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1
00:00:37,282 --> 00:00:39,816
Oh, I am so excited
for Stewie's first play.
2
00:00:39,884 --> 00:00:41,285
Don't you think
it's a little soon
3
00:00:41,352 --> 00:00:43,153
for a musical
about Terri Schiavo?
4
00:00:43,221 --> 00:00:45,502
- Or too late?
- Shh, it's starting.
5
00:01:07,679 --> 00:01:10,080
Hi, doctor, it's me...
Michael Schiavo.
6
00:01:10,148 --> 00:01:12,516
- How's my wife doing?
- She's a vegetable.
7
00:01:12,583 --> 00:01:15,886
I hate vegetables.
8
00:01:15,954 --> 00:01:17,454
Don't worry about her,
Mr. Schiavo.
9
00:01:17,522 --> 00:01:19,990
She's being kept alive
by medical science.
10
00:01:20,058 --> 00:01:21,758
Gee, look at all this stuff.
11
00:01:21,826 --> 00:01:22,960
How does it all work?
12
00:01:23,027 --> 00:01:25,095
Well, I'll tell you.
13
00:01:25,163 --> 00:01:27,264
♪ This one keeps
her liver clean. ♪
14
00:01:27,332 --> 00:01:29,333
♪ This one checks her pee. ♪
15
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,969
♪ How about this one
over here? ♪
16
00:01:32,036 --> 00:01:34,438
♪ Oh, that's just the TV. ♪
♪ Ha, ha, ha. ♪
17
00:01:34,505 --> 00:01:36,506
♪ This one checks
her heart rate. ♪
18
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,608
♪ This one checks her veins. ♪
19
00:01:38,676 --> 00:01:42,779
♪ And this dispenses gravy
for her mashed potato brains. ♪
20
00:01:42,847 --> 00:01:44,181
♪ Oh, oh, oh. ♪
21
00:01:44,248 --> 00:01:47,951
♪ Terri Schiavo
is kind of alive... Oh. ♪
22
00:01:48,019 --> 00:01:50,420
♪ What a lively little bugger. ♪
23
00:01:50,488 --> 00:01:53,256
♪ Maybe we should just unplug her. ♪
24
00:01:53,324 --> 00:01:57,361
♪ Terri Schiavo
is kind of alive... Oh. ♪
25
00:01:57,428 --> 00:02:00,731
♪ The most expensive plant
you'll ever see... ♪
26
00:02:02,033 --> 00:02:04,501
Oh, my God,
here comes Jared.
27
00:02:04,569 --> 00:02:07,070
Wow, he's in kindergarten.
28
00:02:07,138 --> 00:02:08,772
Hey, so you're the
plug this year?
29
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:09,773
Hey, Jared.
30
00:02:09,841 --> 00:02:11,074
Yeah, I'm the plug.
31
00:02:11,142 --> 00:02:12,943
Yeah, I was the plug
three years in a row.
32
00:02:13,011 --> 00:02:14,044
Like I don't know that?
33
00:02:14,112 --> 00:02:15,712
Everybody knows that, Jared.
34
00:02:15,780 --> 00:02:18,515
Well, listen, don't you try
to be a Jared plug, all right?
35
00:02:18,583 --> 00:02:21,418
You just go out there, you be
the best Stewie plug you can.
36
00:02:21,486 --> 00:02:22,786
I sure will, Jared.
37
00:02:22,854 --> 00:02:24,354
Hey, you got any
gummi bears on you?
38
00:02:24,422 --> 00:02:25,522
No.
39
00:02:25,590 --> 00:02:27,424
It'd be a lot
cooler if you did.
40
00:02:30,328 --> 00:02:32,295
You know, they say
don't meet your heroes,
41
00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:34,498
but they can eat my ass,
because that was awesome!
42
00:02:34,565 --> 00:02:35,966
I don't know, don't you think
43
00:02:36,034 --> 00:02:37,734
it's kind of weird
that he's in kindergarten
44
00:02:37,802 --> 00:02:39,970
and he's still hanging
around kids our age?
45
00:02:40,038 --> 00:02:43,340
Hey, we are very lucky.
46
00:02:43,408 --> 00:02:45,042
Oh, here I go.
47
00:02:45,109 --> 00:02:47,244
♪ There's only one solution. ♪
48
00:02:47,311 --> 00:02:49,579
♪ It's in the constitution. ♪
49
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:53,784
♪ We've got to pull the plug... ♪
50
00:02:53,851 --> 00:02:54,918
There he is.
51
00:02:54,986 --> 00:02:56,253
Quick, Peter,
grab the video camera.
52
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,821
All right, all right.
53
00:03:07,465 --> 00:03:08,765
What's wrong with Stewie?
54
00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:10,100
I think he has stage fright.
55
00:03:10,168 --> 00:03:11,568
I think he has stage fright, Peter.
56
00:03:11,636 --> 00:03:13,270
That's what I just said, I said that.
57
00:03:21,512 --> 00:03:23,380
Look at Stewie.
58
00:03:23,448 --> 00:03:24,614
What a baby.
59
00:03:24,682 --> 00:03:25,882
Aw, no way.
60
00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:28,318
Hey, Chris, look,
is that Richard Dreyfuss?
61
00:03:28,386 --> 00:03:30,353
Oh, for crying out loud.
62
00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:31,421
Hey, Dreyfuss,
where you going?
63
00:03:31,489 --> 00:03:32,622
Get back here.
64
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,357
Dreyfuss, what are you
doing here in Quahog?
65
00:03:34,425 --> 00:03:35,759
My nephew's in the play.
66
00:03:35,827 --> 00:03:37,327
God, can't you go
anywhere these days
67
00:03:37,395 --> 00:03:38,428
without these damn paparazzi?
68
00:03:39,497 --> 00:03:40,497
Where you going?
69
00:03:40,565 --> 00:03:41,865
Oh, you going
to the bathroom?
70
00:03:41,933 --> 00:03:44,101
You going to have a close
encounter of the turd kind?
71
00:03:45,436 --> 00:03:47,170
Hey, I think you're going
to need a bigger boat.
72
00:03:48,306 --> 00:03:49,773
These jokes are
for you, Peter,
73
00:03:49,841 --> 00:03:51,741
when you watch this tape
in the future.
74
00:03:51,809 --> 00:03:53,110
Hi, future Peter.
75
00:03:53,177 --> 00:03:55,579
I'm going to plant a tree
for you when I get home.
76
00:03:55,646 --> 00:03:58,548
Look outside and you'll see
a grown tree.
77
00:03:58,616 --> 00:04:01,051
I'm going to plant a tree
for you when I get home.
78
00:04:01,119 --> 00:04:03,887
Look outside
and you'll see a grown tree.
79
00:04:05,423 --> 00:04:06,890
Eeeeeee!
80
00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:08,658
Now look at your hand.
81
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:11,228
It's just a nub, 'cause I'm
gonna cut off all the fingers.
82
00:04:11,295 --> 00:04:12,796
Oh, yeah, past Peter?
83
00:04:12,864 --> 00:04:14,831
Well, two can play that game.
84
00:04:14,899 --> 00:04:15,832
Take that.
85
00:04:16,901 --> 00:04:17,968
Uh, wait a minute.
86
00:04:21,672 --> 00:04:23,573
How was your bowel movement,
Peter?
87
00:04:23,641 --> 00:04:25,709
Eh, I got some, but I didn't
get the troublemaker.
88
00:04:25,776 --> 00:04:27,944
Wait, what time is it?
I got to turn on TMZ.
89
00:04:28,012 --> 00:04:31,982
Today on TMZ:
90
00:04:32,049 --> 00:04:34,151
Rene Russo got a little hot
under the collar
91
00:04:34,218 --> 00:04:36,753
when we caught up with her
outside her home in the hills.
92
00:04:36,821 --> 00:04:39,089
Rene, what was it like working
with Douglas Fairbanks?
93
00:04:39,157 --> 00:04:42,559
Is it true you
were born in 1880?
94
00:04:42,627 --> 00:04:46,530
This is my rassinfrackin' land,
and I don't care what no man
95
00:04:46,597 --> 00:04:50,066
from no Tennessee Valley
Authority says, consarnit!
96
00:04:50,134 --> 00:04:51,268
Why are we watching TMZ?
97
00:04:51,335 --> 00:04:52,402
I hate this show.
98
00:04:52,470 --> 00:04:53,703
Keep watching.
99
00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:55,038
So what do you got?
100
00:04:55,106 --> 00:04:57,107
I got Richard Dreyfuss
coming out of the bathroom
101
00:04:57,175 --> 00:04:59,176
at his nephew's play
in Rhode Island.
102
00:04:59,243 --> 00:05:01,111
Peter:
Richard, hey, Richard.
103
00:05:01,179 --> 00:05:02,479
Hey, can I get
your autograph?
104
00:05:02,547 --> 00:05:03,480
Fine.
105
00:05:03,548 --> 00:05:04,948
Do you have a pen and paper?
106
00:05:05,016 --> 00:05:06,116
What do I look like,
a Staples?
107
00:05:06,184 --> 00:05:07,450
I don't carry
that stuff around.
108
00:05:07,518 --> 00:05:08,818
Look, I'm sorry,
I can't help you.
109
00:05:08,886 --> 00:05:10,654
Oh, what, you too big
and famous to walk over
110
00:05:10,721 --> 00:05:13,023
to that corner drugstore
and pick up a pen and paper
111
00:05:13,090 --> 00:05:14,925
and possibly
some other groceries I need
112
00:05:14,992 --> 00:05:16,993
and come back and sign
several things for me?
113
00:05:17,061 --> 00:05:18,295
You're a jerk.
114
00:05:18,362 --> 00:05:20,096
That was my tape,
everybody.
115
00:05:20,164 --> 00:05:22,165
I sent that in and
they put it on TV,
116
00:05:22,233 --> 00:05:24,367
which makes me a
famous journalist.
117
00:05:24,435 --> 00:05:26,102
Journalist?
You're badgering a celebrity
118
00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:27,704
and passing it off as news.
119
00:05:27,772 --> 00:05:28,805
Yeah, journalist.
120
00:05:28,873 --> 00:05:30,273
And I got a hundred bucks for it,
121
00:05:30,341 --> 00:05:33,210
which I used to buy
this $4,000 video camera.
122
00:05:33,277 --> 00:05:35,946
Meet Peter Griffin,
video paparazzi.
123
00:05:36,013 --> 00:05:38,181
From now on I'm gonna be
right where the action is,
124
00:05:38,249 --> 00:05:40,650
like my uncle,
"The Guy in the White Hat" Griffin.
125
00:05:54,799 --> 00:05:56,733
Stewie... Stewie,
how's that oatmeal?
126
00:05:56,801 --> 00:05:58,802
Is it true you're having
an affair with that oatmeal?
127
00:05:58,869 --> 00:05:59,869
What do you say
about the rumors
128
00:05:59,937 --> 00:06:00,971
that you have a full diaper?
129
00:06:01,038 --> 00:06:02,239
I'm just trying to eat here.
130
00:06:02,306 --> 00:06:03,740
What did you do
to your mother's vagina?
131
00:06:03,808 --> 00:06:04,808
Leave me alone!
132
00:06:04,875 --> 00:06:06,209
How come your feet
are so small?
133
00:06:06,277 --> 00:06:07,811
Is it true you can't say
"spaghetti"?
134
00:06:07,878 --> 00:06:09,446
What about the rumors
that you have cooties?
135
00:06:09,513 --> 00:06:11,248
Is it true you doubled your
weight in the last six months?
136
00:06:15,086 --> 00:06:16,820
Daddy, help me, Daddy!
137
00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:18,855
I can't get involved
'cause of journalism.
138
00:06:18,923 --> 00:06:21,291
Tom, Tom Tucker, Tom!
139
00:06:21,359 --> 00:06:22,459
The news isn't funny.
140
00:06:22,526 --> 00:06:23,693
It's not supposed
to be funny.
141
00:06:23,761 --> 00:06:25,161
Tom, who were you having
dinner with in there?
142
00:06:25,229 --> 00:06:26,596
Was it a guy?
Are you gay?
143
00:06:26,664 --> 00:06:27,597
Someone said
you were gay.
144
00:06:27,665 --> 00:06:28,665
It was me.
145
00:06:28,733 --> 00:06:30,200
Are the rumors
I'm making up true?
146
00:06:30,268 --> 00:06:32,669
Ignore me if you're gay.
147
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:35,238
Mayor West, over here.
148
00:06:35,306 --> 00:06:37,374
What hot spot are you going
to this Friday night?
149
00:06:37,441 --> 00:06:39,709
Oh, I've got
some pretty nifty plans,
150
00:06:39,777 --> 00:06:41,478
my camera-wielding friend.
151
00:06:41,545 --> 00:06:42,946
- Yeah?
- That's right.
152
00:06:43,014 --> 00:06:46,583
Every Friday night,
I'm a clearance sale area rug.
153
00:06:49,754 --> 00:06:51,888
Boy, I hope somebody buys me.
154
00:06:51,956 --> 00:06:54,491
I'd look swell in their den.
155
00:07:00,431 --> 00:07:01,898
Aw.
156
00:07:01,966 --> 00:07:04,034
Ollie Williams, why do you
look so much like Will Smith?
157
00:07:04,101 --> 00:07:05,335
Hey, Will Smith,
158
00:07:05,403 --> 00:07:07,203
what was it like to punch
that alien in the face?
159
00:07:07,271 --> 00:07:08,405
Eddie Murphy,
what was that whole thing
160
00:07:08,472 --> 00:07:10,040
with you and that
transvestite hooker?
161
00:07:10,107 --> 00:07:11,574
Bernie Mac,
how come you died?
162
00:07:11,642 --> 00:07:13,143
Oprah, why are you so fat,
Don Cheadle?
163
00:07:18,349 --> 00:07:20,216
You almost done
in there, Peter?
164
00:07:20,284 --> 00:07:22,786
Hang on, Lois... stupid
Ollie Williams broke my glasses.
165
00:07:22,853 --> 00:07:24,120
I got to put in my contacts.
166
00:07:24,188 --> 00:07:25,855
By the way,
the repair shop called.
167
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,824
They said
they can't fix your camera.
168
00:07:27,892 --> 00:07:29,292
Well, that's just great,
Lois, that's great.
169
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,061
And here I was going
to use the money
170
00:07:31,128 --> 00:07:32,762
to take you to
"can-cun" this winter.
171
00:07:32,830 --> 00:07:34,197
Cancún, Peter.
172
00:07:34,265 --> 00:07:36,666
Whoa, whoa, I don't like
Ollie any more than you do,
173
00:07:36,734 --> 00:07:38,201
but we are a
21st-century family,
174
00:07:38,269 --> 00:07:40,203
and I will not have
that kind of talk here.
175
00:07:40,271 --> 00:07:41,338
Whatever.
176
00:07:45,476 --> 00:07:46,910
Griffin, did you call
the distributor
177
00:07:46,977 --> 00:07:49,379
about the...?
178
00:07:49,447 --> 00:07:50,947
What, what's the problem?
179
00:07:51,015 --> 00:07:52,916
Okay, look,
I know I was watching TV,
180
00:07:52,983 --> 00:07:54,250
but I'll... I'll stay late.
181
00:07:54,318 --> 00:07:56,152
No, that's not it, Griffin.
182
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:59,255
There's... there's something
different about you.
183
00:07:59,323 --> 00:08:01,024
You're not wearing glasses.
184
00:08:01,092 --> 00:08:02,892
Yeah, they got busted;
I'm wearing contacts.
185
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,562
I can see your eyes and,
and your eyelashes...
186
00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:07,764
they're beautiful.
187
00:08:07,832 --> 00:08:09,799
Who cares? What gives?
188
00:08:56,647 --> 00:08:59,115
Griffin, I never
noticed you before.
189
00:08:59,183 --> 00:09:01,117
I like what I see.
190
00:09:01,185 --> 00:09:03,620
Uh, okay.
191
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:07,357
Oh, no, I dropped
my pencil.
192
00:09:07,425 --> 00:09:08,591
Oh, I'll get it for you.
193
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,327
Yeah, this is gonna
194
00:09:11,395 --> 00:09:13,596
work out just fine.
195
00:09:15,232 --> 00:09:16,533
Excuse me.
196
00:09:22,522 --> 00:09:25,023
Family,
we need to talk.
197
00:09:25,091 --> 00:09:28,627
Your father was sexually
harassed at work today.
198
00:09:28,695 --> 00:09:29,595
What?
199
00:09:29,662 --> 00:09:30,596
That's right.
200
00:09:30,663 --> 00:09:32,230
Angela grabbed my ass.
201
00:09:32,298 --> 00:09:33,632
So what?
202
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:35,601
Peter, a woman can't
sexually harass a man.
203
00:09:35,668 --> 00:09:37,035
Why not?
204
00:09:37,103 --> 00:09:39,404
I don't know, it just
doesn't make any sense.
205
00:09:39,472 --> 00:09:41,707
I mean, guys like
being touched by women.
206
00:09:41,774 --> 00:09:43,709
It's not harassment
if you like it.
207
00:09:43,776 --> 00:09:45,177
But I didn't like it.
208
00:09:45,244 --> 00:09:46,945
I got sexually
harassed at school.
209
00:09:47,013 --> 00:09:49,414
My chemistry teacher,
Mr. Taylor, rubbed my shoulders
210
00:09:49,482 --> 00:09:52,618
for thirty-five minutes in class the
one day I didn't wear a bra.
211
00:09:52,685 --> 00:09:54,786
See, Peter,
that's harassment.
212
00:09:54,854 --> 00:09:57,089
An older man,
a weak, younger woman.
213
00:09:57,156 --> 00:09:58,523
He could have
taken advantage of her,
214
00:09:58,591 --> 00:10:00,325
forced her to do
things to him.
215
00:10:00,393 --> 00:10:02,227
He did... awful things.
216
00:10:02,295 --> 00:10:03,395
See?
217
00:10:03,463 --> 00:10:06,031
But you, it just can't happen.
218
00:10:09,202 --> 00:10:11,203
Griffin, get in here,
219
00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:14,106
and make sure you have on
your new uniform.
220
00:10:14,173 --> 00:10:17,142
Why am I the only one who
has to wear denim shorts?
221
00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:19,778
Because you're the only one
who looks this good in them.
222
00:10:19,846 --> 00:10:23,281
Damn, Griffin,
you fill those out nicely.
223
00:10:23,349 --> 00:10:24,916
Why is there a
dusty gas station
224
00:10:24,984 --> 00:10:29,054
and a Diet Pepsi
machine in your office?
225
00:10:29,122 --> 00:10:30,956
'Cause your car broke down,
and you need
226
00:10:31,024 --> 00:10:34,159
to wipe a cold soda
on your neck to cool off.
227
00:10:34,227 --> 00:10:36,161
Well, may... maybe I don't
need to cool off.
228
00:10:36,229 --> 00:10:38,530
Maybe you don't need
to be employed.
229
00:10:45,805 --> 00:10:47,272
It's hot in here, isn't it?
230
00:10:47,340 --> 00:10:48,340
Yes.
231
00:10:48,408 --> 00:10:50,375
You need to cool off,
don't you?
232
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:51,710
I need to cool off.
233
00:10:51,778 --> 00:10:54,980
You need to wipe your
neck with the soda can.
234
00:10:55,048 --> 00:10:57,315
I need to wipe my neck
with the soda can.
235
00:10:57,383 --> 00:10:58,383
Do it!
236
00:11:03,856 --> 00:11:05,891
Now, get out of here, you slut.
237
00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:07,926
Okay. Can I keep the soda?
238
00:11:07,994 --> 00:11:09,461
Oh, all right.
239
00:11:09,529 --> 00:11:10,762
Yeah!
240
00:11:22,809 --> 00:11:24,609
Ohhh...
241
00:11:24,677 --> 00:11:26,678
Oh, God.
242
00:11:26,746 --> 00:11:29,614
I really hope there's a
hungry horse back there.
243
00:11:33,152 --> 00:11:34,786
Hello?
244
00:11:34,854 --> 00:11:36,421
Oh, hi, Angela, hang on.
245
00:11:36,489 --> 00:11:37,856
Peter, it's your boss.
246
00:11:37,924 --> 00:11:39,124
I don't want to
talk to her.
247
00:11:39,192 --> 00:11:40,392
She's gonna harass me.
248
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:42,494
Oh, don't be such a baby.
249
00:11:42,562 --> 00:11:44,896
I'm sorry, Angela,
Peter can't talk.
250
00:11:44,964 --> 00:11:46,431
He's upstairs in the shower
251
00:11:46,499 --> 00:11:48,033
touching himself
to your picture.
252
00:11:48,101 --> 00:11:50,969
Gimme that.
Why are you calling me at home?
253
00:11:51,037 --> 00:11:52,971
I want to hear you breathe.
254
00:11:53,039 --> 00:11:55,006
- Breathe into the phone for me, Griffin.
- What?
255
00:11:55,074 --> 00:11:57,375
Shh, shh, shh.
Don't talk, just breathe.
256
00:11:57,443 --> 00:12:01,279
It turns me on.
257
00:12:06,486 --> 00:12:07,719
That's it, Griffin.
258
00:12:07,787 --> 00:12:11,389
Keep breathing.
God, I'm almost there.
259
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:15,427
Your breath is filling me up.
260
00:12:15,495 --> 00:12:18,163
I like kangaroos.
261
00:12:18,231 --> 00:12:20,065
Oh, sure you do.
262
00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:24,035
Well, tomorrow,
I'm getting you a kangaroo t-shirt.
263
00:12:27,273 --> 00:12:29,474
And she wants me to come over
to her house tonight
264
00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:31,109
to work on a "special project."
265
00:12:31,177 --> 00:12:33,311
I know she's gonna make me
have sex with her.
266
00:12:33,379 --> 00:12:35,580
- What the hell am I gonna do?
- I don't know, Peter.
267
00:12:35,648 --> 00:12:37,682
If you have sex with her,
you give her all the power.
268
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,317
If you don't have sex with her,
you're gay.
269
00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:40,318
You can't win.
270
00:12:40,386 --> 00:12:41,853
I don't want to get fired
271
00:12:41,921 --> 00:12:43,221
and have to look
for another job.
272
00:12:43,289 --> 00:12:44,589
What the hell do I do?
273
00:12:44,657 --> 00:12:46,191
I might be able to
help you, Peter.
274
00:12:49,162 --> 00:12:51,062
All right, hurry up,
let's get this over with.
275
00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:52,931
All right, unbutton your shirt
and your pants.
276
00:12:56,636 --> 00:12:58,403
That oughta do it.
Okay, close up.
277
00:13:00,039 --> 00:13:01,807
All right, let me get
lined up right,
278
00:13:01,874 --> 00:13:03,975
so she'll think it's you
she's having sex with.
279
00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:05,577
- Wow, that's really clever.
- Thanks.
280
00:13:05,645 --> 00:13:07,512
And if you don't feel
like doing Lois later,
281
00:13:07,580 --> 00:13:09,281
I can stick around.
282
00:13:09,348 --> 00:13:11,716
Let's... let's just
see how this goes.
283
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:17,722
- Hello, Griffin.
- Hello, Angela.
284
00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:20,559
You know, Angela,
I've been thinking about it,
285
00:13:20,626 --> 00:13:22,627
and I want to have
sex with you now.
286
00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:23,962
- Really?
- Giggity.
287
00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:25,564
Yeah, but...
but I want to just do it
288
00:13:25,631 --> 00:13:26,898
through my zipper,
all right?
289
00:13:26,966 --> 00:13:28,667
I... I... I don't want to have
to take off all my clothes,
290
00:13:28,734 --> 00:13:29,835
'cause I'm self-conscious
291
00:13:29,902 --> 00:13:31,870
about my Congressman
Barney Frank body.
292
00:13:31,938 --> 00:13:34,039
Well, I suppose I can
work with that.
293
00:13:35,842 --> 00:13:37,209
Oh, yuck.
294
00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:41,813
- What do you say we go Into the bedroom?
- Uh, yeah, sure.
295
00:13:41,881 --> 00:13:44,783
Aw, she's so ugly.
I don't want to get in that.
296
00:13:44,851 --> 00:13:46,751
Peter, I'm... I'm not gonna do it.
Deal's off. Deal's off.
297
00:13:46,819 --> 00:13:48,353
- No, it isn't!
- Yes, it is.
298
00:13:48,421 --> 00:13:50,555
I'm gonna spread my legs,
and it'll be you doing it, not me.
299
00:13:50,623 --> 00:13:52,123
- You better not.
- I am.
300
00:13:52,191 --> 00:13:53,525
I'm re-jiggering my position
right now.
301
00:13:53,593 --> 00:13:57,162
Oh, no, you don't!
302
00:13:57,230 --> 00:13:59,331
What the hell is
going on here?
303
00:14:00,987 --> 00:14:02,067
Oh...
304
00:14:02,802 --> 00:14:05,136
Hi, Angela, I'm Peter's friend,
Glenn Quagmire.
305
00:14:05,204 --> 00:14:07,806
Uh, thank you so much
for having me in your home.
306
00:14:07,874 --> 00:14:09,574
And, um, I would have
had sex with you,
307
00:14:09,642 --> 00:14:10,976
but Peter neglected to tell me
308
00:14:11,043 --> 00:14:13,044
that you are a
complete dumpster fire.
309
00:14:13,112 --> 00:14:14,512
Some friend, huh?
310
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:17,449
Okay, all right,
take it easy.
311
00:14:17,516 --> 00:14:19,451
I am tired of
playing games, Griffin.
312
00:14:19,518 --> 00:14:21,453
I mean, let's go.
I have waited long enough.
313
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:24,155
I'm having sex with you
right now.
314
00:14:24,223 --> 00:14:25,690
No! I don't wanna!
315
00:14:25,758 --> 00:14:28,960
Griffin, you have sex with me,
or you're fired.
316
00:14:29,028 --> 00:14:30,228
Fine! Fire me!
317
00:14:30,296 --> 00:14:31,997
I'm through bein'
harassed by you!
318
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,234
You know,
this is awful timing,
319
00:14:36,302 --> 00:14:38,670
but I... I remembered part of
the reason I came over was
320
00:14:38,738 --> 00:14:42,274
'cause my cousin is lookin'
for a job at the brewery.
321
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:44,509
I'll... I'll just put his
résumé under the door.
322
00:14:52,347 --> 00:14:55,549
- Gimme another one, Horace.
- All right, but slow down, Peter.
323
00:14:55,617 --> 00:14:57,718
Or else I'm gonna have to get
that lady boss of yours
324
00:14:57,786 --> 00:15:00,320
to come in here and give you
a good shoe to the gift bag.
325
00:15:00,388 --> 00:15:01,522
You know,
keep you in line.
326
00:15:01,589 --> 00:15:04,491
I'm just kiddin' ya, Peter.
327
00:15:04,559 --> 00:15:06,527
You'll find yourself a new job.
328
00:15:06,594 --> 00:15:10,664
We now return to Robert Mitchum
in A Backhand For Sally.
329
00:15:10,732 --> 00:15:12,633
You're getting
on that train with me.
330
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:15,402
I can't go with you. I just can't.
331
00:15:15,470 --> 00:15:19,506
Okay, I'll go.
Ow! I said I'd go.
332
00:15:19,574 --> 00:15:21,041
Why'd you give me the
back of your hand?
333
00:15:21,109 --> 00:15:22,976
Because I love you.
334
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,815
Wow, I thought
you had to be in the NBA
335
00:15:27,882 --> 00:15:29,283
to hit a girl in the face.
336
00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:30,751
But I guess anyone can.
337
00:15:30,819 --> 00:15:33,153
Of course you can hit a girl
in the face.
338
00:15:33,221 --> 00:15:34,888
They have faces, don't they?
339
00:15:34,956 --> 00:15:37,124
Are... are you talkin' to me,
Robert Mitchum?
340
00:15:37,192 --> 00:15:40,928
You bet your ass I am.
Look at you, you're pathetic.
341
00:15:40,995 --> 00:15:43,397
What kind of a man gets fired
by a broad?
342
00:15:43,465 --> 00:15:46,233
- A man with a female boss?
- Don't crack wise.
343
00:15:46,301 --> 00:15:49,303
Listen, Peter, somewhere along the line,
you got turned around.
344
00:15:49,370 --> 00:15:50,604
You're a man.
345
00:15:50,672 --> 00:15:52,573
And whaddaya think it means
to be a man?
346
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,242
Um, it means not gettin'
pushed around.
347
00:15:55,310 --> 00:15:57,111
- Exactly.
- It means drinkin'
348
00:15:57,178 --> 00:15:59,546
not because I want to,
but because I need to.
349
00:15:59,614 --> 00:16:01,381
- Right!
- It means standing up to fart,
350
00:16:01,449 --> 00:16:03,050
not hidin' it in a pillow,
351
00:16:03,118 --> 00:16:04,585
or holdin' it in
till your stomach goes...
352
00:16:04,652 --> 00:16:08,489
Now you've got it!
353
00:16:08,556 --> 00:16:10,190
Gimme my keys, Horace!
354
00:16:10,258 --> 00:16:11,992
I'm going to see my boss!
355
00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:14,027
But, Peter, you're drunk!
356
00:16:14,095 --> 00:16:16,096
Horace?
357
00:16:16,164 --> 00:16:18,098
You're right.
This is more important.
358
00:16:18,166 --> 00:16:23,704
Angela!
359
00:16:23,771 --> 00:16:27,007
Open up in there!
360
00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:33,680
Oh, my God!
361
00:16:40,388 --> 00:16:41,522
Angela!
362
00:16:41,589 --> 00:16:46,793
- Angela, wake up!
- What the... Griffin?
363
00:16:46,861 --> 00:16:49,396
Angela, what the hell are you
doin' tryin' to kill yourself?
364
00:16:49,464 --> 00:16:52,232
Oh, why the hell did you
pull me out of there?
365
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,201
You shoulda just
left me alone!
366
00:16:54,269 --> 00:16:56,270
That's how I'm gonna
end up, anyway.
367
00:16:56,337 --> 00:16:58,906
- What are you talkin' about?
- I'm talking about the fact
368
00:16:58,973 --> 00:17:00,674
that I have nothing
to live for.
369
00:17:00,742 --> 00:17:02,276
Sure, you do.
370
00:17:02,343 --> 00:17:05,112
Someday, a white man's gonna
be elected president again.
371
00:17:05,180 --> 00:17:08,615
Griffin, I haven't been with
anyone in ten years.
372
00:17:08,683 --> 00:17:10,517
And when you spurned
my advances,
373
00:17:10,585 --> 00:17:12,186
it was a wakeup call.
374
00:17:12,253 --> 00:17:14,421
No one's ever gonna
love me again.
375
00:17:14,489 --> 00:17:16,056
Wait a minute.
376
00:17:16,124 --> 00:17:18,759
So that's why you been actin'
like such a wacky ass around me?
377
00:17:18,826 --> 00:17:21,595
It's been so long since
I've been with a man,
378
00:17:21,663 --> 00:17:23,897
I don't even remember
what it feels like.
379
00:17:23,965 --> 00:17:25,899
I always imagined
it felt very painful.
380
00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:28,302
You just sorta grit your teeth
and let us do what we want.
381
00:17:28,369 --> 00:17:32,039
I just wish one person was able
to find me attractive.
382
00:17:32,106 --> 00:17:37,044
- That's not too much to ask, is it?
- No...
383
00:17:37,111 --> 00:17:39,880
Look, Angela, I came
over here to punch you
384
00:17:39,948 --> 00:17:41,548
and maybe kick you
in the boob.
385
00:17:41,616 --> 00:17:43,183
But now I'm all
turned around.
386
00:17:43,251 --> 00:17:44,551
Angela?
387
00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:45,485
- Angela?!
- Right here.
388
00:17:46,688 --> 00:17:48,855
Oh. But now all I want to do
is help you out.
389
00:17:48,923 --> 00:17:50,857
I'll tell you what,
you know that ritzy,
390
00:17:50,925 --> 00:17:52,492
upscale place over on Third?
391
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,094
- The Stuffy Fella?
- That's it.
392
00:17:54,162 --> 00:17:57,097
You be at the Stuffy Fella
tonight around 9:00.
393
00:17:57,165 --> 00:18:00,434
I think I know someone
who might be perfect for you.
394
00:18:08,743 --> 00:18:11,345
Mmm, well, hello.
395
00:18:11,412 --> 00:18:12,646
Good evening, sir.
396
00:18:12,714 --> 00:18:15,549
I am Reginald New York
Knickerbocker, millionaire.
397
00:18:16,718 --> 00:18:18,452
Are you serving fish
this evening?
398
00:18:18,519 --> 00:18:19,653
No, sir.
399
00:18:19,721 --> 00:18:21,688
Then I believe
my guest has arrived.
400
00:18:21,756 --> 00:18:26,593
There she is!
You must be Angela.
401
00:18:26,661 --> 00:18:28,729
Hi, are you Peter's friend,
Reginald?
402
00:18:28,796 --> 00:18:30,664
Mmm, indeed I am.
403
00:18:33,167 --> 00:18:36,803
Mmm, what a beautiful shade
of lipstick on those teeth.
404
00:18:36,871 --> 00:18:39,239
Oh, thank you, but that's
just my gums bleeding
405
00:18:39,307 --> 00:18:41,308
from aggressive gingivitis.
406
00:18:41,376 --> 00:18:43,910
Mmm, well,
your mouth is too sweet
407
00:18:43,978 --> 00:18:45,679
for your teeth
to want to stay in.
408
00:18:45,747 --> 00:18:47,681
- Oh.
- Yes.
409
00:18:47,749 --> 00:18:49,549
Well, I... I'm just gonna
go to the powder room
410
00:18:49,617 --> 00:18:51,518
and freshen up.
411
00:18:51,586 --> 00:18:53,220
She's eatin' it up.
412
00:18:53,288 --> 00:18:56,189
This is easier than an American
finding his brother in China.
413
00:18:56,257 --> 00:18:57,858
Ron?
414
00:18:57,925 --> 00:18:59,526
Ron, where are you?
415
00:18:59,594 --> 00:19:00,761
Over here, Paul!
416
00:19:00,828 --> 00:19:02,062
Oh, good, there you are.
417
00:19:02,130 --> 00:19:03,363
It's pretty here.
418
00:19:03,431 --> 00:19:04,564
Yes, it is.
419
00:19:10,071 --> 00:19:12,306
Mmm, what a
wonderful dinner.
420
00:19:12,373 --> 00:19:13,907
Would you like
some dessert?
421
00:19:13,975 --> 00:19:16,910
- Did you bake a pie?
- Well, there is a pie.
422
00:19:16,978 --> 00:19:19,212
It's been baking
since I met you.
423
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:20,993
Mmm, gross.
424
00:19:21,016 --> 00:19:22,049
- What?
- Nothing.
425
00:19:22,116 --> 00:19:24,851
You know, Angela, there's
something I need to tell you.
426
00:19:24,919 --> 00:19:27,721
My doctor has given me
twenty-four hours to live.
427
00:19:27,789 --> 00:19:29,122
Oh, my God!
428
00:19:29,190 --> 00:19:30,524
No, no, it's quite all right.
429
00:19:30,591 --> 00:19:34,394
Because I vowed to myself
that I would spend the last night of my life
430
00:19:34,462 --> 00:19:37,397
in the company of the most
beautiful woman in the world.
431
00:19:37,465 --> 00:19:39,766
And that's just what
I have done.
432
00:19:39,834 --> 00:19:43,270
- Oh, Reginald.
- No, no, no.
433
00:19:43,338 --> 00:19:45,739
This is already a perfect
end to a perfect evening.
434
00:19:45,807 --> 00:19:48,542
- Good night, my dear.
- Reginald...
435
00:19:48,609 --> 00:19:50,744
I want you
to make love to me.
436
00:19:50,812 --> 00:19:52,446
Oh, if only I could,
437
00:19:52,513 --> 00:19:55,315
but I must to a Jew to put
my affairs in order.
438
00:19:55,383 --> 00:19:57,651
I know what's
going on here.
439
00:19:57,719 --> 00:19:59,252
You don't want to be with me.
440
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:00,654
You're just like everybody else.
441
00:20:00,722 --> 00:20:02,055
So... so go, then.
442
00:20:02,123 --> 00:20:04,791
I'm just gonna stay here
and kill myself.
443
00:20:04,859 --> 00:20:07,094
But you can't kill yourself
444
00:20:07,161 --> 00:20:08,695
every time somebody
won't sleep with you.
445
00:20:08,763 --> 00:20:09,930
I won't.
446
00:20:09,997 --> 00:20:11,765
Just sleep with me just this once,
447
00:20:11,833 --> 00:20:13,700
and it'll give me everything I need.
448
00:20:13,768 --> 00:20:15,202
Sleep with me tonight.
449
00:20:15,269 --> 00:20:17,137
Save my life.
450
00:20:22,009 --> 00:20:24,678
Oh, that was fantastic!
451
00:20:24,746 --> 00:20:26,713
It was exactly
what I needed.
452
00:20:26,781 --> 00:20:29,983
Mmm, well, hopefully there'll
be no more talk of suicide.
453
00:20:30,051 --> 00:20:33,387
Oh, no. I feel better
than I've felt in years.
454
00:20:33,454 --> 00:20:35,489
I have my confidence again.
455
00:20:35,556 --> 00:20:38,525
I'm ready to go back out there
and meet someone.
456
00:20:38,593 --> 00:20:40,527
Well, I'm glad to be of service.
457
00:20:40,595 --> 00:20:42,929
Oh, just one more thing
before you go.
458
00:20:42,997 --> 00:20:44,398
What's that, my dear?
459
00:20:44,465 --> 00:20:46,700
See you at work on
Monday, Griffin.
460
00:20:46,768 --> 00:20:48,869
Huh? Oh, I'm gonna
have to have a word
461
00:20:48,936 --> 00:20:51,505
with Rite-Aid about
this fake moustache.
462
00:20:54,509 --> 00:20:57,043
Well, I got my job back,
Angela's happy again,
463
00:20:57,111 --> 00:20:59,079
and she's not gonna
harass me anymore.
464
00:20:59,147 --> 00:21:00,547
Everything worked out perfect.
465
00:21:00,615 --> 00:21:01,782
Not really, Peter.
466
00:21:01,849 --> 00:21:03,250
Yeah, you cheated
on your wife.
467
00:21:03,317 --> 00:21:05,152
No, I didn't.
I used Mort.
468
00:21:05,219 --> 00:21:07,020
Oh, my God,
I forgot about Mort!
469
00:21:08,256 --> 00:21:10,123
I want my two dollars!
34557
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