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1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,410 --> 00:00:07,724
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,816 --> 00:00:10,885
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,936 --> 00:00:13,855
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:13,906 --> 00:00:17,775
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,860 --> 00:00:20,728
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,282 --> 00:00:22,816
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:24,231
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:29,612
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:29,637 --> 00:00:33,137
♪ Family Guy 10x03 ♪
Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q
Original Air Date on October 30, 2011
11
00:00:33,138 --> 00:00:36,638
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:37,325 --> 00:00:39,126
Good morning!
13
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,994
Is what
normal families say.
14
00:00:41,062 --> 00:00:42,880
Lois, I'll take
my breakfast to go.
15
00:00:42,931 --> 00:00:44,548
I'm going fishing
with the fellas.
16
00:00:44,616 --> 00:00:46,250
Peter, I thought we
were going to have
17
00:00:46,317 --> 00:00:47,551
some family time
this weekend.
18
00:00:47,619 --> 00:00:48,852
You're going
fishing again?
19
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,287
Yes, Lois. I love fishing.
20
00:00:50,355 --> 00:00:52,222
Remember, fishing was
my not-at-all-memorable job
21
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:53,774
for two years?
- No.
22
00:00:53,841 --> 00:00:55,475
You don't remember
my fishing boat?
23
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,010
You don't remember
Santos and Pasqual?
24
00:00:57,078 --> 00:00:58,261
Not even a little.
25
00:00:58,313 --> 00:00:59,580
They were like
male Consuelas.
26
00:00:59,647 --> 00:01:01,765
It was a mistake making 'em
Portuguese, though.
27
00:01:01,816 --> 00:01:03,650
People don't even know
what a Portuguese is.
28
00:01:05,403 --> 00:01:08,071
That's what I thought
a Portuguese was.
29
00:01:08,122 --> 00:01:10,374
Me and my brain, huh?
30
00:01:10,441 --> 00:01:12,342
And we're just
getting started!
31
00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:18,165
Boy, it's not like Quagmire
to be this late.
32
00:01:18,249 --> 00:01:21,001
Yeah.
33
00:01:21,085 --> 00:01:22,452
Jeez, I've never tried
34
00:01:22,503 --> 00:01:24,171
to make conversationwith just Joe before.
35
00:01:24,255 --> 00:01:25,839
This is brutal.
36
00:01:25,907 --> 00:01:27,708
Come on, Joe,you're losing him.
37
00:01:27,775 --> 00:01:28,942
Think of something.
38
00:01:29,010 --> 00:01:30,460
This was your shot.
39
00:01:30,528 --> 00:01:33,313
Two thirds
of the planet is water.
40
00:01:33,381 --> 00:01:34,932
Yeah.
41
00:01:34,983 --> 00:01:37,284
Two thirdsof the planet is water?
44
00:01:41,055 --> 00:01:43,323
we should probably go find out
what's keeping Quagmire.
45
00:01:43,391 --> 00:01:44,575
Yeah, I guess
you're right.
46
00:01:44,642 --> 00:01:46,460
And you know, Joe,
uh, I was thinking.
47
00:01:46,527 --> 00:01:48,996
Maybe one night we get
dinner, just the two of us.
48
00:01:49,063 --> 00:01:50,197
I would like that.
49
00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:54,751
Hey, Quagmire?
50
00:01:54,819 --> 00:01:56,753
You in there?
51
00:01:58,323 --> 00:01:59,990
Holy crap!
52
00:02:00,041 --> 00:02:01,375
Oh, my God!
53
00:02:01,459 --> 00:02:04,044
He must have autoerotically
asphyxiated himself!
54
00:02:04,112 --> 00:02:06,346
Yeah, while he was
watching clown porn.
55
00:02:06,414 --> 00:02:08,081
Oh, yeah, baby.
56
00:02:08,149 --> 00:02:10,684
Oh yeah, baby!
You make me so horny!
57
00:02:11,886 --> 00:02:14,004
Come on, help me get him down!
58
00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:19,660
Peter, he's still alive!
59
00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:21,728
We got to get him
to a hospital!
60
00:02:21,796 --> 00:02:24,064
All right, but let's just watch
the end of this clown porn first.
61
00:02:31,539 --> 00:02:34,024
Oh, Peter, we came
as soon as we heard.
62
00:02:34,092 --> 00:02:35,225
How is he?
63
00:02:35,293 --> 00:02:36,760
He's in a coma, Lois.
64
00:02:36,828 --> 00:02:38,996
My God, what the hell happened?
65
00:02:39,047 --> 00:02:41,982
He hung himself during
autoerotic asphyxiation.
66
00:02:42,050 --> 00:02:44,117
Just goes to show anything
can be dangerous.
67
00:02:44,185 --> 00:02:45,819
Is his family here?
68
00:02:45,887 --> 00:02:48,138
His sister Brenda is coming
with her boyfriend, Jeff.
69
00:02:48,206 --> 00:02:49,790
Oh, my God, not that guy.
70
00:02:49,857 --> 00:02:51,375
Is she still with him?
71
00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:53,043
Isn't he the one
that beats her?
72
00:02:53,111 --> 00:02:54,544
Yeah, but she's
gotten a lot better.
73
00:02:57,148 --> 00:02:59,049
All right, on the way back,
74
00:02:59,117 --> 00:03:01,818
I get to pick the radio station,
because that was awful.
75
00:03:01,886 --> 00:03:04,354
I know, yeah, it
was, I'm sorry.
76
00:03:04,422 --> 00:03:06,289
Oh, God, I just...
I hope Glenn's okay.
77
00:03:06,357 --> 00:03:07,524
I'm so worried about him.
78
00:03:07,592 --> 00:03:08,959
Shut up and limp!
79
00:03:09,027 --> 00:03:10,560
We're in a handicapped spot,
you slut!
80
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,248
Well, Miss Quagmire,
81
00:03:15,316 --> 00:03:16,850
your brother Glenn
is lucky to be alive.
82
00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:20,921
You know, we're all lucky to be
alive on such a beautiful day.
83
00:03:20,988 --> 00:03:23,857
In fact, nurse...
all surgeries are outside today.
84
00:03:23,925 --> 00:03:25,842
You know, when we were kids,
85
00:03:25,910 --> 00:03:28,328
our mother used to sing
a song when we were sad.
86
00:03:28,396 --> 00:03:29,946
Maybe that'll help now.
87
00:03:30,014 --> 00:03:32,249
Come on, Brenda,
a stupid nursery rhyme
88
00:03:32,316 --> 00:03:34,651
isn't going to wake him up,
especially the way you sing.
89
00:03:34,719 --> 00:03:35,936
Right, man?
90
00:03:36,003 --> 00:03:37,504
Gyaaaa.
91
00:03:37,572 --> 00:03:41,892
♪ Glenn, don't die from
autoerotic asphyxiation ♪
92
00:03:41,943 --> 00:03:45,028
♪ Your friends want to
go fishing with you... ♪
93
00:03:45,096 --> 00:03:46,596
This song is from childhood?
94
00:03:46,647 --> 00:03:52,652
♪ Live to see tomorrow,
October 31, 2011. ♪
95
00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:57,340
Where am I?
96
00:03:57,408 --> 00:03:58,375
What happened?
97
00:03:58,443 --> 00:03:59,743
Oh, Glenn!
98
00:03:59,811 --> 00:04:01,545
Oh, thank God
you're all right!
99
00:04:01,612 --> 00:04:03,096
Hey, you touching
my girl?!
100
00:04:03,164 --> 00:04:04,231
Relax, Jeff.
That's her brother.
101
00:04:04,298 --> 00:04:05,599
Yeah, that's how it starts.
102
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:07,768
Come on, Brenda, we
got to get out of here.
103
00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:08,919
I need cigarettes
and jeans.
104
00:04:13,825 --> 00:04:16,093
Oh, thanks, you guys, for all
your help through this.
105
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,762
Oh, Glenn, we're just
so glad you're all right.
106
00:04:18,813 --> 00:04:20,397
And Jeff and I are happy
to stay here with you
107
00:04:20,464 --> 00:04:22,065
for as long as you need.
108
00:04:22,133 --> 00:04:24,184
Fine, then you call
my cousin Terry
109
00:04:24,252 --> 00:04:26,603
and tell him we're not going
to be at his karate recital!
110
00:04:26,671 --> 00:04:28,472
Well, Jeff,
he is my brother.
111
00:04:28,539 --> 00:04:31,141
Why do you always got to remind
me I didn't finish high school?
112
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:34,778
Well, listen, how about I make
us all some dinner, huh?
113
00:04:34,846 --> 00:04:35,946
Come here!
114
00:04:38,366 --> 00:04:39,666
You fat, ugly bitch!
115
00:04:39,734 --> 00:04:41,301
If today
wasn't your birthday...
116
00:04:41,369 --> 00:04:42,969
Jeff! Please,
you're being...
117
00:04:43,037 --> 00:04:44,471
What?!
What am I being?!
118
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:45,906
Crazy?!
Unemployed?!
119
00:04:45,973 --> 00:04:48,275
Why don't you call the cops
like you did on Christmas?!
120
00:04:48,342 --> 00:04:50,410
I-I-I didn't call them!
They were called!
121
00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:53,346
Oh, now you're calling me a liar
in front of this cat?!
122
00:04:53,414 --> 00:04:54,581
I got another cat.
123
00:05:00,277 --> 00:05:02,946
Aw, that yellow lab
looks like it's dying.
124
00:05:02,979 --> 00:05:04,213
Peter,
that's Gwyneth Paltrow.
125
00:05:04,281 --> 00:05:05,381
She's fine.
126
00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:07,066
Look, turn off the light.
127
00:05:07,133 --> 00:05:09,835
I just want to get to sleep and
put this ugly night behind us.
128
00:05:09,903 --> 00:05:12,271
All that unpleasantness
with Brenda and Jeff
129
00:05:12,339 --> 00:05:13,572
was more than I can handle.
130
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,074
It's no big deal, Lois.
131
00:05:15,141 --> 00:05:16,531
We probably just caught
'em on an off night.
132
00:05:16,532 --> 00:05:17,992
Where do you get
off calling me a deadbeat
133
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:19,217
in front of your brother?!
134
00:05:19,829 --> 00:05:22,198
No, Jeff, a-a-all I said was
that you were in between jobs!
135
00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,099
Well, it wouldn't matter
136
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:25,701
if you'd just pick up that
night shift at the prison!
137
00:05:25,769 --> 00:05:28,237
But then I'll be working
a hundred hours a week.
138
00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:29,455
So what?!
139
00:05:29,506 --> 00:05:31,957
I need money for motor oil
and wallet chains!
140
00:05:32,008 --> 00:05:34,260
Okay, I'll ask about it Monday.
141
00:05:34,327 --> 00:05:35,827
Can I put my nightgown
back on?
142
00:05:35,879 --> 00:05:38,247
No, I'm not done drawing!
143
00:05:45,155 --> 00:05:47,223
Hey, Peter.
144
00:05:47,290 --> 00:05:49,024
Geez, Quagmire,
you look terrible.
145
00:05:49,092 --> 00:05:51,610
Oh, I didn't get any sleep.
146
00:05:51,678 --> 00:05:52,878
Hi, Glenn.
How are you?
147
00:05:52,946 --> 00:05:54,313
Not great, Lois.
148
00:05:54,381 --> 00:05:56,732
I'm stuck in the middle of some
bad stuff with my sister.
149
00:05:56,816 --> 00:05:59,151
I know, it sounded like there
was quite a ruckus going on
150
00:05:59,219 --> 00:06:00,853
over there last night.
151
00:06:00,921 --> 00:06:02,605
That Jeff seems like
kind of a monster.
152
00:06:02,672 --> 00:06:04,940
Yeah, that guy's scary
as an Iraq Lobster.
153
00:06:10,497 --> 00:06:11,797
♪ Death to America ♪
154
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:14,533
♪ And butter sauce ♪
155
00:06:15,752 --> 00:06:16,902
♪ Don't boil me ♪
156
00:06:18,338 --> 00:06:20,506
♪ I'm still alive ♪
157
00:06:20,574 --> 00:06:21,807
♪ Iraq Lobster ♪
158
00:06:25,679 --> 00:06:27,746
♪ Iraq Lobster. ♪
159
00:06:31,618 --> 00:06:33,953
I've tried talking to Brenda
about leaving him,
160
00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,621
but I haven't
gotten anywhere.
161
00:06:35,689 --> 00:06:37,756
I was actually hoping
you could talk to her, Lois.
162
00:06:37,824 --> 00:06:40,492
She might open up more to you,
you know, 'cause you're a woman.
163
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,095
- Me?
- Yeah, would you mind at least trying?
164
00:06:43,163 --> 00:06:45,564
Well, I guess she does
need someone to talk to.
165
00:06:45,632 --> 00:06:47,082
Well, let's hope
she's good at talking
166
00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:48,934
'cause we know she doesn't
listen so good.
167
00:06:49,002 --> 00:06:50,436
That... we know.
168
00:06:53,139 --> 00:06:55,474
You know, Brenda, I'm glad
we could get together.
169
00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:56,775
Me, too, Lois.
170
00:06:56,843 --> 00:06:58,644
It's nice to have a
girlfriend to chat with.
171
00:06:58,712 --> 00:07:00,112
Don't you have any
back home?
172
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,147
Oh, no. Jeff would
never allow that.
173
00:07:02,215 --> 00:07:03,599
You know, that's kind of what
174
00:07:03,667 --> 00:07:05,467
I want to talk to you about,
Brenda.
175
00:07:05,535 --> 00:07:07,069
Do you mind
taking off your sunglasses?
176
00:07:09,823 --> 00:07:11,256
Oh, my God.
177
00:07:11,324 --> 00:07:13,125
No, i-it's really
not that bad.
178
00:07:13,193 --> 00:07:14,727
It only hurts when I see.
179
00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:16,395
You know, you don't have
to stay with a man
180
00:07:16,463 --> 00:07:17,863
who treats you that way.
181
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:19,882
Oh, Jeff's sweet.
182
00:07:19,949 --> 00:07:22,718
You don't see how soft and gentle
he hits me when we're alone.
183
00:07:22,786 --> 00:07:24,153
Do you hear yourself?
184
00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:25,888
He shouldn't be
hitting you at all.
185
00:07:25,955 --> 00:07:28,357
I don't think you understand
how serious a matter...
186
00:07:28,425 --> 00:07:29,875
Close your menu.
What?
187
00:07:29,943 --> 00:07:31,960
Close your menu, so they
know we're ready to order.
188
00:07:32,028 --> 00:07:33,212
I'll give you
another moment.
189
00:07:33,279 --> 00:07:34,496
Damn it.
190
00:07:34,564 --> 00:07:37,249
I'm sorry.
Oh, shoot.
191
00:07:37,317 --> 00:07:39,251
See, this is why Jeff
corrects me all the time.
192
00:07:39,319 --> 00:07:40,736
Corrects you?
193
00:07:40,804 --> 00:07:43,072
Brenda, he's not correcting you,
he's beating you!
194
00:07:43,139 --> 00:07:45,674
Well, I-I-I can see
why you'd think that
195
00:07:45,742 --> 00:07:47,409
'cause of the punches and all,
196
00:07:47,477 --> 00:07:50,045
but it's just that Jeff's been
so angry about immigrants.
197
00:07:50,113 --> 00:07:51,380
What?!
198
00:07:51,448 --> 00:07:53,482
It'll be better when
he gets back to work.
199
00:07:53,550 --> 00:07:55,501
Our relationship is just
complicated, that's all.
200
00:07:55,568 --> 00:07:57,936
No, Brenda,
it's not complicated.
201
00:07:58,004 --> 00:07:59,405
Trying to get
a straight answer
202
00:07:59,472 --> 00:08:01,640
out of a 23-year-old
girl is complicated.
203
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:03,525
So, do you want
to go out some time?
204
00:08:03,593 --> 00:08:05,961
Out like, go out or hang out
or just do something?
205
00:08:06,029 --> 00:08:07,262
Like a date.
206
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:08,697
Like a date date?
Or like a date?
207
00:08:08,765 --> 00:08:10,416
Both, I... I guess.
208
00:08:10,483 --> 00:08:12,334
Yeah, sure, maybe.
I don't know. Yes, no.
209
00:08:12,419 --> 00:08:14,119
Here's the first three
digits of my phone number.
210
00:08:14,187 --> 00:08:15,688
E-mail me.
211
00:08:18,858 --> 00:08:20,125
Joe, the guy's a menace.
212
00:08:20,193 --> 00:08:22,010
They've been with me
three days now,
213
00:08:22,078 --> 00:08:24,313
and all he does is beat her
day and night.
214
00:08:24,381 --> 00:08:25,964
And on top of that,
they say they don't need
215
00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:27,516
to be entertained,
but then they're always like,
216
00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:28,967
"Hey, so what're we doing?
What's next?"
217
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:30,969
Hey, Joe, can't you...
can't you just arrest the guy?
218
00:08:31,020 --> 00:08:32,621
I can't arrest Jeff
219
00:08:32,689 --> 00:08:35,190
unless Brenda files a formal
complaint with the police.
220
00:08:35,258 --> 00:08:36,492
She won't go to the police.
221
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:38,660
She's afraid
of what Jeff will do.
222
00:08:38,728 --> 00:08:40,028
And to be honest,
I don't blame her.
223
00:08:40,096 --> 00:08:41,880
I mean, w-w-what happens
if one of these nights,
224
00:08:41,948 --> 00:08:43,215
he hits her so hard
he kills her?
225
00:08:43,283 --> 00:08:44,683
Sorry, Quagmire.
226
00:08:44,751 --> 00:08:47,920
Police policy, we can't step
in until it's too late.
227
00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:50,055
But if I were you, I'd
set up an intervention.
228
00:08:50,123 --> 00:08:51,290
What's that?
229
00:08:51,357 --> 00:08:53,092
It's like a surprise
birthday party,
230
00:08:53,159 --> 00:08:55,994
but instead of cake and
presents, there's angry letters
231
00:08:56,062 --> 00:08:57,296
and someone who
inappropriately tries
232
00:08:57,363 --> 00:08:58,630
to make it about themselves.
233
00:08:58,698 --> 00:09:00,199
Aw, that sounds great!
234
00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:02,000
I bet I would really shine
at one of those.
235
00:09:04,771 --> 00:09:06,972
All right, well, first
we want to thank you all
236
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,640
for being here for Brenda.
237
00:09:08,708 --> 00:09:10,509
Now, I know it's going
to be a long day,
238
00:09:10,577 --> 00:09:13,796
but we're all here because we
care about her very much.
239
00:09:13,863 --> 00:09:15,297
What the... what's going on?
240
00:09:15,365 --> 00:09:16,548
What's all this?
241
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,484
Brenda, this is
an intervention.
242
00:09:18,551 --> 00:09:20,853
A lot of us don't like how
Jeff's been treating you.
243
00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,654
So we're going
to say a few things,
244
00:09:22,722 --> 00:09:25,090
and then you'll say a few
things, and then we'll be done.
245
00:09:25,158 --> 00:09:26,258
Sound good?
246
00:09:26,326 --> 00:09:27,726
Um...
I guess.
247
00:09:27,794 --> 00:09:30,496
All right, so we're going to go
around the room and tell you
248
00:09:30,563 --> 00:09:32,681
exactly how your situation
has affected each of us.
249
00:09:32,749 --> 00:09:34,183
Meg?
250
00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:37,619
I feel like if he likes you,
maybe you can change him.
251
00:09:37,687 --> 00:09:39,121
Okay, maybe she wasn't
the one to start with.
252
00:09:39,189 --> 00:09:40,272
Caleb?
253
00:09:43,109 --> 00:09:45,444
Caleb, you want
to go ahead?
254
00:09:45,512 --> 00:09:47,095
M... M... me?
255
00:09:47,163 --> 00:09:48,163
Yeah, go ahead.
256
00:09:48,231 --> 00:09:50,482
Uh... It's Chris.
257
00:09:50,550 --> 00:09:52,117
Y-You don't know my name?
258
00:09:52,185 --> 00:09:53,952
All right, this isn't off
to a flying start.
259
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:55,554
Peter, why don't you go ahead?
260
00:09:55,622 --> 00:09:57,723
So, you like
getting beaten, huh?
261
00:09:57,791 --> 00:09:59,992
Well, why don't you smoke a
whole carton of cigarettes!
262
00:10:00,059 --> 00:10:01,810
Look, I know what you guys
are trying to do,
263
00:10:01,895 --> 00:10:03,362
but Jeff and I are fine.
264
00:10:03,429 --> 00:10:05,898
No, Brenda,
you're not fine, okay?
265
00:10:05,965 --> 00:10:08,283
Please, I'd like to say
something, if I may.
266
00:10:09,719 --> 00:10:13,605
"Brenda, the fact that
you are being abused
267
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:16,325
"has affected my life
in the following ways:
268
00:10:16,409 --> 00:10:19,110
"The sister that I knew
and loved growing up
269
00:10:19,162 --> 00:10:21,630
"no longer exists.
270
00:10:21,714 --> 00:10:25,250
"The person I see before me now
is just a punching bag.
271
00:10:25,301 --> 00:10:28,387
"And I call you 'person'
and not 'woman'
272
00:10:28,454 --> 00:10:31,473
"because a woman is a strong,
beautiful, vibrant creature.
273
00:10:31,558 --> 00:10:33,926
"A woman embraces life.
274
00:10:33,977 --> 00:10:36,662
"A woman makes choices
to make her life better.
275
00:10:36,729 --> 00:10:40,966
"Sadly, the fact that you are
with Jeff, proves to me
276
00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:45,470
that you have made a choice
to make your life worse."
277
00:10:45,538 --> 00:10:48,106
I-I want the girl
I grew up with back.
278
00:10:48,174 --> 00:10:52,528
I want... I want my sister back.
279
00:10:52,612 --> 00:10:55,831
Brenda, I love you.
280
00:10:55,915 --> 00:10:57,933
Please make the right decision.
281
00:10:58,001 --> 00:10:59,868
Which is a perfect time
for me to tell my jokes.
282
00:10:59,953 --> 00:11:01,152
Peter!
283
00:11:01,204 --> 00:11:02,588
And I will save
them for the end.
284
00:11:06,159 --> 00:11:08,861
Glenn, I am so lucky
285
00:11:08,928 --> 00:11:12,631
to have such a wonderful,
loving brother like you.
286
00:11:17,103 --> 00:11:19,972
So, are you gonna
leave him?
287
00:11:20,023 --> 00:11:22,140
Oh, there you are!
288
00:11:22,191 --> 00:11:24,693
Hey, give me some money!
I saw a cool bandana.
289
00:11:24,761 --> 00:11:26,461
What the hell's going on here?!
290
00:11:26,529 --> 00:11:28,697
Listen here, you bully!
For your information,
291
00:11:28,765 --> 00:11:30,065
Brenda just agreed
to leave you!
292
00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:31,683
Like hell she did.
293
00:11:31,751 --> 00:11:32,718
Brenda, you tell 'em?
294
00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:34,219
No, not yet.
295
00:11:34,287 --> 00:11:36,955
Everyone...
I have wonderful news.
296
00:11:37,023 --> 00:11:39,424
Jeff and I are getting married.
297
00:11:40,627 --> 00:11:41,910
I'd show you the ring,
298
00:11:41,978 --> 00:11:43,528
but it's under the splint.
299
00:11:43,596 --> 00:11:45,297
My finger fell down the stairs.
300
00:11:45,365 --> 00:11:46,865
You're getting married?!
301
00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:48,750
Yeah, but only 'cause
she's pregnant.
302
00:11:48,835 --> 00:11:49,935
Pregnant?!
303
00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:52,354
Oh, congratulations!
304
00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:54,039
Have you thought
of any names yet?
305
00:11:54,107 --> 00:11:55,841
Maybe... maybe
"Slappy"?
306
00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:57,342
Or-or "Bruisey"?
307
00:11:57,410 --> 00:11:59,077
Or "Keep-It-Down-
In-There-sy"?
308
00:12:04,754 --> 00:12:06,655
Guys, what the hell
am I gonna do?
309
00:12:06,699 --> 00:12:07,833
She can't marry
that bastard.
310
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,301
He's just gonna
keep beatin' her,
311
00:12:09,369 --> 00:12:11,236
and then he's gonna beat
the kid, too!
312
00:12:11,304 --> 00:12:13,739
God, I wish she'd never met
Jeffrey Fecalman.
313
00:12:13,806 --> 00:12:15,574
You know, I was
thinking... Wait, what?
314
00:12:15,641 --> 00:12:17,175
What?
That's his name?
315
00:12:17,243 --> 00:12:19,077
Yeah.
Huh-larious.
316
00:12:19,145 --> 00:12:20,812
But you know,
I was thinking this afternoon,
317
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,148
what the hell happened to the
days when a guy does something
318
00:12:23,216 --> 00:12:26,501
like that to a girl, and a bunch
of us guys get together
319
00:12:26,569 --> 00:12:28,970
and just go kick
his (bleep) ass?
320
00:12:29,038 --> 00:12:30,939
Boy, that'd be
satisfying.
321
00:12:31,007 --> 00:12:33,041
Well... why not?
322
00:12:33,109 --> 00:12:34,209
What do you mean?
323
00:12:34,277 --> 00:12:35,544
The three of us.
324
00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:37,479
We go over there
and we do what's right;
325
00:12:37,547 --> 00:12:38,580
we kill the bastard.
326
00:12:38,648 --> 00:12:40,148
Whoa, whoa, Quagmire.
327
00:12:40,216 --> 00:12:42,517
You know, I could arrest
you just for saying that.
328
00:12:42,585 --> 00:12:43,885
You know what else
you can get arrested for?
329
00:12:43,953 --> 00:12:45,187
Soliciting a rooster.
330
00:12:45,254 --> 00:12:48,323
I don't know what this
cock-a-doodle-doo thing is,
331
00:12:48,391 --> 00:12:50,592
but it sounds gay
and it sounds scatological.
332
00:12:50,660 --> 00:12:52,227
I'm in.
333
00:12:52,295 --> 00:12:54,496
You're about to
have a neat day.
334
00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:56,598
Quagmire, you're talking
about murdering a guy.
335
00:12:56,666 --> 00:12:57,866
It doesn't matter
336
00:12:57,934 --> 00:12:59,868
what he's done,
it's still murder.
337
00:12:59,936 --> 00:13:01,670
No, Joe, it does matter
what he's done!
338
00:13:01,738 --> 00:13:03,705
These kinds of guys
don't change.
339
00:13:03,773 --> 00:13:06,174
Y-you think they ever suddenly
wake up and realize
340
00:13:06,242 --> 00:13:08,877
the error of their ways
and clean up their act? No!
341
00:13:08,961 --> 00:13:10,395
They just keep ruining
everyone's lives,
342
00:13:10,463 --> 00:13:12,314
and the world is better off
without 'em.
343
00:13:12,381 --> 00:13:13,782
It's against the
law, Quagmire,
344
00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:14,950
and that's the
end of it.
345
00:13:18,121 --> 00:13:19,588
What the hell?!
Did you change the channel
346
00:13:19,655 --> 00:13:21,156
while I was going
to get a beer?!
347
00:13:21,224 --> 00:13:23,225
Oh, yeah, I-I'm sorry,
honey, I just wanted
348
00:13:23,292 --> 00:13:24,476
to see who was
on Letterman.
349
00:13:24,544 --> 00:13:26,078
We're watching Leno,
you bitch!
350
00:13:26,145 --> 00:13:27,329
I'm so sorry!
351
00:13:27,396 --> 00:13:29,631
His soft, gentle humor
connects effortlessly
352
00:13:29,699 --> 00:13:31,983
with my mainstream
sensibilities!
353
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:35,987
Let's waste this dick.
354
00:13:37,590 --> 00:13:39,791
Boy, everything's different now
than it used to be, isn't it?
355
00:13:39,859 --> 00:13:42,394
You know, this morning I had
a bowl of Fruity Pebbles cereal.
356
00:13:42,462 --> 00:13:44,429
Yeah, yeah. When I was a kid,
they were boulders!
357
00:13:48,968 --> 00:13:51,119
Cereals do change.
358
00:13:51,187 --> 00:13:52,471
Oh, no, no. Here's something,
here's something.
359
00:13:52,538 --> 00:13:53,655
Did you hear about this?
360
00:13:53,723 --> 00:13:55,240
Here's a bunch
of words in a row:
361
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:56,875
because the economy's so bad,
362
00:13:56,943 --> 00:13:58,560
they've decided they're gonna
shut down all the prisons.
363
00:13:58,628 --> 00:14:00,162
Yeah, yeah.
364
00:14:00,229 --> 00:14:03,031
And-and they're gonna send
all the inmates to Congress.
365
00:14:03,099 --> 00:14:05,250
I don't get that one!
366
00:14:09,288 --> 00:14:10,755
Hi, there, Jeff.
367
00:14:10,823 --> 00:14:12,357
Hey, what's going
on, dudes?
368
00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:13,825
Brenda just fell.
369
00:14:13,893 --> 00:14:16,895
Get your lazy ass up and get
my neighbors some beers!
370
00:14:16,963 --> 00:14:18,697
Actually, we don't
have time, Jeff.
371
00:14:18,764 --> 00:14:20,532
We were just about
to go on
372
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,267
our annual midnight
hunting trip.
373
00:14:22,335 --> 00:14:24,136
We thought you might
want to join us.
374
00:14:24,203 --> 00:14:25,470
Yeah, what the hell.
375
00:14:25,538 --> 00:14:28,173
Go shoot some animals,
that sounds like fun.
376
00:14:28,241 --> 00:14:30,575
Hey, it beats sitting at home
watching Meg pop her zits.
377
00:14:42,138 --> 00:14:44,172
Okay, okay,
who would you rather do?
378
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,608
Dame Judi Dench with 30 minutes
of kissing first
379
00:14:46,676 --> 00:14:50,412
or Eddie Izzard in drag,
but he has a working vagina?
380
00:14:50,479 --> 00:14:52,414
Would Eddie Izzard tell
others about it?
381
00:14:52,481 --> 00:14:54,166
Eddie Izzard is very discreet.
382
00:14:54,233 --> 00:14:55,400
Then that's your answer.
383
00:14:55,468 --> 00:14:57,485
You know, Quagmire,
I gotta say,
384
00:14:57,553 --> 00:14:59,571
I was pretty surprised
you wanted me to come along.
385
00:14:59,639 --> 00:15:01,506
I thought
you hated my guts.
386
00:15:01,574 --> 00:15:02,891
Oh, come on, Jeff,
387
00:15:02,959 --> 00:15:04,492
I don't hate your
guts.
388
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:05,927
Well, then what the hell
are we doing out here?
389
00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:07,612
I thought we were gonna kill...
Ah!
390
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,549
So, Jeff, do you
like loud sentences?!
391
00:15:10,616 --> 00:15:11,533
I guess.
392
00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:13,768
I gotta take a whiz.
393
00:15:13,836 --> 00:15:15,453
All right, look,
when he comes back,
394
00:15:15,521 --> 00:15:17,138
I'm just gonna
do it, okay?
395
00:15:17,206 --> 00:15:19,157
I'm just gonna point my gun
straight at his head
396
00:15:19,225 --> 00:15:20,525
before he even knows
what's going on.
397
00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:23,195
Kinda like this?
398
00:15:23,262 --> 00:15:25,714
You know, Quagmire,
you are pathetic.
399
00:15:25,781 --> 00:15:27,849
You have to bring
your friends out here with you
400
00:15:27,917 --> 00:15:29,317
to do your dirty work?
401
00:15:29,385 --> 00:15:31,686
What... what do you mean, Jeff?
402
00:15:31,754 --> 00:15:33,388
You're gonna kill me,
is that it?
403
00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:37,392
Uh-uh!
404
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:38,627
Not unless you want
405
00:15:38,694 --> 00:15:40,528
your friend's brains
all over the place!
406
00:15:40,613 --> 00:15:42,898
Listen, Jeff,
just put the gun down
407
00:15:42,965 --> 00:15:44,799
and we'll forget this whole
thing, okay?
408
00:15:47,186 --> 00:15:50,889
Oh. Well, that's never
happened before.
409
00:15:50,957 --> 00:15:53,225
Kinda don't know
what to do next.
410
00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:55,026
So now you'll forget
the whole thing?
411
00:15:55,094 --> 00:15:57,195
Yeah, I, uh, guess
that is what I said.
412
00:15:57,263 --> 00:15:58,847
No, no, we can't forget
the whole thing!
413
00:15:58,931 --> 00:16:00,181
Yeah, you know,
he's right.
414
00:16:00,266 --> 00:16:01,266
We can't forget it.
415
00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,184
Fine. Now here's
the plan:
416
00:16:03,269 --> 00:16:05,687
I'm taking Quagmire
for a little ride,
417
00:16:05,771 --> 00:16:08,907
and you guys are gonna stay out
here and freeze to death!
418
00:16:08,975 --> 00:16:10,976
Now, get those hands
where I can see 'em!
419
00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:13,395
All the way up!
420
00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,864
Oh, my shirt's a
little too short.
421
00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:17,098
That's okay.
You can keep 'em
422
00:16:17,166 --> 00:16:19,584
the way you had 'em
so it covers your stomach.
423
00:16:19,652 --> 00:16:22,120
Thank you. You know, if
this Jeff was around more,
424
00:16:22,188 --> 00:16:23,705
we wouldn't have
tried to kill you.
425
00:16:23,773 --> 00:16:24,823
See you later,
schmucks!
426
00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:39,871
All right,
this is far enough.
427
00:16:49,899 --> 00:16:52,617
Well, Quagmire, sorry
it had to end this way;
428
00:16:52,685 --> 00:16:54,819
a tragic hunting accident.
429
00:16:54,887 --> 00:16:57,622
I guess that little baby's gonna
grow up without an uncle.
430
00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:59,057
Actually,
I have a brother.
431
00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:00,759
Gary Quagmire.
Oh.
432
00:17:00,826 --> 00:17:03,278
I think... I think you got
a brother, too, don't you?
433
00:17:03,346 --> 00:17:04,546
All right, forget
the uncle thing!
434
00:17:04,613 --> 00:17:07,182
Get ready to die,
Quagmire.
435
00:17:07,249 --> 00:17:08,917
You know, if you had any balls,
436
00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:11,236
you'd put that gun down and we
could settle this like men.
437
00:17:12,872 --> 00:17:15,957
That's awful big talk for a
scrawny bastard like you.
438
00:17:16,025 --> 00:17:17,325
Hey, I'm serious, man.
439
00:17:17,393 --> 00:17:19,127
Unless you're scared
I can take you.
440
00:17:19,195 --> 00:17:21,346
Suit yourself, man.
441
00:17:21,414 --> 00:17:23,932
Just means
you're gonna die slower.
442
00:18:39,759 --> 00:18:41,626
What the hell?!
I killed you!
443
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:45,764
I choke myself every day,
you bastard!
444
00:19:19,165 --> 00:19:21,015
Oh, oh, Glenn,
there you are.
445
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:24,219
Jeff didn't come home last night
and he hasn't called.
446
00:19:24,286 --> 00:19:25,987
Uh, well, actually,
about that, Brenda,
447
00:19:26,055 --> 00:19:28,022
he must've left
early this morning.
448
00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:30,542
Yeah, we found this
note he left you.
449
00:19:30,609 --> 00:19:33,812
"Dear Brenda,
I have decided to leave you.
450
00:19:33,879 --> 00:19:35,980
"I realized
that you are too good for me,
451
00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:38,249
"and you and our unborn child
would be better off
452
00:19:38,317 --> 00:19:40,718
"without me in the picture.
Love, Jeff.
453
00:19:40,786 --> 00:19:43,188
"P.S. If the cops ask, tell them
454
00:19:43,255 --> 00:19:45,957
"that Joe, Peter and Quagmire
were with you last night.
455
00:19:46,025 --> 00:19:47,592
"If you tell anyone otherwise,
456
00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:50,929
"I will come back and not only
hit you, but I will murder you.
457
00:19:50,996 --> 00:19:53,064
"And no one will care
because you're garbage.
458
00:19:53,132 --> 00:19:55,834
And your baby is going
to be a child of garbage."
459
00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:57,068
It's a little rough, Peter.
460
00:19:57,136 --> 00:19:58,570
I didn't write it. Joe did.
461
00:19:58,637 --> 00:20:00,004
I wanted it
to sound real.
462
00:20:00,072 --> 00:20:01,673
It's gotta sound
like he wrote it.
463
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:03,775
Plus, she kinda is
garbage, Quagmire.
464
00:20:03,843 --> 00:20:06,277
"Well, I best be
rolling on now."
465
00:20:06,345 --> 00:20:08,313
Oh, come on!
Who says that?!
466
00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:09,481
It's an expression.
467
00:20:09,548 --> 00:20:10,482
Yeah, if you're in
a wheelchair.
468
00:20:10,549 --> 00:20:11,516
Listen, you had
your chance.
469
00:20:11,584 --> 00:20:13,017
I e-mailed it
to both of you.
470
00:20:13,085 --> 00:20:14,319
"Looks fine."
471
00:20:14,386 --> 00:20:16,204
And you just added that
part about Grape Ape.
472
00:20:16,272 --> 00:20:19,073
"P.P.S. I really love Grape Ape.
473
00:20:19,141 --> 00:20:20,108
The end."
474
00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:22,210
Wow.
475
00:20:22,278 --> 00:20:24,612
I guess he's really gone.
476
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,680
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
477
00:20:32,087 --> 00:20:33,788
I kinda want to kill
somebody else now.
478
00:20:33,856 --> 00:20:34,889
Ooh, Mort!
35503
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