Original subtitles

[Radio chatter]

Man on radio: Jayne Mansfield is atomic.

People need to think atomic.

She was a symbol of the mentality of the era.

Everyone was looking to the future.

Man: You should see my mother's paintings.

She was Irish and very moody.

Her paintings were typically Irish.

It was always raining,

there's no people in them.

Maybe she couldn't draw people.

I... don't think that she liked people.

Hmm.

She divorced dad

and moved away when I was 3,

Maureen was 6.

Hey, howdy.

What are you doing here, Chris?

I'm eating here,

scouting the campus for an apartment.

This is Stephanie...

My fiancée.

Oh, yeah?

When did you get back?

Just now.

I drove straight through on the interstate

all the way from the border.

Canada.

Hey, howdy,

I need a friend at your house.

I mean, just tell her,

"Maureen, Chris is outside.

"He has important things to say.

"It would be to everybody's benefit if you just listened.

"When he's done, if you want him to go away forever,

"he will...

"But you...

You should hear him out."

And then you'll go away forever.

Why don't you stay away a couple of weeks

and... let Maureen settle down for a while?

I've been away for 6 months.

Who are you?

He's Chris...

Maureen's husband, sort of.

You know Maureen?

Sure, she knows Maureen.

She's my fiancée. I just told you.

Oh, I thought you were kidding.

You don't have any friends

at the house right now, Chris.

I mean, seriously, howdy, what did I do?

What did he do?

I'll tell you what I did.

Nothing.

I've done nothing.

Your sister is just so goddamn...

[Crunch]

Spooked all the time.

I mean, she...

She imagines that I've done something.

She...

I don't know, she...

She assumes it.

[Helicopter]

You remember when I made you watch

little Boris schuster?

But, mom, he was a baby,

and he always tried to kill himself.

So you see?

It's tiring and exasperating

to watch someone littler than you.

That's why we're gonna have

some new rules, and you're gonna

abide by them or else.

[Spooky music plays loudly]

Yeah!

[Spooky music plays loudly]

She's not even listening.

[Roar on cd]

Damn it, Violet, honey,

we were talking to you!

You should just listen!

Ow! Son of a bitch.

That was dumb.

You see what happens when a person gets angry?

[Door closes]

Sorry.

You see? This is what happens!

Violet, cut it out.

You're giving me the creeps.

I'm looking.

Listen, vi, could you run down

to the kitchen and get mommy a beer?

Hmm?

What kind?

[Horn honks]

Dad!

Hi, baby.

Dad. Oh!

I love you.

Oh, I love you, too.

[Kissing sounds]

You ok?

Yeah.

What are you doing here?

Put her down.

I'm back.

I can see that. Now put her down.

Come on, mom!

Yeah, come on, mo.

I'm all through with Canada.

I'm back for good.

I saw your helicopter this morning.

What helicopter?

I saw it.

I didn't sleep all night,

then I just dropped off and this thing

came swooping down on me.

What, are you sleeping outside now, mo?

What did you do to your toe?

She kicked my ghost cd.

That's right.

She also forgot to wear pants today.

She's got a swimming suit under her shirt.

My shirt.

You're not allowed here,

and I don't care if she hears.

We've had it with you.

All right, I need a cigarette.

Offer me one, and I'll tell you about my drive down.

Why don't you just leave?

You better change your tone with me.

I've been awake a long time.

Knowing what we know now,

anyone who smokes is a real bufflehead.

His name's Reuben.

Howdy gave it to me.

Isn't your gerbil named Reuben?

Watch. He grows 20 times

when you put him in water.

20 times?

Howdy says they're illegal

because children swallow them.

Wasn't her gerbil named Reuben?

Yeah, he was,

but we don't want to talk about it right now.

Oh. Dad...

Why not?

Here, dad, look it.

I drawed this.

You drewit.

You're good, honey. It's beautiful.

It's a beautiful swan.

It's not a swan.

It can be a swan.

Well, it can be anything you want it to be.

Food.

[Lola singing]

Lola's still here? I thought she was

going on star search or something.

I don't think she's had a day off

since you left.

Vi, would you sit here a minute

with, uh, daffy duck?

I'd rather talk privately with your, uh, mom, ok?

Thanks.

Chris: Listen, mo, I've been thinking.

You know, I've been doing

a lot of that lately.

I've been thinking...

I've been thinking...

We ought to get married.

Once and for all. What do you say?

Yes or no?

Absolutely never.

Now...

I can save you from all this.

And I also been thinking about Violet.

I mean, how can she possibly be happy

living the way she does?

Hmph!

Lola, I'm surprised you're still here.

Well, actually, I'm thinking of asking for a raise.

Double pay for the quadruple load of work that I do,

like nurse-maiding your child.

Yeah? Well, I'd quit if I were you.

Come on..

[Television playing loudly]

Leave me alone.

Just let me go!

Howdy: Hey, Chris.

Hey, howdy.

I'm, uh, trying to rehearse in here.

Oh, Maureen, you should see this.

I've been going through some of dad's old stuff.

See, I'm going for a total look.

[Cracks whip unsuccessfully]

Uh, come on.

You need to face it, mo.

I'm the only one that can save you.

Your whole family's insane.

Let go!

Hey! Chris?

Yes, sir.

Uh, this here's Virginia.

Mo, you remember Virginia.

Where's Violet?

Hello, Maureen.

My god, look at you two.

Lola, this here's Virginia.

Hello.

Hi.

As nice as you look, dad,

this woman's still too good for you.

Ha ha ha!

Violet, honey!

I want you to meet my granddaughter.

How's it going, Chris?

Good. Real good.

He won't leave.

Well, do you want him to leave?

[Thud and glass shattering]

What in the hell is that? Is that howdy?

Can you give me a minute?

Where'd you get that, howdy?

Jesus Christ, you don't do whip stunts

in the living room. Give me that.

[Chuckling]

God.

Whip stunts.

[Chuckling]

So, Chris, you in a hotel or what?

Are you, uh...

I mean, you coming back to visit,

or you gonna live here?

I came back to rescue Violet

and Maureen from this loony bin.

Well, uh...

Maybe you ought to come back tomorrow

when we don't have company.

Ok.

Tomorrow.

Call first.

I'll be here at 10:00.

Call!

I'm gonna come back tomorrow. Ok, honey?

I love you.

See you later, Chris.

Well, Violet, this here is miss Virginia.

You watch wonderbox, don't you?

Virginia: Don't embarrass the child.

It's a great show.

[Pops gum] Really.

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah, Violet and I watch it all the time.

Since when did you get up

at 7:00 on a sunday morning?

[Chuckling]

Violet...

Miss Virginia teaches us about,

um, the weather,

and, uh, animals,

and god.

Howdy: So I saw this miserable-looking girl

out in the terrible rain

with the campus gardening crew.

She was feeding branches from this tree

into a huge, like, shredder.

You should've heard the noise.

Hope I didn't put too much nutmeg in this.

Howdy: I tell you, I saw this petite waif in the rain

feeding this fire-breathing dragon of a machine

and I was really touched.

Touched in the head. Ha ha ha!

Lola, this soup tastes too good

to be good for me, honey.

Yes, it is very good.

Thank you.

And very rich.

[Television chatter]

[Maureen speaking indistinctly]

Right, Violet?

Violet: Yeah.

Tell Virginia how you...

Ok, you get the ice cream,

put it in a bowl.

Then you...

[Chatter continues]

Then you eat it. It's good.

You know, Lola's interviewing me

for her school paper.

Same school Howard goes to.

That's wonderful.

So, naturally,

I went up to this girl

and started talking to her,

and it turns out this girl was Stephanie,

and that her father works for us.

Uh, he's the gardener,

and so I asked her to a movie.

For Christ sake, Lola, sit down and eat, honey.

Take a load off.

Who'd bring in the food?

Well, you got me there. Ha ha ha!

You know, what we should've done

is had a buffet dinner.

You know, where everybody

serves themselves.

Well, I've had lovely brunch buffets.

Oh, yeah?

Does someone write your show,

or do you just make it up as you go along?

Can I have some ice cream?

No, you've had enough white sugar for a lifetime.

Forgot that.

God, would you sit down?

I don't get paid to sit down.

I'm going to marry Stephanie.

Well, will you throw me

that pepper down here first?

[Telephones ringing]

It's Stephanie.

I told her to call me at 7:30.

[Phones ringing]

[Television chatter continues]

Hello. How are you?

I wrote a song for you today.

Most of a song.

Yeah. It's about you.

It's good that you didn't come by today

for dinner.

Virginia's here, and, uh...

There's this thing with Chris.

Howdy can't marry that girl.

She doesn't even like him.

It's just another howdy idea.

It'll pass like all the others.

Got that from his mother.

[Door buzzer]

My hors d'oeuvres.

Howdy: Yes, we're having soup

and salad with olives.

Maureen's drinking too much.

No, she's not drunk.

Truly drunk people make an enormous effort

to... act normal.

I mean, um,

you can tell they're drunk

because they're very prim

and cautious.

Not Maureen.

Oh, how are your classes, Lola?

Not good, not good.

For one, I don't have time

to do all the reading, you know,

and, uh... oh, last week professor Reilly

jumped all over me for being black.

Was he black?

[Television chatter continues]

24 years old,

and without Lola you would starve.

These weren't for me. They're meat.

I don't eat meat.

What a shame.

It is one of the 4 major food groups.

Then help yourself.

No more to drink for her.

Don't dare clean it up. Let her do it.

Stephanie and I

were, um, talking about Europe,

uh, for our honeymoon.

Howdy: Dad, I was talking

about it actually. Heh heh!

She hasn't said yes yet.

Virginia: I had no idea I was so hungry.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!

Who threw these out for us?

[Sing-song voice] Mom did it.

Thanks.

So, anyway...

Europe.

What do you think, dad?

Europe costs a fortune.

Dan and Elsie willinger just got back

and said they paid $8.00 for a sweet roll in Paris.

Oh, god!

[Breathless laugh] Well...

Well, we'll, um,

we'll skip Paris,

uh, ride around on bicycles,

and we'll get...

We'll stay in hostels.

Cleveland: Still, there'd be your fare, over and back.

Yes, well, well,

Steph or I could get a job.

I read about a job,

uh, uh, that Steph or I could get.

Reading, uh...

Best sellers for blind people. Heh!

Howdy: Yes, yes, stuff like that.

Cleveland: Now here's a thought...

What now?

I... i couldn't stay away.

For the last time, Chris, and I'm serious,

would you just leave me alone?

Maureen, who you talking to in there?

No one, daddy! Never mind!

Thank you.

Just beat it! Why?

You know why.

Oh, Jesus, mo.

Who gave you so much to drink?

I swear to god, you make me insane!

Excuse me.

Maureen: Ugh!

Cleveland: Hey!

What are you doing, Chris?

I only came

to get my... my...

My shirt, the one mo was wearing today.

You know, that's all I came for,

and... and to... and to kiss

Violet good night, that's it.

But I asked you to come back tomorrow

when we don't have company.

You'd better leave.

Just get out!

My daughter is living in a mad house,

and, you see, that bothers me a lot.

Well, it might be a mad house,

but it's my house, and we live here.

There's no reason to yell out here, is there?

Really, hell, what's the matter out here?

I'll come back tomorrow, all right?

When... when... You're all sober.

Right. Tomorrow.

I'll walk you to your car, Chris, why don't I?

I want to hear about living in Canada.

I'm thinking of moving to Canada, Chris.

My bride and I are getting married soon,

and we're thinking of moving tocanada.

Dad?

It's all right, honey.

Here, Violet. Drink this son of a bitch soda.

I have 2 things.

Well, they better be short and sweet.

Ok.

Number one is this finger,

and number 2 is the other one.

[Sighs]

Colonial squid boys.

Man on television: From my experience,

the more violent the murder scene,

the greater the number of telltale clues.

In the Gore of unbelievable mayhem,

is somewhere a key to unraveling the mystery.

It's unfortunate that frequently murders

are committed in so clean and orderly a fashion

that few clues can be produced.

God, I hate life.

Go hate it in bed.

Let me watch this.

It's not me I feel sorry for. It's Violet.

What I've done to her, it's too late for her.

Come on, mo.

She's gonna be miserable as soon as whatever chemicals

that protect children wear off.

Sometimes I just think she'd be better off dead.

[Gunshots on television]

I've got this idea, Maureen.

I've sent a letter to mother.

I want to see her.

Mother?

I, uh, found this envelope

in dad's old stuff.

It's got her address on it,

plus...

This photograph.

She's just in hutchinson,

for crying out loud, if she hasn't moved.

She looks like Amelia earhart.

I haven't got a reply yet, but, see,

I don't think mother

was ever a letter writer particularly.

And she'd never call here

because of the danger

of dad...

Picking up the phone.

The best thing to do is just go...

See her.

Yeah, we ought to.

For her sake, if for no other reason,

to let her off the hook about us.

I mean, all we want to do

is be friends with her, right?

Right.

You know...

I think showing Violet to her grandmother

would be really good.

Yeah.

She's probably ashamed,

guilty, and...

We could both just say...

"It's all right, mother.

"We're ok.

"We love you,

and you're forgiven."

Howdy, you're so weird.

Cleveland: So, uh, do you think your readers

will be interested to hear

what my future plans are?

Lola: Well, what are they?

Well, I've been thinking about

getting involved with these guys

that are interested in developing

a new kind of cow.

A smaller cow.

Have you heard about this?

No.

It's way smaller than normal cows,

but it produces about the same amount of milk

and they taste as good,

but they don't take up

as much grazing space.

Like... like how small?

Oh...

Small.

Of course the disadvantage

to these cows are they're...

They have a tendency to get lost

in tall weeds

and sometimes other farm animals

attack them, like turkeys and house cats.

[Wind gusting]

[Discordant guitar playing]

And finally at your channel 5 weather center,

the national weather service has issued

a severe thunderstorm warning

until 1 P.M. central daylight time

for the following Kansas counties...

Harper and Stafford.

Can I go outside and play in the wind?

Come here. Do my eyes look red?

A little.

I think I got moisturizer in them.

You know one thing

that would be deadly right now?

For me to lie down.

I think if I lied down,

I'd just be lost forever.

That's a problem my mother had

all the time,

and I have to look out for it.

She was so great.

Can I go now?

Yeah.

But stay away from the power tools, ok?

[Howdy's singing reverberates]

♪ But that is where you are wrong ♪

♪ I got my pretty baby

♪ and I got

♪ I got

♪ I got

[skates clatter]

[Singing continues]

[Skates clatter]

[Guitar continues]

Lola told me to tell you burginia's here.

Who's... who's here?

Burginia.

Virginia. Can you say "vir"? "Vir"?

Bur.

What's your name?

Violet.

Now tell me who's coming to visit,

and don't be cute.

Virginia.

[Vacuum whirring]

[Singing continues ]

[Song stops]

Lola!

What's the matter with you?

Lola!

He says to go right up.

[Wind gusting]

Baby! You all right?

I lost my balance and I hit my head.

Is my chin bloody?

No, no, no. You're fine.

You're wonderful. [Kiss]

They sent you out to get me?

No.

You mean you're just out here on your roller skates?

They let you skate around in this catastrophe?

It's ok.

Listen, Violet. This is very important.

Howdy was supposed to talk to mommy for me.

Was he talking to mommy? Was howdy doing that?

He was singing and making noise

with Stephanie.

I look handsome enough for your mom?

I guess.

Time to hit the beach.

Man on television: Ok, pops, hand over the mop.

Stanley livingstone: Not on your life, I won't!

[Cartoon clatter]

Tennessee tuxedo: Like I said, chumley,

nothing ever happens in this zoo.

Why don't you watch where you're going?

Chumley: Gee, Tennessee, what's that paper there?

Tennessee: This? I don't know.

Here's Chris, everyone,

dragging a tornado with him.

We're all so happy to see you.

Thank you for letting me in.

Sure.

[Wind howling]

Could I tell you how...

How great you look in that dress?

Yeah.

You know, I had all this stuff

I wanted to say to you.

Violet, can you go upstairs for a second?

I want to talk privately to your mom, ok?

[Kiss]

Hey, hey, hey.

What's the idea of letting Violet

skate around in this weather?

Stand up.

Can we go somewhere private?

Yeah. Let's go outside.

No, I just...

Just came from out there.

There's a...

There's a tornado out there.

I'm not scared of you anymore.

I'm fucking numb.

I hope you hit me, so you can go away

to the penitentiary.

I'm going to live with my mother in hutchinson,

I'm taking Violet with me,

so I really don't care what you do.

You can go ahead and bash me one

if you want to.

God forbid you should leave

without getting your kicks.

I came here to say

I really want to try living with you again.

I need to see my daughter

more than every once in a while.

I'll do anything you say.

Whatever you say, I'll do it.

I'll... I'll tag along to hutchinson with you,

whatever, and I...

I won't touch you,

and I'll work hard to support you.

Maybe I was believing you before you said that.

Would it mean anything to you

if I told you I didn't see anyone else?

Not ever?

That's proof...

Isn't it?

You're the past.

I hate it. My past is a joke.

There's you,

and then there's Violet

getting in everyone's way.

Reminding them that I, Maureen,

am a 24-year-old failure.

Oh, no, mo. You're not a failure.

You're just...

Oh, you just have to wake up.

You know you can't live here forever.

How long do you think

you and Violet are gonna last

if that evangelist lady moves in?

You know when you get drunk...

You throw up.

I used to be that way.

I'm not that way any more,

I'm this way.

Forget it.

This is Stan manley again

at your channel 5 weather center.

Remember that a tornado watch remains in effect...

We'd better get Violet

and go down to the basement.

No, I'm gonna stay here and watch it.

Oh!

[Wind howling]

Maureen: Tell us, Virginia,

should we be grateful to god for sparing us?

For not having us thrown around

and killed by the tornado,

or should we be annoyed at him

for sending it down in the first place?

I think that how you feel

is your business.

And you should...

Well, I mean, one should probably try

to feel whatever makes one the most happy.

Yes, but according to you, Virginia,

why does god test us all the time

with fires and floods and famines and diseases?

I mean, if god made us and loves us,

then why does he give us grief

with stuff like cancer and deformed children?

[Muttering]

I mean, I was just thinking

if Violet treated her gerbil

the same way that god treats us,

like cutting off its arms and blinding it

just to test to see if the thing had faith or not,

then we'd be furious.

And I just wonder what the fuck we did

to get our brains screwed out by a tornado?

Actually...

I think Violet did kill that gerbil.

That's not a bad idea, to be always aware

of the possibility of death.

I often ask myself

what would I do if god spoke to me

and told me I had only one hour left?

And the answer is I'd sit perfectly still,

right where I am.

I'd write a song probably.

I think.

I would do a creative visualization

and see myself returning to this world

as something fabulous.

I'd go see a doctor.

No. Stephanie...

It's too late for that.

He can't save you now.

[Birds chirping]

Lola: On this science show I saw,

this guy was hit by a car.

Now, the guy was legally dead, right?

Heart stopped, no brain waves.

So you know what he hears?

Stephanie: How could he hear anything if he's dead?

Lola: He hears angels.

Hello, gang.

Hello, Chris. You all right?

So what's everybody doing down here?

The twister, uh, it passed us over.

Uh, it set down in Pawnee.

Killed 15 people so far.

Electricity blew out here first,

and then it came back on.

I slept through all that?

You looked so done in, I just couldn't wake you,

you old coyote.

Howdy: We were going to, uh,

bodily drag you down here if things got really bad.

Well, thank you.

How do you like my outfit?

Brand new.

What are the zippers for?

The zippers?

Freedom of movement.

[Doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Are you leaving, Chris?

I'm just getting the door.

TV reporter: It caused no major damage.

Though no tornadoes were reported in western Kansas...

Did you...

winds clocked at 92 miles an hour...

Did you tell 'em yet?

Shh.

Mother nature was tilling up a spring garden.

Chris: Stephanie! It's for you!

Good.

Do you want a ride?

Hi, Jeff.

Do you want a ride?

Who's this?

Oh, I know you. I've seen you around

on the campus gardening crew with Stephanie.

Howdy, you all right?

Yeah, i'm, uh... i'm, uh...

You're a rich dick suck!

[Dazed] Well, I...

I, uh...

I got a gun in my bronco. I'll kill your ass.

What is this?

Stephanie?

Get out of my house.

Get out of mine.

What a freakin' weirdo.

What the hell's wrong with you?

Come on, let's go.

Let's go!

All right. Bye, howdy.

[Door closes]

[Nickers]

[Music from old movie playing on television]

All I can say is I'm proud

of both of you boys.

I couldn't have done better myself.

[Laughs]

It's good, uh...

I understand what went on, it's...

That girl was poison from the get-go.

Can't say she wasn't pretty.

Pretty? My left shoe's prettier.

Listen, maybe i... I'd better get going.

What?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Me and Ginny here have got

a little announcement to make.

Get up here, honey. [Chuckles]

Now, we've been talking about getting hitched.

We want to make it official.

We'll be wed on the 20th here in the piano room.

Yay! [Laughs]

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Yeah, that's... that...

That's great.

How about I leave with you?

With me?

Yeah, you. Come on.

[Nickers]

Good heavens.

[Nickers]

[Dog barking]

Oh, my god.

Oh, there's the Edgar burger man.

Chris: I hope he's all right.

You shouldn't eat this filth.

It's no better than packing material.

It's a chemical invention, really.

It's not food

in the real sense of the word.

Well, they're good.

I enjoy 'em.

Don't overdo the gallantry, Chris.

I see right through you.

[Drive-in movie playing]

Chris: Remember going to the golf course

at this time of night?

Yes.

Those were some nights.

[Softly] Yeah.

I remember 'em differently probably.

For me, it was just all bugs

and wet and everything.

And I was always afraid that security guy was

gonna come whizzing up on his golf-mobile

and flash his spotlight on us.

You never told me what you were doing in Canada.

I was parking cars.

I wasn't doing anything, just trying to...

Decide things and figure things out.

Hmm.

And what did you decide?

I had to come back.

Despite everything, I'm back.

Mmm.

Yeah, ever since you've been back,

things keep exploding in my face.

Fights, tornadoes,

Violet's ghost cd.

I blame them all on you.

Fair or not, I believe in my heart of hearts

that you're the cause of everything.

I believe it like Virginia believes in Jesus.

You know what I believe?

What do you believe?

What's going on with you...

What?

And I'm talking about your whole life...

Is that you don't want to grow up.

You know, you want to be like a little kid.

Watch it!

Mo, look at me.

Look at me.

I care about you. I'm back, I'm right here.

Face it, you're never gonna get rid of me.

[Explosions in movie]

I want you to go away.

What?

I've decided.

Just clear out. I've got serious things

going on in my head right now.

Like what?

Well, for one thing, what I'm gonna say

to my mother to show her that I forgive her.

You know, you must have been some unpleasant

9-year-old for her to...

To leave and never call or write

or anything for all this time.

Drive me home.

Please, right now.

And then leave me alone.

Don't try and call me...

Don't try to see Violet...

Don't visit howdy at school.

Just disappear.

[Whispering] Just disappear.

Uhh! Uhh! Yah!

Oh, god! Love!

You... don't care.

You're... glad.

I don't care about her, but I care about you.

There's nothing I can do.

That's why I had to leave this afternoon,

it was just too painful.

[Sighs]

Done a good job in here.

I...

Love...

Her.

It could change to hate...

Real slowly, but it will.

I promise.

[Music playing]

Man: Thank you, but no.

I found this.

Found it in the booth over there.

Sit down. Sit down a minute.

You know what I think?

This country has had it. Well, we had our turn.

Now it's the Japanese.

They work hard enough. It's only fair.

Do you know what the divorce rate

is in Japan? Zero.

You know why?

Because...

It's because they value the family more

than they value their own little ego-selves.

Now, the concept of the family

is way bigger than the concept

of the individual.

But I don't buy the stuff about artificial intelligence

because people, unlike machines,

can learn from their mistakes.

Hey.

Hey, you want a ride?

All right. All right.

Drive careful then.

[Drops keys]

[Banging]

[Helicopter engine starting]

[Stage crew chattering]

[Speaker feedback]

So, Violet, this is wonderbox.

This is it, huh?

Oh, and this is Bobby.

Hello, Bobby.

Bob breevort.

Breevort.

You the oldest breevort kid?

I have that pleasure, sir.

Y'all live up charity way

in that brick French place, don't you?

[Laughs] Now you're working in TV.

Came in drag for trick or treat once.

Oh, trick or treat. Oh, was that you?

Well, that was the finest Halloween rig-out

I've ever seen.

It had me completely buffaloed.

Woman: Oh, Bobby.

About half the monkeys are here.

Bert's got them down the hall

having Graham crackers.

Maybe Ginny better get into makeup.

Time for me to look busy.

Right.

That's a very special young man.

That kid's got to be howdy's age.

I just realized neither you nor howdy

look as old as you're supposed to.

Where's the lavatory?

Thanks.

Daddy's out of town.

How do you like the show so far, Violet?

Violet: It's good.

[Whimsical musical theme playing outside]

[Toilet flushes]

How about we leave...

Right now?

[Muttering]

Let's announce the wedding on TV.

What? 15 seconds.

Tell them you're gonna be Mrs. Virginia...

Please! Ohh!

10.

5.

[Whimsical theme music playing]

Hello again.

Kids: Hi.

Before we go to prayer corner...

Are we all set for prayer corner today?

Kids: Yes.

For a little quiet time?

Kids: Yes.

A peaceful time in our busy day?

Kids: Yes.

Good.

Before we do, I want to say hello

to Beth and Megan who are getting well

in children's hospital,

and I want to say hello to Violet,

who's sitting right there.

And I want to thank you for being so wonderful.

Hello, Violet!

Ahem.

Hello, miss Virginia!

[Laughter]

I wish I had a recording of your grandmother.

She could sing so splendidly...

Almost like Lola.

Maureen: She had a beautiful high voice

called a soprano.

Mine is below that, like a contralto or whatever.

[Switching stations]

Would you just quit that?

Where's dad?

Try not to think about him right now.

Why?

He's not your dad.

Really?

You don't have a dad.

[Train horn blares]

[Knocking on door]

Mo?

Chris?

Hi.

Hey.

You wear your shoes to bed

and your clothes.

I do that, too, sometimes.

You sleep better that way.

And then in the morning,

you don't have to change.

I thought you worked on campus,

gardening or something.

Yes, well, I did.

But then I destroyed some major shrubs,

and... so then i...

Well, I'm just filling in for zippy.

This bed's kind of good.

It's very firm.

You could do a lot on this bed.

How's howdy?

[Coughing]

[Door shuts]

Do you need any new soap in there

or, um...

I've got all these little soaps...

[Chris coughing]

And ashtrays and...

Well, if you need anything,

just... just holler.

You know, I don't like what you did to howdy.

I didn't do anything.

Howdy just, you know, he starts...

He starts talking. He gets an idea.

No, no. Howdy... He tries really hard.

You know, I mean, he's just a person

who's trying, all right?

And, plus, he's... he's, um...

He's an artist.

Maureen: Could you slow down,

do you think?

Howdy: It's not me, it's this road.

Howdy!

Violet, put that down.

Decelerate!

Ok, now if grandpa asks us

what we did today, we went to...

I know.

We went to the...

Violet and howdy: The zoo.

Right.

[Dog barking]

I don't think this is the house.

It's the right address.

Howdy, this can't be it.

Oh, hello.

We're looking for Mrs. Cleveland or...

See, her maiden name's Flaherty.

You better go on in back.

In back?

She's back there?

Back in the barn.

She's in the barn.

Let's go.

[Dog barking]

[Gunshots]

[Chickens clucking]

Hello.

We're looking for Mrs. Anne Cleveland.

Is she around here anywhere?

Well, now, that's funny.

We received a letter for this Cleveland person

just last week.

She moved out 9 years ago.

Went to Ireland.

She lived here, though?

I just met her once.

We were in escrow.

And she went to Ireland to live?

Is this her?

Yup. That's the one.

She was on a tear about Ireland.

Ireland this, Ireland that.

Jim talked to her mostly.

Jim.

Well...

Is Jim here?

Jim? Jim got kicked in the head

by a horse back in February.

He went around killing horses for a while,

then he ate the insides of a clock

and he died.

Now, ok, folks,

got to get back to business here.

It was nice talking to you and your family.

[Gunshots]

[Chickens clucking]

Are we going to Ireland?

Not yet. It's too far.

Besides, we don't even know for sure

if that's where she is.

Well, it's, uh, actually plausible

because that would explain

why she just vanished.

Mom, I'm hungry.

I just can't stomach the idea

of asking dad for her address.

Yeah.

Let's just go.

Summer school's just about over,

and I'm ready to...

Quit everything

and start living!

Me, too. But how exactly does one do that?

What do they eat in Ireland?

Well, Ireland's just a place.

People go there all the time.

You know, the great thing about it...

We'd be getting away from Chris.

It's your life, Maureen.

If he comes by again ever,

we'll just have him arrested.

Yes. Ha!

Yes.

[Recording of train departing]

[Jazz music playing]

[Gravel crunching]

[Crunching continues]

[Footsteps]

Maureen: You know, before you, Violet,

we had a dog named Walter.

Old Walter.

We'd put a rubber band around his nose,

and he'd chew gum and blow bubbles.

Where is he?

Oh, he's dead.

Long gone.

Stay away from there. It's prickly.

Mommy! Mommy, help! Help me!

Violet!

Mom! Mom! Ow!

Get away!

[Buzzing]

[Violet whimpering]

Violet: Ow.

Is he sick? What should I do?

Wasps.

Wasps? The bastards.

Hurt like hell, don't they?

Hospital!

Well, we can load him into my buggy

and then take him up take him up to the club...

You asshole, will you hurry up?

All right.

[English accent] That time of year.

It's the weather that does it.

Humidity.

[Machinery buzzing]

Humid weather and smoke.

Makes them suicidal.

[Machinery buzzing]

The poison in wasps, you see,

builds up. It's, uh, cumulative.

Yes, cumulative.

Is this the husband?

He's her brother.

Ah, and you are?

Lola turtledge.

Lola. That's a very nice name.

Thank you.

I should have known he was the brother.

You look so alike.

Howdy: Well...

Thank you.

We do not.

Around the eyes.

See? Around the eyes.

That's the German look.

Well, it's Irish, actually.

Our mother is Irish.

People who have been to Ireland

say that oftentime they see our face

all around Ireland.

No, no, no, no. German.

Ah, now, if she gets stung again,

you give her this within 30 minutes.

Otherwise, her lungs...

[imitates explosion]

They'd collapse.

Ok?

Ok.

[Speaking German]

[Speaking German]

Lola.

[Machinery buzzing]

[Whispering] It's all right.

Howdy: So I've written a new letter,

and I've got my money together.

You mean a letter to mother?

Yes.

We're going to have to tell father soon

in order to get a new address for mother.

Do you want a drink?

What exactly does the letter say?

You don't want a drink?

No.

You've given up drinking.

I approve of that.

Don't you, Lola?

Don't I what?

Approve of Maureen not drinking.

Definitely.

I think sobriety

is a positive step.

Howdy, this is awful. It's like a business letter.

"Respectfully, Howard Cleveland?"

Well, my... Tactic

was I didn't want to scare her.

But it sounds like you work for the f.B.I.

You don't even mention me,

and every sentence begins with "I."

Why are you so odd?

Why does your mind work in such twisted ways?

Did you see what I saw?

That child?

That dear child

just stung and distorted

even while she sleeps!

Where is her mother?

I don't know.

Not with her child.

Probably drunk.

She is self-centered and hostile

and thoroughly irresponsible!

Ahem. Can't deny that.

[Sighs]

You're all hopeless.

Bad week is all.

Caught us with our pants down.

Nobody's fault, the wasps.

Not one of you can save himself

or keep himself from hurting the others!

Because you just... You don't think!

You've lost the habit of thinking!

And don't you tell me to lower my voice!

Who told you to lower your voice?

I don't care if they hear me.

Well, I don't care who hears you.

Go ahead. Bust a lung.

See if I care.

You're right. We got a stupid family!

I didn't say that!

Just because Maureen and Howard

made over 150 on their I.Q. Tests

in high school,

that don't make us smart.

Those tests mean nothing!

Who said they did? I didn't.

And I'm really the stupid son of a bitch.

I rubbed 2 nickels together and created

a multimillion-dollar empire.

Mini golf courses and soda pop.

What's that?

Mini golf courses and soda pop!

Well, that sure as hell beats running around

dressed up like a gingerbread girl

on the goddamn TV box

on a sunday morning when nobody's watching

except the mentally bankrupt.

Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

This looks dangerous.

Are you deranged?

Dad's gonna break wide open

when he sees this, Chris.

He's gonna come after you.

Yeah, I care.

Get me my automatic.

I'm gonna shoot somebody

once and for all.

Well, you'll have to get it yourself.

You know I don't like guns.

What are you and howdy doing?

What are you doing?

You left Violet alone.

Of course not. She's sedated.

The only thing I could do was watch her sleep.

Look, I want Violet,

and, frankly, I think I can get her.

I do not trust you to be around her...

Not you or any of your family.

You people are not responsible enough,

not mentally or physically or anything.

What the hell are you talking about?

Right here.

This guy right here.

Case in point.

You smell really bad.

Because I caught on fire!

Maureen: I'm going to Ireland to see my mother

and nothing will stop me.

Not with Violet, not unless you want

to take me with you.

Fine!

Fine, then. It's settled!

God.

Ireland?

Yeah. We've almost got her tracked down,

and, actually, you know, I think it's a good idea

if you'd come along. 'Cause I really

don't trust howdy to take care of her.

I... i can't...

I can't keep up with you anymore.

I can't. Here I am.

I'm burning up 6 different ways,

and I can't even tell

if you're serious or not.

Oh.

Neither can I, but I really admire you

for burning down the tool shed.

Don't you know why I did it?

[Sirens approaching]

I understand. It doesn't matter.

It's a symbol.

A symbol.

[Muttering]

I'll pray for you.

That's exactly what I need.

I'll pray for you and your children.

Thank you, Virginia.

Right out back, guys.

Howdy: Why didn't we like her?

Why did we hate Virginia?

You honestly don't know?

We didn't like her 'cause she didn't like us.

I don't think that she was really

the woman for you, dad.

Too pushy, judgmental.

Let's face it. She was a bitch.

Now, you made the soup,

right, howdy?

Howdy: Yes.

And what about that stuff

on the ceiling? You make that, too?

I couldn't find the top for the blender.

Carrots and garlic stuck on the ceiling.

It'll taste good, though.

I don't like it.

Maureen: Me neither.

It's an acquired taste.

Now, what exactly does that mean, an acquired taste?

It seems to me you can acquire a taste for anything,

but who wants to?

You've got no class!

None of you!

Howdy, don't be so testy.

As long as you like it,

that's all that counts.

I feel...

So alone sometimes.

Well, join the club, brother, and get back in your chair.

I like it, howdy.

Thank you, Chris.

It's a... it's a...

Serious problem for me.

I... i make you all something nice...

And new...

And look what happens!

And I don't think that any of you

are... are... are smart enough

to appreciate me!

I don't want to hear any more talk

about the lack of intelligence

in me or my family.

[Clears throat]

Now let's continue eating.

Who in the hell are you anyway?

Because you're not my kids,

and you're not adults,

and you're not anyone anybody can respect or love.

What the hell are you doing in my house

when every day you break my heart?

Ok, dad!

Ok, what?

Mother.

That's right! That's right!

We're gonna see our mother.

We're gonna go to Ireland,

and... and... and we're taking Violet,

and we... and we forgive her,

and we never, ever, ever forgive you!

What the hell are you talking about?

Maureen and me, we've... We've been planning it.

Uh... we're gonna take Violet,

and we're gonna go to Ireland.

[Sighs] God...

[Sighs] You poor children.

Your mama died years ago.

She had stomach cancer,

and she wasn't right in the head.

And she went to a mental institution downstate,

and when I went to see her, she didn't know who I was.

I thought you knew this.

I really thought you knew this.

I never said anything, but I thought you knew it.

Why didn't you tell us?

I don't know. I don't know.

She was a vain and selfish woman,

and she was just never a factor

in your lives is all.

And if you'd gone to see her

after they took her away,

she would've just asked for a Pepsi

or a hershey bar is all.

Those were the things she cared about,

and not either of you.

[Coughs]

[Softly] This is serious, dad.

You said it.

[Clears throat]

You have to take care of 'em now...

My family.

You're in charge now.

In charge?

Yeah.

Of what?

Of my family.

I'm out of it.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. You ok?

Dad, I'm feeling better.

Oh, I'm so glad.

I'm hungry.

You are?

Ok, why don't you go downstairs

and ask Lola to fix you some ice cream or something,

and I'll be right back.

Go ahead.

Mo...

I'm really sorry about your mom.

Violet's up. She looks ok.

She's... Running around.

I really love this house.

Except for that little bit with you,

I've never lived anyplace else before.

I know.

I mean, I don't want to be stuck here

for the rest of my life,

but I'm scared...

I'm scared to go anyplace else

and live out my days being poor.

I'm complete with you around.

Aw, it's not so bad.

Wherever I go, you'll be there,

won't you?

Yeah.

Will you marry me?

Ok, I'll double your salary

and give you twice your vacation plan

and 300 shares in whistle low corporation,

and you know what it sells for.

Um, preferred stock?

Don't mean goose to me. I'm rich.

Ok, I'll think about it.

Violet, your granddad is going away on a trip.

But, uh, I'll be calling you.

Ok?

[Test pattern humming on television]

You here all night?

Yeah.

What happened to the sound?

I don't know.

[Whimsical theme music playing]

Has anyone done something they weren't supposed to do?

How do you feel when you do something bad?

Hmm?

[Mutes television]

Morning, mo.

Rebels are in the palace.

Grandpa's gone.

Good. Where did he go?

He, uh... he went to fort worth

for a while.

And then Atlanta. He's got some family

down in Atlanta.

Took Lola with him.

You gonna be our father while he's gone?

He didn't mention coming back.

He... must've been feeling... Bad.

He... didn't even say... Good-bye.

Yeah. Well...

That'll happen.

Violet, your dad and I are getting married.

Good.

And, uh, you're gonna have

to work hard... To support us.

Ok.

[No sound on television]

[Bubble pops]

Howdy: ♪ now you may say

♪ I ain't got nothin'

♪ but that is where you are wrong ♪

♪ I got my pretty baby

♪ and I got

♪ I got

♪ I got

♪ I got

♪ this song

♪ No fire in my fireplace

♪ no water in my pipes

♪ my baby's eyes, as black as space ♪

♪ her eyes is filled with stars ♪

♪ my house ain't got no door ♪

♪ my door ain't got no house ♪

♪ when me and my baby go to bed ♪

♪ we go to bed on the floor ♪

♪ go to bed on the floor

♪ go to bed on the floor ♪

♪ why did all this happen?

♪ I often wonder why

♪ it's all because of one person ♪

♪ daddy's so mean

♪ daddy's so mean

♪ daddy's so mean

♪ think about my childhood

♪ sis and I in the tub

♪ mommy would get us so clean ♪

♪ but daddy was so mean

♪ daddy was so mean

♪ daddy was so mean

♪ it's all because of one person ♪

♪ daddy is so mean

♪ daddy is so

♪ so, so mean