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1
00:00:00,203 --> 00:00:02,504
Good news, wife. I've
repaired the kitchen door.
2
00:00:02,505 --> 00:00:04,005
The raccoon will vex us no further.
_
3
00:00:04,006 --> 00:00:06,942
Oh, Silas, you are the
most loving of husbands.
4
00:00:06,943 --> 00:00:08,343
I feel so safe when you're near.
5
00:00:08,344 --> 00:00:09,711
Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
6
00:00:10,048 --> 00:00:10,879
- Ohhh!
- Aah!
7
00:00:12,448 --> 00:00:14,883
Bad news, wife. It's the constable.
8
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,051
His throat has been slitteth.
9
00:00:49,046 --> 00:00:52,208
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
10
00:00:52,210 --> 00:00:55,257
_
11
00:00:55,849 --> 00:00:57,242
You know, just because
you used to be sheriff,
12
00:00:57,243 --> 00:00:58,305
doesn't mean you can just call me
13
00:00:58,306 --> 00:01:00,552
and I'll drive you places
whenever you want.
14
00:01:00,553 --> 00:01:01,854
You think I like it, sister?
15
00:01:01,855 --> 00:01:03,689
Let me ask ya a personal question.
16
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:06,876
What's with the "No alcohol
in the squad car" policy?
17
00:01:06,877 --> 00:01:09,261
- When exactly did that start?
- I don't know.
18
00:01:09,262 --> 00:01:11,173
Since the beginning of squad cars?
19
00:01:11,174 --> 00:01:13,665
You're out here, tryin'
to nail drunk people.
20
00:01:13,666 --> 00:01:15,033
You wanna get 'em, you gotta be 'em.
21
00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:16,034
You gotta
22
00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:17,870
Get right in their skin!
23
00:01:17,871 --> 00:01:19,919
What about your car?
24
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,943
Ah, you know how Denise likes to
park it with the windows open?
25
00:01:22,944 --> 00:01:24,205
- It got stolen?
- No,
26
00:01:24,206 --> 00:01:25,844
a couple of crows flew in there,
27
00:01:25,845 --> 00:01:26,830
made a nest, and, now,
28
00:01:26,831 --> 00:01:29,184
she won't let me drive it
until the eggs hatch.
29
00:01:29,383 --> 00:01:32,831
Hey, you know a group of crows
is called a murder?
30
00:01:32,832 --> 00:01:34,224
Yeah, well.
31
00:01:34,225 --> 00:01:35,454
Whoa! Whoa!
32
00:01:35,455 --> 00:01:36,289
Yeah, that's a close...
33
00:01:36,290 --> 00:01:37,290
Did you see that?!
34
00:01:42,295 --> 00:01:43,462
Book 'em, Danno.
35
00:01:48,039 --> 00:01:49,604
Know why I stopped you?
36
00:01:49,605 --> 00:01:51,350
'Cause I'm good-looking?
37
00:01:51,351 --> 00:01:52,602
You were speeding.
38
00:01:52,603 --> 00:01:53,609
Mm. My bad.
39
00:01:54,456 --> 00:01:56,798
If I'd known the sheriff
was as pretty as you,
40
00:01:56,799 --> 00:01:58,635
I would've gone a lot
faster, a lot sooner.
41
00:01:58,746 --> 00:01:59,363
Wow!
42
00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:02,714
Hey, I have an idea. Let's, uh,
43
00:02:02,715 --> 00:02:03,589
meet for drinks.
44
00:02:04,962 --> 00:02:06,362
I have an idea, too.
45
00:02:06,362 --> 00:02:08,197
But there'd be too many witnesses.
46
00:02:10,033 --> 00:02:11,116
So that's a yes?
47
00:02:13,236 --> 00:02:14,636
Stan, you know that guy hit on me?
48
00:02:14,637 --> 00:02:16,438
I can't believe it!
This is the third time
49
00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:17,806
in a month! I'm sick of it.
50
00:02:17,807 --> 00:02:19,541
And I'm wearing
a uniform, for God's sake.
51
00:02:19,542 --> 00:02:21,143
Well, it's your own fault, you know?
52
00:02:21,144 --> 00:02:23,111
- My fault?
- Clean hair, good gums,
53
00:02:23,112 --> 00:02:24,413
you're outside.
54
00:02:24,414 --> 00:02:26,148
You're sendin' all the signals.
55
00:02:26,149 --> 00:02:27,816
What?! No!
56
00:02:27,817 --> 00:02:29,051
You wanna hear something interesting?
57
00:02:29,052 --> 00:02:30,419
Back when I was sheriff,
58
00:02:30,420 --> 00:02:32,287
not a single woman ever hit on me.
59
00:02:32,288 --> 00:02:34,656
- Would you like to know why?
- I'm sure you'll tell me.
60
00:02:34,657 --> 00:02:36,725
Because I was wearin' a wedding ring.
61
00:02:36,726 --> 00:02:38,126
Not available.
62
00:02:38,127 --> 00:02:41,496
Los carne marquito es cerrado.
63
00:02:41,497 --> 00:02:43,498
Marquito is not a word.
64
00:02:58,482 --> 00:02:59,355
Hi, there.
65
00:03:00,350 --> 00:03:02,351
Do you have any wedding rings?
66
00:03:02,352 --> 00:03:04,019
Something to make me look married
67
00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:05,954
or less unmarried, something like that?
68
00:03:05,955 --> 00:03:07,489
Isn't that something your fiancé
69
00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:09,172
should be buying for you, dear?
70
00:03:09,173 --> 00:03:12,594
Yeah, no. He would be, if I
had one, but I am divorced.
71
00:03:12,595 --> 00:03:13,369
Thank God.
72
00:03:13,930 --> 00:03:15,957
No, I just need to look married.
73
00:03:16,499 --> 00:03:17,599
I mean,
74
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,968
I get hit on constantly.
75
00:03:19,969 --> 00:03:22,204
I mean, you know what I'm talking about.
76
00:03:22,205 --> 00:03:24,557
You probably... I mean, when you were...
77
00:03:25,675 --> 00:03:27,009
So, do you have anything?
78
00:03:27,493 --> 00:03:28,885
I think I do.
79
00:03:29,512 --> 00:03:31,014
Awesome.
80
00:03:33,850 --> 00:03:35,284
- This stone
- Hey, there!
81
00:03:35,285 --> 00:03:38,453
Symbolizes the lifelong
entwining of soulmates.
82
00:03:42,592 --> 00:03:45,093
I'm very bitter. How much?
83
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:47,262
Why don't you just take it, dear?
84
00:03:47,263 --> 00:03:50,000
I'm always happy to help the police.
85
00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:51,500
No, I cou... I cou...
86
00:03:51,501 --> 00:03:52,834
- Seriously?
- Mm-hmm.
87
00:03:52,835 --> 00:03:53,969
- Oh, you're gonna put it
- Ooh!
88
00:03:53,970 --> 00:03:56,505
- On me, wow.
- Perfect fit.
89
00:03:56,506 --> 00:03:58,414
Wow. I guess it does.
90
00:03:59,375 --> 00:04:01,209
- Thanks again.
- You're welcome.
91
00:04:12,855 --> 00:04:14,289
I have an idea. Let's, uh,
92
00:04:14,290 --> 00:04:15,557
meet for drinks.
93
00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:31,740
Do-o-o-n't!
94
00:04:49,759 --> 00:04:51,560
Yeah?
95
00:04:51,561 --> 00:04:53,028
Hey, Leon.
96
00:04:57,433 --> 00:04:58,900
Really?
97
00:04:58,901 --> 00:05:00,335
Uh, okay. I'll be right there.
98
00:05:08,044 --> 00:05:09,277
Euuuwghhh.
99
00:05:09,278 --> 00:05:10,779
I waited for you to turn him over
100
00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:12,114
in case it's somebody
I knew in high school
101
00:05:12,115 --> 00:05:13,682
and I hated 'em and start laughin'.
102
00:05:13,683 --> 00:05:16,551
- Thanks. Help me out.
- Lift with your back.
103
00:05:16,552 --> 00:05:18,020
Oh!
104
00:05:19,288 --> 00:05:20,722
- Oh!
- Huh. Nope.
105
00:05:21,144 --> 00:05:22,216
Oh, my God.
106
00:05:22,859 --> 00:05:24,926
I gave this guy
a speeding ticket yesterday.
107
00:05:24,927 --> 00:05:26,395
Wow.
108
00:05:26,396 --> 00:05:28,196
You think that ticket
was the final straw
109
00:05:28,197 --> 00:05:30,232
in a miserable, empty existence
110
00:05:30,233 --> 00:05:31,931
and he slit his own throat?
111
00:05:32,935 --> 00:05:34,469
Wouldn't want that on me.
112
00:05:34,470 --> 00:05:36,439
Uh, hand me the, uh, fingerprint kit.
113
00:05:45,481 --> 00:05:47,315
- Evie.
- Yeah?
114
00:05:47,908 --> 00:05:50,374
If I went and got some onion
rings, would you want some?
115
00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:52,210
Ah! All right.
116
00:05:52,428 --> 00:05:54,596
We find the owner of these handprints,
117
00:05:54,597 --> 00:05:56,281
- we've got our killer.
- Evie!
118
00:05:56,282 --> 00:05:58,827
- Yeah.
- Onion rings?
119
00:05:58,828 --> 00:06:00,435
Yeah, sure.
120
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:12,947
Hahhhh...
121
00:06:15,951 --> 00:06:17,616
I need some money.
122
00:06:18,653 --> 00:06:21,415
- What's that smell?
- Men, Sergeant.
123
00:06:21,416 --> 00:06:23,184
- Stan, I need to talk to you...
- Ahh, zsh, zsh.
124
00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:24,552
I'm watching one of the greatest
125
00:06:24,553 --> 00:06:26,320
motion pictures of the past 200 years.
126
00:06:26,321 --> 00:06:27,888
Little thing called "Ice Station Zebra,"
127
00:06:27,889 --> 00:06:29,557
starring Rock Hudson.
128
00:06:29,558 --> 00:06:31,058
Now, that's a man's man.
129
00:06:31,059 --> 00:06:32,560
Not like these actors today.
130
00:06:32,561 --> 00:06:35,162
You tell Rock Hudson
to go on a juice cleanse,
131
00:06:35,163 --> 00:06:36,731
he'd eat a dog in front of ya.
132
00:06:36,732 --> 00:06:38,499
Okay.
133
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:39,022
Stan!
134
00:06:40,512 --> 00:06:42,384
I think I may have killed someone.
135
00:06:43,076 --> 00:06:44,844
You had me at "killed."
136
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,087
In my sleep.
137
00:06:46,088 --> 00:06:48,589
- Ahh, you ruined it.
- This is serious!
138
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,279
All right, so, I have a dream
139
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,781
that I slit a guy's throat, right?
140
00:06:53,782 --> 00:06:56,177
It's just a dream. Sure.
Fine. No problem.
141
00:06:56,178 --> 00:06:57,418
Today,
142
00:06:57,419 --> 00:06:58,441
that same guy
143
00:06:58,442 --> 00:07:00,488
shows up dead, on the sidewalk,
144
00:07:00,489 --> 00:07:01,355
with his throat slit!
145
00:07:01,743 --> 00:07:02,656
♪ Cool! ♪
146
00:07:02,657 --> 00:07:04,158
No, it's not cool!
147
00:07:04,159 --> 00:07:05,326
It's not cool that I'm killing people
148
00:07:05,327 --> 00:07:07,028
in my sleep! It's horrible!
149
00:07:07,029 --> 00:07:09,697
No, I meant this baby-crow blanket.
150
00:07:09,698 --> 00:07:11,332
Hahh. I'm gonna go
take it out to the car,
151
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:13,434
to the mama crow.
152
00:07:13,435 --> 00:07:15,369
Ca-caw. Ca-caw ca-caw-caw!
153
00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:16,537
Stan, I don't know what to do.
154
00:07:16,538 --> 00:07:18,105
Do I arrest myself?
155
00:07:18,106 --> 00:07:19,607
I mean, how would that even work?!
156
00:07:19,608 --> 00:07:20,582
Take a load off.
157
00:07:21,843 --> 00:07:24,879
Do what I do when I'm facing
a troubling situation:
158
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,547
(a) Do not think about it and
159
00:07:26,548 --> 00:07:27,915
(b) Go on about a case of brews.
160
00:07:27,916 --> 00:07:29,050
All the best.
161
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:35,523
I got it. I got it.
162
00:07:36,359 --> 00:07:37,849
Excuse me, Sheriff.
163
00:07:38,406 --> 00:07:41,128
I need a restraining order.
I don't even know you!
164
00:07:41,129 --> 00:07:43,064
It's for my boyfriend. He's crazy.
165
00:07:43,065 --> 00:07:44,432
He threatened to beat up my dad because
166
00:07:44,433 --> 00:07:45,367
- You!
- I do...
167
00:07:45,368 --> 00:07:46,801
God.
168
00:07:46,802 --> 00:07:48,803
Come on. Let's go.
169
00:07:48,804 --> 00:07:50,971
No, you hold your horses, mister!
170
00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:52,640
You let go of her, right now!
171
00:07:55,944 --> 00:07:56,714
Oh, yeah?
172
00:07:57,746 --> 00:07:59,146
You want a piece of me?
173
00:07:59,147 --> 00:08:01,282
You don't have to do this. He's a child.
174
00:08:01,283 --> 00:08:02,750
Oh, don't you worry. This won't be
175
00:08:02,751 --> 00:08:05,087
the first child I've sent
to the hospital.
176
00:08:50,332 --> 00:08:51,866
He's dead!
177
00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:53,000
You killed him!
178
00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:54,835
You saved me!
179
00:08:55,937 --> 00:08:57,648
- Mnh.
- Mm!
180
00:08:58,492 --> 00:09:00,040
Mm! I want you.
181
00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:01,202
Mnh.
182
00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:03,724
Uh... No.
183
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,779
Why don't you go freshen up
184
00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:07,448
and I'm gonna draw a chalk outline
185
00:09:07,449 --> 00:09:09,194
around your boyfriend's corpse.
186
00:09:09,195 --> 00:09:11,719
No, not here. Not now.
187
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:12,988
I'm in mourning.
188
00:09:15,323 --> 00:09:16,658
Call me in an hour.
189
00:09:17,993 --> 00:09:20,728
I know, but I still
haven't figured out...
190
00:09:21,830 --> 00:09:23,063
Hey, what's up, Leon?
191
00:09:23,064 --> 00:09:24,965
- I just killed a guy.
- What?
192
00:09:24,966 --> 00:09:27,168
We were fighting and he
had a heart attack.
193
00:09:27,169 --> 00:09:29,036
He kicked my ass to death.
194
00:09:29,037 --> 00:09:31,005
Hey.
Leon killed someone, too.
195
00:09:31,006 --> 00:09:31,854
That's him.
196
00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:33,474
Mr. Bandwagon.
197
00:09:33,475 --> 00:09:36,177
Wait. "Too"? Like "also" too?
198
00:09:36,178 --> 00:09:39,079
All right. I'm not totally sure,
199
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,149
but you know that guy
whose throat got slit?
200
00:09:42,150 --> 00:09:43,584
I'm afraid I might've done it.
201
00:09:43,585 --> 00:09:45,719
You think this makes us closer?
202
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:46,987
- What?!
- No, nothin'.
203
00:09:46,988 --> 00:09:48,656
I'm just saying. It's, you know,
204
00:09:48,657 --> 00:09:50,824
nice havin' a buddy
who's on the same page.
205
00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:52,639
Great.
206
00:09:53,195 --> 00:09:54,895
Listen, I'm afraid
to go to sleep tonight.
207
00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:56,995
I mean, what if I kill again?!
208
00:09:57,505 --> 00:09:59,433
You'll be fine. Just
don't kill me or Denise.
209
00:09:59,434 --> 00:10:01,068
Jiminy!
210
00:10:01,069 --> 00:10:05,072
Pregnancy hormones are like
bath salts for crows.
211
00:10:06,274 --> 00:10:07,408
Make that just me.
212
00:10:07,409 --> 00:10:09,577
All right. Guys, I need someone
213
00:10:09,578 --> 00:10:10,578
to watch me tonight, to make sure
214
00:10:10,579 --> 00:10:11,589
I don't go to sleep.
215
00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:13,514
Well, here, I'd love to do it, but,
216
00:10:13,515 --> 00:10:14,682
my ass and my chair
217
00:10:14,683 --> 00:10:16,416
are currently having a playdate.
218
00:10:16,985 --> 00:10:18,752
I'll do it, Evie. I mean,
the pain in my face
219
00:10:18,753 --> 00:10:21,055
is gonna keep me up for days.
220
00:10:21,056 --> 00:10:22,189
I'll go pack.
221
00:10:22,190 --> 00:10:23,421
Wow-ow,
222
00:10:24,192 --> 00:10:28,429
everything really does
happen for a reason.
223
00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:33,061
Gosh, she's upbeat.
224
00:10:37,706 --> 00:10:38,670
Ewgh.
225
00:10:39,934 --> 00:10:42,202
- Ow! Ow!
- Okay!
226
00:10:42,344 --> 00:10:43,410
Ow.
227
00:10:43,411 --> 00:10:44,778
Hey, if you want to
228
00:10:44,779 --> 00:10:46,614
pick the first movie, go right ahead.
229
00:10:46,615 --> 00:10:48,115
I've got it!
230
00:10:50,118 --> 00:10:52,786
The screen's black,
then the words come up...
231
00:10:52,787 --> 00:10:54,788
"Welcome to General Cinemas."
232
00:10:57,292 --> 00:10:58,592
Then Dennis Hopper...
233
00:11:00,762 --> 00:11:02,229
Puts lipstick
234
00:11:02,230 --> 00:11:04,298
all over his lips.
235
00:11:04,299 --> 00:11:06,133
You know what?
I'm gonna stop you.
236
00:11:06,134 --> 00:11:07,401
Hold that thought.
237
00:11:07,402 --> 00:11:08,569
I'm just gonna grab some coffee.
238
00:11:20,649 --> 00:11:22,249
Sorry about that. I just...
239
00:11:27,155 --> 00:11:27,992
Great.
240
00:12:24,479 --> 00:12:25,380
Oh.
241
00:12:29,284 --> 00:12:31,685
- Jello.
- Oh, Stan! Thank God.
242
00:12:31,686 --> 00:12:34,121
Okay, listen up.
I just saw it in my dream.
243
00:12:34,122 --> 00:12:35,389
There is someone in your house
244
00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:36,790
and they're trying to kill you.
245
00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:37,858
And it's not me!
246
00:12:37,859 --> 00:12:39,009
Because I'm here!
247
00:12:39,527 --> 00:12:41,061
And I have nicer hands.
248
00:12:41,062 --> 00:12:42,496
Yeah, I don't know what you drank,
249
00:12:42,497 --> 00:12:43,997
but it was too much. Good night.
250
00:12:43,998 --> 00:12:45,899
No, no, no. Wait! Stan, I'm serious!
251
00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:47,468
Stan?!
252
00:12:49,897 --> 00:12:50,596
Stan!
253
00:12:51,831 --> 00:12:52,675
Stan!
254
00:12:55,009 --> 00:12:56,176
Stan!
255
00:13:02,892 --> 00:13:04,694
What am I wearin'? I'm
wearin' my work uniform.
256
00:13:05,095 --> 00:13:06,495
- What are you wearin'?
- Hey.
257
00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:08,797
Look, I gotta go. Bye.
258
00:13:08,798 --> 00:13:11,300
Lab reports. Okay, good.
259
00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:13,168
The fingerprints on the
jacket were not mine,
260
00:13:13,169 --> 00:13:15,437
which we already knew.
261
00:13:15,438 --> 00:13:17,439
But they don't match anything
in the database, either.
262
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:21,043
Oh! They found a long,
gray hair on the jacket.
263
00:13:21,044 --> 00:13:23,212
And guess what was on the end of that!
264
00:13:23,213 --> 00:13:24,713
Saltwater taffy.
265
00:13:24,714 --> 00:13:26,782
- What?
- Paper clips.
266
00:13:26,783 --> 00:13:28,382
- No.
- Chewin' tobacco.
267
00:13:29,152 --> 00:13:31,320
- Why am I letting you guess?
- Motor oil!
268
00:13:31,321 --> 00:13:32,387
Why would you...?
269
00:13:32,709 --> 00:13:34,102
Necrotic flesh.
270
00:13:34,891 --> 00:13:36,191
Like from a dead person.
271
00:13:36,192 --> 00:13:37,726
Oh, so we're lookin' for a dead female
272
00:13:37,727 --> 00:13:39,494
who pushes people off of roofs
273
00:13:39,495 --> 00:13:41,815
and may, or may not, work at Jiffy Lube.
274
00:13:42,232 --> 00:13:43,966
What? No! Why? Why?!
275
00:13:43,967 --> 00:13:45,834
She'd be easy to find, if we
had night-vision goggles
276
00:13:45,835 --> 00:13:47,869
and a helicopter, but not
with our state budget.
277
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,472
It's all wasted on food banks
and afterschool programs.
278
00:13:50,473 --> 00:13:52,274
Okay now, this is interesting.
279
00:13:52,275 --> 00:13:53,642
According to the autopsy report,
280
00:13:53,643 --> 00:13:55,310
the guy you killed?
281
00:13:55,311 --> 00:13:57,546
Had already been dead for a month.
282
00:13:57,547 --> 00:13:59,181
They exhumed his grave. It was empty.
283
00:13:59,441 --> 00:14:01,174
I-I re-killed a dead guy?
284
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:04,786
This is all starting to make
some kind of horrible sense.
285
00:14:04,787 --> 00:14:06,521
I'm gonna check
the county records to see
286
00:14:06,522 --> 00:14:09,391
if any sheriffs were killed
by being pushed off a roof.
287
00:14:09,392 --> 00:14:10,980
I'm gonna call the state capital,
288
00:14:10,981 --> 00:14:13,328
see if I can shake loose some
of that helicopter money.
289
00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:22,504
Helicopter department, please.
290
00:14:24,742 --> 00:14:25,875
Come on.
291
00:14:34,584 --> 00:14:35,684
Oh.
292
00:14:41,257 --> 00:14:42,090
Married.
293
00:14:42,859 --> 00:14:44,217
Seemed happy.
294
00:14:45,762 --> 00:14:47,362
God, socks were cheap back then.
295
00:14:52,602 --> 00:14:56,104
Clearly, it's the same ring,
but, that still doesn't explain
296
00:14:56,105 --> 00:14:58,480
why I'm seeing through
the eyes of a killer.
297
00:14:59,509 --> 00:15:00,955
You see that woman?
298
00:15:01,544 --> 00:15:03,684
She looks just like my new girlfriend.
299
00:15:04,047 --> 00:15:05,847
You could even say she's a...
300
00:15:05,848 --> 00:15:07,052
dead ringer.
301
00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:10,886
- Mm.
- You know, ring?
302
00:15:10,887 --> 00:15:12,220
Yeah, no, I got it.
303
00:15:12,221 --> 00:15:14,556
- Where does she live?
- I don't know.
304
00:15:14,557 --> 00:15:16,291
But you're already
calling her your girlfriend?
305
00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:18,960
See, this is the thing with you.
You always rush into stuff.
306
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,096
No. Maybe I just go slow
307
00:15:21,097 --> 00:15:22,332
faster than you do.
308
00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:24,466
So the only other lead we have
309
00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:26,524
is the old woman at the antique store.
310
00:15:26,869 --> 00:15:27,812
I'll drive.
311
00:15:28,871 --> 00:15:30,181
It's one street over.
312
00:15:30,773 --> 00:15:33,275
Oh, dear God. Activate... action pants!
313
00:15:34,944 --> 00:15:36,112
Lights and siren.
314
00:15:37,447 --> 00:15:38,914
I'm gonna meet you there.
315
00:15:45,154 --> 00:15:46,655
Yeah, hey, Stan, it's me.
316
00:15:46,656 --> 00:15:48,056
Listen, I think we got
a lead on those killings.
317
00:15:48,057 --> 00:15:49,424
I'm not sure where it's gonna go, but,
318
00:15:49,425 --> 00:15:50,826
I think it starts at the antique store,
319
00:15:50,827 --> 00:15:52,095
so, uh, meet us there.
320
00:15:59,602 --> 00:16:00,802
"Oh,
321
00:16:00,803 --> 00:16:02,804
you should just meet us there."
322
00:16:02,805 --> 00:16:04,238
Uh, yes, sir, miss.
323
00:16:04,807 --> 00:16:07,743
Jawohl, mein Commandant.
324
00:16:07,744 --> 00:16:10,011
You know what's the funniest thing?
325
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:13,482
Whenever I put that ring on,
I've been seeing murders.
326
00:16:13,483 --> 00:16:15,350
Really?
327
00:16:15,351 --> 00:16:16,418
It's just a ring.
328
00:16:16,419 --> 00:16:18,086
Mm. It's the ring
329
00:16:18,087 --> 00:16:20,136
of a dead constable's wife.
330
00:16:20,823 --> 00:16:22,324
And that woman standing behind her?
331
00:16:22,325 --> 00:16:24,426
I totally tongue-darted her yesterday.
332
00:16:24,427 --> 00:16:25,927
Yeah, and, if you want to do it again,
333
00:16:25,928 --> 00:16:27,629
you'll shave that mustache.
334
00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:28,697
Say what?
335
00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:29,916
Ohh.
336
00:16:30,967 --> 00:16:32,434
Yes, Sheriff
337
00:16:33,374 --> 00:16:36,364
we are one and the same.
338
00:16:36,639 --> 00:16:37,839
Years and years ago,
339
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:38,672
I was
340
00:16:39,588 --> 00:16:41,450
Constable Pruitt's mistress.
341
00:16:41,811 --> 00:16:44,179
He... promised to leave his wife for me
342
00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:46,324
and, then, he didn't.
343
00:16:47,717 --> 00:16:49,868
I couldn't steal him, but,
344
00:16:50,192 --> 00:16:51,662
I could steal this.
345
00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:54,689
I wanted him dead, but I...
346
00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:56,930
I couldn't bring myself
to do it, of course.
347
00:16:57,860 --> 00:16:58,516
And then,
348
00:16:59,562 --> 00:17:02,396
Constable Eccles appeared to me.
349
00:17:02,899 --> 00:17:05,901
He said that, if I killed Pruitt,
350
00:17:05,902 --> 00:17:08,236
I would stay young and beautiful
351
00:17:08,237 --> 00:17:10,972
until I found myself
a new sheriff to wed.
352
00:17:12,675 --> 00:17:14,843
And that... that grew tiresome.
353
00:17:14,844 --> 00:17:17,212
Heh. Very tiresome.
354
00:17:17,213 --> 00:17:19,381
And, eventually,
355
00:17:19,382 --> 00:17:20,644
I stopped looking.
356
00:17:21,884 --> 00:17:23,885
It's been almost 200 years.
357
00:17:26,589 --> 00:17:27,656
And then,
358
00:17:27,657 --> 00:17:29,558
you came in here,
359
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:32,961
wanting a wedding ring,
just to look married,
360
00:17:32,962 --> 00:17:35,315
just to keep men away.
361
00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:39,034
I wanted you to see what it's like
362
00:17:39,035 --> 00:17:41,236
for a woman who wanted marriage,
363
00:17:41,237 --> 00:17:42,689
and it was denied her.
364
00:17:44,674 --> 00:17:46,408
- Couple of things...
- Yeah, I have a big question.
365
00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:48,009
- What?
- What do you think of my mustache?
366
00:17:48,626 --> 00:17:49,911
That's your question?
367
00:17:49,912 --> 00:17:51,046
- Yeah.
- I wanted to tell you...
368
00:17:51,047 --> 00:17:52,547
Oh. Oh.
369
00:17:54,884 --> 00:17:57,052
Listen to me. Either pipe down
370
00:17:57,053 --> 00:17:58,653
or I'm gonna throw a cat back there.
371
00:17:58,654 --> 00:18:00,755
How do you like that? Huh?
372
00:18:00,756 --> 00:18:02,924
Oh, for the love of... Stop.
373
00:18:04,494 --> 00:18:07,596
Oh, my God, the roof.
374
00:18:07,597 --> 00:18:09,431
Evie!
375
00:18:09,432 --> 00:18:12,000
Leon?! Where are you?!
376
00:18:12,001 --> 00:18:13,535
Down! Here!
377
00:18:16,372 --> 00:18:17,772
Unhh! Damn it!
378
00:18:17,773 --> 00:18:21,076
Ah! Jesus, don't... peck the driver.
379
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,531
It's time to end this nightmare.
380
00:18:26,549 --> 00:18:28,622
Killing yourself is not the answer.
381
00:18:29,352 --> 00:18:30,958
I'm not gonna kill myself.
382
00:18:31,787 --> 00:18:33,455
I meant it's time to kill you.
383
00:18:34,632 --> 00:18:36,024
- That tracks.
- Mm.
384
00:18:36,025 --> 00:18:39,294
♪ La la la-la ♪
385
00:18:47,069 --> 00:18:49,723
- Right here, dear.
- Ahh!
386
00:18:50,573 --> 00:18:52,140
I got her, Evie.
387
00:18:52,141 --> 00:18:54,309
Even if I have to shoot
through you to get her.
388
00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:55,644
Okay, I don't think we're there yet.
389
00:18:57,446 --> 00:18:58,647
In fact,
390
00:18:58,648 --> 00:19:00,215
Leon can marry you!
391
00:19:00,216 --> 00:19:02,150
- What?!
- Shut up! You're doing it!
392
00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:03,585
Heh.
393
00:19:03,586 --> 00:19:05,554
You always wanted to marry
a... a constable.
394
00:19:05,555 --> 00:19:06,655
That's what you said.
395
00:19:06,656 --> 00:19:08,590
But he's only a deputy.
396
00:19:08,591 --> 00:19:10,325
At your age, you can't settle?
397
00:19:10,326 --> 00:19:11,793
I mean, I-I could even do the ceremony.
398
00:19:11,794 --> 00:19:13,228
Right here. Right now!
399
00:19:13,229 --> 00:19:15,330
But you just said I
always rush into things!
400
00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:16,999
Read the room.
401
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:19,525
Are you kidding' me?
402
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,159
Ewww!
403
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,394
Ohh! That better not be your...
404
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:24,629
Oh. It's your foot.
405
00:19:25,385 --> 00:19:27,165
Okay, uh... Okay, do you...?
406
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,342
Priscilla Atherton.
407
00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:31,133
Pretty name. Do you, Priscilla Atherton,
408
00:19:31,134 --> 00:19:32,467
take this man, Leon Drinkwater,
409
00:19:32,468 --> 00:19:33,968
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
410
00:19:33,969 --> 00:19:35,904
- I do.
- Great. Do you, Leo...
411
00:19:35,905 --> 00:19:37,906
- Yeah.
- Okay. Uh...
412
00:19:37,907 --> 00:19:40,193
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
413
00:19:40,658 --> 00:19:42,103
You may kiss the bride.
414
00:19:46,482 --> 00:19:47,715
Ooh!
415
00:19:47,716 --> 00:19:48,850
How do you think I feel?
416
00:19:48,851 --> 00:19:51,085
Ohhh.
417
00:19:51,086 --> 00:19:52,587
What is happening?
418
00:19:52,588 --> 00:19:54,422
Oh, that? Well.
419
00:19:54,423 --> 00:19:55,857
- Agh!
- Constable Eccles
420
00:19:55,858 --> 00:19:57,759
only guaranteed you
eternal youth and beauty
421
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,327
until you found yourself a new husband
422
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:00,895
- and, now, you have one.
- N-No.
423
00:20:00,896 --> 00:20:02,230
I guess you'll have to go back to being
424
00:20:02,231 --> 00:20:03,531
a normal, everyday,
425
00:20:03,532 --> 00:20:06,901
- 200-year-old woman.
- Noooooooooooooo!
426
00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:11,239
- Aggggghhhhh!
- Aah!
427
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,042
Aaaah!
428
00:20:14,043 --> 00:20:16,844
I'll... kill... you.
429
00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:19,013
- Ah! Oh!
- What the hell's goin' on here?
430
00:20:19,014 --> 00:20:20,615
Aah!
431
00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:21,584
Ew!
432
00:20:21,585 --> 00:20:24,419
- Ohhh!
- No. No-o-o.
433
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:25,326
Ugh.
434
00:20:25,326 --> 00:20:26,187
Ah,
435
00:20:26,188 --> 00:20:28,022
well, everything's fine
'cause we found the murderer,
436
00:20:28,023 --> 00:20:29,602
but it's okay 'cause Leon married her.
437
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:30,925
Yeah, well, I just drove out here
438
00:20:30,926 --> 00:20:32,273
in a car full of crows.
439
00:20:32,895 --> 00:20:34,262
Didn't phase me. You know why?
440
00:20:34,263 --> 00:20:36,297
It's Nothing Bothers Stan Tuesday.
441
00:20:36,298 --> 00:20:41,769
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!
442
00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:42,804
I'm a widow?
443
00:20:42,805 --> 00:20:44,205
Oh, buck up there, Leon.
444
00:20:44,206 --> 00:20:45,539
There are plenty
of other fish in the sea.
445
00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:47,809
Maybe none quite so old as her,
446
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:49,444
but I don't judge.
447
00:20:49,445 --> 00:20:50,845
That's not true. I do judge.
448
00:20:50,846 --> 00:20:52,972
But not today. Everybody gets a pass.
449
00:20:53,749 --> 00:20:55,116
Seriously, Leon, you okay?
450
00:20:55,117 --> 00:20:57,395
Yes, th-that was your idea, you know?
451
00:20:57,586 --> 00:20:59,854
- I know!
- You think I was excited about tonight?
452
00:20:59,855 --> 00:21:01,723
Can you imagine what
she looked like naked?
453
00:21:01,724 --> 00:21:03,057
Oh, I can.
454
00:21:03,058 --> 00:21:05,251
I bet she looked like a pile of peppers.
455
00:21:06,362 --> 00:21:08,296
Wow. Okay. I'm leaving.
456
00:21:08,297 --> 00:21:09,499
I have another one.
457
00:21:09,624 --> 00:21:12,367
I bet she looked like
her own weight in raisins.
458
00:21:12,368 --> 00:21:14,235
- Goodbye!
- A dolphin's blow hole,
459
00:21:14,236 --> 00:21:16,237
surrounded by chicken fat?
460
00:21:16,238 --> 00:21:17,238
Good night.
461
00:21:17,239 --> 00:21:18,273
Tough crowd.
30902
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