All language subtitles for The Best Of Mark Lowry And Bill Gaither.Vol.2

For the last 1 3 years,
being happy has been easy

with Mark Lowry around.

This crazy character has made
a career out of making fun of me,

but the truth is,
l'm one of his biggest fans.

We hope you'll enjoy
all the most outrageous,

most hilarious,
and most memorable moments

in the ''Best of Mark Lowry
and Bill Gaither,

Favorites from the Homecoming Series.''

And welcome to volume two
of the best of the ''Bill and Mark show.''

Oh, please.

What?

Mark and what's-his-name.

Actually, it's Mark and Bill.

You know, when Gary McSpadden
left our organization back in the '80s,

l was looking for an older,
decrepit person to take his place,

someone--you know,
kind of a big nose with ugly hair.

- Come on.
- Oh, no!

Wait, wait!
You hired me, right?

Yes.

And this is part two of our video.

Part two.

We had more than just enough
for part one.

We have part two.

When we started, we thought
we were just going to do one video.

But when we got looking
through all of the clips, we--

All of the clips.

And what even might be funny,
we stuck on.

Mark!

Yeah, hey.

You're supposed to help me.

Oh, l thought
that was Gloria's job.

No, no.

You're supposed to say,
''lt's good to be back...''

in Atlanta, Georgia!

l used to live--l used to live
just up the road in Acworth.

Anybody heard of Acworth?

How long did you live there?

Five years.
Till they found me.

Right.

No, but, actually, it's been good
to be here the last few days,

getting ready for this,

because l got to eat at some
of my favorite eating places.

And what are they here?

Well, the main one is the Varsity.

Oh?
You know about the Varsity?

Every good Baptist should know
about the Varsity.

That's where you get
your grease quotient every week.

lt's wonderful.

lt's like a bottle of crisco
in a straw.

l love it.

So you're an eater?

Am l an eater?
l'm a Baptist.

That's all we're allowed to do
is eat and go to church.

Oh, is it?

We can't even go
to Disneyland anymore.

Mark!

l miss Mickey.

He just turned 40 yesterday.

But l'm not that old in person.

What? Oh.

Howard loaned me his cane.

l need a walker.

l see you're wearing
your britches higher now too.

You know, there's something
about getting old

that makes you wanna
hock your britches up.

What is that?

Looks like the deacons
in the back of our church.

lt does kind of feel good
this year; l'm 40.

Before my grandfather died,
he had his britches so high,

he had to pull his zipper down
to see out.

Mark!
You can't say stuff like that.

lf you're happy to see Guy Penrod
with the Vocal Band back,

give Guy a good hand, okay?

Since we been in Atlanta,
Guy and his sweet wife, Angie,

have had yet their fourth
little Penrod boy.

They already have their quartet.

There's four of them.

And then from the great state
of Texas, welcome David Phelps.

Phelps!

They come and they go,
like ships in the night.

But, uh...

Gloria had to wear a name tag
the first 35 years of their marriage.

But at any rate,
we are proud of...

David.

David.

He's got little ears, don't he?

What?

David's got little ears--
got little, bitty ears.

l think he's been in the ring
with Tyson.

They say it tastes like chicken.

Mark, don't go there.
Don't go there.

Tyson's chicken.

Mark!

There have been a lot
of wonderful experiences.

By the mid-'80s,
the trio had had its big day.

Pretty big day too.

Yeah, it was a pretty big day.

l can remember coming
to your concerts.

ln Houston,
you'd have 1 4,000, 1 5,000.

l never even thought
l'd know you.

And then when l met you,
l remember, l was 1 9.

l remember--l met you
when l was a kid,

but that doesn't count.

As an adult,
l was 1 9 at the G.M.A.

You were with Bob Mackenzie.

l walked up to you and said,
''Hi, Bill.

l'm Mark Lowry, and l sang''--

'cause l sang on Benson Records
when you were on Benson.

So l just thought you would
know me like l knew you,

but, you know--

So l walk up and say,
''Hey, l'm Mark Lowry.

l sang when l was a kid.''

And l was trying to say,

''l sang when l was a kid
on the same label you did.''

And you said, ''Yeah, we all did''
and turned around and walked away.

l didn't.

Yes, you did.

And l thought, ''Boy, he must be
really stuck on himself and rude.''

And then, once l got to know you,
l found out you are.

No.

l found that it's like the rain man.

l mean, Gloria would come up to you
and say something to you,

and you'll look,
and you'll kind of just walk away.

And then a few minutes later,
you come back and give the answer

or an hour or two later,
days later.

Or you may ask someone a question

and walk away
before you get the answer.

Did you know you did this?

Everybody tells me l do it,
so l suppose it's true.

Well, it worked good in our shtick,
'cause l can just play off that.

And your hair,
your attention deficit disorder,

and your nose and your teeth

have really been great sources
of material for us.

And my poor memory.

Bad memory.

Well, actually,
you got a great memory.

l mean, you can remember
seating capacities.

You can remember venues.

You know right where
every Olive Garden is in the world.

And the things that are really
important to you, you just--

And you're good at.

Music--oh, man.

How you hear those notes.

And you play them
on your teeth, don't you?

When l was a kid,
l used to play tunes on my teeth.

This is the one.

Three, four, five.

Three, four--
you can do that.

And now you can
take them out and go:

No, don't go there.

Welcome to beautiful
Memphis, Tennessee.

Right here on the banks
of the mighty Mississippi.

River!

And l have been having
such a good time in Memphis.

You know, l stood on those banks today,
Bill, and l was just daydreaming.

Old man river.

That old--

Hum that for me.

Hum that for me.

There l was, floating down
the mighty Mississippi

on a raft with Huckleberry Finn
and Tom Sawyer,

smoking our pipes.

You always go too--
you can't say that.

Why not?

l might be a Baptist deacon one day.

But it has been great--
being in Memphis, you know,

this is the home of Elvis.

Yes.
You know what?

Elvis was influenced by a lot
of the pioneers of gospel music

that are sitting right here.

Hovie Lister,
James Blackwood.

Jake Hess.

Jake Hess was his favorite singer.

Mark Lowry.

What?

Mark Lowry.

l don't think so, Mark.

l don't--

They did have a great impact
on him, you know.

l saw several of the gospel albums
over there at Graceland.

We went to Graceland yesterday
and did a whole tour.

We saw the whole thing.

And ''He Touched Me''
was right up there on the wall.

One of the Grammys he got.

One of the Grammys, yeah.

You know, we're going
to do that to your house

one of these days, Bill.

What's that, Mark?

We're gonna turn it
into a museum after you die.

Mark, you're not
gonna turn our house--

Oh, we're gonna turn it--
we'll do it with class.

We'll call it
''He Touched Me'' acres.

Or ''The House That Gloria Built.''

Oh, come on.

No, wait.

We'll call it Gloria, Gloria,
Hallelujah, Museum and Video Rental.

Mark.

Mark, you're not gonna--

You're not gonna make--Gloria?

What do you mean, Gloria?

Well, everybody knows
she's your meal ticket.

That's what they all--

Now, l've never said that in print,

but you know, she writes
all the words to your songs.

lf it wasn't for her,
''Because He Lives'' would just be:

Mark, nobody's gonna
make a museum out of my house.

Oh, l'll make sure
it's done with class.

You'll love it.

We'll have a reward room
for all your rewards.

We'll have a music room
for all your music.

We'll have a wig room
for all your wigs.

Mark, you're not gonna--

Oh, Bill, trust me.
You'll love it.

And the piece de resistance:

The Gaither Memorial Hall,

where people can actually have
their picture taken with you.

Mark, for crying out loud,

if l'm dead, how are they gonna
take their picture with me?

Well, you remember
how Roy Rogers stuffed Trigger?

Mark, nobody's going to stuff me.

And we'll have your voice playing
over the loudspeaker 24 hours a day:

''Get your Gaither video,

just t-t-twenty-nine
ninety-f-f-five--five--five,

postage and handling included.''

You'll love it.

Mark, nobody's going
to make a museum out of my house,

and l'm not Elvis, okay?

We know you're not Elvis.

lf you moved like him,
you'd throw your hip out.

Oh, wow, Bill!

Did you see that?

l saw it, Mark.
That's unbelievable.

lt was one of those humpback whales.

lt just jumped in the air.

What?

A humpback whale
just jumped in the air.

No, no!

What are you looking at?

The brand-new
Gaither video from Hawaii.

You're kidding.
Let me see.

Wow, that is better than a whale.

This is an important stage in my life,

for me to be able to travel
with my hero.

l mean, he--there's only one
and only Jake Hess.

And he's been around forever.

When l was a--when l was a kid,
l got all of his records.

They were on Capitol first,
then on RCA.

l wanted to sing like that.

l wanted to smile--l thought
he had the greatest smile in the world.

And after all these years
and a lot of money,

l finally got a smile like that.

But those are his original teeth.

That's not his original hair,
but that's his original teeth.

Yeah, l don't have any part of me
that's working other than my teeth.

lt's just a great thrill,
at this stage of my life,

to be able to sing with Jake Hess.

And then to be able to sing
with a singer like Guy Penrod

ls just unbelievable for me.

l mean, l'm blessed to have young talent
like that around us.

And then we didn't have
an Hawaiian song, necessarily,

but Jake says, ''l know a song
that sounds a little Hawaiian

that we could do.''

And he says, ''Especially
with your new tenor

who has such a wonderful
Hawaiian kind of a voice.''

So with talent like David
and Guy and Jake--

You guys come on and help us here.

Not so fast, Mark.

You just--

lt's just gonna be y'all?

lt's just gonna be
the four of us, and--

So l'll just sit here?

Well, we really needed a tenor,

And we needed a seasoned lead singer
to do this.

And then, of course,
Guy is such a fantastic singer.

And then--

So if you hadn't hired him,
l could have been doing this song?

l doubt it, but--

But if you'll just--

l think you'll like this song.

Count it off,
and we'll sing it here, okay?

This is as close to Hawaiian
as we could get here tonight.

Moonbeams shining,

keep reminding,

telling of a trip

that l'll be taking soon.

Nothing binding,

l am pining for a journey

that will take me

over the moon.

l'm sailing soon

above the moon and flying

through the Heavens blue.

And too, l'm hoping you

decide to choose

and sail the milky way

with me and ride

at Jesus' side.

Naught can betide.

l'm satisfied.

And now l'm longing,
and l'm hoping.

l have no time for moping,

for l will soon be floating

away

above

the moon.

David Phelps.

David.

What a singer.

What a singer.

That's wonderful, David.

He ain't all that.

He's wonderful.

l could do that.

l could do that all day long.

l'd eat a steak dinner.

l don't even have to worry
about eating before l sing,

'cause l can do it.

l can eat while l sing.

You can't sing the high notes.

Oh, please, Bill.
l could have saved you 50 bucks a week.

l'm sailing soon

above the moon.

l'm flying through

the Heavens blue.

And too, l'm hoping y'all

decide to choose

and sail the mil...

...ky way

and ride at Jesus' side.

Naught can betide.

l'm satisfied.

And now l'm longing,
and l'm hoping.

l have no time for moping,

for l will soon be floating

away

above

the moon.

Here we go.

...and sat around,
talkin' together.

Down by the tabernacle, oh,

where the june bugs danced
and the lemonade flowed.

And we prayed,
and we sang till--

Down by the tabernacle...

...you were loved
and you wanted to stay

though the summer heat
was like judgment day.

We always enjoyed each other.

Down by the tabernacle.

Oh.

Do you know why l pulled you over?

Probably because l was speeding.

Yeah.

Well...
it's not my fault.

Did you know Bill Gaither
gives away a free cassette

with every ''Down By The Tabernacle''
video you order?

But you know what?
lt's your lucky day.

lt's a good thing
you pulled me over.

Because if you dial
the 800 number,

you, too, can get your free cassette

with every ''Down By The Tabernacle''
video you order.

This is your lucky day!

How do l order?

Call that 1 -800 number.

Bill Gaither will pick up.

Tell him you want
that free cassette.

l'll do it.

Works every time.

l love to eat.

We love fried chicken.

That's how we know
we're called to the ministry.

We wake up one morning
craving fried chicken.

l never met a chicken l didn't like.

l bet.
l bet that's the truth.

You've lost a lot of weight, though.

Hasn't he lost weight?

Yes.

But what are you going to do
about all that chicken hanging there?

l'm going to leave that there
for the grandkids to play with.

Oh.

My grandson Jesse was on my lap
the other day, playing with that.

And that'll keep him busy
for a long, long time.

He was playing with that,
and he says, ''Grandpa?''

l said, ''Yeah?''

He says, ''Did God make you?''

And l said, ''Yeah, He did, Jesse.''

He thought for a little bit,
and he said, ''Did God make me?''

''Yeah, he did, Jesse.''

He said, ''God's doing a better job
these days, isn't He?''

Well, l don't have any grandchildren,
so l'm just going to keep eating.

Yeah.

Give the Lord a challenge
in the rapture.

Speaking of challenges,

did you have trouble
coming through immigration?

l didn't.

We didn't have any trouble at all,
did we, Gloria?

We came right through.

You did?

We looked like wonderful--

Well, you should have tried
coming through immigration

with something that looks like Penrod.

lt took them 30 minutes
to frisk his hair.

How'd you get your hair through?

Oh, don't start.

Did you send it on ahead?

Don't start on my hair, Mark.
Don't.

Somebody ought to start on it.

Can l start on Penrod's hair?

Don't start on Penrod's hair.

l tell you, this is the first time

that we've been here
in this beautiful country,

and the people have been
so nice to us, Mark.

And they probably
would like to know a little bit

about who these characters are.

Guy is married to a lovely lady
by the name of Angie,

and they have four baby Penrod boys.

l'm serious.

And they have got another baby
on the way.

You know, when God said,
''Go and replenish the earth''--

He's got five kids--

He didn't have to take it on
as a personal project.

That's why he ain't had no time
to get a haircut.

You gotta get a TV.

You know,
those routines were interesting.

They were really things
that just evolved, weren't they?

Yeah, obviously.

Sometimes l'd feel like,
''Okay, where are we going?''

'Cause, you know,
these were one-time shots.

You know, we would--a lot of times,

we would get together
and write things out, right?

Yeah.

Or you'd hear something
that would work,

or we could twist that, you know,
and we'd get together.

And on some of the videos
that you will see,

we tried reading it
off teleprompters.

Yeah.

We aren't real good at that.

'Cause you'll see our eyes--

you know, my eyes are
kind of hard to miss anyway.

And the problem--we couldn't ever
get them where--

You know, if we could have had it, like,
over your shoulder,

lt looks like l'm looking--but, no,
we had them on the floor.

ln fact, let's give them
a taste of that.

Let's go to New Orleans
and watch Mark's eyes.

Yes.

And this is a great crowd, and it's good
to be in New Orleans, right, Mark?

Man, it is.
This is my kind of city.

New Orleaners love to have fun!

Don't you?

Are you sure
it's ''New Orleaners''?

lt is where l'm from.
New Orleaners.

What have you been doing today?

Well, to tell you the truth, Bill,

l've just been trying
to keep from getting arrested.

What are you talking about,
getting arrested?

Bill, you know, in this town,
there are a lot of strange laws.

ln fact, in every state,
there are some strange laws.

Well, for instance, right here
in Louisiana,

did you know it's illegal to tie
an alligator to a fire hydrant?

That is in the books;
l looked it up.

l promise you, it's illegal.

l'll try to remember that.

And did you know, did you know
also here in Louisiana,

biting someone with your natural teeth
is simple assault,

but biting someone with false teeth
is ''aggravated'' assault?

lt's in the books.
l'm not making this stuff up.

Where are you getting this stuff?

lt's called research, Bill.

You ought to do some.

You'd find out
where you got your hair.

l don't believe
these are real laws, Mark.

Oh, that's good, Bill.

l'm telling you, Bill,
they're in the books.

Look them up.

Like Guy--don't laugh.

Did you know--and l noticed you're
not laughing, but don't laugh anyway.

Did you know--

that in Texas, where we're from,

that it's illegal to shoot a buffalo
from a second-story window?

l'm sure there are a lot of buffalo
in downtown Houston, Mark.

Oh, mock me all you want, jailbird.

l'm just trying to save you
some prison time.

l think l'll be all right.
l'll be all right.

Not if you don't know
the laws in lndiana.

This is true; l looked it up.

ln lndiana, it is illegal to take a bath
between October and March.

That's why Gloria didn't want
to get married till spring.

And in South Bend County, lndiana,

it's illegal to make a monkey
smoke a cigarette.

Have you kept that law, big boy?

Absolutely.

l've never tried
to make you smoke a cigarette.

And, Bill, we sing in Alabama.

Yeah, in fact, Vestal and Howard
are from Alabama.

We sing in Alabama all the time.

Did you know, in Alabama, it is illegal

to carry an ice cream cone
in your hip pocket?

l don't carry ice cream cones
in my hip pocket.

l don't blame you.

A cold shoulder's one thing,
but a cold--

Mark!

What?

Do not go there.

Hey, Anthony.
Where's Anthony?

Did you know that in Tennessee,
where you're from,

did you know that it's illegal
for frogs to croak after 1 1 :00 p.m.?

How could they enforce
a crazy law like that?

Frog legs, Bill,
in every restaurant.

Frog legs.

And North Carolina's strict too.

North Carolina,
where lvan Parker's from.

ln North Carolina, it's against the law
for anyone to sing off key.

lt's a real law.

That's why l don't sing there much.

Mark, for crying out loud.

Hi, Bill.

That's ridiculous.

What in the world are you doing?

l'm a Colorado fashion statement.

And that stupid hat.

What's wrong with it?

lt looks like a thimble
sitting on a grapefruit.

Oh, aren't you cute
and creative?

Let me tell you something.

l know it's a Texas-sized head
fitting in a Colorado-size hat,

but l look better than you.

At least l look like l fit in.

You don't fit it.

These are my chaps.

You are an embarrassment.

You're--that's--

well, you know what?

You don't have to worry
about it anymore, big boy,

'cause l'm not in the Vocal Band.

l mean, you're embarrassing
the Vocal Band.

You're--

Oh, the Vocal Band.

You're embarrassing the--

Excuse me.

Mr. Lowry, is this man
bothering you?

Yes, he is, sir.

You know, you need to take him in.
Go on.

Come on.

You got your handcuffs?
Put the handcuffs on him.

You got to be kidding me.

And he needs to be strip-searched.

He's been bothering me for 1 3 years.

Get him out of here.

Oh, thank God he's gone.

Well, welcome to ''Mark Lowry
and My Homecoming Friends.''

l hope you stay tuned
for more wonderful music.

Hey, Mark!
Go tell Gloria l won't be long.

l'm going to try
and get out of this thing.

Yeah, well, l've heard you sing.
lt won't work.

We had done a couple
earlier Christmas programs.

We did the one at Christ Church,
and then we did one in lndiana,

a kind of spontaneous one.

But the fun one, l thought,
was in Birmingham,

and we did it in August.

lt was 1 00 degrees that day.

lt's hard to get in the Christmas spirit
when it's 1 00,

unless you're in Australia, you know,
'cause their seasons are--

But our Christmases
are supposed to be white, cold.

And it was, like, how hot?

1 00 and something?

lt was 1 00 degrees,
the hottest day of the year.

But, boy, l tell you what.

Those Birmingham folks,
they came in--

the tickets were sold out
in that theater.

They said we had the record sellout.

lt was like they were sold out
in 1 7 minutes.

They just gobbled them up.

And they came in
in red sweaters.

But, somehow, we had
to make Christmas in Birmingham

ln August special.

And, of course, as usual,
you went beyond.

And you were a perfect idiot.

Nobody's perfect, Bill.

l want to be just like you
when l get old, Bill.

l want to be a merchandizing mogul.

ln fact, in fact, l got
some stuff l've been--

You know, last year, l had some
product left over from last year.

And l thought l'd just go ahead
and push it tonight.

You don't mind me taking
a little time?

ls it discounted?

l've discounted it, 'cause--
well, l wrote that book last year,

''Whatcha Gonna Do
When The Lights Go Out:

The Coming Y2K Apocalypse''
by Mark Lowry.

That's 99� tonight.

And then l had
''Left Behind At The Waffle House''

by Mark Lowry, you know.

And also l got Mark Lowry's

''The End Of The World Y2K
All Day Singin'

And Picnic On The Grounds
Reunion Special.''

That's special tonight.

99� or postage, you know,
whatever,

and then l also have that--
you know, l made that album, you know--

That album heartwarming songs
''For A Nuclear Winter, so...''

Mark, l remember
when you recorded that, and--

Have you no shame at all?

l'm just trying to be an encouragement
in these dark days.

Well, l know what
you can do with all that food

that you stockpiled for Y2K.

What?

You can throw a post-Y2K party

and get to know
all of those neighbors

that you were going to keep away
at gunpoint

had there really been
a food shortage.

Well, that's a good idea.

That'd be a good way
to celebrate Christmas, wouldn't it?

Well, it would be
a beautiful Christmas present

for all the friends in Nashville.

Well, l usually
just leave town at Christmas.

That's what most of my neighbors
are wishing for.

Speaking of Christmas wishes,

what was the best Christmas present
you ever got?

The best Christmas present l ever got.

Let me think.

Oh, that would have to be Gloria.

Gloria?

Yeah.

You got Gloria for Christmas?

Well, actually, l got Gloria
three days before Christmas.

We were married December the 22nd,
just three days before Christmas.

We had an old maid secretary
at our school.

Remember this, honey?

Why didn't you marry her?

No, no.

When she found out
we were going to get married

on December the 22nd,
you know what her comment was?

She said, ''That'll kind of
ruin Christmas, won't it?''

l bet it made your Christmas.

lt did.

Yes, we had a wonderful Christmas.

This next routine that we're going
to watch didn't just happen.

We tried it once,
and you have forgotten it.

When we did the Texas Homecoming,
we tried to do the ''Cool Water,''

because we were going
to be out west, and l thought--

l thought that was
the stupidest idea.

And l kept saying,
''Mark, trust me.

l think this could eventually be funny.''

l know.

And that's my dad's favorite song.

Anyway, he loves that song.

But l thought,
''Now, this is kind of corny.''

But you know what?

All great humor
eventually goes to corn,

turns to corn.

But it actually turned out to be
probably that and the wig,

me putting on Jake's wig.

The two most requested routines
we've ever done were these two.

We did this one when we were in lndiana
at the Paramount Theatre.

That was a beautiful theater,

and it was also a good chance
for the Vocal Band--

The Vocal Band has had a lot
of personnel and great personnel.

l mean, great singers.

''Revolving door''
is what l used to call it.

You did change it.

lt started out with Steve Green,
Larnelle Harris, Gary McSpadden.

Michael English.
Jim Murray.

Jim Murray.

Terry Franklin.

Terry Franklin.
l mean, the list is--

Buddy Mullins.
Jonathan Pierce.

Jonathan Pierce.

That's the reason, early on,
when l saw--

Of course, all those--Jonathan, Guy--
those came later.

But early on,
it was so devastating for me

when l found out you wanted me
to audition for the Vocal Band,

because you've had
the greatest singers,

male singers, in our business
in your group.

Well, when we were in lndiana,

we thought it would be
a very, very good chance.

And this one,
l heard in my head.

l can just hear you saying,
''Water. Water.''

Water.

And l'll never forget you saying,
''What's funny about that?''

l said, ''Well, let's just keep working
and playing with it.''

So let's watch the routine.

Okay, here we go.

This is in lndiana.

''Cool Water.''

This is a song
that Jake taught us

that he sang back with
the Melody Masters Quartet in 1 948.

What were you doing in 1 948, Mark?

l wasn't even developing
eyelids yet, Bill.

l don't know what--

But at any rate--

No, we're not doing
this one now, are we?

Yes, we are.
lt's a wonderful old song.

lt's old.

From the west.

Oh, it's--it doesn't make sense.

That's the problem with this song.

''Cool Water.''
lt's a wonderful song.

lt makes a lot of sense.

People love this song,

and it's a song that's lived
down through the years.

lt's about some guy named Dan
or something.

What?

Out in the desert.

Dan's out there in the desert,
looking for water.

What a stupid place to be looking
for water, in a desert.

lt's not a guy.

lt's a donkey.

Dan is a donkey.

A song about a donkey?

No, Mark.

He's talking to his donkey, okay?

He's just talking to the donkey.

He's singing a song to his donkey.

He's singing a song to the donkey.

Named Dan.

Named Dan.

Named Dan.

Dan the donkey.

Yeah.

Well, l can't wait
to sing this song.

About Dan the donkey.

Hee-haw!

You know, some people
write songs about donkeys.

And other people sing with...

with--with--with donkeys.

What are you saying, Bill?

l don't know what l'm saying.

But--but--

But, Mark,
there's a part in here for you.

All you have to do is sing, ''water.''

Water.

Water.

Water.

Okay, just let me know when.

- What?
- You just let me know when.

You don't know when
to do the water part?

No.

Well, we rehearsed it
this afternoon.

l forgot.

Okay.

You let me know when.

l'll tell you when.

l'll be here,
sitting on ''go.''

Ooh-ooh.

All day,

l faced the barren waste

without a taste of water.

Cool water.

Now.

Water.

Old Dan and l,

with throats burned dry and

souls that cry for water.

Now.

Water.

Cool...

Now.

Water.

Clear...

Water.

Now.

Water.

Now.

Water.

Keep a-moving, Dan.

Don't you listen to him, Dan.

He's a devil, not a man,

And he spreads
the burning sand with water.

Now.

Water.

Dan, can't you see
that big, green tree

where the water's flowing free?

And it's waiting there for you and me.

Water.

Now.

Water.

Cool...

Water.

Clear...

Water.

Water.

You're getting it.

l know it, Bill.

Water.

Dan's feet are sore.

He's yearning for just
one thing more than water.

Cool water.

Now.

lce cream.

Mark, for crying out loud,

you only had one word
you had to say, ''water,''

and you messed it up.

You weren't listening.

He wanted something--

l was, too, listening,
and you said ''lce cream.''

He wanted something more
than water.

Pay attention, Bill.

And so you just thought...

that l'd give the little donkey
some ice cream.

Donkeys like ice cream too.

l'm sure they do.

Like me,

l guess he'd like to rest

where there's no quest for water.

Water.

Cool...

Now.

Water.

Clear...

Now.

Water.

Water.

Now.

Give the donkey water.

Just a drinking problem;
don't worry about it.

l'm kidding;

it's Bill who's got
the drinking problem.

A Baptist joke.

No, don't say anything.

Okay, here we go.

Keep a-moving, Dan.

Don't you listen to him, Dan.

He's a devil, not a man.

And he spreads
the burning sand with water.

Water, water.

Dan, can't you see
that big, green tree...

Water.

Where the water's flowing free?

Water.

And it's waiting there
for you and me.

Water.

Water.

Cool...

Water.

Clear...

Water.

Water.

Cool, clear water.

Hey, Guy, where'd you get
all that hair?

He lives on a hair farm
down in Columbia, Tennessee.

That's right.

That's where Jake and l get
all our wigs.

This next thing is a routine

where you're just out there
by yourself, and--

lt's a true story too.

True story.

With a little hyperbolic undertones.

My mother was the church
piano player.

Yeah.

At our church.

She played every Sunday
and Wednesday night.

l was talking to my mother
the other day on the phone,

and, of course,
her memory's kind of going.

And she said to me--

we were laughing so hard
about her memory,

'cause it was just so obvious.

We were both laughing on the phone.

She said, ''Now, don't you talk
about me in your concerts.''

And l thought,
''Well, your memory is shot.

l talked about you for 40 years
in my concerts.

Oh, man, you are my career.

Without you, l have no shtick.''

But she's--she's something else.

Well, you know what?

Every kid goes through
something like that

with some adult around the house.

But, boy, you had
a good prime target there.

Oh, l'm telling you, my family was
the perfect family to talk about.

ln fact, when l first started
doing these routines,

people would be laughing,
before l even knew you,

at churches and stuff.

And l thought, ''Why are they laughing
at my testimony?''

And l found out everybody--

Our family was like
a caricature of a real one.

Mama was a screamer.

Daddy was about that far
from a coma most of the time,

and my brother was perfect,
and l was hyperactive.

And so people see themselves
in those stories, you know.

Yeah.

And think their family
is as crazy as ours.

And we were about
halfway through the taping,

and we said, ''We need some relief.''

Yeah, it was on an iron lung.

So l had to get up there and save it.

And so here he is.

Saving the day.

This is like church, isn't it?

Beats church sometimes.

l was raised in the
independent, fundamental,

Bible-believing, Bible-banging,
foot-stomping, soul-winning,

door-knocking,
devil-chasing, sin-hating,

[ew-jumping, King-James-Version-only
Baptist church.

Our preachers weren't always right,
but they were never in doubt.

My mama played the piano
in our church Sunday morning,

Sunday night, and Wednesday night.

She'd be up there playing the piano.

And our church
was a singing church, man.

They didn't sing by note;
they sang by letter.

Rear back, and let her fly.

And then mama loved
to play that piano and look at people.

Our church would be singing.

Oh, victory in Jesus.

Mama would be looking
at everybody.

l'd be up in the back row of the balcony

learning stand-up comedy
for all my friends

when l was about six, seven years
of age, hoping mama wouldn't find me.

And mama would be loving God,
having a great time singing,

''Oh, victory in Jesus,
my Savior forever.''

And then she'd spot me
in the balcony.

And l tell you, all she had to do
was clear her throat,

And l could hear it.

Everybody else
thought it was postnasal drip,

but l knew it was a battle cry.

Mama would go a-a-hem!

l'd look down, and she'd go,
''l'm going to kill you when l get home.''

And if l was real bad in church,

daddy would take me
to the old sanctuary.

Our old sanctuary was haunted.

lt had shadows of dead choir members
on the walls.

He'd pop me on the back of the head.

l'd look up; he'd say,
''Come with me.''

''Where are we going?''

''The old sanctuary.''

''What for?!''

''Choir practice.''

But l'm thankful
for those old songs.

l'm thankful my mama can sing them.

We used to sing them all the time.

And l'm thankful that they loved me.

Every night, mama and daddy
would tuck me into bed and say,

''Mark, one day,
God's going to use you, son.''

They believed in me, you know?

''One day, God's going to use you,
but until he does, take this pill.''

You know, Mark,

l'm probably your biggest supporter
and your biggest critic.

But l can remember the night
when you did that thing in New York,

that monologue
before you did ''Mary, Did You Know?''

l came up to you afterwards, and
l said, ''You know, this is brilliant.''

l mean, the whole monologue.

l forget how long it went on,
but it went on for about 1 0, 1 5 minutes.

But it showed both sides of you.

lt was very, very, very funny.

And l thought some of the lines
about growing up in a house with Jesus

were about as funny
as you could get,

because, obviously, He had to--
He had to experience--

lf He experienced everything
like we did...

He was like us.

He was like us,

He had to experience, you know,
siblings and mom and dad

telling him to clean up his room.

Oh, yeah.

lt would be very interesting
to have been his little brother,

you know, following him to school,

and what it must have been like
raising him.

Mary changed God's diapers.

So that's really what,
you know, it all came from

when you think of that.

Yeah.
Just watch this.

We'll watch a little bit of this.

l've been with the Vocal Band for--
l need some water.

Hold on.

Oh, that's a little cup
of water right there.

We could have a Presbyterian baptism
with that water.

Baptize the whole front row.

That is what you call a budget.

Been with them 1 3 years,

but 8 years of it,
l've been in Nashville.

Actually, the first--8, 9, 1 0,
1 1 , 1 2--5 years--

l'm a college graduate.

l was living in Atlanta,

and then Bill called me and said,
''Mark, you need to move to Nashville,

'cause it would really make it
more convenient for me.''

And l thought, ''Well, Bill,
that's what l want to do:

Make it convenient for you.''

And l moved to Nashville,
and l moved into a high-rise,

'cause l had always wanted
to live in one

ever since l was a kid and l
used to watch ''The Jeffersons.''

Do you remember that show?

But l lived there for about five months,
and then l realized,

in this high-rise--

lt was only five floors,
but it's high enough.

And l lived there for about five months,

and l realized that l am
in a nursing home.

l mean, every--it was just--

and they're sweet, but bengay
was in the air every night.

And so l finally got me a house.

l wanted to get me a house
like the old ''Dick Van Dyke Show.''

lt's all one floor.

l was tired of the elevator.

l was tired of, you know,

climbing up steps
when the elevator was broken,

so l got me a house all one floor.

lt's got a little garage.

A couple of steps,
you're inside the house.

No big deal, you know?

l love it--really cool house.

But the problem is, when you are
in a high-rise,

you have a maintenance man.

When you own the home,
you are the maintenance man.

Don't you hate going
to someone's house for dinner

and they've hid the plunger?

Now, think--really.

And you gotta interrupt
a seven-course meal.

''Excuse me, but where'd y'all
park your plunger?''

And that water's rising up.

ls that not panic in your heart?

l mean, any bath--

l become instant charismatic on that.

''Stop!''

At Home Depot, they got this
one-piece plunger that is amazing.

l was using mine the other day,

and a guy three doors down called
and said, ''Thanks.

What kind of plunger was that?''

This baby works.

And also, l got me a--l got me
a gas grill, you know,

'cause, you know, you get a back porch
like l've got now--

Got me a gas grill.

Got the biggest sugar maple tree
in Nashville hanging over my--

At least that's what
the former owners told me

when they were
trying to sell the dump.

And l got me a gas grill,
and l got it all set up,

and l invited some friends over,

and l was all excited
to have them in my new house.

lnvited Norman and Brenda,
who's here tonight,

and they invited some friends of theirs

that l had not met
until this moment in time.

And we had the steaks.

You know, l grilled the steaks myself.

And l found out if you get
a cheap piece of meat

and put enough garlic on it,
it'll taste like a filet mignon.

So l grilled the steaks,
and Norman brought the baked beans,

and Brenda brought some potato salad,
and somebody else brought tea.

And we were just having a good time.

And afterwards,
we were having coffee,

you know, like adults do.

And we were talking about politics,
which l know nothing about;

but it's never stopped me
from having an opinion.

And we were just saying this.

And l said, ''You know, l vote this way,
because l'm a Christian,

and l believe certain things

that l want to, you know, see happen,''
or whatever.

And Nancy, who was a friend
of Brenda's, spoke up and said,

''Well, l don't believe in God,
and l vote the opposite of you.''

And l didn't care how she voted.

All l heard was,
''l don't believe in God.''

l got so excited.

l'd never had one in my home before.

l went around
and locked all the doors.

l said, ''You're going to be here
awhile.''

Oh, we had a wonderful time.

l started to explain.

l said, ''You know what?

l would be an atheist too
if l had that much faith.

lt takes a lot of faith
to believe all the order around us

evolved from some gaseous belch
in the universe 6 billion years ago.''

You know, order never comes
from chaos

unless somebody puts it together.

All the order in the universe--

you know, if l took my watch apart,
my Timex lndiglo--

l love my watch.

l was up all night
looking at that watch.

About every 1 5 minutes,
l was checking it last night.

But what if l took it off my arm
and took it totally apart

and stuffed the pieces in a sack,

and then l shook the sack
for 6 billion years?

What if, after 6 billion years--

what would be the chances of me
pulling out a watch

that's ticking and on time?

l don't even have enough faith for that.

l certainly don't have enough faith

to think that this complicated universe
around us--

And even in our bodies, D.N.A.

They've just, in the last few years,
discovered D.N.A.

l've had it all along.

And look at your thumbprint.

Everybody look
at your thumbprint right now.

Did you know that's an original?

You are thumbody.

There ain't another one like you
in the world.

l don't have enough faith to believe all
the order around us came from chaos.

And once you realize
you don't have enough faith

to believe that there isn't a God,

you need to go on the hunt
to find out who this God is.

And you know what?

For us to know God,
He'd have had to find us.

ln this great big universe,
how are we going to find God?

The best we can do is send
a Tonka truck to Mars.

And it hit a rock named Barney,
and it hadn't been heard from since.

One of the questions
that we got asked the most

or at least some propaganda
l was putting out there was--

Obviously, you do concerts
by yourself.

The first question l would ask was,
''Was he funny without me?''

And they'd say, ''Yeah,
but he wasn't as funny as he was''--

ls that what they'd tell you?

Most of the time.

Well, they'd tell me just the opposite.

Man, they'd line up and say,

''Oh, l'm so glad
you ditched that old man.''

You know what?

lt was fun to do both,
you know, for a while,

when l was young.

And then it became--
you know, towards the end,

it started getting tiring,

because it's just trying
to do two things at once.

But on your stage,
there just isn't enough time

for anyone to do what they do,
you know?

When did you start
doing Johnny Mathis?

Oh, he's one
of the two imitations l can do.

l can do Doug Oldham,
and l can do Johnny Mathis.

Let me hear Doug Oldham.

Well, the King,
oh, friend, he's coming.

That's good.

That's my Doug.

And Johnny Mathis was,

Oh, chances are

'cause l 'ear a silly 'in the moment
you 'ome into view.

Kind of a Johnny Mathis.

Neither one of them are really good.

lf l could sing like either one of them,
l would have.

Well, we had a chance to do that

with our Christmas show
down in Birmingham,

and you had a chance
to show your talent.

l know it.

l know it.

Merry Christmas to you.

They know that Santa's on his 'ay.

He's loaded lots of toys
and goodies on his 'eigh.

And every mother's 'ild is gonna 'y

To see if rein'eer
really know how to fly.

And so...

l'm offering this simple phrase.

To kids from 1 to 92.

Although it's been said
many times, many ways...

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you.

lt's interesting.

People have asked me, ''How did
the Bill and Mark thing happen?''

And, really, it kind of evolved,
didn't it?

Well, when my manager
called me and said,

''Bill Gaither wants your videotape
and is interested in seeing it,

and then he wants
to meet with you,''

l thought Hicks & Cohagen
were leaving.

That was your comedy team.

And l thought, ''Good.

He wants me to be the opening act
or whatever, you know.''

l thought that'd be fun.

And then he said, ''No, it's 'cause
Gary McSpadden's leaving,

and they want you to potentially,
you know,

try out to fill for that spot.''

And my--

And you gasped.

Well, my world just fell.

You know, l thought, ''There's no way
once they hear me sing.''

'Cause l'd never sung
in a group before.

They wouldn't even let me
in the Sounds of Liberty at college.

Anybody can get
into the Sounds of Liberty.

And they wouldn't let me in.

And so the first group l ever sang with
was the Gaither Vocal Band.

But l--my brother went with me
to Nashville.

l remember.

l'll never forget the night.

We had a little studio
where you came in.

Yeah.

Jim Murray was there
and Michael English and you.

Yeah.

And l walked in,

and Michael English had braces
at the time, and--

At first--

l tried to make him laugh,
and l could not do it.

Well, he was not really excited
that you were there.

No, he wanted someone good-looking.

Because he kept saying,
''Are you serious, Bill?

Are you going to try
to make this character fit in?''

l said, ''Let's hear him sing first.''

Because, in all fairness,
l had heard you on a tape,

and l loved the quality in your voice.

l just loved your singing voice.

l'm serious, because it had
some sunshine in it.

Really?

l'm serious.

lt had what l call a ''positive tone.''

l did listen to it,

and l said, ''l think
l can make that work.''

Now, hearing and singing harmony
was quite another thing.

Oh, yeah.

l tell everybody that you were
easy on me for 1 3 years,

because all the other singers
knew the number system and--

and how to go straight to a part.

How to hit a four,
hit a two and a third,

hit an eighth and a sixth.

l'm going, ''What?''

You just kind of aimed at it.

Yeah, l'd just throw it up there,
and you'd tell me what's right.

But you would always--

You were very patient with me,
and l appreciate that.

You never put
the guilt whammy on me.

You would those
that should know better.

And you sang--you know,

you always sang my part
in my ear till l got it.

And then l memorized it.

Once l had it, l had it.

Did you ever get
to the place with the Vocal Band

that you did just enjoy
just doing the straight singing?

Oh, yeah.

The group was so much fun.

When the blend was there
and the straight tones.

l learned about straight tones.

l learned about swelling.

Yeah.

Ooh.

All that stuff quartets do.

Which sounds weird
if you're singing solo, you know.

So quartets swell,
and they blend, and, also,

when l would hear a bad note,
l would stop singing,

because l knew it was me.

And if the bad note was still there,
then l knew it was you.

And if you kept singing
and the bad note was still--

Or stopped singing,
l knew it had to be--

l worked down the line.

But the blend--
there's nothing like blending.

You know, one of the reasons

we started singing
''Jesus On The Main Line''--

we started singing this on the bus,

'cause l wanted to get real tight
four-part harmony,

and you do that by the bass coming up
to the four,

the baritone doing the six,
and the lead on the one,

and the tenor on the three flat.

Jesus on the main line.

You'd give those tenors a hard time
if they didn't do that three flat.

l remember that.

''Flat that note!''

The flat three.

And we started working on that,
and to be honest with you,

to me, quartet singing
did not get any better

than when you were really
getting in that tight.

And ''Main Line'' really happened
because l got absorbed in it.

And when l get absorbed
in something, l shut my eyes.

Yeah, you do.

And l was so engrossed in:

Jesus on the main--

l thought, ''Boy, Mark sounds so good.

His part is there.''

My eyes would be shut.

And l guess that's what started you
one night to saying,

''This boy's taking this seriously.''

And you started doing this.

lt worked into a wonderful--

lt did.

A wonderful routine.

And l'm serious;
when l get in a harmony,

l will shut my eyes,
because you can visualize it.

You can visualize the part.

And you don't have any distractions.

And you don't have any distractions.

l did that one night just naturally.

l was just:
Jesus on the main line.

And people were just laughing
and laughing.

l thought, ''What in the world
are they laughing about?''

But l thought, ''This is good,
so l'll keep my eyes shut.''

l knew you had
to be doing something crazy.

And people have asked me,

''Did you know all the crazy stuff
he was doing?''

Even to the point of saying,
''Can l get his attention with anything?

Let me put a dirty old shoe up there.''

lt just got--and then
what you do, you know,

once the guys have seen it--

'cause sometimes l'm wanting
to make the people on stage

laugh harder than l want the audience,

'cause you want it to be fresh,
you know.

And so one thing led to another.

First, it was just this,
and then l'd take my shoes off.

And, finally, by the time
l left the group,

l was on my back
with my feet up in the air

with toes going up your nostrils.

So, finally,
one night in New Orleans,

the thing finally came to a head.

We had our video crew there,
and they videoed it.

Here it is.

Hey, Bill.
Where you going?

Did l tell you l had a dream
about you last night?

l did.

l dreamed l died, actually.

l heard you couldn't dream
that you died

and actually wake up, but l did.

l dreamed l died and went to Heaven,
and l was heading up this big hill.

Y'all may not know this,

But there's a big hill
going up to Heaven.

lt was in my dream.

And l made it about halfway,
and l got wore out.

l mean, l was just panting and breathing
and finally just laid down,

'cause l'm so out of shape.

Pretty soon, here you come
running up the hill,

'cause you've lost all that weight.

You just come running up the hill.

You see me laying there.

You said, ''Mark,
what's wrong with you?''

And l said, ''Oh, Bill, l'm just tired.
l'm taking a breather.''

And you said, ''Well, come on.
Get on my shoulders.

l'll carry you to the pearly gates.''

And you put me on your shoulders.

That was nice.
That was real sweet.

And we got to the pearly gates,
and there was old Peter, you know.

Of course, he recognized me.

And...

He said, ''Hey, Mark.
How you doing?''

l said, ''Fine, Pete.
How are you?''

He said--he told me.
He said, ''Come on in, Mark.

Come on.

We've been waiting on you,

But you're going to have
to leave your donkey outside.''

Bill, don't play with that.

What?

Don't play with that.

What?

We're on tv.
Don't play with that.

l--

Good night.

Get him out of lndiana,
but you can't get lndiana out of him.

Don't play with that.
Good night.

lt's hard enough to look at,
much less play with it.

l lost some weight, and l'm proud
of losing the weight, but--

You lost a lot of weight.

But l don't know
what to do with this.

Can l play with it?

No, no, no, no.

l used to play
with my grandmother's arm.

l loved that.

You know that thing
that hangs down there.

She had a big old soft thing,
you know.

Used to prop that up in church
and make a pillow

when the sermon got boring.

lt's great.

l don't think l could prop that up.

No, no, no, no.

Here, let me try.

No, no, no, no.

Let's do an a cappella tune, okay?

Okay, without music?

What?

That's what a cappella means.

Oh, is that what that means?

l didn't go to Baylor.

We don't learn
them big french words.

l've heard of Acapulco.

l visited there oncet.

But we start this
by doing a good old hum.

Good old hum, all right.

Jake and the Statesmen--

When they would start
these a cappella songs,

you had to do a real good hum.

Okay, here we go.

Okay.

''Petticoat Junction.''

Whoo whoo!

Whoo!

Let's sing the song.

Jesus on the main line.

Tell Him what you want.

Jesus on the main line.

Tell Him what you want.

Jesus on the main line.

Tell Him what you want.

Call Him up and tell Him

what you want.

You can call Him up.

l said...

Call Him up.

l said...

Tell Him what you want.

Call Him up.

l said...

Call Him up.

l said...

Tell Him what you want.

Call Him up.

l said...

Call Him up.

l said...

Tell Him what you want.

Call Him up and tell Him

what you want.

Well, His line ain't never busy.

You can tell Him what you want.

His line ain't never busy.

You can tell Him what you want.

His line ain't never busy.

You just tell Him what you want.

You can call him up
and tell Him what you want.

lf you're sick
and you gotta get well.

Tell Him what you want.

lf you're sick
and you want to get well.

Tell Him what you want.

lf you're sick
and you want to get well.

Tell Him what you want.

Call Him up
and tell Him what you want.

You can call Him up.

l said call Him up.

l said tell Him what you want.

Call Him up.

l said call Him up.

l said tell Him what you want.

Call Him up.

Call Him up
and tell Him what you want.

Call Him up and tell Him.

Oh, you got to tell Him

What you...

Ooh.

Yeah, yeah.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Way to go, Mark!

That's precious.
Thank you.

Yes, it's just a gift from God.
l can't take credit for it.

They did it first.
They were going, ''Ooh, ooh.''

How stupid can you get, Mark?

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Want.

Hi, friends.
Mark Lowry here.

l want to tell you about
the new Gaither shampoo.

lt's sort of
a wash-what's-there shampoo,

the only shampoo for the man
with the overly balding,

overly permed, hard-to-handle hair.

Mark, for crying out loud.

Why are you telling them
about shampoo

when you should be telling them
about about our brand-new video,

''Down By The Tabernacle''?

You mean it's out?

lt's out now, Mark.

lf you call the 800 number,
you can get it right now?

Yeah, you can get it now.

Hey, but don't leave--

Don't leave, Mark.

Mark!

Gloria?

We're happy to be here in London.

Yes, sir.

And especially with these characters
that we sang with.

David Phelps, one of the greatest
first tenors l think l've ever heard.

And then if you're happy
to see Guy Penrod here,

welcome Guy.

Guy and Angie Penrod now have
four baby Penrod boys,

so he has his own quartet.

And then he has another baby
on the way.

ls it a boy or a girl?

We're not sure yet.

You don't know?

Not yet.

Well, l gotta know.

Why?

'Cause l got to find out if l'm going
to be an uncle or an aunt.

Mark.
Go sit down.

Uncle, uncle.

You know what?

When l told you
you could come with us

here in England, l was hoping--

l was just thinking that maybe
you would leave everything

just like it was when you left.

Silly you.

You should see what l'm doing
to Buckingham Palace.

Oh, no.

l am--l'm going to turn it
into a bed and breakfast.

Mark, the queen is probably going
to have something to say about that.

Gloria said to do it.

Mark, l was talking about
the queen of England

might have something to say about that.

Oh, nice save.

Look, Mark, the idea is,
when you go on these trips,

l expect you to behave
and don't offend anybody

and especially don't offend
the queen, because you know what?

She could--

Repossess America?

Well, back in the old days,
she could have you beheaded.

You mean as in--

Yep, yeah.

l wonder how long l could
keep talking after that?

Something tells me you wouldn't
miss a beat, Mark.

You'd just--

Well, l don't want to find out.

Now, is there anything else
l should worry about that you've done

since you've been here?

No.

Well, l did reset Big Ben
to Nashville time.

Ohhhhh!

Well, many of you who have been there
from the very beginning,

you remember the first time
that Doris Akers,

a very, very famous songwriter
who wrote ''Sweet, Sweet Spirit'';

''Sweet Jesus''; ''l Could Never
Outlove The Lord;''

and many other great--
or l can--l wrote that, didn't l?

See there?

Makes my point.

You don't even know what you do.

And welcome
my cohost, Mark Lowry.

Oh, it's so good to be
in New York City.

lt makes me want to move up here.

l don't hear a groundswell
of excitement.

That's 'cause you're deaf.

But l tell you,
that Carnegie deli's good.

ls it good?

l got me a big ol' cheesecake.

lt's the gift that keeps on giving.

lt's the reason l'm Baptist.

ln fact, your group has kind of
gotten a little Pentecostal heavy.

Hmm.

Yeah, since you got Russ.
He's kind of--

Got that Jessy spirit all in him.

Somebody asked the other day, said,

''Are the Pentecostals
going to Heaven?''

And the other guy said, ''Yeah,
if they don't run right past it.''

You know, l love that song.

l can't believe you'd wait till l leave,

and then you start doing
all the fun ones.

l'm gonna sing me a song.
l love that.

ln fact, l was back there
with Gloria, and--

You didn't.

We were working on another verse.

You didn't.

Yes.
All right, hit it!

l'm gonna sing me a song
that is boring and long.

l can't believe
how low you would stoop.

l'm gonna sing till you sleep
'cause there's nothing that's deep

since l left the Vocal Band group.

l don't need to have you
just to get myself through,

and l don't have to wear a wig.

Now, you think you're so smart.

You replaced my part

with a pentecostal and a pig.

Pig!

A pig!

l've been replaced
by a football...

and a Pentecostal.

That pig is cute, though,
isn't he?

Up there in the purple.

Yeah, the pig--

The--the--the--

The pig.

The pig.

We got to get you
Hooked On Phonics.

lt's gonna be all night.

Most good things just happen.

l don't know where it was
along the way

where l suppose you got tired
of me every night

talking about Atlanta, Georgia,
WSB, WSM in Nashville.

And l didn't do it every night,

but l felt like l had to explain
a little bit to people, you know,

why we got here
and why the video series.

And it really started with this song,
''Turn Your Radio On'' and--

when l was a kid.

And l can remember, one
of the nights when l said this,

you said, ''Oh, my lands, Bill.

You're not going
to go back into that,

listing WSM in Nashville
and WSB in Atlanta and milking cows.''

And the routine really,
basically, just happened.

lt did.

And as we are prone to do, our
imagination kept getting carried away,

probably--

Evangelistically speaking.

We could always take a story
and make it better.

Yeah.

Stretch it here and there.

And, of course,
the memory--you know,

somebody said--somebody
was asking me about you, Mark.

And l said, ''Well, Mark
just remembers big.''

We were in Atlanta at the dome,
and this one just happened.

Watch it.

A lot of folks have asked
how this all got started.

We grew up around the radio
and loved to hear WSB in Atlanta

and a lot of the great stations
that would broadcast this great music.

And this is a song
that started all of it.

Anthony, put me in a--

No, no, no, just sit down, Mark.

Well, you looked over here.

No, no, l was looking at Anthony.

Well, with those eyes crossing,
l can't ever tell.

Anthony, put me in G-flat, okay?

Anthony, just put him in ''G.''
He'll flat it himself.

Mark, for crying out loud.

What?

This is--l'm trying
to explain to them--

They already know.

No, they have nev--

l'm trying to explain to them,
this is how this thing got started.

When l was a little boy, Mark--

Yeah?

Back in those cold,
old lndiana mornings...

Oh.

l would get up like 5:30 in the morning
and milk the cows.

Why?

Did y'all not know you could
get that for $1 .39 in a carton?

And you could sleep
till the crack of noon.

Yeah, but you'd miss
the beautiful sunrises.

They used to be beautiful
on those cold, old snowy mornings.

Ooh, l figure if the Lord
wanted me to see the sunrise,

He'd put it in the middle of the day.

But this is how it all got started.

You'd be milking them cows,
listening to Jake on the radio.

Listening to Jake on the radio,
and l tell you something else too.

These great old writers
like Albert Brumley...

Yeah.

They just knew how
to put rhyme schemes together.

lt's not easy to write a gospel song.

No; you should know.

lf you hadn't married Gloria,

you still wouldn't have written
a gospel song.

Come on!
Let's see; where was l?

Atlanta.

l know l'm in Atlanta.

But those Albert Brumley songs--

You were talking about
how hard it is to write.

And it is hard.

l've written a couple myself.

lt's hard to rhyme ''hallelujah.''

You've got ''What's it to ya?''
''Glad l knew ya''

And maybe ''We'll tattoo ya,''
but only on certain kind of songs.

Or ''l'm going to sue ya.''

Oh!

Yeah, you could use that.

This is the--

Get your hand down;
they'll think you're Pentecostal.

Mark, just--

Don't scratch it;
it'll come off.

Mark, this is my hair, okay?

lt's too pretty to be your hair.

Now, come on.

But--

He had a whole team
working on it in back.

Come on, Mark.
Don't tell them.

Blow dryers, curling irons,
false eyelashes--he had it all.

No, no, but--

But--

But this is a song that l heard,
and you listen to it.

lt goes like this:

Turn your lights down low.

And listen to the Master's--

Get it, Bill.

Radio.

Whew!

You shook my seat; it vibrated.

Do it again, Bill; do it again.

Come on; one more time.

One more time.

That's the most excitement
l had all morning!

Mark!

Turn your lights down--

l mean,
turn Mark's mike down low.

Listen to the Master's radio.

Get in touch with God.

Turn your radio on.

J.D.

You miss him?

Oh, yeah.

Funniest--one of
the funniest people l ever knew.

He was a character.

The last five years of his life,
l got to know him,

and l'd see him sitting
across at those tapings, you know,

and he'd be leaning over to George,
and George would be laughing.

l thought, ''l want to hear
what he's saying.

l want to know him.''

And so l just set my cap towards it.

And it was a great five years.

l was talking about him yesterday.

One of the funniest humans

and one of the most
Christlike people l ever knew.

l'll never forget one time
when the Vocal Band came off stage.

And we were pretty good that night.

And he was sitting at the edge
of the stage,

and he looked at all of us,

and he looked at me, and he says,

''You can always tell
which one owns the bus.''

That's J.D.

And the other J.D. thing
that l will always remember

was when he had you up to his--

He had a place in Pigeon Forge.

Uh-huh.

And he had you up there one
Christmas Eve morning for breakfast.

And he had worked real hard

to get a kid out of prison
six months early

so that he could be at home
for Christmas and with--

His family.

With his family.

And his wife, and his two boys
were there.

And you wanted to go over
to experience that with J.D.

And l remember J.D. calling me
that morning and saying,

''Man, this is a beautiful thing
to watch this guy reunited

with his family.''

And later on,
you asked J.D. a question.

You were curious, and knowing you,
l can hear you saying this.

''Why did he go to prison?''

And l think J.D. said,
''Why would it make any difference?''

Something like that.

That's the way he lived, though.

l mean, he held nothing
against anybody.

You know--l knew some people
who knew J.D. or knew of him

or his reputation.

And when you call someone
like him ''Christlike,''

it may be a little shocking
or unrealistic.

But, you know,
he loved poor people.

He loved the disenfranchised.

He loved the down and out.

He was always running to the aid
of those

that everybody was running from.

And he knew that one of the best ways
to get money to the poor

was late at night,

when he would stop
at one of those cafes

that would happen to be open
the whole night

to get eggs or something,

and there was a single mom in there,
working.

And you knew she was going
to get a big tip.

And by a big tip, l mean maybe $1 0,
maybe $50, maybe $1 00.

l was with him one time,
and we were--

we always got to know
the waitresses, you know,

or the waiters, whoever was waiting
on our table, and treated them,

made an effort--

J.D. always treated them
like, you know, they were--

with dignity, like we all that claim
to be Christians should.

You know, l think you can really
tell somebody's Christianity

by how they treat a waiter
more than anything else.

So he--we met this lady,
an older lady, and she--

we'd gotten to talking with her.

And, you know, by the end
of the conversation of the meal,

when she was handing us
the check, we said,

''How long
have you been working here?''

Or something like that.

She said, ''l'm just working here
until l can have my surgery.

l've got cancer.''

And she wasn't saying it to get a tip.

She wasn't say it
for any ulterior motive.

You can just tell, you know.

But J.D. was reaching
for the check, and he had--

Always carried a wad of cash
in his hands.

And he had that wad of cash
in his hands, reaching for the check.

And when she said ''cancer,''

he dropped the entire wad
on her tray.

And l asked him later
how much he gave her.

He said, ''l don't know.''

And he didn't care.

Didn't care.

But l loved that about--
and it wasn't like--

He didn't have to look at
a ''What would Jesus do'' bracelet.

He didn't have to think about it.

His gut reaction was to let go
of the cash, you know,

that she needed it.

And l loved that.

l'll never forget that.

lt didn't even run
through his brain

to, like, ''How much could be here?''

Or ''Do l need this money?''

Or--it was just gone.

There was a need,
and he was out to fill it.

To me, that is Christlike.

And wasn't it great
that you got to be his friend

the last four, five years?

l learned so much from him.

l've been with the Gaithers
for 1 3 years now,

going on 1 3 years, and--

And when l was a kid,

l used to come and sit
in the concerts in Houston,

and mama would take me out
to hear them,

and l'd see Gloria and Bill
singing to each other.

And l never dreamed--

Honestly, l never dreamed
they'd even know my name,

much less l'd get to sing
with them and pick on Bill

and have breakfast with Gloria,

which is the best part
about this whole thing:

Getting to pick that brain,
'cause that is a masterful brain.

And she has taught me so much
about God and loving God.

And the thing l've noticed
from being--sitting out there,

watching them, and then being
on stage with them

is that sometimes, out there,
it can look like we got it all together

and we've got some key,
some super spirit--

let me tell you something;
we are full of doubts.

We are full of questions.

We are full of struggles.

The only difference
between us and you

is about three feet.

We're three feet higher up
on the stage.

We're trying to make a message
and get a point across

that there's someone bigger than us

and someone who has got
all the answers.

We do not.

l struggle with a lot of things,
and l am not perfect.

And l just want you to know
that they aren't either.

l've gotten to know them.

And l love them more,
because l've seen their scars.

We've all got them.

And sometimes when people--

Now that we're on TV so much,
it makes it even worse,

because sometimes you see people
on TV that make you promises

that if you have so much faith,
your life will be good.

You won't be sick.

Statistics prove one out of one die.

lt doesn't matter
how much faith you got;

you're going to get old,
you're going to get sick,

and you're going to die.

'Cause we're not home yet.

This is boot camp.

This is where He's conforming us
and knocking off the rough edges.

So don't be deceived by anyone on TV

promising you something
that you know they can't deliver.

And l love this song.

Suzanne Gaither, who is,
of course--

Suzanne Gaither Jennings,
who is Bill and Gloria's daughter,

wrote this song.

And l would have written it
if l'd have thought of it.

l love this song.

l love what it says.

And when l started singing this song,

the Lord started answering
this prayer.

l made it a prayer from me to God,
and l hope you'll do the same.

Listen to the words of this song.

l've seen a lot of crazy things
done in your name.

l know the tricks
behind the magic show.

l've almost thrown
the towel in a time or two

and walked away
from everything l know.

But l can't fill this emptiness
inside of me

or calm the troubled waters
of my mind.

So if you're really out there
and you're listening,

then prove to me
that those who seek will find.

lf you can just see fit
to show me some of who you are,

if you can shed some light
into this broken sinner's heart.

l need to know the truth,

and l need something l can feel.

l need you to make it real.

There must be some good reason
why you brought me here

through valleys
where the shadows hover close.

Down here, there's a mask
to cover every face,

but your sweet face
l long to see the most.

So if you think there's just
the slightest hope for me

in spite of all my questions
and my doubts,

then let me hear
your still, small voice

speak out my name

and let me know
what others talk about.

lf you can just see fit
to show me some of who you are,

if you can shed some light
into this broken sinner's heart.

l need to know the truth,
and l need something l can feel.

l need you to make it real.

l need to know the truth,

and l need something l can feel.

l need you to make it real.

l don't know
how many people, you know,

since you announced that you
were ''leaving'' the Vocal Band,

thought there's some big reasons
about ''leaving.''

And we tried to explain--

lt'd make a better book.

lt would make a better book.

But l think, for whatever reason--

l wasn't ready for it to come to an end,

But you probably were
for a little bit there.

And--

Well, l'm glad it didn't end,
you know.

Yeah.

l'm out of the group,

but l'm still--l mean,
we talk most every day,

and l'm still doing the videos.

We're doing this.

l try to tell people,
''keep watching TV.

l'll be--l'm still there.''

You're still there.

You can't get rid of me that easily.

l'm like warts;
just hard to get rid of.

But l never intended to do anything
but leave the Vocal Band,

not leave the group.

l love being a part of this family.

This Homecoming family,
l mean, it really is--

What you see on the screen
is really reality.

Not only that, but the crew
have become part of our family.

Very important part.

You know, l mean, just--

lf we put a camera on the crew,
we could have one of those real--

What do you call those?
Real shows?

Reality.

Reality shows.

That's what we need to do,
just turn the camera on the crew.

lt's an amazing family,

and l had no intentions
of leaving it then

and have no intentions
of leaving it now.

l'm part of this Homecoming family,
but my role has changed,

and l've loved that.

l love being able to go do my thing
and then come home,

do my thing and come home.

And that's what it really is to me.

lt is a homecoming.

Well, the door never closed,
and you know that,

and you're always welcome back.

God bless.

God bless.

Mark, who'd have ever thunk
we could have had--

who'd have ever thunk

we'd have enough stuff
for two videos?

Yeah.
Welcome to volume number two.

Uh, volume number two
of ''The Best Of Bill'' um--

''The Best Of Bill And Mark.''

The Vocal Band has had
a lot of personnel.

You've had the best singers
in the world:

Michael English, Gary McSpadden.

Would you get off the stage?

We're ready to do this.

What are you doing?

What are we doing?

Who are you--

What the heck's going on up there?

Anybody got any sense?

Well, find them, and get them
on that tape recorder.

You need a haircut.

Good idea.

Okay, now--now--now--now.

Now--now--

Okay, let's--let's--let's--
let's see.

O-o-o-okay.

Okay, yeah, yeah, that's it.

l got--l heard a fifth part.

l heard a fifth part.

l don't--you know, if you--

Mark, how could you hear a fifth part

when you could hardly hear
your part?

l'll yank that wig off your head
and make you think.

Fifth part.