Original subtitles

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here you go, sir.

You're looking great today, Mr. hanson.

All right, people. 20 seconds to air.

15 seconds. Where's lorie?

All right, people. 20 seconds to air.

5...

4...

5...

3...

5...

2...

5...

And now, perkell heating and cooling

5...

Brings you he said, she said,

5...

With your commentators

Lorraine bryer and Dan hanson.

With your commentators

the issue today--

proposition 41, the highway merger.

The issue today--

good afternoon, Dan.

Proposition 41 on the ballot in October

good afternoon, Dan.

Would provide for a new connecting spur

good afternoon, Dan.

To merge highways 710 and 88.

Good afternoon, Dan.

In my view, this merger is long overdue.

Good afternoon, Dan.

Not only would it improve access,

good afternoon, Dan.

But it would allow for maximum growth,

good afternoon, Dan.

Especially in the outlying areas.

Good afternoon, Dan.

I know what you'll say, Dan--

good afternoon, Dan.

That proposition 41 can wait,

good afternoon, Dan.

That there's no need for it now.

Good afternoon, Dan.

But in two or three years,

it will be too late.

We must go forward or we stop.

It will be too late.

Now is the time.

It will be too late.

And that's the way I see it.

It will be too late.

Well, lorie, there you go--

over-intellectualizing again.

Common sense tells us

over-intellectualizing again.

That a merger is simply not needed.

Over-intellectualizing again.

These two highways function quite well independently.

Over-intellectualizing again.

A merger now would only mean increased spending,

over-intellectualizing again.

Traffic, and congestion

in an already crowded area.

And the outlying areas that you speak of

in an already crowded area.

Have reached a plateau

where further growth is just not expected.

Have reached a plateau

there's nothing wrong with the status quo, lorie.

Have reached a plateau

as my Uncle olaf used to say,

"why fix it if it ain't broken?"

As my Uncle olaf used to say,

and that's the way I see it--ow!

Christ.

The opinions expressed by the commentators

Christ.

Are not necessarily those of station wbal.

Excuse me. Excuse me, please.

Oh. This is it.

She's gone too far this time.

Oh. This is it.

What did you do to her?

She goes nuts on the air,

and you're asking me what I did to her?

You must have done something.

You don't make a rebuttal with a blunt object.

You do this. It's too disgusting.

I just hope weller didn't see the show today.

He'll be fine. Get back to work.

Please.

Emily, find some aspirin.

Please.

Look at all those phone calls, Mr. thurman.

Please.

Hundreds of them.

Vultures. They all can't wait

to see what happens tomorrow.

Yeah. Neither can I.

To see what happens tomorrow.

Wait a minute.

They all can't wait

wait a minute.

To see what happens tomorrow.

Wait a minute.

This could be the best thing

that ever happened to us. If we promote this right...

This could be the best thing

you'll never believe who I just talked to--

this could be the best thing

bill weller's secretary herself.

This could be the best thing

you did? That means weller saw the show today.

This could be the best thing

see, this could be good. This could be very good.

This could be the best thing

he loves this kind of stuff. What did she say?

This could be the best thing

she said he would be calling.

Did you hear that? She said--

she said he would be calling.

Wait. Bill weller's calling me?

On my phone? Personally?

This could be bad, very bad.

He never calls you personally

unless he really wants to hurt you.

We're screwed.

Wally, sit down. Relax. Take a deep breath.

We're screwed.

You don't know what he's thinking.

We're screwed.

It may not be that bad.

You think he'll still put you on his network

after today's fiasco?

Lorie blew the entire deal.

After today's fiasco?

Look. I'll talk to lorie.

He's spending a fortune on you two,

and he watches you break up on the air.

We're not breaking up.

This is the way we are, me and lorie.

We're not breaking up.

This is the way we've always been.

Hi. This is lorie bryer.

I'm with the people section of the sun.

Hi. This is lorie bryer.

[Telephone rings]

Hanson.

[Telephone rings]

Yes. Hello. Thank you for calling me back.

[Telephone rings]

I'm doing the obituary on Professor Hollis.

Color of the bride's...

I'm doing the obituary on Professor Hollis.

What time is the wedding--uh, funeral?

I'm doing the obituary on Professor Hollis.

Puce? Right. Ok.

Does the family have any special requests?

Puce? Right. Ok.

In lieu of flowers. Great.

Thanks very much.

Bye-bye.

Thanks very much.

Puce.

Thanks very much.

Well, this is definitely pulitzer prize material.

Thanks very much.

This will turn journalism on its ear.

There are no small jobs here, miss bryer.

A newspaper is a daily miracle,

and we're all part of it.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Diana.

Oh, you look incredible.

Diana.

It's your hair, right?

Diana.

It's your cut. You found your cut.

Diana.

We still on for Friday?

It's my sister's birthday.

Can we change it to Saturday?

It's my sister's birthday.

Sure. Absolutely. No problem.

My entire schedule is at your disposal.

Sure. Absolutely. No problem.

Sheila. Sheila. Sheila.

I've got a problem.

Sheila. Sheila. Sheila.

Can we change Saturday to Friday?

Sheila. Sheila. Sheila.

It's my sister's birthday.

Sure, Dan. I can do that.

It's my sister's birthday.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

You're an angel.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Thanks.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Dan!

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Dan!

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Shit.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Dan!

Lousy, self-centered, three-timing jerk.

Scumbag.

Oh, God. I fell for...

Scumbag.

Shh.

Now I find out he's got a girlfriend.

Shh.

You all right?

Just take my advice.

You all right?

Stay away from him.

You all right?

Never go out with him.

You all right?

There's no chance of that.

You all right?

I don't go out with cowardly scumbags.

I mean, what does everybody see in him?

He's not that good-looking.

He thinks that he's charming

with all this boyish stuff,

and I can't imagine

the sex would be any good.

And I can't imagine

well...

How many es in sleazeball?

A note is good,

but you need to make a much more dramatic point.

A note is good,

you ought to just break something.

One of his models.

Yeah.

One of his models.

Uh, no, the wolfman.

That's his favorite, I think.

Oh, no. I couldn't do that.

That's his favorite, I think.

Have you ever heard him talk

about the wolfman?

It brought tears to my eyes.

About the wolfman?

Look. Just do me a favor, ok?

Next time you see him,

you kick his butt for me.

You got it.

Ok.

You got it.

You...

Don't say a word.

You...

You were going to let her trash my wolfman.

You...

Well, you deserve it,

lying to that poor girl.

Well, you deserve it,

am I responsible

for the personality disorders of my dates?

Am I responsible

I told Janet I see other women.

Am I responsible

I don't lie.

Am I responsible

what, you help little old ladies

am I responsible

cross the street, too?

Am I responsible

I happen to have 17 merit badges.

Am I responsible

and by the way,

sex with me is very good.

And by the way,

uh-huh.

I'm sure.

Uh-huh.

Why? Have you heard something?

What have you heard?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Ok, everybody.

I know there have been a lot of rumors floating around

ok, everybody.

Since Monroe announced his retirement.

So, I've decided to give young Mr. hanson here

a crack at that column.

Congratulations.

Harry, come here.

[Whispering] Listen, I told you yesterday

Harry, come here.

I promised the column to miss bryer.

She's the best writer on the staff.

I want you to fix this.

Aw, Christ, ed.

I wish you hadn't done that.

Aw, Christ, ed.

Uh, Dan, and, uh...Miss bryer,

in my office after this meeting.

Technically, the op-ed page is Ed's territory,

but I do wish, lorie,

that he'd told me he promised you the column.

But I do wish, lorie,

I did.

Now, what we've decided to do

I did.

In a most Solomon-like and quite cowardly fashion,

I did.

Is to give you both a shot at it.

You've both been following

is to give you both a shot at it.

This public sculpture thing?

Is to give you both a shot at it.

Don't feel you have to imitate Monroe.

Is to give you both a shot at it.

Use your own style, opinions.

1,500 words, on my desk, by 5:00

for publication tomorrow.

1,500 words, on my desk, by 5:00

may the best man win.

1,500 words, on my desk, by 5:00

or the best woman.

This really sucks.

Tell me about it.

This really sucks.

Oh, please. Don't tell me that you're done already.

This really sucks.

Do you think about it at all, or do you just...Type?

I don't need to think.

Common sense tells me what to say.

I don't need to think.

Common sense, huh?

I'll tell you what.

I'll wait until you're done.

I'll tell you what.

We'll hand them in together

I'll tell you what.

Just to give you a fair shot.

I'll tell you what.

So, all those years I spent in journalism school

were just a waste of my time?

I don't consider myself a journalist.

Were just a waste of my time?

I wouldn't brag about it.

Were just a waste of my time?

I'm a newspaperman.

Were just a waste of my time?

Pithy. Dumb, but pithy.

Were just a waste of my time?

Listen-- listen--

go ahead.

After tomorrow,

go ahead.

One of us is never going to speak

go ahead.

To the other one again, so I...

How about dinner?

There you are.

And you, sir.

To my new column.

The paper doesn't come out for a couple of hours.

To my new column.

Here. You might as well take these, too.

No. I just wanted a taste.

Dan.

Susan.

Dan.

Hi.

Dan.

Oh.

Dan.

Wow. You look fantastic.

Dan.

Your hair looks great. That is you.

Dan.

That is your cut.

Thank you.

That is your cut.

And thanks for the flowers.

That is your cut.

That was so sweet.

That is your cut.

You remembered I mentioned liking mums.

That is your cut.

Well, you got them. I'm glad.

That is your cut.

Listen, Susan, this is lorie.

She's, uh...

Listen, Susan, this is lorie.

She's got the cubicle across from me.

Listen, Susan, this is lorie.

Listen. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Let's get together, go to an art opening?

That would be great. Give me a call.

But don't change your hair,

that would be great. Give me a call.

Or the deal's off.

That would be great. Give me a call.

I won't.

That would be great. Give me a call.

Bye-bye.

That would be great. Give me a call.

See ya.

That would be great. Give me a call.

Don't say a word.

I do not believe you.

Don't say a word.

It's amazing it's like watching

don't say a word.

Some creeping fungus at work.

Don't say a word.

Hey. Some people have been known

don't say a word.

To have a good time with me.

Look, all I was going to say

to have a good time with me.

Is that from what I have observed

to have a good time with me.

Of you and your women,

the overall level of hurt, outrage,

of you and your women,

and distress that you inspire

can only be termed massive.

Did she look hurt to you?

No. As a matter of fact,

she looked very happy.

But, you know, ignorance is bliss.

She looked very happy.

I just don't understand women like that.

Maybe I'm too...Cerebral.

That means maybe I'm too brainy.

I know what that means.

You got something on your face.

It's a crumb or schmutz or something.

Stop that.

So, about my column,

the public sculpture--

so, about my column,

were you for or against it?

So, about my column,

what do you think?

I was against it.

What do you think?

That doesn't surprise me.

What do you think?

They'll print yours. It's a men's club.

What do you think?

I would really like to work

at the New York times.

At least there I could influence people,

at the New York times.

Maybe change the way they think a little bit.

That's why I want this column so badly.

I don't want to be stuck reporting on weddings forever.

Really?

I thought all women love weddings.

Really?

You really think you know how to get to me.

Really?

As long as we're going to talk in stereotypes...

All women want to get married,

and all men fear commitment.

No. No, no. See, you don't understand.

It's not fear.

It's just that we don't have a choice in the matter.

We can't commit.

It's just that we don't have a choice in the matter.

It's something deep inside,

it's just that we don't have a choice in the matter.

In the animal part of men,

it's just that we don't have a choice in the matter.

That wants to keep us separate from the pack.

Right. Like your friend the wolfman.

Exactly. Ok, there's the perfect example.

Right. Like your friend the wolfman.

The wolfman is a tremendous

source of strength

for guys like me.

Source of strength

he's strong, aloof,

source of strength

destined to live alone.

He's his own man.

Destined to live alone.

He's his own wolf.

Destined to live alone.

He's his own wolfman.

Destined to live alone.

He knows that it's impossible

destined to live alone.

To get close to someone,

destined to live alone.

Because sooner or later,

destined to live alone.

That full moon is going to come out.

Destined to live alone.

Bingo. Somebody is going to get hurt.

So he takes his intimacy where he can find it.

A night here, a night there.

Those other women fall for this shit, huh?

This is not shit.

It's something I deeply believe in.

This is not shit.

Well, it sounds like an excuse to me.

This is not shit.

Sooner or later,

even the wolfman has to make a choice.

Sooner or later,

ready to order, miss?

Sooner or later,

oh, yeah. Um...

Sooner or later,

I will start with...

Monogamy.

Then...

Monogamy.

Commitment.

Monogamy.

And then I will have the marriage.

Monogamy.

The marriage comes with commitment, ma'am,

unless you'd like something on the side.

The marriage comes with commitment, ma'am,

oh. No. Not me,

but maybe children later.

Oh. No. Not me,

good choice, ma'am.

Oh. No. Not me,

I understand the monogamy

is very good here.

And for you, sir?

Is very good here.

Uh, just a side order of sex, please.

Is very good here.

I can't do that, sir.

It only comes with commitment.

I can't do that, sir.

All right. I'll make it easy for you.

I'll take the complete dinner.

Hold the commitment, hold the monogamy.

I'll take the complete dinner.

Just bring the sex.

That way, nobody gets in trouble,

just bring the sex.

And I get what I want.

You want me to hold the monogamy?

Dan, read the sign.

You want me to hold the monogamy?

Do you need another minute to decide?

I hear the ravioli here is great.

Yeah. Sure. Ravioli sounds fine.

When I'm editor,

I'll give you another chance.

When I'm editor,

when you're editor, I'll be long gone.

When I'm editor,

don't feel sorry for me--oh, shit.

What's wrong?

My contact popped out.

What's wrong?

I'm always doing that.

What's wrong?

Hang on. Hang on.

What's wrong?

I'm excellent at this.

What's wrong?

I have this uncanny power.

What's wrong?

It's like magic. Watch.

Attention, everybody, please.

It's like magic. Watch.

Nobody move.

It's like magic. Watch.

My friend has just lost a contact lens,

it's like magic. Watch.

So if everybody could just stop

right where you are,

just look down, and--

right where you are,

[crunch]

Right where you are,

oh, boy.

Right where you are,

was that it?

I don't know.

Was that it?

I can't see.

Was that it?

It's ok. We got it.

Was that it?

Thanks.

Thank you.

I'm--I'm really sorry.

Thank you.

How am I going to drive like this?

I'll have to read my column with one eye.

What?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

What?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I'm--I'm sorry.

What?

I'm--I'm sorry.

It's just...Funny.

I'm--I'm sorry.

Don't you think it's...

I'm--I'm sorry.

Hey, that's stealing.

Wait. Wait, wait.

Before we open this,

wait. Wait, wait.

No matter what happens,

wait. Wait, wait.

I had a good time tonight.

Wait. Wait, wait.

Ok.

I don't believe it.

Goddamn it.

I don't believe it.

This is not fair.

I don't believe it.

Only one of us was supposed to win.

I don't believe it.

It was supposed to be my column in the first place.

I think it was damn nice of them.

Nice of them?

I think it was damn nice of them.

I'm the one who should be upset.

I think it was damn nice of them.

Listen, Buster, the only reason they ran your column at all

is because you have a penis.

Well, why didn't you show them yours?

Hey, forget it.

I had a terrible time tonight.

Hey, forget it.

Hey, Dan. Good job.

You really showed her.

Hey, Dan. Good job.

What are you talking about?

Hey, Dan. Good job.

She was right. He's crazy.

Hey, Dan. Good job.

Did you read the same columns I did?

Hey, Dan. Good job.

Hey, Phil. The usual.

You got it.

Hey, Phil. The usual.

So you just going to stare at me

all night,

or you going to buy me a drink?

All night,

and one of whatever this young lady is having.

So you're the literary type, huh?

Well, you know, that depends.

What type do you like?

Oh. Men about your height,

men about your size.

Hmm.

Men about your size.

We have to do something

men about your size.

About your clothes, though.

What's wrong with my clothes?

About your clothes, though.

They're on.

I missed you.

How was Paris?

I missed you.

Wet. You should have been there.

I missed you.

Oh, Linda.

What do you say we get out of here?

Oh, Linda.

Hold on a second, big boy.

I want to have my drink.

So, who's the girl?

You two a team?

So, who's the girl?

Oh, God, no. No.

So, who's the girl?

They wouldn't do that to me.

So, who's the girl?

It's just a one-shot deal.

I'll never have to work with her again.

Good.

And that's what we decided.

Good.

We'll start with three columns a week.

We really stumbled onto something here.

People love a good fight.

That's a great line for an ad.

People love a good fight.

All right, look. Thursday's assignment--

people love a good fight.

There's a new dance thing at the royale.

People love a good fight.

It's causing a big flap.

People love a good fight.

Yeah. The pornographic thing.

People love a good fight.

It's not pornographic.

People love a good fight.

There's a brief nude scene.

People love a good fight.

It's done with taste and integrity.

You've seen it?

It's done with taste and integrity.

No, but I know--

it's done with taste and integrity.

Does this possibly qualify

it's done with taste and integrity.

As knee-jerk liberalism?

It's done with taste and integrity.

Do it.

It's done with taste and integrity.

That shouldn't be allowed.

Who are you to say?

That shouldn't be allowed.

I think I'm a fairly average person.

That shouldn't be allowed.

You're telling me.

That shouldn't be allowed.

If it offends me, it would offend most people.

That shouldn't be allowed.

Why can't you let people make up their own minds?

That shouldn't be allowed.

I do. I just give them the facts.

That shouldn't be allowed.

You call what you write the facts?

That shouldn't be allowed.

What, boiling down complex issues

into pithy little epigrams from your Uncle olaf?

Say what you like about me,

but leave my Uncle olaf out of this.

Say what you like about me,

oh, give me a break.

Uncle olaf is a cheap literary invention.

He doesn't even exist.

Uncle olaf is a cheap literary invention.

My Uncle olaf is not cheap. He's great guy.

Uncle olaf is a cheap literary invention.

I'll prove to you he exists.

What do you want to bet?

I'll prove to you he exists.

A drink. I will bet you a drink.

I'll prove to you he exists.

You're on.

I'll prove to you he exists.

Ok.

I'll prove to you he exists.

He's not home.

He's got a new girlfriend.

He's not home.

And Tuesday night is polka night.

Polka night.

I'll have a gin and tonic.

Polka night.

No, he's just not at home.

Polka night.

You want to dance?

I don't dance.

You want to dance?

I'll have a gin and tonic.

You want to dance?

Wow. You're really good.

Oh, God.

I know this guy.

Oh, he's an incredible drag.

I know this guy.

He's always coming on to me.

If he asks me to dance,

would you just get up and dance with me, please?

Please?

Lorie. Hi. It's me--Steve.

Please?

I haven't seen you here

in a long time.

I haven't seen you here

you looked great out there.

I haven't seen you here

excuse me,

I haven't seen you here

but we were in the middle of--

I haven't seen you here

would you like to dance?

I haven't seen you here

I really miss the way we move together.

I haven't seen you here

sorry, buddy. She's dancing with me.

Thanks.

It's ok.

Thanks.

What? What's wrong?

I don't know.

Look...

What I wanted to say the other night

look...

Was that... Most girls,

when they take their contacts out,

was that... Most girls,

their eyes don't sparkle,

but yours--

their eyes don't sparkle,

yours do,

their eyes don't sparkle,

and I--I couldn't say that

their eyes don't sparkle,

because it would sound stupid,

and you'd think I was chasing you.

Because it would sound stupid,

I didn't want you to think

because it would sound stupid,

I was chasing you because...

Because it would sound stupid,

well, because I was chasing you.

Because it would sound stupid,

if you set out to confuse me,

you couldn't have done a better job,

if you set out to confuse me,

and I would really, really

like to kiss you again,

but...Not if you're going to laugh at me.

Like to kiss you again,

I won't laugh at you.

[Laughing]

I'm so--

do you want to--

yes.

Do you want to--

Mr. hanson! Must be Wednesday.

Big order day, right?

Setting them up for the weekend.

Big order day, right?

You must spend half your salary on flowers.

Big order day, right?

Mind you, I'm not complaining.

Actually, Lou, just one order today.

Mind you, I'm not complaining.

What? Only one?

Yeah. Let's see...

What? Only one?

Roses or, I don't know, maybe birds of paradise.

What? Only one?

Well, it all depends on the desired effect.

Breaking the ice, sexual overture...

Not...Love?

Please...

Mr. hanson.

Come on.

Tell me it's not love.

Come on.

No.

Come on.

I don't know.

You know what love is.

I don't know.

It's a time bomb waiting to go off.

Believe me.

That's why God made other women--

believe me.

Because, no matter how good any one woman might be,

there's always another one

right around the corner

there's always another one

that could be even better.

There's always another one

you ok?

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm ok.

You ok?

4:15. Morning terrors.

It's ok.

4:15. Morning terrors.

Just take a couple of deep breaths

4:15. Morning terrors.

And come back to bed, ok?

Come on. Come back to bed.

You never take this seriously.

Come on. Come back to bed.

Doesn't this ever happen to you,

where--where you just wake up

and you don't feel real

or you're not living the life

you're supposed to be living...

Like--like all your choices are wrong?

You're supposed to be living...

Dan...

You're just tired.

No, I'm not tired.

You don't understand.

I don't love you.

I mean, I've known you longer

than any other woman in my life, but...

God, I shouldn't be going to bed

with somebody I don't love.

Do you know how many times

you've woken up at 4:15

with deep insights?

You've woken up at 4:15

yeah.

You've woken up at 4:15

and they're always right.

What are you saying?

I know who I should be with now.

And...

I only want to go to bed with her.

And...

I'm sorry, Linda.

Dan...

You know this woman,

the one you're dumping me for?

You know this woman,

she isn't worth it.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

How long have you been here?

Oh, a while.

I brought you some orange juice

and some doughnuts,

but I ate the doughnuts.

And some doughnuts,

look...

I don't want to be with anyone but you,

look...

And I don't want you

to be with anyone else but me.

Please say something.

And that's how it began.

Wait a minute. Back up here.

This Linda we're talking about...

Wait a minute. Back up here.

Is this Linda metzger?

You slept with Linda metzger?

Is this Linda metzger?

Yeah. You know her?

Is this Linda metzger?

Of course I know her.

Is this Linda metzger?

I tried to sleep with her all through college.

Is this Linda metzger?

That's amazing. How did you meet her?

Which life story do you want to hear?

That's amazing. How did you meet her?

Hey, I made a promo for tomorrow's show.

Wait till you see this. This is great.

Hey, Dan. How's the head?

She got you pretty good, huh?

Hey, Dan. How's the head?

He slowed it down, transferred it,

then slowed it down again.

You can even see the lettering

then slowed it down again.

On the mug.

Then slowed it down again.

As my Uncle olaf used to say,

then slowed it down again.

"Why fix it if it ain't broken?"

That's the way I see it.

Ow!

That's the way I see it.

You never know

that's the way I see it.

What's going to be tossed around

that's the way I see it.

On he said, she said.

That's the way I see it.

See hanson and bryer, round two,

tomorrow at noon on channel 11.

Huh?

I think I got to lie down again.

Mr. thurman, it's him. Bill weller on one.

Jesus!

Hello, Mr. weller.

This is Wallace thurman,

hello, Mr. weller.

Station manager at wbal.

Hello, Mr. weller.

It's a pleasure

hello, Mr. weller.

To be speaking to you directly.

Hello, Mr. weller.

Uh, hanson and bryer.

No problem, sir. Just a moment.

Uh, hanson and bryer.

He wants to talk to you and lorie

on the speaker phone.

Put him on. I'll improvise.

On the speaker phone.

There's only one problem.

I've never used the speaker phone.

There's only one problem.

Thanks.

Who have I got there?

Thanks.

Hello, Mr. weller.

This is Dan hanson, here with Wally thurman.

Hello, Mr. weller.

This is ray, our technical director.

Lorie bryer is in the bathroom.

Can't be helped.

Let me cut to the chase.

Can't be helped.

I've been negotiating

to buy your crummy show for my network--

I've been negotiating

we know, sir. Let me say--

that stunt you pulled this afternoon,

you and miss bryer...

Ha ha ha!

You and miss bryer...

Ha ha ha!

That was pure magic

for enhancing ratings.

I don't care if you hate each other's guts

for enhancing ratings.

Or if you faked it.

I only care that you milk this situation

or if you faked it.

For every nickel it's worth.

We're excited you're excited,

Mr. weller.

We're excited you're excited,

I'm not excited, sherman.

We're excited you're excited,

thurman.

We're excited you're excited,

I'm greedy.

We're excited you're excited,

greed is good.

We're excited you're excited,

I'm greedy and I'm determined.

We're excited you're excited,

and to make sure everything is all right,

I'll be there for tomorrow's show.

Don't screw up!

[Dial tone]

Don't screw up!

Wait a minute! It was all a mistake.

Don't screw up!

Wally, he's gone. He's gone.

What--

oh...

Oh, come on.

This is ridiculous.

Oh, boy.

Lorie...

Oh, boy.

Lorie, honey.

Come on, open up.

Lorie, honey.

Lorie, what's going on?

Lorie?

I know you're in there.

Lorie?

Please, honey, talk to me.

I brought you some of Rita's slaw.

Take it away.

Come on.

Take it away.

I hate it.

Take it away.

I thought you liked it.

Take it away.

I was just being polite.

Take it away.

For three years?

Go away.

For three years?

Go away? I live here, remember?

For three years?

Not anymore.

How's your head?

It hurts. It's bleeding.

How's your head?

They thought I might need stitches.

How's your head?

Well, I'm sorry.

I just couldn't take it anymore--

well, I'm sorry.

Looking up at your fat, smug, fat face.

I couldn't help myself.

Thanks, honey.

That's quite an apology.

Thanks, honey.

My stuff out here in the hall--

thanks, honey.

What does this mean?

Thanks, honey.

It means that it took this whole TV thing,

thanks, honey.

The show and its success,

and what it's done to us,

to make me realize that...

We just...

To make me realize that...

We want different things.

To make me realize that...

I've always known that,

to make me realize that...

But I kept...

To make me realize that...

I kept thinking that someday

to make me realize that...

It was going to get easier, but...

To make me realize that...

I don't think that you're ever going to change.

Wait a minute!

Come on. Things are going great for us.

Wait a minute!

We can't break up over a silly fight

in the green room. There's too much at stake.

We can't break up over a silly fight

lorie, honey, please.

I don't want it to be over.

Lorie, honey, please.

You used to like me the way I was.

I still do.

I love you.

But I need more from you.

Well, I--I just don't know what else

I can give you.

Well...

Is that some of Rita's coleslaw?

Yeah.

Do you want it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hold on. I'll bring it down.

Yeah.

Thank you very much. I--I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Here, uh...

Let me give you a dollar for it.

Here, uh...

No, no. That's--

no. It's only fair.

No, no. That's--

and come on in. You look like shit.

No, no. That's--

ok. Thanks.

Oh, so there he is.

Ok. Thanks.

Hi, Mrs. spepk.

Now, sit down.

Hi, Mrs. spepk.

I'll get something for your head.

Hi, Mrs. spepk.

Thank you, but a bump on my head

is no longer the problem.

I know what the problem is.

Is no longer the problem.

You see, in my day,

young people got married

before they slept together.

Young people got married

that's bullshit.

Young people got married

we slept together

young people got married

before we were married.

Young people got married

we did not.

You didn't marry for love back then either.

We did not.

Love came later.

I'm still waiting.

Thank you very much, Mr. and Mrs. spepk,

but I've really-- I've got to go.

You really must have done it this time.

She wants the locks changed.

What? You're kidding?

She wants the locks changed.

She asked you to do that?

She wants the locks changed.

Guess you won't be breaking any more windows.

What do you mean?

Remember the window you broke?

What do you mean?

Yeah. But I didn't break that window.

Yes, you did.

Don't you remember?

Yes, you did.

Mrs. spepk, I did not break that window. Lorie did.

Yes, you did.

Dan, wake up.

What the hell are you doing?

We have to get out of here.

The room is flooding.

Honey, shh.

The room is flooding.

The room is not flooding.

The room is flooding.

I brought you a raincoat.

The room is flooding.

Oh, thanks.

You're sleeping.

Oh, thanks.

Let's go back to bed.

Oh, thanks.

We have to get out of here.

And we will,

we have to get out of here.

But not right now.

I'm going to call a cab...

But not right now.

A gondola,

and by the time you wake up,

a gondola,

he'll be here.

All right.

Don't forget your raincoat.

All right.

No, I won't. I got it.

Just go to sleep now.

I do not sleepwalk.

Other people would have told me.

I do not sleepwalk.

You're not the first overnight guest I've had.

I suppose the windows just broke themselves?

Pick up for hanson, please.

Two pastramis on rye, right?

That's it.

Hey, you're that guy.

That's it.

I seen your picture.

And you. You two--

no!

Oh, get out of here!

No!

Rita. Come see who's here.

I got to get a picture of you

for my wall of fame.

Rita!

I heard you the first 20 times, pop.

Rita!

Look who's here. It's the people who argue.

And guess what-- they're in love.

Look who's here. It's the people who argue.

Ha ha ha.

Look who's here. It's the people who argue.

Oh, well, what do you know.

Look who's here. It's the people who argue.

It's really nice to meet you. I love your column.

Look who's here. It's the people who argue.

Oh, thank you.

Look who's here. It's the people who argue.

Hold up these sandwiches for the camera.

Look who's here. It's the people who argue.

Go on. Step back over there.

Hold them up real nice and high.

Smile big.

Wait a minute.

Smile big.

Look at that.

Smile big.

Hold this.

Smile big.

[Honk honk]

[Honk honk]

[Honk honk honk]

Hey!

Look what I got!

Hey!

You're beautiful!

Hey.

What?

Hey.

I love you.

Hey.

I'm not telling you this

to get the exact same response from you.

I'm not telling you this

I feel very warmly towards you,

and I--I think it's great

that...You're not asking me

to be in exactly the same place as you

at exactly the same time.

Ok, Dan. I'm only hearing your side

of the story.

I haven't treated lorie yet.

Of the story.

But I know you well enough

from the old days

to know that any concerns

from the old days

she's going to have about you

from the old days

are justified.

From the old days

mm. Verbalization's the key here.

From the old days

in order to achieve a mature,

empathic resonance with your partner,

you've got to share your feelings.

Yeah, I buy that. That's why I'm here.

Now, we have had tremendous results.

Real breakthroughs...

Now, we have had tremendous results.

With these.

Eric, that's a puppet.

Ooh. My clients express their feelings

without becoming excessively vulnerable.

We call them emotional surrogates.

Uh-huh.

I love you, Dan.

I love you.

Come on. You try.

No, no.

Come on. You try.

I really don't want to...

Come on. You try.

Come on.

[Embarrassed laughter]

I feel ridiculous.

Come on.

I can't.

[Gasping]

Oh, God.

[Gasping]

[Crying]

Dan?

It's ok, honey. I'm ok.

Dan?

Dan...

I think I'd like some cheesecake.

What?

I think you could use some, too.

Yeah...

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah...

I could definitely use some cheesecake.

Ok.

You're not going to remember

any of this, are you?

You're not going to remember

lorie...

I love you.

I'm crazy about you.

Don't ever leave me, please.

I'm crazy about you.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I'll go get us some cheesecake.

I just want to warn you.

Daddy is not going to approve of you,

I just want to warn you.

But mom, she's very sweet.

This is so great

that you're taking your vacation time

this is so great

to do this with me.

This is so great

I wanted to meet them.

This is so great

it's about time.

This is so great

why?

This is so great

what does that mean?

This is so great

well...N-nothing.

This is so great

it's just about time I met them.

This is so great

that's all I meant.

Well, don't be nervous.

That's all I meant.

They're very normal.

That's all I meant.

They are the most normal family in the world.

That's all I meant.

You just can't discuss birth control

out of its political context.

I use a diaphragm.

That doesn't make me a capitalist

I use a diaphragm.

Or a socialist.

I use a diaphragm.

Diaphragms are threatening.

I use a diaphragm.

They give women power.

I use a diaphragm.

I've used condoms all my life.

I use a diaphragm.

I'm not ashamed of it. How about you, Dan?

Do you use condoms?

Well...

Do you use condoms?

Actually, it kind of depends.

Do you use condoms?

He's got condom written all over him.

What does your father do, Dan?

I--I think they're too old

what does your father do, Dan?

To worry about it.

No, I meant for a living.

Oh...He's retired.

Oh, independently wealthy, huh?

No, no. Just old.

I was a late kid,

no, no. Just old.

Kind of a surprise to them.

No, no. Just old.

You like children, Dan?

No, no. Just old.

Yeah...Yeah.

Well, yeah, yeah, I think I...I...

Yeah...Yeah.

Where's Wendy?

Oh, she read Dan's article on abortion

where's Wendy?

And decided she could not, in good conscience,

eat with him.

That's rude.

Eat with him.

I don't think so.

Eat with him.

Where do you stand on capital punishment, Dan?

Eat with him.

This isn't the time or place--

all right, he is for capital punishment,

he voted for Reagan twice,

all right, he is for capital punishment,

he makes slightly more than I do for the same job--

you didn't know I knew, did you?

And we usually use a sheik elite

you didn't know I knew, did you?

With a reservoir tip.

Is there anything else you'd like to know?

We're just trying to get to know him, honey.

It's not like we're getting married

or anything...

Is it?

Or anything...

No! No.

Or anything...

I mean no. No, no.

Good morning.

Welcome to A.M. Baltimore.

Good morning.

We have as our guests today

Dan hanson and lorie bryer,

two newspaper columnists

from the Baltimore sun,

two newspaper columnists

whose competing columns have caused

quite a stir.

Whose competing columns have caused

good morning, Dan and lorie.

Whose competing columns have caused

were you surprised

by the success of your columns?

Were you surprised

well, no, actually, I...

Well, I--I...

Well, no, actually, I...

Sorry. Go ahead.

Well, no, actually, I...

I just wonder

well, no, actually, I...

Whether people would pay attention

well, no, actually, I...

To what we were saying

well, no, actually, I...

If they were normal editorials

well, no, actually, I...

Without this whole competition thing.

We're getting read. That's the important thing.

We make people think, right?

Well, maybe, but what I'm saying is,

we make people think, right?

Is it what we say, or is it just the gimmick?

You two,

do you ever stop arguing?

You two,

now we've heard--

tell us if this is right--

now we've heard--

we've heard that you two

are living together.

We've heard that you two

well, I'd rather not go into that.

We've heard that you two

well, not yet. Let me put it that way.

Isn't that great?

What the hell is the matter?

Why did that upset you?

What is this "not yet" stuff?

Well, we've been talking about moving in.

No. I have been talking about it.

You have been ignoring me.

Does that mean that you want to move in?

Well, we need to talk about it.

That is such prime Dan hanson material.

What, do we talk about it at home, alone,

or do we talk about it

in front of 500,000 people that we don't know?

Oh, come on.

That show doesn't get 500,000 viewers,

oh, come on.

Does it, do you think?

Oh, come on.

You're impossible. You're impossible.

Oh, come on.

Excuse me. I hope I'm not interrupting.

Oh, come on.

My name's Wally thurman. I'm the station manager.

You two are both terrific.

Well, thank you. Thanks.

Terrific together. I mean, as a team.

Well, thank you. Thanks.

Have you ever considered being on TV regularly?

Yes. No.

Well, no. Yes.

Yes. No.

Well...

Yes. No.

Actually, we do talk about it quite a bit.

Yes. No.

We feel it's the natural evolution

of what we've been doing.

Stand by, please.

Of what we've been doing.

5...

Of what we've been doing.

4...

Of what we've been doing.

3...

Of what we've been doing.

2...

Of what we've been doing.

1.

Of what we've been doing.

Hi. I'm Dan hanson.

Of what we've been doing.

And I'm lorie bryer.

This is he said... She said.

And I'm lorie bryer.

Today's issue is garbage.

And I'm lorie bryer.

Our dumps will be filled in 10 years,

and I'm lorie bryer.

And what do we do then?

Some people feel

and what do we do then?

It's the government's responsibility.

And what do we do then?

Maybe they're right.

And what do we do then?

But as my Uncle olaf used to say,

and what do we do then?

"If you make the trash, you can take it out."

And that's the way I see it.

You were great.

No, no, you were.

You were great.

You even made me look good.

You were great.

Let's do it.

Let's move in together.

Let's do it.

¶ Blah blah blah blah moon ¶

¶ blah blah blah above ¶

¶ blah blah blah blah croon ¶

¶ blah blah blah blah love ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA LA merry month of may ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA LA 'neath the clouds of gray ¶

¶ blah blah blah your hair ¶

¶ blah blah blah your eyes ¶

¶ blah blah blah blah care ¶

¶ blah blah blah blah skies ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA LA cottage for two ¶

¶ blah blah blah blah fly ¶

¶ darling, with you ¶¶

hey, Larry.

[Whistles]

Hey, Larry.

I think I'll consider this relationship a success

if I can ever get you to clean out your coffee cup.

What do you want to do today?

I thought we'd stay in.

Hey, Dan!

Hey, guys.

Three on three at the park.

Hey, guys.

Yeah!

Hey, guys.

Uh...

No, actually, I'm, uh...

Uh...

I'm just going to stay in today. Thanks.

Let's get out of here.

Oh, hi, Dan. How are you today?

I'm fine...

But I'm going to stay in.

Oh. [Giggles]

Linda?

Dan, hurry up! Come on, you're missing the party.

I'll be right down.

You know...

I definitely think we should stay in today.

Sure, honey.

Whatever you say.

Sure, honey.

I didn't change enough?

Oh, come on.

I changed everything in my life for her.

Oh, come on.

You're better off.

I think of everything I could have done

you're better off.

If I didn't have to come home to her.

What things?

How should I know? I didn't do them.

What things?

All right.

You...

All right.

Enough of this.

All right.

You go up there right now,

all right.

You take her in your arms

and tell her you love her.

No, it's too late for that, Mrs. spepk.

It's over.

Dan, you can't be serious.

It's over.

Mr. spepk, here's the keys to the apartment.

Tell lorie there's no need to change the locks.

Here, take this.

Thanks.

Hi, Dan.

Hi.

God. Are you ok?

Yeah.

God. Are you ok?

Wally told me all about it.

God. Are you ok?

Wow. News travels fast.

Yeah.

Boy, you look great.

Yeah.

It's really good to see you.

Maybe we shouldn't be sitting here.

Why?

What difference does it make? Never mind.

Why?

So you know Wally? I didn't know that.

He's been chasing me forever,

almost as long as you.

He's been chasing me forever,

I never chased you.

He's been chasing me forever,

you never had to.

He's been chasing me forever,

so Wally asked me

to try and get you and lorie

so Wally asked me

back together.

What did you say?

Back together.

I said we'd have a couple of drinks,

back together.

And I'd try real hard...

For the sake of the show.

There's one problem.

For the sake of the show.

The show is not available anymore.

For the sake of the show.

That means you are, right?

For the sake of the show.

But they don't want me as a single.

For the sake of the show.

I'm not as picky.

You got a place to stay?

I'm not as picky.

Well, uh, actually...

My company put me

well, uh, actually...

In one of those suite hotels.

Well, uh, actually...

I've got a sofa and an extra room.

Well, uh, actually...

I'd love it if you'd stay with me.

Dan.

Oh, mark. Hi.

Dan.

How's the-- how's the wound?

Dan.

It's, uh... It's ok.

Yeah.

It's, uh... It's ok.

Well, I've got to get back to work, so, uh...

It's, uh... It's ok.

See ya.

What gives?

See ya.

What happened this morning?

See ya.

All right.

See ya.

I'm in the green room, right?

See ya.

Why do you think they call this

a green room?

I don't know.

A green room?

Probably some old theatrical tradition, huh?

A green room?

Something to do with Shakespeare or something.

Oh, Christ, lorie.

What?

Oh, Christ, lorie.

Your cup. Your goddamn cup.

Oh, Christ, lorie.

So...

Have you heard from Linda?

So...

Well, obviously you know I have or you

wouldn't have asked.

Did you read her letter?

Wouldn't have asked.

No. I mean, it wasn't addressed to me.

Wouldn't have asked.

Is that what's bothering you?

Well, it just seems strange.

Is that what's bothering you?

I mean, she moves out of town,

she sends Christmas cards to both of us,

and postcards,

so when a letter came addressed just to you,

and postcards,

it just made me wonder, that's all.

Why is this bothering you now?

We're on top of the world here.

Ok. She is coming into town.

I mean, she's here, in fact.

Have you seen her?

No, I have not.

Have you seen her?

As a matter of fact,

if--if you want to have drinks today,

as a matter of fact,

we're supposed to have drinks with her.

Weren't you going to tell me?

Honey, I just did.

Oh, God, Dan. Sometimes, I swear--

what is the matter with you?

How can you be jealous

after all this time?

How can you be jealous

because apparently I still have reason to be.

How can you be jealous

you were going to see her without telling me.

I was going to see her,

not sleep with her.

I was going to see her,

I'm not saying you planned to sleep with her,

I was going to see her,

but by not inviting me,

you leave yourself that little margin for error

but by not inviting me,

where unplanned accidents can happen.

You're still diddling around.

No, I am not diddling around.

You're still diddling around.

I don't diddle.

I'm not going to bed with Linda.

I don't diddle.

I may split a salad with her. That's all.

I want to get married.

What?

I want to get married.

A minute ago,

I want to get married.

You accused me of cheating on you.

I want to get married.

Now you want to marry me?

Don't you think about it?

Yeah. I just don't know what I think about it.

Don't you think about it?

Sometimes I feel like I have really grown

in the last three years,

and you have just stood still.

No, that is not

and you have just stood still.

What's going on here.

And you have just stood still.

You're so afraid of being hurt,

and you have just stood still.

You're making a demand on me

you're sure I can't meet.

You're pushing me to walk.

You're sure I can't meet.

Is that what you want?

You're sure I can't meet.

You just don't get it, do you?

You're sure I can't meet.

I know you are scared of taking this step.

I am scared, too.

But that's the great thing.

I am scared, too.

Don't you see?

We could be scared... Together.

Don't you see?

Look, I just... I want to be sure of you.

If that means that I'm a little insecure

or a little neurotic,

well, so be it.

Or a little neurotic,

I--I just want to know

or a little neurotic,

that if I'm on the air with you in five years,

it's because you love me,

not because I'm your business partner.

Oh, I do. I do.

Come on.

Come on.

You don't want to get married.

No, Dan. You don't want to get married.

Right? Let me hear you say it.

Time, please.

Hey, mark...

Mark...

Hey, mark...

Yeah?

Hey, mark...

Settle an argument.

Why do they call this the green room?

Settle an argument.

Um, I don't know.

See you in there.

I'm sorry, but...

I don't want to get married.

Coming through.

Watch it.

Coming through.

Lorie, 15 seconds to air.

Coming through.

Places, everybody.

Quiet, please.

Places, everybody.

5...

4...

5...

3...

5...

2...

5...

And now, perkell heating and cooling brings you

5...

He said, she said,

with your commentators

he said, she said,

Lorraine bryer and Dan hanson.

He said, she said,

the issue today--

proposition 41, the highway merger.

The issue today--

good afternoon, Dan.

Proposition 41 on the ballot in October

would provide for a new connecting spur

to merge highways 710 and 88.

In my view, this merger is long overdue.

Not only would it improve access,

but it would allow for maximum growth,

especially in the outlying areas.

I know what you'll say, Dan.

That proposition 41 can wait,

that there's no need for it now.

But in two or three years...

It will be too late.

We must go forward or we stop.

Now is the time...

And that's the way I see it.

Well, lorie, there you go,

over-intellectualizing again.

Common sense tells us

that a merger simply is not needed.

These two highways

function quite well independently, thank you,

these two highways

and a merger now would only mean increased spending,

traffic, and congestion in an already crowded area.

And the outlying areas that you speak of

have reached a plateau

where further growth is just not expected.

Have reached a plateau

there's nothing wrong with the status quo, lorie.

As my Uncle olaf used to say,

"why fix it if it ain't broken?"

That's the way I see it--ow!

Did you see that?

That's the way I see it--ow!

The opinions expressed by the commentators

that's the way I see it--ow!

Are not necessarily those of station...

Lorie...

Lorie...

Lorie...

Are--are you all right?

Lorie...

Of course I am. Of course. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, I'm fine, mark.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Don't worry about me. I'll be all right.

Yeah, I'm fine.

My keys are inside. My purse is inside.

Yeah, I'm fine.

My whole life is inside.

Who cares? Right?

My whole life is inside.

I'm not going back in there.

My whole life is inside.

Do you think I hurt him with the cup?

My whole life is inside.

Well, who cares? I'm going to walk home.

I feel so good that I'm just going to walk home.

Lorie, I, um...

Could you give me a ride home?

Sure. You look like you could use one.

My car's just over here.

Where do these go?

My car's just over here.

Everything goes in the hall.

My car's just over here.

The lousy records, the toys,

my car's just over here.

The models...

What about this?

The models...

Oh, no. I want that.

The models...

You've known me a long time,

the models...

Right, Cindy?

The models...

I qualify as a rational person,

the models...

Don't I?

Yes, somewhat.

Don't I?

I mean, I'm not crazy,

don't I?

But there comes a time when you say,

"yes, we go forward."

Or "no, we made a big mistake."

"Yes, we go forward."

I feel great. I really do.

Aah! What are you doing?

Come on! Stop it.

Aah! What are you doing?

I won't let you do this to yourself

aah! What are you doing?

Or your vcr.

He's not worth it.

Or your vcr.

You never needed him.

Or your vcr.

If you wanted to,

or your vcr.

You could've had your own TV show.

Or your vcr.

That's just it. I never wanted a TV show.

I don't even watch TV.

Ok.

I don't even watch TV.

The New York times called.

I don't even watch TV.

They loved my work.

I don't even watch TV.

I'm going to call them back.

I don't even watch TV.

Good.

I mean, to think I let him detour me

good.

From my original purpose.

It's three years gone.

From my original purpose.

So what. I'm still reasonably young, right?

From my original purpose.

It's really been three years?

I mean, all the time I wasted

it's really been three years?

Overlooking those rotten things.

I mean, you remember, Cindy.

Overlooking those rotten things.

It was obvious right from the start.

Overlooking those rotten things.

Uh, what we've decided to do,

in a very Solomon-like and quite cowardly manner,

uh, what we've decided to do,

is to give you both a shot at it.

You have both been following this public sculpture thing?

Is to give you both a shot at it.

Oh, yeah.

Ha ha ha.

Oh, yeah.

Don't feel you have to imitate Monroe.

Oh, yeah.

Use your own style, your own opinions.

1,500 words, on my desk,

by 5:00 for publication tomorrow.

And may the best man win--

oh, or the best woman.

Listen. After tomorrow,

one of us is probably

listen. After tomorrow,

never going to speak to the other again.

Listen. After tomorrow,

so how about dinner?

Shocking as this may sound,

so how about dinner?

I'd like to.

So how about dinner?

Unfortunately, I have a date.

So how about dinner?

Well, it's not actually a date.

It's more like an obligation.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Guess what.

What?

Guess what.

Guess.

Guess what.

They're printing the new Republic piece.

Guess what.

That's great!

The one about the sandinista

that's great!

Education system? That's terrific!

That's great!

I brought a copy for you to see.

That's great!

Oh, I'd love to. Great.

No. I...

What? It takes too long to start?

No. I...

We're doing it again.

We are relating to each other

we're doing it again.

As writers and political colleagues.

We are not relating to each other

as a woman and a man.

Ohh.

Adam...

Look...

What I wanted to say...

I--I don't think that we should

see each other anymore.

It's not sexual or exciting between us anymore.

I think that it was...Once,

but it's just not there anymore.

This is very hard to say--

it's very hard to listen to.

This is very hard to say--

I know.

I-I'm sorry.

I know.

Lorie, I'm not a complete moron,

you know.

Lorie, I'm not a complete moron,

I sort of saw this thing coming.

Lorie, I'm not a complete moron,

but I don't think

this is entirely my fault.

But I don't think

I'm not saying that it is.

Well...

I'm not saying that it is.

Maybe two cerebral people

just shouldn't be together.

Maybe two cerebral people

I got to go.

No. Don't--don't go.

No. I prefer it, if you don't mind.

No. Don't--don't go.

See ya.

Wow. That was a fast date.

Looks like we can't get away

from each other.

Maybe it's fate.

From each other.

The señora is ordering dinner?

From each other.

No.

Caesar salad's great here.

No.

No. I'm going to...

No.

Come on.

No.

All right. I'll...

No.

I'll have a Caesar salad and a gin and tonic.

No.

I'll have another one of these.

Enjoy your meal.

We had a fight.

Well, actually we didn't.

We didn't have a fight. We--we broke up.

I don't know what I'm telling you this for.

I'm really sorry.

So who broke it off?

I'm really sorry.

I did.

I'm really sorry.

See, sometimes

I'm really sorry.

That's the more painful position.

I'm really sorry.

It's always easier to love

I'm really sorry.

Than be loved,

I'm really sorry.

And hurting someone can feel worse

I'm really sorry.

Than being hurt.

And God knows, I'm always terrified

than being hurt.

To give bad news to a woman.

Maybe that's weak of me.

I don't know.

Maybe that's weak of me.

Yeah.

Maybe that's weak of me.

So, how do you know so much?

Believe me, I've been there.

Dan!

Believe me, I've been there.

Susan.

Believe me, I've been there.

Hi.

Believe me, I've been there.

Excuse me.

Wow. You look fantastic.

You really do. That dress--

wow. You look fantastic.

That's your color.

That is you.

That's your color.

Thanks. And thank you for the flowers.

That's your color.

They were so beautiful.

Thanks. You got them.

They were so beautiful.

Good.

They were so beautiful.

Next week, let's go to the roller derby.

They were so beautiful.

Sounds good.

But wear that dress or the deal's off.

Sounds good.

I will.

Oh, shit. My tit popped out.

I will.

I hate it when that happens, don't you?

Bye.

See you later.

Bye.

Classy... With a capital "k."

And you. Look at you.

Mr. smooth.

You know, I can't believe that I was letting myself

get sucked into this rap of yours.

"It's better to love than to be loved."

This--you were coming on to me.

This was a pass.

You call that a pass?

You men are all alike.

You call that a pass?

You don't take any of us seriously.

You call that a pass?

No, no. Wait, wait.

I was-- I was just thinking.

No, no. Wait, wait.

Was that a pass?

Oh, my God.

You're right.

That was a pass.

You're right.

I'm sorry. I...

You're right.

But what was I supposed to do?

You're right.

There you were sitting there,

vulnerable...

Attractive.

Vulnerable...

Oh, darn it.

Darn it. Darn it. Darn it.

There I go again.

I'm out of control.

There I go again.

I can't not make a pass at you.

There I go again.

Anyway--

I'm through with all of you

anyway--

for a while.

There are things

for a while.

That are more important to me now.

For a while.

Like what?

Like the chance to say something,

like what?

To reach people.

What every journalist wants--

to work at the New York times.

For now, I will settle for this column.

My column.

There you are, ma'am.

My column.

I'll make up a little plate for you.

My column.

I don't like to feel

like I'm having dinner with a shark.

I don't like to feel

a little pasta.

Sauce. Salad.

A little pasta.

Tomato.

A little pasta.

Ok?

There. Have fun.

Ok?

To my column.

Not so fast. Paper doesn't come out

for another couple of hours.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Hello?

[Ring]

Oh, hi, Cindy.

[Ring]

Yes, I know! Isn't it great?

Oh, thanks. Yeah.

Don't you think it's kind of a minor victory,

I mean, having his printed, too?

Yeah. You're right.

I mean, reactionary writing like his

yeah. You're right.

Is only going to make me look better.

No. I just--I just got in.

Why? Did you try calling earlier?

Adam?

Oh...

Adam?

God.

Adam?

No. Uh, that was hours ago.

Adam?

Well, uh, I was...

Actually, I was having dinner

with Mr. reactionary himself.

Well, yeah.

He did crush my contact lens,

well, yeah.

But it was-- it was ok.

Yeah.

Well, no,

yeah.

Actually, I...

Yeah.

I had a good time.

Yeah.

No. No!

Look, don't worry.

This is a one-shot deal.

Look, don't worry.

I won't let him spin his web around me.

[Theme from sleeping beauty plays]

Shh!

Hi, lorie.

I haven't seen you here in a long time.

Hi, lorie.

Would you like to dance?

Hi, lorie.

That's good. Could you maybe

hi, lorie.

Tone it down just a little bit?

Hi, lorie.

Next slow song,

guy at the bar-- don't look.

Next slow song,

what's your name again?

Steve.

What's your name again?

Thank you. Here's 5 bucks.

What's your name again?

Oh, no. You don't have to pay me, sugar.

Well, keep it anyway.

Could you button up your shirt there?

Well, keep it anyway.

Thank you.

Hi.

Great music.

Oh, it's fantastic.

Great music.

What are you looking at?

I know that guy.

He is such an incredible drag.

I know that guy.

He's always coming on to me.

If asks me to dance,

he's always coming on to me.

Would you just dance with me, please?

He's always coming on to me.

Oh, please.

He's always coming on to me.

Lo-or-orie!

He's always coming on to me.

Hi. It's me. Steve.

I haven't seen you in a long,

long time.

You look great.

Hi. I'm Dan.

You look great.

Wait, wait, wait.

You look great.

Would you like to dance?

You look great.

I really miss the way

you look great.

We move together.

You look great.

Sorry,

you look great.

But I--I have this dance.

You look great.

Thanks. You saved me.

No sweat.

Thanks. You saved me.

Well...

Well...

Listen, I had fun.

Well...

Good night.

What's wrong?

Look, I don't want

what's wrong?

To have to play games anymore,

what's wrong?

And I don't want to have to flirt

and do all that shit.

What I'm trying to say is--is that...

You're a good guy.

I mean,

your politics are entirely screwed up

I mean,

and you're not the greatest writer,

I mean,

but you're not a psycho,

and you're cute, in a way, and...

But you're not a psycho,

don't you ever get lonely?

I mean, I know you have a lot of women,

but don't you just get lonely anyway?

You know, and--and scared?

Like--like your whole life is--

is going by.

Your days and your nights and...

Is going by.

Nobody's around to see it except...You.

I--I would just--

I would just like to be with you...

Tonight.

You're shaking.

Don't tell me

you've never done this before.

Don't tell me

not with you.

¶ Do you wanna dance and hold my hand ¶

¶ tell me, baby, I'm your lover man ¶

¶ oh, baby ¶

¶ do you wanna dance ¶

¶ we could dance under the moonlight ¶

¶ kiss me, baby, all through the night ¶

¶ oh, baby ¶

¶ do you wanna dance ¶

¶ do you wanna dance ¶

¶ take a chance ¶

¶ come on, pretty baby, and make romance ¶

¶ oh, baby ¶¶

and will you, Olga, have this man olaf

to be your husband

and to live with him in holy marriage

to be your husband

according to the word of God?

Ja. I do.

I now pronounce them to be husband and wife.

Ja. I do.

You owe me a drink.

What God has put together,

you owe me a drink.

Let no one put asunder.

You owe me a drink.

I'm so pleased to have you here today.

There's an old Swedish saying--how does it go?

[Speaking Swedish]

Well, which--which translates loosely to...

"Happiness is easy

if you just take off your overcoat."

"Happiness is easy

well, today I took off my overcoat.

But enough speeches.

Let's do the chicken dance, huh?

Come on.

Let's do the chicken dance, huh?

Oh, this is hunky-dory.

Want to dance?

No. No, no, no.

Want to dance?

Come on. Please?

Want to dance?

I mean--they're just--no.

Want to dance?

Because then--aah!

You're great!

What's so funny?

Hey.

What?

Hey.

I love you.

Hey.

I mean, I'm not-- I'm not telling you this

so that I'll get

the exact same response from you.

So that I'll get

I'm just telling you this

because these are my feelings, you know?

If you can't express your feelings,

what's the point of having them, right?

And I feel really good

about telling you this, you know?

And I feel really good

you really don't have to say anything in response.

Really. You don't have to.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Here you go, sweetie.

Thank you.

Here you go, sweetie.

He probably doesn't even remember.

I mean, he always forgets the details.

You know, all he remembers is the end result.

I remember every moment we spent together--

you know, all the little things,

like the time I fixed his carburetor.

He was so impressed.

Or the time he broke the window.

He was so impressed.

Remember? You had to call the repairman.

What window?

Oh, yeah. I remember.

What window?

I'm sure he doesn't.

Well, enough of this.

You know, from now on, no more looking back.

Do you think that guy waterbury

at the New York times remembers me?

By this time next week, I could have a new job.

I think his number's still in my rolodex

back at the...Studio,

along with my car--

my whole life.

Lorie, what should I do with these?

That goes in the box with the files.

Thank you, mark. I appreciate it.

You're saving my life.

That's the way I see it--ow!

You're saving my life.

You never know what's going to be tossed around

on he said, she said.

See hanson and bryer, round two,

tomorrow at noon on channel 11.

Wally, what in the hell is going on

with these commercials?

I can't talk more right now.

With these commercials?

He can tell you all about it.

Yeah. Do what you can. Got to go. Bye.

Wally, you are advertising a show

that is not going to be on. Ok?

Look at these phone messages.

"Good for lorie. It's about time."

You're a hero.

You did something most women

you're a hero.

Would love to do to their husbands.

I don't want to be a hero,

and he...Is not my husband.

The last thing he'll ever be

and he...Is not my husband.

Is my husband.

All right? Do you understand that?

Is my husband.

Totally. But they all want to see

what you'll do tomorrow.

Weller wants to see. That's why he's coming.

What you'll do tomorrow.

Then he's going to see a lot of nothing.

Because it's-- we--well...

It's over. All right?

Dan and I, we...

It's over. All right?

We broke up.

My God.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

But that doesn't mean you can't do the show, does it?

It might even make it more interesting.

I can't believe you, Wally.

It might even make it more interesting.

You're such a man.

Thanks.

You're such a man.

How can you separate love and work like that?

You're such a man.

Well--

is it--

well--

love is love.

Well--

work is work.

Well--

love.

Well--

work.

Well--

work isn't love,

well--

and love shouldn't be wo--

well--

oh, all right. All right.

Well--

look, I'll make it easy for you.

We'll tape his half before you get there.

You'll never even have to see him.

I'm through, Wally.

All right. Look.

I'm through, Wally.

It's not up to me anymore.

You've still got a contract with wbal.

I'm not going to get tough with you,

but the lawyers will eat you alive.

Thank you, Wally. I appreciate that.

You're some friend.

Lorie, please.

You're some friend.

Linda metzger on line one.

You're some friend.

Tell her I'll call her back.

You're some friend.

Linda metzger.

You're some friend.

What, is she calling here for Dan now?

For Dan? No. Linda and I go way back.

She's nothing.

She's been chasing me since college.

She's nothing.

It's a fatal attraction thing.

She's nothing.

Well, she may be nothing to you,

she's nothing.

But just the mention of her name makes me want to...

Ohh...

Oh, Linda.

Ohh...

What?

What?

What?

What did you just say?

What?

Uh, I said--I said, "oh, Linda."

I'm--I'm really sorry.

That's all right.

That's all right.

That's all right.

I-I'm sorry.

That's all right.

No. I can understand how it could happen.

That's all right.

We're both women.

Both our names begin with l.

We're both women.

You're sleeping with both of us.

We're both women.

I don't sleep with her anymore.

When did you stop?

When you and I started going out.

When did you stop?

Started? What does that mean?

Did you sleep with her after you slept with me?

I--I--I--I--I can't remember.

You can't remember?

Think. Think.

Think, Dan, think.

Think. Think.

Was there somebody else in your bed with you

think. Think.

That wasn't me?

I don't know.

That wasn't me?

I mean, I'm sure we probably did once.

That wasn't me?

All right. Twice.

What am I supposed to feel bad about--

that the minute we touched,

all my other involvements didn't just melt away?

Not all your involvements.

Just all your sexual involvements.

What is the big deal?

The big deal is that from the moment

I went to bed with you,

sleeping with another man

became unthinkable to me.

Sleeping with another man

but for you,

sleeping with another woman remained...Thinkable.

But for you,

yeah, but that was in the beginning.

Let's talk about now.

You're the one who--

let's talk about now.

The one who what?

Let's talk about now.

The one who I'm-- I'm with now.

Isn't that what counts?

I want to meet her.

Honey, do you really think

I want to meet her.

That's a good idea?

I want to meet her.

I want to meet her.

I've been working on our new fall line.

Lorie, I have the catalog right here.

You should look at it.

I'm sure we could find you something

that would be flattering.

Honey.

What?

Honey.

Lorie and I have this this thing

honey.

That we do with our food.

Dan.

That we do with our food.

Oh, don't be embarrassed, lorie.

That we do with our food.

Dan tells me everything.

That we do with our food.

But I'm sure you know most of his secrets.

Well...

Well, maybe not all of them.

Well...

Aah ha ha ha ha ha!

We lost our virginity together. Did he tell you?

We were just 14. Just kids.

But even then he was incredible.

Well...

Don't you think so?

Well...

Over the years, I've kept a diary

of the sexual positions that worked the best for us.

Just a few notes and some drawings.

Would you like to see them?

Honey, what do you say?

Let's see.

Here's one. March 17, 1980.

Let's see.

Whoops.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Whoops.

Do you remember that?

Yeah. That was in the kitchen.

Do you remember that?

Right.

See? You can see from the drawing

right.

Just where to put the blender.

Oh, Linda.

I think this one would be just cute on you.

Honey, you ok?

Why don't you two

just go to bed together and get it over with?

Why don't you two

I'm going to get out of here.

Lorie, what kind of a stunt is this?

Just seeing the way you were acting,

I didn't think there was room for me.

You were the one that wanted to meet her.

Yes. I realize that, but I--

if you can be that way with somebody else,

I can't be with you right now.

Stand by, please.

Ok, kids, don't be nervous.

It's just an audition tape.

Ok, kids, don't be nervous.

If it's bad, we throw it out

ok, kids, don't be nervous.

And no one over knows,

ok, kids, don't be nervous.

But it won't be bad. You guys will be great.

Ok, kids, don't be nervous.

Wally, this isn't the copy I wrote.

We had to trim it.

It's not like newspapers.

We don't have a lot of time.

It's not like newspapers.

Just boom, boom, and on to the next commercial.

It's not like newspapers.

I thought we'd be writing.

This is an opinion show.

They are our opinions.

You will, dear. It's just today.

They are our opinions.

They just want to see how we look on camera, right?

Right.

What difference does it make if it's our copy?

Right.

Honey, don't blow this.

I'm not.

Honey, don't blow this.

You want to know the secret?

Honey, don't blow this.

Just smile big and pretty.

Yeah. You're going to be great.

Here we go.

I got to go.

Here we go.

Wow, it's true.

Here we go.

The camera really does add weight.

Here we go.

8...7...6...5...4...

There's a spot on your dress.

3...2...

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

[Too loud] And I'm lorie bryer.

This is he said...

[Too loud] And I'm lorie bryer.

She said!

[Too loud] And I'm lorie bryer.

Stop tape, please.

[Too loud] And I'm lorie bryer.

Lorie.

Lorie, honey, it's going great,

lorie.

But this isn't a game show.

Maybe if you didn't smile quite so big.

But she said--

she's guided many great careers.

But she said--

the enthusiasm is wonderful.

We don't need to see so many teeth.

Ok.

We don't need to see so many teeth.

Otherwise, I'm thrilled.

We don't need to see so many teeth.

Ok, let's go again.

We don't need to see so many teeth.

You're doing this on purpose.

We don't need to see so many teeth.

I am not. I'm nervous.

Where is this spot?

I am not. I'm nervous.

On your boob. Your left boob.

I am not. I'm nervous.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

And I'm lorie bryer.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

This is he said...

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

She said.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

Our issue today is garbage.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

Our dumps will be filled in 10 years.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

What then?

A lot of people feel

what then?

It's the government's responsibility.

What then?

And maybe they're right,

what then?

But as my Uncle olaf used to say,

what then?

"If you make the trash, you take it out."

What the hell is she doing?

Stop tape, please.

Honey, we're both on camera.

Stop tape, please.

If you didn't want to do this, say so.

I did if you recall.

I'm doing the best I can.

Can we try this again?

We always do what you want to do.

What are you talking about?

I spend almost every night at your place.

You don't want to be with me?

Yes. It's not my apartment. I feel like a stranger.

You don't want to be with me?

You think of yourself that way.

I don't have anyplace to put my stuff.

And what about all of your man things

all over the place?

Man things?

Yes. Big clunky shoes

man things?

And that big 3-d map of the world.

Man things?

You're the only man in north America

who still wears pajamas?

Hold it!

Who still wears pajamas?

Why don't we take a short break

who still wears pajamas?

And then maybe try it again,

ok?

Good.

Ok?

I didn't mean to look like a retard.

Hey, it's no big deal.

I didn't mean to look like a retard.

We got the best jobs in Baltimore.

So television doesn't want us.

It's television's loss.

You know, you drag me out here,

it's television's loss.

You scare me to death,

and just when I think I have all the right reasons

to be mad at you,

that's when you're the nicest.

You're onto all my tricks.

Well.

Come on.

I was so awful.

No, you weren't.

I was so awful.

I was.

I was so awful.

I was terrible.

I was so awful.

I could have just died.

I was so awful.

Lorie.

What?

Lorie.

Honey, let's do it.

Lorie.

Let's move in together.

Lorie.

What do you say?

Lorie.

Well, guys, we went over the tape,

and believe it or not, you look great.

What do you say?

I say yes.

You were crazy to tell us we were good.

I say yes.

Did you want the truth?

I think it's a beautiful story.

Besides, you should be grateful.

I helped you.

Besides, you should be grateful.

Now there are other people you can help.

Besides, you should be grateful.

This can't be happening.

This is a nightmare.

This can't be happening.

Work with me, God.

This can't be happening.

Lorie, I'm begging you not to do this.

This can't be happening.

Bye, boss. See you tomorrow.

And you. You Judas.

Bye, boss. See you tomorrow.

You may not have a job tomorrow!

Bye, boss. See you tomorrow.

I may not have a job tomorrow!

Please.

Wait! Wait!

Come back.

Oh, forget about Wally.

You look a little ragged.

You know,

I don't mind helping you.

You know,

good.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, stop the car.

Oh, my God.

Stop the car. Stop the car. Back up.

What's the matter?

Please, just...

What's the matter?

God!

What's the matter?

What?

What's the matter?

Shit! Of all the restaurants.

What's the matter?

Would you look at that jerk?

What's the matter?

And at our table, too.

God!

Lorie, stop torturing yourself.

Come on, let me take you home.

Lorie, stop torturing yourself.

No.

Mark, could you be a pal

no.

And do me a really big favor?

What?

Well?

He's going to go to her hotel.

He's, uh...

He's going to spend the night with her.

He's, uh...

To hell with him.

Right.

To hell with him.

To hell with her.

To hell with him.

No. No, wait.

To hell with him.

We're going over there.

To hell with him.

What? Lorie!

To hell with him.

The next thing I know, whack--I saw stars.

We have a right to eat, too, right?

I could have been seriously injured.

She's lucky I don't sue.

We'll sit, have lunch.

Try the Caesar salad.

We'll sit, have lunch.

Maybe he'll choke on his croutons.

We'll sit, have lunch.

Blood's pouring out of my head.

She goes storming out.

All hell's breaking loose--

she goes storming out.

Dan, she's right over there,

she goes storming out.

By the door.

Hi! I didn't know you were here.

By the door.

She's got some nerve.

That jerk.

The corpse of our relationship not even cold...

That jerk.

Ok. I can do this, too.

May we join you?

Yes, come on over.

May we join you?

Ok. Sure.

May we join you?

Linda, how nice to see you.

Sit.

And, of course, Linda,

sit.

You remember mark.

Sit.

So, here we are.

Sit.

Yes, aren't we, though?

Sit.

Isn't this great,

that we can all get together like this

isn't this great,

so soon after our breakup?

Oh, did Dan tell you, Linda?

We broke up.

Oh, of course he did.

We broke up.

He tells you everything, doesn't he?

We broke up.

It's great you can be so adult about this.

Well, thank you, Dan.

You've certainly bounced back.

Well, thank you, Dan.

What is it, four hours? Here you are on schedule.

Well, thank you, Dan.

I had a choice.

I could sit around and wallow

I had a choice.

Or I could keep my date.

Why don't we go someplace else?

No! This is fine. I love this place.

Dan and I had our first date here

no! This is fine. I love this place.

At this very table.

Yes. Do you remember, Dan?

At this very table.

I wouldn't quite call it a date.

We had dinner.

She ate most of my food, then assaulted me.

We had dinner.

That's why it's for the best.

Now we're free, aren't we?

Free to pursue our careers, to pursue...Other people,

now we're free, aren't we?

Although I didn't think

the pursuit would start so soon.

Although I didn't think

lorie, you've got it all wrong.

There's nothing going on here.

Oh, of course not.

There's nothing going on here.

Dan would never-- you flirtatious ass!

There's nothing going on here.

You haven't changed one moment

from the first time I saw you.

How could you think--

from the first time I saw you.

How could I-- you followed me here.

From the first time I saw you.

I was not following you.

Who's sitting at our table?

I was not following you.

Whose fat butt is at our table?

I was not following you.

It's not our table anymore.

Whose fault is that?

Yours! Yours!

Whose fault is that?

Stay, stay! It's your table.

Whose fault is that?

You're both being self-destructive.

Whose fault is that?

I have to agree.

Whose fault is that?

Shut up!

Whose fault is that?

I think we should go.

Whose fault is that?

Oh, she thinks.

Whose fault is that?

Leave her out of this.

Whose fault is that?

Leave her out of this?

Whose fault is that?

I'd love to leave her...

Whose fault is that?

Dan, are you all right?

Some people say the news isn't entertainment,

but they might change their minds

if they were watching station wbal in Baltimore.

Linda. Linda, come here.

Commentator Lorraine bryer

decided to express her opinion

commentator Lorraine bryer

a little more forcefully than usual

commentator Lorraine bryer

and threw a coffee cup at her co-anchor,

commentator Lorraine bryer

who at last report

is in stable, if confused, condition.

Who at last report

the small station was flooded with calls

wondering what will happen tomorrow.

I'm glad you don't drink coffee.

Yes, but I do drink hot tea.

[Click]

We made e.T.!

[Click]

That is so great.

Lorie will totally hate this.

That is so great.

I wonder if she saw it.

Oh, what difference does it make?

Hey, don't be blue.

Maybe it's for the best.

Hey, don't be blue.

No, no. I know. You're right.

I'm glad it's over.

I don't need to be hit in the head.

I'm glad it's over.

Not three times, anyway.

Wow, that perfume is, uh...

So...

What do you think?

So...

Do we go to bed together?

So...

I--I can't sleep here.

I don't have my pajamas.

I don't think you're going to need them.

Part of me wants to, but I--I can't.

Dan, you've changed a lot,

but I think I have, too.

We've always had a lot of laughs and good sex.

Maybe we're ready for something more.

I think I am.

Oh, Linda...

I'm sorry.

Dan...

Go home and get your pajamas.

Dan...

[Knock on door]

Hi.

Hi.

I didn't have my pajamas,

and I had no place to wear them

I didn't have my pajamas,

since you kicked me out.

I thought you were staying with Linda.

No.

Oh.

No.

It's not a good idea for you to stay here.

Where would you suggest I stay?

What about a hotel?

It's late. I don't want to stay at a hotel.

What about a hotel?

All right. All right.

You can... Sleep on the couch.

All right. All right.

But just for tonight.

And don't think just 'cause--

believe me...

I won't.

Believe me...

Thanks.

I have to go work on my copy.

Thanks.

Did the lawyer call you?

Yeah.

One more show, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well...

I guess it's all for the best.

Well...

Definitely.

Well...

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

[Crying]

Dan?

[Crying]

It's ok, honey. I'm all right.

[Crying]

Dan?

I think I'd like some cheesecake.

What?

I think you could use some, too.

You're right.

I could definitely use some cheesecake.

Ok.

You're not going to remember

any of this, are you?

Lorie...

I love you.

I'm crazy about you.

Don't ever leave me, please.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I'll go get us some cheesecake.

That's the way I see it.

Ok. Stop tape. That's it.

Mr. weller.

Well...Miss bryer.

I understand it's not going to work out for us.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

I watched the taping just now.

It's not the same without both of you there.

You know...

I realized, standing out there watching,

exactly why I love your show so much.

It's not the issues,

not the social significance,

it's not the issues,

but it's because there's always this possibility

that your wife, your husband,

your girlfriend, whatever,

will do exactly what you did yesterday.

It's what makes life interesting.

[Runs water]

Stand by, please.

7...

6...

7...

5...

7...

4...

7...

3...

7...

2...

7...

1.

7...

And now, perkell heating and cooling brings you...

7...

I'm sorry, sir, very sorry.

Me, too.

They're a nice couple.

Me, too.

Today's topic,

the mayor's council on mental well-being.

Today's topic,

good afternoon.

Before I begin today,

good afternoon.

I would like to apologize to the viewing public

for my irrational

and totally inappropriate behavior

on yesterday's show.

And totally inappropriate behavior

and I would also like to clear something up

and totally inappropriate behavior

concerning the proposed highway merger.

I would just like to say that...

My opponent is right.

The merger is... Not needed.

Some things are just not meant to be.

You think that you can make them go

in the same direction,

but all you get is...

In the same direction,

congestion and increased traffic and...

Hurt.

The highways should be allowed

hurt.

To run their course.

I would also like to say...

Dan...

Wherever you are...

Dan...

Look. I cleaned my cup.

Cut to the logo. Start Dan's tape.

Oh, man. Poor lorie.

Good afternoon.

Before I begin my rebuttal, lorie,

good afternoon.

I would like to make a statement

about the proposed highway merger.

I would like to go on record

as reversing my original opinion.

I would like to go on record

the highways are ripe for a merger.

This proposal will ensure the future growth

that is sorely needed.

This proposal will ensure the future growth

as my Uncle olaf used to--

this proposal will ensure the future growth

no. No.

I'm--I'm not going to say that anymore.

No. No.

It's not my Uncle olaf talking, lorie.

It's me.

And what I'm saying is that...

I would like another chance.

I just don't want to be apart from you.

And that's the way I see it.

Does this mean...

Pretty scary, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, no. My contact.

It just popped out again.

Oh, no. My contact.

Hold on. I'll find it.

You'll just crush it again.

I never crushed it.

You'll just crush it again.

Dan, you did.

You'll just crush it again.

See? Magic.

So what do you think

about the mayor's council

so what do you think

on mental well-being?

So what do you think

what do you think I think?

So what do you think

I knew it.

So what do you think

you want this on the air?

No, ray. No.

Some things are more important

no, ray. No.

Than a television show. Even I understand that.

No, ray. No.

These kids deserve their privacy.

They don't need their relationship exploited

these kids deserve their privacy.

So that we can...

Camera one, get on Dan.

So that we can...

Camera two, push in closer on lorie.

So that we can...

Well, I guess she won that one.

What are you talking about?

He won.

What's the use even talking to you?

He won.

You're an old fool.

That makes you Mrs. fool.

Captioning made possible by Paramount pictures corporation

captioned by the national captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--

captions copyright 2001 Paramount pictures corporation