Original subtitles

THE BIGAMIST

COLODONT anti-cavity

Halt! Don't move! - Hi, Mario.

Morning, Ma'am. Nails and hammer.

You again! This feels like persecution.

Attention, all eyes on me! The news of the century!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Colodont firm, which I have the honor to represent,

today gives you the chance

to the win the smallest yet best car of the century, as you can read in this ad.

By buying Colodont toothpaste or a brush of pure sterilized silk..

Hands off! - No matter, this time, we're buying nothing.

Sorry, I don't deal with grocery clerks.

Sorry, Mr. De Santis, but we have already a ton of this stuff.

Then I must go to the cashier.

Miss Nives, please sign here. - Where?

Don't sign, Nives! For God's sake, no!

Oh, you remembered. - You think I'd forget?

Parfum de Paris, "Joy.." - Look, her signature doesn't count!

Thanks for telling me. Then you'll sign it.

I'm not signing anything! - You're not? You heard him?

Then you know what I'll do? I'll stand in front of your store

and tell everyone in Pomezia that you don't want any cars here.

Are you crazy? Sign it or else this big mouth'll put half the town against us!

Wisdom is a woman, Don Zanon.

So that's 150 tubes of toothpaste and 150 toothbrushes. Sounds good?

A four letter word: "love." - Ah, Mario!

How are you? - Pretty good.

Here you go. - Ah, you remembered!

How could I forget, Mrs. Zaira?

You are terrific!

Listen: 300 and 300, OK? - But we still have so many.

I understand, you prefer the competition's products. - Oh, no!

You know I send them all away.

You know you're wearing a lovely brooch? - This?

It's a very simple thing. - Simple but tasteful.

You here again?

Don't you understand, we don't need anything from you?

Go! Get out! - I'm leaving, Mr. Costa, but don't get mad, you'll get sick.

My respects, Donna Zaira. - Bye. - Bye, eh!

And forget our address, understand?

Hi. - Hi, De Santis.

What mood is he in today? - Meek as a lamb. - Thanks.

Get out! - Ow!

We don't need your junk here! - Calm down!

Damn, what a jerk you are! - Bye!

You see, Mr. Ercole, I can't come back here.

You treat me so courteously. - Please..

I don't know how to pay you back.

Please, Mario, take this, it's yours.

No, I can't. - Take it!

It lays eggs every morning. - Well, if that's the case..

Goodbye. - Goodbye.

One day you must eat with us.

Bye, Miss Teresa. - Bye, Mr. Mario.

Excuse me, are you going to Rome? Are you leaving now?

Yes. - Would you mind a passenger?

Why not? It'd be a pleasure.

Thanks a lot. Bring the suitcase.

What nerve!

Thank you, young man. God will pay you back.

May I put the suitcase here? - Yes. Thanks a lot.

Bye, Mama.

Hold the chicken, Ma'am. - Sure.

Bye, Mama. - Bye, Marisa.

Goodbye! - Bye.

Mario!

Hi, dear.

Here comes Mr. Whiny, the fastest slug in Lazio.

Now, we'll hear it: "I'm dead tired,"

"I've done 3,000 km, what a life, I can't keep this up!"

And we, on the other hand, spend the whole week partying.

Right, Tonino? Eh?

We've done the washing, the ironing, the cooking and cleaned the house.

Now that's entertainment!

And then we went shopping.

At night, we couldn't sleep because Tonino's teething.

A nice life for mamas!

You're lucky you're wearing pants, Toni.

Here's papa! - Finally, I'm home!

How are you? - Give papa a kiss.

When are you going to help papa with his bags, eh?

Oh, I'm dead tired! - See, Tonino?

I've done 3,000 km. I can't take this life anymore. And how are you?

The tot had a little fever. - Poor Tonino!

But here comes papa and he'll be all better!

It's all gone, because of papa's magic!

Guess what papa brought? The goose that laid the golden egg!

You'll see what eggs it makes! Just what we needed to dirty the house.

You know what we'll do with it tomorrow?

We'll wring its pretty neck, pluck off its feathers,

put in a pot, and make a broth for our Tonino, eh?

Mama and papa will eat it with broccoli, which papa doesn't like, but he'll eat it.

Are you selling lipstick now? - No, why?

What's this then? - A hankie.

With lipstick on it! - Mine?

Not the lipstick, the hankie! - Ah, let me see, let me see!

Yeah. It's mine. - Well then?

Well what? - Why is there lipstick on it?

It's a mystery. - Mario, you think I'm stupid?

You said it wasn't my lipstick.

Don't tick me off!

Come here. You don't think.. - What should I think?

I think it's one of "those" because this lipstick only costs a dime.

Stop it, you sleaze, don't touch me!

You want to know who was the last woman I kissed? You.

Don't you remember? Before I left, near the door.

You even said to me, "Wipe it off."

Let me taste if this lipstick really costs a dime.

Let go of me! - How bad you are!

Let me try again. - No!

Yeah, that costs a dime. - Don't think I'm convinced!

We'll settle this later.

Hello, is that you? - You heard that, Toni?

My god! I can say a word or two about your mama.

Yes, he's back. And with a hankie with lipstick stains.

Really? And what did you say? - 350!

Evening. - Evening.

How stupid you are. I would've eaten him alive!

Evening, ma'am. - Evening, ma'am.

What are you doing tonight? - I'll ask him. Mario!

What? - Enza says we should eat at Mama's.

I'd rather stay home. - But I've been stuck inside all week!

OK, we obey. - The gentleman will sacrifice himself.

Of course, the poor baby is dead tired.

You and your sister like to laugh.

I'd like to see you eat and sleep poorly, be treated badly all week.

He's playing the victim. Now he says they mistreat him all week.

I wish they mistreated him. I think they treat you too well!

What can you do? You don't have a husband anymore. And it's like I don't have one.

Ok, see you later. Bye.

I'll show you that you have a husband! - Mario, don't be crazy!

Mario! Just look what he's doing! Like we needed a chicken in the house!

Leave it to your father!

Are you happy we're seeing grandma? - So much fun with grandma!

Always something to say.

Did you tell your husband about the police?

Oh well, I forgot. They were here twice before. - What did they want?

You have to go to the station. It's probably for the gun permit, no?

Thanks! - Goodnight.

Yeah, probably the permit. 7 months, that was quick.

What will you do with a permit? - Buy a pistol, alright?

Or a machine gun! What can they steal? Your toothbrushes?

How witty you are, you and your sister!

Because that's what your sister would say, right?

I'd like to see you traveling the mountains at night.

What night? What mountains? Day and night you chase the lipstick, right?

Yeah. - You know what I think?

I've half a mind to go to the station. It's on the way.

But they're expecting us for dinner. - So? I'll be in and out.

As long as you're quick.

After dinner, let's go to the movies, OK? - That too?

I'm always stuck at home.

"20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" is playing. Will you take me?

I've already seen it. - When?

The other night at Benevento. I had nothing to do.

You hear, Toni? Here's the mountain night traveler.

Poor thing, forced to go to the movies. Thank God, he's healthy. Such a hard life!

Laugh, laugh, this is a hoot, ain't it?

Come in.

Excuse me, Sir, it's Mr. De Santis. - Let him come in.

May I? - Go with him to Vitello's office. - Evening, Commissioner.

Forgive me if I show up at this hour, but my wife forgot to tell me.

Sit down, please. - Thanks.

I just got back tonight and I must leave again Monday morning.

I'm always traveling in my line of work.

Your name? - De Santis, Mario.

Parents? - Vittorio and the late Amalia Vincenzini.

Birth? - Rome, 8/3/1925.

Married? - With Valeria Masetti.

I'm father of Antonio De Santis. Age: 11 months and a half.

Profession? - Trade Representative.

How long have you worked for Colodont? - Oh, three years.

And before? - I worked for other firms especially in perfumes.

It's my specialty.

What were you doing in 1949? - In 1949?

Well, let's see.. 48, 49.. I was selling American products!

Leftovers from the war!

Were you in northern Italy at that time? - Yes, in Emilia. In Romagna.

Romagna, eh? Forlì, Forlimpopoli? - Forlì, Forlimpopoli.

Fidenza, Faenza! Beautiful places!

And it was in Forlimpopoli where on November 11, 1948

you married Isolina Fornaciari. - What?

Marriage officially registered in the Civil Registry of Forlimpopoli

and transferred according to law, to the Civil Registry in Rome.

Then I'm a bigamist!

This follows from the Civil Registry in Rome.

This is a good one! I'm not surprised, of course.

Did you know that my cousin was refused a driver's license

because the Civil Registry said he was dead!

You know it's illegal to sound your horn? - Yes, but my baby doesn't.

Sorry, but the Traffic Police rules do not except children.

If he does it again, I'll have to fine you, got it? - Yes, Alright. - Evening.

You hear, Toni? Sweetie, be good.

The only license you have is to piss in the bed.

Excuse me, Sir, let's try to be reasonable.

If I were already married, when I went to request the certificate to contract,

according to you, a second marriage, wouldn't they've said,

"You can't, you're already married", no?

The Register has already answered this question. There was a mistake.

Ah, so they admit they can be wrong! - Anyone can make mistakes.

What's important is to realize the error. And that the guilty pay.

Then they should pay. How is it my fault?

The error was in issuing the second marriage certificate.

The fact remains that you contracted an existing first matrimony.

Are you nuts? - Watch your words!

Excuse me, Sir. Be patient with me.

But put yourself in my place! - Sorry, I prefer to stay in my own.

Yeah?

OK, take them to the Vitiello's office.

Well, If you are innocent, we'll soon see.

Oh, thank goodness!

No, stay there. - But, excuse me..

See what happens to a poor man like me! Two wives!

Having one is more than enough!

No, I'm only talking because the poor girl really is good.

If you allow me, since she's down there in the car, my "second" wife,

I'll whistle to her, if not.. - Sorry, but no.

Please think well, Miss. Maybe it's not him. Maybe the name is the same.

No, it's him, Sir. I'm sure it's him. I can feel it.

Want to see him first, Mr. Fornaciari? - Please, I'll kill him if I see him!

Besides, I never met him. I never consented to this marriage. It was her.

That wretch arranged this with her kind mother, a saint! - Her, yes!

Excuse me, but where were you? - Me?

At that time my client was abroad. - What abroad? Bollocks!

You really want to know where I was, Sir? - Tell me.

In jail and proud of it!

For political reasons, Sir. - For the fatherland!

For having remained faithful to the Idea, with a capital "I".

I don't know what you will think, Sir. - We're not here for that, Sir.

Did you bring the letters you spoke of? - Here they are.

I also brought the envelopes. - Thanks.

Sir, those are the letters he wrote me from Australia. - Where he's never been!

You can't imagine, Sir, the money I spent to flush him out.

The info I gave to the embassies, the consulates, the police, nothing!

Of course, he wasn't in Australia! He was here, the lowlife! - Please, papa!

In this letter, De Santis speaks of a certain loan.

What loan? A theft: 80,000 lire! - Papa, I won't allow it!

Sir, I gave it to him. - Liar! She still defends that scoundrel!

But he's still my husband! - Calm down! Mr. Fornaciari, you want to ruin it all?

Ma'am, it's been almost seven years since you've seen him last.

Try to stay calm and peaceful. He could've changed during that time.

For example, you said he had a mustache. But he doesn't have one anymore.

His brave mustache! - Listen to that! - Calm down.

I warn you that De Santis vehemently denies all charges.

I've the impression that we've before us a clever man who's not easy to intimidate.

Anyway, you wait here.

As soon as I call your name, come in through that side. - Yes.

By the way, Counselor, you stay here with the father. It's best he avoids him.

If I had been released ten days earlier, this wedding would never have happened!

Upon the word of Leonida Fornaciari! Go ask!

Ask all of Emilia and Romagna who Leonida Fornaciari is!

You know what they called me? The mastiff of Forlimpopoli!

Sir, will they put him in jail? - That's where he belongs! You hear me!

Can't you understand that he's a criminal, a thief!

But I love him.. my naughty Roman.

"Dear Isolina, sorry I didn't write, but it was a long and tiring journey."

But this letter is not mine!

First, I've never been to Australia, and second, this isn't my writing!

It's not hard to find a willing friend to send letters from Australia.

Listen, the only thing I know about Australia are the kangaroos at the zoo!

Come in.

Mario! Mario.. - Ma'am!

Ma'am! - Commissioner!

Sir, this lady's crazy, I've never seen her before! - Some water! - Mario..

This is crazy! - This is all we needed! Ma'am!

Good god, just look at her! I'd rather throw myself in the river than marry her!

I'll throw you in the river! - Calm down, Sir!

Who's this? - Freeze! - Guard!

Stop it! - Get him off! - Calm down! - I'll teach you!

Papa, I'm dying, papa! - I'll kill you!

Let go of me! Let go! I'll kill him!

But who is he? - Look what you've done!

Bastard! - You're a bastard! - Scoundrel!

Enough, Sir! - Behave.. - Behave? I've had enough of behaving!

This isn't over!

When we meet again, he'll get the rest!

Calm down, Mr. Fornaciari. - Easy for you to say!

Thanks. - Welcome.

You'll be the death of me!

Not like this. Not like this, have I dreamt our reunion.

Ercole Maria Pattani, Lawyer Criminal and Civil Law

Who is it?

Maria, you've finally come round.. - You're always joking.

Come to the Masetti house right away. There's trouble. - What trouble?

They arrested Valeria's husband. - Good heavens. I'll be right there.

Evening, Cavaliere. Here I am. What is it?

My God, I want to die!

Drink, Mama, it'll do you good.

Mama!

What happened?

No thanks. I haven't eaten yet.

No, don't go to any trouble!

Bastard! Bastard! My daughter! - Mama.

My precious daughter! - Stay calm.

And you eat!

How? Your son-in-law in jail! Your daughter dishonored!

We can't go out on the streets anymore and he's eating!

Don't get so upset, it's bad for your heart.

Wretch, I want to die! - Mama, please.. - Just let me die! I can't go on!

And what are you two still doing up?

Don't you know it's time to be in bed?

Mama! - How many times I gotta tell you?

The baby.

Damn it, they woke up that innocent soul!

My sweetie!

Counselor! - Here I am, Ma'am. - Sir, have you heard?

I've sort of heard your son-in-law was arrested. What happened?

Enza.. - Yes? - Tell him.

It's easily said: that pig has another wife! - Ah, bigamy!

It's just bigamy. - You say it like that?

I thought it was something worse. - What's worse than a man with two wives?

Why should the lawyer care? He's not even family!

Now then, will you tell me exactly what happened? - Yes.

Valeria, where did she go? Valeria! - Come, honey. Don't cry.

Tell the lawyer what they said at the police station.

They said.. They said..

Mama!

Mama, I'll kill myself!

My daughter, don't say that! You want to kill me too?

He's the one who should die! That pig who married another!

Cavaliere, what should I do, throw it away? - Yes.

No, I don't believe it, I don't! It must be a mistake!

It's not possible, Mario loves me!

If he really loved you, he would've stayed in the store.

But he preferred to travel! - Because, he didn't want to be under papa!

He wanted to be independent! - He wanted to be with others, silly!

I bet he has other children. - Other children!

sweetie, my sweetie! Mama's sweetie, my love..

What are you doing there? Go away. - We're hungry.

Poor creatures! They're right, they haven't eat yet.

Me too. - Come, Maria!

If you can give me five minutes of your attention, we'll see what we can do.

Sir, explain it to me but without any hard words.

Dear lady, the case is simple: bigamy. When it comes to this, the law is very..

Maria bring a dish. - Sir, please sit down.

Thanks, I don't want to trouble you.

What can trouble us after what happened here tonight. Boys, be good.

Put on your napkin. - OK.

Article 556: bigamy.

Whoever being united in civil marriage

contracts another civil marriage,

shall be punished with imprisonment from one to five years.

My God, how shameful! - Five years?

He'll get away with only five years? You can see the laws were made by men!

Tomorrow, I'll work on getting Mario out on bail.

Are you kidding? We called you to keep him in, not let out that scoundrel!

I thought you called me to defend Mr. De Santis.

But if not, I'll limit myself to defending Mrs. Valeria.

Defend whom? What did my daughter do to need to be defended?

It's not me but the law. Listen.

Article 556 continues:

"The same penalty from 1 and 5 years apply to whoever, not being married,"

contracts a marriage with a person bound in a civil marriage".

That's our situation. Mrs. Valeria has married a man already married.

But I did not know. - We'll have to prove it.

Valeria! - I'll kill myself! - Valeria!

Mom, I'll kill myself!

sweetie, my sweetie!

Poor girl, she needs a lawyer.

PRISON

Sir, please, I'm really hungry.

That's it, thanks. You've made my day.

Won't you give me more too? - Beat it, you had enough.

What luck! Today is pasta and chickpeas. - Ready.

Hey, aren't you eating? - No.

Leave it here.

But if he doesn't want it? - I told you to leave it.

You're always a bully!

Are you a fakir? It's been two days since you filled your belly.

If they gave you life, what would you do then?

If they don't let me out, I'll smash everything!

Smash what? There's nothing to smash. Keep calm!

But I'm innocent! I want you to see that I'm innocent! - You?

And we aren't? We're all innocent here.

Right, Panzù? - I'm done! - Yes, goodnight!

But who has ever seen or known the like? - Calm down.

Eat your soup. You'll see it's not bad.

A while ago, it was Regina Coeli that had better food. They must've changed cooks.

No, I don't want any.

Who know what's happening at home? What did they tell my wife?

That bitch, she had to pick on me?

But the first wife, was she good at least?

What do you care is she was good or not? Look how that poor man suffers!

Take heart, you'll see that it'll all work out.

Especially when you see the judge, be careful what you say.

You say, "I don't remember" and look like you're asleep.

There's always time to confess.

But I don't have anything to confess, understand? - I do, I do! Uh!

Come. Eat some soup.

It'll do you good. You really don't want it?

Hands off! You're lucky that you're ignorant.

You only think about food. I'll give you some. There.

What the hell! - Eat. - You took it all!

Mario De Santis? - That's me. - Outside.

See? What did I tell you? Bye, guys. And thanks!

Good luck! - Thanks.

He thinks they're letting him go.

# Illusion, elusive dream you are..

# Sweet illusion..

Tell me, ma'am, how long did you live with De Santis?

Three days and two nights.

On the night of the third day, he said,

"I'm going to buy cigarettes." That's just what he said.

And you haven't seen him since?

No.

But, your Honor, I would like Mario to know that I'm not here to denounce him.

It was the police who discovered the second marriage.

It's been almost seven years, Sir, but I remember it like it were yesterday.

I was alone in the store. We had a bakery back then.

Are you familiar with Forlimpopoli, Sir? - No.

Centrally located. We had a bakery and a grocery.

My mama and I were in the store. My dad was.. away.

As I said, I was alone in the store.

And suddenly the door opened..

and he appeared.

He looked at me and said.. you know what he said?

"May I?"

It was like a lightning bolt, your Honor.

And.. before I could answer with words..

it was my heart that answered, "Come in"!

I don't know if that ever happened to you, Sir. - Stick to the facts, Miss.

Those are the facts, Judge. - Scoundrel! - Who the hell are you?

Criminal! - Who are you? - You don't know me, eh! You want more?

I'll kill you! - Enough!

My guts churn whenever I see him! - No more! - Calm down.

I would've already settled this!

I warn you, if you keep flying into a rage, you'll only worsen your situation.

Come in.

Your Honor, I thought they were letting me go.

Since yesterday, it's been insane. That man even hit me, look.

Did you fight with Fornaciari in the past?

But who the hell is he? Him and that other nut! - Sit.

Oh God, she's here.

Listen, ma'am. Look at me..

Maybe yesterday amid all that confusion you mistook for another. Look at me!

You don't know me, right? Tell them! Tell the Judge! - Mario!

I called you here to answer my questions, not to influence the lady. Sit down.

Listen, I'll repeat what I said before. I'm only married once: to my wife.

I never met or saw that one before. Do you understand?

You understand that I don't know you! And don't want to!

Remember well, ma'am, my advice. When you enter, you must say,

"I'm at your disposal, your Honor, to do my best to help Justice."

And if he's there, don't cry like a baby. I know you, don't even look at him.

Sir, what if it were not true? - You hear her, Counselor?

Ma'am, we must maintain a cautious position.

Sir, no big words. Can't I go in with my sister?

Ma'am, what do you mean? It's not your case.

I'm the sister and the aunt and it's not my case!

The process is the process. Family feeling doesn't enter into it.

Sir, he keeps denying everything. - I knew it.

Ma'am, if your husband keeps denying it, he's an idiot. Excuse the expression.

I don't know who his lawyer is, but he's giving him bad advice.

Modesty aside, I would've done it differently.

Valeria Masetti!

God, Sir, it's my turn. - Ma'am, stay calm and remember what I said.

Are you Masetti? - Courage, Valeria, courage.

I'm going too, I won't abandon her. - Please, Mrs. Enza.

You weren't called. - Who cares? I go voluntarily.

What "voluntary"? This doesn't touch you.

No, but you do, Counselor. Down with the hands, eh!

What stuff! I'd willingly testify against all husbands.

If I were judge, no trial, lock them all up! - Even the innocent?

Sir, where are the innocent husbands, eh?

So I made a good deal in not marrying.

No, who got the good deal was the one who didn't marry you!

Valeria. My darling Valeria.

I'm at your disposal, your Honor, to do my best to help Justice.

Thank you. Please sit down.

No, no, no, but how? It's not possible! Valeria!

My love! They won't believe me, I've been framed!

It's not true! - Let me go, Mario. - I beg you, it's not true!

I already warned you, Mr. De Santis, to keep calm and orderly!

Take him away! - No, your Honor!

Valeria, listen to me, none of it's true!

Trust only me! Let me go, I haven't done anything!

Calm down, ma'am. I realize that this is a very unpleasant situation for you.

Are you aware that De Santis contracted a previous marriage?

Of course not, your Honor, if I had known..

But are you sure he's guilty?

I still can't believe it.

We're here to get to the truth. - And what does he say?

He denied it naturally. What do you expect? They all do.

Now tell me, how did you meet him?

It was about two and a half years ago.

I remember like it was yesterday.

He came into the store..

My father had a bakery with a license to sell perfume.

I was at the register.

He approached me and said with a smile,

"Good morning, miss."

And so it began..

Wait a minute, I'll take care of it. - Don't worry, he fixes everything.

In other words, you had genuine witnesses?

That's the ones they found.

And you went to choose all the witnesses that were there?

But man, you screwed up.

All witnesses must be people you trust.

We'll fix it anyway. - Excuse me, Baron, I wanted to ask you something.

Be patient, Magri, you're going to be in here for a while.

Baron, that young man over there is a friend of mine, a certain Mario de Santis.

Can he influence the Baron? - He's a bigwig.

He has contacts everywhere. If you want out, he can do it.

Right? - Why not! - Then why doesn't he leave?

It's obvious he has good reasons to stay here.

But when he wants you to leave, put on your hat and coat and go. Right?

Why not! - Mario, come here!

Hey, give me a puff.

Damn it, you'll use it up. - There's a lot left, see?

I present the Baron.

Pleased. - Dear friend.

Quirino has explained your case.

I'll talk to my lawyer.

A prince of the forum!

It's nothing. I consider it my mission to help everybody a little.

Is he in your cell? - Yes, he is. A dark and cold cell, a mess.

And it's so noisy, like living at a station, they come and go.

Please, Baron, be so kind to get us another cell.

I'll see if there's a free cell on my floor. - Thanks.

It's very nice, has a good view.

And there are some nice people who have been here for a long time.

Speaking of that, the antiquarian and Marcellino are leaving in a few days.

We'll keep you informed. Dear young man,

take heart! - Thanks. - Thank you, Baron.

What a man! A friggin' gentleman! You're set if he likes you.

Because if you have to stay here 5 years, he'll take care of you. - Here? No!

I was just joking. What "5 years"? They'll let you out any day now.

De Santis, what did he say?

How much? - 3.90. - What happened? - Why is it locked?

Miss! - Please, ma'am..

Open, papa, open! Open the door!

There's the baby!

Enough, get out! - Ma'am! - The baby!

Leave us alone! - Did you suspect your husband was a bigamist?

Don't bother citizens! Out! - Go away with such questions!

Any formal statement? - Please leave.

One moment, lady.. - Jerks! - Valeria!

Valeria, come here. Forget them. - He's a baby, you cowards!

What a madhouse. - Hurry! - Go away!

Could you..? - Out! - Please Mr. Masetti..

Guys, let's see what that one says.

Miss, are you part of the family? - I am the Masetti governess.

Ah, good. Can you tell us..

Hold it a moment, please.

This is what we're reduced to, Counselor! - You must be patient.

It's better to have the press on our side. - Remember the old days?

You could buy a newspaper in Palermo, in Bolzano,

you'd always find the same news, the same photographs, the same titles.

But now any newspaper can publish whatever it wants!

You think that's right? - No. - That's the way it goes!

What can you do, it's a democracy?

I think it'll be good to get one with the horse. - The horse?

We already have 100.

That's sufficient.. - But the horse is very important to me.

OK, guys. Another with the horse.

You know what you could write?

Mrs. Isolina Fornaciari De Santis declares that animals are nicer than mankind.

I got it. Write that.

Bigamy..

Bigamy..

The last case of bigamy which I took..

was in.. - In '46. - '46.

It was shortly after the, the..

the.. the.. that thing.. the.. - The War. - The War!

It was a very beautiful trial!

In Trani. -Trapani. - Trapani! I remember it well.

Presiding over it was.. presiding..

Who presided over it?

Don Vincenzi, you're going to have to start taking ginseng.

I based my whole defense on the desire to escape

that is inherent in the very essence of an individual.

Man, as a human being, gentlemen,

tends to forget facts, places, actions and unpleasant people.

There forms in his psyche.. in his subconscious..

a kind of gap..

blinds that lower themselves and that, that..

Blocks the memory. - Blocks the memory, yes, gentlemen!

There forms within here a series of airtight compartments

which encloses within it like a tomb

the waste, the ugliness, the evil actions!

And the individual feels free! Free to resume, to walk again

paths already taken, like in the case of our.. - De Santis.

Mario De Santis. - De Santis, De Santis.

Neapolitan? - No, Roman. - Well, it's the same.

Anyway, don't worry, young man. I promised the Baron to take care of you.

And I will. - Thanks. - Sir, I wanted to talk to you about Talarico.

The widow who stole the bag. - Ah, yes. - It's a strange, complicated story.

She's well known and it requires tact.

Sir, I must explain. I'm not a bigamist. The others say so, but it's a lie!

I'm innocent, Sir! - Listen, young man,

If you want the Honorable to take your case,

don't insist on your innocence. He can't stand innocent clients.

Leave it to us. Sign here. - What am I signing?

You want to get out? - Of course.

This is the request to be let out on bail. - To be let out?

Here, next to the small cross.

Here, ma'am, half a kilo of apples..

Hello, boss. - Hello.

Please, watch that for a moment. - Why not put in a burglar alarm?

Where are the packages delivered? - The counter in the back.

Mario De Santis.

Who are you? - His wife.

No, the true wife is me. She's the concubine!

You're lucky I have this child, I'd show you a concubine!

So who is the wife here? - Here are the papers. Read 'em and weep!

I've papers too and more than you! - Will you make up your mind?

Certain kinds of people, I don't get mixed up with!

Who'd want to get mixed up with you? The dogcatcher? Beat it!

Right, sweetie?

So then, where do we start?

Rome or Bologna?

I say we alternate: rice croquettes and then vegetable lasagna.

Roast lamb, chops alla Bolognese.

Let's start with the croquettes. What do you say, Baron?

I'd say the only things missing are Lambrusco and Frascati. - Indeed!

Unfortunately, in here Bacchus is scarce and Venus is forbidden. - I'll say!

Damn, these croquettes are good!

Baron, do you think that this story of the blinds is true?

What blinds? - Have you gone mad?

No, the lawyer said that we have blinds inside

which our memories hide behind. What if I did forget?

To be sure, if I wanted to forget that one, it wouldn't be too hard.

Dear Mario, the mysteries of the human psyche are infinite.

Like the poet says, "Man's heart is a dark forest".

"And I have searched everywhere,"

"and have only come out with a little flower."

Enough of this.

Sure, this story of the blinds..

# Old Rome under the moon, no longer sing..

# the starlings, serenades for youth..

Mario, are you here?

I wasn't expecting you back so soon.

Do you like my new hairstyle? It's the Harlequin line.

Riccardo did it for me in Via Condotti. It's nice, eh?

Oh, how jealous you get!

But Riccardo's old, honestly, he's probably fifty.

This one? It's from last year, naturally.

You noticed right away I had a new nightgown, didn't you?

You'd prefer a more low cut one, eh?

Mario, but really! How impatient you are!

Shall we read a bit? You don't want to?

It's hard to get you interested in culture, eh?

You haven't changed at all You're still the same materialist.

Mario!

Pirate!

PRISON

Good morning.

For 350 lire, what do you expect from God? - That's true.

Look!

Excuse me, Amalia, do you have the elevator key?

Morning.

Here are the keys to the apartment. The car keys were taken by the company.

How is my wife? - Mrs. Valeria doesn't live here.

She went to stay with her folks. - Since when?

It shouldn't be hard to figure out. How many days were you in jail?

I told him what's what. - You did well, Amalia.

How did he get out? Did he escape? - He's out on bail.

With all the pardons, amnesty and crap, Regina Coeli might as well start renting.

You're right, with the housing shortage. - I'll say.

Hello, Masetti residence. - It's me, Maria.

- Mr. Mario, is that you? - Get my wife.

She's not here. She's out. - With who? - With the child.

Where are you calling?

Where else but home? - From home? But you were..

I was, but not anymore. Get my wife. - I don't know if I can.

Why not? What is this nonsense!

I don't know.. I don't know anything.

They told me you can't see neither the baby nor Mrs. Valeria.

Mr. Mario, I'll tell you, but please, you didn't hear it from me.

They're in the park.

Who were you talking to? - It was a wrong number.

Who called? - I don't know. I know nothing.

It's none of my business. - Who called? Answer! - Mr. Mario.

Come on, sweetie, walk..

Come, sweetie, a good step..

Valeria!

Go away. Get out of here!

Valeria, my love. - We don't want to see you ever again, understand?

You say that? Didn't you get my letters?

Yes, but I didn't read them. Go away!

Then let me talk, OK?

How are you here, did you escape? - No, I got out on bail.

My love, come here. Let's sit down a moment.

Let me explain. You can't possibly have believed that story.

You don't know her, she's a nut! Have you seen her?

Yes. - And you still think it possible? Valeria, my love.

Love. - Come here, daddy's little boy.

You know our son won't be ours anymore, but a "nobody's child"? - You say this?

The lawyer told me, he'll be a son of "NN"!

What "NN"? - sweetie, my love!

There they are.

Wretch, you're with this criminal!

You're a criminal and that's being nice! Leave her alone or I'll break your head!

Are you all crazy! I haven't done anything!

You're married to that one from Forlimpopoli. - Valeria, Valeria! - Help!

Help! - Mario!

What is this? - He's a criminal. He ruined my sister and wants to kidnap the baby.

What is this, young man? - That's not true! I haven't done anything!

We'll see. - I'm innocent!

Let him go, let him go.

It's better that we don't see that scoundrel again.

Come on, come on, get moving. Show's over. Go home, everybody!

Bravo, Counselor, you were incredible.

Sir! - My compliments, Sir. Thank you so much, Counselor.

Excuse me, Sir. - Leave me alone, son.

Good morning, Honorable Sir. - Morning.

Oh, Sir! - Ah, dear De Santis, what are you doing here?

Sir, can I speak to the Honorable?

You picked a nice time. The Honorable has talked for 5 hours!

I understand, but I've no choice.

My wife left me and I was fired.

Fine, we'll denounce her for desertion. - What? - Which of the two left?

Sir, I only have one wife!

OK, pass by the office tomorrow and we'll see what we can do.

Sir! Listen, listen, Counselor.

I've explained that the Honorable is changing.

By the way, did you say you were fired? - Exactly!

Surely, that's very serious. OK, come with me.

See, it's a mess, Sir.. - Don't worry.

It's a situation, dear Sir.. - Wait for me here, I'll be right back.

The defense was a masterpiece.

When you demolished the charge of premeditation, "in cold blood",

the prosecutor didn't know where to hide.

I'm sorry, he's a nice guy.

He's not without talent, we must admit.

I was forced to.. to.. to make him sizzle!

And fortunately, he had the good sense not to ask for a repeat.

If not.. - Talcum powder? - Yes, thanks.

So then, what was I saying? Ah, you got fired.

Not fired exactly, but suspended, which comes to the same thing.

I have a little money. - How much? - 92,000 lire.

This'll suffice for the first expenses. We'll try our best. - No, listen..

No, listen.. - It's a formality, wait here.

It was marvelous for me. - You're very nice, you flatter me.

The De Rosis case. - It went very well, I didn't lose one word in that case.

Very well done.. - Here we go.

Come to our office, one of these days, and we'll see what we can do. - How, Sir?

Please, go check how things are going in the court.

Morning, Sir. - Morning. - Mario De Santis. - How are you?

Not good, Sir, I feel like I'm in a loony bin.

I know the feeling.

Mr. De Santis is a little worried.. - Are you going to check? - Right away.

Dear De Blasi, then.. - Congratulations, it was great.

Don't forget Thursday night. - I won't, Princess. - Thanks.

So, dear De Blasi, what's the matter?

Sir, is it possible that one can be accused of a crime he didn't commit?

And to go to jail? Just because it pops into one's head that I'm somebody else.

It's a paradoxical situation, I'd say almost Pirandellian.

What are you worried about? We'll appeal.

What appeal? I haven't had the trial yet.

Excuse me, Sir, will the accused be acquitted? - No, I wouldn't want it..

Please. - ..either, right?

It's not working.

I wouldn't want it, between us, because it was a terrible crime.

Please.

Did you hear my defense? - Magnificent.

I highlighted the.. attenuating circumstances,

motives of honor, the state of anger, a partly prejudiced mind, 16 years old.

On appeal, they'll reduce the sentence to 10 years perhaps..

Sir, the bell has rung, they're reentering the Court.

So soon? Strange, it hasn't even been half an hour.. well!

Sir, are you coming into the courtroom? - No, no. - Goodbye.

Eh, my dear De Blasi, feel this.

Feel how my poor heart beats.

After so many years, so many battles,

it still beats like the first time I defended at the assize.

It was Cassino. Margherita!

It was at Cassino in.. well, never mind.

It was there I also defended a woman. She had killed her mother-in-law.

What happened? - The mother and husband.

And you about a charge of.. what is the charge again?

Bigamy, Sir. - Right, you're the bigamist.

But no, Sir.. - My dear son, dear De Blasi, eh,

who among us isn't a little bigamist? - Sir!

Well? - Life imprisonment.

Has won the judge over a latere. I have never liked that face.

So, they want to play. Good!

We'll have some fun on appeal!

Honorable!

Come.

De Santis!

Mario! - Quirino!

Mario, when did you get out? - This morning. - Me too.

Didn't you get out, Tuesday? - Yes, but I was detained.

Three days detained for inquiries.

But with Quirino they get nowhere, Quirino is not cooperative.

They might as well weld me to the place.

Damn, it's good to see you again. Hey, do you mind that I stopped you?

Don't be silly.

Why are you here? - I've come to talk with the lawyer.

Imagine, they wanted 15,000 lire for the first expenses.

Just think, 15,000 lire! I'd rather go back inside.

Look, I'd give it to you, but.. - That's not why I'm telling you.

I just come from the lawyer. - Yeah? - They took me to the cleaners.

92,000 lire, for my first expenses. - No! - Yes.

Hey, Cicero, you hear this? It's good to be a lawyer, eh?

If I'm ever born again, I'll become a lawyer too.

Come on, sweetie, eat. Eat, honey, go on.

We'll finish it together. This one is for Mama.

And this one is for.. - papa.

For Grandma.

Hello.

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Well then? It wasn't her?

Yes, it was her.

Why didn't you speak?

I don't even have the courage anymore to speak to my own wife.

Look what I'm reduced to.

Damn it!

I can't go on like this.

Listen, Mario, I know that you're not in the best of moods right now,

but you need to do something about the food situation, OK?

There's nothing left here, except milk powder.

And it's empty.

We'd need to return to Regina Coeli to eat pasta and chickpeas.

Don't worry, I'll go out. I hope they give me credit.

If they do, think about tomorrow too, because you never know. - Yeah.

Hello! Hello!

Hello! Who's calling? Hello!

Hello!

Who are you calling? - Whoever I feel like!

Why, am I not allowed to make calls?

Am I under supervision?

Mmm, how nervous you are. - Yes, I'm nervous!

So what? I'm nervous!

I'm not used yet to having no husband like you.

And I don't want to get used to it, OK?

Why don't you go to him then, throw your arms around him and beg forgiveness?

Like you did with your husband, right? Only he turned you down!

What is it? - I had a fight with Valeria.

That's nothing new! I meant what's for dinner.

Do you think of nothing but food?

Don't you see the tragedies happening in your own home?

What was that?

It was Mrs. Valeria who left with the child. - Holy Virgin!

Valeria! Valeria!

Who is it?

Wait, what's the rush!

Evening, ma'am, can I help you? - Mr. De Santis, please.

He lives here, but he went out.. - Fine, I'll wait. - How will you wait?

Excuse me, but who are you? - Me? I'm his wife.

His wife! Please, sit down, ma'am.

Excuse the mess, we're kind of roughing it.

Who are you?

I'm Quirino. Quirino Proietti. I'm an old friend of Mario.

We were together.. in the army.

You're also a pilot? - A what? Ah, yes, a pilot. I flew.

Excuse me, but you're much older than Mario.

Me? No, not really, ma'am.

Maybe a few years. You see, ma'am, I got left back a lot.

You're Roman too. - Why? You hear it?

No.

Excuse me, ma'am, I'm curious.

Are you Mario's first or second wife?

The first and the last! - Ah!

Sorry, but you looked so cute, so young.

Really? - Of course.

It's water, let's hope that in a bit..

Excuse me, Mr. Quirino. - Yes.

I feel I can trust you. - Thanks.

Isn't Mario in dire straits right now?

Oh, ma'am, here the situation is worse off than Fort Apache.

Promise me, Mario, will never know. Because you know he's so proud!

Please, ma'am, don't worry, Mario will never know.

Thanks. - Welcome.

Let me, ma'am. - Thanks.

Valeria, my love! - Mario!

Shall I wait? - No, excuse me a moment.

Mario, please. - I have nothing. - Well, take this purse.

There's no more religion in the world!

Here you go. - I have no change.

Keep the change. - Thanks.

How are you, my love? - Daddy's boy, my beauty!

How shameful!

How do they treat you? They tell me nothing. - Forget it.

I'm so happy to be returning home that..

What are you doing? Shopping? - There was nothing left up there.

I hadn't thought about it.

Take the baby, I'll go get something. - There's no need.

I got everything: bread, pasta, a bottle of wine in my pocket.

And milk for sweetie? - Ah, poor sweetie, daddy forgot about it.

I'll be quick. - Yes, don't be long.

Come on.

Beautiful daddy's little boy. You're glad that I'm back, aren't you?

No, papa. Don't worry, papa.

Excuse me, but why should you worry? Be patient.

Come on, enough with the law!

I didn't come to Rome just to spend all day with the lawyer, no?

But, papa, in reality, I'm in my husband's house, aren't I?

What did you say? What scoundrel?

Look, when you talk like that, I can't stand you. Bye!

Poor papa, he still considers me a child. - No way.

Now what'll I do? Tonino!

Help papa ring the bell with your little finger, go on.

Ah, you don't know how to do anything!

Since your papa left you've become a knucklehead, eh?

Who's that? - What? This is Tonino, my son, no?

Cute! - Mario!

What's that one doing here? - She's..

Mario, I thought I'd surprise you.

What are you doing? - I'll give you a surprise! - Mario!

Mario! - Bitch! - Mario!

What are you doing, Mario, be good! - I'll kill you!

Isn't it enough what you put me through?

You want to drive me insane?

I'll kill you!

My wife!

Please don't go crazy! I'll be the judge if this is a kidnapping case.

What "crazy"? - Be good, the lawyer's right.

Oh, God, you too? What do you want? - Where's Valeria?

Calm down, don't move. - You should defend our rights!

Am I speaking Turkish! - Where is she? She's not here.

Where's Valeria? - Not here. - What?

Did the baby get here by himself? - She's gone shopping.

Let's note that Valeria went shopping. Let's wait for her here.

Do you disagree? - No, I don't.

I'll organize the case legally here. - Yes.

I wish someone else was organizing it! - Then why did you have me come?

Quiet, it's the relatives!

Off with the hands! What the hell do you smoke?

You want to send him to prison again? - Fine, I'm leaving. - Good.

What manners!

Tell Mario, it's not because of the slaps, but for the way he did it.

I'm leaving not to aggravate the situation.

Good thing you understand.

Let me take a peek. Keep quiet.

No, she's not his wife!

Not my wife! - Careful, they might hear us, slowly.

What first marriage?

Again with this first marriage!

Damn it, back to the bathroom.

Not there, you must disappear, quiet.

I'm going to open it. - We'll open it together.

Who is it? - Does Mario De Santis live here? - Yes, why?

You! Where have you hidden her?

Isolina! - What do you want?

Here we're all going crazy!

Isolina! - What the..

My father. - I'm not leaving until my daughter comes out!

Calm down, Mr. Fornaciari, We're invading a stranger's home.

What stranger? - We have to get out of here or there'll be trouble. - Yes.

Are you crazy?

Mr. Masetti, tell your daughter to watch her words or I'll make a complaint!

You should speak to your clients and they should watch how they speak! - Yeah!

Who can it be now?

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

Let's try to be reasonable! - Fine, let's try that!

My client wants to verify if his daughter is present in this house.

No, there's nobody here!

What are you doing here? Bitch, you ruined me, get out!

Mario, Mario help! They're killing each other!

Mama mia!

Porter, porter! Somebody come up quick!

There's no peace. Don't you hear what's going on?

She's here. - It's that bigamist in there.

Here how they scream, he's killing everybody!

Tear down the door! - Open up! The law is here!

They should've kept him in jail! - Open up! - Open up!

PRISON

In the many years of this profession, I have seen many clients,

who were they're own worst enemies, but not like you, my son!

You got out on bail, what else were you looking for?

Me? Nothing. They were looking for me.

But I recommended you stay home. - And where was I? - Yes, but alone!

You let yourself be caught with your wife and lover under the same roof! - Sir..

I was young once too, but ay yai yai! - But what did I do?

What did you do? Tell him, Don Vincenzi.

Nothing, nothing..

Concubinage, kidnapping, stealing a minor,

threats, insults, violence and domestic assault.

I don't understand anything, I'm going crazy!

Of course there's a solution. Put in a request for a psychiatric evaluation.

Ah, Theseus, you got yourself in a good maze, but you'll find your Ariadne.

Who's Mariamne, Sir?

I know who, leave it to me. Bye, dear.

Cigarette? - Thanks, Excellency.

Good day. - Good day.

Lawyer! Nice defense you made me! Thanks to you and that senile fool!

Come on! - When do I get out of here!

I'm going to find you! Let me rip out his heart!

How much did he get? - 16 years.

Sir, when are they open? - Within 10 minutes. - Thanks.

Morning, ma'am. - Morning. - Hi, little one.

Oh, morning, Mrs. Isolina. - Morning, Mr. Quirino.

Have you heard? - Yes.

I received a letter.

A friend of mine brought it who got out yesterday.

What did it say? - What do you mean?

Ah, here it is.

"Dear Quirino,"

"I should've written you earlier, but the truth is I didn't feel like it."

"I haven't written to nobody and I don't read the letters I get."

"I don't want to remember anymore, anything or anybody."

"I wait for Thursday and hope they'll condemn me."

"I'd like to be in here forever, away from them all."

"I had a psychiatric evaluation and they said I was sane."

"But I don't believe them, because I no longer understand anything."

"I'm so depressed, dear Quirino, if only you were here."

"If you can find it, bring me my blue jersey."

"It should be in the trunk."

"They'll probably expect the rent. How will you do it?"

"I don't know how long I'll be here. I embrace you with love, Mario."

Ah, "postscript:"

"If you by any chance see my son,"

"kiss him for me."

"I'm so sad and feel like crying."

Poor guy, damn it!

Oh, thank goodness, they're open.

Mama. - My sweetie.

I'll be quick, wait here for me quietly.

Here, Tonino, be good, eh! - Will you keep on eye on him, please?

Don't worry, ma'am, I'll keep an eye out.

Thank you.

Cute.

You want a little candy, do you?

Cute Tonino! - He looks just like Mario.

Really? - I was just seeing if he'd have a candy. - Excuse me.

He already has his teeth, ma'am? - For about a year.

He's growing. - He's really cute. - Thank you.

Listen, don't worry about the rent, I already took care of it.

Ma'am, if you want, I can go. Only Mario asked me to..

No, it's better that the house isn't empty. - Thanks. - Bye.

Bye, Toni, bye cutie.

She's sweet, eh?

Yes, looks like a good girl. - Yes.

I'd like her to know I've nothing against her.

Why don't you tell her? - No, I can't.

What do you mean you can't? Come, ma'am, I'll tell her myself!

I don't dare. - If you don't dare, then I will. Ma'am!

Ma'am, may I have a word?

Excuse me, ma'am, the lady wanted to tell you something.

Go on. - Come on, why don't you say it?

I don't know.. - Then I'll speak.

You see, ma'am, she has nothing against you.

Moreover, she's very nice.

Why should you two fight?

Is it her fault that you're both in love with the same man?

Yeah, but the lady has it easy.

But me? The law is on her side.

I'm unmarried with a child without a father or a name.

But I spoke with the lawyer, Mario may recognize the child.

Yeah, if you don't object. - Why should I? - Are you serious?

Listen, Valeria, can I call you that?

Look, Quirino's right, we mustn't be enemies, rather..

we'll say that our love for Mario unites us, not divides us.

Mario loves you more than me. - No, what are you saying?

Look, I know. Let me say it.

It it weren't so, he wouldn't have forgotten me.

You are young and beautiful.

If Mario wants it, I'm willing to give him up.

No, it's not fair. Besides I wouldn't want him back.

Don't say that, Valeria, you must forgive him.

No, I can't, Isolina, I could never do that.

You don't know how much I suffered!

Me too. - No, uh, no, no!

What are we doing? Don't, people are staring.

And they'll think it was me who made you cry. No, eh!

Rather, the most important thing now is how to face the trial.

First point: drop the lawsuit. - But my lawyer said..

Goddamn it, I knew it! Listen to one who knows these things.

Don't get mixed up with lawyers. They're only here to complicate things, eh?

Look at the bersaglieri! Look how handsome they are.

This one when he hears their fanfare can't control himself. Just like papa.

Wasn't Mario a pilot?

Mario? If he hears you, watch out. He's very touchy about his bersaglieri.

He still has the plumage at home, though the moths have eaten it by now.

Didn't you say he was a pilot?

You're whackadoo. Bersagliere! He's always been a bersagliere.

Bersagliere..

PIETRO ROSELLI BARRACKS

Morning. Pasta and chickpeas? Nice!

Damn it!

Counselor? - Eh? Good morning.

These are all the Mario De Santis, I found from '25.

Tell me, corporal, all of these? - No, these are just the Roman ones.

There were more than these? - About 200 or 300. - Really!

If you want, I'll get them. - No need. Thanks a lot. Goodbye.

Counselor. - Huh?

If you find your friend, let him know that I contributed to the search.

Of course. - For the inheritance. - What?

The one you told me about. - Ah, the De Santis inheritance!

Of course, as if we could've done it without you! No way!

For now, take this.

No.. - Take it and smoke to my health.

Thanks. - Bye, corporal.

Goodbye.

Thanks a lot, lawyer!

But ma'am, you said the rehearsal was at five?

Morning, a coffee, please. - One coffee.

Oh, excuse me, you.. aren't you Mario De Santis?

Yes, why? - So you were in the A.M.?

What A.M.?

The A.M., the Military Aviation in '46. Don't you remember?

No, I was with the grenadiers. - The grenadiers? But you're too short!

Hey, what do you mean I'm too short? - Nothing, it was a mistake. No sweat!

Here's the coffee. - I don't want it now. - What do you mean?

I don't want it! Is it against the law? It makes me sick, nervous, OK?

This had to happen to me!

Don't make the skirt too tight. - Crazy stuff!

You need the phone? - Who?

You! - Me?

I wish!

I don't understand why stupid people exist!

I told you he wasn't here! - OK, I get it!

It's not like I stole something, knock it off!

Damn, these Romans are so nice, oh!

Let's go. Crap.

Porter!

Yes. - Morning, excuse me, does Mario De Santis live here?

Stairway C, number 27, last floor.

Is there an elevator? - Yes, but it's broken. - Oh, great!

Ah, look, you're lucky, he's coming out now.

Morning.

Him in the uniform? - Yes, he's a Public Safety official.

In the Mobile division? - Yes , why? - Good afternoon.

Drop dead!

They have cars and I get to go on foot!

Excuse me, ma'am, but Happy Aqueduct Alley, where is it?

This is it. - Ah, this one here?

Do you know if a certain Mario De Santis lives here? - Yes, why?

He's my friend. We were soldiers together.

He lives here, he's my husband. - He is? Congratulations.

He's not in now. - Tosca! - No?

There he is, he's coming. - Tosca! - That one there?

Yes, why? - No, nothing, I was mistaken.

He's not the one. Good day, ma'am. - Good day.

What does he want? - Now where do I find this De Santis?

Hey, hey, hey! Eh, excuse me, listen!

Wait a moment. - Yeah?

You were looking for me? - No, I was looking for my friend, De Santis.

He was a pilot with me. But it's not you.

My name is Mario De Santis and I was a pilot.

You? What class were you in? - '25.

Impossible! - Why impossible?

How could you be from '25? - Well, I put on some weight.

Tell me this, 1949 in Forlimpopoli,

didn't you marry a certain Isolina Fornaciari? - Isolina Fornaciari!

Hey, where are you going? - I know nothing! - Stop!

I want nothing! - Don't make me run, my feet hurt!

Stop!

I'm a friend, not a guard!

Open, open!

You want to be an innocent convict or a guilty free man?

I want to be acquitted! - Come, you're hardheaded, you know!

The evidence is against you.

What can we use as a defense? Gossip?

What do we say to the court? It's not true and that's it?

Then like a wretch.. - A wretch has to save himself above all.

Listen to who knows more than you.

And everybody thinks the same way. - Everybody?

The Fornaciaris and Masettis have dropped the lawsuit.

And your first wife is ready to grant recognition to your second wife's son.

Nobody ever told me. - You know it now.

Therefore a nice confession will get you the minimum penalty,

on the condition that you go away and never go near that lady again.

I have to be with that woman the rest of my life?

When you're free, we'll try to get you an annulment.

Leave it to me, you're in good hands.

Remember, restrain yourself.

Do what you see fit.

I don't understand anything.

I don't understand.

We proceed with the trial against Mario De Santis.

Have the accused enter.

Mario!

Mario! - Isolina, decorum!

Remove the witnesses from the court.

Calm down, ma'am.

Witnesses outside, OK?

Why, Sir? - Because the witnesses can't stay. - Papa!

Come on, you too. - Everybody, I didn't make the rules!

You, come too. - First they let us in and now they kick us out! - Later!

You'll see it'll all work out. "Hic stantibus rebus", there's no doubt.

I'd like to present my clients. - This can be very useful. Pleased.

Mr. Fornaciari, Mr. Masetti. - Pleased.

Mrs. Masetti. - A pleasure. - Mrs. Valeria.

Then you admit to contracting marriage with

Isolina Fornaciari on November 11, 1948.

Yes. What are you waiting for?

Yes, Mr. President.

Secretary, put it in the record. Proceed.

Usher, have the first witness enter.

The fact is that in Rome, bread is made without salt, you see?

Not in Romagna! There oil and salt and bam: a cookie.

He confessed. - Huh? - Yes.

That pig confessed all. - How? - No!

It's outrageous! - I don't believe it!

I don't! It's not possible, Mama! - You see, we're on our way!

Isolina Fornaciari, in the courtroom!

Oh, God! - Be brave, ma'am. It'll be fine, you'll see.

Papa! - Let's go!

What courage! You saved my poor friend. - What do I care about your friend?

What? That poor guy is about to get up to 5 years in jail!

And you want me to be caught? - You won't be caught.

You read article 479, right? You show up, they give you a medal and some dough.

But those.. - Ma'am, you tell him: he's going to be taken care of.

Hey, where are you going? - Mario, Mario!

Don't make me run, you'll wind me! Stop!

The confession obtained from the accused at the hearing,

spoken with feigned heartbreak,

cannot induce us to look with a less severe eye

on this ignoble case of the violation of family morality.

From the side of the defense, in a little while, we'll hear

in tones of useless pathos,

that the innocent victims of this unfortunate young man

are here as if to defend him.

But, dear gentlemen, do you think perhaps that Bluebeard's wives,

rising out of their graves in the basement of the castle..

Are we the prosecution or the defense? - Defense.

My dear! - Please, Sir, I'm in your hands.

Don't worry. - This case can be judged rather easily,

I'd say a textbook case. All is clear, all is obvious.

What's this case about? - Bigamy.

De Santis. - Of course, De Santis, bigamy, I remember perfectly.

A common case of bigamy

in which the hero is typical of certain youth today.

I therefore request that according to Article 556 of the Penal Code,

the accused be sentenced to three years and nine months in prison.

20,000 lire in fines.

A disqualification from public office for a period of five years

and the other consequences of the law.

Take that.

The defense has the floor.

Entering.. into this room,

I heard spoken the name of Bluebeard.

For a moment I thought I was no longer in the temple of Justice

but next to a fireplace listening to my old grandma's stories.

And perhaps I was not entirely wrong!

Lords of the Court! - The Tribunal. - The Tribunal!

They were telling stories!

Because deep down, gentlemen of the Tribunal,

what should he respond here.. he.. um..

De Santis. - The accused!

He must answer to only the crime of bigamy.

Bigamy!

The term comes from the Greek.

The language of Homer and Pindar,

not suited to the frigidity of a courtroom!

And of the articles of the.. the.. Penal Code.

Bigamy!

Let us restore to the word its sweet etymological meaning.

Bi- gamy!

Twice married.

Gentlemen of the court, would you condemn one who had a hundred lovers?

And besides his physique.. Get up!

His physique does not negate this hypothesis.

How shameful!

Would you raise the sword of justice

against the exuberance of young love?

Why? What is he guilty of?

He's guilty of his own naivety.

Of his own honesty!

Because he believed in his mind, an elementary but sane mind,

he believed he was legalizing his position

regarding a young lady, who vo-lun-tar-i-ly,

Sir, you hear what he's saying?

in the abandonment of the senses in a summer's afternoon,

when the restraining inhibitions weaken under a scorching sun,

she had offered to him, fully reciprocating,

the gift of her virginity!

You're crazy!

Silence!

Leave me alone! - Valeria!

I said enough!

Silence or I'll clear the court! - And you, why are you laughing, eh?

It was you who offered yourself, got it?

What are you insinuating, you wretched fornicator!

Enough, enough!

Sir, I ask forgiveness.

Counselor, proceed.

Then, gentlemen, when the call of good sense returned

in the placated soul of our young lover,

which solution was the fairest, the most just, the most necessary,

the most generous than of leading the seduced to the altar?

Ah yes, an easy objection: you might say that the.. the.. the..

the.. the.. the.. first.. the.. the.. thing.. the.. the..

the.. the.. the.. - Sin of May! - Ah, yes.

Oh, gentlemen, I'd like to remind you of that wonderful canto of D'Annunzio:

"The Sin of May" - He's trotted out D'Annunzio, we're done for.

That wonderful canto, so vibrant in its animal sensuality,

that is an apotheosis of the flesh in an uprising!

I don't want to go!

Excuse me, where's the De Santis trial?

The ninth section. - Thanks, let's go Mario.

I don't know anyone here. - So what? They know me.

I'm worried, scared. - Don't be scared! - Proietti!

You know you can't go in! - Why not? - Come on!

Why can't I enter?

You know very well that people who aren't dressed decently can't enter.

You don't think I'm dressed decently? - Move it, move it, no wisecracks!

Sergeant, please this about an important matter.

This is about saving an innocent man. The one inside isn't the real de Santis.

The real husband is another. - What's this story?

Don't mind him, Sir, I know him.. - What do you mean?

Excellency, please listen to me at least.

The one inside is not the real De Santis.

The real husband of the crazy lady is another. He's.. hey! Where is he? - There!

Oh, my God! Stop! Stop!

Where are you going? - Leave me alone, I don't wanna go!

For love and oblivion! Oblivion of everything..

Hey, are you falling asleep? - What time is it? - What time is it!

This one here no longer recalled the grim farce of Forlimpopoli.

Yes, gentlemen, farce!

Because the marriage was all a farce, gentlemen, a farce!

Farce! Farce!

You hear that? - Calm down, Mr. Fornaciari.

Yes, because she was the despotic daughter of a felon, a jailbird, a prison refuse..

Say something! - I'm not wearing the robes. - Then put some on! - OK, I will.

Do not condemn this honest, naive young worker

unable to conceive of the wickedness and perfidy of a witch!

Senile fool! Excuse me, but how dare you, you should be ashamed!

Moderate your words! - Enough, silence!

Sir, my patience has limits! - We're in the courtroom, enough!

What do you expect in quarreling? - We're protected by our robes! - We'll see!

One more word and the police will do their duty!

Sir, please, we want to conclude this trial.

Do we have any other objections?

You haven't finished your defense! - Oh, how foolish.

Who, gentlemen of the Court, has violated the sanctity of the family,

certainly not the honest, naive, young worker,

ensnared and trapped, but the liar, the psychopath,

the insatiable as Catullus said of Lesbia.

Liar, it's an outrage!

I'll take off my robe!

Counselor, I'll allow you to take it off as long as you finish!

I can't stand certain insinuations. - But we're in court.

I was provoked.

Ah, gentlemen!

If my client weren't an honest worker

and had at his disposal the means,

his marriage with that schemer from Forlimpopoli

would have been legally annulled,

but he's only a good boy whose exuberance of the senses

is not united likewise with an economic prosperity.

I'm not asking he be acquitted.. - But Sir.. - No!

Even the "Sins of May" must be paid according to the law.

Like the policeman imposing a fine..

Like the policeman imposing a fine.. - See.

He doesn't care if garbage has been thrown on the streets or pearls.

The policeman enforces the law. But the Code, as I read it,

I'll read it myself, uh..

Article.. Here it is Article 556,

calls for a punishment of a minimum of one year to a maximum of five.

The prosecutor, whom I no longer see,

in his seat of battle, wanted the maximum.

But the court will not do that! You cannot do it!

The years of youth and of forgotten loves

although distant in time, on the other hand, is a pure convention,

are always present in the hearts of men,

nor can the ice in this courtroom freeze it.

The maximum indulgence for him and in being lenient with him, gentlemen,

will seem to you a leniency to a part of your past.

Because even you were once young!

Restoring this young man to liberty, to his work,

to his daily habits, will make you feel like for a second,

that you were twenty again! - Bravo!

Yes, Sir, he was very good.

Really very good, Sir. - Very good.

I haven't seen the like in years.. - Gorgeous!

Does the accused have anything to add? - If the President will allow me.

Prosecutor, do you have anything in response?

No, not now. I ask that this be interrupted

and admit a new fact that changes the course of the trial.

But what could it be? Where the hell are we? This is finished.

I don't think it's necessary to remind the Honorable of article 469 of the Code.

Does the defense propose incidente formale?

We have the power, but if the Prosecutor, Master of Law,

thinks he can interpret the procedure in his own way,

he's welcome to it, let him call who he wants.

Reply all you like, we'll rebut!

So, Mr. President, a new fact being introduced,

I request that the Court would listen to the new witness.

Does the defense have any objection? - No, we make no opposition at all!

If someone wants to have fun, let's have some fun then.

Let's proceed then. Let's have the new witness enter.

Let him enter.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Sir, what's going on? - I don't know, I'm in the same boat as you.

Who's that? - We'll find out, ma'am, eh!

What does this one have to do with it?

You go out! - Why? That's my friend!

But I really..

Hi, Isolina.

How does that one know you? - I don't know, papa.

But he greeted you! - Maybe he mistook me for another.

Counselor, who's that? Do you know?

Good day.

Good day.

Good day.

I request this most excellent Tribunal, to interrogate the witness,

Mario De Santis, same name as the accused.

Who states and claims to be the sole legitimate husband

of Isolina Fornaciari. - It's not true!

Valeria, you see? None of it's true!

What did I tell you? Let me go, I'm innocent! You heard him, right?

What's happening? Who is this other De Blasi? - De Santis.

I'm fed up with these clarifications, I'm leaving.

There's nothing serious in the world anymore! Not even bigamy! I'm leaving!

Get away! Ah.. go ahead, do it, do it.

Thank you, Honorable.

Mario! - Valeria! - My Mario, I knew you were innocent!

Gentlemen of the Tribunal, I ask for the arrest of Isolina Fornaciari

No! - ..for perjury and false testimony.

And the witness, Mario De Santis, for the crimes of forgery,

impersonation and resisting arrest.

Quirino, they’re crazy, where are you?

I've nothing to do with it!

I'm Mario De Santis, and he's De Santis, Mario!

Wretch, then it is true! How could you do such a thing?

No, I don't want that one! I want Mario!

He's too ugly. - Shut up! - No, Mario!

Don't worry, Sir, I'll handle it. - I want Mario!

Mario, it was me! I found him!

It was your Quirino!

If it were up to the lawyers, you'd never get out!

I did it! - Mama, are you OK?

The Tribunal.

Mama. - Oh, God, here we go.

Oh God, what now!

In the name of the Italian people, by article 479 of the Criminal Code,

this tribunal acquits.. - Valeria, did you hear?

Acquitted!

.. of the Code for not having committed the deed,

and orders the immediate release

if not detained for another reason. - Mario!

In this moment, I must inform Mario De Santis, who is present

of having incriminated himself.. - What, Sir! - Nothing.

.. the crime of autocalumny!

Autocalumny, what's that? - Don't worry, it's a misdemeanor of 1-3 years.

Because having confessed before this Court,

he blamed himself for the crime of bigamy,

which he knew had never happened.

This is the warrant. - The warrant? - The warrant!

Sir, where is the Honorable? Have him come right away!

Calm down. - You hear him? A warrant? - You'll see.

But I was acquitted. - The arrest warrant. - What warrant! Sir!

If I get my hands on you!

You dirty bastard! Sooner or later, I'll get out!

And I'll kill you and that other geezer!

Criminals, crooks!

Let go of me, let go of me!

They get in their messes and expect us to work miracles!

PRISON

I gladly accepted the request to help you because the case

interests me in a very particular way.

I've studied it deeply, I think it's a case of mythomania

complicated by a form of amnesia with a hysterical character.

I had a similar case in..

'23. - In '23.

There had recently happened a.. a..

The March on Rome. - Eh, good times! - Yes, good times. - Honorable!

The march on Rome? - Good times because we were younger then.

And this little one here was in junior high! - I went to vocational school, Sir.

Besides, I wasn't born yet. - Yes, how time flies!

"Ruit hora" as says.. um... - Horace. - Horace.

I was saying, our case is one of mythomania.

The word comes from the Greek: mitos, myth, mania, mania.

It's formed in the psyche, in the subconscious, a sort of gap.

It lowers, it lowers blinds that..

Blocks the memory. - No, not exactly.

It lowers the blinds.. yeah, fine, that blocks the memory.

Excuse me, Sir, did you see that guy? Can it really be him?

That's not a man but a gnome, a runt! - Papa, what do you know, excuse me?

It's a question of the subconscious, as the counselor rightly said.

It all depends on the fact that if it lowers we call it blinds.

We all have our blinds.

Oh, perfect!

You have believed in good faith, and we'll support you with our doctrine

that he was the other.

In these long years of solitude you created from reality

a totally ideal image that matched the other.

Don't worry, ma'am, I'll take care of you.

Thank you. Sir, excuse me, what about Mario?

Mario, who is Mario? - What do you mean? Mario De Santis, her husband. - No.

I meant the other Mario.

I've abandoned him to his fate. - He behaved very badly.

Did you send him the bill? - I don't think now's the time.

Do you think, they'll condemn him, Sir? - It depends on who defends him.

If it gets into the hands of any old pettifogger.. - He's toast!

Poor Mario, he was so nice! - Isolina!

Noble Ophelia, get thee to a nunnery!

No thank you, Sir. I don't smoke! - Oh, sorry. - Excuse me, sister.

These clients are serious. - Yeah? - They have a ton of money.

They have the fuel. - Praise God..

May he always be praised. - Always!

Bye, Dad. - We must go now.

Yes, sister.

Be strong, Isolina.

Blessed sister, you don't know what it's like to have two husbands.

Be brave, daughter. You'll see that you too will find peace here.

I have great need of it.

PRISON

Goodbye, but I hope we don't meet again.

But that's the other one! - It's not him.

And then? - What about the bail?

Counselor, it's not fair! - This is a mistake!

One moment, stop!

You arrest me again? - Come on, come on!

Why did I have to.. - Come on, no stories! - I was freed!

They're bringing me back to jail? - Calm down or else.

I must leave, I'm an honest man! - Yeah, right.

How is this possible? - Goddamn you!

Wanted to cheat me again, huh? Get inside!

Got it?

Here's the walking papers.

OK.

Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Mario!

Mario!

Valeria! - My Mario!

Honey, how are you? - Mario!

Tonino, daddy's boy! - Darling, how are you?

Fine. - Are you OK? Are you OK, love?

Mario! - Quirino!

Mario, you're already out? Damn, that sucks. No, I mean I'm glad.

Hi, Tonino. - What did you do?

Nothing. A classic case of mistaken identity.

I'll get a lawyer right away. - A lawyer? Are you crazy?

I'll defend myself, instead send me some goodies.

Bye, cutie. - Let's go. - Remember: no lawyers!

Bye. - Croquettes, cigarettes and sweets!

Poor guy. - Are you sure that it's a case of mistaken identity?

Who knows, it happens a lot. Just look at me.

By the way, Counselor, we're going to have rename Tonino.

Why? - Too many Tonino De Santises.

True, it can happen. - He's right.

Imagine It! - Ah, Tonino!

What did he do? - Let's start with changing his undies!

How cute, grandpa's little boy!

He needs a very hard name that nobody has, because if not..

A hard name like Antenore, for example.

No. - She's done.

Themistocles. - Calogero!

Why not give him Edmondo?

Agenore. - No, Aderigo like me.

It's a good one. - Asdrubale!

Asdrubale is nice.

English subtitles by sineintegral@KG