All language subtitles for Schooled s02e21_English

LAINEY: Back in the '80s,
it was always me
and Barry Goldberg.

But then the '90s hit,
and we grew up.

I was teaching
at William Penn.

Barry was doing
his residency in Detroit.

Barry?
Barry?

For over a year,
we tried to make it work
long-distance.

We talked and talked...
A lot.

And what we finally decided
was best was to break up...

Maybe not forever,
but definitely for now.

Of course I was a mess.

But I finally got myself
up and out.

And fortunately, the best
of all the '90s rom-coms,

Clueless, had just
hit the theaters.

I love Josh.

LAINEY: And I found
inspirations

from the bold, charming
intelligence of Cher.

Her sense of independence
made me feel like
I could make it on my own.

So I decided to be
just like her,

including the cute outfits.

Believe it or not,
my breakup with Barry
wasn't getting me down.

The two of us had decided
to go our separate ways
and remain friends,

so I was ready
to move on with my life
and put Barry in the past.

Let's talk about
you and Barry.

I can't believe
Barry left you for
one of his nurses

and ran off to Toronto,
the Paris of Canada.

It was totally mutual.

And at the very least,
Montreal is the
Paris of Canada.

That's not
what I heard went down.

Word is, Goldberg
stuck a note
in her Build-a-Bear.

Using America's
cuddliest mall novelty
to do his dirty work.

Makes me sick.

Leave her alone!
She's a grown woman.
She's fine.

Are you fine?
I can make you
a pie, sweetie.

Guys, take it from me,
who was actually there,

it was a totally
normal break-up.

Now, can we please
move on with our day?

Aw, Lainey,
there you are.

CB and Wilma need a third
for the prom committee,

and I thought, who better
than you to help them out?

I'd be happy to.

Thank you for
treating me like
a fully functioning person.

Anything to take your mind
off of the brutal breakup.

And to think Barry
crushed your heart

on a beautiful
hot-air balloon ride

over the vineyards
of Napa.

For the last time...

Oh. I actually like that one.
We'll go with that.

And we, your friends
on the ground,
are here for you.

Group hug, everyone.

[CHUCKLES] Oh. No.

♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

♪ Live your life
and finally be free

♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪

LAINEY: It was May 13,
1990-something,

and Julie had
gone out of town

and entrusted Coach Mellor
to be totally
in charge of Toby.

Hey, John.
Look at Toby.

That's my boy.

Well, not my boy,
but my girlfriend's boy.

Well, actually,
uh, her nephew

who she's
the legal guardian of.

You meant "of whom
she is the legal guardian."

Don't be that guy,
John.

The point is, Julie's only
been gone for a couple days,

and already, my alpha energy
is rubbing off on Toby.

And the ladies are
clearly drawn to it.

Actually, Rick,
that's Dawn,

the senior girl
who's tutoring Toby.

She's part of my program
where seniors tutor freshmen.

Oh, yeah, your,
uh, "See-Fresh" program.

Yes, "See-Fresh" is
an extremely clever name

that I came up with
and not a typo that...happened

while I was designing
the flyers.

I think he's got
a crush on Dawn.

I remember
my first crush...

1964, Ursulga Bordath.

She was an Olympic
shot-putter,
won a gold medal.

When she put that shot,
it may as well have
been my heart.

I was a Mrs. Butterworth
guy myself.

Sweet and shapely.

Maybe it's best
we don't tell anybody else

what we've
shared here today.

Yeah. That may be best.

Anyways,
I'm gonna head out.

I...suddenly have
a hankering for pancakes.

Hey, Coach! You'll never guess
what just happened!

What happened?
Dawn asked me to go
to the prom with her.

Oh, ha ha!

That sounds great, buddy!
Congrats!

This is so cool.

I never thought
I'd start dating
till I was 35,

but I'm a playa now.

It's on like Donkey Kong!

You're going to prom, baby!

Oh, yeah!

Toby, a bunch of us
are going to play laser tag
on Saturday night.

I was thinking
maybe you could come.

Laser tag? Yeah.
That's a game for boys.

And as of today,
I'm a man now.

Dawn just asked me
to go to prom with her.

Isn't Dawn, like...old?

Yep. 17.

And in one more year,

she'll be able to get us
into R-rated movies.

Okay. Well,
have fun at prom,
I guess.

LAINEY: Toby couldn't contain his excitement for prom.

Meanwhile,
Wilma and CB realized

they'd need to get creative
with their prom plans.

Okay, for prom decorations,
all I was able to dig out
of storage

were some old
Halloween streamers

and a
"Dukakis for President"
banner.

So, how are you
doing with all this
Lainey and Barry stuff?

It must be weird for you,

seeing as how you were
pining after Lainey forever,

and as soon as you start
dating Paloma... Boom.

Miss Lainey suddenly is
back on the market.

Wilma, like the failed
presidential campaign
of Michael Dukakis,

that stuff's in the past.

So, are you telling me
you have no feelings
for Lainey?

I am happy
with Paloma now.

Okay, you know what?
Just let it go, please.

You didn't say no.

Okay, so, what are we
doing here?

I present to you...

Our blank prom canvas,

A.K.A.
the stinky-ass gym.

We could probably build off
the dank smell

and go with an
"Under the Sea
at Low Tide" theme.

You know, Paloma,
my new girlfriend,

spent the entire summer
under the sea

studying whale migration
patterns, so...

Oh. I'm... I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to rub
my happy relationship
in your sad face.

It's okay.
I'm genuinely happy for you.

Talk about Paloma
all you want.

Okay. Thank God. 'Cause
literally everything
reminds me of her.

She's just the best.
I can't even
remember life "BP."

That means "Before Paloma."
[CHUCKLES]

My new "GF."
That means "girl... "

We know.
Okay, uh, prom themes.

We need something long
to cover all this space.

I got it...
"Slip 'N Slide of Love."

I've got an older one
I'd be okay to lend out.

How about something like
"Tunnel of Love?"

Which is more normal
and will have less
personal-injury lawsuits.

Wait. I got it.
And I really do got it.

"Chunnel of Love."

What the hell's a Chunnel?
Like a chubby tunnel?

No, it's the recently
completed
engineering marvel

that connects
England and France.

Oh, uh, speaking of Paloma,
I'm gonna be late

for our "afternoon delight."
[CLICKS TONGUE]

Good Lord.
What?

Every afternoon,
we meet up

to get a delightful
ice cream treat.

Oh.

It must be really hard
to see CB with a girlfriend,

especially 'cause
if you and Barry
had broken up

like two weeks ago,
that girlfriend
could be you.

Oh, please. [CHUCKLES]
We all know he was into me.

But as far as I'm concerned,
we're just good friends.

Mm-hmm.

Truth is,
I'm happy to be single.

I am free.
I'm out there.

I'm basically
a Sheryl Crow song.

Don't bring Sheryl Crow
into this.

While I was trying to
convince Wilma that
I was A-okay,

Mellor was excited to
talk to Glascott A.S.A.P.

John, stop rolling.
I got great news.

You know how
Toby has a crush
on Dawn Ferguson?

Where's all this cat hair
coming from?

Well, get this...
She just asked him...

I haven't owned
a cat in years.

Dawn asked Toby
to the prom.

What?

A tutor
asking out a tutee?

That's against
the See-Fresh
code of conduct.

This is
a learning program.

It's not
the "Swim-Up Happy Hour"
at Sandals Montego Bay.

Well, I guess
your little codes
are no match

for the testosterone-laden
tutelage of Rick Mellor.

Do you think
Toby is ready for prom?

What's there
to be ready for?

Some respectfully spaced
slow dancing to Paul Anka?

Fruit punch with enough 7-Up
to tickle your nose?

Ending the night
at the malt shop

with an ice cream sundae
for two?

Rick, the Norman Rockwell
world you just described
is long gone.

These days,
proms are like Studio 54.

There are pre-parties
and limo rides
and after parties.

And then there's a room
at the Embassy Suites.

Well, Toby's not
mature enough
for any of that.

Just last week,
he blushed

when a chimp
blew a kiss at him
at the zoo.

Mm-hmm. Been there.

Well, this can't happen
on my watch.

Julie left me with
her innocent little boy,

and I can't let him
turn into a mini
Don Johnson!

Okay, let's not jump
to conclusions.

I'm sorry, Rick.

Not only is there cat hair
on the outside of my sleeve,

there's cat hair
in my sleeve.

How does a cat get
in your sleeve?

LAINEY: While Mellor
was worried if Toby
was ready for prom,

Wilma and I were
readying the school
for the perfect night.

I hope when the kids
ride through our
"Chunnel of Love,"

it inspires them to learn
more about engineering.

Ha. You know they're
just gonna use it for
awkward teen groping.

Anatomy. Still science.
I'll take it.

Oh, hey, guys.

Oh, hey, Paloma,
CB's new girlfriend.

Have you seen him?

No, he went to Panera
because we ran out of bread

for our "Arc de Baguettes"
for the French side.

Oh. Okay. Well, tell him
I want to talk to him.
I have some big news.

Ooh. Big news.
Did you buy a house?
New car?

You pregnant?

Only with information.
[CHUCKLES]

Weird.
Okay. We'll let him know.

It's really big news.

We got that
from when you said it.

Sounds like you really want
to talk to someone about this.

Yeah, we're all ears,
if you want to share.

Okay. So, I have
this amazing opportunity

to go to
the Brazilian rainforest

to help protect
endangered tree frogs.

Wow.

The only rainforest
I've ever gone to
is the Rainforest Cafe.

Sounds like
the chance of a lifetime.

It is, but I'd be gone
the whole summer.

That's why
I'm on the fence.

Take it from someone
who recently found herself
as an independent woman.

You got to do
what's best for you.

But what about CB?

You don't need to
worry about CB.

He's always telling me
how much he loves
your passion.

Talking about your passion
is his passion.

You can't take that
away from him.

But you, of all people,
know how hard the
long-distance thing is.

How long will you
be long-distance for...
Three months?

I didn't think of it
that way.

Thanks, Lainey!

I guess I'm going
to the rainforest!

Village with no plumbing,
here I come.

No plumbing? Ew!

Eh... But go get 'em, tiger.

Damn. That was
some Erica Kane-level

soap-opera stuff
right there!

Good God, woman!
Let it go!

I just told Paloma
to spend the summer
living her frickin' dream.

Until she gets bit
by a mosquito

or gets her face eaten off
by a rabid monkey.

Then CB's all yours.

That's insane!

I just encouraged Paloma
to be an independent woman.

An independent woman
with no face.

♪♪

LAINEY: Mellor was shocked to find out about the pitfalls of modern proms,

so he enlisted Glascott
to find out just what
was in store for Toby.

What's happening, girls?
Excited for the prom?

I know I'm pretty psyched
about the Chunnel of Love.

Yeah, I-I guess.

So, accessory wise,
what are you guys thinking...

Berets or Beefeater hats?

Oh, we're probably not doing
anything Chunnel-related.

Yeah, you don't
wanna cover up
those great hairdos.

So, what are you thinking?
Uh, you wanna go with an updo
or half up, half down?

Butterfly clips?

Ooh! Spiky twists?

Someone read
the YMprom issue.

You know I did, girlfriend.
[CHUCKLES]

And, hey, is there
a post-prom party spot

you guys plan on
being all up in?

Hey, John!
You wanted me to talk
about mononucleosis

and the toll it takes
on teens that kiss?

Gosh, you kids don't
want to catch that

from your prom dates,
do you?

Don't worry. I won't
be kissing my prom
date anytime soon.

Really? Why's that?

Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Nothing.

Come on, Dawn!
Look, I am not
your principal.

Right now, I'm just
another gal pal.
[CHUCKLES]

♪ Let's dish! ♪

Okay. [CHUCKLES]
I guess.

Well, uh, my date to prom
is this freshman kid,
and he's really sweet,

but I'm just using him
as a cover because
my parents...

They don't like
my real boyfriend,
Robbie.

Robbie McFadden?
He's a budding delinquent.

But when
my parents see me
with this Toby kid,

they'll let me go to prom,
where I can just ditch him
and meet up with Robbie.

So, you don't like Toby
that way? Does he know that?

Well, he's gotta.
[CHUCKLES] Right?

I mean, he's, like,
a little kid and...

Well, let's just say
that last week,

somebody mistook me
for a real estate agent.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

If Toby goes to that prom,
he's gonna have his little
squirrel heart broken.

And if you tell him
and he doesn't go,
still broken.

Either option,
same squirrel heart result.

Unless I can come up
with a third option.

LAINEY: While Mellor cooked up an alternate plan,

I was finding out how
I'd affected CB's plans.

Wilma wants
a romantic shade of gray
for the Chunnel walls,

so I've narrowed it down
to "smoky charcoal"
or "Bea Arthur's hair."

Wow. That's some
serious stress-juggling
going on there.

You okay, pal?
Not really.

I feel like my heart
was ripped out of my body

'cause my super
smokin'-hot girlfriend

is ditching me
to save some tree frogs.

We're talking
about Paloma?

'Cause she's very attractive,
but let's not get crazy.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay. I think you latched onto
the less important part.

Paloma is leaving me.

She's going to Brazil
for the entire summer.I know.

'Cause you just told me,
so now I know.

It sucks. I really
liked her. Seriously.
She's so hot.

Yes, she's very
traditionally attractive.

All she was talking about
was her "passion,"

and I was hoping
maybe I was her passion.

Well, it's just
three months.

It was just nice
to have someone,
you know?

And I really thought
I'd had a shot,
but now it's gone.

Ooh. Those are
some "E-motions."

[CHUCKLES]

Making me
feel all guilty...

For asking you to weigh in
on the paint swatches.

I'll just take this
off your plate.

Hey, Lainey.

You're a really good friend.

Yeah.

♪♪

I felt super guilty
for messing up CB's
chances with Paloma,

but I wasn't sure
what to do about it.

So I decided to go for a walk to clear my mind

and hopefully feel
a little less clueless.

But then I thought,
"Why should I feel guilty?"

I was encouraging Paloma
to be an independent woman.

What was so wrong with...

Ooh! I wonder
if they have
that in my size.

It was totally not
what Wilma was saying.

I wasn't trying to sabotage
CB's relationship.

He was just a guy
I worked with.

I mean, sure,
he'd become my friend...

A friend who always made
me laugh and feel good.

But why was I buggin'
about this?

This was, like, CB.

Okay, okay, I had to admit
he was kinda cute,

and maybe some of his crazy
dance moves were kinda fun.

But he deserved someone
who appreciated him,

who really got him, ya know?

Then, suddenly,
it hit me.

Oh, my God!

♪ Don't wanna live

I like CB!

♪ ...by myself ♪

LAINEY: I was totally, crazy, head over heels for CB!

♪♪

Oh, boy.

As I was hit
with a huge reality check,

Glascott and Mellor
were trying to save Toby
from his reality.

Toby,
you can't go to prom

because you're suspended
from school.

Why?

Um... I don't know?

Seriously, John?

[SIGHS] I'm sorry, Rick.

I didn't think he'd have
a follow-up question.

What's going on?

It seems like you two
don't want me going to prom.

N... T-Toby,
sit down for a second.

W... I got to tell you
something.

We were trying
not to hurt your feelings,

but Dawn doesn't like you
the way you think she does.

What are you
talking about?

She just needed some guy
to fool her parents
so she can go to prom.

And then when
she got there,
she was

gonna ditch you
for her boyfriend.

Robbie McFadden.

So I'm not her boyfriend.

She was just using me.

Sorry, T-Man.

God, I'm so stupid.

Why would I think a girl
like Dawn would ever like me?

Ahh, poor Toby.

You know, Robbie McFadden
put a ferret in my
desk drawer once.

Wait. That's where
all that hair is coming from!

LAINEY: Toby was upset
over the news about Dawn,

but I was psyched to tell
Wilma about my CB epiphany.

Wilma!

You were right. CB and I
are meant to be together.

Ooh, I knew it!

I was so right,
and you denied it.

But Wilma knew.
Mm-hmm. Wilma knew.

All right,
enough with the gloating.

But I don't know
what to do about it

'cause, you know,
the whole Paloma thing.

Well, what if
I told you CB still
has feelings for you?

Did he tell you that?

No. But...yes.

Huh?
He didn't say it,

but he didn't
not say it.

Wow. It's all lining up.
Okay.

Barry and I broke it off.
I like CB.

CB's girlfriend is
going to Brazil.

CB still doesn't
necessarily not like me.

It's fate.
And Wilma.

Now the
only thing left to do
is tell CB how I feel.

But when?
Now.

No.
Yes. Here he comes.

What?
Bye-bye.

Hey, Lainey,
can I talk to you
for a sec?

Yeah. I need to
tell you something.I gotta tell you something.

Oh.
Me first. [CHUCKLES]

No, me first. It's...
It's really important.

Um, this whole
Paloma leaving thing,

it really got me thinking
about love and fate.

Me too.

Long-distance
relationships suck.

They're the worst.

And that's why
I was thinking
Paloma leaving is a sign.

A big ol' sign.

A sign for me to just do
what I was afraid to do.

Don't be afraid.

And to just really
go after what I want.

Go, Mr. Brown.

So, what I want is...

[MUSIC SWELLS]

...a super rad trip
to the Amazon
with my girlfriend.

Wait. What?
Yeah.

I'm gonna take
the summer va-cay with
my bay-bay, Palo-may.

Oh. [CHUCKLING] Wow.

What was it
that you were
gonna tell me?

Eh... Um...

[EXHALES SHARPLY]
The paint.

Sherman Williams just ran out
of "Bea Arthur's Hair" color,

so now
we're going with...gray.

Oh, that's a bummer.

Uh, yeah, but...

You can't always get
what you want.

[CHUCKLES]

[ALL BY MYSELFPLAYS]

♪♪

LAINEY: I decided that CB heading to Brazil with Paloma was for the best.

Why screw up my life
even more than it is now?

How could you not tell CB
how you feel?

Before I could,
he made his decision.
He's going to Brazil.

No, you're letting him
go to Brazil.

And I've worked too hard
to let you [BLEEP] this up.

What am I
supposed to do?

Do not let him
leave this gym tonight

without telling him
how you feel.

Well, that's not
gonna happen.

I can't even
face him right now.

I'm gonna go make sure
the Eiffel Tower
doesn't fall over.

I did not bolt it down,
like you told me to.

I was trying
to steer clear of CB,

but Wilma was gonna
make me face him head-on.

Um... A-attention, students!

Uh, I know you're all itching
for your chance to Chunnel,

but since insurance
won't let us send
children through

without it being tested
on adults first,

I'd like to send in
my fellow engineers,

Ms. Lewis and CB!

Hey!

Um, no.
I'm clearly very busy.

Oh, come on, Lainey.
It'll be fun.

Okay. Fine.

Keep your hands
and feet inside,

and also watch your head,
'cause, you know,

you're taller
than the kids,

and there might be
some nails sticking through.

Nails?
Have a good ride.

♪♪

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey, Tobester.

Not in the mood to talk.

Well, if it's any consolation,
I know what you're
going through.

How?

I wasn't always
the rough-hewn Greek God
you see before you.

When I was your age,
I was gangly and awkward.

I was a tiny, little wisp,
just like you.

Not helping.

I had absolutely no moves
with girls whatsoever.

I was constantly
being cast aside,
like I didn't matter.

Where is this going?

I see myself in you.

And I learned that
for all the times
you strike out with a girl,

eventually,
you hit a home run

and you meet somebody
who likes you back.

What if I'm the guy
that keeps striking out?

In the big leagues,
the guys that strike out
the most

are also the guys
that hit the most
home runs.

Because
they keep on swinging.

[THE CRANBERRIES'
DREAMSPLAYS]

Thanks, Coach.

♪♪

[LASER GUNFIRE]

[VOCALIZING]

[LASER GUNFIRE]

Toby. What are
you doing here?

Shouldn't you be at prom?

No. I came here
to tell you I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have
treated you how I did.

This is
where I want to be.

Apology accepted.

You look good,
like when Bugs Bunny
goes to the opera.

Thanks. That's what
I was going for.

♪♪

It's a pretty weird prom,
huh?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

We really should've
gone with "Under the Sea"
or something normal.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Are you okay?

Yeah. Fine.

Totally fine.

I don't think you are.

I know we've been talking
about me and Paloma so much,

I haven't really checked in
to see how you're doing

with your Barry breakup,
so...

No, it's not that.

Then what is it?

Come on. You can tell me
anything, Lainey.

What's...
What's going on?

♪ Dream to me

Don't go.

To Brazil.

Why not?

Because
I want you to stay.

♪♪

Give me a reason to stay.

♪♪

♪ Then I open up and see

♪ The person
falling here is me

♪ A different way to be ♪

♪♪

[VOCALIZING]

How was
your Chunnel ride?

♪♪

Well, ooo-la-la.

LAINEY: Taking big chances
can be scary.

You don't always know
how it's going to work out.

But that doesn't mean
you shouldn't try.

Because life can be
unpredictable.

You can start off in one place and wind up somewhere totally different.

And you're not exactly sure
what to do next.

You're left wondering
what the future will hold.

But excited to find out.

[VOCALIZING]

♪♪

Let's play laser tag!

[AS DIRTY HARRY]
Do you feel lucky, punk?

[AS THE TERMINATOR]
Hasta la vista,baby.

[AS TRAVIS BICKLE]
You talkin' to me?

[AS JOHN CUTTER]
You ever play roulette?
Always bet on Mellor.

[AS THE JOKER]
You ever dance with the devil
in the pale moonlight?

[AS TONY MONTANA]
Say hello to my little friend!

[AS JAMES MARSHALL]
Get off my plane!

[AS NEO]
I'm in the Matrix!

[BONES CRACK]
Aah! Ohh!

[GROANS]

♪♪

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS]

And we want to thank

all of the teachers out there.

You guys are
the true heroes...

Now more than ever.

So thank you.