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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:04,912 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,553 I attract the perfect man. 3 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:55,430 My soul mate is here and now. 4 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,683 I attract the perfect man. 5 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,477 My soul mate is here and now. 6 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,063 I attract the perfect man. 7 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:04,898 It took you guys eight years 8 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:05,983 to complete that film? 9 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,318 I attract the perfect man... 10 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,320 I'm glad she isn't here to hear you say that. 11 00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,698 Besides, not everyone was born 12 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,449 with a silver spoon in their mouth. 13 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,993 I attract the perfect man. 14 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,161 My soul mate is here and no... 15 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,876 Miss Katt, at the height of the Cold War 16 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,544 you were East Ger... 17 00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:30,174 Hello, home girl. It's Pedia! 18 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,259 Can you send him to me? 19 00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:36,471 No, you come home 20 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:38,557 and pick him up yourself. 21 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:40,475 But I'm busy. 22 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,021 So... 23 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,815 so... so you are stress eating again. 24 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,902 Listen, Marina Katt's on my show today. 25 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,612 - What show? - Pretzel Talk. 26 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,947 - Pretzel what? - Talk! 27 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,200 So, what is... 28 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,832 So, what is it? You're being paid at least? 29 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,919 - Nothing yet, but... - I talked to Resi 30 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,087 at the Alpen Hotel. 31 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,756 They're looking for a chamber maid. 32 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,383 I didn't sleep for years 33 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,719 under a table in a tiny Hell's Kitchen apartment 34 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:16,845 with six roommates 35 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:18,430 and cockroaches crawling all over me 36 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,307 and endured endless hours of acting 37 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,059 in ghastly NYU student films 38 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,602 where they cut off my head by mistake, 39 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:24,811 to go to a one-horse town 40 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,271 to be a fucking chambermaid! 41 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:31,276 Sorry, I got a lot on my plate. 42 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:33,403 What do you have? 43 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,030 You don't even have a husband. 44 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:36,740 I'm late. Gotta go. 45 00:02:58,637 --> 00:02:59,638 Today is the day 46 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,515 Hashtag "Marina Katt is on my show" 47 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:02,808 exclamation point. 48 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,897 Yep, Stanley, I'm still single. 49 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,024 I'd snap you up in a second 50 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,818 if I were ten years younger. 51 00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:14,570 I wish you were... 52 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,154 or ten years older, Stanley. 53 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,178 Enzo, send her to Trader Joe's for OJ... 54 00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:40,304 it's cheaper. 55 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,388 Okay, cool. 56 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,556 What else does Marina like? 57 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,016 I left a list for Blanche 58 00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,893 on the fridge. Gotta go. Bye! 59 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:47,644 It wasn't the kiss alone 60 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,146 that changed the frog. 61 00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,480 It was because she looked 62 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,565 beneath the slime and warts 63 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:52,858 and believed she saw a prince. 64 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,359 So he became one. 65 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,488 What's...? 66 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,449 She's doing her on-the-run 67 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,700 screen writing again. 68 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,744 Jeez! 69 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:06,997 Jeez. 70 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,420 "Danke dass Sie bei unserer 71 00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:14,505 Arlington Friedhof-tour 72 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,589 dabei waren. 73 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,591 Merci d'avoir participé 74 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:18,842 notre visite guidée 75 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,511 du cimetrière Arlington. 76 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:23,305 Got it! 77 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,269 - There you go. - Thanks 78 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,437 Ahem. 79 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,689 Sixty dollars? 80 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,274 Sorry, Vic. 81 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,359 I'm sorry, Marv. 82 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,110 I'm supposed to get 200. Fess up. 83 00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:38,779 Would you relax? 84 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,656 These guys have plenty of work for you. 85 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,616 My advice... 86 00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,661 don't poke the bear! 87 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:47,579 Who's the bear? You? 88 00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:48,997 No! Them! 89 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,750 If they're a bear, I'm a fucking lion! 90 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,669 Hand it over, or I'm gonna start talking 91 00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,546 about the boy porn magazines you're trying to hide 92 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,172 behind the speaker which, by the way, 93 00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:59,132 is a horrible place to hide shit. 94 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,926 Especially because I can see them. 95 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,053 And I'm sure your wife won't be too happy 96 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,137 to hear about that. 97 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,780 We're looking for just one more spot 98 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,741 to fill for the upcoming billboard awards. 99 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,453 What's wrong with your arm? 100 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,539 No, no, it's just shoulder tendinitis 101 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,748 from teaching dance. 102 00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,417 I'll be fine in time for the show. 103 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:34,835 We're looking for girls who can twerk. 104 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,420 Oh, I can twerk. 105 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,464 Mmm... but there's nothing here that says you can. 106 00:05:40,299 --> 00:05:43,177 But... twerking is not hard. 107 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:44,720 Yeah, and you have to be black. 108 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:46,722 Oh! 109 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,141 Thanks, Vicky. 110 00:05:49,224 --> 00:05:50,350 No, thank you. 111 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,603 And it's Victoria, by the way. 112 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,232 Have you heard from Marina yet? 113 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,818 Okay. Text me when you do. 114 00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:09,036 Oh! Get the crazy glue, Blanche. 115 00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:11,038 - Where? - Top drawer. 116 00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:14,208 And water. Bottled water, from the fridge. 117 00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:15,292 Okay. 118 00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:18,462 - You're good? - Yeah. 119 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,091 Hey, guys. 120 00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,594 Meet my manager, Lando Cox. 121 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,971 He represented Aretha Franklin's sister. 122 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:30,432 Yeah. Karolyn Franklin. 123 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,351 But I don't care about stars, 124 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:33,852 I make 'em right, babe? 125 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:34,978 Uh. 126 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,522 Oh! Victoria is shooting 127 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:37,814 her own talk show. 128 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:39,316 Oh, yeah? Who's on it? 129 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:40,901 Uh, Marina Katt. 130 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:42,986 The Olympic figure skater? 131 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,780 - Yeah! - You know her? 132 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,200 I've still got her Playboy issue from 1994. 133 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,452 Do you think you can get her to sign it for me 134 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,539 I'll be right back, babe. 135 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,348 I'm not talking about East Germany again. 136 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,851 My head is free and clear. 137 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,936 My head is free and clear. 138 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,563 My head.. Ah, forget it! 139 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,320 Where's Blanche with the water? 140 00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:26,488 I should've fired her. 141 00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,699 We can't afford professionals. 142 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,242 Why are you texting? 143 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,911 I put some money on a penny stock. 144 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,913 It could make me an instant millionaire. 145 00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:36,456 I need you to focus. 146 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:37,833 Suggestions? 147 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,793 Just... don't babble. 148 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,253 You're gonna stick to the point. 149 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,088 - I don't babble! - Yeah! 150 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,258 Annoyed, reprimanded, pissy... 151 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:48,844 "Oh, for the muse of fire 152 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,345 that would ascend the brightest 153 00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,597 heaven of invention!" 154 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,682 "Lambic pentameter" is still babbling. 155 00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:57,019 "A kingdom for a stage, 156 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,228 princes to act 157 00:07:58,312 --> 00:07:59,396 and monarchs to behold 158 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,148 - the swelling scene - Yeah? 159 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,692 - then should the... - Yeah, we're down here. 160 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,528 Cool! Sure, sure! 161 00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,363 All right. We're all here. 162 00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:11,533 Okay. 163 00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,368 Let's do this. 164 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,288 Hi, everyone. Welcome to Pretzel Talk, 165 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,165 live behind the scenes. 166 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,126 It's show time! 167 00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,794 Whoo-hoo! 168 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,049 What an honour to have you 169 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,926 on our show, Miss Katt! 170 00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,093 Thank you. 171 00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:37,643 Go, go, go, go! 172 00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:41,063 Okay. Say hi to your Facebook fans. 173 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,689 We're live streaming! 174 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,525 You went to school 175 00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,193 to be a pretzel handler. 176 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,197 Let me explain 177 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,448 Pretzel Talk's format to you. 178 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,991 First, we do a little dance 179 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,243 underneath the pretzel... 180 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,328 Die Pretzel kommt jetzt! 181 00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,540 ...little bit of a German thing 182 00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,333 going on, since we're both Germanic. 183 00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:03,544 Gotta have a shtick. 184 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,170 The joke is... 185 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,380 everything breaks down 186 00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,464 in this old building. 187 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,007 Your heel is broken! 188 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,051 Oh! That's part of the theme. 189 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:13,178 So... 190 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:15,681 the buzzer is broken, 191 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:16,974 so you grab a key 192 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:18,350 to let yourself in. 193 00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,310 Then we do the interview in my studio 194 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,395 which will probably remind you 195 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,939 of East Germany in the 1970's. 196 00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,107 The walls are so thin, 197 00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,316 the Secret Police wouldn't even 198 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:27,609 have to plant a bug! 199 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,905 Okay. So, this is our camera man. 200 00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:35,200 Welcome to another edition of Pretzel Talk. 201 00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:36,869 I'm your host, Victoria Timm. 202 00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:39,037 Today we have a very special guest, 203 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,956 whom I've admired since childhood, 204 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,958 even though we're the same age. 205 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,795 She's won three Olympic gold medals 206 00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:49,923 in figure skating. Marina Katt! 207 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,010 Okay. 208 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:55,721 It got stuck! 209 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,437 So, here is our melody, 210 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,024 theme song... Feel free to move to it! 211 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,567 I won't do this! 212 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,239 Stop the pretzel! 213 00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:15,908 Pull it up! Pull it up! 214 00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:18,243 Cut! 215 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,037 Cut! 216 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,714 Miss Katt, tell us about your amazing career 217 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,382 that evolved from and 18-year old, 218 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,593 stepping out from behind the iron curtain. 219 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,018 I'm gonna get fired! 220 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,687 I'll have to go back to school! 221 00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:47,397 Miss Katt! 222 00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,817 Miss Katt! 223 00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:06,500 A real star 224 00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,627 would've done the interview. 225 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,711 I blew it! 226 00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,129 Open the package. 227 00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:12,673 Open it! 228 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:26,603 Pedia never gave up, 229 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:30,232 even after the dog bit him, right? 230 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,693 Yeah, he was decapitated... 231 00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:35,737 Which turned out to be to his advantage. 232 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,239 It made him weigh less. 233 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,448 And you even 234 00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:40,450 sewed clothes for him... 235 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,786 and Pedia, the penguin was born. 236 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:46,498 The name was your idea. 237 00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,709 Despite his giant ears 238 00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,086 and potato nose, he... 239 00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:54,256 won the Olympics in ski jumping. 240 00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,716 Even beating out 241 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:58,844 the great Max, the Mallard! 242 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,512 The man of my dreams. 243 00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:06,268 I felt guilty having Pedia beat him. 244 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,228 Don't worry. 245 00:12:09,188 --> 00:12:11,190 So did everybody else! 246 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,281 Thanks for sending my things. 247 00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:20,866 I love you, Mutti. 248 00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:24,203 I couldn't hold onto your junk, anyway. 249 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:26,496 They only let us 250 00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:27,623 have one room. 251 00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:28,916 I gotta go, Mom. 252 00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,297 You haven't seen everything. 253 00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:40,844 Mmm! Your pot? 254 00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:42,721 I'm not gonna live with you! 255 00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,203 Oh, shit! 256 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,712 Excuse me. 257 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,470 Europe is looking better and better. 258 00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:25,514 I still think Pretzel talk 259 00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:26,765 has real potential. 260 00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:29,226 Yeah! Two likes on Facebook. 261 00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:31,144 Have you checked lately? 262 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,147 After the fiasco with ESPN, 263 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,315 who the hell is going to come 264 00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:36,441 to my show? 265 00:13:36,525 --> 00:13:37,693 The Marina pretzel bit 266 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,653 got 30 000 hits on You Tube. 267 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,615 You posted it? How could you! 268 00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,868 Of course I did. It's... It's funny... 269 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,120 Why does everybody let me down? 270 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:51,707 So, then how come Max Bauer wants to see you? 271 00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:54,126 - Who? - Ahem. 272 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:55,961 He commented on the video. 273 00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:58,755 Max... the Mallard? 274 00:13:58,881 --> 00:13:59,965 Ahem. 275 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:01,842 - You're kidding! - No. 276 00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:05,888 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 277 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,723 You know what? 278 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:08,891 You let me know 279 00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:10,767 when you wanna sink the show. 280 00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,770 Oh! Oh my God! What am I gonna do? 281 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:14,897 Uhm... Ah! 282 00:14:17,316 --> 00:14:19,151 Pedia! 283 00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,861 Thank you, Pedia! Thank you! 284 00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:25,240 Pedia! 285 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,752 - Mhwa! Thank you! - Good bye. 286 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,050 Our former Olympic ski jumping star, 287 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:46,053 Max Bauer, became the third celebrity 288 00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,514 to be voted off "Gone to the Dogs". 289 00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:51,850 Well, that was an interesting learning experience 290 00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:54,061 about group dynamics. 291 00:14:54,353 --> 00:14:55,521 Hi, to all my fans! 292 00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,356 After successfully finishing 293 00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,358 round two, Bauer couldn't hold 294 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:01,568 his own among a pack of semi-wild dogs 295 00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:04,029 in the Liechtenstein outback. 296 00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:27,779 He's still not here! 297 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,365 He's still not here! 298 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,618 Maybe he booked a better show. 299 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,621 Yeah, he's working with a better breed of dogs. 300 00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:40,501 Pissy, annoyed, frustrated! 301 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,172 Oh, for the muse of fire that... 302 00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:46,465 Where's the fire? 303 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,468 Oh, my God! Hi! 304 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,512 - Oh, no! - I was just goofing around. 305 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:52,846 Hi! 306 00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:53,931 It's Max. 307 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,224 Welcome to New York. 308 00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:56,642 - Welcome to Pretzel Talk... - You're... 309 00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,977 I... I am... Victoria. 310 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,188 - Victoria Tim. - Victoria... Nice to meet you. 311 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,731 Yeah. Nice to meet you too. 312 00:17:08,946 --> 00:17:10,322 All right, shall we start? 313 00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:16,703 - Mister Bauer... - You can call me Max. 314 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,288 - Max? - Yeah. 315 00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:21,291 Not only did you win the World Cup, 316 00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:23,794 you set the world's unofficial ski jumping record 317 00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:27,548 of 954 feet in Albertville, 318 00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:29,633 managing to land on only one ski 319 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,093 after the other one came off! 320 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,471 Wow! Somebody did their homework, right? 321 00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:36,640 What's it like to fly 322 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,475 at a speed of 75 miles per hour 323 00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:41,270 over an area as large as a football field? 324 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:45,524 Oh, it's like slow motion, shhhhh... 325 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,401 if everything goes well. 326 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:49,945 How do you overcome your fear? 327 00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,198 I imagine the space below me 328 00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,867 not as empty, but filled with energies 329 00:17:54,950 --> 00:17:57,703 and with voices, hoo... 330 00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:01,206 - and spirits, right? - That's fascinating! 331 00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:02,291 Yeah. 332 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,375 With the same abandon 333 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:04,585 that make you hurl yourself 334 00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:06,461 off 350 foot platforms, 335 00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:08,005 you throw yourself into all sorts 336 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,298 of celebrity odd jobs, 337 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,300 and everywhere fans wanna see 338 00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:13,719 your famous "Tele-Max". 339 00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,220 Oh, that! Yeah. 340 00:18:15,304 --> 00:18:16,305 The trademark finish. 341 00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:17,389 You execute it 342 00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:18,891 with the elegance of a dancer... 343 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,851 after your legendary landing. 344 00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:23,228 I mean, you are the dancer. 345 00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:24,688 I just move around 346 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:25,856 and the people look at me, 347 00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,733 I look back, and then they clap. 348 00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,402 Hardly! Could you... 349 00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:32,905 maybe do your Tele-Max for us? 350 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,615 Oh, nobody wants to see that. 351 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:37,159 I'm sure we all would love to see that, right folks? 352 00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,244 - Right? - Yeah, we wanna see it! 353 00:18:39,328 --> 00:18:40,454 - You wanna see it? - Yeah! 354 00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,080 Okay, I'll do it. 355 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:49,463 Besides landing in one piece of course, form is 356 00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:50,756 the most important thing. 357 00:18:50,881 --> 00:18:51,965 So... 358 00:18:52,049 --> 00:18:53,842 God, the stocks are up big. 359 00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:01,058 All right, so besides landing 360 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,644 in one piece, form is the most important thing. 361 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,062 Watch! 362 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,274 And when you land and when you bow 363 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,319 you must hold their attention. 364 00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:14,905 Then you come up slowly... 365 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,950 slowly you hold, you hold... 366 00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:20,869 you give them the Pavarotti smile... 367 00:19:21,912 --> 00:19:24,248 and the audience goes wild! 368 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,542 What an amazing feat of strength! 369 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:28,293 The coordination! 370 00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,879 Does this man have any weaknesses? 371 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,215 My weakness is finding out 372 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,424 about beautiful women. 373 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,220 Sorry, guys, it was a false alarm. 374 00:19:44,643 --> 00:19:46,436 So, you were born 375 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:47,771 - in Liechtenstein... - Yeah. 376 00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:49,898 you speak four languages fluently, 377 00:19:50,065 --> 00:19:52,734 have trained Germany, Switzerland and the US... 378 00:19:52,943 --> 00:19:54,152 Where is home? 379 00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:56,238 Home is where the heart is. 380 00:19:56,864 --> 00:19:59,283 - Oh, that's totally true. - Yeah. 381 00:19:59,992 --> 00:20:01,827 A perfect way to end the show. 382 00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,203 Thank you, Mr Mallard. 383 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:05,330 Sorry, Max... 384 00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:06,832 No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! 385 00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,292 You can't... Excuse me! 386 00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:10,377 You can't end your show 387 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:11,587 without telling the audience 388 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:14,047 - about your film! - Yeah! 389 00:20:14,173 --> 00:20:15,465 Okay! 390 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,259 Visit us on pretzeltalk.com 391 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,427 where you can download 392 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:19,803 my movie "Tango Schmango" 393 00:20:19,887 --> 00:20:22,014 or order a limited edition DVD. 394 00:20:27,978 --> 00:20:29,146 Lower. 395 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:32,858 We will see you next time. 396 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:37,404 I, uh... I guess I'll just go. 397 00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:38,989 I'll see you guys later. 398 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:45,746 Let's look at it. 399 00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:56,882 - Wow! - It's good. 400 00:20:57,883 --> 00:20:59,134 Great job! 401 00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:00,511 Capturing me from this angle, 402 00:21:00,594 --> 00:21:02,262 I mean, I look fantastic. 403 00:21:13,315 --> 00:21:14,441 For you. 404 00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:17,402 There's a love scene that embarrassed my mom. 405 00:21:18,904 --> 00:21:20,364 I'm not uptight. 406 00:21:21,073 --> 00:21:22,741 Tango Schmango. 407 00:21:27,496 --> 00:21:28,664 I don't know, I'm kind of shy, Vicky. 408 00:21:28,789 --> 00:21:30,165 I don't know what to say. 409 00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:38,966 And... Tango Schmango. 410 00:22:18,714 --> 00:22:20,132 You all right? 411 00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,468 Oh, here we are. 412 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:25,679 This is it. 413 00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,015 Um... could you wait a sec? 414 00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:29,933 I wanna make sure the workers didn't leave a mess. 415 00:22:30,893 --> 00:22:32,352 I only have eyes for you. 416 00:22:49,286 --> 00:22:50,495 Can I help you? 417 00:22:51,914 --> 00:22:53,081 Oh, uh... 418 00:22:54,708 --> 00:22:56,502 Miss Timm is coming down to meet me. 419 00:22:59,296 --> 00:23:01,215 What the hell is she doing up there? 420 00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:02,758 All that noise! 421 00:23:02,841 --> 00:23:04,593 It's like living on a construction site! 422 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,386 It's terrible, of course, you know. 423 00:23:07,054 --> 00:23:09,139 I'll make sure the noise stops at once. 424 00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:11,016 Oh, well thank you. 425 00:23:12,309 --> 00:23:14,478 Ah! Thank you again. 426 00:23:14,895 --> 00:23:16,897 It keeps me up at night. 427 00:23:17,064 --> 00:23:19,358 I... I can't create me art. 428 00:23:19,733 --> 00:23:20,734 What is your art? 429 00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:22,361 I used to be a singer, 430 00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:25,572 but nothing was really panning out. 431 00:23:25,656 --> 00:23:27,282 so now I'm... 432 00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:29,618 Go on. 433 00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:32,246 I'm creating collages 434 00:23:32,329 --> 00:23:34,998 of butterflies and... vaginas. 435 00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:38,669 Sounds interesting. 436 00:23:40,379 --> 00:23:41,380 What do you do? 437 00:23:41,713 --> 00:23:42,714 About what? 438 00:23:46,051 --> 00:23:48,345 No, I won the World Cup in ski jump. 439 00:23:49,179 --> 00:23:50,264 Now I'm a film maker. 440 00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:51,598 Wow! 441 00:23:51,682 --> 00:23:53,141 I think you should forget 442 00:23:53,225 --> 00:23:55,060 about everything else and just do your art. 443 00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:56,520 Right? 444 00:23:56,728 --> 00:23:58,438 March to the beat of your own drum. 445 00:23:58,939 --> 00:24:02,234 Katchook, katchook, katchook... 446 00:24:02,317 --> 00:24:03,485 You think? 447 00:24:04,361 --> 00:24:07,573 Yeah. Take risks. Leap before you look. 448 00:24:10,033 --> 00:24:11,076 Stay there. 449 00:24:13,245 --> 00:24:15,038 Why? 450 00:24:15,372 --> 00:24:16,540 May I? 451 00:24:17,583 --> 00:24:18,584 Okay. 452 00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:24,965 And... come closer. 453 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:27,509 Yeah! 454 00:24:33,515 --> 00:24:36,018 So, we're on a vacation in Mexico, 455 00:24:37,352 --> 00:24:39,146 in an area called Cuetlaxcoapan, 456 00:24:40,314 --> 00:24:41,773 which means "where serpents 457 00:24:41,857 --> 00:24:43,942 change their skin". 458 00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:45,068 And then, without warning, 459 00:24:45,152 --> 00:24:46,195 my wife kicks me out. 460 00:24:46,778 --> 00:24:48,113 Why did she kick you out? 461 00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:50,657 Because father was from an old Prussian clan, 462 00:24:50,741 --> 00:24:53,493 and he said I wasn't macho enough. 463 00:24:53,785 --> 00:24:55,162 And he didn't like 464 00:24:55,245 --> 00:24:56,580 that I was the nurturing type! 465 00:24:56,872 --> 00:24:59,082 It's great if a man is capable of nurturing. 466 00:24:59,208 --> 00:25:00,834 Exactly, right? 467 00:25:01,293 --> 00:25:02,336 So I found myself alone 468 00:25:02,419 --> 00:25:04,004 in the Mexican countryside. 469 00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:06,840 And... I start walking 470 00:25:06,924 --> 00:25:09,760 and I come to this tiny mountain village. 471 00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:12,679 It was high noon, there was not a soul around, 472 00:25:12,763 --> 00:25:13,889 and I was totally lost. 473 00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:14,973 And then... 474 00:25:15,057 --> 00:25:18,101 suddenly I hear this pained "moo'. 475 00:25:19,978 --> 00:25:22,272 And there was this emaciated cow 476 00:25:22,397 --> 00:25:23,857 with its ribs sticking out, 477 00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:26,527 grazing in the dry grass between cacti. 478 00:25:26,777 --> 00:25:27,819 Cacti? 479 00:25:27,903 --> 00:25:29,154 It's the plural of cactus. 480 00:25:29,655 --> 00:25:31,406 I see something sticking out it's rear, 481 00:25:31,490 --> 00:25:34,159 and it's the rotten corpse of a calf. 482 00:25:34,284 --> 00:25:36,870 - No! - Yes, and I mean, I... 483 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,997 I didn't know what I could've done! 484 00:25:39,373 --> 00:25:41,583 Right? I mean, I felt so helpless 485 00:25:41,667 --> 00:25:42,918 and the cow was doomed 486 00:25:43,001 --> 00:25:44,419 and I only had my 487 00:25:44,503 --> 00:25:46,046 Nordic walking poles with me. 488 00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:47,172 That's horrible! 489 00:25:47,256 --> 00:25:49,842 So... I take a picture. 490 00:25:49,925 --> 00:25:50,926 You did? 491 00:25:58,767 --> 00:26:00,686 - Ugh! - I know. 492 00:26:00,853 --> 00:26:02,855 Oh, my God! 493 00:26:05,107 --> 00:26:06,316 The world around us 494 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,110 reflects how we feel inside. 495 00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:10,612 Yeah. 496 00:26:11,822 --> 00:26:13,031 Then I remember... 497 00:26:14,283 --> 00:26:16,577 that I am master of my own destiny. 498 00:26:17,494 --> 00:26:19,538 The I sit down, and I... 499 00:26:20,372 --> 00:26:21,373 close my eyes 500 00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:23,166 and I envision the perfect woman. 501 00:26:23,917 --> 00:26:25,252 Dear God, 502 00:26:25,586 --> 00:26:27,880 I pray that I may choose my life companion 503 00:26:27,963 --> 00:26:31,008 according to Thy law of perfect soul union. 504 00:26:31,216 --> 00:26:32,259 Amen. 505 00:26:33,886 --> 00:26:35,304 And then... 506 00:26:35,387 --> 00:26:36,805 and then I get this from you! 507 00:26:36,889 --> 00:26:38,932 I mean... 508 00:26:39,016 --> 00:26:40,434 This is amazing! 509 00:26:45,189 --> 00:26:47,357 "I attract the perfect man." 510 00:26:49,735 --> 00:26:51,737 "I attract the perfect man." 511 00:26:52,404 --> 00:26:54,656 "My soul mate is here and now." 512 00:26:55,616 --> 00:26:57,075 Yes, I am. 513 00:27:13,967 --> 00:27:15,469 I'm sorry. 514 00:27:21,350 --> 00:27:23,352 Way too early... 515 00:27:27,356 --> 00:27:29,149 ...but I got a plane to catch. 516 00:27:34,988 --> 00:27:36,990 The early bird catches the worm. 517 00:27:38,325 --> 00:27:39,326 Yeah. 518 00:27:39,493 --> 00:27:40,994 They consider too much the good luck 519 00:27:41,078 --> 00:27:42,829 of the early bird. 520 00:27:43,830 --> 00:27:45,666 The bad luck of the early worm. 521 00:28:03,267 --> 00:28:05,060 Ooh! 522 00:28:07,813 --> 00:28:09,815 Gotta go. It's late. 523 00:28:10,899 --> 00:28:12,901 Oh, that's a big sack! 524 00:28:15,445 --> 00:28:16,738 All right! 525 00:28:18,448 --> 00:28:19,658 I got a part of you. 526 00:28:19,741 --> 00:28:21,034 I'm protected. 527 00:28:28,208 --> 00:28:29,209 Ooh! 528 00:28:29,334 --> 00:28:30,627 Hello, my queen of tango 529 00:28:31,295 --> 00:28:32,713 I look forward to hours, 530 00:28:32,921 --> 00:28:36,508 days, years and a life together, 531 00:28:36,592 --> 00:28:41,346 maybe universes we can experience together. 532 00:28:41,805 --> 00:28:43,807 Ich kuesse deine Seele, mein Schatz. 533 00:28:44,266 --> 00:28:45,726 I kiss your soul, my heart. 534 00:28:47,436 --> 00:28:48,854 It's so amazing! 535 00:28:50,063 --> 00:28:51,607 And we didn't even have sex. 536 00:28:51,690 --> 00:28:53,400 That is amazing! 537 00:28:54,568 --> 00:28:55,903 What's wrong with him? 538 00:28:56,111 --> 00:28:57,196 Nothing! 539 00:28:57,321 --> 00:28:58,363 He really wants 540 00:28:58,447 --> 00:28:59,531 to get to know me first. 541 00:28:59,615 --> 00:29:01,408 He saw you with that frown tape? 542 00:29:01,533 --> 00:29:03,827 No! But he'd be impressed 543 00:29:03,911 --> 00:29:05,746 that I'm not messing up my body with Botox. 544 00:29:06,038 --> 00:29:07,414 We think very much alike. 545 00:29:07,664 --> 00:29:08,707 I'm sure. 546 00:29:09,958 --> 00:29:11,376 It's better than a dream. 547 00:29:11,835 --> 00:29:13,837 Finally, a nice wholesome guy 548 00:29:14,087 --> 00:29:15,964 He has such a strong set of teeth! 549 00:29:17,716 --> 00:29:19,718 Oh, it's him! Oh, my God! 550 00:29:22,596 --> 00:29:24,306 Oh, my God! 551 00:29:30,479 --> 00:29:31,647 Are you all right? 552 00:29:31,939 --> 00:29:33,941 Oh! 553 00:29:34,233 --> 00:29:35,901 Uh... hold on a sec, please. 554 00:29:40,364 --> 00:29:42,032 Look! It's fake! 555 00:29:42,324 --> 00:29:43,367 Look! 556 00:29:45,369 --> 00:29:47,871 It's stuff like that 557 00:29:48,872 --> 00:29:51,041 that makes me think of you all the time. 558 00:29:51,583 --> 00:29:53,585 I think of you all the time. 559 00:29:53,669 --> 00:29:55,087 I just sent you a shooting star. 560 00:29:55,170 --> 00:29:56,171 Did you get it? 561 00:29:56,380 --> 00:29:57,464 Um... 562 00:29:57,673 --> 00:29:59,007 there's a high rise building... 563 00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:01,301 but I'm sure there was a shooting star. 564 00:30:02,678 --> 00:30:04,054 Ho, ho, Mischka! 565 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,181 That's one of my colleagues. 566 00:30:06,431 --> 00:30:07,891 Bears on skis? 567 00:30:08,058 --> 00:30:11,186 On double blades! 568 00:30:12,604 --> 00:30:14,606 I can't wait to see you again. 569 00:30:14,731 --> 00:30:16,275 I'm so horny, 570 00:30:17,276 --> 00:30:20,237 I'm taking you to bed with me right now. 571 00:30:42,092 --> 00:30:43,135 Who? 572 00:30:43,510 --> 00:30:44,887 It's me. 573 00:30:48,140 --> 00:30:49,641 - Hello! - Hey. 574 00:30:50,684 --> 00:30:52,227 I'd like to wish you good luck 575 00:30:52,311 --> 00:30:53,979 with the big ham. 576 00:30:54,062 --> 00:30:56,190 Thank you, but don't make a bid deal of it. 577 00:30:56,356 --> 00:30:57,441 Especially because nobody 578 00:30:57,524 --> 00:30:58,942 watched his interview, right? 579 00:30:59,693 --> 00:31:00,986 Can you be a dear and grab this? 580 00:31:01,069 --> 00:31:02,196 Sure. 581 00:31:02,321 --> 00:31:04,489 Hmm? 582 00:31:06,033 --> 00:31:07,284 Who is it? 583 00:31:07,367 --> 00:31:08,911 Your soul mate! 584 00:31:10,579 --> 00:31:12,206 How do I look? 585 00:31:12,331 --> 00:31:13,916 Babushka! 586 00:31:16,126 --> 00:31:18,128 Frau Riefenstahl, 587 00:31:18,212 --> 00:31:20,797 - the filmmaker. - No paparazzi, please! 588 00:31:20,881 --> 00:31:23,258 No! 589 00:31:26,637 --> 00:31:28,138 Wait, wait, wait! 590 00:31:28,263 --> 00:31:30,766 Wait! Oh, my God! 591 00:31:31,266 --> 00:31:32,559 What happened to your head? 592 00:31:32,768 --> 00:31:33,852 I got shot out of a cannon 593 00:31:33,936 --> 00:31:35,437 and landed on a bear. 594 00:31:35,771 --> 00:31:37,689 Oh, it's not funny, come on. 595 00:31:38,315 --> 00:31:40,609 Unfortunately, he tore up your hat. 596 00:31:40,901 --> 00:31:42,277 Is the bear still alive? 597 00:31:43,403 --> 00:31:45,781 Enzo, the bear could've mauled him to death. 598 00:31:46,406 --> 00:31:48,909 Okay, well, I'm on my way. 599 00:31:49,493 --> 00:31:51,995 No, no, no, I can take that. 600 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,122 All right, all right, you take the trash. 601 00:32:17,396 --> 00:32:19,314 It's Christmas time! 602 00:32:28,490 --> 00:32:31,869 And the Ferrari of vegetable peelers. 603 00:32:33,495 --> 00:32:35,038 Thank you, I can use it. 604 00:32:35,873 --> 00:32:37,875 Please speak English, 605 00:32:37,958 --> 00:32:39,418 I have to acclimatise myself. 606 00:32:39,501 --> 00:32:40,544 Okay. 607 00:32:46,592 --> 00:32:48,260 Knives! 608 00:32:48,385 --> 00:32:50,137 You cook? 609 00:32:50,679 --> 00:32:51,680 Oh, yeah. 610 00:32:51,763 --> 00:32:53,140 You are the nurturing type. 611 00:32:55,350 --> 00:32:56,894 - Here. - I don't have a stove, though. 612 00:32:56,977 --> 00:32:58,228 My jerk of a landlord took it. 613 00:32:59,146 --> 00:33:00,314 Don't worry about that, 614 00:33:00,397 --> 00:33:01,648 I've got something much better for you. 615 00:33:01,773 --> 00:33:03,025 A vibrator. 616 00:33:03,108 --> 00:33:05,569 I mean a dehydrator. 617 00:33:07,112 --> 00:33:09,114 You're a raw foodist? 618 00:33:13,619 --> 00:33:15,245 You bought a clothesline too? 619 00:33:15,579 --> 00:33:18,081 Ever heard of clothes-pin cookies? 620 00:33:18,415 --> 00:33:20,417 No, but I can't wait to find out. 621 00:33:20,542 --> 00:33:21,793 You will. 622 00:33:22,753 --> 00:33:24,755 - Oh, look! - Oh! 623 00:33:25,964 --> 00:33:27,633 - Let's try them on. - Okay. 624 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,639 It's awesome! I love it! 625 00:33:46,568 --> 00:33:47,986 I love that jacket. You wore it 626 00:33:48,070 --> 00:33:49,238 on the red carpet, right? 627 00:33:49,488 --> 00:33:51,490 Yeah, Giorgio personally gifted it to me 628 00:33:51,615 --> 00:33:56,495 at the height of the Mallard mania. 629 00:33:58,997 --> 00:34:00,999 Giorgio, as in Giorgio Armani? 630 00:34:03,794 --> 00:34:04,878 Yeah. 631 00:34:09,007 --> 00:34:10,801 How did you get all of this through customs? 632 00:34:11,134 --> 00:34:12,886 That was the least of my problems. 633 00:34:12,970 --> 00:34:15,180 They asked me if I worked here illegally, 634 00:34:15,264 --> 00:34:17,307 since I came back so soon. 635 00:34:17,683 --> 00:34:18,767 What did you tell them? 636 00:34:18,892 --> 00:34:20,143 I told them that... 637 00:34:22,646 --> 00:34:25,899 I uh... came to see the love of my life. 638 00:34:43,375 --> 00:34:46,003 Shh... Close your eyes. 639 00:34:54,094 --> 00:34:55,846 What? 640 00:34:59,308 --> 00:35:01,310 Ah! Is this... 641 00:35:01,518 --> 00:35:02,936 My world Championship medal. 642 00:35:03,228 --> 00:35:04,229 Wow! 643 00:35:04,521 --> 00:35:06,064 It looks better on you than on me. 644 00:35:06,398 --> 00:35:07,524 Mmm. 645 00:35:12,779 --> 00:35:14,198 - Mmm... - Mmm? 646 00:35:14,615 --> 00:35:15,657 Do you hear that? 647 00:35:15,741 --> 00:35:16,867 Hear what? 648 00:35:17,117 --> 00:35:18,202 The noise. 649 00:35:19,620 --> 00:35:21,955 I think it's coming from... from there. 650 00:35:22,039 --> 00:35:23,207 Uh... 651 00:35:23,665 --> 00:35:24,833 Can we look? 652 00:35:25,250 --> 00:35:26,418 I don't... think... 653 00:35:44,269 --> 00:35:45,646 There's a big mouse! 654 00:35:47,272 --> 00:35:48,774 Okay, give me the light. 655 00:35:52,653 --> 00:35:53,695 Be careful! 656 00:35:55,489 --> 00:35:57,491 Ah, damn! 657 00:35:58,116 --> 00:35:59,743 I almost had it! 658 00:36:00,369 --> 00:36:02,204 He went out through a hole in the wall. 659 00:36:02,996 --> 00:36:03,997 Oh! 660 00:36:04,248 --> 00:36:05,457 Careful! It's dangerous 661 00:36:05,582 --> 00:36:06,875 to inhale mouse droppings. 662 00:36:07,084 --> 00:36:08,585 It's rat droppings! 663 00:36:10,212 --> 00:36:11,463 Doesn't matter. 664 00:36:12,965 --> 00:36:14,883 Give me a hammer and some nails. 665 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:24,643 Thank you. 666 00:36:39,116 --> 00:36:40,200 A little more... 667 00:36:47,082 --> 00:36:48,375 It's so great to have a man 668 00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:49,751 around the house. 669 00:36:50,711 --> 00:36:52,671 It's great to have "moi" around the house. 670 00:36:52,921 --> 00:36:56,383 "Moi" needs a shower! Ahh! 671 00:37:57,694 --> 00:37:59,404 Look, I found a special place 672 00:37:59,488 --> 00:38:00,531 for your medal. 673 00:38:02,032 --> 00:38:03,033 What's that? 674 00:38:03,575 --> 00:38:04,660 That... 675 00:38:05,035 --> 00:38:07,579 uh... that's Pedia, the penguin. 676 00:38:07,704 --> 00:38:09,998 My good luck charm from when I was a kid. 677 00:38:12,251 --> 00:38:13,585 Well, he looks familiar. 678 00:38:14,002 --> 00:38:16,755 He was a ski jumper also. 679 00:38:16,839 --> 00:38:17,965 Really? 680 00:38:18,507 --> 00:38:19,591 Yeah. 681 00:38:19,716 --> 00:38:21,677 Pedia and I both faced challenges. 682 00:38:22,177 --> 00:38:24,012 As a girl I wasn't allowed to compete, 683 00:38:24,096 --> 00:38:25,973 and Pedia's jumbo ears slowed him down, 684 00:38:26,056 --> 00:38:27,766 which made him crash all the time. 685 00:38:28,392 --> 00:38:30,853 Then one day Ken broke his foot, 686 00:38:31,395 --> 00:38:34,690 Pedia jumped in and he won Olympic gold! 687 00:38:35,232 --> 00:38:37,234 Pedia did a lot better than I did. 688 00:38:38,068 --> 00:38:39,111 And he brought me 689 00:38:39,194 --> 00:38:40,946 my real life Olympic champion. 690 00:38:46,743 --> 00:38:47,995 You are unusual. 691 00:38:49,079 --> 00:38:50,455 I was such a tomboy. 692 00:38:51,790 --> 00:38:53,000 And now... 693 00:38:54,668 --> 00:38:57,045 you are all woman. 694 00:38:58,130 --> 00:39:00,132 My mistress ice queen. 695 00:39:01,133 --> 00:39:04,386 Mmm... mistress. 696 00:39:05,137 --> 00:39:06,555 You're not married, are you? 697 00:39:06,930 --> 00:39:08,432 Happily divorced. 698 00:39:09,183 --> 00:39:11,435 Mmm... You're my ice prince. 699 00:39:13,437 --> 00:39:14,730 Anybody ever tell you 700 00:39:14,813 --> 00:39:16,815 you could've been a great skater. 701 00:39:17,691 --> 00:39:18,734 All the time. 702 00:39:18,901 --> 00:39:20,402 My mom, I mean, she... 703 00:39:22,029 --> 00:39:24,156 she made me take lessons, including ballet. 704 00:39:24,990 --> 00:39:26,283 But she never managed to turn me 705 00:39:26,366 --> 00:39:28,118 into a figure skating fruitcake. 706 00:39:29,119 --> 00:39:31,622 Hey, did you know that the Olympics... 707 00:39:32,748 --> 00:39:34,666 - were fixed? - No! 708 00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:38,962 The night before my Olympic competition... 709 00:39:40,088 --> 00:39:41,215 You know, this pretty Russian, 710 00:39:41,298 --> 00:39:42,925 I mean, a Russian official told me 711 00:39:43,008 --> 00:39:44,676 that it had been decided that... 712 00:39:46,136 --> 00:39:47,221 I was going to be fourth, 713 00:39:47,304 --> 00:39:48,347 even though I had beaten 714 00:39:48,430 --> 00:39:49,848 everyone at the World's before, 715 00:39:50,474 --> 00:39:52,017 including Benny Bennovitz. 716 00:39:53,644 --> 00:39:55,312 And then, the next day I ended up being... 717 00:39:55,395 --> 00:39:56,772 - Fourth. - And they claimed 718 00:39:56,855 --> 00:39:58,273 I had touched the ground 719 00:39:58,357 --> 00:39:59,942 ten inches before the fall line, 720 00:40:00,025 --> 00:40:01,235 which was total bullshit! 721 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:02,736 That sucks! 722 00:40:04,112 --> 00:40:05,364 And Benny Bennovitz 723 00:40:05,614 --> 00:40:08,200 who has Pedia's nose, he got the gold. 724 00:40:52,244 --> 00:40:54,705 Up till now I was living only for my daughters. 725 00:40:57,583 --> 00:40:58,750 But when the bear 726 00:40:58,834 --> 00:41:00,169 had my head in its fangs, 727 00:41:01,587 --> 00:41:02,629 it came to me. 728 00:41:05,090 --> 00:41:06,758 I don't want to live another minute 729 00:41:06,842 --> 00:41:07,885 without you. 730 00:41:13,348 --> 00:41:14,725 May I penetrate you? 731 00:42:20,415 --> 00:42:22,209 Don't be embarrassed. 732 00:42:24,169 --> 00:42:26,046 I have these frown lines. 733 00:42:26,255 --> 00:42:27,631 I have them too! Look... 734 00:42:27,756 --> 00:42:28,924 I have a Christmas tree. 735 00:42:36,390 --> 00:42:37,850 Do you have silly dreams as well? 736 00:42:37,975 --> 00:42:39,142 Like what? 737 00:42:39,393 --> 00:42:40,686 I dreamed... 738 00:42:40,769 --> 00:42:43,689 I was riding an elephant all night long. 739 00:42:44,565 --> 00:42:46,400 It was a small elephant. 740 00:42:47,818 --> 00:42:50,279 Very intelligent. 741 00:42:50,362 --> 00:42:51,780 He knew... 742 00:42:52,823 --> 00:42:54,199 He knew where to go. 743 00:42:54,366 --> 00:42:55,909 Oh, yeah. 744 00:43:00,372 --> 00:43:02,374 Don't tough my butt. 745 00:43:04,042 --> 00:43:06,128 - Don't touch my butt! - Why? 746 00:43:06,587 --> 00:43:08,213 It's sore from all the riding. 747 00:43:25,272 --> 00:43:29,151 Wow! A whole drawer all to myself! 748 00:43:29,234 --> 00:43:31,904 That's all I could spare. 749 00:43:32,613 --> 00:43:34,072 Right, here. 750 00:43:34,323 --> 00:43:36,617 - Merci beaucoup. - De rien. 751 00:43:36,825 --> 00:43:38,827 Just let me check what... 752 00:43:39,411 --> 00:43:41,413 what have we got in here. 753 00:43:43,123 --> 00:43:45,209 Oh! Look! 754 00:43:45,501 --> 00:43:47,044 Oh, your twins. 755 00:43:47,586 --> 00:43:49,004 Mari and Kari. 756 00:43:49,796 --> 00:43:51,465 Haven't seen them in over two years. 757 00:43:52,591 --> 00:43:54,176 How can you stand being separated? 758 00:43:54,927 --> 00:43:57,095 'Cause my lying crazy ass ex 759 00:43:57,262 --> 00:43:58,722 threatened to tell the press 760 00:43:58,805 --> 00:44:00,015 that I molested them... 761 00:44:01,975 --> 00:44:03,268 just so the court would give her 762 00:44:03,352 --> 00:44:04,770 every penny I owned. 763 00:44:06,730 --> 00:44:08,649 But at least my little ones are provided for. 764 00:44:10,108 --> 00:44:13,278 They wonder why I swore off marriage. 765 00:44:25,916 --> 00:44:27,543 I wish we'd met ten years ago. 766 00:44:28,627 --> 00:44:29,795 Me too. 767 00:44:31,922 --> 00:44:33,507 We can still make up for it. 768 00:44:34,132 --> 00:44:35,342 How? 769 00:44:37,427 --> 00:44:40,305 We just live ten years longer than destined. 770 00:44:41,223 --> 00:44:42,683 - Right? - Mmm. 771 00:44:45,477 --> 00:44:46,895 I have something for you. 772 00:44:55,153 --> 00:44:56,405 What's that? 773 00:44:57,322 --> 00:44:58,699 To my soul mate? 774 00:45:10,294 --> 00:45:11,587 "Dear soul mate..." 775 00:45:12,963 --> 00:45:14,548 2007? 776 00:45:15,632 --> 00:45:17,259 "I'm so happy we found each other. 777 00:45:17,342 --> 00:45:18,802 We are both European. 778 00:45:19,469 --> 00:45:21,889 You are 5'10", a professional dancer 779 00:45:25,309 --> 00:45:26,852 or even an Olympian. 780 00:45:27,686 --> 00:45:29,479 We have one to two children 781 00:45:29,646 --> 00:45:31,648 and we live on Riverside Drive..." 782 00:45:34,359 --> 00:45:35,527 Wow! 783 00:45:36,904 --> 00:45:37,905 It feels like we've known 784 00:45:38,030 --> 00:45:39,364 each other for lifetimes. 785 00:45:40,657 --> 00:45:42,659 - Is that too much? - No. 786 00:45:42,826 --> 00:45:44,161 - No? - No. 787 00:45:45,537 --> 00:45:47,539 We'll raise our one to two children... 788 00:45:48,624 --> 00:45:49,750 on Riverside Drive, 789 00:45:49,917 --> 00:45:51,126 And if I have to bag groceries 790 00:45:51,251 --> 00:45:52,878 at Trader Joe's... 791 00:45:53,962 --> 00:45:55,255 we'll do it. 792 00:45:57,799 --> 00:45:59,343 I'll do it. 793 00:46:04,348 --> 00:46:06,725 My soul bows to your soul. 794 00:46:15,484 --> 00:46:17,486 This really is the Ferrari of peelers. 795 00:46:18,737 --> 00:46:19,947 Max? 796 00:46:20,072 --> 00:46:21,156 You like it. 797 00:46:21,281 --> 00:46:22,282 Answer me. 798 00:46:22,407 --> 00:46:23,909 Check out Peter Black's camera work. 799 00:46:23,992 --> 00:46:25,619 ...understood? On your knees! 800 00:46:29,998 --> 00:46:32,376 See how blatantly he positions the lights? 801 00:46:32,709 --> 00:46:34,127 - Mmm. - Cool, huh? 802 00:46:37,297 --> 00:46:38,966 See the reflection in their pupils... 803 00:46:41,301 --> 00:46:42,928 except those tramps don't have your beauty 804 00:46:43,053 --> 00:46:45,722 and fluidity from years of dance. 805 00:46:48,559 --> 00:46:49,852 I'm gonna make lunch. 806 00:47:03,782 --> 00:47:05,242 Vicky! 807 00:47:05,450 --> 00:47:07,828 Oh, my God! Are you okay? 808 00:47:08,245 --> 00:47:09,746 More than okay. I... 809 00:47:11,331 --> 00:47:12,666 Will you marry me? 810 00:47:12,833 --> 00:47:14,459 What... did you say? 811 00:47:14,543 --> 00:47:15,627 Will you... 812 00:47:17,754 --> 00:47:19,006 Yes, I will! 813 00:47:20,841 --> 00:47:22,217 Oh, my God! 814 00:47:26,180 --> 00:47:27,639 When I get my green card, 815 00:47:28,015 --> 00:47:30,017 I'll replace it with a real diamond. 816 00:47:30,517 --> 00:47:31,518 It is beautiful! 817 00:47:31,602 --> 00:47:32,644 Most people don't know 818 00:47:32,728 --> 00:47:33,729 the difference anyway, right? 819 00:47:34,313 --> 00:47:36,773 You have a three-carat ring. 820 00:47:43,405 --> 00:47:44,823 Frau Bauer. 821 00:47:45,532 --> 00:47:46,575 Frau Bauer. 822 00:47:57,628 --> 00:47:59,004 Yeah! 823 00:47:59,588 --> 00:48:03,842 Okay, and ready... go! 824 00:48:05,052 --> 00:48:06,553 Nice! 825 00:48:07,012 --> 00:48:08,931 Beautiful! Okay! 826 00:48:30,077 --> 00:48:32,871 Wow! In America money lies on the street. 827 00:48:35,415 --> 00:48:36,542 This brings my penny count to... 828 00:48:36,625 --> 00:48:38,210 - you're funny! - 22 cents! 829 00:48:40,128 --> 00:48:41,380 For the groceries. 830 00:48:41,964 --> 00:48:43,549 A penny saved... 831 00:48:43,674 --> 00:48:45,467 ...makes us less enslaved! 832 00:48:48,637 --> 00:48:49,805 That stupid dog show 833 00:48:49,930 --> 00:48:51,932 did a number on my image. 834 00:48:53,684 --> 00:48:55,018 I can't believe it. Look. 835 00:48:57,646 --> 00:48:59,731 "The aging star athlete, Max, the Mallard 836 00:48:59,815 --> 00:49:01,358 has been pathetically chasing the limelight 837 00:49:01,441 --> 00:49:04,278 by fighting dogs for grubs..." 838 00:49:04,403 --> 00:49:05,863 That's not true. You're a vegan. 839 00:49:05,946 --> 00:49:07,281 Just wait until they hear 840 00:49:07,364 --> 00:49:08,866 about my success in New York. 841 00:49:09,575 --> 00:49:10,784 They'll kiss my ass. 842 00:49:10,868 --> 00:49:12,160 Our wedding will be a... 843 00:49:12,369 --> 00:49:13,871 positive status update. 844 00:49:14,162 --> 00:49:15,831 No, no, don't post anything yet. 845 00:49:16,373 --> 00:49:18,292 It needs to be carefully orchestrated. 846 00:49:19,168 --> 00:49:20,210 We can have our wedding 847 00:49:20,335 --> 00:49:21,545 with tabloids and whole shebang later, 848 00:49:21,628 --> 00:49:23,255 but first I wanna find a project 849 00:49:23,380 --> 00:49:24,840 that shows me on the upswing. 850 00:49:25,007 --> 00:49:29,011 Right? Like a... like a reality show? 851 00:49:30,012 --> 00:49:32,222 Maybe you can sell 852 00:49:32,472 --> 00:49:33,849 Tupperware on the slopes 853 00:49:33,932 --> 00:49:35,100 and I can come flying... 854 00:49:35,184 --> 00:49:36,226 What about a modern version 855 00:49:36,310 --> 00:49:37,728 of "The Frog Prince"? 856 00:49:37,811 --> 00:49:40,063 - Frog prince"? - The "Snail Princess". 857 00:49:40,314 --> 00:49:41,899 A lonely guy names Hans 858 00:49:42,065 --> 00:49:43,317 can't get a date. 859 00:49:43,442 --> 00:49:46,820 He has literally two left feet. 860 00:49:47,070 --> 00:49:48,405 The irony, right, the world champion 861 00:49:48,488 --> 00:49:49,573 with two left feet? 862 00:49:49,948 --> 00:49:51,575 So, one day a good fairy appears, 863 00:49:51,700 --> 00:49:55,913 and she tells him if he kisses a snail 864 00:49:56,038 --> 00:49:57,748 despite his mollusk-phobia, 865 00:49:57,873 --> 00:49:58,916 it will turn it into a princess 866 00:49:58,999 --> 00:50:00,167 with two right feet. 867 00:50:00,918 --> 00:50:02,461 Because you always have to be right. 868 00:50:04,087 --> 00:50:06,507 She's the right one. It's a metaphor! 869 00:50:06,590 --> 00:50:07,591 Okay, go on. 870 00:50:07,758 --> 00:50:09,176 And then they go into the park, 871 00:50:09,259 --> 00:50:11,136 and then there's a tractor 872 00:50:11,261 --> 00:50:13,263 and it cuts off one foot each. 873 00:50:13,639 --> 00:50:15,933 I'm Hans, and who is she, who is Vicky? 874 00:50:16,141 --> 00:50:17,601 It's great! Hans and Heidi... 875 00:50:17,684 --> 00:50:18,727 - Right! - It's fantastic! 876 00:50:18,810 --> 00:50:19,895 The hospital switches 877 00:50:19,978 --> 00:50:21,104 their feet by mistake, see, 878 00:50:21,188 --> 00:50:22,189 and then they end up 879 00:50:22,272 --> 00:50:23,357 with each other's foot. 880 00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:26,485 Who are you? 881 00:50:26,652 --> 00:50:27,653 I'm Heidi. 882 00:50:27,778 --> 00:50:28,779 I'm Hans. 883 00:50:30,781 --> 00:50:32,991 - Oh, my foot! - And my foot! 884 00:50:35,536 --> 00:50:36,662 Where do you live? 885 00:50:39,081 --> 00:50:40,999 So, why the rude gesture? 886 00:50:41,083 --> 00:50:42,084 Why I am being crude, I mean 887 00:50:42,167 --> 00:50:43,710 the attachment of the new foot 888 00:50:43,961 --> 00:50:45,462 causes him to have side-effects. 889 00:50:45,587 --> 00:50:47,089 It makes him want to constantly... 890 00:50:49,466 --> 00:50:50,551 flip the bird! 891 00:50:51,552 --> 00:50:52,553 I'm not sure 892 00:50:52,636 --> 00:50:54,054 if that's gonna go over well. 893 00:50:54,137 --> 00:50:55,347 We're disagreeing again. 894 00:50:55,514 --> 00:50:57,099 But darling, don't we want the audience 895 00:50:57,182 --> 00:50:59,309 that disability is not a handicap 896 00:50:59,393 --> 00:51:01,228 as long as they love each other. 897 00:51:01,311 --> 00:51:02,980 But flipping the bird 898 00:51:03,063 --> 00:51:04,731 has truly medicinal benefits. 899 00:51:04,815 --> 00:51:06,108 I mean, don't you get it? 900 00:51:06,567 --> 00:51:08,068 It helps them to work through 901 00:51:08,151 --> 00:51:09,653 their childhood trauma, 902 00:51:10,237 --> 00:51:11,405 and... and it clears 903 00:51:12,531 --> 00:51:14,157 your head of the cobwebs 904 00:51:14,241 --> 00:51:17,411 that the bosses, politicians and pundits 905 00:51:17,703 --> 00:51:19,121 spin with their tired words 906 00:51:19,204 --> 00:51:21,999 and useless clichés, blah, blah, blah. 907 00:51:22,207 --> 00:51:24,084 Yeah? So march... 908 00:51:24,585 --> 00:51:25,919 Yeah? 909 00:51:26,003 --> 00:51:27,754 ...to the beat of your own drum. 910 00:51:28,463 --> 00:51:35,429 Katchoonk, katchoonk, katchoonk, katchoonk. 911 00:51:36,346 --> 00:51:39,474 Leap before you look! 912 00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:43,645 Dance as if everybody is watching! 913 00:51:48,150 --> 00:51:49,401 Fuck you! 914 00:51:50,944 --> 00:51:52,613 Fuck you! 915 00:52:12,090 --> 00:52:13,467 Fuck you! 916 00:52:36,448 --> 00:52:37,574 Their dance of love 917 00:52:37,658 --> 00:52:39,368 gets a million hits on You Tube. 918 00:52:39,868 --> 00:52:42,204 A producer offers him a reality show. 919 00:52:42,538 --> 00:52:44,164 It pays a cool million bucks. 920 00:52:44,373 --> 00:52:46,166 The format is humiliating. 921 00:52:46,625 --> 00:52:47,751 At first they want to take it, 922 00:52:47,876 --> 00:52:48,877 but then they decide 923 00:52:48,961 --> 00:52:51,213 not to sell their souls. 924 00:52:51,797 --> 00:52:53,090 And then the producers can't believe 925 00:52:53,173 --> 00:52:54,383 that they would turn down a million bucks, 926 00:52:54,466 --> 00:52:55,467 right? 927 00:52:55,926 --> 00:52:58,387 For the last time they dance, they're now famous. 928 00:52:58,679 --> 00:53:01,348 "Fuck you, Mozart" -dance! 929 00:53:02,975 --> 00:53:06,603 And then we'll see them 930 00:53:06,979 --> 00:53:08,981 driving off in his Volkswagen. 931 00:53:09,481 --> 00:53:12,526 We only see Hans' middle finger 932 00:53:13,068 --> 00:53:14,653 out of the sunroof. 933 00:53:14,862 --> 00:53:16,738 And then... 934 00:53:17,447 --> 00:53:19,449 thy live happily forever after 935 00:53:20,033 --> 00:53:22,911 in her castle on the hill. 936 00:53:25,747 --> 00:53:26,999 And then... 937 00:53:27,708 --> 00:53:29,376 I can say "fuck you" 938 00:53:29,459 --> 00:53:30,878 to the "Gone to the Dogs" producers, 939 00:53:31,086 --> 00:53:33,297 because, guess who's top dog now? 940 00:53:33,547 --> 00:53:34,673 Yeah! 941 00:53:37,885 --> 00:53:40,053 I'm home! 942 00:53:41,388 --> 00:53:43,390 - Hi! - Hi, neighbour. How's it going? 943 00:53:43,515 --> 00:53:46,435 You moved in with Rhoda? 944 00:53:47,269 --> 00:53:49,146 No! She has a loft in Dumbo now. 945 00:53:49,396 --> 00:53:51,398 - Oh! - Some jerk encouraged her 946 00:53:51,481 --> 00:53:52,900 to become a painter. 947 00:53:52,983 --> 00:53:55,736 Some "leap before you look" kind of nonsense. 948 00:53:55,819 --> 00:53:57,112 I'm sorry. 949 00:53:57,696 --> 00:53:59,114 She should've stuck to singing. 950 00:53:59,489 --> 00:54:01,074 I could've gotten her on The Voice. 951 00:54:02,034 --> 00:54:04,036 Well, I hope you find someone more deserving. 952 00:54:04,369 --> 00:54:05,871 Cheers. 953 00:54:07,247 --> 00:54:10,000 It's me again. 954 00:54:35,692 --> 00:54:37,694 How long does it take you to come upstairs? 955 00:54:37,861 --> 00:54:40,113 I ran into Lando, our new neighbour. 956 00:54:40,572 --> 00:54:43,075 I heard. Another rat showed up. 957 00:54:43,450 --> 00:54:44,576 - Oh, no! - Yeah. 958 00:54:44,660 --> 00:54:46,078 The exterminator was here 959 00:54:46,203 --> 00:54:48,205 and put down snap traps. Here is the bill. 960 00:54:48,830 --> 00:54:50,582 I'll take care of it. 961 00:54:51,458 --> 00:54:52,876 Watch those traps. 962 00:54:53,210 --> 00:54:54,920 Knowing you, you'll step right in. 963 00:54:55,796 --> 00:54:59,925 Oh, your mom's been on Skype all day. 964 00:55:00,467 --> 00:55:02,052 You're telling me now? 965 00:55:09,101 --> 00:55:10,394 Hello, Mutti. 966 00:55:12,229 --> 00:55:13,230 I'm leaving. 967 00:55:13,313 --> 00:55:14,648 Where you going? 968 00:55:14,731 --> 00:55:16,191 Uh, friends from Europe, 969 00:55:16,316 --> 00:55:18,527 some art gallery thing. 970 00:55:18,610 --> 00:55:20,320 Wait, I have to take a shower first. 971 00:55:20,404 --> 00:55:22,239 No, stay here, it won't take long. 972 00:55:22,322 --> 00:55:23,323 Max... 973 00:55:23,407 --> 00:55:25,742 Please say hi to your future mother-in-law? 974 00:55:25,826 --> 00:55:26,827 Say hi to what? 975 00:55:26,910 --> 00:55:28,453 Max proposed! 976 00:55:28,537 --> 00:55:30,497 Mutti, Max Bauer, in the flesh! 977 00:55:32,082 --> 00:55:34,126 And Max... this is my mom! 978 00:55:36,044 --> 00:55:37,045 Hello Ms... 979 00:55:37,129 --> 00:55:38,130 Marta! 980 00:55:38,213 --> 00:55:39,214 Ms. Marta. 981 00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:41,466 Don't we make a beautiful couple? 982 00:55:41,550 --> 00:55:45,679 I guess, I'll put a notice in the Liechtensteiner Volksblatt! 983 00:55:45,762 --> 00:55:46,763 No don't! 984 00:55:47,681 --> 00:55:50,767 Max means he needs to establish himself first. 985 00:55:50,851 --> 00:55:52,686 Isn't he established enough? 986 00:55:55,147 --> 00:55:56,273 Are we good? 987 00:56:03,155 --> 00:56:04,781 Indian cress. 988 00:56:08,827 --> 00:56:10,954 You planted it in your little garden, 989 00:56:11,038 --> 00:56:12,414 By the swing. 990 00:56:12,497 --> 00:56:15,792 Do you remember what the neighbors boys... did? 991 00:56:15,876 --> 00:56:17,377 They ripped them out! 992 00:56:17,461 --> 00:56:18,712 And what did you do? 993 00:56:18,795 --> 00:56:20,380 I grabbed a stick, 994 00:56:20,464 --> 00:56:22,841 and threatened to beat the crap out of them! 995 00:56:22,925 --> 00:56:26,386 You were a very gutsy little girl! 996 00:56:27,095 --> 00:56:28,096 And now... 997 00:56:28,180 --> 00:56:31,225 Look...! what I snagged at Century 21! 998 00:56:31,391 --> 00:56:32,768 I just talked to... 999 00:56:32,851 --> 00:56:34,853 Frau Ohry, my neighbour... 1000 00:56:34,937 --> 00:56:38,315 I got it for $79, but it used to be 800! 1001 00:56:38,982 --> 00:56:41,818 not only did her son-in-law, 1002 00:56:41,902 --> 00:56:44,905 suffer a fatal mountain climbing accident... 1003 00:56:44,988 --> 00:56:47,157 - You already told me that story. - but... 1004 00:56:47,241 --> 00:56:48,742 her daughter... 1005 00:56:48,825 --> 00:56:52,788 jumped to her death from the 5th floor with her baby. 1006 00:56:52,871 --> 00:56:54,790 How do you like the dress? 1007 00:56:54,873 --> 00:56:58,752 Frau Ohry's daughter always acted on impulse. 1008 00:57:01,046 --> 00:57:03,966 For 20 years you pestered me to get married! 1009 00:57:04,049 --> 00:57:08,554 And now you're marrying some guy you don't even know! 1010 00:57:08,637 --> 00:57:11,473 He's not, "some guy", he's Max Bauer! 1011 00:57:11,557 --> 00:57:13,141 Send me pictures of the wedding. 1012 00:57:13,225 --> 00:57:15,018 We'll come celebrate in Liechtenstein, 1013 00:57:15,102 --> 00:57:16,395 once Max gets on his feet. 1014 00:57:16,478 --> 00:57:18,647 He doesn't have any money! 1015 00:57:18,730 --> 00:57:19,731 His ex took it. 1016 00:57:19,815 --> 00:57:21,483 Sounds fishy! 1017 00:57:21,692 --> 00:57:23,986 You just won't believe that a huge sport's star, 1018 00:57:24,069 --> 00:57:26,488 would marry a nobody, with a tiny rental apartment. 1019 00:57:26,572 --> 00:57:29,741 You mean, an award-winning filmmaker, 1020 00:57:29,825 --> 00:57:32,786 who's taking care of some guy who's broke? 1021 00:57:33,328 --> 00:57:34,746 He loves me! 1022 00:57:34,830 --> 00:57:36,999 You squeak when he's around! 1023 00:57:44,047 --> 00:57:46,258 You've been a bad, bad boy! 1024 00:57:47,551 --> 00:57:49,887 You've been a bad, bad boy. 1025 00:57:51,221 --> 00:57:53,515 You've been a bad, bad boy. 1026 00:57:55,517 --> 00:57:57,311 I should just punish you. 1027 00:58:12,618 --> 00:58:13,994 Hi honey. 1028 00:58:14,578 --> 00:58:17,164 - How was the gallery? - Boring 1029 00:58:20,209 --> 00:58:22,002 Woof, woof! 1030 00:58:25,672 --> 00:58:26,882 Doggie! 1031 00:58:29,968 --> 00:58:31,136 You smell different! 1032 00:58:31,220 --> 00:58:32,221 I love you! 1033 00:58:32,304 --> 00:58:33,555 I love you too! 1034 00:58:33,639 --> 00:58:34,640 Ich liebe dich. 1035 00:58:35,224 --> 00:58:36,683 Ich liebe dich auch. 1036 00:58:45,150 --> 00:58:46,151 I have a... 1037 00:58:47,152 --> 00:58:48,153 present for you. 1038 00:58:48,237 --> 00:58:49,363 Ooh! 1039 00:58:49,446 --> 00:58:50,489 Surprise. 1040 00:58:50,572 --> 00:58:51,573 Yeah! 1041 00:58:55,786 --> 00:58:56,787 Oh! 1042 00:59:07,506 --> 00:59:08,632 That's yours! 1043 00:59:10,300 --> 00:59:11,385 Yeah! 1044 00:59:19,309 --> 00:59:20,561 You're crazy! 1045 00:59:20,644 --> 00:59:22,813 It's ass art! 1046 00:59:33,574 --> 00:59:36,285 Now it's your turn! 1047 00:59:37,536 --> 00:59:38,579 You're part of my... 1048 00:59:38,662 --> 00:59:43,417 great... new... art... 1049 00:59:43,876 --> 00:59:45,127 installation! 1050 00:59:55,762 --> 00:59:56,805 And now... 1051 00:59:56,889 --> 00:59:58,015 I want you to get naked. 1052 00:59:58,098 --> 00:59:59,099 Hm? 1053 00:59:59,183 --> 01:00:00,309 And get in there. 1054 01:00:00,392 --> 01:00:01,393 In there? 1055 01:00:01,518 --> 01:00:02,519 Oh yeah! 1056 01:00:02,603 --> 01:00:04,771 Shouldn't you be capturing our movie footage? 1057 01:00:04,855 --> 01:00:07,900 First I have to nourish my soul, 1058 01:00:07,983 --> 01:00:09,109 like Dukchat. 1059 01:00:09,193 --> 01:00:10,194 Who? 1060 01:00:10,277 --> 01:00:12,946 The famous artist Dukchat. 1061 01:00:13,030 --> 01:00:14,948 You know Dukchat. 1062 01:00:15,699 --> 01:00:18,493 He... photographs... 1063 01:00:18,577 --> 01:00:21,955 15 year old girls... 1064 01:00:22,998 --> 01:00:24,333 in the nude. 1065 01:00:24,416 --> 01:00:26,668 And to make them feel more comfortable... 1066 01:00:26,752 --> 01:00:29,129 he also takes his pants off. 1067 01:00:30,005 --> 01:00:32,341 His dick hanging out makes them more comfortable? 1068 01:00:33,133 --> 01:00:35,886 He sends a message of being unconventional. 1069 01:00:36,512 --> 01:00:39,056 What message gets sent by trapping me in there? 1070 01:00:39,139 --> 01:00:40,641 It doesn't matter, 1071 01:00:40,724 --> 01:00:42,935 as long as it evokes a feeling from the viewer! 1072 01:00:43,227 --> 01:00:44,811 It's awfully tight! 1073 01:00:45,562 --> 01:00:47,022 An artist has got to be risqué. 1074 01:00:48,106 --> 01:00:49,816 Otherwise, he's just boring vanilla. 1075 01:00:50,692 --> 01:00:53,153 But the... deadline for Tribeca is coming up. 1076 01:00:54,696 --> 01:00:56,365 You and I rise above... 1077 01:00:56,448 --> 01:00:57,908 bourgeois convention. 1078 01:00:58,867 --> 01:01:01,870 Like we did it with our... switched-legs movie 1079 01:01:02,079 --> 01:01:03,622 What if I get stuck? 1080 01:01:03,705 --> 01:01:07,793 What does great art come out of, huh? Trauma? 1081 01:01:07,876 --> 01:01:10,546 But Mozart was inspired by birds singing. 1082 01:01:11,463 --> 01:01:13,841 Wagner was an egotistic maniac! 1083 01:01:15,050 --> 01:01:16,802 And Van Gogh had his ear cut off! 1084 01:01:17,344 --> 01:01:19,263 And Frida Kahlo, 1085 01:01:19,471 --> 01:01:22,057 she got pierced with a 10 foot pole through her vagina. 1086 01:01:22,975 --> 01:01:23,976 Trauma! 1087 01:01:24,059 --> 01:01:25,060 But... 1088 01:01:25,143 --> 01:01:27,396 if it falls I could break my bones! 1089 01:01:28,856 --> 01:01:31,733 Human existence is pain. 1090 01:01:32,943 --> 01:01:34,194 People relate to that. 1091 01:01:34,778 --> 01:01:36,947 What if my dance students see me like that... 1092 01:01:40,158 --> 01:01:41,243 Stop the petty shit, 1093 01:01:41,326 --> 01:01:42,744 and get in the box! 1094 01:01:46,748 --> 01:01:48,917 Here we go, okay. 1095 01:01:49,418 --> 01:01:51,086 Great shot. Yeah! 1096 01:01:52,379 --> 01:01:54,506 Now imagine you're locked up like you are 1097 01:01:54,590 --> 01:01:56,341 and bang against the window. 1098 01:01:56,425 --> 01:01:57,593 As hard as you can! 1099 01:01:59,887 --> 01:02:02,681 Right, right. Like Jack Nicholson in "Shining" 1100 01:02:04,349 --> 01:02:06,185 Beautiful! It's awesome! 1101 01:02:06,268 --> 01:02:07,728 Okay, okay. I'm done 1102 01:02:07,811 --> 01:02:09,229 Okay, just a few more. 1103 01:02:10,355 --> 01:02:11,565 So good. 1104 01:02:13,192 --> 01:02:14,193 I mean it! 1105 01:02:26,830 --> 01:02:27,831 Hello. 1106 01:02:27,915 --> 01:02:29,374 Get me out of this! 1107 01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,585 - I'm done! - It's Max Bauer... 1108 01:02:32,503 --> 01:02:34,213 Yes, "the" Max Bauer. 1109 01:02:34,338 --> 01:02:36,965 Okay, I'm working on an art project in New York. 1110 01:02:37,049 --> 01:02:38,050 Yes. 1111 01:02:38,133 --> 01:02:40,552 - I want to get out! - One moment please. 1112 01:02:40,636 --> 01:02:42,930 - It's Liechtenstein! - I don't give a shit! 1113 01:02:43,013 --> 01:02:45,557 Well then you don't want to talk to Vaduz Films. 1114 01:02:46,141 --> 01:02:47,142 Uh! 1115 01:02:47,309 --> 01:02:49,019 Just give me the fucking phone then! 1116 01:02:52,731 --> 01:02:53,732 Hello?... 1117 01:02:54,358 --> 01:02:55,359 Yeah... 1118 01:02:56,485 --> 01:02:57,611 The mayor? 1119 01:02:59,738 --> 01:03:04,743 Oh... Okay... that sounds great. Okay... thank you. 1120 01:03:05,077 --> 01:03:06,370 Okay, I'll talk to you then. 1121 01:03:08,539 --> 01:03:09,665 You see! 1122 01:03:11,333 --> 01:03:14,628 You open up possibilities, and the universe opens to you! 1123 01:03:18,966 --> 01:03:19,967 Hello. 1124 01:03:20,050 --> 01:03:21,051 Hello 1125 01:03:21,426 --> 01:03:22,427 Wow! 1126 01:03:23,595 --> 01:03:24,888 Look at you! 1127 01:03:25,597 --> 01:03:26,682 So Victoria... 1128 01:03:26,765 --> 01:03:27,766 Yeah... 1129 01:03:28,559 --> 01:03:31,103 Today, is your actual wedding day? 1130 01:03:31,270 --> 01:03:32,271 Yeah! 1131 01:03:32,354 --> 01:03:34,189 He's in the limo downstairs. 1132 01:03:34,273 --> 01:03:37,401 - He's a famous ski-jumper! - Okay... 1133 01:03:37,484 --> 01:03:39,111 We'll do this quickly then. 1134 01:03:39,528 --> 01:03:42,698 Great! I'm teaching Zumba at 5:30 and Salsa at 7:00! 1135 01:03:43,407 --> 01:03:45,742 That is one lucky groom! 1136 01:03:46,702 --> 01:03:47,703 Okay... 1137 01:03:48,620 --> 01:03:49,621 Ready? 1138 01:03:50,205 --> 01:03:52,291 Slate please. 1139 01:03:52,374 --> 01:03:56,712 Hi, I'm Victoria Ti... Victoria Bauer. 1140 01:03:57,462 --> 01:03:58,463 One sec... 1141 01:03:59,298 --> 01:04:01,592 For a dazzling white smile that lasts. 1142 01:04:01,675 --> 01:04:03,594 Bright White toothpaste. 1143 01:04:06,597 --> 01:04:09,057 I didn't realize you had an accent... 1144 01:04:09,141 --> 01:04:11,435 Vot do you mean I have an akzent? 1145 01:04:13,645 --> 01:04:14,646 Thank you. 1146 01:04:14,730 --> 01:04:16,481 Thank you. 1147 01:05:12,704 --> 01:05:14,039 Don't we look so great! 1148 01:05:15,374 --> 01:05:17,835 Why marry, when jumping in front of a train, 1149 01:05:17,918 --> 01:05:18,919 is faster and easier? 1150 01:05:19,002 --> 01:05:20,629 - Victoria and Max... - just kidding! 1151 01:05:20,712 --> 01:05:23,173 May your love grow stronger each day going forward... 1152 01:05:23,257 --> 01:05:25,008 not like the clown I'm stuck with... 1153 01:05:25,092 --> 01:05:26,885 I'm not a clown! 1154 01:05:26,969 --> 01:05:28,345 Come on, give me this! 1155 01:05:28,887 --> 01:05:30,556 We look the way I always dreamed. 1156 01:05:37,229 --> 01:05:39,523 Enzo doesn't know what the hell he's doing! 1157 01:05:43,902 --> 01:05:44,987 I got something! 1158 01:05:55,038 --> 01:05:57,916 You're finally making those clothes pin cookies? 1159 01:06:05,382 --> 01:06:06,842 I feel bad for Blanche though. 1160 01:06:06,925 --> 01:06:08,135 Turn that shit off. 1161 01:06:09,178 --> 01:06:11,054 Is this the part where you... 1162 01:06:11,138 --> 01:06:12,389 Blanche ran into me! 1163 01:06:15,350 --> 01:06:17,728 It almost looks like you flipped her on purpose... 1164 01:06:18,187 --> 01:06:20,814 It's instinct! Olympians are trained to follow through 1165 01:06:22,191 --> 01:06:24,610 What do you have... combat instincts at a wedding? 1166 01:06:24,902 --> 01:06:27,029 Did "you" act like this is a wedding huh? 1167 01:06:27,571 --> 01:06:29,907 I waited all day in a frickin rental car, 1168 01:06:29,990 --> 01:06:31,867 while you do your obsessions! 1169 01:06:32,618 --> 01:06:35,412 Max, can we please enjoy the biggest day of my life? 1170 01:06:35,495 --> 01:06:38,123 Of "your" life! What about my life? 1171 01:06:38,207 --> 01:06:40,709 Everything is about you and what Vicky needs! 1172 01:06:41,251 --> 01:06:43,212 I mean who schedules auditions and Zumba 1173 01:06:43,295 --> 01:06:44,630 around their wedding huh? 1174 01:06:46,423 --> 01:06:47,591 We need the money! 1175 01:06:59,728 --> 01:07:01,563 I'll make it up to you. 1176 01:07:27,047 --> 01:07:30,175 You've been a bad, bad boy! 1177 01:07:30,884 --> 01:07:32,469 Aren't you going to punish me? 1178 01:07:32,553 --> 01:07:34,805 I should just hand cuff you to the bed, 1179 01:07:34,888 --> 01:07:36,598 and ride your face! 1180 01:07:38,308 --> 01:07:39,810 Mercy on... 1181 01:07:39,893 --> 01:07:40,936 Mercy on me! 1182 01:07:42,104 --> 01:07:43,480 I can't do this! 1183 01:07:43,564 --> 01:07:45,941 No, no it was fantastic! Just keep going! 1184 01:07:46,024 --> 01:07:48,193 I was a bad boy! 1185 01:07:48,277 --> 01:07:49,278 Here! 1186 01:08:20,225 --> 01:08:24,021 Boeser... boeser... Junge! 1187 01:08:24,104 --> 01:08:26,773 Oh yes! 1188 01:08:33,238 --> 01:08:34,239 You okay? 1189 01:08:34,323 --> 01:08:35,908 Ja! Just do it! Just do it! 1190 01:08:37,868 --> 01:08:38,869 You okay? 1191 01:08:38,952 --> 01:08:39,953 Yes! 1192 01:08:45,417 --> 01:08:47,503 Go ride me! Come on! 1193 01:08:52,090 --> 01:08:54,092 Ugh! Come on harder, hit me! 1194 01:08:54,176 --> 01:08:58,055 - I'm a bad boy! - Bad, bad boy! 1195 01:08:58,138 --> 01:09:00,098 I'm a bad boy! Harder! 1196 01:09:00,182 --> 01:09:01,350 Come on go harder! 1197 01:09:01,433 --> 01:09:02,976 No! You really got to hit me! 1198 01:09:04,269 --> 01:09:05,312 I did! 1199 01:09:05,395 --> 01:09:06,396 No you didn't! 1200 01:09:07,231 --> 01:09:08,357 Okay, now it's my turn. 1201 01:09:10,192 --> 01:09:11,193 Sit! 1202 01:09:12,319 --> 01:09:13,320 Platz. 1203 01:09:14,655 --> 01:09:15,656 Bad girl. 1204 01:09:28,710 --> 01:09:29,711 You're kidding! 1205 01:09:32,005 --> 01:09:33,173 Can we kiss for a moment? 1206 01:09:35,801 --> 01:09:36,844 Hmm. 1207 01:09:38,095 --> 01:09:39,096 I guess not! 1208 01:09:40,138 --> 01:09:41,682 - Ouch! - You and your vanilla sex! 1209 01:09:42,558 --> 01:09:43,559 Ow! 1210 01:09:51,191 --> 01:09:52,192 Ouch! 1211 01:09:53,694 --> 01:09:55,362 Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch! 1212 01:09:57,948 --> 01:10:00,284 Ouch! 1213 01:10:00,367 --> 01:10:01,535 Yeah! 1214 01:10:01,910 --> 01:10:03,245 Okay, that is enough, right? 1215 01:10:03,328 --> 01:10:04,454 Two, two more! Two more! 1216 01:10:07,958 --> 01:10:08,959 Ouch. 1217 01:10:11,795 --> 01:10:12,796 Ready? 1218 01:10:13,672 --> 01:10:14,756 Ah! 1219 01:10:15,674 --> 01:10:17,050 Last one! 1220 01:10:22,973 --> 01:10:23,974 Ow! 1221 01:10:24,141 --> 01:10:25,350 Ow! Look this is hurting! 1222 01:10:25,434 --> 01:10:26,435 Then use a safe word! 1223 01:10:26,643 --> 01:10:27,644 What's a safe word? 1224 01:10:27,728 --> 01:10:28,937 Phew! Are you twelve? 1225 01:10:30,522 --> 01:10:31,523 Gosh! 1226 01:10:45,746 --> 01:10:46,747 That... 1227 01:10:46,830 --> 01:10:47,831 should make it... 1228 01:10:48,999 --> 01:10:50,000 easier. 1229 01:10:51,793 --> 01:10:55,881 Yeah, broccoli always helps the situation. 1230 01:10:58,926 --> 01:10:59,927 Ow! 1231 01:11:25,953 --> 01:11:27,955 Um, ow! This can't be safe! 1232 01:11:30,749 --> 01:11:32,334 This can't be healthy. 1233 01:11:32,417 --> 01:11:33,752 Well, it could be worse. 1234 01:11:33,836 --> 01:11:37,089 It could... match the color of your eyes! 1235 01:11:37,506 --> 01:11:39,132 My eyes are blue! 1236 01:11:40,551 --> 01:11:42,135 Ow! Safe word. 1237 01:11:43,762 --> 01:11:45,305 Get it off! 1238 01:11:45,472 --> 01:11:46,515 Ow! 1239 01:11:46,974 --> 01:11:48,225 Ow-oo! 1240 01:11:48,809 --> 01:11:49,810 Take it off! 1241 01:11:52,354 --> 01:11:53,730 Take this stuff off. 1242 01:11:58,569 --> 01:12:00,571 I'm taking it off! Just relax! Come on. 1243 01:12:01,280 --> 01:12:02,489 Down there too! 1244 01:12:04,491 --> 01:12:05,534 Vanilla sex! 1245 01:12:09,621 --> 01:12:10,622 Ow! 1246 01:12:15,210 --> 01:12:16,670 This... this was interesting. 1247 01:12:16,753 --> 01:12:19,214 But I'm more partial to vanilla sex... 1248 01:12:19,298 --> 01:12:21,717 Don't ever stop in the middle okay! 1249 01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:23,552 No-one says "No" to Max Bauer! 1250 01:12:24,511 --> 01:12:27,139 You prude! I can have any woman I want! 1251 01:12:28,765 --> 01:12:29,766 Goodnight! 1252 01:13:26,073 --> 01:13:28,659 So, congratulations again, on the production contract! 1253 01:13:28,742 --> 01:13:31,036 Oh yeah, all our hard work paid off. 1254 01:13:31,745 --> 01:13:33,705 You must be so proud of Victoria! 1255 01:13:33,789 --> 01:13:36,500 I always tell Vicky not to talk about unlaid eggs. 1256 01:13:36,917 --> 01:13:37,918 He means... 1257 01:13:38,001 --> 01:13:40,045 don't count your chickens before they hatch. 1258 01:13:40,295 --> 01:13:42,714 I... we haven't signed the contract yet. 1259 01:13:42,798 --> 01:13:43,924 But they offered, right? 1260 01:13:44,007 --> 01:13:45,759 Right! That's why we're celebrating! 1261 01:13:45,843 --> 01:13:46,844 Yaa! 1262 01:13:48,011 --> 01:13:49,054 Ah so... 1263 01:13:49,137 --> 01:13:50,347 everybody... 1264 01:13:51,849 --> 01:13:52,850 Thank you. 1265 01:13:52,933 --> 01:13:54,101 Very welcome. 1266 01:13:54,726 --> 01:13:55,727 Now... 1267 01:13:56,478 --> 01:13:58,063 comes the big surprise. 1268 01:13:59,356 --> 01:14:01,316 Surprise, surprise, okay. 1269 01:14:02,276 --> 01:14:03,277 Ready? 1270 01:14:04,236 --> 01:14:05,237 Set... 1271 01:14:06,029 --> 01:14:07,030 whew! 1272 01:14:09,825 --> 01:14:10,826 - What's...? 1273 01:14:10,909 --> 01:14:13,453 This is, Max's great new art installation! 1274 01:14:14,162 --> 01:14:16,540 You should check out the one on the wall... here. 1275 01:14:16,707 --> 01:14:19,710 Max has re-invented himself as a serious artist. 1276 01:14:21,420 --> 01:14:23,213 Ah... ah... 1277 01:14:23,839 --> 01:14:25,090 Ah... Is that you? 1278 01:14:26,258 --> 01:14:27,634 Yeah. 1279 01:14:27,718 --> 01:14:29,219 Is he peeing? 1280 01:14:29,303 --> 01:14:35,184 I'm thinking of exhibiting in an art gallery, maybe a museum. 1281 01:14:35,267 --> 01:14:36,643 All you need is connections. 1282 01:14:37,477 --> 01:14:39,479 Yeah, Max has always been very daring. 1283 01:14:39,563 --> 01:14:41,732 That's what he was famous for at the long hill. 1284 01:14:41,815 --> 01:14:43,192 Daring? 1285 01:14:43,275 --> 01:14:44,443 That's rather deprav... 1286 01:14:44,526 --> 01:14:47,154 Enzo, whatever happened to your penny stocks? 1287 01:14:47,863 --> 01:14:50,866 Well uh... I invested in some more... 1288 01:14:50,949 --> 01:14:52,451 Yeah! I got a stock tip for you. 1289 01:14:52,868 --> 01:14:54,494 Picking up pennies off the street. 1290 01:14:54,578 --> 01:14:55,954 I mean, it's more lucrative. 1291 01:14:56,121 --> 01:14:59,458 My penny stock's already up by $3.68! 1292 01:14:59,541 --> 01:15:01,126 That's really up! 1293 01:15:01,210 --> 01:15:03,795 Check out Max's "Legumes a la Bauer"! 1294 01:15:04,338 --> 01:15:05,339 It's all raw! 1295 01:15:05,422 --> 01:15:07,132 Oh it's raw? 1296 01:15:10,427 --> 01:15:12,596 I mean, cooking makes food toxic, right? 1297 01:15:13,180 --> 01:15:15,432 Besides that I like to maintain high vibrations 1298 01:15:17,601 --> 01:15:18,685 Let's go for it. 1299 01:15:18,769 --> 01:15:20,020 Thanks for having us over. 1300 01:15:20,103 --> 01:15:21,855 Yeah. I'll go to the hands. 1301 01:15:21,939 --> 01:15:23,482 Mmm... 1302 01:15:23,565 --> 01:15:25,025 It's real good! 1303 01:15:25,734 --> 01:15:26,777 And... 1304 01:15:26,860 --> 01:15:28,695 the sprinkles of... 1305 01:15:28,779 --> 01:15:29,947 what are those? 1306 01:15:30,030 --> 01:15:32,950 That's almonds and Brazil nuts. 1307 01:15:33,200 --> 01:15:34,451 Thank god! 1308 01:15:35,702 --> 01:15:36,954 Wundernuts! 1309 01:15:37,037 --> 01:15:39,039 Max chopped them by hand! 1310 01:15:39,122 --> 01:15:40,499 With my special knife! 1311 01:15:40,624 --> 01:15:41,834 Wow! Thank you! 1312 01:15:43,126 --> 01:15:44,294 Hmm! It's really very... 1313 01:15:45,128 --> 01:15:46,296 creative. 1314 01:15:46,922 --> 01:15:49,508 Creativity is the ski-jumping hill of my soul. 1315 01:15:50,300 --> 01:15:52,678 As an artist, I like to break stifling rules and... 1316 01:15:52,761 --> 01:15:56,473 to achieve gobsmacking jumps! 1317 01:15:57,933 --> 01:16:00,644 What do you want to do here, in terms of work? 1318 01:16:00,727 --> 01:16:03,063 Um... I'm thinking of... 1319 01:16:03,146 --> 01:16:05,566 You could make a ton as a ski instructor. 1320 01:16:07,317 --> 01:16:09,152 I'm not going to teach the snowplough, 1321 01:16:09,236 --> 01:16:10,612 to snot-nosed brats right! 1322 01:16:10,696 --> 01:16:12,489 You remember "Eddie the Eagle"? 1323 01:16:12,573 --> 01:16:13,574 Uh huh. 1324 01:16:13,657 --> 01:16:15,993 He still earns a living with live appearances. 1325 01:16:16,076 --> 01:16:17,870 I don't want anybody to know who I am. 1326 01:16:17,953 --> 01:16:18,954 Okay. Well... 1327 01:16:19,663 --> 01:16:22,249 I don't think you have a problem with that in New York 1328 01:16:22,374 --> 01:16:23,792 And besides, you know I mean... 1329 01:16:25,169 --> 01:16:26,336 I have nothing in common, 1330 01:16:26,420 --> 01:16:28,213 with the worst ski-jumper in history. 1331 01:16:28,297 --> 01:16:31,133 I mean, who still runs around supermarkets in a chicken suit! 1332 01:16:31,216 --> 01:16:32,342 He's the world champion. 1333 01:16:32,426 --> 01:16:33,427 Yeah, that's right! 1334 01:16:34,428 --> 01:16:35,429 Well uh... 1335 01:16:36,096 --> 01:16:37,806 What are you thinking of doing then? 1336 01:16:38,473 --> 01:16:39,808 Well, I see myself, 1337 01:16:39,892 --> 01:16:44,479 like selling my work, to art collectors... or museums. 1338 01:16:44,563 --> 01:16:45,898 Moma wouldn't be bad right? 1339 01:16:47,149 --> 01:16:48,775 Don't you have connections there? 1340 01:16:49,151 --> 01:16:50,277 I think he means Moba? 1341 01:16:51,153 --> 01:16:52,154 So what's Moba? 1342 01:16:52,905 --> 01:16:54,615 Uh... It's a museum of... 1343 01:16:54,698 --> 01:16:57,576 it's a gallery... of unusual art. 1344 01:16:58,285 --> 01:16:59,286 Like what? 1345 01:17:00,662 --> 01:17:01,663 Like there's a... 1346 01:17:01,747 --> 01:17:04,166 a painting that mocks the George Seurat painting, 1347 01:17:04,249 --> 01:17:06,627 that the musical "Sunday in the Park with George" 1348 01:17:06,710 --> 01:17:07,711 is based on. 1349 01:17:07,794 --> 01:17:09,296 - Oh! - Yeah, its, um... 1350 01:17:09,379 --> 01:17:12,299 this fat guy sitting on the toilet... 1351 01:17:12,382 --> 01:17:14,676 and it's called "Sunday on the pot with George". 1352 01:17:14,760 --> 01:17:17,262 Moba... "Museum of bad art" 1353 01:17:19,181 --> 01:17:21,517 I mean, there's no need, to beat around the bush, 1354 01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:22,601 I can take it. 1355 01:17:22,684 --> 01:17:23,685 Blanche... 1356 01:17:23,769 --> 01:17:26,313 you just can't appreciate the unconventional. 1357 01:17:26,396 --> 01:17:27,397 Vicky... 1358 01:17:27,481 --> 01:17:29,900 you know. It's okay. 1359 01:17:29,983 --> 01:17:33,237 Because today's bad art is tomorrow's good art! 1360 01:17:33,320 --> 01:17:34,530 Can't wait for tomorrow! 1361 01:17:37,115 --> 01:17:39,034 You know, my art is avant-garde... 1362 01:17:39,117 --> 01:17:40,536 that's something small-minded, 1363 01:17:40,619 --> 01:17:42,621 bourgeois people wouldn't understand. 1364 01:17:55,884 --> 01:17:59,721 So, Max and I are shooting a film. 1365 01:17:59,805 --> 01:18:01,390 Unlaid eggs! 1366 01:18:05,519 --> 01:18:07,855 Boy, it's like you guys were made for each other! 1367 01:18:08,939 --> 01:18:10,566 When did you know that uh... 1368 01:18:11,066 --> 01:18:13,819 Oh actually it's a weird story how we ended up... 1369 01:18:13,902 --> 01:18:15,320 I have a weird story for you. 1370 01:18:17,281 --> 01:18:19,199 I was in Mexico, in an area called, 1371 01:18:19,283 --> 01:18:20,617 Cuetlaxcoapan, 1372 01:18:23,328 --> 01:18:25,539 which means "where serpents change their skin." 1373 01:18:30,502 --> 01:18:31,503 And um... 1374 01:18:32,087 --> 01:18:34,006 my wife the bitch, without any warning, 1375 01:18:34,089 --> 01:18:35,090 just kicks me out. 1376 01:18:36,717 --> 01:18:37,718 And um... 1377 01:18:40,012 --> 01:18:41,430 I start walking on the street, 1378 01:18:41,513 --> 01:18:44,183 and I come to this tiny mountain village. 1379 01:18:44,266 --> 01:18:46,935 It's high noon, there's not a soul abroad... 1380 01:18:47,019 --> 01:18:49,688 and then I hear this pained "mooooo"... 1381 01:18:49,771 --> 01:18:51,607 Max, Max, please don't 1382 01:18:51,690 --> 01:18:52,900 Max, please don't! 1383 01:18:52,983 --> 01:18:53,984 It's so sad. 1384 01:18:54,067 --> 01:18:57,404 Oh it's so sad! Why don't you focus on my ass instead! 1385 01:18:58,530 --> 01:19:01,033 Max, I think you've had enough to drink... 1386 01:19:01,658 --> 01:19:04,411 I've got a riddle for you smart people. 1387 01:19:05,287 --> 01:19:06,455 A lion chases you, 1388 01:19:07,706 --> 01:19:11,418 how fast do you have to run to not get eaten? 1389 01:19:15,964 --> 01:19:17,299 I thought you are so smart. 1390 01:19:20,135 --> 01:19:21,553 You have to be second slowest. 1391 01:19:32,147 --> 01:19:33,899 Fuck that shit man! 1392 01:19:43,534 --> 01:19:44,535 Are you okay? 1393 01:19:44,618 --> 01:19:45,619 - Yeah. - Are you sure? 1394 01:19:45,702 --> 01:19:46,703 Are you okay? 1395 01:19:47,037 --> 01:19:48,038 Yeah, yeah, um... 1396 01:19:48,330 --> 01:19:49,456 he's just drunk. 1397 01:19:49,540 --> 01:19:50,999 Okay, okay. 1398 01:19:51,583 --> 01:19:53,669 Enzo showed me "Tango Shmango", I loved it! 1399 01:19:53,752 --> 01:19:55,420 - You did? - Yeah! 1400 01:19:55,504 --> 01:19:56,505 It's amazing. 1401 01:19:57,965 --> 01:19:59,258 Leave it, leave it! 1402 01:20:01,426 --> 01:20:03,554 If it wasn't for his great camera work, 1403 01:20:03,637 --> 01:20:06,139 we would not have gotten distribution. 1404 01:20:07,891 --> 01:20:08,892 Oh by the way, 1405 01:20:08,976 --> 01:20:11,687 Blanche turned out to be a great camera operator herself. 1406 01:20:11,854 --> 01:20:12,855 Oh yeah? 1407 01:20:13,438 --> 01:20:15,065 Enzo's been teaching me. 1408 01:20:15,148 --> 01:20:16,149 That's fantastic! 1409 01:20:18,110 --> 01:20:20,571 Do you need any help with the Vaduz Film contract? 1410 01:20:20,654 --> 01:20:21,655 Oh, I'm fine. 1411 01:20:21,738 --> 01:20:22,906 Max was going to help me. 1412 01:20:22,990 --> 01:20:23,991 May I present... 1413 01:20:24,074 --> 01:20:25,951 my ass, live! 1414 01:20:26,493 --> 01:20:28,579 - Yoohoo! - Why don't you put pants on! 1415 01:20:29,913 --> 01:20:32,249 Somebody didn't do the laundry. 1416 01:20:33,917 --> 01:20:37,629 So ah, how'd you manage to wangle the distribution deal? 1417 01:20:37,963 --> 01:20:39,131 I want to show you this. 1418 01:20:39,214 --> 01:20:41,175 Last time I was in Liechtenstein, 1419 01:20:41,717 --> 01:20:42,718 I... uh... 1420 01:20:43,510 --> 01:20:46,221 was honored... as a filmmaker by the mayor. 1421 01:20:46,388 --> 01:20:48,140 He's a very Catholic mayor! 1422 01:20:48,223 --> 01:20:49,224 Look! 1423 01:20:49,308 --> 01:20:50,309 Aw! 1424 01:20:50,726 --> 01:20:52,769 He gave me the key to the city of Vaduz. 1425 01:20:52,853 --> 01:20:55,439 My mom in the front row with tears in her eyes. 1426 01:20:55,522 --> 01:20:56,523 Great! 1427 01:20:56,607 --> 01:20:58,400 Without even having watched the film, 1428 01:20:58,483 --> 01:21:01,111 he put in a good word for "Tango Shmango" at Vaduz Film. 1429 01:21:01,195 --> 01:21:02,529 And then he did watch it... 1430 01:21:03,113 --> 01:21:04,114 He did? 1431 01:21:04,531 --> 01:21:06,241 That's so great. 1432 01:21:06,450 --> 01:21:07,534 The irony. You had to, 1433 01:21:07,618 --> 01:21:09,828 go to America to get recognition in Europe! 1434 01:21:12,873 --> 01:21:13,874 Amazing. 1435 01:21:13,957 --> 01:21:16,168 The EMT's had to revive the Catholic mayor, 1436 01:21:16,251 --> 01:21:18,295 after he watched the infamous sex scene! 1437 01:21:18,962 --> 01:21:19,963 Huh? 1438 01:21:20,047 --> 01:21:21,965 Which in my opinion, was just pure porn. 1439 01:21:22,716 --> 01:21:24,051 What are you talking about? 1440 01:21:24,593 --> 01:21:29,389 Well, after Vaduz Film got word of the mayor's heart attack, 1441 01:21:30,849 --> 01:21:32,142 they canceled the deal. 1442 01:21:38,982 --> 01:21:40,609 I had a nice chat with them though, 1443 01:21:42,152 --> 01:21:43,153 they... 1444 01:21:43,237 --> 01:21:44,238 cast me in... 1445 01:21:45,531 --> 01:21:47,574 "Dancing time in Liechtenstein" 1446 01:21:49,952 --> 01:21:52,746 It's the Liechtenstein version of " Dancing with the Stars" 1447 01:21:54,873 --> 01:21:57,459 So now my ass on the door doesn't look so bad huh? 1448 01:22:11,431 --> 01:22:13,433 You think you'll find another distributor? 1449 01:22:13,517 --> 01:22:14,601 Forget about the film, 1450 01:22:14,685 --> 01:22:16,395 the man insults her left and right. 1451 01:22:16,478 --> 01:22:17,604 He's drunk. 1452 01:22:17,688 --> 01:22:19,690 When he's sober he's any different. 1453 01:22:19,773 --> 01:22:21,483 It's, it's very hard for a big star, 1454 01:22:21,567 --> 01:22:22,943 to live in such a tiny space. 1455 01:22:25,362 --> 01:22:27,614 Your image on that dresser is just... 1456 01:22:27,698 --> 01:22:28,740 sick! 1457 01:22:28,824 --> 01:22:30,868 Yeah, it kind of creeps me out too. 1458 01:22:31,326 --> 01:22:33,954 He's got her doing this crap instead of our show! 1459 01:22:34,705 --> 01:22:39,293 I'm forty five years old. When am I going to have a family? 1460 01:22:40,919 --> 01:22:42,546 You could still have a family. 1461 01:22:47,301 --> 01:22:49,803 Sorry about this... stupid! 1462 01:22:57,227 --> 01:22:59,938 She's always has to prove, she can make everything work.? 1463 01:23:00,022 --> 01:23:02,065 Yeah, I used to call her the "und" girl. 1464 01:23:02,733 --> 01:23:04,026 What's that mean? 1465 01:23:04,109 --> 01:23:06,445 I can do this, und I can do that und I can... 1466 01:23:06,528 --> 01:23:08,113 That's not really funny. 1467 01:23:08,197 --> 01:23:09,198 No, it's not. 1468 01:23:09,698 --> 01:23:10,908 Anyway, let's just go. 1469 01:23:12,618 --> 01:23:13,827 Wait! 1470 01:23:14,494 --> 01:23:15,495 Is that? 1471 01:23:55,577 --> 01:23:56,662 May I come over? 1472 01:23:59,498 --> 01:24:00,791 Knock, knock. 1473 01:24:01,250 --> 01:24:02,292 Okay. 1474 01:24:17,307 --> 01:24:20,477 Your babies... are beautiful! 1475 01:24:28,110 --> 01:24:30,529 Your babies are beautiful, so is your ex. 1476 01:24:42,666 --> 01:24:43,834 Let's get a bigger place, 1477 01:24:43,917 --> 01:24:45,669 so we can have our own family. 1478 01:24:48,297 --> 01:24:49,923 Who's going to pay for it? 1479 01:24:50,007 --> 01:24:51,216 And heeere he is... 1480 01:24:51,300 --> 01:24:52,968 Where there's a will... 1481 01:24:54,469 --> 01:24:55,512 there's a way! 1482 01:24:55,596 --> 01:24:57,306 Please, I'm not your sex object. 1483 01:25:01,643 --> 01:25:04,980 You... You posted that... your Olympic jump? 1484 01:25:05,063 --> 01:25:07,065 You've been clicking this all day. 1485 01:25:09,234 --> 01:25:10,611 Internet presence, is money. 1486 01:25:13,322 --> 01:25:15,741 Did you spend any time editing our film? 1487 01:25:16,074 --> 01:25:17,826 What are you doing to make money huh? 1488 01:25:18,619 --> 01:25:20,954 I don't make enough for two people, you know that. 1489 01:25:21,038 --> 01:25:22,664 You've got a work permit now. 1490 01:25:22,748 --> 01:25:24,833 It's a temporary permit. 1491 01:25:24,917 --> 01:25:26,919 Then just get a temporary job! 1492 01:25:27,002 --> 01:25:29,463 What do you want me to get, some idiotic job, 1493 01:25:29,546 --> 01:25:31,340 like a fucking janitor huh? 1494 01:25:38,889 --> 01:25:39,890 Of course, 1495 01:25:39,973 --> 01:25:42,142 I don't want you to get a job you don't like. 1496 01:26:03,247 --> 01:26:06,083 When I landed my first jump, I was eight years old. 1497 01:26:07,501 --> 01:26:08,836 Off the 68 foot ramp. 1498 01:26:09,920 --> 01:26:12,506 I heard my Dad say, "my son..." 1499 01:26:13,048 --> 01:26:16,218 he said... "my son took off like a rocket" 1500 01:26:19,513 --> 01:26:20,889 He knew how special you are. 1501 01:26:28,355 --> 01:26:31,024 When you jump far, you have to like lean forward a lot, 1502 01:26:32,109 --> 01:26:34,278 for the least amount of wind resistance, 1503 01:26:36,363 --> 01:26:38,490 but the current still has to carry you. 1504 01:26:40,534 --> 01:26:41,535 And... 1505 01:26:43,370 --> 01:26:47,124 the smallest jerk will interrupt flow of air, 1506 01:26:47,624 --> 01:26:50,252 and make you drop out of the sky like a rock. 1507 01:26:51,461 --> 01:26:52,462 Ah! 1508 01:26:54,423 --> 01:26:55,424 I mean... 1509 01:26:56,925 --> 01:26:58,886 to fly over 50,000 spectators... 1510 01:27:01,263 --> 01:27:05,601 dive into a sea of white and blue flags... 1511 01:27:18,280 --> 01:27:19,865 Just want to jump one more time. 1512 01:27:19,948 --> 01:27:22,326 Just want to jump one more time. 1513 01:27:22,743 --> 01:27:23,744 Okay then, 1514 01:27:23,827 --> 01:27:25,704 you can do it again. 1515 01:27:26,580 --> 01:27:27,581 Just jump. Jump again. 1516 01:27:27,664 --> 01:27:28,665 I'm 50 years old 1517 01:27:29,458 --> 01:27:31,502 I know what you're going through. 1518 01:27:32,169 --> 01:27:34,087 What do you know what I'm going through? 1519 01:27:34,171 --> 01:27:36,423 You've never been a world champion of anything. 1520 01:27:36,507 --> 01:27:37,925 No. I know you're the hero. 1521 01:27:46,266 --> 01:27:47,643 You're their hero! 1522 01:27:51,146 --> 01:27:52,606 I will never have kids again. 1523 01:28:05,702 --> 01:28:06,703 Where's Pedia? 1524 01:28:08,830 --> 01:28:10,290 He was right there! 1525 01:28:11,416 --> 01:28:12,417 Who? 1526 01:28:12,501 --> 01:28:13,877 When Dad went on his benders, 1527 01:28:13,961 --> 01:28:15,963 Pedia and I would look at the night sky. 1528 01:28:16,755 --> 01:28:18,382 And tell each other fairy tales 1529 01:28:20,050 --> 01:28:22,427 You mean that ugly head with the patch of clothing? 1530 01:28:23,178 --> 01:28:24,721 He made up for his weird looks. 1531 01:28:24,805 --> 01:28:28,100 With the best heart... and kindness! 1532 01:28:30,686 --> 01:28:32,187 I think I threw it out cleaning. 1533 01:28:34,398 --> 01:28:35,399 No! 1534 01:28:35,482 --> 01:28:37,609 No! No! No! No! 1535 01:28:38,151 --> 01:28:39,236 No! 1536 01:29:12,728 --> 01:29:14,605 You are so stupid! 1537 01:29:32,122 --> 01:29:34,750 You could have spared yourself going through the garbage 1538 01:29:34,833 --> 01:29:36,835 like a homeless person looking for lint... 1539 01:29:41,632 --> 01:29:43,217 Look... 1540 01:29:43,300 --> 01:29:44,801 I got you on camera. 1541 01:29:46,011 --> 01:29:47,179 How about that. 1542 01:29:47,513 --> 01:29:48,555 Huh? 1543 01:29:49,806 --> 01:29:51,266 Ooh! 1544 01:29:51,725 --> 01:29:53,310 What are you going to do, huh? 1545 01:29:53,393 --> 01:29:55,062 Fucking asshole! 1546 01:29:55,145 --> 01:29:57,356 You're going to be upset? Oh poor baby! 1547 01:29:57,439 --> 01:29:58,440 Fuck you! 1548 01:29:58,524 --> 01:29:59,942 Oh yeah! Okay! Okay. 1549 01:30:00,484 --> 01:30:03,487 If you hadn't run off like a fucking loser 1550 01:30:03,570 --> 01:30:04,655 Shut the fuck up!! 1551 01:30:04,738 --> 01:30:08,325 I could have told you, I threw it out months ago! 1552 01:30:11,036 --> 01:30:13,121 That's what you get, that's what you get! 1553 01:30:13,205 --> 01:30:14,456 Payback time! 1554 01:30:15,249 --> 01:30:16,333 Get out! 1555 01:30:16,416 --> 01:30:17,793 You are such a drama queen! 1556 01:30:19,378 --> 01:30:22,506 I want you to pack your bags, and leave! 1557 01:30:38,772 --> 01:30:40,440 Ya, could I talk to Ms. Timm please. 1558 01:30:42,067 --> 01:30:43,068 She's where? 1559 01:30:43,527 --> 01:30:44,528 A silent retreat? 1560 01:30:45,821 --> 01:30:46,905 No message, thank you. 1561 01:31:03,255 --> 01:31:04,548 No! 1562 01:31:04,631 --> 01:31:06,842 How can this happen to me! 1563 01:31:09,803 --> 01:31:11,263 Goddammit! 1564 01:31:13,682 --> 01:31:15,809 Why are you still here? 1565 01:31:15,893 --> 01:31:17,728 I erased our entire movie by mistake! 1566 01:31:17,811 --> 01:31:19,396 I don't care! Get out! 1567 01:31:19,897 --> 01:31:22,399 Why didn't I back it up in iCloud? 1568 01:31:22,566 --> 01:31:24,735 I'm a fucking idiot! 1569 01:31:25,611 --> 01:31:26,820 Ow! Ow! Aah! 1570 01:31:26,904 --> 01:31:28,864 And I'm the drama queen! 1571 01:31:28,947 --> 01:31:30,365 Help! 1572 01:31:30,449 --> 01:31:31,950 Oh, my foot, my toe! 1573 01:31:37,706 --> 01:31:39,333 Oh, it hurts! It hurts! 1574 01:31:39,416 --> 01:31:40,417 God! 1575 01:31:40,501 --> 01:31:42,252 Can you get me some ice please. 1576 01:31:47,341 --> 01:31:48,759 We can re-type it. 1577 01:31:53,222 --> 01:31:55,599 Come here, come up. It's okay. 1578 01:31:59,478 --> 01:32:01,188 It hurts. 1579 01:32:01,271 --> 01:32:03,023 What are you doing to yourself? 1580 01:32:12,574 --> 01:32:15,077 I can't believe it, I wrecked our work 1581 01:32:20,582 --> 01:32:22,417 I'm so sorry, Vicky. 1582 01:32:27,881 --> 01:32:29,049 I'm such an asshole. 1583 01:32:42,437 --> 01:32:43,605 Do you still love me? 1584 01:32:50,195 --> 01:32:51,238 What's going on? 1585 01:32:56,368 --> 01:32:57,369 Vicky! 1586 01:33:06,795 --> 01:33:09,047 Go back inside the apartment please. 1587 01:33:09,131 --> 01:33:10,382 What's going on? 1588 01:33:10,465 --> 01:33:12,885 I'm picking up a Mr Lando Cox. 1589 01:33:13,051 --> 01:33:14,469 In a bag? 1590 01:33:15,262 --> 01:33:18,432 No, in a piano. Yeah in a bag. 1591 01:33:19,391 --> 01:33:21,018 Let me ask you something blondie. 1592 01:33:21,935 --> 01:33:23,645 This guy's been dead a month, 1593 01:33:23,812 --> 01:33:26,106 what... nobody noticed? 1594 01:33:26,773 --> 01:33:28,025 He's so young! 1595 01:33:28,734 --> 01:33:29,776 Not anymore. 1596 01:33:31,987 --> 01:33:33,155 Enjoy your life, lady. 1597 01:33:58,388 --> 01:34:01,433 I dreamed a demon was chasing me... 1598 01:34:04,102 --> 01:34:06,980 So I fled to a church with a beautiful mural, 1599 01:34:07,064 --> 01:34:08,732 of an angel on the ceiling. 1600 01:34:11,485 --> 01:34:12,778 Suddenly I could fly. 1601 01:34:14,863 --> 01:34:17,282 I touched the cool surface of the mural... 1602 01:34:18,534 --> 01:34:19,952 and kissed the angel. 1603 01:34:21,787 --> 01:34:23,080 He had your face. 1604 01:34:25,290 --> 01:34:28,043 In this light your face looks old and wrinkly. 1605 01:34:29,545 --> 01:34:30,546 - What? - Yeah... 1606 01:34:30,629 --> 01:34:33,423 I'm just thinking of all the things I don't like about you. 1607 01:34:33,715 --> 01:34:36,635 The way you wrinkle your nose, when you're brush your teeth. 1608 01:34:37,511 --> 01:34:40,055 You calling out emotional states all the time, like... 1609 01:34:40,138 --> 01:34:41,932 "happy, fat, angry"! 1610 01:34:42,015 --> 01:34:43,141 And your stupid friends. 1611 01:34:45,185 --> 01:34:48,021 By the way, did you know that Blanche has eyes like Hitler? 1612 01:34:48,689 --> 01:34:52,526 The white is visible at the bottom of her eyes. 1613 01:34:52,943 --> 01:34:54,653 But otherwise, you're okay? 1614 01:34:56,947 --> 01:34:59,116 And stop telling me your stupid dreams, okay. 1615 01:34:59,950 --> 01:35:00,993 Cause people like you, 1616 01:35:01,076 --> 01:35:03,871 need to be locked into mental institutions. 1617 01:35:04,788 --> 01:35:05,789 You know, 1618 01:35:05,873 --> 01:35:08,292 I made up the part about the angel having your face. 1619 01:35:08,709 --> 01:35:09,793 You're the demon! 1620 01:35:10,127 --> 01:35:11,128 Oh, I'm the demon? 1621 01:35:11,211 --> 01:35:13,172 I'm the demon? Really? 1622 01:35:13,255 --> 01:35:14,882 I will show you the demon! 1623 01:35:14,965 --> 01:35:16,633 I will show you what a demon I am! 1624 01:35:16,717 --> 01:35:18,385 I can show you... 1625 01:35:18,468 --> 01:35:21,889 what a fucking demon and devil I am! 1626 01:35:21,972 --> 01:35:22,973 Do you like that? 1627 01:35:23,056 --> 01:35:24,183 Or do you like this...? 1628 01:35:24,266 --> 01:35:26,185 or do you like that, huh? 1629 01:35:26,560 --> 01:35:27,561 Good. 1630 01:35:27,644 --> 01:35:29,605 The script sucked anyway. 1631 01:35:29,897 --> 01:35:30,898 Now leave me alone. 1632 01:35:32,357 --> 01:35:35,360 You think you can reject your husband huh? 1633 01:35:35,444 --> 01:35:37,362 This what Mallards 1634 01:35:37,446 --> 01:35:39,489 do to their mates 1635 01:35:39,573 --> 01:35:40,782 I need to pee! 1636 01:35:40,866 --> 01:35:42,034 You're a liar! 1637 01:35:42,117 --> 01:35:45,412 My ex-wife never had to pee in 10 years. 1638 01:35:45,746 --> 01:35:47,748 I teach you something about marriage. 1639 01:35:48,040 --> 01:35:50,417 Okay, you have to be honest to your spouse. 1640 01:35:51,001 --> 01:35:52,753 Yeah! 1641 01:35:53,879 --> 01:35:54,880 Oh yeah? 1642 01:35:54,963 --> 01:35:57,674 Then what about you and Rhoda? 1643 01:35:58,091 --> 01:35:59,092 What, who? 1644 01:36:00,177 --> 01:36:01,470 You know exactly who. 1645 01:36:01,553 --> 01:36:03,764 You take pictures of each other's asses, 1646 01:36:03,847 --> 01:36:06,391 and that's not all, I'm sure! 1647 01:36:06,892 --> 01:36:09,770 That was ass sex! That was ass art! 1648 01:36:11,104 --> 01:36:12,147 Ow! 1649 01:36:12,648 --> 01:36:14,191 I'll call the police! 1650 01:36:18,195 --> 01:36:19,905 I told you not to touch me... 1651 01:36:19,988 --> 01:36:21,615 stay away from me! 1652 01:36:22,157 --> 01:36:26,203 Stop abusing me! Ow! Ouch! You're hurting me! 1653 01:36:26,286 --> 01:36:27,663 Stop abusing me! 1654 01:36:34,419 --> 01:36:35,587 By the way, you're nuts, 1655 01:36:35,671 --> 01:36:37,714 If you think I'd want to have kids with you 1656 01:36:40,217 --> 01:36:41,260 I mean... 1657 01:36:41,343 --> 01:36:43,887 my daughters are young, beautiful and smart. 1658 01:36:44,888 --> 01:36:47,558 Why would I want to merge your shit DNA with theirs huh? 1659 01:36:50,102 --> 01:36:51,144 I am beautiful! 1660 01:36:52,938 --> 01:36:54,898 Your eyes are, too close together. 1661 01:36:54,982 --> 01:36:56,441 Here I can prove it. 1662 01:36:58,235 --> 01:37:00,070 Cut that shit out! 1663 01:37:00,779 --> 01:37:03,365 You're an ugly old narcissist. 1664 01:37:03,949 --> 01:37:06,702 Who the hell would want to have kids with someone like you? 1665 01:37:06,785 --> 01:37:08,120 What did I ever do to you? 1666 01:37:08,203 --> 01:37:09,329 You let me down... 1667 01:37:09,413 --> 01:37:10,789 economically. 1668 01:37:11,790 --> 01:37:13,166 What the fuck? 1669 01:37:13,250 --> 01:37:15,586 I pay all your bills, your rent, 1670 01:37:15,669 --> 01:37:17,462 phone, food, your immigration lawyer! 1671 01:37:17,546 --> 01:37:19,256 Get the fuck out now! 1672 01:37:21,592 --> 01:37:23,010 Now you listen to me. 1673 01:37:23,093 --> 01:37:24,261 And listen carefully. 1674 01:37:24,344 --> 01:37:26,346 I'll stay here in this fucking apartment, 1675 01:37:26,430 --> 01:37:28,307 till I get my permanent green card. 1676 01:37:29,349 --> 01:37:31,310 Then I will divorce you! 1677 01:37:39,735 --> 01:37:41,486 You bought Tuscan bread again? 1678 01:37:41,570 --> 01:37:43,614 I mean look! Ezekiel... 1679 01:37:43,697 --> 01:37:46,200 why don't you remember, Ezekiel bread? 1680 01:37:47,034 --> 01:37:48,035 I forgot. 1681 01:37:48,118 --> 01:37:50,287 You forgot because you don't focus! 1682 01:37:50,829 --> 01:37:52,831 You do this, and that and the other thing, 1683 01:37:52,915 --> 01:37:55,083 and you forget important stuff like bread! 1684 01:37:55,292 --> 01:37:57,961 You're right, I should focus more. 1685 01:37:58,670 --> 01:38:00,214 - That's right, 1686 01:38:00,297 --> 01:38:01,381 you should focus more. 1687 01:38:01,465 --> 01:38:02,466 Call me God. 1688 01:38:02,549 --> 01:38:04,718 I won't call you God, but I will call you Gut. 1689 01:38:09,681 --> 01:38:11,266 You think that's funny huh? 1690 01:38:11,350 --> 01:38:12,434 You think that's funny? 1691 01:38:12,518 --> 01:38:14,561 You think that's funny huh? Huh? Huh? 1692 01:38:31,245 --> 01:38:32,579 Hey! What's going on? 1693 01:38:32,663 --> 01:38:33,789 We texted you 20 times, 1694 01:38:33,872 --> 01:38:36,333 you don't answer our calls, or messages on Facebook? 1695 01:38:36,416 --> 01:38:37,793 I've been busy. 1696 01:38:37,876 --> 01:38:39,378 Why are you wearing sunglasses? 1697 01:38:39,461 --> 01:38:41,713 I have such a headache. 1698 01:38:41,797 --> 01:38:43,715 Wait, did he put his hands on you? 1699 01:38:45,300 --> 01:38:47,177 I don't want to talk about it. 1700 01:38:47,719 --> 01:38:49,763 When are you going to kick that fucker out? 1701 01:38:49,847 --> 01:38:50,848 I love him. 1702 01:38:50,931 --> 01:38:52,766 And I love a knife in my ass! 1703 01:38:52,850 --> 01:38:54,560 Listen, go to the police. 1704 01:38:55,227 --> 01:38:56,228 I gotta go. 1705 01:39:41,690 --> 01:39:42,816 Ow! 1706 01:43:26,039 --> 01:43:27,082 Shit! 1707 01:43:41,638 --> 01:43:42,848 Who is it? 1708 01:43:43,348 --> 01:43:44,766 Your mother-in-law! 1709 01:43:54,484 --> 01:43:55,652 Where is my daughter? 1710 01:43:55,736 --> 01:43:57,321 And a good day to you 1711 01:44:01,033 --> 01:44:02,326 She'll be back in a minute. 1712 01:44:08,957 --> 01:44:09,958 Are you sick? 1713 01:44:10,042 --> 01:44:11,043 No. 1714 01:44:12,711 --> 01:44:14,755 Why... are you in bed at this hour? 1715 01:44:20,719 --> 01:44:21,720 Huh? 1716 01:44:21,803 --> 01:44:23,138 None of your business. 1717 01:44:27,226 --> 01:44:28,602 I guess someone has to... 1718 01:44:34,274 --> 01:44:35,275 someone... 1719 01:44:36,109 --> 01:44:37,819 has to be the man around here. 1720 01:44:46,703 --> 01:44:47,704 Uh! 1721 01:44:50,082 --> 01:44:51,083 Ah! 1722 01:44:51,375 --> 01:44:53,585 She's always punctual, my daughter, isn't she? 1723 01:45:00,592 --> 01:45:01,593 Huh? 1724 01:45:03,095 --> 01:45:05,013 And she's not only beautiful, 1725 01:45:05,848 --> 01:45:07,015 but talented... 1726 01:45:08,976 --> 01:45:10,727 Yeah, I'm a lucky guy. 1727 01:45:12,604 --> 01:45:13,647 The trouble is, 1728 01:45:14,690 --> 01:45:16,441 her heart's too good... 1729 01:45:16,692 --> 01:45:18,151 For what huh? 1730 01:45:20,487 --> 01:45:21,864 Ah! 1731 01:45:22,781 --> 01:45:25,576 Your mother barged in here and started threatening me. 1732 01:45:26,493 --> 01:45:27,494 Mutti! 1733 01:45:28,370 --> 01:45:31,123 My child! 1734 01:45:31,290 --> 01:45:33,417 You're teaching dance like this? 1735 01:45:34,042 --> 01:45:35,544 What are you doing here? 1736 01:45:38,589 --> 01:45:39,590 Whah. 1737 01:45:42,176 --> 01:45:43,177 Hah. 1738 01:45:49,850 --> 01:45:51,018 Enzo called 1739 01:45:51,894 --> 01:45:53,854 He told me what you're been going through. 1740 01:45:54,938 --> 01:45:56,607 Why does everyone butt in? 1741 01:45:57,149 --> 01:45:58,233 Shit! 1742 01:46:01,069 --> 01:46:02,070 Sorry, 1743 01:46:02,446 --> 01:46:03,447 Do you want some tea? 1744 01:46:03,530 --> 01:46:04,740 Yes, thank you. 1745 01:46:06,533 --> 01:46:07,534 Chamomile? 1746 01:46:07,618 --> 01:46:08,619 Yes. 1747 01:46:16,251 --> 01:46:17,503 Excuse me. 1748 01:46:23,634 --> 01:46:25,928 Why do you let him treat you like this? 1749 01:46:26,386 --> 01:46:27,471 I'm not so innocent, 1750 01:46:28,055 --> 01:46:29,056 I nag him. 1751 01:46:30,933 --> 01:46:32,643 Where is your self-respect? 1752 01:46:34,645 --> 01:46:35,812 Yeah. 1753 01:46:36,438 --> 01:46:37,981 Who did I learn from? 1754 01:46:39,399 --> 01:46:40,943 I didn't go through everything, 1755 01:46:41,026 --> 01:46:45,906 so... so... you could support this piece of crap 1756 01:46:47,115 --> 01:46:48,116 I love him! 1757 01:46:53,288 --> 01:46:54,331 Pack your things, 1758 01:46:55,332 --> 01:46:56,667 you're coming with me! 1759 01:46:58,710 --> 01:46:59,878 My home is here! 1760 01:47:03,966 --> 01:47:04,967 Hmph! 1761 01:47:05,592 --> 01:47:07,177 He'll never look that good again, 1762 01:47:07,261 --> 01:47:09,054 your Prince Harming! 1763 01:47:09,763 --> 01:47:11,598 Well at least he's famous. 1764 01:47:14,017 --> 01:47:16,019 Your father was a star fucker! 1765 01:47:16,645 --> 01:47:18,355 I'm "not" a star fucker. 1766 01:47:19,690 --> 01:47:21,692 Max and I have a real relationship. 1767 01:47:26,947 --> 01:47:27,948 Go ahead, 1768 01:47:28,031 --> 01:47:29,116 give up your friends, 1769 01:47:29,199 --> 01:47:30,325 say goodbye to me! 1770 01:47:30,409 --> 01:47:31,827 This is my life! 1771 01:47:33,370 --> 01:47:36,999 You are a slave, to what you're afraid to loose. 1772 01:47:40,252 --> 01:47:43,046 Why are you afraid to lose this... this... 1773 01:47:59,980 --> 01:48:01,690 Mutti! 1774 01:48:15,495 --> 01:48:16,496 Hi everyone, 1775 01:48:16,580 --> 01:48:20,000 this is the follow up to my 'pretzel talk' with Max Bauer. 1776 01:48:25,756 --> 01:48:27,758 Open the fucking door! 1777 01:48:29,051 --> 01:48:30,636 Show time! 1778 01:48:45,442 --> 01:48:46,527 You changed the locks? 1779 01:48:48,237 --> 01:48:50,030 This is... divorce papers. 1780 01:48:50,113 --> 01:48:52,366 You'll sign them, and then you'll leave. 1781 01:48:52,449 --> 01:48:54,618 I warned you, don't fuck with me! 1782 01:48:54,701 --> 01:48:57,204 All I want you to do, is sign them. 1783 01:48:58,413 --> 01:49:00,290 This better be a joke! 1784 01:49:00,749 --> 01:49:02,000 Where's my stuff? 1785 01:49:03,710 --> 01:49:05,462 Here. Including your medal! 1786 01:49:06,797 --> 01:49:08,799 I'll have you arrested for locking me out! 1787 01:49:09,424 --> 01:49:10,425 Oh yeah? 1788 01:49:10,509 --> 01:49:12,135 Are you going to sign this or not? 1789 01:49:23,105 --> 01:49:25,357 I'll have you arrested for locking me out! 1790 01:49:25,440 --> 01:49:27,401 Well then, you're going to jail with me! 1791 01:49:27,693 --> 01:49:30,445 But I'll sue you for spousal abuse, abandonment and rape! 1792 01:49:35,701 --> 01:49:36,952 Where are my knives? 1793 01:49:37,035 --> 01:49:39,705 You think your daughters are going to visit you in jail? 1794 01:49:40,956 --> 01:49:44,960 Do you think the public wants to hear the story I can tell? 1795 01:49:51,091 --> 01:49:52,551 My knives are not here! 1796 01:49:52,634 --> 01:49:55,512 You really think I'd be stupid enough to let you have knives? 1797 01:49:58,932 --> 01:50:01,810 I... am going to kill you! 1798 01:50:09,026 --> 01:50:11,111 I always thought you were somebody. 1799 01:50:12,613 --> 01:50:16,867 Go ahead... prove that you're a nobody. 1800 01:50:23,916 --> 01:50:26,168 Haven't you done enough? 1801 01:50:27,336 --> 01:50:30,088 You could have had it all... you stupid bitch! 1802 01:50:31,381 --> 01:50:33,050 Police! Open the door! 1803 01:50:34,968 --> 01:50:36,386 Police, let me see your hands! 1804 01:50:36,470 --> 01:50:37,471 Don't hurt me! 1805 01:50:37,554 --> 01:50:39,473 Let me see your hands! Put your hands up! 1806 01:50:39,556 --> 01:50:40,557 It's okay! 1807 01:50:40,641 --> 01:50:41,892 Turn around. 1808 01:50:41,975 --> 01:50:44,019 Don't hurt me! It's not what it looks like! 1809 01:50:44,102 --> 01:50:47,022 Turn around! Put your hands in the small of your back 1810 01:50:48,106 --> 01:50:50,692 Aah! Ouch! I didn't do anything. 1811 01:50:50,776 --> 01:50:52,402 Get this guy to bookings. 1812 01:50:52,486 --> 01:50:53,612 I need my lawyer, 1813 01:50:53,820 --> 01:50:54,863 I'm a famous Olympian. 1814 01:50:55,656 --> 01:50:57,282 We were rehearsing a reality show! 1815 01:50:57,366 --> 01:50:58,367 Tell them Vicky! 1816 01:50:58,492 --> 01:51:00,410 And my grandmother is Santa Claus! 1817 01:51:00,536 --> 01:51:01,828 Get him outta here! 1818 01:51:03,747 --> 01:51:04,873 Are you okay ma'am? 1819 01:51:06,250 --> 01:51:08,418 You're lucky your mother saw you live streaming 1820 01:51:10,170 --> 01:51:11,171 And cut! 1821 01:51:12,673 --> 01:51:13,924 Good, good job! 1822 01:51:17,427 --> 01:51:18,554 It's good for camera. 1823 01:51:19,888 --> 01:51:21,223 Yeah, that was good. 1824 01:51:21,306 --> 01:51:22,599 Mr Bauer. 1825 01:51:22,683 --> 01:51:24,434 Oh you can call me Max 1826 01:51:25,811 --> 01:51:26,812 Max. 1827 01:51:27,604 --> 01:51:29,815 Not only did you win the World Cup, 1828 01:51:29,898 --> 01:51:32,693 you set a world record in ski-jumping, 1829 01:51:32,776 --> 01:51:35,487 for 954 feet in Albertville, 1830 01:51:35,571 --> 01:51:38,949 while landing on only one ski, after the other came off! 1831 01:51:39,032 --> 01:51:40,367 Somebody did their homework! 1832 01:51:40,450 --> 01:51:42,035 I do what I can! 1833 01:51:43,245 --> 01:51:44,538 So, what does it feel like, 1834 01:51:44,621 --> 01:51:48,166 to fly at the speed of 75 mph, 1835 01:51:48,250 --> 01:51:50,460 over an area as large as a football field? 1836 01:51:50,544 --> 01:51:52,588 Like in slow motion, if all goes well. 1837 01:51:54,423 --> 01:51:55,883 How do you overcome your fear? 1838 01:51:56,717 --> 01:51:59,052 Well, if you're afraid, you shouldn't jump... 1839 01:51:59,136 --> 01:52:03,599 I imagine the space below me not as empty, 1840 01:52:03,682 --> 01:52:08,896 but filled with energy, voices, spirits. 1841 01:52:13,942 --> 01:52:15,527 Fascinating... 1842 01:52:17,029 --> 01:52:18,113 and everywhere you go, 1843 01:52:19,198 --> 01:52:22,743 your fans want to see the famous "Tele Max"! 1844 01:52:22,826 --> 01:52:23,869 Oh that! 1845 01:52:25,621 --> 01:52:28,081 That trademark finish you execute 1846 01:52:28,165 --> 01:52:30,542 with the elegance of a dancer 1847 01:52:30,626 --> 01:52:32,669 after your legendary landing! 1848 01:52:32,753 --> 01:52:34,796 You're the dancer. I just move around! 1849 01:52:43,175 --> 01:52:48,175 Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org 121729