna be any after.

I really wish
I would've considered that possibility.

I don't think you fucked up, Alex.

I think it's kind of amazing, actually,
where you are now.

Yeah. [chuckles]

I mean, I've worked really hard
with the physical therapy and stuff.

I finally got rid of that fucking cane.

But... I don't know,
I'm never gonna be, like, normal again.

Hey. Well, fuck normal.

What does that even mean?

Nobody ever actually feels normal.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

[chuckles]

I'm sure it helps, you know,
having such a good group of friends.

Tyler's always telling me you guys are so,
you know, close and everything.

Yeah, we're not as close
as we used to be, but…

Well, why not?

I mean, you know,
they're great, and we're all great.

It's just we don't hang out
as much lately.

That's good news for me, I guess.
I mean...

I don't really have a lot of friends
at Liberty, so...

I'm really glad you called.

[chuckles] Yeah, me too.

-Shall we?
-[laughs]

[Mrs. Jensen] Bill mentioned cameras?

[Mr. Jensen]
I'm not sure how I feel about cameras.

[Mrs. Jensen] Oh, hey, Clay. Uh...

We were just talking about you.

[suspenseful music plays]

What's going on? Did something happen?

No, I was just, uh,
checking in with your folks.

-About what?
-Sheriff Diaz is walking us through

some of the new security measures
for the school.

Given all the tension lately,

I wanted to make sure
your parents were aware

that we're doing everything we can
to keep you and everyone else at Liberty

as safe as possible.

That's...

That's excellent.

Well, I, uh...

I should probably get to work.

College essays and everything.

Did you see Diaz?

Yeah.

This isn't good, is it?

No.

This isn't good.

[heartbeat echoes]

Clay, what the fuck is wrong with you?

[heart beats faster, panting]

-I'm having a panic attack. [gasps]
-[thud]

[tense music plays]

[Clay] "The lessons we take
from obstacles we encounter

can be fundamental to later success.

Recount a time when you faced
a challenge, setback, or failure.

How did it affect you,

and what did you learn
from the experience?"

[message alert pings]

[exhales shakily]

[message alert pings]

[message alert pings]

[message alert pings]

[message alert pings repeatedly]

[huffing angrily]

[Clay] Yeah, things are gonna get worse.

Much, much worse...

until something makes them better.

[taps keys furiously]

[music intensifies]

["Behave" by Summer Cannibals plays]

[Justin reads]

♪ I try to behave ♪

♪ I try harder every day ♪

♪ I try to behave, yeah ♪

♪ And it gets harder every day ♪

♪ What if I don't say
The things that I'm thinking? ♪

♪ Will it make them go away? ♪

♪ What if I don't say
The things that I'm feeling? ♪

♪ Will it make them go away? ♪

♪ Behave ♪

♪ What if I can't? ♪

♪ Change ♪

♪ What if I can't? ♪

♪ Behave ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Behave ♪

♪ Stop telling me to ♪

♪ Change ♪

♪ What if I can't? ♪

♪ Behave ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Behave ♪

♪ Stop telling me to ♪

♪ Change ♪

♪ Stop telling me to ♪

♪ Behave ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Behave ♪

[man] Well done, Ed. Well done.