Original subtitles

♪ mariachi band music playing ♪

‐ God dammit. They're not coming. Again.

Computer, turn off the mariachi simulación.

I should hope that you're all going out to get more Miller L‐l‐l‐lights

for Tuesday Taco Night Thing.

‐ Oh wait, that was tonight? Aw, I could've sworn that was on Monday.

‐ It's always on Tuesdays, and you've missed the last tres.

‐ We know you're just trying to trick us into hanging out with you.

‐ No! I'm trying to trick you into learning about ship repair.

before you stop with the taco thing?

‐ Oh, you're gonna come so hard you're gonna beg me to stop.

‐ Yeah, you wish.

His mom is rich, and his dad's trying to be a novelist,

so I bet they get in a big fight.

‐ There's gonna be a magician.

It'll be my first autograph in my awesome Magician Autograph Journal!

Maybe I'll tag along just so I can explain how he's doing his tricks.

‐ Please don't come. You know, I don't think you'd like it.

It has nothing to do with chores or yelling.

‐ Um, Korvo, you don't really do well in a social setting.

It's kinda like your thing.

‐ Hm, your reverse psychology has worked, Terry.

Nothing will stop me from joining you at this child's birthday party.

‐ Ahh! ‐ Yay, Korvo!

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

The only good ceremony involving children is the Jewish one

where they cut off the penis.

Am I right? [children laughing]

Slow down!

‐ Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic. Magic.

‐ Magic! Magic! [children gasp]

Fake thumb.

Foam ball in the armpit.

Mouth full of flags.

This is so stupid, anyone could do this.

I could do this.

[cheering]

I could do this.

KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

Until the asteroid hit.

One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa

and escaped into, uh, the space,

We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.

That's right, I've been talking this whole time.

I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.

This is‐‐ this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

[stammers] This is ridiculous.

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid.

They're always talking about how they love their family,

but they're never making their family gigantic.

They're all normal sized.

If you like something, you should be trying to make it gigantic.

‐ All right, be sure to share.

Make sure the lower levels get Reese's and don't hog the Skittles.

Yumyulack, I'm heading out.

I like to get to school early

so I can watch the teachers drink in the parking lot.

‐ Oh hold on. I just want to put my latest victim,

I mean specimen, in there too.

‐ Wait, I know her.

Is that the lady who puts her dog's poop in the mailbox?

It's just the waitress from the Benihana over by the strip club.

‐ Why is she going in the wall? I thought she was a nice one.

If I was allergic, I could have died! Is that what you want?

‐ Of course not. I wish everything lived forever. You know that.

‐ [rumbling] ‐ [Cherie grunts]

Where the fuck am I?

‐ Welcome, citizen.

‐ Hey, hey,

get away from me‐‐ ‐ Ahh!

Wallet, gum, key metal‐‐

She's got Tums! Ow!

‐ We could do this the easy way

or the toothpick way.

Your choice. ‐ This isn't over.

Everyone runs out of fancy toothpicks at some point.

‐ Come with me if you want to live.

That's from Predator. ‐ It's from the Terminator.

‐ Oh, crap, really? 'Cause I've been saying that for weeks.

Are you sure? ‐ I've seen that movie a hundred times.

‐ We should go. Ugh, I'm such an idiot.

COMPUTER: What's up, Korvo? Do you want to resume, um,

correcting any inaccuracies in the cross‐galactic navigation matrix?

Today we need to find out how I can be a magician.

‐ What? Get the fuck out of here. Wow.

‐ Exactly. Okay, I need to be the best magician I can as fast as possible.

‐ Is this some sort of emotional arc?

‐ A magician never reveals his motivations.

Let's get started.

‐ Calculating wonder. [bell dings]

Done. I'll teach in the form of Earth's greatest illusionists.

Houdini, Copperfield, and Mystery,

the pickup artist from The Game.

‐ I can escape anything and neg anyone.

You're not as hot as your friend.

COMPUTER: The other two personalities ate him.

‐ Can I please just get a regular tutorial?

‐ Fine. Processing. [bell dings]

It seems like you should combine simple tricks

with what you're already great at.

‐ Cooking salmon? ‐ Ugh.

‐ Computer, lower impatience expression by 25 percent.

‐ Combine alien technology with sleight of hand,

a show like that would blow people's minds!

Especially if we served salmon at intermission.

[grunts]

‐ The Duke says you're late on our Skittle tax.

‐ Keep walking, don't get involved. ‐ What the hell is this place?

It's made up of a system of connected terrariums.

Those guys are enforcers.

They're part of a martial police formed by the ruler of the wall.

‐ I'm guessing that's The Duke?

‐ It's pretty complicated.

Oh, I forgot about that movie. Yeah. It's exactly the same.

Jesse, the girl alien, gives us candy and little gifts.

And then The Duke hoards and distributes that,

and that's just, you know, that's how he keeps control.

Yeah, you got it.

‐ Why is this rope so minty?

My pants are from a Polly Pocket.

‐ Go ahead, pick a card.

I will now turn these cards into 56 different extinct animals.

I believe this... is your card.

[gasps and cheers]

When did you become a magician?

‐ I've been secretly learning so you guys would love me!

‐ Well, it worked!

‐ We should go out for pizza and talk about how great you are.

You know, I thought I learned magic to get your attention,

but that's just not enough anymore.

You're all too provincial and lame for me now.

‐ You're intoxicated with fame off one performance?

‐ Yes.

Where's he getting this bullshit?

the greatest magician of all time,

and you will collectively be portrayed as the first wife

who didn't believe in me in my biopic.

I always stop the movie at that point,

so I assume it goes great for the protagonist

after he cuts ties with his friends and family.

Enjoy being left behind!

‐ This is just like the time when I married Ansel Elgort.

The little scamp. He's lucky he got away.

I loved him so much. Ugh, why can't I call him?

COMPUTER: I got you a meeting with the biggest magician talent scout

in the world.

[women screaming]

I really only needed one of each.

‐ How about your next trick is not complaining for once?

[grunts]

‐ This is the marketplace.

If there's something you need, you can barter for it here.

‐ Well, mostly whatever they had in their pockets when they got shrunk.

If you had cargo shorts on, you're basically rich.

You know, your hair is pretty valuable.

We could probably trade those bangs in for some Mikes,

maybe even an Ike if they're in season.

[chomps, moans]

TIM: Enrique? Don't eat that.

‐ Sugar shakes?

‐ Yeah, we don't know the word for diabetes.

‐ It's diabetes.

‐ Oh yeah. S‐‐ I'm sorry. I'm losing my mind.

I haven't had a vegetable in months.

‐ Dad, come on, just a sip.

Did you find any insulin? Down at the drop zone?

‐ Look, we're gonna make it work. I promise.

Your dad is gonna be okay. [groans]

‐ Well, the only food they give us is candy.

Sometimes they'll drop in an apple or a cocktail onion,

but it's very rare.

‐ We have to figure out how to barter for insulin from The Duke.

He can get anything in here. [chomps]

‐ Man, he is really going to town.

[groans] ‐ Dad, stop! You're not even hungry!

I hate to burst your balloon.

[coughs, clears throat]

End of trick.

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

♪

♪

Now, now clap.

‐ Pass. ‐ What? W‐why?

You got no personality, kid.

‐ I‐I‐I could try to build a device that steals other people's charisma

and then inject it into my body like chemotherapy.

‐ You're a sad blue creep with no hair.

It's not gonna happen.

‐ You're a sad blue creep! [Korvo crying]

‐ What are you, crying?

‐ I‐I'm not crying, you're crying!

CHERIE: Well, this is creepy.

‐ Yeah, this level is run by the Bowinian church.

It's the religion that worships Jesse,

She's the one with the bow‐‐

yeah, oh, hey now, that's why they call it the "Bowinian Church."

Okay, I just got that.

How long have you people been in here?

‐ Time moves differently in the wall. It changes a man.

‐ Wait, the aliens can control time?

‐ No, no. It's more like a metaphor.

Just, look, we eat a lot of candy,

and that makes everything weird.

Plus, there's no calendar or clocks.

Think of it like Vegas. Okay, could you just go with it?

‐ Okay, geez. It tracks.

‐ I'm afraid we have nothing to spare.

We only have enough for the flock.

‐ That's bullshit!

You're afraid The Duke will be pissed if he thinks you're competing with him!

We should just take it.

‐ I'll pray for your father.

‐ I knew they wouldn't help us.

Religion's such bullshit. ‐ Wait!

Take this. ‐ What is it?

It's barely two snaps long, but it's gotta be worth something.

Oh, I‐I shouldn't be here. May the bow be with you.

‐ Protein is like gold in here.

But is this enough for The Duke?

‐ No, but I know what we can trade it for.

‐ Tricks aren't enough, I have to be likable?

That's impossible!

I wish I'd never learned magic!

[squeaks]

Ta‐dah! ‐ Yo! Check it out: trash magic!

‐ And the bouquet that turns into doves!

That then turn into pterodactyls!

Ta‐dah! Ta‐dah!

Ta‐dah!

but this is sick.

‐ Ta‐dah!

Ta‐dah! Ta‐dah!

[laughing] ‐ Ta‐dah!

Ta‐dah! Ta‐dah!

Ta‐dah! Ta‐dah!

Ta‐dah!

[ta‐dah continues]

[audience cheering]

‐ Okay, this is so amazing, I can't believe it.

Our next guest is, he's so great, he's so great,

please welcome "The Incredible Burn Victim Trash Man!"

[audience applauding]

‐ I wanted to be on Kimmel.

♪

♪

ANNOUNCER: Tomorrow night, the Vegas Vegas Casino is proud

to present The Incredible Burn Victim Trash Man!

leaping through a black hole!

How will he survive the gravimetric forces

as they rip his atomic structure asunder?

‐ We're going to Vegas tomorrow to see Korvo do tricks!

I'll finally see the city of sin! Yay, sin!

‐ I'm gonna bet it all at Circus Circus!

‐ And I'm gonna rescue a sex worker!

Aw, she's never gonna have sex again.

Or he! [doorbell rings]

‐ Greetings.

I am world renowned magician Wilkins Micawber.

I'm as famous as a magician can get,

think the third Hemsworth brother, as are my mysterious compatriots.

‐ We are here to parlay with The Incredible Burn Victim Trash Man.

Where hence ye? ‐ He's practicing his act upstairs.

‐ Nobody's supposed to interrupt him.

‐ I thought I smelled the stench of lesser magicians.

‐ Listen, listen, listen. You can't do this black hole trick.

It's too amazing!

‐ If you survive, our careers die.

‐ [gasps] I didn't get their autographs!

‐ The Incredible Burn Victim Trash Man left us no choice.

but I love weed and prostitutes.

So I need that money.

‐ We'll make sure this is his grand finale. Of life.

[evil laughter]

‐ Oh, now I'll never get their autographs.

And they're gonna kill Korvo!

Pretty convenient I came out here.

What is your deal today, Pupa?

‐ Eh, you don't toss around a Slim Jim like this unless you mean business.

‐ Have you lost your mind?

It's the Girls of the Pac 10.

That would cost at least, uh, 20 snaps per Pac.

[Enrique moans] ‐ Come on, man!

‐ Hey, I'm sorry, but I can't make the trade.

It's one of the only pieces of reading material

that made it in here.

Plus titties, you know.

‐ Sorry, dude, but I need that Playboy!

‐ Pedro! What the hell? ‐ I got it.

[vendor moans] ‐ Go!

[shouting]

‐ Ahh!

‐ Ahh!

‐ Benihana, bitch.

TED JOHNSON: Mr. Korvo, could you explain exactly

what we're looking at here?

‐ It's a Quantum Ring,

a black hole I built out of pieces from my space cruiser.

You kind of have to know a lot about physics to understand‐‐

‐ Looks like a Stargate. ‐ What's a Stargate?

TED: It's what this is, and the fourth best Kurt Russell movie.

If I hit it at just the right angle, I should pass through unharmed.

If I'm even a millimeter off, I die and maybe time implodes,

I'm not sure about that last part.

‐ So either it's a great show or I no longer have to pay my alimony.

I hate that woman.

This is Ted Johnson, reporting from backstage

at a magic show.

Yeah, definitely a Stargate.

Oh, oh, oh‐‐

‐ Korvo, you're in trouble! A‐and we came to warn you!

‐ But you stopped to get t‐shirts.

‐ It was in case we got separated in the crowd!

‐ Oh, hm, I see what this is.

You got jealous and now you want to be part of my show.

You all had your chance to show me you appreciated me

by coming to my Tuesday Night Taco Thing,

but instead I had to throw all the tacos away.

Remember that? From earlier? ‐ No, that was like a million years ago.

You can't still be mad at that.

‐ Security, I don't know these people. Get them out of here!

‐ They're gonna do a murder on you!

‐ I don't need you! This is my arc!

‐ [groans] ‐ Wow, what did you do?

‐ I don't know, I kicked him in that thing people have.

‐ We gotta split up and find those magic murderers.

[audience applauding]

KORVO: And where did all those cards go?

I think you'll all be pleasantly surprised

during your first bowel movement tomorrow.

ALL: Oh. [cheering]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, my final trick of the night!

I will be the first magician in history

to jump through a black hole!

[panting]

‐ [gasps] There they are!

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

[panting]

Uhh‐‐

Oh my god, wow, Yumyulack,

you just cut those guys' throats.

You just ended two human lives. That’s crazy.

But you were doing it to save Korvo's life, man. So it's okay.

Yeah, it's okay. We're good, we're good.

♪

[screaming]

[woman screams] ‐ Oh god, he's dead! My Korvy!

No!

No!

‐ Welcome to my humble abode.

I'm The Duke. The ruler of shadows.

The main vein. The big boy. The top puppy.

My guards tell me you're interested in a swap of some kind?

[whistles] Girls of the Pac 10!

What can I trade you for?

‐ We need insulin. My dad is dying.

‐ I'd be crazy not to take that deal.

Hey, get some sugar shots for my friends here!

‐ Thank you so much!

‐ Oh, I heard about the riot you caused on level two.

You know, it spread to three levels?

I lost an enforcer trying to shut it down.

A lot of lives lost for that stunt.

It's not easy keeping the peace in a place like this.

Even if we weren't the prisoners of two alien children,

it would be hard being this close to each other all the time.

It's a daily struggle.

‐ Please. sir. I beg you to be generous.

My dad is dying.

‐ Oh kid, I'm not a monster.

Of course your dad can have his insulin.

Our job is to survive.

‐ You didn't have to do that!

Get them out of here.

It's starting to smell like low wall.

Oh, an interview with Mark Cuban! Score!

[eagle screeches]

‐ Today, we give Korvo back to the great all tree,

in the traditional way as he would have wanted:

ripped apart by noble birds.

♪ mystical flute playing ♪

‐ What can I say about Korvo?

Korvo was easily the least popular person in the house

and he smelled like whole milk,

but we're still gonna miss him.

I'm sorry, I‐I didn't want to do it right here.

I wanted to do it later. In a bathroom.

‐ Korvo was mean, and being mean is tight.

‐ That was beautiful.

[cawing]

‐ You only got one bird? ‐ Yeah, they're hard to catch. Geez.

♪ Playing Time Of Your Life ♪

TERRY: Man, I just wish we had gone to one of these stupid parties

when Korvo was alive, you know.

We could've told him how boring this was to his face.

‐ Yeah, even though it was clear that he just wanted to trick us

into listening to boring ship repair stuff,

it would have been nice to have him around.

‐ That's why, in his honor, I have brought down his manuals,

and we are gonna read about the work he did on the ship

and start doing it ourselves.

For Korvo.

‐ I guess we have to do that now.

‐ Ta‐daaaa! ‐ [all gasp]

‐ [grunts] You have to stop kicking there.

‐ You're alive! Oh, Korvo, y‐you're alive! You're‐‐

‐ Alive like a fox!

And you all fell for it! I Now You See Me'd you!!

‐ Now You See Me? The movie? With Jesse Eisenberg? Ugh.

‐ It taught me two important things.

One: the best part of any magic trick is spending a ton of time and money

setting up an elaborate lie.

And the other: family. ‐ Family?

KORVO: It all happened when I ditched you guys for Vegas...

WOODY HARRELSON (on TV): Yeah, you know, we were just four lonely magicians.

And then presto.

Now we're abraca‐family.

KORVO: I realized I'd gone too far and I needed you guys.

We're not just a space team, we're also a family team.

Which is why I had to hire those magicians to pretend to kill me!

They're all out‐of‐work actors.

JESSE: Don't say that! I love those magicians!

KORVO: That's because in the middle of the night, I planted false memories

of them in all of your heads!

‐ Terry, we killed two of those guys.

‐ I‐I'm sure that was just part of the trick.

‐ But wait, how did you fake your death?

‐ After I was finished with Now You See Me 2,

I read the novelization of The Prestige.

The Korvo you saw die was a clone. A really good one too.

He thought he was me, and I made sure he could feel pain and‐and all that stuff.

And it worked! You all totally thought I was dead and came to my party!

Good trick, right?

‐ Oh yeah. ‐ Amazing.

Korvo, that was the best trick ever!

Was anyone else doing a trick?

The Pupa was a cardboard cutout all day?

Who even are you?

‐ Ta‐da! ‐ Bravo, Pupa! Amazing!

‐ Best day of tricks ever!

ALL: Tricks! Tricks! Tricks! Tricks!

Tricks! Tricks! Tricks! Tricks!

Tricks! Tricks! Tricks! Tricks! Tricks!

‐ All right, enough!

Now, there are 78 parts of the lavatic reactor.

The first is the Pahoehoe funnel.

It has 72 shunts.

Each shunt must be gently jostled before you can proceed‐‐

‐ Well, this sucks.

‐ Enrique, I'm so sorry, I don't know how this happened.

‐ You saved me, Tim.

But I don't know how I'll go on without my boy.

I‐I‐I just don't know.

Do you go to heaven if you die small?

[crying] He died small!

‐ It doesn't have to be this way.

Pedro didn't have to die.

I have to fix this place.

‐ How can one person change the world?

‐ By tearing it down.

YUMYULACK: Come on! Come on, hippo. Eat, eat! JESSE: Come on, eat it, hippo

‐ Fuck you, Jesse.

‐ I love this game. ‐ Hippos!

♪

[imitating laser fire]