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Ready? Set?
Now.
Subrip by DanDee
# When I look out my window
# Many sights to see
# And when I look in my window
# So many different people to be
# That it's strange
# So strange
# You've got to pick up every stitch
# You've got to pick up every stitch
# You've got to pick up every stitch
# Mmm-mm
# Must be the season of the witch, yeah
# Must be the season of the witch
People think our town is a place where nothing happens.
They got it all wrong.
Come on!
This is my mom, really busy being an adult,
which means it's up to me to take care of everything.
All I'm asking for is for a line of credit
to borrow against the house.
We've been with your bank for ten years, Ben.
Okay, please consider it.
I've gotta go, okay, bye.
Hi! What do you guys think of it now?
Honey, this is the one, right?
-Yeah. -Come on.
Let's go!
Thank God.
How does your Mom get all these codes?
It's a real estate thing.
Hey, true or false, Google says that parents
are our stand-ins for God.
You've been spending way too much time online.
Experiment number 18: transmutation.
Fire.
Water.
Earth.
Give me some air.
The transmutation begins.
Whoa!
There must be easier ways to make gold.
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you! Stop talking to me!
You! Don't look at me!
I hate you! I hate you!
Wait till your father comes home!
Get back here, young man! Carter!
Carter!
Come on! Get in the house!
See now, I thought that you bought that as an investment?
Silent auction at my son's school that's an investment.
Can't a man enjoy a glass of wine in his own home?
A glass, yes...
but he could also take his case of really expensive wine
and auction it off on eBay.
Instead of drinking the whole thing.
Your mom's right. Sometimes it's best to be conservative.
And sometimes you gotta take risks and enjoy life.
That's what the stock market's all about.
-Mm. Earthy. -Earthy?
Soil. Rainfall. Sunlight. Grapes.
Blended together and bottled perfection.
It's alchemy.
I have to do a three-minute talk.
It's parents' night. I need to pick a subject.
Jane, it's not a crisis, it's a worry.
If we have to, we'll... we'll take a loan out
against our retirement fund, everything's gonna be fine.
Let's talk about this later.
Bill Adams.
What were you saying, Milton?
Reporting in on the Adams Family.
Planet Dad, stuck in orbit around the past,
when atmosphere conditions were clear and bright.
Mom's planet, circling the future,
where things have to be better than they are now, guaranteed.
Me? I live on Planet Fear,
where there are thoughts like storm clouds everywhere I look.
Gotta get up early tomorrow.
Picking up Grandpa before school.
Hey, you're late tonight. I was starting to think
you were cheating on me like my last two boyfriends.
Yeah, it's a bit of a crazy time.
Chococadabra.
Bill Adams.
Don't sell the tech stocks. Don't do that.
Milly Willy.
Make a fuss, perv, and it'll hurt so bad
you won't believe that it could hurt like that, all right?
Did you tell anyone what you saw today?
-Did you? -No, no one.
One word... and you're dead, understand?
Let's go boys, clear out.
Nothing good's going on here. Party's over.
I'll call you tomorrow.
So, how's that latte coming?
Thank you.
Hey! I'm half naked here!
Can't you knock?
I'm sorry, I'm... I'm not looking.
I have your lunch money.
Thanks.
Good night, hon.
-No? -No.
Okay.
Hey, Mom?
What's up with you and Dad?
Everything is fine, okay?
What a day.
Join the club.
I was at the top of my class.
I work at a great agency.
Somebody explain it to me.
The market will swing back, we'll be fine.
Don't keep on saying that.
We're not fine.
Well, what do you want me to do?
Jane, it's not an issue right now.
You can't control the future.
Why do you do that?
Why do you jump to extremes all the time?
Just tell me what to say.
I just want you to listen to me.
Can you do that?
Milton? what's going on in there?
I'm good! I'm in bed! I'm sleeping!
Bill.
Are we gonna lose the house?
Can we just go one day without you asking me that?
What's going on in your head right now?
A lot of noise and confusion?
Slow yourself down.
Small.
When a thought arises, gently let it go.
And turn your attention back to your breath.
Everyone on Planet Fear worries about enough,
worried, am I getting enough?
Worried, am I good enough?
Grandpa Howard was enough.
# Way down below the ocean
# Where I wanna be
# She may be
# Way down below the ocean
# Where I wanna be
# She may be
# Way down below the ocean...
Milton Adams, you're amazing.
Amazing that I'm awake at six AM.
Just look at him! Booyah!
That's good. Great shape there, sir!
You know, I'm taking classes.
Zumba! Come on, let's go eat. Come on.
Excuse me, thank you.
Do you do anything normally, Grandpa?
Work out your body, see results.
Work out your beauty, see results.
That means no.
It's been five years, Dad, since Mom passed away,
which has been a very long time.
That is the truth.
I'm concerned that some of...
Some of your life choices have been very unconventional lately.
Bill? Right?
Yes, no, are you seriously doing Zumba?
Something could happen, you could fall and get hurt.
It smells like seaweed.
So, what would you like for your big day?
-Hmm? -I don't know.
Oh no, let me get that.
Oh, no, no, no, we got it.
-You're our guest. -Thank you.
You're right, it does smell a little like seaweed.
It tastes like tranquility.
Tastes like calm.
It is a wonder, this tea.
Hey.
Timmy! Is that you?
You sprouted like ragweed, son.
Ragweed, that's me.
Grandpa, the name's Tim now 'cause, you know...
-Yes, I do know. -How do you know?
Because when I was a child,
I spake as a child,
felt as a child, thought as a child.
But when I became a man, I put away childish things.
It's Corinthians. Thirteen.
Milton, do you have your lunch money?
-Yes, ma'am. -Okay.
-See you later, G-pop. -Bye Milton!
Bye Timmy! Tim.
See ya.
Does anybody have any questions about Parents Night?
Speeches?
You doing some research, Anna?
Pay attention to content and presentation.
You will be getting graded.
My recommendation is you use your electronics
to record yourself.
Does anybody know the secret to public speaking?
Projectile vomiting?
It's to tell the truth, straight from the heart.
Well, we don't know about truth, Ms. Ferguson.
You'll know it when you feel it, Tim.
Carter, have you chosen a topic yet?
-No. -How about climate change?
I hate that topic.
Football?
I hate that topic, too.
Is there any topic you don't...?
I hate 'em all.
Fine.
Then that's your topic. "Why I Hate Everything."
# Thrown like a star in my vast sleep
# I opened my eyes to take a peek
# To find that I was by the sea
# Me gazing with tranquility
# It was then when the Hurdy Gurdy man
# Came singing songs of love
# Then when the Hurdy Gurdy man
# Came singing songs of love
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# Histories of ages past
# Unenlightened shadows cast
# Down through all eternity
# The crying of humanity
You think she's got a boyfriend?
Ms. Ferguson? She's way out of your league.
Maybe now, but one day.
You're completely crazy.
Hey.
Check it out.
You can't live your life with no music.
Carly Rae, Taylor...
Maurice Ravel?
"Bolero."
Did you know rock is the same beat as sexual intercourse?
That's why Ravel's "Bolero" is the one piece of classical music
that's known and well-liked by teens.
Hey, neighbor.
Oops.
-Carter, you're such a jerk. -Stay out of this, princess.
-Carter. -What?
What's Milly Willy gonna do, huh?
You wanna do something, Milly Willy?
-What's wrong, Milly Willy? -Tim, get a teacher!
-Here are the rules, Milly Willy. -Help, this dude's crushing me!
Somebody! Get a teacher!
Your lunch money every day.
If you think about telling anybody,
you'll end up like a zombie.
All right? Freakin' walking dead.
Give us a smile, Milly Willy, come on.
Oh, you gonna willy in your pants?
Say something to the camera.
To the principal's office, Mr. Crane.
I wasn't doing anything. I'm sorry.
-Are you okay? -Maybe I'm just messed up.
What can I say?
See you later, neighbor.
Okay.
Coming!
-Hey, ya! -Is something wrong?
Something have to be wrong for me to come see my girl at work?
I don't think so.
It's a nice street, I love an open house.
Uh, well, it's a broker's open.
It's the second one.
Not that anyone's noticing.
Not a good turnout, huh?
Dad.
Carrots were not pulled out of the earth to be thrown away.
This couple they, uh, they fell in love with this house.
If only their credit wasn't a complete mess.
Do you know what happens
if a house is on the market for more than two weeks?
You're afraid you're not gonna be able to move it?
Bill and I...
This economy, it's just...
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know where I get this from.
I don't get it from you.
You trying to say that I wasn't a sensitive father?
I can't redo the past.
That's too bad.
I mean, I couldn't... I couldn't even get a hug from you.
And now you're just...
You're all peace and tea ceremonies.
It's complicated.
You're too funny.
"If you can dream and not make dreams your master.
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim."
Notice Kipling wasn't talking about heroic deeds,
money or fame.
Anybody?
Anne?
He needs professional guidance.
He's introducing a hypothetical situation.
He's in a mood...
This is why I never should have looked at him.
It's all my fault, why didn't I just go home?
I'm stupid. I'm so stupid.
Come on! Give me a smile for the camera, Milly Willy.
Gonna willy in your pants?
"Keep your head...
...while all about you are losing theirs."
What does he mean?
Milton? Earth to Milton?
What?
Kipling's poem, the first stanza.
What is he saying?
I... I lost my train of thought.
Well, if it comes back to you remember the point.
# You keep on knockin' but you can't come in
# You keep on knockin' but you can't, woo!
# You keep on knockin' but you can't come in
# Come back tomorrow night and try it again
# You said you love me' but you can't come in
# You said you love me...
Slow yourself down. Slow.
When a thought arises, gently let it go
and turn your attention back to your breath.
Hey.
You have anything you want to discuss?
No.
The problems you got running around in your head right now,
don't worry them to death, just...
just let your heart make sense of them.
They're house-guests and they all go eventually.
Dad said you're a train wreck waiting to happen.
He thinks something happened to you at war.
And that's why you're making all this stuff up.
Wow.
Bill is a skeptic.
Who knew?
It's good to be a skeptic.
But you have to be skeptical of your skepticism.
The problem is, what he calls open-mindedness is really gullibility.
who doesn't want to be around happy free thinkers
who drum a lot, hug creatively and get naked?
And more then likely, I'm gonna meet those kinda people in your dad's crowd.
You're scaring me, Bill. I mean, what's next?
Are you gonna start doing yoga or get some crystals?
I mean, don't even get me started.
Those people are a bunch of spoiled
new age hippies with way too much money.
Your dad's a combat-decorated Forced Recon. He'll be fine.
So now you're taking his side?
That's not fair, you can't do that.
Right well, I don't feel like being reasonable today.
I feel like hiding away.
Wake up Missy, let's go!
What!?
What...!?
The light's green.
Yeah, I can see that, Einstein.
I raised a freaking genius, here.
So, this guy admits that his broker's his cousin.
So I tell him he's your family. He's telling you what you wanna hear.
I'm telling you the truth.
And he hangs up on me.
-Want some more rice, Stuart? -No I'm good, thank you.
-Jane? -Hmm?
-Rice? -No.
-Milton? -No.
You gonna get that?
We're having supper.
Stuart Howard's phone.
Uh, yeah, just a second please.
It's Dusty.
Hiya, give me a sec.
So, how was school today, champ?
Fine.
You all right?
Yes.
-Bill? -Mm-hm?
That was a woman.
So?
Who's Dusty?
Dusty's my sweetheart.
What?
Oh, she's a Zumba instructor.
She's teaching me Zumba.
No, she's a... she's a sweetie.
And I am showing her
how to get a good comfortable seat on my "hog".
Oh, my God.
It's a motorcycle, Mom. It's just a motorcycle.
What is it that you're trying to prove?
You're upset.
You're a grandfather.
You are not a twenty-year-old man.
Honestly, Dad.
Why are you always on his case?
Hey. Hey. Too far, Milt.
Don't talk to your mother that way.
I gotta take this, then we talk.
Seriously?!
What's wrong with us?
I'll deal with it.
Hey, uh, I gotta call you back.
Hey.
I'm sorry about what I said at dinner.
I know. I know you didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it at all.
The thing is, I can't afford to lose another client.
I've... I've got this account that I...
Dad! Seriously? This sucks!
-What? -You. This. Everything.
What are you talking about?
How would you know? You never listen.
Turn your cell off.
Okay, I'm all yours.
Talk to me.
I can't.
If Carter finds out he will obliterate me.
Hey, did that punk do something to you?
Milton? Did he?
Hey, you can't let him get away with it.
You've gotta fight back, son.
Come on. Give me a smile for the camera, Milly Willy.
What, you gonna willy in your pants?
Is Milly gonna willy?
Dude, where art thou?
Experiment number 19, remember?
Bro, answer the phone.
You're not mad at me. Are you?
What am I gonna do?
Gently let it go.
Don't let him get away with it, you gotta fight back.
Bill, are we gonna lose the house?
And turn your attention back...
And turn your attention back to your breath.
Hi.
Your Dad told me what's going on.
It's very scary.
Scary that dad can't even keep a secret
for more than five minutes.
You're practically twelve.
So you think you can handle all this stuff by yourself.
I just didn't want to worry you with another bad thing.
What could you do about it, anyway?
Well, we can... I could sit...
...and we can talk.
Talking doesn't help anything.
Your dad and I love you very much.
And sometimes we just get caught up in...
in these other things, but you always come first.
Okay? Do you know that?
Okay.
Good night.
So?
You're helping, that's a first.
Yeah, first time for everything.
I've failed him.
Jane, you haven't.
I've been... I've been too worried about keeping this house, my job.
-And you blame me for that? -Yeah. Yeah. I do.
Sometimes.
Look, it happens, he's a normal kid.
I wasn't there.
# In the chilly hours and minutes of uncertainty
# I wanna be in the warm hold
# Of your loving mind
# To feel you all around me
# And to take your hand along the sand
# Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind
How come Snuggles is always happy no matter what?
I have lived with many Zen masters.
Each and every one of them was a cat.
Contrary to the ways of human kind.
Cats can let go of whatever happened yesterday.
They don't worry about tomorrow, next week.
They're just here.
Is that what you do?
Sometimes.
I'm not in the future now.
Not in the past, I'm right here.
With you. Now.
Want to try?
Can't I just be skeptical?
How is that working out for you?
A good bit of time ago,
I knew this bright boy...
...who figured out how to purr like a cat.
How'd you do it?
I'm not gonna tell ya.
-But I want to know. -That's a good thing.
Actually, that's a great thing.
Okay.
-That one? -Yep.
Put 'er in there.
So, uh, Mom says you're a war hero.
Hoorah!
So you had to kill people?
Shoot, that was a messed up thing to say.
Okay. Everything is okay.
You haven't done anything wrong.
Taking a life, Milton...
causing hurt to someone...
steals a piece of you.
And then you have to try and find a way
to forgive yourself for it.
It's not easy.
But you have to try because without forgiveness...
the past determines who you are
in the present.
I... I don't expect you to understand that.
But I do expect you to try.
Did you forgive yourself?
I'm a work in progress, Milton.
Come here.
# We come on the sloop John B
# My grandfather and me
# Around Nassau town We did roam
# Drinking all night
# Got into a fight
# I feel so broke up I want to go home
Here.
# So hoist up the John B'ssail
-Keep it. -Thanks.
I'm glad you're here.
Me, too.
I suck at this.
That's a fact, G-pop.
Tim, come on in.
Hey, Grandpa.
# I wanna go home
-Milton. -Hey.
We still gotta decide on our speeches.
-Gotta be ready tomorrow. -So?
Want to do some research?
Sounds like a plan to me.
Hey, I get why you stood me up. I should have helped.
I should have done something.
You're my best friend.
Actually, you're kind of my only friend.
Shut up, you have, like a hundred Facebook friends.
Virtual.
The problem with real friends is when they leave,
it hurts a lot more than getting un-friended.
Just because your dad left,
doesn't mean everyone's gonna leave.
You can't let your past define what's happening now.
What the...!?
Sit down.
Well... if it isn't Milly Willy.
Don't call me that.
I can call you whatever I want.
Me and Milly Willy, we have an understanding, right?
Carter...
What? You owe me a hundred bucks, man
That's crazy! I don't have a hundred bucks.
Hundred bucks by tomorrow, or you'll be sorry.
Tell him.
Tell him!
You heard the man.
Tomorrow.
I'm the worst friend ever.
Where's Milton?
He's working on his school project for Parents Night.
Did you speak with him about the kid who's bullying him?
Yeah, I... I told him how to deal with it.
Hey, did I mention that client is suing our office?
When in doubt, cry lawsuit, right?
Yeah, right. There's a fella' suing Dusty right now.
Really? Why? What'd she do?
Nothing.
She must have done something.
Dear, darling, Jane.
My being in love with Dusty
is in no way a threat to you.
You gotta open your eyes, Dad.
You're a widower with a military pension.
So that makes you a target.
Excuse me.
If only Carter could catch pneumonia,
I swear I'd stop surfing inappropriate sites,
I'd never...
Hey.
What's with the door?
Trying to concentrate.
Your Grandpa's worried about you.
That's impossible, worry's in the future.
Grandpa only deals in the present.
What are you talking about?
The "now," Dad.
This moment.
No one deserves to be bullied.
Hey! I need to talk to you.
I don't care what time of night it is,
your kid is bullying my kid, you dog is...
Get your foot out of my door, pal.
Get out of here!
Go home!
What are you wearing?
I can see it.
Ah... you're beautiful, sweetheart.
Just wonderful.
I miss you so much, you cannot believe it.
Sometimes, the lines get blurry.
Sometimes the worrying gets so intense,
it's like force field.
You can't move.
And sometimes, even when you think you're stuck,
...you have to figure out a way to take that first step.
-Hey,Madre. -Good morning.
Hey, uh, client meeting. See you guys later.
What's up?
I was thinking, maybe I could get a job this summer.
-He'll put around here. -Sounds good.
Gotta run.
Milton! Wait! Wait!
Okay.
You listen.
You do not have to take care of me.
I'm taking care of you, okay?
-Yeah. -Come here.
Okay, you go.
"Wonder is the beginning of wisdom."
Now, who said this?
Someone from a long time ago.
Anyone?
Britney Spears?
No, not Britney Spears.
It was a famous philosopher.
Socrates.
That's right, Milton, you're late.
Sorry, Ms. Ferguson.
Socrates was mostly known for self-control.
It wasn't self denial or his austerity.
Austerity.
Look up austerity for tomorrow.
Fierce.
Socrates also said,
"To find yourself, you must think for yourself".
Now, I want you guys to consider this before you Google,
copy and paste your assignment.
Those margins are pretty tight.
Market's looking to head south, I would sell.
Yeah, I would.
Oh, excuse me.
Hey, my man? What's up?
I thought I'd treat my son-in-law to a healthier lunch.
Oh, yeah.
Score one for the bully family.
Your family is worried.
You know. That's what we do.
I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry.
Basically...
...I don't know what to do.
And I don't do "not knowing what to do".
Giving up would be a relief.
I can assure you there are plenty of ways to surrender.
So uh, you're... you're toolin' around on a Harley now?
Is that... Is that true?
Is it just me or is Dusty smoking hot?
Where'd you guys stay in Paris?
Right next door.
Eighty bucks a night, Caesar's Palace.
Look at you, free as a bird.
And I'm supposed to be the family crackpot.
Hey.
Hey, Brutus.
It's all about the tail.
Some dogs you just look at em' and it goes:
"Life is good. life is good."
You know, they don't need a reason why.
I used to watch you play football.
Oh, yeah? Want an autograph?
No, I'm good thank you.
That knee injury, must have hurt, huh?
Pretty much killed my career.
You're doing pretty well now.
That's good.
May I give your dog a bone?
Here, Brutus. For you.
From me. Attaboy.
Well, you have a lovely day.
Hi.
Hi.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Dad, more stuff? Really?
That's the last one.
I mean, what can I say, I had something in mind
and it blossomed and bore fruit.
What was that thing that Grandma used to say about...
About a garden?
That a garden is not a garden until it has garden esters.
-Look what I got. -Oh, my...
Oh, that's... that's wonderful.
-Good? -Yeah, it's perfect.
Look at the sky.
My Dad called last night.
He's moving to New York. For good.
-Wow. -You know what's stupid?
When I told him about Parents Night,
he said he'd try and make it.
I believed him.
Maybe it's for the best.
We're both gonna fail tomorrow.
Worrying isn't gonna change things.
There comes a time when it's not enough to just experiment.
Let's go make some gold, Tim.
Let's make so much gold, so that you
can go visit your dad, wherever he is.
All right, let's make some gold!
Sometimes you have to succeed,
otherwise, you risk losing the whole planet.
I heard Carter say once he got a black eye
from fighting off a security guard.
Lot of black eyes going around.
-What's that supposed to mean? -Carter's dad is a jerk.
Screams all the time and calls him names.
What goes around comes around.
What? I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?
Let's make our lives golden, Tim.
Let's do this.
Our earth element.
One sterling silver baby spoon, ground to powder.
One cup of mud.
Two tablespoons of plant food.
And one bottle of pinot noir.
I suppose you think that's really hysterical.
-Act your age. -This is my age!
I'm almost a teenager. Come on, we're only young once.
So, how's it going with your listing?
I asked, uh...
I advised the sellers they should lower it by another $20,000
but I don't know, if it's gonna move.
You don't seem too upset about it.
Right now I feel okay, I don't know why.
No need for why, just be okay. Okay?
Okay.
We're missing one element, air.
Fresh air in a can.
Holy crap! Holy crap!
Get some water! Water!
-Get some water! -Holy crap! Crap!
Holy crap!
Lots of excitement, huh?
You wanted to make gold?
'Cause you thought we needed the money, right?
And you were trying to save the family?
It's okay.
It's okay.
Um...
I want to say I'm sorry.
What for?
Well, It's a long list.
For being gone all the time.
For making you worry about things
no kid should have to worry about.
For making you wonder whether your mom and I were gonna stay together.
Well?
We're not done yet.
-What now? -Apologies.
For sending you off to the library with Tim.
But you just wanted us to make up.
I was interfering.
That is just another way of saying I was not seeing you.
I have a history of that.
# Just one look
# And I fell so hard, hard, hard
# In love
# With you
# Oh-oh, oh-oh
# I found out
# How good it feels...
You sure see a lot of stars tonight.
Yeah.
Your friend Mr. Newton,
he used to spend a good bit of time looking at them.
Merlin, too.
Ah, he was a magician.
He was an alchemist.
He was.
Do you believe in it, Grandpa?
Yeah, I've seen it in action.
Come on. To bed!
In you get.
But I failed, big time.
Oh, no, you didn't.
You were looking in the wrong beaker.
I saw you fill one up with anger and fear.
But then you added beauty
and you added a little bit of mischief.
That, my dear Milton, is alchemy.
-Goodnight. -Goodnight.
# Happy birthday to you
Chococadabra.
So now, I want you to make a wish, okay?
-Okay. -One. Two. Three.
-Twelve years old. -Hey.
I have something for you.
That's the alchemist's first tool.
It's a beauty.
You take good care of that,
it'll serve you for a long time.
I bought it off a real wizard.
Okay, now I think you're stretching it.
Don't believe everything you think.
Happy Birthday, kiddo!
No, Dad. I'm done with that.
Oh, okay.
-What's that? -It's a beaker.
Ah.
Well, I'll see you tonight at Parents Night tonight, right?
-Your coming? -Of course, I'm coming.
You're my man. I'm gonna cheer you on.
Proud of you.
-Thanks, Dad. -Okay.
I'm okay.
There's nothing wrong.
This is not an emergency.
Call office.
Hey, Sharon.
Yeah, I'm not coming into the office for the rest of the day.
I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
What are you lookin' at?
Answer me!
Answer me.
You're just as scared as I am.
What?
You don't know anything about me, Milton.
Scared to death to walk out on that stage.
Excuse me. Can I just pass you guys? Sorry.
-Sorry. Hi, Dad. -hi, darling.
-Hey. -Hi, sorry, I'm late.
Hello, I'm Ms. Ferguson.
And were about to experience something very special.
But first, I dare you to silence your devices
for an entire 60 minutes.
Our speakers will appreciate your effort.
Our first speaker is Milton Adams.
And his topic is "War Between the States."
I think The War Between the States is over.
I learned that this week.
Go on.
That's the war I'm talking about.
The one we're all in.
We argue with each other so much,
hold grudges,
say awful things about each other behind people's backs.
It's a big, big war.
Everybody walking around wounded.
I got wounded, and it hurts.
I was so upset, so worried about getting wounded again,
I couldn't do anything else.
There was a civil war raging right inside me.
Then...
...my grandpa came to visit.
And he taught me how to stop the war...
...using this.
Imagine that you're a beaker.
Whatever you choose to put inside of you,
that's who you are.
You fill your glass with hate and fear,
pour in your worries about the past or the future,
you're probably gonna be miserable.
If you fill your beaker with love and caring,
miracles can happen.
Wars can end.
People can be different.
That's the secret.
We all can change.
You just have to take the empty space and turn it into gold.
And when you do that, the war is over.
My grandpa calls it alchemy.
Which means that my best friend...
my parents...
even my neighbors...
...are all alchemists.
Now I'm done.
Now, that was from the heart.
I'm so posting this.
Hey, check it out.
Our next speaker Carter Crane,
and his topic is "Why I Hate Everything."
Carter.
Breathe.
Breathe.
I don't really hate everything,
but some things I just can't stand.
My alarm clock going off on a weekend
before I realized I could have slept in...
Happy birthday.
Look at what your grandfather made.
Come in.
-Hey. -Hey.
Mom said you wanted to see me.
I thought you were leaving Sunday.
Sit down.
I don't want you to leave.
Everything's better when you're here.
Attaboy.
Up there on that stage.
You knocked my socks off, Milton Adams.
-Yeah? -Mm-hm.
You knocked it right out of the park.
-It was good, huh? -Yeah.
Isaac Newton good.
You can do it again, and again, and again.
What do you mean?
What you did.
You let your heart make sense
of what your mind couldn't figure out.
But... I was really, really scared.
A bit of time ago,
I met this really bright boy...
...who figured out how to purr like a cat.
No matter where you are, or who you're with.
You hold the secret.
Don't you ever forget it, okay?
I love you, Grandpa.
I love you.
So much.
Socks.
Underwear.
I left it in the laundry.
I'll go get it.
The Adams family: reporting in.
Planet Dad has spun out of the past and arrived on earth,
where atmospheric conditions are clear and bright.
Mom's planet has returned from orbiting the future,
put down some roots right here.
It might take a while.
And me, I'm trading in Planet Fear
for something a little brighter.
# It was then that the hurdy gurdy man
# Came singing songs
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
Ready? Set?
Now!
# Histories of ages past
# Unenlightened shadows cast
# Down through all eternity
# The crying of humanity
# 'Tis then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man
# Comes singing songs of love
# Then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man
# Comes singing songs of love
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
# hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurd
# Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# Here comes the Roly Poly Man
# He's singing songs of love
# "Roly poly, roly poly holy poly, poly" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang #
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