All language subtitles for Single.Parents.S02E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

That's a big hole.

You can thank the axe-happyfire department for that.

You know who can fix this
for you?

Angie: The twins?

No. I can't afford them.

Their pricing's insane.

Do you want it done cheap,or you want it done right?

Do people come to your work
and try to low-ball you?

We don't need
a contractor.

And do you
wanna know why?

Oh, God.
They're gonna rap.'Cause...

Both: [ Rapping ]
♪ No whinin'!

♪ No bitchin'!

♪ Pick up a hammer,
get your butt in the kitchen! ♪

See,now I'm sorry I'm here.

Oh, come on, Douglas.

It's the upbeat chant
that Kevin and Kerry Kitchen do

before they start
a big project.

Kevin and Kerry Kitchen?

From "Mr. and Mrs. Kitchen."

Streaming's top-rated
home-renovation married couple?

Unreal!Unreal, Douglas.

You have to engage
in the culture, bud.

You're only as young
as your viewing habits.

I know whoMr. and Mrs. Kitchen are, okay?

I'm not some Appalachian dogchained to a dead tree.

I just don't understandwhy you think you can fix a wall

based a TV show
you've seen

about construction workersin a failing marriage.

Kevin and Kerry
are very much in love.

He is the fridge
to her freezer.

Every relationship
takes work.

Every one.Alright.

That's plenty
for me.

Be well.

[ Whistles ]

[ Grunts ][ Door opens ]

Dad,please hire the twins.

I want you coming home
in one piece.

Too late.
Our price just doubled.

You snooze, you lose,D'Amato.

♪♪

[ Sighs ][ Door closes ]

--Captions by VITAC--

Thanks for helping me
patch this hole.

Got to show Graham

that fire damage
isn't that scary.

You know, he's Graham.

The way he deals with fear
is very specific.

Turned his bedroominto a bunker again?

Yup.

He's probably gonna be
in there for a while.

I can't afford
to miss any more work.

I already used up
all my sick days

on the "Titanic" incident.

[ Sweeping instrumental music
playing]

Hats off to you,
Mr. Cameron.

What an imagination.

Oh, he didn't make it up,sweetie.

Titanicwas a real ship
that went down.

What?!

Okay, we have to fix
this tonight.

And we will,

with the help of
the heroic Mr. Kitchen.

[ Southern accent ]
Ma'am.
[ Chuckles ]

Hey, uh, Graham doesn'tactually know

how the fire was started,does he?

That his dad was here

and you guys
were doing stuff?

And thenthe printer exploded?

God, no!

No, I came up with
a great cover story.

Graham:
You have some nerve

showing your big, dumb face
around here.

♪♪

[ Door slams ]

♪♪

I maybe told him
that the printer catching fire

was your fault.

What?! How?

Well, I might
have told him

that you were printing out

some "Little Mermaid"
fan fiction that you wrote,

where in the end,

instead of Ariel
getting her voice back,

she dies.

Angie!I panicked! I'm sorry.

I was raised to throw people
under the bus.

[ Door opens ]

Strangled by
a soda-can ring?

You're sick!

[ Door slams ]

♪♪

Oh, man, Poppy, corporate life
is killing me.

Must be nice to sit here
and do nothing all day.

Miggy, I own a business,

and you're a temp paralegal,so...

I didn't hear none of that.
I'm too tired.

[ Chuckles ]Emma: Hey, Miggy,

we made
a human saddle

so you can give us
piggyback rides all night.

Douglas:
Yeah, I saw them crafting it.

Seems sturdy,
but doesn't look comfortable.

Huh.Well, hey, I have an idea.

How about we play a game
called "Tired Dad"?

I'll be the Tired Dad,

and you be the friends

who take care
of his toddler son.

That's a game?

Yeah,and it just started.

Here.

Take my car keysand get the A.C. running.

Toodle-oo.

Hey.

So, Rory's at Graham's --

something about
building a bunker.

I didn't ask,but I probably should've.

Anyway,
on the bright side,

maybe you and I
could hang out?

Oh, I would love to,

but I'm having some buddies
over tonight.

Ah.
I'd invite you,

but it just doesn't
seem like your scene.

Oh. A bunch of old white guysassuring me they're not racist?

No, thanks.I've been to New England.

Okay, look, we'll have breakfast
at the track tomorrow.

Yes, please.
Okay.

[ Smooches ]
Bye.

Bad move, Poppy.
You're blowing it.Hmm?

You're dating now.
You've gotta get in
with his friends.

Well, yeah, but if I meet them,then I can't imagine

they're not the bad guysI know they are.Mnh-mnh-mnh.

Look, relationships get strongerif you bond with the homies.

[ Scoffs ]
When I was with Zara,

I became a math whiz

to impress
all her smart friends.

Yeah. I memorized every
single number up to 236.

Well, you know you onlyhave to memorize the first 10

and then a pattern
takes over?

What do you mean?No, no, no.

We're not doing this.

But maybe you're right.

Maybe I shouldn't be afraidto meet Douglas' crowd.

Cool.
I'll go over there with you.

Miggy,you're watching the kids.

Still?

Damn, I'm tired.

♪♪

My name is Kerry. And I'm Kevin.

And we're The Kitchens. The Kitchens.

It's our real name.

And now our job!

[ Laughs]Aren't these guysjust the freakin' best?

I-I know Kevin is on trialfor punching a Postmate,

but he's just so likable
on the show.

I'm just still
struggling with the fact

that you told Graham

I'm the one
who set your house on fire.

But for a good reason --

killing America's
favorite mermaid.

What was I supposed
to tell him --

that his AWOL dad was hereand we had sex?

No, you're right.
It was one or the other.

Can you justtake this fall for me,

just this one time?

I guess Kevin did
take the fall for Kerry

during the Norfolk job,

when she installed
the bidet wrong

and it perforated
that homeowner's colon.

Yes. My man!

Now let's crank
that theme song.

[ Soft rock music plays]

This is whereI put my flashlight,

those are my canned goods,

and this is where
I try to sleep

but don't, 'cause of allthe new fear in my heart.

Oh, Graham.

Oh, honey, sweetie,
baby, darling.

We need
to get you out of here.

But it's scary out there!

And in here, it's safe.

Think about it.

It's just you and me.

We could createa whole new society.

A whole new society?
Yeah.

And every society
needs a ruler.

Well,
it is my room --

Okay, I'll be the ruler
of this bunker,

but you need
to bend to my vision.

What's your vision?Simple --

extended
Kennedy family reclusiveness,

full-on "Grey Gardens."

That just seemed likea bunch of words,

but I'm in.

Mold me.

♪♪

Hi.

I know you said
it's not my scene,

but I wantto meet your friends,

and if that means that

I have to sign upfor an NRA mailing list,

then I'll send it
straight to spam.

Oh, that won't help.

Once you're on the list,
they find you anyway.

See? I'm already learningsomething new.

Now move aside.I want to meet the guys.

You don't want to.

Woman: Douglas?

♪♪

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Poppy, meet the girls.

[ Exhales sharply ]

♪♪

Mmm. Look at
that spackling.

Our patchwork is so good,

it makes the rest of the wall
look like ass.

Angie: Now I can get Grahamout of that bunker

before he starts
pickling things.

Alright, well,
I will see you tomorrow.

[ Cloth thuds ]

[ Southern accent ]
Good night, Kerry.

Wait. You're leaving?

[ Normal voice ]
Uh, yeah,

unless there's something else
you need me for?

Actually, yes. There's so manythings that I haven't gotten to.

Here's a list.
Oh?

"Clean out fridge.
Organize spice rack.

De-fuzz sweaters."

Are these fire-related
emergencies?

No, not technically,

but it'd be greatto get 'em out of the way.

Uh-huh. Cool.

Um, you know I'm not
your handyman, right?

Well, yeah.
Of course not.

I mean, if you were,I'd have to pay you.[ Laughs ]

Totally.

Also, not the point
I'm trying to make. Um...

Well, what is the pointyou're trying to make?

Man, do you love
a dramatic pause.

Angie, there's a giant rat
behind you.

Now, please do not
mistake my calm tone

for anything
but gut-wrenching fear,

which is what
you will experience
if you turn around,

so, Angie,
do not turn around.

[ Rapid sniffing ]

[ Gasps ]

Oh, my God.
That's a possum.

There's a possum
in my house.
Yeah.

It looks really meanand a little bit horny.

Yeah.

How did it get
in here?

We must have
sealed it in.

Oh, what do we do?

We make a dash
for the bunker...Uh-huh.

...but slowly...Uh-huh.

...so as not to alarm it.Right.

Kitten feet.Kitten feet. Yeah.

Kitten feet.Kitten feet.

Kitten feet.Kitten feet.

Kitten feet. Stop![ Stammers ]

[ Possum shrieks, snarls ]

Shh.

Okay, so, I don't want to sound
like a bad feminist,

but who are these bitches?

This ismy grief support group.

A grief support group?

Douglas,
why didn't you tell me?

I didn't tell anyone.

And I wasn't gonna tell youespecially because I know

how you women are.
Oh, boy.

All I'm saying is, if you puttoo many hens in the coop,

well, then they startpecking at each other.

You know, it's their natureto fight over the rooster.

It's so hard to meet people.
Remember the apps.

Okay, the point is,

even for a modern womanlike yourself,

I think it's betterfor our relationship

if you don't see me
being vulnerable

in front of
a bunch of women.

You'll get competitive,

and I don't want to seeyour feathers all in a bunch.

Well, this hen
doesn't ruffle so easily.

Why am I continuing
with your metaphor?

What I mean to say is,
this is my sweet spot, Douglas.

I founded a whole business

based on vulnerable women
supporting each other.

Plus, we sell books.

And if you're
going through something,

I want to be there
for it.

Alright, well,if you want to join, go ahead,

but this farmer's
warned you.

[ Chuckles ]

Wait. So now you're a farmer
and a rooster?

You know what?
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.

Ladies, please welcomemy special friend.

This is Poppy Banks.

Hi.
We neck.

Nice to meet you,
Poppy.

Now, let's start
as we always do

with one of
our group hugs.

-Ah, terrific.
-[ Chuckles ]

-Ahh.
-Ahh.

Aww.

♪♪

So, this goes on
for a while, huh?

I'll just get
a snack.

I don't think I like this.

I don't even know
what it is!

It's "Grey Gardens."

We're being
Big and Little Edie Bouvier.

Jackie Kennedy's hermit aunt
and first cousin?

How come you don'thave to wear a muumuu?I will!

But right now
I'm trying to turn

your soulless excuse
for a bunker

into a rundown
East Hamptons mansion.

Hey, hi!Kitten feet, kitten feet,
kitten feet.

Hi, Mom.

William.

Uh-oh.

It can't be goodthat you're in a costume.

Rory says
my name's Edith now.

That tracks.

Will,meet me at the wall.

This is bad.

Yeah.If Graham finds out

there's a real possum
out there,

he will break
completely.

[ Sighs ] We have to call
animal control.

Damn!

My phone's outside!

Mine too.
[ Sighs ]

Maybe we can borrow
Rory's.

Hey, Rory,
can we borrow your phone?

No, I'm not comfortable
with that.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

[ Scoffs ]

Okay,
what do we do now?

We remain calm,
we get our phones,

and we get rid of that beast
without Graham noticing.

Okay.

But...

we cannot face that thing
unprotected.

[ Dramatic orchestral music
plays ]

I hate this.

[ Wand clatters ]

Diana: This time of yearis hard.

Fall was Nathan's
favorite season.

But it gives me comfortto know

that in my darkest hour,

this guy
will come over

and implementthe Fogerty Special.

Um, wh-what's
the Fogerty Special?

Oh, you don't know?

You watch
"The Pelican Brief"

while eating
good scallops.

You know, it took me a while
to find that combination.

For the longest time,

I thought it was "Midnight Run"
and lasagna,

but, eh,
it just was too heavy.

It always cheers me up.

That, and one of
his trademark hugs.Uh-huh.

Ah, okay. So there's more hugs
from Douglas?

I could use one
right now.

Oh, alright.

Everybody,
come in for a Doug-Hug.

Bring it in.

Oh, Poppy,you gotta try a Doug-Hug.

It's wonderful.

Alrighty.Aww.

We're dating,so I've had the hug.

Alright, you know what?
I think it's my time to share.

-Okay.
-Oh.

Um...last month
was hard for me.

I, um -- I came across
a -- a note

that Rose had --
had written me.

It was --
It was tucked

in the back of a drawer
somewhere

and -- nothing special,

just a grocery list,

with only
mayo and carrots on it.

God,
she loved that snack.

To this day, when someone
pairs a vegetable

with a heavy cream, I...

I can't.

Douglas.

Hug flying in!

Make room
for the flock!

[ Chuckling ]
Okay.

Mmm. Mmm.

Okay, I'm gonna leave.

No. Wh-What? Why?

Wh-Where are you going?

Poppy,
where are you off to?
Home.

I shouldn't be here.

Ah.

This is happening,
isn't it?

You're feeling jealous.

Maybe you're right --

I'm a hen
and you're a rooster

and we're all farm animals,

and I shouldn't have come.

And I can't stand the fact
that I feel this way

because you're the caveman,
and I own a feminist bookstore.

You know, I'm supposed to be
above all of this

and I'm not and it sucks

and I am
deeply embarrassed.

And I'm officially
making a scene. Great.

So, if this winds up
on YouTube,

Poppy Banks, feminist hero,
is canceled.

I see you, Diana.Oh!

In theory,
I support what you're doing,

but in practice,
I got to go.

[ Door opens, closes ]

Go easy on her.

Her ex-husband
is still alive.

Angie: Here's the plan --

I stand here,
you go get my phone.

Why's it have to be me?It's your phone.

Yeah, but, see,
the thing is,

I don't want
to run into a possum.

Nobody wants to runinto a possum, Angie.

They're like a first draft
of a weasel.

Can' you just do this one thing
for me, please?

Onething?

Recently, it feels like a lotof things.

[ Sighs ]

Is this [Scoffs]
about the list?

Because I thought
you wanted me

to organize
my spice rack.

You called it
a "spice wreck,"

which we all know
is Rory's joke you stole.

All of your spices
have expired.

Spices don't expire.

I feel like you'retaking advantage of me.

I just spent all daypatching the hole in your wall.

I had to cancel my plans.

I didn't know
you had plans.
I did.

It karaoke night at KZOP,and I was supposed to emcee!

Okay, that's on you, dude.
You should have said something.

Well, I didn't becauseI knew that you needed me.

Oh, y-you think
I need you?

Lately?
Yeah. A lot.

Patching up holes,being a scapegoat for Graham,

trying to keep youfrom making a sexual mistake

so toxic and weird

that it literallyset your house on fire.

I can tellthis isn't going over well

'cause now you're giving meserious possum vibes,

like, all of the angerand none of the horny.

Oh, I'm definitely
not horny, okay?

And I don't need you.

If there's one thing
I know how to do,

it's fend for my family,

even if it means facing
a wild, ferocious animal.

Angie, I knowhow strong you are, okay?

I didn't mean
to question that.

Well, it sounded like
you did.

You know,
how about this --

why don't you go?

[ Scoffs ]Do KZOP karaoke.

Sing "Waterfalls"
with Guy McCormick

if that's
what gets you going.

You know damn wellthat's outside of my register.

There's the door, Will.

Go.

♪♪

[ Thud ]

♪♪

[ Possum snarling ][ Gasps ]

I'm scared.

I mean,
I embarrassed myself.
Ah.

Is this who I am --
a jealous hen?

I thought
I was better than that.

Here's your chips,
Tired Dad.

Oh, great.Hey, you're winning.

[ Gasps ] I am?

Yeah, sure, whatever.

I don't know.

Anyway, Pop-Tart,

were you really jealousof these women?

No, I don't think
I was jealous of them.

Then what was it?

Well,
Douglas told a story

about how Rose used to eat
carrots and mayo.

And I imagined her
eating it next to him,

and -- I don't know --
it made me sad.

[ Sighs ] That is sad.

But also genius.

[ Gasps ] Kids!

Carrots and mayofor a million points!

I'm going
for the million!

Now we pretend
that the chili is cat food.

Form it into a little mound
and serve it to me.

Wh-- No!

This is too weird.

And I don't understand

how this is a "tale ofwealth and rebellion."

Whatever's scary
out there

can't be as scaryas what's going on in here.

You better not be
in my underwear drawer,

you big perv.

Come on. Show your --

[ Possum snarls ]Oh!

Okay, you.

I'm not scared of you.

[ Possum hisses ]

That's a lie. Yes, I am.

Your teeth
are incredibly freaky,

and I really, really
hate your nose.

And -- come on --
make up your mind.

Are you cross-eyed or not?

[ Possum shrieks ]

But I have been on my own
for many, many years,

and the one good thing
about that is,

I can do anything.

So check it, possum.[ Possum hisses ]

I'm gonna catch
and release you...to Hell!

Aaaah!

This was stupid!

Aah!

Why are you holding thatpointy cat upside down?!

I don't know!
Your mom's a dumbass!

No, you're not!

You're Angie D'Amato,pride of Sicily!

Y-You're right!

Cool! Godspeed!No, no, no, no, no!

You get back here!

You are Graham D'Amato!

You don't need a bunker!

We can handle anything together,so grab that bag

and help Mommy trap
this very agitated rodent.

Aah! Aah!Okay. Now...

Aah! Aah![ Possum hissing ]

Aah![ Grunts ] Aah![ Bag thuds ]

We did it.Ohh, we did it.

We just put a wild animalin my camp duffel!

I'm so proud of you!

No, I'm proud of you, Mom!

That was intense.

But it's over.

Yeah.

Stop right there,
you underbite-y son of a bitch!

[ Coughing ]

You guys okay in here?

I heard screaming,

and the f-front door
was locked, so...

Oh, God.
I'm sorry about this.

I made it so much worse.

♪♪

Aww, I was hoping
you'd come back.

Look, I know I acted likea jealous hen earlier.

Man, that hen thing reallyburrowed into my brain.

Yeah, you know,
I should write some
of those down,

maybe put out a book --

something small for like
when you're on the john.

Look, Douglas,it wasn't just me being jealous

about you opening up
to those women,

though I do want youto do that with me.

There wassomething real there.

And if I'm being honest...

it was hard for meto hear you talk about Rose.

I mean, my ex-husband and I --
we broke up,

but your wife died

while you were stillin love with her.

She'll always have a placein your heart.

And I got to get comfortablesharing that.

Look, I'm still working through
losing her.

But being with you --
well...

that's the happiest
I've been in a long time.

♪♪

Maybe I'll write those ladiesan apology card.

No.
That ship has sailed.

Okay.

Yes, I am aware that
wild animals can carry rabies.

No, I will not foster
to adopt him.

[ Keypad beeps ]Animal control?

Yes, and they were
very, very mean.

Yeah, well,
I'm pretty sure

that grabbing a possumby the tail,

throwing it into a bag --it's a big no-no.

So is diving through
someone else's wall.

Oh, now you tell me.[ Chuckles ]

I knowyou don't need anybody,

but I-I kind of thinkI like being needed.

I think I have a problem.

Yeah, you do.

But I might sometimes
exploit it,

and I shouldn't.

Angie,I do all this stuff for you

because I want to.

I mean,
you're my friend,

and patching a hole in a wallwith you is way more fun

than listening to Guy McCormicksing "Knocking on Heaven's Door"

and then show us
his bypass scars.

I have been
leaning on you a lot.

and I-I think
it might just be because

Graham and I have never

had anyone be there for us
before.

And it was addicting.

[ Both chuckle ]

Well, I mean,it certainly gives me insight

into what would drive a wedgebetween Kevin and Kerry.

By the way, she absolutelyhad an emotional affair

with her tile guy,
right?
Yeah.

No, there was something
going on there.
Yeah. 100%.

"We're just friends."

My ass, Kerry.
Yeah.

So insane.

We're -- We're gonna
keep watching, right?

We will never stop
watching that show.

♪♪

Oh, man, I am so sorry.

I totally Kool-Aid Mannedthrough your wall.

I think it's time
to face the fact

that you and Grahamcannot stay in this house.

You could stay at my place
with Sophie and I.

Not a chance.

I told you --
I can fend for myself.

Got it.

So, where are you
gonna stay?

♪♪

The rent is due
at the first of the month.

The quiet hours start
at 5:00 p.m.

and go till whenever
Tony blows the bugle.

There'll be no cartoons,
no loose toys,

no hands on the walls.

Good?

You got it, Douglas.

And you --
I can't emphasize

just how short a leash
you're on.

Thanks for taking us in.

I know it might sound weird
coming out of my mouth,

but you're a warm
and generous person.

Yeah, well, Poppy didn't
give me much of a choice,

and the girls in Group
backed her up, so...

Alright, here's where
you'll be sleeping.

The floor of the sauna?

I guarantee you that floor
is more expensive

than any bed
you've ever slept on.

It's okay, buddy.

Just temporary.

[ Sighs ]Poor bastards.

Had to learn
the hard way.

Next time,
hire professionals.

♪♪