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1
00:00:32,406 --> 00:00:33,873
Hi. This is Peter.
2
00:00:33,941 --> 00:00:35,575
Don't get scared
that you can hear my voice
3
00:00:35,642 --> 00:00:36,976
but you can't see me.
4
00:00:37,044 --> 00:00:39,111
This is the story
of a great adventure
5
00:00:39,179 --> 00:00:41,047
that happened to me
and some of my pals.
6
00:00:41,114 --> 00:00:43,149
It all began innocently enough,
7
00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:46,285
with my stupid wife showing me
some dumb-ass brochure.
8
00:00:46,353 --> 00:00:48,988
So, here's where we'll all
be staying this weekend.
9
00:00:49,056 --> 00:00:50,690
You and I will
have one cabin,
10
00:00:50,757 --> 00:00:52,091
and Bonnie and
Joe and Quagmire
11
00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:53,359
will have the
other two.
12
00:00:53,427 --> 00:00:55,228
Ah, this is going
to be so much fun!
13
00:00:56,497 --> 00:00:58,030
Hi, Chris.
How was school?
14
00:00:58,098 --> 00:00:59,232
Not good.
15
00:00:59,299 --> 00:01:01,634
I got suspended for
saying bad words.
16
00:01:01,702 --> 00:01:03,002
Oh, for God's sake!
17
00:01:03,070 --> 00:01:04,604
My principal wants to
meet with you guys.
18
00:01:04,671 --> 00:01:05,771
Should we go?
19
00:01:05,839 --> 00:01:07,073
It sounds like a trap.
20
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:08,441
Yes, Peter,
we should go.
21
00:01:08,509 --> 00:01:10,877
All right, but if it's a trap
and we don't come back,
22
00:01:10,944 --> 00:01:12,311
I get to make
smart-alecky remarks
23
00:01:12,379 --> 00:01:14,747
when we're tied up back-to-back,
like last time.
24
00:01:14,815 --> 00:01:17,650
Any more bright
ideas, professor?
25
00:01:20,954 --> 00:01:23,756
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin,
the reason Chris was suspended
26
00:01:23,824 --> 00:01:26,592
is that he told a very
inappropriate joke in class.
27
00:01:26,660 --> 00:01:27,827
Well, Principal Shepherd,
28
00:01:27,895 --> 00:01:29,795
we promise you
it won't happen again.
29
00:01:29,863 --> 00:01:31,697
I don't know where Chris
heard the joke,
30
00:01:31,765 --> 00:01:33,666
but I can assure you
it wasn't at home.
31
00:01:33,734 --> 00:01:34,901
Was it, Chris?
32
00:01:34,968 --> 00:01:36,602
No. Mr. Quagmire
told it to me.
33
00:01:36,670 --> 00:01:38,070
I should have figured.
34
00:01:38,138 --> 00:01:39,739
Was it the one
where the blind man
35
00:01:39,806 --> 00:01:42,241
walks by the fish market and
says, "Good morning, ladies"?
36
00:01:42,309 --> 00:01:44,110
I told you that one!
37
00:01:44,177 --> 00:01:45,411
You told me that one.
38
00:01:45,479 --> 00:01:46,746
I sure did.
39
00:01:46,813 --> 00:01:48,581
We enjoy
each other's company.
40
00:01:52,553 --> 00:01:53,786
Hey, Quagmire.
41
00:01:53,854 --> 00:01:55,454
You know, you got Chris
suspended from school
42
00:01:55,522 --> 00:01:56,789
for telling one of
your dirty jokes.
43
00:01:56,857 --> 00:01:58,090
Oh, gosh, Peter, I'm sorry.
44
00:01:58,158 --> 00:01:59,625
You want me to talk to him?
45
00:01:59,693 --> 00:02:00,726
Well, no, actually, I...
46
00:02:00,794 --> 00:02:02,194
I want you to tell
me the joke.
47
00:02:02,262 --> 00:02:03,462
Yeah, tell us the joke.
48
00:02:03,530 --> 00:02:04,964
You want to hear it?
All right.
49
00:02:05,032 --> 00:02:07,066
So, this chick meets a guy
at a bar, and...
50
00:02:10,504 --> 00:02:12,805
P.S. Your vagina's in the sink.
51
00:02:15,742 --> 00:02:17,643
Oh, God,
I pooped my pants.
52
00:02:17,711 --> 00:02:20,613
It's funny
when it happens to other people.
53
00:02:23,016 --> 00:02:25,685
Yuck. That's the end
of those underwears.
54
00:02:25,752 --> 00:02:27,853
I didn't know what to do,
so I took them off
55
00:02:27,921 --> 00:02:30,056
and hummed them at the wall,
and they started sliding down
56
00:02:30,123 --> 00:02:31,090
like one of them
sticky octopuses.
57
00:02:31,158 --> 00:02:32,258
Well, it's a pretty funny joke,
58
00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:33,459
you know,
when you think about it.
59
00:02:33,527 --> 00:02:34,794
"Your vagina's in the sink."
60
00:02:34,861 --> 00:02:36,562
Damn it!
61
00:02:37,931 --> 00:02:40,299
Wow. He poops every time
he hears that joke.
62
00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:41,667
Yeah.
63
00:02:41,735 --> 00:02:43,603
He does, doesn't he?
64
00:02:49,142 --> 00:02:50,576
Get out of here,
Quagmire!
65
00:02:50,644 --> 00:02:52,378
I just put on
clean pants!
66
00:02:55,215 --> 00:02:57,149
Who's texting me?
67
00:02:57,217 --> 00:02:58,951
Damn it!
68
00:03:01,622 --> 00:03:02,888
Stop it, you guys!
69
00:03:02,956 --> 00:03:04,624
You're ruining all my clothes!
70
00:03:11,798 --> 00:03:13,866
Okay, Quagmire,
he's asleep.
71
00:03:28,882 --> 00:03:29,915
Peter!
72
00:03:29,983 --> 00:03:31,584
You just pooped
all over the bed!
73
00:03:31,652 --> 00:03:35,721
When you poop in your dreams,
you poop for real.
74
00:03:39,826 --> 00:03:41,627
Hello, fellas.
75
00:03:41,695 --> 00:03:43,362
Hey, Pete...
Hey, those are my pants.
76
00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:44,630
That's right.
Thought I'd come by
77
00:03:44,698 --> 00:03:46,365
and see if you have
any jokes to tell.
78
00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:47,733
I enjoy a joke.
79
00:03:47,801 --> 00:03:49,068
I don't know.
80
00:03:49,136 --> 00:03:51,170
I want to tell the joke,
but I like those pants.
81
00:03:51,238 --> 00:03:52,371
I'll tell the joke.
82
00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:53,706
Go ahead, Joe. I'm all anus.
83
00:03:53,774 --> 00:03:54,940
Joe, don't you dare.
84
00:03:55,008 --> 00:03:56,142
I'll push you straight
into traffic.
85
00:03:56,209 --> 00:03:57,309
Peter, you win.
86
00:03:57,377 --> 00:03:58,978
All right, I won't
tell the joke anymore.
87
00:03:59,046 --> 00:04:00,479
You know, I... I got
to admit, Quagmire,
88
00:04:00,547 --> 00:04:01,847
despite all the problems,
89
00:04:01,915 --> 00:04:03,282
that joke is
freaking hilarious.
90
00:04:03,350 --> 00:04:05,217
- Where'd you hear it?
- Bruce told it to me.
91
00:04:05,285 --> 00:04:06,519
No way Bruce came
up with that.
92
00:04:06,586 --> 00:04:07,753
Where'd he hear it?
93
00:04:07,821 --> 00:04:09,121
I don't know...
probably just around.
94
00:04:09,189 --> 00:04:11,590
I mean, where does any
dirty joke come from?
95
00:04:11,658 --> 00:04:12,825
Hey, you know,
Joe is right.
96
00:04:12,893 --> 00:04:13,993
There's a million
of them.
97
00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:15,461
They got to be coming
from somewhere.
98
00:04:15,529 --> 00:04:17,430
I mean, somebody's got to
be making these things up.
99
00:04:17,497 --> 00:04:18,831
- Well, who?
- I don't know.
100
00:04:18,899 --> 00:04:20,966
But haven't you ever
wanted to find out?
101
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:23,402
Well, yeah, but how
would anyone do that?
102
00:04:23,470 --> 00:04:24,770
A quest, Joe.
103
00:04:24,838 --> 00:04:26,706
We go on a quest
to find the source
104
00:04:26,773 --> 00:04:28,074
of the world's dirty jokes.
105
00:04:28,141 --> 00:04:29,308
Who's with me?
106
00:04:29,376 --> 00:04:30,342
Well, I'm with you.
107
00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:31,677
Oh, what the hell? So am I.
108
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,613
And so began our journey
109
00:04:34,681 --> 00:04:36,315
to find the splendid source
110
00:04:36,383 --> 00:04:38,150
of off-color humor
as we know it.
111
00:04:38,218 --> 00:04:40,720
Our first stop
was to see Bruce.
112
00:04:40,787 --> 00:04:41,987
Oh, hey.
113
00:04:42,055 --> 00:04:43,422
What size shoes
is y'alls?
114
00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:44,790
Actually,
we're not here to bowl.
115
00:04:44,858 --> 00:04:46,092
We were wondering
where you heard
116
00:04:46,159 --> 00:04:47,760
that dirty joke
you told Quagmire.
117
00:04:47,828 --> 00:04:49,628
Oh, that one? Oh, no.
118
00:04:49,696 --> 00:04:52,064
I'm not going to tell y'all
that one here at the workplace.
119
00:04:52,132 --> 00:04:53,299
Too dirty.
120
00:04:53,366 --> 00:04:54,667
Maybe after quitting time,
121
00:04:54,735 --> 00:04:56,635
I'll have a mimosa
and tell y'all then.
122
00:04:56,703 --> 00:04:59,238
Look, you blade, just tell us
who you heard it from.
123
00:04:59,306 --> 00:05:01,807
It turned out the joke
already had quite a history.
124
00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:03,542
Bruce had heard it
from Consuela.
125
00:05:03,610 --> 00:05:05,144
Consuela heard it
from Mayor West.
126
00:05:05,212 --> 00:05:06,612
West heard it from
Dr. Hartman.
127
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,280
Hartman heard it from Angela,
128
00:05:08,348 --> 00:05:10,483
Angela from Opie,
Opie from Herbert.
129
00:05:10,550 --> 00:05:11,951
Herbert heard it
from Tom Tucker.
130
00:05:12,018 --> 00:05:13,686
Tucker heard it from Bender
on Futurama,
131
00:05:13,754 --> 00:05:15,221
oddly enough, for some reason.
132
00:05:15,288 --> 00:05:16,522
Bender heard it
from Al Harrington,
133
00:05:16,590 --> 00:05:18,457
Harrington from REO Speedwagon.
134
00:05:18,525 --> 00:05:21,794
♪ Heard it from a friend who ♪
135
00:05:21,862 --> 00:05:24,430
♪ heard it
from a friend who ♪
136
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:26,499
♪ heard it from another... ♪
137
00:05:26,566 --> 00:05:28,567
REO Speedwagon
saved us several stops,
138
00:05:28,635 --> 00:05:31,437
as they, too, had backtracked
the joke to some extent.
139
00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:32,938
But when their trail had led
140
00:05:33,006 --> 00:05:34,740
to a bartender in Virginia,
they had given up,
141
00:05:34,808 --> 00:05:36,876
much the way the world
had given up on them.
142
00:05:36,943 --> 00:05:39,111
In fact, just to kick them
a couple extra bucks,
143
00:05:39,179 --> 00:05:41,147
here's five seconds
of "Time for Me to Fly."
144
00:05:41,214 --> 00:05:42,381
No, don't!
145
00:05:42,449 --> 00:05:44,049
All the money goes
to my bitch ex-wife!
146
00:05:44,117 --> 00:05:45,618
Can you play our song?
147
00:05:45,685 --> 00:05:47,620
Okay,
lead singer from Asia.
148
00:05:47,687 --> 00:05:51,791
♪ Now, sure as the sun
will cross the sky ♪
149
00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:55,161
♪ this lie is over... ♪
150
00:05:58,498 --> 00:06:00,566
We can't go
to Virginia, Peter.
151
00:06:00,634 --> 00:06:02,935
Bonnie and Lois planned
that couples weekend to Maine.
152
00:06:03,003 --> 00:06:04,937
We're supposed to leave
in the morning.
153
00:06:05,005 --> 00:06:06,372
Yeah, Peter,
we've looked long enough.
154
00:06:06,439 --> 00:06:08,174
Maybe the joke
doesn't have a source.
155
00:06:08,241 --> 00:06:10,142
Don't be stupid.
Somebody had to have made it up.
156
00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:11,610
And we're going to find out who.
157
00:06:11,678 --> 00:06:13,112
Besides, this will be
way more fun
158
00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:14,947
than hanging out
in Maine with the wives,
159
00:06:15,015 --> 00:06:16,382
sitting around
a campfire,
160
00:06:16,449 --> 00:06:18,551
listening to Lois
tell grocery stories.
161
00:06:18,618 --> 00:06:21,654
"Oh, Peter,
you should have been there.
162
00:06:21,721 --> 00:06:24,456
"Uncle Ben's converted
brown rice was on sale.
163
00:06:24,524 --> 00:06:27,993
They marked it down
from $12 to... to three..."
164
00:06:28,061 --> 00:06:30,396
Whatever... I don't know
how much rice is,
165
00:06:30,463 --> 00:06:31,764
but you know
what I'm saying.
166
00:06:38,305 --> 00:06:40,306
Okay, Peter,
I've got the directions.
167
00:06:40,373 --> 00:06:42,074
Head north
on the turnpike.
168
00:06:42,142 --> 00:06:44,043
That's going to be
the quickest route to Maine.
169
00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,277
Sure, Lois.
170
00:06:49,282 --> 00:06:51,784
Say, ladies, I was wondering
if you could tell me...
171
00:06:51,852 --> 00:06:53,485
what was childbirth like?
172
00:06:53,553 --> 00:06:55,888
Oh, Glenn,
you have no idea.
173
00:06:55,956 --> 00:06:58,224
It's something no man
could understand.
174
00:06:58,291 --> 00:07:01,894
Think of the most intense
pain you've ever felt,
175
00:07:01,962 --> 00:07:04,797
and imagine feeling
that for hours.
176
00:07:04,865 --> 00:07:06,398
Well, and then,
by the eighth month,
177
00:07:06,466 --> 00:07:09,134
I had hemorrhoids that hung
like bunches of grapes.
178
00:07:09,202 --> 00:07:12,605
And then, they said
I was four centimeters dilated.
179
00:07:12,672 --> 00:07:14,573
They didn't think I was far
enough, but I was like,
180
00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:17,576
"I can tell you I'm far enough."
181
00:07:17,644 --> 00:07:20,112
And that's when
Chris was born.
182
00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:21,947
Gosh, that's all
so fascinating.
183
00:07:22,015 --> 00:07:23,482
Let me ask you
something else.
184
00:07:23,550 --> 00:07:25,851
Have you girls ever worked
in an office with other women
185
00:07:25,919 --> 00:07:27,820
who you have negative things
to say about?
186
00:07:27,888 --> 00:07:29,154
- Oh, God, yes.
- Oh, my God.
187
00:07:29,222 --> 00:07:30,422
Quagmire, shut up.
We're here.
188
00:07:33,967 --> 00:07:35,700
You drove us to Virginia?!
189
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,557
All right, look, we're sorry
we deceived you girls,
190
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:38,958
but this is important.
191
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,827
The trail leads to a bartender
who works here.
192
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,263
He could be the source
of the dirty joke.
193
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:53,739
Hi, there. What can I do
for you gentlemen?
194
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,374
We've traveled a very long way
195
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,243
to find out
where you heard this joke.
196
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,579
Oh...
197
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,280
I remember that.
198
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,049
I heard it from that guy.
199
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,085
Cleveland?!
200
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,420
Hey, fellas.
201
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,721
Holy crap!
202
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,389
Who knew we'd run
into you here?
203
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,692
Except everyone,
if Fox ruined it in the promos.
204
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,594
What a surprise this is.
205
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,767
Donna, it's so nice of you
to invite us to stay here.
206
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,402
Oh, Lois,
it's my pleasure.
207
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,038
I don't think we've seen
you folks since the wedding.
208
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,573
Still waiting on that gift.
209
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:30,042
The gift was the show.
210
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,777
Uh, she doesn't know
what she's talking about.
211
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,879
It's great to have
you all down here.
212
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,247
Hey, you know, Cleveland,
you better hide
213
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,315
the markers from your kids.
214
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:37,850
Somebody colored in your Jesus.
215
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,987
Somebody colored in your ass
with too much ass, fat-ass.
216
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,588
All right, Cleveland,
let's get down to business.
217
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,056
Who told you the joke?
218
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:47,493
A bellhop at the Royale
Hotel in Washington, DC.
219
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,629
I met him when I took
Cleveland Jr. there
220
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,464
to see the
Lincoln Memorial.
221
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,433
But then Daddy got frustrated
'cause he couldn't find it,
222
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,702
so we just ate fast food
in the parking lot.
223
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,138
I'm just saying,
maybe put up a damn sign.
224
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,907
Anyway, the bellhop's
name is Sal Russo.
225
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,543
He knows every dirty
joke ever written.
226
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,512
Then that's the guy
we got to talk to.
227
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,048
Everyone, don't get too used
to being around black people,
228
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,384
'cause we are going
to Washington, DC.
229
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:12,985
Now, wait a minute, Peter.
230
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,521
Donna's been nice enough to
invite us to stay the weekend,
231
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,089
and frankly,
that sounds better
232
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:18,924
than continuing this
wild-goose chase.
233
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,293
Well, Lois, if you
and Bonnie want to stay here,
234
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,095
maybe Cleveland could join us.
235
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,497
Yeah, it'd be
just like old times.
236
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,898
What do you say, Cleveland?
237
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,166
Oh, I don't know.
238
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,701
I've kind of got
my own life now.
239
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,936
All right, well, if you
have a sudden change of heart
240
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,738
and you want to chase us
down the street
241
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,840
as we're pulling away,
you know where to find us.
242
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,488
Okay, guys, I got one.
243
00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:52,625
Would you rather get
a massage from a man
244
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,194
or surgery from
a female doctor?
245
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,162
Wow.
246
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,530
Like, minor surgery?
247
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:58,864
No, serious surgery.
248
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,166
Like a blown kidney
or something.
249
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,200
Geez.
250
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,702
Good question, Peter.
251
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,936
- Is the man gay?
- No.
252
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,238
Is the female doctor
at least Jewish or Asian?
253
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,540
No, but, actually,
you know what?
254
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,208
I'm going to take
it up a notch.
255
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,610
Hispanic female doctor
or gay male masseuse?
256
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:13,412
Hispanic from Spain?
257
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,847
No.
258
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:16,215
- Aw.
- Aw.
259
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,683
So, it's basically...
would you rather
260
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,885
get a massage
from a gay man or die?
261
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,120
All right,
I got another one.
262
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,988
Let Amy Winehouse
spit in your mouth
263
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,591
or eat a raw slice of
Anderson Cooper's ass?
264
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,626
Sign me up for Cooper.
265
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:30,129
What the hell?
266
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:44,577
What the hell
was that about?
267
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,711
Who were those guys?
268
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,446
I don't know,
but I'll tell you this...
269
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:50,216
I saw one of them
back in the bar in Stoolbend.
270
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,751
You think they
were following us?
271
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,553
Either that or they got a grudge
against our back windshield.
272
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,188
Ah, Joe, that's so dumb.
273
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,023
Why would anybody
be trying to kill us?
274
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:01,193
It might be safe to assume
that someone does not want us
275
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,529
to learn the origin
of that joke.
276
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:06,532
We had no idea
how right Cleveland was.
277
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,235
And if we had known
what lay ahead,
278
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:10,770
we would've stopped right there
279
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,204
and gone straight back
to Quahog.
280
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,639
But we didn't know.
281
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:14,907
We didn't know.
282
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,681
There it is...
Washington, DC,
283
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,116
the seat of government
284
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,252
for the world's former
most powerful nation.
285
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,888
Wow, those are all the monuments
I read about in school.
286
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:30,222
There's the Washington Monument.
287
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:34,560
There's the Obama Monument.
288
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:36,662
And there's
the Vietnam War Memorial.
289
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,764
Yeah, check out that Vietnamese
guy giving the business
290
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,099
to those Vietnam Vets.
291
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,235
Scoreboard!
Scoreboard!
292
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,937
Aw, what happened
to your friend?!
293
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,472
Hey, I know that guy!
294
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:47,573
I kill him!
295
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:48,808
He cry like a bitch!
296
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,310
Vietnam, undefeated!
297
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,117
All right,
this is the hotel
298
00:11:58,185 --> 00:11:59,685
where the
bellhop works.
299
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:08,260
Hey, there he is.
Sal!
300
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,728
Well, hey,
Cleveland!
301
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:11,230
What are you
doin' here?
302
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,665
I was wondering
303
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,167
if my friends and I could
ask you a few questions.
304
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,603
Yeah, where'd you hear that
dirty joke you told Cleveland?
305
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:19,171
That's none of your business!
306
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,239
Leave me alone!
307
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,341
Don't let him get away!
308
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:30,683
Hop on!
309
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,460
Where did he go?!
310
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,896
I think he went that way,
past the Reflecting Pool!
311
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,867
Damn!
He's nowhere in sight.
312
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,135
I'll ask these fellas.
Maybe they've seen him.
313
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,804
Excuse me, have you seen...?
314
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,873
H... H... Hold on a second.
I'm trying...
315
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:55,975
Hold on a sec.
Hey, pal, stop talking
316
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,243
while I'm talking, all right?
317
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,844
You want a sandwich
full'a knuckles? Do ya?
318
00:12:58,912 --> 00:12:59,945
All right, that's it.
319
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:00,880
Cleveland,
you take Cleveland.
320
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,014
Joe, you take Joe.
321
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,282
Quagmire,
you take Quagmire
322
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,184
and I'll get
Fatty McLoudmouth.
323
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,391
It's no use, Peter.
324
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,893
We've lost him.
325
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,861
Our journey
had abruptly ended,
326
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,463
and the trail had gone cold.
327
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:21,467
Well, I guess
328
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,569
we're never gonna find
the source of that joke.
329
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,070
I guess there's
nothing to do now
330
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,538
but head back home.
331
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:27,673
Stop right
where you are!
332
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,241
Down on the ground!
333
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,312
We were all terrified
that this would prove
334
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,714
to be an unexpected end
to our journey.
335
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:39,418
But little did we know,
our journey was far from over.
336
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:42,955
Aah!
Aah!
337
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:43,989
Ooh!
Oh!
338
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,127
All right, did you get
the parking validated?
339
00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:49,428
Ugh! No.
340
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,163
That was the
whole reason we walked
341
00:13:51,193 --> 00:13:52,231
through Crate & Barrel.
342
00:13:56,751 --> 00:13:59,387
We'd been captured,
tied up and kidnapped.
343
00:13:59,542 --> 00:14:01,276
And as if
that weren't bad enough,
344
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:02,978
we found ourselves
on a plane,
345
00:14:03,045 --> 00:14:04,412
headed to an
unknown destination.
346
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,214
Where the hell
are they takin' us?
347
00:14:06,282 --> 00:14:08,616
I don't know,
but I got a bad feeling.
348
00:14:10,319 --> 00:14:12,020
Every plane.
349
00:14:12,088 --> 00:14:14,122
Every plane there's gotta be
a crying baby
350
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:15,924
and a mother ignoring it.
351
00:14:15,992 --> 00:14:19,761
Yes, he's crying.
Babies cry.
352
00:14:19,829 --> 00:14:22,263
After flying
for what seemed like hours,
353
00:14:22,331 --> 00:14:24,899
we found ourselves approaching
a strange island
354
00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:26,401
on the horizon.
355
00:15:08,077 --> 00:15:09,911
What the hell
is this place?
356
00:15:09,979 --> 00:15:12,547
It is that which you have been
seeking, gentlemen.
357
00:15:12,615 --> 00:15:13,548
Who are you?
358
00:15:13,616 --> 00:15:15,050
I am the dean.
359
00:15:15,117 --> 00:15:16,418
The dean of what?
360
00:15:16,485 --> 00:15:19,821
The Dean of the Secret Order
of Dirty Joke Writers.
361
00:15:24,794 --> 00:15:26,661
Wow.
362
00:15:26,729 --> 00:15:28,730
So these are
the people who write
363
00:15:28,798 --> 00:15:30,465
all the world's dirty jokes?
364
00:15:30,533 --> 00:15:31,900
Indeed they are.
365
00:15:31,967 --> 00:15:33,535
Hey, isn't that
Stephen Hawking?
366
00:15:33,602 --> 00:15:35,837
So the housewife tells the plumber,
367
00:15:35,905 --> 00:15:38,440
"Okay, you cleaned my pipes,
368
00:15:38,507 --> 00:15:41,810
now get to work on that sink."
369
00:15:44,213 --> 00:15:45,513
And there's Bill Gates.
370
00:15:45,581 --> 00:15:46,948
Is there some joke area
371
00:15:47,016 --> 00:15:48,650
of a beaver eating
a woodpecker?
372
00:15:48,717 --> 00:15:50,485
Is that something...?
Would that work?
373
00:15:50,553 --> 00:15:53,555
Wow. These are some
of the world's smartest people.
374
00:15:53,622 --> 00:15:54,722
Not a lot of women.
375
00:15:54,790 --> 00:15:57,192
Yeah, not a lot
of women.
376
00:15:57,259 --> 00:15:58,993
What are they all doing here?
377
00:15:59,061 --> 00:16:01,329
Well, many of the world's
greatest geniuses
378
00:16:01,397 --> 00:16:03,098
secretly devote themselves
379
00:16:03,165 --> 00:16:05,500
to coming up with
the world's dirtiest jokes.
380
00:16:05,568 --> 00:16:07,735
Oh, it's been that way
for centuries.
381
00:16:07,803 --> 00:16:09,404
Great men such
as Ben Franklin,
382
00:16:09,472 --> 00:16:12,607
Charles Dickens,
Albert Einstein.
383
00:16:12,675 --> 00:16:13,808
Shakespeare,
of course.
384
00:16:13,876 --> 00:16:15,643
I got a spear you can shake.
385
00:16:15,711 --> 00:16:18,046
Ha! There you go, put that in
one of your jokes.
386
00:16:18,114 --> 00:16:20,248
Let me show you around.
387
00:16:21,717 --> 00:16:23,084
From this room,
388
00:16:23,152 --> 00:16:25,920
we can see the entire
world's joke supply.
389
00:16:25,988 --> 00:16:29,324
This way we can tailor jokes
to where the need is greatest.
390
00:16:29,391 --> 00:16:31,759
Sir, we have a Best Man giving
a toast at a wedding,
391
00:16:31,827 --> 00:16:32,827
and he is just bombing.
392
00:16:32,895 --> 00:16:33,962
Put it up on the screen.
393
00:16:34,964 --> 00:16:37,799
Jim's...
Jim's so clumsy,
394
00:16:37,867 --> 00:16:41,202
it's like he's got two
left feet and left hands.
395
00:16:42,872 --> 00:16:45,240
Permission to go to the
"Bride Is a Whore" file, sir.
396
00:16:45,307 --> 00:16:46,307
Permission granted.
397
00:16:47,776 --> 00:16:49,944
Anyway, if Sheila was
a road sign,
398
00:16:50,012 --> 00:16:51,980
it would read "Open Trench."
399
00:16:59,321 --> 00:17:02,690
Well, gentlemen,
I hope you've enjoyed
400
00:17:02,758 --> 00:17:04,025
the tour of our facility.
401
00:17:04,093 --> 00:17:05,393
This was amazing!
402
00:17:05,461 --> 00:17:06,761
Guys, we did it!
403
00:17:06,829 --> 00:17:09,531
We found the source of the
world's dirty jokes!
404
00:17:09,598 --> 00:17:12,333
I can't wait to tell
all the guys back at the Clam!
405
00:17:12,401 --> 00:17:15,270
Oh, I'm afraid that's
quite impossible.
406
00:17:15,337 --> 00:17:17,205
What do you mean?
407
00:17:17,273 --> 00:17:19,174
Well, you've seen
our secret island.
408
00:17:19,241 --> 00:17:21,976
You know about our network
of joke distribution agents,
409
00:17:22,044 --> 00:17:23,444
like the bellhop.
410
00:17:23,512 --> 00:17:26,014
We can't allow
the secret to be revealed.
411
00:17:26,081 --> 00:17:29,384
I'm afraid you must stay here
for the rest of your lives.
412
00:17:42,097 --> 00:17:43,965
What are we gonna do now?
413
00:17:44,033 --> 00:17:46,167
We gotta come up
with an escape plan.
414
00:17:48,804 --> 00:17:52,307
Hey, guys, I can see the plane
that brought us here!
415
00:17:52,374 --> 00:17:54,909
If we can figure out a way to
get to it, I can fly us home!
416
00:17:54,977 --> 00:17:56,144
I got an idea.
417
00:17:56,212 --> 00:17:57,812
One of us should pretend
we're hurt,
418
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,081
and when the guards come in
to give him medical attention,
419
00:18:00,149 --> 00:18:01,182
we'll jump 'em!
420
00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:02,383
That's perfect, Joe.
421
00:18:02,451 --> 00:18:04,085
Hey, Cleveland,
you got a pencil on you?
422
00:18:04,153 --> 00:18:05,086
Oh, gosh,
I don't know.
423
00:18:05,154 --> 00:18:06,321
Oh, wait, here you go.
424
00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:07,322
Thanks.
425
00:18:07,389 --> 00:18:08,556
Aah! What the hell?!
426
00:18:08,624 --> 00:18:09,958
Hey, help, help!
427
00:18:10,025 --> 00:18:11,326
We have an emergency!
428
00:18:11,393 --> 00:18:12,360
You dick!
429
00:18:12,428 --> 00:18:13,494
What's going on in here?!
430
00:18:13,562 --> 00:18:14,896
This man has been injured!
431
00:18:14,964 --> 00:18:16,331
He needs medical attention!
432
00:18:20,035 --> 00:18:21,236
Come on. Let's get outta here!
433
00:18:27,076 --> 00:18:30,378
All right, let's hurry up
and find a way out!
434
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,587
Well, well,
435
00:18:39,655 --> 00:18:42,690
it's quite clear the four of you
are going to be a problem.
436
00:18:42,758 --> 00:18:44,692
Kill them.
437
00:18:47,162 --> 00:18:49,330
My God, I've done it!
438
00:18:49,398 --> 00:18:52,100
After eighty years of work
and research,
439
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:54,235
I have written
the greatest dirty joke
440
00:18:54,303 --> 00:18:56,337
in the history of mankind!
441
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:10,218
- Give me that!
- Not on your life!
442
00:19:10,286 --> 00:19:13,621
Take one step closer
and the paper gets it.
443
00:19:13,689 --> 00:19:16,424
Drop your guns!
Do as he says!
444
00:19:25,768 --> 00:19:26,868
Put it out!
445
00:19:26,935 --> 00:19:27,935
Put it out!
446
00:19:29,305 --> 00:19:30,805
Oh, my God!
447
00:19:30,873 --> 00:19:34,075
It's heading for the first
dead baby joke ever written!
448
00:20:10,312 --> 00:20:13,147
Look what we did.
449
00:20:13,215 --> 00:20:15,683
We destroyed a place
that brought joy
450
00:20:15,751 --> 00:20:18,086
and laughter
to the entire world.
451
00:20:18,153 --> 00:20:20,021
Is that the end
of all dirty jokes?
452
00:20:20,089 --> 00:20:21,589
Well, maybe it is.
453
00:20:21,657 --> 00:20:24,392
But Peter's got the best one
ever written right there.
454
00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:26,027
Read it, Peter.
455
00:20:26,095 --> 00:20:27,095
"Guess what?
456
00:20:27,162 --> 00:20:28,930
Chicken butt."
457
00:20:28,997 --> 00:20:30,732
That's it?
That's the joke?
458
00:20:30,799 --> 00:20:32,700
No, this is the joke!
459
00:20:33,902 --> 00:20:35,269
Now take me back
to Virginia,
460
00:20:35,337 --> 00:20:36,938
so I can put
some Bacitracin on this
461
00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:38,506
and pork my wife!
462
00:20:47,015 --> 00:20:49,450
It was
a great adventure.
463
00:20:49,518 --> 00:20:51,786
And it was great having
Cleveland along with us again.
464
00:20:51,854 --> 00:20:53,421
He hasn't changed a bit.
465
00:20:53,489 --> 00:20:54,889
Didn't grab one check.
466
00:20:54,957 --> 00:20:56,791
Anyway, that's our story
467
00:20:56,859 --> 00:20:58,926
about the splendid source
of all dirty jokes.
468
00:20:58,994 --> 00:21:00,995
For those of you who stuck
around till the end,
469
00:21:01,063 --> 00:21:02,663
you deserve a reward.
470
00:21:02,731 --> 00:21:05,133
So here's some footage
of an ape scratching himself.
471
00:21:07,035 --> 00:21:09,103
See, the March of Dimes
wanted this air time
472
00:21:09,171 --> 00:21:11,139
to talk about cancer kids
or somethin',
473
00:21:11,206 --> 00:21:13,374
but I was like,
"No way! Monkey scratch!"
34601
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