Original subtitles

Shendu: The portal of xiao fung, the wind demon,

lies upon the seventh land mass,

4,000,001 cubits above the Southern hemisphere,

beyond the placid forest,

nestled between the rolling hills.

Uh, the only thing I see nestlin'--

is hollow lands penitentiary.

Valmont: Do you mean to tell us that the demon portal

lies somewhere within those prison walls, shendu?

Shendu: Do not take that tone with me, valmont.

I did not build the fortress.

I've heard of bustin' outta jail,

but breakin' in?

No problem. I did a stretch here.

Rumor has it there are miles of tunnels under the joint.

The pan ku box mentioned no tunnels.

And I will not waste time chasing windmills

when we can simply allow ourselves to be taken prisoner.

Oh, no. I don't wanna go back.

Valmont and his pals have been spotted downtown.

You in, Jackie? We're there.

Is your name Jackie?

(Scoffs)

Captain black, I thought all dark hand matters

had been reassigned to section 12.

That may be so, but I'm not gonna sit pretty

while the dark hand strolls into my backyard

to hand a hall pass to a hobgoblin.

Captain black is in the house!

(Strained groans)

Valmont: As the head of an international crime syndicate,

I refuse to expose myself

by robbing a common bank.

Shendu: You seem to forget, valmont,

that in the event of a stalemate,

I win.

Well?!

Must I remind you that the portal cannot be opened

without the pan ku box, which I cannot touch?!

Valmont: Let's get this over with.

Capt. Black: Freeze, valmont!

All: We surrender.

You do? You do?

Capt. Black: Take 'em away.

(Chanting Chinese incantation)

What do you think, uncle--ow!

Do you see any demons?

Nooo.

That is because this is a bank vault,

not a demon portal!

And for your long career of federal crimes,

I sentence you to 50 years in hollow lands

maximum-security prison.

(Finn sobbing)

Yes, the dark hand has been successfully shut down, sir, but--

thank you. We are proud, sir.

But I want to recommend that valmont

be reassigned to another prison immediately.

I have reason to believe that he orchestrated

their appointment to hollow lands

in order to locate a demon portal.

No, sir, I've never received psychological counseling. Why?

Breathe deeply.

Eww, are you wearing Cologne?

Capt. Black: Aftershave.

They didn't believe you, did they?

(Sighs) And if we can't stop the demon

by moving valmont out,

we are going to have to move in.

You don't really mean we, do you?

You in? Cool! You're going undercover!

Bu-but, I don't want to be a prison guard.

Not a guard, Jackie, an inmate.

Clearly, it's - of the utmost importance that valmont and his men

not recognize you, Jackie.

Uh, the--the guards and warden

will know who I really am. Right?

Jackie, no can do.

This is completely under the radar.

Kepler: Smile.

Bwoah--ooh!

Oh!

Don't worry,

all you need to do

is mix your way into valmont's gang

and get ahold of that pan ku box

before they open the portal with it.

Oh, is that all?

Say ahhh.

Aah!

Jackie chan, meet chance Jackson,

master criminal.

Prison is full of hard cases, Jackie.

Your disguise is foolproof.

(Scoffs, snorts)

Hey, Jackie, you off to the big house?

Wha--ut--grr!

Uh, good luck, chance.

If things get dicey, just call and say the password,

chinchilla.

Uh, what's a chinchilla?

Oh, captain black,

your supervisors have requested

that we speak with you, ja?

Valmont: We can't find the portal until the pan ku box arrives,

so we will just have to wait.

Well, we could've been traipsing our way out through those tunnels

with our demon of the week by now.

Alleged tunnels.

Anything's better than doin' time, right, ratso?

Come on, let's - toss a few before lunch.

(Eagerly) They're serving gruel again.

What? It's fun-food.

Bingo.

(Gruffly) Bingo!

Unh. Ooh, sorry.

(American accent) Er, sorry I didn't rearrange your molecules!

Watch where you're goin' next time.

So, uh, what are you in for?

Go away.

Chance Jackson, safecracker.

Big whoop!

I crack them with my head.

Hmm. You like baseball?

Ho ho, do I!

Aww, you guys oughta give chance a chance.

He's one of us.

Probably why he reminds me of somebody.

Howdy, guys. Chance!

You wrangled kitchen duty.

Supplies! Everyone back!

At ease.

A bit obvious, but--

what?!

Hey, that's the warden's birthday cake!

You just won a free trip to solitary.

Shendu, mentally: Valmont, you are an imbecile!

Uh-oh.

Well, it's gotta be somewhere.

P.A.: All inmates report to mess hall for lunch.

You're in safe hands now.

(Gasps)

No!

Goo--oh--aargh!

(Roaring, growling)

H-hello.

I am free!

Whoa. We struck demon.

Not any demon. Xiao fung, demon of the wind.

Uh, like breakin' wind?

(Cries out)

Ooh-oh!

Like breaking bones.

You care to explain the swipe-and-run, chance?

Easy on him. He found our boy.

Yeah!

Good instincts, buddy.

So, uh, what's with tumble dry?

Ahh, the sweet scent of freedom.

Uh, actually, your breeziness, sir,

you're not exactly free.

No?

You're in the hoosegow. Prison.

This prison is paradise

compared to the ghastly abyss I have escaped.

Whatever you say, chief,

but outside's even better.

Beaches, movies...

Yeah, so why don't you huff and puff

and blow this big house down?

No! I--I mean...

You can't leave without your boss, can you?

Where is shendu?

Uh, shendu's in valmont...

And valmont's in solitary.

Hmm. If I do not free this valmont,

I will be burdened

with freeing - my brothers and sisters.

Very well.

Whoa, you guys can do that?

Concealment seems prudent.

Demons appear to stick out like sore thumbs

in this modern world.

Ooh, he's gonna blend in undercover-like.

Get it, chance?

Uh, got it.

Uh, chinchilla.

What's a chinchilla? That's the password.

Just get me captain black.

What do you mean, he can't be disturbed?

Demon.

I see a demon.

And this one?

Socks worn by a really big demon.

(American accent) Uncle, it's, uh, me, your nephew.

What? It does not sound like you.

What do you mean you are in prison?

You are a bad influence on Jade.

Good thing it is not really you.

Who was that, uncle?

Eh, crank call.

Prince Albert in a can?

No, crazy talk about demons and prisons.

(Gasps) Ai-yaah!

We're gonna create a diversion

so we can sneak into solitary.

What's the plan?

Both: Food fight!

(All yell)

Ratso: Psst. Chance.

Let's break for it.

(American accent) So, we goin' or what?

I liked you.

(Normal voice) Uh-oh.

Hey, xiao, meet Jackie chan.

Nemesis to my brethren?

Ooh!

What just happened here?

Never mind. Solitary.

Aah! Unh!

Jade: Hi, Jackie.

Jade? Uncle?

How?

Tohru: Invisibility, levitation, speed.

I borrowed some talismans

so we could bust you out of the slammer.

Oh! Well, I don't want to be out.

I want to be in where the wind demon is.

Hmm. The fan is the symbol

belonging to the immortal

who originally banished the wind demon.

I must gather chi spell ingredients.

But there's no time.

Duh.

Ooh! Yaah!

Whoa-oh!

Unh, oh.

Oh, some set of pipes.

The, uh, valmont suite.

Ah, greetings, brother xiao.

See? I knew there were tunnels.

But I just broke out!

I demand to be thrown into solitary.

I don't recognize him.

What's your prisoner number?

Ohh!

Jade.

Jade.

(Alarm blares) The dragon talisman

is very dangerous.

Talk later. Chinchilla.

So, that's a chinchilla. Cute.

Change him back.

Fire in the hole.

Jade, stay here.

Tch, in a prison?

Well--ohh.

The way out's gotta be that way.

Nah, we just came from there.

Shendu, I have had enough

of your lost expedition!

Valmont: Shendu, your brother is speaking to you.

Do not follow so closely, Jade,

and pay attention to everything I do.

Waah!

So good to see you again.

In fact...

I'm all a-bluster.

(Inhales)

Back off, froggy!

Both: Aah!

Both: Waah!

Both: Unh!

(Xiao roars) Both: Aah!

(Inhales)

(Grunts)

(Grunts, gasps)

Where is uncle?!

Uncle: I am sorry.

I will bring this back. Thank you.

Put a cork in it!

(Exhales)

Aah! Chinchil-- aah!

(Gasps) Uh-oh.

Uncle: Ai-yaaah!

We will never find them.

Both: Whoa!

Unh. Ai-yaah.

Uncle, quickly!

Ah, Jackie. There you are.

Where is he?

(Gasps)

You are going to be sorry!

Xiao fung, the chi spell will seal your doom!

One cannot cast what one cannot catch.

(Inhales)

Wait! Let us get out of the way!

(Exhales)

Sensei!

Ai-yaah!

The talisman!

Rabbit talisman is very good,

but demon breath is better.

Tohru! Human wind shield!

(Uncle grunts)

(Grunts)

Shendu: The old man! Stop him!

Aah!

(Grunts)

Both: Unh!

Both: Whoa! Oh!

Heeya! Both: Oh!

Both: Unh!

(Incants in Chinese)

Sensei.

Uh-uh-uh.

Hi-yah!

Unh! Unh!

All: Aah!

All: Ooh!

(All cough)

Check it out, big v.

Jackie!

Fan the fan!

It's working!

Nooo!

Looks like it's off

to the wind in the willows

for Mr. toad.

Now, before we head home,

we must retrieve the talismans.

Ooh, right.

Huh?

What do you know?

His prisoner number checks out.

You're gettin' your wish, Jackson.

It's solitary for you.

Uh, what? No!

I-I'm not chance Jackson!

Look at my face! My face!

Chinchilla! Chinchilla!

Hey, Jackie,

if you could be an animal,

which animal would you be?

I wanna be a eagle.

I remember, uh, I have a--a eagle about this big.

Way up to look down. Ok, nobody can chase you.

Very free, you know, wherever I wanna go.

I think eagle. Yes, that's the best animal I would be.