Original subtitles

Mom!

How come you're all awake?

You know why.

I threw up twice.

Sorry, Shecker.

I couldn't sleep at all.

Look, we're all up for the same reason. I say we do something.

-Yeah, like we talked. -It's a long way to go.

But everybody's gone. Hold it.

-Wheaties is dead. -We should be so lucky.

The best investment I ever made, that headset.

They've all gone on the pack trip.

If we move fast we can be back before they are.

We're in enough trouble.

-I say go. -Go.

Where's Lally 2?

I let him sleep out. He wanted to.

-He fooled you with that little baby stuff again. -What?

He wanted to show off. Do it all by himself.

-He's miles away by now. -Depends on when he got up.

He can get killed on the road.

Too bad. My ass bleeds for him.

Sometimes you give me a pain.

-Where did you go? -You know where.

-Why didn't you wake us? -I figured you'd be too chicken.

-I'll do it myself. -Then why did you come back?

To get my pillow.

We're all going.

You got five minutes to be on your horses and out.

Okay, hold it up now. Hold it up.

Now, last chance station.

If we don't get off here, we go right to the end.

Are you sweating this?

I'd feel better if you leave that gun.

It's just a pop gun.

If this works it'll make up for everything.

-Yeah, if we make it. -It's a long trip.

-We're losing time. -Okay, look.

I don't want any feedback from any of you guys later on.

When we let those buffalo go, even to save them, we break the law.

And don't forget it.

Well, the law ain't big enough for us Westerners.

Now I want you guys to understand this.

That's all we talked about when we came back yesterday.

Okay, then I guess we have to go?

(BLESS THE BEASTS AND THE CHILDREN PLAYING)

* Bless the beasts and the children

* For in this world they have no voice

* They have no choice

* Bless the beasts and the children

* For the world can never be

* The world they see

* Light their way

* When the darkness surrounds them

* Give them love

* Let it shine all around them

* Bless the beasts and the children

* Give them shelter from the storm

* Shelter from the storm

* Keep them safe

* Keep them safe and warm

* Keep them warm

* The children

* The children

* The children

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Beautiful. Here we are. Do you like it?

-I haven't seen it yet. -What's the difference?

Your mother saw it and liked it. Now she can say, "My son, the cowboy."

Are they going to laugh at me because I'm fat?

-I'm fat, too. -Well, they laugh at you.

I'm a comedian, stupe. Now listen to me.

Remember, be a good boy and behave yourself, you hear me?

And if you don't do anything that I wouldn't do, you're going to have a terrible time.

Now don't worry about a thing. I'll grease it up for you good. Come on.

MAN ON PA: Number 10 of Camp Rules and Regulations states explicitly:

"Absolutely no fireworks will be allowed to anyone on the campgrounds."

This means everyone.

Look, we ask the parents not to come up here.

-It's upsetting to the boys. -Look, what is it?

I happen to be in Vegas, I jump down to say hello to the kids.

I love kids. There's nothing like kids.

That's the trouble with Vegas, there's not enough kids.

-Hiya, fellas. -Hi.

-Up, up and away. -Up, up and away.

Tell the truth, do I look the same as I do on TV?

Tell it. They love me. Listen.

I got a great kid here.

Use him on the social staff. He's nothing but laughs.

If you don't mind, I have to go to my meeting.

He does impressions. Do Humphrey Bogart.

All right. Sweetheart, no two-bit dame's going to slap me around.

I'll put you right back in the gutter where I found you.

-Is that beautiful? -Amazing.

Yeah, he does everybody. Sammy Davis, Jr., Edward G. Robinson.

He even does me. Show him.

The kid's incredible. He even does me. Show him.

Now Eddie Robinson.

I want you to take good care of my son, see.

All the ice cream he wants and then time off for licking the spoon.

Don't move or you'll find your body...

What kind of shtick is that, dummy?

That's the way you talk to the Camp Director? Now apologize like a man.

I apologize like a man.

-You beautiful headless. -Incredible.

If you need any help, like a benefit, you want to raise a little cash,

-don't be bashful, give me a call. -Sure.

You know, I've done more benefits than Zsa Zsa Gabor has husbands?

-Well, thanks a lot. Good to know. -Here, here.

-What's this? -A little C-note.

Keep an extra eye on the kid. You know what I mean?

No, thank you. I don't take money. Ever.

Now that's class. That's real class. Plays no favorites.

Sammy, you're going to have to make it on your own.

All right, doll? Take care of yourself, son. Morris, you ready?

-Up, up and away. -Up, up and away.

Split that up amongst you.

Don't take any slugs, you mugs, and eat your oatmeal, you hear?

-Up, up and away. -Up, up and away.

-Up, up and away. -Up, up and away.

Okay, hold it up.

Okay, let's give 'em a breather for a minute.

How much ground have we covered?

Come on, don't start that now. We've got a long way to go.

What time is it?

My boy, the old Professor can tell, just by looking at the moon and the stars,

and the direction we are headed in and his wristwatch, just what time it is.

-What time is it? -It is later than you think, Goodenow.

-Well, I'm getting tired. -So why don't you go back?

And why don't you shut up? You're not even old enough to be in this camp.

You only got in because they took the two of us.

How do you feel?

-Fine. Why? -You haven't thrown up once.

And I'm not going to.

Come on.

WOMAN: (READING) "Very studious.

"Prefers reading to other activities.

"Phobic reaction continues to school.

"Gerald has recently manifested self-destructive tendencies.

"Roots to problem in home situation."

You tell me when those headshrinkers at school say it isn't the "home situation."

Maybe his father was crazy, you said he was.

All right. I know what he needs, a fella at the club recommended it.

A camp out West. He'll ride and shoot and dry out behind the ears.

Ride a horse? He can't handle it.

He'd be thrown and crippled.

I'm pooped.

Stop complaining. These horses are more pooped than you are.

I'm tired, too.

MAN: Martha, you're smothering him.

MARTHA: It's too far away for Gerald. Gerald has never been away from home.

Martha, we've got a problem on our hands.

The kid's 14 years old and he still pees in the bed.

Now don't worry, I didn't mention it to the camp,

because I don't know if Gerald can make it with the other kids.

That's not fair and you know it.

Then do something about it.

I'm wondering if you haven't managed to turn the kid into a goddamn fairy.

-They can hang loose there. They'll be all right. -They sure got tired fast.

You know, they don't make horses the way they used to.

You guys, wait up for me, will you?

We walk against the traffic here.

-Where to? -This road takes us right into town.

-We can be there by morning and bag a hitch. -Six of us?

-There are plenty of trucks rolling through. -Fellas, watch this.

Going my way?

Fellas, listen.

Guess this one.

Folks, we have a really, really fine show tonight.

The flying Yakimbas,

the Metropolitan Opera, the Beatles from London,

and the Bolshoi Ballet.

And for the second half...

Well?

Well?

Come on.

Look out.

-Are you crazy? -What's wrong with you?

You son of a bitch.

What you said.

And for the second half of the show, Milton Berle...

Shecker, come on.

The Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra, the United Nations,

and Raquel Welch.

-Shecker, that's just great. -Well, who is it?

-Spiro Agnew? -Come on.

-You guys... -Watch out!

Hippies! Hippies!

-Up yours. -Christ, we almost got killed.

That dude wasn't kidding around.

And we got a long way to go yet.

-So what? -So shut up.

Maybe we ought to go back.

Yeah, maybe.

What the...

I knew this would happen. Bunch of scared kids.

Sure, it gets dark, a couple of trucks go past,

to hell with the buffalo, let 'em die.

Cotton, we're not going to get a ride on this highway.

-Who says so? -Man, those trucks speeding by say so.

-You got any ideas? -Get us some wheels in town.

What do you mean, get us wheels?

-Bag 'em. -Steal a car?

You know, you should be locked up.

Then let's go back.

That way.

ALL: * B.C., B.C., B.C.

* B.C., B.C., B.C.

We're at the end of a two-week period now

and this is the day we've been waiting for.

We give out the awards.

But first,

as I do every summer, I'm going to recite that remarkable,

inspirational poem, which was written by the old camper himself, H.E. Pug Drummond.

It's called, "State of Mind."

It says everything there is to say about Box Canyon.

"If you think you're beaten, you are

"If you think you dare not, you don't

"If you think you'd like to win but you can't

"It's almost a cinch that you won't

"For out in the world you find Success begins with a fellow's will

"It's all in the state of mind

"For many a race is lost without even a step being run

"Many a coward fails before his work's begun

"Think big and your deeds will grow

"Think small and you'll fall behind

"Think that you can and you will

"It's all in a state of mind

"Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man

"Sooner or later the man who thinks is the man who thinks he can"

Fore!

0900, swimming.

"If temptation should rear its ugly head

"Resist, fellow campers and you'll find

"You'll grow to be a man one day It's all in a state of mind"

Jesus Christ, you kids want to go blind? Now cut that out and go to sleep.

"Think you're outclassed, you are

"You've got to think high to rise

"You've got to be sure of yourself

"Before you'll ever win the prize"

Your gun is your friend.

It's your principal source of protection, if you learn to use it properly.

It is also a means whereby you can gauge your enemy's true purpose.

Mainly, it is a source of pleasure,

if you learn the proper methods of handling it.

There are a few... Cut it out!

You gone crazy, young man?

"The going can get rough Life is tough

"But you're as strong as an impregnable fort

"Play to win, dare to lose But play the game like a sport

"So hoist your banners high aloft

"Old Box Canyon's wunderkind

"You can, you will, you must

"It's all in a state of mind"

Now it's time to award the trophies.

As I call your cabin number, have your designated leader come up and accept.

First the winner, the highest scoring tribe.

From now on they'll be called the Apaches.

They get the buffalo head. Cabin Five!

Next we have the Sioux with the mountain lion. Cabin Three.

And the Comanches with the black bear. Cabin One.

And the Cheyenne, they get the bobcat. Cabin Two.

Where are you? There you are.

And the Navajo, they get the antelope, of course. Cabin Six.

Now our last and lowest award doesn't really have an Indian name,

but to help the boys up the ladder of achievement we've given it a name that

they're going to want to get rid of pretty fast.

Cabin Four, the Bed Wetters, right?

And here is your trophy.

Now boys, I want you to relax.

Care for anything?

How about some candy? I got some really swell stuff here.

Now boys, I know you've been to other doctors before.

I'm not going to treat you like babies.

You're both well aware of your parents' constant bickerings

and reconciliations.

I want to get right down to the matter of sibling rivalry.

Okay?

You know what that means?

It's when two brothers, like yourselves,

are competitive and vying for attention.

Steve, I want you to tell me

exactly what you think about Billy.

I hate him. He stinks. He's a pest.

My parents give him everything he wants

because they think he's so goddamn cute.

He and his security pillow. He's the favorite, all the time.

And if I touch him, just once, wham! I get it.

I wish he was dead.

I'd cut him up, dig a hole, put the pieces in, let the worms eat him up,

and I'd never have to see him again.

Then I'd stop banging my head against the wall!

That makes sense.

-You got any other kind of candy? -You see what I mean?

While I was talking you took all the candy. It's always that way, I get nothing.

-Shove it! -Billy, you just heard what your brother said.

What I want you to do is to... What are you doing?

My pillow! My pillow!

All the candy is gone. All the candy is gone.

All the candy is gone. Dammit! Dammit!

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

* Don't know where I'll sleep tonight

* Don't know if I'm wrong or right

* What's ahead is out of sight on down the line

* All I have is lots of time

* I don't belong and nothing's mine

* Yesterday was left behind on down the line

* Free as the wind That's how I wanna be

* Out on my own

* All alone with nothing holding me

* And if I don't look behind

* Maybe up a bit I'll find

* What is really mine down the line *

Come on! Come on! I found one with keys.

-She's a beaut. -It's a cinch.

-What a car. -Out.

-Come on, everybody out! -What's the matter?

Six kids in a car like this. The cops'd be on us in a minute.

We've got one just like this at home.

We need something nobody would notice.

MAN: Scram!

Boys!

You goddamn boys!

You stay away from that caddy, you hear me?

Well, what do you think?

Nobody would ever notice this, not much.

It's big enough. You know, it looks like us.

Yeah, and there's a picture of you.

You guys.

Come on now, stop it. Get off there.

How are you going to start it without a key?

My calling card.

You're too much.

Let's see you do it.

All right. Now look, we don't want a crowd here.

Why don't you guys wait across the street? This'll only take a minute.

Okay, come on, guys.

(ENGINE STARTS)

You guys call for a taxi?

Ladies first. Ladies first.

You guys, we can't all fit in here.

Lally 2 up front, the rest in back.

-Come on. -Get out of the way!

Teft, you really know how to drive this thing?

-Take off. -I'm learning.

How are you feeling, Lally 2?

I'd feel better if I knew a prayer for stolen cars.

Anybody know a prayer for stolen cars?

"Oh, Lord, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

"I shall fear no evil, for thou art near me"

L'Chaim!

-What the hell's that? -It means "to life."

I'll take it. But you got one for four good tires?

Sure, L'Chaim four good tires.

The fuzz! Behind us.

-Dammit! -We're dead.

Wanna try and ditch 'em?

Just act natural, like you belong to this thing. Teft, sit up.

(GOODENOW WHISTLING)

(SIREN WAILING)

-Wow. That was close. -It looks all right now, Cotton.

We were lucky.

COTTON: Teft.

Bagging this crate. Really good job.

TEFT: Yeah, thanks.

-Only one thing. -COTTON: What?

TEFT: Don't call her a crate.

You guys are really blowing your mind.

-Don't laugh. You're not getting any either. -What can it do to you?

Put it out!

All right, you dings. I caught you.

Now tell me what you're smoking and where you got it

or we're going to be here all night.

Jesus Christ, it stinks in here.

Nobody's going to talk?

You psychos.

You're the worst bunch of misfits I've ever seen.

Boy, did I get a short straw when I drew you.

As a matter of fact, Wheaties, you jumped the gun.

We were preparing something beautiful for you.

To give you this as a token of peace.

The H-E-L-L you were.

-What is it? -Shecker's father sent it.

It's earphones with its own radio.

We want to make up.

Well, we got another month to go and we might as well be friends.

Go ahead.

You guys want to give this to me?

What's wrong with it?

Go ahead, Wheaties, it's stereo.

This side goes "oomp" and this side goes "pah!"

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow. That's wild.

You can turn it up like this.

Like it, you idiot?

Shmuck! Fox-face! Jerk!

It works?

Yeah. It's out of this world.

You should be out of this world. They should put you away forever.

Six feet under.

Dumbbell.

You jock! I'd like to push your face in.

Like push it in the toilet.

-Neat, isn't it? -Yeah.

And you can pull in far away stations.

Tune it yourself.

Yeah?

Wow.

Good? You like it?

-Try it in bed, it'll put you to sleep. -Well, it's a little awkward.

It's worth it. Just turn it down a little.

All right, everybody hit the sack.

Aren't you even going to say thanks?

I said, aren't you even going to say thanks?

Let's wait until morning.

MAN: If you want to be Apaches badly enough,

if you want to avoid the humiliation of being low man on the totem pole,

and I'm not only speaking to the Bed Wetters, you can raid.

You always have a second chance.

If you can steal the trophy, it belongs to you,

and it's yours until the next powwow.

Anything goes, as long as your counselor does not know about it.

Good luck.

-Billy, go, go! -Go!

Get the hell out of here!

(SIREN WAILING)

Come on.

Shit.

-Goddamn you! -Not fair.

Goddamn.

-Okay, Bed Wetters, turn around. -I can't.

Move it. Come on, move it.

Here's the piss pot.

Don't you cry, Goodenow.

You either.

Say, "Church on fire."

You do that, we'll burn this place down.

Church on fire. Church on fire.

Church on fire. Church on fire.

-Church on fire. -Church on fire.

Put it out! Put it out!

Put it out! Put it out!

(GUNSHOT)

ALL: * Open your eyes it's a beautiful morning

* Open your eyes it's a beautiful day

* No need to wonder

* Take the sleep from your eyes

* Haven't you heard it's a beautiful day

* A beautiful day

Let's sing it again.

-One more time. -One more time.

* Open your eyes it's a beautiful morning

* Open your eyes it's a beautiful day

* No need to wonder

* Take the sleep from your eyes

* Haven't you heard it's a beautiful day

* A beautiful day

* A beautiful day

I gotta eat.

-Yeah. -Seems like we've been traveling for days now.

-We are not stopping. -Cotton, I'm hungry.

-You can't boss us around all the time, Cotton. -Yeah.

We gotta eat sometime, man.

Double hamburgers with ketchup,

mustard, pickles, onions, tomatoes, relish...

-And a triple milkshake. -Yeah.

I think I'll nibble on my pillow.

We gotta keep rolling or we lose a whole day.

I'm going to lose my best friend, my stomach.

Food, food, food.

Okay. We eat.

Okay, hold it here.

-Cotton, you know I can't cut the engine. -Let it run.

-Six million flies can't be wrong. -I want a double hamburger.

-I want a double hamburger. -Hold it.

Six hamburgers with everything, please.

And the biggest milkshakes you can make.

-Yeah. -Let's see your money.

-I'm on Diners Club. -Sure he is.

-All right. -We want a cheeseburger?

-Digger. -How about feeding the jukebox?

-Six. -Cotton.

I didn't see them.

That makes me three up on you, Bueller.

Lordy. Yeah.

-Ma, we need some more quarters. -I gave you four.

-Where's my dollar? -In that there cotton-pickin' pool table.

Ten minutes for a quarter ain't enough time to scratch your cue stick.

You hear that, Momma?

That's all you're getting.

You milk drinkers wouldn't happen to have some spare quarters?

Yeah, how about that?

Yeah, we got some. Only they're not spare, they're round.

Miss, whenever you have those hamburgers. We're really hungry.

You don't look hungry. Look at this.

Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy.

What are you anyway?

Girl or a boy?

What are you?

Just a musician like that group in the jukebox over there.

We're going to L.A.

-Can it, Shecker. -You got a name?

Yeah, we got a name. Group Therapy.

Group Therapy. Now what are you, wise guys?

No. I told you. We're musicians.

I'm Ringo and that's Ono Ooko over there by the corner.

You got a real name?

Look!

He told you.

The fact is we used to be Group Therapy. We changed it.

Now we're the Before Christ.

Before Christ?

That's right. Dig our backs, man.

B.C.

Before Christ.

-I think it's a put-on. -Yeah, and I don't like it.

And I don't like being bugged for quarters.

That's unkind.

You don't. You don't.

-Why don't you guys mind your own business. -Shut up, Ma.

-Okay, smart asses, what are you up to? -What are you up to?

I asked you a question.

If there's anything I can't abide, it's a drip-lip dude kid.

Now are you gonna talk?

I said, can't you talk?

That's the second car you've stolen and smashed up.

Why? Do you know what it's cost me to hush this thing up?

Pay the principals so the insurance company doesn't cover the loss and cancel us?

This time I haven't called your mother at Maine Chance.

It would ruin her stay.

Christ, I try to understand you. You have your own car.

You know how I feel about your hair, and I haven't even asked you to...

Tom, is that our block of stock that just crossed?

TOM: Yes, Mr. Teft.

We got the whole 30,000 off with the eighth of a point.

Good trade, man.

Well, aren't you going to answer me?

What have you got to say for yourself?

In the West everything sticks, stings or stinks.

Is that a fact?

Digger, I'll bet if you ask these boys real nice,

they might just stand still for a couple of beers.

Yeah, that'll be kind.

Real, real kind.

Why don't you let these kids be?

No, no. That's all right.

We'd be glad to, but we got to go right now. We're really late.

Come on, Sheck. Take the beers out of here.

-But I'm hungry. -Take it with you.

Come on, guys, we're late.

Walk, don't run.

Don't look back. Just keep going and move it.

Man, why do we have to run?

They're where they're supposed to be. We're not. Come on, get in.

Damn you!

You know what a kreplach is?

No. What's a kreplach?

-You don't know what a kreplach is? -No, who is he?

This guy doesn't know what a kreplach is.

What the hell kind of gentile are you anyway?

You know, you can kvetch your head off

if you don't know what a kreplach is.

What's a kvetch?

(CAR HORN HONKING)

Trouble.

Shit.

Floor it, Teft.

They don't like us for sure.

To lose the cops, be almost there... Goddamn it!

Now what?

-Now we see. -Floor it.

Pull over, boy.

Pull over.

-Pull over. -Pull over, goddamn you, boy.

Jesus Christ, will you pull over.

All right, get out of there. Come on now, get out!

Get your asses out of there. You, get out. Come on.

Well, if it ain't the Before Christ. Let's turn off that engine.

We don't want to have the motor overheat, do we?

If you're headed for L.A., why you pointed towards Albuquerque?

Or didn't I get you right, boy?

Well, I'll be suck-egg mule.

-No keys. -You got this thing wired, boy?

-What do you guys want? -Well, I'm not so sure.

Six milk drinkers with a wired truck call themselves the Before Christ.

How about those quarters you guys wanted?

How about that?

How about us letting the law in on what we got here, too?

Like to see something else?

No. You got to be awful good to beat this.

Hold it, boy. Hold it there, boy.

You got a pop gun.

-Travel before you wear earrings. -You ain't got the hair, kid.

There's more BB's in here.

Hightail it back to your grease bowl or I'll hang them in your ear.

And this close I can't miss.

Here's a quarter. Take the bus.

Get your ass out of here.

Get your ass out of here.

Get in fast. Let's go.

Come on, Teft, run them over.

Up yours, fat ass.

My father hates Jews.

What did you say?

I said my father hates Jews.

Why?

He hates a lot of people.

How did you know I was Jewish?

Because my father would hate you.

Look out!

What's the matter with you?

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

-I don't believe it. -What?

I just never noticed it.

I forgot. I completely forgot.

Gas. We're out of gas.

No!

Now?

I'm sorry. I am Christ Almighty really sorry.

Sorry?

-You're sorry? -I'm sorry!

A fat lot of good that does us now.

We're almost there.

God, there's not a gas station in a million miles from here.

Misfits! Weirdoes!

Bed wetters. Wheaties was right.

We're no damn good, and we never will be.

I'll get this thing started.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

Cotton.

Cotton, cool it.

-Who are you going out with tonight? -You know, Tony Mathis.

-He's a kid. -Careful, he may be your father.

Not mine. I only have one.

Only he'll probably live here for a while, that's all.

Like what's his name.

This may be for keeps.

It better be. How old am I this time? 12?

Soon I'll be 10. Then 8.

Pretty soon I'll disappear completely. No son at all.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

You're terrible.

What do you really think?

-Mother still beautiful? -Not for long.

I'm almost 16. Try gooping that over.

In one year I'll be 17.

You know what I'm going to do on my seventeenth birthday?

-I'm listening. -Join the Marines.

You can, you know, if your parents sign the papers.

Dad will.

-And I won't, of course. -And you will, of course.

Because if you don't, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to make a big sign

and march up and down in front of the Bay Yacht Club.

"My mother is over 42 years old," it'll say.

I'll kill you.

I didn't want to go in the first place.

Just because I'm stuck with a psycho kid brother.

Go ahead, knock your head against some wall.

We're not that far that we can't make it.

And if the truck hadn't run out of gas, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Goodenow!

Why don't you take this and choke yourself with your beads.

It's not Teft's fault we ran out of gas.

It's just another one of your excuses.

All of you must think we're going to get medals

or become heroes for what we're going to do.

Sure, those riflemen and hunters'll give us a medal all right.

They'll love us.

Look, it doesn't matter. Forget it.

Now we're going to vote. Either go back or go ahead.

One more week, camp's over.

Probably never even see each other again.

Nobody'll know.

Nobody will even care.

Okay.

Now, all those in favor of going back, raise your hand.

Cotton, you flake-out!

I was going alone until you talked me out of it.

Go crawl under Cotton's bunk, or some truck.

Yeah, well I don't need Cotton, which all of you still do.

And I'm only a baby.

-Wait a minute. -What do you want?

I'm sorry, Cotton. He can't go by himself.

Rotten kid.

I'd be crucified if anything ever happened to him.

You wouldn't believe how they baby this brat.

Up, up and away.

You said it yourself, Cotton.

When we leave camp it's heads up.

You son of a bitch.

Okay, it's getting late, I think we should bed down for the night

and get a fresh start in the morning. Come on.

"The going can get rough Life is tough

"Keep your spirits running high

"Play to win, dare to lose

"It's all a pastrami on rye"

Shut up.

You're nuts. You know you're a nut?

BOY 1: You fairy! BOY 2: And he's a bleached blond, too.

Here's the rest of your junk. We don't want you in our cabin.

You'll all be sorry. I'm going to drown myself.

You don't have the guts.

Let's see you do it, pissy boy.

Fourteen years old and you can't even hold water.

You can drown yourself in your sleeping bag, it's wetter.

And warmer.

You'll all be sorry when I'm dead.

Come on, let's go, let's get out of here.

What are you trying to do?

What's your name?

Gerald. Gerald Goodenow.

You can call me Cotton.

How long are you going to stay in there?

What kind of thing is that to do? Trying to kill yourself.

If I'm so angry at someone, I wouldn't kill myself, I'd kill them.

I don't want to kill anybody.

Why don't you come out of there. You're not going to drown yourself.

They threw me out.

I don't have any place to go now.

You can come in with me. We're a bunch of misfits in my cabin, anyway.

-I wet my bed. -It's all right.

Listen, I know everything about the Marines.

There are guys pissing and crapping in their pants all the time.

They wouldn't throw me out?

Anyone who tries that, or laughs at you,

I personally will beat the hell out of them. I promise you that.

Now come on. You know I'm getting cold just looking at you.

That's it. Come on.

Come on.

Goodenow.

Cotton.

Nothing to worry about.

That's your bunk over there. You're the sixth.

Snap to it, men.

This is Gerald Goodenow. He's a bed wetter.

So's he, and he still sucks his thumb

and he has a stupid pillow and sleeps under Cotton's bunk.

Go ahead.

Show him how you knock your head against the wall.

Knock it off. Knock it off, you guys.

That's Stephen and Billy Lally. We call 'em Lally 1 and Lally 2.

That's Lawrence Teft over there.

He doesn't like the name Teft. We call him Teft anyway.

I hate Lawrence even more.

You wake up at night sometimes and you think it's crickets,

it's Teft grinding his teeth.

And I take shit from nobody.

I see you have the bed next to mine.

Careful, I wake up very hungry sometimes

for blood.

You're funny like your father.

Good show, old chap.

And for that, Elizabeth, you may show him your diamond.

Loony as a bedbug.

And that one, he wants to fight in the Marines. Meshuggenah.

I think I'm going to like it here.

In the other cabin, everybody was so...

So normal.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four. Hup two, three, four.

Man, we got to be close now.

-I hope we're going the right way. -Quiet in the ranks.

Shecker, if you make any remarks, make 'em to me.

Okay.

-Okay, sir. -Okay, sir.

Cotton, do you know where we're going?

We went over it very carefully, Shecker.

-But in the dark... -It's just over that hill.

Now cut the talking. It'll soon be light.

The place will be crawling with hunters.

-Shut up. -How do we know somebody isn't watching?

-General Patton is watching. -Shut up, Shecker.

-Hup two three four. Hip two three four. -Nuts.

-What? -Jesus Christ, man, I'm not in the army.

-Teft! -What?

(BUFFALO GRUNTING)

-It's them! -We made it.

Come on!

The shooters' camp is down there. Keep it as quiet as you can.

Come on.

-You all right? -Yeah.

Buffalo blood.

Now you kids are going to see some buffalo close up.

-Hey, man. I hear they look like boxcars. -Yeah.

-I thought there weren't any more buffaloes. -There's plenty of them.

You're gonna be getting a look at 'em,

while the rest of the camp is on that dumb climb down the Grand Canyon.

There they are!

-Look at 'em. -I wish I had a camera.

-Miller. -Right here.

-Hawkins. -Miss Copeland.

Yes, sir.

What the hell is this?

Let's get out of here.

Are you kidding? The day's just begun.

We don't want to see this.

All right, go get a Coke or go to the can, or something.

But don't try to leave without me.

Come on.

-Voight. -Yeah.

Maxwell. Johnson.

I'm not going to stay here.

Me either.

There must be something we can do.

Let's go over to those tents.

You guys, look.

Well, well, look what we got here.

Ain't that beautiful.

Well, thank you.

I gotta get it over to my car. It's gonna be a trophy in my room.

Well, ain't that nice. Gonna be your best friend.

-Kinda like. -Your dead friend.

-You wanna sell him? -It's a her.

-You wanna sell her? -We'll give you $1 million for her.

Heck, it cost me $40 myself.

How come $40?

That's what you pay for a permit to shoot one. I'm lucky.

My dad sent in five for my family. I'm the only one that got picked.

Well, ain't you the turd-kicking lucky one.

Takes a week.

Once every year they thin out the rotten ones.

You liked killing that buffalo.

Well, I didn't do too good a job shooting her, but the meat's gonna be fine.

They're just dumb animals. Ain't good for nothing alive.

There's a lot of dumb people good for nothing. Nobody shoots 'em.

Why, you see people shot every day.

-You watch it on the TV. -You little bastard.

That's a dirty word. My pa says people with dirty minds use dirty words.

Come on.

If I don't get out of here, they're gonna shoot 100 of them.

Killers! Murderers!

Killers! Buffalo killers!

-Wheaties drew a ticket! -It figures.

Wheaties!

(GROANING)

(CHANTING IN HEBREW)

(STAMMERING)

What the hell happened to you?

You could have ad-libbed the whole thing, you little crumb.

Six months rehearsal gone right down the drain.

$30 million worth of talent sitting out front as my guests,

and you do this to me?

Me? Why? Why I ought to...

Back your teeth right down your throat, punk.

Yelling out like that in public.

All you bleeding hearts give me a pain right in my cajones.

The poor goddamn buffalo.

Well, I've had it up to here.

From now on, no more radios, no music,

no movies, no talk at night, no nothing.

C.D. says you're all emotionally disturbed.

Emotionally bullshit.

You're dings.

You know what a ding is?

That's something that don't fit anywhere, anytime, anything, any place.

It uses up space, but it's useless.

Nobody wants it, or knows what to do with it.

So it's got no use for living.

Like those buffalo.

You know why they were being destroyed?

For being animal dings.

So should you.

So should you.

Because you're the pee-poorest, loudmouth,

crybaby, snotnose, grab bag full of dings

that this camp has even seen.

Now hit the sack.

And one word out of you

and I'm going right over the C.D.'s head to the sheriff.

Well, now, where in the hell do you think you're going?

You got no right to touch my footlocker.

-You busted my lock. -I picked it. I'm an authority.

Nice influences for little boys at camp, Wheaties.

"Sex Manual. A Hundred and One Sex Positions.

"A Thousand Nights in a Turkish Harem."

And let's not forget your booze.

And this... This suits you just fine, Wheaties.

Okay. Who do you want me to show this to?

The Camp Director or the sheriff?

All right, you deviate, we'll let you play counselor,

because we don't believe in destroying dumb animals like you.

But the rules of this game are changing.

From now on, the bleeding hearts are running this cabin our way,

which can't be a hell of a lot worse than yours.

And if you don't like it, kiss off.

You can shove it up your anal orifice.

What's an anal orifice?

-Ass. -Ass?

Then why didn't you say it?

Hell, I didn't think it would be anywhere as tough as this.

It's all a state of mind.

It always looks easier on TV.

Now what's that supposed to mean?

It just means that maybe we should have had a good look first.

How did we know we were coming back here?

Somebody's got to go up on that catwalk and get a look at the whole layout.

Well, what if you fell off?

They'd mash you if you fell off.

I'm afraid of high places.

I'd try it, but I'm kind of heavy.

Why don't we draw straws?

What a hairy outfit.

All right, I guess I'll have to go up.

Where's Lally 2?

Here's his pillow.

-Where'd he go? -That crazy kid.

Look at me!

-Wow. You can see everything. -How did you get up there?

There's a ladder.

You can get dizzy.

Dammit, Billy, you come down from there.

You come up and make me.

-Come on, you guys, there's nothing to it. -Just take it easy, big shot.

There they are just waiting for us.

You're a genius, Lally 2.

You forgot your pillow.

-Throw it away. -Throw it away?

Yeah, and don't make a big thing out of it.

Man, look, what if these buffalo don't like us being here?

Can they come charging against this wall?

No one knows what a buffalo's going to do. They can spook at a pin drop.

All right, you guys stay put.

I want to see the whole layout here.

Buffalo, we're going to set you free.

You hear that? You're dings like us.

We're your friends.

Nobody's going to kill you anymore. You're going to go where you want to.

Into the woods and live happily ever after.

I wish I was young enough to believe that.

Anyway, nobody's going to shoot them like sitting ducks.

Okay.

I got it.

It's not as tough as I thought. The big gate is down at that end.

The idea is to get these buffalo moving from the pens out that main gate.

Just like that.

Yeah. We'll figure it out.

Now, Teft.

I know you can open the lock on that gate if it has one.

You guys...

-What are you doing? -Look out!

Look, folks,

me,

Goodenow,

bed wetter,

fairy.

What?

Really fine.

Really, really, really fine.

-Good show. -Really fine.

And for next week's show...

In. Include me in.

Come on, guys, we want to finish this job

and get out before those shooters wake up.

MAN ON RADIO: KLOP is on the air.

What the hell is that?

Who the hell left his goddamn transistor on?

(MUSIC BLARING)

Jump! Jump!

Who's hurt? Anybody?

-Shecker? -No, I'm protected.

I got too much fat.

Sorry, fellas, it was my radio.

-I flipped it on accidentally. -Yeah, right.

At least now we know how to spook the buffalo.

We're thinking away all our time.

-Come on, let's go. -Okay.

Come on, on the double.

All right, men, snap to it.

Lally 1 and 2, you go to the right side of the pens.

Shecker and Goodenow, go to the left.

When Teft opens this slot, we'll pull the chains off.

I'll give the signal and then you blast the beasts with the transistors.

Turn 'em up loud.

And we'll yell like bombs dropping. You got it?

I can't open this lock. You see, the idea is to spook 'em all at once.

-And then just get out of the way. -Cotton, I can't pick this.

What? What the hell are you talking about?

Look, I can wire cars, I can pick certain kinds of locks,

I can even open doors and windows,

-but I know what I can't do. -You're nuts!

That's simply a rusty lock. Teft, you gotta!

If we could pull this thing...

Pull? Pull? Pull what?

Give me that, I'll force it open.

Cotton?

Hey, Cotton.

For Christ sake, Cotton.

No, no, no.

I'll be back.

MAN ON PA: Good afternoon,

United Airlines Flight 206 to Des Moines is now available for boarding.

Boarding Area Seven.

It was a great weekend we had together, John.

I sure look forward to these weekends, don't you?

We'll go sailing again next time?

Dad, you know what other kids call me?

Cotton.

-How did you know? -That's what I'm called.

Goodbye, son.

Dad, do you have to go?

-Come on, kid, you always do this. -I know.

The court allows me just certain times with you, you know that.

We don't have to obey the court.

Sure we do.

Cotton, Cotton!

Here comes Teft. Come on.

-What time is it? -It's 6:00.

-Where did you get it? -At the hunters' camp.

This truck'll pull a building. I'll hook it up.

Men, now let's snap to it. Go around back of those corrals like I said.

Those shooters'll be down here triggering us.

Remember, turn those radios up high and yell.

Got it? Okay, come on, on the double.

-Okay? -Almost.

I saw one of our Box Canyon trucks at their camp.

-Wheaties. -Yes, and he'll be here pretty quick.

Well, come on.

Lock, when I'm through with you, you ain't going to close anyone in again.

Okay.

Captain Cotton to buffaloes, you're breaking out.

Blast off, Teft.

Come on, go! Go!

-Pull, Teft. -I'm pulling.

-Come on, come on! -Goddamn it, Cotton, I'm trying.

Come on, you've got to open it!

Come on, move 'em out! Move 'em out!

Move those mothers out!

(MUSIC BLARES)

Now!

Let 'em have it! Go! Go! Go!

Get out of here! Go!

Go! Go!

-We did it! -We did it!

We did it! We did it!

We did it!

-Now let's hear it for the buffalo. -Before Christ.

Before Christ. Before Christ.

-Buffalo. -Buffalo.

-Buffalo! -You guys see why we had to do this?

After this morning, there'll be 100 buffalo loose in this state.

You might see one sometime. A real live buffalo.

My father, in his limousine, on the Long Island Expressway.

John, his chauffeur, he says, "Look, Mr. Teft, a buffalo."

So my father says, "So what?"

So John says, "It's moving. And we're not."

I'd like to see the look on those shooters' faces when they find out the enemy...

They're just grazing, like horses.

So what does that mean?

Move!

Any time now, that camp gets here, you'll be rounded up again and slaughtered.

You deserve to get killed, you stupid buffalo, getting big and fat.

Cotton. They can't understand you.

-Teft, where's your gun? -I left it in the trunk.

-What the hell did you do that for? -It's right there.

Well, get it.

Why?

Why?

You don't ask questions. I'm giving the orders.

We'll fire over their heads.

That'll scare 'em enough to run.

But, Cotton, that may wake up the whole camp.

If those buffalo running didn't wake 'em, nothing will.

Shoot it over their heads. Shoot it.

Well, don't stop, for Christ sake, shoot.

-Nothing's happening. -I'm giving orders, I told you. You keep firing.

Move, you crazy bastards. You hear me?

Cotton, it's no good. You need a cannon.

Look!

-My God, it's the hunters. -Jesus!

Stop 'em, Teft, shoot at 'em.

No go. Gun's empty.

That's them, all right.

Cotton! Cotton! Cotton!

Teft.

We said we'd finish and we will.

Okay.

We're all busting loose.

Clutch on the left, brake on the right.

You watch, men. Marine Capt. John Cotton, sir.

Hold it!

They're going to stampede the buffalo, for Christ sake!

Move!

You dumb pigs, move!

Hit the tires. The tires.

Lower! Watch out for the kids.

Dings! You don't want their goddamned food.

Move!

Let's get down there.

* Bless the beasts and the children

* Give them shelter from the storm

* Shelter from the storm

* Keep them safe

* Keep them safe and warm

* Keep them warm

* The children

* The children

* The children