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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:05,005 [film projector whirring] 2 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:22,056 [phonographic record crackling] 3 00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:23,591 "Take Me Out to the Ball Game." 4 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,227 Sung by Edward Meeker, Edison Records. 5 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:32,032 [**] 6 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,346 [music ends*] 7 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:32,353 I know I've been outta town. I've missed a lot of games, but... 8 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:35,022 How's it going? You enjoying baseball? 9 00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:36,357 Not really. 10 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,025 What do you mean, "not really?" 11 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,193 I'm just not good at it. 12 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:41,295 Not good at it? Yeah, I think you're good. 13 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:46,800 No. Out of every person on my team, I'm the worst. 14 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:47,568 Really? 15 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,836 Yes. 16 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,904 I'm surprised. You must have a really good team, 17 00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:53,341 then, if you're the worst. 18 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,643 Let me tell you something. 19 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,313 You gotta do a lot of bad, bad shows... 20 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,515 before you become a great comedian. 21 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,417 Do you know how many shows I did 22 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,586 that I stunk up the place? 23 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,754 How many? 24 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,357 I betcha a million. I bet you a million. 25 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,592 Literally, a million. 26 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,395 So, I think the more you play baseball, 27 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,764 - the better you're gonna be. - Yeah. 28 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,098 Just like me with comedy. 29 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,268 And who's funnier than your dad? Anybody? 30 00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:22,270 - No. - Nobody! 31 00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,337 - Right? - Right. 32 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,038 Am I the funniest guy you know? 33 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,106 Yup. Funniest guy... 34 00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,342 Well, you're my favorite baseball player. 35 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:29,510 So there you go. 36 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:30,744 [laughs] Thanks dad. 37 00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:33,447 All right, go run ahead. I'll meet you up there. 38 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,449 Wait, wait, wait... 39 00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,217 Your bat. All right? 40 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,620 All right. 41 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:43,624 [bouncy, jazzy organ music *] 42 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:50,464 Max Morris? Oh my God. 43 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,400 My girlfriend is gonna faint when she hears 44 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,434 I'm talking to you. Wait... 45 00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:54,635 Let me just get her on the phone. 46 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,570 One second, one second. 47 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:57,405 - I gotta get to my son's... - No, no, no. Lemme just get her on the phone. 48 00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,238 - Hi. - Hi. All right... 49 00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,473 Okay. No, no, no, no. 50 00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:01,409 Guess, guess who's standing in front of me? 51 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,043 Yes. 52 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,947 The...your most favorite comedian in the entire world. Okay? 53 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:11,985 No. No... 54 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,621 Yes! Max Morris! 55 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,155 And he wants to talk to you. 56 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:16,490 No. He's, he's begging me. He wants to talk to you. 57 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,158 Wait. Hold on one sec. Here, here. 58 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,127 - Would you just say "hello," please? - No, no, no. Seriously. 59 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,762 My kid's playing in the game. 60 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:22,830 I gotta get going. 61 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,798 Please, it would mean so much to her. 62 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:25,733 No, I'm sorry. But have a nice day. 63 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,469 Really. Sorry. 64 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:33,441 Did you hear that bastard? 65 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:36,143 Let's hear some chatter out there! Phht! 66 00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:38,312 [cheers and applause] 67 00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:40,180 Learn to slide! 68 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,082 Let's go! Move it! 69 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,353 Slide! Slide! Slide! 70 00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:48,522 Good job! 71 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,524 Come on! 72 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,426 [umpire]: Foul ball. 73 00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:55,529 I got it! Mine! Mine! 74 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:56,864 Mine! 75 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,032 Mine, I see it! 76 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,501 Whoo! 77 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,503 Got it! 78 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,704 [indecipherable] 79 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,774 Good morning, Cub fans! 80 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,776 As Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, would always say, 81 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,311 "It's a great day for two." 82 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,312 [silence] 83 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:17,551 Um...couple of things... So please indulge me. 84 00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:20,854 I have collated a nutrition binder. 85 00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:23,056 I've taken some pictures of the homemade snacks 86 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,526 that I usually make. Umm... 87 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,995 And put together, just some ideas, 88 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,363 for you all to follow. 89 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,399 Could you just pass that around for me? 90 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,401 Take a look at this... 91 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:36,370 Umm...also. 92 00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,372 Snack table. 93 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:42,743 We need 100% parent participation. 94 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:46,747 I need you guys...to participate. Max, Ava? 95 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,182 Eva is not here, it's just me. 96 00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,518 All right, Max. 97 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,186 I've noticed that you have not participated yet. 98 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,823 Oh, Eva usually takes care of stuff like that. 99 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,559 Because little Jackie comes up to the table constantly. 100 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:01,529 I love him...and I love sharing, but... 101 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:02,195 Okay. 102 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,196 It's not free. 103 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,398 All right, Vicky Sue Fitzjiminy. 104 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,866 I'll be paying ya soon. 105 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,435 Rosie. 106 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,036 Right. Right. Rosie. 107 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,004 Marty? Marty?? 108 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:14,107 Umm...During this window of time, I'm, uh, 109 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:17,277 legally not allowed to donate anything financially, 110 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,947 because of my, uh, business advisor. 111 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:23,451 But feel free to use my name, uh, as a donor. 112 00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,953 And you can put me down for say, $100, 113 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,287 with a little star next to it. 114 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,922 Call me an "angel" or some...you know, 115 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,558 umm...at the top of the list. 116 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,960 And I'm good with that. 117 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:36,764 [whooshing sound] [metal bat hitting ball] 118 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:37,865 [sighs] 119 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:41,268 Uh, I don't think he wants to play. 120 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,203 I really don't think he wants to play. 121 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,538 I'm telling ya. 122 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:47,207 He wants to play. 123 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,408 He just doesn't wanna suck. 124 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:51,745 That's the problem. He sucks. 125 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,914 He does suck. 126 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:58,085 Gosh, he sucks... so bad. 127 00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,554 It's okay, you weren't that good. 128 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,289 I wasn't that good. 129 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:03,591 And it all worked out. 130 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,059 I think back that I was better than I was. 131 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,929 [chuckles] Yeah... 132 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,731 I guess that's a normal thing to think that. 133 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,766 Yeah, but you weren't that good. 134 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,636 You were a pretty good fielder. 135 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,440 [clicks tongue] That's okay. You know what? 136 00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:21,642 Don't worry about it. 137 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,343 Just go hang out with him. 138 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,745 That's really what kids want. 139 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,815 They wanna feel close to their dad. Just, you know... 140 00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:31,919 play catch...go do something else. 141 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,621 Just hang out with him. 142 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:34,855 Just hang out. I can play catch. 143 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,156 I can do a million other things. 144 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,658 - A million things. - It doesn't matter. 145 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:38,692 - Yeah. - Just hang out with him. 146 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:41,161 He loves me. I love him. That's all. 147 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,296 I just don't wanna be one of those dads that, you know... 148 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:47,434 forces their kids to play stuff and, you know... 149 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,204 Let him do whatever he wants. 150 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,476 It's tough being a dad. 151 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,246 Yeah. 152 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,685 [dialogue fading in] I wanna applaud you for 153 00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:07,454 your, your campaign, your fundraising effort. 154 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,622 Bravo. If it wasn't for people like you, 155 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,057 we'd have no money at all 156 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:14,662 and this, this great league couldn't continue. Thanks. 157 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,796 Coach Ambrose? 158 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,731 Um, I don't have my wallet on me. 159 00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:19,867 But I would love to talk about that nutrition guide 160 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,301 with you after the game maybe. 161 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,536 Do you work out adults? 162 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,737 'Cause I'd like to get a card if you have one. 163 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:24,672 Oh yeah, we'll talk. 164 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:25,505 - Okay. - We'll talk after. 165 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:26,674 Umm...Angela. 166 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:27,741 Hi. 167 00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:30,043 Could you tell our great commissioner 168 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,880 of this wonderful league that he... 169 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:36,650 came up with the rules of 100% parent participation. 170 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:40,554 And I look, shockingly, he has not participated. 171 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,255 You know, he didn't give me a budget for that. 172 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,559 I'm, I'm just the kid's nanny, but... Sorry. 173 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,394 Okay, uh... 174 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,563 Our most progressive couple... 175 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:54,201 Caitlin, Sophie. Manuel's mama and... mommy. 176 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,903 - His name is Manny. - It's Manny. 177 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:59,406 Manny. Yes. I was wondering if he has any... 178 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,675 specific nutritional guidelines? 179 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,211 We could have some rice, some beans, some chips, 180 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,879 over at the snack bar, if need be. 181 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:08,616 Well, considering when we adopted him, 182 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,852 he was eating dirt off the floor of a hut, umm... 183 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,588 I think he's, he's, uh, he's doing just fine. 184 00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:17,090 And, uh, just a suggestion for you. 185 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:21,629 If you spent less time taking pictures of food 186 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,397 and putting them into binders, and more time 187 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,299 doing useful things like, umm... 188 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,201 perhaps you could talk to the city about having 189 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,103 - less handicap spaces... - Mmm. 190 00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:33,206 ...for parking. So that real normal people could park 191 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,608 in the parking lot 192 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,777 I-I second the lady's motion there about 193 00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,812 the handicap parking spots. They should either 194 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:41,081 eliminate the ones that aren't being used or 195 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,616 put on some kinda drive to get more 196 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:45,118 handicapped people to come out to the ball games. 197 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:46,386 That could be a lot of fun. 198 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,121 We could get them out on the field with games, 199 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:51,224 and just kinda stir up the enthusiasm. 200 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:54,795 I think we're good. 201 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:55,796 All right. 202 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,765 You are bat shit crazy. 203 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,132 You know, you're a big man... 204 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,400 - Hello ladies. How are ya? - Hello. 205 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,501 Marty, whaddaya say? 206 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,403 - Hey, hey, hey. - Max! 207 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,571 Max, how are ya? 208 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,674 Hiya, Harold. How you doing pal? 209 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,008 I'm well, thank you. How are ya? 210 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,110 I'm, I'm good. Good, good to see ya. 211 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:10,944 World of comedy good? 212 00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,112 World of comedy's great. 213 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,514 Are you still doing that bit about, uh... 214 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,684 with the chicken, and the broiled 215 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,352 and the baked chicken? Is that you? 216 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,353 No. 217 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,522 - That's not you? - No, no. But thank you. 218 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:23,423 [stammering] 219 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,624 I love comedy. 220 00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:25,826 I happen to love comedy. I love watching you. 221 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:26,860 Yeah. Oh, hi honey. 222 00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:27,661 Hi! 223 00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:28,528 How are ya, Ava? 224 00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:29,362 Hi, I'm good. 225 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:30,831 Nice to see ya. 226 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,866 [stammering] Would you just mind to let Ava sit here? 227 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:33,867 I'm sorry. Come on, please. 228 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:36,670 Oh, thanks. 229 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:37,805 - Oh, hey. - Umm... 230 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,372 Sorry I didn't bring you a water. 231 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,473 - Hey Harold? - I'm fine. 232 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,275 You know what, I need to talk to Ava just 233 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,877 for a minute or two. 234 00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,679 I'll, I'll, uh... 235 00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,114 Okay. 236 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,816 I'll, I'll, but I'll come sit down in a little while, 237 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,350 - later in the game. - Doesn't mat... 238 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,251 - It does matter! - Enjoy, enjoy. 239 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,185 It's nothing, It's nothing. It's good. 240 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:53,887 We'll talk comedy later. 241 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,989 Oh, geez. He means well. 242 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,891 - I know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 243 00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,060 Ah, pitcher, I know where your family lives! 244 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,362 Stop brushing my boy back! 245 00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,031 And how about some more balls? 246 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,232 [umpire] Time! 247 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,533 That's a warning. 248 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,702 Warning? I'm a grown-up. I'm not in school. 249 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,704 I don't care, ass-dick. 250 00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:11,805 [umpire] You're gone! 251 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,841 I'm gone! Hey everyone, I'm gone! 252 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,843 Come on man, come on! 253 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:16,910 Barnaby, daddy will be in the car! 254 00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:17,845 What are you doing to me right now?! 255 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,246 - What am I doing? 256 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,981 - It's his fault! - You're killing me right now! 257 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,050 Hey! That's your dad?! That's your dad right there?! 258 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:23,917 Whoa, whoa. Lets not make this any messier than it already is. 259 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,018 Who are you?! 260 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:27,154 Your dad's a jerk! Your dad's a jerk! 261 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,488 I'm nobody you need to mess with right now. 262 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,157 I'm nobody you need to mess with right now, okay? 263 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,024 Your dad's not a jerk. 264 00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,393 Do you ever have a kid here? 265 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,095 Hey, touch me, I sue you, okay? 266 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,897 Hey, let's not make this messy in front of the kids. 267 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,065 - Who is this guy?! - Okay, let's go. 268 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:38,899 Who are you?! 269 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:39,733 Go away! 270 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,234 That's my son! 271 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,069 Let's go, let's go. 272 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,004 I'll be in the car Barnaby! 273 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,374 Don't touch me! Don't touch me! 274 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:47,741 [sighs] 275 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:48,675 I won't. 276 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,077 - Bye-bye. - Don't touch me. 277 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,278 You're outta here. 278 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,713 Whoa. Why would someone behave that way? 279 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,183 [stammering] This is an adult. An adult. 280 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,417 - So sad. - Seriously. 281 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,386 - Sad. - It's sad. It is sad. 282 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:02,522 And it's confusing. W-What is his private life like? 283 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,957 What are their private lives like 284 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,625 that make them act like this? 285 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,394 What are they missing in their lives 286 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,429 that make them act like idiots? 287 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:10,764 Unbelievable. 288 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:14,301 Seriously unbelievable. In front of the kids. 289 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,603 [indiscernible whispering] 290 00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,939 All right, let's hear some chatter! Come on! 291 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,608 Let's get it up! Let's get it up! 292 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,310 Don't say, "let's get it up." 293 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,813 Let's get it up. 294 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,916 [distant chatter and clapping] 295 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:37,224 They're, they're a bit touchy. They're kinda nuts. 296 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,591 Wow, they're crazy. 297 00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:41,261 I mean, everything offends them. So, everything! 298 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:44,832 I mean, what is wrong with these people?! 299 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,469 What is wrong with these people? 300 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,572 [yelling] What is wrong with these people?! 301 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,107 These people, right there! 302 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,943 Take this. 303 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,177 Take this. 304 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,578 - Where are you going? - I'll be right back? 305 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,848 I gotta go talk to a man about a horse. I'll be back. 306 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:01,815 Are we waiting for you? 307 00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,717 Wait for me! 308 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:06,954 Commissioner Gordon. 309 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,588 Whoa! Max. 310 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,090 No talking to the commissioner before scores are official. 311 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,425 Okay? I'm gonna need you to step over here. 312 00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,693 Right there. 313 00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:16,796 All right. 314 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:23,036 You don't have to keep your eye on me, I'm not going to... 315 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,171 I know, I don't. 316 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:25,372 Forest, you can trust me. 317 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:26,639 I trust you. 318 00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:30,010 You can go to the other side and I'll wait here. 319 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,979 It's okay, Max. 320 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,047 [laughing incredulously] Forest, I'm telling you... 321 00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:36,283 Okay. You can keep telling me. 322 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:36,984 All right. 323 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:39,319 I don't work for you. 324 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:42,022 Is that a quadruple rainbow? [chuckles] 325 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:45,658 A quadruple rainbow? I've never seen one of those! 326 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,961 What would cause a quadruple...?! 327 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,998 The way.. Wait, that's impossible! 328 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,201 Pots of gold?! 329 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,836 Really? Pots of gold? 330 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,538 Pots of gold. 331 00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,472 You're a comedian. 332 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,408 I am a comedian. 333 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,543 - Really? - Yeah. 334 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,045 So you're not that popular then. 335 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,513 I'm popular. 336 00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,048 I'm really into comedians and I think I would know if 337 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,582 you're a comedian, if you're a popular one. 338 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,351 No, I'm a popular comedian. 339 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,553 Not in the top 100. 340 00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,388 Tell you what, not only am I in the top 100, 341 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:16,924 I'm probably top 20. 342 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,091 Top 20? 343 00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,260 Top 20. 344 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,028 - Yeah. - Okay. 345 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,095 All right. 346 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:24,064 How many Twitter followers do you have? 347 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,232 About 100,000. 348 00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:27,034 No, that's not top 20. 349 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:27,935 Score's official. 350 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,502 [yelling] Score's official! 351 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,703 Score's official. 352 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,872 - Thank you, Forrest. - Thank you. 353 00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:34,774 Max. 354 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,343 Hello Commissioner Gordon. 355 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,045 You can call me Steve. 356 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:42,049 I would never think of calling you Steve, Commissioner...Gordon. 357 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,117 Commissioner Gordon... 358 00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,418 [laughing hysterically] 359 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:47,720 If you see the Riddler or the [raising voice] 360 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:51,959 Catwoman, you and Chief O'Hara should... 361 00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:54,061 It's really funny actually. 362 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:55,362 [mumbling] I don't know... 363 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,597 It's just something I love doing. Anyhow, uh... 364 00:14:57,630 --> 00:15:01,068 I've decided that my next movie...hopefully... 365 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,535 There's a lot of steps involved in this. 366 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,137 I'm gonna be doing some research. 367 00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,106 And the research I'm doing, I'm gonna be talking 368 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:10,978 to, uh, parents, uh, coaches, and uh... 369 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,780 everybody involved with my kids baseball team. 370 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:17,050 Like a documentary on the, the uh...the benefits of 371 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,752 SFV-LA baseball for, for young children... 372 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:20,753 No. 373 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:21,989 Documentaries are big right now. 374 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,957 No, it's, it's a comedy. 375 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:24,624 A comedy. 376 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,059 If I make... 377 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,128 Like a "how to" video for parents if they wanna get 378 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,597 their kids into SFV-LA baseball? 379 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,899 And the benefits of learning how to be a 380 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,068 team member, and the fundamentals of, 381 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:36,836 of building blocks for uh, 382 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:40,273 becoming a responsible citizen and a good adult. 383 00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:43,110 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 384 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,644 Yeah, that would be good. 385 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:48,415 You know...a little change of the subject here. 386 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,418 Your nanny is so ridiculously beautiful. 387 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,620 I don't even know how you...wow! 388 00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:57,324 Well, Angela's the charge of my, my son, Bennett. 389 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,359 There's nothing sexual about her. 390 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:04,164 Oh, there's something very sexual about her. Yeah... 391 00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,133 Sorry I brought that up. Okay. 392 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,367 All right, see you guys later. 393 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,002 Okay, just stay off the field, though. Please... 394 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,703 I'm not going back on, I know 'cause you water it... 395 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:13,440 We water it and then we do the chalk. 396 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,307 Stay off the diamond, Max. 397 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:17,144 I'm not going on the diamond. 398 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,112 I don't think that's such a great idea. 399 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:22,782 It'll be fun to spend time with the crazy parents. 400 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,617 I don't know about that, dad. 401 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,653 I...that's exactly what I was just gonna say. 402 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:30,323 I...listen, I would not opt to be with these people 403 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,725 on purpose, you know... 404 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,861 Well, you know, it's part, it's the hard part 405 00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,663 of my job. It's the research. 406 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:40,167 It's the down-and-dirtiness of comedy, 407 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,002 is figuring out what you're gonna write about. 408 00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,372 Sometimes grownups get really weird. 409 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:48,208 Grownups always get weird. Always. 410 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,310 Not sometimes. They're just weird. 411 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,012 Just think, "people are weird." They're weird. 412 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,915 What if I told you another little secret? 413 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,985 She's a bit weird. I'm a bit weird! 414 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,221 You have weird parents. You're not weird yet. 415 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,755 You're too young to be weird. 416 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,991 I don't want you to think that all grownups are insane. 417 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,760 Well actually, they are all insane. 418 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:08,928 Except for us. 419 00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,331 Don't trust anybody over the age of, of... 420 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,199 22. 421 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,066 No, actually, ten. 422 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,534 Yes. 423 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,936 Ten. Don't trust a 13-year- old, they're too worldly. 424 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:18,771 'Cause they all have their own phones and... 425 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:19,772 They do now. 426 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,007 That's when it all breaks loose. 427 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,242 By the way, we're not doing that with him. 428 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,177 No, we're not doing that with you. You know that, right? 429 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,945 Yeah, you have friends now who have phones, don't you? 430 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:26,813 Yeah. 431 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:27,680 Yeah, I know. That's a bunch of crap. 432 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:28,915 Not gonna happen. 433 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,017 Max, I'm not sure about spending more time than 434 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,952 is necessary with that crowd. 435 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,887 You know, I don't have to spend that much time 436 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:38,258 with them. Just a...few hours. 437 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,227 What? 438 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:42,262 Nightmare. 439 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:48,235 I'd be happy to help. 440 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,137 I have a lot of ideas for movies. 441 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,872 Okay, it's not...I just wanna talk and get to... 442 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,141 I wanna get to know the parents... 443 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,308 Here's my thing. Here's my thing. 444 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:56,543 - Yeah? - As long as it's educational 445 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:59,146 and instructive for the kids... 446 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,147 The kids learn... 'cause kids are sponges. 447 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,214 We were just talking about that. 448 00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,049 How much like sponges they are. 449 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:06,219 And I will help write it, act it, shoot it, 450 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:07,420 whatever you want... 451 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:08,988 I don't know how to do any of that stuff... 452 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,290 They just keep absorbing. 453 00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,491 But I'll tell you what, I work at a copy shop, 454 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,092 in case you didn't know. And I think you did. 455 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,394 Uh-huh. 456 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,663 Uh, and we can make copies of he script there. 457 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,265 And then you can hand them out next week, 458 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,732 and we'll learn our lines and do it. 459 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:20,567 What's the title? 460 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,435 What's the script? 461 00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,304 Well, no no, I don't know yet. 462 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,572 Is it from a book? 463 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,141 No, it's gonna be from the research that I do 464 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,776 when I spend time with... 465 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,211 What's the rating? 466 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:35,248 Oh, dear God. Oh, that's wrong. 467 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,115 What's up, guys? 468 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,284 What's up, man? 469 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,518 I'm doing good. What you all talking about? 470 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:42,155 He wants to uh, do, some research on my method 471 00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:44,324 of uh, coaching. He's watching, 472 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,359 he's paid attention. I think he sees what I'm doing... 473 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,360 It's a great idea. 474 00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:48,328 All right guys, talk to you later. 475 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,996 Right on, man. 476 00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:53,166 Why is it, whenever he works with Rickey, 477 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,367 he's gotta take off his shirt? 478 00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:55,302 He's hot. 479 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,636 He's hot?! 480 00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:57,770 The man gets hot, he wants to take his shirt off. 481 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,706 Did you ever hear of shirts and skins? 482 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,808 Yeah I've heard of shirts and skins, playing football. 483 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:02,809 He does it in life. 484 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:03,810 That's what it is. 485 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,445 Those who can do skins, do skins. 486 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,280 - Those who can't do skins, they don't do skins. - What side are you on? 487 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,616 - I'm clearly on the shirts side. 488 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:10,317 See? 489 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,651 Except when I shower. 490 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,986 Work on the slide! 491 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:16,189 Because Jimbo says so, thats why! 492 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,557 Don't answer me back! 493 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,125 Run through the base! 494 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,960 Through the bases! 495 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,863 All right, so what I'm gonna be doing is that 496 00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,199 I got the blessing from... 497 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,668 I got the blessing from Commissioner Gordon. 498 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:31,304 It's research for a comedy movie 499 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,873 that I might or might not even write. 500 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,575 So it might not even happen. 501 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,510 I'm just sort of getting to know everybody 502 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:38,745 and seeing if there's a movie there 503 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,747 about the parents and the coaches and such. 504 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,315 So you show up, do research, 505 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:45,218 interview everybody, for something that might not happen? 506 00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,587 Yes. That's the first thing you nailed exactly. 507 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:48,688 Sounds like a waste of time to me. 508 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,390 Uh, if we don't win the championship, 509 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,058 I'm gonna pull the plug, so... 510 00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,261 I'm not shooting a movie! 511 00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,029 It's gotta end with us winning, or I'm not, uh... 512 00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,231 - A waste of time. - ...approve. 513 00:19:58,265 --> 00:20:01,000 I'm not gonna sign off on it. 514 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,235 Either of you wanna be interviewed? 515 00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:03,903 - I do! - You do? 516 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:07,039 I'm doing you first. You're #1. 517 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,876 Number one on my interview list. First. 518 00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:13,813 All right, see you guys later. 519 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:17,350 Hey, could I have, uh, everybody's attention, 520 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:21,388 just for one second. It's not a big deal. Umm... 521 00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:25,792 As some of you...hey! Some of you know, uh... 522 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,695 I am a comedian. 523 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:32,365 And I have decided that there might be some... 524 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:36,436 material here ripe for comedy. I'm going to... 525 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,439 It's a lot of steps to it. But I'm gonna do some research, 526 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:42,442 spend some time with you, and umm... 527 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:45,211 get to know you a little bit. Uh... 528 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,447 for possibly my next movie project. 529 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,316 Excuse me, Orson Welles? 530 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:52,919 I have to go on record in front of all the other parents, 531 00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:56,789 saying that I refuse to take part in this. 532 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:57,957 That's okay. 533 00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,126 Good. 534 00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:02,762 I'm not saying, "I don't wanna do it." I'm just... 535 00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:05,231 I just wanna be clear because this hap... 536 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,433 I fell for this one ti... 537 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,901 This isn't one of those, you get in a room... 538 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,837 "You're so pretty, you're so pretty. Take your top off. 539 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:14,507 I'm gonna film you" kinda thing, is it? 540 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:17,243 That is so far from... my intentions... 541 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,678 Okay, no, I'm just asking. 542 00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:20,012 What are some of the questions you'll be asking us? 543 00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:22,415 You talking to me? You talking about me? 544 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:24,751 I'm talking to you, about your job, about your life... 545 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:28,921 Why would that possibly, possibly be of interest? 546 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:31,958 Well, we'll see after I talk... When I'm all done, 547 00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:34,861 it could not be interesting. There's a great chance of it 548 00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:37,764 not being interesting at all and I won't make a movie. 549 00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:40,099 Well, I'm very excited. I'd like to go first. 550 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,501 Unfortunately, 551 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:43,670 I have offered that up to coach Jimbo. 552 00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,204 Why?! 553 00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,873 Because he's first, I talked to him first. 554 00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:48,508 But I'm asking... I'm the first to ask. 555 00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:49,676 I believe I asked... 556 00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:51,077 I'll have undue pressure. I don't know, 557 00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:52,779 - I don't know what I'm gonna be talking... - Pressure from what?! 558 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:53,780 Because you're gonna be interviewing. 559 00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:54,547 There'll be a camera in my face. 560 00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:55,982 I'm not filming you. 561 00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:58,518 I am just hanging out with you. There's no pressure. 562 00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:01,187 Max, can I recommend an actress to play me? 563 00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:02,522 Halle Berry. 564 00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:04,457 Halle Berry. 565 00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:06,793 And for Manny, I don't care who, who, 566 00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:09,862 just as long as it's not one of the, the fuckin' Will, 567 00:22:09,896 --> 00:22:11,464 one of Will Smith's kids. 568 00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,299 Are we invited to the premiere? 569 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,367 This is very exciting. 570 00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:18,505 Yeah. All right, I'm uh...I'm just... 571 00:22:18,538 --> 00:22:21,007 Just watch them practice. I'm good. That's all I need. 572 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,875 Work on the slide, baby! Slide! 573 00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:26,045 Thank you, Coach Ted. Thank you, everybody. 574 00:22:26,078 --> 00:22:28,415 Uh, I guess whatever he asks me. 575 00:22:28,448 --> 00:22:30,182 Get it up! 576 00:22:30,216 --> 00:22:31,584 You didn't talk to anyone? 577 00:22:31,618 --> 00:22:33,185 I have not talked to anyone. 578 00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:36,723 I am talking to you first. No one has been talked to. 579 00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:39,091 You are #1. 580 00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:42,662 [exhales loudly] 581 00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:44,330 This is it. 582 00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,166 All About Printing. 583 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:50,403 The owners had a real uh... foresight, you know, 584 00:22:50,437 --> 00:22:53,506 because they didn't wanna limit it. All About Printing. 585 00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:56,075 So it can be printing, copies, 586 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:57,444 Anything that's about printing. 587 00:22:57,477 --> 00:22:58,911 Anything! It's about, or even, 588 00:22:58,945 --> 00:23:00,913 marginally associated with printing... 589 00:23:00,947 --> 00:23:01,714 Yeah. 590 00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:02,882 - We can do. - Mmm-hmm. 591 00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:04,851 Or we can...potentially do. 592 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:07,053 We don't have, we don't necessarily do it now. 593 00:23:07,086 --> 00:23:08,220 Mmm-hmm. 594 00:23:08,254 --> 00:23:11,123 But it's uh, the hub. And this right here, 595 00:23:11,157 --> 00:23:13,359 is my command center. 596 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,194 This is where I operate everything... 597 00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:16,362 Mmn-hmm. 598 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:18,431 In this whole, everybody can hear me, see? 599 00:23:18,465 --> 00:23:20,032 It's not so big that they can't hear me 600 00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:20,900 Mmn-hmm. 601 00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:21,968 So I can just shout from here 602 00:23:22,001 --> 00:23:24,604 and everybody hears me. [bells chimes] 603 00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:26,439 Everyone can hear that bell. No, no. No, no. 604 00:23:26,473 --> 00:23:27,139 Oh. 605 00:23:27,173 --> 00:23:28,541 I'm standing here 606 00:23:28,575 --> 00:23:30,743 If you see the bell go off, or hear the bell go off, 607 00:23:30,777 --> 00:23:32,812 and I'm standing here, you don't need to come up. 608 00:23:32,845 --> 00:23:33,913 I'll handle the customer. 609 00:23:33,946 --> 00:23:35,582 Oh, when my uncle hired me he told me... 610 00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:38,084 Katie, put it away. [laughs] 611 00:23:38,117 --> 00:23:40,787 And I'll tell you what, the reason that I coach 612 00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:44,223 the kids, is because I'm in charge here, okay? 613 00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:45,324 Mmm-hmm. 614 00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:46,425 All About Printing. 615 00:23:46,459 --> 00:23:47,226 Mmm-hmm. 616 00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:51,397 And, it's...a...madhouse. 617 00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:53,399 - It is a madhouse. - Mmm-hmm. 618 00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:55,568 You know, and baseball is pastoral. 619 00:23:55,602 --> 00:23:57,937 And it's quiet and it's calm, you know? 620 00:23:57,970 --> 00:24:00,272 And the kids are out there, and they're dropping the ball, 621 00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:01,608 and they're not hitting it and uh... 622 00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:03,610 So it's not really about the kids, 623 00:24:03,643 --> 00:24:05,478 it's more about you and getting your release. 624 00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:07,013 Yeah, it's about getting the...it's about release 625 00:24:07,046 --> 00:24:07,980 And it all comes from here. 626 00:24:08,014 --> 00:24:09,649 All comes from working here. 627 00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:11,518 And the customers that come in and... 628 00:24:11,551 --> 00:24:12,819 Do you know something here? 629 00:24:12,852 --> 00:24:15,087 Do you know the insurance bill on this place? 630 00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:18,491 Let me tell you something, pal. Okay? 631 00:24:18,525 --> 00:24:23,162 That machine right there, is German precision. 632 00:24:23,195 --> 00:24:24,531 And it can print about... 633 00:24:24,564 --> 00:24:25,798 [yelling] Hey, hey hey! You can't come back here! 634 00:24:25,832 --> 00:24:27,500 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to yell. 635 00:24:27,534 --> 00:24:29,468 Stay behind that line, would ya? 636 00:24:29,502 --> 00:24:31,003 - W-what, what line? - Imaginary line, right here. 637 00:24:31,037 --> 00:24:32,972 - From that counter to that counter. - Across. All right. 638 00:24:33,005 --> 00:24:34,707 - Stay behind it. - I'm right...I'm good. 639 00:24:34,741 --> 00:24:35,808 - Insurance. - Mmm-hmm. 640 00:24:35,842 --> 00:24:37,343 - Safety. -Mmm-hmm. 641 00:24:37,376 --> 00:24:40,312 So I love get...hitting the field after a week of this, 642 00:24:40,346 --> 00:24:41,380 you know? 643 00:24:41,413 --> 00:24:42,715 Because of the runaround at this place. 644 00:24:42,749 --> 00:24:45,552 and the pressure. The pres... Listen... 645 00:24:45,585 --> 00:24:46,786 to the traffic out there. 646 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,655 You can hear every car and bus. 647 00:24:48,688 --> 00:24:51,490 Hello sir! [rings bell twice] 648 00:24:51,524 --> 00:24:53,059 You don't have to do that 'cause I already did it. 649 00:24:53,092 --> 00:24:55,061 Stay back in the back! 650 00:24:55,094 --> 00:24:56,228 Picking up my package. 651 00:24:56,262 --> 00:24:57,296 Okay, what's your name, sir? 652 00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:58,531 Sepplente. 653 00:24:58,565 --> 00:25:01,834 We usually put the...the orders. Oh, that's... 654 00:25:01,868 --> 00:25:03,570 Is that it? Is that you? 655 00:25:03,603 --> 00:25:05,037 Ah...no. 656 00:25:05,071 --> 00:25:07,640 That's not him. Take this back. Did you call earlier? 657 00:25:07,674 --> 00:25:08,575 Yes I did. 658 00:25:08,608 --> 00:25:09,576 Uh-huh. Who did you speak to? 659 00:25:09,609 --> 00:25:11,010 Jimbo. 660 00:25:11,043 --> 00:25:13,713 Well, that's me! [both laugh] 661 00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:14,814 - Good to meet ya. - Hey. 662 00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,649 - And I spoke to you? - Yes. 663 00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:20,019 Hey! [paper crinkling] 664 00:25:20,052 --> 00:25:21,387 - Great. - Right there! 665 00:25:21,420 --> 00:25:23,155 I even signed it. 666 00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:25,758 Oh, there's no coupon allowed with this. Sorry. 667 00:25:25,792 --> 00:25:27,359 I don't have one to give you. 668 00:25:27,393 --> 00:25:28,595 Because you ordered that two weeks ago... 669 00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:29,528 All right, thanks. 670 00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:31,564 And the coupon starts today, 671 00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:32,599 but you can't use it 'til tomorrow. 672 00:25:32,632 --> 00:25:34,000 Oh. 673 00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:36,603 Come in tomorrow and get the same job for half price. 674 00:25:36,636 --> 00:25:38,671 - Thank you. - Thank you! 675 00:25:38,705 --> 00:25:43,676 [door opens and activates chimes] 676 00:25:43,710 --> 00:25:46,613 Beef goulash. It's my lunch. 677 00:25:46,646 --> 00:25:47,880 I'm gonna have it as soon as you're, 678 00:25:47,914 --> 00:25:50,850 as soon as you're done. Pretty hungry right now. 679 00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:52,018 Well don't let me keep you. 680 00:25:52,051 --> 00:25:53,552 Well, it's okay. It's just sitting here. 681 00:25:53,586 --> 00:25:56,355 I don't leave it in back because, uh... 682 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:58,557 some of my food has gone missing. 683 00:25:58,591 --> 00:26:00,226 A couple of cans of this, 684 00:26:00,259 --> 00:26:02,729 I've found open and half gone. 685 00:26:02,762 --> 00:26:04,797 And I'm not blaming you, Katie, and I'm not blaming Rick. 686 00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:06,132 I'm not saying they did it. 687 00:26:06,165 --> 00:26:08,134 That back door doesn't lock, so... 688 00:26:08,167 --> 00:26:10,202 Well, why don't you fix it? 689 00:26:10,236 --> 00:26:12,772 [clicks tongue] [exhales] 690 00:26:12,805 --> 00:26:14,641 Seriously, you wanna go there? 691 00:26:14,674 --> 00:26:15,808 [both laughing] 692 00:26:15,842 --> 00:26:16,709 I'm just asking you why you don't fix it. 693 00:26:16,743 --> 00:26:18,745 There's a woman involved. 694 00:26:18,778 --> 00:26:20,713 First of all. You wanna hear it now? 695 00:26:20,747 --> 00:26:21,614 Yeah, that doesn't change things. 696 00:26:21,648 --> 00:26:22,448 I still wanna hear it. 697 00:26:22,481 --> 00:26:24,083 You wanna...? 698 00:26:24,116 --> 00:26:27,253 My brother Andy is a locksmith across the street. 699 00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:30,456 Nothing peeves him off more than knowing 700 00:26:30,489 --> 00:26:32,291 that that back door doesn't lock 701 00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:34,560 and I ain't letting him fix it. 702 00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:36,829 And I'm not letting anyone else fix it, either. 703 00:26:36,863 --> 00:26:37,930 You wanna know why? 704 00:26:37,964 --> 00:26:38,931 In high school... 705 00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:40,633 Andy's three years younger than me. 706 00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:43,736 I had a crush on a girl, okay? 707 00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:45,104 I'm not gonna say her name, 708 00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:47,439 but I circled her picture in the yearbook every year 709 00:26:47,473 --> 00:26:48,941 and he knows it. 710 00:26:48,975 --> 00:26:51,077 He went away to the navy after high school. 711 00:26:51,110 --> 00:26:54,280 He was gone for two years, and I took this girl out... 712 00:26:54,313 --> 00:26:56,248 on three dates. 713 00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:58,017 And then he comes back and within 714 00:26:58,050 --> 00:26:59,285 [yelling] two months, 715 00:26:59,318 --> 00:27:00,687 they're getting married! 716 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,923 And I gotta do the invitations! 717 00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:07,259 And I give him a discount. [forced laughter] 718 00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:10,429 I'm sitting back here printing up invitations, 719 00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:12,832 with her name on it and his name! 720 00:27:12,865 --> 00:27:14,633 And a carnation! 721 00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:20,372 That's a flower I don't care to look at...or smell... 722 00:27:20,406 --> 00:27:21,941 ever again! 723 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:25,678 So when that door broke, when the lock broke... 724 00:27:25,712 --> 00:27:27,379 He came over, "I'll fix that for ya." 725 00:27:27,413 --> 00:27:28,715 "No thanks, Andy." 726 00:27:28,748 --> 00:27:30,482 [smacks lips] 727 00:27:30,516 --> 00:27:32,318 "What? I'll fix it. It'll take two..." 728 00:27:32,351 --> 00:27:33,820 "No thanks, Andy." 729 00:27:33,853 --> 00:27:38,858 It burns him. It burns... in his heart... 730 00:27:40,026 --> 00:27:43,529 to know, that I'm not calling on him, 731 00:27:43,562 --> 00:27:45,832 to fix that door. 732 00:27:45,865 --> 00:27:47,834 And I don't let anyone else fix it, too. 733 00:27:47,867 --> 00:27:50,569 I just leave it broken. 734 00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:55,541 All right, I think I got everything I need. 735 00:27:55,574 --> 00:28:00,046 [cheerful, jazzy music *] 736 00:28:03,215 --> 00:28:04,884 Keep it moving! 737 00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:07,887 Uh, Coach Ted, uh, just a moment. 738 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,322 How come there's so many practices lately? 739 00:28:10,356 --> 00:28:13,860 This isn't about practice. It's about bowels. 740 00:28:13,893 --> 00:28:15,694 You understand? Bowels! 741 00:28:15,728 --> 00:28:17,429 Bowels and bladders. 742 00:28:17,463 --> 00:28:18,164 W-What, what do you mean, 743 00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:19,665 "bowels and bladders?" 744 00:28:19,698 --> 00:28:21,834 That's what it's about. See, kids have a certain, uh uh, 745 00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:24,203 chemistry in their bodies that allows them to hold 746 00:28:24,236 --> 00:28:26,372 and build up toxins in their bodies. 747 00:28:26,405 --> 00:28:28,074 All I'm doing right now is working the toxins 748 00:28:28,107 --> 00:28:28,908 off their body right now. 749 00:28:28,941 --> 00:28:30,176 I'll take your word for it, 750 00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:32,845 but we need more one-on- one instruction. 751 00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:35,547 So you know more than me? Ho-ho! 752 00:28:35,581 --> 00:28:36,849 You know more about baseball 753 00:28:36,883 --> 00:28:38,517 than I know about baseball, huh?! 754 00:28:38,550 --> 00:28:39,886 You don't want none of me, all right? 755 00:28:39,919 --> 00:28:40,753 I gotta go. 756 00:28:40,787 --> 00:28:41,854 You know, I-I... 757 00:28:41,888 --> 00:28:43,355 Work it, kids! 758 00:28:43,389 --> 00:28:44,356 Well there he goes. I don't know, is he a good coach? 759 00:28:44,390 --> 00:28:45,792 Or was he being sarcastic with me? 760 00:28:45,825 --> 00:28:46,625 I couldn't underst... 761 00:28:46,658 --> 00:28:47,960 I think he's a sincere man, 762 00:28:47,994 --> 00:28:50,262 I just think that he's a little bit off. 763 00:28:50,296 --> 00:28:50,863 Yeah. 764 00:28:50,897 --> 00:28:52,364 So it's not me? 765 00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:54,133 No, it's, it's not you at all. 766 00:28:54,166 --> 00:28:56,102 I wish he'd spend more time here. 767 00:28:56,135 --> 00:28:57,770 I mean, he's got the kids here and us here. 768 00:28:57,804 --> 00:29:00,272 Yeah. Yeah. 769 00:29:00,306 --> 00:29:02,875 Yeah. 770 00:29:02,909 --> 00:29:03,810 [whispering] Geez. 771 00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:04,911 What? 772 00:29:04,944 --> 00:29:08,080 She's just a... big bowl of "Dear God." 773 00:29:08,114 --> 00:29:09,215 Wow! 774 00:29:09,248 --> 00:29:10,716 That's the commissioner's nanny, huh? 775 00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:11,884 Yup. Angela. 776 00:29:11,918 --> 00:29:12,919 You're obsessed, aren't you? 777 00:29:12,952 --> 00:29:13,953 I wouldn't say the word "obsessed." 778 00:29:13,986 --> 00:29:15,254 I'm not going home and thinking... 779 00:29:15,287 --> 00:29:16,889 But I gotta tell ya, when I'm here... 780 00:29:16,923 --> 00:29:17,423 Uh-huh. 781 00:29:17,456 --> 00:29:17,990 I'm thinking. 782 00:29:18,024 --> 00:29:18,825 Yeah. 783 00:29:18,858 --> 00:29:20,059 When she's in front of me. 784 00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:21,560 You know what would maybe be a good idea? 785 00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:24,596 Why don't we ask Angela to get some of her friends out? 786 00:29:24,630 --> 00:29:25,965 Tell them we're gonna have a little... 787 00:29:25,998 --> 00:29:28,000 - ...charity softball game. - Mmm-hmm. 788 00:29:28,034 --> 00:29:29,635 Them against us, or against the kids. 789 00:29:29,668 --> 00:29:31,003 Mmm-hmm. 790 00:29:31,037 --> 00:29:32,972 And tell them it's a charity for the, for the kids, 791 00:29:33,005 --> 00:29:34,841 or the veterans, or something. 792 00:29:34,874 --> 00:29:36,175 [laughing] For the veterans? 793 00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:38,444 Yeah. And tell them it's a romp. They love that. 794 00:29:38,477 --> 00:29:40,913 But anyways, if they think it's for the kids... 795 00:29:40,947 --> 00:29:42,114 Look at her, look at her. 796 00:29:42,148 --> 00:29:44,083 Yeah, that's a nice looking young lady. 797 00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:46,685 But you gotta focus on the baseball field. 798 00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:47,854 Yeah, I-I'm supposed to. 799 00:29:47,887 --> 00:29:48,821 Yeah. 800 00:29:48,855 --> 00:29:50,256 Yeah, well... 801 00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:53,092 But I like the idea of a little, a little charity game. 802 00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:56,996 Think about it. A charity romp. And balloons... 803 00:29:57,029 --> 00:30:00,132 And just a big sign that says, "Thanks." 804 00:30:00,166 --> 00:30:02,134 So, you know, they think they're... 805 00:30:02,168 --> 00:30:04,003 You know what I'm gonna do? Right now? 806 00:30:04,036 --> 00:30:05,304 I'm gonna go down and talk to her. 807 00:30:05,337 --> 00:30:08,040 Okay. Tell 'em it's for an outreach program. 808 00:30:08,074 --> 00:30:09,441 No, I'm not, I'm not... [laughing] 809 00:30:09,475 --> 00:30:10,709 I'm not setting up your thing. 810 00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:12,644 I don't even know what an outreach program is, 811 00:30:12,678 --> 00:30:14,313 but they'll, they'll love it. People love to... 812 00:30:14,346 --> 00:30:15,481 They'll do anything. 813 00:30:15,514 --> 00:30:16,715 No, I'm not setting up the softball thing. 814 00:30:16,748 --> 00:30:17,649 I'm just gonna go down and talk to her. 815 00:30:17,683 --> 00:30:18,717 I've, I've talked to her... 816 00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:20,186 What are you gonna talk to her about? 817 00:30:20,219 --> 00:30:21,520 I've said "hello" to her and we've talked very little, 818 00:30:21,553 --> 00:30:22,688 but I just wanna get to know her a little better. 819 00:30:22,721 --> 00:30:24,023 - All right, good. - Okay? 820 00:30:24,056 --> 00:30:26,325 - Hi Angela. - Hi. 821 00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:30,029 Ah, what a beautiful day. 822 00:30:30,062 --> 00:30:32,164 It's nice. 823 00:30:32,198 --> 00:30:35,567 Practice is almost over. It's all good. 824 00:30:35,601 --> 00:30:36,903 You like coming to practice? 825 00:30:36,936 --> 00:30:38,004 I do. 826 00:30:38,037 --> 00:30:39,005 So do I. 827 00:30:39,038 --> 00:30:40,506 - Yeah? - Mmm-hmm. 828 00:30:40,539 --> 00:30:42,408 Yeah, I do. 829 00:30:42,441 --> 00:30:47,813 I do, I do, I do. Love coming to practice. 830 00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:48,580 Hey. 831 00:30:48,614 --> 00:30:49,481 Hey! 832 00:30:49,515 --> 00:30:50,516 - Hey, how are you? - Hi. 833 00:30:50,549 --> 00:30:51,083 Good. 834 00:30:51,117 --> 00:30:52,051 Okay, let's go. 835 00:30:52,084 --> 00:30:53,219 Okay. -All right. 836 00:30:53,252 --> 00:30:54,420 All right, it was so nice talking to you. 837 00:30:54,453 --> 00:30:56,555 Me too. 838 00:30:59,725 --> 00:31:01,894 Oh, look. 839 00:31:03,362 --> 00:31:04,596 Yeah? 840 00:31:04,630 --> 00:31:05,597 Jack, hold up. 841 00:31:05,631 --> 00:31:06,665 Come take a ride. 842 00:31:06,698 --> 00:31:07,666 What? 843 00:31:07,699 --> 00:31:09,035 Take a ride in my brand new Camry. 844 00:31:09,068 --> 00:31:10,236 Is this a beaut? 845 00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:13,072 I just got it. Let's do the interview now. 846 00:31:13,105 --> 00:31:13,605 I...don't know. 847 00:31:13,639 --> 00:31:14,506 Oh, come on! 848 00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:16,008 It's a hybrid! I just got it. 849 00:31:16,042 --> 00:31:17,376 I just picked it up! 850 00:31:17,409 --> 00:31:19,545 We'll ride around and we'll glide around. 851 00:31:19,578 --> 00:31:21,413 I'm all pumped up on coffee. In the showroom, 852 00:31:21,447 --> 00:31:23,715 I had two cups. It was free. Come on. 853 00:31:23,749 --> 00:31:24,917 Is it all right? 854 00:31:24,951 --> 00:31:27,686 Oh! Whatever you want. 855 00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:29,355 All right, I'll meet you at home. 856 00:31:29,388 --> 00:31:31,757 I'm gonna go ride in a brand new Camry. 857 00:31:31,790 --> 00:31:33,892 I am gonna clip a coupon and order something. 858 00:31:33,926 --> 00:31:35,427 [cell phone ringing] Okay, sounds good. 859 00:31:35,461 --> 00:31:36,362 I'll see you later. Hey, you guys... 860 00:31:36,395 --> 00:31:37,363 Hold on. 861 00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:38,230 - Bye dad! - What do you feel like? 862 00:31:38,264 --> 00:31:40,967 - Bye! - Hello. 863 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:41,934 [cell ringing] Hello? Hold on. 864 00:31:41,968 --> 00:31:43,235 Hold on! 865 00:31:43,269 --> 00:31:44,870 Hello! 866 00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,438 You know how Bluetooth works? 867 00:31:46,472 --> 00:31:47,706 In my car. 868 00:31:47,739 --> 00:31:49,375 Rosie's calling, I don't know how to answer it. 869 00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:51,910 I'm pushing every button and... Oh God, all right. 870 00:31:51,944 --> 00:31:54,213 Let's go. We'll just drop by the house 871 00:31:54,246 --> 00:31:55,982 first for just a second. How 'bout that? 872 00:31:56,015 --> 00:31:57,984 Sure, we'll drop by. This is a beautiful car. 873 00:31:58,017 --> 00:31:59,585 Okay, go ahead. Ask. What do you wanna know? 874 00:31:59,618 --> 00:32:01,620 Listen to how quiet. 875 00:32:08,694 --> 00:32:09,795 Listen to that. 876 00:32:09,828 --> 00:32:11,130 What? 877 00:32:11,163 --> 00:32:14,900 This car...running makes less noise than most cars 878 00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:17,269 when they're turned off. It's a gorgeous car. 879 00:32:17,303 --> 00:32:18,971 And listen, listen, listen. You can't hear anything. 880 00:32:19,005 --> 00:32:21,273 Listen. Barely hear the door slam. 881 00:32:21,307 --> 00:32:23,809 It's like a powderpuff. 882 00:32:23,842 --> 00:32:25,644 It's not...I can hear it slam. It's not loud, 883 00:32:25,677 --> 00:32:27,079 but I can hear it. 884 00:32:27,113 --> 00:32:30,983 When I was a kid, I wanted a '67 Mustang. I got mine. 885 00:32:31,017 --> 00:32:32,151 Here, come on in. 886 00:32:32,184 --> 00:32:33,952 All right. 887 00:32:33,986 --> 00:32:35,454 Honey? 888 00:32:35,487 --> 00:32:37,289 Rosie? 889 00:32:37,323 --> 00:32:39,125 Come in. Come in, please. Let's see... 890 00:32:39,158 --> 00:32:41,994 Rosie? Oh, she's not here. 891 00:32:42,028 --> 00:32:43,195 Well, this is where it all happens. 892 00:32:43,229 --> 00:32:45,164 This is where the magic happens. 893 00:32:45,197 --> 00:32:46,298 Every week, 894 00:32:46,332 --> 00:32:50,669 we order pizzas from around the world. 895 00:32:50,702 --> 00:32:53,205 What are pizzas from around the world? 896 00:32:53,239 --> 00:32:56,108 I, you know, most people have their favorite pizzeria, you know. 897 00:32:56,142 --> 00:32:58,644 We order pizza from, literally, I'm telling you, 898 00:32:58,677 --> 00:33:01,213 20, 30 miles away. You just get a flavor from... 899 00:33:01,247 --> 00:33:02,381 [stammering] 900 00:33:02,414 --> 00:33:04,450 There's one way out call... Hinojosa's, 901 00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:07,186 and it's delicious. It's a wonderful thing to have. 902 00:33:07,219 --> 00:33:08,887 Mmm-hmm. 903 00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:19,631 Memories, memories, memories. 904 00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:23,602 [silence] 905 00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,676 Pictures. Very nice. 906 00:33:32,278 --> 00:33:34,746 This is the one I'm most proud of. 907 00:33:36,082 --> 00:33:38,350 We were in Mesa, Arizona. 908 00:33:38,384 --> 00:33:40,886 - You ever been to Mesa? - No. 909 00:33:40,919 --> 00:33:42,654 It's hot. 910 00:33:42,688 --> 00:33:44,690 I mean, it was burning. 911 00:33:44,723 --> 00:33:46,258 You know, the type of burning, you know, 912 00:33:46,292 --> 00:33:48,260 you could be in sandals, you could be in sneakers. 913 00:33:48,294 --> 00:33:50,429 It doesn't matter. You still feel it beneath your feet. 914 00:33:50,462 --> 00:33:52,364 And we rented the sombreros, the ponchos, 915 00:33:52,398 --> 00:33:55,267 even had guns. He's got a gun. You can't see my gun. 916 00:33:55,301 --> 00:33:57,002 Look at the tenacity on that kid's face. 917 00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:58,270 Mmm-hmm. 918 00:33:58,304 --> 00:33:59,205 And the women were scared. I'll give you that. 919 00:33:59,238 --> 00:34:01,240 We were scared. 920 00:34:01,273 --> 00:34:04,176 But dammit, we weren't gonna let anything cross us. 921 00:34:04,210 --> 00:34:07,679 But you took that at, like, a photo, uh, place, right? 922 00:34:07,713 --> 00:34:09,215 No, no, no. Not a ph... 923 00:34:09,248 --> 00:34:11,383 It's one of those expansive places, you know? 924 00:34:11,417 --> 00:34:14,520 I mean, way out, is, is, are the souvenirs and everything. 925 00:34:14,553 --> 00:34:15,287 But just sort of... 926 00:34:15,321 --> 00:34:16,788 A kiosk of some sort? 927 00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:19,625 Wasn't a kiosk. 928 00:34:19,658 --> 00:34:20,892 Mmm-hmm. 929 00:34:20,926 --> 00:34:23,695 It was... You've got a photographer out there 930 00:34:23,729 --> 00:34:25,597 and you, you, you go out... And you go out. 931 00:34:25,631 --> 00:34:28,300 It was the west! We were in Mesa! 932 00:34:28,334 --> 00:34:28,967 Mmm-hmm. 933 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,603 It was a... No! 934 00:34:32,771 --> 00:34:34,440 No. 935 00:34:34,473 --> 00:34:37,743 It was anything but a kiosk. 936 00:34:38,744 --> 00:34:41,113 [light knocking on door] 937 00:34:41,147 --> 00:34:42,281 Tony? 938 00:34:42,314 --> 00:34:45,016 [door opening] 939 00:34:51,823 --> 00:34:55,427 [whispering] S.O.F. [exhales] 940 00:34:55,461 --> 00:34:57,229 Yeah. 941 00:34:57,263 --> 00:34:58,264 That's great. 942 00:34:58,297 --> 00:34:59,965 What's S.O.F.? 943 00:34:59,998 --> 00:35:01,333 [whispering] "Soldier of Fortune." 944 00:35:01,367 --> 00:35:03,469 "Soldier of Fortune." Why you guys whispering? 945 00:35:03,502 --> 00:35:04,836 [whispering] I can't let Rosie know 946 00:35:04,870 --> 00:35:06,738 that I'm getting "Soldier of Fortune." 947 00:35:06,772 --> 00:35:08,507 If she knows that I have "Soldier of Fortune," 948 00:35:08,540 --> 00:35:09,808 she'll kill me. 949 00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:11,510 [whispering] Kill him. [chuckles] 950 00:35:11,543 --> 00:35:12,678 - Okay. - Yeah. 951 00:35:12,711 --> 00:35:14,012 That's great. 952 00:35:14,045 --> 00:35:15,947 I can't believe... Have you been to the range? 953 00:35:15,981 --> 00:35:17,283 [whispering] Every night. 954 00:35:17,316 --> 00:35:19,251 Yeah. That's cool. 955 00:35:19,285 --> 00:35:20,652 All right, I gotta hide this. 956 00:35:20,686 --> 00:35:22,521 Okay, thanks buddy. 957 00:35:22,554 --> 00:35:27,526 [exhales] 958 00:35:27,559 --> 00:35:28,460 [both whispering] How you doing? 959 00:35:28,494 --> 00:35:30,262 - Good, how you doing? - Good. 960 00:35:30,296 --> 00:35:32,264 - I'm Max. - Hi, Max. 961 00:35:32,298 --> 00:35:36,435 - I'm Tony. - Hey, Tony. 962 00:35:36,468 --> 00:35:39,471 [loud, extended breath] 963 00:35:46,212 --> 00:35:47,313 Is it hot out there? 964 00:35:47,346 --> 00:35:49,215 It's great today. 965 00:35:49,248 --> 00:35:50,482 Yeah, I was just out there. 966 00:35:50,516 --> 00:35:51,817 I don't know why I even asked you if it was hot, 967 00:35:51,850 --> 00:35:53,385 because I was just out there. 968 00:35:53,419 --> 00:35:54,686 - It's great. - Yeah. 969 00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:56,788 it's okay. 970 00:35:56,822 --> 00:35:58,224 We're just whispering. 971 00:35:58,257 --> 00:35:59,525 Why? 972 00:35:59,558 --> 00:36:00,726 Well, it's just all part of the S.O.F. thing. 973 00:36:00,759 --> 00:36:02,228 I don't wanna give it up and ruin it for you. 974 00:36:02,261 --> 00:36:03,495 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 975 00:36:03,529 --> 00:36:06,164 Dude. 976 00:36:07,233 --> 00:36:09,335 Take care, Tony. 977 00:36:09,368 --> 00:36:10,502 Nice to meet you, Max. 978 00:36:10,536 --> 00:36:12,504 Pleasure. 979 00:36:13,405 --> 00:36:15,341 Honey? 980 00:36:16,342 --> 00:36:18,210 I don't see her. 981 00:36:18,244 --> 00:36:19,478 This is the bedroom. 982 00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:21,880 We started doing, uh, like Pennsylvania art. 983 00:36:21,913 --> 00:36:24,416 Pennsylvania Dutch type of art, uh... 984 00:36:24,450 --> 00:36:27,319 I like to call it "America Primitive." 985 00:36:27,353 --> 00:36:30,489 It's a lot of wood. It's a lot more wood than I wanted. 986 00:36:30,522 --> 00:36:32,324 This, believe it or not, 987 00:36:32,358 --> 00:36:36,094 is where everything I have is kept 988 00:36:36,127 --> 00:36:39,164 I've got shirts, I've got my pants, I've got my ties. 989 00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:41,667 But this, this, this dresser... 990 00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:43,769 To you, it's a little dresser. To me, 991 00:36:43,802 --> 00:36:46,272 it's, it's my gargantuan world. 992 00:36:46,305 --> 00:36:48,274 This is, this is my existence right here. 993 00:36:48,307 --> 00:36:49,741 No, it's my dream... 994 00:36:49,775 --> 00:36:52,244 to someday, maybe have an armoire, like, right here. 995 00:36:52,278 --> 00:36:54,546 Harold, you don't need an armoire. 996 00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:57,283 I don't need an armoire? Forget it, forget it! 997 00:36:57,316 --> 00:37:01,086 Hartman called. He said it's a no-can-do on the Camry. 998 00:37:01,119 --> 00:37:02,421 Oh no. Oh, I'm sorry. 999 00:37:02,454 --> 00:37:03,955 And I already, I drove it out of the lot already. 1000 00:37:03,989 --> 00:37:06,792 I'm so sorry! [stammering] I jumped way too quick. 1001 00:37:06,825 --> 00:37:09,395 I... 'cause I already drove it off the lot. I'm sorry. 1002 00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:10,462 That is you. 1003 00:37:10,496 --> 00:37:11,697 I'm sorry, I always leap before I crawl 1004 00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:13,932 and I'm sorry. And I should have called him. 1005 00:37:13,965 --> 00:37:15,066 I should have asked you. 1006 00:37:15,100 --> 00:37:17,703 And, and I knew it. I'm, I was wrong. 1007 00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:19,305 - How's little Jackie? - Oh, he's great. 1008 00:37:19,338 --> 00:37:20,472 - Aww... - Thank you for asking. 1009 00:37:20,506 --> 00:37:21,540 He's a great boy. 1010 00:37:21,573 --> 00:37:25,577 Yeah. He loves nature, doesn't he? 1011 00:37:25,611 --> 00:37:29,247 I suppose. As much as any kid loves nature. 1012 00:37:30,949 --> 00:37:32,384 So... I'm gonna get going. 1013 00:37:32,418 --> 00:37:33,552 Can you give me a ride home? 1014 00:37:33,585 --> 00:37:36,054 Oh, the flatbed's gonna be here any second 1015 00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:36,822 to load the Camry. 1016 00:37:36,855 --> 00:37:38,457 Already? 1017 00:37:38,490 --> 00:37:39,891 No, I'm sorry. 1018 00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:42,628 Yeah, can you use Rosie's car and uh, take me home? 1019 00:37:42,661 --> 00:37:44,663 That's a no-go. 1020 00:37:46,598 --> 00:37:47,766 No. 1021 00:37:47,799 --> 00:37:48,634 How about you, Rosie? 1022 00:37:48,667 --> 00:37:50,969 Can you give me a ride home? 1023 00:37:51,002 --> 00:37:54,806 Max... No-can-do. 1024 00:37:59,110 --> 00:38:00,812 I can call you a cab. 1025 00:38:02,147 --> 00:38:03,782 [sighs] 1026 00:38:09,321 --> 00:38:12,157 Shouldn't you guys uh, be practicing baseball? 1027 00:38:12,190 --> 00:38:13,792 No, we like soccer. 1028 00:38:13,825 --> 00:38:15,193 All right. 1029 00:38:15,226 --> 00:38:16,261 I gotta tell ya... 1030 00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:18,263 [laughing] What? What's with the cab? 1031 00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:21,333 Uh... [sighs] 1032 00:38:21,367 --> 00:38:24,370 They uh, wouldn't give me a ride home. 1033 00:38:24,403 --> 00:38:26,872 My imagination couldn't come up with the stuff 1034 00:38:26,905 --> 00:38:29,375 that I"m seeing. This behavior. 1035 00:38:29,408 --> 00:38:30,509 You know, when I wondered, 1036 00:38:30,542 --> 00:38:32,277 "what is her personal life like?" 1037 00:38:32,310 --> 00:38:32,944 I had no idea. 1038 00:38:32,978 --> 00:38:33,945 Yeah, no... 1039 00:38:33,979 --> 00:38:34,946 And I've got more people to go. 1040 00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:36,482 I don't know what I'm thinking. 1041 00:38:36,515 --> 00:38:37,783 [sighs] 1042 00:38:37,816 --> 00:38:39,651 - Come on! - Oh. 1043 00:38:39,685 --> 00:38:40,786 Dammit! 1044 00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:42,821 Follow through, Jackie! 1045 00:38:42,854 --> 00:38:43,689 Sweet stuff. 1046 00:38:43,722 --> 00:38:46,191 How's he doing? 1047 00:38:46,224 --> 00:38:46,825 [metal bat hitting ball] 1048 00:38:46,858 --> 00:38:47,626 Oh! There you go. 1049 00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:48,994 Relax, relax. 1050 00:38:49,027 --> 00:38:50,061 Faster! 1051 00:38:50,095 --> 00:38:51,530 All right, get out. Out. 1052 00:38:51,563 --> 00:38:52,731 Come on out. You're done. 1053 00:38:52,764 --> 00:38:56,635 Jack. That was great, man. 1054 00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:57,503 It's not a science. 1055 00:38:57,536 --> 00:39:00,472 Hey! Got a sec? Excuse me. 1056 00:39:00,506 --> 00:39:01,407 Who told you that?! 1057 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:02,741 A friend. 1058 00:39:02,774 --> 00:39:05,511 It is a science. That kid liked to you, all right? 1059 00:39:05,544 --> 00:39:07,145 What do you think these numbers are? 1060 00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:08,980 Now listen. Next time you go up, 1061 00:39:09,014 --> 00:39:11,082 I want you to glue that bat to your shoulder. 1062 00:39:11,116 --> 00:39:13,084 I don't want you swinging. 1063 00:39:13,118 --> 00:39:15,153 That's how you get a walk. [chuckles] 1064 00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:18,089 Okay? You know what else? 1065 00:39:18,123 --> 00:39:20,358 Try to get hit. Okay? 1066 00:39:20,392 --> 00:39:21,527 It doesn't hurt that much. 1067 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:22,494 Have you ever got a shot at the doctor's? 1068 00:39:22,528 --> 00:39:23,695 Yeah. 1069 00:39:23,729 --> 00:39:25,363 It hurts like that.Takes a second. Goes away. 1070 00:39:25,397 --> 00:39:27,098 And then you get on base. Good! 1071 00:39:27,132 --> 00:39:28,567 Manny! 1072 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:30,769 - Do we play games with our shoes untied? - No. 1073 00:39:30,802 --> 00:39:32,571 - Do we play games with our shirt untucked? - No. 1074 00:39:32,604 --> 00:39:35,106 - Do we play games with our belt undone? - No. 1075 00:39:35,140 --> 00:39:36,742 No we don't. We don't live in a barn, Manny. 1076 00:39:36,775 --> 00:39:38,444 We're going to tuck in our shirt because... 1077 00:39:38,477 --> 00:39:41,513 we're not animals, right? 1078 00:39:41,547 --> 00:39:42,748 What does mommy always tell you? 1079 00:39:42,781 --> 00:39:43,749 "Go big or go home." 1080 00:39:43,782 --> 00:39:45,851 No. "Don't fuck up." Okay? 1081 00:39:45,884 --> 00:39:47,553 And you know what? I want you to have fun. 1082 00:39:47,586 --> 00:39:48,887 That's most important, okay? 1083 00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,222 And keep your elbows up. Got it? 1084 00:39:51,256 --> 00:39:52,190 - What's going on? - Hey! 1085 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:53,124 Go have fun, killer. Elbows up! 1086 00:39:53,158 --> 00:39:54,059 I'm excited about coming over. 1087 00:39:54,092 --> 00:39:55,293 Oh... [laughs] 1088 00:39:55,326 --> 00:39:56,695 You good with that still? 1089 00:39:56,728 --> 00:39:58,129 Oh, I'm really good with it. You're gonna enjoy it. 1090 00:39:58,163 --> 00:39:58,864 Okay, cool. 1091 00:39:58,897 --> 00:40:00,098 Bring all your tools. 1092 00:40:00,131 --> 00:40:01,099 Bring all my tools? 1093 00:40:01,132 --> 00:40:02,067 Yeah, bring your tools. 1094 00:40:02,100 --> 00:40:03,301 Bring all the stuff you need. 1095 00:40:03,334 --> 00:40:04,470 For what? 1096 00:40:04,503 --> 00:40:06,104 For whatever happens! 1097 00:40:06,137 --> 00:40:06,938 I'm just gonna talk to you. 1098 00:40:06,972 --> 00:40:08,406 Just bring a bunch of stuff. 1099 00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,141 When you say "a bunch of stuff," it's just so random. 1100 00:40:10,175 --> 00:40:11,477 It's random, but just bring anything. 1101 00:40:11,510 --> 00:40:13,612 - Hey coach! - [laughs] 1102 00:40:13,645 --> 00:40:14,546 - Hey! - Have a good game. 1103 00:40:14,580 --> 00:40:16,381 Motivated. Motivation! 1104 00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:18,416 - That's what it's about. - That's right. 1105 00:40:18,450 --> 00:40:19,485 Bring whatever you wanna bring. 1106 00:40:19,518 --> 00:40:20,151 Okay. 1107 00:40:20,185 --> 00:40:21,587 Uh... No snacks. 1108 00:40:21,620 --> 00:40:22,488 - No. - Just stuff. 1109 00:40:22,521 --> 00:40:23,722 Okay. 1110 00:40:23,755 --> 00:40:24,490 All right? I'll see you later on, all right? 1111 00:40:24,523 --> 00:40:25,491 Have a good game, coach. 1112 00:40:25,524 --> 00:40:26,758 You damn right! 1113 00:40:26,792 --> 00:40:28,494 [cheering] Way to go, Stevie! 1114 00:40:28,527 --> 00:40:29,728 Throwing smoke! 1115 00:40:29,761 --> 00:40:31,763 Throwing smoke! 1116 00:40:31,797 --> 00:40:35,166 Good arm! Good... arm! 1117 00:40:37,603 --> 00:40:39,971 [gasps] Max. Hi... 1118 00:40:40,005 --> 00:40:41,673 Umm... 1119 00:40:41,707 --> 00:40:43,408 - I hate to be nitpicky. - Mmm-hmm. 1120 00:40:43,441 --> 00:40:44,510 Umm... 1121 00:40:44,543 --> 00:40:45,611 Just wondering when you're gonna have 1122 00:40:45,644 --> 00:40:46,812 that money ready? We... 1123 00:40:46,845 --> 00:40:49,147 are just keeping a running tab for you 1124 00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:50,348 and little Jackie! 1125 00:40:50,381 --> 00:40:51,683 - [chuckles] - Mmm-hmm. 1126 00:40:51,717 --> 00:40:53,919 Uh, little Jackie took one of my healthy muffins... 1127 00:40:53,952 --> 00:40:55,186 - He had one of the healthy muffins? - I was so proud of him! 1128 00:40:55,220 --> 00:40:56,622 - Yes! - Oh, okay. 1129 00:40:56,655 --> 00:40:57,656 They give you a lot of energy. 1130 00:40:57,689 --> 00:41:00,025 But I will... when I have some... 1131 00:41:00,058 --> 00:41:01,426 I don't have any extra cash today. 1132 00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:02,360 - Okay. - So I will... 1133 00:41:02,393 --> 00:41:03,595 Because they go towards the team 1134 00:41:03,629 --> 00:41:05,030 and towards the coach's gifts. 1135 00:41:05,063 --> 00:41:06,532 - I know... For everything. - Okay. 1136 00:41:06,565 --> 00:41:07,666 By the way, I think everyone should pay. 1137 00:41:07,699 --> 00:41:08,166 I'm with you. 1138 00:41:08,199 --> 00:41:09,267 Oh yeah. 1139 00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:10,301 - So I'm not against it. - A few bucks? 1140 00:41:10,335 --> 00:41:11,603 But I will. More than a few bucks. 1141 00:41:11,637 --> 00:41:12,538 I'm gonna throw in a big 20. 1142 00:41:12,571 --> 00:41:13,371 - Okay. - Okay. 1143 00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:14,940 - All right. - All right. 1144 00:41:14,973 --> 00:41:16,642 Okay. 1145 00:41:16,675 --> 00:41:20,646 [whooshing sound] [bat hitting ball] 1146 00:41:23,649 --> 00:41:26,552 When I played... and you were coaching... 1147 00:41:26,585 --> 00:41:27,619 Mmm-hmm? 1148 00:41:27,653 --> 00:41:28,720 What were the parents like? 1149 00:41:28,754 --> 00:41:30,055 Were they like these idiots? 1150 00:41:30,088 --> 00:41:32,057 I don't know. I didn't know most of 'em. 1151 00:41:32,090 --> 00:41:33,659 You didn't know 'em? 1152 00:41:33,692 --> 00:41:36,027 No. How would I get to know 'em? 1153 00:41:36,061 --> 00:41:38,697 They drop off their kids, they, they leave. 1154 00:41:38,730 --> 00:41:40,632 They didn't even hang out? 1155 00:41:40,666 --> 00:41:42,500 No. Why would they hang out? 1156 00:41:42,534 --> 00:41:45,704 Parents got things to do. That's... 1157 00:41:45,737 --> 00:41:47,673 What's wrong with you people? 1158 00:41:47,706 --> 00:41:49,741 That's what's wrong with you people. 1159 00:41:49,775 --> 00:41:52,678 You're so involved. 1160 00:41:52,711 --> 00:41:55,847 You know? Playing catch with your kids is good. 1161 00:41:55,881 --> 00:41:58,584 Showing up and saying, "Hey, nice job!" 1162 00:41:58,617 --> 00:42:01,086 or you know, whatever. That's good. 1163 00:42:01,119 --> 00:42:03,221 But all this involvement. 1164 00:42:03,254 --> 00:42:05,591 We just said what whatever coach says. 1165 00:42:05,624 --> 00:42:07,693 You don't remember the stuff your coach did? 1166 00:42:07,726 --> 00:42:09,527 And I was, like, "whatever, it's the coach. 1167 00:42:09,561 --> 00:42:10,829 Whatever coach says." 1168 00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:12,030 Okay. What if the coach tells your kid 1169 00:42:12,063 --> 00:42:13,431 to keep his bat on the shoulder 1170 00:42:13,464 --> 00:42:14,600 every time he goes up to bat? 1171 00:42:14,633 --> 00:42:16,001 That's what the coach said? 1172 00:42:16,034 --> 00:42:17,703 That's what the coach said! See, that's my point. 1173 00:42:17,736 --> 00:42:19,605 We're in agreement. 1174 00:42:19,638 --> 00:42:20,171 Yeah, yeah. 1175 00:42:20,205 --> 00:42:21,039 We think alike. 1176 00:42:21,072 --> 00:42:23,041 I think just like you. 1177 00:42:23,074 --> 00:42:25,410 Do you know how often I, like, do something 1178 00:42:25,443 --> 00:42:27,345 and I go, "That's what dad would've done"? 1179 00:42:27,378 --> 00:42:28,379 Do you know how many times I do that? 1180 00:42:28,413 --> 00:42:30,048 - All the time. - Oh. 1181 00:42:30,081 --> 00:42:31,449 I learned a lot from you. 1182 00:42:31,482 --> 00:42:32,550 Well... 1183 00:42:32,584 --> 00:42:33,919 You're welcome. 1184 00:42:33,952 --> 00:42:36,087 Well, thank you. Thank you big time. 1185 00:42:36,121 --> 00:42:37,923 Big time. 1186 00:42:40,726 --> 00:42:42,093 I just don't buy it, I'm sorry. 1187 00:42:42,127 --> 00:42:43,895 I should have explained. 1188 00:42:43,929 --> 00:42:45,530 Now let me ask you guys a question. 1189 00:42:45,563 --> 00:42:48,767 And I want you to take this serious. Really consider it. 1190 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,569 How much for you to go on the field and run in a circle 1191 00:42:51,603 --> 00:42:54,706 around the whole field during the game? 1192 00:42:54,740 --> 00:42:56,407 During the game, while people are watching? 1193 00:42:56,441 --> 00:42:58,810 People are watching. Yep. 1194 00:42:58,844 --> 00:43:00,779 Why would you do that? You'd be... 1195 00:43:00,812 --> 00:43:02,247 You'd be a jackass. 1196 00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:03,381 Well that's what I'm saying. 1197 00:43:03,414 --> 00:43:05,817 - How much money to be a jackass? - Oh! 1198 00:43:05,851 --> 00:43:07,753 2500 bucks. 1199 00:43:07,786 --> 00:43:08,787 2500 bucks. 1200 00:43:08,820 --> 00:43:10,488 That makes it just tempting. 1201 00:43:10,521 --> 00:43:11,890 Let's not get Uncle Sam involved. 1202 00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:12,724 - Yeah. - All right. 1203 00:43:12,758 --> 00:43:13,759 2500 cash, up front. 1204 00:43:13,792 --> 00:43:15,460 Sure... cash, my friend. 1205 00:43:15,493 --> 00:43:16,494 You'd do it for $2500? 1206 00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:17,395 Yeah, how much would you do it for? 1207 00:43:17,428 --> 00:43:18,797 - I wouldn't do it. - What?! 1208 00:43:18,830 --> 00:43:19,798 - Stop it. - I wouldn't do it. 1209 00:43:19,831 --> 00:43:21,633 $250,000. 1210 00:43:21,667 --> 00:43:22,901 - Give me another number. - What?! 1211 00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:24,502 - A million dollars. - Nope. 1212 00:43:24,535 --> 00:43:26,772 - Two million dollars. - Nope. 1213 00:43:26,805 --> 00:43:27,906 Five million dollars. 1214 00:43:27,939 --> 00:43:29,574 It's not what I'm made of. 1215 00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:31,409 I'm just thinking sometimes, if we were 1216 00:43:31,442 --> 00:43:32,778 to play in one of these games, 1217 00:43:32,811 --> 00:43:34,746 how we would dominate. 1218 00:43:34,780 --> 00:43:35,981 - Who, you and me? - Oh man, yeah. 1219 00:43:36,014 --> 00:43:37,182 With the kids this age? 1220 00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:40,351 It must be like how McGwire felt playing, 1221 00:43:40,385 --> 00:43:42,788 standing up there. 1222 00:43:42,821 --> 00:43:45,356 [smattered applause and distant chatter] 1223 00:43:48,026 --> 00:43:50,762 This is um, Hans. This is Max. 1224 00:43:50,796 --> 00:43:52,097 Hi Hans! 1225 00:43:52,130 --> 00:43:53,598 [Austrian accent] Nice meeting you. 1226 00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:54,532 You're the first Hans I've ever met. 1227 00:43:54,565 --> 00:43:55,967 Really? Want some? 1228 00:43:56,001 --> 00:43:57,135 Oh I'll have a couple, thank you. 1229 00:43:57,168 --> 00:43:58,636 Thank you very much. Thank you. 1230 00:43:58,670 --> 00:44:00,772 We used to be roommates together in Paris 1231 00:44:00,806 --> 00:44:01,773 when we went to culinary school. 1232 00:44:01,807 --> 00:44:03,141 That was a great time, wasn't it? 1233 00:44:03,174 --> 00:44:04,375 - Oh, how about that? - That was fun. 1234 00:44:04,409 --> 00:44:05,877 - We had a really good time. - Oh cool! 1235 00:44:05,911 --> 00:44:07,846 - Um... I gotta go... - You and Hans. 1236 00:44:07,879 --> 00:44:09,314 Yeah, I-I... I'm gonna be right back. 1237 00:44:09,347 --> 00:44:11,683 I gotta go to the loo. Will you... 1238 00:44:11,717 --> 00:44:12,684 - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, I'm fine! 1239 00:44:12,718 --> 00:44:13,952 I'll be back in a second. 1240 00:44:13,985 --> 00:44:15,787 - Just... hold my spot, yeah? - For sure. 1241 00:44:15,821 --> 00:44:17,989 She's going to the loo. 1242 00:44:18,023 --> 00:44:21,226 Which is normal to you. To me, it's uh... 1243 00:44:21,259 --> 00:44:22,828 it's usually the bathroom or the restroom. 1244 00:44:22,861 --> 00:44:24,229 Yeah. 1245 00:44:24,262 --> 00:44:25,530 So how long you been here for? 1246 00:44:25,563 --> 00:44:27,465 Just arrived. A couple days. 1247 00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:28,233 And your first time in America? 1248 00:44:28,266 --> 00:44:29,835 First time America. 1249 00:44:29,868 --> 00:44:32,237 Wow! Wow, wow. You enjoying it? 1250 00:44:32,270 --> 00:44:33,972 I love it. I just don't get this sport here. 1251 00:44:34,005 --> 00:44:34,906 It looks fun and... 1252 00:44:34,940 --> 00:44:36,407 It's very confusing, baseball, 1253 00:44:36,441 --> 00:44:38,009 for someone from... where you from? 1254 00:44:38,043 --> 00:44:38,810 I'm Austrian. 1255 00:44:38,844 --> 00:44:40,245 Austria. Hans from Austria 1256 00:44:40,278 --> 00:44:41,579 would not understand this right away. 1257 00:44:41,612 --> 00:44:42,881 I'm more soccer and skiing, you know? 1258 00:44:42,914 --> 00:44:44,816 Soccer's more simple to understand. You kick it. 1259 00:44:44,850 --> 00:44:46,017 You stop it. You kick in a goal. 1260 00:44:46,051 --> 00:44:47,385 You count the goal. It's easy. 1261 00:44:47,418 --> 00:44:48,553 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1262 00:44:48,586 --> 00:44:49,654 But here... What is this guy, for example, 1263 00:44:49,687 --> 00:44:50,922 doing there? He's just standing around 1264 00:44:50,956 --> 00:44:51,923 waiting for what? 1265 00:44:51,957 --> 00:44:53,759 The ball to be hit to him, maybe? 1266 00:44:53,792 --> 00:44:56,995 Yeah. So you've never... 1267 00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:58,563 You've never even seen a baseball game? 1268 00:44:58,596 --> 00:44:59,765 First time. 1269 00:44:59,798 --> 00:45:03,268 Wow. Wow, wow, wow. 1270 00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:06,037 Hey! Hey! [laughing] 1271 00:45:06,071 --> 00:45:08,706 Stranger on the field! 1272 00:45:08,740 --> 00:45:12,577 [laughing hysterically] Stranger on the field! Hey! 1273 00:45:12,610 --> 00:45:13,779 How you doing? 1274 00:45:13,812 --> 00:45:14,946 Get him off! 1275 00:45:14,980 --> 00:45:15,881 Who are you? 1276 00:45:15,914 --> 00:45:17,849 I'm Hans. Who are you? 1277 00:45:17,883 --> 00:45:18,616 I'm Jack. 1278 00:45:18,649 --> 00:45:19,885 Nice to meet you, Jack. 1279 00:45:19,918 --> 00:45:21,519 Max, who is that?! 1280 00:45:21,552 --> 00:45:22,754 I don't know! 1281 00:45:22,788 --> 00:45:23,889 Get outtta there! 1282 00:45:23,922 --> 00:45:24,890 Part of the game, coach? 1283 00:45:24,923 --> 00:45:25,891 No, it's not part of the game! 1284 00:45:25,924 --> 00:45:27,192 It's gonna be an automatic out. 1285 00:45:27,225 --> 00:45:28,794 Where's Hans? 1286 00:45:28,827 --> 00:45:29,861 Um... right there. 1287 00:45:29,895 --> 00:45:31,129 Bring it in! Off the diamond, now! 1288 00:45:31,162 --> 00:45:32,630 - What's he doing out there? - Hi, I'm Hans. 1289 00:45:32,663 --> 00:45:34,199 - That's it, let's go! - Nice meeting you. 1290 00:45:34,232 --> 00:45:36,101 That's illegal, dude. What you're doing is... 1291 00:45:36,134 --> 00:45:36,935 Great man. 1292 00:45:36,968 --> 00:45:40,105 Ooh, yeah! 1293 00:45:40,138 --> 00:45:41,773 See that?! 1294 00:45:41,807 --> 00:45:44,609 That's what happens around here! 1295 00:45:44,642 --> 00:45:47,846 [mild applause and distant chattering] 1296 00:45:50,916 --> 00:45:53,251 What are ya... What are you writing? 1297 00:45:53,284 --> 00:45:54,719 What I'm writing in here, 1298 00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:57,956 you could not comprehend in your brain of brains. 1299 00:45:57,989 --> 00:45:59,257 If I let you read this, 1300 00:45:59,290 --> 00:46:00,959 you would throw it down on the ground 1301 00:46:00,992 --> 00:46:02,293 and run to a mental institution 1302 00:46:02,327 --> 00:46:04,963 and check yourself in and request... 1303 00:46:04,996 --> 00:46:07,098 [bat hitting ball] a straightjacket. 1304 00:46:07,132 --> 00:46:08,900 You're very intense. 1305 00:46:08,934 --> 00:46:10,001 Throw it home! 1306 00:46:10,035 --> 00:46:11,937 Throw it home! 1307 00:46:11,970 --> 00:46:14,906 Steven, I swear to God, get up right now! 1308 00:46:14,940 --> 00:46:18,009 Steven! Get up! Throw it home! 1309 00:46:18,043 --> 00:46:19,945 - You know that's her son, right? - Go! Go! Go! 1310 00:46:19,978 --> 00:46:21,079 Yeah I know it's her son 1311 00:46:21,112 --> 00:46:22,914 and he should throw the fucking ball. 1312 00:46:22,948 --> 00:46:25,917 For a little kid, he's a huge pussy. 1313 00:46:25,951 --> 00:46:28,854 Suck it up! Suck it up! 1314 00:46:28,887 --> 00:46:32,858 Suck it up. 1315 00:46:33,724 --> 00:46:35,260 The compound, baby! Right? 1316 00:46:35,293 --> 00:46:36,594 This is your compound? 1317 00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:37,695 The compound. 1318 00:46:37,728 --> 00:46:38,930 Gotta use the bathroom? Use it now. 1319 00:46:38,964 --> 00:46:40,131 The porta-potty's over there. 1320 00:46:40,165 --> 00:46:41,299 Port-a-potty? 1321 00:46:41,332 --> 00:46:43,501 By putting a port-a-potty on my property, 1322 00:46:43,534 --> 00:46:44,602 people can't use my bathroom. 1323 00:46:44,635 --> 00:46:45,803 That's one thing I don't like, 1324 00:46:45,837 --> 00:46:47,672 is people sitting their ass on my toilet. 1325 00:46:47,705 --> 00:46:50,808 Shangri-la! You know? Pool over there. 1326 00:46:50,842 --> 00:46:52,944 I sleep over there. Ladies?! 1327 00:46:52,978 --> 00:46:54,545 My buddy Max, right here. 1328 00:46:54,579 --> 00:46:56,047 Hi, Max Morris. How are ya? 1329 00:46:56,081 --> 00:46:57,282 Jackie. 1330 00:46:57,315 --> 00:46:58,383 - How are you, Jackie? - "The Chocolatier." 1331 00:46:58,416 --> 00:47:00,285 - Hi. - Nice to meet you. 1332 00:47:00,318 --> 00:47:01,552 I call her "Tipsy Jessica." 1333 00:47:01,586 --> 00:47:04,489 - Tipsy Jessica? - Careful. [laughs] 1334 00:47:04,522 --> 00:47:06,191 Um... Jackie the Chocolatier? 1335 00:47:06,224 --> 00:47:07,458 - Yes, indeed. - Yes. 1336 00:47:07,492 --> 00:47:09,961 - A real chocolatier? - A real chocolatier. 1337 00:47:09,995 --> 00:47:11,963 You should do my podcast. 1338 00:47:11,997 --> 00:47:13,631 What's your podcast? 1339 00:47:13,664 --> 00:47:19,137 It's like sex... and science. Like, together. 1340 00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:21,739 And we need to have volunteers come, 1341 00:47:21,772 --> 00:47:24,976 and they have to, like, take off their clothes... 1342 00:47:25,010 --> 00:47:27,545 But then, like, we do a radio show... 1343 00:47:27,578 --> 00:47:30,982 But like, people don't know that our clothes are off... 1344 00:47:31,016 --> 00:47:35,653 And so then, it's like a party... 1345 00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:38,356 But, like, you know, we don't like, fuck. 1346 00:47:38,389 --> 00:47:41,759 Unless you want to. 1347 00:47:41,792 --> 00:47:43,528 - That's like totally up to you. - No, I'm good, I'm good. 1348 00:47:43,561 --> 00:47:44,996 - Okay. - Yeah. 1349 00:47:45,030 --> 00:47:46,331 So nice to meet you. 1350 00:47:46,364 --> 00:47:47,999 Podcast, you can do what you wanna do. 1351 00:47:48,033 --> 00:47:49,734 So I got burgers and you know, I carry... 1352 00:47:49,767 --> 00:47:51,436 I carry the burgers, the hot dogs... 1353 00:47:51,469 --> 00:47:53,604 You ca... You say it like it's a, like it's a restaurant 1354 00:47:53,638 --> 00:47:54,906 You "carry the burgers." 1355 00:47:54,940 --> 00:47:56,407 Do you charge people for the burgers? 1356 00:47:56,441 --> 00:47:57,608 Of course I do. 1357 00:47:57,642 --> 00:47:58,576 What are you doing? 1358 00:47:58,609 --> 00:47:59,911 What kind of place do you have 1359 00:47:59,945 --> 00:48:00,946 - that you charge people? - This is a compound. 1360 00:48:00,979 --> 00:48:01,846 When you're dealing with a compound, 1361 00:48:01,879 --> 00:48:02,948 these kind of things happen. 1362 00:48:02,981 --> 00:48:04,849 This is my buddy, over here. Freddy. 1363 00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:07,552 - Playa. - My dude, son. 1364 00:48:07,585 --> 00:48:09,687 You good, baby? 1365 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:10,388 Ahh! 1366 00:48:10,421 --> 00:48:11,957 What's up? Who's this? 1367 00:48:11,990 --> 00:48:12,857 This is Max, right here. 1368 00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:14,025 Hey. Max Morris. 1369 00:48:14,059 --> 00:48:14,859 We don't don't this. We do this. 1370 00:48:14,892 --> 00:48:16,127 - Okay. - [laughing] 1371 00:48:16,161 --> 00:48:17,195 Good to meet you, Max. 1372 00:48:17,228 --> 00:48:18,363 - Good to meet you, too. - All right. 1373 00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:20,398 Hey, so... 1374 00:48:20,431 --> 00:48:21,933 They sent him to keep the pool clean. 1375 00:48:21,967 --> 00:48:23,101 - The pool gets dirty. - Uh-huh. 1376 00:48:23,134 --> 00:48:24,369 A lot of people come through here. 1377 00:48:24,402 --> 00:48:26,071 They eat hamburgers. They eat hot dogs. 1378 00:48:26,104 --> 00:48:27,472 You know, they just dive into the water 1379 00:48:27,505 --> 00:48:31,142 without washing their ass. Always take a shower. 1380 00:48:31,176 --> 00:48:33,211 All right. So... 1381 00:48:33,244 --> 00:48:35,046 - What's up... - Here we go! Here we go! 1382 00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,114 - Whoo! - Big Time Sarah! 1383 00:48:36,147 --> 00:48:37,548 - [laughing] - That's right. 1384 00:48:37,582 --> 00:48:38,816 I brought the white bread. 1385 00:48:38,849 --> 00:48:40,218 Autobiography time. 1386 00:48:40,251 --> 00:48:42,120 - Oh yeah. Oh goody. - That's what we're here for. 1387 00:48:42,153 --> 00:48:43,754 - 'Cause I got lots to tell - Good times are cool, 1388 00:48:43,788 --> 00:48:45,323 - but let's get down to some business. - You don't even know. 1389 00:48:45,356 --> 00:48:46,091 [stammering] What is this? 1390 00:48:46,124 --> 00:48:47,225 Autobiography. 1391 00:48:47,258 --> 00:48:49,160 We're all writing our autobiography. 1392 00:48:49,194 --> 00:48:50,128 You're all writing your autobiography. 1393 00:48:50,161 --> 00:48:50,996 That's why you're meeting up? 1394 00:48:51,029 --> 00:48:51,729 We all have one. 1395 00:48:51,762 --> 00:48:52,730 "Like me" on Facebook. 1396 00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:53,931 He has one. 1397 00:48:53,965 --> 00:48:55,766 - I have one. - Jackie! 1398 00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:57,002 Jessica has one. 1399 00:48:57,035 --> 00:48:58,103 - All right. - Jackie has one. 1400 00:48:58,136 --> 00:48:58,936 Big Time Sarah has one. 1401 00:48:58,970 --> 00:49:01,606 I'll just watch. Thank you. 1402 00:49:01,639 --> 00:49:02,773 It's all good, come on. 1403 00:49:02,807 --> 00:49:05,643 I just kinda wanna end my book with, um... 1404 00:49:05,676 --> 00:49:07,345 "ambitions in chocolate." 1405 00:49:07,378 --> 00:49:10,181 Or "finding the chocolate lining in things." 1406 00:49:10,215 --> 00:49:11,482 That's what you should call it. 1407 00:49:11,516 --> 00:49:13,118 That's a good title. That's a very good title. 1408 00:49:13,151 --> 00:49:15,987 Yeah, especially since it has to do with all that chocolate. 1409 00:49:16,021 --> 00:49:18,589 If you had to put your hand on your throat 1410 00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:20,491 to regurgitate, would you be afraid 1411 00:49:20,525 --> 00:49:21,626 to eat your own damn hand? 1412 00:49:21,659 --> 00:49:23,428 That's what I wanna know. 1413 00:49:23,461 --> 00:49:26,097 Well no. I'm not afraid to eat my hand. 1414 00:49:26,131 --> 00:49:28,133 I've had many hands shoved down my throat, 1415 00:49:28,166 --> 00:49:30,635 as you, as you all know. You know that. 1416 00:49:30,668 --> 00:49:31,636 Everybody knows that. 1417 00:49:31,669 --> 00:49:33,871 You hold a child, right? 1418 00:49:33,904 --> 00:49:35,006 You hold him, you know? 1419 00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,375 I never got that. I never got that! 1420 00:49:37,408 --> 00:49:39,810 - Aww... - I never got held. 1421 00:49:39,844 --> 00:49:43,214 - I'm a foster mom. - You're a foster mom? 1422 00:49:43,248 --> 00:49:44,882 Yeah, you wanna be held. 1423 00:49:44,915 --> 00:49:46,517 My things is this... 1424 00:49:46,551 --> 00:49:52,290 I got involved...with coaching...kids...baseball, 1425 00:49:52,323 --> 00:49:55,460 'cause I was a terrible baseball player myself. 1426 00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:57,228 The game tee ball? Remember tee ball? 1427 00:49:57,262 --> 00:49:58,396 You put the ball on a little tee. 1428 00:49:58,429 --> 00:50:00,031 - Oh yeah. - And you hit the ball. 1429 00:50:00,065 --> 00:50:01,866 I struck out playing tee ball. 1430 00:50:01,899 --> 00:50:05,736 And I never lived it down. I mean, that right there, 1431 00:50:05,770 --> 00:50:11,076 really motivated me to teach kids how to hit. 1432 00:50:11,109 --> 00:50:12,543 [stammering and voice cracking] 1433 00:50:12,577 --> 00:50:13,911 I apply hitting to everything. 1434 00:50:13,944 --> 00:50:14,879 Now you're hitting everything! 1435 00:50:14,912 --> 00:50:16,047 I'm hitting every damn thing. 1436 00:50:16,081 --> 00:50:17,482 - I'll be damned. - I'm hitting ass! 1437 00:50:17,515 --> 00:50:21,252 Hitting pools, hitting trailers, h-hitting t-shirts, 1438 00:50:21,286 --> 00:50:23,554 hitting the kitchen outside, hitting the gym set... 1439 00:50:23,588 --> 00:50:25,090 Last week you hit my car. 1440 00:50:25,123 --> 00:50:26,691 All I do is hit now! I'm a hit... 1441 00:50:26,724 --> 00:50:27,558 I hit-and-run last week. 1442 00:50:27,592 --> 00:50:29,560 Hit-and-run. But you hitting! 1443 00:50:29,594 --> 00:50:31,696 All I do is hit, hit, hit, hit. 1444 00:50:31,729 --> 00:50:33,198 That's what I want kids to do. 1445 00:50:33,231 --> 00:50:36,267 I want kids to get hits. Thus... 1446 00:50:36,301 --> 00:50:36,867 That's right. 1447 00:50:36,901 --> 00:50:38,436 Baseball. 1448 00:50:38,469 --> 00:50:39,937 Freddy. 1449 00:50:39,970 --> 00:50:42,573 I was just thinking about and writing about, like, 1450 00:50:42,607 --> 00:50:46,111 the first fight that I almost won. 1451 00:50:46,144 --> 00:50:49,114 He gave me a good shot in the stomach, 1452 00:50:49,147 --> 00:50:51,282 which kinda like stopped the whole fight. 1453 00:50:51,316 --> 00:50:53,017 So did you put that in your book? 1454 00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:54,719 - Yeah, it's in there. - You gonna put that in your book? 1455 00:50:54,752 --> 00:50:56,121 I mean, it happened. 1456 00:50:56,154 --> 00:50:57,388 - That's depressing. - I been there. I been there. 1457 00:50:57,422 --> 00:50:58,923 I been there. I been there Freddy. 1458 00:50:58,956 --> 00:51:02,893 I had a fight with a guy when I was a kid, and we both lost. 1459 00:51:02,927 --> 00:51:05,096 - That's crazy. - That can happen. - How can you both...lost? 1460 00:51:05,130 --> 00:51:06,897 We both lost. It was, It was the most horrible fight 1461 00:51:06,931 --> 00:51:08,065 you ever seen in your life. 1462 00:51:08,099 --> 00:51:09,700 Was it like Rocky? Where you both, like... 1463 00:51:09,734 --> 00:51:10,568 - ...lay on the canvas? - No, it was just a terrible fight. 1464 00:51:10,601 --> 00:51:11,702 It was just a terrible fight. 1465 00:51:11,736 --> 00:51:13,904 There was no winner and we both lost. 1466 00:51:13,938 --> 00:51:16,040 It was the worst fight I've ever had in my life. 1467 00:51:16,073 --> 00:51:17,275 That's a shame. 1468 00:51:17,308 --> 00:51:19,910 It was, we both lost. [distant dog barking] 1469 00:51:19,944 --> 00:51:21,379 Jessica? 1470 00:51:21,412 --> 00:51:23,148 Uh, you know, you don't have anything written down. 1471 00:51:23,181 --> 00:51:25,150 I mean, I know we offered to help out... 1472 00:51:25,183 --> 00:51:27,218 I got it all up here. 1473 00:51:27,252 --> 00:51:29,053 - Oh! - She's smart. 1474 00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:31,622 - She's fucking brilliant. - She is smart. 1475 00:51:31,656 --> 00:51:32,790 - She's very smart. - I wish I could retain... 1476 00:51:32,823 --> 00:51:34,125 He's gonna, he's gonna help me write it. 1477 00:51:34,159 --> 00:51:35,493 Yeah, I was gonna... She was gonna come over 1478 00:51:35,526 --> 00:51:38,329 tonight and then we was just gonna...chill. 1479 00:51:38,363 --> 00:51:39,997 - Practice your penmanship. - Yeah, pretty much. 1480 00:51:40,030 --> 00:51:41,266 - Okay. - Okay. 1481 00:51:41,299 --> 00:51:42,333 - I got it. - What? 1482 00:51:42,367 --> 00:51:44,302 - I get it. You get it? - I think I do. 1483 00:51:44,335 --> 00:51:45,436 Got it! 1484 00:51:45,470 --> 00:51:46,437 I mean, she's gonna get it. I mean... 1485 00:51:46,471 --> 00:51:47,972 I know she's gonna get it. 1486 00:51:48,005 --> 00:51:49,307 How much do you get for a book deal? 1487 00:51:49,340 --> 00:51:50,408 That's what I need to know, 'cause 1488 00:51:50,441 --> 00:51:53,344 [hiccoughs] my book's about my brand. 1489 00:51:53,378 --> 00:51:56,247 And like getting, how to get a brand. 1490 00:51:56,281 --> 00:51:58,416 - All right, you like that? - Yeah, I like that. 1491 00:51:58,449 --> 00:52:00,651 I'm gonna go swimming. 1492 00:52:05,190 --> 00:52:08,393 [upbeat, jazzy music *] 1493 00:52:10,495 --> 00:52:12,230 [gentle door knocking] 1494 00:52:22,573 --> 00:52:25,276 Can I...get you a glass of wine or something? 1495 00:52:25,310 --> 00:52:27,212 - No, I'm fine. - Okay. 1496 00:52:27,245 --> 00:52:28,513 Oh, um... 1497 00:52:28,546 --> 00:52:30,615 Can you just do me a favor, and stay behind... 1498 00:52:30,648 --> 00:52:32,350 right there? You could lean, 1499 00:52:32,383 --> 00:52:34,652 do whatever, I just, this is, you know, kind of a... 1500 00:52:34,685 --> 00:52:37,121 cooking space and it needs to be sanitary 1501 00:52:37,154 --> 00:52:39,190 and all that stuff, so... 1502 00:52:39,224 --> 00:52:40,558 Okay, sure. 1503 00:52:40,591 --> 00:52:42,227 - Right here is good? - Yeah, perfect! 1504 00:52:42,260 --> 00:52:43,294 All right. 1505 00:52:43,328 --> 00:52:46,231 Can I get you anything? Noth... Hey! 1506 00:52:46,264 --> 00:52:48,233 Keep those sneakers away from my kitchen. 1507 00:52:48,266 --> 00:52:48,799 Uh-huh. 1508 00:52:48,833 --> 00:52:50,368 Mmm. All right. 1509 00:52:50,401 --> 00:52:54,339 So your place has a lesbiany vibe to it. 1510 00:52:54,372 --> 00:52:57,242 It really does. I feel like I'm in a lesbian home. 1511 00:52:57,275 --> 00:52:59,210 There's lesbiany and not lesbiany... 1512 00:52:59,244 --> 00:53:00,511 Excuse me, what do you mean? What should... 1513 00:53:00,545 --> 00:53:02,046 [stammering] Is the house lesbiany? 1514 00:53:02,079 --> 00:53:04,349 What should a "house lesbiany" be... 1515 00:53:04,382 --> 00:53:05,483 - ...in your opinion? - I don't know... 1516 00:53:05,516 --> 00:53:07,585 I've never been in a lesbian house. 1517 00:53:07,618 --> 00:53:08,719 Actually, to be honest, it is quite lesbionic. 1518 00:53:08,753 --> 00:53:11,922 It's very lesbian. 1519 00:53:11,956 --> 00:53:12,923 Lesbionic? 1520 00:53:12,957 --> 00:53:14,359 - Well... - Is that a real word? 1521 00:53:14,392 --> 00:53:15,726 I don't think le... 1522 00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,728 I think as real as lesbiany, but it's, it's very... 1523 00:53:17,762 --> 00:53:20,331 Oh, baby! Hi, sweetheart! 1524 00:53:20,365 --> 00:53:21,532 - Hi. - How ya doing? 1525 00:53:21,566 --> 00:53:22,933 Did you have fun? 1526 00:53:22,967 --> 00:53:24,034 - I'm good. - Did you wash your hands? 1527 00:53:24,068 --> 00:53:24,902 No! 1528 00:53:24,935 --> 00:53:26,371 Will you go wash your hands 1529 00:53:26,404 --> 00:53:27,372 - and look at your homework? - Go do your homework! 1530 00:53:27,405 --> 00:53:28,573 We're gonna eat in like an hour. 1531 00:53:28,606 --> 00:53:30,608 Permission to enter my own fucking kitchen? 1532 00:53:30,641 --> 00:53:32,710 Yes, but can you take off your shoes, babe? 1533 00:53:32,743 --> 00:53:33,944 No, I'm not taking off my... 1534 00:53:33,978 --> 00:53:35,446 We have guests! I'm not taking off my shoes. 1535 00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:36,781 I know but, don't touch! 1536 00:53:36,814 --> 00:53:37,915 Have you washed your hands? 1537 00:53:37,948 --> 00:53:40,385 What are you making? It stinks in here. 1538 00:53:40,418 --> 00:53:41,286 - Babe, I'm making a quiche. - Ich. 1539 00:53:41,319 --> 00:53:42,186 A fantastic quiche. 1540 00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:43,354 Who's gonna, who is gonna... 1541 00:53:43,388 --> 00:53:45,089 you're gonna make a huge quiche for who? 1542 00:53:45,122 --> 00:53:47,258 Manny's gonna eat it and you're gonna eat it and I'm gonna eat it. 1543 00:53:47,292 --> 00:53:48,526 - No, Manny's not eating quiche. - Sweetheart, seriously? 1544 00:53:48,559 --> 00:53:49,560 Manny needs red meat. He has a game coming up. 1545 00:53:49,594 --> 00:53:50,728 Why are you feeding my son quiche? 1546 00:53:50,761 --> 00:53:51,529 What's wrong with quiche? 1547 00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:53,364 Don't feed my son quiche. 1548 00:53:53,398 --> 00:53:54,799 She's trying to turn him gay. 1549 00:53:54,832 --> 00:53:56,634 I believe it. You know, this is her dream. 1550 00:53:56,667 --> 00:53:58,135 Don't tell me this isn't your dream. 1551 00:53:58,168 --> 00:53:59,404 - That's charming. - This is her dream. 1552 00:53:59,437 --> 00:54:00,571 - Super-charming. - I croak... 1553 00:54:00,605 --> 00:54:01,906 because I'm a super athlete 1554 00:54:01,939 --> 00:54:04,375 and we always die young. 'Cause even though... 1555 00:54:04,409 --> 00:54:06,277 you know, we work our bodies like a horse... 1556 00:54:06,311 --> 00:54:07,412 - I die young... - Thoroughbred. 1557 00:54:07,445 --> 00:54:08,479 she moves to New York City, 1558 00:54:08,513 --> 00:54:09,280 which she never stops talking about, 1559 00:54:09,314 --> 00:54:10,415 in a little apartment 1560 00:54:10,448 --> 00:54:12,216 with her gay son... 1561 00:54:12,249 --> 00:54:13,718 - He's not gay. - ...and his lover. 1562 00:54:13,751 --> 00:54:15,320 - Manny is so not gay. - She's trying to make him gay. 1563 00:54:15,353 --> 00:54:17,788 ...and his lover, because here's her theory. 1564 00:54:17,822 --> 00:54:19,457 Gay men take care of their moms. 1565 00:54:19,490 --> 00:54:20,758 Well, they do. 1566 00:54:20,791 --> 00:54:22,293 That's not a theory, that's a fact, my friend. 1567 00:54:22,327 --> 00:54:23,328 So he'll make her up, put a wig on her, slap some... 1568 00:54:23,361 --> 00:54:24,929 take her to the Met ball. 1569 00:54:24,962 --> 00:54:26,096 That's what she thinks! 1570 00:54:26,130 --> 00:54:27,498 I have one question. 1571 00:54:27,532 --> 00:54:29,667 It's very specific 'cause it's just occurring to me. 1572 00:54:29,700 --> 00:54:35,172 Why is it that lesbians, who clearly...like women, 1573 00:54:35,205 --> 00:54:36,574 they seem to... 1574 00:54:36,607 --> 00:54:39,009 One of them tends to be more masculine 1575 00:54:39,043 --> 00:54:40,345 than the other one. 1576 00:54:40,378 --> 00:54:43,514 And it seems to be that they're almost mimicking 1577 00:54:43,548 --> 00:54:46,784 heterosexual couples in a way. 1578 00:54:46,817 --> 00:54:49,954 Who do you think that is in this couple? 1579 00:54:51,556 --> 00:54:53,824 You know what's interesting? 1580 00:54:54,625 --> 00:54:58,095 You're like the exception to the rule. 1581 00:54:58,128 --> 00:54:59,997 You guys are. 1582 00:55:03,468 --> 00:55:07,838 [bouncy, jazz music *] 1583 00:55:22,987 --> 00:55:25,556 It's a long fly ball, going back towards the wall! 1584 00:55:25,590 --> 00:55:27,525 He's going back! He's going back! 1585 00:55:27,558 --> 00:55:30,294 And he snags it! [laughs] 1586 00:55:30,327 --> 00:55:31,729 Just in front of the wall. I do that every time. 1587 00:55:31,762 --> 00:55:33,464 That's a... here, take one. 1588 00:55:33,498 --> 00:55:35,065 A double off the wall, in your case. 1589 00:55:35,099 --> 00:55:36,467 That looks really comfortable. 1590 00:55:36,501 --> 00:55:39,870 It isn't really, but it's worth the joke every time. 1591 00:55:39,904 --> 00:55:41,572 - Oh my god. - So... 1592 00:55:41,606 --> 00:55:43,408 This is a great place to hang out 1593 00:55:43,441 --> 00:55:44,575 and watch the ball game. 1594 00:55:44,609 --> 00:55:45,876 Ah-hah. 1595 00:55:45,910 --> 00:55:48,012 Yeah, I love baseball. I love watching it. 1596 00:55:48,045 --> 00:55:51,482 I played it. I had dreams of uh, of being good. 1597 00:55:51,516 --> 00:55:55,853 I played, I got an... offer of a scholarship to Ball State, 1598 00:55:55,886 --> 00:55:56,654 but I didn't wanna go... 1599 00:55:56,687 --> 00:55:58,556 - Really? - ...'cause of the name. 1600 00:55:58,589 --> 00:56:00,024 You know, I thought it would be a lot of jokes. 1601 00:56:00,057 --> 00:56:01,592 You turned down a scholarship 1602 00:56:01,626 --> 00:56:02,727 based on the school's name? 1603 00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:04,429 I was cocky, you know? I thought... 1604 00:56:04,462 --> 00:56:06,597 And then I wanted to go down to Stetson. 1605 00:56:06,631 --> 00:56:07,565 Did you ever hear of that? That's down in Florida. 1606 00:56:07,598 --> 00:56:08,599 Yeah, that's in Florida. 1607 00:56:08,633 --> 00:56:09,567 Near Orlando, if I'm not mistaken. 1608 00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,436 Yeah, it is on the east coast. 1609 00:56:11,469 --> 00:56:12,570 But someone said, "Oh, 1610 00:56:12,603 --> 00:56:14,705 you're gonna go into the hat business? 1611 00:56:14,739 --> 00:56:16,874 So, it's uh, it's gonna be a good season. 1612 00:56:16,907 --> 00:56:19,209 Your kid is a pretty cracker jack ball player. 1613 00:56:19,243 --> 00:56:21,378 You think so? I don't think so. 1614 00:56:21,412 --> 00:56:22,447 No? Well, I don't know. 1615 00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:24,449 Your son's the one who's good. 1616 00:56:24,482 --> 00:56:26,417 Well, we're looking ahead. We're looking to college. 1617 00:56:26,451 --> 00:56:27,618 I want him to get a, uh... 1618 00:56:27,652 --> 00:56:29,720 I'm hoping for scholarship, uh... 1619 00:56:29,754 --> 00:56:33,424 I'm hoping for pro ball. Making the big show. 1620 00:56:33,458 --> 00:56:34,358 That's what I'm concentrating on. 1621 00:56:34,391 --> 00:56:35,860 Can you tell? He's only ten. 1622 00:56:35,893 --> 00:56:39,430 Yeah, I just have a feeling. He's not there yet, but um, 1623 00:56:39,464 --> 00:56:41,699 I'm gonna keep pounding and keep after him. And uh 1624 00:56:41,732 --> 00:56:43,267 make sure he wants to do it. 1625 00:56:43,300 --> 00:56:44,635 You know, sometimes he's not sure 1626 00:56:44,669 --> 00:56:46,937 and I have to tell him, uh, that he wants to do it. 1627 00:56:46,971 --> 00:56:49,640 I take him out to the ball game and he loves it. 1628 00:56:49,674 --> 00:56:51,642 Sometimes kids don't know what they want. 1629 00:56:51,676 --> 00:56:52,643 Yeah. 1630 00:56:52,677 --> 00:56:55,546 Um, I've actually pitched to Rick. 1631 00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:58,649 And what you've got to do is hit him a couple times 1632 00:56:58,683 --> 00:57:00,417 with the ball. Then they're not afraid of it anymore. 1633 00:57:00,451 --> 00:57:01,819 You hit him? What, you pitch the ball and hit him? 1634 00:57:01,852 --> 00:57:03,187 Just pitch at him. Watch out! 1635 00:57:03,621 --> 00:57:05,523 Don't tell him I said that. 1636 00:57:06,123 --> 00:57:08,593 Can you imagine me telling your son 1637 00:57:08,626 --> 00:57:10,661 that you throw at him, uh, on purpose? 1638 00:57:10,695 --> 00:57:12,497 And the trouble is, he's still afraid... 1639 00:57:12,530 --> 00:57:13,664 That made him more afraid. 1640 00:57:13,698 --> 00:57:14,599 And I said, "look..." 1641 00:57:14,632 --> 00:57:15,766 It would make me more afraid too. 1642 00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:16,634 That's the craziest logic I've ever heard. 1643 00:57:16,667 --> 00:57:17,902 Yeah. 1644 00:57:17,935 --> 00:57:19,737 But now he knows what it feels like to be... 1645 00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:20,838 But, I mean, he's ten. 1646 00:57:20,871 --> 00:57:22,907 Shouldn't it just be for fun now, or... 1647 00:57:22,940 --> 00:57:23,841 Why does it have to be so serious? 1648 00:57:23,874 --> 00:57:25,510 Yeah, it could be for fun now. 1649 00:57:25,543 --> 00:57:27,111 You know, you gotta think of the future. 1650 00:57:27,144 --> 00:57:30,180 If you let kids just have fun, uh... 1651 00:57:30,214 --> 00:57:32,517 they wouldn't do anything. 1652 00:57:32,550 --> 00:57:35,319 Oh crap. Why do we bet on horses? 1653 00:57:35,352 --> 00:57:36,687 I-I don't get on horses. 1654 00:57:36,721 --> 00:57:39,524 [sighs] Well... It can be fun if you ever win. 1655 00:57:39,557 --> 00:57:41,759 But you don't know what the hell is going through their mind. 1656 00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:44,529 Well that's it. Thanks so much for stopping by. 1657 00:57:44,562 --> 00:57:46,697 Good luck with your project. 1658 00:57:46,731 --> 00:57:49,433 Aren't we gonna go look in the house? 1659 00:57:49,466 --> 00:57:53,538 Uh, you can't get in the house now, umm... 1660 00:57:53,571 --> 00:57:56,607 I can't get in? You live out here?! 1661 00:57:56,641 --> 00:57:59,376 Yeah, yeah, temporarily. I'm, uh... 1662 00:57:59,409 --> 00:58:01,879 This is where I crash, uh... 1663 00:58:01,912 --> 00:58:04,114 - Right now... - Where does Ricky live? 1664 00:58:04,148 --> 00:58:07,151 - He's with wife number two. - Mmm-hmm. 1665 00:58:07,184 --> 00:58:09,554 Andrea's number... 1666 00:58:09,587 --> 00:58:11,556 I'm joking, she's just number four. 1667 00:58:11,589 --> 00:58:13,323 Uh...but she's the one... 1668 00:58:13,357 --> 00:58:15,459 I-I think we're gonna get back together. 1669 00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:17,227 But I wanna give her some time. 1670 00:58:17,261 --> 00:58:18,529 Mmm-hmm. 1671 00:58:18,563 --> 00:58:21,966 And right now, I don't want any part of that. 1672 00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:25,803 Very nice house. 1673 00:58:25,836 --> 00:58:27,004 Thank you. 1674 00:58:27,037 --> 00:58:28,706 You know, can I just say something? 1675 00:58:28,739 --> 00:58:29,574 Sure. 1676 00:58:29,607 --> 00:58:31,676 Just a... I just wanna say... 1677 00:58:31,709 --> 00:58:35,345 It is so...nice of Marty... 1678 00:58:35,379 --> 00:58:37,582 to let you have this beautiful house 1679 00:58:37,615 --> 00:58:39,216 while he sits out there. 1680 00:58:39,249 --> 00:58:41,051 And I'm not saying that you should feel guilty 1681 00:58:41,085 --> 00:58:42,587 or invite him in. You're divorced. I... 1682 00:58:42,620 --> 00:58:44,655 You've... However you've done it, 1683 00:58:44,689 --> 00:58:46,223 you've earned this place, what have you, but... 1684 00:58:46,256 --> 00:58:47,825 What are you talking about? 1685 00:58:47,858 --> 00:58:50,695 I'm paying this house, not him. 1686 00:58:50,728 --> 00:58:52,563 I'm letting him stay. 1687 00:58:52,597 --> 00:58:53,731 You're letting him stay? [cell phone ringing] 1688 00:58:53,764 --> 00:58:55,666 Yeah. Oh, wait. I've gotta take this call. 1689 00:58:55,700 --> 00:58:57,868 - Hold on a sec, please. - Okay. 1690 00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,444 [sighs] [phone continues to ring] 1691 00:59:18,789 --> 00:59:21,291 Hey! Umm... Today's not a good day. 1692 00:59:21,325 --> 00:59:22,693 Oh, it's not? All right. 1693 00:59:22,727 --> 00:59:25,696 Well I appreciate your time anyhow. Thank you. 1694 00:59:25,730 --> 00:59:26,864 - You're welcome. - Thank you very much. 1695 00:59:26,897 --> 00:59:28,599 I didn't mean to bother you or anything. 1696 00:59:28,633 --> 00:59:30,768 It's all right. 1697 00:59:30,801 --> 00:59:33,804 So it's really important to ice the shoulder 1698 00:59:33,838 --> 00:59:35,773 that you don't use as much? 1699 00:59:35,806 --> 00:59:36,941 Oh yeah. Yeah. 1700 00:59:36,974 --> 00:59:38,542 That's just as tired as the throwing arm. 1701 00:59:38,575 --> 00:59:40,878 Huh, all right. You eat a lot of fruit. 1702 00:59:40,911 --> 00:59:43,113 Oh yeah, I love fruit. In the morning, though. 1703 00:59:43,147 --> 00:59:43,914 A lot of vegetables? 1704 00:59:43,948 --> 00:59:44,915 Love veggies. 1705 00:59:44,949 --> 00:59:45,716 Work out a lot? 1706 00:59:45,750 --> 00:59:47,818 Every day. 1707 00:59:47,852 --> 00:59:49,787 Yeah, I don't know how you live like that. 1708 00:59:49,820 --> 00:59:51,388 It's not for everybody. 1709 00:59:51,421 --> 00:59:53,223 Yeah. 1710 00:59:53,257 --> 00:59:54,291 Get it in! Get it in! 1711 00:59:54,324 --> 00:59:56,326 Come bring it over here! 1712 00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:57,327 Coach Jimbo's got something to say! 1713 00:59:57,361 --> 00:59:58,462 Parents too! 1714 00:59:58,495 --> 00:59:59,463 You going over to the meeting? 1715 00:59:59,496 --> 01:00:00,330 Yeah, we'll be there in a minute. 1716 01:00:00,364 --> 01:00:02,767 All right. 1717 01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:03,834 Line 'em up! 1718 01:00:03,868 --> 01:00:05,269 - Line 'em up. - Parents too, please! 1719 01:00:05,302 --> 01:00:07,805 Parents, you understand? Team parents. 1720 01:00:07,838 --> 01:00:10,841 Line up, parents! Make a circle. 1721 01:00:12,276 --> 01:00:15,245 I can't express to you how important this Friday is. 1722 01:00:15,279 --> 01:00:16,513 But he will! 1723 01:00:16,546 --> 01:00:19,917 If we win Friday, we get in the playoffs! 1724 01:00:19,950 --> 01:00:20,851 Playoff time! 1725 01:00:20,885 --> 01:00:22,920 If we don't win, we're out! 1726 01:00:22,953 --> 01:00:24,254 We out! 1727 01:00:24,288 --> 01:00:26,090 - If we lose. - If we lose. 1728 01:00:26,123 --> 01:00:26,824 We're gonna win! 1729 01:00:26,857 --> 01:00:27,758 But we gonna win. 1730 01:00:27,792 --> 01:00:28,826 Here's what we're gonna do! 1731 01:00:28,859 --> 01:00:30,928 We don't have the field before the game! 1732 01:00:30,961 --> 01:00:33,097 That means you gotta practice at home! 1733 01:00:33,130 --> 01:00:34,865 That means, parents! [snaps fingers] 1734 01:00:34,899 --> 01:00:37,467 Down to the batting cages! 1735 01:00:37,501 --> 01:00:39,804 And bring the kids with you! 1736 01:00:39,837 --> 01:00:41,706 Three things! 1737 01:00:41,739 --> 01:00:43,974 No skateboarding. 1738 01:00:44,008 --> 01:00:45,676 - No scootering. - Please! 1739 01:00:45,710 --> 01:00:48,846 No swimming. But most importantly... 1740 01:00:48,879 --> 01:00:50,047 [whispers] ...no swimming. 1741 01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:52,783 - No baths! - No swimming! 1742 01:00:52,817 --> 01:00:54,484 Do not get in the water! 1743 01:00:54,518 --> 01:00:57,822 Okay, I don't need any injuries! 1744 01:00:57,855 --> 01:01:00,124 You can take a bath. They can take a bath. 1745 01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:00,825 Okay. 1746 01:01:00,858 --> 01:01:01,859 But I'd prefer a shower. 1747 01:01:01,892 --> 01:01:03,694 Don't submerge your body under water! 1748 01:01:03,728 --> 01:01:05,529 That's right. You can shower! 1749 01:01:05,562 --> 01:01:06,864 All right, you got your marching orders! 1750 01:01:06,897 --> 01:01:08,532 Let's go! Go Cubs! 1751 01:01:08,565 --> 01:01:09,967 Go get 'em! 1752 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:14,638 Ah, I think I got through to them. Not sure. 1753 01:01:14,671 --> 01:01:16,040 Hopefully. 1754 01:01:16,073 --> 01:01:17,574 They were listening. Some of them weren't listening. 1755 01:01:17,607 --> 01:01:19,777 [Coach Jimbo]: I'm gonna call, followup with an email... 1756 01:01:22,046 --> 01:01:24,915 Hezekiah, you have my word, 1757 01:01:24,949 --> 01:01:26,751 this is the last time I'm gonna ask you. 1758 01:01:26,784 --> 01:01:29,319 But it would just mean so much to me, 1759 01:01:29,353 --> 01:01:30,888 if I could just spend a minute with you. 1760 01:01:30,921 --> 01:01:34,825 Here. Now. Just like, let's just talk. Just for a minute. 1761 01:01:34,859 --> 01:01:36,861 I couldn't even if I wanted to. 1762 01:01:36,894 --> 01:01:39,163 I'm already talking to somebody about a movie. 1763 01:01:39,196 --> 01:01:40,998 You're talking to somebody about a movie? Who? 1764 01:01:41,031 --> 01:01:43,533 Don't worry about it. Somebody. People. 1765 01:01:43,567 --> 01:01:45,002 Somebody on the team? 1766 01:01:45,035 --> 01:01:47,037 I can't tell you that. 1767 01:01:47,071 --> 01:01:51,075 I can tell you that Barnaby and I are gonna be living the high life. 1768 01:01:53,277 --> 01:01:55,012 Okay. 1769 01:01:55,045 --> 01:01:58,883 That's right. Walk away. 1770 01:01:58,916 --> 01:02:01,218 Baby, you're not breathing. [bat hitting ball] 1771 01:02:01,251 --> 01:02:03,553 Ah! That's my... that's a breathe. You see? 1772 01:02:03,587 --> 01:02:04,955 Of course he's breathing. He has to breath. 1773 01:02:04,989 --> 01:02:06,757 What do you know about baseball anyhow, 1774 01:02:06,791 --> 01:02:07,892 that you're telling him this? 1775 01:02:07,925 --> 01:02:09,126 I-I know what I'm doing! 1776 01:02:09,159 --> 01:02:10,961 Jack, that's it, because you're breathing, honey! 1777 01:02:10,995 --> 01:02:12,863 Well, lemme tell you this. Hezekiah? 1778 01:02:12,897 --> 01:02:15,032 - Yeah. - He's planning on a movie. 1779 01:02:15,065 --> 01:02:17,034 He's planning on making a movie, come on! 1780 01:02:17,067 --> 01:02:19,904 Oh please, come on. That's not important, Max. 1781 01:02:19,937 --> 01:02:22,406 It's just not. This is what's important. 1782 01:02:22,439 --> 01:02:23,808 All right, Jack. What do you say, 1783 01:02:23,841 --> 01:02:25,976 after we're done here we go swimming? 1784 01:02:26,010 --> 01:02:27,444 I'd love to go swimming! 1785 01:02:27,477 --> 01:02:28,779 He'd love to go swimming! 1786 01:02:28,813 --> 01:02:29,880 No swimming! 1787 01:02:29,914 --> 01:02:30,647 - Yes. - No swimming. 1788 01:02:30,680 --> 01:02:31,448 - Yes. - No swimming. 1789 01:02:31,481 --> 01:02:32,482 Yes. 1790 01:02:38,989 --> 01:02:40,257 You go. Your turn. 1791 01:02:40,290 --> 01:02:42,592 Okay, okay. 1792 01:02:42,626 --> 01:02:43,961 - What? - Enough. Good. 1793 01:02:43,994 --> 01:02:45,395 That's enough swimming. Good. 1794 01:02:45,429 --> 01:02:48,265 It's enough swimming? We've hardly been in here. 1795 01:02:48,298 --> 01:02:49,066 That's it! 1796 01:02:49,099 --> 01:02:50,500 That's crazy. 1797 01:02:50,534 --> 01:02:52,236 It's not crazy, it's the coach's orders. 1798 01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:53,470 Everybody out of the pool! 1799 01:02:53,503 --> 01:02:55,239 Can't you see that the coaches orders 1800 01:02:55,272 --> 01:02:57,007 make no sense whatsoever? 1801 01:02:57,041 --> 01:02:58,775 I actually do not see that, to tell you the truth. 1802 01:02:58,809 --> 01:03:00,344 I think they make a lot of sense. 1803 01:03:00,377 --> 01:03:01,812 What could possibly happen to him? 1804 01:03:01,846 --> 01:03:03,480 I'm just... I'm supporting the coach. 1805 01:03:03,513 --> 01:03:04,949 What's wrong with supporting the coach? 1806 01:03:04,982 --> 01:03:06,350 Let me tell you something about supporting the coach. 1807 01:03:06,383 --> 01:03:09,153 I just had a little talk with Jack, okay? 1808 01:03:09,186 --> 01:03:11,021 And we have decided... 1809 01:03:11,055 --> 01:03:13,023 You're in agreement with me, correct? 1810 01:03:13,057 --> 01:03:15,826 He is no longer going to keep the bat on his shoulder. 1811 01:03:15,860 --> 01:03:17,794 When he sees a pitch he wants to hit, 1812 01:03:17,828 --> 01:03:19,964 he's going to swing away. Is that correct sir? 1813 01:03:19,997 --> 01:03:21,165 Yep. 1814 01:03:21,198 --> 01:03:22,967 That is correct. Did I force you to say that? 1815 01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:23,968 No. 1816 01:03:24,001 --> 01:03:25,602 Did I intimidate you in any way? 1817 01:03:25,635 --> 01:03:26,370 No. 1818 01:03:26,403 --> 01:03:28,873 Okay, your honor, I, uh... 1819 01:03:28,906 --> 01:03:29,439 Max. 1820 01:03:29,473 --> 01:03:30,774 I rest my case. 1821 01:03:30,807 --> 01:03:32,809 You're teaching him to go up against authority. 1822 01:03:32,843 --> 01:03:34,011 You know what? You're right. 1823 01:03:34,044 --> 01:03:36,046 I apologize. 1824 01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:40,017 Jack, you do not automatically go up against authority. 1825 01:03:40,050 --> 01:03:42,219 But I'll tell you something, man. Big lesson. 1826 01:03:42,252 --> 01:03:43,487 You're a little young to bring it up, 1827 01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:44,721 but I'm gonna tell you right now. 1828 01:03:44,754 --> 01:03:47,724 Question authority. Question it constantly. 1829 01:03:47,757 --> 01:03:49,059 Question, question, question. 1830 01:03:49,093 --> 01:03:50,660 I'll tell you something else. 1831 01:03:50,694 --> 01:03:52,863 He's more concerned with 1832 01:03:52,897 --> 01:03:56,867 what snacks they serve after a game. That's right. 1833 01:03:56,901 --> 01:03:59,036 So let's say you have a choice. 1834 01:03:59,069 --> 01:04:03,307 You can have cupcakes for a snack after the game. 1835 01:04:03,340 --> 01:04:06,210 Uh, but if you do that, your team loses nine to six. 1836 01:04:06,243 --> 01:04:10,981 Or you guys win nine to six and you...get celery. 1837 01:04:11,015 --> 01:04:12,749 Which would you choose? 1838 01:04:12,782 --> 01:04:14,718 Lose and get a cupcake. 1839 01:04:14,751 --> 01:04:16,420 Lose and get a cupcake! 1840 01:04:16,453 --> 01:04:17,654 These are great life lessons. 1841 01:04:17,687 --> 01:04:18,822 I say that's the attitude of a winner! 1842 01:04:18,855 --> 01:04:21,058 Yeah, no. These are uh, just the greatest 1843 01:04:21,091 --> 01:04:22,392 life lessons you are teaching our son. 1844 01:04:22,426 --> 01:04:23,560 And you know what? 1845 01:04:23,593 --> 01:04:25,662 I don't even wanna do this movie anymore. 1846 01:04:25,695 --> 01:04:26,696 - No more research. - Good! 1847 01:04:26,730 --> 01:04:29,533 I just wanna go watch my son... 1848 01:04:29,566 --> 01:04:31,501 have fun playing baseball. 1849 01:04:31,535 --> 01:04:33,103 I wanna watch our son, too, 1850 01:04:33,137 --> 01:04:35,105 have fun, winning at baseball. 1851 01:04:35,139 --> 01:04:37,374 I think it's actually rude of us and wrong 1852 01:04:37,407 --> 01:04:39,009 to even watch him play. 1853 01:04:39,043 --> 01:04:41,678 I think the one thing kids don't need to play baseball 1854 01:04:41,711 --> 01:04:42,679 is parents. 1855 01:04:42,712 --> 01:04:45,115 For parents one game a season. 1856 01:04:45,149 --> 01:04:46,550 They can call it "Parents Game." 1857 01:04:46,583 --> 01:04:49,086 And the kids will know that that game sucks. 1858 01:04:49,119 --> 01:04:51,121 And what are you gonna do when parents can come? 1859 01:04:51,155 --> 01:04:54,058 Jack? Your coach is your leader. 1860 01:04:54,091 --> 01:04:56,060 You have to respect what he says. -All right. 1861 01:04:56,093 --> 01:04:58,195 If he tells you to keep the bat on your shoulder, 1862 01:04:58,228 --> 01:04:59,463 he knows how to win. 1863 01:04:59,496 --> 01:05:01,898 The coach knows how to win, Jack. 1864 01:05:03,433 --> 01:05:04,201 Oh my God. 1865 01:05:04,234 --> 01:05:05,469 Bring it in! Bring it in!l 1866 01:05:05,502 --> 01:05:06,203 Oh my God. 1867 01:05:06,236 --> 01:05:07,104 Everybody bring it in! 1868 01:05:07,137 --> 01:05:08,905 What the hell's going one? 1869 01:05:08,939 --> 01:05:09,806 Bring it! 1870 01:05:09,839 --> 01:05:11,041 Gather round! Gather round! 1871 01:05:11,075 --> 01:05:12,309 Gather round! 1872 01:05:12,342 --> 01:05:13,110 The coach is rolling in. 1873 01:05:13,143 --> 01:05:14,278 Are you all right? 1874 01:05:14,311 --> 01:05:17,547 Not all right. Uh, parents, take a knee. 1875 01:05:17,581 --> 01:05:19,549 Take a knee. Parents, take a knee. 1876 01:05:19,583 --> 01:05:20,884 Take a knee, take a knee. 1877 01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,652 Um, if you don't mind, I'm not gonna take a knee, 1878 01:05:22,686 --> 01:05:24,554 because I've got pebbles in there and it hurts. 1879 01:05:24,588 --> 01:05:26,123 I'll do it on the grass. Not here, please. 1880 01:05:26,156 --> 01:05:27,824 Okay, okay. So listen. 1881 01:05:27,857 --> 01:05:29,659 We've got a challenge, all right? 1882 01:05:29,693 --> 01:05:30,961 It's called a challenge. 1883 01:05:30,995 --> 01:05:33,597 I know that I told you a few days ago... 1884 01:05:33,630 --> 01:05:34,798 no swimming! 1885 01:05:34,831 --> 01:05:36,433 He said no swimming at all! 1886 01:05:36,466 --> 01:05:38,068 Well, the other night, I... 1887 01:05:38,102 --> 01:05:39,403 thought I'd take a quick dip. 1888 01:05:39,436 --> 01:05:40,237 He dipped! 1889 01:05:40,270 --> 01:05:42,572 No! No! No! No swimming! 1890 01:05:42,606 --> 01:05:43,473 - No swimming! - I'm not proud of it. 1891 01:05:43,507 --> 01:05:45,242 Ah! 1892 01:05:45,275 --> 01:05:46,576 Coach is human. 1893 01:05:46,610 --> 01:05:47,944 That's what they learn today. 1894 01:05:47,978 --> 01:05:50,514 They find out I'm human. I'm not a god. 1895 01:05:50,547 --> 01:05:52,616 I'm not perfect like they thought. 1896 01:05:52,649 --> 01:05:54,018 You know what I have to say?! Poof! Poof! 1897 01:05:54,051 --> 01:05:55,252 The game goes poof. 1898 01:05:55,285 --> 01:05:56,987 Hey! Coach's lesson. 1899 01:05:57,021 --> 01:05:58,455 This is not a coach's lesson. 1900 01:05:58,488 --> 01:06:00,290 I hope... it was worth it, coach. 1901 01:06:00,324 --> 01:06:02,792 Because this is the most important day 1902 01:06:02,826 --> 01:06:04,861 of these kids' lives. 1903 01:06:04,894 --> 01:06:06,430 It's a very important day for all of us, coach! 1904 01:06:06,463 --> 01:06:07,998 And what are we gonna do now, huh? 1905 01:06:08,032 --> 01:06:09,266 - Our kids don't win this game today, - Turn me around. 1906 01:06:09,299 --> 01:06:10,800 they don't win the game next week! 1907 01:06:10,834 --> 01:06:12,202 I'm not looking at you until you look at me... 1908 01:06:12,236 --> 01:06:15,772 with admiration! 1909 01:06:15,805 --> 01:06:16,440 Fuck you! 1910 01:06:16,473 --> 01:06:18,008 Don't you ever! Ow! 1911 01:06:18,042 --> 01:06:21,478 Don't watch! Don't look! Don't look! Turn away! 1912 01:06:21,511 --> 01:06:22,779 Turn around, turn around. 1913 01:06:22,812 --> 01:06:24,314 Moment of weakness. 1914 01:06:24,348 --> 01:06:26,216 The children mustn't see the coach in a moment of weakness! 1915 01:06:26,250 --> 01:06:28,018 Turn around. Everybody turn around. 1916 01:06:28,052 --> 01:06:30,287 [umpire]: Play ball! 1917 01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:31,488 [distant crowd chatter] 1918 01:06:31,521 --> 01:06:32,989 Striiike! 1919 01:06:33,023 --> 01:06:33,890 That's it! 1920 01:06:33,923 --> 01:06:35,059 Way to go, Ricky! 1921 01:06:35,092 --> 01:06:35,959 That's it, Manny! 1922 01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:36,626 That a boy! 1923 01:06:36,660 --> 01:06:37,861 The man is here! 1924 01:06:37,894 --> 01:06:38,995 What's on going on out there?! You all good?! 1925 01:06:39,029 --> 01:06:41,498 [chuckles] Man! 1926 01:06:41,531 --> 01:06:42,166 Hello. 1927 01:06:42,199 --> 01:06:42,999 Oh, hi. 1928 01:06:43,033 --> 01:06:43,700 How are you? 1929 01:06:43,733 --> 01:06:44,634 I'm good. How are you? 1930 01:06:44,668 --> 01:06:45,402 You enjoying your day today? 1931 01:06:45,435 --> 01:06:47,204 Yeah, it's been fabulous. 1932 01:06:47,237 --> 01:06:48,205 Everyday is fabulous, right? 1933 01:06:48,238 --> 01:06:49,239 It is. 1934 01:06:49,273 --> 01:06:50,307 Must be really nice being sunshine. 1935 01:06:50,340 --> 01:06:51,075 - Yeah. - Right? 1936 01:06:51,108 --> 01:06:52,176 I am the sunshine. 1937 01:06:52,209 --> 01:06:53,677 Ah! I should have my dark shades on. 1938 01:06:53,710 --> 01:06:55,245 - Oh, yeah. - [laughs] 1939 01:06:55,279 --> 01:06:58,315 You know? A lot of guys would see a lady like you... 1940 01:06:58,348 --> 01:06:59,749 and go for a home run. 1941 01:06:59,783 --> 01:07:00,684 Oh... 1942 01:07:00,717 --> 01:07:02,052 You know what I prefer to do? 1943 01:07:02,086 --> 01:07:03,853 - I like hits. - Yeah? 1944 01:07:03,887 --> 01:07:05,155 Right? Like getting on base. 1945 01:07:05,189 --> 01:07:06,190 Mmm-hmm. 1946 01:07:06,223 --> 01:07:07,091 First base. Second base. Third base. 1947 01:07:07,124 --> 01:07:08,692 Mmm-hmm. 1948 01:07:08,725 --> 01:07:10,026 Load the bases up. 1949 01:07:10,060 --> 01:07:11,728 And then what happens? 1950 01:07:11,761 --> 01:07:12,562 I go for the home run. 1951 01:07:12,596 --> 01:07:13,830 [bat hitting ball] - Oh! 1952 01:07:13,863 --> 01:07:15,199 I bring everybody home. [cheers and applause] 1953 01:07:15,232 --> 01:07:16,233 You like that idea? 1954 01:07:16,266 --> 01:07:18,902 - I love it. - Hear that? 1955 01:07:18,935 --> 01:07:20,270 They're cheering for me right now! 1956 01:07:21,471 --> 01:07:23,173 What did I miss? 1957 01:07:23,207 --> 01:07:25,109 Oh! The coach broke his leg! 1958 01:07:25,142 --> 01:07:27,077 - What? - He showed up in a cast. 1959 01:07:27,111 --> 01:07:29,213 A full body cast up to his hip! 1960 01:07:29,246 --> 01:07:30,547 'Cause he was swimming! 1961 01:07:30,580 --> 01:07:32,082 He went swimming. 1962 01:07:32,116 --> 01:07:35,285 - The coach broke his leg swimming? - Yes! 1963 01:07:35,319 --> 01:07:36,286 You're kidding, right? 1964 01:07:36,320 --> 01:07:37,721 No. No, we don't have a coach. 1965 01:07:37,754 --> 01:07:39,589 After all that?! 1966 01:07:39,623 --> 01:07:41,858 Oh my god! That's hysterical! 1967 01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:43,093 No, it's not hysterical. 1968 01:07:43,127 --> 01:07:44,861 It's the furthest thing from hysterical! 1969 01:07:44,894 --> 01:07:45,962 We don't have a coach! 1970 01:07:45,995 --> 01:07:49,433 - Okay. I won't, uh, enjoy it. - Ah! 1971 01:07:49,466 --> 01:07:52,136 Eyes forward! Have you guys seen Coach Ted? 1972 01:07:52,169 --> 01:07:53,203 [altogether]: No! 1973 01:07:53,237 --> 01:07:54,204 No, we haven't seen him anywhere. 1974 01:07:54,238 --> 01:07:55,305 We'd love to know where he is. 1975 01:07:55,339 --> 01:07:57,207 Ambrose, can you cover first? 1976 01:07:57,241 --> 01:07:59,109 - It's gonna cost you, coach. - How much? 1977 01:07:59,143 --> 01:08:00,310 Only $100. 1978 01:08:00,344 --> 01:08:01,478 - 100 bucks?! - Yep. 1979 01:08:01,511 --> 01:08:02,746 No! [scoffs] 1980 01:08:02,779 --> 01:08:04,581 - No! - I'll do it. 1981 01:08:04,614 --> 01:08:06,316 [exhales] Woman cannot coach! 1982 01:08:06,350 --> 01:08:08,218 Who else? [stammering] Who can cover first? 1983 01:08:08,252 --> 01:08:09,219 - Come on! - I can, coach. 1984 01:08:09,253 --> 01:08:10,387 No, not gonna happen. Who else? 1985 01:08:10,420 --> 01:08:13,123 I can coach, but it has to be third base. 1986 01:08:13,157 --> 01:08:15,159 I've got to be the one that flags the runners home. 1987 01:08:15,192 --> 01:08:17,394 Not gonna happen. Max, will you help me? 1988 01:08:17,427 --> 01:08:19,163 No, no. I'm not comfortable with doing it. 1989 01:08:19,196 --> 01:08:21,665 I'm not a woman! I can coach! 1990 01:08:21,698 --> 01:08:23,333 No. No! 1991 01:08:23,367 --> 01:08:26,303 - Max, get out there! - [sighs] 1992 01:08:26,336 --> 01:08:29,506 All right, I will coach... first base. 1993 01:08:29,539 --> 01:08:31,508 [indistinguishable chatter] 1994 01:08:31,541 --> 01:08:34,811 Oh! Roger! 1995 01:08:34,844 --> 01:08:36,680 I'm spinning my wheels! 1996 01:08:36,713 --> 01:08:39,283 Get me some sand! Get some sand! 1997 01:08:39,316 --> 01:08:43,187 You make me sick to my ass! 1998 01:08:43,220 --> 01:08:45,021 I don't even know what that means. 1999 01:08:45,054 --> 01:08:46,356 I don't. 2000 01:08:46,390 --> 01:08:49,359 Wow, Max. First base... 2001 01:08:49,393 --> 01:08:50,994 Big job. Big job! 2002 01:08:51,027 --> 01:08:53,197 Come on, hustle! Hustle, Max! 2003 01:08:53,230 --> 01:08:54,798 [clears throat] 2004 01:08:54,831 --> 01:08:56,032 Sorry, Blue. 2005 01:08:56,065 --> 01:08:58,835 Come on! Get in position! 2006 01:08:58,868 --> 01:09:00,270 Replacement coach. 2007 01:09:00,304 --> 01:09:02,806 No, no. Too close to the base! 2008 01:09:02,839 --> 01:09:04,841 Rule book. Three feet. 2009 01:09:04,874 --> 01:09:07,311 Watch me. Watch me! 2010 01:09:07,344 --> 01:09:09,379 All right, Jack! 2011 01:09:09,413 --> 01:09:10,380 All right. 2012 01:09:10,414 --> 01:09:12,148 All right, Jackie! Rest that bat! 2013 01:09:12,182 --> 01:09:14,818 Just don't... don't try anything! 2014 01:09:15,685 --> 01:09:17,187 Striiike! 2015 01:09:17,221 --> 01:09:18,355 [cheering and applause] 2016 01:09:18,388 --> 01:09:20,457 That was a beauty. He should have swung! 2017 01:09:20,490 --> 01:09:22,626 You know, he, he's got a strategy. 2018 01:09:22,659 --> 01:09:24,728 He's, he's doing what the coach is telling him. 2019 01:09:24,761 --> 01:09:25,962 That's right! And that is a good thing! 2020 01:09:25,995 --> 01:09:27,364 - That's a very good thing, - Good thing. 2021 01:09:27,397 --> 01:09:29,633 No, no swinging. 2022 01:09:29,666 --> 01:09:30,534 Striiike! 2023 01:09:30,567 --> 01:09:31,635 Number two, Jack. 2024 01:09:31,668 --> 01:09:33,203 - All right, all right. - That's okay. 2025 01:09:33,237 --> 01:09:35,372 [encouraging applause] - That's great, Jack! 2026 01:09:35,405 --> 01:09:36,573 - Eyes here! - Elbows up! 2027 01:09:37,341 --> 01:09:39,209 Eyes here, Max! 2028 01:09:39,243 --> 01:09:41,878 Striiike three! 2029 01:09:41,911 --> 01:09:43,647 - Oh! - Way to go, way to go! 2030 01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:44,848 That's all right! 2031 01:09:44,881 --> 01:09:46,082 - It was a beautiful pitch! - That's okay! 2032 01:09:46,115 --> 01:09:47,684 - That is okay, baby! - Jack, it's all right! 2033 01:09:47,717 --> 01:09:49,219 Why didn't he swing? 2034 01:09:49,253 --> 01:09:50,186 All right, hold on! Stevie! 2035 01:09:50,220 --> 01:09:51,187 - That's okay. - Stevie! 2036 01:09:51,221 --> 01:09:53,357 - There you go! - Come on, Stevie! 2037 01:09:53,390 --> 01:09:55,425 Hush, hush. Let him concentrate. 2038 01:09:55,459 --> 01:09:58,795 - Swing away! - Come on! 2039 01:10:01,365 --> 01:10:03,400 There's a ball! 2040 01:10:03,433 --> 01:10:05,569 - Yeah, that's the way! - Good eye, good eye! 2041 01:10:05,602 --> 01:10:06,436 That's the way! Good eye! 2042 01:10:06,470 --> 01:10:08,438 - Good eye. - Swing away! 2043 01:10:08,472 --> 01:10:09,273 Ball! 2044 01:10:09,306 --> 01:10:10,374 There you go. 2045 01:10:10,407 --> 01:10:12,376 Way to keep an eye on the ball, son! 2046 01:10:12,409 --> 01:10:13,910 - There you go! - Come on, honey! 2047 01:10:13,943 --> 01:10:16,212 What?! What? 2048 01:10:16,246 --> 01:10:17,447 He called it right. 2049 01:10:17,481 --> 01:10:19,249 - Ball three! - Very good. 2050 01:10:19,283 --> 01:10:21,017 - Very good, son! - Let him pitch to you! 2051 01:10:21,050 --> 01:10:22,452 - Let him pitch to you! - Don't worry! 2052 01:10:22,486 --> 01:10:23,620 You let him throw you a good pitch, huh? 2053 01:10:23,653 --> 01:10:25,221 I don't even think he's aware of the ball. 2054 01:10:25,255 --> 01:10:26,222 The guy can't throw. 2055 01:10:26,256 --> 01:10:28,024 Ball four! [cheering and applause] 2056 01:10:28,057 --> 01:10:28,925 Take your base. 2057 01:10:28,958 --> 01:10:31,027 Take your base! Take your base! 2058 01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:32,362 - Take your base! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 2059 01:10:32,396 --> 01:10:35,899 You're on base! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 2060 01:10:35,932 --> 01:10:37,301 - Take your base! - You're on base! 2061 01:10:37,334 --> 01:10:38,702 - Yeah, yeah, yeah! - You earned it! 2062 01:10:38,735 --> 01:10:40,904 - You're on base! - Good eyes, Blue! 2063 01:10:40,937 --> 01:10:43,473 Good job, good job. It's just like a hit. 2064 01:10:43,507 --> 01:10:45,309 - Just like a hit, Steven. - Thank you. 2065 01:10:45,342 --> 01:10:46,443 Okay, here's how you do this... 2066 01:10:46,476 --> 01:10:47,644 Sir! Do not touch the child! 2067 01:10:47,677 --> 01:10:48,978 Don't touch him! 2068 01:10:49,012 --> 01:10:51,281 - Do not touch the child! - Don't touch the kid! 2069 01:10:51,315 --> 01:10:52,816 - Do not touch the child! - Don't touch him! 2070 01:10:52,849 --> 01:10:54,551 - You can't touch the child... - Rule book! 2071 01:10:54,584 --> 01:10:55,952 Page 37! 2072 01:10:55,985 --> 01:10:58,087 - Okay, I won't touch him! - No touching. 2073 01:10:58,121 --> 01:11:01,391 Okay, so take as big a lead as you want. 2074 01:11:01,425 --> 01:11:03,560 And when he throws the ball...have fun. 2075 01:11:03,593 --> 01:11:05,329 - Okay. - Steal if you feel like it. 2076 01:11:05,362 --> 01:11:07,331 - Have you stolen before? - No. 2077 01:11:07,364 --> 01:11:09,766 - Then today's the day. - All right. 2078 01:11:09,799 --> 01:11:14,003 [upbeat, jazzy music *] [no other sound audible] 2079 01:11:34,824 --> 01:11:39,363 [**] 2080 01:12:01,551 --> 01:12:02,318 [mumbling] Let's do this! 2081 01:12:02,352 --> 01:12:05,221 Eyes forward! Listen up! 2082 01:12:05,254 --> 01:12:08,525 Seriously, has anyone seen Coach Ted? 2083 01:12:08,558 --> 01:12:09,693 Have you seen him?! 2084 01:12:09,726 --> 01:12:11,828 [altogether]: No. 2085 01:12:11,861 --> 01:12:13,997 Gah! [sighs] 2086 01:12:14,030 --> 01:12:16,232 All right, fine. Listen... 2087 01:12:16,265 --> 01:12:18,468 This is it. [exhales] 2088 01:12:18,502 --> 01:12:19,969 Last inning. Last at bat. 2089 01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:21,805 We're down by one. 2090 01:12:21,838 --> 01:12:24,574 If we don't win this, we don't go to the playoffs. 2091 01:12:24,608 --> 01:12:26,142 And if we don't go to the playoffs... 2092 01:12:26,175 --> 01:12:30,414 it's like we didn't... even... exist! 2093 01:12:30,447 --> 01:12:32,416 There will be no monument to you. 2094 01:12:32,449 --> 01:12:34,050 There will be no tribute. 2095 01:12:34,083 --> 01:12:36,252 No one will sing your name in a song! 2096 01:12:36,285 --> 01:12:39,222 We're smoke. [imitates the wind] 2097 01:12:39,255 --> 01:12:42,025 We're nil. Think about that. 2098 01:12:42,058 --> 01:12:45,529 Get out there and play your pants off! 2099 01:12:45,562 --> 01:12:47,731 [mumbling] Let's go! 2100 01:12:47,764 --> 01:12:49,433 Can you? Get me out! 2101 01:12:49,466 --> 01:12:52,569 Push me! Owww! 2102 01:12:52,602 --> 01:12:56,406 They gotta have posts everywhere! 2103 01:12:56,440 --> 01:12:58,442 Let's go, coach! Get your batter up! 2104 01:12:58,475 --> 01:12:59,443 - Get your batter up! - Let's go, let's go! 2105 01:12:59,476 --> 01:13:01,578 Okay dokie, here we gokie! 2106 01:13:01,611 --> 01:13:03,847 - Get your batter in the box! - Max, watch me, okay? 2107 01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:05,549 I am... I'm watching you. What... 2108 01:13:05,582 --> 01:13:07,417 - Pitcher! - No batter, pitch it! 2109 01:13:07,451 --> 01:13:09,419 What? Huh? 2110 01:13:09,453 --> 01:13:10,687 What are... What are you doing?! 2111 01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:12,055 Striiike! 2112 01:13:12,088 --> 01:13:13,623 - Batter! We need a batter! - What?! 2113 01:13:13,657 --> 01:13:16,292 - Batter! Batter! - Who's up? Who's up?! 2114 01:13:16,325 --> 01:13:17,694 You can't throw to no batter 2115 01:13:17,727 --> 01:13:18,862 We need to have somebody out there. 2116 01:13:18,895 --> 01:13:20,564 Striiike! 2117 01:13:20,597 --> 01:13:22,031 No! Barnaby, get out there! 2118 01:13:22,065 --> 01:13:23,467 Now! 2119 01:13:23,500 --> 01:13:24,568 [excited crowd chatter] 2120 01:13:24,601 --> 01:13:27,637 Come on, you're down two! 2121 01:13:27,671 --> 01:13:30,273 - Barnaby, don't swing at it! - Only if it's good, kid. 2122 01:13:30,306 --> 01:13:31,441 Fundamentals! 2123 01:13:31,475 --> 01:13:33,577 Striiike three! 2124 01:13:33,610 --> 01:13:34,978 Good day, sir! 2125 01:13:35,011 --> 01:13:38,114 Come on, use your eyes! Max, watch me! 2126 01:13:38,147 --> 01:13:39,415 I'm watching you! 2127 01:13:39,449 --> 01:13:40,650 I've spent the whole time watching you! 2128 01:13:40,684 --> 01:13:41,785 I don't get it! 2129 01:13:41,818 --> 01:13:44,287 I'm not getting this "watch me" stuff. 2130 01:13:47,824 --> 01:13:49,459 Fundamentals! 2131 01:13:49,493 --> 01:13:52,462 Strike three! Good day, sir! 2132 01:13:52,496 --> 01:13:54,297 Weak! Weak! 2133 01:13:54,330 --> 01:13:57,266 All right, well now we're in a big hole! 2134 01:13:57,300 --> 01:13:58,568 - A weak at bat! - All right, Bennett! 2135 01:13:58,602 --> 01:14:00,236 - Bennett! - Yes! 2136 01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:03,239 Batter up! Here we go! 2137 01:14:03,272 --> 01:14:04,974 - Here we go. - Two down! 2138 01:14:06,943 --> 01:14:09,145 [loud cheering] - Go, go, go! 2139 01:14:09,178 --> 01:14:12,816 In your face, pitcher! 2140 01:14:12,849 --> 01:14:13,983 Get a good lead. Get a good lead... 2141 01:14:14,017 --> 01:14:15,585 - as soon as he throws it. - In your face! 2142 01:14:15,619 --> 01:14:18,655 - All right, Manny! - Whoo! 2143 01:14:18,688 --> 01:14:21,257 Keep your elbows up! 2144 01:14:21,290 --> 01:14:23,026 Come on, use your eyes! 2145 01:14:23,059 --> 01:14:24,528 Breathe, Manny! Breathe! 2146 01:14:24,561 --> 01:14:26,530 - Swing for the fences! - Two down, two down! 2147 01:14:26,563 --> 01:14:31,501 - Go, go, go! - Let's go, let's go! 2148 01:14:31,535 --> 01:14:33,537 Hold up, hold up! 2149 01:14:33,570 --> 01:14:35,271 Hold it up! Hold it up! 2150 01:14:35,304 --> 01:14:36,773 Keep your foot on that base. 2151 01:14:36,806 --> 01:14:39,308 Great job, Manny! 2152 01:14:39,342 --> 01:14:41,678 My God, did you see that? How was that? 2153 01:14:41,711 --> 01:14:44,948 Ah, Jack. [clicks tongue] 2154 01:14:44,981 --> 01:14:47,917 [whispering] Let's go, Jack. 2155 01:14:49,553 --> 01:14:51,721 [sighs deeply] 2156 01:14:51,755 --> 01:14:55,759 [whooshing sound] 2157 01:14:58,027 --> 01:14:59,863 - What am I doing here? - [chuckles] 2158 01:14:59,896 --> 01:15:01,030 What the hell? 2159 01:15:01,064 --> 01:15:02,699 I don't want to be involved in this shit. 2160 01:15:02,732 --> 01:15:05,569 Oh, come on. You love it. 2161 01:15:05,602 --> 01:15:08,638 I love the boy. And I love baseball. 2162 01:15:08,672 --> 01:15:11,007 I don't know that I love this shit. 2163 01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:12,508 [loud sigh] 2164 01:15:12,542 --> 01:15:15,545 You're doing great. 2165 01:15:15,579 --> 01:15:18,548 Well, thanks. Thanks a lot. 2166 01:15:18,582 --> 01:15:19,716 I'm gonna be okay. 2167 01:15:19,749 --> 01:15:21,585 I'll do it. I can do it. 2168 01:15:21,618 --> 01:15:23,419 Nothing to freak out about. 2169 01:15:23,452 --> 01:15:26,155 [whooshing sound] [encouraging applause] 2170 01:15:26,189 --> 01:15:27,390 Rest the bat! 2171 01:15:27,423 --> 01:15:29,893 Like we talked about, Jack! 2172 01:15:29,926 --> 01:15:32,662 Striiike! 2173 01:15:32,696 --> 01:15:33,730 Just swing. 2174 01:15:33,763 --> 01:15:34,731 No swinging! 2175 01:15:34,764 --> 01:15:37,366 Keep the bat on your shoulder! 2176 01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:40,937 Striiike two! 2177 01:15:40,970 --> 01:15:42,939 Oh, come one! 2178 01:15:44,641 --> 01:15:46,342 [whispering] Swing. 2179 01:15:46,375 --> 01:15:49,545 I can't watch. 2180 01:15:49,579 --> 01:15:51,180 Remember what we talked about! 2181 01:15:51,214 --> 01:15:52,749 Keep the bat on your shoulder. 2182 01:15:52,782 --> 01:15:54,618 Rest the bat, Jack. 2183 01:15:54,651 --> 01:15:57,120 Pray for a walk, here. 2184 01:15:57,153 --> 01:15:59,455 Two down! 2185 01:16:00,824 --> 01:16:05,595 [wild cheering and applause] 2186 01:16:08,765 --> 01:16:10,133 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 2187 01:16:10,166 --> 01:16:11,968 No, don't touch him! 2188 01:16:12,001 --> 01:16:13,803 Out! 2189 01:16:13,837 --> 01:16:15,238 - What? - Out! 2190 01:16:15,271 --> 01:16:16,606 I told you not to touch the child! 2191 01:16:16,640 --> 01:16:18,074 The Cubs forfeit! A's win! 2192 01:16:18,107 --> 01:16:19,643 Good day, sir! 2193 01:16:19,676 --> 01:16:21,277 - What?! - Out! 2194 01:16:21,310 --> 01:16:22,278 - No! - What's happening? 2195 01:16:22,311 --> 01:16:23,980 No touching the child! He's out! 2196 01:16:24,013 --> 01:16:25,448 What are you talking about?! 2197 01:16:25,481 --> 01:16:26,816 That's my son! 2198 01:16:26,850 --> 01:16:28,117 I warned you! Do not touch the child! 2199 01:16:28,151 --> 01:16:29,886 He hasn't gotten a hit all season! We hugged! 2200 01:16:29,919 --> 01:16:31,888 - I said, "Don't touch him!" - They already scored! 2201 01:16:31,921 --> 01:16:33,256 I warned you not to touch the child! 2202 01:16:33,289 --> 01:16:34,057 What do you mean, you warned me?! 2203 01:16:34,090 --> 01:16:34,958 You touched the child! 2204 01:16:34,991 --> 01:16:36,660 Cub's forfeit! A's win! 2205 01:16:36,693 --> 01:16:38,662 That's crazy! 2206 01:16:39,829 --> 01:16:41,064 You know what? You're a fucking idiot! 2207 01:16:41,097 --> 01:16:42,165 You're a fucking idiot! 2208 01:16:42,198 --> 01:16:43,800 What the fuck are you talking about?! 2209 01:16:43,833 --> 01:16:45,769 You, You're not allowed to touch the child, sir! 2210 01:16:45,802 --> 01:16:46,903 You hugged the child! 2211 01:16:46,936 --> 01:16:48,805 I hugged the child?! 2212 01:16:48,838 --> 01:16:50,674 What the fuck's wrong with you?! 2213 01:16:50,707 --> 01:16:51,908 You know who needs a hug?! 2214 01:16:51,941 --> 01:16:53,643 You do, you fucking piece of shit umpire! 2215 01:16:53,677 --> 01:16:55,779 You need a hug! That's right! 2216 01:16:55,812 --> 01:16:58,481 [laughing crazily] [grunting angrily] 2217 01:16:58,514 --> 01:17:00,183 Who needs a hug? You! 2218 01:17:00,216 --> 01:17:03,286 You accident-prone, swimming-fearing, 2219 01:17:03,319 --> 01:17:05,354 locksmith brother-hating, 2220 01:17:05,388 --> 01:17:07,423 copy-making piece of shit motherfucker! 2221 01:17:07,456 --> 01:17:08,825 You! You! 2222 01:17:08,858 --> 01:17:11,494 You need a hug! Fuck you! 2223 01:17:11,527 --> 01:17:12,628 Who are you? 2224 01:17:12,662 --> 01:17:14,297 I got no clue who you are! 2225 01:17:14,330 --> 01:17:15,865 You're a parent from the other team! 2226 01:17:15,899 --> 01:17:16,833 That's who you are! 2227 01:17:16,866 --> 01:17:19,302 Fuck you! Fuck you! 2228 01:17:19,335 --> 01:17:20,436 Ha! 2229 01:17:20,469 --> 01:17:22,205 [whispering] You fuckers, you fuckers. 2230 01:17:22,238 --> 01:17:23,840 You ruined everything for me! 2231 01:17:23,873 --> 01:17:25,274 Fuck you! Fuck all of you. 2232 01:17:25,308 --> 01:17:27,677 Fuck all of you. You, you! 2233 01:17:27,711 --> 01:17:30,213 You, you Soldier of Fortune-hiding... 2234 01:17:30,246 --> 01:17:31,848 He reads Soldier of Fortune! 2235 01:17:31,881 --> 01:17:33,616 He reads Soldier of Fortune! 2236 01:17:33,649 --> 01:17:35,318 I love ya! I love ya! 2237 01:17:35,351 --> 01:17:38,287 [laughing crazily] I love ya! Oh! 2238 01:17:38,321 --> 01:17:40,656 And look at you guys. 2239 01:17:40,690 --> 01:17:41,858 What are you all uptight for? 2240 01:17:41,891 --> 01:17:43,226 You're always so fucking happy! 2241 01:17:43,259 --> 01:17:44,127 Look at you! 2242 01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:45,328 Always got something to say! 2243 01:17:45,361 --> 01:17:46,629 You know what you two should do? 2244 01:17:46,662 --> 01:17:48,832 You two should fuck! That's right! 2245 01:17:48,865 --> 01:17:51,200 The two of you should be pumping away. 2246 01:17:51,234 --> 01:17:52,301 Pumping away! 2247 01:17:52,335 --> 01:17:54,303 How's this for an instructional video?! 2248 01:17:54,337 --> 01:17:56,205 You cocksucker! 2249 01:17:56,239 --> 01:17:58,541 Let daddy squeeze the lesbian out of you! 2250 01:17:58,574 --> 01:17:59,876 [whispering] I know you don't have any money. 2251 01:17:59,909 --> 01:18:03,146 And, uh, it's okay. Just be yourself. 2252 01:18:03,179 --> 01:18:04,380 People accept you. 2253 01:18:04,413 --> 01:18:05,915 You don't need to have a lot of money for that. 2254 01:18:05,949 --> 01:18:07,683 I'm not gonna hug ya! 2255 01:18:07,717 --> 01:18:08,918 I'm not gonna hug ya! 2256 01:18:08,952 --> 01:18:11,320 'Cause you're not wearing a shirt! 2257 01:18:11,354 --> 01:18:14,724 Nanny goat! Nanny goat! Rah, rah, rah! 2258 01:18:14,758 --> 01:18:17,660 At night... I jizz on the field! 2259 01:18:17,693 --> 01:18:19,428 I jizz all over the field! 2260 01:18:19,462 --> 01:18:22,265 This is for all... the married men everywhere. 2261 01:18:22,298 --> 01:18:23,166 Here's what I'm gonna do. 2262 01:18:23,199 --> 01:18:27,670 Oh yes! Oh yes! Whoo-wee! 2263 01:18:27,703 --> 01:18:33,542 [laughing madly and catching breath] 2264 01:18:46,722 --> 01:18:48,758 [under his breath]: What was I thinking? 2265 01:18:58,768 --> 01:19:03,172 [cheerful, jazzy music *] 2266 01:20:37,533 --> 01:20:40,003 [song ends **] 2267 01:20:40,036 --> 01:20:45,508 [* Glassell Park: "Calm Me Down"] 2268 01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:15,558 [song ends **] 2269 01:23:16,225 --> 01:23:19,028 [distant sounds of kids playing] 2270 01:23:36,112 --> 01:23:39,715 [metallic tape measure wobbling] 2271 01:23:50,626 --> 01:23:53,862 [wobbling continues] 152372