Original subtitles

Angie: Shuttin' downyour ex-husband's wedding!

Now let's dish.

Okay, so, Will and Idrive up to the drive-through,

and who's there?

My ex. Graham's dad.

And how'd that deadbeat look?

Disgusting...ly hot!Ohh!

"Charlie's Angels"! Yeah.

Okay, and then Derek gave mehis e-mail address

on one of his old CDs.

What?! Angie, are you gonna use it?

Wait. Are we headed towards a "Thelma & Louise" situation?

No! I'm not gonna e-mailthat dummy. Okay.

Lookit!

Aaahhh! Aaahhh!

Okay, good, because you know how crazy he makes you.

One mention of something that happened nine years ago,

and you are in Obsessed Town.

Not anymore, okay?

Turns out all I had to do washave one last look at his face.

Mad closure. Good.

Can't wait to see what I blamemy problems on now.

Probably your mom. Yeah.

Prom.

Mm!

Hey. Hey.

Alright, well, you successfully rode out

your ex-husband's wedding,

so what do you say we leave?

Okay, come on, Douglas. Let's take a picture.

Eh --

O-Okay, but I refuse to do a fun one.

Hold up! Are we doing a group photo?

Miggy!

Miggy!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Dibs on the fake saxophone!Ooh.

Wait. You know what I just realized?

Sophie and Graham are at Space Camp,

Rory's going with Ronand Sharon on their honeymoon --

not a great sign --

and the twins are with their kinda hot grandma.

Are we looking at a kid-free summer?

Totally unprecedented.Oh, my God.

This'll have little effect on my day-to-day.

Guys? Really?I mean, Jack's not even 2.

I'll have himthe entire time.

A kid-free summer!

Dirty little secret?Yeah, yeah, yeah.Oh.

Shhh.

Okay, so, let's get some partieson the books, alright?

We can take turns hosting.That way, we can see each other.

Oh, I'll be seeing you.

Ohh. Okay.

Alright, guys, summer starts now!

Whoo!

--Captions by VITAC--

Oh! Hey, person who didn't think that I could pull off a party.

Well, check it. Here.

We have saltines, a nice spreadof breakfast cereal,

and some snacks that I've been collecting

from Southwest flights.

Nailed it.

Where's your, uh,

work boss/life girlfriend, Tracy Freeze?

Well, we've been hanging outquite a bit,

but we're keeping thingspretty casual right now.

And that is the perfect attitudefor the summer of freedom.

Summer! Summer!

Whoo!

This is the exact reason why we made

Angie and Will's List of Summer Fun!

Mm. Yes, yes, yes. Yes.

Shall we review?We shall.

I'm excited aboutthe wine tasting. Ooh!

I'm very excitedfor that pinball bar

where everybody's gonna be 23and, therefore, terrifying.

Karaoke. ♪ Duh! Our thing.

And I can finallyvisit the dog shelter

without having to worry about

Sophie's crippling bulldog allergy.

Yeah, what a drag. Yeah.

Ooh! And the crown jewel --

that Bavarian sausage house

where you getfree sausage for your birthday!

I don't know how I feel about lying.

My birthday's not until October.

Come on. You know the saying --

it's not summer unless you're lying to some Germans.

Gus: Hey, Angie.

Ah! Gus.

My friend andmy exterminator.

And you come bearing gifts.

He was raised right.

They're deviled eggs.

Some of them aren't good.

Oh, my... Good God.

Daaaamn!

I'm getting second-degree burnsfrom all that fire!

If that's the bad degree.

Oh! Have you two gone on a date yet?

No, Miggy.

I thought he was gonna ask me sooner, but I don't know.

I think he's just taking his time.

He's taking histime?

The Poppy I knowdoesn't wait for anybody.

That's why you're alwaysleaving me at the mall.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Jack! What'd I tell youabout the Sharpies?

The wall, man, not the mouth.

I'll get him.

Oh, man,this party is the pits.

No spread, no bartender, no live piano.

Dude, what's the deal?

Why haven't you asked out Poppy yet?

Well, if you must know,I'm gonna ask her tonight.

I just had to, you know,secure all the details.

You see, women arefearful creatures --

you know, skittish, like cats,

and if you put themin an unpredictable environment,

well, they panic.

That's why they want the manto make all the decisions.

They also hate the car.

Yeah, I get that.

But see, Poppy's a modernwoman.

She's not your usual type.

You're gonna need some new moves.

Eh.All women are the same.

O-O-Okay. Here she comes.

Watch and learn.

Okay, tagging you back in. Yeah.

He somehow took his diaper off

yet is still wearing his shorts.

Uh, Ms. Banks,I would like to inform you

of your plans next Wednesday.

Hey, do you want to go on a date?

W-Well, I...

Calendars...

appointments...

O-Okay, are you short-circuitingor what's...going...on?

Oh. Is it because a woman's asking you out?

No!

I-It's new.

But, uh, y-yes.

Yes.It would be my pleasure.

Good. Great.

Um, I'll pick you up Tuesday.

I know this great vegan joint.

Just kidding. We'll get steak.

Guess what. What?

That wine bar is havinga tasting tonight.

We could go straight from here.

Love it. Let's do it!

Okay!

Everyone out!

I'm doing something else now.

I mean it.

What?Oh, really?

This is it.

Yeah, sorry, I sort of meant,like, after the party,

but this is cool, too.

Uh, is that a CD shardin your pocket?

You know, just can't stopthinking about e-mailing Derek,

you know, just to yell at him one last time,

just hit him with the old "Yo, D-bag,

do you have any idea how --"

Mm.

Something is...

happening...inside me.

Feelings? Oh, yes.

Feelings.

I just got to... shove those back down.

Okay.

That was close.

Um...All better now.

No! Angie, you got tolet that bad stuff out.

It's likemy Nana always says --

if you don't let the steam outof the kettle, it gets too loud.

Well, your Nana was stupid!

Sorry.It's okay.

I'm not e-mailing Derek. End of story.

Alright.

But if I were,

you know it would be the e-mail of the century.

It would be eight years of rage.

I would find a way to use the word "butthole"

as a noun anda verb.

You're kind of obsessingabout this,

and I thinkyou need to write this e-mail.

Like, now.

Yes. Yeah.

You know what?

I can't let this hang over

Angie and Will's List of Summer Fun.

I'm gonna go destroy Derek.

Oh, what about the wine tasting?

How about I head over there now,get us a table,

strike up some heat with the server?

Meet you there. Yeah.

Summer!Summer! Summer!

Summer!!

Uh, sir, some of the patronsare complaining

that you look lonely.

My friend's coming.

That's the spirit, sir.

Both: Welcome to our party!

Please enjoy our selection offine organic California wines.

From all 58 counties of this great state.

Maybe skip the Fresno ones.

Enjoy.

I, for one, am trying them all.

I'm gonna...Yeah, would you?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Guy. Maybe go easy on the wine?

Ohhh! Mm.

Thanks for having me.

Of course.

Ourparty?

Seems like you and Tracy

have gotten serious this summer.

I don't know.

Is sex serious?

What?! Will Cooper.

Good for you!

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Summer lovin'. Yeah.Thank you. Mm-hmm.

Had a little of that myself.

Oh, that's right.Poppy's in the game!

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Where isDouglas, by the way?

How would I know?

You remember Gus, from Angie's party?

Can you believe she asked me out?

Love a woman that takes charge.

P.S. -- you havea serious silverfish situation.

Let's take a lap, Gus. Okay.

Angie. Hey.

Where have you been?

And are you wearingmaternity sweatpants?

C-Could you move it along? I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Okay, I haven't -- I haven'tseen you in like a month.

I feel like we havea lot to catch up on.

Have...you talked to Poppy about Douglas?

Oh, yeah.

She's...with Gus now.

And you didn't tell me?This is a major scandal.

If our friend group was America,

this would be on the coverof Peoplemagazine.

Okay, can we talk about this later?

I'm writing the e-mail to Derek.

Really? He wrote you back?What did he say?

No. I'm writing thee-mail to Derek.

Still?

How is that possible?

Because I-I need it to be perfect.

This is the last thing that I'mever gonna say to this jackass,

and I-I got to get it right.

Wait, I --

So, this is what you've beendoing for the entire month?

This is why we haven't doneour summer distraction plan --

the wine tastings, the visitto the Sriracha factory,

getting stoned on melatonin andgoing to the butterfly pavilion?

Could you take a look at this? I could use some feedback.

"Hey, bu--"

Oh.

Oh.

I don't feel comfortablereading this out loud.

Well, Ms. Banks,I...can't help but notice

you're attending this partywith Angie's exterminator.

Mm. Well, his name is Gus, and he's built like a house.

Poppy, Douglas, what's going onwith you two, huh?

Is it myfault?

Nothing's going on.Damn right.

Nothing's going on.

I can take a hint. Yeah?

I'm gonna go eat a corn chip.

Mm!

I don't get it.

You two were moonyfor each other at Angie's party.

I have to know what happened.

Tenant's rights.Alright, fine.

I didn't want to gossip about Douglas to our mutual friends,

but I need the support, so justpromise to be cool, okay?

Poppy, I don't have to promise to be cool.

I amcool.

Look at the angle of my hat.

Got it. Mm-hmm.

Alright, Douglas and I went on

the worstfirst date in American history.

At first, everything was going great.

And then what happened?

That's it. Never spoke again.

W-- That man IRL ghosted you,and you never got a reason?

We all know the reason, Miggy. It's because I asked him out.

That's all it took to sethis old-fashioned brain on fire

and send him running into the night.

I can't believe you actuallyhad to go through that.

Thank you.

And now I have to gomurder Douglas.

What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Just...leave him alone.

You know, the fact that he has to live the rest of his life as Douglas

is punishment enough.

Okay.

But only because you're a queen --

Mm....an icon, a survivor.

Yes.

Hey, don't freakin' look at her!

What -- What --

Miggy, Miggy.What's wrong with you?

Why aren't you laughing? This is the funny part.

I think I need a breakfrom this e-mail.

Maybe go watch some videosof otters holding hands.

Tracy: Oh, my God! Will!

We finally got the reservationat that Bavarian sausage place.

Awesome!Yeah.

Oh. Bavarian sausage place?Oh.

It's just partof this crazy list we made

to make sure that we havethe most fun summer ever.

We call it the Will and Tracy List of Summer Fun.

...Summer Fun.

Wow.

Cool.

And great name.

Love how it just says what it is.

Yeah.

Hey, Miggy.

Jack is in the yard, huh?Get in the game.

Oh, I'm sorry, Douglas, but I have to murder you now!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy!

How could you do Poppy dirtylike that?!

Hey! Relax!

Calm down. I --

I had a heart attack.

What? When?

Tony.

Cedars.

Oh, my God.

Douglas, here I thought you werethe worst person in the world.

You're a king, an icon,a survivor.

A-Alright. You don't have to throw me a parade.

Half of my friends survived a heart attack this summer.

The other half...

We have to tell Poppythe truth.

O-Oh-- N-No, no, no. You don't want -- Yes!

Okay, I'm sorry I'm doing

the Bavarian sausage thing with Tracy.

You are doing our entire list.

In the words ofmy ninth grade English teacher,

"You can't just writeyour name on the top ofsomeone else's work, Angie."

For the record, I called, I texted,

I liked all your tweets,

until I realized it was a different Angie.

I got nothing back. I got blown off for an e-mail.

An e-mail you convinced me to write.

Because I didn't knowit was gonna take you two months

to write it, okay?

You abandoned me.

No, no, no. Youabandoned me.

I warned you exactlyhow much rage was inside of me

and what would happenif it came out.

Okay? A-And notthat it mattered to you.

You were with Tracy, yoursupposedly casual girlfriend.

Well, we werecasual... a month ago.

And then you were gone, Sophie was gone,

so Tracy and I started hanging out,

and then the next thing I knew,I had a girlfriend.

So I did the list with her,but I wanted to do it with you!

Okay, see...

that right there.

That's our problem.

Wait, what is?

It's weird, right?

That I'm mad at youfor spending time with Tracy,

who you'rein a relationship with?

I'm just your mom-friend.

Angie, you know you're more than that.

Well...

I probably shouldn't be.

Have your summer with Tracy, okay?

Do -- Do the pinball bar.Get your fake birthday sausage.

I'll see you whenGraham and Sophie come back.

Will, your daughter gets biggerand more beautiful every year.

Well, Tony, I pulled out all the stops --

full pig, fat guy swinging firein the backyard,

and for what?

Poppy didn't even show up.

Well, at least yougot all dolled up.

You think she'll ever forgive me?

Don't answer that. I can't takeanother kick to the pills.

Together: ♪ Happy birthday

♪ Happy birthday to you

Why are they singing"Happy Birthday"?

It's not your birthday.

Yeah, but if we tell them it is,we get the meal for free.

Oh.

It's not summer unlessyou're lying to a German, right?

Wait, what?

Nothing.

Dig in.

Make a wish.

Hey.

I came 'cause I was at the Bavarian sausage place.

Way to rub it in!

No -- Sorry.

The point is,I was sitting there,

and I knew in my heart

that should have been our fake birthday sausage.

What about Tracy?

Tracy's great.

Frankly, it's nice to bein a good relationship for once.

But there is some stuffI just want to do with you.

The dumb stuff.

You're really good at the dumb stuff.

I'm sorry that...

I let an e-mail ruin our summer.

It's just...

I'd be writing it, you know, ripping him a new one,

and then... Yeah.

...I don't know.

All this deeper stuff started coming out.

Like, you know, how hard it washaving a baby on my own

and how, to this day, I stillhalf-expect everyone in my life

to just walk out on me.

It's why I can't bring myself to send it.

I never want stupid Derek to know how badly he hurt me.

Ever.

Angie,have you ever considered

that sharing your feelings isn't a sign of weakness?

Actually, no.

It's kind of yourjob to tell me stuff like that.

I'm just mad that Derek somehow managed to keep us

from our list.

Well,I got some news for you --

our kids don't get homefor a couple of hours.

Are you about to suggest that wego to Douglas' lame tiki party?

I am.

But first.

♪ Hot summer streets

♪ And the pavements are burning ♪

♪ I sit around

♪ Trying to smile

♪ But the air is so heavy and dry ♪

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Angie:♪ Strange voices are saying

♪ What did they say?

♪ ThingsI can't understand ♪

♪ It's too close for comfort ♪

♪ This heat has got right out of hand ♪

♪ It's a cruel

♪ It's a cruel!

♪ Cruel summer

♪ Leaving me here on my own

♪ It's a cruel

♪ It's a cruel!

♪ Cruel summer

♪ Now you're goooooooone

Ah.

Thank you, Jane.

What you did to"New York, New York" tonight

was nothing short of spectacular.

I didn't expect you to cry.

Mahalo.

I'm gonna make this quick.

I deserve an explanation.

Did you really ghost mebecause I asked you out?

Are you from horse times?

I-I thoughtyou were better than that.

At least with me.

I had a heart attack.

What?

What?!

Oh, my Go-- When?

On our date.

You were holding my hand,

and that's probably what brought it on.

That and the fact that I still hadn't used the StairMaster

from my 30th birthday.

Douglas, are you okay?

I'm getting there.

Right now, I'm on a...

plant-based diet.

For God's sakes, Douglas,why didn't you tell me?

Because I didn't want you to think of me as a weak old man, okay?

So you wanted me to think of youas a jerk instead?

A-A lot of people already think of me that way.

See, "jerk" is kind of where I live.

Look, buddy,

if we're gonna do this,you're gonna have to work on

your big boycommunication skills.

Listen, Poppy,under any normal circumstances,

I never would have left you on that date.

I was having the time of my life.

It wasa great half an appetizer.

Maybe if I'm lucky, you'll ask me out again.

I have a good feelingabout it.

Last night of summer.

You know what tomorrow means.

We're driving them, doing homework,

julienning their vegetables.

Backpacks full of exploded yogurt.

Their horrified screams

when they discover their artin the garbage.

Talking to parents that aren't us.

Again, I've been dealing with this the entire summer.

And I did a bad job.

Jack got smaller.

I had a greatsummer.

Tonight.

There's just one thing left on my list to do.

Oh, my God. Is sheabout to send that e-mail?

What e-mail?

Yep. I'm gonna do it.

I am going to truth-bomb my ex and never talk to him again.

Can you guys help me workshop some subject headings?

Send it.

Send it.Send it.

Together: Send it! Send it!

Send it! Send it!

Send it! Send it!

Yes!It's in the void.

Oh, we're so proud of you, girl.

That felt good.

I think I might ride this wave,like, into the new school year.

You know, turn over a new leaf.

Maybe date some new people, try some new things.

Like, I-I don't know, putting my grocery cart back!

Angie, that would be hugefor you.

It's not gonna be easy,but you guys will have my back.

See, this is gonna be a great fall.

And tomorrow, we get to go back

to doing what we do best --parenting.

We arepretty good at parenting, aren't we?

Best in the biz.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Uh, hello?!

No one was there to pick us up at the bus station!

Amy: We had to walk home!

We had to cross the freeway.

It was actually kinda fun, but that's not the point!

Seriously, we leave,and everything falls apart?

What have you people been doingwithout us?

Surpriiiise?

Together: Surprise!