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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,093 --> 00:00:03,137 What's up, Marloneers? Welcome to "The Marlon Way." 2 00:00:03,138 --> 00:00:05,656 Growing up, I had a lot of brothers. 3 00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:07,910 I was damn near born into a fraternity. 4 00:00:07,911 --> 00:00:10,579 I was hazed my entire life. 5 00:00:10,580 --> 00:00:12,880 My brothers would lick my food. 6 00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:18,754 Hey, my cookie tastes like spit! 7 00:00:18,755 --> 00:00:21,524 It was rough, but see, the thing was, 8 00:00:21,525 --> 00:00:23,225 my brothers was always there for me. 9 00:00:23,226 --> 00:00:26,462 And when I went to college, I missed that brotherhood. 10 00:00:26,463 --> 00:00:28,998 And then I met Stevie, 11 00:00:28,999 --> 00:00:31,966 and he was always there. 12 00:00:32,968 --> 00:00:35,004 See, they're fast and furious. 13 00:00:36,439 --> 00:00:37,773 Which one is this? 14 00:00:37,774 --> 00:00:39,708 Boy, would you stop being there? 15 00:00:49,085 --> 00:00:50,085 Marlon! 16 00:00:53,322 --> 00:00:55,524 The guys are gonna be here any minute. 17 00:00:55,525 --> 00:00:58,894 I hope you brought a jacket, because it's chilly in D.C. 18 00:00:58,895 --> 00:01:00,963 Girl, I got eight party outfits, 19 00:01:00,964 --> 00:01:04,133 six after-party outfits, and I ain't covering up 20 00:01:04,134 --> 00:01:07,001 Nair-one of 'em with a damn jacket. 21 00:01:07,803 --> 00:01:09,638 - 14 outfits? - Mm-hmm. 22 00:01:09,639 --> 00:01:11,941 Girl, we're only going for the weekend. 23 00:01:11,942 --> 00:01:14,977 This is Howell homecoming. I don't know what to expect. 24 00:01:14,978 --> 00:01:17,680 Y'all all had that black college experience. 25 00:01:17,681 --> 00:01:19,615 Homecoming is a blast. 26 00:01:19,616 --> 00:01:21,350 You get to catch up with old friends 27 00:01:21,351 --> 00:01:24,486 over wine and cheese and jazz. 28 00:01:27,390 --> 00:01:29,525 Girl, I'm 'sleep. 29 00:01:29,526 --> 00:01:31,560 I'm trying to day party, night party, 30 00:01:31,561 --> 00:01:33,963 after party, and be on somebody's shoulders 31 00:01:33,964 --> 00:01:35,431 at the Migos concert. 32 00:01:35,432 --> 00:01:37,099 Oh... 33 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:38,534 Yvette, 34 00:01:38,535 --> 00:01:40,703 I'm not gonna be one of those pathetic old-heads 35 00:01:40,704 --> 00:01:43,538 running around homecoming acting a fool. 36 00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:46,575 HU! 37 00:01:46,576 --> 00:01:50,446 Fo' sho! 38 00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:52,347 OK! 39 00:01:53,082 --> 00:01:54,849 Yeah, we... we don't do that. 40 00:01:56,619 --> 00:01:58,187 I'm so excited, you guys, 41 00:01:58,188 --> 00:02:00,022 that we're all going back for homecoming. 42 00:02:00,023 --> 00:02:02,324 Oh, I love going back to homecomings! 43 00:02:02,325 --> 00:02:04,793 I like going just to see how terrible people look. 44 00:02:04,794 --> 00:02:05,928 Oh, my God. 45 00:02:05,929 --> 00:02:07,529 On our 20th, this girl came up to me. 46 00:02:07,530 --> 00:02:09,498 She said, "Marlon! 47 00:02:09,499 --> 00:02:10,799 You was in my class!" 48 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,501 I said, "Which one did you teach?" 49 00:02:14,604 --> 00:02:15,838 Oh, my God. 50 00:02:15,839 --> 00:02:17,306 But this is a special year. 51 00:02:17,307 --> 00:02:20,776 This is the 25th anniversary of the Drew Cows, 52 00:02:20,777 --> 00:02:23,646 the fraternity I founded in my underwear 53 00:02:23,647 --> 00:02:25,713 while eating a bowl of Lucky Charms. 54 00:02:26,649 --> 00:02:27,883 Wait, so you're the one who started 55 00:02:27,884 --> 00:02:30,552 - that stupid cow fraternity? - Yup. 56 00:02:30,553 --> 00:02:32,288 And, you know, I should have started 57 00:02:32,289 --> 00:02:34,323 another one for all the farm animals, 58 00:02:34,324 --> 00:02:36,358 so this way, you and your horsehair 59 00:02:36,359 --> 00:02:37,593 could have joined. 60 00:02:37,594 --> 00:02:39,795 'Cause that weave you got is hi... 61 00:02:39,796 --> 00:02:42,197 lar... 62 00:02:42,198 --> 00:02:43,931 ious. 63 00:02:44,767 --> 00:02:47,169 I didn't want to be a part of those big frats, 64 00:02:47,170 --> 00:02:48,537 so I started the Cows. 65 00:02:48,538 --> 00:02:49,672 Drew Cows! 66 00:02:49,673 --> 00:02:52,341 Moo! 67 00:02:52,342 --> 00:02:54,310 And this year, the original Cows 68 00:02:54,311 --> 00:02:56,111 are coming back to pledge the new line. 69 00:02:56,112 --> 00:02:57,513 Well, Stevie, why aren't you mooing 70 00:02:57,514 --> 00:02:59,481 like your ass got stuck with a cattle prod? 71 00:02:59,482 --> 00:03:02,251 Sadly, I was never allowed to pledge. 72 00:03:02,252 --> 00:03:04,887 - Mm. - Marlon always had my back. 73 00:03:04,888 --> 00:03:07,189 But the other founding fathers, Eddie and Dwayne, 74 00:03:07,190 --> 00:03:09,058 didn't think that I was "leather." 75 00:03:09,059 --> 00:03:11,225 That's what they call "Cow material." 76 00:03:12,494 --> 00:03:13,662 Not being a Cow is still one 77 00:03:13,663 --> 00:03:14,863 of the biggest regrets of my life. 78 00:03:14,864 --> 00:03:16,931 Well, that and cheap Lasik. 79 00:03:17,533 --> 00:03:19,468 And never trying out for "The Lion King." 80 00:03:19,469 --> 00:03:21,303 And missing the "Frasier" finale. 81 00:03:21,304 --> 00:03:22,838 I don't know how it ended. 82 00:03:22,839 --> 00:03:24,639 So many regrets. 83 00:03:25,207 --> 00:03:28,242 And so many reasons why they didn't let you in the frat. 84 00:03:28,944 --> 00:03:30,579 - I mean, well, - if you guys didn't meet 85 00:03:30,580 --> 00:03:33,215 in Drew Cows, how did you even become friends? 86 00:03:33,216 --> 00:03:36,151 Well, when I first got to HU, uh, 87 00:03:36,152 --> 00:03:40,122 my grades was a little bit subpar, per Se. 88 00:03:40,123 --> 00:03:42,091 The only "A" I had was in partying. 89 00:03:42,092 --> 00:03:44,793 So I called Rent-A-Nerd. 90 00:03:44,794 --> 00:03:46,294 And I picked right up. 91 00:03:47,062 --> 00:03:48,797 Of all the people that I tutored, 92 00:03:48,798 --> 00:03:50,632 Marlon was the only one who took me to parties. 93 00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:52,901 You could say I helped him with classes... 94 00:03:52,902 --> 00:03:56,204 And I helped him with asses. 95 00:03:57,272 --> 00:03:58,741 Okay. 96 00:03:58,742 --> 00:04:00,242 Kids, come on down! 97 00:04:00,243 --> 00:04:02,745 Hey, we can reminisce about the good old days 98 00:04:02,746 --> 00:04:04,913 - when we get to campus. - Ah! 99 00:04:04,914 --> 00:04:07,182 Why do we have to stay at Grandma's? 100 00:04:07,183 --> 00:04:10,152 Every meal, she tells us a story about segregation. 101 00:04:10,153 --> 00:04:14,055 I don't know who Jim Crow is, but he did a number on Grandma. 102 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,964 Oh, look at all this black excellence! 103 00:04:21,965 --> 00:04:24,099 I never felt more at home. 104 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,701 I don't know, you looked pretty cozy 105 00:04:25,702 --> 00:04:27,168 in the Laker locker room. 106 00:04:27,703 --> 00:04:29,571 Come on, Yvette, I'll show you around. 107 00:04:29,572 --> 00:04:32,141 Okay. Whoo! 108 00:04:32,142 --> 00:04:33,475 Pastor Daddy would have been 109 00:04:33,476 --> 00:04:35,878 Pastor Granddaddy if he sent me here. 110 00:04:35,879 --> 00:04:38,514 Come on! 111 00:04:38,515 --> 00:04:40,416 This is where our friendship began. 112 00:04:40,417 --> 00:04:41,850 Not to be too sentimental, 113 00:04:41,851 --> 00:04:44,686 but I'd like to take this opportunity to say... 114 00:04:44,687 --> 00:04:46,855 Drew Cows! 115 00:04:46,856 --> 00:04:48,290 Moo! 116 00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:50,626 My man Itchy Eddie, 117 00:04:50,627 --> 00:04:51,894 look at you! 118 00:04:51,895 --> 00:04:53,362 Remember why we called you Itchy Eddie? 119 00:04:53,363 --> 00:04:56,398 'Cause you got poison ivy and crabs all at the same time! 120 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,334 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Marlon! 121 00:04:59,335 --> 00:05:00,903 - Look at you! - What's up, man? 122 00:05:00,904 --> 00:05:03,672 Skinny D ain't so skinny no more, man! 123 00:05:03,673 --> 00:05:05,140 Look at you, boy! 124 00:05:05,141 --> 00:05:07,443 Hey, man, why didn't you invite me to the baby shower? 125 00:05:07,444 --> 00:05:08,777 Ah! 126 00:05:08,778 --> 00:05:10,846 - Marlon still got jokes, man! - Yeah, man! 127 00:05:10,847 --> 00:05:13,015 And pants so tight, you can see his sperm count! 128 00:05:13,016 --> 00:05:13,916 Oh! 129 00:05:13,917 --> 00:05:15,451 Hey... hey, we ain't got to worry about that, 130 00:05:15,452 --> 00:05:16,819 'cause I just use your condom hat! 131 00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:18,654 Is this thing ribbed and lubricated? 132 00:05:18,655 --> 00:05:20,856 Oh, hey! 133 00:05:20,857 --> 00:05:24,460 Stevie! AKA Nerdy Noggle! 134 00:05:24,461 --> 00:05:26,361 Eddie and Dwayne. 135 00:05:26,362 --> 00:05:28,697 Howell's least likely to succeed. 136 00:05:28,698 --> 00:05:30,466 I own my own trucking company. 137 00:05:30,467 --> 00:05:32,768 Well, that's why the "likely's" in there. 138 00:05:32,769 --> 00:05:35,671 Allows for a certain margin of error. 139 00:05:35,672 --> 00:05:37,573 Hey, yo, Stevie, check it out. 140 00:05:37,574 --> 00:05:39,241 We came here to pledge some Calves, 141 00:05:39,242 --> 00:05:40,943 so why don't you find your old glee club buddies 142 00:05:40,944 --> 00:05:44,146 and you guys can whack it to the "Hamilton" soundtrack? 143 00:05:46,282 --> 00:05:47,816 I'll catch you later, dog! 144 00:05:47,817 --> 00:05:49,685 Hey, fellas, I believe it's that time. 145 00:05:49,686 --> 00:05:51,620 Bring in the bighead pledges! 146 00:05:51,621 --> 00:05:53,355 Big Brothers! 147 00:05:53,356 --> 00:05:55,991 I present to you this year's Cow pledges. 148 00:05:58,628 --> 00:06:00,596 I love the smell of... 149 00:06:00,597 --> 00:06:02,798 Leather in the morning. 150 00:06:02,799 --> 00:06:06,233 Hey, hold up. I thought we was pledging five. 151 00:06:07,402 --> 00:06:08,904 Pledges! 152 00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:10,706 Greetings, Big Brothers of Drew Cow Fraternity, 153 00:06:10,707 --> 00:06:12,074 not incorporated! 154 00:06:12,075 --> 00:06:13,774 We're here to serve! 155 00:06:15,577 --> 00:06:19,013 What in the midlife crisis is this? 156 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,372 What is this, some kind of joke? 157 00:06:27,373 --> 00:06:29,668 Man, let me tell you, you are disrespecting 158 00:06:29,669 --> 00:06:31,269 all the distinguished gentlemen 159 00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:33,038 that had that bell before you. 160 00:06:33,039 --> 00:06:35,574 I'm talking about legends, like... like Dingleberry 161 00:06:35,575 --> 00:06:39,077 and Moose-Knuckle and... and Lil Stink 162 00:06:39,078 --> 00:06:41,146 and Lil Stink Stink, Jr. 163 00:06:41,147 --> 00:06:43,749 No relation, by the way. 164 00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:45,150 This is no joke, Marlon. 165 00:06:45,151 --> 00:06:46,451 I reached out to the current Cow president 166 00:06:46,452 --> 00:06:48,086 and asked him to pledge. 167 00:06:48,087 --> 00:06:49,788 I've been waiting 25 years to prove to Eddie and Dwayne 168 00:06:49,789 --> 00:06:51,923 what you and I have always known. 169 00:06:51,924 --> 00:06:54,192 That you pull your pants all the way to the floor 170 00:06:54,193 --> 00:06:55,794 when you take a pee at the urinal? 171 00:06:55,795 --> 00:06:57,362 It's weird, okay? 172 00:06:57,363 --> 00:06:58,997 Look at this... grown-ass man 173 00:06:58,998 --> 00:07:00,898 just sitting there like this. 174 00:07:03,402 --> 00:07:04,970 This looks weird, Stevie! 175 00:07:04,971 --> 00:07:06,905 It looks weird! 176 00:07:06,906 --> 00:07:08,506 Okay? 177 00:07:10,709 --> 00:07:12,511 That I have what it takes to be a Cow. 178 00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:14,146 Stevie, you don't understand. 179 00:07:14,147 --> 00:07:16,348 This pledge process is brutal, man. 180 00:07:16,349 --> 00:07:18,784 And Eddie and Dwayne are not gonna take it easy 181 00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:20,018 on you, and neither can I. 182 00:07:20,019 --> 00:07:22,888 - Oh, I can handle it. - How? 183 00:07:22,889 --> 00:07:26,725 Boy, you got the stamina of Aretha Franklin. 184 00:07:26,726 --> 00:07:28,026 You've actually used 185 00:07:28,027 --> 00:07:29,628 the motorized scooter in the supermarket! 186 00:07:29,629 --> 00:07:32,130 Those are for everybody! 187 00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:33,832 This is important to me, Marlon. 188 00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:37,001 - I'm finally gonna be a Cow. - Stevie... 189 00:07:38,336 --> 00:07:41,106 - Girl, you should wear this on the booze cruise tonight. 190 00:07:41,107 --> 00:07:43,108 Girl, I already told you I'm not playing with these kids 191 00:07:43,109 --> 00:07:44,609 this weekend. 192 00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:48,246 - What's going on, cuties? - Hey! 193 00:07:48,247 --> 00:07:49,748 Girl, please tell me y'all are coming 194 00:07:49,749 --> 00:07:51,415 on the booze cruise tonight. 195 00:07:52,451 --> 00:07:54,118 Hell yeah! 196 00:07:57,155 --> 00:07:58,490 Bye! 197 00:08:04,931 --> 00:08:06,431 Calves! 198 00:08:06,432 --> 00:08:08,233 I would like to formally introduce you 199 00:08:08,234 --> 00:08:10,202 to our founding fathers. 200 00:08:10,203 --> 00:08:12,771 Big Brother Itchy-E! 201 00:08:12,772 --> 00:08:14,372 Moo-moo! 202 00:08:14,373 --> 00:08:16,441 Big Brother Skinny-D! 203 00:08:16,442 --> 00:08:17,609 Moo-moo, homey. 204 00:08:17,610 --> 00:08:19,111 And the honorable... 205 00:08:19,112 --> 00:08:20,579 Big Brother Spot Blower. 206 00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:23,447 ♪ Moo-moo-moo-moo-moo-moo 207 00:08:25,050 --> 00:08:29,620 Being a Cow requires a strong mind. 208 00:08:31,289 --> 00:08:34,893 'Cause we about to break you down. 209 00:08:34,894 --> 00:08:37,229 We about to fondle your brain. 210 00:08:37,230 --> 00:08:40,432 We gonna grope your mind. 211 00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:43,335 We gonna molest your psyche. 212 00:08:43,336 --> 00:08:45,971 Now, all y'all 18, right? 213 00:08:45,972 --> 00:08:48,406 Okay, cool. 214 00:08:48,407 --> 00:08:50,075 Look at this new meat right here! 215 00:08:50,076 --> 00:08:52,077 Boy, you stink. 216 00:08:52,078 --> 00:08:53,812 You smell like... 217 00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,714 You smell like the wave cap on a prisoner 218 00:08:55,715 --> 00:08:57,616 that's serving life! 219 00:08:57,617 --> 00:08:59,551 Oh, you smell like 220 00:08:59,552 --> 00:09:01,686 one of them baby dogs when they six weeks old 221 00:09:01,687 --> 00:09:04,623 and you can't wash 'em. 222 00:09:04,624 --> 00:09:06,525 Oh, you smell mildewy. 223 00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:09,060 You smell like clothes that you didn't finish drying 224 00:09:09,061 --> 00:09:11,530 but then wore to the gym and started stinking. 225 00:09:13,266 --> 00:09:17,502 Oh, you smell like floss string after Thanksgiving dinner 226 00:09:17,503 --> 00:09:19,670 six years ago! 227 00:09:20,672 --> 00:09:22,407 Oh, you smell like 228 00:09:22,408 --> 00:09:24,876 a cat burglar's hat 229 00:09:24,877 --> 00:09:26,711 after he committed a lot of crimes 230 00:09:26,712 --> 00:09:29,681 and climbed tall, tall buildings. 231 00:09:29,682 --> 00:09:32,916 Skyscrapers in Dubai. 232 00:09:33,585 --> 00:09:36,587 Man, you damn near 50 years old. 233 00:09:37,522 --> 00:09:39,391 Hey, guys, we're pledging 234 00:09:39,392 --> 00:09:41,993 one of the Tuskegee Airmen! 235 00:09:41,994 --> 00:09:43,962 Hey, what's up with this busted-ass Afro? 236 00:09:43,963 --> 00:09:47,098 Who are you, Cornell East? 237 00:09:47,099 --> 00:09:48,567 You find something funny? 238 00:09:48,568 --> 00:09:50,135 With all due respect, Big Brother, 239 00:09:50,136 --> 00:09:51,903 I've been friends with Marlon for over two decades! 240 00:09:51,904 --> 00:09:54,539 He's called me a lazy-ass, no-sex-having parasite! 241 00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,440 And that was in my birthday card. 242 00:09:57,642 --> 00:09:58,944 I don't know what color you are. 243 00:09:58,945 --> 00:10:00,345 You're confusing me! 244 00:10:00,346 --> 00:10:02,247 I don't know what you are, you... 245 00:10:02,248 --> 00:10:04,849 What are you, cake batter? 246 00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:07,519 Lemon pepper? 247 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,820 Off-Drake? 248 00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:13,291 So you still friends with Marlon, huh? 249 00:10:13,292 --> 00:10:14,826 He's my best friend, Big Brother! 250 00:10:14,827 --> 00:10:17,395 Well, here's the question: how come your best friend 251 00:10:17,396 --> 00:10:19,064 never wanted you in the Drew Cows? 252 00:10:19,065 --> 00:10:21,366 He did! You two kept blocking me! 253 00:10:22,568 --> 00:10:25,302 Yo, he still don't know! 254 00:10:26,037 --> 00:10:27,839 Hey, hey, guys, look at... 255 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:28,840 look at Fetus Face! 256 00:10:28,841 --> 00:10:30,208 Hey, hey, Fetus Face, 257 00:10:30,209 --> 00:10:31,943 we gotta put yo' face back in the incubator 258 00:10:31,944 --> 00:10:34,079 to let it finish developing! 259 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,514 Hey, it was unanimous, bro. 260 00:10:36,515 --> 00:10:40,452 Now, we all agreed. You were never Cow material. 261 00:10:40,453 --> 00:10:42,419 Even Marlon. 262 00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:45,123 Marlon, is this true? 263 00:10:45,124 --> 00:10:47,525 Um, well, it... it all depends 264 00:10:47,526 --> 00:10:49,527 on what you mean by "true." 265 00:10:49,528 --> 00:10:51,696 I mean a statement of fact. 266 00:10:51,697 --> 00:10:53,865 As in something that actually happened. 267 00:10:53,866 --> 00:10:56,134 Are you talking "my girl checked my cell phone, 268 00:10:56,135 --> 00:10:58,303 so I gotta admit it" true? 269 00:10:58,304 --> 00:11:00,972 Uh, then... 270 00:11:00,973 --> 00:11:03,574 I-I guess yes. 271 00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:06,009 It's true. 272 00:11:08,907 --> 00:11:11,123 Calves, we're taking you to a muddy field 273 00:11:11,124 --> 00:11:12,224 for some cow tipping! 274 00:11:12,225 --> 00:11:13,592 By the way, you the cows! 275 00:11:13,593 --> 00:11:15,526 And it ain't all mud! 276 00:11:16,161 --> 00:11:19,397 Pledges, stampede! 277 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:23,669 You've been lying to me for 25 years. 278 00:11:23,670 --> 00:11:25,571 You knew how much I wanted to be a Cow! 279 00:11:25,572 --> 00:11:27,606 - How could you block me? - Because I didn't want you 280 00:11:27,607 --> 00:11:29,441 going through the torture of initiation! 281 00:11:29,442 --> 00:11:31,910 - Why the hell not? - Dude, you remember you 282 00:11:31,911 --> 00:11:33,779 freshman year. Come on, man! 283 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,213 You was soft and corny. 284 00:11:35,214 --> 00:11:36,981 Look, you still corny! 285 00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:39,284 Dude, you used to drag your books behind you 286 00:11:39,285 --> 00:11:40,652 in a rollaway backpack. 287 00:11:40,653 --> 00:11:42,054 I didn't know if you was going to class 288 00:11:42,055 --> 00:11:44,188 or taking a damn red-eye. 289 00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:47,359 I was trying to protect you, Stevie. 290 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,128 Oh, you had to protect me? Like I'm some sort of child? 291 00:11:50,129 --> 00:11:52,930 You still wear superhero underwear! 292 00:11:54,232 --> 00:11:56,134 And make noises and fly around the house 293 00:11:56,135 --> 00:11:58,303 going, "Pssh!" 294 00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:03,075 Well, you don't need to "protect" me anymore, Marlon. 295 00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:04,943 I'm gonna prove to them and you 296 00:12:04,944 --> 00:12:06,778 that I do have what it takes. 297 00:12:06,779 --> 00:12:10,115 In fact, you don't need to protect me ever again. 298 00:12:10,116 --> 00:12:12,618 When we get back to LA, I'm moving out. 299 00:12:12,619 --> 00:12:13,952 Oh, really? Dude, I was just 300 00:12:13,953 --> 00:12:15,520 - looking out for you! - I don't need you 301 00:12:15,521 --> 00:12:17,089 to look out for me anymore, jackass! 302 00:12:18,758 --> 00:12:20,626 You gonna cuss folks? 303 00:12:20,627 --> 00:12:22,060 Did you hear that, Moo-Moo? 304 00:12:22,061 --> 00:12:24,028 Stevie's cussin' folks! 305 00:12:25,664 --> 00:12:27,566 All right, listen up, Calves! 306 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:30,268 From here on out, it's gonna be pure hell. 307 00:12:30,269 --> 00:12:33,804 And some of you ain't gon' make it. 308 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,310 And I'm not talking to anyone in particular... 309 00:12:38,311 --> 00:12:39,744 Stevie. 310 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,749 - Serve 'em up! - You have two minutes 311 00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,984 to find the bottom of this bowl of raw beef. 312 00:12:45,985 --> 00:12:47,551 Hands behind your back. 313 00:12:48,086 --> 00:12:49,620 Begin! 314 00:12:50,989 --> 00:12:52,391 You ain't gon' be able to eat this, Stevie, 315 00:12:52,392 --> 00:12:54,826 'cause I didn't buy it for you! 316 00:12:54,827 --> 00:12:56,494 Oh, I'm gonna eat it. 317 00:12:57,129 --> 00:12:58,897 If I'm not part of the clean plate club, 318 00:12:58,898 --> 00:13:00,365 I don't get dessert. 319 00:13:03,636 --> 00:13:05,070 All right, two Calves 320 00:13:05,071 --> 00:13:07,439 have already been sent off to the pasture. 321 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,541 Only three remain. 322 00:13:09,542 --> 00:13:12,477 All Calves will stand with this milk on their backs 323 00:13:12,478 --> 00:13:14,212 for the next five hours. 324 00:13:14,213 --> 00:13:17,281 You do that, you become Cows. 325 00:13:18,083 --> 00:13:20,851 Terrence Howard down there ain't gon' last ten minutes. 326 00:13:22,921 --> 00:13:24,723 Hey. 327 00:13:24,724 --> 00:13:26,625 Do me a favor. 328 00:13:26,626 --> 00:13:29,260 Y'all text me when he goes down. 329 00:13:38,637 --> 00:13:40,639 OMG, Marlon. 330 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:41,873 I've been looking for you! 331 00:13:41,874 --> 00:13:44,176 Your whole frat is Snapchatting 332 00:13:44,177 --> 00:13:45,477 about how you blocked Stevie 333 00:13:45,478 --> 00:13:47,112 from becoming a Cow back in the day. 334 00:13:47,113 --> 00:13:48,513 WTF? 335 00:13:48,514 --> 00:13:51,649 Girl, did you just hop out of a DeLorean? 336 00:13:52,284 --> 00:13:53,552 You better hurry up and get the plutonium 337 00:13:53,553 --> 00:13:56,020 before Zack and Marley disappear. 338 00:13:57,022 --> 00:13:58,957 Why would you block him? 339 00:13:58,958 --> 00:14:01,960 Come on, you knew Stevie back in the day, Ashley. 340 00:14:01,961 --> 00:14:03,928 The boy was soft and delicate. 341 00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:07,232 I had to protect his weak ass. 342 00:14:07,233 --> 00:14:09,434 Now he's talking about moving. Where you gonna go, 343 00:14:09,435 --> 00:14:11,735 from our couch to the loveseat? 344 00:14:13,271 --> 00:14:16,174 Marlon, let me ask you something. 345 00:14:16,175 --> 00:14:18,710 When your grandmother was sick, 346 00:14:18,711 --> 00:14:20,078 who was there for you? 347 00:14:20,079 --> 00:14:22,346 My grandpa and his girlfriend? 348 00:14:24,249 --> 00:14:25,817 All right. 349 00:14:25,818 --> 00:14:28,153 And Stevie. 350 00:14:28,154 --> 00:14:29,888 And? 351 00:14:29,889 --> 00:14:31,389 And he drove me from LA to New York 352 00:14:31,390 --> 00:14:34,392 because he knew I couldn't afford a ticket. 353 00:14:34,393 --> 00:14:36,528 - And? - And... 354 00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:38,764 he got speeding tickets in six states. 355 00:14:38,765 --> 00:14:40,499 - And? - He's still wanted 356 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:43,368 in Illinois. 357 00:14:43,369 --> 00:14:45,270 - And! - I had to pay 358 00:14:45,271 --> 00:14:47,038 for the damn tickets! 359 00:14:47,039 --> 00:14:50,008 But! 360 00:14:50,009 --> 00:14:53,145 But my grandma was happy to see me. 361 00:14:53,146 --> 00:14:56,548 Now, maybe I'm wrong AF. 362 00:14:56,549 --> 00:14:59,217 But it sounds to me like you haven't always 363 00:14:59,218 --> 00:15:00,951 been the strong one. 364 00:15:02,387 --> 00:15:03,722 Check it. 365 00:15:03,723 --> 00:15:06,324 So Shane just slid into my DMs, 366 00:15:06,325 --> 00:15:09,394 inviting us to his dorm for a beach party! 367 00:15:09,395 --> 00:15:11,096 Girl, we gotta bounce! 368 00:15:11,097 --> 00:15:12,430 Okay! 369 00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:16,468 Oh, hold up. Hold up. Hold up. 370 00:15:16,469 --> 00:15:18,436 - Marlon. - Yeah. 371 00:15:18,437 --> 00:15:21,807 - You gon' be all right? - Yeah. 372 00:15:21,808 --> 00:15:23,975 I'll be okay. But... 373 00:15:23,976 --> 00:15:25,944 I'm concerned about you two. 374 00:15:25,945 --> 00:15:29,781 I mean, between the crow's-feet and the bubblegum lip gloss, 375 00:15:29,782 --> 00:15:31,917 girl, y'all look like T-L-Senile. 376 00:15:33,786 --> 00:15:35,719 Don't go chasing Geritol. 377 00:15:43,269 --> 00:15:45,132 Calf down, two heifers to go. 378 00:15:47,802 --> 00:15:49,303 Stevie! 379 00:15:49,304 --> 00:15:50,737 I need to talk to you! 380 00:15:50,738 --> 00:15:52,439 Well, I guess you came here 381 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,641 to watch me fall, prove that you were right. 382 00:15:54,642 --> 00:15:57,477 Well, I'll have you know, sir, 383 00:15:57,478 --> 00:15:58,478 your time is impeccable. 384 00:15:58,479 --> 00:15:59,947 It's about to happen. 385 00:15:59,948 --> 00:16:01,481 You're damn right it's about to happen. 386 00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,550 I got them Life Alert people on standby. 387 00:16:03,551 --> 00:16:05,252 Smart, smart. 388 00:16:05,253 --> 00:16:06,753 Your weak ass is breathing 389 00:16:06,754 --> 00:16:08,488 like your contractions are two minutes apart. 390 00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,157 Stevie, listen. 391 00:16:10,158 --> 00:16:12,125 I was wrong about you back in the day. 392 00:16:12,126 --> 00:16:13,193 I didn't know you well enough. 393 00:16:13,194 --> 00:16:15,596 But you know what? You a Cow material! 394 00:16:15,597 --> 00:16:18,265 Come on, now, Marlon, you cannot be serious. 395 00:16:18,266 --> 00:16:20,434 Eddie, I know you ain't talkin'. 396 00:16:20,435 --> 00:16:22,469 The only reason why you became a Cow 397 00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:24,805 was because you were too scared to join a real frat. 398 00:16:24,806 --> 00:16:27,941 Yeah, one hit with that paddle, and you was ready 399 00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:29,977 to join a sorority. 400 00:16:33,281 --> 00:16:35,548 I know you ain't laughin', Skinny-D. 401 00:16:35,983 --> 00:16:38,518 Yeah, the only reason why your ass became a Cow 402 00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:40,153 is 'cause you wasn't pretty enough 403 00:16:40,154 --> 00:16:41,521 to join the pretty boy frat! 404 00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,657 Yeah, they said you had a pretty face 405 00:16:43,658 --> 00:16:46,058 but you had a body like a wounded orangutan! 406 00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:49,162 What happened to all those dreams 407 00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:50,631 of becoming a model, huh? What kind of model 408 00:16:50,632 --> 00:16:52,898 you gon' be, a Lane Bryant model? 409 00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:54,868 Come on, guys. 410 00:16:54,869 --> 00:16:56,470 Let's be real. 411 00:16:56,471 --> 00:16:58,472 We started this fraternity because we was 412 00:16:58,473 --> 00:17:00,641 a bunch of misfits. 413 00:17:00,642 --> 00:17:03,109 We didn't fit in anywhere. 414 00:17:03,677 --> 00:17:06,146 And then a year later, Stevie comes along 415 00:17:06,147 --> 00:17:07,847 and we act all brand-new? 416 00:17:08,849 --> 00:17:13,987 Yes, he was a scrawny, nerdy half-a-virgin. 417 00:17:13,988 --> 00:17:16,455 Your tone does not match your words. 418 00:17:18,492 --> 00:17:21,561 My point is, this man is a lot stronger 419 00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:24,498 than any of us give him credit for. 420 00:17:24,499 --> 00:17:26,133 Okay, listen, when I got jumped 421 00:17:26,134 --> 00:17:28,902 outside of Drew Hall, who stood their ground with me? 422 00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:31,405 It wasn't you, Eddie. Your ass ran off, 423 00:17:31,406 --> 00:17:33,038 and you started the fight! 424 00:17:34,007 --> 00:17:36,476 And what you shakin' your head at, Skinny-D? 425 00:17:36,477 --> 00:17:38,245 You didn't help either! Ol' big-ass brother 426 00:17:38,246 --> 00:17:39,713 ain't got no fighting skills. 427 00:17:39,714 --> 00:17:42,615 How you leave HU 0-52? 428 00:17:44,051 --> 00:17:46,386 The only one that stood their ground with me 429 00:17:46,387 --> 00:17:47,554 was Stevie. 430 00:17:47,555 --> 00:17:49,189 Now, did he get his ass whupped? 431 00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:51,491 Yes, mercilessly. 432 00:17:51,492 --> 00:17:53,427 Ten years of tae Kwon do. 433 00:17:53,428 --> 00:17:54,561 They didn't know they were supposed 434 00:17:54,562 --> 00:17:56,897 to come at me one at a time. 435 00:17:56,898 --> 00:18:00,434 If anybody deserves to be in this brotherhood, 436 00:18:00,435 --> 00:18:02,501 it's this man right here. 437 00:18:04,404 --> 00:18:07,074 Think that's the only reason I started this thing. 438 00:18:07,075 --> 00:18:09,109 I guess I always wanted to be your brother. 439 00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:10,877 Come on, man. Hey. 440 00:18:10,878 --> 00:18:13,947 You've been my brother for 25 years. 441 00:18:13,948 --> 00:18:16,116 And I don't need no stupid initiation 442 00:18:16,117 --> 00:18:17,451 to prove that. 443 00:18:17,452 --> 00:18:18,719 Come on, man, take this thing off. 444 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,387 No. No, I've come 445 00:18:20,388 --> 00:18:22,255 way too far, Marlon. I'm gonna finish. 446 00:18:22,256 --> 00:18:24,091 You sure? 447 00:18:24,092 --> 00:18:25,759 Well, then you really want to take that off, 448 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,962 because uh, your time been up about 45 seconds ago. 449 00:18:28,963 --> 00:18:31,064 What? 450 00:18:31,065 --> 00:18:32,799 Yeah, I was really feeling the speech. 451 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,034 It was moving, you know what I'm saying? 452 00:18:34,035 --> 00:18:36,803 Like, I got after-school-special bumps 453 00:18:36,804 --> 00:18:38,472 on the back of my neck. It was feeling good. 454 00:18:38,473 --> 00:18:41,908 Okay, ring the bell! 455 00:18:41,909 --> 00:18:45,112 Congratulations, Calves! 456 00:18:45,113 --> 00:18:48,115 - You're now... - Drew Cows! 457 00:18:48,116 --> 00:18:50,951 Moo! 458 00:18:53,287 --> 00:18:56,456 Presenting Stephandre Noggle 459 00:18:56,457 --> 00:18:59,159 and Dustin... 460 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,496 I-I don't know your last name 'cause, Negro, 461 00:19:02,497 --> 00:19:06,166 I ain't think you was gon' make it... 462 00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:08,635 as newest members of the Drew Cows, 463 00:19:08,636 --> 00:19:11,138 not incorporated. 464 00:19:11,139 --> 00:19:13,273 And from here on out, 465 00:19:13,274 --> 00:19:16,977 I want to announce there will be no more grazing. 466 00:19:16,978 --> 00:19:19,846 If you want to join the Cows, 467 00:19:19,847 --> 00:19:22,315 all you have to do is share with us 468 00:19:22,316 --> 00:19:23,683 your misfit status 469 00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:27,887 and/or your ability to catch chicks. 470 00:19:28,455 --> 00:19:29,856 Drew Cows! 471 00:19:29,857 --> 00:19:32,325 Moo! 472 00:19:32,326 --> 00:19:36,095 Moo! Moo! Moo! 473 00:19:37,464 --> 00:19:39,231 Shh! 474 00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:41,802 Shh! 475 00:19:43,504 --> 00:19:45,872 What the hell happened to you two? 476 00:19:45,873 --> 00:19:47,707 Uh... 477 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:50,844 yeah, we went with some fraternity, uh, 478 00:19:50,845 --> 00:19:52,646 - gentlemen... - Mm-hmm. 479 00:19:52,647 --> 00:19:55,649 To the Campbell Hall Beach Party. 480 00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:58,685 And we partied like we were 19 years old. 481 00:19:58,686 --> 00:20:00,720 Which we are definitely not. 482 00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:03,190 Wait, so y'all were with the Campbell Cougars? 483 00:20:03,191 --> 00:20:05,859 - The Campbell Cougars? - Yeah. 484 00:20:05,860 --> 00:20:07,327 It's the job 485 00:20:07,328 --> 00:20:09,196 of every Campbell pledge to bring the hottest moms 486 00:20:09,197 --> 00:20:11,931 they can find to the homecoming beach party. 487 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:17,003 Campbell Cougars! 488 00:20:17,004 --> 00:20:18,771 So mean. 489 00:20:19,806 --> 00:20:22,075 The hottest cougars? 490 00:20:22,076 --> 00:20:24,777 Well, you know what? I'll take it. 491 00:20:25,579 --> 00:20:28,748 And, Yvette, I want to thank you for pushing me. 492 00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:31,852 I thought I was gonna feel like an old-head, but... 493 00:20:31,853 --> 00:20:33,553 it felt good turning back the clock 494 00:20:33,554 --> 00:20:35,055 - this weekend. - Aww. 495 00:20:35,056 --> 00:20:37,123 And I finally got 496 00:20:37,124 --> 00:20:40,060 the black college experience. 497 00:20:40,061 --> 00:20:42,328 Drew Cows! 498 00:20:44,331 --> 00:20:47,067 You know! 499 00:20:47,068 --> 00:20:48,867 Moo! 500 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,242 Drew Cow! 501 00:21:00,514 --> 00:21:02,215 Hey! 502 00:21:05,019 --> 00:21:06,786 Hey! 503 00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:13,581 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 35267

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