All language subtitles for 2222_Eng

Captioning made possible by
Paramount pictures corporation

here you go, sir.

You're looking great
today, Mr. hanson.

All right, people.
20 seconds to air.

15 seconds.
Where's lorie?

All right, people.
20 seconds to air.

5...

4...

5...

3...

5...

2...

5...

And now, perkell
heating and cooling

5...

Brings you
he said, she said,

5...

With your commentators

Lorraine bryer
and Dan hanson.

With your commentators

the issue today--

proposition 41,
the highway merger.

The issue today--

good afternoon, Dan.

Proposition 41 on
the ballot in October

good afternoon, Dan.

Would provide for
a new connecting spur

good afternoon, Dan.

To merge highways
710 and 88.

Good afternoon, Dan.

In my view, this merger
is long overdue.

Good afternoon, Dan.

Not only would it
improve access,

good afternoon, Dan.

But it would allow
for maximum growth,

good afternoon, Dan.

Especially in
the outlying areas.

Good afternoon, Dan.

I know what
you'll say, Dan--

good afternoon, Dan.

That proposition 41
can wait,

good afternoon, Dan.

That there's no need
for it now.

Good afternoon, Dan.

But in two
or three years,

it will be too late.

We must go forward
or we stop.

It will be too late.

Now is the time.

It will be too late.

And that's the way
I see it.

It will be too late.

Well, lorie,
there you go--

over-intellectualizing
again.

Common sense
tells us

over-intellectualizing
again.

That a merger is
simply not needed.

Over-intellectualizing
again.

These two highways function
quite well independently.

Over-intellectualizing
again.

A merger now would only mean
increased spending,

over-intellectualizing
again.

Traffic, and congestion

in an already
crowded area.

And the outlying areas
that you speak of

in an already
crowded area.

Have reached
a plateau

where further growth
is just not expected.

Have reached
a plateau

there's nothing wrong
with the status quo, lorie.

Have reached
a plateau

as my Uncle olaf
used to say,

"why fix it
if it ain't broken?"

As my Uncle olaf
used to say,

and that's the way
I see it--ow!

Christ.

The opinions expressed
by the commentators

Christ.

Are not necessarily
those of station wbal.

Excuse me.
Excuse me, please.

Oh. This is it.

She's gone too far
this time.

Oh. This is it.

What did you
do to her?

She goes nuts
on the air,

and you're asking me
what I did to her?

You must
have done something.

You don't make a rebuttal
with a blunt object.

You do this.
It's too disgusting.

I just hope weller
didn't see the show today.

He'll be fine.
Get back to work.

Please.

Emily,
find some aspirin.

Please.

Look at all those
phone calls, Mr. thurman.

Please.

Hundreds of them.

Vultures.
They all can't wait

to see
what happens tomorrow.

Yeah. Neither can I.

To see
what happens tomorrow.

Wait a minute.

They all can't wait

wait a minute.

To see what
happens tomorrow.

Wait a minute.

This could be
the best thing

that ever happened to us.
If we promote this right...

This could be
the best thing

you'll never believe
who I just talked to--

this could be
the best thing

bill weller's
secretary herself.

This could be
the best thing

you did? That means weller
saw the show today.

This could be
the best thing

see, this could be good.
This could be very good.

This could be
the best thing

he loves this kind of stuff.
What did she say?

This could be
the best thing

she said
he would be calling.

Did you hear that?
She said--

she said
he would be calling.

Wait. Bill weller's
calling me?

On my phone?
Personally?

This could be bad,
very bad.

He never calls you
personally

unless he really
wants to hurt you.

We're screwed.

Wally, sit down. Relax.
Take a deep breath.

We're screwed.

You don't know
what he's thinking.

We're screwed.

It may not be
that bad.

You think he'll still put you
on his network

after today's fiasco?

Lorie blew
the entire deal.

After today's fiasco?

Look. I'll
talk to lorie.

He's spending
a fortune on you two,

and he watches you
break up on the air.

We're not
breaking up.

This is the way we are,
me and lorie.

We're not
breaking up.

This is the way
we've always been.

Hi. This is
lorie bryer.

I'm with the people section
of the sun.

Hi. This is
lorie bryer.

[Telephone rings]

Hanson.

[Telephone rings]

Yes. Hello. Thank you
for calling me back.

[Telephone rings]

I'm doing the obituary
on Professor Hollis.

Color of the bride's...

I'm doing the obituary
on Professor Hollis.

What time is the
wedding--uh, funeral?

I'm doing the obituary
on Professor Hollis.

Puce?
Right. Ok.

Does the family have any
special requests?

Puce?
Right. Ok.

In lieu of flowers.
Great.

Thanks very much.

Bye-bye.

Thanks very much.

Puce.

Thanks very much.

Well, this is definitely
pulitzer prize material.

Thanks very much.

This will turn
journalism on its ear.

There are no small jobs
here, miss bryer.

A newspaper is
a daily miracle,

and we're
all part of it.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Diana.

Oh, you look
incredible.

Diana.

It's your hair,
right?

Diana.

It's your cut.
You found your cut.

Diana.

We still on
for Friday?

It's my sister's
birthday.

Can we change it
to Saturday?

It's my sister's
birthday.

Sure. Absolutely.
No problem.

My entire schedule
is at your disposal.

Sure. Absolutely.
No problem.

Sheila.
Sheila. Sheila.

I've got a problem.

Sheila.
Sheila. Sheila.

Can we change
Saturday to Friday?

Sheila.
Sheila. Sheila.

It's my sister's
birthday.

Sure, Dan.
I can do that.

It's my sister's
birthday.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

You're an angel.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Thanks.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Dan!

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Dan!

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Shit.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Dan!

Lousy, self-centered,
three-timing jerk.

Scumbag.

Oh, God.
I fell for...

Scumbag.

Shh.

Now I find out
he's got a girlfriend.

Shh.

You all right?

Just take my advice.

You all right?

Stay away from him.

You all right?

Never go out with him.

You all right?

There's no chance
of that.

You all right?

I don't go out
with cowardly scumbags.

I mean, what does
everybody see in him?

He's not
that good-looking.

He thinks
that he's charming

with all
this boyish stuff,

and I can't imagine

the sex would be
any good.

And I can't imagine

well...

How many es
in sleazeball?

A note is good,

but you need to make
a much more dramatic point.

A note is good,

you ought to just
break something.

One of his models.

Yeah.

One of his models.

Uh, no, the wolfman.

That's his favorite,
I think.

Oh, no.
I couldn't do that.

That's his favorite,
I think.

Have you ever
heard him talk

about the wolfman?

It brought tears
to my eyes.

About the wolfman?

Look. Just do me
a favor, ok?

Next time
you see him,

you kick his butt
for me.

You got it.

Ok.

You got it.

You...

Don't say a word.

You...

You were going
to let her
trash my wolfman.

You...

Well, you deserve it,

lying to that poor girl.

Well, you deserve it,

am I responsible

for the personality
disorders of my dates?

Am I responsible

I told Janet
I see other women.

Am I responsible

I don't lie.

Am I responsible

what, you help
little old ladies

am I responsible

cross the street, too?

Am I responsible

I happen to have
17 merit badges.

Am I responsible

and by the way,

sex with me
is very good.

And by the way,

uh-huh.

I'm sure.

Uh-huh.

Why? Have you
heard something?

What have you heard?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Ok, everybody.

I know there have been a lot
of rumors floating around

ok, everybody.

Since Monroe announced
his retirement.

So, I've decided to give
young Mr. hanson here

a crack
at that column.

Congratulations.

Harry, come here.

[Whispering] Listen,
I told you yesterday

Harry, come here.

I promised the column
to miss bryer.

She's the best
writer on the staff.

I want you
to fix this.

Aw, Christ, ed.

I wish you hadn't
done that.

Aw, Christ, ed.

Uh, Dan, and,
uh...Miss bryer,

in my office
after this meeting.

Technically, the op-ed page
is Ed's territory,

but I do wish, lorie,

that he'd told me he
promised you the column.

But I do wish, lorie,

I did.

Now, what we've
decided to do

I did.

In a most Solomon-like
and quite cowardly fashion,

I did.

Is to give you
both a shot at it.

You've both
been following

is to give you
both a shot at it.

This public
sculpture thing?

Is to give you
both a shot at it.

Don't feel you have
to imitate Monroe.

Is to give you
both a shot at it.

Use your own style,
opinions.

1,500 words,
on my desk, by 5:00

for publication
tomorrow.

1,500 words,
on my desk, by 5:00

may the best
man win.

1,500 words,
on my desk, by 5:00

or the best woman.

This really sucks.

Tell me about it.

This really sucks.

Oh, please. Don't tell me
that you're done already.

This really sucks.

Do you think about it at all,
or do you just...Type?

I don't need to think.

Common sense tells me
what to say.

I don't need to think.

Common sense, huh?

I'll tell you what.

I'll wait
until you're done.

I'll tell you what.

We'll hand them
in together

I'll tell you what.

Just to give you
a fair shot.

I'll tell you what.

So, all those years I spent
in journalism school

were just
a waste of my time?

I don't consider myself
a journalist.

Were just
a waste of my time?

I wouldn't brag
about it.

Were just
a waste of my time?

I'm a newspaperman.

Were just
a waste of my time?

Pithy.
Dumb, but pithy.

Were just
a waste of my time?

Listen--
listen--

go ahead.

After tomorrow,

go ahead.

One of us is never
going to speak

go ahead.

To the other
one again, so I...

How about dinner?

There you are.

And you, sir.

To my new column.

The paper doesn't come out
for a couple of hours.

To my new column.

Here. You might as well
take these, too.

No. I just
wanted a taste.

Dan.

Susan.

Dan.

Hi.

Dan.

Oh.

Dan.

Wow. You look
fantastic.

Dan.

Your hair looks great.
That is you.

Dan.

That is your cut.

Thank you.

That is your cut.

And thanks
for the flowers.

That is your cut.

That was so sweet.

That is your cut.

You remembered I mentioned
liking mums.

That is your cut.

Well, you got them.
I'm glad.

That is your cut.

Listen, Susan,
this is lorie.

She's, uh...

Listen, Susan,
this is lorie.

She's got the cubicle
across from me.

Listen, Susan,
this is lorie.

Listen. I didn't mean
to interrupt.

Let's get together,
go to an art opening?

That would be great.
Give me a call.

But don't change
your hair,

that would be great.
Give me a call.

Or the deal's off.

That would be great.
Give me a call.

I won't.

That would be great.
Give me a call.

Bye-bye.

That would be great.
Give me a call.

See ya.

That would be great.
Give me a call.

Don't say a word.

I do not
believe you.

Don't say a word.

It's amazing
it's like watching

don't say a word.

Some creeping
fungus at work.

Don't say a word.

Hey. Some people
have been known

don't say a word.

To have a good time
with me.

Look, all I was
going to say

to have a good time
with me.

Is that from
what I have observed

to have a good time
with me.

Of you and your women,

the overall level
of hurt, outrage,

of you and your women,

and distress
that you inspire

can only
be termed massive.

Did she look hurt
to you?

No. As a matter
of fact,

she looked
very happy.

But, you know,
ignorance is bliss.

She looked
very happy.

I just don't understand
women like that.

Maybe I'm too...Cerebral.

That means
maybe I'm too brainy.

I know
what that means.

You got something
on your face.

It's a crumb
or schmutz or something.

Stop that.

So, about my column,

the public
sculpture--

so, about my column,

were you for
or against it?

So, about my column,

what do you think?

I was against it.

What do you think?

That doesn't
surprise me.

What do you think?

They'll print yours.
It's a men's club.

What do you think?

I would really
like to work

at the New York times.

At least there I could
influence people,

at the New York times.

Maybe change the way
they think a little bit.

That's why I want
this column so badly.

I don't want to be stuck
reporting on weddings forever.

Really?

I thought all women
love weddings.

Really?

You really think you know
how to get to me.

Really?

As long as we're going
to talk in stereotypes...

All women
want to get married,

and all men
fear commitment.

No. No, no. See,
you don't understand.

It's not fear.

It's just that we don't have
a choice in the matter.

We can't commit.

It's just that we don't have
a choice in the matter.

It's something
deep inside,

it's just that we don't have
a choice in the matter.

In the animal
part of men,

it's just that we don't have
a choice in the matter.

That wants to keep us
separate from the pack.

Right. Like your friend
the wolfman.

Exactly. Ok, there's
the perfect example.

Right. Like your friend
the wolfman.

The wolfman
is a tremendous

source of strength

for guys like me.

Source of strength

he's strong, aloof,

source of strength

destined
to live alone.

He's his own man.

Destined
to live alone.

He's his own wolf.

Destined
to live alone.

He's his
own wolfman.

Destined
to live alone.

He knows
that it's impossible

destined
to live alone.

To get close to someone,

destined
to live alone.

Because
sooner or later,

destined
to live alone.

That full moon is
going to come out.

Destined
to live alone.

Bingo. Somebody is
going to get hurt.

So he takes his intimacy
where he can find it.

A night here,
a night there.

Those other women fall
for this shit, huh?

This is not shit.

It's something
I deeply believe in.

This is not shit.

Well, it sounds like
an excuse to me.

This is not shit.

Sooner or later,

even the wolfman
has to make a choice.

Sooner or later,

ready to order,
miss?

Sooner or later,

oh, yeah. Um...

Sooner or later,

I will start with...

Monogamy.

Then...

Monogamy.

Commitment.

Monogamy.

And then I will
have the marriage.

Monogamy.

The marriage comes
with commitment, ma'am,

unless you'd like
something on the side.

The marriage comes
with commitment, ma'am,

oh. No. Not me,

but maybe
children later.

Oh. No. Not me,

good choice, ma'am.

Oh. No. Not me,

I understand
the monogamy

is very good here.

And for you, sir?

Is very good here.

Uh, just a side order
of sex, please.

Is very good here.

I can't
do that, sir.

It only comes
with commitment.

I can't
do that, sir.

All right. I'll make it
easy for you.

I'll take
the complete dinner.

Hold the commitment,
hold the monogamy.

I'll take
the complete dinner.

Just bring the sex.

That way, nobody
gets in trouble,

just bring the sex.

And I get
what I want.

You want me to
hold the monogamy?

Dan, read the sign.

You want me to
hold the monogamy?

Do you need another
minute to decide?

I hear the ravioli
here is great.

Yeah. Sure.
Ravioli sounds fine.

When I'm editor,

I'll give you
another chance.

When I'm editor,

when you're editor,
I'll be long gone.

When I'm editor,

don't feel sorry
for me--oh, shit.

What's wrong?

My contact
popped out.

What's wrong?

I'm always
doing that.

What's wrong?

Hang on. Hang on.

What's wrong?

I'm excellent
at this.

What's wrong?

I have this
uncanny power.

What's wrong?

It's like magic.
Watch.

Attention,
everybody, please.

It's like magic.
Watch.

Nobody move.

It's like magic.
Watch.

My friend has just
lost a contact lens,

it's like magic.
Watch.

So if everybody
could just stop

right where you are,

just look down, and--

right where you are,

[crunch]

Right where you are,

oh, boy.

Right where you are,

was that it?

I don't know.

Was that it?

I can't see.

Was that it?

It's ok. We got it.

Was that it?

Thanks.

Thank you.

I'm--I'm
really sorry.

Thank you.

How am I going
to drive like this?

I'll have to read
my column with one eye.

What?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

What?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I'm--I'm sorry.

What?

I'm--I'm sorry.

It's just...Funny.

I'm--I'm sorry.

Don't you think
it's...

I'm--I'm sorry.

Hey,
that's stealing.

Wait. Wait, wait.

Before we open this,

wait. Wait, wait.

No matter
what happens,

wait. Wait, wait.

I had
a good time tonight.

Wait. Wait, wait.

Ok.

I don't believe it.

Goddamn it.

I don't believe it.

This is not fair.

I don't believe it.

Only one of us
was supposed to win.

I don't believe it.

It was supposed to be
my column in the first place.

I think it was
damn nice of them.

Nice of them?

I think it was
damn nice of them.

I'm the one
who should be upset.

I think it was
damn nice of them.

Listen, Buster, the only reason
they ran your column at all

is because
you have a penis.

Well, why didn't
you show them yours?

Hey, forget it.

I had a terrible
time tonight.

Hey, forget it.

Hey, Dan. Good job.

You really
showed her.

Hey, Dan. Good job.

What are you
talking about?

Hey, Dan. Good job.

She was right.
He's crazy.

Hey, Dan. Good job.

Did you read the same
columns I did?

Hey, Dan. Good job.

Hey, Phil.
The usual.

You got it.

Hey, Phil.
The usual.

So you just going
to stare at me

all night,

or you going
to buy me a drink?

All night,

and one of whatever
this young lady is having.

So you're the
literary type, huh?

Well, you know,
that depends.

What type
do you like?

Oh. Men about
your height,

men about your size.

Hmm.

Men about your size.

We have
to do something

men about your size.

About your clothes,
though.

What's wrong
with my clothes?

About your clothes,
though.

They're on.

I missed you.

How was Paris?

I missed you.

Wet. You should
have been there.

I missed you.

Oh, Linda.

What do you say
we get out of here?

Oh, Linda.

Hold on a second,
big boy.

I want to have
my drink.

So, who's the girl?

You two a team?

So, who's the girl?

Oh, God, no. No.

So, who's the girl?

They wouldn't
do that to me.

So, who's the girl?

It's just
a one-shot deal.

I'll never have to
work with her again.

Good.

And that's
what we decided.

Good.

We'll start with
three columns a week.

We really stumbled
onto something here.

People love
a good fight.

That's a great line
for an ad.

People love
a good fight.

All right, look.
Thursday's assignment--

people love
a good fight.

There's a new dance thing
at the royale.

People love
a good fight.

It's causing
a big flap.

People love
a good fight.

Yeah. The pornographic
thing.

People love
a good fight.

It's not
pornographic.

People love
a good fight.

There's a brief
nude scene.

People love
a good fight.

It's done with
taste and integrity.

You've seen it?

It's done with
taste and integrity.

No, but I know--

it's done with
taste and integrity.

Does this possibly
qualify

it's done with
taste and integrity.

As knee-jerk liberalism?

It's done with
taste and integrity.

Do it.

It's done with
taste and integrity.

That shouldn't
be allowed.

Who are you to say?

That shouldn't
be allowed.

I think I'm a fairly
average person.

That shouldn't
be allowed.

You're telling me.

That shouldn't
be allowed.

If it offends me, it would
offend most people.

That shouldn't
be allowed.

Why can't you let people
make up their own minds?

That shouldn't
be allowed.

I do. I just give them
the facts.

That shouldn't
be allowed.

You call what you write
the facts?

That shouldn't
be allowed.

What, boiling down
complex issues

into pithy little epigrams
from your Uncle olaf?

Say what you like
about me,

but leave my Uncle olaf
out of this.

Say what you like
about me,

oh, give me a break.

Uncle olaf is a cheap
literary invention.

He doesn't
even exist.

Uncle olaf is a cheap
literary invention.

My Uncle olaf is not
cheap. He's great guy.

Uncle olaf is a cheap
literary invention.

I'll prove to you
he exists.

What do you want
to bet?

I'll prove to you
he exists.

A drink.
I will bet you a drink.

I'll prove to you
he exists.

You're on.

I'll prove to you
he exists.

Ok.

I'll prove to you
he exists.

He's not home.

He's got
a new girlfriend.

He's not home.

And Tuesday night
is polka night.

Polka night.

I'll have
a gin and tonic.

Polka night.

No, he's just not at home.

Polka night.

You want to dance?

I don't dance.

You want to dance?

I'll have
a gin and tonic.

You want to dance?

Wow. You're
really good.

Oh, God.

I know this guy.

Oh, he's
an incredible drag.

I know this guy.

He's always
coming on to me.

If he asks me
to dance,

would you just get up
and dance with me, please?

Please?

Lorie. Hi.
It's me--Steve.

Please?

I haven't
seen you here

in a long time.

I haven't
seen you here

you looked great
out there.

I haven't
seen you here

excuse me,

I haven't
seen you here

but we were in
the middle of--

I haven't
seen you here

would you
like to dance?

I haven't
seen you here

I really miss the way
we move together.

I haven't
seen you here

sorry, buddy.
She's dancing with me.

Thanks.

It's ok.

Thanks.

What?
What's wrong?

I don't know.

Look...

What I wanted to say
the other night

look...

Was that...
Most girls,

when they take
their contacts out,

was that...
Most girls,

their eyes
don't sparkle,

but yours--

their eyes
don't sparkle,

yours do,

their eyes
don't sparkle,

and I--I couldn't
say that

their eyes
don't sparkle,

because it would
sound stupid,

and you'd think
I was chasing you.

Because it would
sound stupid,

I didn't want you
to think

because it would
sound stupid,

I was chasing you
because...

Because it would
sound stupid,

well, because
I was chasing you.

Because it would
sound stupid,

if you set out
to confuse me,

you couldn't have done
a better job,

if you set out
to confuse me,

and I would really,
really

like to kiss you
again,

but...Not if you're
going to laugh at me.

Like to kiss you
again,

I won't laugh at you.

[Laughing]

I'm so--

do you want to--

yes.

Do you want to--

Mr. hanson!
Must be Wednesday.

Big order day, right?

Setting them up
for the weekend.

Big order day, right?

You must spend half
your salary on flowers.

Big order day, right?

Mind you,
I'm not complaining.

Actually, Lou,
just one order today.

Mind you,
I'm not complaining.

What? Only one?

Yeah. Let's see...

What? Only one?

Roses or, I don't know,
maybe birds of paradise.

What? Only one?

Well, it all depends
on the desired effect.

Breaking the ice,
sexual overture...

Not...Love?

Please...

Mr. hanson.

Come on.

Tell me
it's not love.

Come on.

No.

Come on.

I don't know.

You know
what love is.

I don't know.

It's a time bomb
waiting to go off.

Believe me.

That's why God
made other women--

believe me.

Because, no matter how good
any one woman might be,

there's always another one

right around
the corner

there's always another one

that could be
even better.

There's always another one

you ok?

I'm fine, I'm fine,
I'm fine. I'm ok.

You ok?

4:15.
Morning terrors.

It's ok.

4:15.
Morning terrors.

Just take a couple
of deep breaths

4:15.
Morning terrors.

And come back
to bed, ok?

Come on.
Come back to bed.

You never take
this seriously.

Come on.
Come back to bed.

Doesn't this
ever happen to you,

where--where you
just wake up

and you don't feel real

or you're not living
the life

you're supposed to be
living...

Like--like all your
choices are wrong?

You're supposed to be
living...

Dan...

You're just tired.

No, I'm not tired.

You don't understand.

I don't love you.

I mean,
I've known you longer

than any other woman
in my life, but...

God, I shouldn't be
going to bed

with somebody
I don't love.

Do you know
how many times

you've woken up
at 4:15

with deep insights?

You've woken up
at 4:15

yeah.

You've woken up
at 4:15

and they're
always right.

What are you saying?

I know who
I should be with now.

And...

I only want to go
to bed with her.

And...

I'm sorry, Linda.

Dan...

You know this woman,

the one you're
dumping me for?

You know this woman,

she isn't worth it.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

How long
have you been here?

Oh, a while.

I brought you
some orange juice

and some doughnuts,

but I ate the doughnuts.

And some doughnuts,

look...

I don't want to be
with anyone but you,

look...

And I don't want you

to be with anyone else
but me.

Please say something.

And that's how it began.

Wait a minute.
Back up here.

This Linda
we're talking about...

Wait a minute.
Back up here.

Is this Linda metzger?

You slept with
Linda metzger?

Is this Linda metzger?

Yeah. You know her?

Is this Linda metzger?

Of course I know her.

Is this Linda metzger?

I tried to sleep with her
all through college.

Is this Linda metzger?

That's amazing.
How did you meet her?

Which life story
do you want to hear?

That's amazing.
How did you meet her?

Hey, I made a promo
for tomorrow's show.

Wait till you see this.
This is great.

Hey, Dan.
How's the head?

She got you
pretty good, huh?

Hey, Dan.
How's the head?

He slowed it down,
transferred it,

then slowed it
down again.

You can even see
the lettering

then slowed it
down again.

On the mug.

Then slowed it
down again.

As my Uncle olaf
used to say,

then slowed it
down again.

"Why fix it
if it ain't broken?"

That's the way
I see it.

Ow!

That's the way
I see it.

You never know

that's the way
I see it.

What's going to be
tossed around

that's the way
I see it.

On he said, she said.

That's the way
I see it.

See hanson and bryer,
round two,

tomorrow at noon
on channel 11.

Huh?

I think I got to
lie down again.

Mr. thurman, it's him.
Bill weller on one.

Jesus!

Hello, Mr. weller.

This is
Wallace thurman,

hello, Mr. weller.

Station manager
at wbal.

Hello, Mr. weller.

It's a pleasure

hello, Mr. weller.

To be speaking
to you directly.

Hello, Mr. weller.

Uh,
hanson and bryer.

No problem, sir.
Just a moment.

Uh,
hanson and bryer.

He wants to talk
to you and lorie

on the speaker phone.

Put him on.
I'll improvise.

On the speaker phone.

There's only
one problem.

I've never used
the speaker phone.

There's only
one problem.

Thanks.

Who have I got there?

Thanks.

Hello, Mr. weller.

This is Dan hanson,
here with Wally thurman.

Hello, Mr. weller.

This is ray, our
technical director.

Lorie bryer
is in the bathroom.

Can't be helped.

Let me cut
to the chase.

Can't be helped.

I've been negotiating

to buy your crummy show
for my network--

I've been negotiating

we know, sir.
Let me say--

that stunt you pulled
this afternoon,

you and miss bryer...

Ha ha ha!

You and miss bryer...

Ha ha ha!

That was pure magic

for enhancing ratings.

I don't care if you
hate each other's guts

for enhancing ratings.

Or if you faked it.

I only care that
you milk this situation

or if you faked it.

For every nickel
it's worth.

We're excited
you're excited,

Mr. weller.

We're excited
you're excited,

I'm not excited, sherman.

We're excited
you're excited,

thurman.

We're excited
you're excited,

I'm greedy.

We're excited
you're excited,

greed is good.

We're excited
you're excited,

I'm greedy
and I'm determined.

We're excited
you're excited,

and to make sure
everything is all right,

I'll be there
for tomorrow's show.

Don't screw up!

[Dial tone]

Don't screw up!

Wait a minute!
It was all a mistake.

Don't screw up!

Wally, he's gone.
He's gone.

What--

oh...

Oh, come on.

This is
ridiculous.

Oh, boy.

Lorie...

Oh, boy.

Lorie, honey.

Come on,
open up.

Lorie, honey.

Lorie,
what's going on?

Lorie?

I know
you're in there.

Lorie?

Please, honey,
talk to me.

I brought you some
of Rita's slaw.

Take it away.

Come on.

Take it away.

I hate it.

Take it away.

I thought
you liked it.

Take it away.

I was just
being polite.

Take it away.

For three years?

Go away.

For three years?

Go away? I live here,
remember?

For three years?

Not anymore.

How's your head?

It hurts.
It's bleeding.

How's your head?

They thought
I might need stitches.

How's your head?

Well, I'm sorry.

I just couldn't
take it anymore--

well, I'm sorry.

Looking up at your fat,
smug, fat face.

I couldn't help myself.

Thanks, honey.

That's quite
an apology.

Thanks, honey.

My stuff out here
in the hall--

thanks, honey.

What does this mean?

Thanks, honey.

It means that it took
this whole TV thing,

thanks, honey.

The show and its success,

and what it's done to us,

to make me realize
that...

We just...

To make me realize
that...

We want different things.

To make me realize
that...

I've always known that,

to make me realize
that...

But I kept...

To make me realize
that...

I kept thinking
that someday

to make me realize
that...

It was going to get
easier, but...

To make me realize
that...

I don't think that you're
ever going to change.

Wait a minute!

Come on. Things are
going great for us.

Wait a minute!

We can't break up
over a silly fight

in the green room.
There's too much at stake.

We can't break up
over a silly fight

lorie,
honey, please.

I don't want it
to be over.

Lorie,
honey, please.

You used to like me
the way I was.

I still do.

I love you.

But I need
more from you.

Well, I--I just
don't know what else

I can give you.

Well...

Is that some
of Rita's coleslaw?

Yeah.

Do you want it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hold on.
I'll bring it down.

Yeah.

Thank you very much.
I--I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Here, uh...

Let me give you
a dollar for it.

Here, uh...

No, no. That's--

no. It's only fair.

No, no. That's--

and come on in.
You look like shit.

No, no. That's--

ok. Thanks.

Oh, so there he is.

Ok. Thanks.

Hi, Mrs. spepk.

Now, sit down.

Hi, Mrs. spepk.

I'll get something
for your head.

Hi, Mrs. spepk.

Thank you,
but a bump on my head

is no longer
the problem.

I know
what the problem is.

Is no longer
the problem.

You see, in my day,

young people
got married

before they
slept together.

Young people
got married

that's bullshit.

Young people
got married

we slept together

young people
got married

before we were
married.

Young people
got married

we did not.

You didn't marry
for love back then either.

We did not.

Love came later.

I'm still waiting.

Thank you very much,
Mr. and Mrs. spepk,

but I've really--
I've got to go.

You really must have
done it this time.

She wants
the locks changed.

What? You're kidding?

She wants
the locks changed.

She asked you to do that?

She wants
the locks changed.

Guess you won't be breaking
any more windows.

What do you mean?

Remember the window
you broke?

What do you mean?

Yeah. But I didn't
break that window.

Yes, you did.

Don't you remember?

Yes, you did.

Mrs. spepk, I did not
break that window. Lorie did.

Yes, you did.

Dan, wake up.

What the hell
are you doing?

We have to get out
of here.

The room is flooding.

Honey, shh.

The room is flooding.

The room
is not flooding.

The room is flooding.

I brought you
a raincoat.

The room is flooding.

Oh, thanks.

You're sleeping.

Oh, thanks.

Let's go back
to bed.

Oh, thanks.

We have to get out
of here.

And we will,

we have to get out
of here.

But not
right now.

I'm going
to call a cab...

But not
right now.

A gondola,

and by the time
you wake up,

a gondola,

he'll be here.

All right.

Don't forget your raincoat.

All right.

No, I won't.
I got it.

Just go
to sleep now.

I do not sleepwalk.

Other people
would have told me.

I do not sleepwalk.

You're not the first
overnight guest I've had.

I suppose the windows
just broke themselves?

Pick up for hanson,
please.

Two pastramis
on rye, right?

That's it.

Hey,
you're that guy.

That's it.

I seen your picture.

And you. You two--

no!

Oh, get out of here!

No!

Rita.
Come see who's here.

I got to get
a picture of you

for my wall of fame.

Rita!

I heard you
the first 20 times, pop.

Rita!

Look who's here.
It's the people who argue.

And guess what--
they're in love.

Look who's here.
It's the people who argue.

Ha ha ha.

Look who's here.
It's the people who argue.

Oh, well,
what do you know.

Look who's here.
It's the people who argue.

It's really nice to meet you.
I love your column.

Look who's here.
It's the people who argue.

Oh, thank you.

Look who's here.
It's the people who argue.

Hold up these sandwiches
for the camera.

Look who's here.
It's the people who argue.

Go on.
Step back over there.

Hold them up
real nice and high.

Smile big.

Wait a minute.

Smile big.

Look at that.

Smile big.

Hold this.

Smile big.

[Honk honk]

[Honk honk]

[Honk honk honk]

Hey!

Look what I got!

Hey!

You're beautiful!

Hey.

What?

Hey.

I love you.

Hey.

I'm not telling
you this

to get the exact
same response from you.

I'm not telling
you this

I feel very warmly
towards you,

and I--I think
it's great

that...You're not
asking me

to be in exactly
the same place as you

at exactly
the same time.

Ok, Dan. I'm only
hearing your side

of the story.

I haven't
treated lorie yet.

Of the story.

But I know you
well enough

from the old days

to know that
any concerns

from the old days

she's going to
have about you

from the old days

are justified.

From the old days

mm. Verbalization's
the key here.

From the old days

in order
to achieve a mature,

empathic resonance
with your partner,

you've got to share
your feelings.

Yeah, I buy that.
That's why I'm here.

Now, we have had
tremendous results.

Real breakthroughs...

Now, we have had
tremendous results.

With these.

Eric, that's a puppet.

Ooh. My clients
express their feelings

without becoming
excessively vulnerable.

We call them
emotional surrogates.

Uh-huh.

I love you, Dan.

I love you.

Come on. You try.

No, no.

Come on. You try.

I really don't
want to...

Come on. You try.

Come on.

[Embarrassed laughter]

I feel ridiculous.

Come on.

I can't.

[Gasping]

Oh, God.

[Gasping]

[Crying]

Dan?

It's ok, honey.
I'm ok.

Dan?

Dan...

I think I'd like
some cheesecake.

What?

I think you could
use some, too.

Yeah...

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah...

I could definitely
use some cheesecake.

Ok.

You're not going
to remember

any of this, are you?

You're not going
to remember

lorie...

I love you.

I'm crazy about you.

Don't ever leave me,
please.

I'm crazy about you.

I want to spend
the rest of my life with you.

I'll go get us
some cheesecake.

I just want
to warn you.

Daddy is not going
to approve of you,

I just want
to warn you.

But mom,
she's very sweet.

This is so great

that you're taking
your vacation time

this is so great

to do this with me.

This is so great

I wanted
to meet them.

This is so great

it's about time.

This is so great

why?

This is so great

what does that mean?

This is so great

well...N-nothing.

This is so great

it's just about time
I met them.

This is so great

that's all I meant.

Well, don't be nervous.

That's all I meant.

They're very normal.

That's all I meant.

They are the most
normal family in the world.

That's all I meant.

You just can't discuss
birth control

out of its
political context.

I use a diaphragm.

That doesn't make me
a capitalist

I use a diaphragm.

Or a socialist.

I use a diaphragm.

Diaphragms
are threatening.

I use a diaphragm.

They give
women power.

I use a diaphragm.

I've used condoms
all my life.

I use a diaphragm.

I'm not ashamed of it.
How about you, Dan?

Do you use condoms?

Well...

Do you use condoms?

Actually, it
kind of depends.

Do you use condoms?

He's got condom
written all over him.

What does
your father do, Dan?

I--I think
they're too old

what does
your father do, Dan?

To worry about it.

No, I meant
for a living.

Oh...He's retired.

Oh, independently
wealthy, huh?

No, no. Just old.

I was a late kid,

no, no. Just old.

Kind of a surprise
to them.

No, no. Just old.

You like children, Dan?

No, no. Just old.

Yeah...Yeah.

Well, yeah, yeah,
I think I...I...

Yeah...Yeah.

Where's Wendy?

Oh, she read Dan's
article on abortion

where's Wendy?

And decided she could not,
in good conscience,

eat with him.

That's rude.

Eat with him.

I don't think so.

Eat with him.

Where do you stand on
capital punishment, Dan?

Eat with him.

This isn't
the time or place--

all right, he is for
capital punishment,

he voted for Reagan twice,

all right, he is for
capital punishment,

he makes slightly more than
I do for the same job--

you didn't know
I knew, did you?

And we usually use
a sheik elite

you didn't know
I knew, did you?

With a reservoir tip.

Is there anything else
you'd like to know?

We're just trying to
get to know him, honey.

It's not like we're
getting married

or anything...

Is it?

Or anything...

No! No.

Or anything...

I mean no. No, no.

Good morning.

Welcome to
A.M. Baltimore.

Good morning.

We have as our
guests today

Dan hanson
and lorie bryer,

two newspaper
columnists

from
the Baltimore sun,

two newspaper
columnists

whose competing
columns have caused

quite a stir.

Whose competing
columns have caused

good morning,
Dan and lorie.

Whose competing
columns have caused

were you surprised

by the success
of your columns?

Were you surprised

well, no,
actually, I...

Well, I--I...

Well, no,
actually, I...

Sorry. Go ahead.

Well, no,
actually, I...

I just wonder

well, no,
actually, I...

Whether people
would pay attention

well, no,
actually, I...

To what we were saying

well, no,
actually, I...

If they were
normal editorials

well, no,
actually, I...

Without this whole
competition thing.

We're getting read.
That's the important thing.

We make people think,
right?

Well, maybe,
but what I'm saying is,

we make people think,
right?

Is it what we say,
or is it just the gimmick?

You two,

do you ever
stop arguing?

You two,

now we've heard--

tell us if
this is right--

now we've heard--

we've heard
that you two

are living together.

We've heard
that you two

well, I'd rather not
go into that.

We've heard
that you two

well, not yet.
Let me put it that way.

Isn't that great?

What the hell
is the matter?

Why did that
upset you?

What is this
"not yet" stuff?

Well, we've been talking
about moving in.

No. I have been
talking about it.

You have been
ignoring me.

Does that mean that
you want to move in?

Well, we need
to talk about it.

That is such prime
Dan hanson material.

What, do we talk
about it at home, alone,

or do we talk about it

in front of 500,000 people
that we don't know?

Oh, come on.

That show doesn't
get 500,000 viewers,

oh, come on.

Does it,
do you think?

Oh, come on.

You're impossible.
You're impossible.

Oh, come on.

Excuse me. I hope
I'm not interrupting.

Oh, come on.

My name's Wally thurman.
I'm the station manager.

You two are both
terrific.

Well, thank you.
Thanks.

Terrific together.
I mean, as a team.

Well, thank you.
Thanks.

Have you ever considered
being on TV regularly?

Yes.
No.

Well, no.
Yes.

Yes.
No.

Well...

Yes.
No.

Actually, we do talk
about it quite a bit.

Yes.
No.

We feel it's
the natural evolution

of what we've been doing.

Stand by, please.

Of what we've been doing.

5...

Of what we've been doing.

4...

Of what we've been doing.

3...

Of what we've been doing.

2...

Of what we've been doing.

1.

Of what we've been doing.

Hi. I'm Dan hanson.

Of what we've been doing.

And I'm lorie bryer.

This is he said...
She said.

And I'm lorie bryer.

Today's issue is garbage.

And I'm lorie bryer.

Our dumps will be
filled in 10 years,

and I'm lorie bryer.

And what do we do then?

Some people feel

and what do we do then?

It's the government's
responsibility.

And what do we do then?

Maybe they're right.

And what do we do then?

But as my Uncle olaf
used to say,

and what do we do then?

"If you make the trash,
you can take it out."

And that's the way I see it.

You were great.

No, no,
you were.

You were great.

You even made
me look good.

You were great.

Let's do it.

Let's move in together.

Let's do it.

¶ Blah blah
blah blah moon ¶

¶ blah blah blah above ¶

¶ blah blah
blah blah croon ¶

¶ blah blah
blah blah love ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA LA
merry month of may ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA LA
'neath the clouds of gray ¶

¶ blah blah blah
your hair ¶

¶ blah blah blah
your eyes ¶

¶ blah blah
blah blah care ¶

¶ blah blah
blah blah skies ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA ¶

¶ tra LA LA LA LA
cottage for two ¶

¶ blah blah
blah blah fly ¶

¶ darling, with you ¶¶

hey, Larry.

[Whistles]

Hey, Larry.

I think I'll consider
this relationship a success

if I can ever get you
to clean out your coffee cup.

What do you
want to do today?

I thought
we'd stay in.

Hey, Dan!

Hey, guys.

Three on three
at the park.

Hey, guys.

Yeah!

Hey, guys.

Uh...

No, actually,
I'm, uh...

Uh...

I'm just going to
stay in today. Thanks.

Let's get out
of here.

Oh, hi, Dan.
How are you today?

I'm fine...

But I'm going
to stay in.

Oh. [Giggles]

Linda?

Dan, hurry up! Come on,
you're missing the party.

I'll be right down.

You know...

I definitely think
we should stay in today.

Sure, honey.

Whatever you say.

Sure, honey.

I didn't change enough?

Oh, come on.

I changed everything
in my life for her.

Oh, come on.

You're better off.

I think of everything
I could have done

you're better off.

If I didn't have to
come home to her.

What things?

How should I know?
I didn't do them.

What things?

All right.

You...

All right.

Enough of this.

All right.

You go up there
right now,

all right.

You take her
in your arms

and tell her
you love her.

No, it's too late
for that, Mrs. spepk.

It's over.

Dan, you can't
be serious.

It's over.

Mr. spepk, here's
the keys to the apartment.

Tell lorie there's no need
to change the locks.

Here, take this.

Thanks.

Hi, Dan.

Hi.

God. Are you ok?

Yeah.

God. Are you ok?

Wally told me
all about it.

God. Are you ok?

Wow. News travels fast.

Yeah.

Boy, you look great.

Yeah.

It's really good
to see you.

Maybe we shouldn't
be sitting here.

Why?

What difference
does it make? Never mind.

Why?

So you know Wally?
I didn't know that.

He's been
chasing me forever,

almost as long
as you.

He's been
chasing me forever,

I never chased you.

He's been
chasing me forever,

you never had to.

He's been
chasing me forever,

so Wally asked me

to try and get
you and lorie

so Wally asked me

back together.

What did you say?

Back together.

I said we'd have
a couple of drinks,

back together.

And I'd try real hard...

For the sake of
the show.

There's one problem.

For the sake of
the show.

The show is not
available anymore.

For the sake of
the show.

That means you are,
right?

For the sake of
the show.

But they don't want me
as a single.

For the sake of
the show.

I'm not as picky.

You got a place
to stay?

I'm not as picky.

Well, uh, actually...

My company put me

well, uh, actually...

In one of those
suite hotels.

Well, uh, actually...

I've got a sofa
and an extra room.

Well, uh, actually...

I'd love it if
you'd stay with me.

Dan.

Oh, mark. Hi.

Dan.

How's the--
how's the wound?

Dan.

It's, uh...
It's ok.

Yeah.

It's, uh...
It's ok.

Well, I've got to get
back to work, so, uh...

It's, uh...
It's ok.

See ya.

What gives?

See ya.

What happened
this morning?

See ya.

All right.

See ya.

I'm in the green room,
right?

See ya.

Why do you think
they call this

a green room?

I don't know.

A green room?

Probably some old
theatrical tradition, huh?

A green room?

Something to do with
Shakespeare or something.

Oh, Christ, lorie.

What?

Oh, Christ, lorie.

Your cup.
Your goddamn cup.

Oh, Christ, lorie.

So...

Have you heard
from Linda?

So...

Well, obviously you
know I have or you

wouldn't have asked.

Did you read
her letter?

Wouldn't have asked.

No. I mean, it wasn't
addressed to me.

Wouldn't have asked.

Is that what's
bothering you?

Well, it just
seems strange.

Is that what's
bothering you?

I mean, she moves
out of town,

she sends Christmas
cards to both of us,

and postcards,

so when a letter came
addressed just to you,

and postcards,

it just made me wonder,
that's all.

Why is this
bothering you now?

We're on top
of the world here.

Ok. She is coming
into town.

I mean, she's here,
in fact.

Have you seen her?

No, I have not.

Have you seen her?

As a matter of fact,

if--if you want to
have drinks today,

as a matter of fact,

we're supposed to
have drinks with her.

Weren't you going
to tell me?

Honey, I just did.

Oh, God, Dan.
Sometimes, I swear--

what is the matter
with you?

How can you
be jealous

after all this time?

How can you
be jealous

because apparently I still
have reason to be.

How can you
be jealous

you were going to see her
without telling me.

I was going
to see her,

not sleep with her.

I was going
to see her,

I'm not saying you
planned to sleep with her,

I was going
to see her,

but by not inviting me,

you leave yourself that
little margin for error

but by not inviting me,

where unplanned accidents
can happen.

You're still
diddling around.

No, I am not
diddling around.

You're still
diddling around.

I don't diddle.

I'm not going to bed
with Linda.

I don't diddle.

I may split a salad
with her. That's all.

I want to get married.

What?

I want to get married.

A minute ago,

I want to get married.

You accused me
of cheating on you.

I want to get married.

Now you want
to marry me?

Don't you think
about it?

Yeah. I just don't know
what I think about it.

Don't you think
about it?

Sometimes I feel like
I have really grown

in the last
three years,

and you have just
stood still.

No, that is not

and you have just
stood still.

What's going on
here.

And you have just
stood still.

You're so afraid
of being hurt,

and you have just
stood still.

You're making
a demand on me

you're sure
I can't meet.

You're pushing me
to walk.

You're sure
I can't meet.

Is that what you want?

You're sure
I can't meet.

You just don't get it,
do you?

You're sure
I can't meet.

I know you are scared
of taking this step.

I am scared, too.

But that's
the great thing.

I am scared, too.

Don't you see?

We could be scared...
Together.

Don't you see?

Look, I just...
I want to be sure of you.

If that means that
I'm a little insecure

or a little neurotic,

well, so be it.

Or a little neurotic,

I--I just want to know

or a little neurotic,

that if I'm on the air
with you in five years,

it's because
you love me,

not because I'm your
business partner.

Oh, I do. I do.

Come on.

Come on.

You don't want
to get married.

No, Dan. You don't
want to get married.

Right? Let me
hear you say it.

Time, please.

Hey, mark...

Mark...

Hey, mark...

Yeah?

Hey, mark...

Settle an argument.

Why do they call this
the green room?

Settle an argument.

Um, I don't know.

See you in there.

I'm sorry, but...

I don't want
to get married.

Coming through.

Watch it.

Coming through.

Lorie, 15 seconds
to air.

Coming through.

Places, everybody.

Quiet, please.

Places, everybody.

5...

4...

5...

3...

5...

2...

5...

And now, perkell heating
and cooling brings you

5...

He said, she said,

with your commentators

he said, she said,

Lorraine bryer
and Dan hanson.

He said, she said,

the issue today--

proposition 41,
the highway merger.

The issue today--

good afternoon, Dan.

Proposition 41
on the ballot in October

would provide for
a new connecting spur

to merge highways
710 and 88.

In my view, this merger
is long overdue.

Not only would it
improve access,

but it would allow
for maximum growth,

especially in
the outlying areas.

I know what
you'll say, Dan.

That proposition 41
can wait,

that there's no need
for it now.

But in two
or three years...

It will be too late.

We must go forward
or we stop.

Now is the time...

And that's the way
I see it.

Well, lorie,
there you go,

over-intellectualizing
again.

Common sense tells us

that a merger simply
is not needed.

These two highways

function quite well
independently, thank you,

these two highways

and a merger now would only
mean increased spending,

traffic, and congestion
in an already crowded area.

And the outlying areas
that you speak of

have reached a plateau

where further growth
is just not expected.

Have reached a plateau

there's nothing wrong
with the status quo, lorie.

As my Uncle olaf
used to say,

"why fix it
if it ain't broken?"

That's the way
I see it--ow!

Did you see that?

That's the way
I see it--ow!

The opinions expressed
by the commentators

that's the way
I see it--ow!

Are not necessarily
those of station...

Lorie...

Lorie...

Lorie...

Are--are you all right?

Lorie...

Of course I am.
Of course. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, I'm fine, mark.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Don't worry about me.
I'll be all right.

Yeah, I'm fine.

My keys are inside.
My purse is inside.

Yeah, I'm fine.

My whole life is inside.

Who cares? Right?

My whole life is inside.

I'm not going back
in there.

My whole life is inside.

Do you think I hurt him
with the cup?

My whole life is inside.

Well, who cares?
I'm going to walk home.

I feel so good that I'm just
going to walk home.

Lorie, I, um...

Could you give me
a ride home?

Sure. You look like
you could use one.

My car's just
over here.

Where do these go?

My car's just
over here.

Everything goes
in the hall.

My car's just
over here.

The lousy records,
the toys,

my car's just
over here.

The models...

What about this?

The models...

Oh, no.
I want that.

The models...

You've known me
a long time,

the models...

Right, Cindy?

The models...

I qualify as
a rational person,

the models...

Don't I?

Yes, somewhat.

Don't I?

I mean,
I'm not crazy,

don't I?

But there comes
a time when you say,

"yes,
we go forward."

Or "no, we made
a big mistake."

"Yes,
we go forward."

I feel great.
I really do.

Aah! What
are you doing?

Come on! Stop it.

Aah! What
are you doing?

I won't let you
do this to yourself

aah! What
are you doing?

Or your vcr.

He's not worth it.

Or your vcr.

You never
needed him.

Or your vcr.

If you wanted to,

or your vcr.

You could've had
your own TV show.

Or your vcr.

That's just it.
I never wanted a TV show.

I don't
even watch TV.

Ok.

I don't
even watch TV.

The New York times
called.

I don't
even watch TV.

They loved my work.

I don't
even watch TV.

I'm going
to call them back.

I don't
even watch TV.

Good.

I mean, to think
I let him detour me

good.

From my original
purpose.

It's three years gone.

From my original
purpose.

So what. I'm still
reasonably young, right?

From my original
purpose.

It's really been
three years?

I mean, all the time
I wasted

it's really been
three years?

Overlooking
those rotten things.

I mean,
you remember, Cindy.

Overlooking
those rotten things.

It was obvious
right from the start.

Overlooking
those rotten things.

Uh, what we've
decided to do,

in a very Solomon-like
and quite cowardly manner,

uh, what we've
decided to do,

is to give you both
a shot at it.

You have both been following
this public sculpture thing?

Is to give you both
a shot at it.

Oh, yeah.

Ha ha ha.

Oh, yeah.

Don't feel you have
to imitate Monroe.

Oh, yeah.

Use your own style,
your own opinions.

1,500 words,
on my desk,

by 5:00
for publication tomorrow.

And may
the best man win--

oh, or the best woman.

Listen.
After tomorrow,

one of us is probably

listen.
After tomorrow,

never going to speak
to the other again.

Listen.
After tomorrow,

so how about dinner?

Shocking as
this may sound,

so how about dinner?

I'd like to.

So how about dinner?

Unfortunately,
I have a date.

So how about dinner?

Well, it's not
actually a date.

It's more like
an obligation.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Guess what.

What?

Guess what.

Guess.

Guess what.

They're printing
the new Republic piece.

Guess what.

That's great!

The one about
the sandinista

that's great!

Education system?
That's terrific!

That's great!

I brought a copy
for you to see.

That's great!

Oh, I'd love to.
Great.

No. I...

What? It takes
too long to start?

No. I...

We're doing it again.

We are relating
to each other

we're doing it again.

As writers
and political colleagues.

We are not relating
to each other

as a woman and a man.

Ohh.

Adam...

Look...

What I wanted to say...

I--I don't
think that we should

see each other anymore.

It's not sexual or exciting
between us anymore.

I think that
it was...Once,

but it's just not
there anymore.

This is very hard
to say--

it's very hard
to listen to.

This is very hard
to say--

I know.

I-I'm sorry.

I know.

Lorie, I'm not
a complete moron,

you know.

Lorie, I'm not
a complete moron,

I sort of saw
this thing coming.

Lorie, I'm not
a complete moron,

but I don't think

this is entirely
my fault.

But I don't think

I'm not saying
that it is.

Well...

I'm not saying
that it is.

Maybe two
cerebral people

just shouldn't
be together.

Maybe two
cerebral people

I got to go.

No. Don't--don't go.

No. I prefer it,
if you don't mind.

No. Don't--don't go.

See ya.

Wow. That was
a fast date.

Looks like
we can't get away

from each other.

Maybe it's fate.

From each other.

The señora is
ordering dinner?

From each other.

No.

Caesar salad's
great here.

No.

No. I'm going to...

No.

Come on.

No.

All right. I'll...

No.

I'll have a Caesar salad
and a gin and tonic.

No.

I'll have another
one of these.

Enjoy your meal.

We had a fight.

Well,
actually we didn't.

We didn't have a fight.
We--we broke up.

I don't know what
I'm telling you this for.

I'm really sorry.

So who broke it off?

I'm really sorry.

I did.

I'm really sorry.

See, sometimes

I'm really sorry.

That's the more
painful position.

I'm really sorry.

It's always
easier to love

I'm really sorry.

Than be loved,

I'm really sorry.

And hurting someone
can feel worse

I'm really sorry.

Than being hurt.

And God knows,
I'm always terrified

than being hurt.

To give bad news
to a woman.

Maybe that's
weak of me.

I don't know.

Maybe that's
weak of me.

Yeah.

Maybe that's
weak of me.

So, how do you
know so much?

Believe me,
I've been there.

Dan!

Believe me,
I've been there.

Susan.

Believe me,
I've been there.

Hi.

Believe me,
I've been there.

Excuse me.

Wow. You look
fantastic.

You really do.
That dress--

wow. You look
fantastic.

That's
your color.

That is you.

That's
your color.

Thanks. And thank you
for the flowers.

That's
your color.

They were
so beautiful.

Thanks.
You got them.

They were
so beautiful.

Good.

They were
so beautiful.

Next week, let's go
to the roller derby.

They were
so beautiful.

Sounds good.

But wear that dress
or the deal's off.

Sounds good.

I will.

Oh, shit.
My tit popped out.

I will.

I hate it when
that happens, don't you?

Bye.

See you later.

Bye.

Classy...
With a capital "k."

And you.
Look at you.

Mr. smooth.

You know, I can't believe
that I was letting myself

get sucked into
this rap of yours.

"It's better to love
than to be loved."

This--you were
coming on to me.

This was a pass.

You call
that a pass?

You men
are all alike.

You call
that a pass?

You don't take
any of us seriously.

You call
that a pass?

No, no. Wait, wait.

I was--
I was just thinking.

No, no. Wait, wait.

Was that a pass?

Oh, my God.

You're right.

That was a pass.

You're right.

I'm sorry. I...

You're right.

But what was I
supposed to do?

You're right.

There you were
sitting there,

vulnerable...

Attractive.

Vulnerable...

Oh, darn it.

Darn it. Darn it.
Darn it.

There I go again.

I'm out of control.

There I go again.

I can't not make
a pass at you.

There I go again.

Anyway--

I'm through
with all of you

anyway--

for a while.

There are things

for a while.

That are more
important to me now.

For a while.

Like what?

Like the chance
to say something,

like what?

To reach people.

What every journalist
wants--

to work at
the New York times.

For now, I will settle
for this column.

My column.

There you are,
ma'am.

My column.

I'll make up a little
plate for you.

My column.

I don't like to feel

like I'm having dinner
with a shark.

I don't like to feel

a little pasta.

Sauce. Salad.

A little pasta.

Tomato.

A little pasta.

Ok?

There. Have fun.

Ok?

To my column.

Not so fast.
Paper doesn't come out

for another
couple of hours.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Hello?

[Ring]

Oh, hi, Cindy.

[Ring]

Yes, I know!
Isn't it great?

Oh, thanks. Yeah.

Don't you think it's
kind of a minor victory,

I mean, having his
printed, too?

Yeah. You're right.

I mean, reactionary
writing like his

yeah. You're right.

Is only going to
make me look better.

No. I just--I just got in.

Why? Did you try
calling earlier?

Adam?

Oh...

Adam?

God.

Adam?

No. Uh,
that was hours ago.

Adam?

Well, uh, I was...

Actually, I was
having dinner

with Mr. reactionary
himself.

Well, yeah.

He did crush
my contact lens,

well, yeah.

But it was--
it was ok.

Yeah.

Well, no,

yeah.

Actually, I...

Yeah.

I had a good time.

Yeah.

No. No!

Look, don't worry.

This is
a one-shot deal.

Look, don't worry.

I won't let him
spin his web around me.

[Theme from
sleeping beauty plays]

Shh!

Hi, lorie.

I haven't seen you here
in a long time.

Hi, lorie.

Would you
like to dance?

Hi, lorie.

That's good.
Could you maybe

hi, lorie.

Tone it down
just a little bit?

Hi, lorie.

Next slow song,

guy at the bar--
don't look.

Next slow song,

what's your
name again?

Steve.

What's your
name again?

Thank you.
Here's 5 bucks.

What's your
name again?

Oh, no. You don't have
to pay me, sugar.

Well,
keep it anyway.

Could you button
up your shirt there?

Well,
keep it anyway.

Thank you.

Hi.

Great music.

Oh, it's fantastic.

Great music.

What are you
looking at?

I know that guy.

He is such
an incredible drag.

I know that guy.

He's always
coming on to me.

If asks me to dance,

he's always
coming on to me.

Would you just dance
with me, please?

He's always
coming on to me.

Oh, please.

He's always
coming on to me.

Lo-or-orie!

He's always
coming on to me.

Hi. It's me.
Steve.

I haven't
seen you in a long,

long time.

You look great.

Hi. I'm Dan.

You look great.

Wait, wait, wait.

You look great.

Would you like
to dance?

You look great.

I really
miss the way

you look great.

We move together.

You look great.

Sorry,

you look great.

But I--I have
this dance.

You look great.

Thanks.
You saved me.

No sweat.

Thanks.
You saved me.

Well...

Well...

Listen, I had fun.

Well...

Good night.

What's wrong?

Look, I don't want

what's wrong?

To have to play
games anymore,

what's wrong?

And I don't want
to have to flirt

and do
all that shit.

What I'm trying to
say is--is that...

You're a good guy.

I mean,

your politics are
entirely screwed up

I mean,

and you're not
the greatest writer,

I mean,

but you're
not a psycho,

and you're cute,
in a way, and...

But you're
not a psycho,

don't you
ever get lonely?

I mean, I know you have
a lot of women,

but don't you just get
lonely anyway?

You know,
and--and scared?

Like--like your
whole life is--

is going by.

Your days and
your nights and...

Is going by.

Nobody's around
to see it except...You.

I--I would just--

I would just like
to be with you...

Tonight.

You're shaking.

Don't tell me

you've never done
this before.

Don't tell me

not with you.

¶ Do you wanna dance
and hold my hand ¶

¶ tell me, baby,
I'm your lover man ¶

¶ oh, baby ¶

¶ do you wanna dance ¶

¶ we could dance
under the moonlight ¶

¶ kiss me, baby,
all through the night ¶

¶ oh, baby ¶

¶ do you wanna dance ¶

¶ do you wanna dance ¶

¶ take a chance ¶

¶ come on, pretty baby,
and make romance ¶

¶ oh, baby ¶¶

and will you, Olga,
have this man olaf

to be your husband

and to live with him
in holy marriage

to be your husband

according
to the word of God?

Ja. I do.

I now pronounce them
to be husband and wife.

Ja. I do.

You owe me
a drink.

What God has
put together,

you owe me
a drink.

Let no one
put asunder.

You owe me
a drink.

I'm so pleased
to have you here today.

There's an old Swedish
saying--how does it go?

[Speaking Swedish]

Well, which--which
translates loosely to...

"Happiness is easy

if you just take off
your overcoat."

"Happiness is easy

well, today I took off
my overcoat.

But enough speeches.

Let's do the chicken
dance, huh?

Come on.

Let's do the chicken
dance, huh?

Oh, this is
hunky-dory.

Want to dance?

No. No, no, no.

Want to dance?

Come on. Please?

Want to dance?

I mean--they're
just--no.

Want to dance?

Because then--aah!

You're great!

What's so funny?

Hey.

What?

Hey.

I love you.

Hey.

I mean, I'm not--
I'm not telling you this

so that I'll get

the exact same
response from you.

So that I'll get

I'm just
telling you this

because these
are my feelings, you know?

If you can't express
your feelings,

what's the point
of having them, right?

And I feel really good

about telling you this,
you know?

And I feel really good

you really don't have to
say anything in response.

Really. You don't
have to.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Here you go, sweetie.

Thank you.

Here you go, sweetie.

He probably doesn't
even remember.

I mean, he always forgets
the details.

You know, all he remembers
is the end result.

I remember every moment
we spent together--

you know,
all the little things,

like the time I fixed
his carburetor.

He was so impressed.

Or the time
he broke the window.

He was so impressed.

Remember? You had
to call the repairman.

What window?

Oh, yeah.
I remember.

What window?

I'm sure he doesn't.

Well, enough of this.

You know, from now on,
no more looking back.

Do you think
that guy waterbury

at the New York times
remembers me?

By this time next week,
I could have a new job.

I think his number's
still in my rolodex

back at the...Studio,

along with my car--

my whole life.

Lorie, what should
I do with these?

That goes in the box
with the files.

Thank you, mark.
I appreciate it.

You're saving my life.

That's the way
I see it--ow!

You're saving my life.

You never know what's
going to be tossed around

on he said, she said.

See hanson and bryer,
round two,

tomorrow at noon
on channel 11.

Wally, what in
the hell is going on

with these
commercials?

I can't talk more
right now.

With these
commercials?

He can tell you
all about it.

Yeah. Do what you can.
Got to go. Bye.

Wally, you are
advertising a show

that is not going
to be on. Ok?

Look at these
phone messages.

"Good for lorie.
It's about time."

You're a hero.

You did something
most women

you're a hero.

Would love to do
to their husbands.

I don't want
to be a hero,

and he...Is not
my husband.

The last thing
he'll ever be

and he...Is not
my husband.

Is my husband.

All right? Do you
understand that?

Is my husband.

Totally. But they all
want to see

what you'll do
tomorrow.

Weller wants to see.
That's why he's coming.

What you'll do
tomorrow.

Then he's going to see
a lot of nothing.

Because it's--
we--well...

It's over.
All right?

Dan and I, we...

It's over.
All right?

We broke up.

My God.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

But that doesn't mean you
can't do the show, does it?

It might even make it
more interesting.

I can't
believe you, Wally.

It might even make it
more interesting.

You're such a man.

Thanks.

You're such a man.

How can you separate
love and work like that?

You're such a man.

Well--

is it--

well--

love is love.

Well--

work is work.

Well--

love.

Well--

work.

Well--

work isn't love,

well--

and love
shouldn't be wo--

well--

oh, all right.
All right.

Well--

look, I'll make it
easy for you.

We'll tape his half
before you get there.

You'll never even
have to see him.

I'm through, Wally.

All right. Look.

I'm through, Wally.

It's not up to me
anymore.

You've still got
a contract with wbal.

I'm not going
to get tough with you,

but the lawyers
will eat you alive.

Thank you, Wally.
I appreciate that.

You're some friend.

Lorie, please.

You're some friend.

Linda metzger
on line one.

You're some friend.

Tell her I'll
call her back.

You're some friend.

Linda metzger.

You're some friend.

What, is she calling
here for Dan now?

For Dan? No.
Linda and I go way back.

She's nothing.

She's been chasing
me since college.

She's nothing.

It's a fatal
attraction thing.

She's nothing.

Well, she may
be nothing to you,

she's nothing.

But just the mention of her
name makes me want to...

Ohh...

Oh, Linda.

Ohh...

What?

What?

What?

What did you
just say?

What?

Uh, I said--I said,
"oh, Linda."

I'm--I'm really sorry.

That's all right.

That's all right.

That's all right.

I-I'm sorry.

That's all right.

No. I can understand
how it could happen.

That's all right.

We're both women.

Both our names
begin with l.

We're both women.

You're sleeping
with both of us.

We're both women.

I don't sleep
with her anymore.

When did you stop?

When you and I
started going out.

When did you stop?

Started? What does
that mean?

Did you sleep with her
after you slept with me?

I--I--I--I--I
can't remember.

You can't remember?

Think. Think.

Think, Dan, think.

Think. Think.

Was there somebody else
in your bed with you

think. Think.

That wasn't me?

I don't know.

That wasn't me?

I mean, I'm sure
we probably did once.

That wasn't me?

All right. Twice.

What am I supposed
to feel bad about--

that the minute
we touched,

all my other involvements
didn't just melt away?

Not all
your involvements.

Just all your sexual
involvements.

What is
the big deal?

The big deal is that
from the moment

I went to bed with you,

sleeping
with another man

became unthinkable
to me.

Sleeping
with another man

but for you,

sleeping with another woman
remained...Thinkable.

But for you,

yeah, but that
was in the beginning.

Let's talk about now.

You're the one who--

let's talk about now.

The one who what?

Let's talk about now.

The one who I'm--
I'm with now.

Isn't that
what counts?

I want to meet her.

Honey, do you
really think

I want to meet her.

That's a good idea?

I want to meet her.

I want to meet her.

I've been working
on our new fall line.

Lorie, I have
the catalog right here.

You should look at it.

I'm sure we could
find you something

that would be
flattering.

Honey.

What?

Honey.

Lorie and I have
this this thing

honey.

That we do with our food.

Dan.

That we do with our food.

Oh, don't be
embarrassed, lorie.

That we do with our food.

Dan tells me everything.

That we do with our food.

But I'm sure you know
most of his secrets.

Well...

Well, maybe not
all of them.

Well...

Aah ha ha ha ha ha!

We lost our virginity
together. Did he tell you?

We were just 14.
Just kids.

But even then
he was incredible.

Well...

Don't you think so?

Well...

Over the years,
I've kept a diary

of the sexual positions
that worked the best for us.

Just a few notes
and some drawings.

Would you like
to see them?

Honey, what
do you say?

Let's see.

Here's one.
March 17, 1980.

Let's see.

Whoops.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Whoops.

Do you remember that?

Yeah. That was
in the kitchen.

Do you remember that?

Right.

See? You can see
from the drawing

right.

Just where to put
the blender.

Oh, Linda.

I think this one
would be just cute on you.

Honey, you ok?

Why don't you two

just go to bed together
and get it over with?

Why don't you two

I'm going to
get out of here.

Lorie, what kind
of a stunt is this?

Just seeing the way
you were acting,

I didn't think there
was room for me.

You were the one
that wanted to meet her.

Yes. I realize that,
but I--

if you can be that way
with somebody else,

I can't be with you
right now.

Stand by, please.

Ok, kids,
don't be nervous.

It's just
an audition tape.

Ok, kids,
don't be nervous.

If it's bad,
we throw it out

ok, kids,
don't be nervous.

And no one over knows,

ok, kids,
don't be nervous.

But it won't be bad.
You guys will be great.

Ok, kids,
don't be nervous.

Wally, this isn't
the copy I wrote.

We had to trim it.

It's not like
newspapers.

We don't have
a lot of time.

It's not like
newspapers.

Just boom, boom, and on
to the next commercial.

It's not like
newspapers.

I thought we'd be writing.

This is an opinion show.

They are our opinions.

You will, dear.
It's just today.

They are our opinions.

They just want to see how
we look on camera, right?

Right.

What difference does
it make if it's our copy?

Right.

Honey, don't blow this.

I'm not.

Honey, don't blow this.

You want to know
the secret?

Honey, don't blow this.

Just smile
big and pretty.

Yeah. You're going
to be great.

Here we go.

I got to go.

Here we go.

Wow, it's true.

Here we go.

The camera really
does add weight.

Here we go.

8...7...6...5...4...

There's a spot
on your dress.

3...2...

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

[Too loud]
And I'm lorie bryer.

This is he said...

[Too loud]
And I'm lorie bryer.

She said!

[Too loud]
And I'm lorie bryer.

Stop tape, please.

[Too loud]
And I'm lorie bryer.

Lorie.

Lorie, honey,
it's going great,

lorie.

But this isn't
a game show.

Maybe if you didn't
smile quite so big.

But she said--

she's guided
many great careers.

But she said--

the enthusiasm
is wonderful.

We don't need to see
so many teeth.

Ok.

We don't need to see
so many teeth.

Otherwise,
I'm thrilled.

We don't need to see
so many teeth.

Ok, let's go again.

We don't need to see
so many teeth.

You're doing this
on purpose.

We don't need to see
so many teeth.

I am not.
I'm nervous.

Where is this spot?

I am not.
I'm nervous.

On your boob.
Your left boob.

I am not.
I'm nervous.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

And I'm lorie bryer.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

This is he said...

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

She said.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

Our issue today
is garbage.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

Our dumps will be
filled in 10 years.

Hi, I'm Dan hanson.

What then?

A lot of people feel

what then?

It's the government's
responsibility.

What then?

And maybe they're right,

what then?

But as my Uncle olaf
used to say,

what then?

"If you make the trash,
you take it out."

What the hell
is she doing?

Stop tape, please.

Honey, we're both
on camera.

Stop tape, please.

If you didn't want
to do this, say so.

I did if you recall.

I'm doing
the best I can.

Can we try this
again?

We always do what
you want to do.

What are you
talking about?

I spend almost every night
at your place.

You don't want
to be with me?

Yes. It's not my apartment.
I feel like a stranger.

You don't want
to be with me?

You think of yourself
that way.

I don't have anyplace
to put my stuff.

And what about
all of your man things

all over the place?

Man things?

Yes. Big clunky shoes

man things?

And that big
3-d map of the world.

Man things?

You're the only man
in north America

who still wears pajamas?

Hold it!

Who still wears pajamas?

Why don't we take
a short break

who still wears pajamas?

And then maybe
try it again,

ok?

Good.

Ok?

I didn't mean
to look like a retard.

Hey, it's
no big deal.

I didn't mean
to look like a retard.

We got the best jobs
in Baltimore.

So television
doesn't want us.

It's television's
loss.

You know, you drag
me out here,

it's television's
loss.

You scare me to death,

and just when I think I have
all the right reasons

to be mad at you,

that's when
you're the nicest.

You're onto
all my tricks.

Well.

Come on.

I was so awful.

No, you weren't.

I was so awful.

I was.

I was so awful.

I was terrible.

I was so awful.

I could have
just died.

I was so awful.

Lorie.

What?

Lorie.

Honey, let's do it.

Lorie.

Let's move in
together.

Lorie.

What do you say?

Lorie.

Well, guys, we went
over the tape,

and believe it or not,
you look great.

What do you say?

I say yes.

You were crazy
to tell us we were good.

I say yes.

Did you want
the truth?

I think it's
a beautiful story.

Besides, you
should be grateful.

I helped you.

Besides, you
should be grateful.

Now there are other
people you can help.

Besides, you
should be grateful.

This can't
be happening.

This is a nightmare.

This can't
be happening.

Work with me, God.

This can't
be happening.

Lorie, I'm begging you
not to do this.

This can't
be happening.

Bye, boss.
See you tomorrow.

And you. You Judas.

Bye, boss.
See you tomorrow.

You may not have
a job tomorrow!

Bye, boss.
See you tomorrow.

I may not have
a job tomorrow!

Please.

Wait! Wait!

Come back.

Oh, forget
about Wally.

You look
a little ragged.

You know,

I don't mind
helping you.

You know,

good.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God,
stop the car.

Oh, my God.

Stop the car.
Stop the car. Back up.

What's the matter?

Please, just...

What's the matter?

God!

What's the matter?

What?

What's the matter?

Shit! Of all
the restaurants.

What's the matter?

Would you
look at that jerk?

What's the matter?

And at our table, too.

God!

Lorie, stop
torturing yourself.

Come on, let me
take you home.

Lorie, stop
torturing yourself.

No.

Mark, could you
be a pal

no.

And do me
a really big favor?

What?

Well?

He's going
to go to her hotel.

He's, uh...

He's going to spend
the night with her.

He's, uh...

To hell with him.

Right.

To hell with him.

To hell with her.

To hell with him.

No. No, wait.

To hell with him.

We're going over there.

To hell with him.

What? Lorie!

To hell with him.

The next thing I know,
whack--I saw stars.

We have a right
to eat, too, right?

I could have been
seriously injured.

She's lucky
I don't sue.

We'll sit,
have lunch.

Try the Caesar salad.

We'll sit,
have lunch.

Maybe he'll choke
on his croutons.

We'll sit,
have lunch.

Blood's pouring
out of my head.

She goes storming out.

All hell's
breaking loose--

she goes storming out.

Dan, she's right
over there,

she goes storming out.

By the door.

Hi! I didn't know
you were here.

By the door.

She's got some nerve.

That jerk.

The corpse of our
relationship not even cold...

That jerk.

Ok. I can do this, too.

May we join you?

Yes, come on over.

May we join you?

Ok.
Sure.

May we join you?

Linda, how nice
to see you.

Sit.

And, of course,
Linda,

sit.

You
remember mark.

Sit.

So, here we are.

Sit.

Yes, aren't we, though?

Sit.

Isn't this great,

that we can all
get together like this

isn't this great,

so soon
after our breakup?

Oh, did Dan
tell you, Linda?

We broke up.

Oh, of course he did.

We broke up.

He tells you everything,
doesn't he?

We broke up.

It's great you can be
so adult about this.

Well, thank you, Dan.

You've certainly
bounced back.

Well, thank you, Dan.

What is it, four hours?
Here you are on schedule.

Well, thank you, Dan.

I had a choice.

I could sit around
and wallow

I had a choice.

Or I could
keep my date.

Why don't we
go someplace else?

No! This is fine.
I love this place.

Dan and I had
our first date here

no! This is fine.
I love this place.

At this very table.

Yes. Do you
remember, Dan?

At this very table.

I wouldn't quite
call it a date.

We had dinner.

She ate most of my food,
then assaulted me.

We had dinner.

That's why
it's for the best.

Now we're free,
aren't we?

Free to pursue our careers,
to pursue...Other people,

now we're free,
aren't we?

Although I didn't think

the pursuit
would start so soon.

Although I didn't think

lorie, you've
got it all wrong.

There's nothing
going on here.

Oh, of course not.

There's nothing
going on here.

Dan would never--
you flirtatious ass!

There's nothing
going on here.

You haven't changed
one moment

from the first time
I saw you.

How could you think--

from the first time
I saw you.

How could I--
you followed me here.

From the first time
I saw you.

I was not
following you.

Who's sitting
at our table?

I was not
following you.

Whose fat butt
is at our table?

I was not
following you.

It's not our table
anymore.

Whose fault is that?

Yours!
Yours!

Whose fault is that?

Stay, stay!
It's your table.

Whose fault is that?

You're both being
self-destructive.

Whose fault is that?

I have to agree.

Whose fault is that?

Shut up!

Whose fault is that?

I think
we should go.

Whose fault is that?

Oh, she thinks.

Whose fault is that?

Leave her
out of this.

Whose fault is that?

Leave her
out of this?

Whose fault is that?

I'd love
to leave her...

Whose fault is that?

Dan, are you
all right?

Some people say the news
isn't entertainment,

but they might
change their minds

if they were watching
station wbal in Baltimore.

Linda. Linda,
come here.

Commentator
Lorraine bryer

decided to express
her opinion

commentator
Lorraine bryer

a little more
forcefully than usual

commentator
Lorraine bryer

and threw a coffee cup
at her co-anchor,

commentator
Lorraine bryer

who at last report

is in stable,
if confused, condition.

Who at last report

the small station
was flooded with calls

wondering what
will happen tomorrow.

I'm glad you
don't drink coffee.

Yes, but I do
drink hot tea.

[Click]

We made e.T.!

[Click]

That is so great.

Lorie will totally
hate this.

That is so great.

I wonder if she saw it.

Oh, what difference
does it make?

Hey, don't be blue.

Maybe it's
for the best.

Hey, don't be blue.

No, no. I know.
You're right.

I'm glad it's over.

I don't need
to be hit in the head.

I'm glad it's over.

Not three times,
anyway.

Wow, that perfume
is, uh...

So...

What do you think?

So...

Do we go to bed
together?

So...

I--I can't sleep here.

I don't have
my pajamas.

I don't think you're
going to need them.

Part of me wants to,
but I--I can't.

Dan, you've
changed a lot,

but I think
I have, too.

We've always had a lot
of laughs and good sex.

Maybe we're ready
for something more.

I think I am.

Oh, Linda...

I'm sorry.

Dan...

Go home and
get your pajamas.

Dan...

[Knock on door]

Hi.

Hi.

I didn't
have my pajamas,

and I had
no place to wear them

I didn't
have my pajamas,

since you
kicked me out.

I thought you were
staying with Linda.

No.

Oh.

No.

It's not a good idea
for you to stay here.

Where would you
suggest I stay?

What about a hotel?

It's late. I don't want
to stay at a hotel.

What about a hotel?

All right.
All right.

You can...
Sleep on the couch.

All right.
All right.

But just
for tonight.

And don't think
just 'cause--

believe me...

I won't.

Believe me...

Thanks.

I have to go
work on my copy.

Thanks.

Did the lawyer
call you?

Yeah.

One more show, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well...

I guess it's all
for the best.

Well...

Definitely.

Well...

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

[Crying]

Dan?

[Crying]

It's ok, honey.
I'm all right.

[Crying]

Dan?

I think I'd like
some cheesecake.

What?

I think you could
use some, too.

You're right.

I could definitely
use some cheesecake.

Ok.

You're not going
to remember

any of this, are you?

Lorie...

I love you.

I'm crazy about you.

Don't ever leave me,
please.

I want to spend the rest
of my life with you.

I'll go get us
some cheesecake.

That's the way
I see it.

Ok. Stop tape.
That's it.

Mr. weller.

Well...Miss bryer.

I understand it's not
going to work out for us.

Well, I'm sorry
to hear that.

I watched
the taping just now.

It's not the same
without both of you there.

You know...

I realized, standing
out there watching,

exactly why I love
your show so much.

It's not the issues,

not the social
significance,

it's not the issues,

but it's because there's
always this possibility

that your wife,
your husband,

your girlfriend,
whatever,

will do exactly what
you did yesterday.

It's what makes life
interesting.

[Runs water]

Stand by, please.

7...

6...

7...

5...

7...

4...

7...

3...

7...

2...

7...

1.

7...

And now, perkell heating
and cooling brings you...

7...

I'm sorry, sir,
very sorry.

Me, too.

They're
a nice couple.

Me, too.

Today's topic,

the mayor's council
on mental well-being.

Today's topic,

good afternoon.

Before I begin today,

good afternoon.

I would like to apologize
to the viewing public

for my irrational

and totally
inappropriate behavior

on yesterday's show.

And totally
inappropriate behavior

and I would also like
to clear something up

and totally
inappropriate behavior

concerning the proposed
highway merger.

I would just
like to say that...

My opponent is right.

The merger is...
Not needed.

Some things
are just not meant to be.

You think that you can
make them go

in the same direction,

but all you get is...

In the same direction,

congestion and
increased traffic and...

Hurt.

The highways
should be allowed

hurt.

To run their course.

I would also
like to say...

Dan...

Wherever you are...

Dan...

Look. I cleaned my cup.

Cut to the logo.
Start Dan's tape.

Oh, man.
Poor lorie.

Good afternoon.

Before I begin
my rebuttal, lorie,

good afternoon.

I would like
to make a statement

about the proposed
highway merger.

I would like
to go on record

as reversing
my original opinion.

I would like
to go on record

the highways are ripe
for a merger.

This proposal will
ensure the future growth

that is sorely needed.

This proposal will
ensure the future growth

as my Uncle olaf
used to--

this proposal will
ensure the future growth

no. No.

I'm--I'm not going
to say that anymore.

No. No.

It's not my Uncle olaf
talking, lorie.

It's me.

And what
I'm saying is that...

I would like
another chance.

I just don't want
to be apart from you.

And that's
the way I see it.

Does this mean...

Pretty scary, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, no. My contact.

It just
popped out again.

Oh, no. My contact.

Hold on.
I'll find it.

You'll just
crush it again.

I never crushed it.

You'll just
crush it again.

Dan, you did.

You'll just
crush it again.

See? Magic.

So what do you think

about the
mayor's council

so what do you think

on mental well-being?

So what do you think

what do you think
I think?

So what do you think

I knew it.

So what do you think

you want this
on the air?

No, ray. No.

Some things
are more important

no, ray. No.

Than a television show.
Even I understand that.

No, ray. No.

These kids deserve
their privacy.

They don't need their
relationship exploited

these kids deserve
their privacy.

So that we can...

Camera one,
get on Dan.

So that we can...

Camera two,
push in closer on lorie.

So that we can...

Well, I guess
she won that one.

What are you
talking about?

He won.

What's the use
even talking to you?

He won.

You're an old fool.

That makes you
Mrs. fool.

Captioning made possible by
Paramount pictures corporation

captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--

captions copyright 2001
Paramount pictures corporation