Original subtitles

"We are so cool!"

"We..."

"We... We... We are so cool!"

"We are so cool!"

"We... We... We are so cool!"

"We are so cool!"

"We don't stop anyone who comes willingly."

"Nor do we try to stop anyone from leaving."

"O Baby, our style's completely different."

"No incidents occur."

"We can't floor any girls either."

"Our stars are in a bad constellation."

"Your love's driven my crazy."

"I was numb before, but now I am hot."

"My mom wanted a handsome boy."

"But we're mom and dad's mistake."

"We are so cool!"

"We are so cool!"

"We are so cool!"

"We are so cool!"

"We... We... We are so cool!"

"We are so cool!"

"We are so cool!"

"We're the best."

"We are so cool!"

"We're the best."

"We are so cool!"

Rocky.

Rocky.

"Check him out, check him out... it's Rocky."

"Check him out, check him out... he's funky."

"Check him out, check him out... it's Rocky."

"Check him out, check him out... he's funky."

This is Rocky.

When the world sleeps...

...well, he doesn't, nor does he let the girls sleep.

Right now he's standing here...

...but his friend Kanhaiyya is standing somewhere else.

O Lord Krishna, I don't want a two-minute noodle...

...but someone who can give me eternal love.

I'm not looking for TP, but BP...

'Beautiful Patni' (Wife).

Hear my prayers, O Prabhu... O Deva (God).

Mister, currently Maggi and BP can be banned any minute.

Even Rajnikanth can't help you on this.

All the best.

Yesterday, I met a man... Mr. Popat.

He deals in girls.

Popat's going to introduce me to a beautiful girl.

I've an idea to make a macho impression on him.

Mr. Baig.

Popat!

Hello, Mr. Baig. -Mr. Popat, welcome.

I was waiting for you.

Where is the stuff, show me!

Mr. Baig, I've bought the best stuff for you.

Once you see it, you'll pounce on it.

What a variety... I must say.

We've got Russian, American, Italian...

...and even the local stuff.

But Mr. Popat, you said, your business is 'Supplying'.

Yes, I did. And in laundry supplies...

...you also get traditional attire, kurta... and more.

You said you wanted a suit, so I brought you a suit.

Look. -Bloody cheat.

You awakened my dormant desires.

I will bury you alive.

Old man... now I understand your demand.

Bloody pervert.

Pervert... -Who are you calling pervert?

It's been so long since I asked for a coffee.

Who's is this? -It's fresh.

Give it to me.

Hello. Hi.

Good morning, sir.

There was Mr. India who could be seen only through red colour.

And there's Kanhaiyya, who goes cockeyed whenever he sees red.

No matter which colour of red he sees...

...original or dyed, it makes him cockeyed.

Focus. Focus. Focus.

Good morning. Good morning.

May I... come... in, sir? -Yes, come in.

Sir sent me to you.

So that I can take it...

Your...

...notation?

Oh, I see.

So... How are you going to take the notation?

However you want to give it.

I mean... notation.

I'll give it verbally.

But I'll hold it in my hands and then take it.

What? -Your cell... phone.

Phone. -Give it to me.

Kanhaiyya, the delagates are here.

Bring the presentation to the conference room in five minutes.

Ok, dad. Ok.

Kanhaiyya, focus. Focus.

Focus, Kanhaiyya.

We have only five minutes.

Come on, baby.

I don't want to do this.

I am looking for true love.

True love. Move aside.

I'll give you true love.

Kanhaiyya. Don't leave me and go.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

Our company, Lawman pg3 has only one motto.

Excellence.

The talent of making jeans runs in our genes.

And my son, Kanhaiyya Lele...

...is assisting me in it.

So ladies and gentlemen, tie your seatbelts...

...and be ready for a fantastic presentation...

...of Sanskar... Range of traditional wear!

These photographs will give you all a clear image...

...of how we can make a backdoor entry in the market.

To capture this virgin market. -How did this happen?

...is our goal.

This next image will show you the steps we've taken...

...to escape the booby traps of the market.

These traps... -What's coming here?

What is all this?

Did you do something? -I didn't do anything.

Silence please.

What is this, Mr. Lele? Look behind.

Kanhaiyya!

Is my picture printed in the Lokmat. -Shut up, Rocky.

Everything went haywire today.

Dad's very angry.

My dear cockeyed Kanhaiyya.

Focus! Focus!

Even he knows, what happens when his dear son sees red.

The problem is your cockeyed.

How long can he stay angry?

Tonight, when your granny turns 69...

...you can convince him. -Yes.

Only granny's 69th birthday can save me now.

I wish that you and aunty stay happy together forever.

Kanhaiyya, you should start calling me mom now.

Aunty's are as good as moms.

I know, I didn't raise you.

But after sister passed away...

...I did change your soiled pants too.

Yes.

No need to pamper this useless fool.

I told you to get the cake.

Didn't I?

Rocky's bringing it.

Everybody, the cake's here.

Come, come. -Everybody come.

No, no, not you.

Granny, come.

My 69th birthday cake! -Yes.

One... two... three!

Isn't it just perfect?

Isn't that good? Isn't that good?

No, no, no, no.

What's this?

I gave you two a small job...

...but you couldn't do that either, you fools.

But uncle, what's wrong with this cake?

What are you saying?

Look...

It's granny's birthday, not Shakti Kapoor's.

Now we'll have to do this job.

Me and your mom will have to go...

...and get a decent cake.

Until then, you take granny to the temple.

Ok, fine. -Come on.

You couldn't even get a decent cake...

...at least you could've brought a decent gift.

Gift? Where will I get a gift now?

There's Passmyorder.com.

Shopping plus saving. -Yes.

It was so nice, so big.

Granny... tonight when you turn 69...

...we'll give you a bigger surprise. -Really?

Let's go to the temple now. -Ok.

This website's amazing.

Done.

Gift shopping's done. What now?

Rocky.

No one's at home.

Let's give my thing some overhaul...

...so that, it functions properly when needed.

Desi Pop Corn.

Hot version of Bollywood films.

This seems new.

'Jaag Rambo Jaag' (Wake up Rambo Wake up).

'Rocky'

"Run Rambo Run."

See, doctor.

Rambo's always running.

And no matter how hard I try...

...it doesn't wakeup.

Please do something.

Otherwise my youth will go to waste.

Rambo will wakeup, that's my promise.

Formula 36... 24... 36.

Wake up Rambo! Wake up!

Come on, Rambo.

Oh no. Now there's just one cure for it.

Nurse Laura.

Yes, Dr. Waghmare. -Come in, nurse Laura.

How can I help you?

This man has type two low parkinson's disease.

Cure him!

Give it to me.

Push it.

Give it to me.

"Wake up... Rambo."

I am awakened.

"Wake up... Rambo."

Oh my God!

Come, granny.

Rocky!

What's this?

Rocky, what have you done?

You killed granny on her birthday.

Rocky!

Your father shouldn't have chucked you out for such a small thing.

After all... you're a cannonball from his cannon.

If you hadn't shot from your cannon and killed granny...

...then I wouldn't have been orphaned.

Let's just forget what happened.

I was with you that day, and I still am.

Shoulder to shoulder!

It takes only a second, a minute or an hour for bad times to change.

See... the phone's ringing.

Hello.

After all these years.

It's Mickey from Thailand.

Mickey. -Yes.

No, buddy... we're in a bad condition.

What?

Really?

What are you saying?

Of course.

Done, bro. Done. Thanks.

What happened? What did Mickey say?

He said that our fate's going to change.

He's offered us a job.

He wants us to go to Bangkok...

...and give him a hand job. -What?

I mean... give him a hand in his job.

Help him out.

I see. -Yes.

What job? -He didn't say that.

But he said, his business is 'Give and Take'.

'Give and Take?' -Yes.

Rocky, I hope we don't get stuck in a mess.

Whatever it is, I am sure it's better than this.

Yes. -Instead of rotting in Madh Island, let's go to Thailand.

And Mickey's guaranteed...

...that we'll make loads of money out there.

Bathe in champagne.

Moet? -Moet.

And he also said...

...we'll ride with girls in a big car.

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"My eyes get fixed on anyone I see."

"Day and night I'm worried about finding a new boy toy."

"It's not hard to find a lover boy."

"It's not hard to find a lover boy.

"I want to taste your beauty."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Your beauty."

"O my beauty."

"Hello."

"Madam, now listen to this."

"You just turned 18, and your youth's like a bud."

"I am your man, be my queen."

"You do as you please."

"I guess this is hereditary."

"Who are you waiting for?"

"I know darling, you want to lock eyes with me."

"But you never admit."

"Why do you beautify yourself?"

"Your beauty's hi fi, and I'm a naughty boy."

"And we're going to enjoy all night."

"Wearing my Lawman, I am good looking."

"Let's get surrender to each other."

"Zoom in with your eyes, and wander around."

"Don't stare at my waist with your eyes."

"It's the heart's dirty thinking."

"It's the heart's dirty thinking."

"But listen to your heart if you want to have fun."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

"O Madam. Your youth."

"O Madam. So crazy."

"O Madam."

"Looking at your beauty, I want to quench my thirst."

"Not just a drop, I want to drink the entire bottle."

"You're my Romeo, I'm your Juliet take me in your arms."

"I want to live with you, and not go anywhere."

"I miss you all day."

"I miss you all day."

"And kiss your cheeks."

"My youth..."

"Youth's ruined me."

"Youth's ruined me."

Excuse me.

Yes. -My seat's there.

Can I? -Yeah, yeah, of course.

Excuse me.

I think that's my seat over there.

Yeah, yeah... sure.

Pillow please. -Pillow please.

Here's your pillow ma'am. -Thank you.

Excuse me, can I also have a pillow please!

Thank you. -Welcome.

Thailand, here we land!

What's that?

'Welcome to Suvarnabhumi International Airport.'

"We are so cool. We are so cool."

"We are so cool. We are so cool."

Rocky, Mickey said 8 o'clock, right?

"Bad boy."

"Bad boy."

What the...

Brother, so nice to see you.

Looking nice. -Great.

Looks like you two shaped up.

You two have changed a lot. -You too.

Chain... leather... biceps.

My entire life has changed.

Let me show you how. -Ok.

You've ruined my life, Rajjo. -I love you so much.

And you doubt me?

Shut up! What kind of love is this?

What the...

I will slap you. Shut up. -You can try.

I am a Punjabi too. -Shut up.

Brother. -Yes, brother.

What's going on?

We've been married for only three months...

...and she already gave birth to a child.

What? -Right.

How long have you been married? -Three months.

And you? -Three months.

And when was the kid born? -Three months.

Total.

Total...

Total... 3 plus 3 plus 3...

Rajjo, that's nine months.

Time just flew by, forgive me.

You suspect me for no reason. -Sir, thank you.

You just saved my marriage. -Yes.

6609823... call me.

Come on, let's plan for the second one.

I am really proud of you today.

Even though you stayed out of our country for so long...

...but you haven't forgotten our culture yet.

You'll be blessed.

You just saved a marriage from breaking-up.

He hasn't changed at all.

He's still the same.

Buddy, I didn't do some good deed.

I did this for my own benefit.

You didn't get it?

He'll never understand.

Come on, son.

Welcome to the new exciting life. -Thank you.

But tell me something, what do you exactly do...

...and what do you want us to do.

Yes. -It's a surprise.

A surprise that will change your lives.

Just like Sunny Leone's changed after she came to India.

Kaushaliya baby.

Darling meet me tonight, I'll make you a big star.

Mickey, you've an amazing life.

This was just the trailer.

The door to heaven, opens from here.

Welcome.

This is my studio. -Nice place.

And I do all my work from here.

What work? -Everything.

You'll find out.

You guys are going to have a lot of fun.

Lot of fun!

"Now that you've pinched me..."

Today I am going to teach you three things.

Entertainment.

Entertainment.

Entertainment.

Me first.

Me first.

Don't make noise, or I'll punish you.

Cut... got the shot. Moving on.

Hey, Merili.

Hi, Mickey! -Meet my friends, Kanhaiyya and Rocky.

And this is my heroine... Merili.

It's a... real pleasure... meeting you.

Did you see my shot? -Yes, we did.

Superb shot. -Was it fun?

Why is she talking like that? -No, no.

Don't be scared. She's very good actress.

Method actress.

She's been doing the same role for three years.

She's so into her character...

...that now it's difficult to come out. Right, Merili?

Yes.

Madam is ready.

Meenamma... this is my new encyclopedia.

H for... -Harder.

F for... -Faster.

L for... -Longer.

Focus! Focus! Focus!

No, Meenamma. No.

You've jumbled up all the meanings in the dictionary.

I love it.

It's your fault.

Where did you buy such a stupid dictionary.

I think, I've seen her before.

Give it to me, push it.

Nurse Laura.

I didn't know that such big incidents...

...happen in such big cities.

Don't underestimate the power of common man.

"Lungi dance."

"Lungi dance."

Yeah!

"Lungi dance."

Cut.

Hey, Mickey.

What a shot, Tarzan.

Darling.

Hi, Mickey! -How are you, Saku?

What a hot shot?

Meet my friends.

This is Kanhaiyya and Rocky.

Sakuntala.

You mean Shakuntala.

No, no, she's Sakuntala.

Her pronouncitation are off.

She pronounces S as Sh.

She's Shaku.

But calls herself Sucku.

Thank God, she doesn't say F instead of S...

F...

Is she all right? -No, she isn't all right at all.

When she gets in the mood...

...she starts touching herself.

Madam's in the mood. Someone take her shot.

I am coming. -Go, go, go.

Come there. -But... what's going on here.

You two are doing really great, guys.

Hi!

Hey, who are these two?

They are my childhood friends. Kanhaiyya and Rocky.

And guys, they are my brilliant actors.

Wow! They are so cute.

Especially this one. -Get lost!

Don't tease him too much.

He's fresh stuff... I specially imported him.

Hold on.

Are you going to replace us with them?

My beauty, don't cry.

I am not going to replace you.

There's still lot of light in your lamp.

That's true.

These two are here to...

...fill mine and Saku's life with light with their candle.

Candle?

How could you imagine...

...that we'll say yes to such a vile idea.

I thought you two are tired of doing good things.

Now you'll do some bad things.

Aren't you ashamed? You make BP.

Not BP... DP. -DP?

Yeah... Dirty picture.

Tell me something, why do you want us to do this.

What's so special about us?

Darling, you two have that... -X factor.

No! Max Factor.

You two might have forgotten...

...but I can never forget that day.

Remember that pool party on my birthday.

How's that crow standing on water?

God blesses people with a big heart, or big brains.

But use your brains... and question your heart.

What did God bless you two with?

What are you two staring at?

I admit I make dirty picture.

I make boys and girls strip off their clothes.

But I use that money...

...to provide clothes for the children of Somalia.

You see all the wrong things I do.

But you're ignoring the fact...

...that I give jobs to poor Indians everyday.

You two can think whatever you want about me.

But in my view, I don't make porn...

...I do a good deed.

He's right.

And anyway, Kanhaiyya, we don't have a choice.

We cannot go back home.

If we want to do something big in life...

...then we must do this.

We both posses a special talent...

...conferred on us by God.

We shouldn't waste it.

Have you lost your mind, Rocky?

You can go ahead and do this if you want.

But not me.

Since childhood, we did everything together.

We lived together... boozed together.

We swung together... and even shagged together.

Are you going to leave me alone now?

Look around you.

You'll definitely see a sign indicating...

...that we should sign Mickey's film.

Yes...

Look at that flower, that's a sign.

What sign?

Focus, Kanhaiyya, focus!

Look, Kanhaiyya.

The clouds are giving you a sign and blessing you.

Say yes, Kanhaiyya. Say yes.

Say yes, Kanhaiyya.

Say yes.

Yes.

You can do it. -Yes.

Say yes.

Yes. -Say yes, Kanhaiyya.

Yes.

Set ready? Light ready?

Switch on the projector.

Chinki, clap.

'Kholay' shot 1, take 1.

Action!

I am tired of driving my cart alone.

I thought, Chiru will drive it for me.

But he left me and ran away with that tall guy.

It's worth a thought...

They were just friends at first.

But now... they're more than just friends.

What do I do?

What do I do?

Kasanti. How about I solve your problem?

How, Faakur sir? You don't have hands.

Stop shoving that thing in my mouth. Point it there.

Chabbar!

For miles and miles away...

...on the eve of Holi.

Every mother says...

"Go to sleep, dear."

"Or else Chabbar will come here with his water-gun."

When is Holi?

When is Holi?

Kasanti. How many men were there?

I don't know.

I can't count beyond 50.

Kasanti, don't play Holi with this dog.

Ok, Faakur. Let's toss for Kasanti. -No.

You toss. Do it. -No.

No!

No!

No!

Faakur sir.

Your hands... and you're holding guns.

Yes!

When is Holi?

When is Holi?

It's right now.

Cut!

Fantastic! Pack up!

Hello sir.

Two ice-creams, please.

Cone, please.

Thank you.

"Love is God's boon. Love is a festival of the heart."

Here you go.

No!

"Love is like the dawn."

First eat the ice-cream and then eat her.

I mean watch her.

Here. -You're just...

Listen. I'll be back from the bathroom.

Listen, don't go anywhere. Stay right here.

Fine, I heard. I'll stay right here.

I'll be back from the bathroom. -Go.

"My love for you is selfless."

"My love's selfless."

"My love for you is selfless."

"My love's selfless."

No, no, no...

Disgusting.

What are you doing?

There's a mouse in my pant. -Mouse?

In your pant.

Stop laughing.

I wonder where she went.

Rocky... it's love at first sight.

Who? The mouse?

No, that girl.

But... I wonder what she might be thinking about me.

She must be thinking that you like playing like kids.

And maybe if she likes playing with kids...

...then you've found your true love.

Shut up.

Stop trying to turn this U-rated love story into an A-rated one.

Not every girl is a sex-object. -Yes.

Even I have a dream, that I have a perfect wife.

And I can settle down with her.

Perfect wife. -Yeah.

In Bangkok, you'll definitely find her.

Let's go find her.

But let's go for the shooting before that.

Mickey's waiting for us.

Come on. True love!

'Ek Milan' Scene 1, Shot 1, Take 1.

Until we don't empathise with someone's pain...

...we don't separate from our pain.

Come and give me that sweet pain, Guru.

I am coming.

I am in you lane.

Lift. Lift. Lift.

Who are you? -Who is it, Ayesha?

Whoever he is, don't start without me.

Ok. Come soon.

Lift. Lift. Lift.

Wow. Screwdriver.

Don't worry... I won't give you a chance to complain.

Hey villain... then let's do it.

Cut!

Fantastic.

I am so sorry.

Oh no!

Scene 1, shot 1, take 1.

"It's Friday night... I need a kiss."

"May Allah save me from you."

You're so good, Devil.

Last night, I kept thinking about you.

Don't think too much about me.

I only come by day, not night.

Life is worthless... when there's no...

Lick.

Sometimes the devil's under you...

...sometimes you're under the devil.

Too much fun!

Till then do whatever you want to, man.

"First floor always complains."

"I think my neigbors will get fed up of me."

"First floor always complains."

"I think my neigbors will get fed up of me."

"My friends are dancing."

"I hope I dont pick a fight with my neigbors."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Open the bottles, wash your face with booze."

"Look all you want."

"But don't say a word."

"Don't drink too much, or you'll get a hangover."

"Then you'll ask me to drop you home."

"Let's have fun, nothing to fear."

"This is my home."

"The walls are shaking."

"Because the girl next door is peeking in."

"The light's all dim."

"And it's a romantic night."

"The light's all dim. And it's a romantic night."

"Everyone's watching only us."

"I don't know, what's your fault."

"I've no clue, what's wrong or right."

"I'm writing a saga about my restless heart."

"I want to party today, because it's a Sunday."

"So do it... So do it... So do it..."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"It's a party-party-party. Tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"It's a party-party-party. Tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

"Because tonight's a house-party."

Oh my God!

Stop!

Go back, or you'll die.

Stop. -Stop.

Oh, God!

Stupid.

But I didn't do it on purpose.

Poor guy.

No!

Hi. -Hi.

You didn't fall intentionally on that girl.

Yet she slapped you.

That's my luck.

That day, when I was eating ice-cream...

...a mouse got into my pant.

But until I got it out, you were already gone.

I am so sorry.

Then you misunderstood me in the lift as well.

I am really, really sorry.

I thought you're Shakti Kapoor...

...but you turned out to be Tusshar Kapoor.

It's ok.

Everyone thinks, my dad's Shakti Kapoor too.

I am Shalu.

So how can I make up with you.

You can make-out with me. -What?

I mean... you can go out with me.

Oh...

Coffee or dinner, whatever suits you?

Can we go out on a date?

Never delay a good plan.

Of course I'll go on a date.

Scene 1, shot 1, take 1.

Action.

Bro, I am nervous.

Kanhaiyya, focus. Focus.

Come on. Do something.

Focus!

Focus!

Focus!

Even I am suddenly feeling performance pressure.

Do one thing, take this.

This? What's this?

Stay on?

Yes.

After you take this... you'll stay on...

...and on... and on!

O naive tormentor... come home...

O naive tormentor... come home...

Come home.

Stop pointing that thing on me. Point it there.

"Change my luck."

"Change my luck."

Cut it!

Fantastic!

You guys were amazing.

Shalu, I...

Yes.

Will you be the mother of my kids?

What?

I mean...

Will you marry me?

If your answer's yes...

...then please accept this valuable gift.

Lucera. Wow!

Lucera diamond!

Lucera's diamonds are quite big.

And you said your family's rich.

Then why such a small diamond?

My mother always said...

"Son, when a girl's impressed by small things..."

"...later, she'll be really happy to see bigger things."

Big or small, I want everything you have.

Of course, I will marry you.

Action!

Come here.

Come on.

Bloody fools, oafs.

Blow it on those two, not me.

How about me? -No, you don't blow anything.

Just go and stand there.

You baldy, where do you get these guys?

Come on, one more.

Action!

"The body shivers... heart quivers."

"When he comes... Pingum."

Bloody baldy... you fool... zoom on them.

Who are you?

One with the biggest chewing gum...

He can only be... Dajirao Tingum.

And you?

His sequel. Tingum Returns.

Returns!

Returns!

Hey...

I am coming!

Now mine's... dangling.

Excellent shot!

Very nice.

I'll make the next film with you two.

London Dreams.

Brilliant.

Done, bro.

What's wrong with him?

Hello. -Hi.

Shalu, hold on.

Shalu's phone. Keep quiet.

Yes, Shalu.

What are you doing?

I was watching television.

I see... but I don't hear the television.

Television... I've put it on mute.

I was changing the channel. -I see.

Are you worried about your obesity?

Don't give up.

Even I was overweight.

But now... I've lost weight.

See...

Crispy potatoes.

Crispy potatoes.

Crispy potatoes.

Don loves wild cats.

Wild and juicy.

"Baby doll made of gold."

"Baby doll made of gold."

Wow... there are many exciting things on TV today.

Yes... the television's really nice today.

Ok... I called to tell you something important.

Lower the volume. -Yes...

"Baby doll made of gold."

Kanhaiyya, I talked to my dad about our marriage.

And he now wants to meet your family.

What?

But my family isn't here right now.

Then call them.

You said that you will manage.

Look, my dad believes in culture and family.

Until he doesn't meet your family...

...and know them better...

...he won't agree to our marriage.

After that... you can ask father for my hand.

Why just your hand... I want all of Shalu.

By the way, I knew about culture, family, values...

...but I didn't know your father will be...

...straight out of Suraj Barjatiya films.

Yes, you got it right.

But my father's Karjatiya and not Barjatiya.

Surya Karjatiya.

Karjatiya?

Yes.

When does he want to meet my family?

This weekend, on Saturday.

Bye.

Saturday.

Why did you tell her that you're rich?

And your family will cross the seven seas for you.

Don't you remember...

...no one intervened when you were thrown out.

What did you expect me to say?

That my father kicked me out.

And now I am acting in porn films.

Yes, I don't like to lie.

But this time I lied for my love.

What will you do with your love...

...when your lie's exposed?

You'll get screwed, trying to get your family.

Where will get your family?

Kanhaiyya, you can have a family.

But you must plan for that.

Family planning. -What? Are you mad?

Mickey, are you crazy?

You mean, your actors...

...will pretend to be my family?

Forget it, I'll think of a different option.

You don't get it.

Come here. Come here.

Look.

Look at them carefully.

What do you think?

No, no, this is bullshit. It won't happen.

Don't listen to him.

Look at them, carefully. -No. This can't happen.

Let him visualize.

"Sister, your brother-in-law is crazy."

"Flirts around with girls."

Yes, you're right.

It's a brilliant idea. -Yes!

Yeah!

I think it's brilliant too.

You won't find such pious bonds.

What say Kanhaiyya?

Sucku and Merili will be my sisters. -What?

Sisters.

And these two will be my brothers-in-law.

Hold on. Who will play the role of your father?

What?

I am still young. No!

You'll be perfect. -Shut up. What perfect.

If we're caught, we'll be jailed.

And I am too handsome to be in jail.

If I drop the soap in the shower...

...I won't be able to face anyone.

To hell with you two... I am going. -Rocky.

You and your family drama.

Rocky, listen. -It'll be brilliant.

Who will play the role of your father now?

How mean, Kanhaiyya?

Do I look as old as your father?

You just have to pretend as my father.

Done.

I can do anything for you.

Thanks. -Someday, I'll have to be someone's father.

I'll begin with you. -Yes.

Bless you, son. -Get lost.

Listen. This won't be easy.

They are all porn actors, and not theatre artists.

We'll need to train them. -Yeah, you're right.

But I'll direct this film.

Done. -Done.

We can do it.

Action.

Karjatiya... If you don't let your daughter marry my son.

I will shoot you.

What are you blabbering?

Son, I love you from my heart.

Mickey, heart's on the left side.

I keep shaking all day...

...so my heart keeps moving left and right too.

And this is nothing.

Yesterday, my kidney slipped down to my foot.

I had to pee from my toe.

Look Sucku, from today, I am your small brother.

Small brother! -Behave yourself.

You've to pretend as my sister in front of Karjatiya family.

Ok.

Yes, sister. Ok.

Come on, now go and wear some clothes.

More clothes? -Sucku, please go.

Come on, go.

What are you wearing?

Sari. Why? Am I not looking nice?

Why are you wearing it like that?

"The buds and stars, they all say."

"I've never worn so many clothes before."

Yes, fine.

But whatever you're wearing, please wear it properly.

Ok. Now, go.

Hello. -Hello.

What do you do?

Our business is 'Give and Take'.

Sometimes we take...

...and sometimes we happily give.

Oh my God.

My marriage lies in your hands.

Please don't ruin it. -Ok.

Go and practice for your role properly.

Go.

I don't know what's going to happen about my marriage.

Tradition, honor and discipline.

These are the three rules of Gurukul...

...which I can't follow myself.

So why would I tell my son to follow it.

I know, I'll tweet your marriage.

Shalu weds Kanhaiyya.

Mickey, stop joking around.

You haven't prepared for the role of my father yet.

Don't worry, all I have to do is put on a wig.

I'll be an ideal father...

...and Shalu's father will be surprised.

Hello, Karjatiya uncle.

Would you like some tea or biscuits?

No, no, no, no, Merili, stop.

You will only offer tea to my future father-in-law.

Nothing more.

And no showing any skin.

Come on, repeat your lines properly.

Hello, Mr. Karjatiya.

What would you like to have? -Good.

What would you like? -Look, Sucku.

Be serious guys.

If you do anything wrong...

...then I'll get divorced before getting married. -So sad.

Don't stare, take my blessings.

Greetings. -Bless you son.

What?

Kanwarlal. Oh, sorry.

Karjatiya.

You'll have to let your daughter marry my son.

One day this boy will bring Ekta (Unity) in this world.

"I am a traveller, friends."

"I've no home or place to stay."

"I've to keep walking."

Ekta.

"We are so cool."

Not like this.

Wear it properly.

Like this. Properly.

Keep your veils in place...

...in front of my future father-in-law.

Yeah, ok.

Ok.

And yes, repeat your names once again.

Chu... Chusil... I mean Sushil.

Sanskaar. -Yeah.

Sakshi.

Sunder.

Remember them, don't forget.

Where the hell's Mickey.

Feels like he has arrived.

All the best.

Come on, guys. We can do this.

Hello. Please come in.

Hello.

Kanhaiyya, this is my father.

And he is? -Shalu's father.

No, no, I was talking about your parrot.

Oh...

If you're talking about the parrot then look at him...

...why are you looking at me?

My name's Prem.

Father, Kanhaiyya has a problem.

Whenever he sees the colour red...

...he becomes cockeyed.

Kanhaiyya, focus. Focus. Focus.

Where's the rest of your family?

They'll come later. -Ok.

Please come in. -Yes.

Come in.

Come.

Greetings, father. -Bless you.

Come, sit.

No, I can't do that. I can't sit.

Why? -Father has a problem.

Due to an injury to the spinal cord...

...he can't sit or sleep.

That's why I always keep standing.

And my parrot also keeps standing with me.

Right, Prem?

Prem.

His name's Prem.

Prem Karjatiya.

Your parrot's quite big. -Yes.

When I was small, so was he.

As I grew big, so did my Prem.

And my late wife loved Prem more than me.

Is this your family? -Yes.

This is my sister, Sanskar. -Hello.

And that's her husband Sushil. -Wow.

Sanskar, Sushil... really nice names.

Very traditional.

What do you do, Sanskar?

Well, I give...

What do you give?

Education to poor kids.

Inspiration to widows. -How nice.

And to bachelors...

Mastur...

Besan (Flour).

They deal in gram flour.

Sweet meat flour...

He's a master in everything that's related to flour.

Oh, I see.

Even I love 'Besan'.

You should let me try your 'Besan' some day.

Of course.

Whenever you feel like...

...I will... fulfill your desire.

Why is she breathing so heavily?

Asthma.

Sometimes my wife gets asthma attacks.

Kanhaiyya, why is she scratching herself?

Well, she's my other sister Sucku.

I mean Sakshi.

And sometimes she gets an allergy.

And that's why she starts scratching herself.

Don't worry about her.

She'll get better.

And who's this young man?

This is her husband, Sunder.

Hello. -I see...

Does he do the same business as your other brother-in-law?

Yes.

You got it right.

We lend each other a hand in the family business.

Wow.

I love the family that works together, eats together...

...and sleeps together.

Prem... don't worry.

He's just laughing.

Where the hell is Mickey? -What?

I was just saying...

...I am so glad to meet you. -Me too, son.

But I don't see your parents around.

Well...

Son, here I am.

He's here.

Shake it daddy.

You are... -Father.

Kanhaiyya's father.

I see. I am really glad to meet you. -I see.

Glad to meet you.

Even my parrot's happy to meet you.

Wow, your parrot's quite big.

Greetings, uncle. -No, no, darling. Come here.

I was waiting for this day.

She is very soft.

What are you doing?

Don't hit on your future sister-in-law?

If you hadn't shown up...

...then you would've definitely arrived for my final rites.

Wow! Nice! Very nice!

Look at the budding father-son love.

And they're so sweetly whispering in each others ears.

That's Sanskar (Values).

Did you... call me?

No, sister.

He was talking about 'Sanskar' in general, not you.

By the way, Kanhaiyya...

...I haven't seen your mother yet.

Mother?

Mother? -Mother.

Mother.

We don't know where's his mother.

It's a long story. -Yes.

Long... very long.

Son! -Who's that?

I am here.

Rocky!

"Rocky... Rocky."

"Rocky... Rocky."

Kanhaiyya, let's run away.

Who are you? -I am Kanhaiyya's father.

Oh, God! Another father.

Daddy?

You're his father, he is his father...

...so many fathers.

I am his biological father.

And he's the father who raised him. -Yes.

That's why he considers us both his father.

And not just us...

...he considers all the men in this world his father.

Daddy!

Wow! -Wow!

Your son has such great ideals.

If everyone thinks like your son...

...then everyone in the world will treat each other as siblings.

But, tell me something.

Sanskar and Kanhaiyya look like brother and sister.

But, she doesn't look like your daughter.

She...

We adopted her when she was very small.

Who's my...

Daddy.

Children will always remain children.

You should take rest, I am very tired.

What? -I mean you must be tired, because of the long journey.

Sakshi. Go show them the bedroom.

Bedroom?

Anytime. It's my favourite place.

Actually, please don't show them anything.

I think she's getting another attack.

Brother-in-law, you show them the way.

Yes, let's go.

Yes, of course.

Come, I'll show you your bedroom.

They're gone now.

Pathetic actress... you're going out of character.

Lock her in the bathroom.

What are you doing? -What are you doing?

Where did you come from?

I am your friend. How could I leave you dangling?

Who is it now?

I'll go take a look.

Why are you going inside?

Who are you? -What language are they speaking?

Look, madam. I think you're in the wrong film.

Everything is already messed up here.

I am saying that I am at the right place.

I'm aunt Sindoor, Karjatiya's widow sister.

Oh, hello. Hello.

If she was blind too...

...she could've played Rani Mukherjee's part in 'Black 2'.

You won't know the worth of a pinch of vermillion, mister.

Hey mister, listen here.

We don't understand your nonsense at all.

First you blabber something, then this dog barks...

Hey, his name is Sakru.

Wow, then he'll come in handy.

Anyway...

First he barks, and then you bark...

I mean you speak after him.

I mean what's this threesome?

You see, Sakru understands what Sindoor aunty says.

And I understand what Sakru says.

There's only one hero amongst all these villains.

Who is he?

Why don't you go up?

No, no. I meant the room besides your brother.

Brother-in-law and sister, take them inside.

Hello. -Come, come.

Who could it be now?

Whenever this bell rings...

...there's always some kind of trouble.

You shut up. -Wait, wait.

Go and see, who is it now.

Oh my God.

Why are you giving such expressions...

...like it's a big problem.

It is a big problem.

My real father's here. -What?

But who gave him my address? -I did.

What?

As your friend, I called him up and told him everything.

What? -He yelled at me and hung up.

I didn't know he'll come here personally.

That's why I came here dressed as your father, to help you out.

Our entire plan is ruined.

Couldn't you find a better time to show your friendship?

Sorry, buddy. But don't open the door.

Or else it'll become a triple role of your father.

Should I let them stay outside? -Yes.

Your aunty will like it. -Get lost.

They'll bang for a while, and then leave.

What? -The bell.

My father won't leave so easily.

He'll come in and bang us.

Who would know that better than me?

What.

Someone's ringing the bell...

...and you're not opening the door.

Guests are like God, son.

Open the door. -Open the door.

This guest will surely send us to God.

I was about to open it.

But either the police or the beggar rings the bell for so long.

Police won't come here.

So I thought it must be beggars.

Beggars are also an effigy of God, son.

Ok, I'll open the door. -No, no, no.

How can you open the door when I am here?

You're elder to me. I'll open the door.

You go inside, go on.

These things have no connection with age, son.

Come on, I'll open it.

Welcome.

Hello. -Hi.

Come in. -Mister, you seem to be from a decent family.

So why do you carry these big suitcases and beg?

I had heard about International Khiladi (Player).

But this is the first time I saw an International Bhikari (beggar).

You and your entire family must be beggars.

Do I look like beggars to you?

My name is Mr. P.K. Lele.

And that handsome boy standing there...

Look here.

I am his father.

Oh, God! Another father!

Mister, don't forget your manners.

This handsome boy you're talking about...

...I am his future father-in-law.

Surya Karjatiya.

Kanhaiyya... he's your father...

...he's your father and he's also your father.

So many fathers? -Speak up.

Yes... and no.

That is my mother.

Kanhaiyya, what's going on?

Which father is he talking about?

He's talking about your sins.

Let's go now, I'll explain you later.

Go get some rest first. -Where are you taking us?

Why was that old man calling me a beggar?

Bloody old man.

Kanhaiyya.

Why did you lock them up in the room?

And what's this exhibition of fathers?

No exhibition...

He's my step-father.

Step-father? -Yes... didn't I tell you it's a long story.

My mother, who was first my aunty.

He's her husband.

My step-mother's step-husband...

...which is my future step-father.

But unfortunately, my step-mother...

...has come here with her boyfriend.

You mean your aunt's your mother now.

Yes and no.

Actually... my aunty left my father for her new boyfriend.

Yeah... I didn't get it.

Wait, son. Whatever you said, please explain that in Hindi.

Basically, father... Madhuri has left Monish Bahl...

...and going around with Salman.

Oh, then say it like that.

Now I get it. -Right?

But what can be done now?

Your father is crazy about your aunty...

...but she hits on other guys.

I can understand your emotion.

But why did your son lock those two up in the room?

Well... well...

Because I knew that my father...

...wouldn't be able to see my aunty with her new boyfriend.

And if anything happens to him...

...then I'll become fatherless instantly.

Papa!

How sad.

I am really sad to know...

...that someone's trying to have fun on your expenses.

Kanhaiyya's aunt is at fault too.

If she hadn't fallen... then this would've never happened.

But I've compromised with the fact...

...that what's done is done.

Someone else slept with her.

But how can anyone sleep with her other than me. -What?

I mean... I will awaken her. -Who?

Her love...

The heart that once beat for you.

That's rituals, that's values and that's tradition.

But you don't have too much time left, right? -What?

No, I mean you're here only for a short time.

You'll fix their marriage and leave.

No!

No! -No!

Now... I'll leave only after fixing all the relations.

My daughter's... as well as my daughter's mother-in-law's.

Come, dear.

Let's go.

We're screwed because of your father.

Now he wants to unite your aunty...

...with your real father, who's actually a fake. -Yes.

Until now I called her aunty...

...so how can I call her darling?

You stay away from her.

So what if she isn't my real mother.

But even she has changed my soiled pants.

I will stay away.

But that Karjatiya will keep trying to bring us closer.

Whatever...

Your aunty looks like a MILF. -MILF?

'Maasi (Aunty) I'd Love to Facebook!'

What did you think?

I am screwed.

Kanhaiyya open the door.

Open the door, or else your father will knock it down. -Open it.

Don't you know my power?

Open the door or else I'll break it.

I will break it!

"To make a flora out of flowers..."

"To make a flora out of flowers..."

"One needs some silk, and some glass."

If you hadn't caught me, I would've fallen down.

How could I let you fall?

After all you're Kanhaiyya's aunty...

I mean his mother.

If I were to fall down, you would've caught me too.

First you fall... and then watch, how I catch you.

Stop behaving cheaply.

And tell me, son. What's going on? -Yes.

Why did you lock us up?

To save you and aunty from Karjatiya's parrot.

Yes, his parrot's so sweet.

Shut up.

And stop praising other's parrots.

He goes crazy when he sees boobsurat...

...I mean Khoobsurat (Beautiful) women.

Yes!

Dad, I locked you inside to save you from Karjatiya's pervert parrot.

Yes!

Sir, that parrot's got a bad reputation in Bangkok.

Yes!

Do I look like a parrot to you? -Yes!

No, no...

Stop making a fool out of me.

And tell me, son.

I don't see your scoundrel friend Rocky.

By the way, I wouldn't have come here if he hadn't called me.

And why wouldn't I come.

After all... I am your father.

"Rocky... Rocky."

His face reminds me... of Rocky.

Rocky?

Rocky who?

He was a shameless and cheap guy.

He turned his granny... into super-granny.

I mean she's dead.

Is that what happened?

Rocky... How can my face look like him?

Look. How this possible?

Look.

Yeah... that's really big.

Oh my God. Sorry, sorry.

No problem. -How stupid of me.

I forgive you.

By the way, son...

...why was Karjatiya calling him your father?

Father? No? He's my boss.

Since I came here, he's treated me like a son.

He recognized my talent that you didn't.

And that's why, for Mr. Karjatiya...

...he's like my father.

By the way, is he actually someone's father...

...or is he still a bachelor?

Why are you eager to know? -For general knowledge.

Generally your general knowledge...

...is limited to the bedroom.

By the way, son... who's this Nepali?

He... -I am the guy who recognized his talent...

...which even his father couldn't.

So... he's like a father to him.

Yes.

And what about the others that were here?

We're the front-end, and they're back-end.

And together we lend each other a hand in our job.

What do you guys do?

We've a huge factory of Organic Sandwich.

We all roll over each other and work together.

Do come some day we'll let you lick the sauce.

You must be tired, I'll go take some rest.

I mean you must be tired, go get some rest.

Come, let me show you your room.

Come.

Go on.

Sauce... -Yes. Mine's already out.

Kanhaiyya's aunty is openly giving it to me.

Line.

Kanhaiyya's step-mother...

...wants to make you her lover.

She's in full mood to sing a duet with you. -Quiet.

Don't say this in front of Kanhaiyya. -Why?

He'll break my bones.

Let him play his flute with his Radha.

"I am crazy Karimi."

"I am single and lonely."

"I am crazy Karimi. -O Boy."

"I am single and lonely. -O Boy."

"I am a hot cracker. -O Boy."

"I am like Lady Gaga. -O Boy."

"Give me... Give me."

"Give it to me."

"Will you give me your heart."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"Come on everybody move it!"

"Come on everybody shake it!"

"Come on everybody do it like I do!"

"Like the sexy lady."

"Handle with care..."

"...I am fragile item."

"We'll spend the night in the candle night."

"I'll start with slowly-slowly touching you."

"Don't pretend, you're a master in this."

"Baby, baby..."

"You're my baby."

"From now I'll be your soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"Love in the air..."

"...darling, feel the ambiance."

"Get ready, we're going to love each other awesome."

"There's an intoxication taking over me."

"It's a short game, but it's lots of fun."

"Baby, baby..."

"You're my baby."

"From now I'll be your soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

"O boy... O boy... You're my soft toy."

Look, he's snatched our peace and sleeping himself.

Get up.

Son, lift up your ass.

If you keep dreaming all day...

...then your dreams of becoming rich will shatter.

What do you mean?

I mean... the client's giving me sleepless nights for a new DP.

Please explain him.

In my line of work, the competition is tough.

And for this job, I only need two things.

Camera and room, very simple.

Wait a minute.

How will you shoot a film in all this confusion?

Don't worry.

I'll shoot so secretly, that no one will know.

Kalim... an ordinary girl like her...

...can't become the empress of India.

Champakali is not some ordinary girl.

She's a virgin.

Beautiful, capricious and alluring.

If you can give her your royal piece...

If that's the case...

...then I won't bury her in the wall.

In fact, I'll take her to heaven.

Come on, baby.

I am scared, Your Highness.

When in love... no need to be afraid.

Cut. Cut. Cut.

What's the secret code?

Go take a look.

Kanhaiyya, you?

You're shooting Mughal-e-Azam...

And father's waiting at the dining table...

...to have Mughlai food with everyone.

Just five more minutes, we're at the climax.

Hurry up. Hurry up.

Wait.

What's the secret code?

That must be Sucku.

Only she makes sounds like that.

Take her in. -Yes.

It's the deaf aunty standing outside.

I hope... she didn't see anything.

And if she did, she'll go blind with shock.

Hide. Everyone hide. -Hide.

Rocky, idea. Idea.

Say it. Say it.

No overacting... careful.

What's going on here?

Actually... we're doing a play...

...for the Indian organization of Bangkok.

Pavitra Rishtey.

We were rehearsing for that.

Yes.

But what was that girl doing by kneeling before him?

She...

Actually, she's washing her father's feet before dinner.

Normally, we wash our hands before a meal...

...who washes their feet.

In our family, we wash everything before a meal.

Why?

Because... before eating our meal...

...we join our hands and thank the Lord.

Because God's revered through a clean mind and clean body. -Yes.

Lord, help us.

"Radha's incomplete without Shyam."

"Say Radhe-Radhe-Radhe."

"Radha's incomplete without Shyam."

Even after living in Thailand...

...you didn't forget your culture, rituals and tradition.

This has made me really happy.

Why don't we all go for a picnic tomorrow...

...so that we get to know each other better.

There's another thing I would like to share with everyone.

My dear sister, Sindoor...

...who lost her voice and her husband on her wedding night...

And I've always seen disappointment on her face...

...and tears on her face.

But years later, I can see a smile on her face.

And only...

"Radha's incomplete without Shyam."

"Say Radhe-Radhe-Radhe."

"Radha's incomplete without Shyam."

...that she's sitting here, with us.

And I believe... that the love between us should grow.

All I want is that we all live together...

...just like in Suraj Barjatiya's films.

And we all progress together.

I'll go get the sweetmeat for you and Kanhaiyya's mother.

What? -No, no...

I'll get sweetmeat for everyone.

Hello sir.

This mixture will bring the spice back...

...in Kanhaiyya's father and aunty's shattered love life.

The sweetmeat's here.

Serve it to everyone.

Hurry up. -This is for you.

Thank you.

This is for you. -Thank you.

The sweetmeat's really nice.

What's wrong with you today?

You're not getting tired.

Plan successful.

Who could it be at this hour?

I'll see.

Kanhaiyya's aunty. Hide under the building.

Building? -I mean, hide under the bed.

Hide, hurry up. -Ok.

Where's my moustache?

What are you doing here at this hour?

You called me here...

...and now you're asking what am I doing here?

I called you.

Naughty boy.

Let's have some fun.

"I've found the gem of love."

That was Kanhaiyya's voice.

What are you doing here?

Kanhaiyya, open the door.

Hide, hide... -Kanhaiyya.

Father. -Is everything fine?

Yes. -I heard you scream.

No, father, nothing to worry about.

Go and sleep. It's quite late.

I'll sleep too. -Yes.

Ok. -Early to bed, early to rise.

Come on, baby. Come. -What if someone comes here?

We'll get in problem. -No one will come.

We will come.

Look, Kanhaiyya will never forgive me.

I want you to have a relation with him...

...which even his father couldn't.

What relation?

As a friend. -I am his friend.

I mean, I am also his friend.

Then come on, let's turn this friendship into something more.

No, please... -Right now.

Shalu. You know the red color...

What are you doing? -Sorry.

I didn't mean that.

No, no, no.

You're ok? -Focus. Focus. Focus.

Kanhaiyya.

What are you doing here? -Waiting for you.

Come on, baby. -Not now.

What if father comes back? -I don't care.

Since I saw you...

...there's just one thought that crosses my mind.

Which one?

"Let the dawn not rise."

"Let's not lose this night."

"Let's not let each other sleep."

"I am you're hero?" -Yeah.

That's my favourite film.

I'll go get the DVD right away.

Where are you going? -I'll go get the DVD.

All I want is that you and me are locked in a room...

...and the key's found. -You mean lost.

Yeah, yeah... whatever.

Let's go, Prem.

Why are you following me around?

I am going to sleep.

You go, sleep with this Sakru.

Sorry.

Goodnight.

I told you, father will come back.

Now hide, hide.

What are you doing outside my room at this hour?

Your aunty...

What happened? -Your aunt's in my room.

And she's hell-bent on making me your father.

10 minutes more and 9 months later...

...our kid would call you brother.

Rascal, did you do something wrong with her?

I wouldn't be here if I wanted to.

Come, I'll show you.

Yeah!

Early to bed and early to rise.

Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Father's coming... this way with his parrot.

Where did he come from?

Want to have some fun? -Yes.

Take him with you.

Lights off, pack up!

How did the lights go off?

Come on, I'll show you.

Strange.

I heard a commotion and light.

What happened suddenly?

See.

See. -Yes.

Such nice people.

Noble. Courteous. Cultured.

Right, aunty.

What are you doing here at this hour?

I was looking for the bathroom.

I will have to take a bath.

Watching my aunty behave so cheaply...

...makes me want to puke.

I am sure Karjatiya is behind this.

Otherwise, my aunty would never do a thing like this.

We must stop Karjatiya at any cost.

Otherwise... aunty will try to rock my world every day.

We must make that old man understand...

...no matter how hard he tries, it won't kindle aunt's flame for me.

How's that?

"Rocky."

By telling him...

...that, there's another lady...

...in my life.

Another lady?

Yes. -I didn't get it.

I mean my fake girlfriend.

Fake girlfriend? -Yes.

I mean, your fake second step-mother.

Now watch... how I turn your family's clean picture...

...into a dirty picture.

"Rocky!"

Of course, darling. I miss you too.

And I love you too.

Yes, yes. Don't worry, I miss you too.

Darling, I must go. I'll call you later.

Ok, love you.

Who were you talking to?

I think you're hiding something from me.

You're absolutely right.

I was hiding it from you.

But what to do, love is such a thing.

No matter how hard you try, you can't hide it.

I didn't get it.

That was my girlfriend. -Girlfriend?

I love her and I'm soon going to marry her.

And so I have a request.

Please don't try to reunite me and Kanhaiyya's aunty...

...I mean my first wife.

There's no place for her in my life.

Prem, another mother.

I wonder how Kanhaiyya will handle so many mothers.

Well, ok.

I would like to meet your new companion.

What?

What's the point of meeting her? -What?

Satisfaction.

The woman who's going to be my Shalu's mother-in-law...

...I must know her character, her lifestyle, and her mannerisms.

What do you care about her character?

Why wouldn't I be?

I want to handover my daughter to your son happily.

Do one thing.

We're all going for a picnic.

Bring your new girlfriend there, in an hour.

One hour!

One hour!

One hour!

How's that possible?

Rocky, if you don't introduce my future step-mother...

...to my future father-in-law, then...

...he'll never give me his daughter.

No worries... no problem.

If you can have two fake fathers...

...then can't you have a fake step-mother?

Mother?

Jimmy, I doubt this old hag's intentions.

I think she'll spare me only after some give and take.

Did you tell anyone anything?

What's she saying?

I was looking for your room last night? -What?

What?

What's she doing?

I want to take a jet-ski ride with you.

Who will go on a jet-ski ride with you?

Not me, she's saying it.

And you can't say no to Sindoor aunty.

Who can avert destiny. Come, I'll take you.

That was fun, dear. -Yes, it was.

Look, Mr. Karjatiya, I've brought my Vidya along.

Focus. Focus. -Focus.

Father.

You look...

Look... -What?

You look just like Shalu's mom.

What? -What?

Yes.

You reminded me and my parrot about Shalu's mother.

Naughty. -No, honestly.

Look, this is her picture. Look.

Ooh la la!

What's this new twist?

You look just like the old man's dead wife.

You look like a blossoming rose.

Like a poet's dream.

Like the sun's rays, and a deer in the jungle.

1942... A Love Story.

No... 1972... A Love Story.

That's when I saw Shalu's mom for the first time.

And now it feels... time has turned back again.

I think we should split too.

Are you ok?

God's ways are unique.

You really reminded me of my mother.

Mom!

Dear. Dear.

Father, where did Kanhaiyya go?

I'll go take a look.

Shalu baby...

I mean dear...

Don't... don't leave me alone.

Vidya, that reminds me.

You had to go somewhere.

You have an appointment in the parlour, right? -Yes, of course.

"Don't leave me yet..."

"...because my heart's not satisfied yet."

You must do it with me today.

What? -What?

Lunch. -Naughty.

Lalita.

My name's P.K. Lele.

Nice to meet you.

Who's this pretty damsel?

This is Vidya, my girlfriend.

Excuse me.

But I think I've seen you before.

This is a very old pickup line.

But it still works.

Don't be fooled by him.

If you dig this mountain, you'll find a mole.

She won't find a lion in you either.

Let it be, Mr. Karjatiya.

I must leave now.

My home is really far.

It'll take me three hours to get there.

By the way, I don't see our son Kanhaiyya.

We can't let Vidya go until he doesn't arrive.

How can he come when I am here? -What?

I mean... How can he come when I am here.

I sent him to the nearby mall...

...to get medicines for me.

No. we'll all go to the mall, find him...

...we'll have lunch and then go home.

No, no...

Let's go.

Go on. -Let's go.

Vidya... -Come on.

Mother...

I mean your aunt's got her eyes on me.

She keeps hitting and winking on me.

My own father was hitting on me.

I told you to use lemons.

But no, you wanted oranges. Now you pay for it.

If I knew this would happen...

...I would've used grapes instead.

What happened? -Look.

The old man's here. -He's my father-in-law.

It's the same thing.

We must do something now.

Come on.

Vidya.

Hi. -Vidya.

Vidya. Did you find Kanhaiyya? -Not yet. He must be around.

Even we're looking for him.

We'll find him. We'll find him.

And then we'll say...

He was right here, and we looked all over the mall.

Mr. Karjatiya, we couldn't find him on this floor.

Let's go look for him on the next floor. -Yes.

No, no, no, let's go in this shop first.

We'll buy some religious or family films.

Come, dear.

They won't find any religious or family films...

...instead they'll see the real doings of our fake family.

Yes.

Before father catches us red-handed with our pants down...

...let's do something. -Come on.

Oh, no.

Every corner of this store...

...is filled with evidence that we've been sleeping around.

Rocky... We must handle this. -Wait...

let's buy all these DVDs...

...before father sees them. -Yes.

Let's eradicate this problem from the root.

Excuse me.

Welcome!

"I am the button of your shirt..."

"Beloved."

Hey... What are you doing? Pack the DVDs.

Are you Indians? -Yes, so?

No, looking at her I felt that...

...we have some old connection.

Yes, did you forget?

We were together in part 1 and part 2.

How can I forget those two parts?

Hey, I think you've a lot of free time.

This is part 3.

Come on, pack the DVDs.

Ok, good choice sir.

You're a fan of these two.

Me too.

I can't sleep without watching these two.

You see... they lighten my burden.

Yeah!

Hold on, what are you doing?

Store policy, sir.

You see, madam.

Until we don't check the DVD's in front of the customer...

...we can't pack them.

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

I am, sir.

What happened?

Sorry, sir. I think this is a bad stock.

I can't sell you this pile.

Come back when we get the new stock.

We'll buy the new stock as well.

But if we don't buy these now...

...we'll be in big trouble.

Pack these DVDs immediately. -Are you sure, sir?

Yes.

Pack all you have. Please.

I can even pack myself for you, madam.

Pack the DVDs now. Hurry up.

Yes, I am.

There she is. -Let's go that way.

Come on. -Hi.

Here... here...

Here...

For a special customer. -Ooh la la.

What are you doing?

Sir, let me pack it properly.

I am packing them so sweetly.

Hurry up.

Pack it quickly.

I am, sir.

If you take any longer...

...then we'll have to pack up.

Please, give it to me. -It's done.

Hurry up. -Madam, packing...

Give it. -It will tear.

The DVDs are coming out.

Satyanash (Curses).

What? -What?

Satya Nash, that's my name.

Your name fits your job.

Bloody villain. -Shut up you two, shut up!

That's Kanhaiyya.

Welcome to Maa Jagat Sajni's bar.

I mean in her Darbar (court).

And that's Kanhaiyya's sister... Sanskar.

Look over there!

That's Rocky and Kanhaiyya.

What are they doing?

What no one ever did in our family?

These DVDs are working.

I've seen this film 25 times.

What a performance.

Why did you bring these transistors along?

To play.

Pervert boys.

I always knew that he's useless.

You make it sound as if...

...you've done big things in life. -Shut up.

Blue film actor.

They turned out to be uncultured and cheats!

Do not climb up here.

This... This...

Are these your values?

You really are the family that sleeps together.

Tell Kanhaiyya, that I would rather die...

...than let my daughter marry him.

Then I should die.

But...

Why is Vidya going to commit suicide?

I cancelled Kanhaiyya's wedding.

It's the same thing.

Vidya.

I am coming too. -Where are you going?

Get lost. -Wait.

I guess we'll have to do a part 4 for him.

Oh...

Welcome.

Stop, Vidya. -I don't want to live.

Vidya.

Stop. -Stop. Stop.

Vidya, stop!

Stop.

Vidya. -Vidya... stop.

I don't want to live. -Stop!

You... -Get lost.

Kanhaiyya, stop.

Vidya, stop.

I don't want to live. -Listen to me.

Stop, Kanhaiyya.

Kanhaiyya.

Don't go there!

That's my son Kanhaiyya.

Kanhaiyya. -Stop. Stop.

I don't want to live.

I'm sinking in quick sand.

I'm really going to die. -I told you not to do it.

We'll get caught. -Forget that.

Get me out of this quick sand.

I don't want to die.

Get me out of here. -Give me your hand.

Oh my God. I am sinking too.

Oh my God. Help. Help, help!

Such a big deceit.

Deceit. Deceit. Deceit.

This is terrible.

I am sinking too.

I was trying to make my daughter's husband, her mother.

Forget that, we're dying here.

Kanhaiyya, you toyed around with my daughter as well as with my heart.

Someone save me.

Prem, save me.

I am just a parrot, not God.

I don't want to die. Prem, do something.

Ok, I'll do something

Aunty, where were you?

Papa, save me. -Help! Help!

Someone help him.

Forgive me, son.

I should be ashamed of myself.

You were thinking of making him your wife.

But me, his father...

I was thinking of making him his mother. -Papa...

That means... you're Kanhaiyya's real father?

Yes, I am his father.

But I am a big sinner.

Then who's this fake father?

Even his moustache is a fake.

That's Rocky. Kanhaiyya's friend.

I was so stupid...

I tried to make my son's friend...

...his father. Help!

Every father thinks...

...that his son-in-law will be a diamond.

But you're like a Kohinoor...

...that's been used like a lot of times.

Not Kohinoor.

Whenever we had sex, we used Durex.

And he didn't do anything wrong if he showed his anaconda to the world.

Not every Simran gets his Raj.

Sometimes, we have to settle for Nagraj.

Here's the Nagraj.

Shalu, we've been deceived.

Kanhaiyya, you're Vidya?

I did this for you, Shalu.

Sindoor, stay back.

Sindoor.

Sindoor.

Aunty!

Please help.

Hey, Father no.1.

Come quickly.

Hey guys, hold on.

What's Karjatiya's parrot doing here?

Everyone's in danger. Come quickly.

Help! -Help!

Somebody help!

Father.

Kanhaiyya. -Help!

Come on. Quickly.

Come on, come quickly.

Kanhaiyya, no one's going to die now.

I'll save you all.

Rest everyone can go to hell.

Hey, Comedy Circus, come down quickly.

One balloon saves you from AIDS...

...and this balloon will save your lives.

Balloon!

Balloon!

Balloon!

Stop screaming and yelling.

Catch it now or you won't get a second chance.

Here you go, Kanhaiyya.

Catch it.

Catch it, fast.

Yes, father. Carefully.

Come on, go father.

Come on father.

Come on... Come on.

Brother!

Sindoor spoke.

Aunty?

Aunty. What just happened?

Sakru, it's pack up for us.

Aunty spoke.

Aunty, go on.

Go up, quickly.

Papa, you go next. -Ok.

Thank you. Yes.

Son, come up.

You go first. -No, you go.

I said you go.

Are you two crazy, you're discussing over this.

It's so windy up here, hurry up.

Hold on, let's do one thing. Let's climb up together.

Because we've done everything together.

Let's go. -Come on.

Kanhaiyya, careful.

Careful.

Come on, Kanhaiyya.

If you ever show me a sign again... -Look, another sign.

Come on son, take a selfie.

You're always joking around.

Come on, guys. -Come on, take it up. Take it up.

We're safe.

Slowly, don't drop me down.

I am yet to see my son's wedding.

Bless you. Here too.

God bless you.

Bless you. Bless you.

What are you doing?

Friends, please forgive me.

You all made me realize...

...that my thinking was so wrong.

You all took off your clothes...

So that, you can cover your body.

And anything we do to make our ends meet...

...can never be a sin.

By saving us from that quick sand, you all proved...

...that culture doesn't come from covering yourself...

...or taking your clothes off.

And that's the naked truth.

Absolutely right, father.

That's been my thinking all along.

If you respect a girl...

...only then, she will give you in return.

What?

What's he saying? -No, no.

He means to say, she'll respect you back.

Yeah. -Correct.

And now we've decided to make only family films.

Really.

Movies that families can sit together and watch.

Kanhaiyya, your eyes are normal even after seeing red? -Yes.

How did this miracle happen?

That's because with great difficulty...

...I finally found true love, Rocky.

Yes! Yes!

This is called, happy ending!

Happy ending.

We're experts in happy ending.

Hold on. It's not that kind of happy ending.

This Happy Ending.

Happy Ending!

"We are so cool!"

"We are so cool!"