Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,620
as per "uush."
2
00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:18,160
‐ Oh, you mean something awesome
you tattle on me for?
3
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:19,160
‐ I'm no snitch!
4
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,170
‐ Then why are you getting stitches?
5
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,030
[both arguing]
6
00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:26,620
You both ruined the school year
with your weird science.
7
00:00:26,630 --> 00:00:29,260
‐ You trapped the chess team
in an alternative dimension,
8
00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:31,540
reanimated all the fetal pigs,
and we can't prove this,
9
00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:35,390
but we're reasonably confident that
you gave Miss Kim a three‐month period
10
00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:36,930
after she took away your glowing orb.
11
00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,010
‐ Die! Die! Die!
‐ No, you don't. No, you don't.
12
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,680
‐ Yumyulack, out of 180 days
of school this year,
13
00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:45,690
you've been late 179 times.
14
00:00:54,450 --> 00:00:55,830
then you will be expelled.
15
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:58,360
Which means you'll have
to go to military school,
16
00:00:58,370 --> 00:01:00,460
where the bullies will fuck you.
17
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,700
‐ Then don't fuck up!
18
00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:16,300
I dump a Dixie cup worth
of fuck juice in my pants
19
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,380
every time you put something
on their permanent record.
20
00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:20,850
Oh, that shit follows them to college.
21
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,010
‐ Brace yourself. I saw this on Starz.
22
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,230
‐ Oh, what the fu‐‐!
23
00:01:26,730 --> 00:01:27,770
KORVO:
Terry, a‐a little help.
24
00:01:28,190 --> 00:01:29,320
[Terry sighs]
Really,
25
00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:33,160
‐ Ohh, I'm limiting myself
to three neck movements a day.
26
00:01:33,150 --> 00:01:34,020
I only got one left.
27
00:01:35,490 --> 00:01:37,030
the lavatic reactor needs more Aa,
28
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,540
and you paired your phone
to the ship stereo
29
00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:39,860
and I don't know how to get it off.
30
00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:42,370
If I have to listen to the "Gone
in 60 Seconds" soundtrack one more time‐‐
31
00:01:43,790 --> 00:01:45,960
‐ Just zap yourself with the smart ray.
32
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,000
It takes one second.
33
00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:50,580
Wait. Wh‐what are you doing?
34
00:01:51,090 --> 00:01:53,380
‐ Terry, get back here.
Let me shoot you with the smart ray.
35
00:01:54,550 --> 00:01:55,550
[electricity zaps]
36
00:01:56,470 --> 00:01:57,680
‐ Ha ha!
‐ Terry!
37
00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,310
‐ I didn't know it would break that easy.
38
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:02,010
‐ Hey, can you please trap Jesse
in the hell dimension? She sucks ass.
39
00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:04,720
‐ No. That dimension is for work enemies
and Ansel Elgort only.
40
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,550
And for trash when we forget
to put the bin out.
41
00:02:08,140 --> 00:02:10,520
And they for sure figured out
that shit with the orb.
42
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,060
‐ Can I just quit school?
What does it matter anyway?
43
00:02:13,070 --> 00:02:15,910
The Pupa is gonna evolve into
its true form and destroy this planet.
44
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:17,860
Can't I just watch TV until that happens?
45
00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:19,940
‐ Pepsi.
‐ L‐look, this thing is unpredictable.
46
00:02:19,950 --> 00:02:21,620
It could go off in a week or in a year.
47
00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,540
It just said "Pepsi."
Who knows what's going on with it.
48
00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:25,670
‐ Goddammit, Terry, you're supposed
to know. You're the Pupa specialist.
49
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:27,030
‐ Whatever.
‐ All right, you two, listen,
50
00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:31,420
and being smart is more important
than anything else ever.
51
00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:33,300
‐ Counterpoint: Korvo's stupid.
52
00:02:33,290 --> 00:02:35,420
School is important 'cause it's super‐fun
53
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:36,460
and the stakes are super‐low
54
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:39,880
and there's tons of hot people there
who want to party‐slash‐do finger stuff.
55
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,060
‐ Heck yeah, dum‐dums, school rules!
56
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:49,980
‐ There is?
‐ Yes, we could go there.
57
00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:52,110
We could get smart
and compete for the teacher's approval.
58
00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:53,820
‐ Or we could meet cool girls,
join a frat,
59
00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:54,780
and never work on the ship.
60
00:02:54,770 --> 00:02:56,940
‐ Or you could learn responsibility,
become a better person,
61
00:02:56,940 --> 00:02:58,270
and help me with the ship.
62
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,330
‐ Terry and Korvo, going to school
for the exact same reasons.
63
00:03:02,370 --> 00:03:04,410
KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
64
00:03:04,830 --> 00:03:06,290
Until the asteroid hit.
65
00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:10,030
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
66
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,000
and escaped into, uh, the space,
67
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,380
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
68
00:03:15,130 --> 00:03:18,140
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
69
00:03:18,130 --> 00:03:19,750
That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.
70
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,560
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
71
00:03:21,550 --> 00:03:23,960
This is‐‐ this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
72
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,430
[stammers]
This is ridiculous.
73
00:03:25,430 --> 00:03:27,350
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
74
00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:28,350
People are stupid.
75
00:03:28,350 --> 00:03:30,020
The second you point out
Christ was an alien,
76
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,650
they get all wound up
and start yelling at you,
77
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,140
even though he did a bunch of alien stuff.
78
00:03:33,150 --> 00:03:35,240
Get with it. It's‐‐ it's no big duh.
79
00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:45,160
‐ Hey, do I look cool?
I think I look cool.
80
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,290
First day of school, baby. Whoo!
‐ Terry, stop acting like a spaz
81
00:03:48,370 --> 00:03:49,960
‐ Spooky robes are not cool.
82
00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:51,740
‐ You're just jealous of my swish.
83
00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:53,300
[robe swishing]
84
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,130
Maybe this will stop you
from being lazy all the time.
85
00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,590
‐ You know, I'm not gonna
even respond to that
86
00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:01,300
because I'm too lazy
to think of a response.
87
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,930
‐ Then why in God's name are you
so excited to be at the school?
88
00:04:03,930 --> 00:04:05,600
‐ Because I love classic college movies,
89
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,310
like "Monsters University,"
"PCU," and "The Skulls."
90
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:11,360
My plan is to do cool movie stuff
and then just cheat off you
91
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:12,350
at the end of the semester.
92
00:04:12,350 --> 00:04:14,810
‐ You know, you need to learn to not take
shortcuts all the time, Terry.
93
00:04:14,810 --> 00:04:17,060
How's that for me teeing up
an episode arc for your character?
94
00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:19,200
‐ You're the one who wanted me
to zap myself with the smart gun.
95
00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:23,690
‐ No, I won the argument.
Better hurry or you're gonna be late.
96
00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,200
And then you'll have
to take a shortcut to class,
97
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,540
and I know how much you hate those.
[school bell ringing]
98
00:04:27,530 --> 00:04:29,280
I like my notes in blue ink!
99
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,960
‐ Make way for my peep, beggar!
100
00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:38,370
‐ Not so fast!
[grunts]
101
00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:39,720
Get his bag.
SONNY: What the hell?
102
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:45,100
‐ Well, this is interesting.
‐ That belongs to The Duke.
103
00:04:45,090 --> 00:04:47,760
‐ Not anymore.
‐ You're dead! You're all dead!
104
00:04:49,510 --> 00:04:51,640
‐ No! We don't kill.
[Sonny gagging]
105
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,890
That's what separates us
from the people that do kill.
106
00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:56,810
We don't‐‐ We do the opposite
of what they do.
107
00:04:56,810 --> 00:04:58,520
In terms of killing, we don't.
108
00:04:58,520 --> 00:04:59,600
Got it?
[grunts]
109
00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,740
JESSE: [voice echoing] Hello!
110
00:05:05,990 --> 00:05:06,910
‐ Today's been a great day.
111
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,320
and I didn't have to hide in the bathroom
and pretend to have a butthole.
112
00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:12,210
‐ Yeah, because nobody's here.
‐ Wait, what?
113
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,340
Oh my God. I didn't even notice.
What the hell?
114
00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:21,840
Principal Cooke is trying to see
if we'll be late or go to class
115
00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,550
even when nobody's watching us.
116
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,680
An intense psychological mind game,
117
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,480
not unlike the Academy award‐winning film
"Suicide Squad."
118
00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:33,940
‐ You don't get in my way, buster.
119
00:05:33,930 --> 00:05:36,560
‐ This is about to be
the most epic challenge of our lives.
120
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,020
I don't want you messing me up.
121
00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:40,230
[ringing]
122
00:05:40,230 --> 00:05:44,020
♪ ominous music playing ♪
123
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,150
[school bell rings]
124
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,410
‐ [crunching]
‐ [slurping]
125
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,370
[school bell rings]
126
00:05:52,370 --> 00:05:55,210
[shoes squeaking]
127
00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:01,220
‐ His name was Charles Paulson Ginsburg,
128
00:06:01,210 --> 00:06:05,460
but you may know him as the father
of the video cassette recorder.
129
00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:07,930
I know him as the father of me.
130
00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:09,140
[laughs]
131
00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:12,140
‐ Kegger at my place tonight.
Real college experience.
132
00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:14,390
Beers and shots and we might
even steal a police horse.
133
00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:15,600
‐ I'd have to get a baby‐sitter.
134
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,610
‐ Well, bring them kids, girl.
We don't ID at Casa de Terry's.
135
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,350
‐ Terry, shut up.
136
00:06:19,350 --> 00:06:22,060
‐ Delores, you gonna come
and get tore up at my party?
137
00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:25,360
‐ I have to go home and watch "NCIS."
138
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,530
‐This sucks.
139
00:06:26,530 --> 00:06:29,740
No one's appreciated or even mentioned
that I'm dressed exactly like Van Wilder,
140
00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:31,830
you know, the mentor of Taj.
‐ Will you please pay attention?
141
00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:34,150
‐ That's your job. Mine is to be awesome.
142
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,870
‐ I just missed what the C in VCR means.
143
00:06:35,870 --> 00:06:37,710
It could mean anything.
‐ Man, this is bullshit.
144
00:06:37,710 --> 00:06:39,550
College is supposed to be
about partying all night
145
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:41,500
and getting into legal trouble
but my dad's a lawyer,
146
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,410
so I'm walking away scot‐free.
147
00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:48,960
Ohh! Hey, hey, whoa, look out!
148
00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:49,970
Hey, I'm the Frisbee guy.
149
00:06:49,970 --> 00:06:51,970
‐ Now let's say I have
to repair a DVD player.
150
00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:53,270
Is that the same as the VCR?
151
00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:55,720
‐ Ohh, I wish I knew it.
152
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,350
‐ Terry, stop it. Nobody likes Frisbee.
You look like an idiot.
153
00:06:58,350 --> 00:07:00,680
‐ Hey, does the Frisbee match the drapes?
154
00:07:00,690 --> 00:07:02,610
‐ I don't know, do you have
the balls to find out?
155
00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:07,150
♪
156
00:07:09,070 --> 00:07:11,330
‐ Thank God we got the mattress
with the fabric‐encased coils.
157
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,320
Otherwise, I'd be bouncing
all over the place.
158
00:07:17,830 --> 00:07:20,290
‐ Oh yeah, I was out all night
looking for a party.
159
00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:22,340
Rumor had it the swim team
was raging at The Rock
160
00:07:22,330 --> 00:07:23,950
but it was just two homeless guys dancing.
161
00:07:27,050 --> 00:07:29,760
‐ I'm in the middle of this
complicated psychological test
162
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,430
not unlike the Academy award‐wining film
"Suicide Squad."
163
00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:35,310
‐ Yeah. And none of the teachers are there
to tell us what to do.
164
00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:36,980
‐ I'm sure that's all part of the test.
165
00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:38,930
Probably just trying to get you
to think outside the box.
166
00:07:40,770 --> 00:07:42,270
but instead of thinking outside the box,
167
00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:43,610
maybe they should be thinking
outside the‐‐
168
00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:50,120
but you know what we have to do.
169
00:07:50,110 --> 00:07:50,860
‐ Knife fight!
170
00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,980
‐ No, we can't hate each other
like siblings.
171
00:07:52,990 --> 00:07:55,370
We have to hate each other academically.
172
00:07:55,370 --> 00:07:57,660
We have to be each other's teachers.
173
00:07:57,660 --> 00:08:00,420
‐ Well, then look to your left
and look to your right, motherfucker,
174
00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:02,830
'cause I'm about to matriculate your ass.
175
00:08:06,090 --> 00:08:08,930
Food caches, secret passages, and ugh,
176
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:11,540
he has his own personal '50s diner
called Bop Bops.
177
00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:14,260
‐ We can empty the stockpile
and redistribute to the rest of the wall.
178
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:17,140
It's the perfect crime.
179
00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:18,810
‐ Just like in "Ocean's Thirteen."
180
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:24,320
‐ Guys, he was also great on "Friends."
181
00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:26,100
[school bell rings]
182
00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:33,900
I am gonna get real with you.
183
00:08:33,910 --> 00:08:37,960
I bet you didn't know
Shakespeare was the original rapper.
184
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,780
‐ Oh, did Shakespeare live
on Sedgwick Avenue
185
00:08:39,790 --> 00:08:42,670
with DJ Kool Herc in the Bronx
five years before the Son of Sam?
186
00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:45,410
‐ Yeah, sure, that's why
Shakespeare's writing is like rap.
187
00:08:45,420 --> 00:08:47,710
Plus he made a bunch of money
and sampled other playwrights
188
00:08:47,710 --> 00:08:48,720
without giving them any credit.
189
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:55,100
‐ My tough‐yet‐relatable teaching style
is breaking through your emotional armor.
190
00:08:55,090 --> 00:08:56,130
‐ And how.
191
00:08:58,010 --> 00:09:02,010
♪ drumline music playing ♪
192
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,510
‐ Aah!
[crashing]
193
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,240
‐ Terry, I'm trying to study,
which is what you should be doing.
194
00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:10,440
‐ I am. I'm studying
how to get into a drumline,
195
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:11,480
like in that movie "Whiplash."
196
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,560
‐ Do you have any idea what happens
if you fail out of school, Terry?
197
00:09:13,570 --> 00:09:15,910
‐ I assume it's some type
of spanking situation.
198
00:09:17,780 --> 00:09:19,150
Instead, you've left me no other choice.
199
00:09:20,830 --> 00:09:23,080
no more video games, and no more Hulu,
200
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,500
the subscription‐based service.
201
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:26,170
‐ But Netflix doesn't have
the Hulu production
202
00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:28,760
of the Hulu presentation
of "The Looming Tower."
203
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:31,370
How do I know what happens
about "The Looming Tower," Korvo.
204
00:09:31,380 --> 00:09:32,470
‐ That's the only way you'll learn.
205
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:34,750
‐ Can't you just make me glasses that
allow me to see through people's bodies
206
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:35,760
so I can cheat off of them.
207
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,930
Wait, no, I‐I'm not helping you
cut corners anymore.
208
00:09:39,930 --> 00:09:42,560
You have to do this on your own.
That's that arc popping its head up again.
209
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,650
‐ Argh! Okay. Fine.
210
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,430
I'll go get my books.
211
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,150
Dammit, I can't even shoot myself
with the smart ray.
212
00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:50,320
What am I gonna do?
213
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,240
Pupa, you know you can't play
with the dumb ray.
214
00:09:55,990 --> 00:09:57,370
Like me.
215
00:09:57,990 --> 00:10:00,290
‐ Hah! This human math
is honestly very easy.
216
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,450
They haven't even found the number
that comes before zero.
217
00:10:02,450 --> 00:10:04,530
What are you doing with the dumb ray?
‐ I'm holding it.
218
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:06,170
Get dumb, motherfucker.
219
00:10:06,660 --> 00:10:08,580
‐ Terry, we're only supposed
to use that in emergencies,
220
00:10:08,580 --> 00:10:09,620
when we're overthinking things.
221
00:10:09,630 --> 00:10:10,760
‐ That's what's happening right now.
222
00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:13,120
‐ Please don't make me dumb. None of
my podcasts are gonna make any sense.
223
00:10:13,130 --> 00:10:15,010
‐ If you're dumb and I'm dumb,
then we can be dumb together.
224
00:10:15,010 --> 00:10:16,220
‐ But that plan is dumb.
225
00:10:16,220 --> 00:10:17,600
[grunts]
Ow!
226
00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:20,420
‐ Oh my gosh, Korvo. Are you okay?
227
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,190
[zapping]
228
00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:30,110
[Korvo moaning]
Hey, bud, how you feeling?
229
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:31,230
Are you dumb now?
230
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:32,850
‐ I wanna watch
the "Look Who's Talking" trilogy
231
00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:34,150
and eat hot dogs with ketchup.
232
00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:35,700
‐ Yeah! Dab it!
233
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,200
♪
234
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,120
‐ I love getting beer in my body
as fast as I can.
235
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,200
‐ Preaching to the choir, bro.
236
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,000
‐ Do you wanna buy everything
on the McDonald's menu
237
00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:45,530
and smoosh it together into a big ball
238
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:47,130
and then eat it with a knife
and fork with me?
239
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,300
‐ 2Pac is like oxygen
240
00:10:52,290 --> 00:10:53,830
because we need him to live,
241
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,800
while Sisqo is more like plutonium
242
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,930
because he was kinda just
a one‐hit wonder
243
00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,000
that we've forgotten about.
244
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,390
‐ That's the most rap thing
you've said all day.
245
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:06,310
A plus.
[school bell rings]
246
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,980
Oh crap. We're running out of time.
It's my turn. Teach me now.
247
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:10,730
‐ Well, welcome to English 101.
248
00:11:10,730 --> 00:11:12,400
Everyone, pick up your textbook.
249
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,190
Now throw it out!
250
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:16,240
We won't be needing it.
I teach from the heart.
251
00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:19,020
[Jesse grunts]
Wait. Actually, go grab it from the trash.
252
00:11:19,030 --> 00:11:21,580
Yeah, we're gonna rely heavily
on the text.
253
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,500
Now throw it out!
‐ Oh, come on!
254
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:25,740
KORVO:
Rager at our place.
255
00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:29,210
Party starts at triple question marks
and goes till 2:00 a. m.
256
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,540
[scratching]
257
00:11:39,170 --> 00:11:40,790
[grunting]
258
00:11:45,310 --> 00:11:48,770
[grunting and panting]
259
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:51,730
Spider! Nobody move.
260
00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:53,070
[growling]
261
00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:58,110
Fuck you, spider.
262
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:03,410
♪ hip‐hop music playing ♪
263
00:12:03,410 --> 00:12:05,750
‐ Ugh, why did we start the party
at triple question mark?
264
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:07,070
People have been rolling in all day.
265
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:08,670
‐ Who wants to see me smash this bottle.
266
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:09,700
‐ [all cheering]
‐ [bottle shatters]
267
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:10,490
‐ Yeah!
268
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,840
‐ Touch my robes.
Someone touch my fucking robes.
269
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,720
‐ Okay, I got a 95, you got a 33.
270
00:12:16,710 --> 00:12:19,790
Ah, we passed, and we were
at school every single day.
271
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,260
‐ Yeah, we did it!
‐ Yay!
272
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,810
I said we were here every day!
273
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,850
‐ Hey, we did it.
You can come out now.
274
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,020
What are you waiting for?
275
00:12:32,230 --> 00:12:34,610
Huh. You'd think they'd be raring
to get out here.
276
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,350
‐ Unless nobody's been watching us
277
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,570
and when they said we couldn't miss
a day of school,
278
00:12:39,570 --> 00:12:41,620
they meant when everyone else
was here too.
279
00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:44,020
‐ So we got along this whole time
for no reason?
280
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:46,120
‐ I guess so. So, now what?
281
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:48,500
‐ Fuck yeah.
282
00:12:48,490 --> 00:12:50,240
[laughing]
‐ Hey, watch out!
283
00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:53,290
♪ hard rock music playing ♪
284
00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:55,210
♪
285
00:12:55,210 --> 00:12:56,670
YUMYULACK: Ooh, yeah. Whoo!
JESSE: Yeah!
286
00:12:58,380 --> 00:12:59,260
[laughs]
287
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,840
‐ All right, one of us has
to attach this to the door
288
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,350
and get away before it detonates.
289
00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:06,920
I've been practicing avoiding explosions
in my free time,
290
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:08,310
so I think I can pull it off.
‐ No.
291
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:12,100
A really bad one.
292
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:15,440
I was mean to everyone, and I used
to piss in the Slurpee machine.
293
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:18,740
But things are different in here.
In here, I can die a hero.
294
00:13:19,690 --> 00:13:21,650
Nobody has to die,
because I think I can jump away
295
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,940
well before the explosion‐‐
‐ Blaze of glory!
296
00:13:23,950 --> 00:13:24,830
TIM: Oh shit.
297
00:13:25,450 --> 00:13:26,620
Run! Run, Bryson!
CHERIE: Bryson, run!
298
00:13:26,610 --> 00:13:28,110
‐ No! There's no time.
[beeping]
299
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,120
Oh, okay. Actually, there may‐‐
300
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,120
Aah!
‐ Bryson!
301
00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:36,920
‐ Holy shit!
302
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,630
‐ Ah. I'm alive.
303
00:13:38,630 --> 00:13:39,760
But I'm blind.
304
00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:41,420
‐ You should have run.
Why didn't you run?
305
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:44,290
‐ Oh no, my dick got blown off.
306
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,680
I'm blind and I have no dick.
307
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:48,920
Oh.
‐ Uh‐‐
308
00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:50,850
‐ Please, just leave.
309
00:13:50,850 --> 00:13:54,060
I'm blind and I have no dick.
310
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,430
Hey, I found it.
311
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,650
It was there all along.
Just lower than I thought.
312
00:14:01,110 --> 00:14:02,610
‐ Check this out, Terry. Watch.
313
00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:03,910
‐ Wait, wait, wait.
Don't you always tell me
314
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,610
that pressing buttons on the ship
can be dangerous?
315
00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:07,480
‐ Don't be a little beeyatch.
316
00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:10,580
[screaming]
317
00:14:12,410 --> 00:14:15,210
See, it's fine.
‐ Man, I love dumb Korvo.
318
00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:17,130
‐ Dude, Korvo, get over here
and snort this with us.
319
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,910
‐ Oink‐oink, mother‐fuckah!
320
00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:26,590
[electricity crackling]
321
00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:31,680
‐ [screams]
Ice lava.
322
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,020
It's freezing.
323
00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:34,840
Oh my God and then it burns.
324
00:14:38,690 --> 00:14:40,360
[people screaming]
325
00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:44,560
JESSE: Ha ha, stop.
[laser beams firing]
326
00:14:44,570 --> 00:14:46,870
Don't laser me. That tickles.
327
00:14:46,860 --> 00:14:48,480
‐ Oh, I got you now.
[both scream]
328
00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:53,700
‐ Did we make ice lava?
‐ I don't know. Maybe.
329
00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:55,370
‐ Ohh!
‐ You're it.
330
00:14:55,370 --> 00:14:56,960
‐ No fair. I was distracted.
331
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,630
[both laughing]
332
00:14:58,620 --> 00:14:59,620
‐ Korvo, what do we do?
333
00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:02,040
The hot cold lava that powers the ship
is getting on everyone.
334
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,750
‐ Don't worry, I know what to do.
335
00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:04,830
[grunts]
336
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,640
I'm boning an alien, bro.
337
00:15:06,630 --> 00:15:07,880
‐ Stop being dumb.
338
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,380
You're the only one
who knows about ice lava.
339
00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:10,550
‐ Terry, I know how to fix it.
340
00:15:10,550 --> 00:15:13,220
We just kick back
and watch some movie trilogies.
341
00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:14,970
Th‐this whole thing
will sort itself out on its own.
342
00:15:14,970 --> 00:15:16,760
‐ We don't have time for even one trilogy.
343
00:15:16,770 --> 00:15:18,150
Ugh. Who would have thought
cutting corners
344
00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:19,510
and making you dumb
would blow up like this.
345
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,030
‐ Maybe the second "Matrix" movie
will help. They're better out of order.
346
00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:23,560
‐ Maybe if I can learn
how to fix the smart gun,
347
00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:25,320
I can zap you back
into fixing the ship.
348
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,820
[loudly]
Stay here. I will make you smart again.
349
00:15:27,820 --> 00:15:30,030
‐ Hey, just 'cause I'm dumb
doesn't mean that I'm deaf.
350
00:15:31,870 --> 00:15:33,080
‐ Come on. Come on.
351
00:15:33,530 --> 00:15:35,900
Ah, yes. Hey, the manual isn't too big.
352
00:15:35,910 --> 00:15:37,120
Aah! Ah, crap.
353
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,130
Okay, Terry, you can do this.
354
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,200
Focus. Learn. Be smart.
355
00:15:41,210 --> 00:15:43,960
KORVO: Damn, Morpheus, how'd you get
those motherfucking sunglasses
356
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:44,840
to stick to your face?
357
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,130
‐ Ooh, I gotta see that. No! No!
358
00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:47,970
Focus.
359
00:15:49,590 --> 00:15:51,800
Ooh!
Once you know how to reroute the lava‐‐
360
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,460
‐ Check it out, Terry,
I'm a fucking Morpheus now.
361
00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:55,560
Watch out.
362
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,350
I think we should invest in a racehorse
because I want to go to Kentucky
363
00:15:58,350 --> 00:15:59,270
and wear a big old hat,
364
00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:01,060
and also I've got a great name
for a racehorse.
365
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:02,860
Get ready. Horseus.
366
00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:03,970
From the thing
we were just talking about‐‐
367
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,110
‐ Will you shut the hell up?
368
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:06,900
I'm never gonna learn
how to repair the smart gun.
369
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,860
I'm only one chapter past
the lavatic reactor.
370
00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:10,660
[gasps]
Oh, holy crapsters.
371
00:16:10,650 --> 00:16:13,480
I accidentally learned how to repair
the lavatic reactor.
372
00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:18,000
I just want you to know
if I don't make it out of this,
373
00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:21,070
it has been the great honor of my life
to come to Earth with you.
374
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,590
Korvo, I love you‐‐
375
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:25,000
‐ I'm gonna go hit a bullet
with a hammer, Terry. U‐S‐A!
376
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,750
U‐S‐A! U‐S‐A!
377
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:29,120
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
378
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:31,890
♪
379
00:16:45,810 --> 00:16:48,520
♪
380
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,230
‐ Holy shit. I think I fixed it.
381
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,790
I actually did something
without taking a shortcut.
382
00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:57,030
W‐w‐what are you doing?
383
00:16:57,030 --> 00:16:58,450
‐ Hey, whoa, whoa, I thought
you were sending signals.
384
00:16:58,450 --> 00:17:00,740
‐ What? No. Man, when does
the dumb ray wear off?
385
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:02,710
‐ I want White Castle.
‐ Is this what I sound like all the time?
386
00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:04,550
‐ Whoa, Terry, let's watch
all the "Resident Evils."
387
00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:05,450
‐ Yeah, that's me.
388
00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:07,380
[both moaning]
‐ Oh yes.
389
00:17:07,380 --> 00:17:09,220
‐ God, I love the last week
of summer break.
390
00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:11,500
This place is so nice
when the kids are gone.
391
00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:13,970
‐ After this, let's do reverse cowgirl
in the theater.
392
00:17:13,970 --> 00:17:15,510
Then we're ass‐eating in the chem lab.
393
00:17:15,510 --> 00:17:17,180
‐ But I'm wearing open‐toed sandals.
394
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:18,180
‐ [both laughing]
‐ [Ms. Frankie yelps]
395
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:19,600
‐ Whoo!
‐ What the fuck are you doing here?
396
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:21,970
[both wailing]
397
00:17:22,430 --> 00:17:25,180
Oh no!
‐ We did what you said.
398
00:17:25,190 --> 00:17:28,360
We've been in our chairs
every day at 7 a. m.
399
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:29,990
‐ How long have you been here on your own?
400
00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:32,350
‐ We're good students. We did‐‐
‐ We were never late. We were on time.
401
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,870
‐ Mercy. Show us mercy.
402
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:35,150
‐ Go wait outside.
403
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:38,750
‐ What the fuck is wrong with those two?
404
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:40,110
I don't care if they like each other.
405
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,120
We didn't tell them to come in all summer!
406
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,630
This is clearly abuse.
407
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,990
Maybe no one will believe them.
It's their word against ours.
408
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,670
‐ They found us humping in the lunch room.
409
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:49,510
I was about to stick
my tongue up your ass.
410
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:50,790
‐ Oh, Jesus.
411
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,550
I guess we have to do the right thing.
412
00:17:52,550 --> 00:17:53,510
[groans]
413
00:17:53,510 --> 00:17:56,140
‐ Okay, what will it take for you
to keep your mouth shut?
414
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:56,840
A thousand dollars?
415
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,260
‐ We want A's, bitches.
‐ We want A's.
416
00:17:58,260 --> 00:18:00,340
‐ That's it? In what?
‐ In everything.
417
00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:03,520
‐ So we give you the A's and we forget
that this whole thing ever happened.
418
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,730
Finger in the ass, the neglect,
the eating of a‐‐
419
00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:07,190
‐ Congrats. You're both
on the honor rolls.
420
00:18:07,190 --> 00:18:08,070
‐ Woo‐hoo!
‐ Yeah!
421
00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:09,220
YUMYULACK: Honor roll, dude!
JESSE: Woo‐hoo!
422
00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:10,360
[cheering continues]
423
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:11,610
‐ We've been bad.
424
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:13,570
[both moaning]
425
00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:19,120
[machine powers up]
426
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,120
[babies cooing, babbling]
427
00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,290
‐ Man, gathering up
the ashes of my victims
428
00:18:23,290 --> 00:18:26,880
and reconstituting them into babies is
way more work than I thought it would be.
429
00:18:26,870 --> 00:18:29,080
But, hey, they get a second chance
at life, so that's cool.
430
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,000
What's up with you dorks?
431
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,080
‐ We caught the teachers
eating each other's asses,
432
00:18:32,090 --> 00:18:33,930
so they gave us A's in all our classes.
433
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,250
‐ And we're best friends again.
434
00:18:35,260 --> 00:18:37,010
And we're out of Frosted Flakes.
435
00:18:37,010 --> 00:18:38,010
‐ I'll pick some up tomorrow.
436
00:18:38,010 --> 00:18:40,680
Hey, uh, don't open the bathroom door
because I locked Korvo in there
437
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:41,480
until he gets smart again.
438
00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:43,090
KORVO: Let me out of here!
There's an alien in here!
439
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,520
Oh, wait, that's‐‐
it's just me in the mirror.
440
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,400
‐ Wow, he sounds really stupid.
441
00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:48,600
‐ Yeah, I shot him with the dumb gun
like 10 times.
442
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,720
‐ Oh geez, that will take forever
to wear off.
443
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:51,990
Feel better, Korvo.
444
00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:54,390
Don't sleep face down
or you might suffocate.
445
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,450
KORVO: Let me out. Gal Gadot is a witch
that was put into American society
446
00:18:57,450 --> 00:18:59,490
to make us all forget
about the 2008 recession.
447
00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:01,080
‐ Okay, buddy, very cool.
448
00:19:01,070 --> 00:19:03,240
KORVO: Let me out right now!
I‐I‐I've got a hostage in here.
449
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,320
[high‐pitched voice]
Help me, let me out.
450
00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:06,920
[normal voice] Don't worry, it's a joke.
I'm doing both voices. Play along.
451
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:08,620
[British accent]
'Ello, what are you two doing in here?
452
00:19:08,620 --> 00:19:09,870
[normal voice]
Shh, hey, be quiet.
453
00:19:10,630 --> 00:19:13,550
♪ ominous music playing ♪
454
00:19:13,550 --> 00:19:15,680
‐ It's empty. No, this is all wrong.
455
00:19:15,670 --> 00:19:16,580
‐ Come on, we have to get out of here.
456
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,470
[clapping]
457
00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:20,350
‐ You stupid fucks.
458
00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:23,090
‐ What are you gonna do, Duke,
take us all on? You're outnumbered.
459
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:26,130
‐ You see, Tim, my boy,
460
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:28,110
this was the trap.
461
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,260
Enrique and I set up the whole thing.
462
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,480
The map, the Peep, everything.
463
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,860
‐ Enrique, why?
‐ You killed my son.
464
00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:38,450
The Duke might have pulled the trigger,
but you dragged him into this whole thing.
465
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:39,940
‐ See, I'm a man of rules.
466
00:19:39,950 --> 00:19:42,870
It's rules that keep everyone alive
in the wall.
467
00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:45,290
But when someone breaks said rules,
468
00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:46,290
you need a punishment.
469
00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:49,170
I found the perfect form of punishment.
470
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,200
The Boo Hoo Hole.
471
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:52,840
Tim, you ever heard
of the Boo Hoo Hole.
472
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:55,080
[screams]
473
00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:58,050
‐ Noooo!
474
00:19:58,050 --> 00:20:00,550
‐ I have different plans for you, Tim.
475
00:20:04,140 --> 00:20:07,900
These genius aliens are a billion times
smarter than any man.
476
00:20:08,270 --> 00:20:10,940
They are truly worthy adversaries.
477
00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:12,180
[door opens]
478
00:20:12,190 --> 00:20:14,900
‐ Thank you for letting me out.
I'm feeling much smarter.
479
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:15,940
I'm smart now. Thank you.
480
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:18,320
‐ Okay, we're all trusting you
to be smart.
481
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,120
And we all learned a lesson today,
482
00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:22,230
so let's all buckle down
and be smart together
483
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:23,240
and help repair the ship.
484
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,120
‐ What've you got there?
Are those hyperdrive plans?
485
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:27,540
‐ Oh, Jesse, nice try.
We don't even have a hyperdrive.
486
00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:30,210
No, no, no, this is
my 700‐page screenplay for "Ted 3."
487
00:20:30,210 --> 00:20:32,000
You all have to give me notes.
‐ Oh, fuck, he's still dumb.
488
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,800
‐ It's called "T3D."
It's not in 3D though.
489
00:20:33,790 --> 00:20:35,830
Ted and Wahlberg go on a treasure hunt
and meet a witch.
490
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,590
I copyrighted this with WGA‐North.
491
00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:39,510
It takes place in the Harry Potter world
in the future,
492
00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:40,590
where every city is Boston.
493
00:20:40,590 --> 00:20:41,930
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are president.
494
00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:43,310
Papa John's has cool pizza.
495
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:44,880
I'm gonna be a professional poker player.
496
00:20:44,890 --> 00:20:47,310
Let me out of the ropy bag.
Free me from the ropy bag.
497
00:20:47,310 --> 00:20:49,770
‐ It's nice to do stuff as a family.
498
00:20:50,270 --> 00:20:54,020
♪ theme music playing ♪
499
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:58,110
♪
500
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,100
[imitating laser fire]
40089
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof