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♪ One ♪

♪ Two ♪

♪ One, two, three ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

Come on, Milly.

Come here, come here.

Milly.

Don't worry.

Your mum's gone to a better place.

Come over.

There's the leader, just there.

That's him.

Dinner's ready.

Well here, Alon.

You feed the chickens for a change.

Are you gonna clean this dog shit up or what?

Do you know how expensive my shoes are?

I'm sorry about that son, but,

I'm gonna need you to clean it up in the next hour or so.

Do you know what they've been eating?

Hurry up, Maximus.

Rock waits for no man.

Is he here yet?

Yeah, man.

First magazine interview.

Jump in.

♪ And will you remember the days that seem to ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

So which song was that guys?

Abraham Death Kick.

Who the hell is Abraham?

From the Bible.

Right, yeah.

Uh, so, all your songs are from the Bible?

Have you ever read the Bible man?

It's heavy as shit.

Uh, so you describe yourself as a religious...

Eh, Christian.

Christian fresh metal band?

Yeah.

Right, cool, so what have you got next?

Jesus Death Roar!

♪ Jesus ♪

Make yourself useful, mate.

Go and get me bag for life out of the car.

Yeah, man.

All right, stop filming or I'll nick you.

You've only just reported this why?

We didn't want to hassle you, man.

Well, if this ever happens again,

report it straight away.

If this ever happens again?

So, you all is in a band or something?

We're called Messiah Fist.

Otherwise known as Fist, aye?

That's us.

Well, I suppose you'll be needing

a new drummer now.

All depends on his injuries, really.

The drummer from Def Leppard's lost an arm

and he still plays.

Well, I'm no musician, but you'll probably

find that his timing's a tad out from now on.

Is that Cliff?

Sorry, I thought you knew.

He died doing what he loved the most.

What's that?

Getting rammed by old ladies?

Can I just have a few words, please, detective?

And you are?

Me?

Oh, I'm Steve Smith.

I work for the Cult of Fury Magazine.

What's that, a magazine for trousers?

No, it's a heavy metal magazine.

And they normally report the news, do they?

Not really, but um, you know.

Well why don't you stick to interviewing

these bunch of freaks?

Or trousers.

- All right. - Piss off.

Great.

When can we have our van back, detective?

Well, I doubt you'll be wanting it back

with her out the side of it.

Come on lads.

We've got shit to sort out.

She's got a ladder in her tights.

Do you know what the funny thing about this lady is, Moss?

What?

Her middle name was Van.

No way.

She was from Allendale somewhere.

Wait, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

What now for Messiah Fist?

I will tell you what now.

The Fist will rise again like a phoenix from the flames.

What doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.

Our tale of survival and courage will be told,

and the Fist will once again become a force and a Fist

to the face of all the evil of this world.

Our music, with God's wrath, will make us so heavy

that Satan himself will shudder.

So, you're getting a new drummer?

Yes.

So, Mrs. Jackson, if you could tell us

more about what's been happening.

We spoke very briefly on the phone,

so a little bit more background would really help.

Well, it all started two days ago

when my husband left.

Everything started to fall apart from there.

And did your husband leave because

of the activity in the house?

Uh, no.

Um, that started the morning after he left.

We'd gone up to bed at 10 pm, as we usually do.

I was tired from driving back from Glasgow that day

so I went out like a light.

I remember Dennis getting up in the middle of the night.

I was half asleep.

I assumed he was going to get a glass of water.

He never took water to bed.

Always had to be fresh.

And that's when it happened.

That's when he'd gone.

Um, he took nothing with him, not even his car.

Okay, and what about the paranormal activity?

Oh, yes, sorry.

You don't want to hear about my relationship problems.

Not that there are any, you'll understand.

No, uh...

It started with a smell.

A burning smell, like burning toast.

I thought at first Dennis must've come back

and made himself some toast, but no.

- Then came the laughing. - The laughing?

- Well, more like cackling. - Oh.

And how would you describe it?

The only way I can think to describe it

is like Bugs Bunny.

Like the cartoon.

And uh, did you manage to record any of it?

No, it didn't occur to me to.

Look, to be quite honest,

I don't believe in this sort of stuff.

I was hoping you people could maybe

give me some explanation?

And anything else?

No.

Only it's becoming more frequent.

Okay.

Well, do you mind if we take a look around?

Please do.

So, can you sense anything?

Oh, I'm not a spirit medium, dear.

I prefer to collect my data with a more scientific approach.

However, if we did find any paranormal activity

here today then a medium would be rather useful.

Well, whatever it is, just make it stop.

Please.

I'm going to take a reading down here.

Perhaps leave a carrot out for Bugs Bunny.

I'll check downstairs, Mary.

Uh, upstairs, please, Dan.

Okay.

And remember to take a note of your readings, please dear.

My father says to me the other day,

he says he's got

I says, "How?"

He says, "I'm a fairy."

I said, "I don't believe in fairies."

So, Mrs. Jackson.

Where about in the house did you hear

the laughter coming from?

Oh, I'm not sure.

It seemed to come from everywhere.

Almost like it was inside my head.

No kidding.

I watched a DVD the other day

with deleted scenes on it and there was nothing there.

You see, you're smilin', but you're not laughin'.

An audience of smilers won't butter the parsnips.

What is it?

Can I have a word?

I don't want Miss Jackson to hear.

What is it?

I've just seen a clown.

Come on and see the upstairs.

What?

A clown?

Is this some kind of joke?

I'm serious.

It was a big clown with a horrible face.

Dan, I do not doubt your integrity.

Your gullibility and imagination, on the other hand,

are often brought into question, but,

that taken, okay, let's go and check it out.

Well I think this is just one big joke

and I'd like to ask you all to leave.

You don't have the old fella upstairs

dressed as a clown, do you?

How dare you.

No disrespect, Mrs. Jackson, but we do have

a lot of people trying to prank us.

Just because we're paranormal investigators

doesn't mean we're gullible.

Look Mrs. Jackson, I can understand that you are

very upset right now, especially after losing your...

Dinner?

Is this another one of your tricks?

I assure you, this has nothing to do with us.

Let's go and have a look.

Are you sure you didn't switch it on?

Quite sure.

It hasn't been used in two years.

An electrical fault, perhaps?

Unlikely.

It's not even plugged in.

What are things you listen to

when you're trying out a drummer?

♪ Fury ♪

Fury and power.

What about the religious aspect to your music?

What about it?

Well thinking about the drummer,

doesn't he have to be a Catholic or something?

He's gotta be Christian.

Church of England, preferably.

You see, we're under no illusions here.

There aren't that many thrash metal drummers out there

who are devout Christians.

As long as he lives his life according to the word,

and more importantly, believes in God.

And Jesus.

So basically, the whole band

is a load of devout Christians?

Oh, you know, Gus is a Christian.

But me and Sneege here are the main influences in the band.

Cliff was to an extent, but as we all know,

he met God a little bit sooner than he anticipated it.

So, will you be asking this drummer if he's a Christian?

No, man.

You kind of get a feeling for these things.

Plus his t-shirt has got a picture of a nun on it.

Listening to some of your songs,

some of the lyrics are a little bit explicit.

How does that fit in with your religious values?

You find me a Bible, and then find me a scripture

where it says thou shall not say twat.

Or shit.

See, the words and the lyrics

are used to emphasize the song,

not used to offend people.

Can I read out some of your lyrics?

Do it.

Do it.

Okay, right.

This one's from The Great Arc,

which I presume is about Noah.

Right.

"So God said 'Flood the motherfucker

"'and let's start again.

"'Wash away the sins of evil men.'"

Cool, yeah?

And this one's from Abraham Death Kick.

"His sandal caused a scandal in the Middle East.

"He had the balls of camel, and the cock of beast."

And then

"He was the beard to be feared in all of Israel.

"Roundhouse that motherfucker and pull out his entrails."

See, you don't have to be singing about Satan

to sound as heavy as shit.

Or romance and global warming.

- Like, The Villagers. - Wankers.

Ah, they're your rival band, aren't they?

Oh, they're shite.

Hipster wankers.

This drummer's pretty good, actually.

Yeah, he's tight.

I think we found our man, Sneege.

Yeah.

The guy sounds nails.

Listen, that's enough mate.

Was that okay?

It was great.

I mean, you're in.

Ah sweet, cool, thank you.

Yeah, I mean, we're here again tomorrow.

Do you think you can make it down?

Yeah, no problem.

Welcome to the Fist, my brother.

Keep it safe.

- Excellent. - Thank you.

Are you gonna ring him or shall I?

You can if you want.

Can you drum?

Nope.

There's been another body found.

In the back of our van?

No.

Some dude's head in a microwave.

What are you thinking, chief.

I think we can rule out suicide, Moss.

So when was the last time you saw

your husband, Mrs. Jackson?

About two days ago when he left.

He just left, did he?

Yes, he did.

I hope you're not suggesting I had anything to do with this.

No, no, not at all.

It's just a bit strange he left two days ago

and suddenly he pops up as a microwave meal.

Listen to me.

I believe that there is genuine supernatural activity here.

Yes, of course.

A ghost.

Crime solved, Detective Moss.

It was a phantom headed microwaver.

Look.

I don't believe in this nonsense any more than you do.

I just want you to find who killed my husband.

Oh, we will.

We will.

Gotta find the rest of the body first.

Could you please show a bit of sympathy?

It's on a plate.

What about the clown?

Mustn't forget the clown.

We're not likely to expect to find a clown upstairs,

but we will need to search the place over.

I hope you don't mind, Mrs. Jackson.

Yes, whatever.

I think we're done here, Mary.

Yes, dear.

Let's go.

Don't leave town.

We weren't going to.

Good.

Don't.

We weren't going to.

Well, if you was thinking about it, don't.

We weren't.

Good.

Good bye, Mrs. Jackson.

We are so sorry for your loss.

Can you smell burning?

Burnt matches smell?

Yeah, a bit.

That must be the telly.

You're good, you are.

Hey, look.

So much for spirit hunters international team.

Full of shit, all the rest of them.

You think Miss Jackson did it?

I don't know.

That's two deaths in one day.

We don't do deaths in this town.

Well, not deaths like this anyway.

How about the Dutch lady?

You think that was murder?

She was nuts.

Forensics found a pie in the kitchen,

made from her pet cats.

She'd been eating it.

Poor cats.

What's that?

That is a large plastic flower, Moss.

Similar to the plastic flower used by clowns

to create a moment of hilarity.

Clue?

Another clue that Mrs. Jackson

is as mad as a phone box, yes.

We are Messiah Fist.

We're here to see the head in the microwave.

Okay, Mrs. Jackson.

We will leave you in peace for now.

However we will need you for further questioning very soon.

Yes.

Please, let me know if you find anything.

I want justice for my husband's killer.

Good day, madam.

Oi!

It's the twat.

Shouldn't you be at a vegan party?

Up yours, Fist.

Shouldn't you be at church praying to Jesus?

Hey Tarquin, I think the ends of your mustache

aren't quite curly.

Screw you, Villager boy.

Screw you, Fist.

You been talking to Maurice again?

No.

Yes you have.

He told me.

Well I spoke to him briefly.

Well don't.

You wouldn't be happy if I spoke to Sam.

But you have spoken to Sam.

I spoke to him once at Christmas,

to wish him a happy Christmas.

If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even know Maurice.

Maurice would have found me eventually, dad.

But he didn't, because I provided him for you.

You're not a pimp for the spirit world, Dad.

Whatever button I touch, it never comes on properly.

I'm really fed up.

Alon!

It's Ah-lahn, you prick.

I like Quinoa, to be honest.

Not Lon Del Rey.

- He's a massive grime artist. - Boys, the real deal.

- Oh thank you mate. - Oh whoa.

No currants?

None in this bar, I'm afraid.

I need my seed.

Where do I get the rest of the seed from, gents?

Let's have a go at this.

Is this uh, is this organic, is that?

Definitely.

- 100% organic. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- A lot, man. - Aren't you vegan?

Sorry I'm late, guys.

I had a run in with the God botherers.

Ah, Messiah Fist.

Didn't they have their band written off

by an old lady's mobility scooter?

Bunch of freaks.

Where's the carrots?

You remember the brain storming session

about Hacien that we did?

- Yes, yeah. - Two hours or so.

- Yeah. - Essentially every subject

that we managed to bring up during that brainstorming

session about Hacien.

But the message we've gotta get across.

That Hacien's good.

Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Is someone gonna count us in?

Can we change the world with this?

I don't wanna do it if it's gonna not.

Of course it will.

Even in just a small, almost in imperceptible manner,

I'm sure it'll change it'll something.

I hope so.

Butterfly effect.

Are we ready?

One, two, three, four.

Can I help you?

Do you realize this is private property?

Is it, really?

This is your house?

I'm so sorry.

But, while I'm here, can I ask you to kindly stop

playing that sound?

You see, I'm trying to relax,

and bad pipes and trumpets are near

the most unrelaxing sounds in the world.

Beat it, clown.

Eh, okay.

I'm not even supposed to be working today.

But over time is over time,

and times are so very, very hard.

Right!

Let's see what we can make out of these little instruments.

Do some, uh, maybe some, you know,

look at the camera, get involved.

You know what to do.

Can you guys try and look a bit more evil?

Maybe some devil horns.

No way Pedro.

But it's the image.

Not our image, man.

We worship God, not Satan.

Yeah, but it's just a cool sign.

It doesn't mean anything.

It's the sign of the devil.

Look, Anthrax, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Slayer.

They all sing about Satan, and they all do devil horns.

No one's ever conquered the metal scene

by singing about Jesus.

Have you ever read the Bible, mate?

Have I?

No.

It's heavy as shit, man.

There are a billion different song themes,

and the only time we mention Satan

is when he's getting his red scabby ass

handed to him by Jesus.

Okay, suit yourselves.

Just be really piss off Jesus then.

There's been more murders.

Who?

Where?

The Villagers.

Fantastic.

Morning.

This is what we call instruments of death, Moss.

How do you think this happened?

Oh.

I think we can assume all of these deaths

are linked somehow.

Mrs. Jackson?

Hm.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Have you seen anything like this before?

No.

But we need to piece this together.

It's a small town.

And a few secrets.

I wonder who's gonna be next.

Who's to say?

Whoever it is, it needs to end today.

Well, my money's on Miss Jackson.

Hm.

I think it may be killers we're looking for.

More than one?

Yeah.

Who are the Villagers natural enemy?

Who's been 'round every crime scene?

You don't think.

Arrest the Fist.

The temperature changed quite dramatically

in the kitchen.

Although, that could have been due to the

portable heater I saw in the lounge.

They often create small pockets of hot air.

I had a similar reading, too.

EMF readings in the kitchen were quite high also.

Hm.

Kitchens are appliance heavy, though.

We shouldn't read too much into it.

I think I found something.

Okay.

Let's have a listen.

We want justice.

Don't worry, Jesus boys.

You will.

Yes.

We'll see how many bodies we find

whilst you're locked up in this cage.

It's against our rights, man.

We've got nothing to do with this.

Save it for the judge, hippie.

God is our judge.

Well now you've got two, and this one actually exists.

Don't get going anywhere now.

Wankers.

Okay.

This is Steve Smith reporting for Cult of Fury Magazine.

I'm in a small town called Stoke on Trent.

There seems to be a killer on the loose.

As it stands now, the death toll's a whopping nine.

As you can see, I'm in the very place where

the multiple murders took place.

You can still hear the echos and the screams

and the smell of death in the air.

As you can see, the bodies have been removed

and are now being examined.

But the aura of terror still looms

in this house of horror.

This is Steve Smith reporting

for Cult of Fury and the rest of the world.

Yah!

How was that?

- Yeah, yeah good. - Yeah?

Cool.

- How'd I look? - Dreadful.

Great.

Oh man.

This could be the making of me.

My brother Keith almost made is name in this town.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

We gotta keep our fingers on the pulse.

Let's look around and see what else we can find.

- Come on. - Yeah.

Whoa.

Check this out.

What's that?

I don't know, it's like a camera or something.

Oh my.

Oh my god.

Right.

Make it good, make it quick.

We think we've found a clue for the murders.

Do you think this is Scooby Doo or somet'?

Right.

What have you got?

Dan.

Okay, stop.

Well Detective Moss, seems our short search is over.

No point looking anymore.

The Scooby Doo gang have recorded laughing.

This was actually recorded at the Jackson house.

The one with the dead husband.

We just thought that the...

The, the, that it was a ghost?

No, no, no.

That it would help with the investigation.

It was recorded at the scene of the crime

whilst only ourselves and Mrs. Jackson were there.

Look, I'm a skeptic when it comes to ghosts.

But I thought that you, as professionals in your field,

would be able to tell us what it was.

Well it wasn't a ghost.

I never said it was a ghost.

Well I'm tellin' ya, it wasn't.

- I never said it was. - Good because...

Don't start that again you two.

Right, this is all you've got is it?

Yes.

Well if you wouldn't mind leaving us in peace

so me and Moss here can concentrate on reality...

Could you not just look into the possibility then?

Possibility of what?

Ghosts?

If you wanna label it that way.

We prefer to call it energy.

And in this case, it's a negative one.

Well.

A laughing sound in a house which was probably

picked up from a radio somewhere

doesn't make for negative energy,

or evidence of a killer ghost.

So get in your Scooby Doo van and piss off.

We are not homosexuals.

Why are we coming back here?

'Cause we haven't solved the puzzle yet, Moss.

Oi!

Yep.

No wood worn here.

Best go to the next house.

We've seen you before, dickhead.

Wait!

I can explain.

You can explain down at the station!

No, no, listen, you need to see something.

You need to shut it up.

You're under arrest.

The Villagers camcorder.

I found it.

They were recording when he came in.

When who came in?

Look, have a look.

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ Jesus ♪

Fist, you're being released.

You've got soul, brother.

Aye!

Come here!

Got it, oh yes, yes.

One-nil, son.

Hm, shame they lose two-one.

What have I told you?

All spirit guides turned off when the footy's on.

Well you should have thought about

that last week while I was watching the tellies.

Maurice, talk to me.

Why should I?

Why?

Why?

No.

No, why?

Why should I talk to you?

Why?

Why?

I knew that'd happen.

Maurice.

Will you keep out of this, please?

I know what shot I'm going for.

Maurice, will you shut your face?

- Good old dad. - Sam will help me.

- As always, son. - As usual.

- Hm. - Oh.

Didn't help you on that thought, did he?

He let me down, didn't he?

Ugh.

Oh, you're on fire, son.

You're on fire.

Oh, I knew that I'd miss.

Thanks, son.

Ya cheating bastard.

No, no!

I will not.

I will not, I'm staying!

I'm staying here!

No!

No one can move me!

No one!

Stan.

What have I told you about getting

possessed in the kitchen, for goodness sake.

He's not possessed, he's pissed.

Me and Detective Moss have provided you

with this location.

It's adjacent to the scene of the murders.

Any talk of ghosts or goblins will be of no interest to us.

And we certainly won't be running off scared

when one of you girls decides to throw

a stone across the room.

Do I make myself clear?

Crystal.

You must just be a little bit curious.

This isn't a TV show, you know.

You're not gonna contact the dead and solve a murder.

Why would we contact the dead?

'Cause that's what you're doing.

No we're not.

Yes you are.

Gypsy Rosetta is going to contact

the energies, if that's what you mean.

Like I said, dead people.

No, no.

The human body is made up of energy.

When the body dies, the energy can't die with it.

So if talking to stiffs in one of your hobbies,

it certainly isn't one of mine.

Well next time I get one, I'll give you a call.

Oh.

Is that an offer, Sergeant Moss?

Pack it in, you two.

Let's get this done with.

Gypsy Rosetta.

Is that your real name or one of those blackpool fun things?

It's my name, young man.

Okay.

What you need us to do?

First of all, we need to link hands in a circle

to protect ourselves from harmful spirits.

Can you complete the circle, please?

Whether you believe or not.

It won't do you any harm to play along.

Dear God, look after us,

guide us, protect us.

Send down your protective light.

Okay.

I need you to keep the circle

and I'm going to go and walk around the house.

I can sense there is a presence here

and I need to locate it.

I think it wants me to find it.

Do you want any of to join you, dear?

No thank you.

I work alone.

Do you smell that?

Sorry?

It doesn't smell like a fart.

It smells like bacon.

It happens when I get nervous.

Nervous?

I thought you were a ghost hunter.

Doesn't mean I don't get scared though.

So what do you do it for then?

I need evidence.

My mum died two years ago

and I need to know if we carry on.

It's probably the stench from yours that killed her.

Put a plug in it.

You smell like a burger van.

Oh.

Whoever's there,

do you wish to communicate with me?

Hello, gorgeous.

Have you ever seen a clown light his fart before?

Do you know what a funny thing is?

We already know what the killer looks like.

Well can't you just arrest him then?

It's not as simple as that.

On the footage we have, the killer is dressed as a clown.

I told ya.

No, you said you saw a clown on the television.

He actually said he came up behind him.

Well, I hope I get the same result

next time I watch Baywatch.

Well, I saw what I saw.

What, can't own your own telly?

Shut up.

Did you hear that?

Here we go.

Ooh, it must be the clown ghost.

Told ya.

I'm joking, you toe-headed idiot.

Go.

♪ Our Father ♪

♪ Who art in heaven ♪

♪ Hallowed be thy name ♪

♪ Lead us not into temptation ♪

♪ For thine is the kingdom ♪

♪ And the power ♪

♪ The glory ♪

♪ Amen ♪

Well I see it more as us gaining a son

rather than losing a daughter.

Well it's about time, if you ask me.

When I was her age, I'd been married for six years

and got two children.

Well perhaps she needed some time

to choose the right person to get married to.

Something you should have probably done

considering I'm your third husband.

Third time lucky.

For whom?

Oi!

Who the bloody hell are you?

Marge!

How did you get in here?

Where's my wife?

That's three questions.

Right.

First question.

Crispy.

That's my name, that is.

Eh, question number two.

I got here through a great, big magical puff of smoke.

Eh, question number three.

Oh yeah, that's it.

Where's the missus?

She's on the toilet.

Actually she's in the toilet.

She had way too much makeup on.

More than me.

She just needed a good wash.

No!

What have you done?

That's four questions.

You only get three.

I'm gonna call the police.

Oh, you wait one minute for your time.

It's my turn to ask the bloody questions.

We're going to have a game of mister and missus.

I'll ask you three questions.

If you get them right, I'll leave you in peace, I will,

to fish the masters out to the yull bend.

If you get them wrong, you get the fish.

What?

Well, actually the fish win you.

Depends which way you look at it, really.

Oh.

Scottish piranhas.

Vicious little buggers.

I'm supposed to feed 'em six times a day.

I haven't fed 'em for weeks.

They must be starvin'.

No, no, please.

Please let me go.

Question number one.

What color lipstick was your dear sweet darling wife

wearing this evening?

No, brown, brown.

Uh oh, no.

Gonna have to take the first one on that one, sorry.

Question number two, what was the name

of your dear sweet darling princess wife's second husband?

I like that question.

It's one of those how well do you listen questions.

It's very important to listen.

I don't know.

Question number three, the final question.

The main one.

Apart from swordfish, what is your wife's favorite food?

Lasagna.

Lasagna.

Well done.

That is absolutely brilliant.

Now please, get out of my house.

Aren't you forgetting something?

But I got it right.

And the others, very wrong.

This song is about Joseph and his sinful

suspicious of the virgin birth.

And um, what's it called?

God Jizz.

♪ It wasn't his ♪

♪ It was God's jizz ♪

♪ It come from above ♪

♪ Flew up like a dove ♪

♪ Virgin birth ♪

♪ From his holy girth ♪

♪ Opened up his fly and then out it poured ♪

♪ She got knocked up by the Holy Lord ♪

♪ But wasn't happy with mortal man ♪

♪ She got boned by God in Bethlehem ♪

♪ And this is his baby ♪

♪ What do you mean ♪

♪ 'Cause Joseph's sack his full ♪

♪ And his cock is clean ♪

Great song, guys.

But uh, I mean, couldn't you use what's going on

in this town to your advantage?

A charity single?

No, not a charity single.

I mean, you know, try and catch the killer.

We can make a name for yourselves.

We intend on it, dude.

We'll catch the clown.

Okay.

So, what are you waiting for?

We are the Fist.

The Fist comes first.

The music maketh the Fist.

No music, no Fist.

No Fist, no catchy clown, amigo.

There's been two more.

What?

You think this one's related to the others?

You know what?

I think it just might be.

He's been eaten by piranhas and his missus is in the bog.

Another time, another place, we could consider

this to be a one off.

The clown?

Yeah, but how?

The police have issued wanted posters

and set up an appeal.

Come up with nothin', not even a fingerprint.

All we've got is this clown footage.

Oh, dad?

What's happened to you?

Is he?

I'm afraid so.

Oh, Dad.

Who's done this to you?

He died peacefully.

Don't worry, we'll get whoever's responsible for this

and make 'em pay.

I can't believe it.

I'm getting married next week.

He was going to be walking me down the aisle.

Well.

I'm not a surgeon, but I don't think that's

gonna be happening any time soon.

Do you know what?

It's amazing how long these things survive out of water.

Look at the teeth on it.

That'll give someone a nasty bite, that will.

For what it's worth, he probably didn't feel a thing.

Where's my mother?

I want to see my mother.

Was she going to the wedding, too?

Yes.

Ah.

She was dying to get in the bag.

Tall humor.

Who's that dickhead?

The Fist are here to protect and serve.

Isn't that the police's job?

No.

Okay great, thanks.

We just wanna serve our community.

You know, not just with the amazing music that we provide.

This is our town, with our people.

And this shit has to stop.

And what are you planning on doing with the murderer?

We're gonna rip his balls off.

Look at 'em all.

So desperate for a story.

It's like a circus, mate.

That should be me.

I was there first.

Look at them.

Vultures.

We need to step this shit up a bit man.

I wanna go down in history.

What do you mean?

I'm gonna catch that killer.

So you've been involved with this from the start?

Yes, dear.

When we got your call, we just knew

we had to visit, if only just to warn you.

You are a respected clairvoyant

and I very much admire your work in your field

but what we have witnessed over the last few days

is something of great power and evil.

I hear the laughing.

I've tried to communicate with the spirit,

but the power is beyond me.

That's why I called yourselves.

There is little we can do on the investigation side now.

It is far too dangerous.

There are dark forces at work.

I know.

Perhaps you could watch over me

and record me with your equipment

while I try to make contact with the spirit.

As long as we stay together in this room,

we will be fine.

I think this is a bad idea.

Dan?

Let's just do it.

And these are lyrics from The Great Flood.

"So God said let's flood this motherfucker

"and let's start again.

"Destroy the vile cities and the evil man..."

Oi, I've got a plan.

We need to talk.

What's going on?

As long as our circle remains strong, he cannot harm us.

No matter how powerful he is.

Shall I take notes and do a base check, Mary?

It's gone beyond that now, Dan.

As much as I like to sit on the fence

for these kind of things, I think we've all seen enough now

to not rule out genuine paranormal activity.

Shall we start?

I must ask for complete silence while I attempt

to contact the spirit.

Evil spirit of the underworld, in the name of light

and the pure, and in the name of God,

I command you to remove yourself

from this earthly realm.

I can't do this.

The energy will kill me.

Then don't.

We've all seen enough death.

There's only one person that can control this spirit.

You don't mean...

It has to be.

Then so be it.

May, contact Alon Baptiste.

He's here.

Don't worry about your bike, it's quite safe here.

So you must be Alon?

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Can you please Hoover up?

I'll wait here.

Um, okay give me a moment.

Are you sure you don't want to come inside?

Are you deaf?

♪ The scene of the cr... ♪

Or the scene where the Village idiots

got what their music truly deserved.

Shh, shh, shut up.

That crazy clown bastard could be anywhere.

Let's do what we came here to do.

Mr. Baptiste.

It's an honor.

Hm.

And you are?

I'm Mary, head of Spirit Hunters International Team.

Spirit Hunters International, aye?

How dramatic.

Make me a cup of tea.

Two sugars, lots of milk, clean cup and saucer.

Um, okay.

Anyone else?

What about you big boy?

What do you do?

What's your role in this outfit?

I'm an investigator.

And what is it that you investigate?

The paranormal.

You.

I am an investigator with a scientific background

and I have a long history of exposing charlatans

in the spiritualism community.

Is that right, mighty?

You must be dead clever.

I am, actually.

So, uh Mr. Baptiste, do you understand

the basics of what's been going on?

Call me Alon.

Of course I know.

I can't be called out for any old ghost hunt, you know?

I do me own work.

This seemed quite juicy.

Maybe even a challenge.

Juicy?

I wouldn't call multiple murders juicy.

Well it depends which side of the fence

you're on, my child prodigy.

For somebody in my line of work,

or a florist, or a crematorium, or a funeral director,

it's very juicy indeed.

So if another opinion pops in your head,

do us all a favor and shut your gob.

- Tea. - Oh, my tea.

Oh, I'm not drinking that piss.

- Are you the lady of the house? - Yes, Mr. Baptiste.

Am I right in saying that you've tried to make contact?

Yes.

That's dangerous.

You have a child like energy, Mrs...?

- Steph. - Steph.

You have a weak psychic energy,

and you should not be attempting to tackle a force

that's capable of killing ya.

I must ask you not to attempt such stupidity

during my visit.

Not unless you wanna perform one of your readings

on the inside of an urn.

Okay, Alon.

How do we know that you are going

to be able to tackle this?

Well soon that will become clear.

I'm no charlatan or faker.

I am Alon Baptiste, undertaker of spirits

and destroyer of demons.

I'll need water and towels,

clean surfaces, plenty of rich tea biscuits.

And I demand absolute silence

in my attempts at communication.

Well look at you.

All by your lonesome with nobody out here to catch me.

Looks like I've got a right easy kill.

How lucky am I?

Oi!

Clown boy.

Clown boy?

That is brilliant.

Why don't you pick on someone your own size?

I think I've been rambled.

I better do one.

You'll wanna clean that up.

Health and safety.

Toodles.

Dave!

We forgot Dave!

Well why didn't he follow us?

He won't unless you tell him to.

He's like a Labrador.

Come on, let's go!

Wait there.

Oi!

Put him down, clown.

Down clown?

Good.

But no.

So what do you make of this guy, huh?

Let's see what we can make of him.

So what do you think?

A ghost?

A bloody rabbit?

A flamingo?

A duck billed platypus?

I'm no balloon expert, but it's not bad

for a first attempt, aye?

You might wanna cover your ears.

Ooh.

Oops.

Ah.

This would make a really cool album cover.

Shit yeah.

Okay, who is this coming through, Maurice?

Talk to me, Maurice.

Who's Maurice?

It's his spirit guide.

I'm gonna let him in, Maurice.

Don't be chalice.

Work is work.

You can enter me later.

Who's that, Maurice?

That's not the evil spirit.

Who's that?

Okay.

You, investigator person.

Write all this down.

Question the spirit as he enters me.

Stay with me.

Who is there?

Who wishes to speak with me?

My name is Mary.

I need to ask you some questions.

Why?

There is an evil presence in this house

and we need to banish it.

I am aware of him.

He has the ability to cross over into the physical form.

Is he there now?

No.

He travels around.

He rests until his energy and powers increase.

And then he walks through these walls.

He is evil.

How long has be been with you?

He's not with me.

He is new in our realm.

He belongs in the pits of hell, but he has returned.

He's a vengeful spirit.

Yet he is happy.

He takes pleasure in killing.

It pleases him.

I must leave now.

What a swizz.

Oh shut your face.

He said he's not here now,

but he takes pleasure in killing.

I thought as much.

But he will return, and we must be prepared.

Oi!

Get a job you hippie!

Who in the hell goes to circuses these days?

I bet a clown would come from there.

Maybe we should pay him a visit.

Right, we'll try that again, shall we?

He's not gonna fall for that.

How do you know?

We're not open.

Does it look like we've come to see the circus?

Go and get your boss, slap head.

Who's asking?

Detective Pope.

Moss.

There's two coppers to see ya.

Send them in.

All right.

Hi gents.

What can I do for ya?

Detective Pope, Detective Moss.

We're just wondering if you could

help us with our inquiries.

Ooh that sounds exciting.

Like what?

Well I'm sure you've heard about the murders

going on around here.

I have.

Terrible stuff.

But what's this got to with me and me carnival?

How many clowns you got working here, Mr. Elliot?

Three clowns.

Can we see them?

Certainly.

Come along on our opening night.

You can bring the kids.

Uh, we wanna see them now.

Or the only opening you'll be attending

will be on D-wing.

Fair enough.

Get the clowns.

Okay.

So, am I right in saying my clowns are suspects

in this murder case?

Who said anything about murder?

Him.

My clowns.

They're not clowns.

Did you expect them to be dressed up all the time?

Makeup's not in the gene, you know.

They're not a race of people.

Can they go now?

Yes.

Will that be all, lads?

No, I wanna show you something.

Ooh, not a porn I hope.

It's footage.

Of the killer.

Nasty, huh?

Look familiar?

When was this filmed?

Tuesday.

God help us.

What?

Crispy.

What's a Crispy?

Do you lads believe in ghosts?

Oh, here we go again.

Answer the question.

Say that we do.

What do you know?

About 10 years ago, there was a spate

of murders up in Bradford.

Horrible, gruesome murders.

We had a carnival up there at the time.

We even had to cancel some of the shows it was so bad.

There was a massive police search in the area,

and in the country.

But they couldn't find him.

In the end, we decided to up sticks and leave.

No one wanted to watch a traveling carnival

while their folks were getting slaughtered.

Is there a shorter version to this?

Before we left, we took on a clown.

He traveled with us.

We found him to be the killer after he killed a juggler.

A few of the carnival folk took justice

into their own hands.

They dug a pit and they burned him.

Burned him alive.

Too much of a pleasant death if you ask me.

That was the last time the carnival was in town.

This sounds like a murder confession to me.

It sounds like nothing of the sort.

No one was ever charged at the time.

Not enough evidence.

No sympathy.

Well, I hate to spoil your story, but,

how does this apply to the killings going on around here?

Am I right in saying that you believe

that the spirit of this clown has

come back for his vengeance?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

We should never have come back to this place.

If that's true, how can we stop it?

As he died, he cursed us, and all around us.

If you believe in curses or not, that's up to you.

All I know, is the fellow in that video is him.

The gypsy lady used to tell us if we dug his bones

we could banish his spirit with a spell reversal

or something like that.

Of course it wasn't an issue then.

Either way, it'd be more effective than

whatever it is you're doing now.

Where is he now?

I don't know.

Obviously.

There's another man who will know.

He was involved in bringing him to justice.

Wallpaper?

No.

Wheel.

Where?

Water.

- You got it man. - Yes.

Okay, uh, I spy with my little eye...

Will you guys turn it in?

You're driving me up the wall.

It don't look like he's gonna come, does it?

Fucking hell.

I don't know what's going on man.

He should be here by now.

I know.

And it's so lifelike as well.

Hello again, boys.

We are Messiah Fist.

Prepare to get fisted.

Oh.

Sorry lads.

I'm already spoken for, I'm afraid.

I'm very flattered.

Let's do it.

Let's show this clown twat whose town it is.

Give me one minute, please.

♪ Feel the Fist ♪

That was amazing.

So you realize how famous we're gonna be?

Fame is a shit TV show from the 80s.

We want nothing to do with it.

God's direction is the only thing that matters to us.

Yeah, but what if that direction's fame?

Then so be it.

Shouldn't we call the police?

Yes.

Tell 'em that the Fist has got a surprise for 'em.

Talk to me, Maurice.

What do you mean?

Who's chopped whose head off?

Can I get you anything, Alon?

Can you not see I've come in here for

some peace and quiet?

Bloody hell.

Sorry Maurice, you were saying?

That doesn't make any sense.

What about the clown?

You're not talking English, Maurice.

As usual.

Lunch break.

I'll see you in an hour.

You are welcome to eat with us if you'd like.

You're very kind, my dear, but I must eat alone.

I despise the sounds of others eating.

Grates on me soul.

We do have table manners, you know.

Do ya?

I'd have to dispute that.

I saw that big fella eating an apple earlier.

A human being should not look like a hippo with lock jaw

while eating fruit.

I'll see you in an hour.

Go and get me an umbrella it's pissing it down.

I can't believe you're getting sucked into this.

Well Moss, not a minute.

That's all we got, isn't it?

Where are you leading me, Maurice?

Talk to me, Maurice.

You up, Maurice?

What do you mean?

Okay, I'll tell them.

Nice umbrella, dickhead.

Listen mate, this is a crime scene.

Why don't you take your turtle neck and sod off?

A crime scene?

How exciting.

What happened?

A vigilante killing.

Really?

And are you the police?

We are Messiah Fist.

Messiah Fist?

You're not from around these parts, are ya?

Tragically, no.

So you got the body in the house, have ya?

Yeah.

Not that it's anything to do with you.

Maybe you wanna go have a look?

Double check?

Might've gone.

- Impossible. - Stop trying to trick us.

I'm not trying to trick you, dear boy.

I'm merely suggesting that you go

and check the body's still there.

My polite deliverings are getting us nowhere as per usual.

Sinking down to this level of childlike interchange

is making me skin chafe.

Aye?

Listen, here's the thing.

You think you've got the body inside, but you haven't.

If you'd have kept tabs on it instead of parading around

like peacocks outside, you'd know.

Oh.

We know what you're doing.

It's not gonna work.

This is our scoop.

Scoop?

You might well have a scoop, my blonde bombshell.

But not here, not today.

Why are you still here?

Not to engage in intelligent conversation,

that's for certain.

I'm waiting for the police.

- I assume you've called them? - Yes.

I've got some advice to give them

on how to deal with this entity.

You can deal with it by throwing its head in the bin.

It's D-E-D.

Dead.

Ah, the police.

Finally, some common sense.

Who are you?

We don't want any Avon, thanks.

My hopes weren't high.

Alon Baptiste.

And you pair would be very wise to listen to me,

and listen carefully.

How about you get lost?

Yeah, piss off fruits.

I see the primitive IQs on display

force me out of the debate.

I shall wait here until you find there's no body,

then you'll listen.

Weirdo.

Good Lord.

You truly are guardians of the universe.

More than what you are, mate.

What even are you?

Some would call me a clairvoyant.

- Others a twat. - Or a ponce.

Listen mate, people like you are full of shit.

Give up.

Is that right?

Well if I want to take advice from a man

who nightly masturbates while thinking about

the church flower lady, then I'll ask.

And if I want to take advice from a man

who stinks so bad he covers up the smell

with magic tree air fresheners,

and he was touching cloth about an hour ago,

but now he's gone beyond touching

and into a full on relationship, then I'll bloody ask.

Magic tree?

Yes.

And might I suggest a magic forest.

We should do you for wasting police time.

- What? - Surprise, surprise.

No body.

Go show him, Gus.

Yes!

Time to get out of this shit hole.

Ooh.

There's not even any blood.

Listen.

We chopped his head off.

We killed it.

I believe ya.

We need to find another way.

You don't believe in these bollocks, do ya?

Well, his explanation makes more sense than the last one.

Or the one we didn't have before.

If you're going to kill this entity,

you will need my services.

You'll not do it without me.

Services?

I'm Alon Baptiste.

I hunt spirits.

You know what?

There's so many fakers, you probably fill

their heads full of shit, don't ya?

How would we know you're genuine?

Well how would I know that when you were 12

and your parents were at work,

you fingered the family Yorkshire terrier?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Can't play mind tricks with me, so piss off.

And don't stick it where it's not wanted.

That's exactly what Scamp thought.

Okay, you're in.

Tell us what you need us to do.

This will be very much a team effort.

First, we need his bones.

We'll need a crowd.

We'll need my powers to trap him.

The reason he's here will be the return

of the traveling carnival.

That's where it needs to happen.

Once I have him trapped in this realm, he can be killed.

Well I think he's full of shit.

Well the same can be said of your

Fantastic Four boxer shorts.

Now shut your face!

Let's do it.

This can be like a Liveaid thing.

Music against murder.

Let's go.

Mr. Murdock, I assume.

Detective Pope, and Moss.

So you dig the bones up, then what?

You tell us.

What you're dealing with here is very real.

And if you don't deal with it in the correct way...

What is the correct way?

You know this entity, otherwise you wouldn't

even be here now.

Deal with it in the correct way,

or you and the rest of this town are dead.

Carnival should never have returned.

Do you know the whereabouts of the bones?

Thank you Mr. Murdock.

You have served your town well.

- Don't leave town. - I'm not going to.

Good.

Don't.

I'm not going to.

Well, if you did think about it, don't.

Moss!

Serious from the other ones.

Not great, they were cute though.

You should have stayed where you were.

What, and miss out on all the fun?

Have you got any more pets?

I hope you burn in hell.

You do know that I'm dead already, don't you?

Technically anyway.

And don't you think I'd be there now?

Actually, I'll let you in on a little secret.

Hell doesn't actually exist.

It's as if your religion made it up.

You know, to scare people.

Anyway, what do you make of my contraption?

Brilliant, aye?

This is a bloody shotgun

and there's the string.

It's attached to the door, right?

And when the doorbell rings, it triggers the shotgun.

Brilliant, aye?

I was wasted as a clown, I was.

You weren't a clown.

You're a murderer.

A murdering clown, aye?

They're all the rage these days, you know.

You see, I'm not really an evil person.

I just love killing the little, tiny little people.

It's one of my vices, if I'm being honest.

That and the two pence machines of black pool and...

Ooh.

Please don't.

What?

I'm starving.

We're not all vegetablestipans, you know.

Ah, that's right.

You like all animals, apart from spiders.

I remember now.

Anyway, down the hatch.

Not bad.

But haven't you got any tropical ones?

I'd hate to sound snobbish,

but goldfish are so tasteless and boring.

A bit like your shirt.

Anyway, where are my manners?

Are you not hungry?

You must be famished.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll call you a pizza.

You're a vegetebetatathist, yeah?

Yeah, hello?

Oh yeah.

It's Crispy.

I need to ask you a favor on the day

of your daughter's wedding.

It's for my friend.

He's so very, very hungry.

Right, have you got a pie?

Yeah, only one.

A great big mega chicken pork beef pizza please.

Sides?

Oh yeah.

Meat.

Um, salad?

You eat salad?

Yeah, more meat.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Address?

Yeah, but make sure the driver rings the doorbell,

lots and lots of times.

Yes, it's um Fly Fishing Cottage.

By JR Hartley Street.

Ciao!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Show me mercy.

Mercy?

Let me think, hm.

Did you show me mercy?

I don't think so.

Anyway, I'll see you in the afterlife, sunshine.

I'll be waiting.

Mustache.

Don't ring the doorbell!

Don't ring it!

There you go, Moss.

Oh, why have I got to dig it?

Well, I just washed me hands.

I'll fill it back in.

Fair enough.

Just here?

A little to your left.

You press the button here, and speak clearly.

You mumble, I won't be able to understand ya.

Is that clear?

Quite.

How I shall ever become accustomed to such

dazzling technology is beyond me.

But I shall do me best.

Here big boy, you can have that.

We use them all the time, actually.

What for?

Talking to ghosts with?

- No, to each other. - Yeah, about ghosts?

Well, what else would we use them for?

Something useful, like fighting crime?

Yeah well when you find this ghostly clown

that you're all searching for, do give us a call.

Or I could just throw you in jail.

What for?

Making you look stupid?

I have the power.

Thank you He-Man.

Can we please get on with this?

The dirty table cloth's beginning to grate on me.

Shall I get another one, Alon?

Okay, keep it on with you at all times.

We'll expect him to appear during Messiah Fist's set.

Good luck.

Yes.

Good luck.

Come on, let's get out of here,

and kill this motherfucking clown.

Ugh.

Quite.

Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist, Fist,

- Fist, Fist, Fist... - Ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls, it's the moment you've

all been waiting for.

On a mission from God to make a beautiful noise,

please welcome Messiah Fist!

We have gathered here today to rock!

This is Detective Pope.

Do you read me?

Over.

Hello?

State your name, and say over.

We've gone over this a million times.

Over.

Over.

What is your name?

Over.

- Dan. - Right.

The Fist is about to start.

Get the bones out.

Over.

Okay.

If Crispy appears, you are to let me know straight away.

Over.

Is your number saved to this?

It is not a phone, it is a walkie talkie.

All you've gotta do is press the button and say over.

- Dick head. - Okay.

See you later.

Bye.

♪ It wasn't his ♪

♪ It was God's jizz ♪

♪ It come from above ♪

♪ Flew up like a dove ♪

Should I take a temperature reading, Alon?

We don't need readings of any kind tonight.

This is a spiritual battlefield

where psychic energy's the weapon of choice.

Who will be saying the protection?

Alon, I think.

Can we begin, please?

Let's join hands.

Good luck, Alon.

I don't need luck.

I need silence.

I call upon the guardians of the light.

Look after us tonight.

Take care of everyone in the circle

and make sure that no harm comes to us.

We call upon you today, for if we do not succeed

in this mission, so many people are in grave danger.

He's meant to be here by now.

Hush, be patient.

Let's hit 'em with some Christ Roundhouse.

Talk to me Maurice.

Then look harder.

No.

I wasn't raising me voice.

I was just telling you to look harder.

No, okay.

I didn't mean to upset ya, I apologize.

I know it's a sensitive time for you.

I'll make it up to you later.

Oh, if you behave.

Come on Maurice.

Back to work.

God, can we have a break?

It's bad enough sitting here in silence

rather than listening to you flirting

with your imagination.

My imagination?

Tell me, clever girl, who is Clare Amond?

You were certainly using your imagination

with her, weren't ya?

That was a one off.

You dirty cow.

I've commanded the evil spirit to materialize.

Now we wait.

Once he shows up in this realm, I'll trap him,

so that Cagney and Lacey out there can track him down.

I shall bring in my special friends

to finish the job.

You, go and get me a cup of tea.

Two sugars, and a clean saucer this time.

Okay, Alon.

Any messages from anyone else, Alon?

No, go get me a biscuit.

Sir?

Why are we going on a ghost ride?

Because we've been on everything else.

Come on.

Weirdo.

♪ The bitch ate the fruit from the holy tree ♪

What's that?

The Vomtard.

Isn't that the name of your son, Moss?

Yeah.

Let's go and have a look see.

What happens now then?

I don't know.

It don't go upside down does it?

No, Moss.

Oh.

Hold on tight.

- I like it. - It's like a kid's ride.

That's right.

No one wants to play with the fat kid.

Right.

You're going to feel a sharp scratch.

And possibly a temporary moment of discomfort.

You won't feel a thing, I promise.

This is The Fist.

We have a clown.

Okay, over.

We've gotta get off this thing.

Hello?

Who is it?

It's me, you dickhead.

The clown is here.

Start the seance.

Oh, me tummy hurts.

I feel poorly.

You best not be sick on me.

We need to get off.

Ah.

Cross off going to a rock concert.

Oh, yeah.

♪ Jesus ♪

♪ Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ ♪

Dan.

Contact Detective Pope.

Find out what's going on.

Okay Mary.

Hello?

Can I speak to Detective Pope please?

Hurry up with the spell.

I think we're too late here guys.

Come on.

Get a move on, will you Maurice?

I've done my bit.

I'm not having a go.

I'm just asking you to do it faster.

Maurice, all I'm say...

Will you just hang on a second, please?

How I'm supposed to work in this racket is beyond me.

Will you shut your faces?

Maurice, get your ass in gear and get him trapped, now.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Well, well, well.

We meet again.

Jesus Punch, right?

With the frying pan and crap dummies.

So how have you been?

Looking for you.

Time to feel the Fist.

Come on, lads.

You've seriously got to reinvent all

your terminology of this Fist emphasis.

What's wrong with it?

Well, have you ever heard of fisting?

Yeah.

It's what we're gonna do to you, right now.

Eh, I don't think so.

Anyway, how about I surrender?

Let's face it, you can't exactly kill me, can you?

So why don't we go down to the police station

and have some fun?

He's trapped.

Hi, it's Dan.

The clown is trapped.

Looks like your time's up, clown boy.

Whatever.

Is that Jesus?

Well?

Did you get him?

No, he got away.

Couldn't have got far, though.

Where are the detectives?

Look.

So we've been fighting the clown,

and you've been playing on the rides?

That's not cool man.

I think we'd better give them a minute.

Are you coming?

You as well?

And where would you like me to go?

Uh, to kill the clown?

What you're here to do.

Eh, no.

My work enables to combat spirits.

This being is no longer a full spirit thanks to me.

I shall tag along for the amusement

but I will not be ordered around by a sweaty bin man.

Ooh.

Are you gonna be all right?

Yeah, sure.

I'm coming too.

Listen, love.

I think we've got this covered.

As you've clearly demonstrated,

so I'm coming too.

Are you boys okay?

Where is he?

We don't know.

Alon's trying to find out.

You've not got the stomach for the fairground then?

Got more guts than you.

As I can see.

You're wearing most of it on your shirt.

Haha, very funny.

Where you been all night, Thelma?

With my group.

Like I was supposed to,

rather than playing with my boyfriend on fairground rides.

He's not me boyfriend.

Please, pack it in you two.

He's on the Ghost Train.

Why's it have to be ghost trains?

Very, very cool.

Let's go.

No.

You two stay here.

Excuse me?

I will not be in an enclosed space with the vomit police.

Do you know who I am?

I don't care who yup are, big boy.

For the purpose of this conversation,

you're a man with vomit on is trousers.

You stay here.

Please, do as he says.

Go.

Listen guys, we've got some clothes in bags

behind the stage.

Help yourselves.

Oh, and if you want to go on anymore rides,

you should try the Lady Birds.

They may be more suitable.

Lady Birds?

- Like the books you read? - Oh, very good.

Unlivable here in

this ghostly retreat.

Every room has wall to wall creeps.

So.

We meet again.

You found me.

This time there is no escape.

Ah, Fisting Fisty boys, yeah?

And I see you've brought your friends along also.

Avon representative?

Uh, ooh, pretty girl.

An obligatory black bloke.

Why are you not dead yet?

Shit, cracker.

You got this all wrong.

You aint got no soul, motherfucker.

Oop, sorry.

This Avon representative has got you

trapped in this realm.

There'll be no escaping in a puff of smoke for you.

Ah ha.

So it was you, was it?

Of course.

And Maurice, of course.

So now it's time for you to go.

What do you choose?

I can either expel your spirit back

to where it came from, never to return,

or you can take your chances with my friends.

Who'll not only destroy ya, but destroy your soul.

Decisions, decisions.

Well.

Judging by what I've seen so far,

I think I'll take my chances with your sorry

looking bunch of friends here.

So be it.

- Come on boys. - Not you.

Maurice.

Are they ready?

Okay.

Harley, Desmond, Foo-Foo,

Candy, Raphael, Lovey-Lovey,

Lulu, Fifi.

You know what to do.

Those are your names?

That is amazing.

Not these friends.

Those are the names of my special friends.

Friends that will do considerably more damage

- than the Jesus boys here. - Oi!

Don't count on it.

Eh, well where are they then?

I could do with a good laugh.

They sound like a bunch of drag queens.

Shut your face!

Although you are quite right.

Who are they, then?

What, ooh, ooh.

What, eh, what's going on?

Aye, ooh.

Who are these guys?

Ooh.

I changed me mind.

You made your choice.

I think we'll all agree that you chose the best one.

You'll go to hell for this.

Ooh.

I'll strike from the grave!

Now that was funny.

We should write an album about this.

We definitely should.

Thank you boys.

It'll be a great night at the Pink Hog tonight.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, shift it.

Come on, big boy, stop gawking.

Ah, Avon.

I think we owe you an apology.

So, thank you.

It's Alon, you prick.

And that's a strange apology, but I'll take it.

Are you okay?

Going to get some fresh air, May.

Okay.

We should leave, too.

The Fist have got shit to write about.

Yeah.

I'll see you all in the pit.

So, now this is all over,

do you fancy taking me out for a drink?

- Yeah, all right. - Good.

Call me.

So, where next for you then, Alon?

Home.

Thank you, Alon.

You're quite welcome.

If anything like this should occur again,

don't hesitate to contact me.

Sandra says she's very proud of you.

And yes, she's happy where she is,

and she'll always be looking over you.

Sandra's me mum.

Well.

We best go and write this up, Moss.

We did it.

We done well, though.

We did.

Do you believe in aliens, Moss?

No.

Well...

Do you mind?

Well done, son.

Thanks, dad.

Now go and fetch me a biscuit.

♪ Picketh up thy teeth though Satan ♪

♪ Messiah gonna tell us when to kick your face in ♪

♪ The faith of the man tested to the brink ♪

♪ Sucker punch roundhouse before he could blink ♪

♪ You sacrificed your son to please the Lord ♪

♪ He tied him down and raised his sword ♪

♪ God struck him dead and he started to weep ♪

♪ Don't kill your son, I'll settle for a sheep ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Death kick yeah ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Death kick yeah ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Death kick yeah ♪

♪ He had a thousand camels ♪

♪ And a beard to be feared ♪

♪ The rustle of his robe is the last thing you heard ♪

♪ Struck up by his hand while dressed in his fear ♪

♪ The devil turns red in the show of his might ♪

♪ Soldiers sent spinning and their sins take flight ♪

♪ He entered the land where the four kings realm ♪

♪ Where the power is given by God who needs his help ♪

♪ Man after man were struck by his robes ♪

♪ Angels of the God as the body count rose ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Death kick yeah ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Death kick yeah ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Death kick yeah ♪

♪ He had a thousand camels ♪

♪ And a beard to be feared ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ A sandal caused a scandal ♪

♪ A force they couldn't handle ♪

♪ With the power sent by God ♪

♪ He beat them on his todd ♪

♪ The four king army was slain ♪

♪ 'Cause they didn't play his game ♪

♪ He defeated them with his shoes ♪

♪ And went back to the Jews ♪

♪ Fighting, biting, kicking, slaying ♪

♪ Killing, stabbing, throwing murder ♪

♪ The four king army felt the wrath ♪

♪ Of this magnificent Jew goat herder ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ Death kick yeah ♪

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