Original subtitles

FOUR TIMES THAT NIGHT

""CooIie Nose."" I caII him that because of his coId nose.

Come here. CooIie.

Let me take a Iook at you.

Do you Iike him? He"s a miniature poodIe.

I take him with me wherever I go. Men are crazy about him.

See? I don"t know what they see in him.

I aImost drove off the road. I nearIy had a heart attack.

Don"t teII me you"re Ieaving!

You have a reaIIy nice dog, you know?

Me, taIk to a man in a fancy sports car? Never!

StiII a virgin...

and heedIess to the temptations of the fIesh,

Iike the good nuns taught me... I wither my pursuer with a gIance

and humiIiate him. Him and his stupid sports car,

2.35 miIIion Iire pIus tax.

I can get a better Iook from the bushes.

See? I was mistaken.

It"s a DeIuxe modeI.

3.23 miIIion Iire.

But who cares?

What if he"s not reaIIy debauched?

What if he"s an ex-orphan...

charmed not by my CooIie,

but by the spirituaI virtues

I acquired at the nunnery?

Orphan or not, the deviI himseIf can drive up in a sports car.

You want me do be yours, you demon?

I"II give you the sIip in the park.

Don"t bark, CooIie.

Come here. You don"t want the deviI to get you, do you?

Come on, stop barking.

Do something! CaII the ASPCA.

Don"t worry, I"II protect you. Are you aII right?

I think something"s broken.

I don"t think that"s possibIe.

Aren"t you the deviI incarnate?

- The deviI in-- what? - The deviI incarnate.

You must have mistaken me for my uncIe.

- Is your uncIe the deviI? - WeII, he"s an archbishop.

With an uncIe in the church, you go around seducing girIs?

Somebody"s got to keep up the famiIy"s good name.

You"re a second-rate seducer,

with no redeeming quaIities.

Me? You don"t seem to Iike me much.

You"re right.

- What if I take offense? - We might argue.

We don"t even know each other. What"s your name?

- Tina. - Good.

My name is Gianni Prada. I have a date with Tina.

Of course, Tina toId me aII about you. I"m her mother.

- PIease, come in. - Thank you.

Gianni Prada. Are you reIated to the singer Gianni Morandi?

- No. - No? That"s a shame.

Speaking of shame, Iet"s taIk about Tina.

- WouId you Iike some coffee? - No, thank you.

- Or perhaps some tea? - I"m fine, thank you.

- You were taIking about Tina. - We are not aIone.

Of course, you mean the dog.

I mean our conscience. Have a seat.

I beIieve in spirituaI vaIues.

- I"m gIad to hear it. - But of course.

- My daughter is a good girI. - I"m good too.

There are many ways of being good.

Tina is young and inexperienced.

- You must be very experienced. - You needn"t worry.

Even an experienced young man can have a heart.

- ReaIIy? Thank you. - I swear on my honor.

You know, I was a Boy Scout.

You must have had a very exciting Iife.

Yesterday a Boy Scout, today an experienced young man.

- What about tomorrow? - Tomorrow nothing. It"s Sunday.

BIessed are those who remember Friday even on Sunday.

Here I am!

- I"m ready. - Wow. You Iook IoveIy.

Thank you. How do I Iook?

Very nice. It"s one of a kind. Very expensive.

Turn around, Tina. Let us admire you.

It"s a IittIe short, but there were no Ionger ones.

Do you Iike it? Let"s go then.

You"re going out?

The priests were right when they said the fIesh is weak.

- My feet are aIready kiIIing me. - You went to a CathoIic schooI too?

So did I. I was taught by nuns.

And you move Iike that?

The nuns aren"t what they used to be.

- Why not? My heart is pure. - I wasn"t taIking about your heart.

- It"s Iate. - Everyone"s stiII dancing.

PIease, take me home. It"s too Iate.

AII right.

The band is not bad. It"s too Ioud, though.

- Hi, Gianni. - How"s it going?

- WiII you have a drink? - No, I have to take her home.

AIIow me to introduce Duccio, Lorenzo and Pino. Tina.

- Nice to meet you. - You aren"t reaIIy Ieaving, are you?

It"s a IittIe Iate for me. Good night, I"m sorry.

It"s aII right. I"II see you Iater.

- We"II be waiting for you. - As usuaI.

Wow! I don"t know where he finds them.

But I know where he takes them.

Tina! It"s 3:30 in the morning.

- Don"t start. - ExpIain yourseIf.

Did you miss the bus?

TeII me. I"m very understanding.

Your dress! Your beautifuI dress.

It was so expensive.

Do you think your father"s pension and my smaII income--

Mother, stop it!

AII you care about is money. My purity means nothing to you.

- You onIy care about the dress. - PeopIe can see the dress, my dear.

- You know how it got ripped? - You caught it on a naiI?

- A doorknob? - No. Gianni ripped it.

- Is he crazy? - He was trying to rape me.

Saints in heaven! On the bus?

No. He has a Sport DeIuxe.

When we Ieft the cIub,

I thought he wanted to take me home.

- What is a Sport DeIuxe? - A sports car, mother!

I thought it was a hair Iotion. What happened next?

Nothing. I feIt so at ease.

I kept Iooking at him.

In profiIe he didn"t Iook anything Iike the deviI.

I even aIIowed him to caII me by my first name.

How reckIess of you!

He parked in front of a gate.

A gate. How exciting.

Why are we stopping here?

This is where I Iive.

I have no intention of going in with you.

Why not? I"m expecting a caII from Hamburg.

They caII every night.

- We can have a drink. - I"m sorry, but I"m not going in.

It"s an important caII. I"m not DracuIa, you know.

If it"s so important,

go ahead.

Suit yourseIf.

Damn it. The Iock is jammed as usuaI.

I hope the doorman is there.

- He must be out somewhere. - At this hour of the night?

You shouId meet him. He"s quite a guy.

- His business is sexuaI activity. - What?

SexuaI activity. Not his own-- other peopIe"s.

He spends his nights on the rooftops.

- What is he, a cat? - No, just a voyeur.

Anyway, he"s not there. I"II try the key again.

Look, it worked.

I worry about you out here. At Ieast wait in the garden.

AII right.

PIease.

I think I"II wait here.

- My apartment is number 1 2. - AII right.

Giorgio, you"re so guIIibIe.

You mistook a woman for a man.

Sweetheart, she was dressed Iike a man.

- Whatever for? - She wanted to pick up a woman.

- Look, the gate is open. - So it is.

You know, this cross-dressing mania can be dangerous.

When Franca and I were an item, I dressed up Iike a man once.

We ran into her husband, and he punched me in the nose.

What a brute.

Something teIIs me that woman is reaIIy a woman.

Poor thing.

Santa CIaus sent her to me.

- I think she"s a woman on the run. - Quiet!

What"s wrong, Snow White? Did you get Iost in the woods?

- I"m waiting for someone. - A man.

A pretty girI Iike you shouId never have to wait.

- Do you want to come with us? - You"re not afraid of me, are you?

No, of course not.

Are you afraid of me?

No, but I shouId wait for Gianni.

- That brute in number 1 2. - Too bad.

Goodbye, Snow White. You don"t know what you"re missing.

Dear, we must protect ourseIves from such perversity.

If men start going with women, what wiII we do?

We"II just go on being teIevision producers, as usuaI.

I"m probabIy just in a fouI mood tonight.

It"s just that you"re sIeeping aIone tonight.

It wiII do you good to rest, for once.

HeIIo? Is this Hamburg? We got disconnected.

Damn it. Not again.

Operator, I was on the Iine with Hamburg.

There you are, Giorgio.

WeII, did you sign?

Great.

Of course.

I"II send you 30 miIIion Iire.

WeIcome to my Iair. CheerfuI, isn"t it?

- I was scared downstairs. - Of course you were.

Come on in. We"II have a drink and then we"II get going.

Yes, but I-- No, don"t cIose the door.

Now you"re insuIting me. Who do you take me for?

Come on in.

A IittIe whiskey and a few Iaughs

wiII rekindIe our friendship.

Sit down on the swing.

It wiII soothe your nerves.

Drink up. I didn"t put anything in it.

Take DracuIa"s word for it.

I"d Iike to go now.

I"II go put on a sweater. I"II just be a moment.

In the meantime, take a Iook around the ogre"s cave.

Gianni, I"m sorry.

What for? You"re so amusing.

It won"t open. You Iocked it!

Gianni, pIease!

What are you going to do to me?

Try and guess.

A true gentIeman wouId give me the key and Iet me go.

UnfortunateIy, I"m not a gentIeman.

I"m a wiId man with turbo hormones.

Come here. Miss Innocent, and I"II teach you a new game.

Why stay a virgin at your age?

- Let go or I"II scream! - Go ahead. No one wiII hear you.

My mother wouIdn"t aIIow it! I want to stay pure.

You try to stay pure, and I"II try to stop you.

It"II be fun.

- I don"t want to. - But I do.

WouId you stand stiII?

- Let go of me! - Stop it, kitten.

The more you squirm, the wiIder I get.

Nice game, don"t you think?

Can you feeI the tingIe of excitement, Miss Purity?

HoId stiII.

Can"t you fight any harder?

Here you go!

You"II pay for this.

I"m going to disinfect it.

But when I come back, you"II pay.

And it won"t be easy. I"II be very hard to pIease!

You thought I was the deviI, right?

WeII, I"II prove it to you.

That was when I stopped being afraid.

If he was the deviI, he didn"t stand a chance against me.

If he was the deviI, tough Iuck for him.

I feIt strong, pure and invincibIe.

- Remember Joan of Arc? - No.

Let"s start over.

Where are you?

Down with the deviI! Praised be ArchangeI GabrieI!

- Have you Iost your mind? - Stand back, you demon!

- I"II defend my purity. - ReaIIy? WeII, I"II show you.

Stand back. I"m strong and invincibIe.

- And I"m fed up! - You"II never have me.

ReaIIy?

StiII feeI that way?

- WiII you behave now? - No!

- I"m teIIing you, you wiII! - Leave me aIone.

Come on, stand up.

These things require a couch.

Stop! Where are you going? Snow White!

What were they, fake nuns?

Pure, invincibIe and Iocked in.

- Open the door. - Go to heII, you demon!

I said, open the door!

Watch out, Miss Innocent.

I"m getting angry.

There you are. You"re getting angry?

An angry deviI is a harmIess deviI.

Getting angrier stiII?

A virgin who Iocks the door

makes the deviI yeII more.

Listen to me, sweetheart.

Open this damned door. You hear?

If you don"t open up right now, I"II break it down. Open up!

Just a minute. I need to think about it.

Your father used to Iock himseIf in the bathroom for hours too.

- Was the deviI waiting outside? - No, I was. But it was annoying.

- What"s that got to do with it? - I was making conversation.

Just imagine my situation.

I was heId prisoner by Satan.

I wouId have Ieft.

How couId I, without the key?

- Did you find it? - In the pocket of his trousers.

- You took the deviI"s trousers off? - He had Ieft them in the bathroom.

- I"m afraid. - Why? I may be a IittIe IiveIy...

perhaps even excitabIe, but I have a good heart.

I made a mistake, that"s aII.

Come on, open the door. I swear I"II be an angeI.

I"m reaIIy sorry for what I did.

Damn it! Open the door and I"II beg you forgiveness.

We aII make mistakes.

Open up, and I"II take you home. I give you my word.

Tina, I said open the door!

Did you hear me?

Yes, I heard you.

It"s open.

Tina, my turtIedove--

Where are you?

- Tina! Let me out! - He was yeIIing his head off.

He couId go to heII. I had made it.

I hadn"t Iost my purity-- but I had forgotten my shoes.

My dress was ripped, but what"s a dress?

Too bad, it was one of a kind. ShouId we caII the poIice?

And what wouId I teII them?

That the deviI tried to rape me in his own apartment?

It wouId be hard to convince an officer.

- Wait! Let"s caII Father Pino. - No, Mother. PIease.

He"d be forced to exorcise me in church on Sunday morning.

Just imagine. Everyone wouId be staring at me.

Besides, this is a night

that demon won"t easiIy forget.

I understand being a pervert.

But making Iove with a cat...

- Was it a tomcat? - Very funny. I"m not taIking.

Why not? We teII each other everything.

First of aII, why wasn"t she wiIIing?

- Not wiIIing? - Then why did she scratch you?

- WeII-- - Let"s hear it.

I"m very shy. If a girI Iooks at me,

I bIush.

But the reaIIy hot chicks bring out the monster in me.

- The werewoIf! - PreciseIy.

This morning in the park,

I suddenIy reaIized I had stopped my car.

I"m shy. What wouId I do if there were no girIs Iike this one?

SIy panthers, super hot...

every gIance a come-on.

And I faII for it.

You know what I mean?

She wouId stop, wait for me to stop,

and then start waIking again, with those Iong, Iong Iegs.

As if to offer me, at every step,

a free sampIe of her femininity.

What wouId I do if girIs Iike this didn"t exist?

I forget my shyness.

She said she wanted to go out with me.

Of course, I picked her up at her pIace.

WeII, when I saw her mother, I wished I was her father!

How she taIked!

My name is Gianni Prada. I"m here to pick up Tina.

Look, he"s shy!

I"m Sonia, Tina"s mother.

PIease, come in. I"II caII you by your first name.

It"s more intimate. Do you mind?

- No, but your husband might. - Who?

SiIIy!

My husband is dead. I"m a widow.

- I"m sorry. " Don"t apoIogize. You didn"t kiII him.

He kiIIed himseIf. Imagine, he had faIIen in Iove, Iike a fooI.

- With whom? - With me. In fact, he married me.

That"s why he kiIIed himseIf. PIease, sit down. Over there.

Better yet, sit here, next to me, Iike my poor husband used to do...

before he committed suicide.

- I"ve reminded you of your Ioss. - Think nothing of it.

- Are you the sensitive type? - No, ma"am. WeII, it depends--

CaII me Sonia. WouId you Iike a drink?

Some cognac? Or perhaps some whisky?

WeII, maybe some whisky.

Good boy. It wiII warm us up.

- Are you coId? - Yes, in my heart.

And my feet are frozen. I just need 15 minutes.

His name is CooIie.

Down, boy!

It"s an unusuaI name. It stands for CooIie Nose.

EngIish is such a funny Ianguage!

There"s my IittIe girI.

Mother, don"t fIirt with Gianni. He"s so shy.

You"re mistaken, dear. I was teIIing him about the dog.

- What do you think of my dress? - It"s gorgeous.

- Isn"t it a IittIe too serious? - Nothing Iooks serious on Tina.

Thank you. ShaII we go?

What I meant was...

she wouId Iook ravishing even in a deep-sea diving suit.

- Thank you, Gianni. - Have a good time, my dears.

You Iike to dance, don"t you?

Not reaIIy.

I was hoping for a IittIe more exciting evening.

What do you mean? The best bands pIay in this cIub.

- I"m bored. - ReaIIy?

We can go somepIace eIse, if you Iike.

Honey, why don"t we dance at your house for a coupIe of hours?

- Do you Iike the idea? - Do I ever!

Excuse us.

- I usuaIIy make the first move. - What are you waiting for?

You"re so hot with that frightened expression on your face.

HoId on a minute. Let me open the gate.

The key is stuck.

Let"s try the doorman.

I can hardIy wait any Ionger.

I hope he"s there.

I"m sorry, Beppe. I"m busy.

Chick stuff.

AII right. I"II taIk to you tomorrow morning.

Coming! What a drag.

Don"t I deserve to have a private Iife too?

- Good evening, Mr. Prada. - The Iock was stuck. Excuse me.

I bet you were asIeep.

We shouId get the Iock fixed.

Thank you.

I thought we"d never get in.

Unfinished business Iike this aIways gives me a headache.

We"re here at Iast.

What wouId you Iike to drink?

Whisky. Make it a doubIe.

- Ice? - Just a IittIe.

How sweet. You have a swing.

Whatever for?

- Do you sIeep on it? - No.

- Then you must have a bed. - NaturaIIy.

WeII, that"s good news.

Shy men turn me on.

- PIease don"t judge me harshIy. - Why shouId I?

- Can you see my good side? - Yes, perfectIy weII.

You"re right. I"m shy, and you"re exactIy the opposite.

Between us, it averages out. And the night is stiII young.

Then Iet"s not waste it by taIking too much.

What? Oh, I understand. You want your drink.

Do you have to be so beautifuI?

You"re reaIIy too hot to handIe.

- Hurry up, Gianni. - Yes, of course.

I can"t Iook at you, though, or I"II have a heart attack.

What are you doing with that vase?

It feIt Iike you were giving me an X-ray.

There"s the bed.

It"s not very sexy.

It Iooks Iike the base of the GaribaIdi monument.

It"s actuaIIy very soft.

ShaII I put on some music?

Never judge a book by its cover. Take me, for instance: I seem shy.

And?

- And I reaIIy am. - That"s sweet.

- Don"t worry. - I"m not worried, it"s just--

Don"t taIk. I"m here now.

Leave everything to me.

You kiss so weII, Gianni.

Scuba diving Iessons.

Have a smoke. You"ve got five minutes to rest.

You know what"s wrong with your pad?

It"s absurdIy effeminate.

The swing, aII those soft couches, the bed that"s not reaIIy a bed.

And yet you Iive here.

You rest whiIe I take a shower.

I"m going to eat you up.

Kiss me.

Gianni, my shy, thoughtfuI Iover.

I"ve disappointed you, haven"t I?

Just wait. You"II see.

You won"t regret this night.

No, it"s been a wonderfuI night.

It"s been unforgettabIe. BeIieve me.

Kiss me.

SiIIy, faIIing off the swing!

What happened to your forehead?

- Your naiIs are a IittIe Iong. - It"s the jaguar styIe.

- It"s aII the rave now. - Maybe in the jungIe.

The smeII of bIood excites me!

HoId on. I have to disinfect it.

A jaguar"s scratch can be IethaI.

Be a good girI. I"II be right back.

If you feeI Iike reading, the phone book"s around somewhere.

Why don"t I ever meet girIs Iike her?

Because you"re fat. What do we have to do to become Iike you?

Nothing couId be easier.

Either you"re born that way Iike me,

or you go out with superwomen with raging hormones.

- Like your man-eater? - PreciseIy.

- I"m pretty shy. - So what? You"re fat.

So, the jaguar"s scratch--

I was Iocked in the bathroom.

I feIt sure I was covered in bIood.

At Ieast I had time to recover.

It was finaIIy time to take her home.

Where"s my gorgeous hunk,

aII shy and disinfected?

Your jaguar wants to make it up to you.

- You know how? - No.

That is, I can imagine.

But I-- I mean you--

I want the jaguar to caIm down. It"s Iate, you know.

DarIing, I get so turned on when you act shy.

ReaIIy? You"re easiIy aroused.

Very easiIy.

I have an idea. WouId you Iight a cigarette?

Just one. Then come over

and give me a drag.

Why is it that you bring out

my darkest passions?

This has been a wonderfuI night,

but why am I not sated?

There. As you get cIoser,

I feeI myseIf shiver aII over.

Won"t you come any cIoser? My senses are highIy offended.

I want to Iook at you.

I want to remember your entire body.

After this wiId night, I wiII cherish the memory of your mouth...

your eyes...

the girIish spIendor of your chiIdIike body.

- Are you stiII mad about the scratch? - No.

But you"ve changed. You"re Iike a candy stuck in its wrapper.

- Not at aII. - ReaIIy?

You"re too beautifuI, damn it.

Come here and give me that drag.

DarIing, I"m not a machine, you know.

Are you going to Ieave me here,

fuII of unsatisfied desire?

- Come back here, you big strong man. - Just a minute.

Hey, what a wonderfuI surprise.

You must have been in a skirmish.

It"s nothing. It was a jaguar. Come on in.

- Did you scratch yourseIf? - PreciseIy.

A friend of mine kicked a Iion once.

He had taken it for a Saint Bernard.

- I"m so gIad to see you. - Puppy dog, what"s going on now?

- Tina... - What"s going on?

Come and meet some friends of mine.

- Right now? - Hear that? She"s enthusiastic.

I can teII.

- Then what? - We aII chatted for haIf an hour.

And finaIIy I took her home.

You must be a IittIe tired.

- Do Iike him. You might Iose weight. - Very funny.

I couId start aII over again--

in a year or two.

Good night.

What Iuck, to be shy Iike that.

- Good morning, Mr. Prada. - Good morning.

- Is that him? - Why don"t you shout Iouder?

- Did he come in Iast night? - It was a wiId one.

- Go on, teII me everything. - Mum"s the word, though.

It"s confidentiaI info.

They couId expeI me from the Order of Doormen.

- Where are you taking me? - To my office.

You actuaIIy have an office?

My mom got it aII wrong, making me study to be a miIkman.

Your father"s the one who got it wrong.

That famous day you were conceived...

Are these the women you aIways brag about sIeeping with?

What do you know, you thick-skuIIed miIkman?

- Are they souvenir photos? - Of course they are.

- You mean aII these girIs-- - Have been in this room.

Some came for Iove, others for money.

Last night, that German girI had just Ieft...

When the doorbeII rang, and I had to go to the gate.

- It was him. - AIone?

- No. - With a man?

- With a woman. - IncredibIe.

- Was it a transvestite? - Are you kidding? A reaI woman.

- And what a babe! - Are you making this up?

- Let me finish. - Right. Sorry.

AII you know about is miIk.

He brings women home every night.

You shouId see those babes!

And since I want to watch,

whiIe they"re in the eIevator...

I run up to the terrace!

Aren"t you going to teII me any more?

Quiet! I"m watching.

- I aImost forgot. - What?

I have to make a phone caII.

I"II make it quick.

Hi, oId chum. I"m home.

Of course. Come over.

- And bring EsmeraIda. - You"re inviting friends over now?

Just for a few minutes. I"m going to freshen up.

Make us a coupIe of martinis.

But isn"t it a IittIe strange--

No, of course not. I"II be right back.

- Then what? Did he waIk out on her? - Keep quiet and be patient.

DarIing, how do I Iook?

What are you, a modeI?

- It"s very fIattering. - Thank you.

It couId be custom made.

Here you go.

Not bad, eh? Cheers.

Let"s put on some music.

Something we can dance to.

You"re such a woman.

ShaII we dance?

- So aII they did was dance? - Not at aII.

Don"t take off your gIasses.

I"ve got to cIean them.

I feeI your manIy body so cIose.

HoId me. Rub up against me.

Can you even imagine aII the things we couId do?

My dear, you"II be satisfied.

Be patient. Let"s warm up the engine.

This engine"s aIready on fire. What a nuisance!

- I"II get the door. - I want them gone in five minutes.

- Hi, guys. - You"re wearing your new outfit.

- You Iook great. - It"s my favorite.

These are my friends, dear.

Giorgio, EsmeraIda, Tina.

- Tina, I Iike you aIready. - Giorgio, pIease sit down.

We have so much to taIk about, you can"t begin to imagine.

- Does he charge much? - No, he charges by the hour.

- I had mine made at CoIIangeIi"s. - He"s so expensive.

- Yes, but what a hunk! - Make yourseIf comfortabIe.

WouId you Iike a drink?

EsmeraIda, what wiII you have?

A martini, heavy on the gin.

- AII right. - Make that a whisky.

- Tina, sexuaIIy, what are your views? - I don"t reaIIy have any.

- May I make a suggestion? - What do some men see in women?

DecidedIy second-reate.

You know, she was rubbing up against me Iike crazy.

I was so embarrassed.

Man eater.

AII she did was come on to me.

What are you jeaIous? You have to trust me.

You know you"re a whore.

Cut it out, or it"s aII over.

I"m gonna change the record.

- Your whisky, sister dear. - Oh, she"s your sister?

- No, my brother. - Thank you, bIondie.

ShaII we shake our booties?

Gianni, why don"t you join us?

Let him drink, poor dear.

He may be drinking, but I came here with him.

We aII make mistakes, dear.

Excuse me, pIease.

What are you doing here aII aIone?

Come on, dance with me.

Come on, twirI for me.

You"re aIways fIirting.

- Do you Iive far from here? - Not far enough.

You"re a modeI or an actress.

You couId become one.

I have Iots of friends.

What are those two doing?

- Guess. - Are they dancing by themseIves?

Those two do Iots of things by themseIves.

I"II give him a piece of my mind.

- What kind of manners are these? - Didn"t anyone teII you?

That"s the end of the dance and of my patience.

That reminds me. We have some business to discuss, right Gianni?

Yes. I reaIIy don"t know what"s bothering her.

Are you actuaIIy going to taIk business now?

Honey, why do you think babies are born in the cabbage patch?

Because they can"t be born in the faggot patch.

Boy, was she ever dumb.

Hadn"t she figured it out yet?

Women, no matter how you Iook at it, are stiII women.

The troubIe is that sometimes even men are women.

I may be oId-fashioned, but without women...

I might as weII be dead.

I soon wiII be, if you don"t stop smoking that thing in my face.

- What about peopIe who smoke grass? - Who smoke what?

I don"t know. I read about it. It must be a spice, Iike cIoves.

- Go on, teII me more. - You"d better caIm down.

Waiting for you, my miIk couId turn to cheese.

- Get going, then. - No.

We Ieft off with the homosexuaI man and the highIy sexuaI...

or, rather, oversexed woman.

- So he"s a faggot. - What a waste of a fabuIous chick.

Better turn it off.

Why are you Iooking at me Iike that?

Is there something wrong with me?

- On the contrary. - WeII, then?

I see a girI who couId go far.

A girI with beauty and styIe.

- What do you mean? - A girI Iike you couId do anything.

Movies, modeIing, even a tabIoid ceIebrity marriage.

- Who shouId I marry? Onassis? - Why not?

And where wouId I put Jackie?

Out to pasture. She"s Iast year"s modeI.

I wouIdn"t marry him, though.

Don"t worry. I get seasick.

You couId do much better,

if you"re ambitious and just a bit unscrupuIous.

UnscrupuIous enough

to sIeep with an infIuentiaI man?

- Or an infIuentiaI woman. - A woman? Are you crazy?

No, I"m a woman of my time.

Don"t you get out to the movies? Don"t you read books?

- Yes, but I Iike men. - Good Iuck in finding one.

In bed, be it with a man or a woman,

there"s aIways some fun to be had.

You couId combine business with pIeasure.

- Do you caII that moraI? - No, I caII it smart.

Why throw it aII away? You"re Iucky enough

to drive both men and women wiId. Make the most of it.

Lovemaking is a very heaIthy form of exercise,

that can bring you pIeasure, money and success.

I definiteIy don"t sit on the sideIines...

But I pIay with the man of my choice.

- Such as Gianni? - Why? Don"t you Iike Gianni?

No, Gianni"s fine. But you"re not going to get Iucky.

You"re not his type.

You"re not a fireman, you don"t have a hairy chest...

and guess what eIse you don"t have.

I"m sorry, but I don"t beIieve you.

That"s just his way.

Perhaps.

He has exceIIent taste where women are concerned.

But this time he"s broken aII records.

Thank you.

It"s unusuaI for a woman

to pay compIiments Iike this...

unIess she has uIterior motives.

Honey, I"d be an idiot to waste energy for nothing.

First I want to make you curious so I can then enIighten you.

If after aII this work

I get to ""exercise"" a IittIe... ask Gianni.

There"s no harm in it.

Gianni has such exquisite taste

that he wouIdn"t even be surprised.

I"m not sure I understand you.

But I don"t Iike it when you speak of Gianni that way.

If his taste is so exquisite,

that just makes him more cIassy.

That"s right, Snow White. It"s simpIy a matter of cIass.

For him it wouIdn"t be cIassy to make Iove to you.

I, on the other hand, wouId jump at the chance.

- I was just making conversation. - Good. Now Iet"s change the subject.

- Are you insuIted? - You bet.

Because I find you beautifuI? AII right, Snow White.

What do you want to taIk about?

- About Gianni. - ReaIIy? And what if--

TeII me everything you know.

- I met him three years ago. - Did you sIeep with him?

It didn"t even cross my mind.

It was at a cIub

where unusuaI peopIe meet.

What do you mean?

Strange peopIe.

AII right, girIs. Take your positions

with your arms above your heads.

Take your positions, pIease.

And now, stiII as statues.

Second position, pIease. Very good.

DarIing, if I were a macho man, I"d be drooIing over you.

And if I were you--

Who"s that cutie over there?

An actor out of a Western?

We no do such things in SwitzerIand!

- Whatever you see in her? - A Iot.

You know, you"re a reaI nutcase.

Let"s go check them out.

Good evening.

Are you IoneIy, curIy head?

No, I no come here aIone.

I come here with Gianni.

- Doesn"t this Iook exciting? - What is it?

Excuse me.

HeIIo, girIfriend.

You know Gianni? He good boy.

He no touch my ass just because I Swiss.

Here men hardIy ever commit such banaI acts.

- AIso in SwitzerIand. - WouId you Iike something sweet?

- Can I have aIso orange juice? - That, and much more.

You very nice. Have you go to SwitzerIand?

Many cows. You"re so young.

What the heII are you doing?

Get back in position.

I"ve never seen anything Iike it.

You may be naked, but you"re not at aII sexy.

You"re about as sexy as a coId prison ceII.

Me go in there?

- Of course, curIy head. - Thank you.

This is a photographer"s studio.

- No one wiII bother us here. - I Iike.

You take picture here? I not been to hairdresser.

- My curIs not done. - Don"t worry, curIy head.

You"II be fine.

You know what?

Let"s take a picture. I aIready know who to show it to.

You have a great career ahead of you.

CarIa! Just wait.

Some shots of this gentIeman.

A cIose-up and a fuII Iength shot.

- Make him Iook his best. - Of course.

- You"II see. - FoIIow me.

- I was with a girI, but-- - Come with me.

You"re not just beautifuI.

You"re incredibIy styIish too.

WouId you Iike to have you picture on a cover?

- Just say the word. - It"s aIways been my dream.

I"II introduce you to things...

you"ve never known. We may stiII be in time.

Come with me. I"II show you.

We may stiII be in time for a famous weekIy.

- Which one? - ""Sex in The Barnyard.""

Two miIIion subscribers.

Can me buy copy?

They"d Iike nothing better.

- Get into a sexy pose. - Like this?

You"re so nice and firm. HoId stiII. You Iook so hot.

Don"t move. I promise you, You"II be a smash hit.

I know other sexy poses.

You"re very experienced! Do whatever you want.

But don"t wriggIe too much, honey.

I"m Mediterranean, and you"II turn me on.

You"re so beautifuI. Again. HoId stiII.

Honey, you reaIIy turn me on.

Your skin is so IoveIy.

- You Iike my skin? - It"s out of this worId.

Take your cIothes off.

I undress here?

Take off your dress.

I don"t do this.

- I naked underneath aImost. - Let"s see.

We"re both women. I"ve seen so many naked girIs.

You don"t Iook.

I never undress in pubIic.

You can afford it with your Iooks.

You Iook even better naked.

You don"t wear a bra.

I guess you don"t need it.

I do this?

Let yourseIf go, dear.

Is this better? Do you want other poses?

- Like this. - Give me one more.

- I know many poses. You Iike this? - Any pose is fine.

Whatever you say you want, I do for you.

- What do you want? - You"II soon find out.

And you"II Iike it.

I met Gianni in a cIub fuII of gays.

But he was with a girI.

He was with a girI tonight too.

Wake up, Snow White.

You came here to make Iove with Gianni, but no dice.

SiIIy you! Who says you have to make Iove to a man?

I"ve never induIged in your squaIid and revoIting practices.

If you"ve never tried them, how do you know they"re squaIid?

I used to be Iike you.

I used to sIeep onIy with men.

Then one day I met a woman. She was so sweet and tender.

I never went with another man.

WeII, you must be different.

I Iike Gianni.

That"s bad. Very bad.

Gianni doesn"t Iove you. He Ioves Giorgio.

What are you impIying? That Gianni is...

- Yes. - a pervert?

My dear, you couId use a more specific term.

Open the door and see for yourseIf.

Are you saying that they"re--

Don"t take my word for it.

Take a Iook. Go on.

Poor dear.

- Here. I had to do it. - It"s crazy.

- It"s so unfair. - I"m sorry.

One man is revoIting enough. Imagine when they"re in pairs.

What kind of a pIace is this?

I want to Ieave.

I didn"t think peopIe Iike you

existed in this worId.

You think we"re monsters because our way of making Iove is different?

How did we come to this?

I"ve sIept with thousands of men.

But you"ve never sIept with a woman.

- The thingy. - What?

- What wiII I do without the thingy? - You want to Ieave now?

I"ve got to go get it.

- What is it you"re Iooking for? - The thingy.

The one you take to the races.

A horse? You need a horse on the roof?

What horse? Do you think I keep a horse in my drawer?

The thingy peopIe take with them to the opera.

To the opera? Oh, a truxedo.

- A what? - A truxedo.

The bIack suit with the white shirt and that bIack thing on the front.

- Oh, a tuxedo. - Isn"t that what I said?

No, I"m Iooking for my thingy.

Maybe it"s up here.

- What wouId I need a tuxedo for? - PreciseIy.

If you don"t need it, why waste time? Look for it tomorrow.

- Shut up. Where is it? - Where is what?

The thingy they have in the marines,

where you focus by turning the wheeIs.

Oh, a cannon. Are you crazy, going on the roof with a cannon?

What cannon? Here it is.

- What"s it caIIed again? - The binocuIars!

Why didn"t you say so?

The thing peopIe take to the opera and the races.

Hurry up, or we"II miss aII the action.

- WiII you hurry up? - CooI it.

I"m about to have a heart attack. Here we go.

- Now I can reaIIy see. - What do you see?

Nothing.

- A feather. - You"re Iooking at a feather?

She"s naked.

- Don"t put the binocuIars down! - They"re streaming up.

- PIease, just a IittIe Ionger. - Let me go. No.

Why not? It"s so good.

What are you yeIIing about? PeopIe are sIeeping.

ReaIIy? Then Iet"s wake them up!

Let go of my dress.

You ripped it, you pervert.

You disgust me!

Let go of me, you pig!

Let go of me.

What about you? Aren"t you going to do anything?

Sure I am. I"m going to die Iaughing.

Let go of me, you swine.

HoId stiII for a minute. Let EsmeraIda admire you.

EarIier you were rubbing up against me Iike a bitch in heat.

If you"ve got an itch,

Iet her scratch it.

EsmeraIda is highIy experienced.

There, I"ve Ieft my mark on you!

And you being the doorman, why didn"t you intervene?

Why? It happens every night.

Is aII this reaIIy true?

Of course it is. I saw it with my own eyes.

None of it is true. Or if you prefer, it aII is.

Three different versions:

his, hers

and the doorman"s.

Which one wouId you put your money on?

Which of the three toId the truth?

Which one Iied?

Let"s see. It"s raining.

40 days and 40 nights.

It"s the DeIuge.

Do you remember Noah"s Ark?

It was a rather important event.

You wouIdn"t think the survivors

each toId a different story,

in a different way.

Yet, even regarding the DeIuge,

each witness probabIy had his or her own personaI version of the truth.

Look. Let"s imagine that this is Noah"s wife.

If we had asked her...

""Excuse me, ma"am,

do you remember the DeIuge?""

Do I ever! 40 days and 40 nights

with aII those animaIs. What a stench!

And that"s aII she remembers of the DeIuge.

Now Iet"s hear

from another witness.

Let"s say this is the famous dove

with the oIive branch.

Let"s ask her, ""What do you remember of the DeIuge?""

I remember when I went out.

It had been raining. I found an oIive tree

and there were seven carrier pigeons in its branches.

AII maIes.

I came back with this twig...

my onIy reminder of an unforgettabIe,

but aII too brief, DeIuge.

That"s her point of view.

The same thing can be seen in many different ways.

ShaII we hear another?

In fact, Iet"s hear from a third witness:

the giraffe.

For 40 days and 40 nights

she was on the ark with the others.

I wonder what she remembers

of those dramatic days.

The DeIuge? Sure I do.

I stiII have a stiff neck.

The ceiIing in the ark

were a IittIe Iow for a giraffe.

And yet these three were aII witnesses.

Each saw the DeIuge,

yet each gave a different version.

But aII three toId the truth.

Because no two peopIe

see things the same way.

These are nothing but bIotches.

BIotches made without design.

Yet when we show them to our patients,

each sees something in them.

Something that onIy they see.

Something that others don"t see.

Something that, since there is nothing in the bIotches,

beIongs to them

and onIy to them.

Something he puts in them unknowingIy.

Or that she puts in them

without reaIizing it.

Or something the doorman

puts in them unwittingIy.

But the truth is aIways something eIse.

WouId you Iike to know it?

Let"s see how things might have gone.

It"s a good thing

you tripped over my dog.

You sadist.

You know, I wish this day

didn"t have to end.

We can make it Iast.

We couId go out tonight.

We couId go dancing or wherever you want.

It took you Iong enough to ask.

- Look how Iate it is. - You"re right.

You know, Tina...

you"re the sweetest, most tender girI I"ve ever met.

You"re very sweet too.

I"m sorry, but when I go out,

my mother waits up for me. I wish I didn"t have to go,

but you"d better take me home.

That way you can prove

you"re not one of those gropers.

ExactIy.

I"m very gIad you noticed.

Let me prove it beyond a doubt

by inviting you to my pIace.

To your pIace?

You"II end up proving just the opposite.

Not at aII. Let me expIain.

I want to prove how deep my feeIings for you are.

And you"II prove to me that you trust me.

You"re very persuasive.

I accept, but on one condition.

Which is?

The door has to stay open the entire time.

It"s not that I don"t trust you...

but it"s been this perfect this far.

WouIdn"t it be a shame if you had ruined it aII?

Did you think that this might be Count DracuIa"s Iair?

To aII that we won"t ruin.

It"s time for me to go.

In a whiIe. It"s not Iate.

AII right, in a whiIe.

I"m not inhibited or cIosed-minded.

I"m not a piece of ice.

But I Iike to Iook at things for a whiIe...

and savor my desire.

- Are you disappointed? - Not at aII.

But if you knew how much I want you,

you"d think I deserve you aIready.

I want you too. Just as much as you want me.

But not yet.

Desire is a pIeasure in itseIf.

Take me home.

If we don"t worry, I won"t be abIe to stop myseIf.

Let"s go.

- Damn. - What"s the matter?

I can"t open it. The Iock is jammed again.

I"II have to wake the doorman.

I hope he hears me.

I don"t understand.

- I"II see if I can wake him. - I"II wait here.

UnbeIievabIe.

I knocked and knocked but got no answer.

What now?

Let"s hope somebody comes.

I"m sorry.

I guess we"II have to wait here.

If I give you a push,

do you think you couId cIimb over?

- What about you? - I"II be right behind you.

Give me a hand.

CarefuI. It"s Iike a Iadder.

- One foot after the other. - The steps are too high.

My foot! What happened to you?

- You scratched me when you feII. - How siIIy of me.

It"s nothing. I"m sorry about your dress.

My mother is the onIy one who wiII be sorry.

I"II have to teII her a fib.

TeII her I was trying to rape you.

Don"t be siIIy.

- It"s Iate. - AImost 2:00.

- Let"s sit down over there. - Good idea.

How wiII I get her to beIieve you were trying to rape me?

How wiII you get her to beIieve you feII off a gate?

- Are you uncomfortabIe? - No.

Let"s go to my pIace. I"II be a good boy.

- But I wouIdn"t be a good girI. - AII right, then.

Thank you.

This isn"t work. It"s sIavery.

Who is it?

The Iock again? I"II be right there.

Tomorrow either they get a new Iock

or they get a new doorman.

Does he sIeep with his cIothes on?

He never sIeeps, dear. He"s a vampire.

Did I keep you waiting? I had to put my cap on.

- Of course, my dear. - No, you"re the dear.

I"m the doorman, and you"re the dear.

They"re two very different jobs. Look.

See? I"m good at opening the gate.

You may be good at-- What are you good at?

- No comment. - Wait, don"t shut it.

Even on the benches these days.

Mr. Gianni, you"re quite the deviI.

How sweet-- a man and a woman.

I guess it takes aII kinds.

Tomorrow we"II teII Spartaco.

He"s in JaiI. Some troubIe with a woman.

- Whatever for? - Something to do with her husband.

That Spartaco and his fixation with married men!

Do you beIieve it?

Do you think that"s reaIIy how the day went?

Do your reaIIy think a good girI wouId go home

in the middIe of the night, with a man she hardIy knows,

as Iong as he Ieft the door to his apartment open?

She"s up at his pIace

at this hour of the night.

She Iets him kiss her.

If he shouId decide to misbehave,

how couId the open door save her?

If she screams, she"II wake the neighbors.

They"II caII the poIice, and the poIice wiII arrest her...

for disturbing the peace and Iewd conduct...

with the door open.

Besides, do you beIieve the thing about the garden?

They"re Iocked in. They can"t get out.

Why don"t they wake a neighbor?

Why doesn"t he cIimb the gate?

WouId he reaIIy Iet her faII?

That"s not how he got scratched.

And that"s not how her dress got ripped.

Or perhaps it aII seems absurd because it reaIIy is true.

Or maybe the truth is something entireIy different.

Who knows?

The onIy thing we know for certain...

is that when they Ieft, he didn"t take her home.

Nor did she ask him to.

They headed for the sea.

They saw the sun rise.

And for the others-- but onIy for the others--

it was just an ordinary day.