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1
00:00:07,220 --> 00:00:09,340
So what happened after that?
2
00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:11,300
I was attacked.
3
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:12,740
I am so sorry.
4
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:14,500
By a mountain lion.
5
00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:16,140
Oh my God.
6
00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:17,740
Big, muscular guy.
7
00:00:17,740 --> 00:00:21,820
The park ranger said he was
attracted to my perfume.
8
00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:23,820
You know, I smelled that
when you came in.
9
00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:26,100
It was very unusual.
What is it?
10
00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:27,900
Mountain lion urine.
11
00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:29,100
Oh.
12
00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:31,860
Have you ever been taken from
behind by a mountain lion?
13
00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:35,380
I cannot say that I have.
14
00:00:35,420 --> 00:00:36,820
It wasn't half bad.
15
00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:42,540
We're going to need a lot
more sessions.
16
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,660
This changed me, Corey!
17
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:48,140
He dragged me to his cave!
18
00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,380
I've had worse dates.
19
00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:53,380
So, two times a week?
20
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,780
I never knew it could
be like that.
21
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:58,260
His tongue was like sandpaper.
22
00:00:58,980 --> 00:01:01,420
He polished me down there.
23
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:04,220
Like a bowling ball.
24
00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:07,220
Let's make it three.
25
00:01:07,260 --> 00:01:14,740
* * *
26
00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:47,420
[Locks door]
27
00:02:19,620 --> 00:02:22,660
Oh yes, yes!
28
00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:25,820
[Moaning]
29
00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:34,180
Almost, almost... yes! Yes!
30
00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:37,180
Was it worth the wait?
31
00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:45,940
Here - buy yourself
something pretty.
32
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:50,620
Oh - but hurry home, sweetie.
33
00:02:50,660 --> 00:02:52,460
I don't want to miss
"Housewives."
34
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:55,940
Yes, dear.
35
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:10,460
Excuse me - may I help you?
36
00:03:13,540 --> 00:03:15,980
I'd like to make an
appointment.
37
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:20,220
* * *
38
00:03:21,460 --> 00:03:22,780
Change!
39
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:26,180
Hey, buddy, you got a
little change?
40
00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:28,180
Actually, I gave at
the office.
41
00:03:28,220 --> 00:03:30,380
Really, coffee
business is that bad?
42
00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:31,740
Are you finally gonna do it?
43
00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:33,940
I have the rings right here.
44
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,300
You've been carrying them
around for three months!
45
00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:39,180
What are you waiting for,
man-opause?
46
00:03:40,060 --> 00:03:42,700
I'll do it before I'm 30!
47
00:03:42,740 --> 00:03:44,700
Three more months? Whatever!
48
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:46,700
It's got to be perfect!
49
00:03:46,740 --> 00:03:48,620
I actually have it
all mapped out.
50
00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:49,740
As usual!
51
00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,820
Kelse, this is a
once-in-a-lifetime thing.
52
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:53,660
Not for our parents.
53
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,140
Well, thank God I'm
not our parents!
54
00:03:55,180 --> 00:03:56,980
You're right, our parents
would never wear...
55
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,180
ZEBRA-STRIPED THONGS!
56
00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:00,460
Shut up!
57
00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:01,900
Poor little baby zebra,
58
00:04:01,940 --> 00:04:04,300
Oh, I bet his mommy misses it!
59
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:07,940
I actually freed the zebra,
about an hour ago.
60
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:11,380
At the office?
Dirty little whore!
61
00:04:11,420 --> 00:04:13,180
I know, it's unprofessional,
62
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,020
But my heart was in
the right place.
63
00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:17,020
Yeah, that's not your heart.
64
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:19,020
I believe it's
connected to my heart.
65
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:21,580
This "perfect moment" thing
has gone on long enough!
66
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:24,260
If you don't ask him tonight,
I'm going to ask him for you.
67
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:26,780
Don't, please, you're
going to mess it up.
68
00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:28,260
I will if you make me!
69
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:29,100
Ow, seriously?
70
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:31,100
I'm going to call
him at 6:00 AM.
71
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,860
Either I'll say
congratulations,
72
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:34,700
Or I'm popping the question.
73
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:37,620
Okay! I'll ask... him.
74
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:40,620
I'll ask him!
75
00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:42,620
Tonight? Pinky swear!
76
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,420
Don't wait for the
perfect moment.
77
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:47,860
Sometimes love happens when
you're making other plans.
78
00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:55,020
I don't, uh...
believe in zebras.
79
00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:57,140
Thongs, I don't wear...
80
00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:02,260
I hooked dad up with some
stuff to take care of it...
81
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,380
Babe, I'm home!
82
00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:13,700
Yeah mom, I'll tell him...
Yeah, I'll tell him.
83
00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:16,940
Mom says to tell you that
she loves you.
84
00:05:16,980 --> 00:05:19,900
And that the housewives are
shameless hussies.
85
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:22,860
Well, you tell that hussy
I love her too.
86
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:23,980
And dad!
87
00:05:23,980 --> 00:05:26,020
He loves you, too. And dad.
88
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,740
Yeah, dad, just as a friend.
89
00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:31,620
[Hangs up]
90
00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:35,700
Hey, where's dinner, I thought
you were going to make
91
00:05:35,740 --> 00:05:37,100
That French cuisine thing.
92
00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,420
Pigeon... foie gras!
93
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,100
The market was fresh out of
pigeon.
94
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,020
And I made brownies.
95
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:47,100
What are you, like, 15?
96
00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:49,940
From scratch, I'm
not a savage!
97
00:05:49,940 --> 00:05:51,220
There's an order to the
food universe.
98
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:53,940
Brownies are reserved for
special occasions.
99
00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:55,940
Parties, birthdays...
100
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,580
Well, we'll party on your
birthday, then.
101
00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:00,620
I've got soccer practice,
7:30.
102
00:06:00,620 --> 00:06:01,700
Dinner!
103
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:03,500
Relax - mama
ordered us a pizza.
104
00:06:03,540 --> 00:06:05,700
Well, I'm starving.
It better get here soon.
105
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,660
I've got something you
can snack on.
106
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,660
Oh, baby!
107
00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:13,940
[Sheep ringtone]
108
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:15,460
I have to take this.
109
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,660
I've got something you
have to take...
110
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:18,660
Give it a rest, this
is a client!
111
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,300
It's always a client.
112
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,460
Five minutes.
113
00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:27,020
Hello? Okay, calm down...
114
00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,820
No, it's fine that you called.
115
00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:30,980
Baby!
116
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:35,500
Woah, slow down!
Deep breaths...
117
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:38,540
Tell me what happened...
deep breaths...
118
00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:41,820
Okay, go to your happy place,
somewhere tropical...
119
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:42,900
Pizza!
120
00:06:42,940 --> 00:06:45,220
My wallet is in my
coat pocket!
121
00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:48,300
Alright, where are you?
Keep breathing...
122
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:50,100
[Knocking]
123
00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:52,100
- No it isn't!
- Yes it is!
124
00:06:52,140 --> 00:06:55,940
Keep breathing... Positively
fantasize, good.
125
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:57,620
And call me back in
five minutes.
126
00:06:57,660 --> 00:06:59,340
Alright, okay, bye.
127
00:06:59,340 --> 00:07:00,540
[Knocking]
128
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:01,820
You gonna get that?
129
00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:05,180
Oh, shoot, I'm sorry, I know
you hate it when I do that.
130
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:09,020
My wallet's actually
right here, in my...
131
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:10,220
Pants.
132
00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:12,740
Hey! Jumbo extra sausage?
133
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,180
Yes, please!
134
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:17,100
You're not the regular guy.
135
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:18,780
Yeah, Jimbo hurt his back.
136
00:07:18,820 --> 00:07:19,660
I can see why.
137
00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:22,260
Do I smell brownies?
138
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,980
Yeah - just, how much is this
gonna cost me?
139
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:28,020
It's all good, bro, I just
need to see the card.
140
00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:34,140
Alright, thank you guys so
much.
141
00:07:34,180 --> 00:07:35,660
Have a good night.
142
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:36,540
[Door slams]
143
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:39,220
"It's all good, bro?"
What an asshole!
144
00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:40,540
What's gotten into you?
145
00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:42,260
I'm more worried about who's
getting into you.
146
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:44,260
Why are you always flirting
with these straight guys?
147
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,260
I wasn't flirting, he just
wasn't what I expected.
148
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,460
I put the tip on the card.
149
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,900
What were the ones for,
a lap dance?
150
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:50,460
Woah, are you jealous?
151
00:07:50,460 --> 00:07:52,260
Of the pizza guy?
152
00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:55,340
I'd better get to practice, I
want to get an early start.
153
00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:57,460
There's some new plays I
need to learn, and...
154
00:07:58,580 --> 00:08:02,060
But we had plans - it
was date night.
155
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:03,460
You had plans.
156
00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:11,140
* * *
157
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,180
Keep that coming, my man!
158
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,740
I hate these places.
159
00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:48,780
A friend told me I should
get out more often.
160
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,660
You know, be more social.
161
00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:55,700
With a rack like that, you
don't exactly look
162
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:57,620
Like you have a hard time
making friends.
163
00:08:57,660 --> 00:08:58,700
Wow.
164
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,940
If you were hitting on me,
that's not a good open.
165
00:09:03,980 --> 00:09:04,700
Sorry.
166
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:08,540
It's been a long time
since I've, uh...
167
00:09:11,340 --> 00:09:16,060
- Fifteen years.
- Fifteen years?!
168
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,700
Jeez!
169
00:09:18,980 --> 00:09:20,340
Fifteen years ago, I
was like still...
170
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:21,780
Okay, I'm going to stop you
171
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:25,180
Before you tell me how old you
were when Kurt Cobain died.
172
00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:26,820
Who's Kurt Cobain?
173
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:30,980
Look at you!
174
00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,980
I asked for that.
175
00:09:33,020 --> 00:09:35,580
Let's start over.
Let me buy you a drink.
176
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,660
- They're real.
- What?!
177
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:52,460
Jesus, where have you been,
in prison?
178
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:55,220
In a relationship that
didn't involve boobs!
179
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,420
Yeah, me too!
180
00:09:57,420 --> 00:09:58,660
Awesome!
181
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,780
- Boom!
- Boom!
182
00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:05,220
- Boobs!
- Boobs!
183
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:10,300
And then, I got...
I got married.
184
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:14,460
When I was 23. Biggest
mistake of my life.
185
00:10:16,820 --> 00:10:20,260
I mean, he seemed perfect.
He was a musician.
186
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,380
He had lots of money.
187
00:10:23,340 --> 00:10:25,300
And I was so hot!
188
00:10:25,340 --> 00:10:28,220
And now, I'm alone, and...
189
00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:30,300
And you're still hot!
190
00:10:34,260 --> 00:10:37,220
I'll bet you say that to
all the girls.
191
00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:39,220
You'd be surprised.
192
00:10:39,260 --> 00:10:42,820
Okay... sailor!
193
00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:44,700
Surprise me!
194
00:10:46,740 --> 00:10:51,580
* * *
195
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:57,540
[Moaning]
196
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:01,260
Oh my... what?!
197
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:04,860
[Car horn]
198
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:13,660
Hey, slow... Jesus Christ!
199
00:11:15,140 --> 00:11:17,020
I'm not a grudge fuck!
200
00:11:23,340 --> 00:11:24,780
Where'd you go?
201
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:28,980
Where were you just now?
202
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:32,140
Usually you look into my eyes,
it's my favorite thing.
203
00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:34,980
It's when I feel most
connected to you.
204
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:36,380
I'm sorry, it...
205
00:11:36,420 --> 00:11:38,380
Are you still made about
the pizza guy?
206
00:11:38,420 --> 00:11:40,380
God no, I'm sorry for
being such a prick.
207
00:11:40,420 --> 00:11:41,820
No - it was all me.
208
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:45,340
All the pheremones, and the
brownies, and...
209
00:11:45,380 --> 00:11:47,660
The sausage fumes, I
just lost my head.
210
00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:49,660
Look, this was a
trainwreck night.
211
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:53,060
- Let's forget it happened.
- Definitely.
212
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,620
[Text message tone]
213
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:05,740
I think I know something that
might make it better.
214
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:08,420
There's something I
need to tell you.
215
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:10,780
- Corey...
- Jon...
216
00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:13,900
- Will you marry me?
- I think I'm bisexual.
217
00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:17,420
What? You're... wait.
218
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:22,380
You think you're - oh honey,
why would you think that?
219
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,340
What did you do?
220
00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:33,140
It's more of a "who."
221
00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:34,460
You cheated?!
222
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,420
Calm down, it's not like I
planned it, it just...
223
00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:38,300
Happened, and she was there...
224
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,860
SHE?! You put your... in a...
225
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:43,380
There is no way, there is
no fucking way.
226
00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:45,380
Come on, you know I dated
girls in high school.
227
00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:46,940
Bullshit!
I date girls in high school.
228
00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:48,020
We watched Buffy,
229
00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:50,260
And french-kissed posters of
James Van Der Beek.
230
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:52,060
Yeah, well on my dates, we
didn't watch Buffy!
231
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,460
How are you bi?
232
00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:56,100
You're like the least curious
person I've ever known.
233
00:12:56,140 --> 00:12:57,420
Would you just listen?
234
00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:59,460
No, I have literally no idea
who you are right now!
235
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,540
And who is this woman, that
you allegedly fucked?
236
00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:05,340
And does she know you're gay?
237
00:13:05,340 --> 00:13:06,940
Or maybe, like...
flexi-sexual.
238
00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:09,460
I'm not sure yet!
I don't want to define it!
239
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,140
Oh Jesus, no, that would mean
you'd have to make
240
00:13:11,180 --> 00:13:12,380
A commitment!
241
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:13,740
And there it is - you have
been pressuring me,
242
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:16,180
And nagging me, and
suffocating me...
243
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:18,060
So this is my fault?
I turned you bi?
244
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:19,420
I was upset!
245
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:22,460
I was drunk, and upset, and I
had... these feelings!
246
00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:23,980
Oh God no, feelings!
247
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:27,140
And these rings, and the pizza
guy, and you're always busy...
248
00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:33,700
Woah... rings?
249
00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:36,420
You knew?
250
00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:39,980
- Baby, I love you...
- Don't touch me.
251
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:44,540
You knew I was going to
propose to you.
252
00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:46,540
And you did this.
253
00:13:46,580 --> 00:13:48,220
I've got to hand it to you,
mister.
254
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:49,700
That is the most
creative fucking way
255
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:51,700
I've ever heard of
avoiding a proposal.
256
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:54,460
They are going to love this at
the gay bridal shop!
257
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,820
I was scared, okay?
I found them and freaked out.
258
00:13:57,860 --> 00:14:01,340
Everything just started
closing in on me!
259
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:03,340
Oh God, save me
from happiness!
260
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:05,340
Christ, I'm only 27!
261
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:07,900
I'm not ready to become my
goddamn parents,
262
00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:09,260
That's not what I want.
263
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,820
Then what do you want?
264
00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:11,940
I don't know!
265
00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:13,940
I don't have to fucking
know every moment!
266
00:14:13,980 --> 00:14:16,100
Every second of the rest of my
doesn't need
267
00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:17,780
To be planned out already!
268
00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:19,780
Well maybe you should
try it some time!
269
00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:22,540
If you planned harder, maybe
you wouldn't be some...
270
00:14:22,580 --> 00:14:25,580
Part-time, low-rent
gym trainer,
271
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:27,700
Who tripped and fell
into some pussy
272
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:31,260
On the most important
night of his life!
273
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,260
- Yeah, maybe it is.
- What?
274
00:14:33,260 --> 00:14:36,300
The most important night of my
life, the night I woke up.
275
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:40,220
To your love of seafood?
276
00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:43,340
- To you.
- Just go!
277
00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:45,380
You want out, you
get your wish!
278
00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:46,580
I'm going.
279
00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:48,580
Good - and take that AC/DC
bullshit with you.
280
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:50,980
And don't come back until
you're gay again!
281
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,500
Don't hold your breath.
282
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:58,420
[Door slams, rings clattering]
283
00:14:58,460 --> 00:15:02,380
[Alarm clock]
284
00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:33,340
* * *
285
00:15:33,380 --> 00:16:03,220
Asshole!
286
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:09,020
Come in...
287
00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:12,260
[Doorbell]
288
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:19,260
Come innnnn...
289
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:37,380
Come innnnnn!
290
00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:38,860
Veggie Delight?
291
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:42,860
More like veggie despair!
292
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:46,420
Oh. No brownies this time,
huh?
293
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:50,260
I gave them up.
They're bad for me.
294
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,060
I'm on a cleanse.
295
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:54,620
Pizza cleanse?
I want in on that.
296
00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:56,620
[Sniffling]
297
00:16:56,660 --> 00:16:59,780
I'm sorry, I'm a
bit of a mess.
298
00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:02,540
No, don't worry -
this one's on me.
299
00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:04,900
Oh, you don't have to do that.
300
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,100
No, I know. But I want to.
301
00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:08,820
I mean, hey - we're
practically buds,
302
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:10,380
It's the least I can do.
303
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,020
I do deserve a break today.
304
00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:15,020
Bon appetit!
305
00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:30,660
Feel better, okay?
306
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,940
I always hated that douche.
307
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:34,940
For two years, you've
been telling me,
308
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:37,220
"Jon is so great!
You should totally marry him!"
309
00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:38,700
And now he's a douche?
310
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:40,700
Whatever! Fuckin' "Jon."
311
00:17:40,740 --> 00:17:43,020
J-O-N. Where's his
fucking "H?"
312
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,340
Never date a guy who doesn't
know how to spell
313
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:46,500
His own name.
314
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:48,300
You loved him, and
you know it.
315
00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:51,020
Don't remind me!
316
00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:52,100
What?
317
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:55,140
Are you eating a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich?
318
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:56,100
Here we go.
319
00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:57,380
I am allergic!
320
00:17:57,420 --> 00:18:00,220
You're not allergic, you just
hate it, there's a difference.
321
00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:02,820
If I get around peanut butter,
I'm going to swell up
322
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:06,060
Bigger than Precious!
323
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:08,580
Crisis averted.
324
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,380
I just wanted it to
be perfect.
325
00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:14,140
The white picket fence... the
onyx dishwasher...
326
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:17,540
The brushed aluminum gourmet
vintage melon baller.
327
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:20,660
You know what?
Love is a delusional state.
328
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,700
Oh God, dial it back,
Black Swan.
329
00:18:23,740 --> 00:18:26,180
Life is a delusional state.
330
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:29,180
It's been a week, he should
be home by now.
331
00:18:29,220 --> 00:18:31,180
I didn't actually think he
was going to leave.
332
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:33,180
- When you kicked him out?
- Shut up.
333
00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:35,620
If he doesn't come back,
I'm moving in!
334
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:37,620
Fine, okay, whatever.
335
00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:54,060
* * *
336
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,660
I'm so glad you made it in,
finally.
337
00:18:57,660 --> 00:18:59,660
It's been two months!
338
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,660
I thought you moved.
339
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,660
I don't even know
where to begin!
340
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:06,300
I mean, it's been...
such a whirlwind!
341
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:08,140
A good whirlwind, I hope?
342
00:19:08,140 --> 00:19:11,660
- I met this guy...
- Excellent, tell me.
343
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:14,940
Yeah - I took your advice!
344
00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:19,700
I went out with the girls, and
we ended up at a bar.
345
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:23,420
He was so awkward, you know?
And like... cute!
346
00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:26,620
Muscly! And, um...
347
00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:29,580
He was really into me.
348
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:33,180
Melissa, how did that
make you feel?
349
00:19:33,220 --> 00:19:36,220
Amazing.
350
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:40,540
You don't know what it's like
to be alone, and then...
351
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:44,580
Suddenly be wanted.
352
00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:50,460
Well, tell me about him.
353
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,060
He's younger.
354
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,580
Okay.
355
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,620
He's a personal trainer.
356
00:19:56,620 --> 00:20:00,780
He's an athlete.
An amazing cook!
357
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:09,700
God, he makes the most
unbelievable brownies!
358
00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:12,100
Corey?
359
00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:14,620
Corey?
360
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,620
- Corey!
- Hi. Corey.
361
00:20:16,660 --> 00:20:18,900
- Yes!
- Melissa. Hi.
362
00:20:18,940 --> 00:20:24,220
I was, I was... just lost in a
thought, for a moment.
363
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:26,220
Boy, this guy sounds like
quite a catch!
364
00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:30,900
You sure there's not someone
else in his life?
365
00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:33,860
Oh, no - God, believe me!
366
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,260
We talked, about everything.
367
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,820
He's very open.
368
00:20:38,860 --> 00:20:41,100
Actually, the other night
he told me he'd
369
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,780
Been with both boys and girls.
370
00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:45,780
So he's bisexual?
371
00:20:45,820 --> 00:20:47,980
Um, he didn't want to
call it that, no.
372
00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:50,860
He said something like...
"sexy flexible?"
373
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:52,340
"Flexi-sexual?"
374
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:55,580
- Yeah!
- Oh! That didn't bother you?
375
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:56,940
- No!
- Just a little?
376
00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:58,340
- No!
- Just a little bit annoying?
377
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,340
Why would it bother me?
I mean, we all have a history.
378
00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:03,700
I experimented with
girls in college.
379
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:05,940
Now you're not - we'll
get back to that.
380
00:21:05,980 --> 00:21:08,860
Now, you're not worried
that he's, in the future,
381
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,900
Just going to up and leave
you for another guy?
382
00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:14,460
I'm not worried
about anything.
383
00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:17,500
For the first time in my life.
384
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:21,740
He's really into me.
And I'm really into him.
385
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:25,060
That's all I need for now.
386
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:30,780
You even said: stop obsessing!
And live in the moment!
387
00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:32,780
That's really good advice.
388
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:35,460
- I like my boobs now!
- That's great.
389
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:37,820
Yeah, because, um, well...
390
00:21:37,860 --> 00:21:41,260
- He's a boob man!
- No he's not... is he?
391
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,700
He loves boobs!
392
00:21:42,740 --> 00:21:45,460
He's probably an ass man, too.
393
00:21:45,460 --> 00:21:47,940
I told her I was glad
I could help.
394
00:21:47,980 --> 00:21:49,940
She needs me, she's
so vulnerable.
395
00:21:49,980 --> 00:21:51,940
She needs me for support.
396
00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:54,260
You just want to pump her
for information.
397
00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:57,980
Okay, okay, I'll refer her to
another therapist.
398
00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:59,980
I'll be out of town until
they break up.
399
00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:03,420
What if they don't?
400
00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:05,220
So, who is this guy?
401
00:22:05,260 --> 00:22:08,460
Online Love Match.
I have three matches!
402
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:10,260
Three? I'm surprised!
403
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:12,580
You're surprised I could
get three matches?
404
00:22:12,620 --> 00:22:15,660
I'm surprised there are three
guys using onine dating.
405
00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:18,740
The guys at the cafe all use
that smartphone gaydar.
406
00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:22,420
Oh, Grindr?
I don't need Grindr.
407
00:22:22,460 --> 00:22:26,060
I have three smokin'-hot guys
on the hook already.
408
00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:28,660
When are you seeing all these
smokin'-hot guys?
409
00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:29,940
Today.
410
00:22:29,940 --> 00:22:33,340
What, all at once?
You're not that limber!
411
00:22:33,340 --> 00:22:34,340
Not all at once.
412
00:22:34,380 --> 00:22:36,380
I've scheduled them in 30
minute increments,
413
00:22:36,380 --> 00:22:37,780
10 minutes apart.
The site recommended it,
414
00:22:37,820 --> 00:22:38,980
They said it's very...
415
00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:40,980
- Crazy!
- Efficient.
416
00:22:41,020 --> 00:22:44,020
I just want to kiss someone
on my birthday!
417
00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:46,020
One of these guys has
to work out.
418
00:22:46,060 --> 00:22:48,460
Which reminds me - what do you
want for your birthday?
419
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:50,500
I mean, besides cock.
420
00:22:50,540 --> 00:22:51,460
What?
421
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:54,020
It sounds so wrong coming
out of your mouth.
422
00:22:54,060 --> 00:22:56,180
So, who's the first guy?
423
00:22:56,220 --> 00:22:59,740
25. Gorgeous. Male model.
424
00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:00,940
Oh, you should see his
picture.
425
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:02,220
Very glamorous.
426
00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:04,700
Liberace took that photo
of me by his pool
427
00:23:04,740 --> 00:23:07,140
At his villa in Palm Springs.
428
00:23:07,180 --> 00:23:09,980
Your profile said you were 25?
429
00:23:10,020 --> 00:23:14,180
Yes, I was 25! When Liberace
took that photo.
430
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:17,020
Of course, now I deal
in antiques.
431
00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:19,500
You do like antiques,
don't you, Corey?
432
00:23:19,540 --> 00:23:21,100
I... am not sure.
433
00:23:21,140 --> 00:23:23,100
Oh, well you should, dear boy!
434
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:25,540
I mean, just today, I took in
a fine Chippendale
435
00:23:25,580 --> 00:23:26,980
That's centuries old!
436
00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:29,660
Of course, the drawers
are sagging a bit,
437
00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:31,660
And the poor, dried-out knobs!
438
00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:33,460
Practically falling off.
439
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:35,740
But there's nothing
quite as satisfying
440
00:23:35,780 --> 00:23:38,340
As spending hour after hour
441
00:23:38,340 --> 00:23:42,140
Lovingly polishing old wood.
442
00:23:42,180 --> 00:23:47,580
Working the moisture into
those musty cracks.
443
00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:52,220
So, when your profile said
"twice the man..."
444
00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:54,740
Identical twins. Yeah.
445
00:23:54,780 --> 00:23:56,500
We'll have you
coming and going.
446
00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:58,500
Well, fellas...
447
00:23:58,540 --> 00:24:01,540
Plural.
448
00:24:01,580 --> 00:24:03,380
This is a lot to take in.
449
00:24:03,420 --> 00:24:08,940
Oh, don't worry.
We'll make it fit.
450
00:24:08,940 --> 00:24:11,900
Ouch.
451
00:24:11,940 --> 00:24:13,700
Wow, you're really great.
452
00:24:13,740 --> 00:24:16,380
This is a relief - to go out
with a normal guy
453
00:24:16,380 --> 00:24:18,740
Who actually looks like his
profile picture.
454
00:24:18,780 --> 00:24:21,940
Oh my God! Tell me about it.
455
00:24:21,980 --> 00:24:27,140
So, Kyle - tell me
about yourself.
456
00:24:27,180 --> 00:24:31,180
I saw on your profile
you have a son?
457
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:36,340
I do.
Would you like to meet him?
458
00:24:36,380 --> 00:24:39,580
Sure - I mean, definitely,
yeah, at some point.
459
00:24:39,620 --> 00:24:42,900
Well, I mean I ordinarily like
to take it slow,
460
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:45,780
But I don't know, this
just feels...
461
00:24:45,820 --> 00:24:47,780
Right.
462
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:50,780
Why wait?
463
00:24:50,820 --> 00:24:56,420
Corey, meet Gary.
464
00:24:56,460 --> 00:24:57,700
Gary?
465
00:24:57,740 --> 00:25:01,460
Are you gonna be my new daddy?
466
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:07,940
I'm a growing boy, and I need
a strong male role model.
467
00:25:07,980 --> 00:25:10,140
Wow, okay, so you're
a puppeteer!
468
00:25:10,180 --> 00:25:12,940
That is so great.
469
00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:16,460
Puppeteer?
470
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:20,620
It's happening again.
He's just like all the others.
471
00:25:20,660 --> 00:25:22,780
He doesn't think I'm real.
472
00:25:22,820 --> 00:25:27,860
You know how ANGRY I get when
people don't think I'm real...
473
00:25:27,900 --> 00:25:29,860
I get all STABBY!
474
00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:31,220
[Gary screaming]
475
00:25:31,220 --> 00:25:32,620
No, Corey's not like
all the others!
476
00:25:32,660 --> 00:25:33,500
Are you, Corey?
477
00:25:33,540 --> 00:25:35,700
No no, I'm not like
all the others!
478
00:25:35,740 --> 00:25:45,260
[Screaming]
479
00:25:45,300 --> 00:25:48,940
This has been really nice -
you're so good with Gary.
480
00:25:48,980 --> 00:25:51,740
I'll call you!
481
00:25:51,780 --> 00:25:53,540
Dammit.
482
00:25:53,580 --> 00:25:55,180
He was so cute.
483
00:25:55,180 --> 00:25:57,740
Do you suppose I could get
conjugal visits?
484
00:25:57,780 --> 00:26:01,340
With him, or the puppet?
485
00:26:01,380 --> 00:26:05,100
I am officially destined to
be alone forever.
486
00:26:05,140 --> 00:26:09,980
For the love of - would you
give me your phone?
487
00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:14,260
Gimme!
488
00:26:14,300 --> 00:26:17,140
Is your password still
"Dongmaster82?"
489
00:26:17,180 --> 00:26:20,220
Wow, just tell the whole
world, why don't you?
490
00:26:20,260 --> 00:26:24,140
Here you go.
Welcome to the 21st Century.
491
00:26:24,140 --> 00:26:26,140
Have fun!
492
00:26:26,140 --> 00:26:28,740
Have fun with what?
493
00:26:28,780 --> 00:26:45,660
Oh! Oh...
494
00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:48,860
Maybe... yes!
495
00:26:48,900 --> 00:26:51,300
Ooh, a fireman!
496
00:26:51,300 --> 00:26:54,180
I'm 200 feet away
from a fireman!
497
00:26:54,220 --> 00:26:56,780
I bet I got some matches
around here somewhere.
498
00:26:56,820 --> 00:26:59,140
Do not set fire to my cafe!
499
00:26:59,140 --> 00:27:01,140
Okay, buzzkill.
500
00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:08,020
No, no... ooh, maybe.
501
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:12,020
No, no!
502
00:27:12,060 --> 00:27:14,620
Oh, yeah... oh my God, yes!
503
00:27:14,660 --> 00:27:15,380
What?
504
00:27:15,420 --> 00:27:17,380
It's him, it's him! He's gay!
505
00:27:17,420 --> 00:27:18,780
- And single.
- Who?
506
00:27:18,820 --> 00:27:21,820
I have to go, he's 100 feet
away, on the move!
507
00:27:21,860 --> 00:27:47,740
* * *
508
00:27:47,780 --> 00:27:49,940
I zigged, when I
should've zagged.
509
00:27:49,980 --> 00:27:51,940
Did you catch the fireman?
510
00:27:51,980 --> 00:27:53,060
Better!
511
00:27:53,100 --> 00:27:55,260
What's better than a fireman?
512
00:27:55,260 --> 00:27:57,100
A pizza guy.
513
00:27:57,100 --> 00:28:00,900
Did you hit your head
or something?
514
00:28:00,940 --> 00:28:02,220
It says he's looking for
515
00:28:02,260 --> 00:28:04,220
"Friendship, love,
or whatever."
516
00:28:04,260 --> 00:28:06,220
That's very specific.
517
00:28:06,260 --> 00:28:08,220
Hey - I know this guy! Pete!
518
00:28:08,260 --> 00:28:10,220
Triple Venti soy
caramel macchiato!
519
00:28:10,260 --> 00:28:12,900
He comes to Thursday
night Poetry Night.
520
00:28:12,940 --> 00:28:14,420
He's a great read.
521
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:17,100
- Well I love poetry!
- You? Since when?
522
00:28:17,140 --> 00:28:19,180
Since... what time is it now?
523
00:28:19,220 --> 00:28:26,260
People look at me like being a
lesbian is a fashion craze,
524
00:28:26,300 --> 00:28:30,580
When being a lesbian
is my TRUTH!
525
00:28:30,620 --> 00:28:34,620
I lick vagina, and I LOVE IT!
526
00:28:34,660 --> 00:28:36,420
[Bongos]
527
00:28:36,460 --> 00:28:40,020
My aching sadness
echoes endlessly,
528
00:28:40,060 --> 00:28:44,780
Like the DRIP, DRIP, DRIP of
the raindrops flow.
529
00:28:44,820 --> 00:28:48,900
My bitter tears bleed, down in
the puddles
530
00:28:48,940 --> 00:28:51,780
Of the cruel, cracked streets!
531
00:28:51,820 --> 00:28:57,260
[Grindr message tone]
532
00:28:57,260 --> 00:29:00,900
My heart... MENSTRUATES
533
00:29:00,940 --> 00:29:03,780
Looooong and loney
534
00:29:03,820 --> 00:29:07,780
Under the hangdog
moon BELOOOOW!
535
00:29:07,820 --> 00:29:14,220
[Grindr message tones]
536
00:29:14,260 --> 00:29:18,780
My lithe loins birth
a pale horse.
537
00:29:18,820 --> 00:29:23,660
[Grindr message tones]
538
00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:31,020
Born of bitter PAIN
and WOOOOOEEEE!
539
00:29:31,060 --> 00:29:33,020
[Grindr message tones]
540
00:29:33,060 --> 00:29:41,100
[Corey and Pete laughing]
541
00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:44,820
MOTHER GAIA, LET MY PEOPLE GO!
542
00:29:44,860 --> 00:29:50,900
[Snapping]
543
00:29:50,940 --> 00:29:52,380
That's my sister!
544
00:29:52,420 --> 00:29:53,940
- Kelsey?
- Yeah
545
00:29:53,980 --> 00:29:55,380
Oh man, she's really cool.
546
00:29:55,420 --> 00:29:56,780
She taught me how to read.
547
00:29:56,820 --> 00:30:00,140
My first book was "Our Bodies,
Ourselves."
548
00:30:00,180 --> 00:30:02,140
Where are you going?
549
00:30:02,180 --> 00:30:04,620
And now, everybody,
here's Pete!
550
00:30:04,660 --> 00:30:07,220
Here's Pete, everybody!
Thank you.
551
00:30:07,260 --> 00:30:16,460
[Snapping]
552
00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:18,940
There is a place
beyond desire,
553
00:30:18,980 --> 00:30:21,220
Beyond wanting and need.
554
00:30:21,260 --> 00:30:27,060
We join, man to man,
hand to hand,
555
00:30:27,100 --> 00:30:30,300
Strength to strength.
556
00:30:30,340 --> 00:30:35,260
Forever in you, forever in me.
557
00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:36,940
Thank you.
558
00:30:36,980 --> 00:30:39,340
[Snapping]
559
00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:40,580
YES!
560
00:30:40,620 --> 00:30:47,700
[Corey claps, then snaps]
561
00:30:47,740 --> 00:30:49,940
I've never seen you at
this thing before!
562
00:30:49,940 --> 00:30:51,380
Are you a poetry lover?
563
00:30:51,420 --> 00:30:54,660
Well, I... not exactly.
564
00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:56,660
I'm a little behind
on my reading.
565
00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:58,660
Why, what's the last
thing you read?
566
00:30:58,700 --> 00:31:01,340
"Poor Little Bitch Girl,"
by Jackie Collins.
567
00:31:01,380 --> 00:31:05,020
- So you're into the classics.
- Definitely.
568
00:31:05,060 --> 00:31:09,380
I'm just a lit nerd, I've
always got my face in a book.
569
00:31:09,420 --> 00:31:11,620
- I even write a little bit.
- Nice!
570
00:31:11,660 --> 00:31:14,020
Not what you expected?
571
00:31:14,060 --> 00:31:15,740
Well, when it comes to you,
572
00:31:15,780 --> 00:31:18,900
I'm learning to expect
the unexpected.
573
00:31:18,940 --> 00:31:20,900
My uncle actually owns
the pizzeria.
574
00:31:20,940 --> 00:31:24,660
Once his heart started going
bad, I had to help out.
575
00:31:24,700 --> 00:31:27,900
Besides, grad school's a
little pricey.
576
00:31:27,940 --> 00:31:29,900
I had no idea.
577
00:31:29,940 --> 00:31:31,980
Hey, do you think you'd
want to go to...
578
00:31:32,020 --> 00:31:33,780
[Phone ringing]
579
00:31:33,820 --> 00:31:38,380
Oh, duty calls!
I've actually gotta run.
580
00:31:38,420 --> 00:31:40,860
But, I'd love to talk
some more sometime.
581
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:45,660
Yeah - you know
where to find me.
582
00:31:45,660 --> 00:31:49,260
Sure do!
Alright, I'll see you soon.
583
00:31:49,260 --> 00:32:06,820
I'm... Corey.
584
00:32:06,860 --> 00:32:10,260
- She's pretty.
- Yeah, she was.
585
00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:12,860
What's her name?
586
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:15,860
Ask me a question I
can answer.
587
00:32:15,900 --> 00:32:35,980
Um, your name?
588
00:32:35,980 --> 00:32:38,980
So, you bag that
poetic Paisano yet?
589
00:32:38,980 --> 00:32:43,060
Who, Pete? No. I...
590
00:32:43,100 --> 00:32:46,180
He wouldn't be interested
in me, not really.
591
00:32:46,220 --> 00:32:47,420
Are you kidding me?
592
00:32:47,420 --> 00:32:49,140
I saw the way he
looked at you.
593
00:32:49,180 --> 00:32:51,340
Yeah, and you also saw what
happened with Jon!
594
00:32:51,380 --> 00:32:52,940
How do I know this
guy's even gay?
595
00:32:52,980 --> 00:32:55,460
He's on Grindr!
He's gay enough.
596
00:32:55,460 --> 00:32:59,660
Get on that thing and grind!
597
00:32:59,700 --> 00:33:04,740
So, the divorce is
finally taken care of.
598
00:33:04,780 --> 00:33:10,620
So how are you doing with the,
um... boyfriend?
599
00:33:10,660 --> 00:33:12,980
I'm surpised I can even walk.
600
00:33:12,980 --> 00:33:13,980
What?
601
00:33:14,020 --> 00:33:17,380
I pulled a hamstring.
We went hiking.
602
00:33:17,420 --> 00:33:22,420
How, um... how is he?
603
00:33:22,460 --> 00:33:23,860
What do you mean?
604
00:33:23,900 --> 00:33:28,380
What do I mean? I mean...
605
00:33:28,420 --> 00:33:32,100
I mean, how is he
with... all of this.
606
00:33:32,100 --> 00:33:36,660
Oh, well - he's the best
I've ever had.
607
00:33:36,700 --> 00:33:40,380
He is like... one of
those army knives.
608
00:33:40,420 --> 00:33:42,700
Of sexual positions.
609
00:33:42,740 --> 00:33:45,060
I meant more feelings, but...
610
00:33:45,100 --> 00:33:48,620
I literally had no idea some
of these sexual positions
611
00:33:48,660 --> 00:33:50,020
Even existed.
612
00:33:50,060 --> 00:33:56,180
The Tokyo Swirl.
613
00:33:56,220 --> 00:33:58,820
The Slap Chop!
614
00:33:58,860 --> 00:34:01,500
God, that was a scary one!
615
00:34:01,540 --> 00:34:08,260
The Bird of Paradise.
616
00:34:08,300 --> 00:34:11,340
One-Legged King Pigeon.
617
00:34:11,380 --> 00:34:12,620
From the side!
618
00:34:12,660 --> 00:34:14,620
I... I don't need to...
619
00:34:14,660 --> 00:34:18,660
Downward-Facing Dong.
620
00:34:18,700 --> 00:34:21,820
One time, we even did
it on my desk.
621
00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:22,540
Desk?
622
00:34:22,580 --> 00:34:24,340
I know, right?
623
00:34:24,380 --> 00:34:27,340
I'm starting to get a little
bit of a migraine.
624
00:34:27,380 --> 00:34:29,140
[Text message tone]
625
00:34:29,180 --> 00:34:31,820
Ooh, I think that's him!
Speak of the devil.
626
00:34:31,860 --> 00:34:33,700
Oh, he wants tacos.
627
00:34:33,740 --> 00:34:34,860
[Text message tone]
628
00:34:34,860 --> 00:34:38,220
No, wait - hot dogs!
He can never decide!
629
00:34:38,260 --> 00:34:40,020
Yeah, listen -
630
00:34:40,060 --> 00:34:42,260
I am going to be really
booked-up
631
00:34:42,300 --> 00:34:43,660
For the next few weeks.
632
00:34:43,700 --> 00:34:48,940
There's a... conference.
633
00:34:48,940 --> 00:34:51,820
So my colleague is going to
fill in for me.
634
00:34:51,860 --> 00:34:53,820
All you have to do
is call her.
635
00:34:53,860 --> 00:34:56,740
Her number's right here.
636
00:34:56,780 --> 00:35:04,300
And she's going to take
great care of you.
637
00:35:04,340 --> 00:35:06,300
Well, I'll try.
638
00:35:06,340 --> 00:35:09,060
But after being with you,
639
00:35:09,100 --> 00:35:17,540
Anybody else is a pretty
poor substitute.
640
00:35:17,580 --> 00:35:19,740
Looks like your
ball's hurting.
641
00:35:19,740 --> 00:35:23,580
You don't know the half of it.
642
00:35:23,580 --> 00:35:31,540
Ahh!
643
00:35:31,580 --> 00:35:33,460
Woah, collision!
644
00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:36,020
Oh, the humanity!
645
00:35:36,060 --> 00:35:38,220
Man, I did not expect
to see you here.
646
00:35:38,260 --> 00:35:40,020
Yeah, obviously.
647
00:35:40,060 --> 00:35:43,020
I sent your goodies
flying everywhere.
648
00:35:43,060 --> 00:35:47,020
So sorry - wow, this is a
lot of pretzels!
649
00:35:47,060 --> 00:35:49,940
204 - not that I've counted.
650
00:35:49,940 --> 00:35:51,540
Two hundred and...?
651
00:35:51,580 --> 00:35:53,340
Four.
Each time, every time.
652
00:35:53,380 --> 00:35:55,540
If there's less than that,
I take them back.
653
00:35:55,580 --> 00:35:58,580
What if there's more?
654
00:35:58,580 --> 00:36:00,540
Just hold tight - I'll
grab another bag.
655
00:36:00,580 --> 00:36:10,260
I'll be right back.
656
00:36:10,300 --> 00:36:15,220
I just lost count - what
number am I on?
657
00:36:15,260 --> 00:36:17,300
78.
658
00:36:17,340 --> 00:36:18,860
112.
659
00:36:18,900 --> 00:36:21,260
Down the hatch, 78!
660
00:36:21,300 --> 00:36:24,140
[Grindr message tones]
661
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:25,380
Popular!
662
00:36:25,420 --> 00:36:29,860
Yeah, you know me, Mr. Love.
663
00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:32,900
It's probably just my sister
punking me again.
664
00:36:32,940 --> 00:36:34,900
I've actually met a lot of
cool people on that.
665
00:36:34,940 --> 00:36:37,900
Mainly I just use it to
connect with friends,
666
00:36:37,940 --> 00:36:39,580
And people I care about.
667
00:36:39,620 --> 00:36:42,140
What about you?
Do you hook up often?
668
00:36:42,180 --> 00:36:43,940
Me? Uh, me?
669
00:36:43,980 --> 00:36:45,900
You know, like once
or twice a...
670
00:36:45,940 --> 00:36:48,460
- day?
- decade. Day-cade.
671
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:50,980
- Yeah right!
- What about you?
672
00:36:51,020 --> 00:36:55,020
I guess I'm just a little
bit of a romantic.
673
00:36:55,060 --> 00:36:57,020
I just want to allow
things to happen.
674
00:36:57,060 --> 00:37:01,580
Besides, love can't be
planned, right?
675
00:37:01,620 --> 00:37:04,980
Right? Right! Me too.
676
00:37:04,980 --> 00:37:10,020
Planning, pshh!
I don't even believe in that.
677
00:37:10,020 --> 00:37:12,500
Like for example, my
birthday's coming up
678
00:37:12,540 --> 00:37:13,540
In a few weeks,
679
00:37:13,580 --> 00:37:15,340
I'm super casual about it.
680
00:37:15,380 --> 00:37:17,740
I'm not even going to
celebrate it.
681
00:37:17,780 --> 00:37:19,700
Oh, come on!
You have to celebrate!
682
00:37:19,740 --> 00:37:20,940
Nope.
683
00:37:20,980 --> 00:37:23,820
Well, if it's not too forward,
do you want to do
684
00:37:23,860 --> 00:37:32,180
Something together?
685
00:37:32,220 --> 00:37:34,540
Please tell me you don't
have a puppet.
686
00:37:34,580 --> 00:37:36,580
- What?
- Or a twin.
687
00:37:36,620 --> 00:37:39,580
I'm an only child, and puppets
kind of give me the creeps.
688
00:37:39,580 --> 00:37:43,020
Me too... now.
689
00:37:43,060 --> 00:37:45,700
You're sure you're really gay?
690
00:37:45,740 --> 00:37:49,620
I checked... really
thoroughly.
691
00:37:49,660 --> 00:37:51,060
See, you're funny, too!
692
00:37:51,060 --> 00:37:53,300
Why aren't you married,
or taken,
693
00:37:53,340 --> 00:37:56,420
Or being ravaged by 100
guys a night?
694
00:37:56,460 --> 00:37:59,900
I doubt I could keep up with
100, but I don't know.
695
00:37:59,940 --> 00:38:01,900
The first day or two
would be fun!
696
00:38:01,940 --> 00:38:07,020
- But after that...
- Shut up.
697
00:38:07,060 --> 00:38:10,100
- You want the truth?
- Yeah.
698
00:38:10,140 --> 00:38:11,780
I just really
haven't had time.
699
00:38:11,820 --> 00:38:16,020
My uncle requires a
lot of care.
700
00:38:16,060 --> 00:38:18,020
Relationships can
just be so...
701
00:38:18,060 --> 00:38:25,740
- complicated.
- Oh yeah.
702
00:38:25,780 --> 00:38:28,820
I'll give you a dollar if you
can catch this in your mouth.
703
00:38:28,860 --> 00:38:31,660
Bring it on!
704
00:38:31,700 --> 00:38:37,100
Ahh, no!
705
00:38:37,140 --> 00:38:39,740
So, Bill was pouring the rum,
706
00:38:39,780 --> 00:38:41,540
And I said to him,
707
00:38:41,580 --> 00:38:46,660
"Well yes, I would like a
little Captain in me."
708
00:38:46,700 --> 00:38:50,820
So he rolled me over, bent me
over that big space chair,
709
00:38:50,860 --> 00:38:53,900
And we went at it -
warp speed ahead!
710
00:38:53,940 --> 00:38:55,540
Completely out of the blue?
711
00:38:55,580 --> 00:38:57,060
Completely out of the blue.
712
00:38:57,060 --> 00:38:59,820
Some of the best times
I've ever had
713
00:38:59,860 --> 00:39:01,980
Are completely out
of the blue.
714
00:39:02,020 --> 00:39:05,740
You've got to roll
with the changes.
715
00:39:05,780 --> 00:39:08,580
Leap before you
look sometimes!
716
00:39:08,620 --> 00:39:13,940
Bone a spaceman or two!
717
00:39:13,940 --> 00:39:16,460
So, what's my penance?
718
00:39:16,500 --> 00:39:20,940
Millie, we've been over this.
You know I'm not a priest.
719
00:39:20,980 --> 00:39:23,460
Besides, there's no crime in
giving yourself over
720
00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:29,260
To the love of... a starship
captain... commander.
721
00:39:29,260 --> 00:39:30,580
All of them!
722
00:39:30,620 --> 00:39:32,060
That's a relief.
723
00:39:32,100 --> 00:39:48,700
You should hear what I did to
Dr. Spork!
724
00:39:48,740 --> 00:39:51,460
Wow!
725
00:39:51,500 --> 00:39:53,260
All this for lunch?
726
00:39:53,300 --> 00:39:56,220
My cleaning lady's a klepto.
727
00:39:56,220 --> 00:39:58,220
Sure you're not just
addicted to work?
728
00:39:58,220 --> 00:40:00,900
Hey, I'll do the analyzing
around here, mister!
729
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:03,980
- Where are we going?
- That's a surprise.
730
00:40:04,020 --> 00:40:07,260
I'm not super-big on surpises.
731
00:40:07,260 --> 00:40:18,820
You're going to like this one.
732
00:40:18,860 --> 00:40:22,060
Wow... so this is lunch?
733
00:40:22,100 --> 00:40:25,260
It's no fancy restaurant,
I know.
734
00:40:25,300 --> 00:40:27,820
But I wanted to share
this with you.
735
00:40:27,860 --> 00:40:30,820
Oh God, It's beautiful!
736
00:40:30,820 --> 00:40:32,100
Epic!
737
00:40:32,140 --> 00:40:38,220
And I cannot stand that word,
but this is truly...
738
00:40:38,260 --> 00:40:40,660
Epic.
739
00:40:40,700 --> 00:40:42,100
It's my refuge.
740
00:40:42,140 --> 00:40:45,620
It makes me feel centered.
741
00:40:45,660 --> 00:40:47,300
No matter what's going on,
742
00:40:47,340 --> 00:40:53,740
Everything's going
to be alright.
743
00:40:53,740 --> 00:40:58,740
I need to feel that.
744
00:40:58,780 --> 00:41:01,700
Look, I know you've been hurt,
and I don't want to...
745
00:41:01,740 --> 00:41:09,180
That was all in the past.
746
00:41:09,220 --> 00:41:13,860
I was with my ex for
a long time.
747
00:41:13,860 --> 00:41:18,140
I knew it was over
before he did.
748
00:41:18,180 --> 00:41:21,900
When a man loves you, it's
right there in his eyes.
749
00:41:21,940 --> 00:41:23,940
When he looks at you,
750
00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:31,900
You can tell you're like
breathing to him.
751
00:41:31,940 --> 00:41:33,900
Hey, let's chow down!
752
00:41:33,940 --> 00:41:35,900
I've got some great
food for us.
753
00:41:35,940 --> 00:42:49,020
* * *
754
00:42:49,020 --> 00:42:51,860
So...
755
00:42:51,900 --> 00:42:56,060
Yeah.
I should probably get going.
756
00:42:56,060 --> 00:42:59,140
Yeah.
757
00:42:59,180 --> 00:43:35,100
I might want to be too...
758
00:43:35,140 --> 00:45:32,260
* * *
759
00:45:32,300 --> 00:45:34,420
A three-layer birthday
ice cream cake
760
00:45:34,420 --> 00:45:36,900
That says, "Happy
Birthday Corey."
761
00:45:36,940 --> 00:45:38,660
Big old letters!
762
00:45:38,700 --> 00:45:41,580
No, no, that's "Corey,"
with an E-Y.
763
00:45:41,620 --> 00:45:43,900
Okay, Friday? That's perfect,
764
00:45:43,900 --> 00:45:54,260
Yes, I'm sure Corey's going to
be very surprised.
765
00:45:54,300 --> 00:45:57,780
Look at you, the hot
mess express!
766
00:45:57,820 --> 00:46:00,060
Yep!
767
00:46:00,100 --> 00:46:01,580
I'm so proud of you!
768
00:46:01,620 --> 00:46:03,300
You've come so far from the
tight-ass lunatic
769
00:46:03,340 --> 00:46:04,340
I grew up with.
770
00:46:04,380 --> 00:46:06,340
I'm pretty much
Mr. Adventure now.
771
00:46:06,380 --> 00:46:08,340
Don't get hung up on labels.
772
00:46:08,380 --> 00:46:10,340
Friendship, love, or...
whatever.
773
00:46:10,380 --> 00:46:12,220
Excellent!
774
00:46:12,260 --> 00:46:13,500
Which reminds me...
775
00:46:13,540 --> 00:46:16,260
I want to talk to you about
the birthday schedule.
776
00:46:16,300 --> 00:46:18,300
I need you to be out of the
house midnight
777
00:46:18,300 --> 00:46:19,500
The night before,
778
00:46:19,500 --> 00:46:21,500
So I can get my birthday
kiss from Pete.
779
00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:23,060
The following day...
780
00:46:23,100 --> 00:46:24,340
Yeah, I'll read it over.
781
00:46:24,340 --> 00:46:26,060
Please initial
where the Xs are.
782
00:46:26,100 --> 00:46:28,060
- Freak!
- I was kidding!
783
00:46:28,100 --> 00:46:32,380
I doubt it.
784
00:46:32,380 --> 00:46:39,380
I emailed you a copy.
785
00:46:39,420 --> 00:46:41,380
See you next week!
786
00:46:41,420 --> 00:46:44,700
Corey!
Hi, do you have a minute?
787
00:46:44,740 --> 00:46:47,300
Hi Melissa - no, I'm
on my way out.
788
00:46:47,340 --> 00:46:48,620
It'll just take five minutes.
789
00:46:48,660 --> 00:46:50,620
I didn't have anyone
else to turn to,
790
00:46:50,660 --> 00:46:53,340
And you're the only one that
would understand.
791
00:46:53,380 --> 00:46:55,340
Come on in.
792
00:46:55,380 --> 00:46:57,940
I'm sorry to corner you
like this, it's just
793
00:46:57,940 --> 00:47:00,140
I called that
referral you gave me!
794
00:47:00,140 --> 00:47:02,140
And she wouldn't understand!
795
00:47:02,140 --> 00:47:03,700
It's my boyfriend.
796
00:47:03,740 --> 00:47:07,060
I think...
797
00:47:07,100 --> 00:47:08,860
He's cheating.
798
00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:13,380
This is the, uh...
bisexual guy?
799
00:47:13,420 --> 00:47:15,380
- "Flexi."
- Really? Still?
800
00:47:15,420 --> 00:47:17,460
That's okay.
801
00:47:17,460 --> 00:47:20,860
Why do you think he's
being unfaithful?
802
00:47:20,900 --> 00:47:24,580
Um, I don't know if
unfaithful is the word.
803
00:47:24,620 --> 00:47:29,100
Um, I don't know exactly
HOW TO PUT IT INTO WORDS!
804
00:47:29,100 --> 00:47:30,900
- I just...
- Okay, slow down.
805
00:47:30,940 --> 00:47:32,900
Take it easy.
Tell me what he did.
806
00:47:32,940 --> 00:47:37,860
We've been arguing, and he
keeps making these excuses
807
00:47:37,900 --> 00:47:39,660
To not be with me.
808
00:47:39,700 --> 00:47:49,020
He just looks at me
differently.
809
00:47:49,020 --> 00:47:49,820
Jon!
810
00:47:49,860 --> 00:47:53,660
What?
How did you know I was here?
811
00:47:53,700 --> 00:47:57,260
I... I saw your minivan.
812
00:47:57,260 --> 00:47:59,220
I'm sorry about earlier.
Can we talk?
813
00:47:59,260 --> 00:48:09,460
Well... yeah!
814
00:48:09,500 --> 00:48:11,940
Corey, thank you, so much.
815
00:48:11,980 --> 00:48:15,620
I didn't mean to take
advantage of you,
816
00:48:15,660 --> 00:48:17,380
I appreciate you listening.
817
00:48:17,420 --> 00:48:46,860
I really appreciate
our friendship.
818
00:48:46,900 --> 00:48:50,340
- Who died?
- I'll take a shot of whiskey.
819
00:48:50,380 --> 00:48:52,580
Why will no one just
order coffee?
820
00:48:52,620 --> 00:48:56,060
I've tried your coffee.
821
00:48:56,100 --> 00:48:58,860
Speaking of which, I need
to talk to you.
822
00:48:58,900 --> 00:49:01,860
I'm like, having some
cash flow issues.
823
00:49:01,860 --> 00:49:03,660
Hey! You ready?
824
00:49:03,700 --> 00:49:05,660
It's really important!
825
00:49:05,700 --> 00:49:08,180
Kelse, whatever it is, it can
wait til tonight.
826
00:49:08,220 --> 00:49:10,740
We don't need to rush off.
We can hang loose.
827
00:49:10,780 --> 00:49:12,980
No, we can't, we're
on a schedule.
828
00:49:13,020 --> 00:49:14,980
The movie starts in
a half hour.
829
00:49:15,020 --> 00:49:18,180
So we get there a little late.
What's the big deal?
830
00:49:18,180 --> 00:49:19,980
The tickets are
non-refundable.
831
00:49:19,980 --> 00:49:28,460
You know what?
Fine. Enjoy your movie.
832
00:49:28,500 --> 00:49:29,740
You didn't need to leave
her like that.
833
00:49:29,780 --> 00:49:32,780
She sounds like she
needs to talk to you.
834
00:49:32,820 --> 00:49:34,820
Honeslty, I don't want
to hear about
835
00:49:34,860 --> 00:49:37,220
Anyone else's feelings today.
836
00:49:37,260 --> 00:49:39,220
Isn't that kind of your job?
837
00:49:39,260 --> 00:49:49,940
Yeah, well - I'm
off the clock.
838
00:49:49,980 --> 00:49:51,580
It was nothing like
the preview.
839
00:49:51,620 --> 00:49:53,380
I thought it was pretty good.
840
00:49:53,420 --> 00:49:55,580
You like that highbrow stuff,
I just wanted a chick flick.
841
00:49:55,620 --> 00:49:57,620
Something simple.
No more surprises.
842
00:49:57,620 --> 00:49:59,260
What are you so wound
up today for?
843
00:49:59,300 --> 00:50:00,420
I don't know, okay?
844
00:50:00,420 --> 00:50:01,620
What can I do to
make it better?
845
00:50:01,660 --> 00:50:03,660
Just quit being so
fucking perfect!
846
00:50:03,660 --> 00:50:05,660
I'm not perfect.
I'm far from it.
847
00:50:05,660 --> 00:50:07,660
Oh my God, seriously,
what's wrong with you?
848
00:50:07,660 --> 00:50:09,300
Why do you even like me?
849
00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:10,660
What kind of question is that?
850
00:50:10,700 --> 00:50:11,740
A fair one!
851
00:50:11,780 --> 00:50:13,740
You're a great guy,
with a good heart.
852
00:50:13,780 --> 00:50:15,380
Yeah and I'm really sweet,
and nice,
853
00:50:15,420 --> 00:50:17,580
But you know what, I'm not
some Pepperoni Adonis who...
854
00:50:17,620 --> 00:50:18,980
Wait, is that how you see me?
855
00:50:19,020 --> 00:50:20,260
Trust me, that's how everyone
sees you!
856
00:50:20,300 --> 00:50:21,220
Guys like you...
857
00:50:21,260 --> 00:50:25,260
There's not "guys like me."
There's just me.
858
00:50:25,300 --> 00:50:27,980
I'm real. What am I to you?
859
00:50:28,020 --> 00:50:29,980
Just some empty-headed
underwear model
860
00:50:30,020 --> 00:50:32,460
Who coasts through life on
his pecs and glutes?
861
00:50:32,500 --> 00:50:37,700
I didn't say you coast.
862
00:50:37,740 --> 00:50:40,460
Come on, you're like the
hottest guy I've ever met!
863
00:50:40,460 --> 00:50:42,460
What could even see in me?!
864
00:50:42,460 --> 00:50:44,260
Don't box me into that.
That's not me.
865
00:50:44,300 --> 00:50:46,340
My entire life I've had to
deal with people treating me
866
00:50:46,380 --> 00:50:47,700
Like a piece of meat.
867
00:50:47,700 --> 00:50:49,260
I didn't expect you to do it,
too.
868
00:50:49,300 --> 00:50:52,820
Wow, that sounds really hard.
869
00:50:52,860 --> 00:50:54,180
I'm just going to
call it a night.
870
00:50:54,220 --> 00:50:55,140
Good.
871
00:50:55,180 --> 00:50:57,340
Call me whenever you get
your head together.
872
00:50:57,380 --> 00:51:11,060
Yeah, don't hold your breath.
873
00:51:11,060 --> 00:51:14,820
Lately I find myself walking
through the woods
874
00:51:14,860 --> 00:51:19,180
With a bunch of raw steaks.
875
00:51:19,220 --> 00:51:20,140
Uh-huh.
876
00:51:20,180 --> 00:51:23,940
The mountain lion at the
zoo got a new mate.
877
00:51:23,980 --> 00:51:26,620
I don't know what he
sees in her.
878
00:51:26,660 --> 00:51:30,540
She's just some plain
Jane cougar.
879
00:51:30,580 --> 00:51:33,180
That fleabag doesn't know
what he needs.
880
00:51:33,220 --> 00:51:34,260
Uh-huh.
881
00:51:34,300 --> 00:51:37,980
Once you go lion, you
never stop tryin'.
882
00:51:38,020 --> 00:51:39,780
Sounds good.
883
00:51:39,820 --> 00:51:43,380
Hell yeah it does.
884
00:51:43,420 --> 00:51:45,380
Wait, what?
885
00:51:45,420 --> 00:51:50,060
Huh?
886
00:51:50,100 --> 00:51:51,500
On the house.
887
00:51:51,500 --> 00:51:53,500
Thanks.
888
00:51:53,500 --> 00:51:54,700
So I guess you heard?/
889
00:51:54,740 --> 00:51:56,700
He called to cry about it.
I hung up on him.
890
00:51:56,740 --> 00:51:58,740
I haven't heard him cry that
much since
891
00:51:58,740 --> 00:52:01,540
They stopped making Zima.
892
00:52:01,580 --> 00:52:02,900
You and I still cool?
893
00:52:02,940 --> 00:52:05,940
Slam poet code, dude.
894
00:52:05,980 --> 00:52:07,940
That's what I'm talking about.
895
00:52:07,980 --> 00:52:10,140
How long have you
had this place?
896
00:52:10,180 --> 00:52:11,940
Three years.
897
00:52:11,980 --> 00:52:14,820
I always wanted a place
where freaks, weirdos,
898
00:52:14,860 --> 00:52:18,820
Artists, and queers could come
get amped up on caffeine
899
00:52:18,860 --> 00:52:23,540
And inspiration, and go
take on the world.
900
00:52:23,580 --> 00:52:26,300
There's a lot of you in here.
901
00:52:26,300 --> 00:52:27,700
It's home!
902
00:52:27,700 --> 00:52:30,100
Hell, I slept in the
kitchen the first year.
903
00:52:30,140 --> 00:52:32,940
Health Department finally
kicked me out.
904
00:52:32,980 --> 00:52:33,900
Why?
905
00:52:33,940 --> 00:52:36,020
I did this one babe
on the counter.
906
00:52:36,060 --> 00:52:37,460
Health inspector walked in
907
00:52:37,500 --> 00:52:41,020
Right before I
ground her mocha.
908
00:52:41,060 --> 00:52:43,340
I just hope I can hold on
to this place.
909
00:52:43,380 --> 00:52:46,660
I'm a people person - but
spreadsheets, ugh!
910
00:52:46,700 --> 00:52:50,500
Me too.
Money just gives me headaches!
911
00:52:50,540 --> 00:52:53,340
I like my dollars
like my women:
912
00:52:53,380 --> 00:52:57,820
Too many to count!
913
00:52:57,860 --> 00:53:02,900
So, are you gonna go over to
our place later?
914
00:53:02,940 --> 00:53:04,540
You think he'd want me to?
915
00:53:04,580 --> 00:53:05,780
God yes!
916
00:53:05,820 --> 00:53:07,980
I'm sure he's hanging
by the phone,
917
00:53:08,020 --> 00:53:10,380
Counting the minutes
and the pretzels.
918
00:53:10,420 --> 00:53:11,820
204.
919
00:53:11,860 --> 00:53:13,820
God, he's got you
doing it now, too?
920
00:53:13,860 --> 00:53:15,820
Unfortunately.
921
00:53:15,860 --> 00:53:19,100
He's been planning his
midnight kiss since 1985.
922
00:53:19,140 --> 00:53:20,260
You're right.
923
00:53:20,300 --> 00:53:22,340
I have to get the
birthday kiss right.
924
00:53:22,380 --> 00:53:23,540
Yeah!
No pressure, dude.
925
00:53:23,580 --> 00:53:26,300
Game face!
926
00:53:26,340 --> 00:53:28,460
I gotta get out of here,
gotta get to the pizzeria.
927
00:53:28,500 --> 00:53:31,820
Here - take our house key.
928
00:53:31,860 --> 00:53:34,660
He loves surprises!
929
00:53:34,700 --> 00:53:40,660
Thanks, Kelsey.
930
00:53:40,700 --> 00:53:45,820
I said to Bobby, "Let's try it
missionary style this time."
931
00:53:45,860 --> 00:53:48,060
You know... "heart to heart."
932
00:53:48,100 --> 00:53:51,900
Millie, have you ever heard of
Münchausen Syndrome?
933
00:53:51,940 --> 00:53:56,140
Heard of it?
Hell, I invented it.
934
00:53:56,180 --> 00:54:02,420
I just wish I had someone
to share it with.
935
00:54:02,460 --> 00:54:05,580
I mean, I wish I had someone
special to share it with,
936
00:54:05,620 --> 00:54:07,580
For free.
937
00:54:07,620 --> 00:54:12,500
You're kind of like a
talk gigolo.
938
00:54:12,540 --> 00:54:18,820
Listen - I've got to go,
it's my big 3-0 tomorrow.
939
00:54:18,860 --> 00:54:23,100
Woo-hoo, the big 3-0!
940
00:54:23,140 --> 00:54:25,100
What is that in gay years, 85?
941
00:54:25,140 --> 00:54:26,300
Hey!
942
00:54:26,340 --> 00:54:31,860
Hey, yeah - those old hard
candies, mentholated ointment,
943
00:54:31,860 --> 00:54:35,660
Adult diapers!
They're all ahead of you!
944
00:54:35,700 --> 00:54:40,220
You know, I remember
when I was 30.
945
00:54:40,260 --> 00:54:45,060
I was so set in my ways, so
sure of everything.
946
00:54:45,100 --> 00:54:51,260
I didn't know about change.
947
00:54:51,300 --> 00:54:54,460
I didn't know how much
fun I could have.
948
00:54:54,500 --> 00:54:57,420
It's about the journey.
949
00:54:57,460 --> 00:55:01,780
The big adventure is
just ahead of you!
950
00:55:01,820 --> 00:55:10,060
Just find someone to share it
with, and you've got it made.
951
00:55:10,100 --> 00:55:12,700
Yeah.
952
00:55:12,740 --> 00:55:18,700
Of course... I do
make things up.
953
00:55:18,740 --> 00:55:43,500
[Doorbell]
954
00:55:43,540 --> 00:55:45,300
Kelsey: I don't need much!
955
00:55:45,340 --> 00:55:48,180
Just a couple thousand to
get me through.
956
00:55:48,220 --> 00:55:51,540
[Knocking]
957
00:55:51,540 --> 00:55:52,740
Kelse, I gotta go.
958
00:55:52,780 --> 00:56:11,020
Kelsey: Call me back!
959
00:56:11,060 --> 00:56:12,700
What are you doing?
960
00:56:12,740 --> 00:56:18,100
I came home.
961
00:56:18,140 --> 00:56:22,620
This place is not your home.
962
00:56:22,660 --> 00:56:25,580
We had plans, remember?
963
00:56:25,620 --> 00:56:26,980
The kiss.
964
00:56:27,020 --> 00:56:29,060
I remember a lot of things.
Like, your girlfriend.
965
00:56:29,100 --> 00:56:30,380
Where is she?
966
00:56:30,380 --> 00:56:32,340
It's - it's not like that.
We have an understanding.
967
00:56:32,380 --> 00:56:34,340
Really?
That's not what she says.
968
00:56:34,380 --> 00:56:36,020
Wait - you're not still
talking to her?
969
00:56:36,060 --> 00:56:38,020
I have to, Jon! You won't.
970
00:56:38,060 --> 00:56:39,580
Jesus, Corey, that's
really unethical.
971
00:56:39,620 --> 00:56:40,460
Yeah?
972
00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:43,380
Tell me a little
something about ethics.
973
00:56:43,420 --> 00:56:45,820
Don't!
974
00:56:45,860 --> 00:56:48,180
I can't help it.
975
00:56:48,220 --> 00:56:50,900
I feel like I can't
breathe without you.
976
00:56:50,940 --> 00:56:53,620
Use your inhaler.
You always forget.
977
00:56:53,660 --> 00:56:56,380
Sometimes you don't
appreciate what you have
978
00:56:56,420 --> 00:56:58,900
Until you lose it.
979
00:56:58,940 --> 00:57:01,780
You! I didn't appreciate
what I had with you!
980
00:57:01,820 --> 00:57:08,020
I didn't realize.
981
00:57:08,060 --> 00:57:11,980
- You do now?
- Yeah.
982
00:57:12,020 --> 00:57:14,020
No matter how scared I was,
983
00:57:14,060 --> 00:57:17,580
No matter how much I
wanted or needed,
984
00:57:17,620 --> 00:57:23,940
I should've never done
anything to hurt you.
985
00:57:23,980 --> 00:57:58,340
I told you not to come back,
unless...
986
00:57:58,380 --> 00:58:03,900
[Moaning]
987
00:58:03,940 --> 00:58:06,780
I have missed this!
988
00:58:06,820 --> 00:58:08,420
That was a mistake.
989
00:58:08,460 --> 00:58:11,180
A mistake?
Are you kidding me?!
990
00:58:11,180 --> 00:58:13,180
This was fucking perfect!
991
00:58:13,180 --> 00:58:15,180
You felt it too, I
know you did.
992
00:58:15,180 --> 00:58:18,460
It wasn't you.
I just need time.
993
00:58:18,500 --> 00:58:19,740
[Car horn]
994
00:58:19,780 --> 00:58:22,620
You should probably get
your clothes and go.
995
00:58:22,620 --> 00:58:24,420
Hey!
996
00:58:24,460 --> 00:58:27,580
I had Jimbo watch the shop, I
didn't want you to miss out
997
00:58:27,620 --> 00:58:28,460
On your birthday...
998
00:58:28,460 --> 00:58:30,460
What the fuck, we didn't
order a pizza!
999
00:58:30,460 --> 00:58:34,460
Wait a minute... the
pizza guy's gay?!
1000
00:58:34,500 --> 00:58:36,260
Pete! Don't go!
1001
00:58:36,300 --> 00:58:38,820
There is some old lady
outside in a minivan
1002
00:58:38,860 --> 00:58:39,820
About to lose her shit!
1003
00:58:39,860 --> 00:58:41,660
Oh fuck, my ride's here!
1004
00:58:41,700 --> 00:58:42,860
Your ride?!
1005
00:58:42,900 --> 00:58:44,860
What did you expect me to do,
walk?
1006
00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:46,860
You've got to be
fucking kidding me!
1007
00:58:46,900 --> 00:58:48,020
Kelse...
1008
00:58:48,060 --> 00:58:49,820
Hello, Jon? Are you here?
1009
00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:52,740
I've been waiting for half an
hour, I've been worried...
1010
00:58:52,780 --> 00:58:54,220
- Corey?!
- Hi.
1011
00:58:54,220 --> 00:58:55,420
What are you doing here?
1012
00:58:55,460 --> 00:58:57,660
He lives here.
Alone, from now on.
1013
00:58:57,660 --> 00:59:00,140
Jon, Corey - oh my God!
1014
00:59:00,180 --> 00:59:01,540
Liss, it's not what
it looks like!
1015
00:59:01,580 --> 00:59:04,100
It's exactly what
it looks like!
1016
00:59:04,140 --> 00:59:07,700
Corey, have you been
fucking my boyfriend?
1017
00:59:07,700 --> 00:59:11,180
Technically, you were
fucking my boyfriend.
1018
00:59:11,220 --> 00:59:13,140
- Boyfriend? Really?
- No.
1019
00:59:13,180 --> 00:59:16,580
I can't believe this, I can't
believe I trusted you!
1020
00:59:16,620 --> 00:59:18,660
- Liss, sweetie...
- I'm talking about him!
1021
00:59:18,700 --> 00:59:21,020
- Me? What about him?!
- Oh, thanks.
1022
00:59:21,060 --> 00:59:23,020
Wait a minute - he was
upfront with me!
1023
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:25,300
He never tried to be a
saint... Hi.
1024
00:59:25,340 --> 00:59:28,220
He just told me that, um...
No! It was you!
1025
00:59:28,260 --> 00:59:30,460
I... was trying to
protect you.
1026
00:59:30,460 --> 00:59:33,220
Well you should've
tried harder!
1027
00:59:33,260 --> 00:59:34,860
No, Kelse, please don't go!
1028
00:59:34,900 --> 00:59:36,660
I needed you tonight, but no!
1029
00:59:36,700 --> 00:59:39,100
I've been trying to talk to
you for like, a week,
1030
00:59:39,140 --> 00:59:40,580
But you're too busy,
just like always.
1031
00:59:40,620 --> 00:59:41,460
Wait, Kelse!
1032
00:59:41,500 --> 00:59:42,900
Are you happy?
You've totally destroyed
1033
00:59:42,900 --> 00:59:44,020
My whole fucking life.
1034
00:59:44,060 --> 00:59:46,020
Looks like you did that
fine on your own!
1035
00:59:46,060 --> 00:59:47,140
Lissa, wait...
1036
00:59:47,180 --> 00:59:49,340
I bought you these!
1037
00:59:49,340 --> 00:59:51,340
I might still have
the receipt,
1038
00:59:51,380 --> 00:59:53,100
And maybe I can get that back.
1039
00:59:53,140 --> 00:59:55,220
- Baby, wait...
- Oh, I am not your baby!
1040
00:59:55,260 --> 00:59:57,220
And you are not mine!
No, you...
1041
00:59:57,260 --> 00:59:58,420
Can find a ride home.
1042
00:59:58,460 --> 00:59:59,980
Where am I supposed to go?
1043
01:00:00,020 --> 01:00:01,260
I don't care!
1044
01:00:01,300 --> 01:00:06,620
You two are perfect
for each other.
1045
01:00:06,660 --> 01:00:32,780
Give me that!
1046
01:00:32,820 --> 01:00:37,580
Hey, mom...
1047
01:00:37,620 --> 01:01:29,420
* * *
1048
01:01:29,460 --> 01:01:32,900
Did you throw up on
the stairs?
1049
01:01:32,940 --> 01:01:35,860
It looks like a Banksy.
1050
01:01:35,900 --> 01:01:39,420
I go in front of the
licensing board in a week.
1051
01:01:39,420 --> 01:01:42,460
It's supposed to be
confidential, but...
1052
01:01:42,500 --> 01:01:43,540
What?
1053
01:01:43,580 --> 01:01:48,260
Melissa may have mentioned
it to a few people...
1054
01:01:48,260 --> 01:01:49,700
Online.
1055
01:01:49,740 --> 01:01:52,260
Hello, internet!
1056
01:01:52,300 --> 01:01:55,700
Have you seen this man?!
1057
01:01:55,700 --> 01:01:58,140
Don't let him fuck
your boyfriend.
1058
01:01:58,140 --> 01:01:59,660
Cause you know what?
1059
01:01:59,700 --> 01:02:02,340
He might want to FUCK
YOUR BOYFRIEND!
1060
01:02:02,340 --> 01:02:04,340
CAUSE HE'S A BOYFRIEND-FUCKER!
1061
01:02:04,380 --> 01:02:06,500
That's what he is, he's a
boyfriend-fucker!
1062
01:02:06,540 --> 01:02:09,340
So find him before he fucks
your boyfriend!
1063
01:02:09,380 --> 01:02:12,140
Wow, that's a happy lady.
1064
01:02:12,180 --> 01:02:14,700
52,000 views. Good for you.
1065
01:02:14,740 --> 01:02:17,660
Yeah, hating me has
gone viral.
1066
01:02:17,660 --> 01:02:21,140
That's what happens when they
catch you ridin' dirty, hoss!
1067
01:02:21,180 --> 01:02:23,140
Aw, don't be gross.
1068
01:02:23,180 --> 01:02:24,940
Gross? Gross is walking in,
1069
01:02:24,980 --> 01:02:28,380
Watching you work your scuzzy
ex like a Shake Weight,
1070
01:02:28,420 --> 01:02:31,340
That's gross!
1071
01:02:31,340 --> 01:02:35,500
Oh, whatever.
Oh, fuck my life!
1072
01:02:35,540 --> 01:02:37,940
What did you end up doing
on yor birthday?
1073
01:02:37,980 --> 01:02:42,180
Oh, y'know, shotgunned three
boxes of Chablis
1074
01:02:42,220 --> 01:02:45,620
And a case of
Mexican-style Aerosol cheez.
1075
01:02:45,620 --> 01:02:48,220
Officially, I still hate you.
1076
01:02:48,260 --> 01:02:49,500
Okay.
1077
01:02:49,540 --> 01:02:52,940
- But unofficially...
- I'm so sorry.
1078
01:02:52,980 --> 01:02:55,700
I know you are. Dumb slut.
1079
01:02:55,740 --> 01:02:59,380
Sex with an ex, the dirty
dance of death!
1080
01:02:59,420 --> 01:03:02,420
His cock should come with
a warning label:
1081
01:03:02,460 --> 01:03:05,980
"Not to be taken internally."
1082
01:03:06,020 --> 01:03:12,060
Right up there.
1083
01:03:12,100 --> 01:03:14,420
I'm going home to Tehachapi.
1084
01:03:14,460 --> 01:03:17,460
Gonna live in a
trailer with mom.
1085
01:03:17,500 --> 01:03:20,460
Probably sit out on the porch
and play a banjo.
1086
01:03:20,500 --> 01:03:22,460
Contemplate messing
with tourists.
1087
01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:25,460
- What about the...
- It's gone, Corey.
1088
01:03:25,500 --> 01:03:29,860
The coffee bar's gone.
There's nothing left to do.
1089
01:03:29,900 --> 01:03:50,860
I'm going home.
1090
01:03:50,900 --> 01:04:11,940
Oh no.
1091
01:04:11,940 --> 01:04:13,180
[Phone ringing]
1092
01:04:13,220 --> 01:04:15,700
Voicemail: Hey, you've
reached Pete, leave a message.
1093
01:04:15,740 --> 01:04:19,660
I know, I know you
probably hate me,
1094
01:04:19,700 --> 01:04:23,260
But I want you to know
how sorry I am.
1095
01:04:23,300 --> 01:04:29,660
About your uncle, and about...
what I did.
1096
01:04:29,700 --> 01:04:35,180
God, if you were here with me,
I would just do...
1097
01:04:35,220 --> 01:04:36,380
Hey.
1098
01:04:36,420 --> 01:04:38,180
Backflips.
1099
01:04:38,220 --> 01:04:41,100
Hi.
1100
01:04:41,140 --> 01:04:43,660
I'm...
1101
01:04:43,700 --> 01:04:47,340
I'm sorry if I interrupted
your phone call.
1102
01:04:47,380 --> 01:04:50,940
Pete, I am so sorry.
1103
01:04:50,980 --> 01:04:54,980
Please listen, please listen,
please...
1104
01:04:55,020 --> 01:05:08,540
Look, whatever you have to
say, just say it.
1105
01:05:08,580 --> 01:05:10,860
I'm sorry I cheated.
1106
01:05:10,860 --> 01:05:14,220
I'm sorry for being
so selfish.
1107
01:05:14,260 --> 01:05:17,900
I'm sorry about the movie.
1108
01:05:17,940 --> 01:05:20,780
I'm sorry about being so
insane about my birthday.
1109
01:05:20,820 --> 01:05:24,580
I'm sorry about hogging all
the even-numbered pretzels,
1110
01:05:24,580 --> 01:05:26,580
It's not fair when I do that.
1111
01:05:26,580 --> 01:05:32,540
I'm sorry about...
1112
01:05:32,580 --> 01:05:35,700
For the Kennedy assassination?
1113
01:05:35,740 --> 01:05:40,060
"I'm sorry about
global warming."
1114
01:05:40,100 --> 01:05:41,940
And skinny jeans?
1115
01:05:41,980 --> 01:05:45,180
Yeah. My fault.
1116
01:05:45,220 --> 01:05:51,340
"And most of all..."
1117
01:05:51,380 --> 01:05:56,220
I'm really sorry
about your uncle.
1118
01:05:56,260 --> 01:05:59,980
Yeah, he was a good man.
1119
01:05:59,980 --> 01:06:03,340
Look, just forget it.
I understand what happened.
1120
01:06:03,380 --> 01:06:07,420
Well, that makes one of us.
1121
01:06:07,420 --> 01:06:11,780
We had a good start.
We had a great start.
1122
01:06:11,820 --> 01:06:14,660
I just don't think either one
of us were ready.
1123
01:06:14,700 --> 01:06:18,380
In these crazy,
stressed-out times, it's...
1124
01:06:18,420 --> 01:06:21,420
Hard to really know
what matters.
1125
01:06:21,460 --> 01:06:25,700
- I'm leaving town tomorrow.
- What?
1126
01:06:25,740 --> 01:06:28,740
I just came her to say
goodbye.
1127
01:06:28,740 --> 01:06:31,860
To this place.
To my uncle Sal.
1128
01:06:31,900 --> 01:06:36,180
- No, you can't leave!
- I can't?
1129
01:06:36,220 --> 01:06:39,260
Give me one good reason why.
1130
01:06:39,300 --> 01:06:41,060
- School.
- School's out.
1131
01:06:41,100 --> 01:06:43,700
- Poetry reading?
- Kelsey's is closed.
1132
01:06:43,740 --> 01:06:45,020
- Pizzeria!
- Corey...
1133
01:06:45,060 --> 01:06:48,460
Hey, pizza is the
lifeblood of our community!
1134
01:06:48,500 --> 01:06:52,140
The gayborhood will
starve without you!
1135
01:06:52,180 --> 01:06:56,500
You don't want that on
your conscience, mister.
1136
01:06:56,500 --> 01:07:01,380
- What about the bears?
- The bears?
1137
01:07:01,420 --> 01:07:03,660
And the otters...
1138
01:07:03,700 --> 01:07:06,340
And the twinks... the
twinks will be fine.
1139
01:07:06,380 --> 01:07:08,420
They don't eat.
1140
01:07:08,460 --> 01:07:09,660
Think about...
1141
01:07:09,700 --> 01:07:12,020
Look, I'm going to go
to Colorado,
1142
01:07:12,020 --> 01:07:15,220
And then down to New Mexico,
maybe Texas.
1143
01:07:15,260 --> 01:07:17,940
Just, away.
1144
01:07:17,980 --> 01:07:21,380
- What does it matter?
- You matter.
1145
01:07:21,420 --> 01:07:24,980
You matter to me.
1146
01:07:25,020 --> 01:07:27,180
I might be back at the
end of summer.
1147
01:07:27,220 --> 01:07:29,660
That is so far away.
1148
01:07:29,700 --> 01:07:35,540
- Pete...
- What?
1149
01:07:35,540 --> 01:07:40,140
Have a great summer.
1150
01:07:40,180 --> 01:07:45,860
[Phone ringing]
1151
01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:51,180
Jon, seriously, I do not -
I'm not in the mood!
1152
01:07:51,220 --> 01:07:52,460
[Phone ringing]
1153
01:07:52,460 --> 01:07:54,220
Jon, dammit, for the
love of God,
1154
01:07:54,260 --> 01:07:57,180
I am not going to do the dirty
dance of death with...
1155
01:07:57,220 --> 01:08:02,620
Oh. Sorry. Yes?
1156
01:08:02,660 --> 01:08:08,300
No, this is Corey, her
brother, may I...
1157
01:08:08,340 --> 01:08:09,740
No, she's out of town.
1158
01:08:09,740 --> 01:08:14,140
May I ask what this is
in regards to?
1159
01:08:14,180 --> 01:08:19,380
Foreclosure auction?
Tomorrow at noon?
1160
01:08:19,420 --> 01:08:21,420
Tomorrow at noon!
Bye-bye!
1161
01:08:21,460 --> 01:08:32,420
Tomorrow at noon!
Tomorrow at noon!
1162
01:08:32,460 --> 01:08:33,900
Well, here's all this crap!
1163
01:08:33,940 --> 01:08:35,900
Got a match?
I want to burn it.
1164
01:08:35,940 --> 01:08:38,500
Well, there's that positive,
sunshine-y attitude!
1165
01:08:38,500 --> 01:08:40,420
You want to save your place,
or not?
1166
01:08:40,460 --> 01:08:41,540
Yes, but...
1167
01:08:41,540 --> 01:08:43,460
Well then sit back and watch
me work my
1168
01:08:43,500 --> 01:08:44,820
Organizational magic.
1169
01:08:44,860 --> 01:08:48,300
Or, as I like to call it...
crazy.
1170
01:08:48,340 --> 01:08:51,100
This time, "crazy" is going
to save your bacon.
1171
01:08:51,140 --> 01:08:56,300
Bacon! I'm hungry,
let's order pizza!
1172
01:08:56,340 --> 01:09:02,900
Better make it Chinese.
1173
01:09:02,940 --> 01:09:05,180
I don't understand
your system.
1174
01:09:05,220 --> 01:09:07,180
The yellow ones are
accounts payable,
1175
01:09:07,220 --> 01:09:09,620
And the white ones are
accounts receivable.
1176
01:09:09,660 --> 01:09:10,940
These are all yellow!
1177
01:09:10,940 --> 01:09:13,180
I ran out of white paper,
okay?!
1178
01:09:13,220 --> 01:09:15,900
God, this is crazy, they'll
never go for it.
1179
01:09:15,940 --> 01:09:17,900
According to this, you're
not even broke.
1180
01:09:17,940 --> 01:09:19,860
When do you send out bills?
1181
01:09:19,900 --> 01:09:22,900
I don't like to be a buzzkill,
people pay when they can,
1182
01:09:22,940 --> 01:09:24,300
It's totally cool.
1183
01:09:24,340 --> 01:09:27,020
Bankruptcy is not cool!
1184
01:09:27,060 --> 01:09:28,820
Are you updating your Twitter?
1185
01:09:28,860 --> 01:09:31,740
I am making you a
business plan.
1186
01:09:31,780 --> 01:09:34,220
I don't have a fucking
business plan!
1187
01:09:34,260 --> 01:09:37,700
Well, you do now, missy.
1188
01:09:37,740 --> 01:09:40,100
- Bam!
- Blam!
1189
01:09:40,100 --> 01:09:42,820
- Hey, what is this?
- Just leave it!
1190
01:09:42,860 --> 01:09:45,380
This is today!
This is in an hour!
1191
01:09:45,420 --> 01:09:46,940
Your hearing is in an hour!
1192
01:09:46,940 --> 01:09:48,940
So is your auction!
1193
01:09:48,940 --> 01:09:50,940
Call them to reschedule!
1194
01:09:50,980 --> 01:09:52,220
No, it's too late.
1195
01:09:52,260 --> 01:09:54,420
I'll go down there and
deal with it after.
1196
01:09:54,460 --> 01:09:56,220
AFTERWARDS WILL BE TOO LATE!
1197
01:09:56,260 --> 01:09:58,900
Wow! Then I'll learn how
to pour coffee.
1198
01:09:58,940 --> 01:10:01,300
Oh God, I'd kill myself if I
had to work with
1199
01:10:01,340 --> 01:10:02,540
You every day.
1200
01:10:02,580 --> 01:10:05,260
I mean that with love,
sweetie.
1201
01:10:05,300 --> 01:10:20,180
Come on!
1202
01:10:20,220 --> 01:10:23,580
So, who drove you this time?
My mom?
1203
01:10:23,620 --> 01:10:26,340
Funny. Today's the day, huh?
1204
01:10:26,380 --> 01:10:29,180
Yeah, this is it, time to
pay the piper.
1205
01:10:29,220 --> 01:10:34,780
I'm sorry.
I feel really horrible.
1206
01:10:34,820 --> 01:10:39,220
Hey, I'm an adult.
Today's my fault, not yours.
1207
01:10:39,260 --> 01:10:44,380
Okay, I absolve you - go forth
and sin some more, my son.
1208
01:10:44,420 --> 01:10:52,380
You know if I could do
anything to fix it...
1209
01:10:52,420 --> 01:10:54,260
That would be a miracle.
1210
01:10:54,300 --> 01:10:56,940
I gotta go, I'm going to be
late for my own hanging.
1211
01:10:56,940 --> 01:11:00,580
Kelse, c'mon!
1212
01:11:00,580 --> 01:11:41,940
Why am I the damn pack mule?!
1213
01:11:41,980 --> 01:11:44,460
So, as you can see
in Schedule C,
1214
01:11:44,460 --> 01:11:47,900
The projected revenue stream
in the first six months
1215
01:11:47,940 --> 01:11:50,820
Is consistent with growth in
small businesses
1216
01:11:50,860 --> 01:11:54,740
In the area, as foot traffic
increases the...
1217
01:11:54,780 --> 01:11:58,260
During the late...
seasonally, it's...
1218
01:11:58,300 --> 01:12:01,220
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hm. Yep.
1219
01:12:01,260 --> 01:12:04,980
I read all of it's... words.
Words!
1220
01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:06,980
There's a lot of words.
1221
01:12:07,020 --> 01:12:09,140
Did I do something wrong?
1222
01:12:09,180 --> 01:12:12,300
No, no!
It's perfect.
1223
01:12:12,340 --> 01:12:13,420
It's anal.
1224
01:12:13,460 --> 01:12:18,220
It's loan paperwork, and
banking, and it's just... ugh.
1225
01:12:18,220 --> 01:12:20,220
It just makes me want to barf.
1226
01:12:20,260 --> 01:12:21,460
But you're a loan officer.
1227
01:12:21,500 --> 01:12:26,020
That is what I do!
That is not who I am!
1228
01:12:26,060 --> 01:12:29,660
You know who I am?
1229
01:12:29,700 --> 01:12:31,660
I'M A DANCER!
1230
01:12:31,700 --> 01:12:34,300
[Grindr message tone]
1231
01:12:34,340 --> 01:12:38,100
Oh, stop the... you gotta turn
it down, turn it down...
1232
01:12:38,140 --> 01:12:40,740
Please, please, how
do you do it?
1233
01:12:40,780 --> 01:12:42,980
Oh, that guy.
1234
01:12:43,020 --> 01:12:45,500
I know that guy -
that guy came in!
1235
01:12:45,540 --> 01:12:47,500
That guy paid off your loan!
1236
01:12:47,540 --> 01:12:48,620
WHAT?!
1237
01:12:48,660 --> 01:12:50,020
Pete paid off our loan?
1238
01:12:50,060 --> 01:12:51,660
Yeah!
He sold his business.
1239
01:12:51,660 --> 01:12:52,700
He closed his account.
1240
01:12:52,740 --> 01:12:54,700
He paid off your balance.
1241
01:12:54,740 --> 01:12:56,460
With so much money.
1242
01:12:56,500 --> 01:13:01,780
So much sexy, sexual,
erotic... money.
1243
01:13:01,820 --> 01:13:03,780
So what are we...
1244
01:13:03,820 --> 01:13:05,100
- I love money.
- Yeah...
1245
01:13:05,140 --> 01:13:07,740
Sorry to interrupt - what
are we doing here?
1246
01:13:07,780 --> 01:13:09,980
I don't know what
you're doing here.
1247
01:13:10,020 --> 01:13:13,540
But I know what
we're doing here.
1248
01:13:13,580 --> 01:13:16,900
Dancing. Right? Dancing!
1249
01:13:16,940 --> 01:13:22,820
What kind of bank is this?
1250
01:13:22,860 --> 01:13:28,860
Oh, shit! I gotta go!
1251
01:13:28,860 --> 01:13:30,860
Good luck at the hearing!
1252
01:13:30,860 --> 01:13:39,580
I thought he'd never leave!
1253
01:13:39,620 --> 01:13:43,340
It's over. They all left.
1254
01:13:43,340 --> 01:13:45,340
I need to tell you
how sorry I am.
1255
01:13:45,380 --> 01:13:49,540
- I never meant to...
- I withdrew the complaint.
1256
01:13:49,580 --> 01:13:51,420
Why?
1257
01:13:51,420 --> 01:13:54,900
A friend of ours
told me a story.
1258
01:13:54,940 --> 01:13:56,900
What kind of story?
1259
01:13:56,940 --> 01:14:03,060
Well, it was a story about
this great guy,
1260
01:14:03,060 --> 01:14:05,900
Whose heart was
broken into pieces
1261
01:14:05,900 --> 01:14:09,180
By this hot, horny, dumb kid,
1262
01:14:09,220 --> 01:14:15,020
Who was just trying to figure
out what he wanted.
1263
01:14:15,060 --> 01:14:17,020
How does the story end?
1264
01:14:17,060 --> 01:14:21,540
You know, before this whole
situation happened,
1265
01:14:21,580 --> 01:14:25,460
I didn't understand how
far you can go
1266
01:14:25,500 --> 01:14:27,860
When you lose
someone you love.
1267
01:14:27,900 --> 01:14:31,860
Or sometimes... sometimes
not far enough.
1268
01:14:31,900 --> 01:14:34,420
Yeah - I see now that you were
1269
01:14:34,460 --> 01:14:36,420
Trying to get me to see
other people.
1270
01:14:36,460 --> 01:14:38,860
But I didn't!
I didn't do enough.
1271
01:14:38,900 --> 01:14:41,420
When my husband left me,
1272
01:14:41,460 --> 01:14:44,140
I did not have a friend
in the world.
1273
01:14:44,140 --> 01:14:46,820
I don't know what I would have
done without you.
1274
01:14:46,860 --> 01:14:48,020
You would've been fine.
1275
01:14:48,060 --> 01:14:49,820
No. You helped me
get through it.
1276
01:14:49,860 --> 01:14:56,660
You helped me get out,
and try to rebuild my life.
1277
01:14:56,700 --> 01:15:02,300
And it cost you.
1278
01:15:02,340 --> 01:15:10,860
You know, I just hope that
some day, you find somebody
1279
01:15:10,860 --> 01:15:14,140
That helps you go
through things too.
1280
01:15:14,180 --> 01:15:18,940
Whether it be a friend,
or a love.
1281
01:15:18,940 --> 01:15:25,020
Or whatever.
1282
01:15:25,060 --> 01:15:28,580
I gotta go catch him.
1283
01:15:28,580 --> 01:15:31,260
Thank you.
1284
01:15:31,300 --> 01:15:33,860
Um, okay, so I'll
see you around.
1285
01:15:33,900 --> 01:15:34,900
Professionally?
1286
01:15:34,940 --> 01:15:36,900
Oh, not a chance in hell.
1287
01:15:36,940 --> 01:15:38,180
Good call.
1288
01:15:38,220 --> 01:15:57,900
* * *
1289
01:15:57,940 --> 01:16:30,180
[Crowd cheering]
1290
01:16:30,220 --> 01:16:32,700
Dammit, where is he?!
1291
01:16:32,740 --> 01:16:35,820
I think you found him.
1292
01:16:35,860 --> 01:16:39,380
My whole life, I have waited,
1293
01:16:39,420 --> 01:16:43,140
So long, for the
perfect moment.
1294
01:16:43,180 --> 01:16:46,660
The perfect,
cookie-cutter life.
1295
01:16:46,700 --> 01:16:47,780
Corey...
1296
01:16:47,820 --> 01:16:50,140
If you need to go, go.
1297
01:16:50,180 --> 01:16:51,460
Corey...
1298
01:16:51,500 --> 01:16:55,540
But all I want to say, is that
when we're together,
1299
01:16:55,580 --> 01:17:01,020
Every moment is the
perfect moment.
1300
01:17:01,060 --> 01:17:02,340
So...
1301
01:17:02,340 --> 01:17:10,580
Where do you want to go first?
1302
01:17:10,580 --> 01:17:13,140
Anywhere.
1303
01:17:13,180 --> 01:17:14,460
Everywhere.
1304
01:17:14,500 --> 01:17:18,020
Right now? Right this second?
1305
01:17:18,060 --> 01:17:21,660
KELSEY, I'M RUNNING
AWAY WITH PETE!
1306
01:17:21,700 --> 01:17:24,180
And I don't know when I'm
going to be back!
1307
01:17:24,220 --> 01:17:28,140
A few weeks, or a
few months...
1308
01:17:28,180 --> 01:17:34,980
Or whatever!
1309
01:17:35,020 --> 01:17:37,220
Free drinks for all you
faggots!
1310
01:17:37,260 --> 01:17:43,140
[Cheering]
1311
01:17:43,180 --> 01:17:48,300
Ugh, smells like junior high!
1312
01:17:48,340 --> 01:17:52,100
- I love you, sis!
- Love you more!
1313
01:17:52,140 --> 01:17:55,580
Where do you want to go first?
1314
01:17:55,620 --> 01:18:00,580
Surprise me.
1315
01:18:00,620 --> 01:18:03,060
Let's go!
1316
01:18:03,100 --> 01:23:35,140
* * *
1317
01:23:51,060 --> 01:23:55,060
- Thanks for the ride.
- No, thank you.
1318
01:23:55,100 --> 01:23:57,260
For what?
1319
01:23:57,300 --> 01:24:09,860
The ride.
1320
01:24:09,900 --> 01:24:18,580
- Hey, Kyle!
- Jon! Great to meet you.
1321
01:24:18,620 --> 01:24:20,580
I'm gonna have a new daddy!
1322
01:24:20,620 --> 01:24:21,140
Did you say something?
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