All language subtitles for Mousehunt.1997.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

Hold your end up higher.

- You're not holding it.
- I am too.

- You are not.
- Don't worry about me.

Mmm.

- Isn't that suit charcoal?
- No.

Looks charcoal gray to me.
Some gray polyester blend.

You'd think you could

find a black suit for
your own father's funeral.

- It's black.
- No. I'm sure it's gray.

- It's black. Black.
- Gray. Gray!

- Black!
- Fine, it's black.

It's the grayest black
I've ever seen.

- Doesn't matter
what color it is!
- Oww!

I'm sorry, Pop.
I'm sorry!

[ thunks, splashes ]

Quick!
Get him out of there!

He's halfway to
the harbor by now, bub.

Ah, well.

[ man ] "I leave you
not just a model factory,

but something
infinitely more valuable.

The future of string...
itself."

- [ explosion ]
- [ indistinct shouting ]

"And thus it is
my dying wish

that my two sons run
Smuntz String together."

Great. Let's stick a
"For Sale" sign on the lawn
and see what we can get.

Ernie, we're not
supposed to sell it.

We're supposed to
run it together.

Either way, this
Godforsaken museum piece

is not worth a dime,
now is it, Lars?

Some things are more
important than money, Ernie.

Notice it's always
the financially challenged
who say that?

Uh, please, please.

"I also bequeath to you
my personal effects,

including my ceramic egg...

...half box of Cuban cigars...

Oh! Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- My collection of spoons."
- [ clattering ]

[ Ernie ] My goodness, what
a treasure. What a legacy.

Spoons! Spoons!

So many spoons,
so little time.

Oh! And, of course,
something no household
should be without.

The ceramic egg!
Ooh-hoo-hoo.

Can I have the egg?
Can I? Huh? Huh? No.

- I want you to have it.
- Fine, I'll take it!

If you find any real estate
on that desk, let me know.

It seems there is also a house.

- [ together ] A house?
- Yes, 5120 Nortondale.

[ chuckles ] Your father
acquired it many years ago
as payment of a debt.

He never lived there,
but it's interesting.

It seems the previous owner

was found locked
in a trunk in the attic.

Wait a minute.
Is it worth anything?

He was able to borrow $50,000
against it to pay his workers.

Really? So what
is its value today?

$50,000.

Great. A worthless house and
a broken-down string factory.

Oh, well. At least the day
wasn't a total loss.

Thanks for the stogies, Pop.

Wait. You can't go. We have
to go through all these papers.

You'll have to excuse me.
I've got a date with the mayor.

- [ thunderclap ]
- [ reporters chattering ]

Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor,
over here! Mr. Mayor!

Do you think your recent
triple heart bypass

will affect your
campaign strategy?

Now, Leslie,
I'm just here to eat.

Ah, Monsieur Maire,
Madame Maire,
welcome to Chez Ernie.

[ French accent ]
Ah, what an honor it is to
have you in my humble bistro.

Suivez-moi.
Oh, you brought the little ones.

The little bicycle thieves.
Bonjour! Our very best table.

- Have you lost a little weight?
- Oh, I...

I think so!
I think you may be buff!

[ laughs ] Je suis enchanté
pour vôtre beauté.

- You know what I mean?
- Oh, Monsieur Ernie...

[ chuckles ] Excusez-moi.
Au revoir, les enfants!

[ sighs ] The air's
not so thin at the top.

Just like the old man to die
before I hit it big.

Remember, everyone.
Attention to detail is vital!

Presentation is everything.

No, no, no, no, no!
These I must deliver myself.

[ roars ]

Duck a l'orange avec du
quack sauce...

And, for ze mayor,
la spécialité de la maison,

lobster loaf à la Ernst
ou la bibliothèque.

- Oh...
- Bon appétit.

[ exhales ]

Ah, bonjour!

How does it feel
to be serving the mayor

on the eve of his
reelection?

Well, Leslie...

- May I call you Leslie?
- Ah, of course.

Crunchy! Hmm.
I love the almonds.

Leslie, cuisine,
she is a fickle mistress...

- Ee-yew! Look!
- [ squishing ]

- A cockroach!
- [ shocked whispering ]

That's only
half a cockroach.

- Daddy! You ate the head!
- Honey, are you OK?

[ screaming ] Not again!

[ reporters ] Was this an
accident, or did you murder...

Clear!

- I can do that better!
- [ crying, blubbering ]

[ man ] Smuntz String
is a relic of history.

You don't make string by twining
two strands together anymore.

No. You make it simple,
singular, strong, with nylon.

But that's not string.
That's cord.

- Exactly.
- Twine is yesterday.

- Single-strand cord is today.
- Zeppco International

has been interested in
your factory for years,

but your father
refused to sell.

We are hopin' you'd be
a little smarter.

Zeppco is willin'
to buy you out,

and bring this museum
into the 21st century.

'Course, we would keep you on
as a string consultant,

with a huge salary
and a hefty pension.

So...
What do you say?

[ sighs ]

- My sons...
- [ whispers ] Ernie.

- Ernie!
- Yeah. Just a sec.

I want you...
to have... something.

My most prized possession.

[ sighs ] Oh,
it's a piece of string.

Not just any string.
The string.

I found it
my first day in America.

What's with the string?

It's been in my pocket
for 60 years.

Here! I want
you two to share it.

Maybe it'll bring you
closer together.

You haven't
talked much lately.

- Yeah. [ grunts ]
- Ah! What are you doing?

- I'm breaking it in half.
- No!

- No?
- I want you to share it.

- Forever.
- Sure, Pop, sure.

Here, you carry it the first
50 years, I'll take it the next.

- Sure.
- Turn up the morphine drip.

I heard that.

Promise me...
that you will never sell...

...Smuntz String...

...to one of those
big conglomerates.

Keep it between you.

Brothers. Family.

- Promise.
- I promise, Pop.

- [ Lars's voice ] I promise.
- So you were sayin'?

- I'll have to pass.
- What?

A world without string
is chaos.

For once the Smuntz name
was worth something!

- No, no! Don't!
- Oh!

You... You used to love string!

That was before,
when I was dating

the son of a wealthy
string magnate!

Not now, when I am married
to the half-owner

of a worthless deathtrap!

I thought you'd be happy!
I stood up for myself today.

April, I've got
new ideas for the factory.

You know,
I've got big plans!

Don't you see, Lars? That's
all you've ever had are plans.

But my life is passing me by,
and I... I need more!

There's no air in the middle
class. I can't breathe here.

- Please, April, don't go.
- [ sighs ]

I'm not going anywhere.

In a few brief moments,

the joy of the holidays
was shattered,

and the world changed
for many people.

Mayor McKrinkle died this
afternoon at 4:30 p.m., at our
Lady of Sorrows Hospital.

Doctors here say the
official cause of death is

heart failure due to the
mayor's recent culinary
disaster.

And, once the hottest
restaurant on the wharf,

Chez Ernie has been condemned
and scheduled for demolition.

I don't think I ordered my
cheese sandwich with capers.

- Live to Leslie Reinhart
for an update.
- I'm sorry.

If there is a villain in this
tragedy, it is Ernie Smuntz.

- Once the whiz kid of the
local restaurant scene...
- You're on TV again!

What? Oh.

You know what this is?
I'll tell ya.

- Guilt by accusation.
- No capers.

No capers? But that's
just grilled cheese.
What's the point?

Why don't they
eat out of a trough?

Which one of you palateless
sheep sent my sandwich back?

- Hi, Ernie!
- Lars?

[ sighs ]

[ Ernie ] When I'm
in the kitchen, I cook.

I can't control every single
thing that goes on in there.

[ Lars ] It really isn't fair
for everybody to blame you.

You didn't do
anything wrong.

Yes, but society always
needs someone to persecute.

A scapegoat,
someone to demonize.

The same thing
happened to Galileo.

Really?
That's unbelievable.

With a cockroach
and everything?

No. The point is,

I put everything I had
into that restaurant.

It was my livelihood
and my home.

In one fatal bite, it was
all taken away from me.

If only we could
sell the factory.

I'd let you stay with me,
you know, but, uh,

- April threw me out.
- Oh, that's too bad.

Yeah, well, don't worry
about me, though, Ernie.

This is temporary.
April's been like this
since high school.

- She'll be back. I...
- Would you look at them?

Sleeping in the street.
Pitiful.

If I had a house,
I'd sleep in it!

Ernie, do you remember how
close we were as kids?

No.

Hey! Merry Christmas!

Yeah, I was on top once too.

But there's only one way
to go from there, and that's
down, baby, down!

- Oh, ho!
- [ coins clattering ]

Ernie.

Ernie! Ernie, there was
a quarter in there.

- * Christmas Eve will find me
- A quarter? You think so small.

Look at the bigger picture.

You have no home, you have
no wife, you have no money.

You have no discernible talents.
How can you ignore that?

- * I'll be home for Christmas
- Ernie, it's Christmas.

Instead of dwelling on
what we don't have,

we should be thankful
for what we do have.

* If only in my dreams

[ woman ]
That was very good.

[ Ernie ] What a dump.

[ creaking ]

Wow! I can't believe Pops
never told us about this house.

It's huge.

[ Ernie ] This is just the kind
of house I'd expect him to have.

It's just like him.
Cold and spooky.

[ rustling ]

- Wow! Did you feel that?
- What?

I got a chill. You shouldn't
talk about Pop like that.

Really?
What's this do for you?

Thanks for nothing,
you string-sucking old loon!

He didn't mean it, Pop.

Ernie! Ernie!

Only one bed.
I'll flip you for it.

Heads.

[ ringing ]

- [ scratching ]
- Ernie?

- Ernie. Ernie.
- [ groaning ]

You asleep?

- I was.
- [ scratching continues ]

How can you sleep
through that?

- What? I don't hear anything.
- Shh-shh-shh-shh. That.

Listen. Hear it?
It's coming from upstairs.

[ scratching continues ]

[ creaking ]

Mothballs.

[ screaming ]

- Hey, stop it!
- Hey! Ow!

[ grunting ]

[ whispering ] Ernie! Ernie!

[ groaning ]

- [ exhales ]
- [ rattling ]

[ grunts ]

- [ thunderclap ]
- [ screaming ]

Wait. Wait a minute.
Stop. Stop!

Look. Look, look, look.
It's only a toy.

[ panting ]

- [ screaming ]
- Ah, shut up!

[ scratching ]

It's coming from up there!

- One, two, three!
- [ grunting ]

Ooh! [ panting ]

- It's just a mouse.
- What?

It's just a mouse.
Never mind.

- [ grunting, groaning ]
- Hey, there are some
posters up here.

Oh! Stand still!

- [ smashing ]
- Ah!

- [ screaming ]
- [ spitting ]

- They're blueprints.
- Wow!

Wait a minute.
Look at this date. 1876.

A centennial house could
actually be worth something.

Look, this must be the
architect. Here, look.

Charles Lyle LaRue.

Charles Lyle LaRue.

Charles Lyle LaRue?

[ thumps ]

Charles Lyle LaRue.

Charles Lyle LaRue!

Charles Lyle LaRue!

I'm actually standing
in the missing LaRue!

- It's bold yet subtle.
- Classical yet nontraditional.

The missing LaRue.

The rumored design completed
shortly before his committal
is a rumor no more.

Before his committal?

[ chuckles ] Well, I'm just
glad he finished the place

before they carted him off
to the laughing academy.

[ guffaws ]

So, what do you think
a magnificent edifice
like this is worth?

Properly restored,
of course.

Well, his Parma Charnel
House went for six,

but that was ten years ago,

and it didn't have this
exquisite molding.

I see. I can't get enough
of good molding.

Did you hear that?
$600,000.

- [ exhales ] Ernie.
- Alexander Falko!

Back! Gentlemen,
congratulations.

Congratulations
on your find.

I'm a great admirer of LaRue.
Glass of rainwater, please.

Mr. Falko is the world's
leading collector of LaRues.

Sort of like collecting stamps,
but they're bigger, right?

I'll get to the point. LaRue.

I have his books.
I have his letters.

- You see these shoes?
- [ together ] LaRues?

No, but I'm sure
he would have loved them.

Vegetarian snack.
I own... [ chewing ]

...forty-two LaRue houses.
Forty-two. I want to make it 43.

You tell me how
I'm going to do this.

Tell me how I will do this.
You help me. How will I do this?

Well, I'm, uh,
glad you asked.

His, uh, Parma Charnel
House went for six,

but that was ten years ago,
and it didn't have this molding.

A find like this in today's
market is worth twice as much.

- He's a LaRue connoisseur.
- Guilty as charged.

Gentlemen, I'm going
to make you an offer.

No, no, no, no, no.
I couldn't possibly be so crass
as to allow you to do that.

But you are welcome
to come to the auction.

- Auction?
- Auction?

It'd be grossly unfair
of us to deprive others

of the chance to bid
on the missing LaRue.

Um... May I have just one moment
with my brother, please?

- Sure. Of course.
- Excuse me.

- What is this?
- It's the first...

- What is this? No!
- The first I've heard of...

What are you doing?

What am I doing? I'm
answering your prayers.

These pigeons are ripe
for the plucking.

Put them in a room together.
Try and outbid each other?

We can make $700,000,
$800,000 easy.

[ sighs ]
Oh, man, smart!

- [ bangs ]
- Ooh!

- You're going to get this one.
- Don't talk to me! Shh!

So when is the, uh, earliest
we can set the auction?

Well, I suppose all
arrangements could be
completed within the week.

- A week it is.
- Great!

- You're smarter than you look.
- [ together ] Thank you.

But know this.

I have never paid more than ten
million for a house in my life!

- OK, see you then.
- Yeah. Thanks for stopping by.

Ten million linen napkins.

Five million bales of
top-grade cotton fiber.

Forty thousand hot lamps
complete with rotating
plate-warming trays.

Two thousand twine threaders,
gleaming under real lights.

[ feet pattering ]

[ Ernie ] My own chain of
five-star gourmet restaurants.

[ Lars, echoing ] April can have
anything she's ever wanted!

[ Lars ] Cars, coats, china.
She loves china.

[ fan blades whooshing ]

[ Ernie ] I'm gonna build an
Olympic-sized swimming pool

and fill it with piña coladas
and a college sorority.

[ Lars ] If only Pop were
here to see this house!

He did. He just wasn't
smart enough to sell it.

Lars, we've turned a corner.

Our future is
staring us in the face.

All we have to do is grab it,
baste it and scarf it down!

Aha! We've finally found
our friend's home.

Well, I bought a little
present for ya, buddy.

It's just
a little mouse.

Do we really
have to kill it?

Yes. Listen to me. A single
vermin can bring you down.

- Believe me, I know. Ah!
- [ snapping ]

[ snoring ]

[ snoring ]

- [ snapping ]
- [ gasping ]

[ sighs ]

- I trust you slept well.
- Oh! Like a baby.

[ sniffs, grunts ]

Hey, last night, did you
happen to hear the, uh...

- Oh, yeah. Let's see.
- Yeah.

Well, where'd he go?

I don't know.
Maybe it snapped by itself.

I don't believe it.
He snapped the trap,

ate the olive, and left
the pit just to mock us.

I think you're giving him
a little too much credit.

Mice don't mock. They don't
have a sense of humor or irony.

He's not sitting in his hole
in a smoking jacket

sipping cognac, and giggling
to himself, "I left the pit."

The trap snapped itself, the
olive flew off, and he ate it.

It's that simple. But now
that he knows we're here,

he won't come within
a mile of us.

I don't think we'll be seeing
any more of that... mouse!

[ both shrieking ]

- Aha! Ow!
- [ screams ]

What are you doing,
ya stupid nitwit?

Don't! Give me that!
Don't let him get away!

[ panting ] Yeah! [ laughs ]

- Aah-ha-ha!
- Y-aah!

[ bloodthirsty screaming ]

[ grunts ]

Ow!

Ow!

Are you trying
to kill me?

- [ Lars ] Ah, the mouse!
- [ Ernie grunting ]

[ Ernie ] Let me see.
Let me see!

- Can you see him?
- Get me my Gouda.

- Careful, careful!
- Don't. Don't touch me.
You'll snap it.

- You're not doin' it right.
- Please, let me concentrate.

[ Lars ] Put it on carefully.

[ Ernie ] I'm putting it on
carefully. Relax. It's cheese.

Bon appétit.

[ claps hands ]

[ sighs ] That takes
care of that. Huh?

[ hammering ]

Oh! Oh!

Hey! Hey!
What are you doin'?

[ squeaking ]

[ chugging ]

[ squeaking ]

Lars! Gimme a hand with this.

[ Lars ] Are you sure
this tub fits in
with the rest of the house?

Jacuzzi tub, Lars.
It's a Jacuzzi tub.

And this isn't just a house.
It's a LaRue.

Of course it fits in
with the décor.

- Luxury is timeless.
- How much, Ernie?

[ sighs ]
It was a steal at $1,200.

[ Lars ]
Twelve hundred dollars?

You spent our
last money on a tub!

[ Ernie ] A Jacuzzi tub!

You have to spend money
to make money.

And they threw in the
cardboard lady just to
sweeten the deal.

[ screaming ]

- [ screaming ]
- [ grunting, yelling ]

[ yelling ]

[ grunts, pants ]

- [ sighing ]
- Well...

[ Lars sighing ] Don't you
think this is a little much?

Never underestimate
your opponent.

Let's say he has
mastered a way

to empty a mousetrap
without getting caught.

If he snaps
one of these babies,

a chain reaction will
start snapping them all.

He'll panic,
and the law of averages says
one of them has to nab him.

[ sighs ] Not bad.

Yes. Well, I like to use
both sides of my brain.

Come on. Let's hit
the sack. [ grunts ]

[ rooster crowing ]

[ crows cawing ]

[ sighing ]

- Have you figured it out yet?
- Shut up.

I'm thinking.
I'm thinking!

Ernie. Ernie!

Keep perfectly still.
This is it.

- What's he doing?
- I dunno.

That was good.

Shh! He's goin'
for the cherries!

- You said mice like Gouda.
- Not in the morning!

Cheese tires them out.
They need fruit for energy.

[ screaming ]

- [ whimpering ]
- [ whirring ]

[ sighing ]

- [ screaming ]
- [ Ernie ] Oh, no!

- Ow!
- Ow.

[ grunts, groans ]

- Aah...
- Ow! D-d-d-d-d-d-d.

There he goes!

- Juice!
- Got it!

[ laughing maniacally ]
This game is over!

- Wa-hoo!
- Oh...

Aah!

- [ vacuum motor sucking ]
- [ laughing ]

- I think it's working!
- Yeah.

- [ thump ]
- Whoa! Uh! I felt something.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Keep sucking!

[ sloshing ]

- [ grunts ]
- Goddamn, that mouse stinks!

- Yeah. Dead animals always do.
- [ laughing ]

- Ohh! [ laughing ]
- [ maniacal laughing ]

- [ Lars ] Keep sucking, Ernie!
- [ rumbling ]

[ Lars ] Oh, yeah,
this'll get him!

[ groaning ]

[ squirting ]

- What's this?
- We're foreclosing
on your house.

You've quit paying
your mortgage.

Oh, wait a minute. I think
there's been some mistake.

This house is paid for.

No, it was paid for,
but you borrowed against it.

If you don't pay the $1,200
overdue, we repossess it.

- Twelve hundred dollars?
- Well, how long do we have?

One week from, uh,
five days ago.

[ panting ]
But, uh, that's two days!

We don't have the time
or energy to deal with
these petty problems now.

We're in the midst of
an extensive renovation.

Looks like you're off
to a great start.

Ask your boss at Rimpy's
for an advance.

You can pay him back
after the auction.

Ask your workers to forfeit
their salaries for a few weeks?

You are the boss.

If you hadn't spent
our money on that tub,

we might be able
to pay the mortgage.

- Doesn't help to start crying.
- [ shrieking ]

No, Fluffy! No!

No! I want my kitty!

No, no, no!

[ ringing ]

- [ meowing ]
- That one's cute.

- Nah. He doesn't have
that killer instinct.
- [ purring ]

[ meows ]

[ bell ringing,
buzzing, hissing ]

[ ringing ]

Morning, gentlemen.
I'm Maury.

Anything I can
help you with?

Uh, hi, Maury.
We need a cat.

- [ cats yowling ]
- Find the one you want,

and I'll spay
or neuter it myself.

Well, these are
all kittens.

We were hoping for an older cat.
One with experience.

That's a switch. Most people
like the cute little ones.

- Experience with what?
- Mouse hunting.

All cats are good mousers.

But we have huge rats,
the size of sumo wrestlers.

Lots of them, so we need
a ferocious feline,

preferably with a
history of mental illness.

I'm talkin'
one mean pussy.

Yeah! A vicious cat,
difficult to love.

Do you have any of those
knocking around your cages?

Funny you should ask.

I had all but given up
on anyone wanting him.

We were about
to gas him again.

- Again?
- Again?

He's spent most of his whole
life in that box, I expect.

- [ growling ]
- Catzilla?

The guys who clean up
call him that.

But, uh, you can call him
anything you want.

I'd say he looks
like a Fluffy.

[ snarling ]

Ah, poor little Catzilla.

You want a home, don't you?
You wanna get out of here.

Well, you're gonna have
to kill, kill, kill for it.

- [ yowling ]
- You're a stupid cat,
aren't you?

- [ growling ]
- [ chuckles ] Yes, you are.
And you're ugly.

- Extremely ugly!
- [ yowling ]

[ electricity crackling ]

- Oh! Oh, you little bastard.
- We'll take him.

- [ grunting ]
- [ cat screeching ]

- Here, boy.
- [ growling ]

- [ squeaking ]
- [ yowling ]

Ooh... He's got
the scent now.

Yeah, uh,
go get him, boy.

Oh, easy, easy,
easy, easy!

- [ smashing ]
- Oh!

Wow. I almost feel sorry
for the little fella.

- [ together ] Almost!
- [ laughing ]

[ growling ]

[ growling ]

[ roaring ]

[ meowing ]

[ notes playing ]

[ cat yowling ]

[ Ernie ] It's time to stop
worrying about that mouse,

and start thinking about how
we're going to locate $1,200.

[ Lars ] Don't worry, Ernie.
The workers will help us out.

[ panting ]
You see, the truth is,

we don't actually
have any money.

Aww!

We may have to defer
your next paycheck or two.

- [ moaning, shouting ]
- So my brother and I can pay

the mortgage on the house.
It's the missing LaRue!

[ Lars ] I mean, there's no
need for violence, you know.

[ Lars ] Put that thing down.
Whoa!

[ banging ]

Ernie! [ panting ]

- What's the matter?
- Well, the, uh, the workers.

They didn't react as
positively as I had hoped.

[ shouting ]

No? Uh, what are you doing?

You could fit through
this window, right?

- What? Wh... I guess so.
- Come on. [ screaming ]

Aah!

Oh, but, Lars,
that was our last resort!

We're gonna have to find
the money someplace else.

Gosh, it's a shame
nobody's interested

- in buying the factory.
- Yeah, yeah, it's a shame.

But who'd be stupid enough
to buy the factory, right?

[ chuckling ] Yeah.

[ growling ]

[ yowling ]

[ yowling ]

[ growling ]

[ surprised meowing ]

[ sad meowing ]

Ah, you must be, Caesar.

Well, Mr. Caesar, uh, glad you
could get here so quickly...

Shh!

[ tapping echoes ]

[ sniffing ]

You have mice.

He's good.

[ whispering ] 5120 Nortondale.
January 4. 0800 hours.

Don't forget to get
toothpaste and Saran Wrap.

We're in sort of a hurry.

I want to warn you
about this mouse.

[ shouting ] Yeah.
You got asbestos, all right.

I'll bet it's up in
the ceiling, mostly.

Shouldn't take me more than
a day or two to remove it.

[ mouthing words ]

[ shouting ] OK, then.
Um, so we're gonna go upstairs.

[ shouting ] All right,
well, we'll all go upstairs.

- Yeah.
- [ stomping ]

OK, then. Yeah.

What are you doing?

- He's not listening anymore.
- Oh.

Good. Well,
you're the expert.

I just hope you can take care
of this, whatever it takes.

We've been trying to catch
this little menace all week.

Here's your problem.
Normal people are not

psychologically equipped
to catch mice.

You have to get
inside their mind.

You have to know
what they want, need.

You have to think like a mouse.

If you can do that,
if you can think like a mouse,

you can anticipate their moves.

Then, boom!
Sayonara mouse.

- [ sighs ]
- Well, got some great stuff...

- Whoa! Never touch that!
- [ screaming ] Whoa!

- All right!
- What is it?

- [ panting ] The big one.
- It's a flea bomb!

- Works on mice too.
- Yeah? Well, it better.

Because we can't handle
any more intrusions.

Sure. That's how
you perceive it.

But, to that mouse,
you are the intruder.

[ shouting ]

If we work fast,
we can make enough string
to meet our orders.

That's the spirit. Just a few
cases, so we can keep the LaRue.

- Good luck.
- Wait! Where are you going?

- Aren't you gonna help?
- I have to run a errand.

All you have to do
is make $1,200 worth.

How long can that take?

Light a match. They're
frightened by fire.

[ shouting ]

[ grunting, groaning ]

[ screams ]

Unsanitary creature.

Defecating in the dining room.

0915. Evidence found.

Mus communis Ugh. Male.

Ten to, uh,
12 centimeters long.

With a... hmm...

What's this?
A slight calcium deficiency.

That's interesting.

Uh, hi. This is Ernest Smuntz
of Smuntz String.

This the business representative
for Zeppco International?

Vinny? Hi, Vinny. Oh, I'm
glad I can call you Vinny.

Uh, my brother and I
have decided to reconsider
your generous offer.

I'd love to discuss
selling our factory to you.

Oh, no, not at the office.

How about Ellman Square
under the big clock at noon?

[ horn honking ]

- [ thud ]
- [ chiming ]

Uh, you must be
Mrs. Lars Smuntz?

- I'm afraid that status
is in transition.
- Oh, well, is Lars in?

- I'd like to discuss
preparations for the auction.
- The auction?

[ panting ]

Careful, Lars.
You might catch a cold.

April!

You look like you could
use some warming up.

[ Caesar ] 1300 hours.
I've activated the
Squeak Seeker 2000.

I'm about to join
with the prey.

I'm experiencing malfunction
with the plasma screen.

Stand by.

Junk.

Nothing works.

Ah, nuts!

[ yelling ]

[ continues yelling ]

EKG, a C-Spine, a chest X ray
and pelvis. Now move!

Twelve hundred dollars.

Lie still, Mr. Smuntz. You've
been hit by a bus.

- I feel fine. What time is it?
- You may have had a concussion.

- We're gonna do X rays.
- You don't understand, doc.

I have to get out.
I might still have a chance.

We saved your hat.

- I'm sorry. Are you family?
- Yes, we are sisters.

Great. There's paperwork

- I need for you to fill.
- He an organ donor?

Don't let them.
I don't know them.

Oh, I'm Hilde,
and this is Ingrid.

We are hair models
from Belgium.

Belgian hair models.
How exotic.

Listen to me, doc.

I need to find a phone before I
miss out on the deal of my life.

- Your brother's delirious.
- I am not their brother!

- I don't have any sisters!
- Ernie, are you OK?

I came as soon as I heard.

Why are you wearing
a pink overcoat?

Because April gave us
the $1,200!

Gave you the money? Don't think
she heard about the auction?

No. I didn't even tell her
about the auction until
after she took me back.

She just showed up at the
factory, took off her coat
and begged me to take her.

[ sighs ]
We made love in a way

I've only ever seen
in nature films.

Wow. I almost
can't believe it.

I'll be able to open up
another restaurant,
you're back with April,

and you'll even be able to
keep that worthless factory.

You know it's funny that you
call the factory worthless,

because, well,
there's something

I probably should've
mentioned before...

Yeah? Well, I guess I have
something to confess too.

Hey, isn't that
Caesar's truck?

- Oh, my God!
- Caesar! What happened?

Please, sir.
He's not well.

Try to think.
Did you kill the mouse?

What's that? Horse?

- Fiendish! I won't eat it.
- No.

[ clicking teeth,
squeaking like a mouse ]

How'd you find him?
Where was he?

- 911 call. No voice.
- [ Caesar ] Exterminate them!

We could hear screaming
in the background.

He was locked in a trunk
in the attic.

We'll call you
if we get any leads.

[ rewinding ]

- What's that?
- [ footsteps, door creaking ]

[ Caesar on tape recorder ]
Put that down. What is that?

[ yelling ]

[ muffled groaning,
crashing sound ]

That tickles!

[ screaming, glass breaking ]

I don't think we're dealing
with an ordinary mouse.

[ crashing ]

My kitchen!

Looks like Caesar decided
to make himself a sandwich.

[ Ernie] Pickles,
arugula and capers.

He toasted the side
with the cheese,

but not the other side,
so the arugula doesn't wilt.

How did he know that?

- Hello.
- Hello.

Aha!

- Do you see him?
- Yeah, I see him.

[ grunting ] Lars, I'm stuck!

Get me out of here!
I can't breathe!

- I'll get a flashlight.
- Hurry!

- OK, Ernie, I got it!
- I can see that.

Wh... Oh!

Hang on, Ernie.
The flashlight's broken.

- OK, Ernie. I got a light.
- Great.

[ sniffing ]

[ Ernie ] Lars,
do you smell something?

Smells like gas.

[ Lars grunting, groaning ]

[ both whimpering,
muttering angrily ]

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna kill that unspeakable
thing once and for all.

- Come on, Ernie, no, no...
- Stand back, Lars!

I'm a man on a mission!

Look, this is how accidents
happen! Come on, Ernie.

Put the gun down.
Calm down. Come on.

I'm gonna blow his
furry little head off,

and I'm gonna splatter his
devious little mouse brain

from here to kingdom come!

No, no! You're gonna
blow a hole in the wall.

- Come on!
- It'll be worth it!

Think of the auction!
For God's sakes!

Think of the money, Ernie!
The money?

They're gonna cut our price
if there's holes in the walls.

- The money?
- Yeah, the money, the moola.

- [ Ernie ] There he goes.
- Shoot! Shoot!

Yes... You hit the piano!
You hit the piano!

- Look...
- Shh!

What are you, crazy? You're
blowin' the whole house up!

The only thing you haven't
hit is the mouse!

Why don't you give somebody
else a chance with that gun?

- You're doing a wonderful job.
- [ rolling sound ]

Whoa! You got him!

- [ laughing ]
- [ Lars ] Get him!

- See you in hell, mouse!
- [ laughing ]

Fire!

- God, I hate that mouse.
- [ phone ringing ]

[ phone ringing ]

[ Ernie on answering machine ]
When you hear the beep,
start talking.

[ Vinny on machine ]
Mr. Smuntz, this is
Vinny from Zeppco calling.

We waited in the square
for over an hour,
but you never showed.

We do not appreciate
being treated this way,

especially after your brother
already turned down our
generous offer.

Consider our
proposal withdrawn.

- Betrayed by my own brother!
- Betrayal?

Don't talk to me
about betrayal.

You should have told me
about that offer!

- Half that factory is mine.
- And half is mi...

And half is mine, including the
half that you tried to sell.

Yes, and would've, if it hadn't
been for that stinkin' bus!

Bus? You can't leave
well enough alone, can you?

You ruin everything!

Me? You...
You blame me for this?

Well, look! You blew
a hole in the floor!

Yeah, well, I distinctly
remember somebody yelling,
"Shoot! Shoot!"

Yeah, well, you've never
listened to me before!

- And you know why?
- Why?

Because I have
no respect for you!

Spending your whole life
in that stupid factory!

It's tragic.

Think I didn't have other things
I wanted to do with my life?

You think I didn't have
ambitions of my own?

- Come on. You loved string.
- I didn't love string!

Could've fooled me. You and Pop
always huddled together

running some piece of something
through your fingers.

It didn't matter what I did.
I didn't even exist!

I made him my special rack of
lamb for his 70th birthday...

- [ sighing] Oh, no!
- Yes! You remember.

I slaved over that meal, making
sure everything was perfect.

Did he say, "Thanks, Ernie,
it was delicious"? No.

He only noticed the string
I had tied it with.

He was crazy!

But I still wanted his approval.

I didn't leave, Lars.
I was cast out.

There you go again!

Blaming everything else
but yourself.

You think you're
a success! Huh?

Well, you... can't... cook!

- I hate you!
- And I hate you!

- Not as much as I hate you!
- Yeah?

Yeah. Double. Double!

Oh, give me something!
I'm gonna brain you!

Here it is!

Yeah, give it to me,
then. Go ahead!

[ Ernie laughing ]
You killed him!

I didn't even know
he was there!

Think of all the trouble we
could have saved ourselves,

if we just threw fruit at him
in the first place!

[ Lars ] Oh, look!
He's still breathing!

Well, kill him! Kill him!
Find a blunt object!

- There you go. Get the...
- Let him have it.

- I...
- What are you waiting for?

I can't just hit him
with a shovel.

- Why not?
- Look at him. He's pathetic.

[ Ernie ] Pathetic?
He's Hitler with a tail.

This is the Omen
with whiskers.

Nostradamus didn't
see this thing coming.

Well, Ernie,
he's a living thing.

Not for long.
Gimme that!

I can't!

God!

Look at him
just lying there.

It just doesn't feel
very sportsmanlike.

We better do something quick!
I think he's coming to.

[ scratching sound ]

Ah, I forgot to
put holes in the box.

[ laughing wickedly ]

Hasta la vista,
you little rat bastard!

Come on.
We got work to do.

Two days till payday,
my friend.

[ speaking Spanish ]

Perfect. It's the architectural
find of the decade.

Oh, let's go...
[ continues indistinct ]

- Shall we?
- Yes.

Well, it wasn't easy,
but we finally made it.

Mm-hmm. Ernie, I want
you to have something.

[ exhales ]

Pop's lucky piece of string.

I'm glad you kept it.

He, uh, he
wanted us to share it.

I don't know why, but...

I think, if he were here right
now, he'd be proud of you.

I think he'd be
proud of us.

[ doorbell ringing ]

Hello, ladies.
How magnificent! Welcome!

Lars, you remember
Ingrid and Hilde.

[ both ] Hello.

Ladies, your hair
looks positively biblical!

[ together ] Oh, thank you.

Well, if you will excuse me,
I have to check on my crêpes.

Keep the champagne coming, boys.

The more they drink,
the higher they bid.

Hey, you boys put on
quite a shindig here, huh?

- Thank you so much, Mr. Falko.
- [ moaning ]

You know, it would be
very, very sad,

if you boys put on this
auction and nobody bid.

That'd put a crimp in our
evening, but I don't think

there's any danger of that.

I don't know.
There's a lot of Eurotrash

out there
scarfin' up the shrimps.

I tell you what. You
call off the auction, now,

and I will write you
a check for ten millions.

As insanely generous as that is,
I have to decline,

but I do appreciate
your thoughtful concern.

Enjoy the party.

Are you interested
in spooling?

Oh, sure. My father...

I mean, my brother and I
own a string factory.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

I would love to see
your factory sometime.

- Really?
- [ doorbell rings ]

Oh, hello, April.

What a surprise. Just dropping
by for no reason, I suppose?

Does a wife need a reason?
Oh, are you entertaining?

- Don't you mean ex-wife?
- Not quite yet.

- Hakuna matata.
- This crêpe, c'est magnifique.

- The raisins are a nice touch.
- They are good, aren't they?

Raisins?

Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.

We are about to
start the auction.

Lars, I don't know whether
to congratulate you

or wish you luck.

- Wish us luck!
- Hello, April.

- Oh, hello.
- Nice to see you again.

I didn't know you
knew our lawyer.

It's just an expression.

Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen,

for joining us for
this momentous occasion,

the auction of our
one item up for bid,

the missing LaRue.

Before we start, I would
like to introduce you

to the very fortunate owner
of this architectural wonder,

Mr. Ernest Smuntz.

Thank you, all,
for coming.

When my father left
this extraordinary house

to my brother Lars...

...and myself, uh, we

had no idea what surprises
were in store for us,

or what was
going to happen next.

[ clearing throat ] Uh, when
Quincy Thorpe, of the, uh,

historical society, told us
of its value, you, uh...

You could have knocked us
over with a feather.

We didn't know what hit us.

The renovation was exhausting,
but ultimately rewarding.

- The house was in
terrible disrepair.
- [ indistinct murmuring ]

- Nothing that a few nails...
- [ banging, pounding ]

...and some old-fashioned
elbow grease couldn't fix.

I'm sure the people are eager
to get to the bidding.

- What? The bidding?
- The bidding!

- The bidding!
- All right. Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Smuntz.

No matter what happens,
keep going.

Built in 1876, the last
LaRue known in existence

has five bedrooms...
[ indistinct ]

- Did you see him? I thought so.
- Yes!

- He ate the string.
- What?

The string.
Pop's lucky string!

The son of a bitch ate it!

Why didn't you tell me
you saw him?

I didn't,
but I found this.

I told you
you should've weighed him.

I'm sorry.

Did you see
where it went?

No, but it can't
have gone far.

Well, shall we start
the bidding at one million?

Now, we all know we're here
to bid on the missing LaRue.

Shall we start
the bidding at $500,000?

Very good.
I have $500,000 from
the gentleman from Japan.

Can I hear a million?
Can I hear one million?

- A million.
- I'll give you one and a half.

I have $1.5 million.
Will someone give me two?

[ gasping ] There he is!

[man] Ladies and gentleman,
I'd like to remind you

that all the carpets and
tapestries were woven by hand

in the Honess Valley
in northern Turkey.

Oh!

[ man] Can I have an advance
on 1.5? May I have two?

Can I have two,
ladies and gentlemen?

- Two million!
- I have two million.

[ man ] I have two million,
ladies and gentlemen.

Can I have an advance? Can I
have an advance on two million?

Oh, you look so beautiful.

[ man ] Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to draw your attention

to the Lincrusia details
of the gold and silver-leafed
copper and pewter...

Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have an advance?

An advance on two million?
May I hear three million?

I have three million from
the lady from New York City.

- What are you doing?
- Uh, uh, uh... Nothing!

Get your hand
out of there immediately!

Wait! Wait just a minute!

- Wait!
- May I hear
four million dollars?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

[ man ] Four million,
ladies and gentlemen...

- [ man ] Four million.
- Four million from
the gentleman from Japan.

I got it!

Uh, uh, the Sheikh
bids five million.

Thank you, sir.
I have five million.

- [ hysterical laughing ]
- Five million.

Can I have an advance
on five million?

Ladies and gentlemen,
five million.

Can I have an advance?

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's the missing LaRue.

The bidding stands at five
million, ladies and gentlemen.

[ Lars ] I've got you now,
my little friend!

Hold on tight.
I'm gonna get it out!

OK.

Uh, five million
for the missing LaRue.

- Have you got it yet?
- I'm not sure.

[ man ] Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have an advance on five?

Will someone give me
six million?

- Six million.
- Thank you, sir.

- I have six million.
- Hilde, the spool is smoking!

May I have an advance? An
advance, ladies and gentlemen.

Can I have an advance on six?
Six million dollars?

The bidding stands at
six million dollars.

- Seven million.
- Seven million dollars.
Thank you, sir.

Any advance on seven?
I have seven.

Seven million dollars,
I have seven.

- [ spectators screaming ]
- Keep her away from the walls!

- The house is priceless!
- Keep goin'!

Can I have 7.5?

I have eight million
over there.

Eight million going once,
Eight million going twice...

Eight million? Eight million?
You should have taken the check!

You shut up! You...

- Ten millions!
- Ten million dollars.
Can I have 11?

I have 11 million from
the gentleman from Japan.

- [ all shrieking ]
- Twelve, 13, 14, 15.

Sixteen million
from Ernie Smuntz.

- No!
- Seventeen million.

Seventeen million. I have
17 million. Any advance
on seventeen?

Good idea.

When I tell you to,
turn it on full blast.

We'll flush him out.

Now!

- Eighteen million.
- [ man ] Eighteen million from
the lady from New York City.

- Thank you.
- You don't have
that kind of money.

- Ernie?
- Not now.

- Twenty millions.
- Twenty million.

Thank you.
Can I hear 21?

Twenty-one million from
the gentleman from Japan.

Any advance?

Twenty-two million.
That's my last offer.

[ man ] Twenty-two million
going once...

- Twenty-five millions.
- Twenty-five millions.

Thank you, sir.
Twenty-five million dollars.

Twenty-five million dollars.

Bidding stands at 25 million.
Do I have an advance?

Twenty-five million
going once...

Twenty-five million
going twice...

[ all screaming ]

- Going... going...
- [ indistinct grumbling ]

Hey! Don't go!

The water was just a...

A demonstration of how durable
a LaRue really is.

How about that?

Now you know this house
will last forever.

[ laughing ]

- Pop's lucky string.
- I guess we got him.

Yeah, I guess we did.

[ snoring ]

[ machinery starting ]

What was that?

Lars! Look!

It's string.

It's cheese.

The entire factory
has been retrofitted

to facilitate the manufacturing
of cheese-based products.

I see.

And over here we're developing
our new lactose-free line.

- What is that?
- Oh, that's quality control.

Here you go.
Knock yourself out.

Oh. No good, huh?
Otis, more curry.

OK. Try this one.

Huh? It's mozzarella
and herring.

You can taste the herring,
right?

I've also got a great idea
for a caviar-Brie swirl,

and a peanut butter and jelly
provolone for the kids.

What I want to talk to you about
is expansion and marketing.

I think you should be
our spokesperson.

I know some people who've used
a mouse as a spokesperson,

and it seemed to
work out well.

You see, I want to
turn this into the

string cheese factory
of tomorrow, today...