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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,780
Oh, shit.
3
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:17,683
Is this the...
Is this the right site?
4
00:01:17,763 --> 00:01:20,997
Yes, honey.
It's site 16, like always.
5
00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:24,527
- Yo, Tommy, what's going on?
- Will you call me "Dad"?
6
00:01:24,607 --> 00:01:26,472
- Franklin?
- Yeah?
7
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:29,051
- Are you sure you booked this for us?
- Absolutely.
8
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,320
I booked the last available site.
9
00:01:31,412 --> 00:01:35,110
I got the permit right here.
Site 16, July 4th weekend.
10
00:01:35,190 --> 00:01:37,393
Felipa.
11
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,266
I just think that there's been a
little bit of a mix-up, Papi, so...
12
00:01:41,346 --> 00:01:44,522
Buenos tardes, amigos!
Word, bitches.
13
00:01:44,602 --> 00:01:47,706
- Who you calling a bitch?
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
14
00:01:47,786 --> 00:01:50,753
Just trying to break up the
racial tension here, that's all.
15
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:54,196
- Might have hit bitch a little hard.
- A little bit.
16
00:01:54,276 --> 00:01:57,827
So what's going on? Pretty sure we
booked this site for the weekend.
17
00:01:57,907 --> 00:02:00,536
- No, no. We're the Jones family.
- Yeah.
18
00:02:00,616 --> 00:02:03,029
We booked site 16.
19
00:02:03,109 --> 00:02:06,905
Well, now, we're the Jonas
family and this is our site.
20
00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:09,430
- Son, we're site 16.
- No.
21
00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:10,931
We're site 16.
22
00:02:11,011 --> 00:02:15,807
You guys might be 116, but we're
definitely 16. It's here on the paper!
23
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,470
- Uno, dos, tres, quatro...
- Whoa, whoa!
24
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,347
That is level two, sweetheart,
that's nice. This is 16.
25
00:02:21,427 --> 00:02:23,121
- I don't know how that is.
- We're 16.
26
00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:24,986
Yeah, I know, but we're site 16.
27
00:02:25,066 --> 00:02:27,423
- 16, man. Come on.
- Hold on. So...
28
00:02:27,503 --> 00:02:31,766
Jones, Jonas, and our last name is
Jones, too. Well, there's the mix-up.
29
00:02:31,846 --> 00:02:33,921
What y'all trying to say,
y'all our masters or something?
30
00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:37,635
No, no, not saying...
I barely even own a cat.
31
00:02:37,728 --> 00:02:41,106
- Site 16!
- Wait a minute!
32
00:02:42,509 --> 00:02:46,204
2,000 and 3,000. But we're definitely
16. It says here on the paper.
33
00:02:46,284 --> 00:02:48,302
Also site 16!
34
00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:01,452
Okay, um, so,
it looks like the name "Jones"
35
00:03:01,532 --> 00:03:03,910
kind of mixed up the computers.
36
00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:06,586
And, uh, unfortunately,
that's a big problem,
37
00:03:06,666 --> 00:03:08,961
because the park
is completely sold out.
38
00:03:09,041 --> 00:03:11,951
I mean, this is, like,
our biggest weekend of the year.
39
00:03:12,031 --> 00:03:14,094
Hey, maybe it's because
it's the 4th of July.
40
00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:17,546
Um, yeah, well, you know,
we think that that's a factor.
41
00:03:17,626 --> 00:03:21,300
Come on, you guys. Please, please,
please, let's not escalate this.
42
00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,990
How about sharing the site?
43
00:03:27,618 --> 00:03:29,387
Everyone stop!
44
00:03:29,479 --> 00:03:32,226
Ron, you just gonna stand there and
let them push us around like that?
45
00:03:32,308 --> 00:03:34,481
No, I won't let that happen.
Let me tell you something.
46
00:03:34,561 --> 00:03:37,309
I'm gonna have Jesse Jackson
down here on a moped,
47
00:03:37,389 --> 00:03:40,671
with Al Sharpton in the sidecar.
Okay? They love that type of shit.
48
00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:43,541
- Ooh! It just escalated.
- Yeah.
49
00:03:43,621 --> 00:03:45,896
That definitely escalated,
50
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:48,980
which was the exact opposite of
what he was hoping you would do.
51
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:54,764
Sir, if sharing the site
is the only option, then...
52
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:58,823
This weekend is important.
I say we all just share the site.
53
00:03:58,903 --> 00:04:00,722
Uh, son,
are you out of your damn mind?
54
00:04:00,809 --> 00:04:03,552
- Come on, Pop, there's kids here...
- We're not gonna share...
55
00:04:08,913 --> 00:04:11,787
There's not...
There's not enough space!
56
00:04:11,867 --> 00:04:16,479
Papi? Are we gonna
have to go home?
57
00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:22,469
Okay. Okay, so... So...
58
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:27,167
Maybe we can share.
- Yes!
59
00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:29,380
All right,
so we're all gonna share.
60
00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,678
And it's gonna be great!
61
00:04:38,832 --> 00:04:40,999
All right.
Little bit of a rough start,
62
00:04:41,091 --> 00:04:43,478
but this weekend's gonna be great.
63
00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:46,231
Yeah, I hope so.
64
00:04:46,311 --> 00:04:49,718
It's the first time we've all been
together since you and I got married.
65
00:04:49,798 --> 00:04:53,996
I just want your kids to like my
kids and my kids to like you.
66
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:57,105
There's no reason we can't be
one big, happy family.
67
00:04:57,185 --> 00:04:59,972
- That speech sucked.
- Sucked balls.
68
00:05:00,052 --> 00:05:03,869
Yeah, yeah, he's right.
It came off really whiny.
69
00:05:03,949 --> 00:05:06,109
I can't believe
that we're brothers.
70
00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:09,108
Hey, Gravy, why don't you take
these over to the campsite?
71
00:05:09,188 --> 00:05:11,794
Oh, no, my hands are full.
I gotta go, I gotta...
72
00:05:12,715 --> 00:05:15,202
Hey, Thomas,
did you unpack my turtle shells?
73
00:05:15,301 --> 00:05:16,926
Yeah, here.
74
00:05:19,031 --> 00:05:21,797
Can you call me "Dad"?
- Not right now.
75
00:05:21,877 --> 00:05:25,335
Thanks, Tommy. Hey, guys,
check out my new turtle shells!
76
00:05:26,053 --> 00:05:27,576
Give it time, honey.
77
00:05:27,656 --> 00:05:30,863
Oh, do you think you can get Sharni
to stop calling me "Fake Mom"?
78
00:05:30,943 --> 00:05:32,030
She doesn't call you
"Fake Mom."
79
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:33,932
Oh, you're doing that?
You're doing that?
80
00:05:34,012 --> 00:05:36,264
- Yeah, no, no. I'll try.
- Thank you.
81
00:05:38,141 --> 00:05:41,420
Man! Sharing this site
was a crap idea, Felipa.
82
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,144
We're doing this
for Papi's birthday.
83
00:05:43,225 --> 00:05:45,377
Just try to hold it together
for him.
84
00:05:45,457 --> 00:05:48,895
You think maybe we'll see Papi
smile for once in his damn life?
85
00:05:49,152 --> 00:05:51,711
He works hard,
and he worries about us.
86
00:05:51,791 --> 00:05:54,092
What, he can't worry and smile
at the same time?
87
00:05:54,172 --> 00:05:57,389
Hey, I bet if your Papi ever did
smile, his face would creak.
88
00:05:57,469 --> 00:06:00,117
Sound like a nail
being pulled from wood.
89
00:06:00,197 --> 00:06:04,597
We'd probably hear his face go,
"Oilcan! Oilcan!"
90
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:07,826
Ha, ha, ha.
Maybe he would smile more
91
00:06:07,906 --> 00:06:10,944
if you stopped goofing around
and went to work for Rolando.
92
00:06:11,575 --> 00:06:12,996
As a plumber?
93
00:06:13,076 --> 00:06:15,982
Uh, no, Felipa.
That's a living nightmare.
94
00:06:16,062 --> 00:06:17,415
It's honest work.
95
00:06:17,495 --> 00:06:19,060
Anyways, look,
it doesn't even matter.
96
00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:21,438
I tell you, one day,
I'm gonna be a millionaire.
97
00:06:21,518 --> 00:06:23,731
Oh! You gonna win the lottery?
98
00:06:23,811 --> 00:06:27,290
Won't win if I don't scratch. Plus,
I'm gonna get my ass on "Shark Tank"
99
00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,202
and make Mark Cuban
my new best friend.
100
00:06:29,282 --> 00:06:31,372
Well, when you become
a millionaire,
101
00:06:31,452 --> 00:06:34,775
maybe you could pay me back
the 75 bucks I loaned you.
102
00:06:34,863 --> 00:06:38,046
You're gonna have to fill out all kinds
of paperwork and taxes and stuff.
103
00:06:38,126 --> 00:06:40,830
Might not be worth it, bro,
so, probably not.
104
00:06:43,131 --> 00:06:47,088
- Hey, did you leave the car open?
- I did.
105
00:06:47,168 --> 00:06:49,991
Did you see Fake Mom
telling me how to unpack,
106
00:06:50,071 --> 00:06:51,902
like she's the boss of me
or something?
107
00:06:51,982 --> 00:06:55,228
Hey, babe, Sharni, you
shouldn't call her "Fake Mom."
108
00:06:55,308 --> 00:06:56,843
I'm glad that Dad remarried.
109
00:06:56,924 --> 00:06:59,692
He's much happier,
which keeps him off of my ass.
110
00:06:59,772 --> 00:07:02,095
I think she's great for him.
111
00:07:02,175 --> 00:07:04,817
Yeah, well, Fake Mom says
you drink too much, too.
112
00:07:04,909 --> 00:07:08,066
Fake Mom can blow my balls.
She said that?
113
00:07:08,146 --> 00:07:10,235
That's bullshit.
114
00:07:10,917 --> 00:07:14,128
Is that a 24-hour
Popeye's Chicken?
115
00:07:15,356 --> 00:07:17,733
Uh, no. That's a Porta Potty.
116
00:07:19,516 --> 00:07:22,835
I love chickens.
More than you.
117
00:07:22,915 --> 00:07:24,548
Ah, screw off.
118
00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:30,291
Whoo! Y'all kids
keep it down over there
119
00:07:30,371 --> 00:07:32,961
with your Pokemon Go
playing selves!
120
00:07:33,041 --> 00:07:34,315
Girl, you so crazy.
121
00:07:34,397 --> 00:07:38,464
Girl, I am so tired of running
around after the kids.
122
00:07:38,544 --> 00:07:40,172
I need this vacation.
123
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:44,331
- It's beautiful here.
- It is, ain't it?
124
00:07:44,411 --> 00:07:46,934
Honey, you gonna like
my brother Franklin.
125
00:07:47,014 --> 00:07:48,469
All I got to say is,
126
00:07:48,549 --> 00:07:51,338
is hold off on having kids
for as long as you can.
127
00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:52,714
'Cause they will suck
the life out of you.
128
00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:56,744
I mean, it's like sticking a vacuum
cleaner in a pumpkin, just...
129
00:07:58,559 --> 00:08:00,748
- What'd you say, Mama?
- Just suck it all... Huh?
130
00:08:00,775 --> 00:08:04,719
Baby, nothing. Mama loves you.
Go on. Go play.
131
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,354
Wait. Hold up.
Are you saying you invited me
132
00:08:07,434 --> 00:08:09,323
as some kind of blind date
for Franklin?
133
00:08:09,403 --> 00:08:13,067
Girl, no, no, no!
We enjoy your company.
134
00:08:13,106 --> 00:08:16,096
- Oh, girl, 'cause I was about to...
- But it is a blind date.
135
00:08:16,176 --> 00:08:20,975
- Hey, Jose, can you get those oranges?
- Are you kidding, Felipa?
136
00:08:20,979 --> 00:08:22,394
Nothing can give the other
families the satisfaction
137
00:08:22,474 --> 00:08:24,429
of watching a Mexican
carry a bag of oranges.
138
00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:26,398
Like I'm selling them
on the side of the street.
139
00:08:26,478 --> 00:08:29,292
Okay, are you serious?
God, you sound crazy.
140
00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:36,975
Hey, excuse me! How much
do you want for those oranges?
141
00:08:37,055 --> 00:08:40,820
- Ay, beat it, pendejo!
- Oh, crap. Angry.
142
00:08:42,148 --> 00:08:44,983
Hey, Paco,
you got any roses over there?
143
00:08:45,063 --> 00:08:46,780
Who asked you, Oprah?
144
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:51,766
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'll take that one.
145
00:08:53,004 --> 00:08:54,658
Hey, what is that?
146
00:08:57,909 --> 00:09:00,163
In your bag.
147
00:09:03,048 --> 00:09:04,820
Yeah, that. What's...
148
00:09:19,410 --> 00:09:23,176
Recycled. Glass sculpture.
149
00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:25,580
My exhibit. It's next week.
150
00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:28,982
- What? You have an exhibit?
- It's called...
151
00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:31,765
"The Exhibit."
152
00:09:37,166 --> 00:09:39,902
Oh, at least there's some chicas
calientes to stare at, huh?
153
00:09:39,982 --> 00:09:42,932
Jose! What if Francesca
heard you say that?
154
00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:46,486
She ain't here.
And we ain't married.
155
00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:48,432
Besides,
just 'cause I'm on a diet
156
00:09:48,512 --> 00:09:50,352
doesn't mean
I can't look at the menu.
157
00:09:50,432 --> 00:09:51,744
You mean stare at the menu?
158
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,673
Tuck dollar bills
into that menu?
159
00:09:53,771 --> 00:09:56,765
I mean, come on! Man, she's got
so much wiggle in her walk,
160
00:09:56,845 --> 00:09:59,141
she could butt-dial
a rotary phone.
161
00:09:59,221 --> 00:10:00,461
I heard them talking.
162
00:10:00,663 --> 00:10:03,846
I guess she came as a blind
date for that Franklin guy.
163
00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:05,375
- Word?
- Word.
164
00:10:05,455 --> 00:10:08,083
What? What'd you just say?
165
00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:09,251
- Are you all right?
- No!
166
00:10:09,331 --> 00:10:11,487
No, no, I'm not all right.
167
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,784
Listening to you two talk
would make anybody sick.
168
00:10:16,138 --> 00:10:19,841
Men are idiots.
Blind date bullshit.
169
00:10:20,208 --> 00:10:21,552
Don't let her call you that.
170
00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:24,071
She's talking to you, too,
pendejo.
171
00:10:24,151 --> 00:10:26,001
Is our sister
on her menopause or what?
172
00:10:26,081 --> 00:10:27,722
Ah! The Jones family!
173
00:10:27,808 --> 00:10:28,995
- Jones!
- Whoa!
174
00:10:29,075 --> 00:10:31,030
Chilluns are everywhere.
175
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:33,366
Hey, I really hope you guys
like the park, man.
176
00:10:33,446 --> 00:10:35,302
I don't know what happened
with this mix-up.
177
00:10:35,382 --> 00:10:37,813
I know I booked
the last available site.
178
00:10:37,893 --> 00:10:41,708
What changed your mind about
coming with us this year, huh, son?
179
00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:43,276
What?
180
00:10:43,356 --> 00:10:46,542
I love camping.
All this is me, Pops.
181
00:10:46,622 --> 00:10:49,422
Come on, Franklin. Come on, bro.
That's bullshit, okay?
182
00:10:49,502 --> 00:10:52,650
I hope you know this is not online camping.
It's actually the real thing.
183
00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:55,698
And I hope you know this won't
be a online fist in your face.
184
00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:57,290
It'll be the real thing.
185
00:10:57,370 --> 00:10:59,404
You know something?
I'm tired of your shit.
186
00:10:59,539 --> 00:11:02,147
Ron Ron, stop it.
You leave your brother alone.
187
00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:03,605
Sorry, Daddy.
188
00:11:03,685 --> 00:11:06,163
He's gotta dress correct.
He's a District Attorney now.
189
00:11:06,257 --> 00:11:09,227
And he's working his way up.
He might be Mayor one day.
190
00:11:09,307 --> 00:11:10,930
Ah, I don't know
about Mayor, Pop.
191
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:15,744
And, this weekend, we have
a fine young woman with us.
192
00:11:15,832 --> 00:11:17,643
Shantaysia.
193
00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:19,846
- Who's Shantaysia?
- Listen, son.
194
00:11:19,926 --> 00:11:23,650
Beautiful woman like that on your
side, no telling how far you can go.
195
00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:27,089
From DA to Mayor.
Commander-in-chief.
196
00:11:28,536 --> 00:11:29,925
You smell that?
197
00:11:30,011 --> 00:11:31,678
There's romance in the air.
198
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:33,930
Y'all smell these potties? Damn!
- I smell something.
199
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:37,150
But I didn't wanna say nothing,
'cause I kinda thought it was...
200
00:11:38,562 --> 00:11:39,819
Sorry, Daddy.
201
00:11:49,502 --> 00:11:51,705
Is that Justin Bieber?
202
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,832
Is that guy naked?
- You wish.
203
00:11:59,655 --> 00:12:01,816
Is that dumpster on fire?
204
00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:06,584
Oh, my gosh.
Is that Charles Bronson?
205
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:11,879
What's in the bottle?
206
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:16,202
Communion.
- So you're some creepy drunk priest?
207
00:12:16,282 --> 00:12:18,643
I am not a priest.
208
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:26,196
Listen. Why don't you help Franklin...
- No!
209
00:12:26,276 --> 00:12:28,084
Set some things up?
210
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:31,931
- I've gotta go till some soil.
- Pop!
211
00:12:32,096 --> 00:12:34,149
Shantay... Sharon?
212
00:12:34,229 --> 00:12:36,863
- Shantaysia.
- Damn, they still doing that?
213
00:12:37,596 --> 00:12:39,898
That's fucked up. Here.
214
00:12:40,954 --> 00:12:42,291
"Shantaysia."
215
00:12:42,371 --> 00:12:45,789
Come on, what the hell
kind of disease... Shantaysia.
216
00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:48,495
Hey, bro, what are you doing?
You sleeping in your car?
217
00:12:48,575 --> 00:12:50,464
Until Denali makes a tent.
218
00:12:50,544 --> 00:12:53,396
Bro, you is not a real camper.
Huh? You can't fool me.
219
00:12:53,476 --> 00:12:56,252
You might be able to fool Pops,
but you can't fool me, brother.
220
00:12:56,332 --> 00:12:58,173
You're right.
I don't wanna fool you.
221
00:12:58,253 --> 00:12:59,449
- Since I've known you...
- Ah, snake!
222
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:03,111
Snake! Snake on your shoulder!
Snake on your shoulder!
223
00:13:03,191 --> 00:13:05,858
Is it invisible?
I don't see nothing!
224
00:13:05,944 --> 00:13:07,725
Where is it?
- Ron Ron, I'm just...
225
00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:10,986
Ron Ron, I'm just messing with you.
I'm just messing with you!
226
00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:12,321
I'm just messing with you, dawg.
227
00:13:12,401 --> 00:13:15,110
I just... I just... What?
I just, what, fooled you.
228
00:13:19,082 --> 00:13:21,265
Get those flying bastards!
229
00:13:21,358 --> 00:13:22,944
Chuckie, don't say "bastard."
230
00:13:23,026 --> 00:13:25,328
- What about bitch?
- Yeah, that's not...
231
00:13:25,408 --> 00:13:27,850
- Ass Slurpee?
- No. That... No.
232
00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,856
- Ass waffle!
- Not great.
233
00:13:29,936 --> 00:13:31,312
- Bitch taco?
- Don't love it.
234
00:13:31,392 --> 00:13:32,834
- Shit Slurpee?
- No.
235
00:13:32,914 --> 00:13:34,903
- Crap-talker.
- I don't... No.
236
00:13:34,983 --> 00:13:36,413
- Ass-butch?
- Don't... Not a fan.
237
00:13:36,493 --> 00:13:39,208
- You love tit chicken. Tell me that.
- No, I don't love that.
238
00:13:39,288 --> 00:13:41,176
- I kinda like that.
- I don't love the word "tit."
239
00:13:41,256 --> 00:13:42,644
- Come on now. Dick dog?
- Definitely not "dick."
240
00:13:42,724 --> 00:13:43,645
- Ass lick?
- No.
241
00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:45,714
- Slurpee?
- No.
242
00:13:45,794 --> 00:13:47,700
- Shit Slurpee!
- No.
243
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:50,630
- What else you got?
- Bastards!
244
00:13:50,773 --> 00:13:53,254
You know what, bastard's fine.
245
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:55,676
- It's... It's passable.
- Yeah.
246
00:13:55,756 --> 00:14:00,086
Hey, everybody, look!
I made Ocho into a turtle dog!
247
00:14:01,121 --> 00:14:04,115
It's the fifth Ninja Turtle,
Taco Bello.
248
00:14:04,195 --> 00:14:06,726
Ha, ha, ha, yeah. It's totally funny,
man. Now take it off.
249
00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:09,481
- I can't.
- It's super-glued.
250
00:14:23,018 --> 00:14:24,618
Is that Tejano?
251
00:14:27,227 --> 00:14:30,016
Now this is what
I'm talking about.
252
00:14:30,096 --> 00:14:33,196
Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire.
253
00:14:33,631 --> 00:14:35,017
Dad, look, no offense,
254
00:14:35,097 --> 00:14:38,918
but this old-ass music make me wanna
put a gun to my head and shoot it!
255
00:14:38,998 --> 00:14:40,606
Give me a sec.
256
00:14:41,761 --> 00:14:45,067
- I'm gonna go get a gun.
- Ha! Good one, Pop.
257
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,718
When?
258
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,042
- When?
- When?
259
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,244
When? When what?
260
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,079
- I don't even know.
- What?
261
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,359
No, no, no, no, no.
262
00:14:53,439 --> 00:14:56,581
You said someday someone's gonna
have an intervention on you.
263
00:14:56,661 --> 00:15:00,476
-I'm curious. When?
- She wasn't suppo... I mean, uh...
264
00:15:00,556 --> 00:15:02,993
- What is she talking about?
- Wait, what?
265
00:15:03,073 --> 00:15:05,720
I love that show, "Intervention."
- What is she talking about?
266
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,248
I'm camping with my son and my
daughter, we're having a good time.
267
00:15:09,328 --> 00:15:11,396
The wieners...
- I don't even know where this is coming from.
268
00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:16,214
- My brother's coherent, and...
- I love it here.
269
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:18,562
- This is fabulous.
- It's great.
270
00:15:18,642 --> 00:15:21,499
Until I hear things
about interventions.
271
00:15:21,579 --> 00:15:24,135
When might this intervention
be happening?
272
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,971
What is she talking about, dad?
273
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:30,529
Uh, son, uh...
When this wiener is done.
274
00:15:30,619 --> 00:15:33,142
- When will it be done?
- Yeah, it will be done!
275
00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:35,881
Well, let me just tell you
that interventions are not cool.
276
00:15:35,961 --> 00:15:37,451
They sprung one
on a buddy of mine once
277
00:15:37,531 --> 00:15:39,693
and I'm pretty sure he stabbed
a bunch of his mom's cats.
278
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,243
The vet probably had
a really good night that night,
279
00:15:42,323 --> 00:15:45,455
wondering how all those cats
got stabbed.
280
00:15:48,473 --> 00:15:50,462
One of these days,
I'm gonna be so rich,
281
00:15:50,542 --> 00:15:52,219
I'll be able to rent
this whole damn park out.
282
00:15:53,237 --> 00:15:55,112
Maybe then Papi will smile.
283
00:15:56,258 --> 00:15:57,472
Oh, hey.
284
00:15:57,552 --> 00:15:59,650
I just had my best
million-dollar idea yet.
285
00:15:59,730 --> 00:16:02,321
It's a soft drink, but for dogs.
286
00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:05,553
It's called "Pupsi."
- What?
287
00:16:05,633 --> 00:16:07,271
- Pupsi!
- Pupsi?
288
00:16:07,370 --> 00:16:09,710
Pepsi's not gonna let you
get away with that.
289
00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:13,517
- What are they gonna do, sue me?
- Yeah. Out your ass.
290
00:16:13,613 --> 00:16:17,754
♪ That's a bad idea
called Pupsi ♪
291
00:16:18,991 --> 00:16:20,957
You fools have no vision.
292
00:16:24,129 --> 00:16:25,930
♪ Pupsi... ♪
293
00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:28,238
Who made y'all the DJ
of site 16?
294
00:16:28,318 --> 00:16:30,460
Turn that shit down, okay?
295
00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:32,785
We're trying to hear
old-ass jazz over here.
296
00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:35,987
Look at they fire, huh?
297
00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:38,857
We got this little fire right here.
This doesn't make any sense.
298
00:16:38,937 --> 00:16:42,233
What does it matter if their
fire is bigger than our fire?
299
00:16:42,313 --> 00:16:44,146
- It don't matter...
- Thank you.
300
00:16:44,226 --> 00:16:46,293
if it ain't true.
301
00:16:48,552 --> 00:16:51,446
Hey, are their fires
bigger than ours?
302
00:16:52,134 --> 00:16:54,444
You know, we need a bigger fire.
303
00:16:58,053 --> 00:16:59,853
Get that lighter fluid.
304
00:17:14,003 --> 00:17:15,003
Want some of this?
305
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,914
Hey, what you doing?
306
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,919
What's wrong with y'all?
307
00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:39,301
What the hell is wrong
with you men?
308
00:17:39,381 --> 00:17:41,493
Y'all trying to burn my babies?
309
00:17:41,573 --> 00:17:42,815
- Tell 'em, baby.
- Oh, my God!
310
00:17:42,897 --> 00:17:44,234
What is wrong with you guys?
311
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,954
Yell at them.
Yell at them a little bit.
312
00:17:47,083 --> 00:17:48,748
- What the hell?
- Felipe!
313
00:17:48,830 --> 00:17:50,192
Cool off!
314
00:17:50,285 --> 00:17:53,268
My babies in there sleeping, you
know you got that from Vietnam.
315
00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:54,918
Why would you burn that shit?
316
00:17:54,998 --> 00:17:56,752
- Hey!
- The fire's still burning.
317
00:17:56,832 --> 00:17:58,979
They started it.
- Okay, come on, really?
318
00:17:59,059 --> 00:18:02,294
We had it under control.
The ice was under control.
319
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,729
Baby...
320
00:18:03,809 --> 00:18:05,733
Yeah, you can't fuel this fire!
321
00:18:14,578 --> 00:18:15,732
What are you doing?
322
00:18:15,812 --> 00:18:17,612
Go to bed!
Everybody go to bed.
323
00:18:17,693 --> 00:18:19,548
- I was actually sleeping.
- Go to bed!
324
00:18:19,628 --> 00:18:20,616
I was sleepy.
I was gonna go to bed.
325
00:18:20,696 --> 00:18:22,827
I was thinking
it was time to go to bed.
326
00:18:33,308 --> 00:18:35,264
This is bullshit!
327
00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:36,919
Getting eaten alive!
328
00:18:37,445 --> 00:18:40,335
Damn ants or mosquitoes
or whatever the hell you are.
329
00:18:40,415 --> 00:18:42,115
Leave me alone!
330
00:18:48,423 --> 00:18:51,108
There's gotta be
a 24-hour place in town.
331
00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:54,975
Oh, my God.
332
00:18:56,522 --> 00:18:58,909
What a fricking beginning.
333
00:19:10,502 --> 00:19:12,781
What the hell was that?
334
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,494
Fricking pina...
335
00:19:15,771 --> 00:19:18,063
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
336
00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:20,609
What did you do?
337
00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:23,263
- You scared the crap outta me!
- Oh, my goodness.
338
00:19:23,349 --> 00:19:25,555
Okay, okay,
this is not what it looks like.
339
00:19:25,635 --> 00:19:27,943
- You killed them both?
- No, no, no, no, no!
340
00:19:28,023 --> 00:19:32,429
This piece of shit dumbass
hybrid makes no noise, and...
341
00:19:32,509 --> 00:19:35,267
All right. You gotta help me
get them to a vet.
342
00:19:35,347 --> 00:19:37,602
You drive and I'll give them
mouth-to-mouth.
343
00:19:37,682 --> 00:19:39,182
I mean, mouth-to-snout.
344
00:19:58,461 --> 00:20:01,079
What the hell did
they do to Ocho?
345
00:20:01,264 --> 00:20:02,952
Who would do such a thing?
346
00:20:05,947 --> 00:20:08,414
- Them...
- Come on.
347
00:20:11,589 --> 00:20:12,789
- Hey, man.
- Hey! What?
348
00:20:12,883 --> 00:20:15,185
- What the heck did you do to our dog?
- Look!
349
00:20:15,265 --> 00:20:17,351
Nobody do nothin' to your dog.
What are you talking about?
350
00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:18,542
What do you mean do nothin'?
351
00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:20,622
Oh, shit. Chaka!
352
00:20:20,702 --> 00:20:23,762
- What did they do to you?
- What happened to my baby?
353
00:20:23,844 --> 00:20:25,271
What did you'll try
to do to my baby?
354
00:20:25,351 --> 00:20:27,206
Hey, man, we didn't touch
your dog. You busted ours.
355
00:20:27,286 --> 00:20:29,541
- Yeah, we love dogs, man.
- Look at our dog.
356
00:20:29,621 --> 00:20:30,484
It's...
357
00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:33,564
If y'all didn't touch our dog
and we didn't touch your dog...
358
00:20:35,656 --> 00:20:37,508
Wake up, white people.
359
00:20:39,365 --> 00:20:42,006
Okay, all right, heh...
Just... Just hear me out.
360
00:20:42,086 --> 00:20:44,796
I am so... sorry.
361
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:46,886
It was an accident.
362
00:20:46,966 --> 00:20:50,014
I swear.
I just wanted some Benadryl.
363
00:20:55,038 --> 00:20:56,959
- Crazy white man.
- What, man?
364
00:20:57,039 --> 00:20:59,107
I have no idea.
365
00:21:03,869 --> 00:21:07,344
Come on, man, what are you doing?
I want a freakin' refund or something.
366
00:21:07,424 --> 00:21:09,016
They seem pretty worked up.
367
00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:10,907
Yeah, if this turns
into a race war,
368
00:21:10,987 --> 00:21:13,346
we'll be pulling out paperwork
for a decade.
369
00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:29,475
You people...
370
00:21:29,570 --> 00:21:33,072
This is the 4th of July.
This is the day we honor
371
00:21:33,152 --> 00:21:36,536
how our great nation declared
its independence
372
00:21:36,616 --> 00:21:38,377
from the king of England.
373
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:43,781
Do you happen to even know
how George Washington
374
00:21:43,861 --> 00:21:47,492
celebrated his final victory
over the British at Yorktown?
375
00:21:47,572 --> 00:21:49,775
That day great day, hmm?
376
00:21:49,855 --> 00:21:54,050
He issued his troops,
a double ration of rum.
377
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:58,937
Here we are. We had...
378
00:21:59,017 --> 00:22:02,891
fought this bitter war
against a tyrannical foe.
379
00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:07,813
And, all we did to celebrate it,
is that we drank.
380
00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:11,618
Four fingers of booze.
Instead of two.
381
00:22:34,748 --> 00:22:37,204
That's about a martini
and a half.
382
00:22:37,284 --> 00:22:39,926
In case you were wondering
what four fingers was.
383
00:22:40,836 --> 00:22:44,348
Today... if a kid happens
to throw his poopy diaper
384
00:22:44,428 --> 00:22:46,558
into the hamper, the parents,
they go ape-shit,
385
00:22:46,638 --> 00:22:49,696
and they throw the kid a party,
and give him a PlayStation.
386
00:22:53,431 --> 00:22:55,531
Gosh, he drinks like me.
387
00:23:06,266 --> 00:23:08,908
I don't really see...
388
00:23:08,989 --> 00:23:11,166
This issue between you people
as a problem.
389
00:23:11,246 --> 00:23:13,881
I see it as an opportunity
to get away
390
00:23:13,961 --> 00:23:15,996
from what the 4th of July
has become.
391
00:23:16,076 --> 00:23:19,606
Which, let's face it, is just
a couple of days off work
392
00:23:19,686 --> 00:23:21,215
for all the lazy people.
393
00:23:21,295 --> 00:23:26,722
We have become a nation
of soft, puffy, pussy people.
394
00:23:26,802 --> 00:23:28,883
And, we have forgotten
the sacrifice of those
395
00:23:28,963 --> 00:23:30,460
who have come before us.
396
00:23:30,540 --> 00:23:35,094
And, so, in my opinion,
whoever wants camping site 16...
397
00:23:36,337 --> 00:23:38,290
you're gonna have to fuckin'
fight for it.
398
00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:42,529
Wait a minute, you're talking
about cannons, muskets and shit?
399
00:23:42,609 --> 00:23:44,190
- You're crazy.
- Mm-hmm.
400
00:23:44,270 --> 00:23:46,538
Hey, I am retiring in a week
and a half,
401
00:23:46,632 --> 00:23:49,295
and I don't give a shit,
all right?
402
00:23:49,375 --> 00:23:52,732
You don't have to use guns
and knives. Just...
403
00:23:52,812 --> 00:23:54,434
Have a contest.
404
00:23:54,514 --> 00:23:56,069
Have a contest.
405
00:23:56,149 --> 00:23:58,546
Whatever family
wins the contest,
406
00:23:58,626 --> 00:24:01,741
they get to kick the other two
families' asses outta the park.
407
00:24:01,821 --> 00:24:03,063
How about that?
408
00:24:03,143 --> 00:24:05,772
You get no cheese
with your wine around here.
409
00:24:05,852 --> 00:24:10,303
So, if I were you, I would be
dedicated to gettin' it on.
410
00:24:10,383 --> 00:24:12,125
Cause it's on.
411
00:24:14,898 --> 00:24:17,969
This whole thing is a mess,
and we're sorry about it.
412
00:24:18,061 --> 00:24:21,153
We were told to help out
with the contest, and...
413
00:24:21,233 --> 00:24:23,508
It was the park's fault.
- Well, great.
414
00:24:23,588 --> 00:24:27,070
Wow. It's really nice that
the pigs are being helpful.
415
00:24:27,169 --> 00:24:28,837
- Pardon?
- Uh, no, nothing.
416
00:24:28,917 --> 00:24:32,202
He just said that the cloud
up there looks like a pig.
417
00:24:32,282 --> 00:24:33,876
No, I didn't. I said...
418
00:24:35,441 --> 00:24:38,913
He, uh... He had a spider
on his zipper there.
419
00:24:38,993 --> 00:24:40,642
Thanks!
420
00:24:41,467 --> 00:24:44,092
Thanks, guys.
Hey, Gravy.
421
00:24:44,172 --> 00:24:47,112
- He deserved that.
- Yeah, seriously.
422
00:24:47,192 --> 00:24:49,948
So, we're doing
this contest thing?
423
00:24:50,028 --> 00:24:51,593
Oh, yeah, we're doing this.
424
00:24:51,673 --> 00:24:53,685
What's the matter, old man?
You scared?
425
00:24:53,765 --> 00:24:55,787
Scared? No.
426
00:24:55,867 --> 00:24:58,190
Just sad.
- Oh!
427
00:24:58,270 --> 00:25:00,592
Sad for you
and all these other losers.
428
00:25:00,672 --> 00:25:02,327
Kids.
429
00:25:02,407 --> 00:25:04,154
We're marking off an area
for you to play in.
430
00:25:04,234 --> 00:25:06,268
Do not leave this area
for any reason.
431
00:25:06,348 --> 00:25:08,201
What if we get hit
by lightning?
432
00:25:08,281 --> 00:25:09,437
Try not to.
433
00:25:09,527 --> 00:25:10,827
What if we see
an ice cream truck?
434
00:25:10,907 --> 00:25:12,735
- Try not to.
- Dad?
435
00:25:12,815 --> 00:25:14,406
How long do we have to
stay here?
436
00:25:14,486 --> 00:25:16,721
Just while the adults are off,
doing adult things.
437
00:25:16,801 --> 00:25:19,550
Yes, I'm getting
a new baby brother.
438
00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:21,611
Uh...
439
00:25:21,691 --> 00:25:24,401
Not those kind of adult things.
440
00:25:25,947 --> 00:25:28,656
Okay, kids, have fun.
Hey, don't poke your eyes out.
441
00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:30,425
Peace out.
442
00:25:35,031 --> 00:25:36,031
Hi.
443
00:25:43,601 --> 00:25:46,221
- I don't know what to say.
- Well, you can usually find
444
00:25:46,301 --> 00:25:48,565
all the right words
in the courtroom.
445
00:25:48,645 --> 00:25:52,160
I thought bringing our families
together up here, would be...
446
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,829
our chance to, you know,
break the news.
447
00:25:54,909 --> 00:25:57,989
Wait...
You did this on purpose?
448
00:25:58,609 --> 00:26:00,786
Yeah, kinda, a little bit.
449
00:26:00,866 --> 00:26:03,486
I mean, it was easy
'cause our names are so similar.
450
00:26:03,566 --> 00:26:05,431
Jones. Jonas.
451
00:26:05,511 --> 00:26:08,425
I didn't expect
a white Jones family to show up.
452
00:26:08,505 --> 00:26:12,114
Man, I screwed up everything.
It's my fault, I'm sorry.
453
00:26:12,194 --> 00:26:15,639
- So, who is she?
- Who is who?
454
00:26:15,719 --> 00:26:18,186
You know who I'm talking about.
455
00:26:18,266 --> 00:26:20,151
Who, Fantasia?
I don't know that girl.
456
00:26:20,231 --> 00:26:23,268
- Shantaysia, why is she here?
- I don't know her.
457
00:26:23,364 --> 00:26:25,410
She's my dad's idea.
458
00:26:25,490 --> 00:26:27,596
I don't... It's my first time
ever seeing her.
459
00:26:27,676 --> 00:26:29,693
Stop. Come on.
460
00:26:30,128 --> 00:26:32,184
You know I love you.
Stop.
461
00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:37,534
Anyway, look, I have a plan.
462
00:26:39,623 --> 00:26:41,668
I'll make sure we win the race.
463
00:26:41,748 --> 00:26:45,582
And, then, I'll convince my dad
to let you... your family stay,
464
00:26:45,662 --> 00:26:47,365
and we'll get rid of
the white family.
465
00:26:47,445 --> 00:26:49,657
They'll kick rocks.
466
00:26:50,215 --> 00:26:52,681
What if your family
doesn't win?
467
00:26:52,761 --> 00:26:54,393
Felipa...
468
00:26:54,473 --> 00:26:57,068
Stop smoking crack.
469
00:26:58,071 --> 00:27:00,094
We're black, we're gonna win.
470
00:27:01,191 --> 00:27:03,594
Mexicans are pretty athletic,
too. What about like...
471
00:27:03,689 --> 00:27:05,916
Big Papi.
- He's Dominican.
472
00:27:05,996 --> 00:27:09,249
Oh, y'all gonna lose bad.
Y'all gonna lose so bad.
473
00:27:18,885 --> 00:27:22,482
Hey, guys, I think I hear
an ice cream truck.
474
00:27:23,632 --> 00:27:26,066
Wait, but,
we can't leave this area.
475
00:27:26,150 --> 00:27:28,318
Well, screw that,
it's ice cream.
476
00:27:37,116 --> 00:27:39,161
Look at these people.
477
00:27:39,241 --> 00:27:40,905
They're like vultures.
478
00:27:40,985 --> 00:27:44,325
They're standing around watching
us fight among ourselves.
479
00:27:44,405 --> 00:27:46,869
Don't think they're just
out here having fun?
480
00:27:46,949 --> 00:27:48,172
No.
481
00:27:48,252 --> 00:27:51,172
This has gotten much bigger
than three mad-ass families.
482
00:27:51,252 --> 00:27:54,255
- Bigger how?
- Oh, you think about it, bud.
483
00:27:54,335 --> 00:27:57,371
International sports,
you root for your country.
484
00:27:57,451 --> 00:28:00,253
School sports,
you root for your school.
485
00:28:00,341 --> 00:28:02,441
These people are rooting
for their race.
486
00:28:02,780 --> 00:28:07,024
- Oh, you don't know that.
- Okay. Truth or dare?
487
00:28:07,104 --> 00:28:09,493
I'll answer a question,
if you answer a question.
488
00:28:09,573 --> 00:28:10,861
- Okay.
- Truthfully.
489
00:28:10,941 --> 00:28:11,795
- All right.
- All right.
490
00:28:11,875 --> 00:28:13,964
Now, when you first
drove up here,
491
00:28:14,044 --> 00:28:16,387
and you saw that
there were two families here.
492
00:28:16,467 --> 00:28:19,087
Now, were you mad cause
there were two families here?
493
00:28:19,167 --> 00:28:22,353
Or, were you mad cause
we weren't white?
494
00:28:22,433 --> 00:28:25,176
Yeah, well, you know...
Truth be told
495
00:28:25,256 --> 00:28:26,943
when I drove up here,
I was a little nervous.
496
00:28:27,023 --> 00:28:28,809
But, that's because
I didn't know what to expect.
497
00:28:28,889 --> 00:28:32,800
Well, I felt the same way.
And, that's textbook racism.
498
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,698
You can't say I'm racist just because
I didn't know what to expect.
499
00:28:35,778 --> 00:28:37,947
I've had a lot of
great experiences with...
500
00:28:38,027 --> 00:28:40,182
other races,
and some not so great.
501
00:28:40,262 --> 00:28:41,951
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help but overhear.
502
00:28:42,031 --> 00:28:45,154
You should know that...
503
00:28:45,234 --> 00:28:48,427
our family isn't anything
like that at all.
504
00:28:48,507 --> 00:28:51,605
In fact, I was a total wigger
back in high school.
505
00:28:51,685 --> 00:28:53,577
I had my hair braided and everything.
You remember that?
506
00:28:53,657 --> 00:28:55,664
Yeah, that was so cute.
507
00:28:55,744 --> 00:28:57,777
What is a wigger?
508
00:29:01,221 --> 00:29:04,365
It's just a term
for a kid that's...
509
00:29:04,445 --> 00:29:06,709
trying to act tough
and sound cool.
510
00:29:06,789 --> 00:29:09,043
Well, now,
that's what it means.
511
00:29:09,123 --> 00:29:10,079
But...
512
00:29:10,159 --> 00:29:12,774
What is it an acronym for?
- An acronym?
513
00:29:12,854 --> 00:29:15,143
Yeah, like the word smog.
514
00:29:15,223 --> 00:29:17,490
It's a combination of the words
smoke and fog.
515
00:29:17,579 --> 00:29:19,385
That's an acronym.
516
00:29:19,465 --> 00:29:24,176
What are the words that wigger
is an acronym for?
517
00:29:25,425 --> 00:29:26,865
Well, that's easy.
518
00:29:26,945 --> 00:29:31,426
It's a... It's a combination of,
a mash up, if you will,
519
00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:33,339
of the words...
520
00:29:36,973 --> 00:29:38,210
white...
521
00:29:38,295 --> 00:29:40,147
- White.
- And...
522
00:29:43,452 --> 00:29:45,376
er...
523
00:29:45,456 --> 00:29:47,305
Okay.
524
00:29:47,892 --> 00:29:50,797
I mean, you know,
you guys get hit with...
525
00:29:50,877 --> 00:29:53,255
- honky, hick, crackers...
- Hey!
526
00:29:53,335 --> 00:29:55,263
- Peckerwood, redneck...
- Hey!
527
00:29:55,343 --> 00:29:58,386
- White bastards, white devils.
- Hey!
528
00:29:58,466 --> 00:30:02,691
But, the "N" word, that cuts
straight through the clutter.
529
00:30:02,771 --> 00:30:04,906
Yeah, well, once you say that,
it's pretty much game over.
530
00:30:04,986 --> 00:30:06,721
You're right.
531
00:30:06,801 --> 00:30:09,317
- Good going, son. Well done.
- Happy to help.
532
00:30:09,397 --> 00:30:11,533
But, I still don't agree with
you these people round here
533
00:30:11,613 --> 00:30:14,073
are rooting for their own races.
- Hey!
534
00:30:18,552 --> 00:30:20,069
We got this, baby.
535
00:30:20,149 --> 00:30:22,993
Black and white's going down
like a knocked-out zebra.
536
00:30:23,075 --> 00:30:25,208
Yeah, maybe you're right.
537
00:30:25,699 --> 00:30:28,321
- I hear it, I hear it.
- Ice cream.
538
00:30:33,095 --> 00:30:34,949
Ice cream!
539
00:30:35,759 --> 00:30:39,995
- Hey, sorry I'm late.
- Hey, Franklin. All right.
540
00:30:40,075 --> 00:30:42,164
You know, I love that look...
541
00:30:42,244 --> 00:30:43,966
That gleam of victory
in your eyes.
542
00:30:44,046 --> 00:30:45,559
Yeah, we about to win, Pop.
543
00:30:45,639 --> 00:30:47,199
And, we gonna kick a family
up outta here.
544
00:30:47,279 --> 00:30:51,075
Oh, yes. That's right.
You know... Where's Shantaysia?
545
00:30:51,155 --> 00:30:54,452
Shantaysia...
You know that old Franklin here
546
00:30:54,532 --> 00:30:58,617
was a track star in high school.
Shantaysia, come on.
547
00:30:58,697 --> 00:31:03,081
One time, I ate 37 eggs
in six minutes, come on.
548
00:31:03,161 --> 00:31:04,578
I mean that's impossible, you know.
549
00:31:04,658 --> 00:31:06,110
You proud of me, Daddy?
You gonna brag about that?
550
00:31:06,353 --> 00:31:10,168
Proud of you, son. Not as proud
as I am of Franklin here.
551
00:31:10,916 --> 00:31:13,549
- What?
- That was a joke.
552
00:31:13,679 --> 00:31:16,035
- He's messing with you.
- Shitty joke.
553
00:31:16,115 --> 00:31:16,815
What?
554
00:31:17,067 --> 00:31:20,928
- I said Keko's titty is broke.
- Yeah, I thought you said that.
555
00:31:21,060 --> 00:31:23,205
- Let's do this.
- Uh, you know what...
556
00:31:23,319 --> 00:31:25,790
Y'all enjoy your pissing contest
but I'm outta here.
557
00:31:25,881 --> 00:31:28,079
You wanna go?
- Yeah, I wanna go find Shantaysia.
558
00:31:28,159 --> 00:31:29,532
- Keko!
- Felipa!
559
00:31:29,612 --> 00:31:33,886
This is our contest pick
and it's called the Potty Carry.
560
00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:37,190
That's right. One person
goes inside of each one
561
00:31:37,471 --> 00:31:39,667
and the rest of us carry.
562
00:31:39,747 --> 00:31:43,904
And, the winner is the one who
gets across that finish line first.
563
00:31:43,984 --> 00:31:45,480
That finish line
is pretty far, man.
564
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,975
Dude, don't sweat it, man.
We totally got this.
565
00:31:48,055 --> 00:31:50,066
Mexicans are gonna take
this hands down.
566
00:31:50,246 --> 00:31:51,297
Hey, Papi.
567
00:31:51,491 --> 00:31:54,196
Papi, we're about to start
the race, you gonna come cheer?
568
00:31:55,993 --> 00:31:57,798
Does your dad ever smile?
569
00:31:57,878 --> 00:32:00,291
- No.
- You mean, "Darth Valdez"?
570
00:32:00,382 --> 00:32:02,616
Does he even know
what a smile is?
571
00:32:02,818 --> 00:32:04,695
I bet you, he can't say
the word "Chuck E. Cheese."
572
00:32:04,981 --> 00:32:07,828
Bet you his face makes him
stop at "Chuck."
573
00:32:08,071 --> 00:32:10,857
He'd probably need a fake ID
just to buy a "Happy Meal."
574
00:32:10,987 --> 00:32:12,647
- Wow. That's good.
- All right.
575
00:32:12,727 --> 00:32:14,580
All right. That's pretty funny,
but, uh...
576
00:32:14,839 --> 00:32:17,458
You know, he's still my dad,
so could you cut it out, please.
577
00:32:17,538 --> 00:32:19,781
Well, you know, come on,
let's space these potties out,
578
00:32:19,861 --> 00:32:22,477
and get the race started.
I mean, we're standing around...
579
00:32:22,745 --> 00:32:25,318
Let me just drag this one.
Get outta the way, would ya?
580
00:32:25,398 --> 00:32:28,641
So, I'll just take this one.
- Are you sure? These things are heavy.
581
00:32:28,897 --> 00:32:30,840
Charlie, I've been a fireman
for years, you know.
582
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,947
I've rescued babies from windows
and fiery buildings, you know.
583
00:32:35,034 --> 00:32:36,796
Come on, put this on my back.
584
00:32:36,876 --> 00:32:38,688
- I guess.
- Come on, let's go.
585
00:32:38,768 --> 00:32:41,126
This is... I can just...
I got this.
586
00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:48,581
Charlie, get it off of me.
Get it off of me.
587
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,884
We got this. We got this, Dad.
588
00:32:58,943 --> 00:33:01,522
Yeah, maybe we should slide it.
589
00:33:14,387 --> 00:33:17,951
I don't like this.
I'm having a bad day.
590
00:33:18,786 --> 00:33:22,080
I hate kids.
You ruined my life.
591
00:33:28,822 --> 00:33:29,910
The main problem is
592
00:33:29,990 --> 00:33:32,150
is getting this potty
over the ravine.
593
00:33:32,230 --> 00:33:34,722
But, luckily,
Ron Ron got an idea.
594
00:33:34,802 --> 00:33:35,501
What?
595
00:33:35,590 --> 00:33:39,030
All we need to do is swing
this potty by using rope.
596
00:33:39,110 --> 00:33:40,708
We need to put the rope
through a hitch,
597
00:33:40,788 --> 00:33:43,671
on top of the potty and, then,
toss the rope on branches.
598
00:33:43,751 --> 00:33:45,725
And, then, we swing the potty
over the ravine.
599
00:33:45,805 --> 00:33:48,400
Come on.
- That's a good idea.
600
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,276
We gotta get some rope.
- Oh, Daddy, look at this.
601
00:33:51,356 --> 00:33:52,599
I already got it.
Taken care of.
602
00:33:52,679 --> 00:33:54,000
- Look at that.
- Crap.
603
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:55,657
Guess I'm smarter
than Franklin now, right?
604
00:33:55,737 --> 00:33:57,373
No.
605
00:33:57,453 --> 00:33:59,034
He's right, man.
Rope's gonna make it easier.
606
00:33:59,114 --> 00:34:00,633
- Sharni, get a rope.
- Okay, got it.
607
00:34:00,713 --> 00:34:02,370
- Dad.
- We're ready to go.
608
00:34:02,450 --> 00:34:05,105
- We can't wait. Let's get started.
- Wait, wait.
609
00:34:05,185 --> 00:34:06,443
- Wait, wait.
- Get on your marks,
610
00:34:06,523 --> 00:34:08,208
get set, go!
- Wait, wait.
611
00:34:08,288 --> 00:34:10,564
Oh, come on.
612
00:34:11,664 --> 00:34:13,592
Uh-uh, keep dreamin'
Blondie, that rope is mine.
613
00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:16,875
- No, I saw it first.
- Hello, open up.
614
00:34:17,175 --> 00:34:19,023
We wanna borrow
your clothes line.
615
00:34:19,103 --> 00:34:21,577
- This is kinda cute.
- Open up. We wanna borrow...
616
00:34:21,657 --> 00:34:24,005
- ... your clothes line.
- Yeah, you know, keep knocking.
617
00:34:24,085 --> 00:34:25,907
People love Mexicans
at their door.
618
00:34:25,987 --> 00:34:28,483
Ha-ha, really funny,
"Blow White."
619
00:34:28,563 --> 00:34:29,787
Hello.
620
00:34:29,867 --> 00:34:32,953
We'll see how much you laugh
when the rope is mine.
621
00:34:33,033 --> 00:34:34,942
Hey, what are you doing
up there?
622
00:34:35,022 --> 00:34:38,161
- Getting this damn clothes line.
- Oh, shit.
623
00:34:47,839 --> 00:34:49,827
I don't know.
624
00:34:54,454 --> 00:34:57,043
- Come this way.
- What the hell was that?
625
00:35:01,515 --> 00:35:03,713
Hey, where did everybody go?
626
00:35:04,556 --> 00:35:05,556
Pop?
627
00:35:06,624 --> 00:35:07,624
Ron Ron?
628
00:35:08,693 --> 00:35:10,461
Did we win?
629
00:35:10,551 --> 00:35:13,818
Come on, come on.
630
00:35:13,898 --> 00:35:17,399
What happened?
- He has a TV antenna stuck in him.
631
00:35:17,492 --> 00:35:19,190
Where?
632
00:35:19,270 --> 00:35:21,770
- We need to take him to a hospital.
- All right, let's use my car.
633
00:35:22,207 --> 00:35:24,722
Wait, we're gonna get him in that?
634
00:35:25,744 --> 00:35:27,344
Here.
635
00:35:28,689 --> 00:35:32,774
- What in the hell are you doing?
- Bactine. It stings like a bitch, but...
636
00:35:34,537 --> 00:35:37,122
No! No more,
you fucking idiot.
637
00:35:38,741 --> 00:35:40,875
Everybody, stop!
638
00:35:42,445 --> 00:35:44,434
Do you get the NFL package?
639
00:35:46,650 --> 00:35:49,155
We're not gonna
get him in that pussy car.
640
00:35:49,235 --> 00:35:51,284
Let's get him in Franklin's car.
641
00:35:51,788 --> 00:35:53,309
- I'm right here.
- Come on.
642
00:35:53,389 --> 00:35:55,745
You got it. You got it.
643
00:35:55,825 --> 00:35:58,248
- Put him inside.
- There you go.
644
00:35:58,328 --> 00:35:59,666
Let's give him a push.
- All right.
645
00:35:59,746 --> 00:36:01,862
- One, two...
- No...
646
00:36:01,942 --> 00:36:03,497
three.
647
00:36:07,137 --> 00:36:10,364
- That went horribly wrong.
- Yeah, hang tight.
648
00:36:10,446 --> 00:36:12,645
Okay, okay. Let's go.
Come on. Vamanos.
649
00:36:22,087 --> 00:36:24,298
So, are you doing
number one or number two?
650
00:36:24,378 --> 00:36:27,879
- What? Go get an adult.
- You look like a pinata.
651
00:36:27,959 --> 00:36:29,802
And you look the first
person's ass I'm gonna beat
652
00:36:29,882 --> 00:36:31,139
if you don't go
and get an adult.
653
00:36:31,219 --> 00:36:34,105
I didn't say you were one,
I said you looked like one.
654
00:36:34,185 --> 00:36:37,148
Oh, I'mma beat you so bad
and you're not even my kid.
655
00:36:37,231 --> 00:36:38,873
Woah, take it easy, perv.
656
00:36:38,953 --> 00:36:42,377
I thought you kids were on lock down.
How did you get outta your area?
657
00:36:42,457 --> 00:36:44,912
You didn't answer me.
Number one or number two?
658
00:36:44,992 --> 00:36:47,615
Why you wanna know?
Chuckie, that's nasty.
659
00:36:47,695 --> 00:36:50,854
Get an adult, I could die.
- No, no. - Okay, yeah.
660
00:36:50,934 --> 00:36:54,290
Please, this is not a drill.
661
00:36:54,370 --> 00:36:56,683
This is a "code red."
You know a "code red"...
662
00:36:56,763 --> 00:36:58,630
Oh, y'all went to public school.
Y'all know nothing.
663
00:36:58,710 --> 00:37:03,133
Oh, my God. I hate kids.
And, I hate camping.
664
00:37:14,709 --> 00:37:17,928
- Hey guys, quick.
- Come say hi to Mom. Come on.
665
00:37:18,488 --> 00:37:20,641
- Hey, Mom.
- Cheese.
666
00:37:20,721 --> 00:37:22,673
Yo. Yep, I'm good.
667
00:37:25,167 --> 00:37:27,678
Yo, I got lucky.
668
00:37:28,702 --> 00:37:30,738
It was tough, but I'm good.
669
00:37:34,777 --> 00:37:36,304
Hey...
670
00:37:36,384 --> 00:37:39,243
Doctor said my love handles
are like a teenager's.
671
00:37:44,913 --> 00:37:48,950
Yeah, don't worry about it. Just
gonna be here by myself, you know.
672
00:37:49,897 --> 00:37:51,980
No family to talk to.
673
00:37:55,729 --> 00:37:57,836
Something to think about, Mijo.
674
00:38:07,183 --> 00:38:09,697
- Okay.
- Aunt Felipa, I can't move.
675
00:38:09,777 --> 00:38:13,217
Yes, but you're safe.
Have fun.
676
00:38:13,797 --> 00:38:17,154
- Mind if I sit?
- Sure.
677
00:38:17,409 --> 00:38:21,051
- It's a pretty mantis.
- I'm gonna kill him.
678
00:38:22,248 --> 00:38:24,256
You know,
the kids don't see race.
679
00:38:24,941 --> 00:38:28,024
It's true. Seems they learn it
from the adults.
680
00:38:28,634 --> 00:38:30,890
Kids can be a handful, man.
681
00:38:30,970 --> 00:38:32,199
I used to think that
I wanted a bunch of them,
682
00:38:32,279 --> 00:38:35,863
but after this weekend, I think
I'm just gonna get another cat.
683
00:38:36,870 --> 00:38:39,611
Hey where is it?
- It's right there, it's just moving.
684
00:38:39,691 --> 00:38:41,546
- Now, that's a...
- It's a praying...
685
00:38:41,626 --> 00:38:44,001
It's just a gross bug.
Just put it down.
686
00:38:44,378 --> 00:38:46,317
Oh, you know, I've actually
been meaning to tell you,
687
00:38:46,397 --> 00:38:48,063
that I really like your hair.
688
00:38:48,158 --> 00:38:50,355
Thanks, I do it myself.
689
00:38:50,435 --> 00:38:52,747
- Really?
- I have my own salon.
690
00:38:52,827 --> 00:38:54,668
That's super cool.
691
00:38:54,748 --> 00:38:58,309
Didn't I hear Charlie saying
that he has his own salon, too.
692
00:38:58,389 --> 00:39:00,586
Not a salon, a saloon.
693
00:39:00,666 --> 00:39:03,271
I drove with him to
the vet the other night.
694
00:39:03,351 --> 00:39:06,574
He had a dog under each arm,
giving them both mouth-to-mouth.
695
00:39:06,654 --> 00:39:08,620
He's got a lot of heart.
696
00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:11,534
Yeah, and dog breath,
sounds like.
697
00:39:11,614 --> 00:39:13,469
Did any of the dogs get
a contact drunk?
698
00:39:13,549 --> 00:39:15,304
Yeah, I think the dogs
were wondering
699
00:39:15,384 --> 00:39:17,442
why I kept checking their IDs.
700
00:39:22,162 --> 00:39:25,909
You know, he's a good guy.
- Yeah, and cute too, right?
701
00:39:25,989 --> 00:39:28,021
- Yeah, he is kinda cute.
- Yeah.
702
00:39:28,101 --> 00:39:31,199
- Super cute. Like I would.
- I think I would, too.
703
00:39:31,293 --> 00:39:34,682
Seriously, he's a bit of a charmer
and girls love bad boys.
704
00:39:34,762 --> 00:39:39,237
I think he knows he has a problem.
I don't drink. I never have, but...
705
00:39:39,317 --> 00:39:42,316
My dad was an alcoholic,
so, I know the signs.
706
00:39:42,396 --> 00:39:44,625
- I really wanna kill it.
- Just kill it.
707
00:39:44,705 --> 00:39:48,268
No, it's one of God's
creatures, don't kill it.
708
00:39:48,348 --> 00:39:50,035
Right? Don't kill it.
709
00:39:52,300 --> 00:39:55,592
So, how about you? Do you work
at the courthouse back in the city?
710
00:39:55,691 --> 00:39:59,140
- Yeah, I'm a stenographer.
- Franklin works in the DA's office.
711
00:39:59,220 --> 00:40:00,441
- Does he?
- Yeah.
712
00:40:00,521 --> 00:40:01,609
Do you ever see him around there?
713
00:40:01,689 --> 00:40:04,906
Uh... Now that you...
I think I have. Mm-hmm.
714
00:40:06,496 --> 00:40:08,246
Not that often.
715
00:40:08,326 --> 00:40:11,830
You know, I've been meaning
to tell you, I'm not here to...
716
00:40:12,499 --> 00:40:13,921
Oh, my God.
717
00:40:16,620 --> 00:40:18,570
Oh, my God.
718
00:40:18,854 --> 00:40:21,401
Should I buy a tabby
or a Siamese cat?
719
00:40:22,856 --> 00:40:26,737
Okay, cabrones. Our pick.
The eating contest.
720
00:40:26,817 --> 00:40:30,564
- Yeah, but not food...
- Habaneros, baby.
721
00:40:30,644 --> 00:40:32,208
Hot peppers, bro.
722
00:40:32,299 --> 00:40:34,611
You gotta eat as many
as you can in three minutes.
723
00:40:34,696 --> 00:40:37,800
And Habaneros...
Habaneros are the Devil's food.
724
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,232
Yup.
725
00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:42,747
- They can't be that bad.
- Oh, you're about to find out.
726
00:40:42,827 --> 00:40:44,208
Can I eat for the family?
727
00:40:44,288 --> 00:40:46,551
Yeah, Gravy, you can eat
for the family for sure.
728
00:40:46,631 --> 00:40:48,954
'Cause Habaneros are organic,
729
00:40:49,034 --> 00:40:52,295
and I do non-pharmaceuticals
really well.
730
00:40:52,375 --> 00:40:55,324
Yeah. Like, one time
I got lost in the desert.
731
00:40:55,404 --> 00:40:58,738
I had to eat 67 mushrooms to survive.
732
00:40:58,818 --> 00:41:01,066
- Caps and stems?
- The whole thing.
733
00:41:01,156 --> 00:41:03,638
I hallucinated for 15 days.
734
00:41:03,718 --> 00:41:06,206
- My diarrhea tasted like honey.
- Ugh!
735
00:41:06,286 --> 00:41:07,575
That's beautiful, Gravy.
736
00:41:07,655 --> 00:41:09,711
- That's your son-in-law?
- Yep. Uh...
737
00:41:09,791 --> 00:41:12,081
- Your brother-in-law?
- Yes, my brother-in-law.
738
00:41:12,161 --> 00:41:14,408
- That's your brother.
- In-law.
739
00:41:14,488 --> 00:41:17,864
You said that like you might
have seen him naked or something.
740
00:41:18,753 --> 00:41:22,761
- All right, fool, I got this.
- No, clown, I love Habaneros.
741
00:41:22,858 --> 00:41:26,136
Who you calling a clown? I can eat
so many more Habaneros than you!
742
00:41:26,216 --> 00:41:28,121
No.
743
00:41:29,751 --> 00:41:32,447
- You, papi?
- What, he's...
744
00:41:32,527 --> 00:41:36,778
- ... resurrected.
- It's like it's Easter or something.
745
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:41,579
I've been eating Habaneros for
65 years. I will win for the familia.
746
00:41:41,659 --> 00:41:44,788
Mira. This is what
I have been whittling. Huh?
747
00:41:44,868 --> 00:41:47,064
Ocho!
748
00:41:47,980 --> 00:41:49,715
For cervezas.
749
00:41:49,795 --> 00:41:54,668
Ocho is now
an official St. Bernardo.
750
00:41:55,632 --> 00:41:57,275
- Papi made a joke.
- Yeah.
751
00:41:57,355 --> 00:41:59,953
Habaneros are nothing to Mexicans.
752
00:42:00,033 --> 00:42:03,261
We put hot sauce
on our hot sauce.
753
00:42:04,609 --> 00:42:06,705
- He made another joke.
- That's awesome.
754
00:42:06,785 --> 00:42:08,766
I'm ready. Let's do this.
755
00:42:08,846 --> 00:42:11,763
All right, pendejos,
the timer is set.
756
00:42:11,843 --> 00:42:14,583
Three, two, one, go!
757
00:42:42,593 --> 00:42:46,065
There's something going
on in my fucking mouth.
758
00:42:48,100 --> 00:42:52,157
Do men... Do you think
men ever get like
759
00:42:52,237 --> 00:42:55,550
a POV of themselves
and just go...
760
00:42:55,630 --> 00:42:57,551
"We're really stupid"?
761
00:43:19,683 --> 00:43:22,949
May the Devil use
your backbone as a trellis,
762
00:43:23,029 --> 00:43:25,419
to pick apples in Hell.
763
00:43:25,865 --> 00:43:29,289
To you, Mr. DiMaggio,
and to you, Dr. Freud.
764
00:43:29,369 --> 00:43:32,578
If you don't know where you're going,
there are plenty of roads.
765
00:43:37,536 --> 00:43:40,511
Okay. So, she's
not just crazy beautiful,
766
00:43:40,591 --> 00:43:44,650
she's actually smart enough
to see right through me.
767
00:43:44,737 --> 00:43:46,818
You need to look past
the train-wreck he is
768
00:43:46,898 --> 00:43:49,776
and see the man that was crying when he
thought the doggies wouldn't make it.
769
00:43:49,856 --> 00:43:54,423
Okay, that's a turnoff. May I just say
I'm not usually the crying type.
770
00:43:54,503 --> 00:43:58,037
I thought it was sweet, you know,
you crying like a little sissy.
771
00:43:58,701 --> 00:44:02,753
I cried, because when I was
giving them mouth to snout,
772
00:44:02,833 --> 00:44:04,815
Ocho slipped me some tongue.
773
00:44:04,895 --> 00:44:10,133
I- I-I-I-I can still taste the,
ugh, the lamb and carrots.
774
00:44:10,230 --> 00:44:12,654
Okay, okay. Let's... Let's recap.
775
00:44:12,734 --> 00:44:15,872
I know I come off like a...
Like a bit of a tough guy,
776
00:44:15,958 --> 00:44:20,109
but I do cry when I see
that doggies are hurt,
777
00:44:20,190 --> 00:44:23,546
and you're half naked...
I'm sorry about that.
778
00:44:23,639 --> 00:44:25,282
Are you?
779
00:44:26,792 --> 00:44:27,792
Oh, shit.
780
00:44:29,228 --> 00:44:31,219
Don't move.
That's a coral snake.
781
00:44:31,302 --> 00:44:34,902
You'll be totally safe if you
stand there, just like that,
782
00:44:34,982 --> 00:44:38,041
back lit by the sun,
looking perfect.
783
00:44:39,592 --> 00:44:42,982
Damn it! You moved!
Now you look awful.
784
00:44:43,062 --> 00:44:45,201
You went from looking
like a goddess, to a...
785
00:44:45,281 --> 00:44:47,764
To a favela in a bikini.
786
00:44:49,006 --> 00:44:51,234
What are we gonna do?
787
00:44:51,468 --> 00:44:54,461
If we meld as one,
788
00:44:54,541 --> 00:44:57,495
it'll see us as a much
larger and greater threat,
789
00:44:57,575 --> 00:45:01,282
and then slither
away sheepishly.
790
00:45:02,063 --> 00:45:05,360
So, this is us... melding.
791
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,867
- Here we go.
- Whoa, whoa.
792
00:45:08,177 --> 00:45:11,349
In chapter seven in one of the most
brilliant novels I've ever read,
793
00:45:11,430 --> 00:45:14,339
the main character finds
a coral snake in a barn.
794
00:45:14,419 --> 00:45:18,402
Roger tells her, "Red over yellow kills
a fellow. Red over black, venom lack."
795
00:45:18,482 --> 00:45:20,626
So our little friend
over there isn't poisonous.
796
00:45:20,706 --> 00:45:23,186
Wow. You read my novel?
797
00:45:23,266 --> 00:45:24,641
Twice.
798
00:45:24,736 --> 00:45:27,856
So I guess you know what a...
What a cliche I am.
799
00:45:27,936 --> 00:45:29,135
Oh, a writer who drinks.
800
00:45:29,215 --> 00:45:31,203
You forgot to mention "tortured."
801
00:45:31,283 --> 00:45:33,725
And I left out
"scared and insecure."
802
00:45:33,805 --> 00:45:37,585
Aha! Well, perhaps that
is why I drink.
803
00:45:37,665 --> 00:45:39,388
But we never see you drink,
804
00:45:39,468 --> 00:45:42,237
because we're always distracted by the
things you're pointing to, you know?
805
00:45:42,326 --> 00:45:46,128
Justin Bieber, dumpster fires,
twenty-four hour Popeye's Chicken...
806
00:45:46,208 --> 00:45:50,823
The really tall midget
enlightened trucker...
807
00:45:50,903 --> 00:45:52,057
Silent bagpipes,
808
00:45:52,137 --> 00:45:55,019
Pete Best, Blockbuster Video.
809
00:45:55,099 --> 00:45:58,189
The cast of "Breakfast Club,"
and one of my favorites,
810
00:45:58,269 --> 00:46:00,336
"That cloud looks
like a drag queen."
811
00:46:00,474 --> 00:46:02,111
Let me see
if I got this straight.
812
00:46:02,191 --> 00:46:04,734
You wrote one novel,
got lots of critical praise,
813
00:46:04,814 --> 00:46:07,266
then you're finished?
What happened?
814
00:46:10,092 --> 00:46:11,881
Wait a second.
815
00:46:11,970 --> 00:46:15,266
Is that Charlie Jones
over there?
816
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,158
Behind that empty typewriter?
817
00:46:18,238 --> 00:46:20,923
Frozen, hammered...
818
00:46:21,419 --> 00:46:24,131
- Alone...
- No, it isn't.
819
00:46:24,211 --> 00:46:26,496
I guess if my head was
filled with that kind of crap,
820
00:46:26,582 --> 00:46:29,663
I'd probably drink, too.
But I don't.
821
00:46:29,743 --> 00:46:31,916
So good luck with your travels.
822
00:46:33,204 --> 00:46:35,996
Wait. What if I...
823
00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,931
What if... I didn't drink?
824
00:46:39,341 --> 00:46:41,582
I guess we'll never know.
825
00:46:41,753 --> 00:46:44,810
But I do know you are
a brilliant writer.
826
00:47:00,020 --> 00:47:03,097
I swear, that was not me peeing.
827
00:47:16,261 --> 00:47:19,128
Last one to drop their
hand off the car wins.
828
00:47:19,208 --> 00:47:20,732
Ocho.
829
00:47:24,738 --> 00:47:26,333
Gracias.
830
00:47:27,714 --> 00:47:31,467
Uncle Gravy saw some
bad boys right over there.
831
00:47:31,581 --> 00:47:35,499
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you gotta be real careful.
832
00:47:35,579 --> 00:47:38,033
They got 10,000 eyes.
833
00:47:38,570 --> 00:47:42,088
- Kind of like my ex-wife.
- Are you gonna do it?
834
00:47:42,168 --> 00:47:45,317
It's been a long time.
I'm scared.
835
00:47:45,399 --> 00:47:47,730
Do it. You won't. No balls.
836
00:47:48,275 --> 00:47:50,435
No balls?
837
00:47:55,892 --> 00:47:59,577
I got him! I got him!
I gotcha! You're gonna...
838
00:47:59,699 --> 00:48:01,385
Ahem!
839
00:48:01,465 --> 00:48:04,327
Oh, yeah.
I need one of your hairs.
840
00:48:05,135 --> 00:48:07,738
You're ready for your little leash?
841
00:48:10,508 --> 00:48:13,042
Que Paso, little flower? Yes?
842
00:48:13,122 --> 00:48:15,379
Dad, what's sex?
843
00:48:17,143 --> 00:48:19,272
Have fun with that one, Dad.
844
00:48:19,352 --> 00:48:21,141
Listen up. He's got a lot
of good advice.
845
00:48:21,221 --> 00:48:24,144
Yeah, Felipa.
Thank you very much.
846
00:48:24,224 --> 00:48:26,875
- What's sex? Huh? Tell her, Dad.
- Let's hear it.
847
00:48:26,955 --> 00:48:30,045
Excuse me. Thank you.
848
00:48:30,125 --> 00:48:32,085
Um... Uh...
849
00:48:32,165 --> 00:48:35,034
Sex is like, like... It's...
It's when you hug someone.
850
00:48:35,131 --> 00:48:37,645
- Come on, brother, that's it?
- Hug real tight.
851
00:48:37,725 --> 00:48:41,025
So, wait. So I've had
sex with my grandpa.
852
00:48:41,105 --> 00:48:43,293
I wouldn't be surprised.
853
00:48:44,974 --> 00:48:49,243
Okay. Well, I...
I guess you're old enough.
854
00:48:50,414 --> 00:48:55,133
Sex is when Mommy and Daddy...
855
00:48:55,746 --> 00:49:00,957
... uh, hug.
And we don't have any clothes on.
856
00:49:01,037 --> 00:49:03,100
Well, you better get
naked and start hugging,
857
00:49:03,180 --> 00:49:06,822
'cause they said dinner
will be ready in two secs.
858
00:49:10,354 --> 00:49:12,855
Yes! Yes!
859
00:49:12,935 --> 00:49:15,565
Dinner will be ready in two secs!
860
00:49:15,663 --> 00:49:18,000
He's my son and I love him, but...
861
00:49:18,081 --> 00:49:20,709
You know,
you hate to see 'em struggle.
862
00:49:20,789 --> 00:49:24,793
This thing that he's struggling with,
has this, uh...
863
00:49:24,873 --> 00:49:26,889
Has this got anything to do
with why he's not married
864
00:49:26,969 --> 00:49:29,360
and not settled down?
865
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:30,890
Yeah.
866
00:49:30,970 --> 00:49:33,140
Well, hopefully he'll figure it out.
867
00:49:33,225 --> 00:49:36,254
We got a guy coming up
that's gonna help with that.
868
00:49:36,470 --> 00:49:38,512
Oh!
869
00:49:40,228 --> 00:49:41,837
I get it.
870
00:49:41,917 --> 00:49:45,007
- You do?
- Yeah. Hey, it's fine.
871
00:49:45,087 --> 00:49:47,567
I mean, every family has got
872
00:49:47,647 --> 00:49:51,213
someone who is... different.
873
00:49:51,293 --> 00:49:54,950
I mean, and you're fine with it, right?
You've probably seen a lot of stuff.
874
00:49:55,030 --> 00:49:57,154
I used to be a fireman.
875
00:49:57,486 --> 00:50:01,366
Drinking got the best of me.
I couldn't control it, so...
876
00:50:01,446 --> 00:50:03,511
they fired me.
877
00:50:03,646 --> 00:50:07,482
Tried the Bible.
Jim Beam vs. John 3:10.
878
00:50:07,562 --> 00:50:10,469
- That didn't work out.
- Jim Beam won?
879
00:50:10,554 --> 00:50:14,650
Yeah. I went to AA.
Let go and let God...
880
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:19,579
I'm keeping
my side of the street clean.
881
00:50:19,669 --> 00:50:23,190
You know, as a parent
I made mistakes, too.
882
00:50:23,524 --> 00:50:25,273
I mean, I know it
really bothers Ron Ron,
883
00:50:25,353 --> 00:50:28,777
the way I focus in
on Franklin's potential.
884
00:50:28,857 --> 00:50:30,471
But Ron Ron...
885
00:50:30,551 --> 00:50:32,932
He's... He's special.
886
00:50:38,011 --> 00:50:39,983
Special.
887
00:50:40,063 --> 00:50:44,282
You know, a couple of
old school guys like you and me...
888
00:50:45,743 --> 00:50:49,936
gotta learn it's a new world
out there, man. New rules.
889
00:50:50,016 --> 00:50:52,570
- Charlie's gonna be all right.
- Yeah.
890
00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:57,790
And I mean, things... Things are a lot
easier nowadays for guys like him.
891
00:50:58,471 --> 00:51:00,547
I'll be right back.
892
00:51:01,631 --> 00:51:05,924
- It's like a little fly kite.
- He looks like a real goer.
893
00:51:06,004 --> 00:51:08,093
Watch what I do next here.
894
00:51:09,330 --> 00:51:12,958
Okay, big guy.
Time to go to work.
895
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:20,451
Going somewhere with all
those bells and smells on?
896
00:51:20,728 --> 00:51:24,373
- Uh, I was just about to...
- I know where you're going.
897
00:51:24,453 --> 00:51:26,225
- You do?
- Yep.
898
00:51:26,305 --> 00:51:28,819
And I think you two
make a great pair.
899
00:51:28,899 --> 00:51:32,226
- You do?
- Yes! I even like the ring of her name.
900
00:51:32,306 --> 00:51:34,428
- Shantaysia.
- Fe...
901
00:51:34,508 --> 00:51:38,276
Shan... Shantaysia? Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
902
00:51:38,356 --> 00:51:42,698
Now, look, I know what you're gonna
say. I know I push a little hard.
903
00:51:42,962 --> 00:51:45,202
But it's because you got
so much promise,
904
00:51:45,282 --> 00:51:46,922
and I just want you to deliver on it.
905
00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:50,553
See, back in the day,
when I was coming up your age...
906
00:51:50,647 --> 00:51:52,428
And the time...
907
00:51:52,508 --> 00:51:56,574
I never would have dreamed I'd have a son
that's on the verge of running a city.
908
00:51:56,654 --> 00:51:58,924
I just want to say to you, son...
909
00:51:59,004 --> 00:52:00,882
I'm proud of you.
- Oh, Pop.
910
00:52:00,962 --> 00:52:04,000
- Real proud.
- Oh, Pop. Thanks, man.
911
00:52:05,736 --> 00:52:06,986
Whoo.
912
00:52:07,066 --> 00:52:09,796
Now you go ahead on
for your walk.
913
00:52:10,499 --> 00:52:12,673
And don't make her late.
No son of mine
914
00:52:12,753 --> 00:52:15,824
is gonna take longer
than a woman to get ready.
915
00:52:15,904 --> 00:52:17,904
Oh, come on, man.
916
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,835
You sound like an episode
of "Sanford and Son."
917
00:52:23,269 --> 00:52:27,298
Ah! Romance is in the hizzouse.
918
00:52:27,975 --> 00:52:29,673
Hey, hey.
919
00:52:29,753 --> 00:52:32,889
- Hey, Shay-Shay.
- Hey. Have a nice walk.
920
00:52:33,747 --> 00:52:37,177
Uh... Then where is he
going all dressed up?
921
00:52:37,450 --> 00:52:40,861
- Who isn't here?
- Hey, Charlie, where are you?
922
00:52:41,797 --> 00:52:43,617
Charlie?
923
00:52:46,570 --> 00:52:49,189
Charlie and Franklin?
924
00:52:51,336 --> 00:52:53,245
Oh, Lord.
925
00:52:58,413 --> 00:53:01,696
Oh, hey. You're here.
How you doing?
926
00:53:01,776 --> 00:53:04,307
- I'm good.
- Funny seeing you here.
927
00:53:04,387 --> 00:53:06,953
- Not really.
- Uh, just...
928
00:53:07,033 --> 00:53:08,815
Well, being that I'm here,
you're here,
929
00:53:08,903 --> 00:53:11,170
I thought we could talk
about this whole...
930
00:53:11,919 --> 00:53:14,554
- Fake Mom thing.
- What about it?
931
00:53:14,639 --> 00:53:19,065
Maybe, well... Not that I thought
about it a lot, but I did...
932
00:53:19,149 --> 00:53:22,445
jot down some alts,
as you kids like to say.
933
00:53:22,525 --> 00:53:24,952
- I've never said that.
- You don't say "alts" for...
934
00:53:25,032 --> 00:53:28,054
- You wrote all of that?
- Yeah, just a few, um...
935
00:53:28,134 --> 00:53:31,499
Just a few alternatives
to "Fake Mom."
936
00:53:31,579 --> 00:53:34,978
Not that I don't love it.
But I just thought, why not...
937
00:53:35,058 --> 00:53:38,518
Trophy Mom? I could be
like a Trophy Mom, you know?
938
00:53:38,598 --> 00:53:39,892
I always wanted...
- No. No.
939
00:53:39,972 --> 00:53:43,077
No? Okay, not great.
Okay. How about, um...
940
00:53:43,409 --> 00:53:46,261
Mom Again?
You know what I mean?
941
00:53:46,341 --> 00:53:48,249
Like, when you call me,
you'll be like, "Mom Again!"
942
00:53:48,329 --> 00:53:52,647
- No. Fake Mom.
- Okay. How about "This Mom"?
943
00:53:52,727 --> 00:53:55,614
This Mom. This Mom.
You know what I mean?
944
00:53:55,694 --> 00:53:58,303
- Who would say any of this?
- Probably nobody.
945
00:53:58,383 --> 00:54:00,523
How about "Other Mom"?
"Cute Mom"?
946
00:54:00,608 --> 00:54:02,480
- Cute? Cute Mom?
- "Mom Mom"?
947
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:04,150
Okay, "Mom Mom."
Mom Mom is cute.
948
00:54:04,230 --> 00:54:06,671
- Right? You'll be like, "Mom Mom!"
- What am I, two years old?
949
00:54:06,751 --> 00:54:08,460
'Cause it wouldn't be like
your first mom...
950
00:54:08,540 --> 00:54:11,971
I have my real mom...
And then I have you.
951
00:54:12,051 --> 00:54:14,505
- Right and I would never wanna...
- And you are my fake mom.
952
00:54:14,585 --> 00:54:17,495
And you need to
stop trying to act...
953
00:54:17,575 --> 00:54:19,923
Take the place of her.
Yeah, I would never.
954
00:54:20,003 --> 00:54:23,001
- Well, you're trying to.
- No, I don't. I wouldn't...
955
00:54:24,093 --> 00:54:26,830
I think this has been
a productive talk.
956
00:54:26,910 --> 00:54:28,298
All right, well...
957
00:54:28,378 --> 00:54:29,845
Um, do you want me to
button up your shirt?
958
00:54:29,939 --> 00:54:33,783
No. Okay. It's supposed
to be like that. Okay. All right.
959
00:54:40,109 --> 00:54:45,659
My family may not win this.
Which means my plans get flushed.
960
00:54:46,369 --> 00:54:50,426
You've got to tell your dad.
We both do. I can't keep lying.
961
00:54:52,738 --> 00:54:57,653
I don't know. My dad is crazy. It's
like he wants me to be Mayor someday,
962
00:54:57,733 --> 00:54:59,951
- so it's... You know?
- Yeah.
963
00:55:00,031 --> 00:55:03,137
And you can't do that with
a Mexican woman by your side.
964
00:55:03,227 --> 00:55:05,828
What? I didn't say that.
I mean, why did you...
965
00:55:05,908 --> 00:55:09,462
Look, Franklin... I'm glad that
you worry about your father.
966
00:55:09,542 --> 00:55:11,630
I worry about my father, too.
967
00:55:11,710 --> 00:55:16,374
They want so much for us, even though
sometimes it's misguided.
968
00:55:16,473 --> 00:55:19,976
But I think that we've been
fooling ourselves
969
00:55:20,056 --> 00:55:23,751
- ... hoping that this will work.
- What are you talking about?
970
00:55:23,831 --> 00:55:27,695
We were going to lean
on each other, but maybe we can't.
971
00:55:27,779 --> 00:55:29,858
And it's better that
we learned it now,
972
00:55:29,938 --> 00:55:32,796
before we commit to something
that isn't gonna work.
973
00:55:32,876 --> 00:55:35,231
Felipa, what are you saying?
974
00:55:35,311 --> 00:55:38,016
Making it easier on both of us.
975
00:55:38,929 --> 00:55:40,966
What?
976
00:55:41,738 --> 00:55:44,737
Felipa, what are you doing?
Felipa.
977
00:55:45,463 --> 00:55:49,179
Fuck! Fuck!
978
00:55:58,506 --> 00:56:00,858
Ron Ron, I told you to knock that off.
979
00:56:00,952 --> 00:56:03,666
You're gonna mess around and put
a hole in the back of your neck.
980
00:56:03,746 --> 00:56:05,902
So you're just
telling me stuff, huh?
981
00:56:05,982 --> 00:56:07,872
- You told me?
- Yeah, I told you.
982
00:56:07,952 --> 00:56:10,563
- You told me?
- Yes.
983
00:56:11,269 --> 00:56:14,144
- Okay.
- Oh, that's it, Ron Ron.
984
00:56:14,224 --> 00:56:15,687
Wear those pants, brother.
985
00:56:15,767 --> 00:56:18,522
That way it'll tell your wife
who's the boss, brother.
986
00:56:19,370 --> 00:56:21,666
You know something?
Watch this. Ahem!
987
00:56:21,746 --> 00:56:23,753
Keko, check this out.
988
00:56:23,833 --> 00:56:27,284
I'm in this contest where
I keep my hand on this damn car,
989
00:56:27,364 --> 00:56:30,279
so I can win it for the family.
I'm a little thirsty now.
990
00:56:30,359 --> 00:56:33,924
I want you to go get me one
of those beers, open the top,
991
00:56:34,004 --> 00:56:37,126
and put the beer on my lips
and pour it in my mouth.
992
00:56:37,206 --> 00:56:39,894
- Now!
- Bullshit!
993
00:56:39,974 --> 00:56:43,030
Do I look like somebody
who's gonna pop a beer,
994
00:56:43,110 --> 00:56:46,260
put it on your lips and
pour it down your throat?
995
00:56:47,357 --> 00:56:51,120
- Never mind, baby.
- Wow! What a beautiful thing.
996
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:52,404
I mean, look.
997
00:56:52,484 --> 00:56:56,153
Every creed, race, and creed
998
00:56:56,238 --> 00:56:59,264
just hanging loose. It's...
999
00:57:00,814 --> 00:57:02,914
I wanna give a speech.
1000
00:57:07,512 --> 00:57:09,426
Uh...
1001
00:57:09,506 --> 00:57:12,515
So, you gonna make that
speech, hopper, or what?
1002
00:57:12,595 --> 00:57:15,429
Well, I gotta write
something down first.
1003
00:57:16,210 --> 00:57:19,426
- That man is out of his mind.
- He's a lunatic, man.
1004
00:57:20,991 --> 00:57:24,344
- What's up, guys?
- What's up, Charlie?
1005
00:57:24,424 --> 00:57:27,756
- You smell what I'm stepping in?
- You smell of something, brother.
1006
00:57:27,836 --> 00:57:31,246
- Yeah, the kids used to say that.
- What kids used to say that?
1007
00:57:31,326 --> 00:57:35,300
- I heard a couple of kids say it.
- Oh, hey Charlie, man.
1008
00:57:35,380 --> 00:57:37,769
I see your hybrid's got all the latest
gadgets, man, that's pretty cool.
1009
00:57:37,849 --> 00:57:39,799
It's like...
It's like "Star Trek."
1010
00:57:40,461 --> 00:57:41,701
What?
1011
00:57:41,781 --> 00:57:45,418
You got one of those special
force fields. What do they call it?
1012
00:57:45,498 --> 00:57:47,883
Pussy Deflector.
1013
00:57:47,963 --> 00:57:51,285
- Charlie, where were you?
- I was in the lake, washing up.
1014
00:57:51,365 --> 00:57:53,957
Oh, yeah? Did you wash
behind your ears, fool?
1015
00:57:55,110 --> 00:57:57,913
♪ Did you wash
behind your ears? ♪
1016
00:58:00,812 --> 00:58:02,995
♪ Wash behind the ears ♪
1017
00:58:03,075 --> 00:58:06,209
♪ Why don't you shut
The fuck up? ♪
1018
00:58:06,289 --> 00:58:08,169
You know, Jose,
maybe you should try washing.
1019
00:58:08,249 --> 00:58:10,616
I mean, even your tent
has skid marks.
1020
00:58:10,703 --> 00:58:13,355
And don't be too stingy
with the Lever 2000.
1021
00:58:13,435 --> 00:58:16,813
Maybe you should call them and
see if they got a Lever 10000.
1022
00:58:16,893 --> 00:58:19,802
What are you talking about, man?
That's pheromones. The chicks dig that.
1023
00:58:19,882 --> 00:58:23,517
Jose does smell. You got that right.
1024
00:58:23,597 --> 00:58:25,989
Hey, pass me that bullhorn.
1025
00:58:26,287 --> 00:58:28,215
What?
1026
00:58:29,949 --> 00:58:31,949
Hey, y'all.
1027
00:58:32,159 --> 00:58:34,729
Jose BO smell so bad,
1028
00:58:34,809 --> 00:58:37,389
he need the Right
and the Left Guard.
1029
00:58:39,339 --> 00:58:41,857
You get it? 'Cause it's the Right
Guard, that's what it's called.
1030
00:58:41,937 --> 00:58:44,020
And he smells, so he
needs both sides of it,
1031
00:58:44,100 --> 00:58:46,023
- 'cause it's the left...
- Yeah, they got it.
1032
00:58:46,103 --> 00:58:48,984
They didn't like that one? Okay,
I got another one for you.
1033
00:58:49,064 --> 00:58:54,617
What is the flattest surface
that you could iron anything on?
1034
00:58:55,388 --> 00:58:57,787
A white girl's ass.
1035
00:58:58,299 --> 00:59:02,329
Hey! Bullshit! Bullshit!
1036
00:59:02,409 --> 00:59:05,609
Check out this
masterpiece of assery.
1037
00:59:05,689 --> 00:59:07,630
Oh, yeah.
1038
00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:10,037
Mind if I do a little tucking?
1039
00:59:10,117 --> 00:59:12,392
I don't know.
It looks pretty flat to me.
1040
00:59:12,472 --> 00:59:14,816
Although, wait a minute.
Maybe this is a bad angle.
1041
00:59:14,899 --> 00:59:15,869
You check it out.
1042
00:59:15,949 --> 00:59:18,999
We got a challenger on the
plane, ladies and gentlemen.
1043
00:59:19,391 --> 00:59:22,769
Yeah, my bad. I was wrong. You're right.
Okay, I'll concede the point.
1044
00:59:22,849 --> 00:59:25,957
Oh, I got one, I got one.
Right, uh...
1045
00:59:26,037 --> 00:59:30,141
Okay, y'all. What's nine
inches long and white? Huh?
1046
00:59:30,221 --> 00:59:32,644
Anybody? Anybody?
1047
00:59:32,724 --> 00:59:34,757
Not a damn thing!
1048
00:59:37,929 --> 00:59:41,439
Oh, really?
Really? I call bullshit.
1049
00:59:41,519 --> 00:59:45,134
Check out this masterpiece
of dickery.
1050
00:59:47,384 --> 00:59:51,129
All right, fine, fine, fine.
Give me that horn.
1051
00:59:51,352 --> 00:59:54,437
And now Charlie has taken the
bullhorn, ladies and gentlemen.
1052
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:57,905
This competition is heating up.
Let's see what he's got.
1053
00:59:57,989 --> 01:00:02,161
Did you hear about the black and Mexican
guy that opened a restaurant together?
1054
01:00:02,241 --> 01:00:04,419
It's called "Nacho Mama."
1055
01:00:06,658 --> 01:00:09,139
Oh, hey, what happens when
a white guy with a boner
1056
01:00:09,219 --> 01:00:11,404
- walks into a wall?
- What?
1057
01:00:11,484 --> 01:00:13,556
He breaks his nose.
1058
01:00:17,532 --> 01:00:19,899
Franklin, he takes the bullhorn.
1059
01:00:19,979 --> 01:00:21,613
All right.
1060
01:00:21,693 --> 01:00:24,667
Why do white people love hockey?
1061
01:00:24,766 --> 01:00:27,510
- Why is that?
- Because if they can't be a cop,
1062
01:00:27,609 --> 01:00:30,986
that's the only chance they get
to beat something black.
1063
01:00:32,801 --> 01:00:36,040
Oh, in your face!
1064
01:00:36,178 --> 01:00:39,114
What do you call
a black man in a suit?
1065
01:00:39,194 --> 01:00:41,242
The defendant.
1066
01:00:44,209 --> 01:00:47,382
I got one, I got one, you
guys, wait for this. Ready?
1067
01:00:47,479 --> 01:00:49,659
Oh, ladies and gentleman,
looks like the pole dancer
1068
01:00:49,739 --> 01:00:53,904
wants to enter the competition. She's
teeing it up, let's see what she's got.
1069
01:00:53,984 --> 01:00:57,474
What do you call a black...
1070
01:00:57,554 --> 01:00:59,204
wait...
1071
01:00:59,284 --> 01:01:02,395
Ooh, and Daisy Duke's got nothing.
1072
01:01:03,075 --> 01:01:04,806
Fuck this shit.
1073
01:01:04,887 --> 01:01:06,933
Well, there's
some good news and bad news.
1074
01:01:07,013 --> 01:01:09,112
While she had
the bullhorn, ratings spiked,
1075
01:01:09,192 --> 01:01:13,064
but the bad news
is everybody's IQ went down.
1076
01:01:17,721 --> 01:01:20,599
Okay, all right, all right.
I got one for you.
1077
01:01:20,679 --> 01:01:24,342
Hey! What do white women
make for dinner?
1078
01:01:24,433 --> 01:01:26,443
Reservations.
1079
01:01:29,749 --> 01:01:31,571
Oh, no, and ladies
and gentlemen,
1080
01:01:31,651 --> 01:01:34,323
the park rangers are getting
involved in the competition.
1081
01:01:34,403 --> 01:01:36,341
And either
this brother is color blind
1082
01:01:36,421 --> 01:01:39,490
or he is flat-out
helping the wrong family.
1083
01:01:40,897 --> 01:01:43,647
- You sure about that?
- They'll love it.
1084
01:01:43,803 --> 01:01:46,236
When a black
and a Mexican are in a car,
1085
01:01:46,335 --> 01:01:48,844
- who's driving?
- Who?
1086
01:01:48,924 --> 01:01:50,973
The cop.
1087
01:01:54,345 --> 01:01:57,628
Yeah, okay, brother, don't...
Check on out, okay, thank you.
1088
01:01:57,708 --> 01:02:00,464
Yeah, you can go on
and clock out. Thank you.
1089
01:02:00,544 --> 01:02:03,466
And now,
Franklin takes the bullhorn.
1090
01:02:03,546 --> 01:02:06,103
Let's see if he can pull
one out for his team.
1091
01:02:06,183 --> 01:02:09,830
All right, uh... why do
white folks have so many pets?
1092
01:02:09,910 --> 01:02:10,507
Why?
1093
01:02:10,587 --> 01:02:12,740
'Cause they can't
own people anymore.
1094
01:02:14,221 --> 01:02:17,058
Boom! Drop the bull horn.
That's right.
1095
01:02:18,491 --> 01:02:22,119
- Hey! Ya, ya, ya!
- Ya!
1096
01:02:22,199 --> 01:02:25,060
Hey, hey, hey!
1097
01:02:25,140 --> 01:02:28,879
What's going on, everybody?
My name is Johnny Jon-John.
1098
01:02:28,959 --> 01:02:32,097
I'll be running the intervention.
And it is for Charlie Jones,
1099
01:02:32,177 --> 01:02:34,689
is there a a Charlie Jones?
- No, no, not now.
1100
01:02:34,769 --> 01:02:36,906
An intervention for me?
1101
01:02:36,986 --> 01:02:40,881
No, no, no. You can go now.
We don't need you. We're fine.
1102
01:02:40,977 --> 01:02:44,166
I should have seen you a mile away.
Yes, sir, let's get right to it.
1103
01:02:44,246 --> 01:02:47,181
Anyone want to speak
up about this joker?
1104
01:02:48,501 --> 01:02:50,540
Okay. I'll go.
1105
01:02:50,620 --> 01:02:53,476
All right, uh...
this is an intervention.
1106
01:02:53,556 --> 01:02:55,638
10th one's free. Another joke we do.
1107
01:02:55,718 --> 01:02:58,783
I like to lighten the mood a little bit
when someone is heading into the grave.
1108
01:02:58,863 --> 01:03:02,618
Your family put together a list of
things you've done while... drunk.
1109
01:03:02,698 --> 01:03:04,620
- They put together a list?
- Yeah, that's...
1110
01:03:04,700 --> 01:03:07,226
that's how it works.
- Give us the short list.
1111
01:03:07,306 --> 01:03:10,829
Let's see, boo...
you burned down a farm,
1112
01:03:10,909 --> 01:03:14,095
with a barn and three cows?
1113
01:03:14,175 --> 01:03:16,711
- They were goats.
- Oh, they were goats.
1114
01:03:16,791 --> 01:03:18,638
Only goats, oh.
1115
01:03:18,718 --> 01:03:20,833
Well, that's cool.
He's a great guy.
1116
01:03:20,913 --> 01:03:24,529
For he's a jolly...
No, you're horrible. I'm kidding again.
1117
01:03:24,647 --> 01:03:26,600
Oh, it keeps going.
You got drunk at a carnival
1118
01:03:26,680 --> 01:03:29,903
and you shot a fireman?
- He was off duty.
1119
01:03:29,983 --> 01:03:32,291
And a bit shifty.
- Oh.
1120
01:03:32,371 --> 01:03:35,285
Okay, off duty and shifty.
- He was shifty.
1121
01:03:35,365 --> 01:03:37,164
Sounds to me
like you're enabling.
1122
01:03:37,250 --> 01:03:40,810
Oh, that's a pretty big word for
something that I'm... not really doing.
1123
01:03:40,890 --> 01:03:46,408
- You unbolted the Ferris wheel too?
- It's a wheel, so it could roam away.
1124
01:03:46,488 --> 01:03:48,489
To give it a head start
for the next town.
1125
01:03:48,569 --> 01:03:50,468
- Hello?
- Shaved a librarian's head?
1126
01:03:50,548 --> 01:03:52,379
She may have had lice.
1127
01:03:52,461 --> 01:03:55,733
All right, and you pushed your
cousin Bobby down some stairs.
1128
01:03:55,813 --> 01:03:59,358
He had lice, right.
He's got the RID and the comb.
1129
01:03:59,438 --> 01:04:01,007
All right, you did him a favor.
1130
01:04:01,087 --> 01:04:05,409
Did you shoot 72 bottle rockets
at your old high school?
1131
01:04:05,495 --> 01:04:07,735
Let's just say
that I enhanced its curb appeal.
1132
01:04:07,815 --> 01:04:11,313
And most of them were duds.
- Over 50%?
1133
01:04:11,393 --> 01:04:14,952
Holy shit, what am I doing here?
What a waste of my time.
1134
01:04:15,039 --> 01:04:17,737
This guy seems fine to me. You single?
1135
01:04:17,817 --> 01:04:20,490
Uh...
1136
01:04:20,588 --> 01:04:23,625
I am, but now
that you mention it,
1137
01:04:23,705 --> 01:04:26,452
I was... but a few hours ago,
1138
01:04:26,532 --> 01:04:29,907
I'm... now I'm not...
Not... no.
1139
01:04:29,987 --> 01:04:32,433
- Final answer?
- Final answer.
1140
01:04:32,513 --> 01:04:34,984
I wasn't even talking to you.
I was talking to her.
1141
01:04:35,064 --> 01:04:38,278
- Me? Holy God.
- Sounds like a no, um...
1142
01:04:38,358 --> 01:04:41,392
You know what?
This, this, this, whole event...
1143
01:04:41,472 --> 01:04:44,177
can, can, can "mange" my taint.
1144
01:04:44,257 --> 01:04:46,799
I don't need this,
this, this intervention.
1145
01:04:46,879 --> 01:04:50,374
Well, I fucking don't need it either.
All right, I'm outy like five thouty.
1146
01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:52,840
Anybody need weed,
holler at your boy.
1147
01:04:52,920 --> 01:04:55,751
It's nice out here! I'm joking.
1148
01:04:55,831 --> 01:04:58,853
This place is fun
if I was the Zika virus.
1149
01:04:58,933 --> 01:05:00,722
Uber!
1150
01:05:00,963 --> 01:05:04,493
- What the hell was that all about?
- Look, son, we didn't mean to.
1151
01:05:04,587 --> 01:05:06,328
Shit.
1152
01:05:06,630 --> 01:05:08,720
Took my hand off the car.
1153
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:12,194
Oh, yeah, so now it's
just me and Mr. Jonas.
1154
01:05:12,274 --> 01:05:14,459
Oh, no,
Papi's going to swat the fly.
1155
01:05:14,539 --> 01:05:16,409
Papi, Papi, Papi, wait!
1156
01:05:18,476 --> 01:05:21,235
- Dad.
- You let go of the door, Pops.
1157
01:05:21,370 --> 01:05:23,159
I won! I won! I won, I won!
1158
01:05:23,239 --> 01:05:25,094
We won! Oh, my Gosh!
1159
01:05:25,174 --> 01:05:27,613
Well, we won...
1160
01:05:27,693 --> 01:05:29,930
But it was kind of fun the way it
turned out. Why doesn't everybody stay?
1161
01:05:30,418 --> 01:05:33,761
I agree! Let's just everybody stay
and enjoy the weekend.
1162
01:05:33,841 --> 01:05:35,412
All right, we'll stay.
1163
01:05:35,492 --> 01:05:38,307
But you gotta be able to keep
a leash on your son Charlie.
1164
01:05:38,387 --> 01:05:40,724
- What!
- Wait, wait, wait...
1165
01:05:40,804 --> 01:05:42,087
What the hell did that just mean?
1166
01:05:42,167 --> 01:05:47,883
Madonna, some pendejo tried
to pin a mosq on my shirt...
1167
01:05:47,963 --> 01:05:51,721
With a blonde hair.
The whites cheated!
1168
01:05:51,801 --> 01:05:53,965
Hey, I mean, come on, now...
the whites cheated
1169
01:05:54,045 --> 01:05:56,891
and now Charlie
is after my son Franklin.
1170
01:05:56,971 --> 01:05:58,801
- What?
- What?
1171
01:05:58,881 --> 01:06:01,731
- Pop, what are you talking about?
- Come on, now, Franklin.
1172
01:06:01,811 --> 01:06:03,823
I mean, you should have
told me that you were gay.
1173
01:06:03,903 --> 01:06:07,617
I mean, is that why you...
don't want to run for Mayor?
1174
01:06:07,697 --> 01:06:09,345
Are you kidding... I'm not gay.
1175
01:06:09,425 --> 01:06:11,621
And if I was gay, I could get
way better than Charlie.
1176
01:06:11,701 --> 01:06:13,333
You think I'm after Franklin?
1177
01:06:13,413 --> 01:06:15,602
- And a drunk!
- Okay, okay...
1178
01:06:15,682 --> 01:06:17,638
you might have me
on the drunk thing but...
1179
01:06:17,718 --> 01:06:19,373
you're out of your mind.
Everybody knows that.
1180
01:06:19,453 --> 01:06:21,519
Franklin's in love with Felipa.
1181
01:06:21,603 --> 01:06:23,119
- What?
- What?
1182
01:06:23,199 --> 01:06:24,633
Oh, Charlie.
1183
01:06:24,713 --> 01:06:28,881
Even me, the huge drunk could
tell 14 seconds after I got here.
1184
01:06:28,961 --> 01:06:31,701
And you still don't see it?
- Felipa?
1185
01:06:31,781 --> 01:06:34,055
Es la verdad?
1186
01:06:34,568 --> 01:06:36,741
Papi, I've been meaning to tell you.
1187
01:06:36,821 --> 01:06:40,949
Yes, okay? Franklin and I
have been dating for over a year.
1188
01:06:41,029 --> 01:06:42,149
- What?
- What?
1189
01:06:42,243 --> 01:06:44,283
You need to keep your son
away from my daughter.
1190
01:06:44,363 --> 01:06:47,993
Aye, no, no. You ain't calling
no shots in my family, El Chapo.
1191
01:06:48,073 --> 01:06:52,621
- Oh, well, Pop, calm down.
- No! And you, I can't believe this, son.
1192
01:06:52,701 --> 01:06:55,546
You've been sneaking around
with her behind my back,
1193
01:06:55,631 --> 01:06:57,348
and lying and...
1194
01:06:57,442 --> 01:07:00,639
standing up Shantaysia
who is hot to trot.
1195
01:07:00,719 --> 01:07:03,042
Wow, hot to trot isn't accurate.
1196
01:07:03,122 --> 01:07:04,655
Okay, fine.
1197
01:07:04,735 --> 01:07:08,125
I came up here because
we all needed to get together.
1198
01:07:08,212 --> 01:07:12,554
I love Felipa. That is my girl.
That is why we are all here.
1199
01:07:12,634 --> 01:07:14,319
I don't know where the
white family came from,
1200
01:07:14,399 --> 01:07:16,556
but that's why
our families are here.
1201
01:07:16,636 --> 01:07:18,697
We planned it.
But you know what I hate?
1202
01:07:18,777 --> 01:07:22,801
- Camping is what I hate.
- I knew it, I fucking knew it.
1203
01:07:22,881 --> 01:07:25,313
You are not perfect, brother.
You don't want to be a camper.
1204
01:07:25,393 --> 01:07:27,191
♪ Franklin's not perfect ♪
1205
01:07:27,271 --> 01:07:28,259
♪ He is a dumbass ♪
1206
01:07:28,339 --> 01:07:30,227
♪ He fuck with Felipa ♪
1207
01:07:30,307 --> 01:07:31,429
♪ I fucking knew it ♪
1208
01:07:31,509 --> 01:07:33,431
♪ And I thought
he was gay too ♪
1209
01:07:33,511 --> 01:07:35,842
This camping
can jump up my ass.
1210
01:07:35,922 --> 01:07:39,079
These "Jurassic Park" mosquitoes
can jump up my ass.
1211
01:07:39,159 --> 01:07:41,733
Sleeping in my car at night, waiting
for somebody to come and kill me...
1212
01:07:41,813 --> 01:07:44,341
Can jump up your ass.
- Exactly.
1213
01:07:44,421 --> 01:07:46,951
- All this can jump up my ass.
- Well, if you're going to act that way,
1214
01:07:47,049 --> 01:07:50,494
- why did we say we'd like to stay?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...
1215
01:07:50,574 --> 01:07:54,326
- Let us stay?
- The whites cheated.
1216
01:07:54,406 --> 01:07:57,227
And we're going to win this
contest and kick you out.
1217
01:07:57,307 --> 01:07:59,146
Yeah, man, the hell
with all you guys.
1218
01:07:59,226 --> 01:08:02,002
Final contest.
Winner or go home.
1219
01:08:02,082 --> 01:08:04,820
- Let's get it on.
- Let's get it on.
1220
01:08:04,900 --> 01:08:06,263
Let's vamos.
1221
01:08:06,343 --> 01:08:07,398
- Let's do this.
- Huh.
1222
01:08:07,478 --> 01:08:09,124
- Go this way.
- It's game over,
1223
01:08:09,204 --> 01:08:11,114
tacos and Schlitz.
1224
01:08:15,292 --> 01:08:19,052
Hey, hey, gather around here,
I'm Peter Galkie, and I'm...
1225
01:08:19,140 --> 01:08:22,744
one of the original spectators, so I think
I'm probably most qualified to describe
1226
01:08:22,824 --> 01:08:25,398
what we're about
to witness here.
1227
01:08:25,478 --> 01:08:27,682
This obstacle course race
1228
01:08:27,762 --> 01:08:30,049
is two miles total,
give or take a mile or two.
1229
01:08:30,129 --> 01:08:32,666
And, uh, it's through the woods,
1230
01:08:32,751 --> 01:08:34,664
and then you gotta get past that lake
1231
01:08:34,744 --> 01:08:37,552
and then make it up
to that clearing way up there
1232
01:08:37,632 --> 01:08:39,379
'cause that's where
the finish line's at.
1233
01:08:39,459 --> 01:08:41,630
So, what do you say
we all just sit back here,
1234
01:08:41,710 --> 01:08:44,078
and let's enjoy the show.
1235
01:08:44,176 --> 01:08:46,613
Y'all ready for this? Let's do this!
1236
01:08:48,250 --> 01:08:51,190
Okay, everybody, here are the rules.
- Rules?
1237
01:08:51,270 --> 01:08:53,284
No rules! Ready set, go!
1238
01:08:54,570 --> 01:08:57,031
Hey! You got dirt on my shoes.
1239
01:09:11,411 --> 01:09:12,766
I want to stay.
1240
01:09:12,846 --> 01:09:14,878
Yeah, why do parents always
have to ruin everything?
1241
01:09:14,958 --> 01:09:17,008
I don't want to go.
- Me either.
1242
01:09:17,092 --> 01:09:20,827
Wait, I have an idea.
Rolie, you still have that map?
1243
01:09:20,907 --> 01:09:22,977
Does the bear shit in the woods?
1244
01:09:23,591 --> 01:09:27,664
- Yes, young man, it does.
- Ew!
1245
01:09:27,790 --> 01:09:30,050
- He's gross.
- He smokes too much weed.
1246
01:09:30,130 --> 01:09:33,206
One time he got so baked, he tried
to take his pants off over his head.
1247
01:09:33,286 --> 01:09:35,718
- What?
- It's an old Woody Allen joke.
1248
01:09:35,815 --> 01:09:39,427
Okay, so you see this ridge here.
It horseshoes around this mountain.
1249
01:09:39,507 --> 01:09:42,009
And if we cut across here,
then we're there.
1250
01:09:42,089 --> 01:09:44,738
The plan only works if we can
get to the finish line first.
1251
01:09:44,821 --> 01:09:47,887
- Think we can get there first?
- Hell, yeah, first is my middle name.
1252
01:09:47,967 --> 01:09:49,881
- It is?
- No, sweetie, it's Olivia.
1253
01:09:49,961 --> 01:09:53,702
All right, let's do this. On three...
One, two, three, break!
1254
01:09:53,799 --> 01:09:55,805
Let's go!
1255
01:09:55,885 --> 01:09:59,775
And the black Jones family...
is in the lead.
1256
01:10:02,385 --> 01:10:04,958
- You're killing it, Dad.
- Get your arms down there.
1257
01:10:05,040 --> 01:10:07,169
Get away from me!
1258
01:10:10,777 --> 01:10:12,469
Look, Pop,
I just want to say I'm sorry.
1259
01:10:12,549 --> 01:10:14,748
No talking, just winning.
1260
01:10:15,081 --> 01:10:17,938
I'm not sorry-sorry,
but I'm sorry.
1261
01:10:23,278 --> 01:10:26,771
- You can't keep up, can ya?
- Look, you're the one out of shape.
1262
01:10:26,851 --> 01:10:29,389
I'm not out of shape,
I could go for hours.
1263
01:10:30,795 --> 01:10:33,388
Hey. Wait...
1264
01:10:34,621 --> 01:10:36,801
Is that a snake?
- Where?
1265
01:10:36,881 --> 01:10:38,890
Right there.
1266
01:10:52,156 --> 01:10:55,716
Oh, shit, that ain't
no damn snake.
1267
01:10:55,796 --> 01:10:59,215
You know your scream
was kind of a...
1268
01:10:59,295 --> 01:11:01,549
hoo hoo, you know.
1269
01:11:01,629 --> 01:11:05,410
- You need to man up, you know.
- Man up on this!
1270
01:11:07,187 --> 01:11:09,010
I should have told my family.
1271
01:11:09,090 --> 01:11:11,736
Well, I don't know what happened.
We just... fell in love.
1272
01:11:11,816 --> 01:11:14,278
- Yeah.
- My dad's so furious.
1273
01:11:14,358 --> 01:11:18,022
Well, girl, your dad
be overreacting, if you ask me.
1274
01:11:18,102 --> 01:11:22,195
I mean, it's not a bad thing,
it's kind of a good thing.
1275
01:11:22,275 --> 01:11:25,122
I mean, I was in shock.
I was like, "What?"
1276
01:11:25,202 --> 01:11:28,996
I was clutching my purse like
I was watching "Days of Our Lives".
1277
01:11:29,076 --> 01:11:30,783
Did not see that coming!
1278
01:11:30,863 --> 01:11:33,854
But... it's a good thing.
- Yeah.
1279
01:11:33,934 --> 01:11:36,057
Y'all might make
some little Obamas,
1280
01:11:36,137 --> 01:11:38,879
or something,
little Baracks up in here.
1281
01:11:38,959 --> 01:11:42,321
Girl, all I can say is I think your
dad's acting like a big old kid.
1282
01:11:42,401 --> 01:11:46,087
Right. Surprise, surprise, all
the men are acting like children.
1283
01:11:46,167 --> 01:11:49,477
And speaking of children...
I cannot hear mine. It's like...
1284
01:11:49,557 --> 01:11:51,529
- Yeah, that is weird.
- They real quiet, like when I put
1285
01:11:51,609 --> 01:11:53,541
a little bit of Benadryl
in their Cap'n Crunch.
1286
01:11:53,621 --> 01:11:56,289
You know they get
real quiet then.
1287
01:11:57,302 --> 01:12:00,527
What? I wouldn't really drug
my babies, that's a joke.
1288
01:12:00,607 --> 01:12:03,125
Okay, okay, I was like...
1289
01:12:03,842 --> 01:12:06,040
Just a little bit, for a minute.
Kids!
1290
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:08,979
- Chuckie!
- Rolie!
1291
01:12:09,068 --> 01:12:10,496
- Chuckie!
- They're not there. We should go.
1292
01:12:10,576 --> 01:12:13,684
- Let's go see.
- Let's try to parent.
1293
01:12:17,924 --> 01:12:19,959
Oh, my God!
1294
01:12:26,557 --> 01:12:28,824
Really? Seriously?
1295
01:12:29,449 --> 01:12:30,165
What?
1296
01:12:30,245 --> 01:12:32,992
You think they're going to shoot
dollar bills at you with a t-shirt gun?
1297
01:12:33,072 --> 01:12:35,595
No, this is a public service.
1298
01:12:35,675 --> 01:12:40,443
I do this for charity.
Not dollar bills. You drunk!
1299
01:12:42,411 --> 01:12:46,265
All right, nothing to see here.
Head down the trail, down the trail.
1300
01:12:46,345 --> 01:12:48,133
We've got a race to run.
Come on, sweetie.
1301
01:12:48,228 --> 01:12:51,269
Okay, I'm open.
Come on, let's go.
1302
01:12:51,510 --> 01:12:53,909
Come on!
- Wait for me.
1303
01:12:53,989 --> 01:13:00,767
♪ And the bombs of war
will make you bleed ♪
1304
01:13:00,847 --> 01:13:04,463
♪ When the hugs of love ♪
1305
01:13:04,543 --> 01:13:08,365
♪ Are all you need ♪
1306
01:13:08,898 --> 01:13:12,779
Hello, buddy!
You want to sing the chorus?
1307
01:13:12,859 --> 01:13:17,349
♪ The hugs of love
Are all you need ♪
1308
01:13:17,429 --> 01:13:20,323
♪ The hugs of love ♪
1309
01:13:23,995 --> 01:13:25,862
I'm gonna get you!
1310
01:13:25,958 --> 01:13:29,048
You slimy little bastard!
1311
01:13:38,081 --> 01:13:39,614
Do you see them yet?
1312
01:13:39,694 --> 01:13:42,083
Don't see them,
but I think I hear them.
1313
01:13:44,879 --> 01:13:46,879
Hold on! Hold on!
1314
01:13:46,971 --> 01:13:49,582
Wait, wait, wait, stop!
- What?
1315
01:13:51,675 --> 01:13:54,416
- Do you hear that?
- Hear what?
1316
01:13:54,496 --> 01:13:57,554
- What is that sound?
- Oh, shit!
1317
01:13:57,634 --> 01:14:01,995
Well, maybe it's a bear
or, or even worse, a monster!
1318
01:14:02,085 --> 01:14:04,156
Oh, damn, what's behind those bushes?
1319
01:14:04,236 --> 01:14:06,589
Oh, what beast
is coming towards us!
1320
01:14:06,669 --> 01:14:10,158
Who are you! What are you!
Show yourself!
1321
01:14:10,238 --> 01:14:13,955
Oh, shit, worse than I thought.
Just kidding, baby.
1322
01:14:14,035 --> 01:14:15,717
We're looking
for the kids, they ran off.
1323
01:14:15,816 --> 01:14:18,524
Is this some kind of joke,
'cause we're going to win?
1324
01:14:18,604 --> 01:14:22,553
Oh, really, I'm just curious,
on what planet might that be true?
1325
01:14:22,633 --> 01:14:23,964
I don't even know
how you got in the lead.
1326
01:14:24,044 --> 01:14:25,711
No, really, uh, uh...
1327
01:14:25,791 --> 01:14:28,109
Shan... Shantay... what?
- Shantaysia.
1328
01:14:28,189 --> 01:14:29,741
- Oh, Shantaysia.
- Can't get it right?
1329
01:14:29,821 --> 01:14:32,017
No, I thought it was Shantay...
1330
01:14:34,381 --> 01:14:37,149
Anyway, she...
1331
01:14:37,235 --> 01:14:40,441
said something about the kids...
and a finish line.
1332
01:14:40,521 --> 01:14:43,779
- Wow! Is that a bat?
- Really?
1333
01:14:43,859 --> 01:14:45,566
Oh, Charlie.
1334
01:14:45,646 --> 01:14:48,635
- Is that another bat?
- I thought you were going to quit.
1335
01:14:48,715 --> 01:14:51,549
No, no, no, wait, it that...
1336
01:14:51,629 --> 01:14:53,157
Is that three bats?
1337
01:14:53,237 --> 01:14:55,023
I guess we'll never know
what we could've been.
1338
01:14:55,103 --> 01:14:58,016
No, no, no,
no booze, no bottle.
1339
01:14:59,174 --> 01:15:01,796
Five, five, five... five bats.
1340
01:15:01,876 --> 01:15:05,368
- Oh, my God. Seriously!
- No, no, no, I'm serious.
1341
01:15:07,072 --> 01:15:08,754
Bats!
1342
01:15:23,063 --> 01:15:25,903
We can't stop. They say
bats get stuck in your hair.
1343
01:15:25,983 --> 01:15:29,552
No, no, no. That's a myth.
Total urban legend.
1344
01:15:29,632 --> 01:15:32,417
- Oh, shit.
- Oh!
1345
01:15:32,497 --> 01:15:35,210
- What?
- There's a bat on your head!
1346
01:15:35,290 --> 01:15:38,427
Guys, guys, guys, come
on, I'm not a moron.
1347
01:15:38,507 --> 01:15:40,471
Clearly there's no bat on my head.
1348
01:15:40,559 --> 01:15:42,398
- How drunk are you?
- Irrelevant.
1349
01:15:42,478 --> 01:15:44,710
I promise you, son,
there's a bat in your hair.
1350
01:15:44,790 --> 01:15:47,551
Come on, Charlie!
You don't feel that?
1351
01:15:50,454 --> 01:15:53,338
Get it off! Get it off!
1352
01:15:53,418 --> 01:15:56,203
Throw rocks at it,
everybody, throw rocks at it.
1353
01:16:01,270 --> 01:16:04,226
- Enough with the damn rocks.
- Hit it with the bug racket!
1354
01:16:04,306 --> 01:16:05,306
Yeah!
1355
01:16:12,538 --> 01:16:14,494
Not my head, not my head!
1356
01:16:14,574 --> 01:16:18,601
- Look, the kids!
- The finish line!
1357
01:16:20,180 --> 01:16:22,213
Oh, hey, thanks everybody!
1358
01:16:22,449 --> 01:16:25,049
Yeah, I'm fine. It's all good.
1359
01:16:26,815 --> 01:16:31,346
There was nothing about that...
that I liked!
1360
01:17:03,247 --> 01:17:07,545
- You kids did this?
- Yeah! We don't want to go home.
1361
01:17:07,625 --> 01:17:11,147
Us kids get along, how come
you adults can't get along?
1362
01:17:12,669 --> 01:17:14,578
Well, wow.
1363
01:17:14,662 --> 01:17:17,914
This is some muddy bullshit.
But I'm damn impressed.
1364
01:17:17,994 --> 01:17:19,964
Yeah, but who's
going to get a whooping first?
1365
01:17:20,060 --> 01:17:24,101
Kids! Not bad. You dug a hole,
you filled it with mud and...
1366
01:17:24,181 --> 01:17:26,259
made it look like the trail.
1367
01:17:26,339 --> 01:17:30,218
And you caught yourselves
a bunch of dumbass men.
1368
01:17:30,298 --> 01:17:34,053
You know what's funny?
Everyone covered in mud like this,
1369
01:17:34,133 --> 01:17:37,034
you just can't tell anybody apart.
1370
01:17:37,114 --> 01:17:39,116
There's a lesson in that.
1371
01:17:39,196 --> 01:17:43,042
A big obvious, freaking lesson.
1372
01:17:43,482 --> 01:17:45,632
Preach!
1373
01:17:45,740 --> 01:17:49,974
So, being that you can't
tell anybody apart...
1374
01:17:50,057 --> 01:17:52,461
the bottom line is this...
1375
01:17:52,541 --> 01:17:55,153
are you an asshole or not?
1376
01:17:57,245 --> 01:17:59,146
Uh-mmm.
1377
01:17:59,229 --> 01:18:01,926
- Choose wisely.
- So, let's not be assholes.
1378
01:18:02,006 --> 01:18:04,206
And let's all just...
1379
01:18:04,286 --> 01:18:06,107
get along.
1380
01:18:06,187 --> 01:18:08,210
In the words of Rodney King, girl.
1381
01:18:08,290 --> 01:18:10,335
La raza!
1382
01:18:10,556 --> 01:18:13,702
- What does that mean, baby?
- Just a Latin bonding.
1383
01:18:13,782 --> 01:18:14,978
Got it.
1384
01:18:15,058 --> 01:18:19,088
Hey, that was a really
really nice speech, Fake Mom.
1385
01:18:19,168 --> 01:18:21,171
Oh, well, that's...
1386
01:18:21,251 --> 01:18:23,704
still doing the Fake Mom
stuff right after the...
1387
01:18:23,784 --> 01:18:25,850
Cheyenne.
1388
01:18:26,482 --> 01:18:30,907
You called me by my name!
Sweetheart!
1389
01:18:30,987 --> 01:18:35,270
I'm so touched by the... You know,
I've always felt that we had...
1390
01:18:35,350 --> 01:18:37,884
Okay, don't hit on 16,
got it, don't hit on 16.
1391
01:18:40,945 --> 01:18:45,250
They said that tomato juice
can get rid of skunk stink.
1392
01:18:45,736 --> 01:18:48,793
- I hear the ice cream truck!
- Oh, that's beautiful, Gravy.
1393
01:18:48,873 --> 01:18:50,795
Hold up, hold up.
Hey, hey, hey.
1394
01:18:50,875 --> 01:18:53,121
Something's wrong with my knee.
1395
01:18:53,201 --> 01:18:55,800
- Look, you're my brother, okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1396
01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:57,956
- Listen to me, I'm talking to you.
- Yes!
1397
01:18:58,036 --> 01:19:00,021
Okay, and I love you, man.
1398
01:19:00,101 --> 01:19:02,203
And someday you are going
to be married, bro.
1399
01:19:02,283 --> 01:19:04,442
Because if anybody
can do it, you can.
1400
01:19:04,522 --> 01:19:07,878
- You think so?
- I think what he's trying to say, Pop...
1401
01:19:07,958 --> 01:19:10,660
It's time to propose.
You know, to Charlie.
1402
01:19:13,731 --> 01:19:15,578
♪ Felipa's going
to get proposed to ♪
1403
01:19:15,658 --> 01:19:17,213
♪ Felipa's going to get
proposed to ♪
1404
01:19:17,293 --> 01:19:19,616
You're next!
1405
01:19:19,696 --> 01:19:22,619
Well, Franklin,
you're down on one knee,
1406
01:19:22,699 --> 01:19:24,521
I think you better
handle your business.
1407
01:19:24,601 --> 01:19:27,351
Felipa... just follow your heart.
1408
01:19:27,431 --> 01:19:29,804
What is this...
are you'll for real?
1409
01:19:29,884 --> 01:19:31,439
Oh... oh!
1410
01:19:32,178 --> 01:19:34,353
- Do it, Franklin.
- Wow!
1411
01:19:34,433 --> 01:19:36,409
Do it, Franklin.
1412
01:19:42,256 --> 01:19:45,283
- Will you marry me?
- Yes.
1413
01:19:45,363 --> 01:19:46,996
- You will?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes!
1414
01:19:52,333 --> 01:19:54,692
- Oh!
- Yes!
1415
01:20:18,815 --> 01:20:22,111
Felipa! We need help!
1416
01:20:22,191 --> 01:20:25,289
I got you! I got you!
1417
01:20:25,369 --> 01:20:27,428
We're getting married!
1418
01:20:41,463 --> 01:20:43,963
- Excuse me. Hello.
- Hi. Hi. Hi.
1419
01:20:44,044 --> 01:20:46,733
- Everybody.
- I just want to say...
1420
01:20:46,813 --> 01:20:48,962
another 4th of July...
1421
01:20:49,042 --> 01:20:52,190
here we are again, I'm just so
happy that we can all make it.
1422
01:20:52,270 --> 01:20:55,316
Yes. All right. Yeah!
1423
01:20:56,726 --> 01:20:59,294
Too bad Gravy couldn't make it.
1424
01:20:59,392 --> 01:21:01,251
What? Am I supposed
to be somewhere?
1425
01:21:01,331 --> 01:21:03,962
Just kidding, bro.
You're here. It's now.
1426
01:21:04,042 --> 01:21:05,799
We're joking, Gravy.
1427
01:21:05,879 --> 01:21:08,527
Um, hi, I'm Charlie
and I'm an alcoholic.
1428
01:21:08,607 --> 01:21:10,184
Hi, Charlie.
1429
01:21:10,264 --> 01:21:12,735
I'm sorry, wrong group.
1430
01:21:12,815 --> 01:21:15,745
Oh, check out this bad boy.
1431
01:21:15,839 --> 01:21:18,381
Six months sober.
1432
01:21:18,770 --> 01:21:21,752
Look who the good
influence is over here.
1433
01:21:21,832 --> 01:21:24,945
It just looks like
a poker chip painted green.
1434
01:21:25,025 --> 01:21:26,791
Looks like a blue condom.
1435
01:21:26,871 --> 01:21:29,560
Uh-uh. No. That is an IUD.
That's what that is.
1436
01:21:29,640 --> 01:21:31,662
Oh, gosh,
I hope you washed it, man.
1437
01:21:31,742 --> 01:21:34,438
- Baby, no. It's just an onion ring.
- An onion ring?
1438
01:21:34,518 --> 01:21:37,132
Yeah. You know, like from Mars.
You know, Mars has...
1439
01:21:37,212 --> 01:21:39,846
Mars?
- Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars?
1440
01:21:39,926 --> 01:21:42,447
What?
- Good food, no atmosphere.
1441
01:21:43,210 --> 01:21:45,820
Hey, you're getting the hang
of these jokes, Gravy.
1442
01:21:45,900 --> 01:21:47,952
I have a sobriety chip, too.
1443
01:21:48,032 --> 01:21:50,822
- Oh, there we go.
- See this? Yup.
1444
01:21:50,902 --> 01:21:55,810
Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept what I cannot change
1445
01:21:55,890 --> 01:21:58,033
and the courage
to change what I can,
1446
01:21:58,126 --> 01:22:00,448
and the wisdom
to know the difference.
1447
01:22:00,530 --> 01:22:03,074
- Hear, hear.
- Cheers.
1448
01:22:03,154 --> 01:22:06,724
Maybe he could grant you the ability to
change a light bulb in the house, right?
1449
01:22:06,814 --> 01:22:09,883
- Or put the toilet seat down?
- Go, Trophy Mom.
1450
01:22:09,974 --> 01:22:12,960
Mmm-hmm. I know exactly
what you talking about.
1451
01:22:13,040 --> 01:22:15,272
You wake up at 3:00
in the morning to go to pee
1452
01:22:15,352 --> 01:22:18,659
and then it's like you've fallen into a
hammock. Booty and everything, all wet.
1453
01:22:18,739 --> 01:22:23,693
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, and it looks
like the attitudes are heating up.
1454
01:22:23,773 --> 01:22:27,985
Bring out the bullhorns, it is
time to go at it one more time.
1455
01:22:28,065 --> 01:22:30,454
Round two, one year later.
1456
01:22:32,294 --> 01:22:35,492
Felipa, go ahead
and show us that ring.
1457
01:22:35,572 --> 01:22:37,948
Oh, yes, it's so heavy.
1458
01:22:40,506 --> 01:22:42,302
Damn!
1459
01:22:42,382 --> 01:22:45,195
- Sorry.
- Okay, hun. Well, you know...
1460
01:22:45,275 --> 01:22:46,545
Very nice. Hey!
1461
01:22:46,625 --> 01:22:49,841
Francesca's got a ring, too.
She got engaged with this guy.
1462
01:22:49,921 --> 01:22:53,496
- Go ahead, Franny, show 'em.
- Very nice.
1463
01:22:53,576 --> 01:22:56,089
Hey, when I become a millionaire,
that thing's gonna be huge, all right?
1464
01:22:56,169 --> 01:22:59,620
"A millionaire"? I'd be happy
if you were a hundredaire.
1465
01:22:59,700 --> 01:23:03,855
This idiot brother puts an air foil
on the back of my plumbing van.
1466
01:23:03,935 --> 01:23:05,944
Business has been kicking
ever since we did that.
1467
01:23:06,024 --> 01:23:09,422
Hey, Jose, could you shove that
antennae back into your love handle,
1468
01:23:09,502 --> 01:23:11,695
I think the Giants
are playing the Dodgers.
1469
01:23:11,775 --> 01:23:13,533
Oh, ha-ha-ha.
Yeah, I can do that.
1470
01:23:13,613 --> 01:23:16,754
You know, but I charge 14 bucks
for the premium channels, fool.
1471
01:23:16,896 --> 01:23:20,226
Hey, y'all kids, keep it
down over there! Okay?
1472
01:23:20,306 --> 01:23:22,863
This is not a library!
- Chuckie!
1473
01:23:22,943 --> 01:23:26,546
Quit hitting your sister Sara.
Don't! Stop!
1474
01:23:26,626 --> 01:23:28,214
- Can I hit you, Dad?
- Can I hit the dogs?
1475
01:23:28,294 --> 01:23:29,549
Can I hit a cupcake?
1476
01:23:29,629 --> 01:23:31,852
- Me, too!
- I want to hit one of those...
1477
01:23:33,937 --> 01:23:37,868
All right. It's cool.
Just hit her, it's fine.
1478
01:23:37,948 --> 01:23:40,002
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Yes?
1479
01:23:40,082 --> 01:23:42,082
- I have a toast.
- Ah!
1480
01:23:43,492 --> 01:23:48,147
All that I've ever wanted to be...
is whom I'm becoming.
1481
01:23:48,227 --> 01:23:50,471
- Nice.
- Hear, hear.
1482
01:23:50,551 --> 01:23:52,256
- Cheers.
- Hear, hear.
1483
01:24:02,950 --> 01:24:04,572
- Uh-oh.
- Hey!
1484
01:24:04,652 --> 01:24:06,519
Hey, Gunga Din.
1485
01:24:06,600 --> 01:24:09,102
What are you doing here?
This is our site. Site 16.
1486
01:24:09,182 --> 01:24:10,970
No way! We have site 16.
1487
01:24:11,050 --> 01:24:13,067
Oh, are you going
to build a 7/11 here?
1488
01:24:13,147 --> 01:24:15,097
- Yeah, right next to your nail salon.
- Oh, yeah.
1489
01:24:15,177 --> 01:24:19,032
Oh, snap! Y'all hear that?
What are you people doing here?
1490
01:24:19,112 --> 01:24:21,689
Finish up the gardening and go.
1491
01:24:21,820 --> 01:24:25,536
Hey, things are heating up down there.
I got one. I got one.
1492
01:24:25,786 --> 01:24:28,350
How do you know a Chinese
guy broke into your house?
1493
01:24:28,430 --> 01:24:30,673
How?
1494
01:24:30,753 --> 01:24:34,181
Your homework's all done and he takes
an hour to pull out of your driveway.
1495
01:24:34,261 --> 01:24:37,286
Get it?
Come on, man. It's funny.
1496
01:24:37,366 --> 01:24:39,255
- Did he just say that?
- Yeah, he did.
1497
01:24:39,335 --> 01:24:41,695
Let me see that.
Let me see that.
1498
01:24:42,414 --> 01:24:44,715
What did St. Peter say
when he saw the Indian guy?
1499
01:24:44,804 --> 01:24:45,933
What?
1500
01:24:46,013 --> 01:24:48,361
"Hey, Jesus, your cab's here."
1501
01:24:49,598 --> 01:24:52,326
That was funnier than that.
- Okay, that's messed up.
1502
01:24:52,406 --> 01:24:55,462
Hey, you guys still want
campsite 16?
1503
01:24:55,542 --> 01:24:58,354
Oh, I think we need to have
a little contest.
1504
01:25:00,029 --> 01:25:02,712
- Contest?
- What kind of contest?
1505
01:25:02,800 --> 01:25:06,954
- It's over now!
- No math contest and no...
1506
01:25:07,421 --> 01:25:10,291
Yeah, no math
and no science questions.
1507
01:25:27,831 --> 01:25:31,428
Subtitle timing by
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1508
01:25:32,305 --> 01:25:38,250
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