Original subtitles

Why not do this? Why not just bring the kids by after the movie on Saturday?

That's fine. Just make sure you don't take them

to see anything scary.Okay. Okay.

Last time, Imani had nightmares,

and Ollie's mattress looked like a pee-soaked slip-n-slide.

And I had to deal with it myself,

and I just don't want to see that much piss ever...

sober, okay?I know. I know. And I won't.

Listen, Bree, can we just talk about us for a minute?

What about us, Gary?

Bree, you said that you wanted a divorce.

Yeah, and I meant it.

Okay, you know what, things were said, okay?

Desks -- They were flipped.

I just think that, you know,

we should give therapy another shot.

I don't need to go to therapy to know that you slept

with one of the moms from our kids' school.

Not only are you dumb, you're lazy.

Come on, we just did one session.

I don't need to dig deeper to know

that you did some foul-ass shit.

Do you?

Bree, I just -- I feel like we got to figure out

a way to communicate, you know, for the sake of our kids.

What do you call this?! What are we doing right now?!

Out the way, asshole!

Okay, you know, we're doing what we always do,

where I try to talk to you, but then you don't listen to me

because you get all emotional. Emotional?!

You let me walk into that lion's den

like a limping gazelle, and now you have the nerve to call me emotional?!

Okay, Bree, can I just --After all I do for you?!

Can I say one thing? I didn't know you was coming.I have your back! I pay your bills!

I suck your tiny dick, and what you did --

Don't talk about my dick. That's --I am not emotional!

I really appreciate you coming to my thesis presentation,

Hazel. It means a lot.

I wouldn't have missed it for anything.

Getting your Master's is a big deal.

I'm so proud of you, Versace.

Ohh, we need more Black women in the tech space.

Thank you.

And I go by "Sasha" now.

Oh, you do? Yeah.

I'm on the PhD path.

"Dr. Versace" sounds like one of my dad's rap artists.

So I'm good with Sasha.

You two still not talking?

I sent him an invite, but he didn't show.

Mm.No surprise there.

Well, he's probably trying to avoid seeing me.

Sorry, kiddo.

Don't apologize.

You're not the reason he didn't make it.

He's too busy getting engaged.

We're still married.

He proposed to this bitch?!

That bastard!

I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

No. You're right.

He is a bastard.

You can say it.

You were the best thing that ever happened to him,

and he is the worst thing that ever happened to you.

Well, I wouldn't have met you otherwise.

So it was worth it.

Well, I still think you deserve better.

I think this break-up is a good thing,

Hazel. Hmm.

I really believe that.

You could have picked anyone in a one-mile radius, okay?!

Well, that's my ride.There is a church and a gym two blocks away from the school!

But, no!You had to go pick Courtney's mom!

Well, eventually it'll be a good thing.

So, for the fundraiser, another venue might work better.

Her name is Sofia Lombardi.

Yeah, she's still registered with the New York State Bar.

If you find out where she's practicing, let me know.

Thank you. What were you saying?

Oh, I said there's a request that we move the venue.

Um, is this something we can figure out later?

The fundraiser's Saturday, Ari.

Right. Of course.

You forgot.

For a second.You said representing Hazel.

wasn't going to get in the way of the campaign,

but I'm struggling to believe that.

What's the issue with the venue? I'll handle it.

Derek wants to do it at this new spot.

I know. It's -- It's bigger.

It's got a better sound system. You'll love it.

Why does he get a say in any of this?

Well, he's on the host committee.

We talked about him having a role in the campaign.

But I thought the role was financial.

He's not a good person, David.

I'd be careful about attaching your name to his.

Well, he's helping me. Millennials and Gen-Z --

Those are the two voting blocs that can push us over the top.

And yet they like me, but they like Derek a lot more.

So as much as I can use him, I'm going to use him.

Just make sure he's not using you.

Yeah, same goes for Hazel.

He's known her for five minutes.

Mm. Five minutes!

I was with him for almost a decade.

And this bitch gets a diamond.

I'm telling you, Hazel, these guys are out of control.

Do you know what Gary had the audacity to tell me today?

What?That I'm emotional.

Is that why you were crying when you picked me up?

Yes! Because I amemotional!

I mean, i-it's one thing to hear about this ho

he cheated on me with, right,

but it's another to see her knob-slobbin' face.

Mm. I can relate.Thank you.

-I've left word twice. -I like her coat.

It's very important that Sofia get back to me ASAP.

She looks good. It's cute.

I'm representing her former client,

and I need a copy of her prenup.

Thank you.

Aw, this is just like college, guys.

Everyone congregating at Bree's place.

And Bree is still complaining about Gary's broke ass.

And Hazel eating up all my food.

So, I've reached out to your old attorney.

Ari still wanna talk about her homework.

That's true.Except it's yourhomework,

and you're failing, by the way.

I'm striking out everywhere on getting a copy of your prenup.

Well, maybe we don't need it.

Oh. Mm-hmm.Did you see this?

We're not even divorced, and his ho ass is already engaged.

Ugh!That should kill him in court.

Yep.Adultery doesn't matter.

What?! What?!

Legally speaking, cheating has no bearing on divorce.

So you're saying that a married man

can just be out in the streets all willy nilly,

putting his skinny, no-paying-bill dick

into any tight-ass, dusty, crusty ho

that wants to sit on his married dick,

and there's no legal recourse?

It's awful. It's horrible.

The only thing that can help us is finding that prenup.

Why don't you get a copy of Derek's?

At least ask his attorney for one.

I already did, and as I anticipated,

that witch cackled and hung up in my face.

Without that prenup, I don't get anything.

I don't get my money. I don't get my penthouse.

But Bree had an interesting thought.

I did? When?

What? Me? You!

I missed it.Derek's copy.

Where do you think he'd keep it?

Most likely on the home computer, not the office.

He keeps all the personal stuff at the penthouse.

Why?Because if he and Rosalyn want to play dirty,

we can play dirty, too.

Hell, yeah, we can.

Can we? Yes.

Absolutely!

If they won't give us a copy of that prenup,

we'll go in and take it ourselves,

along with all the rest of your stuff.

Can we just have a croissant first and chill?

I need my shit.

The Commodore -- one of the most prestigious luxury

condominium buildings in New York City.

55 floors, 24-7 security, underground garage,

and, most importantly, home to Derek Ellsworth, our target --

owner of the penthouse we're gonna heist.

Hell, yeah! Gonna roll up in there, "Set It Off" style.

On your knees, you little bitch!

On your knees!

What's the procedure when there's a gun

to your head, Derek?!

What's the fucking procedure?!

Hazel, we are not re-creating "Set It Off."

You know everybody died in that movie, right?

Don't ruin it.Except for Jada.

Who gonna be Jada? -Okay, focus.

The operation involves no masks, no heat,

none of them boys, no violence of any kind.

The plan is simple -- we're gonna go in, collect your shit,

secure the prenup, and get the hell out of there, undetected.

How? We can't go there if Derek's home, okay?

He's gonna call the cops.

And I don't do jail. Do you do jail?

Do you do jail? We don't do jail.

We'll go in when we know he isn't there.

Tomorrow, the night of David's fundraiser.

My husband just handed us

the perfect window of opportunity and location.

The Liberty Room -- exactly 10 blocks north of the penthouse.

Okay, so, Derek, AKA Mr. Potato Head,

and Stella, AKA Sparkle,

should be out of the penthouse between 1900 and 2200 hours.

Really, GI Jane? Military time?

Okay, between 7:00 and 10:00 p.m. tomorrow.

But nobody moves until I confirm they are inside the venue.

That's when I'll give the signal.

Then, Hazel, you go in, grab as much of your clothes

and your jewelry and shoes as you can.

Wait, how -- how long do I have?

Because I need to get my mink eyelashes,

my Waterford crystal, and my neck massager.

Bitch, you don't need a neck massager.

I have one you could borrow.

You don't use yours on your neck, so, no, thank you.

Prioritize, Hazel. We only get one shot at this.

Fine. I'll leave the neck massager.

But how the hell am I supposed to get stuff out of there

without Derek's little doorman seeing me?

Bree, that's where you come in.

We need you to procure those red medical waste bags

from the hospital.Of course you do.

Hazel, whatever you grab goes into a medical waste bag

and into the garbage chute.

That's how we'll transport the items

from Point "A" to Point Bree.

Hold up. How am I supposed to get Hazel's bags

out of the trash? Yuck.

They'll be easy to spot because they're red!They're red!

Ari, you're a goddamn genius!

Hold up one second. Can I just make a suggestion?

Why can't we do something normal,

like go to the movies or have a boozy brunch?

Like, Hazel, don't get me wrong.

I love you and I want you to get your stuff back,

but I can't do a heist.

Um, Bree...

We need you.

Is this an ASPCA commercial?

What's that lip for?

Stop. No!

This is illegal!It's not illegal!

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Not if we go in now.

Once they file an injunction, it will be too late,

and if we don't get a copy of that prenup,

Hazel is screwed.

Bree, we're just taking back what's rightfully

and legally mine.

Exactly.

Although, you know, there is one remaining loose end.

We need someone we trust on the inside

who can get us in the building.

I got the perfect person.

Perfect!

Sounds like we have --Excuse me.

Back it up 2.2 seconds, can we?

Even if Hazel has the right to her possessions,

even if you have the perfect person

to let us in the building,

we still have to break in to Derek's actual suite,

and that, my friends, is illegal!

Not if we don't break in.

-Boom! -Good timing, Versace!

Mm, it's Sasha now.

Oh. Sasha.

So, ladies, we doing this?

Hell, yeah! Absolutely.

Damn it, I'm in!

Oh, I'm gonna regret this.

Stella. Show us that ring.

Um, i-it's being sized.

Relax your face.Yeah, no more pictures.

I told you people were gonna ask.

Baby, listen to me.

We can't have all that money sliding off your finger, right?

Mm-hmm. Right?

Mr. Potato Head and Sparkle have landed.

I repeat, they have landed.

Yep. The three of us are locked, loaded, and ready to roll.

I don't know about this, guys. I'm kind of scared.

I don't know if we should be doing this.

Come on, Bree!

We know we can do it by doing it, Bree.

we made a decision.

We stick with it.

Okay, let me help you with your --

You got it. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

This place isn't so bad, is it?

It's perfect.

Thank you for all your work on this.

Now, there is just one other little thing

I need you to help with.

Uh, Eric Christie can't make it,

and he was gonna make the ask -- you know, the awkward,

"Persuade anyone who hasn't donated to donate," speech.

So, uh...

You want me to make the speech?

I can't be my own hype man.

No. I did not plan for this.

Come on, Ari. You don't have to plan.

You're a pro.

You just can't spring this on me at the last minute.

It was sprung on me.

Oh, God. Please, Ari.

I need you.

Ple-e-e-ase.

Okay, uh, he was supposed to go on at 9:00,

so you'll have plenty of time to prepare.

Oh.

Right.

Oh, you're the best wife ever. Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah!

Derek! Glad you made it.

You know, we couldn't have pulled this off

without you, man.Yeah, well, you know, brother.

We're supposed to help each other out.

It's what we do, right? Oh.

David, Ari, this is Stella Bentley.

-Oh. -Hi.

-Nice to meet you, Stella. -Nice to meet you.

Uh, I know you really don't want to see me right now,

but I'm here for your man.

That's it.

I'm actually delighted you're here tonight, Derek.

Both of you.

If you'll excuse me.

She's delighted. Listen, this guy right here is --

Look at this face. That's presidential.

All right, ladies. My timeline just got a lot tighter.

I have a hard out at 8:45.

I got to be back here by 9:00.

So we got to go. Now.

I'm on it.

Hi, this is Sasha from Med-sculpt.

I'm at the entrance with my sensitive matter.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Walter.

I just didn't want to parade in front of all the gossips

at The Commodore after having my little cosmetic touch-up.

Of course. And I'm glad to hear it was just cosmetic.

Yes! A doctor took the fat I injected in my lips

and put it in my butt.

If I stand too soon, it might slide down my legs and settle.

And you know what that means.

Cankles! Ooh!

Oh, God.

Hey, crew, I am seeing and smelling a lot of things

I'd rather not right now, so move your asses!

Over and out.

I'm coming, Bree.

I'm moving as fast as I can.

Why didn't I get to play the nurse?

All right, ladies, I'm on my way.

Hazel, what's your ETA?

You need to be packed and sending bags down to Bree

by the time I arrive.

My ETA is I can't believe your ass got me taking these stairs.

And remember, only use the red medical waste trash bags, Hazel, okay?

If it looks like trash-trash, it's staying in the bin.

This is my heist!

Why don't you calm your ass down?!

Shit!

Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. One quick thing.

I-I-I want you to meet Maurice and Camille.

Oh! Yeah, Maurice works at the firm,

and Camille is the new dean at Columbia.

Oh, nice to meet you! I love Columbia.

It's such a special place. Isn't it?

Maurice and I went to undergrad there.

Oh, Ari and I met in school, too.

Really? You never told me that.

Yeah!

Yeah, it's -- it's actually a funny story.

It's not that funny.Yeah, it's kinda funny.

We were both at this random house party in the Bronx,

and it was so loud.

Remember, honey?

Anyway, uh, we talked the whole night,

and I thought we really hit it off,

but when I called her the next day, she --

Basically, I'd spent the entire evening

talking to a cute boy named Devon.

So later, when a David called, I didn't know who he was!

Long story short, I figured it out.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go to the ladies room.

Hey, guys, um, not to be that girl again,

but it's getting kind of weird out here.

So can you pick up the pace?

Over and out.

I'm in.

Oh, God, there's too many files.Oh, no, that's a mess.

Considering how messy the rest of my father's life is,

I'm not at all surprised.

I can put everything in a folder and then download

the folder, but --But what?

It's gonna be huge.

Like a terabyte, which might take a while.

Or we could just take the whole computer.

No, we can't take anything that's not ours.

All right, just, uh, download everything you can.

That's -- That -- That's the best option we got.

Okay, cool. And I'm tracking my dad's phone,

so we'll know when he leaves the venue.

But this transfer is gonna cut it close.

Imma go help Hazel finish up.

Hazel! What the hell?! You -- You haven't packed anything!

Give me that champagne!No! It's mychampagne,

and I'm not gonna let that asshole enjoy it without me.

Hazel, listen to me!

I will get you new champagne, but right now

I need you to pack your shit and throw it down the chute.

It's all my shit!

My Sabino sconces?

My Minotti chaise?

My Palais Royale mattress

that Derek and Stella are smashing on?!

I paid $30,000 for it for our one-year anniversary!

Oh, honey. Oh, I feel for you. I do.

But right now we need to focus on stuff we can put in a bag.

All right, come on.

Oh, oh, careful.Put them in.

That's my Adrienne Landau fur.

I wore it on my Open Book tour.

Do you want it?

Well, hell, yeah!

Then put it in the garbage!

We have to hurry.

Derek is not gonna stay at that party much longer.

How much longer do we have stay here?

We should...

We can go right now.Oh. Yay.

Leaving right now.

Mr. Potato Head and Sparkle are on the move.

Repeat. On the move.

Hey!

It's okay.

But technically, everything in that Dumpster

and its contents belong to me.

But anything can be had for the right price.

Someone needs to come down and help me, okay?

Okay, okay, okay. Go.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

I can handle the rest of the bags.

Shit! They're here!

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Where are we with the files?Um, 90%.

Okay, okay, you go. You go.

I'll stay.Are you sure?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

I'll catch up with you later.

Okay, Ari, get your game face on.

Is that my fur coat?

He wanted a hand job, Hazel, okay?

It got very dark. You're lucky I'm still here!

Where is Ari? We can't leave without her.

I don't know. She said she'd catch up.

Love it. Love it. Hey.

We're like the brown-titty Thelma and Louise!

Good evening.

David and I share a home, a child,

a philosophy that every single person,

no matter how rich or poor,

is entitled to the same basic rights and freedoms.

And when those in positions of power deny us those rights,

we must fight back.

Not just with our words, but with our votes.

So how do we make sure that David Montgomery

gets the Senate seat in 2020?

We go up to Albany,

and we take back what's ours!

It was so crazy! I can't believe we pulled it off!

Yes! Get it here!

Oh! Right?

I mean, I'd give anything to see the look

on Derek's face when he saw all those empty closets.

Or Stella's when she realizes her precious jewel is gone.

Come on, say what, now?

Looks better on me, don't you think?!

Hazel!

You didn't!

Oh, I definitely did.

-You're such a boss. -And you know it.

-Hazel! -Yes?

I told you only take what's yours.

This is actual theft. He can come after us now.

No. No, he can't.

You see, I bought myself a beautiful

yellow diamond necklace

when my second album went triple platinum.

Now, when I went to retrieve it, I noticed something was missing.

Can you believe that cheap bastard gave her my diamond?

Yes.

We meant Derek.

He cheap, okay? -Cheap!

Girl, I'm so happy for you.

That piece of shit got what he deserved.

Thank you, ladies. Now, what's up with Gary?

Do we need to break in to his place, or what?

'Cause, um, I'm ready.

No. No break-ins necessary.

But I could definitely use your help with something else.

Make a decision and stick to it, right?

Keep going. Keep going.

We got to get -- We got to do our homework.

Homework, homework, homework first, okay?

Love you guys.

I-I'm sorry, who are you?

Who are you?I'm Gary Washington.

And this is my house.

Gary Washington. You've been served.

Served?

Who's emotional now, Gary?